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Morning, Renfield. What's for breakfast?
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Oh, something I'm sure you'll absolutely love.
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What is that?!
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Bat phlegm.
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With a merest hint of rosemary.
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I think I'll just stick with cornflakes.
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Your father hates you eating that rubbish.
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Lucky he's fast asleep in his coffin then?
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Good morning, Vlad. My son and heir.
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The darkness of my life.
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The reason I get out of my coffin.
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What are you doing up so early?
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You do remember you're a vampire?
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Yes. Which is more than I can say about you.
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HE LAUGHS
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CHIMING
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Oh, goody,
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it's here!
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Does he have to get this excited every time his copy of Funerals Monthly arrives?
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HOWLING
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HE CHUCKLES
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Eeww, what is that smell?
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Bat phlegm with rosemary.
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Uggh, I hate rosemary!
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It's here!
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Vlad's destiny.
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I didn't know a Burger Boy uniform could fit in an envelope?
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In this envelope is the exam paper for your first blood test.
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The first step along the long and blood-soaked path to vampire-hood.
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- Dad, I thought you said "Exams don't matter"?
- This one does.
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- What a pity he's not going to pass it.
- Of course he will.
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If he doesn't he won't get his full vampire powers.
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And I'd never want that to happen!
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Exactly!
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This isn't one of your "I want to be normal, I want to be like
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"the breathers, human blood tastes well minging" things, is it?
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- Um, no?
- Well, it'd better not be.
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You're going to pass, or you won't be setting foot in
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that useless school ever again.
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And you won't be seeing those friends of yours, either.
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- What?!
- Aw, that would be a shame.
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But Daddy knows best, Vladdy.
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Ingrid. No-one likes a suck-up.
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So let's get this straight. They're like GCSEs, but instead
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of going onto do A-Levels, you get to kill innocent people?
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Exactly. Three more years of exams and if I pass them all,
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- I'll become a fully fledged vampire.
- But if you fail the test,
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- you won't be able to fly or suck people's blood?
- Great!
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- Er no, you'd be a rubbish vampire.
- I know. I'd almost pass as human.
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But there's a catch. If I fail, Dad'll never let me see you again.
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Our friendship will be over.
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What?! Life without me is so not worth living.
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Exactly. So I have to pass the test.
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And this is where you come in.
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I've never really listened to Dad's lectures about vampire culture,
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but you on the other hand,
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- are an expert.
- I am!
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I'll be your teacher.
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I wonder what undiscovered talent we'll be trying out?
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I hope it's better than last year.
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We nearly put the caretaker's dog on the team.
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- He's good.
- Yeah.
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Agh!
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Dad! You nearly pulled my arm off.
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- I'm trying out for the school football team.
- You can't!
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Most dads want their sons to play football.
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I am not "most dads".
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- You're telling me.
- Listen, Jonno,
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this is a dangerous time.
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In two days it'll be the second full moon of autumn.
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That's when the blood tests, an important rites of passage
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- for adolescent vampires are supposed to take place.
- So?
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So, Vlad will be taking the test.
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I want you to keep your eyes peeled and report any unusual behaviour.
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OK, let me think about this for a minute...no!
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- What do you mean?
- I mean, I don't want to keep my eyes peeled
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or harass Vlad for any evidence that he's a fictional creature.
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All I want to do is try out for the football team?
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And what about your destiny? What about the Van Helsing name?
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With any luck it'll soon be on the back of a football shirt.
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Getting ready to pick your football teams?
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Yeah.
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Hey, Robin, do you fancy trying out?
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No I forgot, you don't play football.
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You'd rather be a sad vampire geek all your life.
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- Ignore them, Robin.
- Please, as if I care.
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I'd rather be a vampire geek any day than a sports freak like those two.
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Stop worrying. Vampires are my thing.
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I know everything there is to know.
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With me on your side, you can't fail.
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OK. Ask me ze first question.
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What have I told you about that accent?
