All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs S17E02 Popcorn 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

[Static]

- Okay,
I think we're doing better.

I think the combination
of having Elvira here

and by giving out
fact-based Halloween advice

means that we are nailing
this holiday this year.

At least half of that's true.

[Laughter]

- But now, Darcy,
we're moving into the ancient

druid part of Halloween,

and I'm going to be continuing
my Samhain tutorial --

I know it's "Saa-wn" --

the Samhain tutorial
by teaching

our hardcore audience
all the authentic ways to party

like it's Northern Scotland
1,900 years ago.

We're going to party
like it's 99.

- How exactly
are we doing that.

- We're -- we're doing that
by delving down

into the mystical meaning
of the holiday.

- Is that why
you're wearing a hoodie?

[Laughter]

It's not a hoodie.

It's a ceremonial druid robe,

and the color of the robe

indicates what class
of druid I am,

and also all these symbols
on the robe, and then the shoes.

Most druids never wore shoes,
but these shoes are golden,

indicating that I am
in the priestly class of druids.

- Are you kidding?
- What?

- Those are the same shoes
you wore during "Nosferatu."

- No, those were Beta Meyer
shoes representing

the style of dress
in Transylvania

between the Napoleonic wars
and the revolutions of 1848.

Those were pimp shoes.

- These, on the other hand,
are representations of shoes

worn by druid priests
in the Celtic regions

of the Cairngorms
in what is today called

the Highlands of Scotland.

- So, they also wore pimp shoes
in the highlands of Scotland?

- They're not pimp shoes.
[Laughter]

Anyway, I want
to tell you my theory.

They are so pimp shoes.

- I want to tell you my theory
about why Halloween

was a necessary part
of the druid calendar.

- Does it actually have
anything to do with the movie?

- Yes, the movie is "Popcorn,"
an neglected gem

from the early '90s.

- Yes, I agree,
and I love "Popcorn,"

but "Popcorn" has nothing to do
with the druid calendar.

- "Popcorn" is about vengeance
and violence

and correcting
the sins of the past.

So, it is about
the druid calendar.

- I guess.
- Alright.

- Halloween is like that day
in "The Purge"

where all crime is legal
so you can even the score

for all the things
that piss you off.

- I don't actually think
that's what it's about.

- Well, let me illustrate
and you will agree with me.

- Like...
- [Sighs]

- Alright, alright,
name something

that's pissed you off recently.

- Does this get us
to the movie any quicker?

Yes, it does.

Name something
that pisses you off.

- Alright.
There's a man on my flight

who turned on
his overhead light.

And...

- And he's the only person
with his light on.

- I don't get it.
[Laughter]

- It was rude.
I couldn't sleep.

- But he was probably reading.
It's a reading light.

That's just selfish.

Selfish to read on the plane?

- I always read on a plane.
- [Gasps]

- In fact,
I always turn on that light.

- Oh, my God,
You're one of those people.

One of those what people?

- You ignore everyone
else's needs

because you need your own light.

- Darcy, this is
a ridiculous example

of something
that would piss you off.

Why does the airline
put the light there

unless they expect you
to use the light?

- It should be
for emergencies only.

Emergencies?

What emergency requires
a reading light?

- You don't need a --
- Like, if you drop your phone

between the seat cushions.

- What if you just want
to read a book?

- Nobody reads a book.
[Laughter]

- I read books
all the time on planes.

- I cannot believe you're
trying to justify this.

- Darcy, it's an individual
light, it's just for you.

If you have a magazine
or a book,

you can still read
while the lights are off.

Nobody needs to do that.

I need to do that!

- Don't you have a Kindle,
a phone?

- Yes, and sometimes I have
a magazine or a journal

or hardcover book.

- So, it's all about you?
- Well, yeah.

- It's all about needing
to see the type on the book.

- No matter how many
people around you

are annoyed by your light?

- Darcy, I think it's --
this is so --

I think it's a fairly
narrowly directed light.

It just shines on your lap.

- You can see it everywhere.
- Okay.

Look, we're can talk about
reading lights later, okay?

- What does this have to do
with Halloween anyway?

Well, we got off topic there,

but according to
the ancient rituals of Samhain,

you would be able, on the night
of October 31st,

to take vengeance
on the, I guess, on the person

using his or her reading light
on the plane.

- Good, then I'm going to take
vengeance on you.

Well, it's not October 31st.

- I can wait.
- Damn, Darcy.

I'm pretty sure that if we took

a vote of all the airline
passengers in the world,

they would say it's okay
to use your reading light.

- Nope. The only ones
that would say that

are the ones
who carry magazines around.

- Exactly.
- Which means nobody but you.

I would...

Alright,
I was trying to explain

the essence
of ancient druidical

ceremonial spiritual practice
on the night of the year

that we call Halloween
and the Celts call Samhain,

which looks like Samhain,
but --

- You were talking
about the Celts?

Yes, and the Picts.

The Picks?

- Picts.
P-I-C-T-S.

They -- they worshiped Epona.

Should we just watch the movie?

- Epona was
the donkey goddess and --

- I don't think you've told us
anything useful about Samhain.

- Donkey goddess? Hello?
[Laughter]

- How many donkey goddesses
are there?

One.

That is fascinating.

- Alright, which leads me
to our movie tonight.

Oh, my God. Don't tease us.

[Laughter]

- We're going to
settle this later,

but our movie tonight
is "Popcorn,"

the sensitive story
of a college film class

that decides to raise money
for their projects

by taking over an old theater

and showing horror movies
from the 1950s

and reviving the old gimmicks
that William Castle used to do,

like putting buzzers
on the seats

and fake electrocuting people.

The only problem is
there's somebody in the theater

pulling a
"Phantom of the Opera" type deal

because he's pissed off
about something

that happened 15 years ago.

And so it's time
to start shish kebabing

undergrads
with a big finale reserved

for an earnest young
student filmmaker named Maggie,

played by our second special
guest of the evening,

- Jill Schoelen.
- Yay!

- We talked about Jill recently
when we showed "The Stepfather,"

and she is in the house
at this very moment.

And anyway, the great thing
about "Popcorn"

is these movies within the movie
that are being shown

at the old theater
on the Big Gimmick night,

some critics have suggested
that the fake '50s movies

are better than the real
'90s movie, and I might

- just agree with them.
- [Gasps]

- One of the greatest
horror flicks

filmed in Jamaica
in the early '90s,

actually
the only horror flick

filmed in Jamaica
in the early '90s,

but a curio-- it's kind
of a curiosity.

It was forgotten
for many years

and then just recently
rediscovered,

but let's look at those drive
in totals and get started.

We have 11 dead bodies,
1 haunted theater,

1 life-mask vat,

sutured head, skeleton head,

1 POV knockout punch,
blood vomit,

green goo vomit,
electrical zombification,

exploding toilet, gooey French
kiss with face disintegration,

giant mosquito stinger
through the skull,

Air Force fighter-plane
mosquito pursuit,

artificial mosquito
tentacle through the chest,

mosquito incineration,
mosquito impalement,

nightmare cam,
fake eurohorror snuff film,

sacrificial knife
to the heart,

audience zapping, brilliant
"Police Academy 5" reference,

gratuitous -- gratuitous
harmonica solo,

gratuitous Tony Roberts,
gratuitous. Ray Walston,

gratuitous reggae band,
kung fu, latex fu,

scimitar fu,
marquee fu,

jumper cable fu.

Drive-in Academy
Award nominations

for Jill Schoelen
as the film girl

with a nightmare
script for saying,

"I'm not getting any sleep,

but it's going to make
a great film."

Derek Rydall as Mark,
the hunky but clunky boyfriend,

Bruce Glover as the goofball
electrified man,

Dee Wallace as the mom
with a secret,

Tom Villard as Toby,
the ultimate film nerd

with a flair
for special effects makeup,

and Freddie Simpson
as Tina the hottie,

who uses her body
to get straight A's.

Three stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

[Gasps] Only three stars?

This is "Popcorn," man.

- And, well,
let's start with that.

Why is it called "Popcorn?"

The title doesn't tell you
anything about the movie.

"Popcorn" is a great title.

- You're a person who hates
on people who like to read,

so I don't know if you can --

- You can read on the phone,
on a laptop,

- on a tablet.
- Or a book!

- Lights inside a plane
are supposed to be off at night.

- This is really something
that you worry about?

- Yes, I will change
your behavior

to make you be kind
to more people.

- By never reading anything
on a plane?

- By reading in the proper way
in the dark.

Okay, now, that's crazy.

- Those are pimp shoes.
[Laughter]

I'm trying to explain Samhain.

- Tell us about
the pimps of Samhain.

♪♪

- There were no pimps
in Pictish Scotland.

So, they just wore the shoes?

- You're really interfering
with my attempts

to educate the public.

- Go right ahead,
pimp daddy druid.

Yuki?

What are those shoes?

- Pimp shoes.
- Exactly.

Now you're getting Yuki in it?

Damn right.

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

[Liquid dripping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clock ticking]

♪♪

[Explosion]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clock ticking]

[Groans]

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

Sarah!

Sarah!

Sarah!

♪♪

[Whispering] Sarah.

♪♪

♪♪

Sarah.

[Alarm clock ringing]

[Gasps]

[Ringing stops]

[Tape recorder clicks]

Same dream.

There's smoke.

Someone takes her hand.

She's running.

The same man comes towards her.

- Jay Prescott with some
cool morning sounds,

and enjoy it while you can...
[Telephone ringing]

because it's gonna be
an unreasonably hot one later

- in the day in L.
- A,
going up to 95 in the Valley,

92 in the Basin and upper 70s
in Santa Monica

- and the beaches.
- Hello?

- And now,
appropriately enough...

- Hello?
- ...here's Yvonne Murray

with "Burning Up."

Hello?

Ms. Julius?

Sorry, wrong number.

- Remember who the ninth circle
of Hell is reserved for.

[Line clicks, dial tone plays]

Hmm.

[Music playing on radio]

♪♪

- Morning!
- Morning.

- So, what do you
want for breakfast?

I don't have time.

I got an early class.

Close-up, um, his eye gleams
like volcanic lava.

Sarah stands transfixed like
a deer in a car's headlights.

Sarah?

Why did you name
your character Sarah?

I don't know.

- More dreams, huh?
- Yep.

I'm not getting any sleep,

but it's gonna make
a great film.

I wonder if Orson Welles dreamt
"Citizen Kane" first.

♪♪

♪♪

We're in a huge cathedral
with gargoyles all over,

mixed with religious icons.

[Indistinct conversations]

Mm!

♪♪

- Mark!
- Mm.

I want you, Maggie,
right now.

Mark, I can't.

- Come on, let's go back
to my place.

I'm-- I'm dying without you.

- Mark, this is the age
of safe sex, and sex with you

on any level is not safe.

Come on, Maggie.

Why won't you give us
a chance, huh?

I'm crazy about you,

but I'm not gonna let you
shine me on forever.

- I'm not, I'm just concentrating
on my script right now.

- [Clears throat]
Yeah, right, the script.

- Come on, this is
really important to me.

I just can't let anything
distract me.

Okay.

Okay, I see.

I just hope I'm still around

when you decide
to get distracted.

Give me a break.

Ugh.

[Blows raspberry]

It's cloudy and misty...

[Wheelchair whirring]

- Joannie, ah!
- Bud!

- Hey, Bud, it's not
a speedway, you know?

- Sorry.
- Come on, people.

We got good news,
we got bad news,

we got all kinds of news.

- Go ahead, Tina.
- Okay, first,

we lost our
editing space again.

Oh, no!

- You know, they stick us in the
library, then the biology lab,

and now the music room.

- Yeah, how come it's always
the film department

that gets shafted?

- What do you have to do to be
taken seriously around here?

- You gotta learn
how to kick ass, man.

- [Laughs]
- Yeah!

Well, we are a novelty item.

Every new department has to make
a splash to get on the map.

And that's the good news
because Toby's come up

with a great idea.

- Go ahead, Tobe.
- Yeah, Toby!

Here's our new idea.

We do an all-night horrorthon.

- Ugh.
- No, this is a terrific idea.

An all-night horror show.

They're big grossers.

Hey, gang, I got a better idea.

Why don't we put on a play?

We'll convert the old barn
into a theater, huh?

Please.

- Is there an inherited gene
for obnoxiousness?

[Laughter]

Yeah.

- These are the future writers
and directors

of the American cinema.

- It's the "Police Academy"
syndrome.

Hey, hey!

There's more social relevance
and character development

in "Police Academy 5"

than in all of Ingmar Bergman's
cinematic smorgasbord.

- Bergman's fleshy ambiguities,
as one critic said of him.

- I believe he did say that.
- No, no, no.

Joannie, how would you know?

Your favorite film is
"Escape from Witch Mountain."

- Shh!
- Hey, hey, hey, fellas!

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

What makes you think people
are gonna pay six bucks

to see some crappy old movie

they wouldn't even rent
for 99 cents?

- Because you can't see
"Mosquito" at home

in 3-D what's it --
what's it called?

- Project-o-Vision.
- Right.

- Nor can you watch "The Stench"
in authentic Odor-o-Scope.

- Aroma-Rama.
- Oh.

- Noseguards given
at the theatre.

- You could use those
in lots of movies.

Right.

Or "The Amazing Electrified Man"
in...

- Shock-o-Scope.
- Wow.

- And that's why they're
gonna pay 10 bucks.

- See, every one of these
pictures was originally released

with some kind
of a promotional gimmick.

- Yeah, which we're gonna
recreate for our audience,

- only with improvements.
- So, on the one hand,

it'll be a total goof.

- And on the other hand,
we're gonna scare

the living shit out of them.

[Laughter]

So, how do you vote?

- Hmm...
- Hmm...

- Oh, there might be enough money
left over for some of you

to do your own
little experimental film.

- Bingo!
- I'm in.

Hmm.

Maggie?

We're voting.

Yep.

♪♪

[Horn honks]

♪♪

Welcome to the house of ushers.

Wow.

The old Dreamland theater.

It was a live theater
for a long time

before they converted it
to a cinema.

Toby, it's great.

Yeah, isn't it?

Kind of sad we're gonna be
its swan song.

They're tearing this place
down in three weeks.

- Three weeks?
Are you crazy?

We can't get this festival
ready in three weeks.

- Yes, you can because I am here
to help you.

Malcolm Mnesyne at your
disposal, so to speak.

Hi, Dr. M.

Hello, Tony.

I'm Toby.

- Yes, yes, of course you are,
dear boy.

My cargo is outside,

and it will require all of you
to bring it in.

I'll be waiting center stage
where I belong.

- Thanks a lot for coming,
Dr. M.

Who the hell is this guy?

Dr. M's Movie Memorabilia shop.

He's got everything we need
for the festival.

- Now, what you see here
are the priceless relics

of a bygone era of showmanship.

I refer not to myself, but to
the contents of these crates,

which I have stored
and lovingly tended

since my own youthful days

as manager of a movie palace
very much like the Dreamland.

We had theaters in those days,
not like these cine-, omni-,

multi-, whatchama-plex
things today

with 29 screens
the size of postage stamps.

And we had fun.

The ballyhoo, the giveaways,

the bullshit.
[Laughter]

I could tell you stories.

The point is we put the butts
in the seats where they belong,

and they loved it.

