Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,334 --> 00:00:11,000
(whistles)
2
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:37,334
(quacks)
3
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,400
(elephant trumpeting)
4
00:00:41,601 --> 00:00:44,934
Today, son, I teach you
to catch many food beasts.
5
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,634
Bring great honor
to our tribe.
6
00:00:47,701 --> 00:00:50,400
(clavichord playing)
7
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:52,767
Patience, Wolfie,
patience.
8
00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:55,133
Embrace the music
with love, son.
9
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,334
With feeling.
10
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,334
(drum and fife corps playing
"Yankee Doodle")
11
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:02,100
That's right, son,
12
00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:03,968
study very hard
and you may be the father
13
00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:06,133
of more than just
your children someday.
14
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,334
(grunts)
15
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,334
(truck horn honks)
16
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,334
(static hissing)
17
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:14,734
CHARLES:
Morning, Dad.
18
00:01:14,801 --> 00:01:15,934
We're off to get
an education
19
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:17,133
in the hopes of one day
20
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,667
making a meaningful
contribution to society.
21
00:01:19,734 --> 00:01:21,167
And though we
have no reason
22
00:01:21,234 --> 00:01:22,467
to expect anything
inspirational,
23
00:01:22,534 --> 00:01:24,667
we're semi-open to
whatever fatherly advice
24
00:01:24,734 --> 00:01:26,334
you'd like to
foist upon us.
25
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,868
Fill it up. Unleaded.
26
00:01:27,934 --> 00:01:29,868
AUNT BERNICE:
You'll have to excuse
your father.
27
00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:31,934
He's been like that
since 10:00 last night.
28
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,901
The cable company
accidentally unscrambled
29
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,534
the Bouncing Naked Flesh Channel
for three seconds,
30
00:01:36,601 --> 00:01:39,100
and he's afraid to blink
in case it happens again.
31
00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,367
Check, please.
32
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,367
(turns off vacuum)
33
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:42,767
Off to school, boys.
34
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:45,200
There'll be time enough later
to watch him degenerate
35
00:01:45,267 --> 00:01:47,367
into a desperate and pathetic
middle-aged man.
36
00:01:47,434 --> 00:01:48,501
Good luck, Dad!
37
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,667
Follow that dream.
38
00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,868
(both laughing)
39
00:01:50,934 --> 00:01:54,934
The economy, of course,
being a primary concern.
40
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,267
Personally, I don't mind him
sleeping the night on the sofa.
41
00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,400
It saves me from having
to hose down his rubber sheets.
42
00:02:00,467 --> 00:02:02,234
(laughing)
43
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,901
This looks like as good a time
as any to go through his mail.
44
00:02:04,968 --> 00:02:06,667
Eh, junk, junk, junk.
45
00:02:06,734 --> 00:02:08,133
Summons, junk,
junk, summons...
46
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,667
Duckman!
47
00:02:09,734 --> 00:02:11,234
Did you see
this letter?!
48
00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:12,400
This is incredible!
49
00:02:12,467 --> 00:02:13,534
They're sending
the home electrolysis kit
50
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,667
I ordered for you?
51
00:02:14,734 --> 00:02:15,901
No, you slobbering imbecile,
52
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:18,000
it's from the Littlefield School
for Gifted Boys.
53
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,300
For, huh?
54
00:02:19,367 --> 00:02:21,067
It's a private educational
institution upstate,
55
00:02:21,133 --> 00:02:23,501
and listen to this--
they want Ajax!
56
00:02:23,567 --> 00:02:25,100
Look, I told those quacks
over and over,
57
00:02:25,167 --> 00:02:27,234
if they want to hook electrodes
up to my kid's head,
58
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:30,000
the figure they mentioned
wasn't even in the ballpark.
59
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:31,667
Not for
experimentation.
60
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:33,133
It's a boarding school.
61
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:35,334
They want him
to be a student!
62
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,701
(both laughing)
63
00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:38,968
(passing gas)
64
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,033
DUCKMAN:
Gifted boy? Gifted?
65
00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,033
Where's he going
to get the gift?
66
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:46,234
(laughing)
67
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:47,834
Wait a minute.
68
00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,501
What if it isn't
a mistake?
69
00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:50,868
What if they really
do want him?
70
00:02:50,934 --> 00:02:52,968
Maybe he is a
gifted student
71
00:02:53,033 --> 00:02:57,033
with promise and potential
we don't even know about?
72
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,234
Hey, someone,
the escalator stopped.
73
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:01,534
I'm stuck.
74
00:03:01,601 --> 00:03:03,868
(crickets chirping)
Somebody!
75
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,767
Well, it doesn't mean the right
education couldn't change him.