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Sorry, just trying to add a bit of atmosphere.
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OK, first question.
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If Boris can turn into a wolf in three seconds, and Inga can
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turn into a bat in five seconds, how long would it take both
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to storm a peasant dwelling and drink the blood of everyone inside?
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Could you repeat the question please?
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- I don't think you know the answer.
- How do you know?
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Because this is a maths problem.
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And you have a problem with maths.
102
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Well, give us another question then.
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One that requires proper vampire knowledge, not stupid maths.
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What was Sebastian the Cruel's
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world record for most blood drunk in one sitting?
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Well?
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Do you know this one?
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Actually I do.
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The answer is... B.
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Master Vlad, Robin can't help you pass this test.
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- Yes, I can!
- He's right, Robin.
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This is pretty tough,
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I'm not sure you're up to it.
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Oh, so you think I'm useless?
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- Of course not. But...
- But what?
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Well... I just think you have to be a real vampire to know the answers.
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- Take that back.
- What's the big deal? You're not a vampire.
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Oh, so I'm not good enough. Because I'm "not a vampire".
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Robin, shut-up and put your fangs back in.
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The only reason I'm trying to pass this stupid test is because of you.
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Why can't you be a normal friend for a change?
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If I'm not normal enough, maybe you should find someone else to help!
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He may not be a real vampire, but he's certainly a real drama queen.
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So Vlad, how's the studying coming along?
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- Slowly.
- Oh, it must be so hard being of sub-normal intelligence.
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I don't suppose you'd consider helping your little brother pass?
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Not a chance. Once you fail,
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Dad'll finally realise I'm the only one with any vampire talent.
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- Ha.
- Right Vlad! Ready to score top marks in the blood test?
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Don't you sleep any more?
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Don't worry Dad, if Vlad fails
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- you'll still have one child who got top marks.
- Really? Who?
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Me! I got the highest score in my year.
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I thought that was your cousin Boris.
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Dad.
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I'm worried I'm going to fail.
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- Oh, you.
- No, I'm serious. The questions are so, well...
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- vampy.
- Vlad, we've already discussed this.
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If you don't pass you will leave that ghastly breather school
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and never see your friends again.
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And your sister won't get her full powers either.
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What?
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Hey, kids. I don't make the rules.
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Well, well, well. Where does that leave us now then, hmmm?
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This is so unfair!
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I am planning on becoming an all-powerful vampire goddess.
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How can I do that if I'm stuck with half-powers like you?
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I thought you'd have caught on.
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Vampire culture, not so big on girl power.
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Shall we say five o'clock to hit the books?
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- Where is your brother?
- Probably painting his fingernails black.
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Again. Robin!
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Morning everyone!
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Lovely day isn't it?
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ALL: Robin?
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Right young man, what have you done with my son?
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Ha ha ha. Very funny father.
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I can't believe it. You're so normal looking.
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- What you doing?
- Having breakfast, if that's all right with you?
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This is about your silly fight with Vlad?
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Well, Vlad wanted a normal friend.
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Now he's got one.
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Boys are so dumb.
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Hi. Exciting, isn't it?
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- Found a good striker yet?
- What are you doing here?
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Shouldn't you be hanging upside down?
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Didn't I tell you? I'm trying out for the team.
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Come on then, show us what you can do.
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This should be seriously funny.
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CHEERING
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Nice goal, Robin.
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Nice goal. Yeah.
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This is so weird.
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Right. The following pupils made the team. Will Walker.
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Sam Griffiths.
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- Robin Branagh.
- What?!
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I mean, cool.
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That's great news. Football rocks!
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- Jonathan Van Helsing.
- I made the team. I made the team!
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Yes! Woo-hoo!
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Very sorry to interrupt, lads.
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But you can take Jonathan's name off the list. He can't play. He has a...
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a rash.
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Dad!
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I can't believe you did that!
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Sorry, but there are such things as priorities.
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We need to steal that exam paper from the castle. Then we'll have it.