Now, what you guys got
in your festival are turkeys

and not fresh turkeys either.

But here I am the master chef
of showmanship to teach you

how to turn
those withered turkeys

into a memorable
moviegoing feast.

So, step right up
and we'll all get started.

- ♪ Well, Saturday night
at 8:00 ♪

♪ I know where I'm gonna go ♪

♪ I'm gonna pick my baby up ♪

♪ And take her
to the picture show ♪

♪ Everybody in
the neighborhood ♪

♪ Is dressing up
to be there too ♪

♪ And we're gonna have a ball ♪

- ♪ Just like we always do ♪
- Hey!

- ♪ Saturday night
at the movies ♪

♪ Who cares what picture
you see ♪

♪ When you're hugging
with your baby ♪

♪ In the last row
of the balcony? ♪

♪ Ah, there's Technicolor
and Cinemascope ♪

- ♪ A cast out of Hollywood ♪
- Shit!

- ♪ And the popcorn
from the candy stand ♪

♪ Makes it all seem
twice as good ♪

♪ There's always lots
of pretty girls ♪

♪ With figures
they don't try to hide ♪

[Heart beating]

♪ But they never can compare ♪

♪ With the girl by my side ♪

♪ Saturday night at the movies ♪

♪ Who cares what picture
you see ♪

♪ When you're hugging
with your baby ♪

♪ In the last row
of the balcony? ♪

- ♪ Another Saturday night
and everything is groovy ♪

♪ Me and my baby
we're going to the movie ♪

♪ It don't matter
if the show is very scary ♪

♪ We'll have a mai tai
in the balcony ♪

♪ We buy the popcorn
with plenty butter ♪

♪ And not a single word,
any that we utter ♪

♪ We go inside and take a seat ♪
[Clock screeches]

♪ And start to share
our body heat ♪

- ♪ Saturday night
at the movies ♪

♪ Who cares what picture
you see ♪

- [Screams]
- [Laughs]

♪ When you're hugging
with your baby ♪

♪ In the last row
of the balcony? ♪

- [Screams]
- [Laughs]

♪♪

Stop. Stop it!

- [Laughs]
Son of a gun.

Alright, Leon, for the test,
use the magnolia blossom.

No, no, use the ambrosia.

- Yeah, yeah,
something nice, okay?

- Okay!
What odor pellets do we got?

- Okay, we have fish smell,
locker room, road kill...

- Mm-hmm.
- ...fart plain, fart stale,

- dead dog.
- Dead dog!

And locker room!

Oh, boy.

[Liquid splashes]

[Machine whirring]

- Whoo!
- Ugh!

- [Coughs]
- Ah, shit!

Dead dog, dead dog!

- Blech!
Leon, you son of a bitch!

- Tina, go!
- Oh, God!

♪♪

- I look like
a fucking snow cone.

[Laughs]

Shape up, soldier.

♪ Saturday night at the movies ♪

♪ Who cares what
picture you see ♪

Voila.

♪ When you're hugging
with your baby ♪

♪ In the last row
of the balcony? ♪

Okay, hit it!

[Cheers and applause]

- ♪ Saturday night
at the movies ♪

I like it!

♪ Who cares what
picture you see ♪

- Vroom!
- Stop it.

- Vroom.
[Imitate tire screeching]1

- So, what are we gonna do with
the rest of this stuff, huh?

- Dr. M said to store
everything back here

until after the horrorthon.

Hello, what do we have here?

"Warning, do not open."

- He didn't say anything
about a film.

- Why does it have
a warning sticker on it?

It's probably a nitrate print.

Old movies were filmed on stock
that was highly flammable.

- Yeah, sometimes they used
to explode

when exposed to the air.

Knowledge entails risk.

Boom!

[Laughter]

- What is it?
- I don't know.

It doesn't look very long.

Wanna run it and find out?

Why not?

[Film projector clicking]

[Beep]

♪♪

- Oh, must be
a private eye flick.

Yuck, get the Visine.

♪♪

- We got a great cinematic mind
at work here.

- Yeah, eat your heart out,
Spielberg.

I think this is funny.

♪♪

Nice nose.

♪♪

I am the possessor.

The possessor, the possessor,
the possessor.

You said that.

- I am the possess--

the possess-- possess--

possess...

Oh, no, he's gonna do it.

- I don't believe it.
- Yes.

- He's gonna dolly up his nose.
- Yes, yes.

♪♪

Eww.

♪♪

Come into...

my head.

I'd rather not, thanks.

Come into my head.

♪♪

Come...into...

my...

head.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groans]

She's coming to.

Are you okay, Mag?

- Yeah, Mag,
how many fingers I got up?

- Will you move back
and let the girl breathe?

What?

I'm okay.

What was that movie?

- Whatever it is,
it bites the big one.

- No, no, no, really,
what was it?

I need to know.

- I don't know,
but if it's that scary,

maybe we should show it
in the horrorthon.

- Well, I'm not sure
of all the facts,

but it's called "Possessor."

It was made by a guy
named Lanyard Gates.

He was, like, the head guru of
this film cult back in the '60s.

They used to drop acid

and make these weird avant garde
movies of each other

staring into the camera picking
their noses, stuff like that.

You knew him?

- Oh, I bought into his rap
for a while

until I actually saw
one of his films.

It was ludicrous.

The audience laughed it
off the stage.

"Possessor" was his response.

How do you mean?

He didn't like being laughed
at so he shot all of "Possessor"

except for the last scene.

When he showed the film,
he played the last scene

live on stage.

He murdered his family
in front of the audience.

What?

- Set fire to the theater,
locked the doors.

A lot of people were killed.

I always thought the film
went up in smoke, too,

but I guess a fragment
of it survived.

- I think we should just turn it
over to the police.

- Yeah.
- Not a good idea

for the horrorthon.

It's a total bummer.

I mean,
who wants to see a film

where a guy really goes berserk
and kills his entire family?

- Mm.
- Exactly.

Back to Dr. M.

- Alright.
- Really.

[Inhales deeply]

[Insects chirping]

♪♪

[Door closes, locks]

♪♪

- Mom?
- [Gasps] Oh!

♪♪

You scared me.

You alright?

- Have you ever heard of this guy
named Lanyard Gates?

♪♪

- No, I don't think so.
Why?

- Because we found this film
that he made, "Possessor."

Mom, I think that this is a man
that I've been dreaming about.

It's really weird.

Maggie...

I want you
to quit this festival.

I'm gonna get some tickets
for us down at the agency

and we'll go away together,
just the two of us.

What are you talking about?

I can't just take off like that.

Well, sure you can.

We never tied ourselves
down before.

And if these dreams
are starting again --

- Mom, I'm not gonna
run away, okay?

I mean, I can't run away
from something

that's inside of my head.

I know it sounds completely
off the wall,

but there's something
happening here

that I've been looking
for all of my life.

It's almost like it's psychic
or something.

Does that make any sense?

Yeah.

What's wrong?

Oh, just every once in a while

I realize
that you're all grown up

and I miss that little girl
you used to be.

That little girl who used
to need me so much.

♪♪

I gotta get to bed.

- Yeah.
- Good night.

Good night, sweetie.

♪♪

[Sighs]

[Telephone ringing]

♪♪

- Hello?
- The ninth circle of Hell

is reserved for traitors.

Who is this?

I am the possessed,

the possessed, the possessed.

[Whispering] Oh, my God.

Soon, I will be the possessor.

I want her.

I want her!

No!

- Well, then why
don't we talk?

I'm in Dreamland.

And bring your
nasty little gun

in case I turn
my back again.

[Dial tone playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cord strikes]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Sign letter clatters]

♪♪

[Sign letters clattering]

♪♪

[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

[Light clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

- Coming soon, justice,
retribution,

and death.

The film they tried to stop,
but couldn't.

15 years in the making.

♪♪

♪♪

No.

No, Lanyard.

♪♪

[Chord strikes]

♪♪

Lanyard.

- Good-bye, Suzanne.

[Evil laughter]

[Bang, film project
stops clicking]

[Howl in distance]

[Creaking]

♪♪

[Chainsaw revving]

[Roaring]

♪♪

[Rapid footsteps]

[Breathing heavily]

[Screeches]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

[Footsteps thudding]

Stop!

Lanyard, you know I'll do it!
Stop!

[Gunshots]

[Body thuds]

[Chuckles, whimpers]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Roaring]

♪♪

[Static]

- Bear witness to the first
of Job Bob's Samhain tips.

[Laughs]

♪♪

- Alright.
Tonight, as a special service

to all you Wiccans
and neo-pagans

and Earth mother
goddess religions

and Aquarians and children
of Artemis

and radical fairies
and pantheist and odinist

and [indistinct] and hellenist
and shamans and clematis,

all you people who are truly
trying to emulate

the ancient Celtic practices
associated with Samhain.

I'm going to give you a series
of very practical tips,

starting with the easiest one.

How to ritually murder the king
after the harvest goes bad.

First, you want
to take a hot iron

and you you want to use it

to put holes through
both of his upper arms.

You're going to need some
wranglers to hold him down

while you, like,
grab the loose skin right here,

like a Crepe Erase commercial,
pinch it tight,

ram that rod through there
because you're going to use

those holes through his arms
to thread a course rope,

which will go around
a ceremonial spike

in the middle
of the sacrificial altar.

So make that spike about
12 feet high above ground level.

Be sure the spike
has extremely sharp

protruding points emanating
from it 360 degrees

so that when you bind him
tightly to the spike,

the protrusions will pierces
flesh at random angles

and at random places.

Okay, step two.

Take a dagger,
slice off the nipples.

Be precise about this.

Don't get the whole breast

if he's a little breasty,
just the nipple,

because by slicing the nipples,
you have removed his kingship

since sucking the nipples
of a male leader

automatically makes him king.

Alright, next,
we're going to place

non-lethal puncture --
puncture wounds

all over his upper body.

Just -- just hit him at random
all over the upper body

while we tell him that he's no
longer married to the goddess.

This is kind of a divorce
proceeding,

followed by a circular incision
at the midsection

to allow us to disembowel him.

This is the dismemberment
knife here.

You're going to need to make
decisive motions, firm motions,

but use a short blade
to avoid premature gut spillage.

And then finally,
you're going to take an ax

and you're going to make three
precise ax blows to the skull,

one on each side of the skull,

one directly
onto the top of the cranium.

That blow will hopefully
split its head in half,

creating a suitable offering
to the deity of your choice.

And I didn't say ax.

Don't buy one of those cheap
aluminum hatchets at Home Depot.

So now, while the blood is still
pumping out of this body

in three different places,

head, chest,
guts spillage, say a prayer.

Look around for some new nipples
to suck and say

[speaking in native language]

Or in modern parlance,
Happy Halloween.

Have fun kids reenacting
the practices of our ancestors

who made this
such a festive holiday.

[Laughter]

Alright, you can
remove this now.

[ Laughter ]

Wow.

- I think this is
practical advice

that most people would get,

you know, just from Googling
the -- the subject.

Okay, something tells me
you didn't expect

to see Ray Walston,
Tony Roberts

and Dee Wallace
in this movie,

[laughing] but there
they all are.

- Ray Walston,
the veteran character actor

of "My Favorite Martian" fame
doing a quick turn

as the movie
memorabilia expert.

Tony Roberts, veteran
of all those Woody Allen movies

as the cool film
school professor,

and Dee Wallace as the mom.

I guess Dee Wallace is always
the mom, right?

She was the mom
in the '70s.

She's still the mom
in the '90s.

But this time, she'd even been
the mom in "E.T." by this time.

So "Popcorn" is a miss.

[Laughter]

It's an enjoyable miss,
but it's still a miss.

I think I counted eight plots
and subplots going on here.

My advice would normally be

don't even try
to follow the story.

But then that's not
what we do here, is it?

[Laughter]

It starts off
with Maggie's bad dream,

so we know
the dream is important.

It continues with
some kind of weird phone call

similar to the phone calls
in "Black Christmas,"

which I mention only

because the producer
of this movie is Bob Clark,

the director
of "Black Christmas"

and "Porky's"
and "A Christmas Story"

and many other movies.

And speaking of "Porky's,"

the director is Billy
from "Porky's."

Not the cinematographer
from "Porky's,"

not the assistant
director from "Porky's,"

not the associate producer
from "Porky's."

Billy, the guy
looking through the holes

in the shower room
wall in "Porky's."

This is the only film
he ever directed.

And the reason
the movie ended up

being directed
by Billy from "Porky's"

is that the original director,
Alan Ormsby,

was fired three weeks
into production.

Alan Ormsby was an old college
friend of Bob Clark,

and actually
much more than that.

They made "Children Shouldn't
Play with Dead Things together.

That was Bob Clark's
first movie

and the first movie
that Alan Ormsby ever wrote.

Then they made
"Death Dream" together.

They worked on "Deranged,"
the Ed Dean movie together.

They were film students together
at the University of Miami.

And even after Bob Clark
moved to Toronto and Alan Ormsby

stayed in Florida,
they continued to work together.

They remained friends
until this movie.

Ormsby got fired
after three weeks

and never spoke
to Bob Clark again.

Anyway, Billy from "Porky's"
came in to direct the movie.

Anyway, I digress.
Um...

- Yup.
- I was going over

the various plots, right?

We have the let's put on a show
plot orchestrated by Toby,

the character played
by Tom Villard,

a great actor who was dying
of AIDS while doing this role.

Nobody knew
he was dying of AIDS

except for Mark Herrier,
Billy from "Porky's."

But Tom Villard
was so determined

to get in as much acting work
as occurred before he died

that he did 13 more projects
after this movie.

And this was at a time
when you couldn't really let

the industry know you had AIDS
or you would never work again.

Okay, what else?
Alright.

There's some kind of
supernatural plot going on.

I don't even know
what that's about

because the letters
on the marquee pop off

and attack Dee Wallace
and spectral arms

come out of the screen
and grab her

and take her away to somewhere.

There's that
whole Lanyard Gates.

He killed his whole family
on stage plot.

There's a plot of whatever
is going on in the movie

"Possessor," which is
the little spool

they find in the film can.

And then we haven't
even gotten to the films

that are going to be shown
at the horrorthon.

Those were all filmed
by Alan Ormsby

before he was replaced
by Billy from "Porky's."

And the only reason
he's not listed as co-director

on the film is that he was
so devastated by losing the job,

losing control of his script

and losing his friend
of 20 years

that he had his name
taken off the film.

There's also a little
Tony Roberts subplot

that will play out later.

But I was trying to think
of what Tony Roberts

did besides being
the best friend

in all those Woody Allen movies.

He was the owner of the house
in "Amityville 3-D."

I do remember that.

He was in the "Taking of Pelham
One Two Three"

and a couple
of Sidney Lumet films.

"Serpico," he was in that.

But he's like a lot
of New York actors.

Most of his work
has been on the stage,

so we didn't see it.

He's been in 15 jillion plays,

including the rock
musical version of "Xanadu."

Woof!

[Laughter ]

I think he was cast
in the original

"Play It Again, Sam"

when that was a play on Broadway
before Woody Allen

turned that into a movie.

So, that's how long
he's known Woody Allen.

Okay, let's get back
to the movie.

And then at the next break,

we will be talking
to the actress

playing Maggie,
and Darcy, isn't she

one of your
favorite actresses?

I love her.

