All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E17.The.Game.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- Michael asleep?
- Finally.

Tried everything.

I read to him.
I rocked him.

He kept looking at me like,
"is that's all you got?

Is that it?"

- The blue jays and the yankees
meet tonight...

- Oh, espn.
Nothing quite like it.

Nothing even comes close.

Well, espn2.

- You know, ray,
could you at least look at me

Before you settle in
for three hours of television?

- I looked at you
when I came in.

- ...With a win over the angels.

- hey.

- Ha, ha, ha!

- What's going on?
- Yeah, there you go.

- Oh, no.
Come on.

Come on.
I can't believe this.

- Look, try pressing
the on/off button,

And tapping the cable box
with the remote.

Now hit the back of the set.

Now rub the sides
with your hands.

A little harder.

Getting excited, huh?

- Oh, you're funny.

You're very funny.
Yeah, you're funny.

You're jealous;
that's what you are.

Come on.
What's going on?

I hate this cable company.
- Oh, come on, ray.

It's just television.
It's not the end of the world.

- Your tv's out too.

Sweet mother of god!

- Oh, come on, ray.

You're just going
to sit here

And wait for the cable
to come back on?

- Well, how long
can it be out for?

I mean, this is crazy.

- It's only been two minutes.

If your finger was
stuck in a car door,

Would you say it's only been
two minutes? No.

- What?

- I like tv.

- Look.

Why don't we just
sit and talk, hmm?

- Why?
What's wrong?

- Nothing's wrong.

When was the last time

That you and I just
sat here and talked?

- The last time
that something was wrong.

- All right,
just forget it.

- Look, debra, you know,
I work all day.

And when I come home,
I just--I want to relax.

- And talking to me
isn't relaxing, huh?

Okay, we'll talk.

- Good.

So go ahead.

- No, no, no, no.
- What? What?

- See, that's what
you always do.

You always say,
"hey, let's talk,"

And then
you throw it to me.

No, you say,
"let's talk,"

Then you should have
topics ready.

I'm not good--I'm not good
when I'm just expected to talk.

- "expected to talk"?
- Yeah, yeah.

I'm good with regular talk,
you know, like, uh,

"these pants are itchy"

Or "hey, get down from there,"
those things.

But I'm just--
but this--

- So talking to me is what
you have the problem with.

- No.
I love talking to you.

Come on. I'd rather talk to you
than do anything.

Hey, you know what
we could do--

- What--uh-oh.
Ha! No, no.

I don't think so.

- I think so.

- No.
- Why?

- Because it's--

- It's what?

It's a man and a woman

Just showing their love
for one another.

Maybe even showing it
downstairs this time.

- Yeah.

Ray, I'm not
having sex with you

Just because the cable's out.

- That's not just why.

I meant to tell you.

I wanted to when I came in,
remember?

Come on; you remember.
When I looked at you.

- All right, all right.
I'll tell you what.

When the cable
comes back on,

I will be happy
to show my love for you.

- All right.

All right, you--

When that cable comes back on,
you got a deal.

- All right.

- But I'll be thinking of you.

Michael still up?
- Yeah.

He's going to be a mess
tomorrow.

- Yeah, well,
what does he have tomorrow?

I've got a crayon
up my nose at 11:00,

And at 1:30,
geoffrey and I

Are going to run
around the house naked,

Yelling
"ladle, ladle, ladle."

You got tv yet?

- No. You?

- I can't stand it.

I got nothing to live for
over there.

- He's driving me crazy.

It's like someone went
into the ape cage

And took out the tire swing.

Why can't we just
talk to each other?

- That's exactly
what I've been saying.

- We haven't had a conversation
in 35 years.

- I didn't want to interrupt.

- Hey, did you call
the cable company?

- Didn't you?

You look up the number.
I'll get the phone ready.

- Get the phone ready?

- Give me, give me, give me.
- Here, here.

Come on. Come on.
Come on.

Look, if it's busy,
dial 911.

- Hello.
Yeah, hi.

Uh, our cable's out.

320 fowler.

Really?
Oh, god.

- What?
What?

- They didn't know about it.

- They didn't know
about it!

- Deep breaths, frank.

- Okay, all right,
thanks. Yeah.

Hey, hey, hurry.

- Hey.

Cable's out.

