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1
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- Hey!
- Go burst your boils, Renfield, I'm playing hide and seek with Vlad!
2
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Not any more! Your mum's here.
3
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Good. This is my kitchen, not a playground. So get lost.
4
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And take your bag with you.
5
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- I do miss my Graham when he's away at plumbing conventions.
- Really?
6
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Today they're discussing some exciting innovations in... Whoops!
7
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I must get this fixed. Would you mind?
8
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Everything all right?
9
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Everything is practically perfect.
10
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NO!
11
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Let me!
12
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Oh.
13
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Dad's all thumbs.
14
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Thanks, Vlad, you're a sweet boy.
15
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Come on, Robin, we don't want to be late for dinner. ..Bye.
16
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Dinner.
17
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- Just what
- I - was thinking.
18
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Dad!
19
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Aargh!
20
00:02:00,348 --> 00:02:03,948
- What's this?
- Crunchy mice in cream.
21
00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:07,108
But where are the cockroaches? They're the crunch!
22
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Without them, it's just small rodents in cow juice.
23
00:02:10,668 --> 00:02:16,388
- A thousand apologies...
- Stuff your apologies! I want my cockroaches!
24
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They've gone, Master! Abandoned ship.
25
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You're a housekeeper who can't keep house,
26
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your cooking is disgusting and a dead badger would be better company!
27
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Remind me, why do I put up with you?
28
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Because I'm cheap.
29
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Aargh! Please, Master!
30
00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:38,948
If you twist any harder, my ear's going to come off!
31
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He's right!
32
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Go on, just one more turn.
33
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I can't,
34
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I'm too weak with hunger!
35
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I mean, when am I going to get someone decent to eat?
36
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I think you mean someTHING.
37
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I know what I mean!
38
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I can't bear this hunger!
39
00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:03,268
I know it's hard, but this peasant-free diet's working for you.
40
00:03:03,268 --> 00:03:05,948
You've got less colour in your cheeks,
41
00:03:05,948 --> 00:03:10,308
- and that pasty Goth look's really in right now.
- Well, you know,
42
00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:14,668
I've always been a handsome rogue.
43
00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:19,348
It's this classic bone structure - I can carry off any look.
44
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You're lucky, Vlad, you've inherited it from me.
45
00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:27,748
- Shame...
- Go lie on a sun bed!
46
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Oh, my poor stomach!
47
00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:36,428
I want blood, and I want it NOW!
48
00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:50,708
Cockroaches - the basic ingredient for so many practical jokes.
49
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,708
Robin, hurry up! You're going to be late!
50
00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:08,828
Want to know what I've got planned for this weekend?
51
00:04:08,828 --> 00:04:12,468
Let me guess. We'll stake out the castle, as usual...
52
00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:16,028
look for vampires, as usual... find nothing, as usual...
53
00:04:16,028 --> 00:04:18,908
go home and watch Dr Who DVDs, as usual.
54
00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:21,668
- That's where you're wrong.
- Really?
55
00:04:21,668 --> 00:04:25,428
- The DVD's broken.
- I want to forget about vampires
56
00:04:25,428 --> 00:04:28,628
and do something other fathers and sons do, like...
57
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- like fishing.
- Do you like fishing, then?
58
00:04:32,348 --> 00:04:35,148
I don't know! Nobody's ever taken me.
59
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:41,588
Ingrid, are you, er, going to the school disco next week?
60
00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:44,468
They've begged me, so I'm thinking about it.
61
00:04:44,468 --> 00:04:47,748
If you do go, is there any chance you'd go with...
62
00:04:47,748 --> 00:04:50,068
- Me!
- Jog on, loser! I asked first.
63
00:04:50,068 --> 00:04:53,548
- Only cos you tied me to the gate!
- Boys, boys!
64
00:04:53,548 --> 00:04:56,028
There is no point in arguing.
65
00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:59,068
I'd rather let a tarantula lay eggs in my ear
66
00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:03,748
than be seen in public with either of you. Now get out of my face.