76
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,334
Bernice, the boy
is 15 years old.
77
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,634
He still hasn't mastered
the four-slice toaster.
78
00:03:10,701 --> 00:03:12,200
Besides, I can't believe
you're even thinking about
79
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,701
sending Ajax away
to a boarding school.
80
00:03:13,767 --> 00:03:15,133
He's my son. I love him.
81
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,767
He's the only one around
here I can talk to.
82
00:03:16,834 --> 00:03:18,634
No way that boy
leaves this house.
83
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:20,534
It's a scholarship.
It'd be free.
84
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:23,701
Anyone needs me,
I'll be turning his room
85
00:03:23,767 --> 00:03:26,067
into a pool hall/Babe-A-Torium.
86
00:03:28,167 --> 00:03:29,834
Not really.
87
00:03:29,901 --> 00:03:32,133
It's just a long way to go
for a cheap joke.
88
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,767
Just think
about it, okay?
89
00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:35,434
I've got to take
Ajax his lunch again.
90
00:03:35,501 --> 00:03:38,100
He forgets that yesterday's
is gone now.
91
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,467
Wait a minute.
I'll do it.
92
00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:40,467
You?!
93
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:42,467
Yeah, me. I'm his father.
94
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:44,467
What do you think I am,
completely disconnected
95
00:03:44,534 --> 00:03:47,133
from my son's life?
96
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,300
Where does he, uh,
go to school again?
97
00:03:50,367 --> 00:03:52,434
(heavy metal music playing)
98
00:03:52,501 --> 00:03:54,767
Ah, the hallowed halls.
99
00:03:56,834 --> 00:03:59,400
Good. They finally got
a metal detector.
100
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:00,767
That will keep out
the riffraff.
101
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:03,000
(alarm sounds, Duckman screams)
102
00:04:03,067 --> 00:04:05,801
Wait a minute,
it's just a lunch box.
103
00:04:05,868 --> 00:04:08,100
Nothing is just a lunch box.
104
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,901
(eerie jungle noises)
105
00:04:15,968 --> 00:04:19,000
(deep voice):
The horror...the horror.
106
00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:20,267
Uh, excuse me
107
00:04:20,334 --> 00:04:22,734
I'm looking for
my son, Ajax.
108
00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:25,167
You don't have
a hall pass either!
109
00:04:25,234 --> 00:04:26,501
Do you?!
110
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:28,100
(laughing hysterically)
111
00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:30,634
(howling insanely)
112
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:37,133
(students yelling,
automatic gunfire)
113
00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:39,834
(girl moaning)
114
00:04:39,901 --> 00:04:41,067
It's okay.
115
00:04:41,133 --> 00:04:43,000
I'm her geometry teacher.
116
00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:45,434
Hey, I ain't in it
for the salary.
117
00:04:45,501 --> 00:04:48,033
(loud rumbling, Duckman screams)
118
00:04:48,100 --> 00:04:50,501
(panting)
119
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,033
MAN:
Sorry, mate.
120
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:57,200
Garbage from the cafeteria
tends to pile up a bit, eh?
121
00:04:57,267 --> 00:04:58,501
Ooh, watch yourself.
122
00:04:58,567 --> 00:05:00,501
It's the gangs.
123
00:05:00,567 --> 00:05:01,834
(clattering)
124
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:05,868
(Duckman grunting)
125
00:05:05,934 --> 00:05:07,467
Cool it, daddy-o.
126
00:05:07,534 --> 00:05:10,033
Let's save our strength
for the Sharks.
127
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:13,033
(dramatic music playing,
snapping fingers)
128
00:05:14,601 --> 00:05:16,033
(groaning)
129
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,334
(growling)
130
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,234
(Duckman yelling)
131
00:05:21,634 --> 00:05:24,200
Let's go put on a show,
Alfalfa.
132
00:05:24,267 --> 00:05:26,501
(all laughing)
133
00:05:26,567 --> 00:05:27,834
Dad...
134
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:30,067
What brings you here?
135
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,267
Twinkie?
136
00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:33,767
Thanks, Dad.
137
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:38,434
DUCKMAN:
Beatrice?
138
00:05:38,501 --> 00:05:40,334
No, I'm the one
who had the sound judgment
139
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,734
not to marry you.
140
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:45,300
Bernice, I was attacked,
beaten, left for dead.
141
00:05:45,367 --> 00:05:48,567
I warned you not to join
a record and tape club.
142
00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:50,901
No, at Ajax's school.
Where's Ajax?
143
00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:52,934
He's in his room
watching PBS.
Hmm?
144
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,534
Today is sponsored
by the letter "H."