- I'm surprised
you're still in Elvira gear.

Why aren't you --
why aren't you

in Jill Schoelen
gear at this point?

- Because you're gonna
need me later.

Why would I need you later?

I have the applause sign.

- The applause sign?
- The Elvira applause sign.

I think I know what you mean.

- You do.
- Okay, back to the movie.

[Laughs]

- Um, yeah.
- Yeah.

[Laughter]

- They did a good job
of disguising the fact

that this movie
was filmed in Jamaica.

At the time they were
trying to attract

film business to Jamaica.

So this was the first film
in a series of one

that went to Jamaica to film?
[Laughter]

Kingston, Jamaica.
Kind of gritty, you know?

They had armed guards
around the hotel,

So for laid back L.A. people,

not that attractive
of a place to film.

So. Darcy, If you're going to do
what I think you're going to do,

um, Shudder might not want us
to do that.

- You're going to love it.
- Okay, you are going to do it.

Okay, awesome.

That's really going above
and beyond on cosplay.

Actually,
it's going below and beyond.

Says the man in pimp shoes.

- Darcy, these are not
pimp shoes.

Okay.

♪♪

[Static]

[Birds chirping, dog barking]

[Upbeat music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Scary, scary movies ♪

♪ On the silver screen ♪

♪ Aliens, maniacs, tarantulas
and brainiacs ♪

♪ And everything in between ♪

Why are you going?

I been through the horrorthon
and look at me!

Look at me!

[Growling]

- Here's your official
horrorthon kit.

- Thanks!
- It contains your

Project-o-Vision 3-D glasses,

your Aroma-Rama noseguard.

- Thank you, thank you.
- Whoo, hoo, boo!

- Give me two.
- Have a great night.

You're gonna love
this horrorthon.

[Indistinct conversations]

Ooh, awesome head, man.

Excuse me.

[Vomiting]

Pardon me.

- What time does
the first show start?

Check the shock clock, ma'am.

When it screams,
a feature beams.

Sign the fright form, please.

In case you die
of a heart attack,

it means we're not responsible.

- No!
Don't sign it!

Think of your families,
your mommies, your daddies

and Toto at home!

- Excuse me, it's time
for his injection.

- Ah, no!
Not the needle!

I'm sorry, Nurse Ratched,
I'll be good!

Ah! Ah! Ooh!
[Flesh tears]

[Indistinct conversations]

- Thanks.
- Two, please.

- Mark, hi.
- Hi.

Well, hi, Maggie.

Fancy meeting you here.

Enjoy the show.

Maggie.

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughter]

♪♪

- Will these films be as shocking
as "Possessor," Sarah?

Two, please.

Hey, lady, where are you going?

Whoo!

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Film starts,
cheers and applause]

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ Let's all go to the lobby ♪

♪ To get ourselves a treat ♪

♪ Little things to eat ♪

♪ A popcorn can't be beat ♪

♪ The sparkling drinks... ♪

Alright, come on you guys.

Help support our film fest.
We are broke.

We can give you these T-shirts
for $20.

Come on, two T-shirts for $20.

Come on, make your boyfriend
buy you one.

Don't let him be cheap tonight.

Come on, you're a high roller.
Come on, spend 20 bucks.

What do you want,
a large, a small?

No, you guys need a large.

- This is a horrorthon.
- Yeah!

Ooh, wah! Yeah!

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

[ Explosion ]

♪♪

♪♪

Bring on the boos!

♪♪

- Come on, you've got two $5,
he's got a $10.

Alright, come on, just spend
all your lunch money right here.

Come on, let's do it!

- What in tarnation
could've done this, doc?

There's nary a drop of blood
left in any of my sheep.

Beats me, Skeeter.

Wait a minute.

Look at this large puncture
wound in the back of her neck.

- Are you sure that's the neck?
- [Laughs]

- Gross!
- I'll be right back.

- Somebody just...
- I'm gonna get some popcorn.

- ...stuck a big needle
or something

in them and just sucked
the blood out.

Oh!

Someone or something.

[ Insect buzzing ]

Got the whole dang flock.

Even Effie.

[Laughter]

♪♪

Say, you don't think
there's any connection

between this and them
underground tests

the Army's been conducting
out here, do you?

- It's our army out there,
Skeeter.

If we were in danger,
they'd have warned us.

- Toby.
- Hey, Mag.

- I know this sounds
really crazy,

but I think I just
saw Lanyard Gates.

- Gates?
- Yes, I'm sure it was him.

He's older and his face was
burned, but I'm sure it was him.

The guy from the "Possessor."

"Possessor"?

Maggie, all we saw was
an eyeball and a bad haircut.

How could you recognize
anybody from that?

- I don't know how I knew,
but I'm telling you it was him.

I just -- I know it.

- Well, Mr. Davis
did say this guy

Gates's body was never
officially identified.

He said it was a big fire
and the bodies

were burned beyond recognition,

so maybe he could --

So maybe he's still alive.

I mean, like, he could be
just lurking somewhere

in this theater
just waiting to attack us!

Sounds a little paranoid.

This is great.

God, Toby, what a great movie
this would make!

We gotta find this guy.

- Maggie, maybe we should
call the police.

- Oh, yeah, right, they come
right on down here,

"Hello, officer, hi.

Um, there was this guy and he
made this movie 15 years ago

and he, like,
killed all these people

and everything and we think
he's at our film festival,

blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah."

Alright.

Look, somebody's
gotta watch the booth.

- I'll take a look, okay?
- Alright.

Hey, be careful.

♪♪

[ Harmonica playing ]

[ Humming ]

♪♪

[Laughter]

♪♪

[ Humming stops ]

Wait. What -- what's that,
Skeeter?

[ Buzzing ]

- I-I don't know,
but whatever it is,

it's getting too close!

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Cheering]

♪♪

Oh!

♪♪

[ Screams ]

[ Limb snaps ]

♪♪

- [ Hisses ]
- [ Screams ]

[Laughter]

[ Screams ]

[ Buzzing ]

Get it off!

Get it off!

[ Screams ]

[ Suctioning ]

[Laughter]

♪♪

Skeeter, oh, God!

Skeeter!

[ Screams ]

[Laughter]

[ Screams ]
[ Tires screeching ]

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

♪♪

[Siren wailing in distance]

♪♪

[Door slams]

[Bangs on door]

- Now, tell me
this whole thing again.

And spell it out
for me this time.

I'm simpleminded.

- And you're ugly, too!
[Laughter]

What I'm saying, Lieutenant,
the radiation

from the underground
atomic tests

stimulated
the mosquito's growth

far beyond its normal size.

- Latimer, you're a very good
vet and a very pretty lady,

but a mosquito capable
of that kind of destruction

would have to be
as big as a house.

[ Vehicle approaching ]

- Excuse me, Lieutenant, sir.
- What is it, Corky?

- We got an emergency over
at Fielding's Pond, sir.

Folks over there are saying
that big larva

are breeding in the water.

- Yeah, well, we got people
breeding in the balcony!

[Laughter and applause]

- ...here sooner, we could've
gotten them all at the pond.

We got all but one?

- Yes, ma'am,
but that's the mother.

- If I'm right and she comes
back here, then maybe we --

we've got a chance.

Say, Doc...

- Boo!
[Fist thuds]

Ow. [Groans]

- Mark!
Damn it, you scared me.

- Are you okay?
- [Groans]

- Well, if I was
a 10-ton mosquito,

I wouldn't waste all my time

sucking through
all them sheep.

No, sir. I'd head straight
for the blood bank.

[Laughter]

- Okay, Corky,
go keep a lookout.

If you see anything coming,
holler loud and clear.

You got it, sir.

♪♪

- So, uh, tell me,
is there a, uh,

Mr. Latimer?

Not yet.

Is there a Mrs. Bradley?

Yeah.

♪♪

She lives in Kansas.

Bakes apple pie.

I call her Mom.

Whoo!

Hey, no tongues!

No tongues! [Laughs]

Careful, Jim.

The female mosquito
is the dangerous one.

Just thought I should let
you know what you're in for.

[Laughter]

Thanks for the warning.

[Button clicks]

Mayday, Mayday!

Come on, bugs.

- I saw the thing up
in the sky!

It's bigger than ever,
and it's headed right this way.

Holy cow, get Washington
on the phone pronto.

- It's picked up the scent
of the plasma.

Its proboscis
is aimed right at us!

- Send the Air Force,
Mr. President.

Don't forget the Army, Navy
and the Coast Guard.

- How about the police dogs
while you're at it?

We need every plane, tank
and battleship

you've got, Mr. President.

This is one hell of a bug.

Thank you, sir.
God bless you, too.

[ Glass shatters ]

[Screaming, cheering]

♪♪

I'm scared, Lieutenant.

Yea, though I walk
through the valley

of the shadow of death...

[ Chittering ]

I will dwell in the house
of the Lord forever.

♪♪

Jim, it's leaving!

Amen!

♪♪

[ Mosquito buzzing ]

Yahoo!

[ Missiles firing ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Nothing fazes it.

We'll have to drop
the A-bomb.

No, Jim, that's what started

all this trouble
in the first place.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Everybody, under the desk!

♪♪

Whoo!

Five, four, three...

Bye-bye!

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

Go, baby, go, go!
[ Explosion ]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Mosquito buzzes]

[Mosquito buzzes]

[Mosquito buzzes]

[Buttons click]

[Mosquito buzzes]

[Mosquito buzzing]

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Body thuds]

[Mosquito buzzing]

[ Light squeaking ]

- It's dead.
[Cheering]

- Wow, incinerated
beyond belief!

♪♪

Thanks, guys.

You're welcome, Corky!

[ Upbeat music playing ]

We're safe this time, Jim.

There may be a next time.

And a next.

Do you know how many
species of insects

there are in this world?

Mankind must learn
to be ever watchful.

I know one thing, baby.

From now on,
I'm gonna be watching you.

♪♪

Amen.

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

- Here's another
Job Bob's Samhain tips.

[Evil laughs]

♪♪

- For those of you reenacting
the Celtic rituals

of Samhain tonight,
I want to move on now

to the proper way to build
a Wicker Man and to burn it up.

First of all,
you have three gods

that you need to appease,
Esus, Toutatis and Taranis.

Now we don't have time
to do Esus and Toutatis

and they're boring anyway.

Esus's death by hanging,

Toutatis is death by drowning.

That's all they want,
then they're cool

for the rest of the year.

You can figure those out, right?

But Taranis requires a straw
house in the shape of a god.

You're going to need to find
a farmer with some excess hay

and ask him if you can
use his scale pasture.

So, Taranis is the God
of thunder,

and that means
he has to be huge.

Think thunder, think thunder
thighs right here, you know?

And when you're stuffing
the straw,

make sure his quadriceps
are bulging

and then think
thunder down under.

He's got a huge penis.
He's got this --

He's got this -- reinforce
that wang doodle

with as much wood as you can
manage stick in there,

Make sure he has good wood,

because you don't want
to insult him.

He's looking down at us,

checking on whether his pecker
is big enough.

I'm thinking he needs to be
at least 30 feet high,

and then his phallus needs
to be meaty and protuberance.

Once you get his arms
and head on,

throw a bunch of cows and pigs
and goats inside him,

and then choose a criminal
out of the general population.

Force him into this
swinging door

underneath the gargantuan
trouser snake,

give everybody
some burning torches

and then just barbecue
the fuck out of it.

Don't like the actual
schlong though.

I know it looks like a fuze.

Try to make the joystick of
Taranis the last part to burn.

He's going to soak up all
that Samhain mojo

and bless the crops
for next year.

You're going to have
huge watermelons.

You're going to have cornstalks
15 feet high.

You have done your job placating
the Thunder God

and his meat stick.

Happy Halloween.

- Alright.
- Wow.

- You can move --
remove this now because

we have business here to do.

Alright, there are four movies
within the movie in "Popcorn,"

And you just saw the first one,
"Mosquito,"

which may be my favorite.

And these movies are so good
that some audience members

believe that they were watching
actual movies from the '50s

that had been excerpted
for the film.

What's really funny about
"Mosquito" is that Alan Ormsby,

the writer, thought he was
going over the top

by creating a giant
mutant mosquito.

But then two years later,
New Line cinema releases

"Skeeter," which was a movie
about giant mutant mosquitoes.

Charles Napier was in that,
Michael J. Pollard.

You know, I'm one of the few
people who likes "Skeeter."

Anyway, for my money,
the mosquito kill

in the black and white movie

is better than
the mosquito kill

in the Dreamland Theater

directed by Alan Ormsby's
replacement.

But there was massive drama
on the set of "Popcorn,"

and to give us some insight
into that drama,

please welcome
the star of "Popcorn,"

Jill Schoelen.

Oh, Darcy and Darcy.

[Cheers and applause]

- Oh!
[Cheers and applause]

Okay, you did it right.

That was impressive, Darcy.
Yay!

- But Jill didn't really need an
applause sign.

- I'm just trying to help out.
- Okay.

Um, so, Jill, you were kind of
a reluctant scream queen.

Am I right?

You didn't set out
to be a scream queen.

- No, I didn't.
I will admit that.

So I guess I was
a bit reluctant.

- Okay. You grew up in --
you grew up in Burbank.

Yes.

- Does that mean you
went to schools

that were full of child actors?

Did you know
all the child actors?

Not really.

I mean, I first -- I started out
in North Hollywood,

then I went to Burbank,

and when I was 12,
I moved to Encino.

And in Encino, I went to -- all
the schools were Catholic.

- Okay.
- I went to Catholic school,

12 years of Catholic school.

And in Encino,
there were Hollywood families.

Annette Funicello's daughter
I went to school with,

but the kids themselves,
they weren't --

they weren't actors,

but a lot of the parents
were actors.

- Okay.
Yeah.

Well, your mom

was a famous fashion designer.

- She was.
- Dorothy Schoelen.

Was that fun being the
daughter of a fashion designer?

Well, um, I guess.

She made women's clothes,
so I had lots of clothes.

- Alright, and then you
ended up training

at the Acting for Life Theater.

Now, I thought I knew
every acting school in America,

but I don't know.
The Acting for Life Theater.

What is that one?

Okay, so this was a school

started out by one person.

His name was Gene Bua.

He was on a soap opera,
a "Love of Life.

- Do you remember that soap?
- "Love of Life," yeah.

- Yeah, he was on
"Love of Life"

and, I think,
one called "Somerset"

or something like that.

But he came out to L.A.,
and he started the school

and a ton of people
were in his class.

So really ended up being
a fair amount of celebrities

took class with him
in the long run.

But when I first started
with him, I was just a teenager,

and people that were
in acting class

felt that the class was so --
it transformed them as people,

the process of the act.

- So, you liked it?
- He was my mentor.

He changed my life in many ways

because he got me in touch
with my feelings.

Really?

- And so that help
with the acting.

- That's actually
a common thing,

is that is that character actors

and especially soap actors

frequently are the best
acting teachers.

I mean, it's happened again
and again and again

in acting studios.

So, you were just working
all the time, I guess,

because of the Acting
for Life Theater.

You're just working
all the time

- throughout the '80s.
- [Laughs]

- You were in a famous
unsold TV pilot

directed by the legendary
Don Mischer.

- Yeah.
Called "The Best of Times."

Now, that was Crispin Glover's
acting debut.

