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1
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[SIGHS]
2
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OK.
3
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Does this outfit say...
4
00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:27,205
I'm a professional business woman,
5
00:00:27,229 --> 00:00:30,393
but with a good working knowledge
of the contemporary music scene?
6
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That's asking a lot of it.
7
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A music festival?
8
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On these hallowed grounds?
9
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Honestly!
I'd be turning in my grave,
10
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if I were in my grave.
11
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Which, technically, I suppose I am.
12
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Ah, it's all very confusing.
13
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- KITTY : I think it's exciting.
- Yeah!
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A chance to see
all the big pop acts!
15
00:00:49,018 --> 00:00:50,832
I think music might have
changed a bit since your day, Pat.
16
00:00:50,857 --> 00:00:52,094
PAT : Yeah, I suppose so.
17
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:54,035
The last time
I saw the album charts,
18
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it was all U2,
Elton John, and ABBA...
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[SCOFFS] Where are they now?
20
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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
21
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- They're here.
- Okay. Now remember, this meeting is for...
22
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ALL : People with a pulse.
23
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That's right!
24
00:01:07,228 --> 00:01:08,655
- Did they say it?
- Yeah.
25
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Hi.
26
00:01:13,599 --> 00:01:15,807
Tess Ross, Slidewell Promotions.
We spoke on the phone?
27
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- Alison.
- Mike.
28
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Yeah, one of our headline acts
29
00:01:18,672 --> 00:01:21,201
was quite keen to see the place,
so I thought - no time like the present.
30
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- Hi!
- Oh my god!
31
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Sorry.
I'm a... I'm Alison.
32
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It's a pl-
It's a pleasure to meet you.
33
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Sorry- I'm a huge fan.
You're my absolute favourite!
34
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What!?
35
00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:35,347
Thank you!
Nice to meet you.
36
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[BAFFFLED] And I, and, I'm...
I... I'm... Mi... Mite.
37
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Ke. Mike.
38
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- Do come in on.
- Or not... Whatever.
39
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Hot dogs.
40
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Oooh, my goodness, it's Kylie.
It's actual Kylie Minogue.
41
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The poet?
42
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No, the pop star.
43
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- She's huge.
- She's really tall.
44
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- She's as beautiful as her verse.
- Yeah, she's rather... fabulous.
45
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I find myself strangely
drawn to her energy.
46
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- It's, uh...
- What are you thinking?
47
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It looked pretty good!
48
00:02:09,806 --> 00:02:12,770
I mean, I think we just need to spend
a bit more time looking at the space, and...
49
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- What wrong with her voice?
- Pot, kettle, black!
50
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I believe she is Australian.
51
00:02:17,981 --> 00:02:19,094
What that mean?
52
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She's from Australia.
53
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What that mean?
54
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That we should probably hide the silverware.
55
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- I'm sorry, who is she?
- Come on, Pat.
56
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Surely you watched Neighbours.
That was your era!
57
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Hang on. You're telling me that
she was on TV, while I was still alive?
58
00:02:35,819 --> 00:02:37,811
[SCOFFS] Playing what?
A fetus!?
59
00:02:37,836 --> 00:02:38,731
Yeah...
60
00:02:38,756 --> 00:02:40,602
Kylie wouldn't look like that now...
61
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It's an imposter!
Yeah.
62
00:02:43,104 --> 00:02:46,016
This whole festival is some sort of scam,
they're con artists!
63
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[ALL PROTESTING]
64
00:02:48,257 --> 00:02:51,411
- We'd really like to see the grounds.
- Oh, great, yeah, great idea!
65
00:02:51,436 --> 00:02:54,507
- Um, I think- I think we should go this way.
- Is there a bathroom I could use?
66
00:02:55,191 --> 00:02:58,251
- Oh, god.
- Eh, just- just point the way, and I'll...
67
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I'll catch you up.
