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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,519 Previously on Velma... 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,320 What I did was wrong. 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,199 I'm just so desperate to stop my hallucinations. 4 00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:12,359 Then you leave me no choice but to help you cure them. 5 00:00:12,439 --> 00:00:16,120 And you should hope I still wanna jump your bones once you're damage free. 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,559 So, someone is now killing men associated with Dr. Perdue's journals 7 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,920 and removing their dongs. 8 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,480 Have you heard of manifesting? 9 00:00:24,559 --> 00:00:27,719 As tolerant as I've become, I still find that stuff a little silly. 10 00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:29,359 Vincent? 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,079 - Oh, God! - Velma! 12 00:00:37,799 --> 00:00:40,960 There are many things I feel strongly about. Our planet. 13 00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:42,640 No more fracking for oil. 14 00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:45,000 Or saying fracking as a double entendre! 15 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,560 Adult women who wear pigtails. 16 00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:49,560 You're too fracking old! 17 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:52,280 But my whole life, 18 00:00:52,359 --> 00:00:56,439 nothing has made me angrier than rich people. 19 00:00:56,799 --> 00:01:00,200 Because they have money, they think they can get away with anything. 20 00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,439 Museums should be named after robber barons, not murderers. 21 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,640 Change this name! 22 00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,560 Because, annoyingly, they can. 23 00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:10,280 So, there is no amount of money that would make me okay 24 00:01:10,359 --> 00:01:12,680 with William Jones dating my mom. 25 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,640 Well, then, how about I date your mom and open bar? 26 00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:16,799 No way. 27 00:01:16,879 --> 00:01:20,120 Unlike a recorded message from any failed '90s celeb, I can't be bought. 28 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,079 What? No one ever says no to me. 29 00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:24,159 Velma, you left your inhaler in my van. 30 00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:26,560 Oh, God! Dad! No! 31 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,680 I mean, yes. I can't say no to you 32 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,560 'cause of your money, but I'm still upset! 33 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,400 Now, I'm sure you're both wondering how William and I became lovers. 34 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,079 It began with an interview for my memoir, and we just connected. 35 00:01:43,159 --> 00:01:45,879 We connected so hard, I hurt my back. 36 00:01:47,239 --> 00:01:50,239 But the point is Diya's the one person I found 37 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,719 who I can talk to honestly about Victoria. 38 00:01:52,799 --> 00:01:54,879 You can talk honestly to me about Mom. 39 00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:57,599 Just don't criticize her, because I will lash out. 40 00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,599 Okay. You had your fun. Now, let's never mention it again, 41 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,599 unless a baby with a bowtie and a monocle 42 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,079 pops out in nine months. Good? 43 00:02:04,159 --> 00:02:08,479 No, Velma. We like each other. But you fear not. 44 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,479 I promise to win you over with a fun weekend at the Jones estate. 45 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,520 The only thing more impressive than the house 46 00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,159 is the number of people who died building it. 47 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,759 Fat chance. The only way I'm ever going back to your house 48 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,759 is with a mob of revolting peasants. 49 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,759 Plus, the science fair's Monday and you promised 50 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,479 to help me with my project this weekend. 51 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,360 Science fair? That's Mardi Gras for smart kids. 52 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,080 And you're the baby in the king cake. 53 00:02:29,159 --> 00:02:31,039 How is this the first I'm hearing of it, Velma? 54 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,960 Because as rich people say when they're asked to pay taxes, 55 00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:35,120 "I ain't doing it." 56 00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:36,879 And Frederick, I promised to help 57 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,360 if you stopped claiming your mother was possessed by an evil ghost. 58 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,560 I guess I should hire someone to go talk to him. 59 00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,599 Good idea. I need to have a little chat with Velma, as well. 60 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,240 About what? How much my therapy is gonna set you back? 61 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,479 Run the diagnostic, Lola. I'm hallucinating. 62 00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,680 Got it. 63 00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:02,240 My grandma's research worked. 64 00:03:02,319 --> 00:03:05,159 You can see exactly where the hallucination happened in my noodle. 65 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,599 Hey, I can use that word, not you. 66 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:08,840 Sorry. I just got excited. 