Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,519
Previously on Velma...
2
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,320
What I did was wrong.
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,199
I'm just so desperate
to stop my hallucinations.
4
00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:12,359
Then you leave me no choice
but to help you cure them.
5
00:00:12,439 --> 00:00:16,120
And you should hope I still wanna jump
your bones once you're damage free.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,559
So, someone is now killing men
associated with Dr. Perdue's journals
7
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,920
and removing their dongs.
8
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:24,480
Have you heard of manifesting?
9
00:00:24,559 --> 00:00:27,719
As tolerant as I've become,
I still find that stuff a little silly.
10
00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:29,359
Vincent?
11
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,079
- Oh, God!
- Velma!
12
00:00:37,799 --> 00:00:40,960
There are many things
I feel strongly about. Our planet.
13
00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:42,640
No more fracking for oil.
14
00:00:42,719 --> 00:00:45,000
Or saying fracking
as a double entendre!
15
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,560
Adult women who wear pigtails.
16
00:00:48,119 --> 00:00:49,560
You're too fracking old!
17
00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:52,280
But my whole life,
18
00:00:52,359 --> 00:00:56,439
nothing has made me angrier
than rich people.
19
00:00:56,799 --> 00:01:00,200
Because they have money, they think
they can get away with anything.
20
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,439
Museums should be named
after robber barons, not murderers.
21
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,640
Change this name!
22
00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,560
Because, annoyingly, they can.
23
00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:10,280
So, there is no amount of money
that would make me okay
24
00:01:10,359 --> 00:01:12,680
with William Jones
dating my mom.
25
00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:15,640
Well, then, how about I date
your mom and open bar?
26
00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:16,799
No way.
27
00:01:16,879 --> 00:01:20,120
Unlike a recorded message from any
failed '90s celeb, I can't be bought.
28
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:22,079
What? No one ever says no to me.
29
00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:24,159
Velma, you left your inhaler in my van.
30
00:01:24,239 --> 00:01:26,560
Oh, God! Dad! No!
31
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,680
I mean, yes.
I can't say no to you
32
00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:30,560
'cause of your money,
but I'm still upset!
33
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:39,400
Now, I'm sure you're both wondering
how William and I became lovers.
34
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:43,079
It began with an interview
for my memoir, and we just connected.
35
00:01:43,159 --> 00:01:45,879
We connected so hard,
I hurt my back.
36
00:01:47,239 --> 00:01:50,239
But the point is Diya's the one person
I found
37
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,719
who I can talk to honestly
about Victoria.
38
00:01:52,799 --> 00:01:54,879
You can talk honestly to me
about Mom.
39
00:01:54,959 --> 00:01:57,599
Just don't criticize her,
because I will lash out.
40
00:01:57,680 --> 00:02:00,599
Okay. You had your fun. Now,
let's never mention it again,
41
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:02,599
unless a baby
with a bowtie and a monocle
42
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,079
pops out in nine months. Good?
43
00:02:04,159 --> 00:02:08,479
No, Velma. We like each other.
But you fear not.
44
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,479
I promise to win you over with a fun
weekend at the Jones estate.
45
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,520
The only thing more impressive
than the house
46
00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,159
is the number of people
who died building it.
47
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,759
Fat chance. The only way I'm ever
going back to your house
48
00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,759
is with a mob
of revolting peasants.
49
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,759
Plus, the science fair's Monday
and you promised
50
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:24,479
to help me with my project
this weekend.
51
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,360
Science fair?
That's Mardi Gras for smart kids.
52
00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,080
And you're the baby
in the king cake.
53
00:02:29,159 --> 00:02:31,039
How is this the first
I'm hearing of it, Velma?
54
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:33,960
Because as rich people say
when they're asked to pay taxes,
55
00:02:34,039 --> 00:02:35,120
"I ain't doing it."