145
00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:57,133
Thank God he's okay.
146
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:58,667
That school
is a hellhole.
147
00:05:58,734 --> 00:05:59,901
I just don't understand.
148
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,434
It used to be
such a fine school.
149
00:06:01,501 --> 00:06:04,033
What could have caused
such a decline?
150
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:07,767
ALL:
No new taxes! No new taxes!
151
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:09,267
(chuckles nervously):
Who knows?
152
00:06:09,334 --> 00:06:10,634
The important thing
is that my son
153
00:06:10,701 --> 00:06:12,100
can't go to school
in that sewer!
154
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:14,667
I hate to admit it, but
I think you were right.
155
00:06:14,734 --> 00:06:16,601
I think he would be better
off at that private school.
156
00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:19,868
Could I have a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich?
157
00:06:19,934 --> 00:06:22,534
Ajax, we're sending you
to boarding school.
158
00:06:22,601 --> 00:06:25,234
What if I just had
peanut butter?
159
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,968
It's a wonderful
opportunity, Ajax.
160
00:06:27,033 --> 00:06:28,968
Well, it's...
161
00:06:29,033 --> 00:06:30,434
not that we want
you to leave, son.
162
00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:32,300
It's just that we want
what's best for you.
163
00:06:32,367 --> 00:06:34,133
You understand.
164
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,834
I tell you what, you wouldn't
have to leave till Monday.
165
00:06:36,901 --> 00:06:39,400
What do you say you and me
have the weekend of our lives?
166
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,801
Just the two of us doing
anything you want to do.
167
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,400
Okay, Dad.
168
00:06:44,467 --> 00:06:47,901
* People, let me tell you
about my best friend *
169
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:50,467
* He's a one boy, cuddly toy *
170
00:06:50,534 --> 00:06:53,133
* My up, my down,
my pride and joy *
171
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,234
* People, let me tell you
about him *
172
00:06:55,300 --> 00:06:56,567
* He's so much fun *
173
00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:58,601
* Whether we're talking
man to man *
174
00:06:58,667 --> 00:07:00,501
* Or whether we're talking
son to son *
175
00:07:00,567 --> 00:07:04,000
* 'Cause he's my best friend *
176
00:07:04,067 --> 00:07:06,534
* Yeah, he's my best friend *
177
00:07:06,601 --> 00:07:09,868
* La, pa-da-da-da-ya *
178
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:11,801
* Pa-da-da-da-ya *
179
00:07:11,868 --> 00:07:13,167
* Pa-da-da-da-ya... *
180
00:07:13,234 --> 00:07:15,467
(continues humming)
181
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,834
(continues humming)
182
00:07:27,934 --> 00:07:29,968
(music fades)
183
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,701
(yawning)
184
00:07:33,767 --> 00:07:35,267
Good night, Charles.
185
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:37,567
Good night, eh...
Charles' brother.
186
00:07:37,634 --> 00:07:38,934
TWINS:
Good night.
187
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,868
Good night, Bern...
(Aunt Bernice screaming)
188
00:07:42,934 --> 00:07:44,601
(sputtering)
Yuck!
189
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:47,367
It'll be a long time
before I eat broccoli again.
190
00:07:47,434 --> 00:07:49,367
(neon light buzzing)
191
00:07:52,133 --> 00:07:54,467
Good night, son.
192
00:07:54,534 --> 00:07:55,801
I'll miss you.
193
00:07:55,868 --> 00:07:57,901
(snoring)
194
00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:05,234
DUCKMAN:
A good education--
that's the key to life, son.
195
00:08:05,300 --> 00:08:06,567
Getting back to the three Rs:
196
00:08:06,634 --> 00:08:10,067
Reading, uh, Running,
and, uh, the other thing.
197
00:08:10,133 --> 00:08:12,067
Duckman, stop!
198
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:14,534
What?! What?!
199
00:08:15,634 --> 00:08:18,067
(bike bell ringing)
200
00:08:18,133 --> 00:08:19,567
Bernice, don't
yell like that.
201
00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,067
I thought I was going
to hit something.
202
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:23,067
(cow mooing)
203
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:25,400
Unpack the car,
will you, son?
204
00:08:25,467 --> 00:08:27,667
Sure, Dad.
(car dieseling)
205
00:08:27,734 --> 00:08:28,901
Just look
at this place.
206
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:30,167
I'll be
in no time at all,
207
00:08:30,234 --> 00:08:31,567
they're going
to double his I.Q.
208
00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:33,167
Throw me the keys.
209
00:08:33,234 --> 00:08:35,734
Sending it soaring
into the high teens.
210
00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:37,767
Ah, splendid.
You've arrived.
