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1
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:19,442
One time, my cousin Walter
got this cat stuck in his ass.
2
00:00:19,536 --> 00:00:24,281
True story. He bought it at our local mall
so the whole fiasco wound up on the news.
3
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,040
It was embarrassing
for my relatives and all.
4
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:29,618
But the next week,
he did it again.
5
00:00:29,712 --> 00:00:33,876
Different cat, same results, complete
with another trip to the emergency room.
6
00:00:33,967 --> 00:00:37,050
So I run into him a week later in the
mall and he's buying another cat.
7
00:00:37,136 --> 00:00:39,548
And I says to him, "Jesus,
Walt, what are you doing?
8
00:00:39,639 --> 00:00:42,381
"You know you're just going to get
this cat stuck in your ass, too.
9
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:43,715
"Why don't you knock it off?"
10
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,393
And he said to me, "Brodie,
how the hell else
11
00:00:46,479 --> 00:00:48,720
"am I supposed
to get the gerbil out?"
12
00:00:48,815 --> 00:00:50,806
My cousin was a weird guy.
13
00:03:37,859 --> 00:03:41,773
Brandi Svenning, come on down.
I'm taking your ass to Florida.
14
00:03:41,863 --> 00:03:45,731
Let's go. Where's your luggage? Come
on, the plane leaves in an hour.
15
00:03:45,825 --> 00:03:48,487
T.S., did you see
Julie Dwyer last night?
16
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:50,736
Yeah, saw her
at the video store.
17
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:53,697
She was talking about being on
your dad's stupid game show.
18
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:56,916
Oh, my God, he's not here, is he?
Yeah, he's inside.
19
00:03:57,003 --> 00:04:01,873
T.S., did you tell her that every time
you're on TV, you look 10 pounds heavier?
20
00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:08,758
Yeah, well, I told her that the
way TV shows are shot sometimes
21
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:11,215
makes you look a lot fatter
than you are in real life.
22
00:04:11,309 --> 00:04:13,971
Why, what did she do,
call up and cancel?
23
00:04:14,562 --> 00:04:16,473
No, not exactly.
24
00:04:17,273 --> 00:04:20,686
T.S., you know that Julie had a
huge weight problem in school.
25
00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:22,734
She had the fattest ass.
26
00:04:22,820 --> 00:04:24,436
And when you said that to her
27
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:27,693
she went straight out to the
YMCA and started doing laps.
28
00:04:27,784 --> 00:04:30,742
It's because she wanted to
be fit for the show tonight
29
00:04:30,828 --> 00:04:33,115
and well
30
00:04:33,998 --> 00:04:36,365
in the middle of her 700th lap
31
00:04:36,584 --> 00:04:40,122
this embolism popped in her
brain and she dropped dead.
32
00:04:40,338 --> 00:04:42,329
Right in mid-backstroke.
33
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:44,756
She's fucking dead?
34
00:04:45,802 --> 00:04:49,295
Then her sister told her parents
why she was doing all the laps
35
00:04:49,388 --> 00:04:52,130
and it got back
to my father and...
36
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,883
Shit, T.S., he's
really pissed at you.
37
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,266
I mean, it's awful
about Julie's death
38
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,807
and now, he doesn't even have a
female contestant for his show.
39
00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:03,545
Well, can't you calm him down
or something?
40
00:05:03,569 --> 00:05:04,569
Well, I've done that.
41
00:05:04,695 --> 00:05:06,811
Thank God. How? I told
him I'd do the show.
42
00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:08,396
Good. What?
43
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,238
Wait a minute. No.
We're leaving for Florida.
44
00:05:12,578 --> 00:05:15,195
T.S., I can't go,
I've got to stay here.
45
00:05:15,289 --> 00:05:17,530
No, I've got something
planned for Florida.
46
00:05:17,625 --> 00:05:18,831
No, we've gotta go.
47
00:05:18,918 --> 00:05:21,831
But, T.S., I'm doing this to get
you out of trouble with my father.
48
00:05:21,921 --> 00:05:25,164
Help him out of a bind, which,
you know, you kind of...
49
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:27,295
Well, at least
a little responsible for.
50
00:05:27,385 --> 00:05:30,503
I bet he's as happy as a pig in shit
that you're not going away with me.
51
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:33,805
Are you kidding? He's absolutely
devastated about Julie.
52
00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:49,604
I can't believe you!
Brandi, the guy hates me.
53
00:05:50,241 --> 00:05:53,074
You know, I bet he sees this tragedy
as an excellent opportunity
54
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,071
as a way to keep you
from going away with me.
55
00:05:55,162 --> 00:05:58,280
Would you calm down? I mean,
you're being a complete ass.
56
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,706
Sometimes, I almost forget that
you're such a daddy's girl.
57
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,127
It makes me sick.
58
00:06:06,924 --> 00:06:09,131
Well, you know
what I think is sick?
59
00:06:09,218 --> 00:06:10,834
This relationship.
60
00:06:12,096 --> 00:06:14,303
Come on, I thought we weren't
going to go through this
61
00:06:14,390 --> 00:06:15,721
make-up, break-up shit anymore.
62
00:06:15,808 --> 00:06:18,015
Yeah, well, you can just
forget about making up.
63
00:06:18,102 --> 00:06:20,389
You know, you are exactly
like my father.
64
00:06:20,479 --> 00:06:23,562
It's always about what you
need, what you've got planned
65
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:26,391
screw everybody else,
my shit is more important.
66
00:06:26,485 --> 00:06:28,726
You're as thoughtless
and self-absorbed as he is.
67
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:31,062
In fact, the two of you
have so much in common
68
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,489
I think you should date
each other.
69
00:06:34,535 --> 00:06:36,401
Brandi, wait.
70
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:52,008
Sweet fucking Christ,
would you knock it off?
71
00:06:52,094 --> 00:06:53,550
God!
What?
72
00:07:00,102 --> 00:07:02,560
What time is it?
9:30.
73
00:07:02,855 --> 00:07:04,846
Man, go back to sleep!
74
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:25,033
Thank Christ.
75
00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:29,833
What the hell are you doing?
Finishing my game.
76
00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:32,799
No. You promised me breakfast.
Breakfast!
77
00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:35,718
Breakfast, shmeckfast. Look
at the score, for God's sake.
78
00:07:36,222 --> 00:07:39,305
I'm only in the middle of the
second and I'm winning 12 to 2.
79
00:07:39,475 --> 00:07:41,557
Breakfasts come and go, Rene.
80
00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:43,593
Now Hartford, the Whale?
81
00:07:43,688 --> 00:07:47,306
They only beat Vancouver once,
maybe twice, in a lifetime.
82
00:07:49,610 --> 00:07:51,066
You hit the bathroom already?
83
00:07:51,946 --> 00:07:53,983
Don't worry. I didn't let
your mother see me.
84
00:07:54,073 --> 00:07:56,656
Who's worried?
Are you kidding me?
85
00:07:56,742 --> 00:08:00,235
I've never met a person who lives in
as much fear of his mother as you do.
86
00:08:00,329 --> 00:08:01,660
I do not.
87
00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:03,537
So that's why
I have to sneak in here
88
00:08:03,624 --> 00:08:06,616
after everyone's asleep at night and
sneak out undetected in the morning?
89
00:08:06,711 --> 00:08:09,499
You want I should tell my mother
what we do in here at night?
90
00:08:09,588 --> 00:08:12,751
That you play videogames and
I fall asleep unfulfilled?
91
00:08:12,842 --> 00:08:15,254
Go ahead. It beats
the sneaking-around shit.
92
00:08:15,344 --> 00:08:17,506
What can I say?
She doesn't like you.
93
00:08:17,596 --> 00:08:19,553
You've never even
introduced me to her.
94
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,382
Yeah, 'cause you're always in the
goddamned bathroom, all right?
95
00:08:22,476 --> 00:08:24,513
What the hell do you do
in there all the time?
96
00:08:24,603 --> 00:08:26,059
You really want to know?
97
00:08:26,522 --> 00:08:29,731
I asked, didn't I? I'm playing
the role of the concerned guy.
98
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:31,103
I cry.
99
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:34,777
You cry?
I cry.
100
00:08:35,948 --> 00:08:37,404
Any particular reason?
101
00:08:37,992 --> 00:08:38,992
Hey-
102
00:08:40,619 --> 00:08:44,328
I think about the people that make
decisions that affect our lives.
103
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,958
The doctors who make
advancements in curing diseases.
104
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:53,128
The engineer
that designs skyscrapers.
105
00:08:54,675 --> 00:08:58,043
The guy that maps out a plane's
flight path. The navigator.
106
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:02,968
I think about how those people
are out there every day
107
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:05,391
making a difference,
leading big lives
108
00:09:06,645 --> 00:09:10,980
and how they refuse to be intimidated by
the tremendous odds of failure they face.
109
00:09:11,942 --> 00:09:15,401
And how they only concern themselves
with peers and company that apply
110
00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:17,024
to their goals and noble causes.
111
00:09:17,114 --> 00:09:20,732
Jesus! I'd hate to tell you what I
think about when I'm in the bathroom.
112
00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:23,867
I think about all that and I cry
113
00:09:25,998 --> 00:09:28,990
because I have nothing better
to do than fuck you.
114
00:09:38,928 --> 00:09:40,510
You're dumping me?
115
00:09:42,807 --> 00:09:45,469
Is this because I didn't
introduce you to my mother?
116
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,404
You're a fickle broad.
117
00:10:04,745 --> 00:10:08,113
Holy shit!
If it isn't mon frère.
118
00:10:11,043 --> 00:10:15,037
Usual vault rules apply: touch
not, lest ye be touched.
119
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:17,042
You're such
an anal-retentive bastard.
120
00:10:17,133 --> 00:10:20,626
I tried to teach you how to handle
comics in the sixth grade, but no
121
00:10:20,719 --> 00:10:23,211
you wanted to play
Little League instead.
122
00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:27,140
What's that? Like it? I framed
it before you got here.
123
00:10:28,978 --> 00:10:30,594
Oh, my God!
Rene dumped you!
124
00:10:30,688 --> 00:10:33,555
Hell hath no fury
like a woman scorned for Sega.
125
00:10:33,649 --> 00:10:35,890
Wow! Look at this laundry list
of complaints.
126
00:10:36,318 --> 00:10:39,936
You have no direction, no college
ambition, no job prospects.
127
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,987
Yeah. It also says
I have no dick.
128
00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:45,283
But you'll notice that follows the
financial question, proving once more
129
00:10:45,369 --> 00:10:46,484
what women really look for.
130
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:50,038
Wow, she calls you callow in here.
You say that like it's bad.
131
00:10:51,083 --> 00:10:54,166
It means frightened and weak-willed.
Really?
132
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:59,335
Shit. That was the only part of the
letter I thought was complimentary.
133
00:10:59,717 --> 00:11:01,503
Yeah, well, you're lucky.
134
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,924
Unlike you, I didn't even get a letter
filled with obscure adjectives.
135
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,009
What are you telling me here?
136
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:10,341
I, too, now am
in the framing business.
137
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:12,598
Holy shit!
Brandi dumped you.
138
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:16,230
Wait a second, aren't you two
supposed to go to Florida?
139
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:19,275
Should've left this morning.
It gets worse.
140
00:11:20,237 --> 00:11:22,695
I was gonna propose to her.
Where?
141
00:11:23,407 --> 00:11:26,490
On the Universal tour.
You're kidding! What part?
142
00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:29,243
When Jaws pops out of the water.
143
00:11:30,164 --> 00:11:33,156
That's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.
144
00:11:33,918 --> 00:11:36,455
Too bad I'm not trying
to marry you.
145
00:11:36,879 --> 00:11:40,338
Let me ask you something. Did
you ever fart in front of her?
146
00:11:42,176 --> 00:11:43,257
Why do you ask?
147
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:46,052
I never farted in front of
Rene, not once, all right?
148
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:49,301
Then last week I let one slip.
Today she dumps me.
149
00:11:50,935 --> 00:11:53,176
You think that that's why
Rene dumped you?
150
00:11:53,270 --> 00:11:54,931
She's not
the shallow type, Brodie.
151
00:11:55,022 --> 00:11:56,888
She was going down
on me at the time.
152
00:11:57,024 --> 00:12:00,267
Shut up! What can I say? I
was feeling very relaxed.
153
00:12:00,361 --> 00:12:02,568
When I'm relaxed, I squirt.
154
00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:06,280
If all she did was dump
you, you got off light.
155
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,698
I can't believe this shit.
156
00:12:07,785 --> 00:12:09,617
Why are we sitting here
trying to figure out
157
00:12:09,703 --> 00:12:11,583
where we went wrong
with our significant others?
158
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,120
We just nailed it, in your case.
159
00:12:13,207 --> 00:12:17,292
No, there is something out there that can
help ease our simultaneous double loss.
160
00:12:17,419 --> 00:12:20,502
Ritual suicide? No, you idiot.
The fucking mall!
161
00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:22,455
I prefer ritual suicide.
162
00:12:22,549 --> 00:12:26,133
Come on, man! It'll be great. They got
these new cookies at the cookie stand.
163
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:28,086
You have to try them,
they're awesome.
164
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:51,409
I love the smell of commerce
in the morning!
165
00:12:52,621 --> 00:12:55,704
You're really making that last.
Waste not, want not.
166
00:12:59,044 --> 00:13:01,456
What, you want to say something?
About a million things
167
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:05,882
but I can't express myself monosyllabically
enough for you to understand them all.
168
00:13:06,427 --> 00:13:07,667
Asshole!
Prick!
169
00:13:07,761 --> 00:13:09,627
Fuck you! What the hell
was that all about?
170
00:13:09,722 --> 00:13:14,512
He's a jerk from Fashionable Male, this
upscale wannabe shop on the 2nd floor.
171
00:13:14,601 --> 00:13:17,093
He's the manager. The guy's
always giving me shit.
172
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:20,347
I've no idea why. I thought
everybody loved you at this mall.
173
00:13:20,482 --> 00:13:24,146
"F" him! Where do you want to go first?
Back to Brandi's.
174
00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:28,067
Look, Brandi is the past, my friend.
She's behind you now.
175
00:13:28,490 --> 00:13:33,326
You face forward, or you face the
possibility of shock and damage.
176
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,490
You should learn
to heed your own advice.
177
00:13:38,584 --> 00:13:41,372
Where the hell did that come from?
What's going on here?
178
00:13:41,462 --> 00:13:43,499
It looks like a stage
is being erected.
179
00:13:44,465 --> 00:13:47,628
What is this monstrosity? Maybe
it's for the Easter Bunny pictures.
180
00:13:47,718 --> 00:13:50,801
Impossible! The Easter Bunny Court is
down at the other end of the mall.
181
00:13:50,888 --> 00:13:54,097
It's been up since two days after
Christmas. I want answers.
182
00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:56,427
Ask one of the workers.
183
00:13:56,602 --> 00:13:59,515
No, there's a soul
who might know what's up.
184
00:14:08,864 --> 00:14:10,104
Willam.
185
00:14:12,076 --> 00:14:14,113
Willam!
Poopie trim.
186
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,028
Brodie, man, what's going on?
187
00:14:17,164 --> 00:14:20,247
What, do you work here now? No, man.
Just hanging with T.S.
188
00:14:21,752 --> 00:14:23,538
Willam, what
exactly are you doing?
189
00:14:23,629 --> 00:14:25,211
Looking for the hidden picture.
190
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:28,210
If you stare at these things long
enough, you're supposed to see
191
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,587
some kind of hidden
three-dimensional picture.
192
00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:34,713
Oh, yeah, look. It's a sailboat.
You saw it, too? Dammit!
193
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,548
What? I've been
staring at this thing
194
00:14:36,642 --> 00:14:40,101
for a week now from opening till closing
and I can't see a goddamned thing!
195
00:14:40,187 --> 00:14:43,851
You gotta relax your eyes. Everyone
sees this thing except me.
196
00:14:43,941 --> 00:14:46,308
Today's my day. I brought
a lunch and a soda
197
00:14:46,402 --> 00:14:50,270
and I'm not gonna leave until I see this
sailboat everyone keeps talking about.
198
00:14:50,364 --> 00:14:52,150
So, Willam,
199
00:14:52,950 --> 00:14:55,612
would you happen to know what
this stage business is all about?
200
00:14:55,702 --> 00:14:57,192
It's not a stage!
201
00:14:57,496 --> 00:14:59,737
I'm gonna see it
if I have to go blind trying.
202
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:01,869
No man, this stage over here.
203
00:15:02,126 --> 00:15:05,039
That thing? I think some
game show in the mall today.
204
00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:08,963
I think it's going to be on TV. It's
called Truth or Date or something.