67 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,680 With this data, I might be able to neutralize my hallucinations. 68 00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,280 And we'd totally win the science fair. Which is great, 69 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,120 'cause volleyball is sure not getting me into college anymore. 70 00:03:18,479 --> 00:03:22,199 Norville, I told you. You don't need all science to stop your hallucinations. 71 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,520 Just trust that the marijuana I'm giving you will cure them. 72 00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:28,000 It has zero side effects. 73 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,319 Now, why am I in here again? 74 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,400 I assume you want to test my pee to ensure the weed's working. 75 00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,560 Positive! We'll test again at the science fair on Monday, 76 00:03:36,639 --> 00:03:41,039 so just keep smoking. Zero side... effects. 77 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,800 Wait. Norville "I hate drugs" Rogers has been getting high? 78 00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:47,879 Without me? WTF? 79 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,919 What? No, I've just always done what my dad says. 80 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,080 So, it's easier to buy dirty pee from a friend 81 00:03:53,159 --> 00:03:54,879 and pass his test, than have a big fight. 82 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,039 Which reminds me, that was my last cup. 83 00:03:57,439 --> 00:03:58,919 Evelyn, I need a re-up. 84 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,719 What? You're on trial for a hit and run in Miami? 85 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,439 But I can't wait two weeks. My dad is testing me on Monday. 86 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,599 Velma, the deal is you can only solve mysteries 87 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,560 if you maintain your grades and extracurriculars. 88 00:04:11,639 --> 00:04:14,479 No, Mom. The deal is you don't date wealthy slimeballs 89 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,199 whose ex-wives kidnapped you. 90 00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,079 - We never made that deal. - We shouldn't have to. 91 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,319 You know I hate the rich. I'd be a Communist, 92 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:24,240 if I didn't want to kill my lazy teammates on every group project. 93 00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,920 Fine. Then let me propose a deal we can both agree on. 94 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,639 If you win the science fair, I'll stop seeing William. 95 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,399 The science fair is a waste of time. 96 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,279 I'm trying to find another serial killer, 97 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,279 not a more efficient way to process ammonia 98 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,480 and increase global crop yield. Wait. 99 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,639 You love science, you genius. 100 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,040 And it's something to fall back on, if mystery solving doesn't work out. 101 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 Fine. If I win the science fair, you dump William 102 00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:47,680 and promise no more dating rich guys. 103 00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:49,839 Unless the actor, Steven Yeun, is rich. 104 00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,879 Have you ever needed to push up your glasses, 105 00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,519 scratch your nose or swat a fly, 106 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,600 but you're in the middle of a complex chemistry experiment? 107 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,199 Well, the future is now. Handso, push up glasses. 108 00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:02,519 Damn it! 109 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,759 Now how am I gonna win the science fair? 110 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,680 How about, "Can curly fries be made straight again?" 111 00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:09,959 I know it's not your intent, but that sounds homophobic. 112 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,759 Maybe I can help. A lot of cool inventions come from moms 113 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:14,399 who see a need for something. 114 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,759 Like, you know, those social media videos of dogs who talk with buttons? 115 00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,720 I only follow Gloria Steinem and Noam Chomsky. 116 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,319 So, yes, it's all they post. 117 00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:25,160 Well, Gigi's mom, Susan, invented one for babies 118 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,360 called a Baby Babble Box. 119 00:05:27,439 --> 00:05:29,279 Nap. Hungry. 120 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,839 Election. Stolen. Witch hunt. 121 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,920 She's a genius. 122 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,120 See, my dad's already dating a nightmare. 123 00:05:36,199 --> 00:05:38,319 If I don't make a prizewinning project by tomorrow, 124 00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:40,399 I'm gonna end up with someone even worse in my life. 125 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,600 You're welcome to join the project I'm doing with Amber. 126 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,720 Amber? What does Amber know about science? 127 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,759 They think bird flu was caused by an eclipse. 128 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:49,680 I know, but my moms are making us be partners. 129 00:05:49,759 --> 00:05:51,600 They want us to use our science project 130 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,879 to help solve the Mr. S and Cogburn cases. 