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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:20,348 --> 00:00:25,388 - Hey! - Go burst your boils, Renfield, I'm playing hide and seek with Vlad! 2 00:00:25,388 --> 00:00:27,788 Not any more! Your mum's here. 3 00:00:27,788 --> 00:00:32,108 Good. This is my kitchen, not a playground. So get lost. 4 00:00:32,108 --> 00:00:34,668 And take your bag with you. 5 00:00:42,148 --> 00:00:47,068 - I do miss my Graham when he's away at plumbing conventions. - Really? 6 00:00:47,068 --> 00:00:51,868 Today they're discussing some exciting innovations in... Whoops! 7 00:00:52,988 --> 00:00:56,268 I must get this fixed. Would you mind? 8 00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:09,188 Everything all right? 9 00:01:09,188 --> 00:01:12,588 Everything is practically perfect. 10 00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:13,668 NO! 11 00:01:14,588 --> 00:01:17,348 Let me! 12 00:01:17,348 --> 00:01:18,868 Oh. 13 00:01:20,908 --> 00:01:23,828 Dad's all thumbs. 14 00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:29,228 Thanks, Vlad, you're a sweet boy. 15 00:01:29,228 --> 00:01:33,828 Come on, Robin, we don't want to be late for dinner. ..Bye. 16 00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,468 Dinner. 17 00:01:35,468 --> 00:01:37,748 - Just what - I - was thinking. 18 00:01:51,548 --> 00:01:52,988 Dad! 19 00:01:57,308 --> 00:01:58,828 Aargh! 20 00:02:00,348 --> 00:02:03,948 - What's this? - Crunchy mice in cream. 21 00:02:03,948 --> 00:02:07,108 But where are the cockroaches? They're the crunch! 22 00:02:07,108 --> 00:02:10,668 Without them, it's just small rodents in cow juice. 23 00:02:10,668 --> 00:02:16,388 - A thousand apologies... - Stuff your apologies! I want my cockroaches! 24 00:02:16,388 --> 00:02:19,348 They've gone, Master! Abandoned ship. 25 00:02:19,348 --> 00:02:22,868 You're a housekeeper who can't keep house, 26 00:02:22,868 --> 00:02:26,948 your cooking is disgusting and a dead badger would be better company! 27 00:02:26,948 --> 00:02:29,748 Remind me, why do I put up with you? 28 00:02:29,748 --> 00:02:32,308 Because I'm cheap. 29 00:02:32,308 --> 00:02:34,908 Aargh! Please, Master! 30 00:02:34,908 --> 00:02:38,948 If you twist any harder, my ear's going to come off! 31 00:02:38,948 --> 00:02:40,628 He's right! 32 00:02:40,628 --> 00:02:42,948 Go on, just one more turn. 33 00:02:42,948 --> 00:02:45,308 I can't, 34 00:02:45,308 --> 00:02:47,628 I'm too weak with hunger! 35 00:02:47,628 --> 00:02:51,988 I mean, when am I going to get someone decent to eat? 36 00:02:51,988 --> 00:02:54,108 I think you mean someTHING. 37 00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:56,628 I know what I mean! 38 00:02:56,628 --> 00:02:58,748 I can't bear this hunger! 39 00:02:58,748 --> 00:03:03,268 I know it's hard, but this peasant-free diet's working for you. 40 00:03:03,268 --> 00:03:05,948 You've got less colour in your cheeks, 41 00:03:05,948 --> 00:03:10,308 - and that pasty Goth look's really in right now. - Well, you know, 42 00:03:10,308 --> 00:03:14,668 I've always been a handsome rogue. 43 00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:19,348 It's this classic bone structure - I can carry off any look. 44 00:03:19,348 --> 00:03:23,148 You're lucky, Vlad, you've inherited it from me. 45 00:03:24,428 --> 00:03:27,748 - Shame... - Go lie on a sun bed! 46 00:03:29,068 --> 00:03:32,628 Oh, my poor stomach! 47 00:03:32,628 --> 00:03:36,428 I want blood, and I want it NOW! 48 00:03:45,828 --> 00:03:50,708 Cockroaches - the basic ingredient for so many practical jokes. 49 00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:53,708 Robin, hurry up! You're going to be late! 50 00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:08,828 Want to know what I've got planned for this weekend? 51 00:04:08,828 --> 00:04:12,468 Let me guess. We'll stake out the castle, as usual... 52 00:04:12,468 --> 00:04:16,028 look for vampires, as usual... find nothing, as usual... 53 00:04:16,028 --> 00:04:18,908 go home and watch Dr Who DVDs, as usual. 54 00:04:18,908 --> 00:04:21,668 - That's where you're wrong. - Really? 55 00:04:21,668 --> 00:04:25,428 - The DVD's broken. - I want to forget about vampires 56 00:04:25,428 --> 00:04:28,628 and do something other fathers and sons do, like... 57 00:04:28,628 --> 00:04:32,348 - like fishing. - Do you like fishing, then? 58 00:04:32,348 --> 00:04:35,148 I don't know! Nobody's ever taken me. 59 00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:41,588 Ingrid, are you, er, going to the school disco next week? 60 00:04:41,588 --> 00:04:44,468 They've begged me, so I'm thinking about it. 61 00:04:44,468 --> 00:04:47,748 If you do go, is there any chance you'd go with... 62 00:04:47,748 --> 00:04:50,068 - Me! - Jog on, loser! I asked first. 63 00:04:50,068 --> 00:04:53,548 - Only cos you tied me to the gate! - Boys, boys! 64 00:04:53,548 --> 00:04:56,028 There is no point in arguing. 