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1
00:00:04,604 --> 00:00:06,105
- Hey, hey, it's the monkees.
2
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:08,340
- Hi, daddy.
- Yay, daddy's home.
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,341
- Hey.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:10,776
- How was chicago?
5
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:12,511
- What are you saying,
I'm cheating on you?
6
00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,346
Is that it?
7
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,749
She means nothing!
8
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:18,083
You missed me.
9
00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:20,019
- You missed all that fun stuff.
10
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:22,287
- Daddy, what did you bring us?
11
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,126
- I bring you?
Um...
12
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:31,030
All right, well, let's see.
Got something.
13
00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:34,533
I brought you something.
Okay.
14
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,702
For michael,
15
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:40,406
Some lovely apricot shampoo.
16
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,209
Yeah.
17
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,548
For geoffrey,
18
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,316
Conditioner.
19
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,486
Mm.
20
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:59,825
All imported from
the enchanted isle of marriott.
21
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,597
You having trouble
getting your shoes on, ally?
22
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,299
Not anymore.
23
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:10,436
- Ray.
24
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:13,405
- Don't worry,
I didn't forget you, my darling.
25
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,175
For mommy,
something as sweet as she is,
26
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:19,711
Some fine candy.
27
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:22,181
- Aww, the mints
from your pillow.
28
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:25,250
- Yeah, that's part
of the hotel's turndown service.
29
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,820
- Well, tonight you're gonna
get my turndown service.
30
00:01:31,157 --> 00:01:34,393
- Well, I guess mommy
doesn't want peanuts
31
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,195
From the sky.
32
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:43,669
- Hi, everybody.
33
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,404
- Oh, there you are.
34
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,106
- What took you so long?
35
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:51,243
- Yeah, you're just coming
from across the street.
36
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:52,644
- Yeah, well,
I got confused
37
00:01:52,646 --> 00:01:54,613
And went to where
I wished you lived.
38
00:02:00,386 --> 00:02:02,154
- All right, they're here,
let's do this.
39
00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:04,223
- Wait, wait, wait,
what about the other guests?
40
00:02:04,225 --> 00:02:06,492
- What other guests?
Everyone's here.
41
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,861
Do you have the mortgage?
- Yeah, here we go.
42
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,630
I've been waiting 30 years
to do this.
43
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:17,703
- There you go.
44
00:02:17,705 --> 00:02:20,339
- There we go.
- Ooh.
45
00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,174
yeah.
46
00:02:22,176 --> 00:02:23,175
- Oh-ho.
47
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,176
- Yay.
48
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,881
- The house is now paid off.
49
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,382
And here's
to the wonderful people
50
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,583
At lynbrook mortgage,
51
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:33,152
Thanks for the calendars,
52
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:36,455
And you can all kiss
my great american ass.
53
00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,191
- Grandpa.
Grandpa.
54
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:41,860
- Oh, oh, sorry, kids.
Don't say "ass."
55
00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:46,198
Hey, that was fun.
- Yeah.
56
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,699
Let's have a real party.
57
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:49,735
Marie,
go get our marriage license.
58
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:54,907
- You know, now that the place
is all ours,
59
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:56,575
I can't wait to redecorate
60
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,477
And get rid
of some of that old stuff.
61
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:00,913
So long, frank.
62
00:03:00,915 --> 00:03:03,315
- All right.
Can we eat, please?
63
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,416
- Yeah, okay.
Come on, kids.
64
00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,951
- Mom, dad, congratulations.
65
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,253
The house becomes part
of your estate,
66
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:11,223
Which, in the old country,
would be passed down
67
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,926
To the firstborn son.
68
00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:17,329
- In the old country,
you'd be working in the circus.
69
00:03:20,266 --> 00:03:23,569
- Monkey suit's coming off.
70
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,270
- So, marie,
what happened?
71
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:27,573
I thought you were gonna
have a big party to celebrate.
72
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,942
- It is a party.
I made bruschetta.
73
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:32,744
- Oh, well, I thought when you
said you were having a party,
74
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:33,979
That would include--
75
00:03:33,981 --> 00:03:35,447
I don't know,
some friends.
