Original subtitles

Here, puss, puss. Here, Mew-Mew.

Here, puss, puss. Come here.

Come along, come along! Here you come.

That's right. Don't fall, don't fall. Now then, come here.

Mew-Mew, Mew-Mew, come along, come along!

Mew-Mew, come along.

Where are you?

Mew-Mew, come along, Mew-Mew!

Mew-Mew, Mew-Mew, come along!

Good evening, Mrs Crosby. You're the first to arrive.

- Well. - Everything has been kept

according to your instructions.

- You've kept the place immaculate... - Mrs Pleasant.

Well... Mrs Pleasant, I can't say you've missed much.

Hm. Between the Bolsheviks on one side and the democrats on the other,

the world has become unrecognisable.

Mr West is safe?

Just as you left him.

The disintegration should be minimal.

It will be strange to, er... see him again,

listen to him again.

Shall we go?

Has the temperature been maintained?

Well, yes...

- Are you sure? - Yes, and the locks haven't been opened

- since you closed them. - That was a long time ago.

And yet, in a way, not so long.

20 years.

Tonight.

It's a strange feeling, Mrs Pleasant,

to find oneself opening something one closed 20 years ago.

Almost to the hour.

Happy anniversary, Mr West.

Welcome to 1934.

Well, Mrs Pleasant, I don't seem to recall

being informed about a moth

that has reached its maturity.

But I can't think how it happened.

- I haven't got a key. - Quite.

Quite, Mrs Pleasant.

I will investigate the local moth colony and find out who they sent over.

It's the spirit!

Open the door! I've been pounding on it for 10 minutes!

Just a moment.

Just another small moment, please.

I think your guests are beginning to arrive.

Most anxiously.

Good evening, Mrs Crosby!

- Good evening, Harry. - I'm sorry about the broken glass but I...

Oh, thanks, I will.

I seem to recall that breaking things was something that you know a lot about.

We're flashing the sabres early tonight, aren't we?

Flashing sabres? That's a subject you also know a lot about.

- You're full of charm this evening. - Did you come by train?

No, I drove. But the train is in.

I just managed to beat it to the crossroads.

You've got a perfect night for the reading of a will.

- Am I the first? - Hm-mm.

- How many besides myself? - I don't know.

Five were notified - five definitely live.

I know two and that's one too many.

Tell me, why do relatives have to be...?

Named Charlie Wilder.

Cheers.

Good evening.

- It's exactly as I thought it would be. - May I take your coats?

Why do you dislike Charlie so very much?

In the second place, he's my cousin and I don't like war heroes,

in the third place, I think he's a queer, in the fourth place, I know he's a gigolo.

- In the first place... - Because she is very fond of him.

- Score two for the will reader. - I'm not going to read the will tonight.

No? Who is?

Cyrus West.

There's an auctioneer in Swiss Cottage,

he could turn the place over for at least four million, cash.

Cicily, let's not get mawkishly sentimental.

I'll just die if it's me. Wouldn't you just die if it was me?

Not if I'm the next in line.

Oh.

Well, I suppose you can make do with anything if you have to.

- Good evening, Miss Sillsby. - Good evening. How do you do?

- May I introduce Dr Blythe. - How do you do?

Susan Sillsby, the noted sportswoman

- and Cicily Young. - Who is noted.

- I'll have a drink. - It's too early for you.

- She never drinks before sunup. - You both came up from London?

We came up together, we're roommates.

- You're cousins. - Yes, cousins and roommates.

Oh, but it won't be a problem. We're not planning to have children.

Where do you practise, Doctor?

I used to practise in London, Beverly Hills and Geneva.

Oh, the change-of-life circuit.

I know who you are. You're the one who opens the will beforehand

and changes the heir's name so you wind up with everything.

Miss Young...

I'm so happy that you're free.

You're to join us this evening.

It's certainly the perfect weather for the reading of a will.

Do we have to perform some special feat to be chosen heir, like during the crusades?

- I'll only perform what I do well. - Try shutting up, you do that well.

You said I did a lot of things well.

Would somebody gracefully change the subject?

Thanks, Cyrus.

Hi, Clown.

- Charles Howard Wilder. Good evening. - Hello!

Drinks for my family, for tonight we ride.

- Charlie Wilder, we're cousins. - I got this from an out-of-work magician

in exchange for some flying lessons.

- Would you do me a favour? - Anything.

Would you take me for a ride? If I went in a plane with Charlie Wilder

- I'd just die... - Any time, my pretty. Anything for a relative,

particularly one who may soon be very rich.

- Maybe it'll be you. - I hope so,

but I don't remember the old man.

Harry, sorry you could make it. Even you can have a glass.

Everybody should have a glass, no matter what they may have done.

Careful, you might get this right in your face.

It wouldn't be the first time, old boy.

Even one for you, Gertrude Stein. A glass is a glass is a glass.

Why don't you two make up and shake hands?

- I never thought I'd do that without gloves. - Aren't you wearing gloves?

Is it true you once doubled for Buddy Rogers?

- No, it was Ben Lyon. - Haven't you always been a double?

- No, during the war I was one of the leads. - Oh, really, General?

Didn't I see your face on something to do with clean teeth?

Be careful, Mr Wilder.

In the process of keeping track of the family over the years,

I've managed to... acquire some interesting souvenirs.

Well, 1932 wasn't a very good year for dogfights.

I only died 17 times.

- Really? - This is nice.

A perfect night for the reading of a will.

- Who are you? - This must be Paul Jones.

Nice to see you, relative.

Thank you. You're Charlie Wilder, the... the flyer!

