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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,444 - Hang in there, honey. I think I hear daddy coming. 2 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,413 I think I hear him coming. 3 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,714 - Hey. 4 00:00:19,052 --> 00:00:20,586 What, has he been drinking again? 5 00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,131 Hi, I'm ray. 6 00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,632 I live here in long island 7 00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:41,740 With my wife, debra, 8 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,342 My five-year-old daughter, 9 00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:46,111 And twin almost-two-year-old boys. 10 00:00:46,113 --> 00:00:48,213 My parents live across the street. 11 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:57,222 That's right. 12 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,059 The truth is, I'd do anything for my family. 13 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,530 And--done. 14 00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,376 Hey. 15 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:21,680 You know what I think is really sexy? 16 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,282 - What? 17 00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,551 - A man who does the dishes. 18 00:01:30,190 --> 00:01:32,291 - No. Does nothing for me. 19 00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,494 You know what does it for me? 20 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,863 A woman who does the dishes-- 21 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,531 With another woman. 22 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,233 - Wow. 23 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,868 - Come on. 24 00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,603 Hey, where are you going? 25 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,771 What have you got there? 26 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:46,772 - Mommy's pen. 27 00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,806 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 28 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,608 That's my laundry marker. 29 00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,743 Honey, have you been drawing on the walls again? 30 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,412 - No. I drew on geoffrey. 31 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,413 - You-- 32 00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,248 - Oh. 33 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,217 What? You drew on geoffrey? 34 00:01:58,219 --> 00:01:59,685 - He asked me to. 35 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,553 - Oh, my god. 36 00:02:08,161 --> 00:02:10,496 It's bad news for europe, ray. 37 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,332 - Just relax. All right? 38 00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:14,766 Just relax. I'll take care of it. 39 00:02:14,768 --> 00:02:16,135 It's coming off. 40 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,903 It's coming off. 41 00:02:17,905 --> 00:02:20,305 It's not coming off. 42 00:02:22,408 --> 00:02:23,542 - Here. Let me see if I can do this. 43 00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:26,678 Ally, come on. Come with me. 44 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,284 - You know your front door is locked? 45 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:36,321 - Yeah, we thought it would keep out the bad people. 46 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,757 - You think evil cares about a lock? 47 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,196 - Ray, I've got some news. 48 00:02:44,198 --> 00:02:46,198 I don't know the best way to break this. 49 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:47,666 Your great-uncle gus? 50 00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,168 Dead. 51 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:54,239 - Oh, no. I liked him. 52 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,807 - Yeah. Me too. 53 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,509 Hey, nuts. 54 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,682 - Deb, uncle gus died. 55 00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:05,517 - Oh, that's terrible. 56 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,588 - He had a heart attack. He was 94. 57 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,424 - We still haven't ruled out foul play. 58 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:15,427 - That's really a shame. 59 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,563 Gus was a sweet guy, huh? - Yeah. 60 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:19,264 - Remember how he always wanted to read 61 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,799 Everything you wrote? - Yeah. 62 00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:23,268 And he gave me a gold pen when I graduated. 63 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,370 I always felt like I was his grandson. 64 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,506 - He wants you to deliver his eulogy. 65 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:30,442 - What? I hardly knew the guy! 66 00:03:31,444 --> 00:03:33,579 - It was his dying wish. 67 00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:36,515 - Even dead people love raymond. 68 00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,849 - Look, I can't do it. I can't. 69 00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:39,818 Get somebody else to do it. 70 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,588 - No. Old gus wanted you. 71 00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:43,989 It was in his will. 72 00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,357 - I can't do it. 73 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,592 Look, I can't talk in front of people. 74 00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:48,260 Even talking to you is hard enough. 75 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,828 I--no. 76 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,497 Please, let robert do it. Robert could do the eulogy. 77 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,299 - Peanut, almond, cashew. 78 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,235 Peanut, almond-- 79 00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,570 Cashew. 80 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:01,673 - I think you're doing the eulogy, ray. 81 00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:06,979 - Oh, this is terrible. It's awful. 