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1
00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:03,033
(door creaks open)
2
00:00:09,434 --> 00:00:11,067
(whistles)
3
00:00:36,234 --> 00:00:37,634
(duck quacks)
4
00:00:37,701 --> 00:00:38,968
(crickets chirping)
5
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,467
I want to thank you all
6
00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:42,467
for this touching
farewell dinner.
7
00:00:42,534 --> 00:00:45,467
Although tomorrow I begin
my first vacation in 11 years,
8
00:00:45,534 --> 00:00:48,334
I won't be squandering it
on mindless hedonism.
9
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,367
Instead, I'll explore
those spiritual, mystical places
10
00:00:51,434 --> 00:00:52,701
of which I've always dreamt--
11
00:00:52,767 --> 00:00:56,501
the Pyramids of Cheops,
the Hanging Gardens of Babylon,
12
00:00:56,567 --> 00:00:58,133
the outlet mall on Route 5.
13
00:00:59,868 --> 00:01:03,434
It's 40 percent off
all suede jackets.
14
00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:07,601
I just wish that...
well, Duckman were here.
15
00:01:07,667 --> 00:01:09,601
(sobbing hysterically)
16
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,234
Don't cry, Duckman.
17
00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:13,734
I'll call you every day
18
00:01:13,801 --> 00:01:15,868
and send postcards
and snowglobes.
19
00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:17,834
Will you get the hell
out of here already?
20
00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:19,901
I'm crying 'cause they closed
my favorite strip club--
21
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:21,767
the Happy Firepole.
22
00:01:21,834 --> 00:01:23,767
I knew that.
23
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:28,000
My weekend, my month,
my millennium-- ruined.
24
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,400
Where else am I
supposed to scope out
25
00:01:29,467 --> 00:01:32,567
scantily-clad slinky sexpots?
26
00:01:32,634 --> 00:01:34,834
Fashion magazines.
27
00:01:34,901 --> 00:01:36,734
This is great!
28
00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:38,734
It's nothing but porno
for women for men.
29
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:40,734
And look, no sores,
no bruises, no lumps.
30
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,400
These model-babes
are totally different
31
00:01:42,467 --> 00:01:43,734
than the dregs I'm used to.
32
00:01:43,801 --> 00:01:45,734
I got to find a way
to break into this fashion scam,
33
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:49,701
preferably through
its well-appointed cleavage.
34
00:01:49,767 --> 00:01:52,701
(Euro disco plays)
35
00:02:01,834 --> 00:02:04,133
Yowser! Yowser!
36
00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,868
Bring on the sand-flecked
salinated sea nymphs!
37
00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:08,167
Good evening.
38
00:02:08,234 --> 00:02:10,100
I am Victor Demann.
39
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,968
(applause)
40
00:02:12,033 --> 00:02:13,734
Not exactly what
I had in mind,
41
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,501
but he does have
a nice tush.
42
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:18,901
And this is
my summer collection.
43
00:02:18,968 --> 00:02:21,234
First off, Janeane!
44
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,567
(audience oohing)
45
00:02:22,634 --> 00:02:23,567
(applause)
46
00:02:23,634 --> 00:02:25,267
Hey!
47
00:02:25,334 --> 00:02:26,901
Howdy doody, Ice Princess.
48
00:02:26,968 --> 00:02:28,901
I know it's just
monopoly money
49
00:02:28,968 --> 00:02:30,734
but trust me--
you can always
pawn them off
50
00:02:30,801 --> 00:02:32,434
on some ignorant
Third-World cabbie.
51
00:02:32,501 --> 00:02:34,067
Oh!
52
00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:36,934
Hmm. Ground-breaking
choreography.
53
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,167
Whoa!
54
00:02:38,234 --> 00:02:40,901
Next we have... Katrina.
55
00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:42,400
(audience oohing and aahing)
56
00:02:42,467 --> 00:02:44,133
(applause)
57
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,267
What do you say, beanpole?
58
00:02:46,334 --> 00:02:49,701
Looks like you could use
some grocery money.