- That's true. - I knew a guy who wrote a song about you.

d Charlie Wilder The highest flyer of them all d

- I'm a songwriter too. - Tell me about your exploits some time.

- You're American? - Yes, I had to be in London anyway.

You might've come a long way for nothing.

Or an awfully shod way if he's the heir. Hello, Paul, I'm strange cousin Susan.

- Are we all here? - No, one still expected.

- Who? - Annabelle.

Present! Hello, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Hello, darling! Mwah! Nice to see you.

Hello, Harry, it's really nice to see you again. Hello, Charlie!

- Oh, excuse me. - We've all been getting reacquainted.

This is Miss Sillsby, Miss Young, Miss Annabelle West.

- The others I think you know. - Yes.

- Excuse me. - Annabelle West, I'm Cicily.

Hello, cousin. Welcome to Elsinore.

Oh!

Hello! Hello, Paul.

It's really nice to see you again.

- Long time no see, as they say. - Hello.

You're Aunt Emma's boy, right?

As we are all assembled, I should like to begin.

Will you please sit down.

There's... something wrong.

- What? - That clock.

- What about it? - It hasn't struck... for 20 years.

Maybe it's out of the union.

It struck...

seven times.

And there are... eight people in the house.

Some of you...

may not live.

Are you quite sure, Mrs Pleasant?

The spirit...

is never wrong.

No, I mean are you quite sure that there are only...

eight people in this house.

On the 27th of September, 1914, Cyrus Canby West died in this house.

20 years ago tonight.

I was instructed to assemble all of his surviving relatives here in this room

at midnight on September 27th 1934.

Well, Kipling once wrote that, er...

the past is like an eclipse.

If you gaze at either too deeply you'll become blind.

- However, tonight... - No, no, no. Kipling never said that,

that was Joyce Kilmer, the American.

I hope the will is more accurate than your sources!

Excuse me, I think it was Kipling.

Kilmer!

Yes, of course, Kilmer.

In his most celebrated poem, Gunga Din.

Thank you, Mrs Crosby, I'm glad to see there is humility left in the world.

- You're too, too kind. - Can we start?

- When do we find out who the lucky one is? - Very soon now.

However, don't you think that all of you in this room

have been very lucky over the years?

- Let's hear it for the West family! - At least we have a celebrity.

- An almost-celebrity. - Aren't you, Miss Sillsby... well-known

for the many, many hunting trophies you've won,

as well as sharing the world record for the Bengal tiger.

She certainly is.

And you, Miss Young -

yes, Miss Young - are famous for shooting another kind of game.

Pity it wasn't Charlie.

Harry, you were well-known and successful.

Successful with juries. Only an hour and a half to acquit you?

Listen, stuntman, this isn't Hollywood, I'll hospitalise you...

Please! Please, Harry.

In spite of that unfortunate incident

- your career has been... - Peddling fifth-rate pharmaceuticals.

- I told you to shut up! - Stop it!

- I think I'm next. - Yes, Miss West.

Miss West - ah, I see from this newspaper article

that you are rapidly becoming

one of the most popular fashion designers in London,

an accomplishment that would be envied by someone twice your age.

- Now, Mr West, however... - I, er... won a radio at Macy's last year.

Oh, er...

Mr... Jones. I, er, didn't see you sitting there.

- Oh, yes... - That's all right.

I understand that you earned considerable attention and remuneration

with a song called...

- The Pollen Count? - Yes, well, hay fever is very popular...

Er, yes, Mr Jones, your success is well deserved, there can be no doubt about that.

- Get on with it. - Cyrus West was no ordinary man.

In his lifetime he amassed a vast fortune

and in his retirement he used his energies to protect that fortune

from what he thought were...

avaricious and dangerous relatives.

- He hid the necklace well. - What necklace?

The famous West necklace.

It's worth over half a million pounds, if you could get the diamonds today.

- Where is it? - That's just it. Nobody knows.

It was during what was unfortunately the last year of his life

that Mr West had himself... secretly photographed

on moving picture film.

- What? - At the same time,

making synchronised sound recording.

Oh, no. Is this some kind of joke?

- Hardly. - Did they even have sound then?

- Didn't you double for Buddy Rogers? - It was Ben Lyon.

A very primitive form of sound recording which had been developed at that time.

We certainly come from forward-thinking stock.

He was putting on airs.

The difficulty was to preserve that film from disintegration during the 20 years

and that task I allotted to Mr West's devoted and faithful housekeeper, Mrs Pleasant.

How do we know that she didn't peek?

The integrity of Mrs Pleasant is beyond question

and, anyway, it would have been impossible.

- Would you bet your fortune on it? - My fortune is not at issue tonight.

There were two films made -

the first contains Mr West reading his will and identifying his beneficiary.

The second film is not to be run tonight

and must, in fact, be destroyed exactly 12 hours from now

- unless... - Unless what?

Unless the designated heir dies or is judged...

- What? - Judged to be insane.

- Good God... - What the hell is that supposed to mean?

The second film contains the identity of the heir who is next in line.

- This is a licence for someone to kill. - What?

The second heir would want to kill the first.

But no one knows the identity of the second heir.

Except...

the moth.

I would like to invite you all to a little supper on behalf of our host...

Cyrus West.

Are we going to see one of Charlie's films?

I hope not, for your sakes.

Miss West, I think we'll find that this film is more in the private collectors' category.

- I hope it's as good as the one last Friday. - A film that could only have been made

- by such a man as Cyrus West. - How do we know there are no copies?

I supervised the destruction of the negative.

- Then just tell us who is the heir. - I can't.