205
00:15:09,049 --> 00:15:10,915
Oh, my God! That's Brandi's
father's game show.
206
00:15:11,051 --> 00:15:13,588
What is it? It's this cheesy
Dating Game rip-off thing.
207
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:14,959
Supposed to be for college kids.
208
00:15:15,013 --> 00:15:18,347
Just trying to capture the '90s youth
market with a staple of '70s television.
209
00:15:18,434 --> 00:15:20,892
Why can't they bring back
or remake good shows
210
00:15:20,978 --> 00:15:22,264
like BJ and the Bear?
211
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:25,312
Now there's a concept I can't get
enough of: a man and his monkey.
212
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:27,231
Would you guys shut up?
213
00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:30,644
You're breaking my concentration.
Sorry, Willam.
214
00:15:30,737 --> 00:15:33,354
Now I have to start
all over again.
215
00:15:34,908 --> 00:15:38,742
Good luck with that thing.
Remember, relax your eyes.
216
00:15:44,751 --> 00:15:47,664
Wow, a sailboat!
Shut up!
217
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,130
Could this week get any worse?
218
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,924
Now she's going to be auctioned
off on live TV from a mall.
219
00:15:54,011 --> 00:15:57,094
Not "a" mall, all right? "The" mall.
Show some respect.
220
00:15:57,181 --> 00:16:00,094
It doesn't have to go down like
that, if we trash the thing.
221
00:16:00,184 --> 00:16:02,516
There's a unique way of getting
back in her good graces,
222
00:16:02,603 --> 00:16:03,843
by ruining her father's show.
223
00:16:03,979 --> 00:16:06,141
You're a clever one. I can
get someone to do it for us.
224
00:16:06,231 --> 00:16:09,769
We'll be blame-free and Brandi
won't be able to do the show.
225
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:13,440
Who is this imaginary hatchet man?
Hatchet men.
226
00:16:35,302 --> 00:16:36,838
Knock it off!
227
00:16:37,429 --> 00:16:38,669
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
228
00:16:38,764 --> 00:16:40,220
Kitty, kitty, kitty!
Hey, Jay!
229
00:16:40,307 --> 00:16:42,969
Brodie, man!
Nootchy nootchies!
230
00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:46,219
And look at this shit.
The mad, fat, chick-killer.
231
00:16:46,313 --> 00:16:48,350
I can't believe how fast
word travels in this town.
232
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,101
Excellent. What's he doing?
233
00:16:50,275 --> 00:16:52,607
Shithead here watched
Empire and Jedi last week
234
00:16:52,694 --> 00:16:55,026
and ever since, he's been trying
to do the Jedi mind trick.
235
00:16:55,113 --> 00:16:58,526
Crazy fuck thinks he'll levitate shit
with his thoughts. Knock it off!
236
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:01,279
The Force is strong with this one.
Dude, don't encourage him.
237
00:17:01,370 --> 00:17:04,203
So I was telling T.S. here we
gotta find Jay and Silent Bob.
238
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:05,767
If there's anyone
that can help us out
239
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,907
it's the two guys that have
even less to do than us.
240
00:17:08,001 --> 00:17:10,001
What is this shit? Everyone's
looking for us today.
241
00:17:10,087 --> 00:17:13,250
We're ducking Tricia 'cause she wants to
talk to Obi-Wan about her video set-up.
242
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:15,798
Why him? Silent Bob's
an electrical genius.
243
00:17:15,884 --> 00:17:19,093
He won the science fair in eighth
grade by turning his mom's vibrator
244
00:17:19,179 --> 00:17:21,216
into a CD player,
using chicken wire and shit.
245
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:24,219
Motherfucker's like MacGyver. No,
motherfucker's better than MacGyver!
246
00:17:24,309 --> 00:17:25,390
Knock it off!
247
00:17:25,477 --> 00:17:27,969
And it's that kind of smarts
we need, right, mopey?
248
00:17:28,063 --> 00:17:29,144
Leave me out of this.
249
00:17:29,231 --> 00:17:33,816
We need you to embark on a little sabotage
mission on behalf of T.S.'s love life.
250
00:17:40,784 --> 00:17:43,321
You know about this game show
thing they've got going on here?
251
00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:46,279
We need you guys to somehow
ensure that it doesn't happen.
252
00:17:46,373 --> 00:17:48,239
Is that it? We were gonna
do that anyway.
253
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,415
Really? Why?
What else are we gonna do?
254
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:53,915
Silent Bob just stole the schematic of
the stage from some foolish carpenter
255
00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,464
and found a weakness, just
like the fucking Death Star.
256
00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:58,541
He figures if you
pull this crossbeam out
257
00:17:58,635 --> 00:18:01,343
fucking bickety-bam, the whole
stage comes crashing down.
258
00:18:01,430 --> 00:18:03,216
We were thinking
about something simple,
259
00:18:03,307 --> 00:18:05,969
but if you want to destroy the
stage, we're all for that.
260
00:18:06,059 --> 00:18:08,426
Only problem is LaFours.
Who's LaFours?
261
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,558
You don't know who LaFours is?
They don't know who LaFours is!
262
00:18:11,648 --> 00:18:14,436
He's only the most feared security
guard in the business, man.
263
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:18,440
460 collars, all convicted. I
hear he's even got two kills.
264
00:18:18,530 --> 00:18:20,771
Holy shit! I never thought
I'd see the day
265
00:18:20,866 --> 00:18:24,109
when two such highly reputable
mischief-makers as yourselves
266
00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:27,320
douse their drawers at the sight
of a mall security guard.
267
00:18:27,414 --> 00:18:30,623
Shit, bitch! We're gonna bust out
that stage like a high-school kegger.
268
00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,950
We're just gonna
outwit LaFours, X-Men style.
269
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,661
Should I call you Logan,
Weapon X?
270
00:18:34,755 --> 00:18:37,964
No, Wolverine!
Snicky, snicky, snoine.
271
00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:41,793
What he's doing is imitating Wolverine's
berserker attack with his Adamantium claws.
272
00:18:41,928 --> 00:18:44,920
I never would have guessed. All
right, guys. You have your mission,
273
00:18:45,015 --> 00:18:48,303
go forth and wreak havoc.
Bye, baby kitties.
274
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,722
Damn, Silent Bob,
show some heart.
275
00:18:51,563 --> 00:18:52,928
Pss, pss, pss.
276
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:56,061
That's better.
We're on the job.
277
00:18:57,152 --> 00:18:58,392
Thanks.
278
00:18:59,446 --> 00:19:02,939
I have to admit I'm shocked you
didn't try to dissuade them.
279
00:19:03,241 --> 00:19:06,074
I would if I actually thought for
a second they could pull it off.
280
00:19:06,161 --> 00:19:08,653
Ye of little faith,
want a cookie?
281
00:19:12,876 --> 00:19:14,241
What's he doing?
282
00:19:14,461 --> 00:19:18,546
If you stare at this poster for a few
seconds, a hidden picture appears.
283
00:19:18,632 --> 00:19:20,873
Can we do it? Please?
284
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:22,958
All right, go ahead, but hurry,
285
00:19:23,053 --> 00:19:24,509
the Easter Bunny's waiting.
286
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,758
Wow, it's a schooner!
287
00:19:28,266 --> 00:19:32,476
You dumb bastard! It's not a
schooner, it's a sailboat.
288
00:19:32,562 --> 00:19:35,680
A schooner is a sailboat,
stupidhead.
289
00:19:36,817 --> 00:19:40,560
You know what?
There is no Easter Bunny!
290
00:19:40,654 --> 00:19:43,442
Over there is just
a guy in a suit!
291
00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:49,694
But they're engaged. It doesn't
matter, it can't happen.
292
00:19:49,788 --> 00:19:51,199
Why not?
It's bound to come up.
293
00:19:51,289 --> 00:19:54,327
It's impossible. Lois could
never have Superman's baby.
294
00:19:54,418 --> 00:19:57,035
Do you think her fallopian
tubes can handle his sperm?
295
00:19:57,129 --> 00:20:00,497
I guarantee he blows a load like a
shotgun, right through her back.
296
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:01,751
What about her womb?
297
00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:03,842
Do you think it's strong
enough to carry his child?
298
00:20:03,927 --> 00:20:04,962
Sure. Why not?
299
00:20:05,053 --> 00:20:06,669
He's an alien,
for Christ's sake!
300
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:10,256
His Kryptonian biological makeup
is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun.
301
00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:13,342
If Lois gets a tan, the kid could
kick right through her stomach.
302
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:17,187
Only someone like Wonder Woman has a
strong enough uterus to carry his kid.
303
00:20:17,274 --> 00:20:20,517
The only way he could bang regular
chicks is with a Kryptonite condom.
304
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:21,771
But that would kill him.
305
00:20:22,028 --> 00:20:24,736
How did I go from the verge of
hot Floridian sex with Brandi
306
00:20:24,823 --> 00:20:27,104
to Man of Steel coital debates
with you in the food court?
307
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,409
Cookie stand is not part of the food court.
Of course it is.
308
00:20:30,912 --> 00:20:33,700
The food court is downstairs,
the cookie stand is upstairs.
309
00:20:33,790 --> 00:20:35,518
It's not like we're talking
quantum physics here.
310
00:20:35,542 --> 00:20:38,751
The cookie stand counts as an eatery,
the eatery's a part of the food court.
311
00:20:38,837 --> 00:20:42,080
Bullshit. Eateries that operate within
the designated square downstairs
312
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:43,209
qualify as food court.
313
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:45,837
Anything outside
of said designated square
314
00:20:45,927 --> 00:20:48,965
is considered an autonomous
unit for mid-mall snacking.
315
00:20:49,055 --> 00:20:52,343
Now if you're gonna wax
intellectual about the subject...
316
00:20:52,476 --> 00:20:53,932
Holy shit!
317
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:57,261
Wait here.
Where are you going?
318
00:20:59,274 --> 00:21:01,015
Cherchez la femme.
319
00:21:06,573 --> 00:21:08,814
That would look terrible on you.
320
00:21:08,909 --> 00:21:10,525
Didn't I dump your ass
this morning?
321
00:21:10,869 --> 00:21:14,078
Look, I know you've had some time to
think about the mistake you've made
322
00:21:14,164 --> 00:21:16,701
and I just want to let you know
you don't have to apologize.
323
00:21:16,792 --> 00:21:18,999
I'm sure you were just PMSing
or something.
324
00:21:19,085 --> 00:21:21,827
Brodie, what kills me about you
is your inability to function
325
00:21:21,922 --> 00:21:24,584
on the same plane of
existence as the rest of us.
326
00:21:24,716 --> 00:21:25,751
Piss off.
327
00:21:26,927 --> 00:21:30,545
Okay. I see you want to continue with
this charade of ending our union.
328
00:21:30,639 --> 00:21:31,674
Fine, I'll play along.
329
00:21:31,765 --> 00:21:34,803
But if we're divorced, we're gonna
have to divide our mutual possessions.
330
00:21:34,893 --> 00:21:36,120
What the hell
are you talking about?
331
00:21:36,144 --> 00:21:38,226
You have
my Punisher War Journal ♪6,
332
00:21:38,313 --> 00:21:41,226
my copy of Fletch and the
remote control to my TV.
333
00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:45,101
I know it's gonna be hard to give this stuff
up because of its sentimental attachment.
334
00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:46,401
Sentimental attachment?
335
00:21:46,488 --> 00:21:47,853
If I have any of that crap,
336
00:21:47,948 --> 00:21:51,066
it's because you brought it over
to my house and left it there.
337
00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:55,327
Okay, then let's talk about coming up
with a schedule for visitation rights.
338
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:56,653
For what?
For the mall.
339
00:21:56,748 --> 00:21:59,991
I figure you can have the odd days,
I'll take the even days and weekends.
340
00:22:00,085 --> 00:22:03,168
When there's any special function
like a sidewalk sale, boat show...
341
00:22:03,255 --> 00:22:04,586
Brodie. Brodie!
342
00:22:05,757 --> 00:22:08,419
I have always taken you
with a grain of salt.
343
00:22:08,844 --> 00:22:11,211
On your birthday, when you
asked me to do a striptease
344
00:22:11,304 --> 00:22:13,921
to the theme from Mighty
Mouse, I said okay.
345
00:22:14,224 --> 00:22:15,714
When we were at that hotel,
prom night
346
00:22:15,809 --> 00:22:17,550
and you asked me to sleep
underneath the bed
347
00:22:17,644 --> 00:22:20,102
in case your mother burst in,
I did it.
348
00:22:20,272 --> 00:22:22,388
And even when we were
at my grandmother's funeral
349
00:22:22,482 --> 00:22:23,793
when you told
most of my relatives
350
00:22:23,817 --> 00:22:27,651
that you could see her nipples through
her burial dress, I let it slide.
351
00:22:27,737 --> 00:22:30,729
If you think that I'm gonna suffer
any more of your shit with a smile
352
00:22:30,824 --> 00:22:34,863
now that we're broken up, you're in for
some serious fucking disappointment.
353
00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:40,291
What?
354
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,458
Phase one: First, you
take a run at LaFours
355
00:22:43,545 --> 00:22:44,831
with a sock full of quarters.
356
00:22:44,921 --> 00:22:48,334
I'd do it, but I pulled my back out
humping your mom last night. Nudge.
357
00:22:48,425 --> 00:22:51,463
You clock him on his headpiece
and knock his ass out cold.
358
00:22:51,553 --> 00:22:53,169
That's when phase two kicks in.
359
00:22:53,263 --> 00:22:56,722
I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk
style and knock out the fucking pin
360
00:22:56,808 --> 00:23:01,097
and bickety-bam, the motherfucker's rubble.
Hence, no game show.
361
00:24:02,874 --> 00:24:04,581
What? Do you know
that kid or something?
362
00:24:04,668 --> 00:24:07,660
I hope his pants get caught
and a bloodbath ensues.
363
00:24:07,754 --> 00:24:08,789
What is with you today?
364
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:10,837
Don't get me wrong.
I don't wish the kid harm,
365
00:24:10,924 --> 00:24:12,881
but his mother should suffer
that horrific ordeal
366
00:24:12,968 --> 00:24:14,959
so she'll learn
how to manage her child.
367
00:24:15,053 --> 00:24:16,822
That's sort of a harsh
lesson, don't you think?
368
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:21,215
There's not a year goes by that I don't
read about an escalator accident
369
00:24:21,393 --> 00:24:24,681
involving some bastard kid that
could've been easily avoided
370
00:24:24,771 --> 00:24:27,263
had some parent,
I don't care which one,
371
00:24:27,357 --> 00:24:28,973
but some parent, conditioned him
372
00:24:29,067 --> 00:24:31,809
to fear and respect
that escalator!
373
00:24:33,989 --> 00:24:35,980
Wow! Look who it is.
374
00:24:40,829 --> 00:24:41,829
Jerk!
375
00:24:41,913 --> 00:24:44,655
Little Tricia Jones! What's
a pretty girl like you
376
00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:48,538
doing sitting alone in the middle
of this monument to consumerism?
377
00:24:48,628 --> 00:24:51,916
Updating my calendar and waiting
for Jay and Silent Bob.
378
00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:55,583
And I suppose you're here
with no agenda, as per usual.
379
00:24:55,719 --> 00:24:57,835
On the contrary,
I'm here for comics.
380
00:24:57,929 --> 00:25:01,513
T.S. Quint, Tricia Jones.
They call her Trish the Dish.
381
00:25:01,599 --> 00:25:02,839
Nobody calls me that.
382
00:25:02,934 --> 00:25:07,178
Our little Tricia here is only
15 but somehow she's a senior.
383
00:25:07,272 --> 00:25:08,353
How'd you manage that?
384
00:25:09,524 --> 00:25:12,687
Don't listen to him. I studied my ass off.
Yeah, right.
385
00:25:12,777 --> 00:25:14,688
So what do you say? You wanna nail T.S.
or what?
386
00:25:14,779 --> 00:25:15,860
Jesus, Brodie!
387
00:25:15,947 --> 00:25:19,030
Calm clown. Tricia's compiling
data for this book she's writing
388
00:25:19,117 --> 00:25:22,576
about the sex drive of men
ages 14 to 30.
389
00:25:22,871 --> 00:25:23,906
If I remember correctly,
390
00:25:23,997 --> 00:25:27,991
it's titled Bore-gasm: A Study of
the '90s Male 's Sexual Prowess.
391
00:25:28,126 --> 00:25:30,959
Ready to get sick? Tell him
about the advance you got.
392
00:25:31,046 --> 00:25:34,789
Pendant Publishing gave me $20,000 based
on a treatment and a sample chapter.
393
00:25:34,924 --> 00:25:36,380
You're kidding.