56
00:02:35,199 --> 00:02:36,879
And Frederick,
I promised to help
57
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,360
if you stopped claiming your mother
was possessed by an evil ghost.
58
00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:45,560
I guess I should hire someone
to go talk to him.
59
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:48,599
Good idea. I need to have
a little chat with Velma, as well.
60
00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,240
About what? How much my therapy
is gonna set you back?
61
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,479
Run the diagnostic, Lola.
I'm hallucinating.
62
00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,680
Got it.
63
00:03:00,719 --> 00:03:02,240
My grandma's research worked.
64
00:03:02,319 --> 00:03:05,159
You can see exactly where the
hallucination happened in my noodle.
65
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,599
Hey, I can use that word,
not you.
66
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:08,840
Sorry. I just got excited.
67
00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,680
With this data, I might be able
to neutralize my hallucinations.
68
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,280
And we'd totally win the science fair.
Which is great,
69
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,120
'cause volleyball is sure not getting me
into college anymore.
70
00:03:18,479 --> 00:03:22,199
Norville, I told you. You don't need all
science to stop your hallucinations.
71
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,520
Just trust that the marijuana
I'm giving you will cure them.
72
00:03:25,599 --> 00:03:28,000
It has zero side effects.
73
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,319
Now, why am I in here again?
74
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,400
I assume you want to test my pee
to ensure the weed's working.
75
00:03:33,879 --> 00:03:36,560
Positive! We'll test again
at the science fair on Monday,
76
00:03:36,639 --> 00:03:41,039
so just keep smoking.
Zero side... effects.
77
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,800
Wait. Norville "I hate drugs" Rogers
has been getting high?
78
00:03:45,879 --> 00:03:47,879
Without me? WTF?
79
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,919
What? No, I've just always
done what my dad says.
80
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,080
So, it's easier to buy
dirty pee from a friend
81
00:03:53,159 --> 00:03:54,879
and pass his test,
than have a big fight.
82
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,039
Which reminds me,
that was my last cup.
83
00:03:57,439 --> 00:03:58,919
Evelyn, I need a re-up.
84
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,719
What? You're on trial
for a hit and run in Miami?
85
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,439
But I can't wait two weeks.
My dad is testing me on Monday.
86
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,599
Velma, the deal is
you can only solve mysteries
87
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,560
if you maintain your grades
and extracurriculars.
88
00:04:11,639 --> 00:04:14,479
No, Mom. The deal is you don't date
wealthy slimeballs
89
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,199
whose ex-wives kidnapped you.
90
00:04:16,279 --> 00:04:19,079
- We never made that deal.
- We shouldn't have to.
91
00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:21,319
You know I hate the rich.
I'd be a Communist,
92
00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:24,240
if I didn't want to kill my lazy
teammates on every group project.
93
00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,920
Fine. Then let me propose a deal
we can both agree on.
94
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,639
If you win the science fair,
I'll stop seeing William.
95
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,399
The science fair is a waste of time.
96
00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,279
I'm trying to find
another serial killer,
97
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,279
not a more efficient way
to process ammonia
98
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,480
and increase global crop yield.
Wait.
99
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,639
You love science, you genius.
100
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:43,040
And it's something to fall back on,
if mystery solving doesn't work out.
101
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560
Fine. If I win the science fair,
you dump William
102
00:04:45,639 --> 00:04:47,680
and promise
no more dating rich guys.
103
00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:49,839
Unless the actor, Steven Yeun,
is rich.
104
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:53,879
Have you ever needed
to push up your glasses,
105
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,519
scratch your nose
or swat a fly,
106
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,600
but you're in the middle of a complex
chemistry experiment?
107
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,199
Well, the future is now.
Handso, push up glasses.
108
00:05:01,279 --> 00:05:02,519
Damn it!
109
00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:04,759
Now how am I gonna
win the science fair?
110
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:07,680
How about, "Can curly fries
be made straight again?"
111
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:09,959
I know it's not your intent,
but that sounds homophobic.