68
00:02:59,581 --> 00:03:02,117
Uh, it's just... just through there,
right, and then left.
69
00:03:03,026 --> 00:03:05,239
[GHOSTS TALKING]
70
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[GHOSTS TALKING]
71
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Right, everyone, shut up!
72
00:03:13,554 --> 00:03:14,554
Oh no!
73
00:03:14,872 --> 00:03:15,972
THOMAS : You...
74
00:03:16,205 --> 00:03:17,526
You can see us!
75
00:03:17,551 --> 00:03:18,503
Yes!
76
00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:20,469
And I can hear you,
sadly!
77
00:03:20,494 --> 00:03:22,126
But... how?
78
00:03:22,854 --> 00:03:25,806
You know the roller skating montage
in the Spinning Around video?
79
00:03:26,217 --> 00:03:27,505
Is that a sentence?
80
00:03:27,971 --> 00:03:30,303
I had a fall,
banged my head,
81
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:32,738
and now I can see ghosts.
82
00:03:33,131 --> 00:03:36,826
- I know that sounds hard to believe...
- GHOSTS : No, not at all...
83
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FANNY : We've heard that before.
JULIEN : I can believe that.
84
00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:39,775
Oh, good!
85
00:03:41,072 --> 00:03:44,955
Now that's out in the open,
let's clear a few things up!
86
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Cave man! Australia is a large island nation
in the southern hemisphere.
87
00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:52,100
Ah!
88
00:03:52,124 --> 00:03:53,327
What that mean?
89
00:03:53,351 --> 00:03:55,259
About which, your attitude
90
00:03:55,284 --> 00:03:57,171
is tired and outdated.
91
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,002
Well, I am 168.
92
00:03:59,242 --> 00:04:01,021
- Army man?
- Ah, yes please.
93
00:04:01,418 --> 00:04:04,731
I see you...
And I'm very much here for your people.
94
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:06,502
The Forces, yes.
95
00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:09,617
Bush ranger! When did you...?
96
00:04:10,559 --> 00:04:12,024
- '84.
- Ah.
97
00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,634
Right.
Neighbours started in '85.
98
00:04:14,658 --> 00:04:15,512
Oh!
99
00:04:15,536 --> 00:04:17,760
Is there anything I didn't miss?!
100
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:20,532
And whilst I'm very flattered
by the attention, I...
101
00:04:20,557 --> 00:04:22,480
I can't marry you,
I love Alison.
102
00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:25,089
Right! Well, that one's sorted itself out.
103
00:04:25,275 --> 00:04:27,258
Anything else?
104
00:04:27,312 --> 00:04:29,779
[GHOSTS TALKING]
105
00:04:30,195 --> 00:04:33,455
Oh, she's suckered you all in,
hasn't she, eh?
106
00:04:33,479 --> 00:04:34,557
What?
No.
107
00:04:34,582 --> 00:04:35,596
Well...
108
00:04:35,621 --> 00:04:38,747
As the former owner
of four Kylie calendars,
109
00:04:38,771 --> 00:04:40,014
I'm telling you...
110
00:04:40,038 --> 00:04:43,392
this is nothing more than
a scheming lookey-likey.
111
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,683
I am Kylie Minogue!
112
00:04:46,916 --> 00:04:47,927
Oh yeah?
113
00:04:48,488 --> 00:04:49,569
Prove it.
114
00:04:50,692 --> 00:04:53,093
...and we'd put a whole bank
of port-a-loos, just there.
115
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:56,211
So, whilst I might not be
an international superstar yet...
116
00:04:56,236 --> 00:05:00,271
you should still prefer me to Kylie Minogue
for the following 34 reasons.
117
00:05:00,296 --> 00:05:01,392
- Number one.
- Mike?
118
00:05:01,417 --> 00:05:04,575
Um, I've just found
one of those things with me.
119
00:05:05,072 --> 00:05:08,785
So I'm just gonna pop it back in
the house with the other... things.