It's true.
394
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,800
She'll be the youngest author
to tackle the subject.
395
00:25:39,054 --> 00:25:41,591
So Tricia here sleeps with a
bunch of guys as research.
396
00:25:41,681 --> 00:25:43,137
If that's not enough, get this:
397
00:25:43,224 --> 00:25:45,181
She videotapes all of them.
What?
398
00:25:45,268 --> 00:25:49,136
I get everybody's consent before we do it.
Most guys get off on it.
399
00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:50,846
Men are easily amused.
400
00:25:51,441 --> 00:25:53,398
What are you
writing in the calendar?
401
00:25:53,485 --> 00:25:55,522
I was coding
last night's research.
402
00:25:55,612 --> 00:25:58,400
She means sex.
I know what she meant.
403
00:25:58,782 --> 00:26:01,524
What kind of codes?
Here, look.
404
00:26:01,701 --> 00:26:04,033
The smiley face is for
when I go down on the guy.
405
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,158
The smiley face with lashes is for
when the guy goes down on me.
406
00:26:07,248 --> 00:26:09,205
The circle is for
when we have sex.
407
00:26:09,292 --> 00:26:11,909
The circle with the "X" in it
is for when I have an orgasm.
408
00:26:12,003 --> 00:26:15,166
The little house is when we do it
inside and the grass is for outside.
409
00:26:15,256 --> 00:26:18,123
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
410
00:26:18,301 --> 00:26:20,759
How old was last night's subject,
if you don't mind me asking?
411
00:26:20,845 --> 00:26:24,008
Twenty-five. It was the guy who
runs that store Fashionable Male.
412
00:26:24,099 --> 00:26:26,682
Holy shit! You slept
with that asshole? Why?
413
00:26:26,768 --> 00:26:28,475
I needed a 25-year-old.
414
00:26:28,561 --> 00:26:31,144
And he has quite a distaste
for you, I might add.
415
00:26:31,231 --> 00:26:34,189
He mentioned me during sex?
Afterwards.
416
00:26:34,275 --> 00:26:37,393
He says he wants to kick your ass. I'd
steer clear of him, if I were you.
417
00:26:37,487 --> 00:26:39,524
Tell me you videotaped
him saying that. No.
418
00:26:39,614 --> 00:26:41,446
I shut the camera off
after the sex.
419
00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:43,649
You should have heard the
stuff he wanted to do.
420
00:26:43,743 --> 00:26:45,325
I'm having a hard time
with this.
421
00:26:45,411 --> 00:26:47,652
Do your parents know about this?
Of course.
422
00:26:47,747 --> 00:26:50,284
That's remarkable.
That's criminal. That kid...
423
00:26:50,792 --> 00:26:53,910
That kid is back
on the escalator again!
424
00:26:54,003 --> 00:26:55,710
Leave it alone.
What?
425
00:26:55,964 --> 00:27:00,583
So, I heard you were going to propose
to Brandi Svenning in some theme park.
426
00:27:00,677 --> 00:27:03,419
When are men going to learn
that women want romance?
427
00:27:03,513 --> 00:27:07,598
Not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
Be fair, all right?
428
00:27:07,809 --> 00:27:12,269
Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
We gotta go.
429
00:27:13,731 --> 00:27:14,937
Remember my offer.
430
00:27:15,024 --> 00:27:17,766
I'm young, virile, sensitive
to a woman's needs...
431
00:27:17,861 --> 00:27:20,023
Somehow I doubt it, Sega-boy.
432
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:22,612
Good luck
with the comic-book store.
433
00:27:23,032 --> 00:27:25,774
"Sega-boy." God,
Rene's got a big mouth!
434
00:27:25,869 --> 00:27:28,611
What does that mean, "Good luck
with the comic-book store"?
435
00:27:28,746 --> 00:27:31,704
How does that junior Masters and
Johnson know about my proposal?
436
00:27:31,791 --> 00:27:33,907
It's not like she's in an
exclusive club or anything.
437
00:27:34,002 --> 00:27:35,208
What are you talking about?
438
00:27:35,295 --> 00:27:37,502
Sean Hartle's giving everyone
the inside scoop.
439
00:27:37,589 --> 00:27:39,045
What? What's he saying?
440
00:27:39,132 --> 00:27:43,000
How her father made her do the game show
so you couldn't take her to Florida.
441
00:27:43,094 --> 00:27:45,301
Now, what the hell is this shit?
442
00:27:45,889 --> 00:27:48,472
What do you got to do to get
comics around this place?
443
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:50,136
One side, Red.
444
00:27:50,226 --> 00:27:52,968
What the hell's going on here?
I was warned about you.
445
00:27:53,104 --> 00:27:55,436
Take it easy before I have
you removed... Warned?
446
00:27:55,523 --> 00:27:58,106
What the fuck are you talking about?
Tell him, Steve Dave.
447
00:27:58,193 --> 00:27:59,649
Fuck you, fan-boy!
448
00:27:59,736 --> 00:28:02,273
Would you testosterone-seething,
He-Man comic book fans
449
00:28:02,363 --> 00:28:04,091
finish up with this tough-guy
back-and-forth?
450
00:28:04,115 --> 00:28:06,435
I got some questions I need answered.
Look, who's in there?
451
00:28:06,492 --> 00:28:08,733
You got to ask me nicely.
Fuck this.
452
00:28:08,870 --> 00:28:10,281
Jesus Christ!
453
00:28:10,371 --> 00:28:12,112
Get the hell off of him.
Come on.
454
00:28:12,207 --> 00:28:15,416
You fuckers think just 'cause a guy
reads comics he can't start some shit?
455
00:28:15,501 --> 00:28:17,208
I'll fucking take all of you on!
456
00:28:17,295 --> 00:28:18,376
Somebody get a medic!
457
00:28:18,463 --> 00:28:20,625
There's a little boy
caught in the escalator!
458
00:28:20,715 --> 00:28:22,831
Come back here
and arrest this goon!
459
00:28:22,967 --> 00:28:25,129
You're fucking next, man.
Jesus, Brodie!
460
00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:28,588
I'm not going anywhere until I find
out why I can't get my comics.
461
00:28:28,681 --> 00:28:30,467
All right.
462
00:28:30,808 --> 00:28:32,264
Excuse me.
Don't hit me.
463
00:28:32,352 --> 00:28:35,390
Why is there a line?
Stan Lee is signing comics.
464
00:28:37,482 --> 00:28:38,768
Stan Lee?
465
00:28:39,776 --> 00:28:42,313
Okay, Lunchbox,
let's try this again.
466
00:28:42,403 --> 00:28:45,316
We tie you to the roof, you
jump and sail like a Spitfire
467
00:28:45,406 --> 00:28:47,818
passing right over
the arch-nemesis LaFours.
468
00:28:47,909 --> 00:28:50,401
You then swing up to the stage
and knock out the pin.
469
00:28:50,495 --> 00:28:53,487
And when that's gone, the stage is
trashed and we go smoke a bowl.
470
00:28:53,581 --> 00:28:55,993
You got it? Now,
get your fat ass out there!
471
00:28:56,084 --> 00:28:59,702
And, dude, don't forget your helmet.
Snoogins.
472
00:29:31,536 --> 00:29:34,324
Fly, fat-ass, fly!
473
00:29:50,388 --> 00:29:52,720
What the fuck?
474
00:29:53,308 --> 00:29:54,798
You fucker!
475
00:29:55,059 --> 00:29:56,265
Security? ls it alive?
476
00:29:56,352 --> 00:29:58,184
Yeah.
This is Popular Girl.
477
00:29:58,271 --> 00:30:01,104
We just had something crash
through the wall.
478
00:30:01,190 --> 00:30:03,932
Stan Lee! How does something
as big as the creator
479
00:30:04,027 --> 00:30:06,485
of the most important titles
in comics history
480
00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:10,235
coming to my mall get by me? I
must be slipping in my old age.
481
00:30:10,325 --> 00:30:12,157
The name amongst names.
482
00:30:12,243 --> 00:30:14,484
There's a million questions
I'd love to ask him.
483
00:30:14,579 --> 00:30:15,785
Her father!
484
00:30:15,872 --> 00:30:18,910
I knew this game show thing was just a
beard for an attempt to break us up.
485
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,083
Why can't he just leave us alone and
let us follow through with our plans?
486
00:30:22,170 --> 00:30:24,286
What kind of man
are you, anyway?
487
00:30:24,380 --> 00:30:27,498
I'm talking comics and you
bring up chicks and romance?
488
00:30:27,592 --> 00:30:31,051
While we're on the subject, why the hell
do you want to get married now, anyway?
489
00:30:31,137 --> 00:30:33,504
You're still in college.
I was just gonna propose.
490
00:30:33,598 --> 00:30:35,367
The wedding wouldn't be
till after we graduate.
491
00:30:35,391 --> 00:30:37,007
Waste of time, if you ask me.
492
00:30:37,101 --> 00:30:39,433
My grandmother always said,
"Why buy the cow
493
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,261
"when you get the sex
for free?"
494
00:30:41,814 --> 00:30:43,475
She did?
All the time.
495
00:30:43,566 --> 00:30:45,682
Of course, she became a
lesbian on her 60th birthday,
496
00:30:45,777 --> 00:30:47,393
but that's beside the point.
497
00:30:47,487 --> 00:30:50,070
Where the hell are these
two going in such a hurry?
498
00:31:04,420 --> 00:31:07,503
Is he gone? Halfway to
Buy Me Toys by now.
499
00:31:09,342 --> 00:31:12,505
Damn, that bastard's faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog.
500
00:31:12,595 --> 00:31:14,506
What's with all the running?
501
00:31:14,597 --> 00:31:16,383
What the hell happened to him?
502
00:31:16,474 --> 00:31:18,886
The human brown-eye here
is a walking calamity.
503
00:31:18,976 --> 00:31:21,388
We'll have to take a pass on
the stage-trashing business,
504
00:31:21,479 --> 00:31:23,345
otherwise he's liable
to kill himself.
505
00:31:23,439 --> 00:31:25,726
Sorry, bro.
No hard feelings.
506
00:31:25,983 --> 00:31:27,473
Isn't that Rene?
507
00:31:27,652 --> 00:31:30,440
She's probably looking for me.
I better go talk to her.
508
00:31:30,530 --> 00:31:32,817
I don't know.
She's with somebody.
509
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,659
Wait a minute, isn't that... The
asshole from Fashionable Male!
510
00:31:37,787 --> 00:31:40,154
Son of a bitch! My God!
You think that they're...
511
00:31:40,248 --> 00:31:42,535
Could be. It'll explain
why he hates me so much.
512
00:31:42,625 --> 00:31:44,582
And there's only one way
to find out.
513
00:31:45,169 --> 00:31:47,001
Can you run interference
with the lug?
514
00:31:47,088 --> 00:31:49,625
What are you gonna do?
Get some answers.
515
00:32:03,020 --> 00:32:05,603
You work at the Fashionable
Male, don't you?
516
00:32:06,232 --> 00:32:07,643
Yeah? so?
517
00:32:08,985 --> 00:32:11,568
That's a great store
you got there.
518
00:32:12,572 --> 00:32:17,066
Thanks. Listen, I'm trying to spend my
lunch hour with my lady friend here.
519
00:32:17,201 --> 00:32:18,987
So why don't you beat it?
520
00:32:22,874 --> 00:32:25,241
That's your girlfriend?
Right there?
521
00:32:28,546 --> 00:32:32,414
If you don't stop gawking at me and get
the hell out of here, I'll kick your ass.
522
00:32:32,508 --> 00:32:35,751
Haven't you ever heard the phrase,
"The customer's always right"?
523
00:32:36,554 --> 00:32:38,261
Let me tell you a little secret:
524
00:32:38,347 --> 00:32:40,179
The customer's always
an asshole!
525
00:32:44,812 --> 00:32:47,349
Jesus Christ! What the hell
gives with the cover boy?
526
00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:50,353
None of your damn business. He'd
kick your ass if he knew about this.
527
00:32:50,443 --> 00:32:53,231
Are you insane? The guy
looks like a date rapist!
528
00:32:53,696 --> 00:32:55,403
Is that my jacket?
Start the elevator.
529
00:32:55,490 --> 00:32:59,279
Not until you tell me what the situation
is with you and the Sperminator out there.
530
00:32:59,368 --> 00:33:00,984
How long has this been going on?
531
00:33:01,078 --> 00:33:03,536
Since I finally mustered the
good sense to send you packing.
532
00:33:03,623 --> 00:33:05,743
He's a much more suitable
companion than you, any day.
533
00:33:05,791 --> 00:33:07,077
Are you nuts?
534
00:33:07,168 --> 00:33:10,627
The guy's pure testosterone! He's a
walking hard-on, looking for a hole!
535
00:33:10,713 --> 00:33:13,831
I need testosterone after babysitting
you and your comic book collection.
536
00:33:13,925 --> 00:33:15,461
I forgot
what real men were like.
537
00:33:15,551 --> 00:33:19,761
I can't believe you have the nerve
to come to my mall and pick up guys!
538
00:33:19,847 --> 00:33:21,429
No, Shannon did the picking up.
539
00:33:21,516 --> 00:33:23,436
He's already taken me to lunch
at the Cheese Haus
540
00:33:23,518 --> 00:33:26,260
purchased tickets for the opera
night and took me to stores I like!
541
00:33:26,354 --> 00:33:28,686
I took you shopping
all the time!
542
00:33:28,773 --> 00:33:30,434
You took me
where you went shopping, jerk!
543
00:33:30,525 --> 00:33:31,525
Do you think I care
544
00:33:31,609 --> 00:33:33,941
what rat-hole store in that
shit-pit you call the dirt mall
545
00:33:34,028 --> 00:33:35,380
has got
the latest Godzilla bootlegs?
546
00:33:35,404 --> 00:33:38,362
You call eating pizza in the same
dive pizzeria every night eating out?
547
00:33:38,449 --> 00:33:41,692
Do I give a shit when two major comic
labels are crossing over characters
548
00:33:41,786 --> 00:33:44,619
and selling two editions of the
book in varied-ink chromium covers?
549
00:33:44,705 --> 00:33:45,945
I'm a girl, damn it!
550
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:50,034
I want to do girly things like fix someone's
hair and get romantic phone calls.
551
00:33:50,127 --> 00:33:51,834
I call you all the time!
552
00:33:51,921 --> 00:33:54,458
"Rene, my mom's asleep. Come
over." You call that romantic?
553
00:33:54,549 --> 00:33:57,712
When was the last time you pulled out
my chair or told me I was beautiful?
554
00:33:57,802 --> 00:33:59,918
This guy does all this
in the span of a day!
555
00:34:00,012 --> 00:34:02,754
This guy already introduced me
to his mother.
556
00:34:02,848 --> 00:34:03,963
Really?
557
00:34:04,058 --> 00:34:06,299
He was up and at work
by 9:00 this morning.
558
00:34:06,394 --> 00:34:08,510
Unlike my ex-boyfriend,
who would sleep until 1:00,
559
00:34:08,604 --> 00:34:11,187
'cause he played Sega and
watched videos all night long!
560
00:34:11,274 --> 00:34:13,436
Which, by the way, has enormous
effect on your libido.
561
00:34:13,526 --> 00:34:15,483
Now you attack my libido?
562
00:34:15,570 --> 00:34:18,608
There's no libido to attack.
No libido to attack?
563
00:34:24,078 --> 00:34:27,867
You're sure you saw her get on, right?
Maybe she was getting off.
564
00:34:38,843 --> 00:34:40,254
Ow .
565
00:34:40,344 --> 00:34:42,585
Sorry.
It's all right.
566
00:34:54,817 --> 00:34:57,104
There, that was romantic, right?
567
00:34:58,362 --> 00:35:00,103
Passionate, yeah.
568
00:35:00,197 --> 00:35:03,565
No, Brodie.
That was too little, too late.
569
00:35:05,244 --> 00:35:06,359
Too little?
570
00:35:07,121 --> 00:35:09,112
You said it was a good size.
571
00:35:09,206 --> 00:35:12,699
The effort, you retard. The
effort was too little, too late.
572
00:35:13,919 --> 00:35:18,004
But now that you mention it, when
a girl says it's a good size
573
00:35:18,090 --> 00:35:20,673
it's a nice way of saying
that it's small.
574
00:35:29,977 --> 00:35:30,977
Hey!
575
00:35:31,687 --> 00:35:35,021
I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch.
No, forget about him.
576
00:35:35,107 --> 00:35:38,645
He just wanted to give me something that
he forgot to give me a long time ago.
577
00:35:38,986 --> 00:35:40,522
He's harmless now. Okay?