112
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,759
Maybe I can help. A lot of cool
inventions come from moms
113
00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:14,399
who see a need
for something.
114
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,759
Like, you know, those social media
videos of dogs who talk with buttons?
115
00:05:17,839 --> 00:05:20,720
I only follow Gloria Steinem
and Noam Chomsky.
116
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:22,319
So, yes, it's all they post.
117
00:05:22,399 --> 00:05:25,160
Well, Gigi's mom,
Susan, invented one for babies
118
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,360
called a Baby Babble Box.
119
00:05:27,439 --> 00:05:29,279
Nap. Hungry.
120
00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,839
Election. Stolen.
Witch hunt.
121
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,920
She's a genius.
122
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,120
See, my dad's already
dating a nightmare.
123
00:05:36,199 --> 00:05:38,319
If I don't make a prizewinning project
by tomorrow,
124
00:05:38,399 --> 00:05:40,399
I'm gonna end up with someone
even worse in my life.
125
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,600
You're welcome to join the project
I'm doing with Amber.
126
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,720
Amber? What does
Amber know about science?
127
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,759
They think bird flu was caused
by an eclipse.
128
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:49,680
I know, but my moms
are making us be partners.
129
00:05:49,759 --> 00:05:51,600
They want us
to use our science project
130
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,879
to help solve the Mr. S
and Cogburn cases.
131
00:05:53,959 --> 00:05:55,680
Oh, my God, yes! I am so in.
132
00:05:55,759 --> 00:05:57,720
By manifesting some clues,
133
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,959
the way we manifested
our Creaky Friday win.
134
00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,000
Our project is manifesting.
135
00:06:04,399 --> 00:06:05,639
While that sounds great,
136
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,959
I don't know if manifesting
is science-y enough to win.
137
00:06:09,040 --> 00:06:10,160
That's where you're wrong.
138
00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:12,879
Since Mr. S died,
there's a new science fair judge
139
00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:14,240
who's way less science-y.
140
00:06:14,319 --> 00:06:15,360
Wait, who?
141
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,160
Norville.
How could you not tell me
142
00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:20,360
{\an8}your dad is judging
the science fair?
143
00:06:20,959 --> 00:06:23,759
Oh, right. That's what I wanted
to tell you earlier.
144
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:25,759
I'm even getting paid.
Which is good,
145
00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:27,680
because the pot
I've been buying you is not cheap.
146
00:06:27,759 --> 00:06:30,319
Wait, Dad, you're judging
the science fair for money?
147
00:06:30,399 --> 00:06:31,480
Are we okay?
148
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:33,240
You're not borrowing money
from the Mafia again, are you?
149
00:06:33,319 --> 00:06:35,560
Norville, the only thing
you need to worry about
150
00:06:35,639 --> 00:06:37,399
is curing your hallucinations
with pot
151
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,279
the way your loving father
tells you to.
152
00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:40,839
The sooner the better.
153
00:06:43,079 --> 00:06:45,040
With your dad as the judge,
you're sure to win.
154
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:47,360
Well, normally, yes.
But if I can't find some dirty pee,
155
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,480
he'll know I'm defying him
and freak out.
156
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:51,040
I once got detention
for telling him
157
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,199
B.F. Skinner wasn't
my favorite psychologist.
158
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,560
Damn. But wait. Not to sound
like an East German swim coach,
159
00:06:55,639 --> 00:06:58,199
but if I get you some pee
to pass his drug test,
160
00:06:58,279 --> 00:06:59,519
you're guaranteed to win, right?
161
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:00,800
I mean, without a doubt.
162
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,839
But are you seriously
gonna get high for me?
163
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,879
Every year you complain that 4/20
distracts from Jessica Lange's birthday.
164
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,480
I can't.
The one time I got high,
165
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,480
I was convinced
a dog was talking to me.
166
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,199
But if I figure it out,
can I join your science fair project?