59
00:02:49,767 --> 00:02:52,434
(screaming)
60
00:02:52,501 --> 00:02:55,434
And now for my latest,
greatest discovery,
61
00:02:55,501 --> 00:03:01,467
it is my pleasure
to introduce Miss Ebony Sable!
62
00:03:01,534 --> 00:03:04,501
(cheering and applause)
63
00:03:09,734 --> 00:03:12,267
* Ebony *
64
00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:17,367
* She's my proud,
beautiful black sister *
65
00:03:17,434 --> 00:03:19,167
* Ebony *
66
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:21,467
* What you doing, girl? *
67
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:24,367
* She's super bad. *
68
00:03:33,567 --> 00:03:36,334
Uh, excuse me, Miss.
69
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:39,634
I'm not usually like this...
polite to women, I mean
70
00:03:39,701 --> 00:03:41,467
but I must confess...
71
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:44,133
you are one charming negress.
72
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,767
Back off, jack!
73
00:03:45,834 --> 00:03:48,601
You idiot!
74
00:03:48,667 --> 00:03:50,133
Now, Janeane.
75
00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:51,667
(audience gasps)
76
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:52,734
(gasps)
Oh, my God!
77
00:03:52,801 --> 00:03:55,501
Not on my watch, sister girl.
78
00:03:56,701 --> 00:03:58,033
How's about I
whisk you off
79
00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:00,000
to this little romantic
restaurant I know?
80
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:02,167
It's all-you-can-eat
knockwurst night.
81
00:04:02,234 --> 00:04:03,868
Not now, chump.
82
00:04:03,934 --> 00:04:05,167
(gunshot)
(all gasp)
83
00:04:05,234 --> 00:04:06,968
Nothing to worry about.
84
00:04:07,033 --> 00:04:10,200
It's just a flesh wound!
85
00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:11,567
(body thuds,
car alarm blares)
86
00:04:11,634 --> 00:04:13,901
Now it's your turn to die.
87
00:04:13,968 --> 00:04:17,634
Honey child, don't count your
chitlins until they're boiled.
88
00:04:18,734 --> 00:04:20,167
Nothing to worry about.
89
00:04:20,234 --> 00:04:22,634
It's just a flesh wound!
90
00:04:22,701 --> 00:04:24,534
(body thuds,)
car alarm blares)
91
00:04:24,601 --> 00:04:26,234
(rapping on door)
92
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,200
Freeze!
93
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,267
It's cause I'm
black, ain't it?
94
00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:32,868
Uh, actually, it's because
there are two dead people,
95
00:04:32,934 --> 00:04:34,267
and you're holding a gun.
96
00:04:34,334 --> 00:04:38,133
Name's Ebony Sable,
private investigator.
97
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,834
Victor Demann was my client
and hired me to protect him.
98
00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:43,868
I ain't never lost
a client before.
99
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,634
DUCKMAN:
Yeah, the first dozen or so
are always the hardest.
100
00:04:46,701 --> 00:04:48,100
But this is your lucky day.
101
00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:50,901
I, too, am one of those
private investi... eh, whatever.
102
00:04:50,968 --> 00:04:51,901
I can help.
103
00:04:51,968 --> 00:04:53,267
You?
104
00:04:53,334 --> 00:04:55,901
How's a sorry little
bag-a-baby bones like you
105
00:04:55,968 --> 00:04:57,133
going to help me?
106
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,767
Uh, braid your hair?
Hand-rinse your hot pants?
107
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:01,734
Describe the guy who ordered
Victor Demann's murder?
108
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:02,968
Say what?
109
00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,133
Ow!
Come on, sucker.
110
00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:05,934
We heading to the cop shop.
111
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,234
So I can hand-rinse
your hot pants?
112
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,234
(distant siren wailing)
113
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:13,167
DUCKMAN:
And his eyes were moredeep-set.
114
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,167
Yes, yes, like that.
115
00:05:14,234 --> 00:05:15,734
His nose a little
more crooked.
116
00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:17,901
Wait. Yes,
that's him.
That's him.
117
00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:21,834
That's exactly his disgusting
pus-filled pug-ugly mug.
118
00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:27,167
Whoo-oo!