67
00:05:09,308 --> 00:05:10,828
Ahhh...
68
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Yes! Three more hours to go, then two whole days of no school.
69
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I kind of miss it.
70
00:05:27,188 --> 00:05:29,588
And people think I'M weird.
71
00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:34,028
OK if I hang out at yours this weekend? Dad's desperate for blood,
72
00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:37,588
it'll be a disaster if any breathers get in his way.
73
00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,868
What's the worst that can happen?
74
00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:43,108
What part of "my Dad's a blood-sucking killing machine"
75
00:05:43,108 --> 00:05:45,508
don't you get? Your Mum has to stay away.
76
00:05:45,508 --> 00:05:48,348
Mr Count! Mr Count! Open the door!
77
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My house is infested with horrible bugs!
78
00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:55,828
- You've got to help me!
- Of course, dear lady.
79
00:05:55,828 --> 00:05:58,188
- Please come in...
- Oh, thank you.
80
00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:01,348
Oh, thank you so much...
81
00:06:04,508 --> 00:06:08,668
Out of ten, how bad would it be if I'd just got a message
82
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:12,748
saying on no account do we go home, but go straight to the castle
83
00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,828
- where Mum is waiting for us?
- I love these games!
84
00:06:15,828 --> 00:06:19,348
If you had to, who would you kiss, a ferret or your nan?
85
00:06:19,348 --> 00:06:22,068
Oh, you mean Mum's really...
86
00:06:22,068 --> 00:06:26,468
About to get her veins sucked dry! Come on. Let's go!
87
00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:29,948
- Hang on!
- Robin! - OK, OK, I'm coming.
88
00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:33,828
- I wonder why those three are in such a hurry.
- We don't care!
89
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,828
- We're going fishing.
- Maybe just a quick... - No!
90
00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:40,508
Or I'll tell the headmistress that you got year eight
91
00:06:40,508 --> 00:06:43,708
to make slaying stakes for their woodwork project!
92
00:06:45,828 --> 00:06:47,748
SCREECHING
93
00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:50,068
SCREAM
94
00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,028
Mum!
95
00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:56,548
Hello! I was just showing Mr Count how I screamed when I discovered
96
00:06:56,548 --> 00:07:00,708
- our house was overrun with horrible cockroaches.
- Cockroaches?!
97
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:01,948
I had to get out!
98
00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:06,108
We're not going back till Mr Renfield's got rid of them.
99
00:07:06,108 --> 00:07:10,268
- So...where are you staying?
- Your dad said we can stay here.
100
00:07:10,268 --> 00:07:14,428
- He's such a wonderful neighbour.
- Yes! - No!
101
00:07:14,428 --> 00:07:17,468
There's...no room.
102
00:07:18,628 --> 00:07:21,708
- It's a castle!
- Um...
103
00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:27,428
Will you two stop following me like a couple of lovesick puppies?!
104
00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:31,228
Oh, great. The whole stinking litter's here!
105
00:07:31,228 --> 00:07:35,828
We're staying the night! Our house is infested with cockroaches.
106
00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:38,308
I know exactly how it feels.
107
00:07:38,308 --> 00:07:43,188
See what trouble you cause when you run away from Daddy, my lovelies?
108
00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,428
Hmm? I can't let the master down.
109
00:07:45,428 --> 00:07:49,268
I have to find each and every one of you,
110
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then I'll be trusty old Renfield again.
111
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,388
I don't know why you both look so uptight.
112
00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:58,988
I've been meaning to have Mrs Branagh for dinner for some time.
113
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That's what worries me! You make my friend's mum into one of the undead,
114
00:08:02,788 --> 00:08:05,828
it'll seriously affect our relationship!
115
00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:08,508
How about a thought for the real victim?
116
00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:11,028
I have to put up with Dumb and Dumber
117
00:08:11,028 --> 00:08:13,868
worshipping the ground I glide on 24/7.
118
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,948
Do you have any idea how tiring it is being adored?
119
00:08:16,948 --> 00:08:20,348
Ingrid, I hate to see you so stressed about this
120
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when you have much more to worry about.