131 00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,680 Oh, my God, yes! I am so in. 132 00:05:55,759 --> 00:05:57,720 By manifesting some clues, 133 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,959 the way we manifested our Creaky Friday win. 134 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,000 Our project is manifesting. 135 00:06:04,399 --> 00:06:05,639 While that sounds great, 136 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,959 I don't know if manifesting is science-y enough to win. 137 00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,160 That's where you're wrong. 138 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,879 Since Mr. S died, there's a new science fair judge 139 00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:14,240 who's way less science-y. 140 00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:15,360 Wait, who? 141 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,160 Norville. How could you not tell me 142 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,360 {\an8}your dad is judging the science fair? 143 00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:23,759 Oh, right. That's what I wanted to tell you earlier. 144 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,759 I'm even getting paid. Which is good, 145 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:27,680 because the pot I've been buying you is not cheap. 146 00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,319 Wait, Dad, you're judging the science fair for money? 147 00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:31,480 Are we okay? 148 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,240 You're not borrowing money from the Mafia again, are you? 149 00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:35,560 Norville, the only thing you need to worry about 150 00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:37,399 is curing your hallucinations with pot 151 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,279 the way your loving father tells you to. 152 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,839 The sooner the better. 153 00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,040 With your dad as the judge, you're sure to win. 154 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,360 Well, normally, yes. But if I can't find some dirty pee, 155 00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,480 he'll know I'm defying him and freak out. 156 00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,040 I once got detention for telling him 157 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,199 B.F. Skinner wasn't my favorite psychologist. 158 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,560 Damn. But wait. Not to sound like an East German swim coach, 159 00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,199 but if I get you some pee to pass his drug test, 160 00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:59,519 you're guaranteed to win, right? 161 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,800 I mean, without a doubt. 162 00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,839 But are you seriously gonna get high for me? 163 00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,879 Every year you complain that 4/20 distracts from Jessica Lange's birthday. 164 00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,480 I can't. The one time I got high, 165 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,480 I was convinced a dog was talking to me. 166 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,199 But if I figure it out, can I join your science fair project? 167 00:07:12,279 --> 00:07:16,040 Does a multipolar neuron have two or more dendrites? 168 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,439 You bet your ass it does. 169 00:07:19,319 --> 00:07:20,759 Oh. God! Handso! No! 170 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,279 I don't have time to spend the weekend at your boyfriend's. 171 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,560 I need to figure out how to win the science fair. 172 00:07:27,639 --> 00:07:29,680 Driver, take me to the nearest music festival. 173 00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,759 Wait, these waters are free, right? 174 00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,720 Yes, and we're not going to a music festival. 175 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,000 But I knew you'd get excited about science again. 176 00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,480 Soon you'll be like... 177 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,240 I can't think of a famous woman scientist. 178 00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:42,160 And now I'm just picturing Einstein with boobs. 179 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,639 But I still expect you to try and enjoy this weekend. 180 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,800 Enjoy a rich man using his wealth 181 00:07:46,879 --> 00:07:49,240 to distract us from the atrocities of his family? 182 00:07:49,319 --> 00:07:52,839 Pass me that caviar. It'll just go to waste otherwise. 183 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,399 Guys, getting pierced was such a good science fair idea. 184 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,279 Was such a good science fair idea. 185 00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:05,560 Look where we are. It's Daphne's new friend's store. 186 00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:06,959 They must have put a spell on us. 187 00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,519 What new friend? 188 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,199 Who do I know that can balance popularity and a job? 189 00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,160 - Daphne! - Hey, Amber. 190 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,600 This is your mom's place? 191 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,240 I knew you two were opening an occult bookstore, 192 00:08:18,319 --> 00:08:20,000 but this is nuttier than cheap trail mix. 193 00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,920 Nutty? Wicca is just like any other religion, 194 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,959 except less hating gays and more nude frolicking in the moonlight. 195 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,160 We only frolic nude in the sunlight. This is weird. Come on, Daph. 196 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:38,639 You know what? I'll catch up with you girls later. 