82 00:04:06,981 --> 00:04:10,015 I just found out that my sister is coming to the funeral. 83 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:11,750 - Aunt alda's coming all the way from canada? 84 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:14,419 - Uh-huh! - Well, that's great. 85 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,355 If you like aunt alda. 86 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,556 Who does? 87 00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:20,692 - All right, have your fun. 88 00:04:20,694 --> 00:04:22,394 That woman broke my heart. 89 00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,029 - Not this again. 90 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,665 - She never even sent raymond a wedding present. 91 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:30,435 Because you put her at a bad table at the reception. 92 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,738 - Hey, aunt alda did kind of ruin the wedding. 93 00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:34,806 - It was seven years ago, 94 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,775 And you're still not talking. 95 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,745 I hate this story. 96 00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:42,014 - What am I supposed to do, huh? 97 00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:43,982 Our cousin theresa has cataracts, 98 00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:45,584 So she's got to sit up front. 99 00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,819 Then she shows up with her daughter stacy, 100 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,855 The 300-pound nutritionist. 101 00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:52,457 That's another two seats. 102 00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,394 - Can hitler have a juice box? 103 00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:57,429 - Yeah. I'll get it. 104 00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:00,866 - Oh. You understand, ray. 105 00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:03,402 I know you do. 106 00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:05,804 You're sensitive and artistic-- 107 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,440 - Ahem. 108 00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,475 - Oh, you don't have to be sensitive, dear. 109 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:11,777 You're big. 110 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,847 - Look, ma, I understand your fight, 111 00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,582 You and alda, but listen. 112 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,985 Ma, gus is dead, and I got to give this eulogy, 113 00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:21,586 So please, don't make trouble at the funeral. 114 00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,854 - I'm not going to make trouble for you 115 00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,890 Or anybody else. 116 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,024 - Good. 117 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,360 - Because I'm not going to be there. 118 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:35,000 - Peanut, almond, cashew. 119 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,601 Peanut, almond, cashew. 120 00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,403 Peanut, almond-- 121 00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,843 Oh, this isn't good. 122 00:05:50,917 --> 00:05:52,417 - "gus." 123 00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,985 Gus-- 124 00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:57,789 Gus, gus, gus. 125 00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,459 Gus. 126 00:06:00,461 --> 00:06:01,860 - Hi. How's the eulogy coming? 127 00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,428 - Oh, I wish I were gus. 128 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,896 - Oh. 129 00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:06,665 - I can't do it. You should do this. 130 00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,467 No. You were in p.R. 131 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,736 You're good at bull-- p.R. 132 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,638 - Get up. Get up. 133 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,707 I'll--look, it's not that hard. 134 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:18,810 Know how to put the right spin on things. 135 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:21,446 Just tell me something about gus. 136 00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,581 - What's to tell? 137 00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,849 For the last 30 years, 138 00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,617 He sat in front of the television 139 00:06:25,619 --> 00:06:27,886 With a bowl of baked beans. 140 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:31,089 - He was a great patron of the arts. 141 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,791 All right. 142 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:33,992 And a gourmet. 143 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,661 Tell me something else. 144 00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:38,096 - Uh, he could belch the alphabet 145 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:41,166 To the letter "m." 146 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:43,568 - A man of letters. 147 00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,906 - Thank you. - Yeah. Come here. 148 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:49,408 - Ooh. 149 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,454 - Dad? 150 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:03,789 - It's your mother. 151 00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,025 She won't stop crying about this alda business. 152 00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,961 - So why are you here? 153 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,997 - Well, somebody's got to talk to her. 154 00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,932 - Well, you're her husband. 