It was Nicolas Cage's
acting debut.

Was that your
acting debut?

- And Jill Schoelen.
- It was, okay.

I mean, all the famous actors
of the '80s were in that...

- Yeah.
- ...pilot, I guess,

that never became
a series, right?

- ABC kind of wanted an answer.
- Yeah.

- You know,
some kind of mirror image

in their own unique way of fame.

And somehow they came up
with "The Best of Times,

which really wasn't...

- A good time?
- ...the best.

- We'll talk
about that in a minute.

Anyway, Crispin Glover...

- Yeah.
- Now -- now are you thinking

of Crispin Glover
and Nicolas Cage as

oh, wow most talented actors
I've ever seen,

they're going to be superstars?

Or were you thinking, eh, couple
of dudes from acting class?

- First of all, Crispin, he was
the most adorable boy.

You know, he was just
so adorable.

- Yeah.
- And he was quirky.

He was so quirky
as a human being.

- So I did think --
- Everyone would agree with that.

Crispin is quirky.

You know, where it says quirky
in the dictionary,

there is a picture
of Crispin Glover.

- Yeah.
- We all got along great.

The three of us probably
hung out for a year

all the time together.

- Really?
You and Crispin and Nicholas.

- Because they went
to the same high school.

- So you became
the Three Musketeers

- with Crispin in there?
- We were, yeah.

For a short --
for a little short,

a little like, you know,
couple strands

of hair in your life.
[Laughs]

- Okay. And of course,
this audience knows you

from all of your horror roles,
from Wes Craven's "Chiller"

and "Phantom of the" --

"Phantom of the Opera"
and "Curse II."

[Laughter]

And "When a Stranger
Calls Back."

- Yeah.
- And I guess your true

breakthrough film,
though, was "The Stepfather."

- I think in the genre
it probably was, yeah.

Because that was the film that
as a result of doing that film,

and, you know, I remember
at the time Joe Ruben,

the director, said to me
once it came out,

he said, "Jill,
our mothers and grandmothers

could not have written
better reviews for this movie."

The reviews were so fantastic.

They were very good.

So as you start to get
cast over and over

in these horror films,

I take it you're not
that pleased with that.

You would like
to do things other than...

Well, I was doing other things.

I starred in a musical
in Los Angeles,

was supposed to run
for six weeks.

It ran for five
and a half years.

The role was written for me.
It was a fantastic role.

- What was the musical?
- It was called "Pepper Street."

It was about a teenage suicide.

A girl who has committed
suicide, and a far cry --

- Come to this show
about suicide,

and let's dance and sing.
[Laughter]

- Well, it was, you know,
the humanity

- that was written for me.
- Okay.

I had 10 songs a show.

- 10 songs?
- Yeah, killed my voice.

- Wow. So you've got
the singing chops and the...

- Yeah, and dance.
- Dancing.

- It's a whole thing in it.
- Wow.

- And you learned all that
at the Acting for Life Theater?

- No.
- While you were going

- to Catholic school?
- No.

I practically
came out of the womb singing.

- Wow.
You had a fascinating childhood.

- Alright, well -- well...
- [Laughs]

- ...we hadn't even gotten
into the psychodrama

surrounding "Popcorn" yet,
but we have plenty of time.

So, you are skulking around
the Dreamland Theater

checking up
on your flaky boyfriend

who walked in with a Playboy
Playmate on his arm.

That's -- that's Karen Witter,
Miss March 1982,

as the haughty blond Joy
who is seems not too amused

by being left alone
by her date at the theater.

So, let's get back
to the movie.

You know, Dee Wallace talked
about that theater like it

was a disease infected
derelict flophouse.

She was -- she was not -- she
was not fond of that theater.

She said it smelled like urine
and it had been basically

taken over by homeless people
before they ran them out

so they can make
the movie there.

Is that true?

That may have been true.

Have you been to Kingston,
Jamaica?

No, I have not.

- I personally
fell in love with it.

I love that country.

Kingston can be rough.

- Okay.
- It can be rough, rough place.

- They weren't using this theater
before they made this movie.

- No, I think it was
pretty much abandoned,

and that's probably where
Dee got her point of view.

- Probably. She saw it
before you saw it, yeah.

- For sure.
- Okay.

Sounds so exotic, you know?

Hey, mon, we're making
a movie in Jamaica.

- You know?
- [Laughs]

- Sounds like Sun Devil Beaches
and Cabana boys, right?

You know, I'm going to Jamaica,
and then you --

you will never leave
this dilapidated building.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

[Liquid bubbling]

♪♪

[Steam whistling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪♪

So, let me get this straight.

Uh, this guy Gates,
like, come back from the dead

to show some flick he made

and, like, walked up
to the movie theater

and bought a ticket,
like that?

Am I getting this right
or am I just delirious?

- I didn't say that he came back
from the dead.

- Right, right,
but, well, this Sarah thing,

run that by me again.

He called me Sarah.

Maybe he thinks
I'm his daughter.

- Oh. Oh, so Gates has a daughter
named Sarah?

Yes!

And we know this how?

- I don't know, Mark,
but I kn--

Ugh.
You're pissing me off.

Well, enjoy your little joke?

- What?
- Locking me out of the theater.

I had to climb down the fire
escape and into the side yard.

I fell in a trash bin.

I twisted my ankle while
climbing the barbed wire fence,

outrunning a very pissed
off Doberman.

And now if you'll excuse me,
I have to change reels.

- Toby, I didn't do anything,
I swear it.

- Oh, yeah?
Well, who did, then, huh?

Don't look at me.

Maybe it was him.

- Who?
- You -- you mean Gates?

It could be!

- Oh, so Gates came back
from the dead to lock

Toby out of the theater.

Oh, yeah.

That's real cute, Mark.

- Come on, Maggie.
I'm only fooling around.

- Great, why don't you
fool around with Joy, then?

[Whispering] Get out of here.

[Light clicks,
film projector clicking]

[Indistinct conversations]

[Cheers and applause]

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪♪

[ Thunder crashes ]

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

[ Thunder crashes ]

♪♪

- How many?
- Just one.

Hi.

Did you have a nice break?

- I'm really sorry.
Thanks.

Yeah. Later.

- Great, there you go.
- Thanks.

Two popcorns, please.

What's up, player?

Don't ask.

The prisoner will stand.

There being no legal cause

why a sentence
should not be pronounced --

- Your Honor, the defense
would like the court

to consider the fact...

Joy, what's the story?

- Hey, I tried
to save it for you,

but you were gone
for so long.

...the court would be lenient.

Hey, man, you're in my seat.

- It is the judgment
and sentence of this court...

Eat shit, asshole.

- ...that for the crime of
murder in the first degree...

You wanna repeat that, pal?

Huh?

♪♪

[Seat clacks]

I said eat shit, asshole.

- And may God have mercy
on your soul.

[Fist thuds]

- Whoo-hoo!

[Body thuds]

Ooh, nice shot, dude.

Oh.

Isn't Mr. Davis here?

- He's backstage.
Will you tell him I need him?

What for?

- Every one of these buttons
here represents

a wired seat down there.

They're supposed to go off
in automatic sequence,

only I don't know
how to set the timer.

So in the meanwhile,
I'm gonna have to zap

everybody manually,
which is --

- That's fascinating, Bud.
I'll tell him.

- Tell me.
- Tell him, then.

What do you know about
erythrocytes and leukocytes?

- Say, aren't those the red
and white

corpuscles in the blood?

Very good, Vernon.

[Laughter]

I have created a third
corpuscle -- the "magnecyte."

Theoretically, it can
regenerate the blood cells

even after severe trauma,
any trauma.

Even electrocution.

♪♪

I get it.

You want to inject me
with this corpuscle

to see if I can survive
the chair, is that it?

Exactly.

- There's this mystery
in her own life

that she hasn't solved yet,
which --

Sarah, wake up.

Your life has been a dream.

You are possessed.

[Tape recorder clicks]

[Door bangs,
man groans, crashes]

Mark! Sorry!

What are you doing here?

I just came to talk to you.

- Hey, listen, you remember
that guy Gates?

I can prove
that he was here.

When we were gone,
he came into the box office

and he left a message
on my recorder.

Listen. Shit!

Shit, I must've smashed it
into the door.

Tina was here.
I bet she saw him.

Cheryl, did you see
where Tina went?

- Check with Bud.
He might know.

Great.

It's time, Vernon.

I'm ready, Warden.

♪♪

So long, Vernon.

Adios, Big Gil.

Warm it up for me, Vernon.

Anytime, Maxie.

- Hey, Vernon, whatever they
tell you, don't sit down!

[Laughter]

I'll keep that in mind, Otis.

- Vernon,
when you get to heaven,

will you tell my ma
I said hello?

- I ain't going to heaven,
Bobby.

But I'll sure be glad
to say hello to your daddy.

[Laughter]

[Cranking]

♪♪

Mr. Davis?

♪♪

Hey, that mosquito gag
was great.

♪♪

Hey, Bud, where's Tina?

- Jesus, you almost made me
zap the third row.

- Cheryl said she was up here
with you.

Well, she's looking for Davis.

Check backstage.

Hey, you'll need this.

Thanks.

♪♪

[Laughter]

Sauté the sucker!

[Laughter]

Fry him!

[Applause]

Fry him!

Make mine medium rare!

[Audience chanting "Fry him!"

♪♪

- Alright, kids,
here comes Dr. Zap.

Any last words?

[Chanting continues]

See you later.

♪♪

[Drum roll]

♪♪

And away we go.

♪♪

[Cheering]

[ Electricity crackling ]

[ Groans ]

- Bingo!
[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

Boop!

[Electricity crackling]

♪♪

Attention, hemorrhoid
sufferers...

[Button clicks,
electricity crackles]

[ Groaning ]

- You, sir, have just received
the Ted Bundy award.

[Electricity crackles]

[Laughing] Yes!

Ah, this is fun.
I like doing this.

[Buttons clicking]

[Electricity crackling]

Boo!

♪♪

Bud needs you.

[Audience screaming in distance]

And by the way, so do I.

Your lip, it's peeling.

Nerves.

[Chuckles]

How about a quickie right here
with just that

little screen between us
and public exposure?

Everybody always wonders
how I get those straight As.

I keep telling them I do lots
of extra credit assignments.

- Mm.
- [Chuckles]

♪♪

- My God,
he's still breathing.

[Groaning]

[Tearing]

[Muffled scream]

[Strap pops]

[Growling]

[Grunting]

♪♪

[ Electricity crackling ]

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Roaring]

[ Electricity crackling ]

- [Screaming]
- [Growling]

♪♪

What can we do?

Get Washington on the line.

Pronto.

[ Screaming ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

♪♪

[ Evil laughter ]

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

I don't see him.

Shoot.

I see you.

- Wow, Maggie.
Maggie, check this out.

- [Gasps]
Tina, you scared me.

Are you okay?

- Mm-hmm.

Shh.

Audience.

- Right, um,
what are you doing up here?

Securing the mosquito.

- Hey, listen,
did you see anybody

come into the box office
after I left?

[Whispering] Mr. Davis.

Where'd he go?

He just left.

Damn it.

- Well, maybe
I could still catch him.

- Tina should start
eating better.

She looks like shit.

Bye.

♪♪

[Body thuds]

[Static]

Black mass is now in session.

Time enough at last
for one Joe Bob's Samhain tips.

[Evil laughs]

[Coughing]

- If you're ever reading
the Bible

and you get seriously
into Deuteronomy,

and who doesn't, you know?

You might wonder why God
is always commanded Israel

to destroy the pillars
and the groves.

Pillars and groves,
groves and pillars.

It's in there hundreds of times
with the commandment

to overthrow their altars,
break their pillars,

burn their groves with fire,

wipe out their names
from every place.

And this is pretty much
what happened.

Wasn't enough
just to conquer a territory.

You had to get in there
and chop down the pillars

and burn the groves.

And the pillars were
giant images

of fertility gods,
and the groves were --

that's what I want
to talk about here.

But the reason we don't know
more about these Pagan gods

is Israel did
what God said to do.

They had their names wiped out

from every place
until neo-paganism,

when we started building
those pillars back up again.

And my point right now, though,

is going out into the woods
and having wild sex,

that's what happened
in the Grove

where the sacred prostitutes
held court.

So, today we don't have
any sacred prostitutes,

except in 10 rural
Nevada counties.

So if you want to get in touch
with the true Halloween,

get your horniest
10 friends together,

go down to
Dick's Sporting Goods

and get some of those
glamping tents.

Go to the state park,
put the tents in a circle,

everybody strip naked and party
till it feels sacred.

You know, we can't be
more specific

about what goes on
in the groves

because the people of Moses
burned them out

before they could record
the ceremony.

So we have to improvise.

It's sacred and it's nekkid.

That's kind of all
we need to know, right?

When the sun comes up, the grove
shuts down till next year.

So, sexy Samhain, people.
[Laughter]

Alright, Jill.

[Laughs]

- Do you ever find this movie
a little bit confusing?

I mean...

[Laughter]

You can be honest.

I mean, I think
at one point --

Rhetorical.

- I think at one point
your boyfriend says,

"Who are we looking for?"

You know, 'cause --
'cause everybody

is wandering around backstage

at the Dreamland Theater
and people are dying

and we think it's Lanyard Gates.

But don't do any spoilers yet,

but we don't know
who the killer is yet.

But what did you think
when you first read this script?

- So, when I first read
the script was months

and months earlier because they
had cast the other girl

and I went off
and did this movie, "Rich Girl."

And when I finished that is
when I got the phone call.

So it had been a long time
since I read the script.

I was somewhat familiar with it,
but then once I got the call

to and accepted the offer
to go over there,

I never had a chance to look
at the script.

- And you were replacing
an actress who was fired.

So that that's got
to be awkward, right?

So I felt bad, yes, I did.

- Yeah.
- 12 years Catholic school, too.

Guilt, guilt, guilt.

- Did you know the girl
who was fired?

- I never met her.
I only knew of her.

I mean, everybody knows.

- She was -- she was
a working actress.

- She'd done a lot of work.
- Yeah.

The two firings on the show
were Alan Ormsby,

- the director, got fired.
- Yes.

- And Amy O'Neill was --
was the lead actress

for three weeks.

And they were both
very emotional events

because Alan Ormsby
and Bob Clark

never talked to
each other again.

You know, they had been friends

- for 20 years.
- That's right.

- And now they never talk
to each other again.

And Amy O'Neill was so upset

that her roommate, um,
Ivette Soler...

- Yes.
- ...who plays Joannie

in the movie,
she got on the plane with her

and flew to Miami with her
just for emotional support

because she was so,
you know, upset by it.

But apparently she was
fired over the phone.

So all that happened
before you showed up.

Now, what did they tell you
about the job?

- I never heard that story,
so right now I'm still dealing

with the shock of the story.

I didn't -- I had no idea that

that was her best friend,
any of that.

- So it's like --
- They were roommates

during -- in the first
three weeks.

And so that's why Ivette
went with her on the plane.

- I just was told that they ran
into troubles, big troubles

and they were desperate
to get somebody out there.

And to my understanding,

I was Alan's first choice
for the film.

And Bob Clark,
I think I was his second choice.

So when they fired her,
they called.

- Bob Clark,
who was the producer.

- Alan was the original director.
- Yeah.