121
00:08:22,788 --> 00:08:25,348
- Like what?
- While Renfield's away,
122
00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:29,388
you're going to be responsible for his household chores.
123
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I've made a list.
124
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I don't believe you! You're evil!
125
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,148
- It goes with the fangs.
- Ugh!
126
00:08:39,628 --> 00:08:41,348
Dad, listen.
127
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If the Branaghs find out you're the "Big D",
128
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it'll be, "Hello, pitchfork-wielding mob" again,
129
00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:51,588
only, round here it'll probably be baseball bats.
130
00:08:51,588 --> 00:08:54,148
Promise me you'll behave yourself.
131
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Cross my heart and hope to live.
132
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Mmm! Smells delicious(!)
133
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Eurgh, rank! There must be something round here we can eat.
134
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DOOR OPENS
135
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- Hi, boys.
- What have we done? - Nothing. I've just been thinking...
136
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- maybe I WILL go to the disco with one of you.
- Really? - Who?
137
00:09:24,108 --> 00:09:28,628
Depends who wants it the most. I've got a pile of ironing needing done.
138
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The iron's in the kitchen!
139
00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:42,148
I can't believe we're gonna spend the whole weekend fishing.
140
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,348
- Thanks, Dad.
- Pleasure, son.
141
00:09:44,348 --> 00:09:48,948
- And you're not going to mention vampires or slaying?
- Slayer's...
142
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I mean, Scout's honour.
143
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- Aren't you gonna take your coat off?
- In a minute. I'm a bit chilly.
144
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Open your coat.
145
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- Yeah, but I'm...
- Now!
146
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:19,948
How did that lot get there?
147
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I had no idea you'd provide me with such a satisfying feast,
148
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Mrs Branagh.
149
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- Mmm.
- Cooking dinner was the least I could do,
150
00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:40,068
seeing as Mr Renfield's so busy down at ours.
151
00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:44,708
Honestly, that was the best Kasha Kishka I've eaten in centuries.
152
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Centuries?
153
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Oh, did I say that?
154
00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,988
I meant it FEELS like centuries.
155
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- THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY
- What is a Kasha Kishka?
156
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I found it in a Transylvanian cookbook in the cupboard.
157
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:04,468
It's animal intestine stuffed with buckwheat groats and pigs' blood.
158
00:11:04,468 --> 00:11:08,428
Eurgh! I think I'm going to be sick.
159
00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:13,388
I do love pig, it's my second-favourite blood.
160
00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,548
I know exactly what you mean.
161
00:11:15,548 --> 00:11:19,548
- You do?
- Sheep's blood's got a much subtler taste.
162
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,268
I spent every summer on my grandmother's farm
163
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and she cooked everything in sheep's blood.
164
00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,508
Right, who's for pudding?
165
00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:31,068
Cows' heart ice-cream!
166
00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:36,068
Is there anything you two won't eat?
167
00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:39,148
You're going to have to give pudding a miss.
168
00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:43,388
- The crypt's not going to sweep itself out.
- I'll do it, Ingrid.
169
00:11:43,388 --> 00:11:45,628
- No you won't!
- I - will!
170
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I take my hat off to you.
171
00:11:48,668 --> 00:11:52,268
I can't even get them to blow the skin off their rice pudding.
172
00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:57,628
Ah, well, all the more for you, Mr Count.
173
00:11:57,628 --> 00:12:00,908
Wonderful! This really is the most excellent meal!
174
00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,988
I take that as a great compliment
175
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coming from a sophisticated man of the world, like you.
176
00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:10,628
Let me give you a hand with dessert.
177
00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,508
See? He's not interested in feeding on Mum.
178
00:12:18,508 --> 00:12:21,108
He treats her better than Dad does!
179
00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:24,108
If we don't do something to protect her,
180
00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:28,468
she's going to become a member of the living-dead club. Tonight.
181
00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:32,548
Vlad, she'll be fine. I'm off to bed. Sleep well.
182
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- I'll help you, Vlad.