155 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,734 What's wrong with you? 156 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,969 - She says I don't understand her. 157 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,971 - Well, why don't you go talk to her? 158 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:23,141 - 'cause I don't understand her. 159 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,676 Ray, you go. 160 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:29,147 I got work to do here. Big eulogy coming up. 161 00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:31,716 - What, you don't care how much your mother suffers, 162 00:07:31,718 --> 00:07:33,452 Or if I starve? 163 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,153 - Oh, you're starving? 164 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,988 - Hey, you know your mother. 165 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,090 When she gets upset, she doesn't cook. 166 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,660 When she doesn't cook, I don't eat. 167 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,228 You do the math. 168 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:53,839 - Oh, hello, ray. - Hi. 169 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,540 - Your father send you? 170 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,776 - No, no. I wanted to come. 171 00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:59,077 I won the bet to come. 172 00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,012 - Huh. 173 00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:02,714 He hates it when I cry. 174 00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:06,017 It reminds him of our wedding night. 175 00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,819 - Hey, is this gus? - Yeah. 176 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,588 - Hey, he's good-looking. - Uh-huh. 177 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:12,491 - Guys can say that now. 178 00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,893 - I loved him. Oh. 179 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:17,963 Oh, here we are at coney island. 180 00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,500 - Hey, ma, maybe you should come to the funeral, 181 00:08:21,502 --> 00:08:23,101 You know, just to say good-bye to gus. 182 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,237 - Be in the same room with alda? Uh-uh. 183 00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:26,705 Not even if it was your own father 184 00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:28,740 Rotting in that casket. 185 00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:29,774 Fruit? 186 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:34,279 - Hey, ma, what's with these pictures, ma? 187 00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,014 Where are alda's heads? 188 00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,016 - In here, where they belong. 189 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,953 What, you going to use her heads to coat chicken? 190 00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,788 - Do you know what alda used to do to me? 191 00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,924 Huh? She'd read my diary. 192 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,293 She'd put my dolls in odd poses. 193 00:08:48,295 --> 00:08:49,694 She'd wear my clothes. 194 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,162 She'd steal my boyfriends. 195 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:55,600 - Yeah? What kind of poses? 196 00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,035 - You know what it's like to grow up with someone 197 00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:59,638 Who's bossy, demanding, and unreasonable? 198 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,140 - Oh, no. 199 00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,241 - What's that supposed to mean? 200 00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,544 - That's a joke, ma. 201 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:06,778 I'm making a joke. 202 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,848 - Yeah. Ha, ha. Very funny stuff, yeah. 203 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:10,982 You think this is all a joke, huh? 204 00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:13,318 - No. 205 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,220 - I thought you understood. 206 00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,888 - Well, ma, I'm trying. 207 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,156 Look, you're sisters. 208 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,591 Family should talk. 209 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:21,092 - Like you and robert? 210 00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:22,794 - We talk. 211 00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:26,131 A lot of that just goes unspoken. 212 00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:28,233 - You think I should forgive alda, is that it? 213 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,102 - Well, it would make things a lot easier on you-- 214 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,338 And other people who have eulogies to give. 215 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,907 I'm just saying. 216 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:38,109 - Sure, make things easy for everybody else. 217 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,245 Does anybody ask me how I feel? Huh? 218 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,913 I'm just a burden. 219 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,049 - No, ma, you're not just a burden. 220 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,286 - I got an idea. 221 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,621 How about I sit in the dumpster 222 00:09:49,623 --> 00:09:51,256 Behind mr. Balducci's bake shop? 223 00:09:51,258 --> 00:09:52,757 That way I can shoo the crows away 224 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,092 From the old cannoli. - Cannoli. 225 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,827 At least, that way, then I'd serve 226 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,195 A purpose. - A purpose. 227 00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:02,233 Ma, you got lots of purposes. 228 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,735 I know; why don't you cook dad a steak? 229 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,236 There's a purpose. 230 00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:08,873 Ma--oh, mom, please. 231 00:10:08,875 --> 00:10:10,041 I'm kidding, ma. 232 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:12,811 Ma, I'm just kidding! 233 00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:13,812 Aw-- 234 00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:24,389 - A nice game-saving tackle there. 