120
00:05:11,717 --> 00:05:14,587
Number two! Yes,
I've wanted to say this for a while...
121
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Yeah, I don't...
I don't really get why.
122
00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:19,056
Can you please... just, just say it!
123
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:22,502
- You're Kylie Minogue.
- Thank you!
124
00:05:22,668 --> 00:05:26,399
Yeah, like that's
really Jason Donovan!
125
00:05:27,117 --> 00:05:28,361
You've gotta be kidding me?
126
00:05:28,386 --> 00:05:29,212
Kitty...
127
00:05:29,237 --> 00:05:33,584
You must be the most
bloody-minded group of people I've ever...
128
00:05:35,414 --> 00:05:36,414
[VOCALISING]
129
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:40,929
- I was just checking the acoustics...
- I was practicing lines for a play...
130
00:05:43,913 --> 00:05:46,182
TOGETHER : You see them too?
131
00:05:47,387 --> 00:05:48,389
TOGETHER : Yes!
132
00:05:49,023 --> 00:05:53,177
This is amazing!
I've never met anyone who can see them!
133
00:05:53,202 --> 00:05:54,255
Me neither!
134
00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:56,829
I can't believe
Kylie Minogue can see ghosts!
135
00:05:56,854 --> 00:05:59,854
- That is not Kylie Minogue!
- What?
136
00:05:59,878 --> 00:06:03,386
[ALL TALKING]
137
00:06:08,474 --> 00:06:09,474
Um...
138
00:06:10,481 --> 00:06:12,532
To be honest, I don't
know how big an acre is.
139
00:06:12,557 --> 00:06:15,953
Oh, thank god, me neither.
I'm just gonna grab some pics of the house.
140
00:06:15,978 --> 00:06:17,147
Yeah, sure.
141
00:06:20,239 --> 00:06:24,494
♪ I should be so lucky
Lucky, lucky, lucky
142
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:27,726
♪ I should be so lucky in love
143
00:06:28,238 --> 00:06:29,738
- Amazing!
- [APPLAUSE]
144
00:06:29,763 --> 00:06:31,587
FANNY : Excellent, yes!
Very nice.
145
00:06:31,612 --> 00:06:33,635
- Okay, it's Kylie.
- Yeah, thank you!
146
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:34,720
CAP : Extraordinary!
147
00:06:35,042 --> 00:06:37,042
- Kylie can see ghosts!
- Seriously?
148
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:37,861
Yeah!
149
00:06:37,885 --> 00:06:39,524
Is it everyone but me?
150
00:06:40,117 --> 00:06:43,807
That's not the original version.
We like to mix it up, to...
151
00:06:44,502 --> 00:06:45,732
TESS : Oh no, not again.
152
00:06:45,756 --> 00:06:50,122
I am so tired of watching her talk
to dead people I can't see or hear!
153
00:06:50,736 --> 00:06:51,652
Yes!
154
00:06:52,465 --> 00:06:55,406
Literally, mid-sentence, just...
"Oh, sorry, can I- talking to the ghosts."
155
00:06:55,941 --> 00:06:57,555
We need to hang out.
156
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,247
[ALL TALKING]
157
00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,367
Bye, thanks!
158
00:07:03,544 --> 00:07:05,217
- So, shall I book it?
- No.
159
00:07:05,241 --> 00:07:07,544
Let's go with that castle
we saw on friday.
160
00:07:07,568 --> 00:07:10,262
Didn't that place have the ghost
of an axe-wielding executioner?
161
00:07:10,287 --> 00:07:12,953
Yeah, but at least there was only one of them!
162
00:07:14,130 --> 00:07:16,264
- ALL : Bye-bye!
- PAT : Don't be a stranger!
163
00:07:16,288 --> 00:07:17,446
CAP : Lovely to meet you.
Fabulous.
164
00:07:18,420 --> 00:07:21,328
Transcribed by Lexic0n
11982
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