211
00:08:37,834 --> 00:08:39,801
Welcome to Littlefield, Ajax.
212
00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:42,901
We're most eager to
have you in our family.
213
00:08:42,968 --> 00:08:45,667
I'm Professor Edwin Byer,
headmaster of Littlefield.
214
00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,367
You must be Duckman.
215
00:08:47,434 --> 00:08:48,868
And this is
your lovely wife?
216
00:08:48,934 --> 00:08:50,033
(sputters)
217
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,033
Don't even kid about that.
218
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,100
Oh, I'm Bernice,
his sister-in-law.
219
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,400
Thank you so much for your
oversight-- graciousness--
220
00:08:58,467 --> 00:08:59,734
in allowing Ajax
221
00:08:59,801 --> 00:09:01,801
to come to a school
like this.
222
00:09:01,868 --> 00:09:04,434
Well, every year,
we select one student,
223
00:09:04,501 --> 00:09:06,434
based on very
strict criteria,
224
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:08,400
to come here
on scholarship.
225
00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:09,534
So, what clinched
it, Professor?
226
00:09:09,601 --> 00:09:12,067
His raw potential,
his hidden abilities,
227
00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:13,601
his good
breeding stock?
228
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:16,434
He scored lowest in perceptible
brain waves and qualified
229
00:09:16,501 --> 00:09:19,133
under Project Emergency
Intelligence Relief.
230
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:20,801
Congratulations, son,
you came in first.
231
00:09:20,868 --> 00:09:22,300
Tied, actually.
232
00:09:22,367 --> 00:09:25,367
The other was
a Bein Heroda Lamb Ohamada
233
00:09:25,434 --> 00:09:28,467
who lives in a grass and
manure hut in Bangladesh.
234
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:30,567
Ajax edged him out
235
00:09:30,634 --> 00:09:32,534
by having a less
tolerable living situation.
236
00:09:32,601 --> 00:09:34,067
Tell me about it, Ed.
237
00:09:34,133 --> 00:09:35,400
She can be a real
pain in the-- Whoo!
238
00:09:35,467 --> 00:09:36,567
So...
(glass breaking)
239
00:09:36,634 --> 00:09:38,968
shall we see your
lovely campus?
240
00:09:39,033 --> 00:09:41,634
You can see
the Olympic-sized pool there
241
00:09:41,701 --> 00:09:44,334
between the tennis courts
and the polo field.
242
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,100
To our left
is the student cafeteria
243
00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:47,534
where four-star chefs
244
00:09:47,601 --> 00:09:49,934
prepare low-fat,
high protein meals.
245
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,634
Straight ahead, our NASA
antigravity stimulator.
246
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:55,300
No kidding. Ow!
247
00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,501
And this is the student union
248
00:09:57,567 --> 00:09:59,901
where you can relax,
have a cappuccino,
249
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:03,200
and to use youth's
colorful vernacular,
250
00:10:03,267 --> 00:10:05,033
rap with your peers.
251
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,601
Will they be grossed out
252
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:08,501
if I occasionally scrape
the fungus off my bill?
253
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,701
(gasping)
254
00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:12,167
(chuckling):
Not at all.
255
00:10:12,234 --> 00:10:16,200
As you can see, we have the
socially challenged section
256
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,968
where you can perfect
your interactive skills
257
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,834
(belching)
without judgment
258
00:10:19,901 --> 00:10:23,167
until you're ready
to integrate with the others.
259
00:10:23,234 --> 00:10:25,100
Oops! I'm so sorry.
260
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:26,734
Did I disturb you?
261
00:10:26,801 --> 00:10:27,734
Huh?
262
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:28,834
Huh? Huh? Huh?
263
00:10:28,901 --> 00:10:31,000
I'm Deana.
What's your name?
264
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:32,767
Duckman.
Duckman with an "D."
265
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:34,367
In fact, PhD, Loveology.
266
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:35,868
Perhaps you'd care
to stay after class
267
00:10:35,934 --> 00:10:37,234
while I grade on your curves?
268
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,033
(Duckman grunts)
You're pathetic.
269
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:41,167
You've got kidney stones
older than her.
270
00:10:41,234 --> 00:10:42,634
You look new.
271
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:44,300
Here's my phone number.
272
00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:45,501
Call me.
273
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:48,100
We can go
to Friday's mixer together.
274
00:10:48,167 --> 00:10:49,534
Bye-bye.
275
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:52,567
Be good, okay?
276
00:10:52,634 --> 00:10:53,868
Brush your teeth,
277
00:10:53,934 --> 00:10:55,868
and promise you'll bathe
at least once a week
278
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:59,000
even if the other kids
laugh at you in the shower.