235 00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:26,725 - I haven't seen this-- it looks to me-- yeah, they are. 236 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,728 They're lining up-- - what are you doing? 237 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,730 - I'm-- I'm getting the scores. 238 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,231 - Is that how I raised you? 239 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,766 Huh? 240 00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:37,102 People cry, and you turn on television? 241 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,771 - Ma, I'm waiting for you to come back. 242 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,706 - You couldn't come after me, see how I was? 243 00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,009 - I thought you wanted to be alone. 244 00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,377 - Why would you think that, ray? 245 00:10:45,379 --> 00:10:48,213 I ran out of here crying. 246 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,382 - That's the part that threw me. 247 00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,021 Look, ma, aunt alda's not that bad. 248 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:59,057 Come on, there's two sides to every story, right? 249 00:11:02,728 --> 00:11:04,029 - Get out of my house. 250 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,296 - Oh, stop it. You don't mean that. 251 00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,765 - Get out of my house, raymond. 252 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,033 - Oh, don't be mad at me now, ma. 253 00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:09,668 I got eulogy problems. 254 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:11,970 Ma, if you don't forget about this alda stuff-- 255 00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:16,274 Nobody at this funeral's going to have a good time! 256 00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:27,385 - Oh, look at all the people. 257 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,287 There's too many people. 258 00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:31,089 - Are you still nervous about the eulogy? 259 00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:32,857 Listen, do you want to practice on me? 260 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,126 - No, no, you should be surprised 261 00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:36,895 Like the rest of us. 262 00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:38,963 - You didn't finish it? - How could I? 263 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:41,433 I got all this trouble with my mom. 264 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:43,902 She threw me out of the house. She's not talking to me. 265 00:11:43,904 --> 00:11:46,438 I know, it sounds like a dream come true. 266 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:53,344 - Ohh-- look at geoffrey. 267 00:11:53,346 --> 00:11:55,814 Oh, man. 268 00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,116 Think anybody will notice? 269 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,085 - Aaaaahh! 270 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,725 - Bride's side or groom's side? 271 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:17,402 I'm lightening the mood. 272 00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:24,776 Just try not to make that noise you make. 273 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:28,012 - That noise that you make at funerals. 274 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,915 - Oh, yeah, I got that under control. Thanks. 275 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,285 - Oh, look, your mom's here. 276 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:35,520 - Oh, god. She showed up. 277 00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,757 - Oh, look at my sweeties. Hi! 278 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:40,058 - Listen, ma, 279 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,761 I'm glad you changed your mind, and I'm sorry. 280 00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,332 - Great job talking to your mother. 281 00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:50,135 God forbid you should give a crap. 282 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,507 - Ooh, I guess marie's still not cooking. 283 00:12:55,509 --> 00:12:58,009 I'll give him a jar of strained peas. 284 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,280 - Is that my raymond? 285 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,048 - Oh, hi, aunt alda. 286 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,550 - Ho, ho, ho! 287 00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,023 Ohh, ohh-- 288 00:13:12,025 --> 00:13:15,393 It's so good to see my favorite nephew again. 289 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,528 It's been too long. 290 00:13:16,530 --> 00:13:18,329 - Ohh, it's been way too long. 291 00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,564 Got to go. 292 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:23,234 - Shame, shame, shame. 293 00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:25,170 - Well, hello, marie. 294 00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,337 - Look, isn't this nice, you two? 295 00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:27,939 You're back together. 296 00:13:27,941 --> 00:13:29,207 - You can kiss my son, 297 00:13:29,209 --> 00:13:31,442 But you can't send him a wedding present? 298 00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,812 Your lips should dry into raisins. 299 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:36,114 Whoops! Too late. 300 00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,117 - Aw, hey, be nice. 301 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,820 - The present will be here in a couple of years. 302 00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:43,488 I mailed it from where I sat. 303 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,456 - The only reason you're angry about that table 304 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,826 Is because you weren't the center of attention. 305 00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,828 - Hey, lots of attention here. 306 00:13:49,830 --> 00:13:52,397 - How could I be the center of attention 307 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:54,265 While you're doing the limbo 308 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:57,068 In a sequin dress and a push-up bra? 309 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,970 - Oh, hey. 310 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:03,408 You wouldn't be sitting there with a sour puss. 311 00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:06,411 - How could you see my sour puss where I was sitting? 