197 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,200 We have to work on our totally normal science fair project. 198 00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:43,559 Amber! Daphne, come quick! The frogs are spawning! 199 00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:46,159 Manifest abundance before the crone flies. 200 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,240 Velma! Welcome. 201 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,919 I took the liberty of having the staff prepare pink lemonade. 202 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,240 Seriously? Pink lemonade is my favorite. 203 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,639 And it costs 13 cents more than regular lemonade. 204 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,639 But just FYI, I still think all rich people are evil. 205 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,200 Which is why I've taken a note from the numerous musicals 206 00:09:08,279 --> 00:09:11,200 depicting a plucky but downwardly mobile young woman 207 00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:13,120 visiting a rich man's home, 208 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,320 and had the staff prepare a musical number to make you feel welcome. 209 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,720 You are poor So you will like this 210 00:09:20,799 --> 00:09:24,720 Some joy in your Grubby little life, Miss 211 00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:29,720 Let us treat you Like a prince... Princess 212 00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:31,399 What the hell is going on? 213 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,320 It's like a big type of Act Two musical number. 214 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,879 You can lead A life of leisure 215 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,840 Wash in a bath Of ancient treasure! 216 00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:43,679 Here's a robot That thinks you're clever 217 00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:46,440 Not interested. What? No. Never. 218 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,039 Your own Swedish masseuse 219 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,600 Tell that Swede to go vamoose. 220 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:50,879 Hate walking? 221 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,879 Take your railway 222 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,320 But what would the 99% say? 223 00:09:57,759 --> 00:10:00,639 Would a breakfast buffet Be so awful? 224 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,200 Even Karl Marx couldn't resist a waffle. 225 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,600 Don't listen to them. Father's a traitor, and this is a house of lies. 226 00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:12,039 Mother just died Have you no remorse? 227 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,120 Son, I can't copulate With a corpse! 228 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,600 And now you're trying To buy Velma's love! 229 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:21,039 Fred's right! But how much money are we speaking of? 230 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,120 Shall we take this All away, then, Velma? 231 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,960 And pray college tuitions Don't overwhelm ya? 232 00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:29,279 You're poor! 233 00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,399 Who am I kidding? 234 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:37,720 I am poor and I love this! 235 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,720 Take me to that money bath. 236 00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:49,480 Fred, can I come in? 237 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,480 It's just me, your dad's new girlfriend. 238 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:52,759 Nothing weird. 239 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,600 I know. And I'm not mad about you dating my dad. 240 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,360 Monogamy is for the middle class. 241 00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,399 I'm mad because my father's punishing me 242 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,000 for thinking my mom's innocent. 243 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,440 Well, sometimes parents have to be tough on kids 244 00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:04,799 because they care about them 245 00:11:04,879 --> 00:11:07,399 and don't want to be embarrassed publicly by their dumb choices. 246 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,639 You wanna hear about caring? 247 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,080 Every year Mother helped me with my science fair project. 248 00:11:11,159 --> 00:11:13,320 She loved hiring the scientists to do all the work 249 00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:16,159 and then stiffing them if I didn't win. 250 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,879 I miss her so much. 251 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,759 Fred, I'm sorry, but as a way to get to know each other, 252 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,679 maybe I could help you with your project. 253 00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:24,720 And what do I have to do in return? 254 00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:27,000 Teach you how to fit into polite society? 255 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,159 - Nothing. Just pick a project. - Actually... 256 00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,840 Mother never even let me do that. 257 00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:33,759 And I have always wondered where toast comes from. 258 00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,720 My hypothesis is the kitchen. 259 00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:38,440 Well, that sounds like a good start. 260 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,000 Lola! I did it! 261 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,360 You figured out the right amount of Chinese food for two people? 