279
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:00,501
(sniffling)
280
00:11:00,567 --> 00:11:02,067
I promise, Aunt Bernice.
281
00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:05,100
(gentle music playing)
282
00:11:10,601 --> 00:11:11,968
Son.
Dad.
283
00:11:12,033 --> 00:11:13,868
(music swells)
284
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,501
Wow. For a moment,
285
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,634
we were just like one
of those ideal families
286
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:20,033
in those sappy
situation comedies.
287
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:22,968
Yeah. The kind
where they learn something
288
00:11:23,033 --> 00:11:24,634
from each other every week
289
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:27,901
and then the music swells,
and they hug.
290
00:11:27,968 --> 00:11:29,901
(laughing)
291
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,601
Well, good luck, son.
292
00:11:32,667 --> 00:11:34,100
All right, let's go.
293
00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,601
These candies melt,
294
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:38,534
I can't use them as slugs
in the toll basket.
295
00:11:44,467 --> 00:11:45,601
(sniffles)
296
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:46,767
(gasping)
297
00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:48,467
Deana's phone number!
298
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:51,067
I don't think that's something
you have to worry about
299
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:53,334
just now.
300
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,334
(Byer laughing deviously)
301
00:11:59,133 --> 00:12:02,267
Ajax, knock off
that racket.
302
00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:04,467
Ajax isn't here,
Duckman.
303
00:12:04,534 --> 00:12:05,834
Oh. Right.
304
00:12:05,901 --> 00:12:07,400
Humor him.
This could be the snap
305
00:12:07,467 --> 00:12:09,000
the social workers
warned us about.
306
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:10,167
Okay.
307
00:12:10,234 --> 00:12:11,601
Gee, Dad, it must
have been difficult
308
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:13,601
sending your
firstborn away
309
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,367
from the only home
he's ever known.
310
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:16,601
(sniffling)
311
00:12:16,667 --> 00:12:17,601
(sobbing)
312
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:18,934
You did your best.
313
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,968
You know, it is pretty empty
around here.
314
00:12:21,033 --> 00:12:23,000
(sniffling)
315
00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:24,734
What's in the box,
Duckman?
316
00:12:24,801 --> 00:12:26,067
Some of Ajax's stuff.
317
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:28,834
I just wanted to be
around it, you know.
318
00:12:28,901 --> 00:12:31,701
Wow. I remember that day.
319
00:12:31,767 --> 00:12:34,167
His souvenir program from
Sorrow and the Pity...
320
00:12:34,234 --> 00:12:35,334
on ice.
321
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,968
His first
reading primer
322
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:39,601
still wrapped in the
original plastic.
323
00:12:39,667 --> 00:12:41,534
His third grade
report cards
324
00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:43,968
(sniffles)
from all four years.
325
00:12:44,033 --> 00:12:47,734
Look, his Bebe Rebozo
autographed baseball.
326
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,767
Oh, his first
teething ring...
327
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:52,334
and his most recent one.
328
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,701
And here's his
collection of animals
329
00:12:53,767 --> 00:12:56,200
that were run over
on the freeway.
(flies buzzing)
330
00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:59,968
(all sobbing)
331
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:02,300
Oh, he loved these-- his Silenceof the Lambs action figures.
332
00:13:02,367 --> 00:13:04,801
Remember how
he used to play?
333
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:07,200
(as Hannibal Lecter):
Are the lambs
silent, Clarice?
334
00:13:07,267 --> 00:13:08,367
(slurping)
335
00:13:08,434 --> 00:13:10,434
Go eat a leg, Lecter.
336
00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:12,667
Oh, who are we kidding?!
337
00:13:12,734 --> 00:13:15,033
We're miserable
without him!
338
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,934
Even Grandma-ma
misses him.
339
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,701
(passing gas)
340
00:13:18,767 --> 00:13:21,000
(sobbing)
341
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:25,300
I wonder what our
little Ajax is doing right now.
342
00:13:25,367 --> 00:13:29,534
Ah, loli Taraxacum officinale,
343
00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,100
how abundant are your spores?
344
00:13:32,167 --> 00:13:33,868
(yelling)
345
00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:35,634
What's happening to me?
346
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,701
* Oh, Ajax boy *
347
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:43,701
* The pipes, the pipes *
348
00:13:43,767 --> 00:13:45,300
* Are calling *
(sniffing)
349
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,434
Did you know it smells like
decomposing animals
350
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:49,100
that were run over
on the freeway in here?
351
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,601
(flies buzzing)
352
00:13:51,667 --> 00:13:53,234
Duckman, why
all the crying?
353
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,033
Did that lady wrestler
finally slap you
354
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,534
with a harassment suit?