312 00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:08,346 You'd need binoculars. 313 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,014 - Aw, please, now stop it! 314 00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,350 Stop it! We're at a funeral. 315 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,118 - Ray-- 316 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,353 We're ready for you now. 317 00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,222 - Oh, god. Listen, ma, just stop it. 318 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,190 Put it on hold, all right? 319 00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,993 This funeral's not about you two fighting. 320 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:24,963 It's about me giving this damn eulogy. 321 00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,130 Sit here. 322 00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:30,134 - I like his hair. 323 00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:31,603 - His hair looks terrible. 324 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,106 - Hi. 325 00:14:35,108 --> 00:14:38,343 I'm ray. 326 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,380 Uh, I'm here to talk about gus petrone. 327 00:14:57,329 --> 00:14:58,429 - Thank you. 328 00:15:00,165 --> 00:15:02,233 Uh, did a little-- 329 00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:05,270 Did a little research first. 330 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,404 Lots of people don't know 331 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:11,442 Gus was actually born gustafavio--pi-- 332 00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:13,578 Pica-- 333 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,014 Pi--ccchhh-- 334 00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:20,551 Pichialu. 335 00:15:25,124 --> 00:15:29,193 He was born January 23, 1902. 336 00:15:29,195 --> 00:15:31,462 That would make him, what? 337 00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,399 Aquarius. 338 00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,700 Hi. 339 00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,070 Okay. 340 00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,572 Uh, he was 10 pounds, 6 ounces. 341 00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,441 Wow. 342 00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,476 Now, that's big. 343 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,111 Ladies, am I right? 344 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,486 Well--later, 345 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,357 Gus bought carpet world over in manhasset. 346 00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:04,395 I remember it was open 10:00 to 6:00 sundays. 347 00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:05,697 Yeah. 348 00:16:07,499 --> 00:16:08,666 He was great. 349 00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:16,407 In 1992, gus was forced to retire 350 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:20,144 After a bad break with his prostate. 351 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,247 Aw, this is incred-- 352 00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,248 I can't take this anymore. 353 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:27,218 This is crazy. 354 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,020 Listen. 355 00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:32,090 You know what I remember about gus? 356 00:16:32,092 --> 00:16:34,993 How much he cared about family. 357 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:37,161 Yeah, yeah. 358 00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:37,762 Yeah, he didn't let the little things 359 00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:43,534 'cause he knew what was most important in life: Family. 360 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,036 People who love you, 361 00:16:45,038 --> 00:16:48,139 No matter how stupid you're acting. 362 00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:53,511 You know, 'cause one day we're all going to be gus here. 363 00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:58,249 With all the grudges and the petty little things 364 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,785 That don't matter at all? 365 00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:05,156 Gus didn't let that happen to him. 366 00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:10,094 That's why we're all here today. 367 00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:17,301 That's it. That's all. 368 00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:27,779 Sorry about the yelling. 369 00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,583 - Raymond, that was beautiful: 370 00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:34,118 Simple and touching. 371 00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:36,054 - It was more than beautiful. 372 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,756 It was-- extremely beautiful. 373 00:17:38,758 --> 00:17:41,225 - What is your problem, marie? 374 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:44,495 I can't even say a word without you topping me. 375 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,831 - I can't help it. You're easily topped. 376 00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:50,334 - You're a bitter woman, marie. 377 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:52,670 You're a bitter, bleached-blonde woman. 378 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:55,306 - Ohh! 379 00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:58,443 You're just jealous of human hair. 380 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,149 About where I sat at a wedding seven years ago. 381 00:18:05,151 --> 00:18:07,452 - I was so far away! 382 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:10,455 I am still waiting for my cake. 383 00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:14,292 - That lousy cake was stale. - Yeah. 384 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:17,395 - Stale? You took two pieces home. 385 00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,864 - Because you didn't invite my kids. 386 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:25,736 - Who else got cold veal? - Yeah. 387 00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,239 - And the portions were so small. 