76
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,916
- Oh, who has time
for friends?
77
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,220
Have a deviled egg, dear.
78
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,288
- What do you mean you
don't have time for friends?
79
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,791
- Well, after you
and raymond moved in,
80
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:48,994
I mean, I guess someone
had to help you raise a family,
81
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,429
So we had to give--
82
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,998
We just had to
give up some things.
83
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,566
- Your social life?
84
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,301
- Well, we still have
a social life.
85
00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:02,241
- Ma, robert's eating
all the deviled egg,
86
00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,509
Won't give me any.
87
00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,379
- They don't feed us
enough in the circus.
88
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,448
- Yeah, ha.
89
00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:19,791
- Hey, did my father
give geoffrey some wine today?
90
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,594
- No, why?
91
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,829
- 'cause I was putting him
to bed,
92
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:26,365
He said,
"I love you, man."
93
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:35,574
Perhaps you would
like some wine.
94
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:39,044
- Hey, listen, you know what
your mom told me at that party?
95
00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,648
They don't have any friends.
96
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:45,617
- You sound surprised.
97
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,053
- Well, it's kind of sad.
It's kind of sad.
98
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,289
- Well, it's not sad
for the people
99
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,357
Who would have to be
their friends.
100
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,296
- Except we have
to be their friends.
101
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,933
- That is a little sad.
- Yeah.
102
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:04,603
I mean, look,
we're their whole lives.
103
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:08,073
And it occurred to me
that if they had more friends,
104
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,609
We'd have less them.
105
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:17,516
- Have you worked out
a budget for this?
106
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,551
- All right.
Break it up.
107
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:20,752
- Oh, what?
What do you want?
108
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,854
We just saw you.
109
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:25,991
- We just brought you
some leftovers.
110
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:29,995
- They don't qualify as
leftovers if they're still warm.
111
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,830
- Let's watch some highlights.
112
00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:34,700
- Frank, you already
watched this game.
113
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:38,036
- So I know how good
the highlights will be.
114
00:05:38,038 --> 00:05:41,340
Let's not ruin these
by talking.
115
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,979
So, gosh, marie,
it must feel so liberating
116
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,114
To own the house now, huh?
117
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:50,649
- Yeah.
118
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:52,451
- Gosh, think of all the things
you can do now,
119
00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,553
Like, gosh,
you could entertain more.
120
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,021
- Hey, we just had a party.
121
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,390
What are we, studio 54?
122
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:04,663
- But, really, you deserve
your own social life, you know?
123
00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:07,065
Especially now that all
your house obligations are over
124
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,600
And we seem to be managing.
125
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,068
- Mm-hmm.
126
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,771
- Now might be the perfect time
for you to just say,
127
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,773
"hi, neighbor."
128
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:22,013
- I got all the friends
I need right here.
129
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,715
- You see, debra?
130
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:26,051
I mean, I would love
to start entertaining again,
131
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,519
But if we have guests,
132
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:29,621
What am I supposed
to do with this?
133
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:33,859
- Tell them that you lost a bet
134
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,161
And you got to clean
and feed him for another year.
135
00:06:42,668 --> 00:06:46,705
- Come on, we all know that
frank can be a lot of fun.
136
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:49,007
Hey, you know who else
is a lot of fun?
137
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,509
The mauers next door.
- Mm-hmm.
138
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,877
- I like the mauers, yeah.
- Yes.
139
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,045
- No can do.
140
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,447
- Well, why not?
141
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:57,149
- Because I may or may not
142
00:06:57,151 --> 00:07:00,152
Recently have flipped
one of them the bird.
143
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,090
What?
144
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:09,194
He was trying to put a piece
of garbage in our garbage can.
145
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,931
- Well, that's no reason
to flip them a bird.
146
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:16,134
- Hey, I can't have the garbage
man thinking I dye my hair.
147
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:22,207
- Oh, so then all that
is natural.
148
00:07:26,512 --> 00:07:29,514
- Hey, you know who's cool?