578
00:35:43,199 --> 00:35:45,907
Fine. I gotta get back
to the store. Let's go.
579
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,246
Right there in the elevator?
580
00:35:56,337 --> 00:35:58,999
I don't know what came over me.
She challenged my libido.
581
00:35:59,090 --> 00:36:01,878
I felt obligated to defend
myself against her accusations.
582
00:36:02,885 --> 00:36:04,196
It's not like
you still wanted her.
583
00:36:04,220 --> 00:36:06,507
Not in the least.
I'm over her.
584
00:36:06,597 --> 00:36:10,090
- Holy shit! You really love that girl.
- Year, right.
585
00:36:10,184 --> 00:36:13,427
No, I never noticed it before, but
she really fuels your engine.
586
00:36:13,521 --> 00:36:15,103
You have this new glow
about you.
587
00:36:15,189 --> 00:36:16,189
I don't have a glow.
588
00:36:16,273 --> 00:36:17,273
You do. You're glowing.
589
00:36:17,358 --> 00:36:19,850
If I have a glow
it's because just I got laid.
590
00:36:19,944 --> 00:36:24,563
I'd look the same if I banged anyone in
that elevator, present company excluded.
591
00:36:24,657 --> 00:36:27,194
Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.
592
00:36:27,201 --> 00:36:27,941
Deny it all you want. I think you're
too proud to admit you want her back.
593
00:36:28,035 --> 00:36:30,743
I suddenly want something
very bad to happen to you.
594
00:36:30,830 --> 00:36:32,571
What is your problem?
I don't understand.
595
00:36:33,958 --> 00:36:36,575
Gwen! I'm sorry.
You fucker!
596
00:36:40,548 --> 00:36:44,041
See! That's what you get
for fucking with me.
597
00:36:44,218 --> 00:36:46,300
Hey, Gwen, he didn't really
mean to hit you.
598
00:36:46,387 --> 00:36:50,096
He's got a funny way of showing it,
by elbowing me in my frigging tit!
599
00:36:50,182 --> 00:36:51,547
Why the hell are you glowing?
600
00:36:51,642 --> 00:36:52,928
I'm not glowing.
601
00:36:53,018 --> 00:36:54,179
Brandi dumped him.
602
00:36:54,270 --> 00:36:56,307
Would you stop saying that?
603
00:36:56,397 --> 00:36:58,638
I know. I heard.
You heard? How?
604
00:36:58,733 --> 00:37:01,395
She told me. I ran into her
a few minutes ago.
605
00:37:01,485 --> 00:37:03,396
Really? Where?
By the stage.
606
00:37:06,031 --> 00:37:07,567
Do you want me to rub it?
607
00:37:08,826 --> 00:37:13,070
Work with me, people, would you please?
No, I don't want this here.
608
00:37:13,164 --> 00:37:15,326
I want it toward the front.
The rug keeps popping up.
609
00:37:15,416 --> 00:37:17,248
If I put the podium there,
it'll stay down.
610
00:37:17,334 --> 00:37:18,334
Move it!
611
00:37:20,337 --> 00:37:22,829
Mr. Svenning!
Give me the podium!
612
00:37:23,549 --> 00:37:28,009
You put the podium down
over here...
613
00:37:29,472 --> 00:37:30,507
Like this.
614
00:37:31,098 --> 00:37:35,387
You stamp the carpet down with your feet.
You speak English?
615
00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:37,055
Like this.
616
00:37:38,856 --> 00:37:41,518
Mr. Svenning!
Let me help you up.
617
00:37:41,609 --> 00:37:44,192
Get off! Move!
Here, let me help you.
618
00:37:46,030 --> 00:37:48,317
All right, where's Brandi?
Let go of me!
619
00:37:48,407 --> 00:37:49,863
Where's Brandi?
620
00:37:52,703 --> 00:37:55,195
You're fired.
You get the hell out of here.
621
00:37:55,664 --> 00:37:57,120
Get off my set!
622
00:37:58,417 --> 00:37:59,532
Where is she?
623
00:37:59,960 --> 00:38:01,542
You are out of her life.
624
00:38:01,837 --> 00:38:04,955
Now, you stay out of her business
and mine, understand me?
625
00:38:05,049 --> 00:38:06,915
Come on, people.
Are we working here?
626
00:38:07,009 --> 00:38:09,501
Get the backdrop ready.
Are those lights ready to go?
627
00:38:09,637 --> 00:38:11,344
Okay, Mr. Svenning.
Excuse me.
628
00:38:11,430 --> 00:38:12,761
Go on the other side
629
00:38:12,848 --> 00:38:16,057
and put the podium over the
bad spot in the carpet, okay?
630
00:38:16,143 --> 00:38:17,554
The hole? Please. Go. Now.
631
00:38:17,645 --> 00:38:18,726
So, you made her dump me
632
00:38:18,813 --> 00:38:20,520
and now you're going to
auction her off
633
00:38:20,606 --> 00:38:22,973
in an effort to better
further your own career?
634
00:38:23,067 --> 00:38:24,387
Not that
it's any of your concern,
635
00:38:24,443 --> 00:38:26,150
but Brandi agreed
to be on Truth or Date.
636
00:38:26,237 --> 00:38:29,821
After that shit you pulled last night, I
think she's even looking forward to it.
637
00:38:29,907 --> 00:38:33,241
It'll give her a chance
to find herself a decent guy.
638
00:38:33,452 --> 00:38:34,692
Somebody with a brain.
639
00:38:34,787 --> 00:38:36,869
You admit it? You are
behind our break-up.
640
00:38:36,956 --> 00:38:37,956
Admit it?
641
00:38:38,415 --> 00:38:42,033
Hell, I'm as proud of it as I
am of this game show here.
642
00:38:45,714 --> 00:38:48,422
Listen to me.
It's over between you two.
643
00:38:49,260 --> 00:38:53,094
The sooner you get that, the
better off we're all gonna be.
644
00:38:54,098 --> 00:38:56,430
Understand me? You don't.
645
00:38:57,977 --> 00:39:00,469
Guard, come here.
Get this guy off of my set.
646
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:05,565
If he gives you any shit, you have
my permission to castrate him.
647
00:39:05,651 --> 00:39:07,483
You can't do this!
648
00:39:07,570 --> 00:39:08,776
I just did.
649
00:39:14,118 --> 00:39:16,405
Get me LaFours.
Right away, sir.
650
00:39:16,954 --> 00:39:18,365
Well, go on!
651
00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:20,534
How about these?
652
00:39:20,624 --> 00:39:23,082
Very sexy.
That sounded convincing.
653
00:39:23,502 --> 00:39:24,708
I'm preoccupied.
654
00:39:24,795 --> 00:39:27,878
T.S., she told you. She's just
doing it as a favor to her father.
655
00:39:27,965 --> 00:39:28,965
Regardless.
656
00:39:29,049 --> 00:39:31,165
It's not like she'll fuck
the guy on public access.
657
00:39:31,260 --> 00:39:33,843
She might as well.
You're overreacting again.
658
00:39:33,929 --> 00:39:37,718
That's why your relationships fail.
It's certainly why ours did.
659
00:39:37,808 --> 00:39:41,847
You got bent out of shape the same way
over that costume party in high school.
660
00:39:41,937 --> 00:39:43,894
You fucked Rick Derris
on a pool table!
661
00:39:44,023 --> 00:39:46,890
With everyone watching, no less.
It was a costume party, T.S.
662
00:39:46,984 --> 00:39:48,600
No one could tell it was me.
663
00:39:48,694 --> 00:39:51,982
Besides, who else but you
remembers shit like that?
664
00:39:52,156 --> 00:39:53,863
I would've been a sexy chick.
665
00:39:53,949 --> 00:39:55,906
Do you remember
that costume party?
666
00:39:55,993 --> 00:39:59,452
Might that have been the one where you
banged Rick Derris on the pool table?
667
00:39:59,538 --> 00:40:00,824
Nobody remembers shit like that?
668
00:40:00,915 --> 00:40:03,327
How is it that you recall
the most trivial events?
669
00:40:03,417 --> 00:40:07,160
I'll never forget it. How many chances do
you get to see Smokey fuck the Bandit?
670
00:40:07,254 --> 00:40:09,165
Didn't I look just like
Burt Reynolds?
671
00:40:09,256 --> 00:40:11,042
Except for the moustache.
672
00:40:11,300 --> 00:40:13,917
You know, they have a whole room
you're supposed to do that in?
673
00:40:14,011 --> 00:40:16,548
Some pervert wanted to
see me naked so badly today
674
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,138
he busted in on me twice
while I was trying on stuff.
675
00:40:19,224 --> 00:40:21,340
This saves him the effort.
676
00:40:22,519 --> 00:40:24,977
How much longer are we gonna be
in this chick store, anyway?
677
00:40:25,064 --> 00:40:26,416
I'm starting to get
a mean hard-on.
678
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,807
Brodie, Tell me about
the Rene break-up.
679
00:40:28,901 --> 00:40:31,438
I threw her away
like a parking ticket.
680
00:40:31,528 --> 00:40:34,316
Don't front, Brodie. I talked
to Rene's cousin this morning.
681
00:40:34,406 --> 00:40:38,024
It was vice-versa. They certainly
aren't acting broken up.
682
00:40:38,118 --> 00:40:39,608
Go ahead.
Ask him about the elevator.
683
00:40:39,703 --> 00:40:42,616
Tell me about the elevator.
It goes up and down.
684
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:47,417
Rene seems so coarse, anyway.
What was it like to date her?
685
00:40:47,544 --> 00:40:50,252
Ever slept with somebody?
Uh, yeah.
686
00:40:50,381 --> 00:40:51,917
I mean,
really slept with somebody.
687
00:40:52,049 --> 00:40:55,041
Beside them, not just fuck
them on a gaming table.
688
00:40:55,427 --> 00:40:57,839
We slept together one time,
remember, in high school?
689
00:40:57,930 --> 00:41:00,012
That ski trip?
That was you?
690
00:41:00,557 --> 00:41:03,891
Yes, Brodie, I've slept beside
many people. All right.
691
00:41:04,019 --> 00:41:06,260
You know how when someone lays
with their back to you
692
00:41:06,355 --> 00:41:09,347
and you lay behind them really close
and you throw one arm over them?
693
00:41:09,900 --> 00:41:10,981
It's called spooning.
694
00:41:11,068 --> 00:41:12,729
But you gotta put
the other arm somewhere.
695
00:41:12,820 --> 00:41:15,812
You can either lay on it or just
shove it in between your bodies.
696
00:41:15,906 --> 00:41:18,443
The only other option is
to stretch it above your head.
697
00:41:18,534 --> 00:41:22,198
But sometimes my arm pops out of the
socket when I'm sleeping like that.
698
00:41:22,329 --> 00:41:24,991
So, I was constantly searching
for someplace to keep my arm
699
00:41:25,082 --> 00:41:27,198
while still laying close to her.
700
00:41:28,585 --> 00:41:29,666
And?
701
00:41:29,753 --> 00:41:33,667
What do you mean, "And"? That's like a
metaphor for our whole relationship.
702
00:41:35,259 --> 00:41:38,251
I'm all out. I'll meet you
at the food court.
703
00:41:39,513 --> 00:41:43,006
I know exactly how he feels.
Excuse me.
704
00:41:45,936 --> 00:41:48,223
Fill this with Coke, no ice.
705
00:41:52,401 --> 00:41:54,108
Want a sip of my soda?
706
00:41:59,116 --> 00:42:00,823
Smartass ex-boyfriend.
707
00:42:01,493 --> 00:42:05,487
I got two things to tell you.
One: I don't like you.
708
00:42:05,581 --> 00:42:06,992
I see you every week
in this mall.
709
00:42:07,082 --> 00:42:08,743
I don't like
shiftless layabouts.
710
00:42:08,834 --> 00:42:11,166
You're one of these
fucking loser mallrat kids.
711
00:42:11,253 --> 00:42:14,416
You don't come here to work or
shop, you hang out all day.
712
00:42:14,506 --> 00:42:16,167
Act like you fucking live here.
713
00:42:16,258 --> 00:42:18,875
I have no respect for people
with no shopping agenda.
714
00:42:18,969 --> 00:42:21,802
Is this what's known as
motivated salesmanship?
715
00:42:24,558 --> 00:42:28,552
Rene told me to leave you alone,
but she's fucking clueless.
716
00:42:35,069 --> 00:42:36,980
Now, you see, Bruce,
717
00:42:37,446 --> 00:42:41,360
I like to pick up girls on the rebound
from a disappointing relationship.
718
00:42:41,450 --> 00:42:44,067
They're more vulnerable, they're
in much more need of solace
719
00:42:44,161 --> 00:42:46,619
and they're fairly
open to suggestion.
720
00:42:46,705 --> 00:42:50,824
And I use that suggestion to fuck
them someplace very uncomfortable.
721
00:42:51,001 --> 00:42:53,493
What,
like the back of a Volkswagen?
722
00:42:53,587 --> 00:42:57,455
No, like somewhere girls dread.
723
00:43:01,762 --> 00:43:04,299
Did we ever get along?
Once or twice.
724
00:43:04,515 --> 00:43:07,257
How come we went out as long as we did?
You had cable.
725
00:43:07,351 --> 00:43:09,058
So, are you gonna stay
for the show?
726
00:43:09,144 --> 00:43:11,385
Absolutely not. As soon as
he gets back here, I'm gone.
727
00:43:11,480 --> 00:43:14,222
T.S. Quint. Where's your
sense of chivalry?
728
00:43:14,858 --> 00:43:16,895
Oh, my God! ls that Brodie?
729
00:43:18,612 --> 00:43:20,603
You're fucking kidding?
The Easter Bunny did this?
730
00:43:20,697 --> 00:43:22,108
All I said was the Easter Bunny
731
00:43:22,199 --> 00:43:24,065
at the Menlo Park mall
was more convincing.
732
00:43:24,159 --> 00:43:25,999
He just jumped the railing
and knocked me down.
733
00:43:26,078 --> 00:43:29,116
He's fucking dead! Let it go.
He's under a lot of pressure.
734
00:43:29,206 --> 00:43:30,350
What the hell happened to him?
735
00:43:30,374 --> 00:43:32,185
The guy in the Easter Bunny
suit kicked his ass.
736
00:43:32,209 --> 00:43:33,209
I had it coming.
737
00:43:33,293 --> 00:43:36,831
Fuck all that shit. Come on, Silent Bob.
What really happened?
738
00:43:36,922 --> 00:43:40,165
The proprietor of Fashionable Male
beat a rain check into my stomach.
739
00:43:40,259 --> 00:43:42,125
Shannon Hamilton?
You know that guy?
740
00:43:42,219 --> 00:43:43,755
I went out with him
after we dated.
741
00:43:43,846 --> 00:43:46,304
He tried to screw me somewhere
very uncomfortable once.
742
00:43:46,390 --> 00:43:49,132
What, like the back of a Volkswagen?
Sounds like his M.O.
743
00:43:49,226 --> 00:43:51,012
Can you get up?
Am I still glowing?
744
00:43:51,103 --> 00:43:53,470
You're barely breathing. Was
Rene involved in any of this?
745
00:43:53,564 --> 00:43:55,805
This was an independent act
of aggression.
746
00:43:55,899 --> 00:43:58,766
He told me that his intentions
were to penetrate my ex-girlfriend
747
00:43:58,861 --> 00:44:01,694
in the most notorious of body cavities.
Sounds just like him.
748
00:44:01,780 --> 00:44:04,317
You better tell Rene. Let him
do whatever the hell he wants.
749
00:44:04,408 --> 00:44:07,867
If she's not smart enough to see him for
what he is, she deserves the discomfort.
750
00:44:07,953 --> 00:44:11,787
I, on the other hand, have had just about
all the discomfort I can stand for a day.
751
00:44:11,915 --> 00:44:13,326
Shit, I'm late. I gotta go.
752
00:44:13,417 --> 00:44:15,311
You're just gonna leave
with him in this condition?
753
00:44:15,335 --> 00:44:17,451
I gotta split.
You gonna be okay?
754
00:44:17,546 --> 00:44:19,833
Couple of pins in the hip,
I'll be good as new.
755
00:44:19,923 --> 00:44:23,336
That's my boy.
Bye, guys. Be good.
756
00:44:24,553 --> 00:44:28,342
Women, always leaving you when you've
just had the crap kicked out of you.
757
00:44:28,432 --> 00:44:30,451
You look like you're gonna live to me.
You stay here.
758
00:44:30,475 --> 00:44:32,182
I gotta hit the bathroom.
759
00:44:32,936 --> 00:44:35,428
Please, don't say "hit!"
760
00:44:38,901 --> 00:44:40,312
All right, honey.