262 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,919 No. The scientific community has given up on that. 263 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,279 I calculated exactly how much electricity I need 264 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,320 to shock the neurons, causing my hallucinations. 265 00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,600 If it works, my dad will assume it was the pot 266 00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,080 and I won't have to pass any more drug tests. 267 00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:06,279 Okay, but to be safe, before shocking your brain, 268 00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,120 maybe try it on something else first. 269 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,360 I'm confident in my equations. But hey, if you insist. 270 00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:22,679 Velma, if we want to win, I'm gonna need that tainted pee. 271 00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:25,679 I'm on it, because even though I've come to appreciate vast wealth 272 00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:27,799 and no longer wanna break up my mom and William, 273 00:12:27,879 --> 00:12:29,559 I'm still a good and honorable person. 274 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:32,759 Eat this and then pee in a cup for me. Pull. 275 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,799 Where's Velma? 276 00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:17,639 - Norville? Test time. - One second. 277 00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,639 My dad is going to test me. 278 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,399 If Velma doesn't show up with the dirty pee, 279 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,120 I'll just have to try the shock treatment. 280 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,360 At least the last potato almost didn't explode. 281 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,080 Norville, you can't risk it. Just smoke weed already. 282 00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:31,639 TBH, this jar is half bong water. 283 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,200 - Hey, Norville. - Velma, my number one buddy. 284 00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:35,679 And by number one, I mean urine. 285 00:13:35,759 --> 00:13:38,919 Velma's here. Yes, I refer to myself in the third person now. 286 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,039 So, do you have the pee or not? 287 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,399 Yes! I'm saved. 288 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:47,320 Why does this have a price tag? And why is it $9.99? 289 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:49,080 Wait. This is too funny. 290 00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:51,279 You know what this is? This is a juice shot, 291 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,200 my fabulous wellness doctor has put me on. 292 00:13:53,279 --> 00:13:56,440 Okay, but where's the dirty pee? Papa needs that liquid gold. 293 00:13:56,519 --> 00:13:58,679 Sorry. One of the cleaning people must have thrown it out. 294 00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:01,440 But don't worry. It's okay if you fail the test and we lose. 295 00:14:01,519 --> 00:14:02,879 I want my mom to date William. 296 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,200 It's not okay! My dad will freak out! 297 00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:08,000 And I didn't plan on having our inevitable "I'm not you, Dad" fight, 298 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,799 until I got my Carl Jung poster back from the framers. 299 00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:11,159 Norville, listen to Velma. 300 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,879 As someone who now lives a life of zero consequences, 301 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,399 believe me when I say this, too much stress is terrible for your skin. 302 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,200 But still, I'll make this right. 303 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,120 What? 304 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,799 And so, in conclusion, while we can now 305 00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:30,039 say with confidence where toast comes from... 306 00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,840 ...where it came from before the advent of the toaster, 307 00:14:33,919 --> 00:14:36,600 remains one of science's greatest mysteries. 308 00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:37,720 Great job, Fred. 309 00:14:37,799 --> 00:14:40,200 You even managed to say "focaccia" inoffensively. 310 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,559 Wait, why do I feel all warm and safe? 311 00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:48,519 Because that's what hugs feel like? 312 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,600 No! Mother said hugs drained children of their resilience. 313 00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:54,559 That's why she selflessly refused to ever give me one. 314 00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:57,679 Okay. Well, since you're so good at science now, 315 00:14:57,759 --> 00:15:00,120 do you wanna test out that hypothesis? 316 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,440 I guess. I mean, I'm always happy to prove Mother right. 317 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,919 Little Freddie feel cozy. 318 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,320 No! These feelings are wrong. Stop! 319 00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:13,240 - Fred, I'm sorry. - I hate this. 320 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,799 - Stop hugging me! - I'm trying. 321 00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:20,519 - You need to come to the science fair. - I'm here. Have a surprise for Velma. 322 00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:26,679 Our science fair project was testing the power of positive reinforcement. 323 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,320 So we spoke different words to rats 324 00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:30,120 and then measured their maize feed. 325 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,080 The rat called Smart did way better than the one called Sexy. 326 00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,960 But the best was mine. Hot Bitch. 