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Absolute proof that the whole lot of them are vampires!
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From now on we'll communicate using these radios.
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Are you with me?
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Well, that depends.
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If I don't find an exam paper
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and it turns out that Vlad isn't taking some stupid test, will you
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finally give up on the slaying thing?
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I'll give up on the whole thing. That's how confident I am!
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Right then, I'll help you.
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Robin.
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What you wearing?! Bit late for Halloween, isn't it?
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- See you in training later, Rob.
- Don't be late.
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- All right?
- Yes. Great news. Ingrid's agreed to help me pass the test!
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Cool. I've got some news as well.
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- I'm in the football team.
- Good one.
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What? Did you think I'd be useless at that too?
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Is this about yesterday? Look, I'm sorry about what I said.
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Maybe you can come round later?
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I'll still need my number one vampire expert to help me.
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Do I look like someone who's into vampires?
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Don't worry, Master Vlad, you've still got me.
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Yeah, I know.
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It's not the same though, is it?
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Vlaaad!
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Identify the O positive blood by smell.
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- You are kidding?
- If you don't start smelling in one, two...
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All right, all right.
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I've no idea what the answer is, but that one is definitely tomato juice.
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- You're not even trying!
- I am, I just... I don't know.
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You know what will happen if you don't pass!
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Ingrid, I've just lost my best friend.
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I'm wondering if there's any point in passing this test any more.
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There is no way I am letting my future domination of the vampire
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world be ruined by my brother having a tiff
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with his breather friend! Now start swotting.
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- Your father wants to see you.
- Both of us? - Oh, what do you think?
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- You wanted to see me?
- Ah Vladimir,
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I feel that perhaps you're not trying your best
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to pass this blood test.
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And I know that no son and heir of mine would fail something
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so straightforward and if they did, well,
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they wouldn't be my son and heir for very long.
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Are you saying you'd disown me if I failed the test?
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No, of course not!
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I'd just deny all knowledge of your existence.
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You're not having the best of days are you, Master Vlad?
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Um, let me think... My best friend won't talk to me,
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my Dad's about to disown me.
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The day I buried my pet turtle in the back garden was my favourite day
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ever compared to today.
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HE SIGHS
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I can't think of a single reason to pass this test.
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All I've ever wanted was to be normal, Zoltan,
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and this is my one chance to make it happen.
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Robin and Dad don't care about what I want,
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so why should I care about them?
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I'm gonna fail this test.
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I'm gonna do what I want to do for once.
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Ah, morning.
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May I interest anyone in my special new recipe -
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rat mucus and brine?
249
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,240
Hm?
250
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,920
Mmm? Suit yourselves, all the more for me.
251
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,600
DOORBELL RINGS
252
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,960
So, have you memorised the six-step bat transformation rule?
253
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,320
No, I just can't seem to remember it.
254
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:04,720
I knew you'd ruin my life one day.
255
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,120
RENFIELD SPLUTTERS
256
00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,000
It's for you.
257
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:18,400
Hi, Vlad. I brought you this for luck. It's always worked for me.
258
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,760
Listen, Chloe, I won't be needing this.
259
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:27,600
- I'm gonna fail the test.
- What? Why?
260
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:32,400
- I don't have any reason to pass now that Robin won't even talk to me.
261
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:37,000
What about me? I love having you as a friend and I know Robin does too.
262
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:40,040
This is just a stupid phase he's going through.
263
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,080
Well, at least I hope it is.
264
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,640
I'm sorry but I've made up my mind.
265
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,720
Sly Fox, do you copy? Over.
266
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:53,520
- Dad...
- Do you copy? Over.
267
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,760
Dad, I'm standing right here.
268
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:58,720
BUZZING
269
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:00,800
Sly Fox, do you copy?
270
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,680
Yes, Golden Eagle. I copy.
271
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,760
- Happy now?
- Remember the plan, Jonno?