The stipes.
149
00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,583
- Yes, the stipes.
- Yeah.
150
00:07:31,585 --> 00:07:33,518
- Who?
- You remember.
151
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,988
The--those old, nice people
that robert lived with
152
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,890
The first time he moved out?
153
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,092
Yeah, if they're still alive,
they're very friendly.
154
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:45,497
- I ran into the husband
in a hardware store,
155
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:46,965
He's actually not a jerk.
156
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,600
- Well, see,
it sounds like you guys
157
00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,168
Would have a blast together.
158
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:51,803
- Really, probably would.
159
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:54,072
- But what are we supposed
to do with these stipes?
160
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,541
- I don't know, you could...
161
00:07:56,543 --> 00:08:00,612
Invite them over
for dinner or drinks.
162
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:03,081
- You could play
"guess what I forgot."
163
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,696
- What about a board game?
164
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:20,198
- Yes, yes, a board game,
great idea.
165
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,634
- Oh, that's a good idea,
debra.
166
00:08:22,636 --> 00:08:25,237
Frank, we're having company.
167
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:28,006
- They better like swearing.
168
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:34,913
- Well, what should we do?
Should we call them?
169
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,848
- Only as soon as possible.
170
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:39,584
- You know who has their number?
171
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,253
Robert, who lives in your house
right now.
172
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:44,289
- Oh, I have so many
menu ideas.
173
00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,790
- Yeah, we're all very excited.
174
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:46,925
Out of the chair, dad.
175
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,260
- Yeah, hey.
- Come on.
176
00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:49,861
- I just want to watch--
177
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,563
- Yeah, well, go outside.
Mom's outside.
178
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,131
You're gonna go play
with your new friends.
179
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,300
Here he comes.
There he goes.
180
00:08:59,805 --> 00:09:02,007
Yeah.
181
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,742
I know that dance,
182
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:08,013
That's the "I want
to have sex with ray" dance.
183
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:12,984
And here's my
"if you insist" dance.
184
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,886
What are you--
don't laugh.
185
00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:18,957
- Mmm.
- Heh, this is fun.
186
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:20,725
This is like a date.
187
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:24,129
- Yeah, except on a date,
you never got to level two.
188
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,232
Come on.
Come on.
189
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,767
- Mmm.
- Come on.
190
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:29,768
Okay.
All right.
191
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,902
- Hi, dears!
192
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:33,672
- Come on, move over.
193
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,340
- You remember the stipes.
194
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,576
- See, harry?
I told you he was home.
195
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,577
- Yeah.
196
00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:41,246
- How may we help you?
197
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,181
- You know, harry's a big fan
of your column,
198
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,618
And he wouldn't let up
until we swung by to say hello.
199
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,619
- Hello.
200
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,256
- So, listen,
it's so nice to see you,
201
00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,857
Thanks for dropping by.
202
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,726
- Hey, ray, I told harry
you would let him
203
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,795
See tomorrow's column today.
204
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:58,263
- Yeah, you know
what I'd really like,
205
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,665
If you'd tell me
tomorrow's scores.
206
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,701
Yeah, then I could
make some bets.
207
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:09,341
- Mom, what are you doing?
Why'd you bring 'em here?
208
00:10:09,343 --> 00:10:12,143
- Well, they wanted to see you.
209
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:15,113
- Well, yeah, but debra and I,
we were--happy.
210
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:17,849
- Just five minutes, okay?
211
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,351
- Well, no, ma.
No. No. No.
212
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:22,153
- Why are you
making such a big fuss over it?
213
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,089
Our friends
wanted to see you.
214
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,992
- I want them to see you.
215
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,094
- All right.
Okay.
216
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,096
I'm sorry.
217
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:34,199
I'm sorry people
like you so much.
218
00:10:34,201 --> 00:10:36,935
I'm sorry that I'm proud
of you.
219
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:40,138
I'm sorry that I raised you
to be a nice boy.
220
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,045
Five minutes.
221
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,381
- Okay.
Okay.
222
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:52,784
- I tell you, ray,
you got the life.