327 00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:37,600 Oh, wonderful! 328 00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:41,480 Okay, so what's this project, you Hot Bitches? 329 00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,360 It's about focusing on what you want. 330 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,240 Like my moms need clues in their Mr. S 331 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,000 and Sheriff Cogburn murder investigation. 332 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,080 We wrote, "Find the killer" on a piece of paper, sealed it in this envelope 333 00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,919 and spent 10 minutes each day visualizing his discovery. 334 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,519 That is the dumbest project here, and I just ate Fred's project. 335 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,919 I'm so sorry your moms made you work with Amber. 336 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,559 Wait. They made you work with me? 337 00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,240 The crows in my dream were right. 338 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,039 I knew better than to doubt them. 339 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,080 No, Olive's wrong. I wanted to work with you, 340 00:16:14,159 --> 00:16:16,799 but I was too embarrassed to admit it to my friends, 341 00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,399 which is crazy, because you're so interesting, 342 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,039 and I think our project's amazing. 343 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,200 I agree. Every day I envision 344 00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,399 I'm such a perfect father that Norville will never feel the need 345 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,320 to think for himself and push me away. 346 00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:32,799 Mr. Rogers! Come quick. Norville cured his hallucinations. 347 00:16:32,879 --> 00:16:35,000 As Daddy knew he would. 348 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,120 See? That's the area that caused the hallucinations. 349 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,200 It used to be all lit up, and now there's nothing. 350 00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:45,559 Norville, you did it. See? The pot worked. 351 00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:46,679 I'm so happy. 352 00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:49,360 There's literally nothing I wouldn't do for you right now. 353 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,399 I'd love to win the science fair. 354 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,039 Okay, so about that... 355 00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,320 Don't wanna invest in that. 356 00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:02,759 Maybe. Oh, hello! 357 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,559 Hello, science fair participants. So many amazing projects. 358 00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,319 Almost all of them went right over my head. 359 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,759 Regardless, the winner of this year's blue ribbon is Velma Dinkley. 360 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,480 - What? - What? How? 361 00:17:16,559 --> 00:17:20,039 I didn't enter. Though rich me does still feel pretty deserving of it. 362 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,279 Velma, in conjunction with her partner, Neil deGrasse Tyson 363 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,000 {\an8}and with generous funding from the Fred D. Jones Foundation, 364 00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:31,480 proved aliens are more likely to exist than to not exist. 365 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,079 - Burn the rich! - You're welcome, Velma. 366 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,599 What? You bought the science fair for me? 367 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,359 But I didn't want to win. And now everyone hates me. 368 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,599 Velma, being hated is a huge part of being rich. 369 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,200 It's right up there with calling waiters "garcon" 370 00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:49,680 and hiring lookalikes to confuse crowds. 371 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,359 Remember, you get paid by the bruise. 372 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,240 There they are. Get 'em! 373 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,759 Well, I'm not rich. 374 00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:58,039 So, if people are gonna hate me, I wanna earn it. 375 00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,079 Like Scrooge or a bad boy of tennis. 376 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,240 I get that. 377 00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:04,920 It's just such a shame you'll never get rich solving mysteries. 378 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,240 Yeah, but only because my mom will probably force me 379 00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,039 to do something boring with my life, like cure heart disease. 380 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:14,960 Actually, Velma, if solving mysteries is what you wanna do, then go all in. 381 00:18:15,039 --> 00:18:17,440 Parents don't always know what's best for their kids, right, William? 382 00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:20,640 Speak for yourself. I handled Fred perfectly. 383 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,359 Why, this is the first weekend in ages 384 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,000 I haven't heard any nonsense about ghosts or Victoria. 385 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,000 What? 386 00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:29,720 This means so much to me, and my partner, 387 00:18:29,799 --> 00:18:31,640 Vermoose Drunkie. 388 00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:33,480 Everyone! I understand you're upset. 