355
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:59,067
ALL:
We miss Ajax!
356
00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:01,367
(passing gas)
357
00:14:01,434 --> 00:14:02,934
Norman Rockwell, on acid.
358
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,801
Duckman, you left this letter
from Ajax in the office.
359
00:14:05,868 --> 00:14:07,133
He writes every day.
360
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,667
Sounds like he's having
a good time.
361
00:14:08,734 --> 00:14:10,033
That's what it
sounds like,
362
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,400
but look at what
the first letter
363
00:14:11,467 --> 00:14:13,400
of every word spells.
364
00:14:13,467 --> 00:14:15,234
So what? It's gibberish.
Seemingly.
365
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,734
But viewed through a prism...
366
00:14:16,801 --> 00:14:18,234
and reversed in a mirror,
367
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,234
it clearly reads...
368
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,734
Sometimes
after an electrical storm,
369
00:14:28,801 --> 00:14:31,133
I see in five dimensions.
370
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:34,200
Why are the 60 of you
looking at me like that?
371
00:14:34,267 --> 00:14:36,367
You hear that?
Ajax needs our help!
372
00:14:37,701 --> 00:14:38,868
I'm coming, Ajax!
373
00:14:38,934 --> 00:14:40,234
Daddy's coming to get you, son!
374
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,501
Just hold on.
375
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,234
Nothing's going to stop me
from rescuing you
376
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:44,567
from your living hell!
377
00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:45,767
Ooh, Mr. Slurpee.
378
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,234
(tires screeching,
gears grinding)
379
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:00,901
Come on, baby!
Free game!
380
00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,234
Uh, Duckman?
381
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,934
Yeah? Oh. Right.
Let's go.
382
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,400
(tires screeching)
383
00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:09,167
(tires screeching)
384
00:15:09,234 --> 00:15:10,434
Ajax, where are you, son?
385
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:11,601
We're here to save you.
386
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,767
Very touching.
387
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:13,934
(gasps):
You!
388
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,400
Byer, beware.
389
00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,934
(rumbling, Duckman yelps)
390
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,634
(laughing)
Don't take it personally.
391
00:15:22,701 --> 00:15:24,801
I do this to all my prey.
392
00:15:24,868 --> 00:15:28,133
Allow me to introduce myself.
393
00:15:29,767 --> 00:15:32,200
(gasps):
King Chicken!
394
00:15:32,267 --> 00:15:33,601
You remembered.
395
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,334
How sweet.
396
00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:45,334
(hissing)
397
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,501
That's right,
there is no Littlefield School.
398
00:15:47,567 --> 00:15:49,667
It's all just
a facade, a sham--
399
00:15:49,734 --> 00:15:51,100
even these buildings.
400
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,934
(crashing)
401
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,200
And I thought my apartment walls
were flimsy.
402
00:15:56,267 --> 00:15:58,434
The students, professors--
all animatrons.
403
00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,534
Robots.
404
00:15:59,601 --> 00:16:01,367
Even Deana, that lovely coed?
405
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,100
Nope. I've never been able
to make breasts.
406
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:04,434
She's a Muppet.
407
00:16:04,501 --> 00:16:06,300
Oh! To be Frank Oz
for a day.
408
00:16:06,367 --> 00:16:07,767
What's this all about?!
409
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:08,767
Revenge!
410
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,467
I'm getting back at Duckman
411
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:13,400
by educating his son--
no easy task, to be sure,
412
00:16:13,467 --> 00:16:15,868
but I'm doing it
through a renewed focus
413
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,767
on the empowerment of learning
414
00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:20,200
and a return
to traditional discipline.
415
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,367
My God! You're sick!
416
00:16:21,434 --> 00:16:22,934
You're employing
objective standards
417
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,968
instead of the coddling
of the individual?
Why, yes.
418
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:28,467
With attention to fundamentals,
drill work, repetition?
419
00:16:28,534 --> 00:16:30,467
Oh, yes, yes.
Making the slow
students catch up
420
00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:32,467
rather than slowing down
the fast students?
421
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:33,968
Don't stop. And...
And...
422
00:16:34,033 --> 00:16:35,567
corporal punishment!
corporal punishment!
423
00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:38,968
The slap of a cat-o'-nine-tails
on young skin.
424
00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:41,467
The heft of a new
blackjack in your hand.
425
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:43,067
Three pound, or 5.2?
426
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:44,734
Oh, three pound
is for wimps.
427
00:16:44,801 --> 00:16:48,467
Oh, my, you are
an enchanting creature.
428
00:16:48,534 --> 00:16:51,300
Just someone who cares.