167
00:07:12,279 --> 00:07:16,040
Does a multipolar neuron
have two or more dendrites?
168
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,439
You bet your ass it does.
169
00:07:19,319 --> 00:07:20,759
Oh. God! Handso! No!
170
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,279
I don't have time to spend
the weekend at your boyfriend's.
171
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,560
I need to figure out how
to win the science fair.
172
00:07:27,639 --> 00:07:29,680
Driver, take me
to the nearest music festival.
173
00:07:29,759 --> 00:07:31,759
Wait, these waters
are free, right?
174
00:07:31,839 --> 00:07:33,720
Yes, and we're not going
to a music festival.
175
00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,000
But I knew you'd get excited
about science again.
176
00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,480
Soon you'll be like...
177
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,240
I can't think
of a famous woman scientist.
178
00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:42,160
And now I'm just picturing
Einstein with boobs.
179
00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,639
But I still expect you
to try and enjoy this weekend.
180
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,800
Enjoy a rich man
using his wealth
181
00:07:46,879 --> 00:07:49,240
to distract us from
the atrocities of his family?
182
00:07:49,319 --> 00:07:52,839
Pass me that caviar.
It'll just go to waste otherwise.
183
00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:56,399
Guys, getting pierced was such
a good science fair idea.
184
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,279
Was such a good
science fair idea.
185
00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:05,560
Look where we are.
It's Daphne's new friend's store.
186
00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:06,959
They must have put a spell on us.
187
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:08,519
What new friend?
188
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,199
Who do I know that can balance
popularity and a job?
189
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:14,160
- Daphne!
- Hey, Amber.
190
00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,600
This is your mom's place?
191
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,240
I knew you two were opening
an occult bookstore,
192
00:08:18,319 --> 00:08:20,000
but this is nuttier
than cheap trail mix.
193
00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,920
Nutty? Wicca is just
like any other religion,
194
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,959
except less hating gays and more
nude frolicking in the moonlight.
195
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,160
We only frolic nude in the sunlight.
This is weird. Come on, Daph.
196
00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:38,639
You know what? I'll catch up
with you girls later.
197
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,200
We have to work on our totally normal
science fair project.
198
00:08:41,279 --> 00:08:43,559
Amber! Daphne, come quick!
The frogs are spawning!
199
00:08:43,639 --> 00:08:46,159
Manifest abundance
before the crone flies.
200
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,240
Velma! Welcome.
201
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:57,919
I took the liberty of having the staff
prepare pink lemonade.
202
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,240
Seriously? Pink lemonade
is my favorite.
203
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:02,639
And it costs 13 cents
more than regular lemonade.
204
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:05,639
But just FYI, I still think
all rich people are evil.
205
00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,200
Which is why I've taken a note
from the numerous musicals
206
00:09:08,279 --> 00:09:11,200
depicting a plucky
but downwardly mobile young woman
207
00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:13,120
visiting a rich man's home,
208
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,320
and had the staff prepare a musical
number to make you feel welcome.
209
00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:20,720
You are poorSo you will like this
210
00:09:20,799 --> 00:09:24,720
Some joy in yourGrubby little life, Miss
211
00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:29,720
Let us treat youLike a prince... Princess
212
00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:31,399
What the hell is going on?
213
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,320
It's like a big type of Act Two
musical number.
214
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,879
You can leadA life of leisure
215
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,840
Wash in a bathOf ancient treasure!
216
00:09:40,919 --> 00:09:43,679
Here's a robotThat thinks you're clever
217
00:09:43,759 --> 00:09:46,440
Not interested.
What? No. Never.
218
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,039
Your own Swedish masseuse
219
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,600
Tell that Swede to go vamoose.
220
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:50,879
Hate walking?
221
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,879
Take your railway
222
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,320
But what would the 99% say?
223
00:09:57,759 --> 00:10:00,639
Would a breakfast buffetBe so awful?