- Why? - I've never see the film. No one has.

In fact, Mrs Pleasant and I are the only two people left alive

who were involved with making the film.

- Old man West was the insane one. - He was peculiar.

- He's a lunatic. - An eccentric.

You must admit this scheme makes him a little crazy.

- He was a little ahead of his time. - You will say he was strange.

- I will say he was unique. - A yo-yo.

- An independent thinker. - A rich thinker.

- That's what made him independent. - I like the movies.

So did Cyrus West. Let us hear what he had to say.

'Good evening, leeches. Take your places.

'As you know, I am Cyrus West.

'First of all let me tell you that you're all a bunch of bastards.

'Oh, I know, I know the people you came from.

'They're all a bunch of bastards, yes - your fathers, your mothers,

'your uncles, your aunts, your nephews, your nieces,

'your sons, your daughters, not to mention the cartload of cousins.

'All a bunch of bastards except of course Mew-Mew and perhaps one or two others.

'Perhaps I'm the biggest bastard of you all,

'to bring you here this night so distant in the future

'and to sit here contemplating the interaction of you parasites.

'Now, I've asked Mrs Pleasant...

'who promised me she wouldn't die as I've been foolish enough to do,

'to prepare for you the same supper she's preparing for me this evening.

'Ah, the wine.

'Thank you.

'A trifle fresh perhaps but you should have it at more or less the perfect moment. '

Hmm. Cheers.

'L have it fresh, you have it mature.

'It's my guess that I'm mature and it's you who are fresh.

'Fresh bastards. Oh, begin, please, begin.

'The foie gras, if you can still get it, comes from Perigord near Lot. '

'Some men seek immortality. That's a mistake, an eternal mistake.

'How many of the great Pharaohs do we really know?

'None. These people were too greedy, they asked for too much.

'To be remembered forever - really, what conceit.

'L don't want to be remembered forever.

'My great pleasure at the moment is to sit here

'and know that I'll be spending an evening with you

'20 years from the night that I pass on to where I am now.

'Except that I am with you at this moment, physically and emotionally...

'in a sense.

'For instance... '

'Ha! Didn't that hurt your ears?

'Of course I'm with you.

'I'm spending an evening with all my living relatives.

'Thank you. I made the guest list,

'I lead the conversation, I tell the amusing stories,

'I set the menu, I still command my family.

'It's a birthday party for old Cyrus,

'20 years gone but not forgotten, no, indeed.

'I'm with you. '

It's a comfort to know we all have the same blood flowing in our veins.

'Now, this is Bombay chicken.

'Oh, I've asked for some extra curry to be placed on the table,

'she never puts enough in.

'Take a moment to do it.

'Go ahead, go ahead. '

I think this chicken died in 1914.

Maybe they kept it with the film.

Harry, let's make a pact- if it's either of us we'll split it.

- Right. - Not a bad idea.

What about it? 50-50?

No good. I'd lose out anyway.

- Why? - Nobody would declare me sane.

- I'd bet on it. - I had to be mad to be born into this family.

I wasn't mad when I came here but I will be soon.

Tell us some war stories, that'll calm your nerves.

Thank you, Captain Bligh.

'Now... the science of the transmission

'of hereditary physical and mental characteristics is called genetics.

'Genetically speaking I feel as if I was looking straight into the eyes

'of each and every one of you,

'as indeed you are looking into my eyes.

'L might say, dear relatives... Dear survivors - that's a good name for you -

'that I am, as I was before 20 years ago tonight,

'on the very tips of my relatives' tongues. '

- Isn't he going to run out of film? - Shh!

'Before you get too impatient, and I know my family well,

'let me complete my introductory remarks by assuring you

'that I'll be in your hearts for the entire evening

'because I know something you don't.

'Returning to genetics for a moment.

'If there are more than three of you present, and I don't envisage fewer,

'then the mathematical probability of one or more of you being mentally unbalanced

'is, I must tell you, not in your favour.

'Coffee.

'Thank you. On the table is cream and sugar. Help yourselves.

'Try and keep away from the sugar, it'll kill you.

'Remember, cream first, coffee after.

'Now, should the beneficiary not be declared sane,

'which wouldn't surprise me,

'you will gather yourselves together exactly 12 hours from now

'and have breakfast with me when we run the second film. '

I knew there was something to that insane thing. This whole thing is insane.

- Maybe we're all insane. - That could be an understatement.

I'm as sane as anyone here.

'Now, if Allison Crosby is still alive and hasn't dropped dead from overwork,

'she's probably told you that she's had my money invested for 20 years.

'If she hasn't told you, then her representative,

'who's probably another bastard,

'possibly has told you that if my heir is not judged sane

'then the next in line will be named in another film.

"'L, Cyrus Canby West, being of sound mind and body, do hereby declare,

"'as the sole heir to all my money,

"'bonds, securities, estates, real and otherwise,

"'my descendant, man or woman, who bears the surname of West.

Congratulations!

Oh, you lucky devil!

- Congratulations. - Congratulations, my dear.

- That's great. - Congratulations.

- Thank you, Cicily. - My astrologer guaranteed I'd get it,

I'll kill the bitch!

Dinner's on you!

'Quiet, please, quiet.

'Thank you. There's an excellent Cognac which, by now,

'should be even more excellent, having waited for you.

'Mmm. Rest assured that I will be with you

'for what is now the games part of the evening. '

Well, no necklace.

'There's one more thing, just one.

'The West necklace.

'You didn't think I'd forgotten, did you?

'But that's not for all of you to hear. I'm sorry, dear family, it's not for all of you.