429
00:16:51,367 --> 00:16:53,167
Uh, hello, Mr. and Mrs. Creepy!
430
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:55,501
Can we get back
to the subject of Ajax?!
431
00:16:55,567 --> 00:16:56,968
Where is he?!
Is he okay?!
432
00:16:57,033 --> 00:16:58,667
Easily answered.
433
00:16:58,734 --> 00:17:01,467
(rumbling)
434
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:03,834
You get the Bouncing
Naked Flesh Channel on that?
435
00:17:03,901 --> 00:17:05,133
(static hissing)
436
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,434
That's a trick question,
Professor.
437
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,968
No one element
has the highest valence.
438
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:13,434
Rather, osmium and ruthenium
share that distinction.
439
00:17:13,501 --> 00:17:15,434
No...!
440
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,167
What's wrong, duckbreath?
441
00:17:17,234 --> 00:17:19,501
Didn't want your son
to be a brainiac?
442
00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:21,167
Of course I didn't.
If he's too smart...
443
00:17:21,234 --> 00:17:23,334
You won't be able
to talk to him.
444
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,767
That's my plan-- to alienate
the only one in your family
445
00:17:25,834 --> 00:17:27,334
you can relate to.
446
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,601
How? How did you...?
447
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:31,000
It's my business to know.
448
00:17:31,067 --> 00:17:32,200
(static hissing)
449
00:17:32,267 --> 00:17:34,033
Uh, people tell me
you're so stupid,
450
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:35,601
they're surprised you don't walk
on your knuckles.
451
00:17:35,667 --> 00:17:36,934
But I just want you to know,
452
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,868
you're the only one in this
family I can understand.
453
00:17:38,934 --> 00:17:40,067
You mean it?
454
00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:42,467
You know, you're probably
my favorite dad.
455
00:17:42,534 --> 00:17:43,701
Only.
Only what?
456
00:17:43,767 --> 00:17:45,868
Only Dad.
Only Dad what?
457
00:17:45,934 --> 00:17:47,534
(yells)
458
00:17:47,601 --> 00:17:51,300
You can almost feel your brain
cells dying, can't you?
459
00:17:51,367 --> 00:17:52,567
I demand that you
let us go!
460
00:17:52,634 --> 00:17:54,033
Or what?
461
00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:55,667
Well, uh, you know the one
462
00:17:55,734 --> 00:17:57,801
where you take a bag
full of dog doo
463
00:17:57,868 --> 00:17:59,033
and set fire to it?
464
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,801
Duckman,
why is he doing this to you?!
465
00:18:00,868 --> 00:18:02,300
I'll tell you why.
466
00:18:02,367 --> 00:18:03,734
We went
to school together.
467
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:07,100
I was always the smart one,
and for that reason alone
468
00:18:07,167 --> 00:18:09,567
I was ridiculed,
picked on,
469
00:18:09,634 --> 00:18:11,968
ostracized from
the rest of the children.
470
00:18:12,033 --> 00:18:13,400
(sobbing)
471
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,901
And the leader
of this intolerant mob
472
00:18:15,968 --> 00:18:17,133
was Duckman!
473
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:19,067
Hey, what's a little
laxative in your milk
474
00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:21,067
before your
valedictory speech?
475
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:22,667
Because of you,
I was laughed at, isolated,
476
00:18:22,734 --> 00:18:24,601
and my life of bright promise
477
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:27,133
was turned into a life
of vicious crime.
478
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,300
So I'm going to isolate you
from your own son
479
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:32,701
and let him see
what it feels like
480
00:18:32,767 --> 00:18:35,467
to be ostracized
because of his genius.
481
00:18:35,534 --> 00:18:37,834
(evil laughter)
482
00:18:37,901 --> 00:18:39,300
(laughter continues)
483
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,300
You got to like
the way he stays cheery.
484
00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:43,868
I have a plan.
485
00:18:43,934 --> 00:18:46,067
(whispering)
486
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:50,033
Yoo-hoo! Kingy!
487
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,701
I was so enjoying our
talk about education
488
00:18:52,767 --> 00:18:57,767
I was hoping we could plan
some extracurricular activity.
489
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:58,868
Has anyone ever told you
490
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:01,601
what a big, strong
broiler you are?
491
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:04,534
And your feathers--
they're baby-soft,
492
00:19:04,601 --> 00:19:06,067
just like a little...
493
00:19:06,133 --> 00:19:07,234
Pullet?
494
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,033
Well, you better
buy me dinner first.
495
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,334
(both laughing)
496
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:12,534
Baby.
497
00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:13,701
(both laughing)
498
00:19:14,968 --> 00:19:17,133
Your laughter's like music.