224
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,200
Even Karl Marx couldn't
resist a waffle.
225
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:08,600
Don't listen to them. Father's
a traitor, and this is a house of lies.
226
00:10:09,399 --> 00:10:12,039
Mother just diedHave you no remorse?
227
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,120
Son, I can't copulateWith a corpse!
228
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,600
And now you're tryingTo buy Velma's love!
229
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:21,039
Fred's right! But how much money
are we speaking of?
230
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:24,120
Shall we take thisAll away, then, Velma?
231
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,960
And pray college tuitionsDon't overwhelm ya?
232
00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:29,279
You're poor!
233
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:30,399
Who am I kidding?
234
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:37,720
I am poor and I love this!
235
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:42,720
Take me to that money bath.
236
00:10:47,879 --> 00:10:49,480
Fred, can I come in?
237
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:51,480
It's just me,
your dad's new girlfriend.
238
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:52,759
Nothing weird.
239
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,600
I know. And I'm not mad
about you dating my dad.
240
00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,360
Monogamy is for the middle class.
241
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:59,399
I'm mad because my father's
punishing me
242
00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,000
for thinking my mom's innocent.
243
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,440
Well, sometimes parents
have to be tough on kids
244
00:11:03,519 --> 00:11:04,799
because they care about them
245
00:11:04,879 --> 00:11:07,399
and don't want to be embarrassed
publicly by their dumb choices.
246
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,639
You wanna hear about caring?
247
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,080
Every year Mother helped me
with my science fair project.
248
00:11:11,159 --> 00:11:13,320
She loved hiring the scientists
to do all the work
249
00:11:13,399 --> 00:11:16,159
and then stiffing them
if I didn't win.
250
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,879
I miss her so much.
251
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,759
Fred, I'm sorry, but as a way
to get to know each other,
252
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:22,679
maybe I could help you
with your project.
253
00:11:22,759 --> 00:11:24,720
And what do I have
to do in return?
254
00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:27,000
Teach you how to fit
into polite society?
255
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,159
- Nothing. Just pick a project.
- Actually...
256
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:31,840
Mother never even
let me do that.
257
00:11:31,919 --> 00:11:33,759
And I have always wondered
where toast comes from.
258
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,720
My hypothesis is the kitchen.
259
00:11:36,799 --> 00:11:38,440
Well, that sounds
like a good start.
260
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,000
Lola! I did it!
261
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,360
You figured out the right amount
of Chinese food for two people?
262
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,919
No. The scientific community
has given up on that.
263
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,279
I calculated exactly
how much electricity I need
264
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,320
to shock the neurons,
causing my hallucinations.
265
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,600
If it works, my dad will
assume it was the pot
266
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,080
and I won't have to pass
any more drug tests.
267
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:06,279
Okay, but to be safe,
before shocking your brain,
268
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,120
maybe try it on
something else first.
269
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,360
I'm confident in my equations.
But hey, if you insist.
270
00:12:20,159 --> 00:12:22,679
Velma, if we want to win,
I'm gonna need that tainted pee.
271
00:12:22,759 --> 00:12:25,679
I'm on it, because even though
I've come to appreciate vast wealth
272
00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:27,799
and no longer wanna break up
my mom and William,
273
00:12:27,879 --> 00:12:29,559
I'm still a good
and honorable person.
274
00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:32,759
Eat this and then
pee in a cup for me. Pull.
275
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,799
Where's Velma?
276
00:13:14,879 --> 00:13:17,639
- Norville? Test time.
- One second.
277
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,639
My dad is going to test me.
278
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,399
If Velma doesn't show up
with the dirty pee,
279
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,120
I'll just have to
try the shock treatment.
280
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,360
At least the last potato
almost didn't explode.
281
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:29,080
Norville, you can't risk it.
Just smoke weed already.
282
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:31,639
TBH, this jar is half bong water.