'L would like to have a word with my heir or heirs alone.

'Will the others please excuse us?

'All of you. You have 20 seconds. '

Everyone, please, except Miss West.

'I'll be seeing you.

'As for the necklace, you've heard of it, I'm sure.

'Well, it's here. It's here for you.

'Where? I wrote the answer to that on something

'which has been waiting to take a breath for 20 years.

'At last. '

Thank you, Cyrus.

- Well done! What a girl! - Congratulations, my dear,

- I must speak with you. - Do you need a companion?

Don't say things like that, even in jest!

I think it's wonderful, I know you'll use the money really well.

- Thank you, you are kind. - If you get something terminal,

remember I was a good loser.

Choose well in life, my dear.

I chose my career over my marriage.

I never regretted it and I hope you choose as wisely.

I think it's great. I'd have lost it all in a month anyway.

- Hey, why so glum? - Me glum? I don't see why I should be glum.

I've just had dinner with a dead man,

I'm in the middle of nowhere without a telephone, there's a hurricane blowing

and Mrs Pleasant thinks there are ghosts in the house.

What's more, there's insanity in the family

and there could be a fully paid-up lunatic in the next bed.

- I don't know why I should be glum. - It'll all work out.

Where there's a will there's a way.

- I wish I could get the hell out of here. - You must all stay the night, Harry.

In case we have occasion to hear the second part of the will.

Think what fun we could've had swinging on the chandeliers.

Lucky I used to do this for a living.

That's your room on the right.

- Thank you, very much. - Would you take...

Hmm, my favourite period -

- early Devil's Island. - He really was a bastard.

- They should give the losers something. - Maybe we're not losers...

quite yep

Temper, temper. That's no way to fly a plane, Colonel.

Listen!

- Lay off that gigolo routine. - Why, too close to the bone?

You always get too close to the bone, you damned killer.

- You're lucky you're not inside. - I did not kill anybody.

- It was an accident. - Of course,

the alcohol is for the patients, not the doctor!

- Hm, modest little dwelling. - What's the commotion?

It sounds as if Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn are at it again.

- I'll go down, you change. - You are kind.

Not at all, what's a poor relation for?

What the hell...?

Oh, forgive me.

Please - had I shot you I would've felt terrible.

My name is Hendricks, I am the chief psychologist at the Fairview Sanitarium.

- What's that? - An asylum for the criminally insane,

- just up the road. - That's convenient.

- Mr... Hendricks? - Uh-huh.

Do please come in, take off your wet things.

Thank you, I'd like to have a word with everybody, please.

I hope you will forgive my rather unconventional use of your window.

- You saved his life. - He saved your neck, you mean.

- Oh, time, fellas, time. - I was afraid for the safety of all of you.

What? What do you mean by that, Mr Hendricks?

I'm sorry to report that one of our sanitarium patients has escaped.

- I knew. I felt something. - Ls he dangerous?

- Extremely. A complete maniac. - He'll feel at home here.

And homicidal. He's a real killer.

Have you seen anyone around here since seven o'clock?

That's about the time we arrived.

That explains what I felt.

- Oh, what do you mean? - Actually, we've all been a little tense.

- What makes you think he's here? - I didn't say he was.

I'm looking at all the houses in the general area.

Have you some reason to imagine that he's... close to here?

- Or in this house? - Well, he always tries to get into a house

- whenever he escapes. - He's escaped before?

- Yes, I'm afraid so. - What do you use? The honour system?

His method is to get into a house and hide until everyone's gone to bed.

What does he look like?

Well, when he got out he was wearing a long coat and a black slouch hat.

He's not a young man, very little hair, sharp teeth and fingernails like...

claws.

I think I took his daughter out once.

He believes that he's a cat.

- A cat? - Nobody believes he's a cat.

- Nobody in his right mind. - Last name West by any chance?

I can assure you that he is not in his right mind

- and indeed believes himself a cat. - Ls this a joke?

No. In fact, he kills his victims by slowly ripping them apart

That's enough. It's been a stimulating...

That could be most unwise.

I'm asking everyone in the area to lock themselves in until morning.

- That's ridiculous. - I don't think you've much choice.

And how should we apprehend this homicidal animal?

- Do you have an extra weapon? - No.

Weapons can be as dangerous as maniacs.

- And I hope to get him alive. - Why? As long as you get him.

Well, I've been studying him. There's a seminar this spring

and I was rather hoping to give a paper on his behaviour.

Everybody lie down!

Don't anybody move.

- Cicily! - Thank God it's you.

- You nearly got shot. - Some cat.

- This is Mr Hendricks. - Who's bringing important news

- to everyone in the area. - I'm not here to alarm you.

Certainly not! There's absolutely no cause for alarm.

It's just a homicidal maniac who thinks he's a cat got loose.

He's not dangerous, he just tears his friends apart, that's all. But don't get upset - ha!

They strap him down in a rubber room and a few times a year he gets out.

They have a collection of incompetents over there and this is the chief-

who should be investigated by the State Board of Medical Enquiry.

This is criminal negligence.

A killer is on the loose and you're responsible.

There are many killers loose.

Very often it is not clear precisely who is responsible.

Mr Hendricks, I'm sure you'd like to know who you are speaking to.

I am Allison Crosby, the West family lawyer, this is...

- Harry Blythe. - How do you do?

You know the State Board of Medical Enquiry?

- I used to practise medicine. - Ah, which branch of medicine?

- Surgery - Surgery?

That's interesting.

Surge! -

Hmm, very interesting.

My patient cuts with his hands or whatever he can find.