- It's in the bible.
Next comes locusts.

- I'll tell you,

It's a cop's worst nightmare.

Cable goes out,
people get edgy.

Thank god
this isn't the summer.

You take away a man's tv
during the heat wave,

Well, you might as well
pack up the canned goods

And just head
for the basement.

So who wants to rent
a movie tonight?

- Oh.

- Yeah, that's not
a bad idea.

It's not tv, but at least
you got the tv going.

- There you go.

- You know what I wouldn't mind
seeing again?

"beaches."

- I would mind that.

I would mind that
very much.

- Okay. So forget about
the movie.

Let's do something else.

Ooh!
Let's play a game.

- Oh, yeah!

- Hey, I'd be up for that.
- A game?

- Yeah, that's
a very good idea, marie.

I mean, it's about time
we did something together

As a family for once.

- Come on, debra.

You really want to play, like,
a board game?

- I don't like games.

Follow the rules.
Pay attention.

Wait your turn.

It's just like work
dressed up like play.

- Come on, ray.
I really want to do this.

- Or you know what?

We could just sit and talk.

- Let's play a game.

- Okay, what does everybody
want to play?

- Well, how about scruples?

- No, we don't have
that one, robert.

- I gave it to you
for christmas two years ago.

- Oh, yes.
Scruples!

Here it is.
Remember this, ray?

- Yeah, the one in--
the box.

- Yeah.

Yeah, let's play this.
We love this.

- The shrink wrap
is still on it.

"oh, gee, thanks, robert.

Thanks for the gift.
You have such great taste."

You can't even take off
the shrink wrap

To play one of the games...

- All right, calm down.
Come on, robert.

- No, no.
I'm fine.

Let's just play, shall we?

Okay.

- "give each player
five red cards."

- What are you doing?

- I'm reading the rules.

- Just play!

- "give each player
five red cards.

"each red card has
a moral question on it.

"for example,
'you are hungry and broke.

Do you steal food?'"

- "your family
wants to play a game.

Do you set yourself on fire
to get out of it?"

- "give each player a blue card
with a yes-or-no answer."

- Okay, let me do that,
'cause I'm good at cards.

"take turns posing a question
to another player."

"if another player's answer
matches your answer card,

"then you get to discard
that question.

The object of the game
is to discard all of--"

Dad, will you stop?

- Can we just start the game?

Let's play;
that's all.

- No, but there's more rules.
- You know what?

We'll just learn as we play,
robert, okay?

- All right.
- Okay. All right.

Marie, my question's for you.

- Great.
See, this is fun.

- Yeah, all right.

"you were a famous
movie star in the 1950s."

- Whoo.

- "but now you are
strapped for cash.

"you are invited to endorse

"a diaper for bladder control
on tv.

Do you?"

- Why do you ask me
that question?

You think
I have that problem?

- What?
No. I--I just--

- You think I'm old?
- No, no.

- Oh, I need a match
and a cup of gasoline

Right now.

- I'm not--I'm not
answering you, debra.

- Will you--
ma, come on.

You're the one who wanted
to play this game.

- This isn't play.
This is a personal attack.

- Yeah, a question
about my old bladder.

Not only would she
take the money;

She'd model the damn things.

- Oh, I certainly
would not.

- You know, I'd endorse
the product if I used it myself.

- All right, could we ask
another question?

'cause I got to knock
the last couple of images

Out of my head.

- Listen, if--if you used them,
you'd admit to it?

- It's the right thing
to do.

- Ooh, all of a sudden,
you have scruples.

- I got scruples, marie.

I got scruples
the size of basketballs.

- Aw!

- What answer card
did you have, debra?

- Well, I had a "yes" card,
so I guess I lose.

- That's right; you lose.

You have to get another card.
That's what you get.

- Oh, ray, look,
he's up again.

Could you go check on him?
- Yeah.

- I'll go.
- No, dad, I want to go.

- I'm going!

- Argh!

- Okay, it's my turn.

Oh, this question.

This question's for raymond.

"someone has taken your umbrella
out of the cloakroom.

"it's a rainy day,

"and there's another one
sitting there.

Do you take it?"

- No. No. No.

I would not take
someone's umbrella, no.

- I wish to challenge you.

- Challenge?

- Yeah, that's right, challenge.