272
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:12,040
Sneak in, look for exam paper, steal exam paper and then run
273
00:17:12,040 --> 00:17:14,440
away from scary nasty vampires.
274
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:18,720
I'm not saying all that again.
275
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:22,160
Just trying to instil good reconnaissance skills.
276
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,840
If you're wrong, you'll give up on the whole family of vampires thing?
277
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:31,120
I give you my word as a slayer. And as a father.
278
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,000
OK then, I'm going in. Or should I say...
279
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,760
- I'm going in.
- That's my boy.
280
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:51,440
Now, this test is tough, I'm not going to lie to you,
281
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,200
but you've got the moves and you've done the training.
282
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,920
Yeah and you can do this, I know you can.
283
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,760
And if you don't, I'll kill you.
284
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:02,480
Ingrid, go and get your brother a cold flannel for his worried brow.
285
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,400
Anything I can do to help my little brother pass his test.
286
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,640
Thanks, guys. I'll do my best.
287
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,560
But for now, I'd really like to be left alone.
288
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,440
Oh, I get it. You're in "the zone".
289
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,960
Um, no, not really.
290
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,440
- Well, you better get there quick.
- Ow!
291
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,280
Come on, you lot, keep moving.
292
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:28,720
No pain, no gain! Swing those elbows. That's it.
293
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,800
- Come on, boys, let's stretch out.
- Robin!
294
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:39,320
Footie stars don't hang around with their little sister.
295
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,120
- I've got a reputation.
- You've always had a reputation,
296
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,560
Robin, for being a complete idiot.
297
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,680
This is your last chance to say
298
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:50,720
you're sorry otherwise he's going to fail and it's goodbye Vlad forever.
299
00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:55,640
I've got more important things on my mind, like making sure I don't pull a hamstring.
300
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,560
- You don't even know where your hamstring is.
- I do!
301
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,560
It's in my left ham.
302
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,200
I brought you your cape, just in case.
303
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,440
What exactly am I supposed to do with this?
304
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,520
Put it on and stop acting like someone you're not!
305
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,320
Come on, Robin!
306
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,640
I've been hanging around my dad too long.
307
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,920
Vampires. Good one, Dad.
308
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:10,760
Make way for the best soon-to-be-vampire that ever lived.
309
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:14,120
Yup, ready to kick the blood test's butt.
310
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:20,640
Mission accomplished!
311
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,240
Great work, Jonno. Where's the exam paper?
312
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,320
Sorry, Dad, there was no exam paper.
313
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,360
We're getting out the slaying business for good.
314
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:32,040
- We can still catch the match if we hurry.
- Wait, wait, wait!
315
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,120
Did you see anything else there?
316
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:35,880
Vials of blood?
317
00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:37,760
Books on vampire lore?
318
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:41,080
The bloodless corpse of an innocent victim?
319
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:44,200
Nope. It's a vampire-free zone.
320
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,880
For goodness sake, you were only in there five minutes.
321
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,320
- You have to go back in.
- What? You promised!
322
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:55,760
And this time look properly.
323
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,840
Fine. I'll go back in.
324
00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,160
I promise.
325
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:07,520
But seeing as we're not keeping our promises any more...
326
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,200
Time to catch the second half of the match.
327
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,680
Good luck, Vlad.
328
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:29,920
Try not to focus too much on the dreadful consequences of not passing.
329
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,120
Thanks, Dad. No pressure as usual.
330
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:38,560
Your exam starts now.
331
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,280
The future starts here.
332
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,720
SHOUTING AND CHEERING
333
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,440
What have I missed?
334
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:53,160
Nothing. Just a bunch of stupid boys running around a pitch.
335
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:57,680
- Our team's 1-0 down with a few seconds to play.
- Oh, tense.
336
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:05,200
It's an open goal. He's going to score!
337
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,320
SMASH!
338
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,840
How did he miss that?!
339
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:09,880
WHISTLE BLOWS
340
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:19,320
- You just cost us the game!