283
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,200
- Hey, Norville.
- Velma, my number one buddy.
284
00:13:34,279 --> 00:13:35,679
And by number one,
I mean urine.
285
00:13:35,759 --> 00:13:38,919
Velma's here. Yes, I refer to myself
in the third person now.
286
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,039
So, do you have the pee or not?
287
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,399
Yes! I'm saved.
288
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:47,320
Why does this have a price tag?
And why is it $9.99?
289
00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:49,080
Wait. This is too funny.
290
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:51,279
You know what this is?
This is a juice shot,
291
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,200
my fabulous wellness doctor
has put me on.
292
00:13:53,279 --> 00:13:56,440
Okay, but where's the dirty pee?
Papa needs that liquid gold.
293
00:13:56,519 --> 00:13:58,679
Sorry. One of the cleaning people
must have thrown it out.
294
00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:01,440
But don't worry. It's okay if you fail
the test and we lose.
295
00:14:01,519 --> 00:14:02,879
I want my mom to date William.
296
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,200
It's not okay!
My dad will freak out!
297
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:08,000
And I didn't plan on having our
inevitable "I'm not you, Dad" fight,
298
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,799
until I got my Carl Jung poster
back from the framers.
299
00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:11,159
Norville, listen to Velma.
300
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,879
As someone who now lives
a life of zero consequences,
301
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:17,399
believe me when I say this, too much
stress is terrible for your skin.
302
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,200
But still, I'll make this right.
303
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,120
What?
304
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,799
And so, in conclusion,
while we can now
305
00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:30,039
say with confidence
where toast comes from...
306
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:33,840
...where it came from before
the advent of the toaster,
307
00:14:33,919 --> 00:14:36,600
remains one of science's
greatest mysteries.
308
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:37,720
Great job, Fred.
309
00:14:37,799 --> 00:14:40,200
You even managed
to say "focaccia" inoffensively.
310
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,559
Wait, why do I feel
all warm and safe?
311
00:14:46,639 --> 00:14:48,519
Because that's what hugs feel like?
312
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:51,600
No! Mother said hugs drained children
of their resilience.
313
00:14:51,679 --> 00:14:54,559
That's why she selflessly
refused to ever give me one.
314
00:14:54,639 --> 00:14:57,679
Okay. Well, since you're
so good at science now,
315
00:14:57,759 --> 00:15:00,120
do you wanna
test out that hypothesis?
316
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,440
I guess. I mean, I'm always happy
to prove Mother right.
317
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,919
Little Freddie feel cozy.
318
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,320
No! These feelings
are wrong. Stop!
319
00:15:11,399 --> 00:15:13,240
- Fred, I'm sorry.
- I hate this.
320
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,799
- Stop hugging me!
- I'm trying.
321
00:15:17,399 --> 00:15:20,519
- You need to come to the science fair.- I'm here. Have a surprise for Velma.
322
00:15:22,919 --> 00:15:26,679
Our science fair project was testing
the power of positive reinforcement.
323
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,320
So we spoke different words
to rats
324
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:30,120
and then measured
their maize feed.
325
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,080
The rat called Smart did way better
than the one called Sexy.
326
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,960
But the best was mine.
Hot Bitch.
327
00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:37,600
Oh, wonderful!
328
00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:41,480
Okay, so what's this project,
you Hot Bitches?
329
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,360
It's about focusing
on what you want.
330
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,240
Like my moms need clues
in their Mr. S
331
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,000
and Sheriff Cogburn
murder investigation.
332
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,080
We wrote, "Find the killer" on a piece
of paper, sealed it in this envelope
333
00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,919
and spent 10 minutes each day
visualizing his discovery.
334
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,519
That is the dumbest project here,
and I just ate Fred's project.
335
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,919
I'm so sorry your moms
made you work with Amber.
336
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,559
Wait. They made you
work with me?
337
00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,240
The crows in my dream
were right.