- Are you sure? It's going to be dangerous.
183
00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,788
- Arr...
- Ssh!
184
00:13:13,388 --> 00:13:15,228
That's Dad.
185
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:19,228
He always does a few practice swoops before he goes out hunting.
186
00:13:19,228 --> 00:13:24,068
- Where's Robin?
- Asleep. He still thinks we're panicking over nothing.
187
00:13:26,708 --> 00:13:28,588
Typical!
188
00:13:28,588 --> 00:13:32,108
Come on. Let's get to your mum before Dad does.
189
00:13:51,348 --> 00:13:53,348
Time for dinner!
190
00:14:18,068 --> 00:14:20,508
Curses!
191
00:14:20,508 --> 00:14:23,628
It's kind of you to give me a tour of the castle,
192
00:14:23,628 --> 00:14:26,588
- but couldn't we do it in the morning?
- Oh, no,
193
00:14:26,588 --> 00:14:31,228
you really get to really appreciate this place at night. Right, Chloe?
194
00:14:31,228 --> 00:14:34,508
- Right, Chloe?
- Stop doing that!
195
00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:38,468
I said, this place is at its best at night, right?
196
00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:41,588
Oh, yeah, it's really...
197
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,868
stimulating.
198
00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:50,308
- GURGLING
- Please tell me that was the water in the pipes.
199
00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:53,788
Doubt it. There's load of things lurking down here.
200
00:14:53,788 --> 00:14:58,228
- You don't always have to be so honest.
- We'll be all right.
201
00:14:58,228 --> 00:15:01,068
- Come on, Mum.
- What's the hurry?
202
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,348
I'm enjoying myself.
203
00:15:03,348 --> 00:15:07,188
Last time I stayed up this late was Glastonbury '87.
204
00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:38,948
No-o-o!
205
00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:43,628
Blast those secret passages!
206
00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:54,228
You can come out now, Mum!
207
00:15:55,908 --> 00:16:00,508
You're right - they are surprisingly comfortable, aren't they?
208
00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:04,908
Beautifully made. Your Dad's a real craftsman, isn't he?
209
00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,868
Come on.
210
00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:16,868
Watch your step. That's it.
211
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:25,228
- Oh, come on, Mum!
- Turn right.
212
00:16:27,748 --> 00:16:30,228
Hurry up! I can't wait to get to bed.
213
00:16:30,228 --> 00:16:31,908
This way, Mrs Branagh.
214
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:35,668
I can just imagine myself back in the Middle Ages.
215
00:16:35,668 --> 00:16:37,988
Isn't this fun?
216
00:16:42,228 --> 00:16:47,388
- What was that? Everything all right?
- Everything's practically perfect.
217
00:16:52,988 --> 00:16:57,868
- BELL RINGS
- I've been ringing. Why haven't you come running?
218
00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:01,068
- The battlements need cleaning.
- Give me a break.
219
00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:04,828
I was up until five getting hair out of the plugholes.
220
00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:08,348
OK, you rest.
221
00:17:08,348 --> 00:17:11,868
As long as you don't mind Paul taking me to the disco.
222
00:17:11,868 --> 00:17:14,588
He's busy alphabetising my nail varnish.
223
00:17:19,228 --> 00:17:23,588
Divide and conquer - works every time.
224
00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:27,708
Oooooh! Someone didn't sink their fangs last night.
225
00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:33,268
I may have lost the battle, but the war isn't over.
226
00:17:35,028 --> 00:17:36,948
Morning, Master! I'm back!
227
00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:41,748
Oh, Renfield, I can't tell you how little that means to me.
228
00:17:41,748 --> 00:17:45,428
Now, fetch me some pain-killers, I've got toothache.
229
00:17:45,428 --> 00:17:48,548
I've caught the cockroaches at the breathers' hovel.
230
00:17:48,548 --> 00:17:51,508
- Oh, well done.
- Thank you, Master.
231
00:17:51,508 --> 00:17:54,028
Now, go back and release them again.
232
00:18:00,188 --> 00:18:02,468
We're staying another night?!