Bob wanted, I guess,
wanted Amy O'Neill.

Alan wanted you,
and so then when they ended up

firing Amy O'Neill,
they bring in you.

- Yes, and they -- they
also fired him.

I don't -- I don't --

- And they -- but they're
firing Alan,

the guy who liked you.

- Yes.
It was very awkward.

- So --
- The whole thing. [Laughs]

- Now, what do you --
what did you think

when they -- when they
bring you in

and they tell you, okay,
the director,

instead of Alan,
the guy who likes you,

is going to be the guy
who played Billy in "Porky's?"

I didn't know any of that.

[Laughter]

- Okay.
- The only thing I knew about

"Porky's" was Roger Wilson,

who I starred with in a Cannon
film called "Thunder Alley."

He was in "Porky's,"
and that was my entire

knowledge of "Porky's."

- Okay.
- I knew nothing about it.

- Probably the best that
you don't know anything

- as you come in.
- [Laughs]

- You know, I-I never understood

why if the production
was this troubled

and Bob Clark was the producer,

why didn't he just step in
and direct it himself?

I don't know either.

It was a very uncomfortable
set when I arrived.

When I arrived,
everyone was silent

and it wasn't like,
oh, hey, blah, blah, blah,

you know, loosey goosey.

It was -- people were uptight.

- Yeah, okay.
- They weren't happy.

- So it's like
here's the new girl

who replaced that girl
that we like.

And they liked her.

- Yeah.
But, Bob, I mean,

I -- what I was told is

that he really did not want

the association of having
directed the film.

Oh, that's true.

He didn't want
to do horror anymore.

He said I don't
do horror anymore.

- Something like that.
- But there's also the sense

that he was looking over
Mark's shoulder the whole time.

- Well, you know,
it's like it's very awkward.

I very -- I really like Mark.

- Mark Herrier.
- Mark Herrier.

- Meaning Billy from "Porky's."
- Yes.

Sorry. "Porky's" Mark Herrier,
the director.

So he was -- he was super nice.

He did appear to be directing,
but he -- it was like...

Let's say Bob was there, like --

I'm trying to find
the right words.

- I'm trying to be like --
- Bob was there all the time.

- Um, Bob was his mentor
on the film.

- Okay.
- That's how I'm gonna say it.

- Alright.
- Nicely done.

- Yeah.
- Well done.

- [Laughing] We're going
to go back to the movie.

- But he was very hands on,
Mark.

- Alright. We're going to go --
I'm not saying he didn't direct.

I'm saying Bob was like...

Alright, we're going back
to the movie now,

but I have to ask you
one random thing.

Yes. Oh, gosh.

What is Coty Wild Musk?

[Laughs]

Coty -- Coty Wild Musk.
What is that?

- Okay, well, first of all,
that question's killing me.

[Laughter]

- And why?
- But besides that --

Because who talks about
Coty Wild Musk?

- This man.
- Well, because

you were the spokesperson,
right?

- Well, it's a hilarious
commercial.

Have you ever seen
the commercial?

- No.
- Oh, I'll find it.

You've seen Coty Wild Musk?

- I will find it.
- You know, it's cave man

and cave woman,
and the guy that got casted,

he was actually my boyfriend.

Peter Tramm, wonderful dancer,

did all the dancing for
Kevin Bacon in "Footloose."

- Wow.
- Oh, wow.

- Yeah.
- The dancer in "Footloose"

was your boyfriend?

- He was my boyfriend.
- We're just discovering

one nugget after another
about you.

I know.

He did leave me
while we were dating,

and he did not leave me
for a woman.

Left me for a man,
so that was an

[laughing] interesting
experience.

- But the guy who did all the
dancing in "Footloose"...

- Yes.
...co-starred with you in

the Coty Wild Musk commercial,

which was about cave people.

But then you broke up because
he fell in love with a man.

- He -- he left me for a man.

- Okay.
- Correctamungo.

[Laughter]

- Well, is Coty --
- Is that a word?

- So, Coty Wild Musk
is wild and musky?

- Why did you just say?
[Laughter]

- It was just perf--
I did so many commercials

early on in my career.

- Like, I --
- You did many commercials.

- Yeah.
- For many products.

- You know, the body soap
and lotions and...

- Okay.
- The first video games

and Coke.

And I did a million commercials.

- Okay.
- And Coty was one of them.

- I'm sure that paid better
than "Popcorn," right?

- They -- they -- they were
the gift that kept giving,

you know, with the residuals
and stuff.

- Alright.
- [Laughs]

Roll the flick.

Darcy, You should be
doing this interview

because you guys did a couple
of podcasts together, right?

- We did, yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, and you probably asked
better questions than I do.

- I definitely do.
- You do?

Alright, you didn't have
to agree with me on that.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

How's the movie?

Too scary for me.

I need some popcorn
to calm me down.

Thank God it's not fattening.

And a Milky Way too, please.

- Joannie!
- Cheryl!

I am not having any butter
on my popcorn,

and you can get me
a diet Pepsi

so it all balances out
in the end.

- Yeah, that's exactly
where it's gonna balance out --

- in your end.
- [Gasps]

[Door creaks]

- He must be able
to change his appearances.

- Who? What?
- Mark!

Now we're gonna have to walk

- all the way around the building.
- Shit.

Yeah, who did you say
could change his appearances?

- Gates.
I saw him buy a ticket.

But Tina just said it was Davis
who came into the box office.

Now, she wouldn't have let Gates
in unless she thought

he was somebody else,
somebody that she knew.

So, obviously,
he must disguise himself.

- Oh, no, wait, no disguise looks
that real that close up.

Maybe.

Wait a minute.

Hmm, this is Davis's car.
That's his briefcase.

He must still be inside.

- Maggie, who are we looking for,
Davis or Gates?

- If Gates is walking around
disguised as Davis,

that probably means
there isn't a Davis.

- I'm gonna go find --
- Wait, wait, hold it, hold it,

let's just cut to the lot like
Toby did, remember?

- What do you mean?
There's a fence.

So we'll climb it.

- But there's
a barbed wire fence.

- Maggie, we'll fly over it,
alright?

- Will you just trust me?
- Wait, Mark, Toby said

he got attacked
by a guard dog.

- Babe, any guard dog
that Toby can handle,

Mark can handle, too, okay?

- Come on.
- [Chuckles]

- Hey, Tina,
have you found Davis yet?

Oh, yes.

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

[Jingling]

- Hey!
[Handcuffs click]

What the --
[Grunts]

Hey!

This is cute, Tina, but I have
a cue in five minutes.

Oh, okay.
Very kinky.

What do you -- oh!

[Muffled] Okay.
What's going on here?

Tina!

[Muffled grunting]

[Groans]

Stop right there, man.

[Laughter]

[Breathing heavily]

[Hair clippers buzzing]

[Muffled grunting]

♪♪

Hey, Bobby, get a load
of this crazy cat.

Yeah, bird brain.

We're addressing you.

[Muffled scream]

♪♪

[Muffled scream]

♪♪

[Muffled grunting]

♪♪

Whoo!

[Laughter]

[Muffled grunting]

- Well, Bud, you'll get
a charge out of this.

Watch the panel.

The lights will go on
in the following order --

red, blue, green.

Or is that green, blue?
Oh, I forget.

But the important light
is that yellow one.

When it turns on, Bud,
so do you.

[Muffled grunting]

Alright, big guy.

Come to papa.

[ Electricity crackling ]

[Muffled grunting]

♪♪

[ Screaming ]

[Muffled screaming]

- [Screams]
[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

Hey, he's got Ritchie!

Let go of Ritchie, man!

[Muffled grunting]

[Electricity crackles]

♪♪

Richie!

♪♪

[Muffled panting]

♪♪

[Panel clicks]

♪♪

[ Evil laughter ]

- Oh, my God,
what happened to him?

- He fell off this fence
and there was this Doberman.

- Yeah, forget about that,
alright?

- No big deal.
- [Giggles]

- Whoa, this is a job
for Nurse Joannie.

- Hey, I'm fine.
- Bend over.

[Cheers and applause]

He's coming this way.

Kiss me, Dick.

- Kiss your what?
- And don't let me go.

[ Laughter]

All done.

- Have you guys seen Davis?
- No.

- [Groans]
- Let's go talk to Bud.

Give me a hand.

Watch the candy counter.

I love it.

♪♪

No, Vernon.

Have you heard, Peggy?

I'm high voltage these days.

- Always been high voltage
to me, Vernon.

[Muffled grunting]

♪♪

Pucker up, baby!

♪♪

Well, well.

What do we have here?

Burn him dead!

Burn the guy dead!

- It's great!
They're eating it up in there!

- I know, I cannot believe
the stunts actually worked.

- And now that we are alone.
- Um, sure.

[Groaning]

- Come on!
- Come on, darling, run!

- Be happy, Dick,
and remember me.

[Electricity crackling]

[Groans]

[Electricity crackling]

[Grunting]

Aaaah!

[Electricity crackling,
screaming]

[Screams]

What the hell's going on?

[Screeching]

This is not scheduled.

[Whirring, popping]

[Electricity crackling]

[Buzzing]

[Cheering]

[Cheering]

Wow.

Leon, this is weird.

- Was all this supposed
to happen?

No, I don't think so.

Okay, okay, we've got to turn
the lights back on.

- What?
I don't know from lights.

- That's Toby's department.
- This is a blackout.

There are a thousand people
inside there, Leon.

They'll riot.

The band!

- Good idea.
- Where are they?

- The green room.
- Let's go.

Okay.

- Now, what the hell was that?
- I don't know.

Don't let go.

You might fall down the st--

- Shit.
- Shit! I'll get him.

Mark! Talk to me.

- Are you okay?
- Fine, fine!

Just don't step on my...

- [crunch]
- ...hand!

Oh, geez.

I'm gonna go talk to Bud.

- Ladies and gentlemen, we hope
to be off auxiliary power soon

and get back to the movie.

Meanwhile, let's bring
out the band!

[Cheers and applause]

♪♪

There's trouble.

[Shouting indistinctly]

♪ My heart is heavy ♪

♪ With sadness ♪

♪ Massah told me
you're going away ♪

♪ To chant revival
in a cozy church ♪

♪ On Pocomania Day ♪

Bud?

[Gasps]

Sarah.

[Gasps] Oh, my God.

What, no kiss for daddy?

Who are you?

Oh, that hurts.

There's so great a wound
as an ungrateful child.

- I'm not Sarah.
I'm not your daughter.

I'm not your child.

Oh, yes.

Think.

An altar, a sword,

Mommy dearest.

The fire, a gunshot.

And now it's time
to join your mother.

[Echoing] No!

[Whispering] Sarah.

Sarah!

Sarah!

[Whispering] Sarah.

Sarah!

[Gunshot]

Sarah.

[Panting]

- [Screams]
- Oh!

Hey! Hey, hey!

Maggie, what's the matter?

Oh, my God.

Gates just tried to kill me.

He killed Bud and maybe
Tina and Davis, too.

Toby, he's my father.

I remember.

I remember the whole thing.

Wait, Maggie.

Shit.

My, my, my.

And what could you two be
doing all alone in the dark?

Come on, let's get out of here.

♪ So then come,
come and turn your roller ♪

♪ Hot, we hot, yes,
we cold in the water ♪

♪ Come on this
and mice of the sea ♪

♪ Then taka-taka
on your tambourine ♪

♪ Beat the drum pass,
word to your mi ♪

[Singing in native language]

♪ One more thing
I want to let you know ♪

♪ There's a meeting
here tonight ♪

- Toby, it's not a screenplay
that I've been writing.

It's my life.

My unconscious has been trying
to make me relive my past

so that I would remember it.

I'm Sarah Gates.

I'm not Maggie Butler.

Suzanne's not my mother,
she's my aunt.

My mother's name was Gloria.

My father killed her the night
that he showed "Possessor."

He tried to kill me, too,
but Suzanne stopped it.

She shot him and she saved me,

and I don't know,
somehow we got away.

She changed our names and
our identities to protect me.

From Gates?

Well, his body was never found,

so nobody could ever prove
that he was dead.

She never knew
when he'd come back.

Now he's here.

Why, Maggie?

To finish the film.

And to kill me.

God, Toby.

My brain is just, like, reeling.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, I'm here for you,
Maggie, all the way.

Come on.

Let's get the lights
turned on, huh?

We got to call the police.

- Okay, but let's do this
first, huh?

Well, down the rabbit hole.

- The rabbit hole?
- And into Wonderland.

That's a little humor there.

It's the only way to get
to the circuit breakers.

- Whoa!
- Toby!

Are you all right?

Toby!

[Screams]

Toby!

Toby, where are you?

Toby?

Mr. Davis!

Mr. Davis?

Toby?

- Sarah.
- Tina?

Tina, is -- is that you?

Tina!

[Deep voice] Sarah.

[Growling]

[Gasps]

[Moaning]

Stop!

Stop. Please.

[Growls]

Welcome home.

[Static crackles]

- Prepare yourself as
the vail of the living departs

with another
of Joe Pop's Samhain tips.

[Laughs]

- So some people call Halloween
"The night the hag rides."

And of course,
when we think about a hag,

we assume that's a witch.

But it's more likely that
it's one of our ancestors,

some great aunt or something.

A great aunt
who won't stop talking.

You know, every family
has one of those, right?

And that's who you honor
when you build a family

altar for Samhain.

Samhain is one of two nights
in the year.

The other night is
Walpurgisnacht.

Two nights when there's
no difference between

this life and the afterlife.

When the living in the dead
can talk to each other.

So when you run with that idea,
who do you want to talk to?

You want to talk
to your grandpa!

He was always funny, right?

Plus, I never got to ask him
what he did in

the Shriners Circus
before he died.

So cut up some
old family albums,

put out some figs and toddies
for the ancestors.

Call up your weird cousin
who subscribes to Ancestry.com,

and zombify
your entire family tree.

Make those people walk
into the present and rant

about how it was better
in their day.

Cosplay people who contributed
semen to your DNA

back in the 17th century.

So, have you noticed that people
who spend all their time

looking up their genealogy,
they eventually tell you

that they're descended
from Charlemagne?

[Laughter]

Was Charlemagne
that big of a horndog?

Was he a baby daddy
for like 9,000 children?

Because, I mean,
it's kind of freaky

how many people
are descended from royalty?

You know, Otis,
are you sure your grandpappy

came from a line
of French kings?

He never even learn
to speak English right,

much less French.

So nobody ever says,
"Yeah, you know,

if you go back far enough
in my genealogy, we were

impoverished pig farmers
in a remote part of Portugal."

I mean, nobody ever says that.

It's always, "Yep,
Charlemagne the Great,

that's where we come from."

So anyway, so stick a picture of
Charlemagne on the family altar,

chug some mead, and worship
your DNA and your bloodline.

Just don't try to talk about it
to anybody else

because we don't care.

So happy Samhain,
Charlemagnians.

All right, one of my favorite
performances in this movie is

Bruce Glover as
the electric chair man.

And, Jill, you started out
working with Crispin Glover.

Did you ever meet
Crispin's father Bruce?

- Bruce Glover?
- I never did at the time.

I agree. It's my favorite
performance in the film, too.

- Oh, okay.
- His is the electrified man.

- All right, well, Darcy, you
know Crispin, Bruce, and Jill.