388 00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:29,707 - Frank! - Yeah. 389 00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,176 - Cook me something, will you? 390 00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:33,711 - And the band stank, marie. 391 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:35,246 - Okay, yeah. 392 00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:36,814 And what about those cheap centerpieces? 393 00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,350 And the champagne was flat. 394 00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:42,453 - All right! Stop it! All right! All right! 395 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,821 Stop! 396 00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:02,306 - All right, you and you. 397 00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:05,409 Let's go. Now! Now! 398 00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:08,779 - Well, what is it, ray? 399 00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,215 - What is it? Oh, what is it? 400 00:19:11,217 --> 00:19:13,184 Come here and sit down. Sit down. 401 00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:16,554 Both of you, come here and sit down. 402 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,256 Didn't you hear what I said in there? 403 00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:19,423 - You mean the eulogy? 404 00:19:19,425 --> 00:19:21,559 - Yes! 405 00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:25,163 - You know how I mentioned it was extremely beautiful? 406 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:28,399 That wasn't entirely true. 407 00:19:28,401 --> 00:19:30,935 - Ma, you want to be in that box, dead, 408 00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:32,737 Without ever making up with aunt alda? 409 00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,306 - How come I'm in the box and not her? 410 00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:36,841 - Answer! 411 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,776 - Ohh--I don't know. 412 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,611 - Aunt alda? 413 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:45,616 - Thank you for not putting me in the box, dear. 414 00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,952 - Come on, so you never want to make up with mom? 415 00:19:49,821 --> 00:19:51,589 - Well, I guess-- 416 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,691 Oh, I don't know. 417 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,459 - Beautiful, two "I don't knows;" that's progress. 418 00:19:55,461 --> 00:19:58,229 So you like--you like being this way? 419 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,869 - I--always thought there was time. 420 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,804 - How much time is there? 421 00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,608 This is the time, now. 422 00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,410 Now is the time. 423 00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:15,846 Do it. 424 00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:37,568 - I'm sorry, marie. 425 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,837 - It was my fault. 426 00:20:47,946 --> 00:20:49,914 - Seven years. 427 00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,283 - All that time wasted. 428 00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,418 So much has happened. 429 00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:56,354 - Oh, my god. They made up? 430 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:57,355 - Yeah. 431 00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:58,856 - You did this? 432 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:02,393 - I can--do things. 433 00:21:02,395 --> 00:21:04,495 - I had menopause. 434 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,497 - Me too. 435 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:10,401 - First a beautiful speech, now this-- 436 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:13,938 Ray, I am completely turned on. 437 00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:16,641 - Oh, sure, at a funeral. 438 00:21:18,477 --> 00:21:20,011 - Hi. 439 00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:22,580 - Oh, how are you doing, dear? 440 00:21:22,582 --> 00:21:26,584 - Well, I'm good if you guys are good. 441 00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,786 - Oh, thanks to raymond, I've got my sister back. 442 00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:30,821 What's not good? 443 00:21:30,823 --> 00:21:33,991 - Well, gus is dead. 444 00:21:33,993 --> 00:21:36,961 - There is that. 445 00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:40,398 - Well, as long as everybody is making up, 446 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,866 I forgive you too, aunt alda. 447 00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:44,935 - For what, dear? 448 00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,837 - You know, the wedding. 449 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,472 - What do you mean, dear? 450 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:50,608 - Oh, debra, debra-- 451 00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,743 - Well, all those complaints about where you were seated 452 00:21:52,745 --> 00:21:55,680 And nobody dancing, everybody going home early. 453 00:21:55,682 --> 00:22:00,518 - Oh, that was because of the cheap food. 454 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:03,087 - You never even sent a gift. 455 00:22:03,089 --> 00:22:06,490 - My gift was that I came at all. 456 00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:09,093 - What kind of a horse's ass gift is that? 457 00:22:11,463 --> 00:22:13,798 - You'd be lucky to have a horse's ass! 458 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:15,599 - Ohh! 459 00:22:15,601 --> 00:22:18,069 - Oh, raymond, see what she's doing? 460 00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:19,537 No, you see, you've been doing that-- 461 00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:22,073 Seven years? It'll be 70 years! 462 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,812 - Some funeral, huh? 463 00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:28,879 - Yeah. 464 00:22:29,881 --> 00:22:31,949 - Sad. - Hmm. 465 00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:33,417 - You want to do it? 466 00:22:33,419 --> 00:22:34,352 - Tsk. 467 00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:42,460 I might. 31540

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