761
00:44:40,402 --> 00:44:42,422
Don't forget to look for
your Easter eggs on Sunday.
762
00:44:42,446 --> 00:44:44,278
Bye-bye, Easter Bunny.
763
00:44:44,698 --> 00:44:47,440
All right, who's next?
It's hot in this goddamn suit!
764
00:44:48,368 --> 00:44:51,281
Hey, guys. Wait in line
like everybody else.
765
00:44:51,580 --> 00:44:53,696
What the hell is this?
This is for Brodie.
766
00:45:07,846 --> 00:45:08,881
He's here.
767
00:45:08,972 --> 00:45:10,303
What?
Him and Brodie.
768
00:45:10,390 --> 00:45:12,597
Don't sweat it, though.
He's leaving.
769
00:45:13,477 --> 00:45:16,310
He seems really broken up
over this whole thing.
770
00:45:16,396 --> 00:45:19,263
Maybe because we're
broken up for good this time.
771
00:45:20,234 --> 00:45:24,694
I remember when I dumped T.S. I was all
right with it till he started dating you.
772
00:45:24,780 --> 00:45:27,943
A little jealousy residue?
I thought so at first.
773
00:45:28,033 --> 00:45:29,990
Then I realized
it was more than that.
774
00:45:30,202 --> 00:45:31,738
When I saw how he was with you,
775
00:45:31,828 --> 00:45:33,694
how well you two
complemented each other,
776
00:45:33,830 --> 00:45:36,538
it finally hit me that
T.S. is a great catch.
777
00:45:37,376 --> 00:45:40,664
Gwen, you were always cheating on him.
Capricious youth?
778
00:45:40,796 --> 00:45:42,707
Doesn't mean
I wasn't regretful about it.
779
00:45:42,839 --> 00:45:45,251
Jesus, Gwen. The last thing
I need at this point
780
00:45:45,342 --> 00:45:47,253
is a lecture on my love life.
781
00:45:47,344 --> 00:45:51,008
All I'm saying is that the really
good guys are few and far between.
782
00:45:51,139 --> 00:45:53,426
In fact,
I haven't met one since T.S.
783
00:45:53,517 --> 00:45:58,182
Even if I did meet one, I guarantee I'd
use him as the basis for my comparison.
784
00:45:58,313 --> 00:46:00,350
You can have him
if you want him.
785
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:03,023
Believe me,
I might consider trying
786
00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,856
if he weren't so hung up on you.
787
00:46:07,030 --> 00:46:08,987
Well, I gotta get home.
788
00:46:09,533 --> 00:46:12,150
Have a great show.
Okay. Bye.
789
00:46:22,754 --> 00:46:24,540
Chocolate-covered pretzel?
790
00:46:25,507 --> 00:46:28,420
This is Roddy,
Mr. Svenning's assistant.
791
00:46:28,510 --> 00:46:31,593
Mr. Svenning would like to
have a word with you.
792
00:46:31,972 --> 00:46:36,182
Where? These are melting.
Copy that. By the stage.
793
00:46:38,145 --> 00:46:40,386
Tell him I'll be there
in a minute.
794
00:46:42,482 --> 00:46:44,189
What do you think?
I don't trust it.
795
00:46:44,359 --> 00:46:46,726
Maybe he's calmed down a little bit.
We'll talk reasonably.
796
00:46:46,820 --> 00:46:49,858
Reasonably, shmeasonably. You should
go over there and give him shit.
797
00:46:49,948 --> 00:46:51,718
You kidding? I'm trying
to marry his daughter.
798
00:46:51,742 --> 00:46:54,484
All right, so you can't scream
at him, but after all he's done
799
00:46:54,578 --> 00:46:57,696
you should still kind of stick it to him.
How do you propose I do that?
800
00:46:57,789 --> 00:46:59,951
You stink-palm him.
Stink-palm?
801
00:47:00,417 --> 00:47:02,579
Take your hand and you stick
it in your ass like this.
802
00:47:02,669 --> 00:47:04,669
You've been walking all day
and you're also nervous
803
00:47:04,755 --> 00:47:06,166
and no doubt
you're sweaty as hell.
804
00:47:06,256 --> 00:47:07,483
You should see yourself
right now.
805
00:47:07,507 --> 00:47:08,838
A man with his hand
in his pants.
806
00:47:08,925 --> 00:47:10,632
I probably look like my old man.
807
00:47:11,678 --> 00:47:13,214
Now you shake hands
with the guy.
808
00:47:13,347 --> 00:47:16,339
"Hey, Mr. Svenning. How've
you been?" What's the point?
809
00:47:16,433 --> 00:47:18,515
Know how long it takes
for that smell to come off?
810
00:47:18,602 --> 00:47:21,515
Scrub all you like, it'll stick
around for at least two days.
811
00:47:21,605 --> 00:47:23,721
How does he explain it
to his colleagues and family?
812
00:47:23,815 --> 00:47:26,227
They'll think he doesn't know
how to wipe his ass properly.
813
00:47:26,318 --> 00:47:29,436
Meanwhile, you yourself are left
with a hand that smells like shit?
814
00:47:29,696 --> 00:47:33,280
Small price to pay for the
smiting of one's enemies.
815
00:47:33,450 --> 00:47:35,657
I think I'll pass.
Do me a favor.
816
00:47:35,744 --> 00:47:37,735
Stay here while
I go talk to him.
817
00:47:50,509 --> 00:47:53,718
I assure you, tonight's program
will go off without a hitch.
818
00:47:53,804 --> 00:47:55,420
I hope so, Jared, for your sake.
819
00:47:55,514 --> 00:47:57,514
You picked a dangerous mall
to host a game show in.
820
00:47:57,599 --> 00:47:59,715
I hear the Easter Bunny
was accosted this morning.
821
00:47:59,810 --> 00:48:01,721
If there's anything even
remotely resembling
822
00:48:01,812 --> 00:48:03,849
the trouble you had
at the Governor's Ball,
823
00:48:03,939 --> 00:48:05,539
you're gonna be
hosting the Lotto drawing
824
00:48:05,565 --> 00:48:07,897
on public access
the rest of your career.
825
00:48:07,984 --> 00:48:10,442
Gentlemen, please trust me.
826
00:48:10,529 --> 00:48:13,066
I have just taken
the necessary precautions
827
00:48:13,156 --> 00:48:16,990
to insure everything
will go smoothly.
828
00:48:22,999 --> 00:48:27,539
Nothing to worry about.
Sound test!
829
00:48:27,921 --> 00:48:30,663
I tell you what. Why don't...
830
00:48:31,049 --> 00:48:34,667
Why don't I meet you back here
around show time?
831
00:48:42,894 --> 00:48:44,350
Somebody said
you wanted to see me?
832
00:48:44,438 --> 00:48:45,803
Quint,
833
00:48:47,566 --> 00:48:51,685
I accept the fact that you
no doubt fucked my daughter.
834
00:48:52,279 --> 00:48:54,020
The two of you
835
00:48:54,531 --> 00:48:59,116
have been dating long enough for you to
have slimed your way into her panties
836
00:48:59,202 --> 00:49:03,446
and I'm sure you did just that
at least once or twice
837
00:49:03,540 --> 00:49:06,623
in my own house,
probably while I was at home.
838
00:49:06,710 --> 00:49:11,671
Brandi has a bright future.
839
00:49:12,424 --> 00:49:17,385
She is an extremely
intelligent and capable girl.
840
00:49:17,512 --> 00:49:22,257
And I'm sure that one day she'll
be even more successful than me.
841
00:49:23,268 --> 00:49:24,303
Maybe.
842
00:49:24,394 --> 00:49:25,429
But you...
843
00:49:27,022 --> 00:49:31,892
You, on the other hand,
have absolutely no ambition.
844
00:49:34,237 --> 00:49:38,572
And no chance of making it
in the real world.
845
00:49:42,037 --> 00:49:45,780
My daughter is too good for you.
846
00:49:46,625 --> 00:49:51,085
You will never,
ever be with her.
847
00:49:54,216 --> 00:49:56,924
If there isn't anything else...
848
00:49:57,594 --> 00:49:59,210
Hey, fellas!
849
00:49:59,804 --> 00:50:03,422
Well, well, well,
if it isn't my neighbor.
850
00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:05,716
Mr. Svenning, how have you...
851
00:50:05,810 --> 00:50:08,677
Damn! Would you feel that
iron-grip handshake!
852
00:50:08,772 --> 00:50:10,433
Like Burt Reynolds and shit.
853
00:50:10,524 --> 00:50:12,640
So, what's going on here?
854
00:50:13,109 --> 00:50:17,398
T.S. and I were just discussing
a few of his lesser points.
855
00:50:17,489 --> 00:50:19,480
Of which he does have many.
856
00:50:19,574 --> 00:50:22,362
Hey! Look at that ring.
What is that?
857
00:50:22,452 --> 00:50:26,821
That is my junior-college class ring.
Cum laude, '69.
858
00:50:26,957 --> 00:50:30,746
I also hope to come loud
one day, preferably in a 69.
859
00:50:34,047 --> 00:50:37,790
Say, would you like
a chocolate-covered pretzel?
860
00:50:37,884 --> 00:50:40,546
They're a little melty, but,
damn, are they exquisite.
861
00:50:40,637 --> 00:50:43,971
If I remember correctly,
you're a big pretzel fan.
862
00:50:46,017 --> 00:50:48,133
Dark chocolate?
Yeah!
863
00:50:48,645 --> 00:50:49,726
Come on!
No, please, no!
864
00:50:49,813 --> 00:50:52,145
They're awesome. Here you go.
865
00:50:56,403 --> 00:50:57,814
Thank you.
866
00:51:06,705 --> 00:51:10,289
That's good. Very nice.
867
00:51:12,168 --> 00:51:15,832
Being a man who believes in
868
00:51:16,214 --> 00:51:18,501
"one good turn
deserves another"...
869
00:51:20,427 --> 00:51:21,963
I have something
870
00:51:22,053 --> 00:51:23,464
to offer
871
00:51:23,555 --> 00:51:24,795
the both of you.
872
00:51:24,889 --> 00:51:26,300
Really, what's that?
873
00:51:32,355 --> 00:51:34,687
What is this?
These are called handcuffs.
874
00:51:34,774 --> 00:51:37,436
Once I realized you two
were in the mall,
875
00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,734
I decided to set up
this little ambush
876
00:51:40,447 --> 00:51:41,983
to remove
877
00:51:42,073 --> 00:51:47,034
you and your sidekick here from
the premises, permanently.
878
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:50,954
Why am I his sidekick? How do
you know he's not my sidekick?
879
00:51:51,041 --> 00:51:53,032
You're nothing
but a lot of talk and a badge.
880
00:51:53,126 --> 00:51:56,585
Rene! Get Jay and Silent Bob!
Please!
881
00:51:56,671 --> 00:51:59,538
Hurry!
Did somebody call your name?
882
00:52:00,717 --> 00:52:02,799
I have to go to the bathroom.
Wait here, okay?
883
00:52:02,886 --> 00:52:05,594
Hey, anything for you, babe.
It's your day.
884
00:52:05,722 --> 00:52:07,087
Thanks.
885
00:52:08,642 --> 00:52:11,304
I'll tell you, what you need
is a fatty-boombatty blunt.
886
00:52:11,394 --> 00:52:13,226
Then I guarantee you see
a sailboat
887
00:52:13,313 --> 00:52:17,398
an ocean, and maybe even some of them
big-titted mermaids doing lesbian shit.
888
00:52:17,525 --> 00:52:20,483
Look at me, look at me,
you sloppy bitch!
889
00:52:21,655 --> 00:52:24,067
Dude, you're a mad chick magnet!
890
00:52:24,324 --> 00:52:27,737
T.S., Brodie, security guards.
891
00:52:27,827 --> 00:52:30,489
Under arrest, they need help!
Go!
892
00:52:33,500 --> 00:52:36,242
Wow. A sailboat.
893
00:52:37,587 --> 00:52:39,874
Brenda?
Dick!
894
00:52:45,512 --> 00:52:48,721
This is illegal! You can't
arrest us for nothing!
895
00:52:52,310 --> 00:52:53,892
All right.
896
00:52:53,978 --> 00:52:56,686
I believe when Mr. LaFours
turns us over to the police
897
00:52:56,773 --> 00:52:59,390
the bag of contraband that
he's "found" on our persons
898
00:52:59,484 --> 00:53:02,021
will give them more than enough
reason to keep us locked up.
899
00:53:02,112 --> 00:53:05,571
At least for the duration of this evening's
show. Isn't that right, Mr. LaFours?
900
00:53:08,618 --> 00:53:12,987
Come, son of Jor-El!
Kneel before Zod!
901
00:53:13,081 --> 00:53:14,081
Snootchy bootchies!
902
00:53:23,550 --> 00:53:25,507
Vulcan nerve pinch?
That was close.
903
00:53:25,593 --> 00:53:28,085
What about that stink-palm back there?
He even licked his hand.
904
00:53:28,179 --> 00:53:30,511
We gotta disappear, man.
They'll be looking for us.
905
00:53:30,640 --> 00:53:33,348
Thank you, man. We owe you one.
You want to hide?
906
00:53:33,435 --> 00:53:35,275
I know just the place.
Whatever. Let's just go.
907
00:53:35,353 --> 00:53:37,185
Don't I even get to
wash my hand first?
908
00:53:55,832 --> 00:53:57,664
What the shit are we gonna do?
909
00:54:10,180 --> 00:54:13,844
Come on, we're fucked! They're
right behind us. Come on!
910
00:54:17,562 --> 00:54:20,395
Yeah! Bad-ass! Yeah!
911
00:54:42,921 --> 00:54:45,709
Where do you get those
wonderful toys?
912
00:54:49,719 --> 00:54:51,301
This is where we're hiding out?
913
00:54:51,387 --> 00:54:53,003
This is the dirt mall!
914
00:54:53,056 --> 00:54:57,050
Cops never come in here. Neither
does any self-respecting consumer.
915
00:54:59,771 --> 00:55:02,183
I never could figure out
what you saw in this place.
916
00:55:02,273 --> 00:55:04,981
Good buys. Great people.
Earthy aromas.
917
00:55:05,068 --> 00:55:07,105
- Hey, Walt!
- Brodie!
918
00:55:07,195 --> 00:55:10,108
They know me here. I wouldn't
be too proud of that.
919
00:55:10,198 --> 00:55:12,235
Listen to the sound of
defeat in your voice.
920
00:55:12,325 --> 00:55:14,817
Might it have to do with the
fact that I've been defeated?
921
00:55:14,911 --> 00:55:16,822
Man, you're giving up? You?
922
00:55:16,913 --> 00:55:19,826
You used to be a stand-up kind of guy.
What happened to that guy?
923
00:55:19,916 --> 00:55:23,500
The guy who punched Amanda Gross' mother
after she called him “low-class."
924
00:55:23,586 --> 00:55:26,795
That wasn't me, that was you.
Oh, yeah.
925
00:55:26,881 --> 00:55:28,667
It wasn't her mother,
it was her grandmother.
926
00:55:28,758 --> 00:55:31,090
No wonder the bitch
went down so fast.
927
00:55:32,095 --> 00:55:36,259
You should have boards in them.
All right? Bloody savage.
928
00:55:37,058 --> 00:55:39,846
That is one of your more
admirably deplorable traits.
929
00:55:39,936 --> 00:55:42,223
You, unlike me, would beat
up somebody's grandmother
930
00:55:42,313 --> 00:55:45,897
or an entire senior citizens' community
if you believed in the principle.
931
00:55:45,984 --> 00:55:48,100
But only if they
were really old.
932
00:55:48,278 --> 00:55:50,110
Maybe I was deluded.
933
00:55:50,446 --> 00:55:52,107
Maybe you were right
this morning
934
00:55:52,198 --> 00:55:55,031
when you said if something stupid
could change how she feels
935
00:55:55,118 --> 00:55:56,700
she's not into it
in the first place.
936
00:55:56,786 --> 00:55:59,619
You'd listen to me?
To something I said?
937
00:55:59,789 --> 00:56:03,407
Jesus! Haven't I made it clear
during the tenure of our friendship
938
00:56:03,501 --> 00:56:04,741
that I don't know shit?
939
00:56:04,836 --> 00:56:07,669
I mean, half the time I'm
just talking out of my ass.
940
00:56:07,797 --> 00:56:09,253
Or sticking my hand in it.
941
00:56:09,340 --> 00:56:13,334
Sometimes, but on occasion you've been
known to let a nugget of truth slip out.
942
00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,585
This morning might have been
one of those occasions.
943
00:56:15,680 --> 00:56:17,262
You know what you need?
944
00:56:17,348 --> 00:56:19,214
Some sage-like advice.