338
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,039
I knew better
than to doubt them.
339
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:14,080
No, Olive's wrong.
I wanted to work with you,
340
00:16:14,159 --> 00:16:16,799
but I was too embarrassed
to admit it to my friends,
341
00:16:16,879 --> 00:16:19,399
which is crazy,
because you're so interesting,
342
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,039
and I think our project's amazing.
343
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,200
I agree.
Every day I envision
344
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,399
I'm such a perfect father
that Norville will never feel the need
345
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,320
to think for himself
and push me away.
346
00:16:29,399 --> 00:16:32,799
Mr. Rogers! Come quick.
Norville cured his hallucinations.
347
00:16:32,879 --> 00:16:35,000
As Daddy knew he would.
348
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,120
See? That's the area that caused
the hallucinations.
349
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,200
It used to be all lit up,
and now there's nothing.
350
00:16:41,519 --> 00:16:45,559
Norville, you did it.
See? The pot worked.
351
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:46,679
I'm so happy.
352
00:16:46,759 --> 00:16:49,360
There's literally nothing
I wouldn't do for you right now.
353
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,399
I'd love to win the science fair.
354
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,039
Okay, so about that...
355
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,320
Don't wanna invest in that.
356
00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:02,759
Maybe. Oh, hello!
357
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:06,559
Hello, science fair participants.
So many amazing projects.
358
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,319
Almost all of them
went right over my head.
359
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:13,759
Regardless, the winner of this year's
blue ribbon is Velma Dinkley.
360
00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:16,480
- What?
- What? How?
361
00:17:16,559 --> 00:17:20,039
I didn't enter. Though rich me
does still feel pretty deserving of it.
362
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:23,279
Velma, in conjunction with her partner,
Neil deGrasse Tyson
363
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,000
{\an8}and with generous funding
from the Fred D. Jones Foundation,
364
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:31,480
proved aliens are more likely to exist
than to not exist.
365
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:36,079
- Burn the rich!
- You're welcome, Velma.
366
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,599
What? You bought
the science fair for me?
367
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:41,359
But I didn't want to win.
And now everyone hates me.
368
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,599
Velma, being hated
is a huge part of being rich.
369
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,200
It's right up there
with calling waiters "garcon"
370
00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:49,680
and hiring lookalikes
to confuse crowds.
371
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:52,359
Remember, you get paid
by the bruise.
372
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,240
There they are. Get 'em!
373
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,759
Well, I'm not rich.
374
00:17:55,839 --> 00:17:58,039
So, if people are gonna hate me,
I wanna earn it.
375
00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,079
Like Scrooge
or a bad boy of tennis.
376
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,240
I get that.
377
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:04,920
It's just such a shame you'll never get
rich solving mysteries.
378
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,240
Yeah, but only because my mom
will probably force me
379
00:18:07,319 --> 00:18:10,039
to do something boring with my life,
like cure heart disease.
380
00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:14,960
Actually, Velma, if solving mysteries
is what you wanna do, then go all in.
381
00:18:15,039 --> 00:18:17,440
Parents don't always know what's
best for their kids, right, William?
382
00:18:17,519 --> 00:18:20,640
Speak for yourself.
I handled Fred perfectly.
383
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,359
Why, this is the first weekend
in ages
384
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:25,000
I haven't heard any nonsense
about ghosts or Victoria.
385
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,000
What?
386
00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:29,720
This means so much to me,
and my partner,
387
00:18:29,799 --> 00:18:31,640
Vermoose Drunkie.
388
00:18:32,079 --> 00:18:33,480
Everyone!
I understand you're upset.
389
00:18:33,559 --> 00:18:36,799
But I will not accept this
as I did not work on this project.
390
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,359
Worse, I bailed on the team
I was supposed to work with
391
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,680
because I didn't know money would
make me forget about my friends.
392
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:45,079
Even though I was warned
by, like, every movie.