119
00:05:27,234 --> 00:05:28,868
(screams)
120
00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:31,567
(groans)
121
00:05:31,634 --> 00:05:33,734
You want to know something?
122
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,667
You are one jive turkey.
123
00:05:35,734 --> 00:05:38,934
Actually, turkeys have
that little wattle thing. Ow!
124
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,434
Don't you go giving me lip.
125
00:05:40,501 --> 00:05:43,334
Punk, you ain't nothing
'cept some worthless cracker,
126
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,267
and I don't never want to see
yo' butt-ugly butt again.
127
00:05:47,601 --> 00:05:50,033
(ninjas yelling)
128
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,968
Um, I don't think
that's going to be a problem.
129
00:05:53,033 --> 00:05:57,033
Man, you get into situations.
130
00:05:59,634 --> 00:06:00,501
(knife clangs)
131
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:01,801
(Ebony yelling)
132
00:06:01,868 --> 00:06:02,734
(knife swishes)
133
00:06:03,701 --> 00:06:06,133
(ninja yelling in Japanese)
134
00:06:18,734 --> 00:06:21,567
Man-oh-Manischevitz.
135
00:06:21,634 --> 00:06:23,701
That was the pink Cadillac
of butt-whippings.
136
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:25,267
To think of the years
I've wasted with Cornfed
137
00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:29,067
searching for "glues"
and "cruspects" and "evidins"
138
00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:30,167
when I could've been
out on the street
139
00:06:30,234 --> 00:06:31,834
kicking some serious booty.
140
00:06:31,901 --> 00:06:34,834
Let me study under you,
o great badass detective one.
141
00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:36,567
Please, oh, please, oh, please,
oh, please, oh, please?
142
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:39,567
Just know the only reason
I'm keeping you 'round here
143
00:06:39,634 --> 00:06:40,701
is to hang your
scrawny little butt
144
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:41,968
flapping in the breeze.
145
00:06:42,033 --> 00:06:43,367
You going to be the bait
146
00:06:43,434 --> 00:06:44,968
that leads me
to Victor's killer
147
00:06:45,033 --> 00:06:46,334
just by playing the fool.
148
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:50,000
And, Ebony, baby,
I play for keeps.
149
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:58,167
(distant police siren wailing,
gunfire)
150
00:06:58,234 --> 00:06:59,834
(nearby gunshot)
151
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:01,868
I guess the endless
prosperity
152
00:07:01,934 --> 00:07:05,100
of the Reagan-Bush era
missed a spot.
153
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:08,968
Yeah, it never got to be morning
in this America.
154
00:07:09,033 --> 00:07:11,834
Now, stay close. I got to
protect your little bony behind
155
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:14,033
till we put Victor's killer
on ice.
156
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:15,868
Do you think I'm
still in danger?
157
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:18,200
(guns cocking)
158
00:07:18,267 --> 00:07:19,701
Yup.
159
00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:21,667
You shouldn't stick
your nose in
160
00:07:21,734 --> 00:07:23,434
where it don't belong, baby.
161
00:07:23,501 --> 00:07:24,968
Now, you're gonna die.
162
00:07:25,033 --> 00:07:26,467
I'm not gonna die.
163
00:07:26,534 --> 00:07:29,167
If I was gonna die, my life'd
be flashing before my eyes.
164
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,100
* *
165
00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:44,300
(echoing):
Duckman...
166
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,167
Duckman!
167
00:07:46,234 --> 00:07:47,734
(gasps)
168
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,200
You missed all the fun.
169
00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,100
Ooh!
Whoa!
170
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,801
Flawless victory.
171
00:07:59,868 --> 00:08:01,701
Finish him!
172
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:02,834
No.
173
00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,067
I need you alive
174
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,868
to give your boss a message.
175
00:08:05,934 --> 00:08:08,234
Tell him I'm going to find him
and when I do,
176
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,033
it's going to rain pain
and hail hurt.
177
00:08:13,567 --> 00:08:16,434
"Rain pain... hail hurt."
178
00:08:16,501 --> 00:08:17,767
But we still don't know
who his boss is.
179
00:08:17,834 --> 00:08:19,100
Why didn't you ask him?