945
00:56:19,309 --> 00:56:21,346
You've given me enough
for one day, thanks.
946
00:56:21,477 --> 00:56:24,970
Not from me, from Ivannah.
Who's Ivannah?
947
00:56:33,948 --> 00:56:36,736
I can't even find the words.
Is that ingenuity or what?
948
00:56:36,826 --> 00:56:39,113
What's palm-reading have to do
with being topless?
949
00:56:39,203 --> 00:56:40,785
It makes the news
easier to take.
950
00:56:40,872 --> 00:56:42,738
She could tell me
I'll die in 10 minutes
951
00:56:42,832 --> 00:56:44,493
so long as she told me topless.
952
00:56:44,667 --> 00:56:48,706
Your maleness amazes me sometimes.
What can I say? I love tits.
953
00:56:48,838 --> 00:56:52,001
What kind of people patronize this service?
People like us.
954
00:56:52,634 --> 00:56:54,341
Wait a minute,
you're not suggesting...
955
00:56:54,427 --> 00:56:56,464
Don't be such
a damn fundamentalist.
956
00:56:56,554 --> 00:56:59,592
I've already reached my lowest.
This is where I draw the line.
957
00:56:59,682 --> 00:57:01,673
You used to like tits, too.
958
00:57:01,768 --> 00:57:05,352
I love tits as much as the next guy,
but why pay some old hag good money
959
00:57:05,438 --> 00:57:09,181
for supernatural chicanery coupled with
sagging, wrinkled, weathered boobs?
960
00:57:10,777 --> 00:57:13,860
Man, this place is
something out of Octopussy.
961
00:57:14,530 --> 00:57:17,613
You've come for
a glimpse at your future?
962
00:57:17,700 --> 00:57:19,862
Amongst other things.
963
00:57:20,703 --> 00:57:24,321
Talents like those I possess
are not to be taken lightly.
964
00:57:24,707 --> 00:57:28,325
If you have heart condition,
suffer from nervous nausea
965
00:57:28,419 --> 00:57:31,878
or have a family history
of stress-induced breakdown...
966
00:57:31,965 --> 00:57:35,708
Empire Entertainment
recommends you do not partake
967
00:57:35,802 --> 00:57:39,295
in the fortune-telling
activities contained within.
968
00:57:40,723 --> 00:57:41,963
You guys still in?
969
00:57:42,058 --> 00:57:44,470
We're both healthy
and strapping young men.
970
00:57:44,560 --> 00:57:47,643
You give me $58.60.
971
00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:51,481
What?
972
00:57:53,194 --> 00:57:55,936
You expect me to pay for this? I'm broke.
I'll pay you back.
973
00:57:56,030 --> 00:57:59,068
I knew it. I can't believe you.
I didn't even want to do this.
974
00:57:59,158 --> 00:58:00,774
You'll thank me later.
975
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:05,115
Thank you.
976
00:58:09,002 --> 00:58:12,620
All right, gentlemen,
free your mind.
977
00:58:13,297 --> 00:58:14,913
I'd like to free something.
978
00:58:15,216 --> 00:58:17,173
Focus.
That's what I was thinking.
979
00:58:17,260 --> 00:58:18,921
She said "focus."
Whatever.
980
00:58:23,599 --> 00:58:27,263
I sense a grave disturbance
between you both.
981
00:58:27,770 --> 00:58:31,308
A difficulty in affecting
a resolution
982
00:58:31,566 --> 00:58:33,102
for a problem.
983
00:58:33,860 --> 00:58:35,476
Something hard.
984
00:58:35,820 --> 00:58:39,063
I'm convinced. She's got the gift.
Try to contain yourself.
985
00:58:39,157 --> 00:58:42,400
Miss, I appreciate the effort and
I'm sure you're very good at
986
00:58:42,493 --> 00:58:43,983
whatever it is you do,
987
00:58:44,078 --> 00:58:48,663
but my shallow friend isn't interested in
his future, so you can cut the theatrics.
988
00:58:49,500 --> 00:58:53,414
What a relief. I do so much better when I
don't have to say things in character.
989
00:58:53,504 --> 00:58:55,495
You don't have to
say anything at all.
990
00:58:55,590 --> 00:58:57,581
You paid,
I should tell you something.
991
00:58:57,675 --> 00:58:59,632
In order to do that
992
00:59:00,344 --> 00:59:02,506
I have to work completely
993
00:59:04,182 --> 00:59:07,140
unfettered.
994
00:59:13,941 --> 00:59:15,056
Oh, yes.
995
00:59:15,818 --> 00:59:19,402
I can definitely sense
the problem. Here.
996
00:59:19,906 --> 00:59:21,817
Girl trouble.
997
00:59:22,033 --> 00:59:26,778
Apparently, you're both on the outs
with your respective steadies.
998
00:59:26,996 --> 00:59:29,738
That's amazing.
That's disgusting!
999
00:59:29,832 --> 00:59:33,496
You both feel the pain
1000
00:59:34,212 --> 00:59:35,452
of loss.
1001
00:59:35,546 --> 00:59:38,538
But only one of you
makes it vocal.
1002
00:59:38,841 --> 00:59:42,254
The other one suffers silently.
1003
00:59:42,845 --> 00:59:45,086
My God, you're right.
We gotta go.
1004
00:59:45,181 --> 00:59:47,297
How can this be resolved?
1005
00:59:47,391 --> 00:59:50,224
I would say, yes,
1006
00:59:50,436 --> 00:59:51,926
combine your efforts.
1007
00:59:52,021 --> 00:59:53,056
That's what I see.
1008
00:59:53,147 --> 00:59:54,933
Let me tell you what I see...
That's great!
1009
00:59:55,024 --> 00:59:58,608
I don't buy her power.
All right, when's my birthday?
1010
00:59:59,987 --> 01:00:04,447
Between the first and the last
1011
01:00:05,159 --> 01:00:07,446
of October.
1012
01:00:07,537 --> 01:00:10,029
Did you hear that?
Very haunting. Let's go.
1013
01:00:10,164 --> 01:00:15,079
Why are you stuck here in this dirt mall
and not in an upscale commercial setting?
1014
01:00:15,336 --> 01:00:17,828
You could be raking in the dough
with your kind cf accuracy.
1015
01:00:17,922 --> 01:00:21,711
Believe it or not, some people still
frown on topless fortune-telling.
1016
01:00:21,884 --> 01:00:25,093
Unfortunately, it's the only
way that I'm effective.
1017
01:00:25,805 --> 01:00:28,797
Really? It's the third
nipple that does it.
1018
01:00:28,891 --> 01:00:30,131
You have a third nipple?
1019
01:00:30,226 --> 01:00:31,967
What are you talking about?
1020
01:00:32,061 --> 01:00:34,644
It's clear as day!
Look at it, for God's sake.
1021
01:00:34,730 --> 01:00:37,097
You can stare at it.
I don't mind.
1022
01:00:37,483 --> 01:00:40,066
Understanding is reached
1023
01:00:40,153 --> 01:00:42,986
only after confrontation.
1024
01:00:45,241 --> 01:00:46,572
Of course!
1025
01:00:47,368 --> 01:00:51,077
Thank you so much. I can't tell
you how informative you've been.
1026
01:00:51,539 --> 01:00:52,745
Thank you very much.
1027
01:00:53,666 --> 01:00:56,579
And don't ever lose that nipple.
I won't.
1028
01:01:03,885 --> 01:01:06,547
Do you have...
Any other extra body parts?
1029
01:01:06,637 --> 01:01:08,594
No.
Just curious.
1030
01:01:08,848 --> 01:01:11,761
You could double-check me,
if you like.
1031
01:01:11,851 --> 01:01:13,842
Really? T.S.: Come on!
1032
01:01:24,155 --> 01:01:25,941
Works every time.
1033
01:01:38,336 --> 01:01:39,451
You're gonna what?
1034
01:01:39,545 --> 01:01:41,456
I'll get on her dad's show.
Are you kidding?
1035
01:01:41,547 --> 01:01:45,040
Last time he had dope planted on us.
What will he do this time?
1036
01:01:45,134 --> 01:01:47,546
He can't touch us once it starts.
It's a live feed.
1037
01:01:47,637 --> 01:01:49,878
He can't risk losing face
in front of the network execs.
1038
01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:52,304
It can't happen.
I'll make it happen.
1039
01:01:52,391 --> 01:01:54,473
"Understanding is reached
only after confrontation."
1040
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,097
That's what Ivannah said. Brandi
will respond to confrontation.
1041
01:01:57,188 --> 01:02:00,146
Hey, weren't you the guy that
broke up with Brandi Svenning?
1042
01:02:00,942 --> 01:02:02,432
What the hell's
your problem, anyway?
1043
01:02:02,526 --> 01:02:05,564
You're supposed to be the impetuous
one, not me. Why are you fighting me?
1044
01:02:05,655 --> 01:02:06,655
I'm being rational!
1045
01:02:06,739 --> 01:02:09,948
You're scared you may want to
follow my lead and win Rene back!
1046
01:02:10,034 --> 01:02:12,492
Rene who?
Whatever. Just do me a favor.
1047
01:02:12,578 --> 01:02:14,139
Meet me by the stage
once the show starts.
1048
01:02:14,163 --> 01:02:16,530
I'll need your help.
Where are you going?
1049
01:02:16,666 --> 01:02:19,533
Shopping. What the hell
am I supposed to do?
1050
01:02:21,087 --> 01:02:23,454
Dude, this looks like your mom.
1051
01:02:23,839 --> 01:02:26,171
I've been looking all over for you two.
We're hiding.
1052
01:02:26,259 --> 01:02:27,294
In a bookstore?
1053
01:02:27,385 --> 01:02:29,592
Last place anyone'd look
for me and this tubby bitch.
1054
01:02:29,679 --> 01:02:31,261
I need your help.
What?
1055
01:02:31,347 --> 01:02:33,509
You two up for getting stoned?
Look who you're asking.
1056
01:02:40,356 --> 01:02:42,939
You looking at that
couple inside?
1057
01:02:43,859 --> 01:02:47,193
Actually, I was just looking at
this little pink number over here.
1058
01:02:47,280 --> 01:02:51,194
That's kind of nice.
They look happy, don't they?
1059
01:02:51,492 --> 01:02:54,826
What, the bras? No, the couple.
They look happy.
1060
01:02:55,538 --> 01:02:57,825
I guess, as far as couples go.
1061
01:02:57,915 --> 01:03:01,533
You know, it reminds me of an
issue of Spider-Man I did.
1062
01:03:01,919 --> 01:03:05,787
When Peter Parker and Gwen
Stacy went lingerie shopping.
1063
01:03:06,382 --> 01:03:08,373
Of course,
the Green Goblin showed up
1064
01:03:08,467 --> 01:03:11,175
and he pumpkin-bombed
the hell out of the place.
1065
01:03:11,262 --> 01:03:14,220
But aside from that, it's
pretty much the same thing.
1066
01:03:14,307 --> 01:03:15,718
Oh, my God!
1067
01:03:16,892 --> 01:03:18,474
Holy shit!
1068
01:03:20,104 --> 01:03:23,017
Aren't you...
Stan Lee. Hi.
1069
01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:28,059
What's up, boys? You guys on this show?
That's the rumor.
1070
01:03:28,237 --> 01:03:31,150
Man, between hoping to win,
the crowd out there
1071
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:33,948
and being on TV, I'd be scared
as hell if I were you two.
1072
01:03:34,076 --> 01:03:36,534
Yeah? Sure, man.
What if you fuck up?
1073
01:03:36,620 --> 01:03:38,110
Your friends
and family watching.
1074
01:03:38,205 --> 01:03:41,698
I'd be piss scared I'd get a boner
or fucking fart or something.
1075
01:03:41,792 --> 01:03:44,534
He's got a point, man. This is live.
Anything could happen.
1076
01:03:44,628 --> 01:03:47,461
Shut the fuck up, man.
You're making me nervous.
1077
01:03:47,631 --> 01:03:50,339
There's only one thing
that could take off that edge.
1078
01:03:50,426 --> 01:03:52,133
Make you feel relaxed as hell.
1079
01:03:52,636 --> 01:03:55,549
Make you forget how many people are
staring at you here and on TV.
1080
01:03:55,639 --> 01:03:57,255
And what's that?
1081
01:03:57,767 --> 01:03:59,929
Snootchy-bootchy nootchies!
1082
01:04:00,436 --> 01:04:03,645
The Fantastic Four. Reed Richards.
Can his whole body stretch?
1083
01:04:03,773 --> 01:04:06,891
I mean every part, you know, like his...
I know what you mean.
1084
01:04:06,984 --> 01:04:10,102
We never really tackled stuff
like that in the old days.
1085
01:04:10,196 --> 01:04:12,358
What with the comic-book code
and all.
1086
01:04:12,448 --> 01:04:15,031
I can't believe I'm standing
here talking to you!
1087
01:04:15,117 --> 01:04:18,530
You're responsible for the greats.
Let's do the list. Spider-Man?
1088
01:04:18,662 --> 01:04:20,323
Guilty.
The Incredible Hulk?
1089
01:04:20,414 --> 01:04:22,451
Afraid so.
This is so cool.
1090
01:04:22,541 --> 01:04:24,999
The X-Men?
Now that you mention it.
1091
01:04:25,086 --> 01:04:27,498
Shit, man. You are a god!
1092
01:04:27,588 --> 01:04:29,374
Hey, look at that couple.
1093
01:04:29,465 --> 01:04:32,002
Boy, they sure seem to
be in love, huh?
1094
01:04:32,134 --> 01:04:33,920
What's with that?
That's the second time
1095
01:04:34,011 --> 01:04:35,718
you've commented on
couples in love.
1096
01:04:35,805 --> 01:04:37,842
Well, I like that sort of thing.
1097
01:04:37,932 --> 01:04:40,094
Tell me, do you
have a girlfriend, Brodie?
1098
01:04:40,267 --> 01:04:42,474
Had one. We just broke up.
1099
01:04:43,145 --> 01:04:46,558
The Thing? ls his dork made of orange
rock like the rest of his body?
1100
01:04:46,649 --> 01:04:48,560
It's a superhero secret.
1101
01:04:48,651 --> 01:04:51,484
Tell me, Brodie. Why did you
and your girlfriend break up?
1102
01:04:51,570 --> 01:04:55,188
She was a pain in the ass. She wanted
me to be this typical boyfriend guy.
1103
01:04:55,282 --> 01:04:58,149
She said I was too into my
own world of comics and all.
1104
01:04:58,744 --> 01:04:59,950
I can relate.
1105
01:05:00,329 --> 01:05:03,788
There was a time when it was
all about comics for me.
1106
01:05:03,874 --> 01:05:06,912
I had a girl,
probably the same as yours.
1107
01:05:07,503 --> 01:05:11,292
She always complained that I spent
too much time with my own comics.
1108
01:05:11,382 --> 01:05:15,171
And eventually we broke up.
See, what did she know?
1109
01:05:15,261 --> 01:05:16,922
Here you are now,
a legend in the field.
1110
01:05:17,012 --> 01:05:19,094
You had a slew of women
since her, right?
1111
01:05:19,849 --> 01:05:21,339
Lots of women.
1112
01:05:21,434 --> 01:05:25,143
Jagger and me, we had a running
contest to see who had the most.
1113
01:05:25,354 --> 01:05:28,767
Matter of fact, last time I
looked, I was way ahead.
1114
01:05:28,858 --> 01:05:32,192
Damn, that's hot!
But I never forgot that girl.
1115
01:05:32,278 --> 01:05:34,360
Did you ever get back
together with her?
1116
01:05:34,447 --> 01:05:36,939
One day I found out
she got married.
1117
01:05:37,116 --> 01:05:40,529
I had blown it.
I had missed my window.
1118
01:05:40,619 --> 01:05:41,780
No way.
1119
01:05:42,121 --> 01:05:43,657
What'd you do?
1120
01:05:43,914 --> 01:05:45,575
I went on with my life.
1121
01:05:45,875 --> 01:05:49,368
I created some
special new superheroes.
1122
01:05:49,795 --> 01:05:53,834
They were characters that reflected
my own heartbreak and my own regrets.
1123
01:05:53,924 --> 01:05:55,005
How so?
1124
01:05:55,092 --> 01:05:59,882
Doctor Doom wears body armor to
conceal his own mangled form.
1125
01:06:00,055 --> 01:06:01,511
Right?
Yeah.
1126
01:06:01,599 --> 01:06:05,137
That was me beneath the armor.
1127
01:06:05,269 --> 01:06:06,304
The Hulk.
1128
01:06:06,645 --> 01:06:10,889
A normal guy one minute,
a rage of emotions the next.