393
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,680
Regardless, the blue ribbon
should go to Norville.
394
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:49,680
His project is obviously the best.
395
00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:52,240
Thank you, Velma,
but I don't deserve it, either.
396
00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:55,160
I just copied work
my grandmother did in the '70s.
397
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,160
The only project here
that looks like it didn't have
398
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:00,680
an adult actually doing all the work
is Fred's toast thing.
399
00:19:00,759 --> 00:19:03,240
- Give the award to him.
- Seriously?
400
00:19:03,319 --> 00:19:04,440
I said, get off me!
401
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,640
Thank you, Norville. It says a lot
when you get more support
402
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,799
from the grandson of the woman
who ruined your life
403
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:11,960
than your own father.
404
00:19:12,039 --> 00:19:15,720
Hey, we don't have enough context
to fully understand that.
405
00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:18,200
It's okay, because I do.
406
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,119
Fred, look,
407
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,880
I'm sorry I refused to work
on your science fair project with you.
408
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,559
I thought you needed a reality check.
But maybe what you really need
409
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,119
is a father
who's willing to listen,
410
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,000
even if what you're saying
is batshit crazy.
411
00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:35,799
Really? That was mostly the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
412
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:41,000
Yes. Would you like to use our upper
limbs to briefly cling together?
413
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:44,640
I suppose just this one time.
414
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,680
Hey, Hot Bitch is missing!
415
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:57,119
You freaks better not have taken her
for some messed up potion.
416
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,759
I was gonna
feed her to my snake.
417
00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:01,240
Call them a freak again,
and I'll feed you to my fist.
418
00:20:01,319 --> 00:20:03,839
Daphne. Don't let them
get under your skin.
419
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:06,839
Most people dislike magic.
That's why all magicians are virgins.
420
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:11,640
I know. It's just I wanted us to find
a clue and prove manifesting works.
421
00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:13,920
Maybe even win Gigi and Olive over.
422
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,960
But it did work.
Look what else was in the envelope.
423
00:20:21,039 --> 00:20:23,319
It works on people, too?
424
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,160
'Cause I'm real tired of acting nice
to make people like me.
425
00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:28,319
Okay. Well, in that case,
426
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,799
would you like to learn
some real witchcraft?
427
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,319
Norville, is Daphne reading
a spell book with interest?
428
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,039
And be warned,
your answer will dictate
429
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:38,799
how hard I squeeze your arm
in frustration.
430
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,640
Hard to say,
as I 100% don't give a shit.
431
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,440
Norville.
How did you get these journals?
432
00:20:45,519 --> 00:20:46,839
How do you think?
433
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,680
I dressed up as a ghost and stole them
from the police station.
434
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:51,400
- What?
- Yeah.
435
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,559
Sometimes I do bad things
that you don't know about.
436
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:57,559
For instance, I bought tainted pee
to pass your stupid drug tests.
437
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,680
Oh, no! In neutralizing
his hallucinations,
438
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:03,160
Norville accidentally
removed all his empathy.
439
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,519
He's now functioning
with zero compassion.
440
00:21:05,599 --> 00:21:07,880
This is why you listen to me.
Science has side effects.
441
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,799
Pot has none.
Now look me in my painfully dry,
442
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,519
bloodshot eyes and apologize.
443
00:21:12,599 --> 00:21:14,480
No, because I think
for myself now.
444
00:21:14,559 --> 00:21:17,279
And I think smoking weed
makes you a loser.
445
00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,759
That's just the science talking.
Take it back.
446
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:23,160
Or what, loser?
447
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,480
Or you'll get detention.
448
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,839
And you can all join him
for saying "ooh" to my son.
449
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:34,519
Saturday, 7:00 AM sharp.
450
00:21:35,559 --> 00:21:37,119
Welcome to hell!
451
00:21:37,559 --> 00:21:39,759
Wait. What were we
just talking about?
35775
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.