180
00:08:19,167 --> 00:08:21,033
That fool's just a fool,
fool.
181
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:23,133
If you want to find out
what's really real,
182
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:25,868
there's one man
you got to see.
183
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:27,200
(horn blaring)
184
00:08:27,267 --> 00:08:29,234
Yo, get your airhorn here!
185
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:30,934
Step right up, folks.
186
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,067
Damn airhorn barkers.
187
00:08:33,133 --> 00:08:34,400
Let just one in
188
00:08:34,467 --> 00:08:36,133
and there goes
the neighborhood.
189
00:08:41,968 --> 00:08:44,767
Eh... heh-heh.
Color me quirky
190
00:08:44,834 --> 00:08:46,968
but I-I get the feeling
I'm not welcome.
191
00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:48,801
Man,
we need what this guy's got.
192
00:08:48,868 --> 00:08:51,467
Name's Taanzi,
and he is one crazy dude.
193
00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:53,968
If there's any word
on the street, Taanzi knows.
194
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,067
You'll be okay, long as
you make like a pink packet.
195
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:00,167
Stay sweet
196
00:09:00,234 --> 00:09:01,634
and low.
197
00:09:07,701 --> 00:09:08,901
Well, look who's here.
198
00:09:08,968 --> 00:09:10,100
How you doing, Ebony,
199
00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:12,100
my strong,
beautiful, black sister?
200
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,400
I ain't seen you in...
201
00:09:13,467 --> 00:09:15,067
what the (airhorn blares)?
202
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:18,100
How'd this vanilla
sneak into my sundae?
203
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,567
It's okay, Taanzi,
he's with me.
204
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh, Ebony, girl!
205
00:09:22,267 --> 00:09:23,434
That (blare)'s weak.
206
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:25,400
Why you playing in the snow
207
00:09:25,467 --> 00:09:27,901
when you know it's coal
that's going to keep you warm?
208
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:30,501
Uh-huh.
I'll bet there's a lot of women
209
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:32,901
warming themselves on that coal.
210
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:37,234
What's all this about?
211
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,467
The revolution.
212
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,000
The time for talk is past.
213
00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:41,534
For our people to survive,
214
00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:44,634
we must kill every white
mother(blare) in the world.
215
00:09:44,701 --> 00:09:45,634
(gulps)
216
00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:46,767
That's right.
You heard me,
217
00:09:46,834 --> 00:09:48,467
Mother(blare),
but you can relax for now,
218
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:50,133
'cause no matter what you think,
219
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,968
I ain't no
mother(blare)ing savage.
220
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:54,434
That's why I'm sending each
and every white mother(blare)
221
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:57,434
a letter, giving him or her
30 days to commit suicide.
222
00:09:57,501 --> 00:09:59,734
Let 'em settle their affairs
and (blare) before they die--
223
00:09:59,801 --> 00:10:01,901
you know, like who gets
their mother(blare)ing Volvos
224
00:10:01,968 --> 00:10:04,300
and their Celine Dion records
and (blare).
225
00:10:04,367 --> 00:10:07,400
Last thing I need is a lot of
mother(blare)s dying intestate,
226
00:10:07,467 --> 00:10:09,567
you know, leaving me
their hassles and (blare).
227
00:10:09,634 --> 00:10:10,901
(phone ringing)
228
00:10:10,968 --> 00:10:12,334
Hello, thanks for calling
229
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:13,901
"30 days, mother(blare)."
230
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:15,300
This is Taanzi.
231
00:10:15,367 --> 00:10:17,100
What's
so mother(blare)ing hard
232
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:19,534
to understand, mother(blare)?
Did you get the letter?
233
00:10:19,601 --> 00:10:21,767
Well, did you read the letter?
234
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:23,868
Well, like it says, you got
30 days to kill yourself.
235
00:10:23,934 --> 00:10:25,601
What don't you "get"?
236
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:26,868
"And then what?"
237
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:27,868
Then I come down there myself
238
00:10:27,934 --> 00:10:29,033
and put your honky ass
239
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,033
in the mother(blare)ing
dead letter office.
240
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,534
You "get" me now?