1129
01:06:11,108 --> 01:06:14,146
Just like me when I thought
about what I'd given up.
1130
01:06:14,320 --> 01:06:18,188
So you created each character as a way
to deal with your one big regret.
1131
01:06:18,282 --> 01:06:23,027
Yeah, the girl that got away. Look,
do yourself a favor, Brodie.
1132
01:06:23,120 --> 01:06:24,155
Don't wait.
1133
01:06:24,288 --> 01:06:27,155
Because all the money,
all the women
1134
01:06:27,249 --> 01:06:29,456
even all the comic books
in the world
1135
01:06:29,543 --> 01:06:32,331
they can't substitute for
that one person.
1136
01:06:32,588 --> 01:06:36,422
I don't know. All the comics in the world?
Trust me, true believer.
1137
01:06:36,592 --> 01:06:39,960
Well, good talking to you.
Keep up all the good work.
1138
01:06:40,095 --> 01:06:42,553
You keep reading 'em,
I'll keep writing 'em.
1139
01:06:43,641 --> 01:06:46,008
Hey, Stan!
Yeah?
1140
01:06:46,602 --> 01:06:48,388
She really meant
that much to you?
1141
01:06:48,479 --> 01:06:52,063
Brodie, I'd give it all up,
all of it
1142
01:06:52,149 --> 01:06:54,607
for just one more day with her.
1143
01:06:55,444 --> 01:06:56,809
Take care.
1144
01:07:07,289 --> 01:07:09,030
Stan!
Hi!
1145
01:07:09,166 --> 01:07:12,204
I think he bought it. What kind
of story did you give him?
1146
01:07:12,294 --> 01:07:14,535
It was the Vulture's
soliloquy, you know,
1147
01:07:14,630 --> 01:07:16,462
from the Spider-Man
anniversary issue.
1148
01:07:16,549 --> 01:07:19,086
"Love Be a Vulture Tonight."
Yeah.
1149
01:07:19,176 --> 01:07:21,588
I can't thank you enough, Mr.
Lee. Forget it.
1150
01:07:21,679 --> 01:07:24,091
You know, I think you ought to
get him some help.
1151
01:07:24,181 --> 01:07:27,970
He seems to be really hung up
on superheroes' sex organs.
1152
01:07:28,143 --> 01:07:30,475
But he'll outgrow it.
1153
01:07:36,151 --> 01:07:37,607
I think I felt it move.
1154
01:07:38,445 --> 01:07:39,480
Just kidding.
1155
01:07:39,572 --> 01:07:41,633
Just the two I'm looking for.
I need help. With what?
1156
01:07:41,657 --> 01:07:43,694
Let me borrow the Shannon
Hamilton tape. Why?
1157
01:07:43,784 --> 01:07:46,151
It's important! The future of
my relationship depends on it.
1158
01:07:46,245 --> 01:07:49,363
It's at my house. Take T.S.'s
station wagon, parked in 2D.
1159
01:07:49,456 --> 01:07:51,572
I don't even have a license.
Just go!
1160
01:07:52,418 --> 01:07:54,159
You still got that
stage schematic?
1161
01:07:54,253 --> 01:07:56,836
I need you to wire
something together for me.
1162
01:08:02,845 --> 01:08:04,552
Jesus.
What's with him?
1163
01:08:04,680 --> 01:08:07,843
I don't know. I'm suddenly
not feeling too well.
1164
01:08:08,267 --> 01:08:10,258
But everything is fine.
1165
01:08:10,352 --> 01:08:12,013
We're about to start.
1166
01:08:12,104 --> 01:08:15,847
You are in for something really
special tonight, gentlemen.
1167
01:08:16,692 --> 01:08:18,274
I have lined up...
1168
01:08:21,530 --> 01:08:24,693
Excuse me.
Jesus.
1169
01:08:29,038 --> 01:08:30,119
Sorry.
1170
01:08:30,205 --> 01:08:33,869
I have lined up some
really bright kids here.
1171
01:08:33,959 --> 01:08:36,667
This promises to be
a lot of fun.
1172
01:08:36,754 --> 01:08:37,994
I'm sure you're gonna love it.
1173
01:08:38,088 --> 01:08:39,704
Shouldn't you be
in bed or something?
1174
01:08:39,798 --> 01:08:43,382
No. I wouldn't miss this
for the world.
1175
01:08:48,474 --> 01:08:52,092
Make sure everybody's ready
and let's start.
1176
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:02,731
How much did you smoke?
1177
01:09:02,821 --> 01:09:06,985
All it took was a fat chronic blunt.
These guys were lightweights.
1178
01:09:07,076 --> 01:09:09,113
How much do I owe you?
My treat.
1179
01:09:09,244 --> 01:09:12,157
As long as you promise, next
time you pop your old lady,
1180
01:09:12,247 --> 01:09:14,955
you make her call you "Jay."
Snootchy bootchies.
1181
01:09:15,084 --> 01:09:16,449
Let's hope there is a next time.
1182
01:09:16,585 --> 01:09:18,417
All right, I'm ready.
1183
01:09:18,754 --> 01:09:21,416
You're never gonna believe
who I just met.
1184
01:09:21,757 --> 01:09:25,091
What the hell happened to these two?
Power of the Dark Side.
1185
01:09:25,260 --> 01:09:26,466
Wait, there's only two.
1186
01:09:26,595 --> 01:09:28,802
There's supposed to be three.
Where's the third guy?
1187
01:09:28,889 --> 01:09:31,597
- I never saw a third guy.
- Who's this asshole?
1188
01:09:31,725 --> 01:09:33,716
What the hell happened
to those guys?
1189
01:09:33,977 --> 01:09:36,264
They got lightheaded.
You got that right.
1190
01:09:36,397 --> 01:09:39,014
They gonna cancel the show?
What do you care?
1191
01:09:39,108 --> 01:09:42,271
I'm supposed to be on it. I'm Gil Hicks.
Suitor Number Three.
1192
01:09:42,403 --> 01:09:45,646
We're taking their place. I'm T.S.
Quint. This is Brodie Bruce.
1193
01:09:45,781 --> 01:09:49,775
Didn't I see you on the news? Dude.
Don't give him any shit, all right?
1194
01:09:49,910 --> 01:09:52,026
Something's going on here.
Where's Mr. Svenning?
1195
01:09:52,121 --> 01:09:55,113
Mr. Svenning has come down with
a sudden case of diphtheria.
1196
01:09:55,249 --> 01:09:56,455
What happened to those two?
1197
01:09:56,583 --> 01:09:58,699
Homeboys got a case
of the mad munchies.
1198
01:09:58,794 --> 01:10:01,252
Hey, Rowdy Roddy. Isn't this
the guy Svenning had arrested?
1199
01:10:01,338 --> 01:10:03,170
Yes, it is.
All right, Quint.
1200
01:10:03,257 --> 01:10:06,124
I don't know how you got back in,
but I'm alerting Mr. Svenning.
1201
01:10:06,218 --> 01:10:08,676
We'll postpone the start
until we figure this all out.
1202
01:10:08,762 --> 01:10:12,096
You called down the thunder,
now you've got it! Security!
1203
01:10:12,182 --> 01:10:13,672
Hey, Roddy!
What?
1204
01:10:16,061 --> 01:10:19,053
- Jesus Christ, you knocked him out.
- Now hit him!
1205
01:10:19,148 --> 01:10:21,560
Somebody call security?
What happened to those two?
1206
01:10:21,650 --> 01:10:24,483
They got stoned and knocked him out.
He needs medical attention.
1207
01:10:24,570 --> 01:10:25,935
That's not what happened.
1208
01:10:26,029 --> 01:10:28,566
Could you have him removed?
The show's about to start.
1209
01:10:28,657 --> 01:10:29,818
Whatever.
1210
01:10:32,661 --> 01:10:34,322
Look, dude.
No more shit, all right?
1211
01:10:34,413 --> 01:10:37,280
Just go out and woo like you're
supposed to and nobody gets hurt.
1212
01:10:37,374 --> 01:10:39,411
When Tricia shows up
with the videotape,
1213
01:10:39,501 --> 01:10:41,162
you get it to Silent Bob,
understand?
1214
01:10:41,253 --> 01:10:44,211
I'm on it. Wait a sec,
where is that tubby bitch?
1215
01:11:07,654 --> 01:11:11,147
Good evening and welcome
to Truth or Date.
1216
01:11:11,241 --> 01:11:14,950
One match made here
ignites the fires of romance.
1217
01:11:15,037 --> 01:11:17,119
Hi, I'm Bob Summers, your host
1218
01:11:17,206 --> 01:11:20,289
and tonight we'll watch as one
of our three lucky suitors
1219
01:11:20,375 --> 01:11:24,209
woos our beautiful,
eligible suitor-ette.
1220
01:11:24,296 --> 01:11:27,960
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready
for romance in the making
1221
01:11:28,050 --> 01:11:31,418
as we introduce the suitors!
1222
01:11:53,617 --> 01:11:57,906
Our first suitor goes to Marymount
College where he majors in Economics.
1223
01:11:58,205 --> 01:12:00,993
Say hi to Doug Paging.
1224
01:12:06,171 --> 01:12:08,128
Do it, Doug!
1225
01:12:08,215 --> 01:12:11,674
Our second suitor hails from
Canisius College in Buffalo
1226
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:13,876
where he majors in
Communications.
1227
01:12:13,971 --> 01:12:17,589
Say hi to Rob Feature.
1228
01:12:24,982 --> 01:12:27,189
Our final suitor goes to Rutgers
1229
01:12:27,276 --> 01:12:30,314
where he majors in Fine
Arts and Greek mythology.
1230
01:12:30,445 --> 01:12:33,437
A nice welcome for Gil Hicks.
1231
01:12:35,325 --> 01:12:37,157
Pay attention, dick.
1232
01:12:37,953 --> 01:12:39,910
May the best man win.
1233
01:12:40,414 --> 01:12:44,248
And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to introduce our lovely suitor-ette.
1234
01:12:44,334 --> 01:12:47,998
From Monmouth State, where she majors
in Astronomy and Earth Sciences,
1235
01:12:48,088 --> 01:12:52,582
a big welcome for the
lovely Brandi Svenning.
1236
01:13:04,146 --> 01:13:07,184
AH right, everybody knows
how the game is played.
1237
01:13:07,274 --> 01:13:11,142
Our lovely suitor-ette will ask a
series of questions of our suitors
1238
01:13:11,236 --> 01:13:13,853
and make her decision based
on their answers.
1239
01:13:13,947 --> 01:13:15,233
Anything goes!
1240
01:13:15,365 --> 01:13:17,276
Brandi, are you ready?
1241
01:13:17,576 --> 01:13:19,237
Absolutely, Bob.
1242
01:13:19,369 --> 01:13:21,576
Then you may fire when ready.
1243
01:13:25,417 --> 01:13:27,033
Suitor Number One.
1244
01:13:27,544 --> 01:13:30,912
If you were a car,
what kind of car would you be?
1245
01:13:34,051 --> 01:13:37,089
The kind you'd never dump
your boyfriend in.
1246
01:13:41,224 --> 01:13:44,637
Suitor Number Two. Can't you
call me the Second Suitor?
1247
01:13:44,728 --> 01:13:47,641
"Suitor Number Two" sounds like
a bathroom code, you know?
1248
01:13:49,691 --> 01:13:51,602
Second Suitor.
1249
01:13:51,693 --> 01:13:54,651
If we were making whoopee...
What's whoopee?
1250
01:14:00,243 --> 01:14:01,654
If we were...
1251
01:14:01,745 --> 01:14:04,578
If we were being intimate...
What, like fucking?
1252
01:14:08,877 --> 01:14:09,877
Yeah.
1253
01:14:10,212 --> 01:14:14,627
If we were, you know, what
kind of noises would you make?
1254
01:14:21,723 --> 01:14:23,179
No, I think that's
kind of personal.
1255
01:14:23,266 --> 01:14:25,223
I don't think I should
answer that.
1256
01:14:26,436 --> 01:14:28,302
Suitor Number Three.
1257
01:14:29,147 --> 01:14:31,605
What would our first date
be like?
1258
01:14:32,192 --> 01:14:35,810
First I'd take you shopping to the
stores you'd want to shop in.
1259
01:14:35,904 --> 01:14:39,272
And then we'd do a little lunch,
probably at the Cheese Haus
1260
01:14:39,366 --> 01:14:41,073
followed by some golfing.
1261
01:14:41,201 --> 01:14:45,991
Then at night, we 'd take in an
opera, probably Die Fledermaus.
1262
01:14:46,415 --> 01:14:50,249
Then I'd follow it all up with
a drive to a secluded beach
1263
01:14:50,419 --> 01:14:52,501
where I'd pop on the radio
1264
01:14:52,587 --> 01:14:55,955
and then we could slow dance
till the sun came up.
1265
01:14:57,217 --> 01:15:00,585
That was the biggest
load of crap I've ever heard!
1266
01:15:01,263 --> 01:15:04,676
I mean, look at you, you're the
kind of guy that would beg for sex.
1267
01:15:04,933 --> 01:15:07,140
I should know,
we can smell our own.
1268
01:15:13,608 --> 01:15:15,394
Suitor Number One.
1269
01:15:15,944 --> 01:15:19,232
If we fell in love,
how would you propose to me?
1270
01:15:19,614 --> 01:15:22,948
When Jaws popped out of the water.
Excuse me?
1271
01:15:24,286 --> 01:15:26,118
I'll propose to you right now.
1272
01:15:26,204 --> 01:15:28,366
I propose you stop letting
your father run your life
1273
01:15:28,457 --> 01:15:31,218
and be true to yourself and not give
up on someone you know has value.
1274
01:15:31,251 --> 01:15:33,618
Take off your socks
when you make whoopee
1275
01:15:33,712 --> 01:15:37,000
or whatever that word is. He
hates it when you leave them on.
1276
01:15:38,091 --> 01:15:40,378
What?
Hypothetically speaking.
1277
01:15:40,469 --> 01:15:43,336
Suitor Number One,
you sound familiar.
1278
01:15:43,597 --> 01:15:47,306
Like your conscience, maybe? Look, lady.
You don't know him, all right?
1279
01:15:47,768 --> 01:15:50,009
Now make with the questions.
1280
01:15:50,145 --> 01:15:52,136
Suitor Number Three.
1281
01:15:52,481 --> 01:15:55,143
Is your kiss like a soft breeze,
1282
01:15:55,233 --> 01:15:57,725
a firm handshake,
or a jackhammer?
1283
01:15:57,986 --> 01:15:59,727
What's the funny guy
doing with his hands?
1284
01:15:59,821 --> 01:16:01,653
I don't want to know.
1285
01:16:03,033 --> 01:16:05,320
What the fuck is
going on up there?
1286
01:16:05,577 --> 01:16:07,193
Definitely a jackhammer.
1287
01:16:07,287 --> 01:16:10,120
I'm in there with some
pressure, and when I'm done,
1288
01:16:10,207 --> 01:16:13,245
you're not the same as before.
You're changed.
1289
01:16:13,335 --> 01:16:15,576
Where do you come up
with this shit?
1290
01:16:15,670 --> 01:16:19,584
That is the cheesiest response to
an honest question I've ever heard.
1291
01:16:19,674 --> 01:16:22,086
I saw you kiss and it
wasn't anything like that.
1292
01:16:23,095 --> 01:16:27,840
Suitor Number Two, you have to wait until
you're addressed before you respond.
1293
01:16:27,933 --> 01:16:32,177
Richard Dawson, go back to your podium until
it's time to play the Feud, all right?
1294
01:16:35,357 --> 01:16:37,815
Who did you see me kiss?
Some dude backstage.
1295
01:16:37,901 --> 01:16:39,901
I don't know who he was,
but he seemed unimpressed.
1296
01:16:39,986 --> 01:16:42,944
I didn't kiss any guy backstage, I swear.
I'm not gay.
1297
01:16:43,031 --> 01:16:44,988
Hey, Suitor-ette,
this guy's a homophobe.
1298
01:16:45,075 --> 01:16:46,986
You heard how repulsed
he sounded.
1299
01:16:47,077 --> 01:16:49,409
Is this the kind of guy you
want to spend a vacation with?
1300
01:16:49,496 --> 01:16:51,487
This hatemonger?
I don't hate gay people!
1301
01:16:51,581 --> 01:16:52,912
So you love them?
Yes!
1302
01:16:53,041 --> 01:16:55,829
I mean, no! Textbook closet case.
Self-loather.
1303
01:16:55,919 --> 01:16:58,126
Can't be comfortable
with his own sexuality.
1304
01:17:01,216 --> 01:17:02,627
Brodie said to give this to you.