223
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,253
- Yeah.
- Sportswriter.
224
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:57,322
You get to go
to different places,
225
00:10:57,324 --> 00:11:00,692
Meet famous athletes.
226
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,327
- Yeah, well, yeah,
there could be worse jobs.
227
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,329
- Hey, ray?
- Yeah.
228
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:06,364
- Hey, tell 'em who you
met the other day.
229
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:07,999
- Come on, dad.
- Who did you meet?
230
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,134
- Yeah, who?
- No, no, come on.
231
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,669
Tell them, it's funny.
232
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:12,671
- Nothing, evander holyfield
sat next to me.
233
00:11:12,673 --> 00:11:15,240
- Holy--
- evander holyfield.
234
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:18,043
My boy and evander holyfield.
235
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,111
- He's a boxer.
- Oh.
236
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:23,281
- Uh, try to keep up.
237
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,083
Sorry.
238
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,352
- So--so what happened?
239
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,854
- You know, I just--
I said,
240
00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,790
"hey, how you doing?"
241
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,324
He said, "great."
you know?
242
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,893
Yeah, he's a good guy.
He's a good guy.
243
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:36,094
- Wait, you talked to him?
244
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,729
- Yeah, sure.
Sure.
245
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,698
You know,
like, "good fight, huh?"
246
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,799
That kind of thing.
247
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,267
- Yeah, oh.
- Yeah, yeah.
248
00:11:42,269 --> 00:11:45,270
- wow.
That's a terrific story.
249
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,271
Yeah.
- Yeah.
250
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:48,106
- Okay, so--
251
00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:50,375
- Hey, dad, how about the time
I took you to the all-star game?
252
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:51,976
- Yeah.
Press box.
253
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,278
oh, you lucky bastard.
254
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,280
- Oh-ho.
255
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,348
Our son would love this,
256
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,451
He's a regular sports nut.
257
00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,952
- Yeah, listen, listen.
258
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,387
So I was coming back
from the bathroom,
259
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,922
And I see my father
standing there,
260
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,390
And I don't know
what I'm thinking,
261
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:06,925
But I sneak up behind him
262
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,426
And I kind of goose him
a little, you know?
263
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,994
Yeah.
264
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,296
He turns around,
265
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:13,164
I goosed joe garagiola.
266
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:20,205
- 'cause from behind,
I look like joe garagiola.
267
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,476
- Oh.
- Yeah, ray?
268
00:12:24,478 --> 00:12:26,044
- Yeah, yeah.
He's a good guy too.
269
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,779
Joe's a good guy.
Yeah.
270
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:28,880
- Oh, isn't this fun?
271
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,348
I'm so glad you came over.
272
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,951
- Oh, we are, too.
- Yeah, well, us too. Us too.
273
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,019
- Oh, hey, chinese here.
What do we got?
274
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,789
Hey, deb,
get some forks.
275
00:12:37,791 --> 00:12:39,457
- You know what would be nice
is some tea.
276
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,525
I'll make some tea.
- Oh.
277
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,227
- I wouldn't mind some tea.
278
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:44,062
- Hey, you know who used
to like tea?
279
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,363
Joe dimaggio.
- No.
280
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,432
- That's right.
Mr. Coffee.
281
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,768
- there, mr. Coffee.
282
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:50,969
And you know what?
283
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,203
You know who
used to like coffee?
284
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:53,204
Mr. T.
285
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,519
Hey, swizzle.
- Hey, don't get comfortable.
286
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:09,487
The stipes are over
visiting your parents again.
287
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,222
We got to get out of here
in case they decide
288
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,024
To drop back over.
289
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,993
- Well, what about the kids?
290
00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,261
- Well, robert's babysitting.
291
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:18,163
- Oh, do we have to go?
I just got home.
292
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,464
I'm tired.
Can't we just hide?
293
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,266
- No, no, no.
294
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,035
Don't unbutton your shirt.
Stop it, stop it, stop it.
295
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:28,573
- You don't know that they're
definitely gonna come over.