241
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:36,834
Yo, Pillsbury, you
got something to say,
242
00:10:36,901 --> 00:10:38,801
you funny-looking
mother(blare)?
243
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:42,067
N-n-no, I sure
d-don't, Fonzi.
244
00:10:43,133 --> 00:10:44,534
Fonzi?
Do you see me hitting
245
00:10:44,601 --> 00:10:46,300
any mother(blare)ing
jukeboxes?
246
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:48,400
Do you see mother(blare)ing
Chachi, or Potsie
247
00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:50,567
or Ralph mother(blare)ing Malph
anywhere?
248
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:53,100
My name is Taanzi, bitch,
and don't you forget it.
249
00:10:53,167 --> 00:10:55,167
So shut the (blare) up,
mother(blare)r.
250
00:10:55,234 --> 00:10:56,868
My (blare) is
for mother(blare).
251
00:10:56,934 --> 00:10:59,234
Who mother(blare)ing know
the (blare) who the (blare)
252
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,634
(blare) (blare) (blare).
253
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,501
You want to watch
your language?
254
00:11:02,567 --> 00:11:04,467
These horns are
driving me crazy.
255
00:11:04,534 --> 00:11:07,667
Sorry.
Damn honkies.
256
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,133
Enough shop talk.
What do you need?
257
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:11,701
Information. One
of my clients
258
00:11:11,767 --> 00:11:13,300
was murdered--
Victor Demann.
259
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:16,467
I should have known you
was working for Demann.
260
00:11:18,667 --> 00:11:21,434
Word is, the hit came
from Wilhelm Vanderklerk.
261
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:23,968
Some of Vanderklerk's
hired muscle hangs out
262
00:11:24,033 --> 00:11:26,601
at the blues club on Belmont,
the Black Note.
263
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:27,801
(ringing)
264
00:11:27,868 --> 00:11:31,133
Damn! Can't white people read?
265
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,534
You get that.
We'll go.
266
00:11:33,934 --> 00:11:35,133
Stay strong, baby.
267
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:36,634
Hello.
268
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:39,601
No, a doctor's note
will not help, (blaring).
269
00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:46,167
The Black Note doesn't open
for a couple of hours.
270
00:11:46,234 --> 00:11:48,167
We'll just wait here.
271
00:11:48,234 --> 00:11:50,267
That was pretty brave
of you back there.
272
00:11:50,334 --> 00:11:51,934
Going for that big dude.
273
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,334
Ah, that was pure adrenaline.
274
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,901
Sometime tomorrow,
I'll realize what I did
275
00:11:54,968 --> 00:11:56,734
and cry like a little girl.
276
00:11:56,801 --> 00:11:58,434
(laughing)
277
00:11:58,501 --> 00:12:00,000
I'm not kidding.
278
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,467
Oh.
279
00:12:01,534 --> 00:12:03,200
You know what
I like about you?
280
00:12:03,267 --> 00:12:05,167
The way you say
whatever you think
281
00:12:05,234 --> 00:12:06,701
no matter
how stupid it is.
282
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,467
You're definitely
your own man.
283
00:12:08,534 --> 00:12:09,701
Thanks.
284
00:12:09,767 --> 00:12:11,367
You know what I like about you?
285
00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:13,367
Yeah-- my legs.
286
00:12:13,434 --> 00:12:16,234
(laughing):
Now, that's not true.
287
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,567
I also like that you have
really big breasts,
288
00:12:18,634 --> 00:12:20,567
and I like that I can see
almost all of them
289
00:12:20,634 --> 00:12:22,167
every time you lean forward.
290
00:12:22,234 --> 00:12:23,734
And I like your tight round butt
291
00:12:23,801 --> 00:12:26,000
and I don't know
if it's that lipstick or what,
292
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:27,801
but your mouth
is making me really hot
293
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:30,734
and your legs are, too.
294
00:12:30,801 --> 00:12:31,801
Well... then I know
295
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:33,501
the reward I'm
going to give you
296
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:35,267
for saving my life.
297
00:12:35,334 --> 00:12:37,267
(romantic music playing)
298
00:12:53,501 --> 00:12:57,100
* Oh, baby *
299
00:12:57,167 --> 00:13:00,934
* All night, all night... *
300
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,501
(door slams open)
301
00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:12,834
What the...?