1305
01:17:02,717 --> 01:17:04,958
Are you watching this shit,
man? It's fucked up!
1306
01:17:05,053 --> 01:17:06,964
I don't want to be here
when that tape
1307
01:17:07,055 --> 01:17:08,762
does what I think
it's going to do.
1308
01:17:09,057 --> 01:17:12,015
Miss Suitor-ette, how about
you answer a question for me?
1309
01:17:12,894 --> 01:17:15,932
I don't think that... How
strong are your convictions?
1310
01:17:16,022 --> 01:17:17,183
What are you talking about?
1311
01:17:17,274 --> 01:17:19,515
How easily do you quit? Say
you wind up with one of us.
1312
01:17:19,609 --> 01:17:21,850
Hopefully not Rush Limbaugh,
over here.
1313
01:17:21,945 --> 01:17:23,777
I'm not like Rush Limbaugh!
1314
01:17:23,864 --> 01:17:27,482
Why not, because he's fat? You got
something against fat people, too?
1315
01:17:31,538 --> 01:17:33,495
Snootchy bootchies!
1316
01:17:34,124 --> 01:17:35,740
Are you ready?
1317
01:17:47,596 --> 01:17:50,930
If! have a conviction,
I stick to it.
1318
01:17:51,057 --> 01:17:52,889
Were you ever in love?
1319
01:17:53,101 --> 01:17:55,684
Yes, as a matter of fact.
Really?
1320
01:17:55,979 --> 01:17:58,311
What happened to your boyfriend?
1321
01:17:59,274 --> 01:18:01,641
We broke up.
Why?
1322
01:18:02,986 --> 01:18:06,320
It just didn't work out.
I mean, were you unhappy?
1323
01:18:06,406 --> 01:18:08,238
Sometimes.
Why?
1324
01:18:09,451 --> 01:18:10,691
T.S.?
1325
01:18:10,785 --> 01:18:12,025
Hey, what about the rest of us?
1326
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:14,487
Why don't you ask me a question?
1327
01:18:14,623 --> 01:18:15,988
Suitor Number Two.
1328
01:18:16,082 --> 01:18:18,949
Hey, what about me?
Gil, just shut the fuck up!
1329
01:18:21,004 --> 01:18:22,369
Second Suitor,
1330
01:18:23,089 --> 01:18:25,296
would you ever make
whoopee in public?
1331
01:18:25,425 --> 01:18:27,507
I already did once today.
1332
01:18:31,056 --> 01:18:34,720
But my cousin Walter jerked off
in public once. True story.
1333
01:18:34,809 --> 01:18:36,345
He was on a plane to New Mexico
1334
01:18:36,436 --> 01:18:38,518
when all of a sudden
the hydraulics went.
1335
01:18:38,605 --> 01:18:41,267
The plane started spinning
around, going out of control.
1336
01:18:41,358 --> 01:18:43,440
He decides it's all over,
whips it out
1337
01:18:43,526 --> 01:18:45,312
and starts beating it
right there.
1338
01:18:45,403 --> 01:18:47,565
All the passengers take
a cue from him,
1339
01:18:47,656 --> 01:18:50,148
they whip it out
and start beating like mad.
1340
01:18:50,242 --> 01:18:52,574
So all the passengers are
beating off,
1341
01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:54,402
plummeting to their certain doom
1342
01:18:54,496 --> 01:18:55,952
when all of a sudden
1343
01:18:56,081 --> 01:18:59,244
the hydraulics kick back in
and the plane rights itself.
1344
01:18:59,668 --> 01:19:00,908
It lands safely
1345
01:19:01,002 --> 01:19:04,916
and everyone puts their pieces,
or whatever, away and deboard.
1346
01:19:05,006 --> 01:19:08,169
Nobody mentions the phenomenon
to anyone else.
1347
01:19:15,016 --> 01:19:16,927
Did he come or what?
1348
01:19:17,018 --> 01:19:18,554
Jesus Christ, man!
1349
01:19:18,645 --> 01:19:21,683
There are just some things you
don't talk about in public.
1350
01:19:22,274 --> 01:19:23,514
Second Suitor,
1351
01:19:23,984 --> 01:19:26,942
if you were a comic-book character,
what character would you be?
1352
01:19:27,028 --> 01:19:28,985
Wow, that's a great question.
1353
01:19:29,197 --> 01:19:31,985
A tough one, though. What does
one gauge his response on?
1354
01:19:32,075 --> 01:19:34,612
Physical prowess?
Keen detection skills?
1355
01:19:34,703 --> 01:19:36,740
The ability to banter well
with super villains?
1356
01:19:36,830 --> 01:19:38,571
How's your
comic-book collection, Brodie?
1357
01:19:38,665 --> 01:19:40,827
It's going good.
But, I mean...
1358
01:19:40,917 --> 01:19:42,954
Comics!
What are you talking about?
1359
01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:45,911
I don't collect comics.
Comics are for kids!
1360
01:19:46,006 --> 01:19:47,292
I knew it.
1361
01:19:47,382 --> 01:19:48,793
Suitor Number One,
1362
01:19:48,883 --> 01:19:51,375
you just don't know when
to quit, do you? No.
1363
01:19:51,469 --> 01:19:54,177
No, but you sure do.
I thought you were in love.
1364
01:19:54,264 --> 01:19:55,720
I was in love.
1365
01:19:56,057 --> 01:19:58,173
But I thought
that I had a partner.
1366
01:19:58,268 --> 01:20:01,477
Somebody who wouldn't fall to pieces
when things didn't go his way.
1367
01:20:01,563 --> 01:20:02,563
How so?
1368
01:20:02,605 --> 01:20:04,812
My father needed a contestant
for his show, T.S.
1369
01:20:04,899 --> 01:20:06,481
What was I supposed to do?
1370
01:20:06,568 --> 01:20:09,526
Show a little backbone.
Show a little backbone?
1371
01:20:09,696 --> 01:20:11,312
What did you do?
1372
01:20:11,573 --> 01:20:14,907
When I walked away, did you make
any effort to repair that breach?
1373
01:20:15,076 --> 01:20:16,316
No, you just ran off
1374
01:20:16,411 --> 01:20:19,324
and cried on the shoulder of
Bumble the Boy Wonder over there.
1375
01:20:19,414 --> 01:20:22,497
Boy Wonder?
I'm all man, lady!
1376
01:20:22,584 --> 01:20:25,747
So you're here now and you're
ruining my father's new show.
1377
01:20:26,087 --> 01:20:29,079
You're airing all our
personal business on stage.
1378
01:20:29,299 --> 01:20:32,337
You've gone this far, T.S., why don't
you just tell them the whole story?
1379
01:20:32,427 --> 01:20:35,340
There we were, mere hours from
spending an entire week together
1380
01:20:35,430 --> 01:20:39,640
away from our family, school. She throws
in the towel because her daddy says so.
1381
01:20:39,726 --> 01:20:43,765
The girl who was meant to be sitting
in this chair died in a pool.
1382
01:20:44,397 --> 01:20:46,729
And when I tried
to explain this to him,
1383
01:20:46,816 --> 01:20:48,853
he was such an asshole about it
1384
01:20:48,943 --> 01:20:52,277
that even though it killed me
to do it, I broke up with him.
1385
01:20:52,947 --> 01:20:55,655
You know,
I've been crying all day.
1386
01:20:55,742 --> 01:20:58,780
But what did he do?
He just goes on with his life.
1387
01:20:58,995 --> 01:21:01,327
I mean here he is.
He's hanging out at a mall.
1388
01:21:01,414 --> 01:21:03,451
You put yourself on an
auction block for God's sake
1389
01:21:03,541 --> 01:21:05,202
in front
of a live studio audience.
1390
01:21:05,293 --> 01:21:07,534
Do I get a chance to field
any more questions?
1391
01:21:07,629 --> 01:21:08,629
No!
1392
01:21:08,713 --> 01:21:10,545
Look, I think
I should say something here.
1393
01:21:10,632 --> 01:21:12,623
I know both of you
pretty well. Suitor-ette,
1394
01:21:12,717 --> 01:21:15,459
Suitor Number One has done nothing
but pine over you all day
1395
01:21:15,553 --> 01:21:17,233
trying to figure out a way
to win you back.
1396
01:21:17,472 --> 01:21:20,510
When this public opportunity
to literally do that arose,
1397
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:23,217
he pulled his shit together,
risked life and limb
1398
01:21:23,311 --> 01:21:26,178
and faced the odds to get up
here and give it his best shot.
1399
01:21:26,272 --> 01:21:29,640
I'm tired of this whole thing!
You're both retarded for each other!
1400
01:21:29,776 --> 01:21:33,144
Forget about the shit that happened
and do what you're supposed to!
1401
01:21:33,363 --> 01:21:35,730
I think the audience
would agree with me there.
1402
01:21:43,415 --> 01:21:45,952
Ask her, you silly bastard!
1403
01:21:48,628 --> 01:21:50,210
Miss Suitor-ette,
1404
01:21:50,922 --> 01:21:52,788
Suitor Number One loves you,
1405
01:21:52,882 --> 01:21:55,590
has always loved you,
and will always love you.
1406
01:21:56,386 --> 01:21:58,844
He's only got one question
that he'd like to ask.
1407
01:22:01,599 --> 01:22:03,260
Will you marry me?
1408
01:22:21,536 --> 01:22:22,697
Yes.
1409
01:22:45,226 --> 01:22:48,184
Snootchy bootchies,
Brodie-nootchies!
1410
01:22:59,324 --> 01:23:01,907
Are we set or what?
Good to go.
1411
01:23:19,135 --> 01:23:20,842
A sailboat.
1412
01:23:32,982 --> 01:23:36,350
I think it's safe to say,
we've made our match.
1413
01:23:36,444 --> 01:23:39,186
These two lucky people will
soon be winging their way
1414
01:23:39,280 --> 01:23:43,615
to beautiful, sunny Florida for
a week of theme parks, beaches
1415
01:23:43,785 --> 01:23:46,117
and a lot more
from the look of it!
1416
01:23:46,621 --> 01:23:48,658
I guess that about
wraps it up for...
1417
01:23:49,082 --> 01:23:52,245
Not just yet, Pat Sajak.
1418
01:23:52,335 --> 01:23:53,746
All right?
1419
01:23:55,922 --> 01:23:57,458
You! All right.
1420
01:23:57,966 --> 01:24:01,254
I believe you have something
that belongs to me.
1421
01:24:02,011 --> 01:24:03,297
Yeah? What's that?
1422
01:24:03,471 --> 01:24:06,680
Not you, asshole! The girl.
1423
01:24:07,809 --> 01:24:09,299
You have my heart.
1424
01:24:12,981 --> 01:24:14,517
What can I say?
1425
01:24:14,649 --> 01:24:16,265
I love the retard.
1426
01:24:17,110 --> 01:24:20,319
Wait a minute. I thought tonight
we were supposed to, you know...
1427
01:24:20,530 --> 01:24:21,611
Hamilton!
1428
01:24:21,698 --> 01:24:24,816
Let's try to wrap this up, all right?
I promised her breakfast.
1429
01:24:24,951 --> 01:24:26,362
All right, that's it.
1430
01:24:26,578 --> 01:24:29,536
You're dead, mallrat. I'm going
to fuck you up beyond repair!
1431
01:24:46,723 --> 01:24:50,182
Sailboat. Sailboat.
Goddamn sailboat.
1432
01:24:50,852 --> 01:24:54,846
Ladies and gentlemen, this tall
drink of water headed my way
1433
01:24:54,939 --> 01:24:56,930
is a pillar of
the shopping community
1434
01:24:57,025 --> 01:25:00,268
who informed me earlier today
of a nefarious plan of his
1435
01:25:00,361 --> 01:25:03,103
to screw my girlfriend
in a very uncomfortable place.
1436
01:25:03,197 --> 01:25:05,859
What?
Like the back of a Volkswagen?
1437
01:25:10,204 --> 01:25:12,366
And as he comes up here to...
1438
01:25:14,292 --> 01:25:15,703
Holy shit!
1439
01:25:18,129 --> 01:25:20,541
Without further ado,
I'd like to present you all
1440
01:25:20,632 --> 01:25:23,920
with an accurate portrayal of the
proprietor of Fashionable Male.
1441
01:25:24,010 --> 01:25:25,546
Now, Silent Bob!
1442
01:25:27,639 --> 01:25:30,222
I said now, Silent Bob!
1443
01:25:31,893 --> 01:25:33,554
When, Lord?
1444
01:25:33,978 --> 01:25:37,471
When the hell do I get to see
the goddamn sailboat?
1445
01:25:37,565 --> 01:25:40,023
Now, now, now!
1446
01:25:50,912 --> 01:25:52,823
Who's your favorite New Kid?
1447
01:25:54,332 --> 01:25:55,367
Call me Joey.
1448
01:25:55,458 --> 01:25:58,325
Oh, yeah. Don't make me get loose.
I think that's it.
1449
01:25:59,212 --> 01:26:02,750
Yeah. Call me Donnie.
Come on. Oh, girl.
1450
01:26:02,840 --> 01:26:04,001
Yeah, please don't go.
1451
01:26:04,092 --> 01:26:06,459
Goddamn.
This is one wacky game show.
1452
01:26:07,595 --> 01:26:09,381
That girl's only 15.
1453
01:26:11,599 --> 01:26:15,012
15? I thought she was 36.
1454
01:26:15,603 --> 01:26:18,766
Hey, come on, guys. Tell me
you wouldn't have popped her?
1455
01:26:32,829 --> 01:26:33,990
Where you're going,
1456
01:26:34,080 --> 01:26:36,321
they screw people
in a very uncomfortable place.
1457
01:26:36,416 --> 01:26:37,781
Really?
Yeah.
1458
01:26:38,793 --> 01:26:40,955
You can't strike a prisoner
in police custody.
1459
01:26:41,045 --> 01:26:42,786
Come on, just once?
1460
01:26:42,922 --> 01:26:45,163
All right, but make it fast.
1461
01:26:48,052 --> 01:26:51,261
Would you have gone on
vacation with the winner?
1462
01:26:51,472 --> 01:26:52,962
What do you think?
1463
01:26:54,142 --> 01:26:56,634
I don't know,
I think you would have.
1464
01:26:57,979 --> 01:27:00,220
But I would have
sent you a postcard.
1465
01:27:02,150 --> 01:27:04,061
What the hell is wrong with me?
1466
01:27:04,152 --> 01:27:07,645
If the tape was out of your reach,
how the hell did you get it?
1467
01:27:08,364 --> 01:27:10,355
The Jedi mind trick!
1468
01:27:10,450 --> 01:27:12,862
Holy shit!
Motherfucking Yoda and shit!
1469
01:27:13,536 --> 01:27:15,447
Adventure? Excitement?
1470
01:27:16,038 --> 01:27:18,370
A Jedi craves not these things.
1471
01:27:25,840 --> 01:27:27,501
(BROKEN PLAYING
1472
01:27:46,486 --> 01:27:49,695
Did you see that shit?
Do you call that romance?
1473
01:27:50,323 --> 01:27:51,859
I call that illegal.
1474
01:27:53,534 --> 01:27:54,865
So.
1475
01:27:56,954 --> 01:27:57,989
So what?
1476
01:27:58,498 --> 01:28:01,490
I was just wondering, if maybe
you're not busy tomorrow night...
1477
01:28:01,626 --> 01:28:02,787
Yeah?
1478
01:28:04,545 --> 01:28:07,162
Would you like to have dinner
at my house and meet my mother?
1479
01:28:07,256 --> 01:28:10,214
I can't guarantee
she'll like you, but...
1480
01:28:16,641 --> 01:28:19,303
It was just a warm-up.
Please, come on?
1481
01:28:19,393 --> 01:28:21,680
The show would always
go smoother and be less racy.
1482
01:28:21,771 --> 01:28:24,809
The show was a piece of shit.
Unoriginal, uninspired, you know.
1483
01:28:24,899 --> 01:28:27,561
The only thing that saved it
was this guy here.
1484
01:28:27,652 --> 01:28:29,438
I'm Bentley Garrison,
with the network.
1485
01:28:29,529 --> 01:28:31,361
Me and Mason thought
you were hysterical.
1486
01:28:31,447 --> 01:28:33,609
Hilarious. You've got
great presence, kid.
1487
01:28:33,699 --> 01:28:36,487
Have you ever considered
hosting your own talk show?
1488
01:28:38,830 --> 01:28:39,410
Him?
1489
01:28:39,413 --> 01:28:40,413
Him?
1490
01:28:40,748 --> 01:28:42,409
(SUSANNE PLAYING
1491
01:29:44,770 --> 01:29:45,770
Yeah?
125672
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