You cut with a scalpel.

The results are very different to be sure

but who is to say that the urge is not the same?

Your man has an uncontrollable aggressivity.

Unlike you when we met in the hall?

- Why did you stop operating? - He went into somebody's brain

and ripped them apart - like your oat.

- Shut up! - This is Charlie Wilder,

of whom I'm sure you've heard.

- Ah, the famous hero. - Glad to know you.

Tell them how many brains you got into with your bombs.

I lost an older brother in the war.

I believe we all owe Mr Wilder some measure of gratitude

- for what he accomplished for us all. - Ha!

But wasn't it Bertrand Russell who asked,

"What is a killer but a hero out of uniform?"

- Do you want any help? - He thinks there's a reward.

Thank you, no. There are several of us out and the weather's on our side.

What's on our side, Mr Hendricks?

My entire staff, to whom I've issued orders to shoot on sight.

- Oh. - I hope it's not necessary.

What else can you do with a wounded animal?

You're Susan Sillsby, aren't you?

A classmate of mine almost broke your record in Kenya last summer.

He always admired your courage.

He wouldn't be very pleased with me tonight.

Anyway, I'm not a killer.

- I'm a sportswoman. - That's not what the tigers say.

But, I must tell you that I've never agreed with those who couldn't see the difference.

- This is Miss Cicily Young. - How do you do?

Are you going to stay with us all night?

I wish I could

but there's a lot of ground to cover, so to speak.

Miss Young, do forgive me,

but a colleague of mine testified in a fascinating case in London

- involving... - It was kill or be killed, Dr Freud.

- What? - What are you talking about?

I don't mind, Susan.

I was the girl who was dancing at the Cosy Club in London

who the manager doped and tried to attack in his office.

With no other way for me to prevent him

from accomplishing his unspeakable intentions

and seeing his gun on the desk, I gave it to him.

Right in the face.

Self-preservation's the first rule, certainly.

Er... how many times?

Six.

As I recall, the condition of the body was...

somewhat mutilated when they found it.

After the shots I fainted. I never remembered anything after that.

Understandable, certainly.

- Yes, well, now... - And, er...

What about Mr Paul Jones?

He's a songwriter from the United States.

- How do you do? - Fine, thank you.

Well, very often we know a man by his creative effofls.

- What's your latest work? - A love song.

It's called, erm... You Scratch My Back And I'll Scratch... Yours.

- Hm-mm? - Before you start, let me tell you

I, er... I used to put red ants in with black ants.

Oh, yes, once I killed a skunk on the Taconic State Parkway

but, if, erm... your cat decides to show up, don't count on me

cos it was all a long time ago and I've hung up my guns for good.

Oh, but I can count on you, Mr Jones.

From what I hear on the radio, songwriters are the worst killers in society.

What about Mrs Allison Crosby?

Mrs Crosby.

You're a lawyer.

And all lawyers are sharks.

And sharks are the worst killers

and the most bloodthirsty creatures in nature.

I really shouldn't stay any longer.

Would you mind getting my coat for me, please?

- What do we do if the cat gets in? - He can have our room.

- I hope he's paper-trained. - We'll hang on to him.

Just pray he doesn't hang on to you.

- Twice this year I've had to shoot him. - What?

Once here.

And once... here.

That seems a little excessive.

Regardless, the last time he was captured he succeeded in getting his hands on...

me.

It took three good men to get him off.

You will take my advice and avoid socialising with him at all costs.

Whatever you say.

There's a good chance

he's looking to get in out of the weather, if he hasn't already.

Sol must ask each one of you again not to go out before morning

and be sure to lock all outside windows and doors.

If we get him I'll let you know.

- Thank you. - So we're prisoners in here?

Well, I'd prefer to think that he is the prisoner - out there.

Would you please tell anyone else in the house about the situation?

Ladies and gentlemen, whatever the purpose of your gathering,

I hope this won't prove too much of a... disturbing element.

I wish you all a good night.

Remember... as Bismarck said,

"A little caution outflanks a large cavalry. "

Good night.

Now, check all the doors and windows. Let's begin with the basement.

Which has no lights because of the storm.

- That's right. - I thought so.

Please.

I think it would be wise

if nothing of this was mentioned to Miss West.

If she asks anything just say we're looking round her beautiful house.

Do you agree?

- Certainly. - Of course.

Come in.

- Just wanted to see if you were OK. - Sure, I'm fine.

Everyone's looking round your beautiful house - I will too.

- Talk to you later. - OK.

Just wanted to see if everything was all right.

- Everything is fine. - You're not nervous, are you?

- No. - Good.

I think I'll, er... look around your beautiful house.

I'll see you later.

Er... I want to talk to you.

OK.

- Just wanted to see if you were all right. - Thanks, Susan.

- What's happening? - Nothing.

Nothing. You look a little upset.

I'm fine.

There's so much to admire in your beautiful house, I'll look around.

Oh, just one thing.

We just heard there's a maniac loose in the area.

He thinks he's a cat. He may even be inside the house.

A cat?

Yes, a cat. K-A-T.

See you later.

- H - Ow.

It's chilly here.

You know it's bad luck for an heiress to catch a cold on her first night?

- Like brides. - I never heard of that.

They take half your money away.

It's a local ordinance, maybe that's why you never heard of it.

You're very sweet to be so concerned.

What kind of a fortune hunter would I be if I didn't look into these things?

Paul, I don't catch colds easily

and I am not allergic to cats.

- Susan? - I'll never tell.

Well, it's nice to know who your relatives are. I'm sure she exaggerated.

It really is nice to see you again.