302
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:15,067
Hey, fellows, stop!
303
00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:16,567
Or at least wait 30 seconds.
304
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:17,767
15 if she helps.
305
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,133
Ooh...
306
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,434
Oh, no. They grabbed Ebony.
307
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:27,767
I've got to save her life.
308
00:13:27,834 --> 00:13:29,367
I've got to protect my partner.
309
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,467
I've got to see if she can
put both ankles behind her head.
310
00:13:32,534 --> 00:13:33,501
Don't worry, Ebony--
311
00:13:33,567 --> 00:13:36,834
your super-bad lover-man
is on his way.
312
00:13:41,267 --> 00:13:44,100
(disco music playing)
313
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,100
Yeah, I'm bad.
314
00:13:50,167 --> 00:13:51,601
Oh, I'm bad.
315
00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:52,701
I'm the worst.
316
00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:54,100
Ain't nobody worser than me.
317
00:13:59,801 --> 00:14:02,534
Yo, bro, how you fro?
318
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:03,868
Dyn-o-mite!
319
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:06,100
What's happening,
my proud black brother?
320
00:14:06,167 --> 00:14:09,367
I hope you's down, my man,
'cause I am up for being down.
321
00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,901
S'cool, s'wonderful,
s'marvelous.
322
00:14:11,968 --> 00:14:14,234
Check your booty at
the door, you dig?
323
00:14:14,300 --> 00:14:15,567
Word to your mammy.
324
00:14:19,434 --> 00:14:20,701
Oy.
325
00:14:21,567 --> 00:14:23,167
(playing blues music)
326
00:14:23,234 --> 00:14:26,167
DUCKMAN:
Wow. What a fantastic place.
327
00:14:26,234 --> 00:14:28,701
It resonates with the mingled
tears and laughter
328
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,234
of a hundred generations.
329
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:33,267
I'd hang out here myself
if they had naked dwarf races.
330
00:14:33,334 --> 00:14:36,701
Okay, Taanzi said Vanderklerk's
goons hung out here.
331
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:38,400
One of them
must have grabbed her.
332
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,934
You some funked-up
thrill seeker
333
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:43,901
or are you just stupid?
334
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:46,534
My friend, I've spent a lifetime
trying to answer that question.
335
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:47,801
Wait a minute.
336
00:14:47,868 --> 00:14:50,234
What would Ebony do
in a situation like this?
337
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,701
She'd get what she needed
through sheer force of will.
338
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,467
All right, listen,
LeRoy Brown.
339
00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:56,133
Listen up,
all of you!
340
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,868
I am your worst nightmare--
a duck with an attitude.
341
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:02,701
I know you hate me,
though I can't figure out why.
342
00:15:02,767 --> 00:15:04,701
If we hadn't freed you people
back in World War II,
343
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:06,367
you'd all be speaking
Japanese now.
344
00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:08,767
All I know is,
there's a girl missing,
345
00:15:08,834 --> 00:15:10,801
some hepcat
named Vanderklerk's behind it,
346
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:12,801
and you'd better give me
the 555-1212
347
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:14,100
or you'll be waiting to exhale
348
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:16,267
while I dry out
your raisins in the sun.
349
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:17,434
(growling)
350
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:20,834
(siren wailing)
351
00:15:20,901 --> 00:15:22,334
(phone ringing)
352
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,367
Aaiiiee!
353
00:15:24,434 --> 00:15:25,868
It's for you.
354
00:15:25,934 --> 00:15:28,033
I told you people
a thousand times,
355
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,434
I'm not switching
long-distance carriers.
356
00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:31,767
Hello, Mr. Duckman.
357
00:15:31,834 --> 00:15:33,834
My name is
Wilhelm Vanderklerk
358
00:15:33,901 --> 00:15:36,334
and you're right--
I have your girlfriend.
359
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,334
Oh, please, please,
don't puncture her!
360
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,501
Ebony Sable.
361
00:15:40,567 --> 00:15:42,167
Oh, no, I like her, too.