233
00:18:02,468 --> 00:18:07,228
Mr Renfield couldn't get rid of all the creepy cockroaches in one day.
234
00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:11,108
I'm quite pleased - it's like a little holiday, isn't it?
235
00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:16,348
Morning! I haven't slept that well in ages.
236
00:18:16,348 --> 00:18:19,148
- Cup of tea in the pot, love.
- Thanks!
237
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,988
Have you heard? We're staying one more night. Told you Mum'd be fine.
238
00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:30,468
That's because we have been up all night!
239
00:18:30,468 --> 00:18:35,188
Stopping Dad from giving your mum a one-way ticket to eternal misery!
240
00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:40,108
Really? So staying another night is not a good thing, then?
241
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,908
Depends on your point of view.
242
00:18:43,908 --> 00:18:45,868
Morning, Mrs Branagh!
243
00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:51,108
- Morning, Mr Count. How are you today?
- Suffering with a little toothache.
244
00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:53,908
I'll see if I can take your mind off it.
245
00:18:57,028 --> 00:19:01,508
- What are you doing?
- Ssh! Relax.
246
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,908
Oh, that's good,
247
00:19:03,908 --> 00:19:06,268
that is really rather good.
248
00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:10,028
Works wonders for my Graham when his sinuses flare up.
249
00:19:10,028 --> 00:19:14,548
How do you fancy black pudding for breakfast? Nice and juicy of course.
250
00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:19,388
Wonderful! I really could get used to you indulging me like this.
251
00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:23,228
- You won't miss me once you've got Mr Renfield back.
- That imbecile!
252
00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:28,148
Believe me, Mrs Branagh, he doesn't hold a candle to you.
253
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:41,908
Back! Get back! Get back!
254
00:19:41,908 --> 00:19:44,708
Evil Lord of the undead.
255
00:19:48,348 --> 00:19:53,028
- Huh? What?
- I don't believe it - you even dream about vampires!
256
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,028
Was I?!
257
00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:01,268
Sorry.
258
00:20:02,348 --> 00:20:06,468
- I suppose I am a bit preoccupied.
- Try "totally obsessed".
259
00:20:06,468 --> 00:20:11,788
It's not easy for me, trying to be a single parent, teacher AND vamp...
260
00:20:11,788 --> 00:20:15,508
- thingy slayer.
- Which one's more important to you, Dad?
261
00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:21,428
- Father, obviously.
- Doesn't feel like that sometimes.
262
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:25,028
- I can understand why Mum left you now.
- Your Mum left
263
00:20:25,028 --> 00:20:30,188
because of that smarmy estate agent and his convertible Mercedes!
264
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:33,308
She left because you went slaying every weekend
265
00:20:33,308 --> 00:20:35,988
and told her to wear garlic to bed!
266
00:20:39,628 --> 00:20:43,948
You know, we could make this a regular thing if you like -
267
00:20:43,948 --> 00:20:47,108
say, once a month?
268
00:20:48,148 --> 00:20:51,188
Huh? And no mention of slaying.
269
00:20:57,468 --> 00:20:59,628
Is my collar straight?
270
00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:03,548
- It can be so annoying not having a reflection.
- It's fine.
271
00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:08,188
- She's like a breath of stagnant air, don't you think?
- Who?
272
00:21:08,188 --> 00:21:10,308
Well, Mrs Branagh, of course!
273
00:21:10,308 --> 00:21:12,308
Are you feeling OK?!
274
00:21:12,308 --> 00:21:14,628
- Never been better!
- Does this mean
275
00:21:14,628 --> 00:21:19,388
- you're going to put your fangs in neutral, and not feed on her?
- Yes.
276
00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:22,108
She's worth more than a one-night bite.
277
00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:24,908
I'm going to marry her instead!
278
00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:30,788
A breather?! I'm not having a breather for a stepmother!
279
00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:34,028
Well, I don't remember asking for your opinion.
280
00:21:34,028 --> 00:21:38,108
- You can't marry Mrs Branagh! She's already married!