389 00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:36,799 But I will not accept this as I did not work on this project. 390 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,359 Worse, I bailed on the team I was supposed to work with 391 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,680 because I didn't know money would make me forget about my friends. 392 00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:45,079 Even though I was warned by, like, every movie. 393 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,680 Regardless, the blue ribbon should go to Norville. 394 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,680 His project is obviously the best. 395 00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:52,240 Thank you, Velma, but I don't deserve it, either. 396 00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:55,160 I just copied work my grandmother did in the '70s. 397 00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,160 The only project here that looks like it didn't have 398 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,680 an adult actually doing all the work is Fred's toast thing. 399 00:19:00,759 --> 00:19:03,240 - Give the award to him. - Seriously? 400 00:19:03,319 --> 00:19:04,440 I said, get off me! 401 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,640 Thank you, Norville. It says a lot when you get more support 402 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,799 from the grandson of the woman who ruined your life 403 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,960 than your own father. 404 00:19:12,039 --> 00:19:15,720 Hey, we don't have enough context to fully understand that. 405 00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:18,200 It's okay, because I do. 406 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,119 Fred, look, 407 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,880 I'm sorry I refused to work on your science fair project with you. 408 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,559 I thought you needed a reality check. But maybe what you really need 409 00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,119 is a father who's willing to listen, 410 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,000 even if what you're saying is batshit crazy. 411 00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:35,799 Really? That was mostly the nicest thing you've ever said to me. 412 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:41,000 Yes. Would you like to use our upper limbs to briefly cling together? 413 00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:44,640 I suppose just this one time. 414 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,680 Hey, Hot Bitch is missing! 415 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:57,119 You freaks better not have taken her for some messed up potion. 416 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,759 I was gonna feed her to my snake. 417 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:01,240 Call them a freak again, and I'll feed you to my fist. 418 00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:03,839 Daphne. Don't let them get under your skin. 419 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,839 Most people dislike magic. That's why all magicians are virgins. 420 00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,640 I know. It's just I wanted us to find a clue and prove manifesting works. 421 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,920 Maybe even win Gigi and Olive over. 422 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,960 But it did work. Look what else was in the envelope. 423 00:20:21,039 --> 00:20:23,319 It works on people, too? 424 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,160 'Cause I'm real tired of acting nice to make people like me. 425 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,319 Okay. Well, in that case, 426 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,799 would you like to learn some real witchcraft? 427 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,319 Norville, is Daphne reading a spell book with interest? 428 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,039 And be warned, your answer will dictate 429 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:38,799 how hard I squeeze your arm in frustration. 430 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,640 Hard to say, as I 100% don't give a shit. 431 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,440 Norville. How did you get these journals? 432 00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:46,839 How do you think? 433 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,680 I dressed up as a ghost and stole them from the police station. 434 00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,400 - What? - Yeah. 435 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,559 Sometimes I do bad things that you don't know about. 436 00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,559 For instance, I bought tainted pee to pass your stupid drug tests. 437 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,680 Oh, no! In neutralizing his hallucinations, 438 00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,160 Norville accidentally removed all his empathy. 439 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,519 He's now functioning with zero compassion. 440 00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,880 This is why you listen to me. Science has side effects. 441 00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,799 Pot has none. Now look me in my painfully dry, 442 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,519 bloodshot eyes and apologize. 443 00:21:12,599 --> 00:21:14,480 No, because I think for myself now. 444 00:21:14,559 --> 00:21:17,279 And I think smoking weed makes you a loser. 445 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,759 That's just the science talking. Take it back. 446 00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,160 Or what, loser? 447 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,480 Or you'll get detention. 448 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,839 And you can all join him for saying "ooh" to my son. 449 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,519 Saturday, 7:00 AM sharp. 450 00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:37,119 Welcome to hell! 451 00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:39,759 Wait. What were we just talking about? 35775

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