So why don't you just
take over this interview,

since you gals have
already bonded in the past?

I'd be happy to.

I don't have any pimp shoes,
but do you think I could

do the interview anyway?

- Darcy, if you can do it
without sarcasm

and not mention the pimp shoes.

Normally we don't deal
with people moving

through the Hollywood
A-list like Jill here.

So this show specializes
in the low budget world,

so we appreciate this, Jill.

It's like having a little taste
of the jet set.

- Did you really just
say "jet set"?

Yeah, I said jet set.

- Wow. Don't do that again.
- All right.

- So, Jill.
- Yes?

- You were engaged to Brad Pitt.
What was that like?

- Well, the way I --

[Laughter]

Uh...

Okay. I feel like
I'm tip toeing here.

Oh, really? Okay.

- Well, so what I will say
is there's been a lot of stuff

written about it over the years
and, you know --

- A lot of stuff
written about it?

- Well, because of Brad,
every time he has a new wife,

a new girlfriend, you know,
they dredge up the past

and everybody
that's been in his life.

And there's a lot
of misinformation out there.

So I've been writing a book,
and it's going to be done

probably in a month or two.

And I haven't even told anyone,
so this is the first, you know.

- Okay.
- I think I mentioned

it on on Facebook.

And I do talk about they always
say there's your truth,

- my truth, and then the --
- The real truth.

- You know how things
get twisted over the years,

and, you know, how they get
put into print.

But I don't think
I make things up in my head.

So I'm going to say
my version's is the truth.

[Laughter]

Okay.

- We could go back
even earlier, though.

- Yeah.
- Keanu Reeves

was your boyfriend.

Yes, he was.

He was my babe in Toy Land.

[Laughter]

Aw. That's how you met, right?

- Yeah, we met on the set
of "Babes in Toyland."

And we fell in love, you know,

Or it was a lovely time.

And, you know, I will say,
you know, regarding Brad,

one of the reasons
I think it was difficult

for that relationship
to really be on solid ground

is it's never a good idea
when you're mourning,

getting out of one relationship
just to start another.

And they were, you know,
on the heels of each other.

- Because you met him on the set
of "Cutting Class", right?

I did, but a girlfriend of mine

was the costume designer
on "Cutting Class."

I had no idea
what the name of the film

she was a costume designer on,
but she was my best friend.

Her name is Kelly.
Kelly has since passed.

But Kelly kept -- because
in my getting over Keanu,

which was really, you know, very
difficult for me at that time,

you know, one of those...
[mock sobbing]

...kind of situations.

And she said, "I met
this great guy, Jill,

I've been telling him
all about you,

and the two of you
have got to meet."

And I'm like, "Kelly, no,
I'm not dating an actor."

- And it ended up being Brad.
- It was Brad Pitt.

It was totally coincidence.

- It's like, "Oh, I date
actors now."

- Yeah.
- [Laughter]

- Okay, well, we're going to
leave the rest for the book.

- Okay. All right.
- One more.

You fell in love again
on the set of "Popcorn."

- Correct?
- I did.

- That was right.
- Yes, that is right.

That one is right.

And Chris Brown was his name,
and he was, I think,

the camera assistant
on "Popcorn."

He was so adorable.

He was like -- Wayne Gretzky
was so handsome,

and he was a better looking
version of Wayne Gretzky.

They looked like twins
practically.

And, you know, there he was.

You know, he was Jamaican,

but he had blond hair
and, you know, blue eyes.

- He was like a Jamaican
who looked like

a Canadian hockey player?

[Laughter]

- How can you not
fall for that? Come on.

- I mean, who wouldn't
fall for him?

- Exactly.
- He was adorable.

- And so you had
a relationship with him?

- Yeah, we went out
for a few years.

We were engaged,
and then there were just --

Did you move to Jamaica?

- We spent a lot
of time in Jamaica.

Okay. So you loved Jamaica?

I love Jamaica. Yeah.

- Okay, Darcy, this is getting
to be too much

like "Access Hollywood"
or "Dish Nation."

So I'm taking back
control of this show.

Plus, you didn't ask her about
the most important movie of all.

- Jill.
- "Cutting class." I did.

- I can't imagine there was
any greater acting challenge

for you than
"Curse II: The Bite."

[Laughter]

What was that like?

Well...

[Laughter]

Yeah, I see a big story there.

It was tough. It was tough.

I mean, I recently --
somebody alerted me

to Wil Wheaton's article

or something he wrote about
his tough time on "The Curse."

- Yeah.
- And on "The Curse II",

I, too, went through
a tough time.

- You saying horrible things
happen on the set of

- "Curse II: The Bite"?
- I'm saying --

- You're going
to disillusion everybody.

They did this.

When I'm down in the pit,
and they were going to throw

a barrel, a big trash barrel,
you know, regular sized

trash barrel of
rubber snakes on me.

And they said, "Could we throw

just in literally
a handful of lives snakes?"

And they said, "They don't bite,
they don't blah, blah, blah."

And so I was like,
"Am I going to be safe?

Am I going to be --"

"Oh, you'll be fine.
You'll be fine."

They threw a barrel full
of live snakes on me.

I was terrified.

Did they bite you?

They didn't bite me.

One of the actors got bit,

but I personally
did not get bit.

I was so terrified.
I mean, they grabbed me.

One -- How do you --

You don't need more than one
take for that.

I mean, it was really
terrifying.

Did they get the shot?

They got the shot.

You know, I always say
I'm not a scream queen,

but that was
a real scream right there.

- I got to rewatch it
knowing that.

- Was this David, the director
of the first movie?

Same director?

- Forgive me. I don't --
No, I don't think it was.

- Okay.
- I think it was

- the same producer.
- Oh, okay. Same producer.

So I don't know,
I think the "Curses" are cursed.

- Okay.
- That's what I'm thinking.

- Okay, it's time to go
back to the movie.

Just roll it. All right.

And by the way, we didn't
really talk about Derek Rydall.

Is that how you say his name?

- Rydall?
- Rydall.

- Your boyfriend in the movie.
- Yeah.

- The guy who plays Mark.
- Yeah.

Any chemistry with Derek?

Not off screen.

- [Laughter]
- No? Okay.

Well, this was his last movie.

He quit the business.
So, what did you do to him?

- I don't know.
I don't know if people quit

or some people, you know,
they get those couple jobs,

and then they just,
they stop getting them.

- Okay.
- He couldn't roll

with the jet set.

Oh, please. Okay. Thank you.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

♪ On Pocomania Day ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Okay, we got our
lights back on.

Let's get on with the show!

[Cheers and applause]

Who are you?

I'm Toby.

Or -- or nearly Toby.

You'll have to forgive the...

sloppy craftsmanship.

Actually, it takes hours every
morning to prepare the perfect

Toby for the world to see.

In truth, I've perfected
the quick transition

from face to face.

Of course, I have to borrow
their faces to do it.

You might say
I'm "multidentical."

[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

Now, with a little nip here
and a little tuck there,

I become "multisexual."

Nothing new about that, huh?

And as you've heard,
with the help of

electronic voice harmonics,
I become Tina, the class bimbo.

[Laughs]

I can look like anybody
I want to.

It's one of the few advantages
of not having a face.

Then you're not...

Your father?

No.

Lanyard Gates is dead.

Died in the fire 15 years ago.

If you're Toby, why are you...

Why am I going to kill you?

Is that your question?

Why are you doing this?

Oh!

Good question.

Same answer, actually.

See, I was caught
in that fire, too.

My mother was in Lanyard's
so-called film cult.

We were sitting in the front row

when your Aunt Suzanne
shot Lanyard

and set fire to the theater.

You, luckily, got out.

We, unluckily, did not.

My mother died.

I lost most of the flesh
on my body.

I'm sorry.

Oh, are you?

Well, that makes it
all right, then!

Here, I'll just let you go.

You're sorry?!

Look at me!

[Screams]

[Gasps]

This is your work!

Don't like it, huh?

You don't have to look!

Don't look!

Don't look at me!

I was a child, too, Toby!

- You were a child? Good.
I was a child.

We were all children.

Nobody was a child like me!

Nobody.

Shall I describe the --
the years

of surgery I went through, huh?

The skin grafts,
the prosthetic pieces.

I had to glue on my face
all through school

every day of my life

so the other kids
wouldn't scream.

Nobody saw me coming, huh?

Here, I'll show you
how it works.

Now, the first thing we do
is we cover up

these fried egg eyes
with contact lenses.

Lovely. [Laughs]

Toby.

Ah.

Now a new nose.

There.

- Please stop.
- Then we prepare a face

to meet the faces that we meet.

A lovely chin.

Yeah.

[Laughs]

It's my Scarecrow in Oz face.

Cute, huh?

You're crazy.

What, this just dawned on you?

That's great.

And I'm the one who's crazy.

[Laughs]

Can't say I've lost my sense
of humor, can you?!

Toby.

What are you gonna do?

Mm, here's my plan.

I've thought it out
with geometric logic.

I'm going to recreate
that showing of "Possessor",

only this time,
it's going exactly as planned.

And maybe that way,
things will be different.

Maybe then, my mother
won't die...

and I won't be burned.

And everything will be okay.

That makes perfect sense.

- Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
[Chuckles]

- Yuck!
- Oh, pee-yew, what is that?

- Hmm, I don't know.
Could be swamp gas.

- [Laughter]
- Well, it doesn't smell like

swamp gas to me.

Well, it's not me.

I'm not so sure.

- Well, whatever it is,
it's getting worse.

Yuck.

Mark, if you keep this up,

you're gonna have to hire your
own private nurse before long.

- There you are,
you son of a bitch!

Oh, no.

I want to go home now.

Hi, Joy.

Look, uh, I'm sorry, but Maggie
had some problems,

and I had to help her out.

Maggie?

What, are you obsessed
with this bitch or what?

God, I knew you didn't have
any brains,

but I thought
you had some taste.

Why don't you just cool out?

- Why don't you just shut your
little mouth, you little slut?

And as far as Maggie goes,

I saw her leave here
with that little film nerd.

- What's his name?
- Toby?

Yeah, that's right, Toby.

I caught them in the dark,
and they were going at it.

They were hot and heavy.

And you wouldn't believe it,

they're on their way
to his house.

You're full of shit.

[Grunts]

Hey, asshole!

Oh, no.

- Uh-oh.

You got a problem?

I said you got a problem?

- No, do you?
- He hit me.

Kick his ass!
Kick his ass!

- Unh-unh, wait, wait,
wait, wait a minute,

this boy's been getting
beat up all day.

- You want him,
you got to go through me.

- I don't hit chicks.
Now back off!

- You don't hit chicks?
You swear to God?

- I ain't never hit a chick
in my life.

That's all I wanted to know.

- [Grunts]
- Rad!

I could've done that.

You bitch! [Grunts]

- Oh, my hair!
- Punk-ass blonde bitch!

Get your sorry ass
out of here.

You're messing with my hair!

It's not your hair anyway!

- I'm gonna bust your butt,
bad boy.

[Grunting]

God damn it!

- I got you, wimp!
You ain't shit!

He's going for the side door!

- I can't believe she went
to Toby's house.

Toby and Maggie, are you crazy?

You believe that dumb bitch?

- You guys know
where Toby lives?

- 48 Crescent Road, apartment
7-3, about five blocks away.

Believe it.

She's the world's authority
on Toby D'Amato.

- Use the side door.
- Right.

- Oh, my God, my stench cue!
I'm late.

Almost time.

Lanyard Gates began "Possessor"
at midnight,

and we will follow
in his footsteps.

Wait, I forgot the other member
of the original cast.

- Ta-da!
- Mom?

- Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Sarah, Mom.

Mom, Sarah.

Maggie, forgive me.

Hey, sure, why not?

All she did was murder your
father, destroy his life's work,

and then lie
to you your whole life.

Sure, say a couple of Hail Marys
and forget the whole thing.

- Maggie, he was giving you acid.
I had to get you out.

- Liar, liar, face on fire,
face on fire!

Toby, don't do this, please!

- Toby!
Lanyard Gates was crazy!

I am rubber, you're glue.

Everything that you're saying
bounces off me

and sticks on you!

- Toby, no!
- Sticks on you!

Sticks on you, sticks on you,
sticks on you.

Oh.

Half an hour to midnight.

I still have a little time
to kill.

Hmm.

[Static crackles]

- The darkest hour has come just
in time for a final Samhain tip.

[Laughs]

- Okay, in order to properly
observe any holiday,

but especially Samhain,
you need to know exactly

which alcoholic beverages
to immerse yourself in.

And if you're trying to consume
the precise alcoholic toddy

that was enjoyed by the Celts
1,900 years ago at the apex

of Samhain observance, then you
need to go to West Africa

and find just some pure
millet beer

because that's what they drank,
millet beer.

But since only about
1% of our audience

has the ability
to go to West Africa

and find the pure
millet beers,

we're going to go
to the next best thing

and recommend some craft beers

that include millet
in the recipe.

Now, what is millet?

You may be wondering that.
Millet is grass.

You're drinking beer
made from grass.

Fortunately, we have
some craft breweries

that are in search
of grass tasting beer

because they want to advertise
that they are gluten free,

which is impossible
with barley malt.

So first we have Greens Beer
from Baildon, England.

And gonna give it
a taste here.

It tastes...

well, it tastes like grass.

Um...

next, we have O'Brien Pale Ale
from Windery, Australia.

[Laughter]

It tastes like grass with
kangaroo doo doo in it.

And finally we have
the Nama Biiru Ale

from Bengaluru, India, site
of the annual Millet Festival.

And this one is perhaps
the purest version

of millet beer in the world.

They don't even bottle it.

They only sell it
at the festival.

We were able to get some sent to
us, and it tastes...

All right.

Okay.

[Laughter]

It tastes like clumps of grass
wrapped in dirty socks

and dropped in Nevada
moose sperm.

So if you're going
to want a chaser,

once you arrange your perfect
Samhain feast table, the chaser

I would recommend is...

a fire hose.

There is basically nothing
that can cut the taste

of millet beer.

So enjoy your Celtic adventure,

all ye neo-pagans
of the 21st century.

Luxuriate in the purity
of past centuries

and the holiness of nature
based festivals, be exuberant.

Get you a giant mug
with Gaelic writing on it

and pour that grass down
your throat like a true Druid.

This has been Joe Bob Briggs
bringing you tips

for having a bloody and sexy
and grass drenched holiday.

You're welcome.

And speaking of traditions,

there is nothing like
the old standard reggae song

"Pocomania Day."

[Laughter]

Isn't that the name
of that song, "Pocomania Day."

To keep a crowd fascinated
in the middle of a blackout.

Right? Isn't that true?

You know,
they go to great lengths

to make Jamaica look like
Southern California.

You know?

And then they just bring a
random reggae band on the stage.

[Laughter]

You ever think about
that when you watch the movie?

- Well, I did, except I'm going
to disagree with you.

I didn't think
it looked that much

like Southern California.
To me --

- No, I said they were trying
to make it look

like Southern California.

- That's the key word
right there.

- Yeah, I mean, apparently one
of the reasons they decided

to put so many audience
members in masks

is that they couldn't find
enough white extras

to make it look like
a typical

University of California
branch campus.

You know, because
it does say at the beginning

that it's in California,
there is a sign that says that.