296
00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,308
- Yeah, you'd probably
love it if they did,
297
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:32,110
You could do a revival
of your one-man show,
298
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:35,413
"my fair raymond."
299
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:37,882
- Hey, I was trying to help out.
300
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,217
That's why I got stuck there,
301
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,819
And where'd you
disappear to anyway?
302
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,321
- I was in bed.
It was midnight.
303
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,323
You don't even have
an intermission.
304
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,558
- What?
What, do you--
305
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:49,127
What, you think I liked that?
Come on.
306
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,296
Those stipes smell
like the attic.
307
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,300
- Hey, where's the candy?
The kids want some candy.
308
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,836
- The kids know they're not
supposed to have candy at night.
309
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,470
- Okay.
310
00:13:59,472 --> 00:14:01,339
I want candy.
311
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,278
- It's on top of the fridge,
robert.
312
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,180
Come on, come on, button up.
We got to get going.
313
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,849
We'll call you
from the restaurant.
314
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,450
- So, hey, ray,
how come you're not going over
315
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:16,054
To see your new best friends,
the stipes, huh?
316
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,056
Mom was just going
on and on about it,
317
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,891
How they loved your stories.
318
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:20,892
- See, ray?
319
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:22,327
- I was being polite.
320
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:25,096
- You know they
were my friends first.
321
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:26,431
They would've loved
my stories too.
322
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,299
I just happened to be
in a sitz bath
323
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,901
When they came over.
324
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:31,402
- All right.
Robert, we won't be late.
325
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,503
Come on.
We got to go.
326
00:14:32,505 --> 00:14:33,938
- I'm not hungry.
Come on.
327
00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:35,473
I had banana splits
at the office.
328
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:39,043
- You get banana splits
at the office?
329
00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:42,247
- You can just have
appetizers, all right, you--
330
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,948
- What?
What?
331
00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:45,516
- There he is.
332
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,218
- Where have you been?
333
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,453
- All right,
don't get sucked in,
334
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,888
We're going out, you understand?
335
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,122
Hi.
336
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:53,958
- There he is,
the man of the hour.
337
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:54,993
- Hi.
338
00:14:54,995 --> 00:14:56,160
- Did you get a haircut?
339
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,896
No, I just--
I combed it today.
340
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,530
there he goes.
341
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:00,965
- Raymond,
342
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:04,102
I want you to meet our son,
seth.
343
00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:06,037
- Ray barone,
finally we meet.
344
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:07,505
- Hey, how you doing?
345
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,407
- I'm a big fan of yours.
- Well, thank you.
346
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,276
- We have very similar
writing styles.
347
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,678
- Seth's a sportswriter too.
- Oh.
348
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,947
- Well,
mostly in internet chat rooms,
349
00:15:15,949 --> 00:15:19,484
And I call in
to all the sports radio shows.
350
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,685
You've probably heard me.
351
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:23,454
Seth from massapequa?
352
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,056
- Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
353
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:26,524
Great, man, that's great.
Good for you.
354
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:28,326
Listen, we were kind of
on our way out, right?
355
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,661
- Yes. Yes.
356
00:15:29,663 --> 00:15:31,329
- Wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going?
357
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:32,931
- We're just going
out to dinner,
358
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,532
But you guys make yourself
at home, you know.
359
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,601
Marie knows where everything is.
360
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:39,604
She put it there, so--
- yeah.
361
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,105
- Hey, I read
your column today,
362
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,573
Great, just great.
363
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:44,943
- Hey, harry says
you're better than lupica.
364
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,978
- Oh, well, thank you.
Thank you.
365
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,680
- I love your baseball stuff.
366
00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:49,948
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
367
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,149
- Except you could be
368
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,718
A little more objective
about the mets.
369
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,255
- What do you--what?
- Ray, ray.
370
00:15:57,257 --> 00:16:00,058
- You seem to have a real axe
to grind there.
371
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,193
- Well...
372
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,028
Wait, listen,
you understand that they pay me
373
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:07,098
To write my opinions,
not to be objective.