But you still look the same.

- You don't. - I don't? How?

Look at yourself in a mirror and try to remember how you were in New York.

Oh, that was a great vacation.

- Was I that bad? - You were a walking passport photo.

- Ouch. Sounds awful. - No, it was fun.

It was almost as much fun as we're having tonight.

I gathered that cousin Annabelle completely destroyed the summer of '29

for nice, accommodating cousin Paul who lived in a big, cold American city.

Actually, I wrote my first song that summer and I sold it.

Really? What did you call it?

Er... I, er... don't remember.

You don't?

I think it was called... Annabelle's Summer.

This isn't very much of an Annabelle's summer.

Well, actually I wouldn't worry about one cat outside.

- No? - It's the wolves inside I'd be scared of.

Oh! Harry and Charlie?

They're harmless and I do think that they're sincere.

No one is more sincere than a greedy cousin.

That's Paul Jones's theory of relativity.

- Hmm. - Anyway, you have to be careful now.

- Don't get involved with people like... - Like you?

No, you don't have to worry about me. I admit I'm after your money.

Paul...

- please be careful. - Do not fear.

Tonight the mouse will outfox the cat.

Oh, Charles!

- Well, did you find anything? - What?

- Susan spilled it. - The idiot. There's nothing to worry about.

- I know. Where have you been? - Checking windows,

- have you finished? - No, I have to get started. I'll see y'all.

If this is a play I hope I don't have the role of first body discovered.

I've had an altercation with Dr Jekyll.

- Got anything for a out lip? - Yes, come on.

You once doubled for Buddy Rogers?

- No, it was Ben Lyon. - I bet everybody tells you that.

No, hardly ever.

I bet you didn't get this service in France.

- I had better. - Oh, thanks a lot.

You smell nicer than any medic.

Oh, you seem to know a lot about people who smell nicer than medics.

Annabelle, what happened? I mean, what happened?

Everyone keeps asking for you, I don't know what to say.

- Stop that. - I can't help it.

Be brave, my centurion.

Where would I hide if I were an escaped homicidal maniac

who thinks he's a cat?

Good thing.

I told you I loved you before you were rich.

I don't care about money, in spite of what they say.

Tell me, why was I grounded?

Charlie, be original.

Yeah, you're right. I've said that too many times.

I've said everything too many times, I'm the original carbon copy.

- Except nothing is original. - Really?

Except when I was with you. You're the one I was truly original with.

I really liked you, you know.

But I have to tell you, you are moody sometimes

and I don't particularly like sharing things with the girls I know.

- You haven't heard my version. - Thank God.

The one I heard was bad enough.

But that's over, Charlie.

Look, Charlie, this has been a wonderful night for me,

in spite of strange people wandering about,

so please, please try to get on with Harry.

Does he mean that much to you?

Everybody means something to me - even you.

Don't joke with me, I'm serious.

Like it or not, Charlie Wilder doesn't give up.

You'll come back to me, I know it.

And if I don't?

And if you don't, well...

I can always say I once held a real, live heiress in the palm of my hand.

You are sweet.

Not even that's original, I just saw it in The Scarlet Pimpernel.

Annabelle, I'm hopeless. Save me, please.

Who is it?

Miss Annabelle, Mrs Crosby would like to see you in the library.

I've got to go.

Well...

It looks like it's going to be you and me.

And stay out.

Oh... thank you for coming.

- What are you looking for? - I was looking for, er...

- an old family photograph album. - Oh?

Yes. Miss West?

I take it that you are aware that what passes between a client and his lawyer

- is privileged information? - Of course.

Good. Well, I was close to Mr West

so naturally I gained facts about his fortune and about his family.

But now I feel it my duty

in the light of recent events and particularly in view of the fact that...

well, a life may possibly be in danger

I feel it my duty to suspend normal terms...

Five, six...

Six...

It only chimed six times, Mrs Crosby.

Does it mean that"?

Mrs Crosby?

Mrs Crosby?

Er... Mrs Crosby?

Mrs Crosby...

Oh... Mrs Pleasant, did you see Mrs Crosby leave?

No, I didn't.

- What happened? - She's disappeared.

- Can you blame her? - She didn't pass you in the hall?

- Annabelle, was that you screaming? - Are you all right?

- When did you miss her? - A minute ago. She was mid-sentence.

- Where were you? - Here.

She was standing there saying she had something important to tell me.

- For my own safety, I think. - Something about danger all around you?

Yes, something like that.

- There were people out to harm you? - Yes.

- Are you sure? - Charlie, you remember,

- she wanted to see me. - Did you find her?

Of course, she was right over there.

And I was here and I saw a cat.

- A cat? - Yes, I was holding the cat

- when the clock started to chime. - Which clock?

Well, I... I don't know.

The clock started chiming, I turned to talk to...

- To who? - To Mrs Crosby.

Who did you think I was talking to?

You heard me, Mrs Pleasant, didn't you?

I only heard your voice, Miss Annabelle.

- You didn't see her leave? - She didn't leave!

- Then where is she? - You won't find Allison Crosby.

I don't see any cat.

What are you all looking at?

Are you trying to tell me I've been hearing things?

- Of course not. - I told you...

I was holding the oat, a clock started to chime,

it only chimed six chimes, which Mrs Pleasant said...

It's been a very exciting evening. Perhaps you're overstimulated.

I'd hate to tell you some of things I've thought I've seen in my time.

Are you telling me I've been seeing things?

No, are you crazy? I'm sorry.

Annabelle, nobody said anything of the sort.

Yes, they did.

Who said that Annabelle could be crazy?