499
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,868
Uh, speaking of music,
500
00:19:18,934 --> 00:19:22,133
we can perform a
whole symphony together
501
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,467
if you'll let me out.
502
00:19:24,534 --> 00:19:28,000
I used to play the trumpet.
503
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,567
Hee-ya!
504
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,434
DUCKMAN:
Let's go get Ajax.
505
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,834
In the literary device
known as onomatopoeia,
506
00:19:39,901 --> 00:19:43,267
words resemble
the sounds they describe, i.e.:
507
00:19:43,334 --> 00:19:45,834
Splash, sizzle,
508
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:48,133
crack, splat,
509
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,467
shuffle, riffle,
510
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:52,734
and this tiny ringing sound.
511
00:19:52,801 --> 00:19:53,634
Tinkle?
512
00:19:53,701 --> 00:19:55,634
No, thank you.
I went earlier.
513
00:19:55,701 --> 00:19:57,567
(screeching)
Don't worry, Ajax.
514
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:58,801
I've come to save you.
515
00:19:58,868 --> 00:20:00,901
Dad.
Unfortunately,
516
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:02,601
due to my newfound intelligence,
517
00:20:02,667 --> 00:20:04,467
I have nothing else
to say to you.
518
00:20:04,534 --> 00:20:07,968
Exactly. It's too late
to save you.
519
00:20:08,033 --> 00:20:09,634
Oh, yeah?
Come here, Chicken,
520
00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:11,467
and prepare to meet
your Colonel.
521
00:20:11,534 --> 00:20:12,901
AUNT BERNICE: Look out!
(crashing, Duckman yells)
522
00:20:12,968 --> 00:20:14,567
Oof!
523
00:20:14,634 --> 00:20:15,801
(grunts)
524
00:20:15,868 --> 00:20:18,467
(King Chicken yells,
phone rings)
525
00:20:20,067 --> 00:20:21,968
(clunking, Duckman grunting)
526
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:24,667
Take that!
527
00:20:24,734 --> 00:20:26,167
I can't see.
528
00:20:26,234 --> 00:20:28,000
This will get
the dust out.
(grunts)
529
00:20:28,067 --> 00:20:29,300
What a woman.
530
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:31,667
(yells)
531
00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:34,300
(creaking and crashing)
532
00:20:35,734 --> 00:20:38,167
You're finished, King Chicken,
washed up.
533
00:20:38,234 --> 00:20:41,667
Don't be surprised
if MTV Unplugged calls you.
534
00:20:41,734 --> 00:20:44,300
Who's laughing now?
535
00:20:44,367 --> 00:20:46,300
(evil laughter)
536
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,133
(yells)
537
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:54,033
Curses! Hoyled again.
538
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:55,267
You're safe now, son.
539
00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:56,701
Good thing you sent
that secret message.
540
00:20:56,767 --> 00:20:58,167
What secret message?
541
00:21:00,033 --> 00:21:02,133
Oh. Right.
Like you're perfect.
542
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:03,300
We're sorry, Ajax.
543
00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:04,634
We didn't know
this whole place
544
00:21:04,701 --> 00:21:06,267
was a fake--
the building,
545
00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:08,367
the headmaster,
the students.
546
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,601
Oh. That reminds me.
547
00:21:09,667 --> 00:21:12,367
Dad, Aunt Bernice,
this is my friend Jeffrey.
548
00:21:12,434 --> 00:21:15,100
If it's all right with you,
he's going to be coming
549
00:21:15,167 --> 00:21:16,801
to our house
for Thanksgiving weekend.
550
00:21:16,868 --> 00:21:19,501
Ajax! You're
not lost to us!
551
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,767
Having nothing to do with a
lack of faith in our abilities,
552
00:21:25,834 --> 00:21:27,701
I had the foresight
to call the police.
553
00:21:27,767 --> 00:21:29,234
Let's all go home.
554
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:31,434
It's time to get you
back to your old school
555
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:32,567
where you don't have
to be smart.
556
00:21:32,634 --> 00:21:34,033
They like you
just the way you are.
557
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,734
Thanks, Dad.
558
00:21:35,801 --> 00:21:38,234
Mark my words-- from now on,
you're going to receive
559
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:39,667
the same third-rate,
violence-plagued,
560
00:21:39,734 --> 00:21:41,133
woefully under-funded
education
561
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,234
that is every
American child's right.
562
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:44,801
(engine starting)
563
00:21:46,901 --> 00:21:50,334
Don't think you've seen
the last of me yet, Duckman.
564
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,667
(laughing and clucking)
565
00:21:53,734 --> 00:21:55,667
(laughter continues)
39095
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.