374
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,268
You know, I find that,
in sports writing,
375
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,403
If you pull your punches,
376
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,238
You're gonna end up the one
getting hit.
377
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,076
- Oh.
Now, that's a pro, son.
378
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:20,712
That's why you're still
on that internet.
379
00:16:20,714 --> 00:16:23,614
- Hey.
I bow to the master.
380
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,350
- Ray...
381
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,018
- Hey, rita, harry.
382
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,553
Sorry I missed you last night.
383
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:32,123
- Hey, rodney.
So--
384
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:34,459
Ray, tell seth that story
you were telling us
385
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:37,362
About the squirrel that ran up
your leg at the king dome.
386
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:39,364
- Oh, that was so funny.
387
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:42,533
- Ah, you told them the squirrel
story, huh, ray?
388
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,737
Yeah, isn't
that chuck wilson's story?
389
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:47,238
- That's not
chuck wilson's story.
390
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,474
- yes, it is.
Yeah.
391
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,043
- It's not.
392
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:55,346
- I'll tell you a story.
393
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,684
I was recently gored
by a bull
394
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:04,355
Which is about 2,000 times
larger than a squirrel.
395
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,524
You see, they were having
an illegal rodeo--
396
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,593
- Oh, here it is.
397
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:10,595
Raymond, would you mind?
398
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,096
- What, you want
to take my picture?
399
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:14,499
- Yes.
- Okay, yeah.
400
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,234
- Here.
401
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:19,370
Rodney, would you mind
getting a picture of all of us?
402
00:17:22,374 --> 00:17:24,142
- Why would I mind?
403
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,677
Add a little insult
to my injury.
404
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:29,147
- I want to get in on this.
Come on, frank.
405
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:30,581
- I'm in,
but I'd better sit down,
406
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:34,052
Unless you want to get a shot
of my garagiola.
407
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,754
- This is phenomenal.
I'm posting this on my web site.
408
00:17:36,756 --> 00:17:38,689
- Hey, you got us
in focus there?
409
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,091
- I sure do.
410
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,794
Everybody, say "raymond."
411
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:45,296
Raymond.
412
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,334
- Beautiful.
- Yeah.
413
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,337
Hey, where's deb?
414
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:54,672
- I heard the garage door.
415
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:55,706
- Oh, no.
416
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,342
- Oh, raymond, stay with us.
417
00:17:58,344 --> 00:18:00,745
You can see her anytime.
418
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,117
- Hey, hey, hey,
where you going?
419
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,151
- I'm going to eat.
420
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,252
I would ask you to come along,
421
00:18:08,254 --> 00:18:09,587
But I see you have a girlfriend
422
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,456
And three boyfriends
and another girlfriend.
423
00:18:11,458 --> 00:18:12,723
Oh, come on.
Look, it's okay.
424
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,459
They said I could
see other people.
425
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:15,827
Okay, all right, I'm sorry,
stop.
426
00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:17,495
- You have a problem.
- Give me your keys.
427
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,397
You can't drive
in this condition.
428
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,665
What--
429
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,834
Come on, I don't have a problem.
430
00:18:22,836 --> 00:18:24,335
- This can't
keep happening, ray.
431
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,104
You have a sick connection
to your parents.
432
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,538
Do you understand that?
It is sick.
433
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:29,273
- All right.
We've already been over that.
434
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,808
- Yeah, but you're worse now.
435
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,810
You don't get enough
attention from your parents,
436
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,679
So you have to get an extra set?
You're sick.
437
00:18:34,681 --> 00:18:36,647
- Okay, I won't do it anymore.
Come on, I'm sorry--
438
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:39,517
Come on, let's go.
We'll sneak out.
439
00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,518
We'll go eat.
440
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,121
- Hi, dears.
441
00:18:43,123 --> 00:18:44,822
- Hi.
- What's going on?
442
00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,357
- Hi.
No, nothing.
443
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:48,292
- Everything all right?
- Fine. Yeah. Yeah.
444
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,895
Did you find that aaa booklet
you're looking for there, debra?
445
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,831
- You're sick!