- Can't?!
281
00:21:38,108 --> 00:21:44,028
I am the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Damned. I do what I like!
282
00:21:44,028 --> 00:21:47,868
She's perfect for me. Cooks, cleans, laughs at my jokes.
283
00:21:47,868 --> 00:21:51,028
For the first time in centuries,
284
00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:53,668
I feel appreciated.
285
00:21:55,108 --> 00:21:57,348
- She will be my wife.
- NO!
286
00:21:58,148 --> 00:22:01,188
Well, as you would say, my dear children,
287
00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:05,348
talk to the cape cos the face ain't listening!
288
00:22:05,348 --> 00:22:07,988
- HE LAUGHS
- Right!
289
00:22:11,468 --> 00:22:13,788
I've just had a thought.
290
00:22:13,788 --> 00:22:16,988
If we can't stop this marriage, you two'll be stepsisters.
291
00:22:16,988 --> 00:22:19,068
Urgh! I'd rather be undead!
292
00:22:19,068 --> 00:22:22,668
According to this, to marry your mum,
293
00:22:22,668 --> 00:22:25,788
my Dad must get her to drink some of his blood,
294
00:22:25,788 --> 00:22:29,028
then she'll become his slave, never to leave his side.
295
00:22:29,028 --> 00:22:32,908
That's all right then - Mum's not likely to drink his blood.
296
00:22:32,908 --> 00:22:37,068
Dad will have thought of that! He's got something up his sleeve.
297
00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:40,948
You have to get her out of here before it's too late!
298
00:22:40,948 --> 00:22:43,948
- Mum?
- What do you think?
299
00:22:43,948 --> 00:22:47,108
I got these from an old trunk Magda left behind.
300
00:22:47,108 --> 00:22:51,868
The Count has invited me for Transylvanian cocktails in his study.
301
00:22:51,868 --> 00:22:52,988
See?
302
00:22:54,948 --> 00:22:58,068
- You can't go.
- Why ever not?
303
00:23:01,268 --> 00:23:03,588
Because he's a vampire!
304
00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:08,908
Honestly! You kids and your imaginations!
305
00:23:08,908 --> 00:23:11,188
I blame those computer games.
306
00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:17,108
- Stupid woman!
- Don't call my Mum stupid! - Ladies!
307
00:23:17,108 --> 00:23:19,148
So, what d'you suggest we do now?
308
00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:23,188
Don't worry, leave it to me. I've got a plan.
309
00:23:24,708 --> 00:23:28,028
When Dad realises that his son and heir
310
00:23:28,028 --> 00:23:30,588
has wrecked his chances of marriage,
311
00:23:30,588 --> 00:23:34,668
he'll throw a tantrum and lock me in this castle forever.
312
00:23:34,668 --> 00:23:36,708
But on the other hand,
313
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:40,148
I can't let him take Mrs Branagh away from her family, can I?
314
00:23:40,148 --> 00:23:41,748
Tough call.
315
00:23:41,748 --> 00:23:46,148
Why can't I have a dad who works in IT, like everyone else?
316
00:23:46,148 --> 00:23:50,268
- are you going in or not? They'll be here soon.
- SLAM!
317
00:23:50,268 --> 00:23:51,668
Sssh!
318
00:24:01,068 --> 00:24:03,148
What are YOU doing here?
319
00:24:05,188 --> 00:24:07,548
Thought you might need a hand.
320
00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:10,508
I didn't think you cared if your mum got bitten.
321
00:24:10,508 --> 00:24:13,788
I do. Tell me about this plan of yours.
322
00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:17,788
- Actually, er...
- You haven't got a plan, have you?
323
00:24:17,788 --> 00:24:20,108
HOWLING
324
00:24:20,108 --> 00:24:24,268
That's Zoltan's signal - they're here! Hide!
325
00:24:24,268 --> 00:24:25,868
Come on!
326
00:24:28,548 --> 00:24:32,788
Welcome to my inner sanctum, Mrs Branagh.