Cyrus West.

Well... if it was my imagination,

where is Mrs Crosby?

Well... I expect she's somewhere checking with Harry.

Where has Harry been?

I'm going to take Cicily and lock us in our room.

Good idea, I'll go and find Harry.

I'll look in on you later.

Do you think I'm crazy?

Do you?

No, if I were crazy, I'd be a much better designer.

We'll find Mrs Crosby.

I think she and Mrs Pleasant have something going on down in the basement.

You'll see - I'm right.

Hmm.

Hmm.

'As for the necklace, you've heard of it, I'm sure.

'Well, it's here. It's here for you.

'Where? I wrote the answer to that on something

'which has been waiting to take a breath for 20 years. '

Waiting to breathe?

Oh.

Ice.

Ice.

Who is it?

It's me. Harry.

Oh, come in.

Just wanted to see if you were OK.

I'm fine thanks, Harry.

Well, I'm still in one piece anyway.

- Where have you been? - Around.

- Checking out the house. - Have you seen Mrs Crosby?

No, but Charlie told me she was missing.

- She disappeared right in front of you? - Nothing that spectacular.

But she did disappear, she did do that.

Annabelle, you've been through a lot tonight.

The money and then Susan told you everything.

Not everything, just enough for a small breakdown.

Please believe me, you have nothing to fear while Harry is here.

I know that everyone is going to think it's because you're the first heir...

but we meant a lot to each other. At least you meant a lot to me.

I'd like to make us more permanent.

- Harry, I... I do feel something for you. - Only something?

Well, you know how much I like you.

You know how much I like you.

Please, let me protect you.

I'd kill for you, you know that.

That temper of yours is one of the reasons I stopped seeing you.

Oh, Annabelle.

Well, perhaps it'll come in handy tonight.

- Do you know where Mrs Crosby is? - Oh, stop talking about Mrs Crosby,

I'm being serious with you.

It's not the moment, Harry.

I do appreciate what you're saying

but, er... let's talk about it later.

I need to relax for a while.

All right...

but you haven't heard the last of me.

Oh, Annabelle.

You're driving me crazy.

Oh, Harry,

it runs in the family.

Oh, am I interrupting something?

Oh... no, no, erm...

Harry was, er... just leaving.

I didn't know you made house calls, Doctor.

- I'll see you later. - Yes.

I just met Paul.

He said I shouldn't have mentioned Hendricks.

- I'm sorry if I upset you. - That's all right.

In these circumstances everyone in the camp should know

what's waiting out in the darkness, however gruesome.

Susan, this is Glencliff Manor, not Tanganyika.

You're wrong - it's a jungle

and there's a wild animal around who kills for the pleasure of it.

He's got very sharp teeth and very long nails

and he hides in houses and waits until everyone is asleep

and then he takes his victim

and very, very slowly tears the flesh off them.

Oh, Susan, please.

In case he gets in and in case he gets you, take this.

And if a bullet won't stop him,

shoot yourself.

Come in.

Mrs Pleasant... I'm afraid.

I think that I'm in some son of danger.

If you're afraid, you are in danger.

Mr West always said, "Fear is what you have to be afraid of. "

He told me that he'd seen fear make people lose their minds.

Huh! Permanently, in just a few hours.

Mr West said, "The canary in a cage almost dies of fright

"when the cat walks round the cage. "

Dies a thousand deaths,

although it's quite safe.

That's a comfort

Unfortunately...

this is a house, not a cage.

Oh!

Well... Allison Crosby, I think she got disbarred and left.

- What have you being doing? - Getting a lot of advice

and trying to figure out what "ice" means.

- Ice? - Mm. Ice.

Here, look.

"Ice".

Ice...

Didn't Crosby says something about the fact that the biggest problem

- was preserving the film? - Uh-hmm.

How do you go about preserving something?

- Ice! - Ice!

- Oh, my God, what's that? - I don't know

- but you look here and I'll try here. - OK.

- Have you found anything? - Not yet.

I think I found something. Look down there.

Do you see it?

There's something...

I'll be around, so if anything happens, you just scream and I'll run and get Cicily.

Better than nothing.

Ha! Take that! And that!

Ha!

It's a fine weapon. A fine weapon, Mrs Pleasant.

Oh...

Help! Someone help!

Please help!

Help! Please help!

Come quick! There... there was a creature in my room. He stole my necklace,

- I thought he was trying to kill me. - Where did he go?

Calm down everyone, just calm down.

Annabelle and I found the West necklace.

- You could've taken it. - It didn't fit.

- How do we know you didn't take it? - I put it on before I went to sleep.

- Where did he come from? - Er... right here, I think.

- Oh, really, Annabelle, you can't be serious. - Anything can happen in a house like this.

- He came out of the wall? - Yes!

- You said you were sleeping. - I was! He must have been here.

- I bolted the door! - Maybe he was in already.

Or wasn't in at all.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, Annabelle's been strange the whole night.

Why don't you just say that I've got the running West insanity?

Relax, Susan. Anybody can get a little...

- hysterical. - I am not hysterical.

- The creature was here. - How did he get in?

That's not so hard to figure out.

I thought they invented secret passages in this country.

What's so strange about the cat sneaking in and accidentally finding one?

One that led to this room?

Is there a passage that leads here?

Er... I - I don't know.

There's got to be some explanation for all this.

Do you suppose it's really Mrs Crosby?

It could've been you.

Now do you think she was seeing things?

Where does that lead to?

I don't know.

- That maniac may still be in the house. - My God, suppose he's still here.

I hope our friend Hendricks comes back soon.