446
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,900
- All right.
Keep looking.
447
00:18:55,902 --> 00:18:59,370
Listen, you know,
I think you and the stipes
448
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,439
Should go to your house
maybe for the rest of the night
449
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,407
'cause debra and I,
we made plans to go out and eat.
450
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:04,909
- Oh, I know, I know,
but couldn't you just
451
00:19:04,911 --> 00:19:06,444
Spend a few minutes with us?
452
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,479
I mean, you hardly talked
to seth at all.
453
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,414
- Well, ma,
I don't even know seth, okay?
454
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:11,516
I don't even know the stipes.
455
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:13,384
The stipes are your friends.
456
00:19:13,386 --> 00:19:15,686
Why don't you just go
and be with your friends?
457
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:17,488
- Because we need you, raymond.
458
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,490
- Well, what do you mean,
you need me?
459
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,393
Why?
Dad's in there, he's funny.
460
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:25,329
- No, he's not.
461
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,832
Couldn't you come in
for just a few minutes?
462
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:32,770
- No, no, no.
463
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:34,672
Ma, it's enough, please.
It's enough.
464
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,274
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah.
465
00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,609
- It's fine.
I understand.
466
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,612
It's just that I--
I like to see you with them
467
00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:45,383
Because, you know, I don't get
to see you like that anymore.
468
00:19:45,385 --> 00:19:46,784
- What?
Like what?
469
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,886
- Well, when you come over
to the house now,
470
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,422
It's just to eat
or watch a game,
471
00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:56,427
And it's different to see you
excited when you're talking.
472
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,663
I like it.
473
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,207
Okay.
474
00:20:09,209 --> 00:20:12,643
Guess we should all
go back inside.
475
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:14,512
- Really?
Yeah?
476
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,646
Okay.
I guess it's okay.
477
00:20:15,648 --> 00:20:18,449
- Oh, you're such a good son.
478
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:20,718
Thank you, honey.
- Mm-hmm.
479
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,687
- He's coming back.
480
00:20:25,457 --> 00:20:27,892
- Got to give the people
what they want.
481
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,663
- A common misconception
is that a bull
482
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:35,233
Will charge
when shown the color red.
483
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,701
Actually, it's motion--
484
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:39,904
- Uh, ray.
Thank god.
485
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,539
Uh, here.
Have a seat.
486
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:43,341
- Hey, no time for that, harry.
We got to go.
487
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:44,508
We're gonna be late.
488
00:20:44,510 --> 00:20:45,676
- Oh, yeah.
You're right.
489
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:46,777
- Late for what?
490
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,312
- We're taking your parents
491
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:52,717
To the big senior jamboree
at the v.F.W.
492
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:54,885
- Wow.
A senior jamboree.
493
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:56,787
Well, that's perfect.
That's perfect for you.
494
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:58,022
Ma, you'll have fun.
495
00:20:58,024 --> 00:20:59,624
You go, you'll have fun.
Go ahead.
496
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:02,493
- You should go too, ray.
497
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:03,728
- What?
498
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,329
- Yeah, you were
just telling your mom
499
00:21:05,331 --> 00:21:07,365
That you wanted to spend
more time with them.
500
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,766
- Yeah, come on with us, ray.
501
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:12,603
They're giving
free eye tests tonight.
502
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:13,871
- No, no.
I mean, look, no.
503
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,339
We wanted to go out to eat
you know?
504
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:16,807
Right?
So, no.
505
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:20,911
- But you got to give the people
what they want.
506
00:21:20,913 --> 00:21:23,347
- Come on, raymond.
There'll be refreshments.
507
00:21:23,349 --> 00:21:24,548
Come on, come on.
508
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:25,783
how bad is this thing?
509
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,285
- Sounds like a nightmare to me.
510
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,320
I'm not going.
511
00:21:29,322 --> 00:21:31,289
- Bye-bye.
512
00:21:31,291 --> 00:21:33,724
- I hope you like dancing,
raymond.
513
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:39,664
- Chinese?
514
00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:40,831
- Love it.
36500
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