327
00:24:32,788 --> 00:24:35,748
Oh, Mr Count, I am honoured.
328
00:24:35,748 --> 00:24:39,148
I thought we'd start with some of my own brew...
329
00:24:39,148 --> 00:24:42,348
A very sophisticated Transylvanian claret.
330
00:24:43,908 --> 00:24:47,828
I think you'll find it very agreeable.
331
00:24:49,428 --> 00:24:52,108
Very agreeable indeed.
332
00:24:53,948 --> 00:24:55,708
Cheers!
333
00:24:58,188 --> 00:25:02,388
To a long relationship between our houses, my dear Elizabeth.
334
00:25:02,388 --> 00:25:07,788
Right, on the count of three, we jump up and scream. One...
335
00:25:07,788 --> 00:25:09,788
Two...
336
00:25:09,788 --> 00:25:12,228
- Three!
- Aaargh!
337
00:25:14,588 --> 00:25:16,748
They've followed me! Urgh!
338
00:25:18,788 --> 00:25:20,748
Mrs Branagh!
339
00:25:23,588 --> 00:25:25,868
Renfield!
340
00:25:28,748 --> 00:25:31,348
I never thought I'd say this,
341
00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:33,828
but Renfield's a genius.
342
00:25:33,828 --> 00:25:36,708
- Why didn't
- I - think of that?
343
00:25:40,668 --> 00:25:42,868
Oh, Graham, I'm so glad you're back.
344
00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:47,148
Those cockroaches followed me here! Nasty little critters.
345
00:25:47,148 --> 00:25:50,028
Well, I'm just glad Chloe called me.
346
00:25:50,028 --> 00:25:52,548
I obviously got back just in time.
347
00:25:54,068 --> 00:25:57,908
- Come on, let's go home.
- Vlad, thank your father again.
348
00:26:02,188 --> 00:26:04,948
We've done everything you wanted. Tell us who's won.
349
00:26:04,948 --> 00:26:07,508
Who are you going to the disco with?
350
00:26:07,508 --> 00:26:10,508
OK, this hasn't been an easy decision.
351
00:26:10,508 --> 00:26:13,508
I've decided to award you points.
352
00:26:13,508 --> 00:26:16,828
Paul...you got six out of ten.
353
00:26:16,828 --> 00:26:19,548
And Ian...you got six out of ten!
354
00:26:21,188 --> 00:26:25,348
- But it's a tie.
- That means neither of us wins.
355
00:26:25,348 --> 00:26:26,868
Exactly!
356
00:26:41,788 --> 00:26:43,868
This has been great.
357
00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:46,308
I haven't been this relaxed in ages.
358
00:26:46,308 --> 00:26:50,508
- Has it put the vampire thing into perspective for you?
- Definitely.
359
00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:52,708
For the first time in years,
360
00:26:52,708 --> 00:26:55,268
I haven't got a stake or garlic on me...
361
00:26:55,268 --> 00:26:58,188
and I'm not bothered!
362
00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:05,188
- Run for your life, Jonno!
- HE SCREAMS
363
00:27:06,388 --> 00:27:07,828
What's up with him?
364
00:27:07,828 --> 00:27:11,668
We only wanted to know if this is the way to Smethwick.
365
00:27:11,668 --> 00:27:15,108
Has he got something against fancy dress?
366
00:27:18,348 --> 00:27:20,988
MAN YELLS AND SCREAMS
367
00:27:20,988 --> 00:27:25,428
I wish Dad would shut the crypt door when he's punishing Renfield.
368
00:27:25,428 --> 00:27:28,708
You can hear the screams all over the castle.
369
00:27:28,708 --> 00:27:32,228
YOU put the cockroaches in the study!
370
00:27:32,228 --> 00:27:34,548
You cunning, devious...
371
00:27:34,548 --> 00:27:36,388
I'm impressed!
372
00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:41,948
Needs must. There was no way I was having a breather for a stepmother.
373
00:27:41,948 --> 00:27:46,748
- Bit rough on Renfield, though, getting all the blame.
- Yeah.
374
00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:51,348
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