362
00:15:42,234 --> 00:15:45,667
I've kidnapped your
family and Sable
363
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:47,167
and your family!
364
00:15:47,234 --> 00:15:48,501
You fiend.
365
00:15:48,567 --> 00:15:51,100
You'd better not lay a hand
on Ebony or Bev or the boys.
366
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,501
Do what you want
with the loudmouth lardass.
367
00:15:53,567 --> 00:15:54,534
(tires screech)
368
00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:56,767
(siren wailing)
369
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:59,367
"Drop me here"
is just an expression!
370
00:15:59,434 --> 00:16:01,367
Mm-hmm. Day players.
371
00:16:02,701 --> 00:16:03,868
(muffled protests)
372
00:16:03,934 --> 00:16:05,033
VANDERKLERK:
No need to struggle.
373
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,400
No need to worry.
374
00:16:06,467 --> 00:16:10,267
After all,
Duckman is coming to rescue you.
375
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,801
Duckman?!
376
00:16:11,868 --> 00:16:15,901
If you'll excuse me,
I must visit another...
377
00:16:15,968 --> 00:16:17,767
guest.
378
00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:21,234
By the way,
379
00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:22,701
in case you hadn't guessed,
380
00:16:22,767 --> 00:16:26,000
your employer Victor Demann
and I were allies
381
00:16:26,067 --> 00:16:28,801
until he became frightened
by the breathtaking
382
00:16:28,868 --> 00:16:31,701
audacity of my incredible plan.
383
00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:32,834
What plan?
384
00:16:32,901 --> 00:16:34,701
No time for that now.
385
00:16:34,767 --> 00:16:36,801
All right, just kill me.
386
00:16:36,868 --> 00:16:37,968
Kill you?
387
00:16:38,033 --> 00:16:40,033
No, Ebony, to kill
a woman like you
388
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,367
would be such a waste.
389
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,868
Much better
390
00:16:42,934 --> 00:16:45,801
to humiliate you,
take you out of action.
391
00:16:45,868 --> 00:16:49,334
Oh, my Lord, my sweet Lord!
392
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,167
Not Jheri Curl!
393
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:53,501
Oh!
394
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,567
EBONY:
Duckman!
How'd you get in here?
395
00:17:00,634 --> 00:17:02,367
Secret tunnel.
Previous owner.
396
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,334
(laughing)
397
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,200
Ow!
398
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,133
(growling)
399
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,133
Damn you, Sable.
400
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,734
You have more lives than a cat.
401
00:17:16,801 --> 00:17:18,501
A black cat.
402
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,901
And I'm crossing your path.
403
00:17:20,968 --> 00:17:23,701
That's the guy
at the fashion show.
404
00:17:23,767 --> 00:17:24,701
Thanks, baby.
405
00:17:24,767 --> 00:17:26,000
That's two I owe you.
406
00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:27,467
But you'd better step aside.
407
00:17:27,534 --> 00:17:28,801
Ebony's hungry,
408
00:17:28,868 --> 00:17:31,167
blood's on the menu
and you're vegetarian.
409
00:17:31,234 --> 00:17:32,834
Nuh-uh, my proud black queen.
410
00:17:32,901 --> 00:17:33,934
From here on out
411
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,000
or in--
I've never been sure which--
412
00:17:36,067 --> 00:17:37,534
I'm gonna be your white shadow.
413
00:17:37,601 --> 00:17:39,634
Duck, you the man.
414
00:17:40,701 --> 00:17:45,067
* Ebony, she's super bad. *
415
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,000
I'm a diversion!
416
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,701
I'm a diversion!
417
00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:54,133
I'm going for Vanderklerk.
418
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,667
Melt away, snowflakes.
419
00:17:56,734 --> 00:17:59,467
This ain't going
to be pretty.
420
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:02,667
You seem to forget
we're suburban white girls.
421
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:05,968
That means we know
how to clean house.
422
00:18:06,033 --> 00:18:08,200
(karate yells)
423
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,901
We took Tai Chi
at the Learning Annex.
424
00:18:10,968 --> 00:18:14,434
Okay, sisters,
let's mess with the misters.