It's right here
in the rules--

Oh, that's right,

You didn't want
to hear the rules.

Challenge.

I get 20 seconds
to convince everybody

That you're not
telling the truth,

And then you get 20 seconds
to lie some more,

And then we vote.

- Why would I lie?

- Ha! Why would you lie?

I recall a rainy day.

1967.

I was on my way to school,
and mom yelled,

"robbie, don't forget
your rubber boots."

But those boots
were nowhere to be found.

You know why, raymond?

- I didn't touch your boots.

- When I showed up to school,

The kids called me
"sasquish."

Because of your thievery,
I was humiliated,

Victimized.

I vowed
that from that day forward,

I would do whatever I had to do
to fight crime.

And so today
I am a police officer.

Okay,
now you have 20 seconds.

- I did not take
your rubber boots, robert.

That's it.

That's all.
I'm done, rob. I'm--

- Time.

Shall we vote?
Hmm?

Everyone who agrees with me
that raymond the boot thief

Would take someone's umbrella,
please raise your hand.

Mom? Mom?

- No, I can't--I can't vote
against one of my sons.

- Okay, taking raymond's side.
That's typical.

- What are you doing?

- Thank you, debra.

- What is this?
- What? Come on, ray.

You didn't make
much of an argument.

- Why would I lie
about taking his galoshes?

- Well, you lied about how much
you love talking to me.

- Well, I'm not crazy about it
right now either.

- Oh, I think
frank needs some help.

- That kid's got
an attitude problem.

- What did you do, frank?

- Well, nothing.

I just did a little
peek-a-boo with him.

Peek-a-boo!

- I remember that.

- Yeah, me too.
Me too.

Don't do that.

- All right.

What's happening
with the game?

- Oh, we caught ray lying.

- Oh, come on.
I didn't lie.

- Remember when
he took my boots?

- Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's right.

Cheaters never prosper.

Hey, this ain't
such a bad game after all.

- So now you're glad we played?

- Yes, because not only does
this game teach moral values,

It brings families together.

That's what's happening here.

And what can be
more important than that?

- Hey, hey,
we got something.

- Get out of the way!

- We got something.

- Holy crap!
Come on, baby!

Come on!
Come on!

- "barnaby jones."
"barnaby jones."

- oh!

- All right.

Whose freakin' turn is it?

- You cable people stink!

And I'll tell you
something else.

However long
the cable is out,

I'm going to take
twice that much off my bill.

You lousy crooks!

That was the first nice lady
I've spoken to up there.

- I think michael's
finally asleep.

Whose turn is it?
Come on.

- It's mine.

All right.

This question is for ray.

- Sure it is.

- "your elderly mother
lives all by herself

"and asks if she
can move in with you.

Do you agree?"

- Um...

What?

- "your elderly mother lives
all by herself and asks

"if she can move in with you.

Do you agree?"

- Wait a minute.
Let me see that card.

- No, no, frank.
Stop!

- Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Wait, frank, come on! No!
Robbie, stop it.

Robbie, don't do--
no! Ray, come on. Oh!

No--ray--

- "a coworker has bad breath.
Do you tell her?"

- Marie.

- You made up a question?

- Oh, now we know where raymond
gets his dishonesty.

- Am I the only one
with principles?

- Just answer the question.
Would you take me in?

- I'm--I'm not answering
that question.

It's an unofficial question, ma.

- I'm all alone.
Where do I go?

- Wait a minute.
What happened to me?

- You passed away.

- What? I died?
How did I die?

- We'll see.

The man always dies first.
That's just a fact.

So do you take me in?

- You know, marie, I don't think
this is really the time,

Right, ray?

- What about me?

- What about you, dear?

- Well, why can't you live
with me when dad dies?

- Excuse me,
I'm still here!

I'm still in the room!

- This is hypothetical,
robbie.

For this question,

Let's just say
I only have one son.

- Well, what else is new?

- So what would you do?

- All right, ma,
you can come live with us, okay?

Can you stop this now?

- Yeah, that's the answer
I wanted to hear.

Thanks, dear.

Okay, let's go on
with the game.

- Maybe it's not that I died.

Maybe I just sort of took off
and bought a boat and--

And now I'm sailing...

With your bridge partner
harriet lichtman.

- What?