And yet they put the reggae
music throughout the movie,

even though the movie
was made 1991.

I mean, that's grunge.

They're in the grunge
era, right?

They put the reggae song in.
All right?

So, Jill, you have these
intensely emotional scenes

with Tom Villard
as Toby D'Amato.

- Yeah.
- Alan Ormsby gave him the same

last name as Joe D'Amato,
the director of

"Anthropophagous."
and hundreds of other

Italian exploitation films that
were known for having

the grizzliest special effects
ever devised.

And I guess no one knew
at the time

that you shot the movie
that Tom had AIDS.

No, nobody shared that with me.

And, you know,
when he die of AIDS

and just over the years,

fans -- and it's such
a sensitive subject

because so many
of our industry,

you know, the entire industry
beyond just movie making,

but in the dance world
and the music world,

so many people were dying,
and it's so sensitive for me

still to talk about it
because I get angry.

I get so angry at
like all the --

that did not enough was done.

- Tom Villard, he was 37
when this movie was made.

He was born in
Spencerport, New York,

which is a suburb of Rochester.

He dropped out of college
so that he could move

to New York and New York City

and study
at the Lee Strasberg.

He studied
at the Lee Strasberg Studio

and the American Academy
of Dramatic Arts.

He moved to L.A. in 1980.

He had been working a lot,
mostly in television,

and he died at age 40.

But as I pointed out before,

he did 13 projects
after this movie.

So in those last two years,
he did 13 projects,

including roles on
"Who's the Boss", "Baywatch",

"Golden Girls",
"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine".

And he was in that
big budget comedy,

"My Girl", so apparently had
a very optimistic view of life.

- He did.
I mean, he was -- I mean,

he appeared -- I didn't really
know any of the actors

very well, you know,
because I jumped into it.

And at the end of the day,
I went to my hotel.

But he was always on set,
just so pleasant

and an extremely
optimistic person

and well-prepared,
always so prepared

and just a lovely human being.

- Okay, now tell me if I got
this right about the plot.

- Yeah.
- 15 years ago,

your mother was killed in
the fire when Lanyard Gates

- showed "Possessor."
- Yes.

- And supposedly
killed his family.

That's right.

- But really, it was your aunt,
your mom's sister,

who shot Lanyard Gates
with a gun

and set the theater on fire
with you in it

and burned Toby's face off.

- This sounds like a clue,
a version of Clue, the game.

- Well, Toby got his face off
in this fire, and.

And his mom was killed.

So he killed both of your mom.
But you survived.

And your aunt's survived,
which is Dee Wallace.

- Yeah.
- And Dee Wallace pretended

- to be your mom ever since then.
- [Laughs]

So I guess you were like,

"Yeah, you sort of look
like my mom."

[Laughter]

"I guess you are my mom, right?"

I mean, they're asking us
to believe that you --

the moms were switched
at the time of the fire.

- Okay.
- In your mind.

- This is what I'm thinking
happened.

- Okay, tell me. Tell me.
I'm all ears.

I want to know.

- I think, like many people
go through

when you go through a trauma,

- Yeah.
- ...out goes the memory.

- Right?
- Okay.

- She just was so young
that she didn't have any memory.

She went through trauma.

- How old are you supposed
to be in the movie?

- Well, I think there's like,
a scene with her.

She looks around
4 or 5 years old.

Okay.

- That's what it looked
like to me. I don't remember.

So 4 or 5 years old.

You just don't remember what
your mom looks like exactly.

[Laughter]

- And you have a new mom.
- Trauma.

- I'm going with
the trauma thing.

That was always your mom?

And since Toby's mom died
in the fire

and he had his face burned off,

he's been building
his Toby face every day

before he goes out of the house.

Every day before he
goes out the house,

he builds a new face.

- That does seem
a little farfetched.

I always thought that, too.

However, it's a movie.

- Yeah, but he's become so good
at building his own face

that he can now build any face,
so he can be any face, right?

- I guess that's true.
In the film.

- And so he's going to kill you
and you're a fake mom,

who is really your aunt
because why?

[Laughter]

- I have to get over the fact
that I'm being

killed right now.

- Okay, well, he's going to kill
you, but your mom --

your mom is encased in plaster.

He wants revenge.

But that's not your mom.

- It's not my mom.
- It's been established.

- All right.
- This is confusing.

- Okay. All right.
And one more question.

The guy who was doing the actual
special effects makeup

- on the movie...
- Yeah.

...was Bob Clark?

- But it was not the same
Bob Clark.

Was there another guy
on the movie

also named --
the special effects makeup

was pretty important
on this movie.

- It was.
- Was his name Bob Clark?

Or was that just Bob Clark
taking credit

for the special effects?

[Laughter]

- Because -- Do you know?

- You're asking me questions
over my pay grade.

Oh, okay. All right.

Well, I love the moment
when Toby goes into

a psychotic rant and says,
"I'm doing this so..."

He actually tries to explain
why he's doing it, and he says,

"I'm doing this so my mother
will come back to life."

And you say,
"That makes perfect sense."

Oh, my God.

- And you do that
totally straight.

You deliver that --
I believe you when

you say that line.

It's like I'm thinking,
"Okay, she's playing him,

Or maybe she's so upset
at the time.

She has compassion.

Oh, compassion for Toby.

- Empathy.
I remember that moment.

You're, like, laughing about it.
But I'm being totally serious.

- No, I like the moment.
I like the moment, you know?

But, I mean, I think it's like

because he's so psychotic
at that point,

that's all you can say,
that's all you can say.

"You're making perfect sense."

- I think there are some people
that look at

when somebody is having
a psychotic break

and some people will go,

"They're having a psychotic --"

And somebody else will care
about why they're having

a psychotic break.

Okay, so she cares.

- But I think sometimes
when you're in a situation

where you truly are in danger,

like there's that calm element
that comes over you,

that it's a survival thing.

- You know what to say because
it's what you should say.

I don't know.

[Laughter]

- All right.
- You're making perfect sense.

- Alright, thanks for being
with us tonight, Jill.

You know, I can't believe
you quit the business.

You quit the business in 1995
after a movie called

"Not Again!"

- Yeah, well -- Yeah, I quit.
I mean --

You were just done with acting?

- When I -- I was fortunate by
that time in my life

where I didn't have to work.

My husband was a film composer.
We were doing quite nicely.

And so I was in a place
in my life

where I felt like things
that maybe not so good

things that had happened --

We won't go into them here.

[Laughter]

But like, some things
maybe wouldn't have happened

had I had more parental...

you know,
if my parents were around.

So I just -- the day I found out
I was pregnant,

I called my agents
within hours and said,

"I'm leaving the business"
because I want it to be --

- You want to be there
for your kids?

Here come the tears.

I wanted to be there
for my children.

- Oh, well, that's -- I mean,
that's a good reason to quit.

- No, I'm not.
God, that sounded terrible.

That made it sound like a woman
that goes to work

- isn't there --
- No, no, no, I don't mean that.

I mean, that's a good reason

to, like, you know,
reorient at that point.

- I just wanted to be
a stay at home mom

so that I would be there

for my kids where
certain issues came up.

- Okay.
- That's it.

- Do your kids watch
your old movies?

- Um, well, I think my older son
has seen a couple.

My younger one hasn't,
except for "Popcorn",

the movie at hand.

And when he was a teenager,
and I took him to

the Egyptian Theater because
I was invited for a screening

and to do a Q&A,
and people are, you know,

everyone's asking for
autographs and pictures.

And after we left,
three and a half hours later,

he was just quiet by my side.

But we rounded the corner,
and he she said,

"Mom, what is wrong
with those people?"

Why would anyone want
your autograph?"

[Laughter]

- All right, we're going to go
to the thrilling yet

kind of odd conclusion
of "Popcorn."

But thank you so much, Jill.

And...

Yay!

Yay, Jill.

- Oh, all right. Roll it.
You know.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

Works every time.

You know, this was --
This was the first horror film

that was meta.

You know how they use
that word "meta"?

They use that word "meta"
to describe flicks

where the characters
in the horror film

are talking about horror films
in the film that they're in.

So only what's weird
about this one

is that all these film students
know about all the rules of

the 1950s and 1960s
horror films,

but nothing about 1980s.

They're remarkably stupid
about the events

happening to themselves
in this slasher film.

You know, the '80s
has just happened.

All the slasher films
came out in the '80s.

This is in the early '90s.

So and it just plays like
a straight slasher

after the slasher era is over.

Are you following this?

It's meta, but it's not meta.
Okay.

[Laughter]

Sometimes I don't even
know, you know,

while I'm talking about it,
what I'm talking about.

Anyway, in other words, they
don't know the slasher rules,

but they they do know the
"Get Washington on the line"

rules of the 1950s.

You know, their '90s
film students

who didn't watch the '80s films.

Okay, I'll stop.

That's true.

[Laughter]

- They're not pimp shoes.
- They're pimp shoes.

No, they're not.

[Static crackles]

- Where the hell you been?
Get the odor pellets.

- Okay. Which one goes first?
I forgot.

- Body odor.
- That's disgusting.

No, it's not B.O.

It's body odor
as in the odor of a dead body.

Oh, much better.

Anyway, I want to get back
to what I was saying.

- Yeah, just hold
that thought, okay?

- I got to take a leak first.
- We've got a cue coming up.

We got five minutes.

[Unzips]

[Sighs]

[Urinating, humming]

[Unzips]

[Urinating]

[Chuckles]

[Grunting]

[Coughs]

Hey! Hey!

Let me out!

This isn't funny!

[Sizzling]

Oh, shit!

No! Please, no!

[Gasps]

[Explosion]

Took you long enough.

- I had some gas.
- Spare me the details.

Anyway, what do you think?

- About what?
- Toby.

Does he like me?

Like you?

- What's wrong with your voice?
You sound so weird.

I got a frog in my throat.

Sounds like a crocodile.

Anyway, I need to know.

I mean, I'm walking around madly
in love with this guy,

and he just acts like
I don't even exist.

You're impartial.
What's your opinion?

Is he shy or what?

- Look, I've got my own problems!
Just leave me alone, all right?

Men.

Admit it, you fucked up.

- Don't you -- I got --
I got problems of my own here!

Don't you -- don't you talk
about love to me!

We're gonna make a movie here!

[Grunting]

[Whirring]

Come on, baby.

[Laughter]

Wait, it's getting stronger.

Ooh, my nose is burning!

- Well, I don't know
what you're doing,

but I'm getting out of here.

- Good idea.
Let's head for camp.

[Laughter]

[Coughs]

My lungs are burning!

Hey, my legs won't move!

I can't see! I can't see!

- Just a normal life,
filled with normal happiness.

Hmm, normal sadness.

Normal family stuff.

Normal kids of my own.

Do you know how amazing
normal stuff seems when

there's no chance you'll ever
have it for yourself?

And whose fault was that, huh?

Whose fault was that,
nasty Suzanne?

Nasty Suzanne and her nasty gun.

Bang, bang went nasty Suzanne.

Bang, bang went her nasty gun.

Well -- well, not this time,
Ms. Pretty Skin.

Go ahead.
Go ahead, try it, huh?

[Laughs]

No, huh? [Laughs] No.

I am so glad
I cast you in this part.

[Laughs]

[Mumbling]

If you don't stop it soon,

there's no telling
what might happen.

Hmm, I fear you are right.

Better get Tokyo
on the line, pronto.

[Gasps]

Who the hell are you?

- I'm a friend of Toby's.
Is he here?

If he was here, he'd be dead.

Look at this place.

You say you're a friend of his?

I ought to kill you.

Maybe that'd make me feel
a little better.

- What did he do?
- What did he do?

What the hell did he do?

Jesus Christ,
what the hell didn't he do?

The guy's a goddamn lunatic.

Should've thrown his ass
out six months ago.

Yelling and screaming all night
long at the top of his lungs.

Never let anybody in the place.

Oh, I only wonder why.
Look at all this shit.

- What?
- The goddamn smell.

- I mean, it's just--
- Oh, my God.

- It was like
some chemical smell.

I had to break the goddamn door
down to get in here

- because the tub overflowed...
- Oh, no.

- ...and it flooded
the apartment downstairs.

You know -- you know
what he's got in that tub?

He's got -- he's got things that
look like human skulls and --

and body parts.

Probably some -- some kind of
Jack the Ripper or something.

Ah, son of a bitch.

What are you doing?

Just say yes.

Toby!

- Anyway, that's what
I got to say about him.

Yeah, look at that.
The guy can't paint either.

Isn't that a real piece
of crap there?

Hey!

That's Gloria Gates!

I did a picture with her.

You a director?

Hey, listen, you a director?

I-I'm an actor.

You wanna take a picture
or résumé?

Well, how about we do lunch?

[Humming, crowd laughing]

- It came from outer space.
We know that now.

We must be ever vigilant
and never rest.

Keep our eyes on the heavens,
or the stench will --

- ♪ Let's all go to the lobby
and have ourselves a treat ♪

Into the shelter.

This place can only be avoided
if we can get to the --

Come on!

[Crowd booing]

I am the possessor.

Who put this junk on?

Where's Toby? Do something!

- Do what?
- The projection booth!

[Crowd booing]

Yeah, it stinks, doesn't it?

Ooh, I hate this movie!

Yeah, thumbs down on this movie.

Ooh, I hate this movie.

Hate this movie! Ugh!

Get this movie off the screen!

Hey, fix your makeup, dude.

Yeah, yours is a bitch, too.

Get it on!
Get on with this movie!

- Okay.
Okay, this should stop it.

It's not stopping.

Cheryl, make it stop!

- What do you want me to do,
stick my hand in it?

- Stop!
- Sweet, dreamy Sarah.

You've stolen my heart.

Oh, what have we here?

Oh, I hope I got your size.

And you thought Iron Maiden
was a heavy metal band.

[Rattling]

I am so glad that you have
finally remembered

everything because,
you know, with --

without memory,
there can be no retribution.

Open up!

Shit.

[Crowd booing]

Ah.

- Lovely.
- No.

Now, are we finally ready?

Can we shoot this thing?

Lights.

Camera.

Toby.

Action.

No.

[Crowd clamoring]

No, Toby.

[Thud]

[Crowd clamoring]

Help me, please!

Please help!

He's gonna kill me.

- [Cheers and applause]
- This isn't a joke!

Help me!
He's not kidding.

- Yes, yes, yes.
I was gonna kill the wench.

- Please, this is real!
- But not, dear friends...

- This isn't a joke! Please!
- ...without the approval...

...and the approbation of you,
my audience.

- My heart, my soul...
- No!

- ...my sustenance.
[Laughs]

[Cheers and applause]

So, so, shall we kill her?

Or -- or shall we spare
this maiden?

Toby, please stop!

- Show mercy
to the tender virgin?

Please, Toby, no!

- [Cheers and applause]
- No!

No! He's going to kill me!

[Laughs] Yes! Yes!

All right, then.

Then the fatal stroke

shall fall exactly
at the stroke of midnight.

Shall we count it down together?
30 seconds to go.

Are you ready?

[Cheers and applause]

All right!

- 30, 29, 28, -27, 26...

No!

25, 24, 23...

22, 21, 20...

- Don't!
- Maggie!

19, 18, 17, 16...

Mark!

15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10...

nine, eight, seven...

six, five, four...

- Ah!
- ...three, two, one...