425
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,067
* *
426
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,000
(helicopter blades whirring)
427
00:18:27,834 --> 00:18:28,667
Vindercluck!
428
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:30,434
Vanderklerk.
429
00:18:30,501 --> 00:18:33,968
And now I will return
to my native land,
430
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:37,133
a place where white people
exploit blacks,
431
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,801
a land ruled
432
00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:41,868
by intolerance and brutality
and fear.
433
00:18:41,934 --> 00:18:45,200
My God, what kind
of sick and twisted country
434
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:46,501
do you come from?
435
00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:49,567
America.
436
00:18:49,634 --> 00:18:52,567
Oh, seems a bit harsh.
437
00:18:52,634 --> 00:18:55,834
And now,
to eliminate the witness.
438
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:57,100
(screams)
439
00:18:57,167 --> 00:18:59,267
Sable.
440
00:18:59,334 --> 00:19:01,400
It's just you and me now...
441
00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:02,934
boy.
442
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,400
Well, there's me, too,
443
00:19:04,467 --> 00:19:06,334
but if this is some kind of a
fight-to-the-death thing,
444
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:07,434
I can wait downstairs.
445
00:19:07,501 --> 00:19:10,334
Sable, you're worth
20 of my men.
446
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:11,834
You're only in it for the money.
447
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,200
Why not come with me?
448
00:19:13,267 --> 00:19:15,033
You just don't get it, do you
Vanderklerk?
449
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,367
I ain't coming with you
450
00:19:16,434 --> 00:19:17,534
'cause you be bad.
451
00:19:17,601 --> 00:19:20,300
Bad in the sense of cool?
452
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,801
No. In the sense
of scum-sucking slug.
453
00:19:23,868 --> 00:19:27,734
Damn. I hate slang.
454
00:19:30,601 --> 00:19:33,200
(yelling)
455
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,734
Um...
456
00:19:38,801 --> 00:19:40,400
he's that way.
457
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:41,400
Oh.
458
00:19:41,467 --> 00:19:42,734
(clicks)
459
00:19:42,801 --> 00:19:44,400
(groans)
460
00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:47,234
VANDERKLERK:
How the hell
do you work this thing?
461
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:52,400
It's over, Duckman.
462
00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:55,634
I don't say this to a lot
of guys, but thanks.
463
00:19:55,701 --> 00:19:58,167
You did me solid, jack.
464
00:19:58,234 --> 00:20:00,167
Yeah.
465
00:20:00,234 --> 00:20:02,734
Listen, Ebony, uh, no offense,
466
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,400
but what is it
with all the '70s stuff?
467
00:20:05,467 --> 00:20:07,901
I mean, the hair, the clothes,
the language?
468
00:20:07,968 --> 00:20:09,667
How come you do all that?
469
00:20:09,734 --> 00:20:11,434
White writers.
470
00:20:13,467 --> 00:20:16,667
Well, D-man,
I guess this is it.
471
00:20:16,734 --> 00:20:17,667
Wait, Ebony.
472
00:20:17,734 --> 00:20:18,701
Don't go.
473
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:20,267
You got to stay here.
474
00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:22,567
I want to hear more
about the black experience.
475
00:20:22,634 --> 00:20:26,200
I want to learn how we can live
together in peace and harmony
476
00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,000
and most important of all,
477
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:30,467
I want another chance
to unfasten your bra.
478
00:20:30,534 --> 00:20:31,801
Sorry, Duckman.
479
00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:33,133
I've got to move on.
480
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:34,467
I'll miss you.
481
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,067
But in your heart,
you know we're different.
482
00:20:36,133 --> 00:20:37,400
I'm a lone wolf.
483
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:39,901
You're a cowardly, sexist moron.
484
00:20:39,968 --> 00:20:42,734
We almost had something,
didn't we, babe?
485
00:20:42,801 --> 00:20:45,734
Yeah. Almost.
486
00:20:45,801 --> 00:20:47,367
Good-bye, Duckman.
487
00:20:47,434 --> 00:20:48,767
Stay cool.
488
00:20:48,834 --> 00:20:51,601
I gots no other way to be.
489
00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:56,968
TAANZI:
You funny-lookingmother (airhorn blares).
33665
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