- Ah, the sea air
is so invigorating.

Ah, harriet.
Ooh.

- Ray.

How can you tell your mother

That she could
move in here with us?

- Well, that was just so
we could keep playing the game.

That's all.

This great game.

- Ray, she's going
to take it seriously.

How can you just make
such a decision by yourself?

- There was no decision there.
I was answering a question.

- I know you don't like
talking to me, ray,

But I thought that at least
we would discuss it

When this situation came up.

God!

- So you're not crazy
about her moving in. Okay.

- I'm not talking to you.

- For the love of mike,
I-I was just kidding!

- Oh, there's a reason
you included harriet lichtman

In your sick fantasy.

- Yes.
To get you mad.

- Well, I may be moving in
sooner than I planned.

- Oh, he's awake again.

- Hey, debra,
you mind if I go upstairs

And try to calm him down?

- Yeah, sure, robert.
- Thanks.

There's a lot of tension
down here.

- All right,
let's get this over with.

- Debra,

"while your mate
is off snorkeling,

"you're relaxing
in the resort hot tub.

"a sexy stranger starts
playing footsie with you.

Do you withdraw your foot?"

- Ooh.

Yes, of course.

- What the hell was that?

- What?

- What was that--that pause
before you answered?

- I didn't pause.

- Yes, you did.

Yeah, you--
you went like this--

You went, "hmm, ooh."

What was that?

- Ray, if I paused, it was just
to picture you snorkeling.

- Oh, you know,
you--you're so obvious.

You're just mad at me
because of the other thing.

- What other thing?

- Nothing, nothing.

- You moving in.

- Is--is that why debra
followed you in the kitchen?

To yell at you?

- No.

- Talk about pauses.

- Ray.

- All right,
I'll take a lighter

And a can of hair spray.

- Debra, what did you say
to him in there?

- It was ray!
Ray's the one that said it.

- All right, I'm not saying
anything anymore, okay?

- Well, when your mother
showed up--

- Hey, you had a problem
with my mother?

- A horrible woman.

- That woman was a saint!

- You let her move in

Without even discussing it
with me.

inchworm

Inchworm

Measuring the marigolds

You and your arithmetic

You'll certainly go far

Inchworm, inchworm

Measuring the marigolds

Seems to me
you'd stop and see

How beautiful they are

- You know who used to sing you
to sleep with that song?

My mother!
- Oh, a horrible woman!

- Oh, come on,
why do you start?

- She was a saint!

- I didn't like her,
but I still took her in,

Not like some people.

- Marie, I like you.
Damn it, I like you!

- Please, huh?
Can't we play quietly?

I just put the kid to bed.

- I don't want to play
with this group.

I've seen too much here tonight.

- What are you talking about?

- You lied.
You made up questions.

The game is called scruples,
marie, scruples!

- You raymond barone?

- Yeah, yeah.

- I'm from lynbrook cable.

- Oh, ho, ho!
Finally!

Oh, god, this is great.

- Oh, it's not great for you.

You got an illegal
cable splitter on your roof.

- I do?

- You didn't know nothing
about it, right?

Oh, and it's
a real cheap one.

That's why your cable service
went out.

- Ray, I'm surprised at you.

- What did you do, ray?

- I didn't do anything.

I don't even know
what a splitter is.

- It splits your signal,
and it sends it somewhere else--

And in this case,

Right across the street
to that house.

- Where are you going?

- Oh, I was just going
to get some cocoa.

- You've been stealing cable?

- You're stealing cable
from your own son?

- Sharing.

- Hey, look, you seem like
you're a real nice family.

I'm sure you're going
to work this all out.

But right now,
you're looking at a $2,500 fine.

- Have a good evening.

- Hey, hey, hey,
wait a minute, pal.

It was an honest mistake.
Maybe I can make it right.

Don't look at me like that.

You cannot judge me

Until you've walked
in my shoes.

- That brings up
an interesting point, dad.

What size shoes would those be?

About a 12, right?

- So what?

- Robert, when you were 11,

What size galoshes
did you wear?

- 12.

- No more games!

- Don't worry.

When I move in here,

We'll play games
all the time.

- Okay, ray, now that
the cable's back,

I'm going to go upstairs
and go to sleep.

- All right.

- Unless you want to collect
on our deal.

- Commercial!