- It's not my fault.
341
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,200
I, erm, got something in my eye.
342
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,280
Why don't you go home and play with your cape, Robin?
343
00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,080
Good idea.
344
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,480
Let's put an end to all this madness! Owhahaha!
345
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,480
Question eight -
346
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,880
what is the most common blood type? Who cares?
347
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,040
Sly Fox, come in.
348
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:00,280
Do you copy, Sly Fox?
349
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,640
"Sly Fox, do you copy?"
350
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:08,480
Do you copy, Sly Fox?
351
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,160
"Sly Fox, do you copy?"
352
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,040
Dad? Yeah.
353
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,920
"I mean, Golden Eagle.
354
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,160
- "Copy."
- What's that noise?
355
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,080
Is everything OK in the castle?
356
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,240
The butler's got his radio on.
357
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:30,920
Anyway, best get back to the search.
358
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,440
Over and out.
359
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,600
SNORING
360
00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:44,520
Question ten - how do you turn yourself into a bat?
361
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,480
BELL SOUNDS
362
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,360
Don't move.
363
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,360
Pssst.
364
00:23:57,360 --> 00:24:00,480
What are you doing here?
365
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,280
I'm sorry for being an idiot.
366
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:04,920
I don't want you to fail your test.
367
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,640
Robin, it's too late. I've only got about ten minutes left.
368
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:10,920
I doubt I could pass now even if I wanted to.
369
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:14,720
Please, Vlad. You're my only friend.
370
00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,120
And trust me, being normal really sucks.
371
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:19,840
OK, I'll do my best.
372
00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:24,120
Now get out of here before Renfield catches you.
373
00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:32,520
Knock and run. Pesky kids!
374
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,880
"Jonno? Jonathan Van Helsing?
375
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,480
"Sly Fox, do you read me?!"
376
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,400
Er, Dad, just had a run in with some unruly cobwebs.
377
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,680
Vampires, can't they dust? Just leaving, won't be a mo.
378
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:06,960
Golden Eagle, we have a problem.
379
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:11,800
I'm disappointed in you, son. You promised me that you'd look
380
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,760
- for that exam paper.
- And you promised me you'd give
381
00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:16,920
up on this stupid slayer business.
382
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:23,000
I just wanted to be on the football team, Dad.
383
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:27,560
What's wrong with wanting to be like everyone else for a change?
384
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:40,080
Never mind, Jonno. Why don't I help you with this popcorn, eh?
385
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:44,560
- Plenty of time to unmask the forces of evil tomorrow.
- You bet.
386
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,040
COCK CROWS
387
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,440
GURGLING
388
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,440
BURP!
389
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,280
I'm surprised you've got an appetite considering your results will be here
390
00:26:02,280 --> 00:26:05,480
- any minute, Master Vlad.
- Thank you, Zoltan.
391
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,680
You'd better have passed, Vlad.
392
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,320
I don't need full vampire powers to kill you while you sleep.
393
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:17,800
Confident, Vlad? You better be.
394
00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:19,920
CHIMING
395
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,400
HOWLING
396
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:39,280
Here it is - the test results which will prove Vlad
397
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:44,040
to be the vampiric genius I know he is.
398
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:52,360
Ah. Well, that's rather disappointing, I must say.
399
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,080
Oh, no!
400
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,080
I can't believe this is happening.
401
00:26:56,080 --> 00:27:00,560
53%.
402
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:03,040
Even Ingrid scored more than that.
403
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:05,200
53%?
404
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,080
- You mean he passed?
- Technically.
405
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:10,120
BOTH: Yes!
406
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:18,520
Did I mention that one day I'll be the most powerful vampire
407
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,360
in the world and you'll all fall at my feet and worship me?
408
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,120
I wouldn't get too cocky.
409
00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:27,560
I've still got three more blood tests to go.
410
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:35,000
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411
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,480
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412
00:27:37,530 --> 00:27:42,080
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