Aaah!

[Cheers and applause]

No! No, you're ruining it!

[Cheers and applause]

You'll ruin it! No!

No! You're ruining it! No!

[Screams]

[Cheers and applause]

[Cheers and applause]

- [Siren wails]
- And that's all I know.

It's okay.

- [Sobs]
- It's okay.

- I'll see you in
a little while, okay?

Okay.

- I was a pretty lame hero,
I guess.

No, you were great.

God, you looked just like
Indiana Jones

coming down that wire.

More like George of the Jungle.

[Laughs] Did you hear me?

Another movie.

Everything is a movie to me.

- Yeah, well, let's -- let's make
the next one a comedy, okay?

Would you hold me?

♪♪

[Thunder crashes]

- ♪ Scary, scary movies
on the silver screen ♪

♪ Make me shake, make me sweat,
you know the kind I mean ♪

♪ Scorched hairs, nightmares,
the innocent possessed ♪

♪ Raging fires, vampires ♪

♪ Creepy crawly, bug-infested
eyeballs from outer space ♪

♪ Corpses come to life ♪

♪ Schizophrenic maniac attacking
with a bloody knife ♪

♪ Inside his creepy coat ♪

♪ He's got a blade
that's two feet long ♪

♪ Pierces through
his lovely wife ♪

♪ He bids the bitch, "So long" ♪

[Laughs]

I love it.

- ♪ Scary, scary movies
on the silver screen ♪

♪ Aliens and maniacs,
tarantulas and brainiacs ♪

♪ You know the kind I mean ♪

- I still have a little time
to kill.

♪ Dudes with buzzing chainsaws,
massacred the place ♪

♪ Sleepwalking on a coffin,
corpse's bloody face ♪

♪ Bloodsucking insects
hanging from a rope ♪

♪ Gotta read a ten
on the Shock-O-Scope ♪

- Ah, bad.
- We're talkin' bad.

We're talkin' rad.

- ♪ We're takin' mad,
mad scientists ♪

♪ Frankenstein's brains ♪

♪ Schizophrenic general
and his paranoid plan ♪

♪ Zombies throwing masquerades
make me scream and yell ♪

♪ Monsters big as houses,
demon lords from hell ♪

Die.

♪ Scary, scary movies
on the silver screen ♪

♪ Aliens and maniacs,
tarantulas and brainiacs ♪

♪ You know the kind I mean ♪

♪ No fakin', I'm shakin' ♪

♪ No fakin', I'm shakin' ♪

♪ 12:00 midnight
on the shock clock ♪

♪ Want to scream so bad,
but I can't even talk ♪

♪ Head is spinning faster,
pounding hearts aflutter ♪

♪ So damn scared I'm s-starting
to s-s-s-stutter ♪

Ooh.

- ♪ Scary, scary movies
on the silver screen ♪

♪ Make me shake, make me sweat,
you know the kind I mean ♪

♪ Heart screams, all the dreams,
sharp fear of dread ♪

♪ Zombie on the left,
stuck behind my bed ♪

♪ Scary scary movies,
making me obsessed ♪

♪ Love those scary movies ♪

♪ Scary, scary movies, man,
they are just the best ♪

- ♪ Scary, scary movies ♪
- Huh!

- ♪ Scary, scary movies ♪
- Huh, huh, huh!

♪ Scary, scary movies ♪

- Whoo, yeah!
- ♪ Scary, scary movies ♪

- Shock-O-Scope.

Ooh.

A human skull.

Now you're talkin'.

- Probably some --
some kind of Jack the Ripper.

♪ But you can't come in ♪

- Get Washington
on the phone, pronto.

Nerves.

- Uh-huh.

Yeah.

♪ This is scary ♪

- Warning -- do not open.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Pocomania Day ♪

♪ So then come, come
and turn your roller ♪

♪ Hot, we hot, yes,
we cold in the water ♪

♪ Come on this and mice
of the sea ♪

♪ Then taka-taka
on your tambourine ♪

♪ Beat the drum pass,
word to your mi ♪

[Singing in native language]

♪ One more thing I want
to let you know ♪

♪ There's a meeting
here tonight ♪

♪ So, come and dine, ah ♪

♪ Come and jump with me ♪

♪ And make me feel all right ♪

♪ So, think it over
before you go ♪

♪ Think it over before you
walk away and leave me here ♪

♪ To jump revival
in a lonely way ♪

♪ On Pocomania Day ♪

♪ Think it over before you go ♪

♪ Think it over before you
walk away and leave me here ♪

♪ To jump revival ♪

[Static crackles]

- Okay, so the reason Toby dies
is that Mark

zip lines from the second
balcony into a pile of boxes,

obviously missing
his intended target,

setting off a chain reaction

that releases
the artificial mosquito,

which swings down to the stage
on a wire and impales Toby.

So the final girl
doesn't kill him.

And the final boyfriend of
the final girl doesn't kill him.

Faulty tech maintenance
kills him.

Strange little movie.

And the only reason
Mark goes to Toby's house

and figures out the truth
of what happened 15 years ago

in the first place
is that he thinks

Maggie and Toby
are making out there?

[Laughter]

I mean, also, wouldn't he have
to do a lot of intensive reading

of all those newspaper articles
that are tacked up on

Toby's wall in order to figure
out the whole complicated story?

I mean, he barely glances
at those articles.

All right.

I'm going to try to give the
production history of "Popcorn"

as well as I've been able
to put it together.

It started with
a very basic script

by a guy named Gary Goch.

He brought the idea
to Bob Clark.

He knew Bob Clark
because Gary Goch's parents

were the people
who put up the money

for Bob Clark's first film,

"Children Shouldn't Play
With Dead Things",

which was co-written with
Alan Ormsby 20 years ago.

So Clark calls up Ormsby after
after he gets this Goch idea,

and he asks Ormsby if he wants
to redo the script

for Goch's idea because Clark
thinks he can raise money

for this idea.

Ormsby starts toiling away
on the script.

He writes the slasher story.

He writes the story for each of
the movies within the movie.

He writes "Mosquito",
which is like

a William Alland movie,
like "Tarantula"

or "The Praying Mantis,"

or maybe a Bert I. Gordon
movie like "Empire of the Ants"

or "Earth Versus the Spider."

And then he follows that up
with "Electrified Man",

which is like an American
International Pictures movie

from the '50s or '60s
movie like

"I was a Teenage Werewolf"
or "War of the Colossal Beast."

The third movie he comes up with
is "The Stench",

which is like a dubbed
Japanese film from the heyday of

Toho Studios.

He also writes "The Possessor",
the movie made by

the acid dropping hippie
Lanyard Gates

that has kind of
a Mario Bava feel to it.

And so, meanwhile,
Bob Clark is raising the money

for the project, and somehow
he gets it financed by

money people who want to bring
film production to Jamaica.

All right, just as an aside,
I've been around long enough

to watch every single island
in the Caribbean

try to establish a film industry
at one time or another.

They have all failed.
I'm not sure why.

Anyway, Alan Ormsby
flies to Jamaica.

He starts making the movie.

And he starts
with the most difficult part.

He makes the movies
within the movie,

and it takes a long time
to do those.

And all this time, the money
people with the Jamaican ties

are getting restless.

So after about
a month of shooting,

the main guy, Torben Johnke,

a Danish cinematographer
who spent most of his career

shooting commercials,
he calls up Bob Clark and says,

"This is not working.
I don't like the lead actress.

It's taking way too long."

And it was taking
such a long time

because Ormsby was doing
the hardest part first.

I always tell young directors
never do that.

Always choose scenes
and sequences you can shoot fast

the first week so that you get
enough film in the can

that they can't fire you.

Anyway, Alan Ormsby
failed to get that message.

So Johnke tells Bob Clark,

"You have to fire the lead
actress and fire the director,

or else we're going to
pull the plug on the money."

And Clark says,
"Don't pull the plug."

And he goes in,
and he does the dirty work,

including telling
his good friend of 20 years

that he has to
leave the project.

Now, why doesn't Bob Clark
just step in and direct?

We'll never know for sure
because he's dead.

But what he did do
is he brought in Mark Herrier,

Billy in "Porky's",
on 24-hour notice.

He hadn't even read the script.

He gave him two hours
to look at the dailies,

dailies he would
end up reshooting.

And then he then he hired
Jill Schoelen

based on her reputation alone.

And by the way, Amy O'Neill,
the actress who was fired,

she was a hot actress
at the time.

She had been the daughter
of Rick Moranis

in "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids."

She was also
in the sequel to that.

She had a long stint
on "The Young and the Restless."

She guest starred
on all the major TV shows

throughout the '80s and '90s.

It's weird that if they wanted
a different performance,

they didn't just tell her,

"Hey, we need you to interpret
the role differently."

At any rate,
they didn't do that.

They put her on a plane.

They brought in Jill Schoelen.

They left poor Mark Herrier
to work with cinematographer

Ronnie Taylor.

This is the best part
of the story.

Ronnie Taylor
was a cinematographer,

and he was not only

Dario Argento's cameraman,
but he was

Richard Attenborough's
cameraman.

He's the guy who shot "Gandhi."

So my only point about this
is you don't tell Ronnie Taylor

where to put the camera,
you know?

So Billy from "Porky's" is
not going to tell Ronnie Taylor

how to do the DP job.

Adding to the chaos was that
they made a distribution deal

with a brand new company
called Studio Three,

which was owned
by two executives

from the recently bankrupt
New World Pictures.

And Studio Three planned
a big marketing campaign

directed at teenagers

only to be slapped
with an "R" rating by the MPAA.

So the picture opens in
a thousand theaters nationwide

and totally bombs,
and Studio Three

half ass released one more movie
and then went out of business.

Now -- and the other movie,
by the way,

also starred Jill Schoelen.

The only actor who got
a good review for "Popcorn"

was Bruce Glover
as the condemned man

who goes to the electric chair
and becomes the electrified man.

Mark Herrier retired
from the director's chair

and went back to his
distinguished acting career.

He's still going strong.

He plays
a Captain Dennis Cooper

on the Amazon series "Bosch."

Alan Ormsby, after this,

wrote a hit movie
called "The Substitute",

and then he retired
from the business in 2002.

Amy O'Neill literally
joined the circus.

She has gone all over the world

doing a show
called "Girls on Stilts."

And the Ward Theater
in Kingston, Jamaica,

which briefly became the
Dreamland Theater for "Popcorn",

returned to its former status

and is still kind of
a derelict property today.

It's still standing,
but it's rarely used.

Officially,
it's under renovation.

Okay, Darcy, I know you're
the number one fan of "Popcorn."

Thanks for sitting in on
the Jill Schoelen interview.

- Oh, my God. It was easy.
We totally bonded.

Girl stuff, right?

You have those "aren't men
horrible" talks all the time.

Yeah, we totally do.

- If men have "Aren't women
horrible" talks,

they have to be sneaky about it.

I'm sure men do the same thing.

- Now, we're not allowed to
because remember when

Dabney Coleman was
the marriage counselor

- on "Saturday Night Live"?
- No.

- I think I think they did
that a couple times.

And he would say, "Sweetheart,
sit your fat butt down

and listen to your husband."

- And you thought
that was just hysterical.

- Well, it was because
he was saying things

that you're never allowed to say
unless you're female.

Don't even go there.

- Anyway, great job on
the girl bonding interview.

Thanks, I think.

- No, seriously, I couldn't have
done the girl bonding thing.

Would you like the next letter?

I promise it's not sappy at all.

- Okay, good.
- All right.

You're learning.

- It is from Mickey Colifer,
perhaps,

of Columbia, Missouri.

All right.

"Hey, Joe Bob, I saw
in the "Slaughterhouse"

episode that the main character
of the Pig Man

is from Moberly, Missouri.

I'm actually
Miss Moberly 2014."

- Yay!
- "And I competed at

Miss Missouri.

I watched the episode
with my dad,

and we are trying to hunt down
more information about that guy.

All the searches we find only
say he is just from Missouri.

Can you help us
with some more information

or where you found
that he was from Moberly.

Thanks, Mickey Colifer,
horror lover and pageant queen,

originally from Moberly,
now in Columbia, Missouri."

All right,
thanks for the support,

Mickey's and Mickey's dad.

There's only one place that
information could have

come from, and that's from
Rick Roessler,

the director of
"Slaughterhouse",

who was the closest person
to Joe Barton,

who played Buddy Bacon,
the killer pig boy in the movie.

And if you get
the "Slaughterhouse" DVD,

I'm pretty sure he talks
about Joe growing up on a farm

outside of Moberly on
the commentary track

of that DVD.

They didn't know when they hired
him that he had actual

experience working with pigs,
but he was a pure-D farm boy.

But "Slaughterhouse"
was made in 1986.

So if he went to
high school in Moberly,

it would have been
in the early '70s.

So look in
the Moberly High yearbook

for like 1971 through 1974,
see if his picture's in there.

But remember,
he lived out on the farm,

so he might have gone
to a school

somewhere else
in Randolph County.

So congratulations
on being Miss Moberly.

And were you ever
in a beauty pageant, Darcy?

- Are you kidding me?
I hate being judged like that.

- I think they got rid
of the swimsuit competition

in Miss America for that
very reason.

You know, the contestants --
it's considered body shaming.

It totally is.

- And even if your body
is perfect, it's considered --

- What is perfect?
That's such a man thing.

- Okay, you told me not to go
there, so I'm not going there.

- Good.
- And that's it for me,

Joe Bob Briggs,
and Darcy the Mail Girl,

wishing you a happy Halloween
and reminding you,

especially if you're planning
to consume some Celtic mead

this year, I want to remind you
of the first law of drunkenness.

You can't fall off the floor.

And the drive in will never die.

- So, Darcy.
- Yes?

If I make you laugh,

can I get a little applause?

[Laughs]

If you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

And I get some applause
if I make you laugh?

Go for it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Stand up.
- Well.

- Okay, these are
Halloween jokes.

Okay.

- What do you call
an annoying pumpkin?

I don't know.

- A jackass-o-lantern.

[Laughter]

- No applause, okay.
- No applause.

- Do zombies eat popcorn
with their fingers?

I don't know.

- No, they eat
the fingers separately.

[Laughter]

Mm. No.

- What do you call a Democratic
skeleton from Vermont?

I don't know.

"Boney" Sanders.

Oh, no, no.

No.

Okay.

How do housebound people
visit graveyards on Halloween?

I don't know.

They log on to MySpace.

[Chuckles]

Tough audience!

All right.

What did Dracula's girlfriend
and a bad boxer have in common?

I don't know.

- They both go down
for the count.

[Laughter]

- All right.
- All right.

Oh, okay!

[Applause]

All right. I just had to find
the right joke genre.

You know,
how do skeletons make babies?

- Shouldn't you quit
while you're ahead?

- How does skeletons
make babies?

They bone.

[Laughter]

Oh, this is a pity flash.

[Applause]

- Outstanding. Okay.
Thank you, Darcy.

You're welcome.

- ♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

- ♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

- ♪ We are not like
other people ♪

- ♪ We are sick ♪
- ♪ Sick ♪

- ♪ We are disgusting ♪
- ♪ Disgusting ♪

- ♪ We believe in,
we believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ Breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

- ♪ We'd be off the scale ♪
- ♪ Off the scale ♪

- ♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like
jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

- ♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

- ♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