Nobody's to go down there.

Why don't you two charmers... just lock this room up

and put Annabelle someplace safe.

I'm going to look around again.

I didn't think it would turn into this kind of evening.

- Let's get the body downstairs. - I told you what that maniac does.

Yes, cousin Susan, you described it most perfectly.

Almost too perfectly.

I must be hurt worse than I thought.

- Where have you been? - Not very far.

- What have you been doing? - Thinking.

Being alone in this place gives me the double creeps.

Stretch out, I'll relax you.

- Hi. Victim number two. - Paul, you're hurt!

I'm all right, but the left side of my head's missing.

- Who did it? - I found him in the basement.

You'd have been proud of me, I didn't bounce once.

What happened?

Then I saw Mrs Pleasant looking down at me.

- This makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? - It does to me.

But try telling the others, they'll think you're insane too.

- They may have a point. - Some maniac is trying to kill us.

- Look what just happened to you. - Maybe he's just a little overstimulated,

- as Susan would say. - Very funny, Paul.

I am scared, really scared.

Old Cyrus's game was to give everyone here a licence to kill.

What better way than to let everyone think he has a chance of the jackpot.

- He mentioned Mrs Crosby, Mrs Pleasant... - And Mew-Mew.

Yeah. Who the hell was Mew-Mew?

Want to hear my new song? I wrote it while I was unconscious.

It's called Kiss My Arras.

Want to hear my first hit? Want to hear my last hit? It's the same hit.

Come on.

Lock me out. I'll get the second film from Mrs Crosby's body

and find out who is the second heir.

- I got an idea. - What?

I want to have a little talk with whoever it is.

Don't let anyone in, not even old Cyrus West himself.

Paul, what kind of cousins are we?

Kissing cousins.

- Isn't that illegal? - Only if it feels good.

- It's illegal. - It's illegal.

- I could do this for the rest of our lives. - Which may not be long.

In 50 years I'll be photographing your will.

Please be careful. Remember what happened the last time.

I was younger then without responsibilities.

It's different now.

A Passage.

Paul? Paul?

I found it.

I found the secret passage.

Paul?

Paul?

Please!

No, please...

Help!

Stop it! No! No!

Charlie.

Yes, of course.

You see, it turns out I'm quite original after all.

I'm quite original, especially with people who cheat me.

H OW?

- How did I cheat you? - You got my inheritance.

- Yours? - Of course.

You cheated me. The money was mine.

I was the old man's favourite.

First it was his damn cat that was the favourite.

But I took care of the cat...

and then I was the favourite.

You didn't know I used to play in this house when I was a kid, did you?

The old man showed me the secret passages.

He showed me because I was the favourite.

That's why I phonied up my war record, to keep him proud of me.

This was Cyrus's private entertaining room.

No one knows about it except me...

Cyrus... and Mrs Pleasant.

- Please... - That money is mine.

I should've been the heir and I would've been if it hadn't been for your damn name.

- You're next in line. - That's right, it says so in this.

Mrs Crosby figured it out. Susan tried to figure it out.

Susan?

- What have you done with her? - Exactly what I'm going to do to you.

Thank God you've come! He's a maniac!

He tried to kill...

- Well done. - Thank you.

But everything was well done.

The clock chimed on cue, I saved you from cousin Harry in the nick of time.

I thought you'd never arrive.

Let's take a little time with her.

No need to rush it, as you did with the others.

Hey.

Where's your lucky medal?

I must've dropped it upstairs, I'll go and get it.

Don't start without me.

Hi, Charlie.

I figured it out.

I wanted to be here... for the star of the evening.

Scream, please.

Do scream if you feel like it.

- They can't hear you now. - Please! I'll give you the money.

Oh, we'll have the money anyway, in a little while.

Charlie will have everything.

Why are you doing this?

- Charlie's insane. - We were in the army together.

He asked me to help him inherit some money.

In return for which I would have certain rewards.

Some material...

and some...

nonmaterial.

I hope you're not busy for the next few hours.

There's a clock on the table over there.

So you'll be able to see how slowly time passes...

when you're having fun.

Mrs Pleasant.

Annabelle is in danger.

Please don't.

Please don't.

- Are you all right? - Just barely.

Is the... is the cat out for the night?

- I think the cat's out for good. - Oh, good.

You know, if this were a song I'd say something about,

- "It's gonna be a real nice day. " - And I'd agree.

- Annabelle? - Cicily, leaving so soon?

- Yes, Harry's giving me a lift. - Cicily, I'm terribly sorry about Susan.

- Me too. - What are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to go to Kenya for the winter and then we'll see.

Let me know as soon as you get back, OK?

Thank you.

'Ah, good morning, leeches. '

- Good morning! - Morning!

'And now you know what leeches you really are.

'So the heir named West cracked up.

'Turned out to be the one to whom I bequeathed our strain of insanity.

'Bad luck - or perhaps they didn't make it through the night.

'Even worse luck.

'Well, you remaining bunch of bastards, I'll tell you which of you is next in line.

'The suspense must be killing you.

'It's that curly-haired little rascal Charlie Wilder.

'He was so nice when the cat died.

'So, you, Charlie Wilder or, if you're dead by now,

'the institution that will get the money,

'you're going to learn what life is all about, what it's really all about.

'It took me a lifetime to learn it.

'Greed. Greed and power.

'That's what it's all about.

'Forget everything else, forget what they try to talk you into.

'Money.

'Learn to get it and, now that you've got it, learn to hang on to it.

'That's all, our visit is concluded...

'for the time being.

'As I said last night, I'll look for you all later. '