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- Do you like jokes?
- Love them.
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My brother told me one the other day.
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There's this bloke, right,
and he joins the Foreign Legion.
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On the first day the sergeant is, like,
showing him the ropes.
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And the bloke says, "You must get quite
lonely out here in the middle of the desert.
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"What do you do if you need a shag?"
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And the sergeant just points to this camel
that's tied to this tree.
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And the bloke thinks, "Oh, God, right."
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So anyway, a couple of weeks later,
this bloke's desperate.
10
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So one night he creeps out
and he starts shagging this camel.
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And this camel starts, sort of, spitting
and trying to kick him and stuff
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and wakes all the men up.
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So all the men run out
and they see him shagging this camel.
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The sergeant looks at him and goes,
"Oh, that's interesting.
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"We normally just ride it into town
to find a prostitute."
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Oh, no.
Well, why didn't the sergeant make it clearer?
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What?
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To be fair to the bloke, I mean,
I would have made the same mistake.
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I thought the camel was there
to have sex with, from the way you said it.
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Yeah, well, you're meant to.
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Well, why are you having a go at the bloke
for misunderstanding, then?
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- I am not having a go at him.
- No.
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- I'm just gonna pop into the...
- Okay.
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If Vinnie Jones comes near me
looking for a fight, I will unleash hell.
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(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
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Oh, saved by the bell. Not saved. Hello?
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- It's me. Can you talk?
- What is it?
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- I need a joke.
- What?
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I need a joke.
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He's just told me this big long joke,
and I didn't understand it,
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and now he thinks I'm a tit. I need a joke.
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Can you just text me it?
Send me a naughty joke.
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- All right.
- Thanks. He's coming back. Bye.
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- Anything you fancy?
- Possibly.
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- I meant on the menu.
- Yeah, I know.
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(MOBILE PHONE BEEPING)
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Oh, I've just remembered,
I've got a joke for you.
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Okay.
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This is a particular favourite of mine.
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Let me just think. What is it?
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Why do seagulls have wings?
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I don't know. Why do seagulls have wings?
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To beat the gypos to the tip.
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And that's it.
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To beat the what to the tip?
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- Gypos.
- Right.
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You know "gypo" is an offensive term, right?
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It's like saying "yid" or "wop" or something.
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That joke was quite racist.
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No, no. I didn't... No, it's not racist.
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I think, I mean, if it's ridiculing anyone,
it's ridiculing the seagull.
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- How's that?
- Well, think about it.
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Gypsies, they can see something,
"I'll have a bit of that, sell it on."
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They're all right, they're laughing.
55
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What's a seagull gonna do
when it gets to the tip?
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It's not got hands. It's got...
It's got its wings, doesn't it?
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You are aware Gypsies are a race.
They're an ethnic group.
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And historically,
they've been persecuted much like the Jews.
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No, no. I'm not talking about those old ones.
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I'm not talking about that sort.
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I'm talking about, like, the dodgy ones,
the grimy ones that work at fairgrounds.
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God, me? I love Gypsies. I do.
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I mean, I think I actually have got
a bit of Gypsy blood in me.
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Like, you know, I like travelling.
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I don't like paying taxes.
5448
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