65 00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:59,068 I'd rather let a tarantula lay eggs in my ear 66 00:04:59,068 --> 00:05:03,748 than be seen in public with either of you. Now get out of my face. 67 00:05:09,308 --> 00:05:10,828 Ahhh... 68 00:05:19,988 --> 00:05:25,108 Yes! Three more hours to go, then two whole days of no school. 69 00:05:25,108 --> 00:05:27,188 I kind of miss it. 70 00:05:27,188 --> 00:05:29,588 And people think I'M weird. 71 00:05:29,588 --> 00:05:34,028 OK if I hang out at yours this weekend? Dad's desperate for blood, 72 00:05:34,028 --> 00:05:37,588 it'll be a disaster if any breathers get in his way. 73 00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:39,868 What's the worst that can happen? 74 00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:43,108 What part of "my Dad's a blood-sucking killing machine" 75 00:05:43,108 --> 00:05:45,508 don't you get? Your Mum has to stay away. 76 00:05:45,508 --> 00:05:48,348 Mr Count! Mr Count! Open the door! 77 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,708 My house is infested with horrible bugs! 78 00:05:51,708 --> 00:05:55,828 - You've got to help me! - Of course, dear lady. 79 00:05:55,828 --> 00:05:58,188 - Please come in... - Oh, thank you. 80 00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:01,348 Oh, thank you so much... 81 00:06:04,508 --> 00:06:08,668 Out of ten, how bad would it be if I'd just got a message 82 00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:12,748 saying on no account do we go home, but go straight to the castle 83 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,828 - where Mum is waiting for us? - I love these games! 84 00:06:15,828 --> 00:06:19,348 If you had to, who would you kiss, a ferret or your nan? 85 00:06:19,348 --> 00:06:22,068 Oh, you mean Mum's really... 86 00:06:22,068 --> 00:06:26,468 About to get her veins sucked dry! Come on. Let's go! 87 00:06:26,468 --> 00:06:29,948 - Hang on! - Robin! - OK, OK, I'm coming. 88 00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:33,828 - I wonder why those three are in such a hurry. - We don't care! 89 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:36,828 - We're going fishing. - Maybe just a quick... - No! 90 00:06:36,828 --> 00:06:40,508 Or I'll tell the headmistress that you got year eight 91 00:06:40,508 --> 00:06:43,708 to make slaying stakes for their woodwork project! 92 00:06:45,828 --> 00:06:47,748 SCREECHING 93 00:06:47,748 --> 00:06:50,068 SCREAM 94 00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,028 Mum! 95 00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:56,548 Hello! I was just showing Mr Count how I screamed when I discovered 96 00:06:56,548 --> 00:07:00,708 - our house was overrun with horrible cockroaches. - Cockroaches?! 97 00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:01,948 I had to get out! 98 00:07:01,948 --> 00:07:06,108 We're not going back till Mr Renfield's got rid of them. 99 00:07:06,108 --> 00:07:10,268 - So...where are you staying? - Your dad said we can stay here. 100 00:07:10,268 --> 00:07:14,428 - He's such a wonderful neighbour. - Yes! - No! 101 00:07:14,428 --> 00:07:17,468 There's...no room. 102 00:07:18,628 --> 00:07:21,708 - It's a castle! - Um... 103 00:07:22,148 --> 00:07:27,428 Will you two stop following me like a couple of lovesick puppies?! 104 00:07:27,428 --> 00:07:31,228 Oh, great. The whole stinking litter's here! 105 00:07:31,228 --> 00:07:35,828 We're staying the night! Our house is infested with cockroaches. 106 00:07:35,828 --> 00:07:38,308 I know exactly how it feels. 107 00:07:38,308 --> 00:07:43,188 See what trouble you cause when you run away from Daddy, my lovelies? 108 00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:45,428 Hmm? I can't let the master down. 109 00:07:45,428 --> 00:07:49,268 I have to find each and every one of you, 110 00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:52,388 then I'll be trusty old Renfield again. 111 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,388 I don't know why you both look so uptight. 112 00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:58,988 I've been meaning to have Mrs Branagh for dinner for some time. 113 00:07:58,988 --> 00:08:02,788 That's what worries me! You make my friend's mum into one of the undead, 114 00:08:02,788 --> 00:08:05,828 it'll seriously affect our relationship! 115 00:08:05,828 --> 00:08:08,508 How about a thought for the real victim? 116 00:08:08,508 --> 00:08:11,028 I have to put up with Dumb and Dumber 117 00:08:11,028 --> 00:08:13,868 worshipping the ground I glide on 24/7. 118 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,948 Do you have any idea how tiring it is being adored? 119 00:08:16,948 --> 00:08:20,348 Ingrid, I hate to see you so stressed about this 120 00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:22,788 when you have much more to worry about. 121 00:08:22,788 --> 00:08:25,348 - Like what? - While Renfield's away, 122 00:08:25,348 --> 00:08:29,388 you're going to be responsible for his household chores. 123 00:08:29,388 --> 00:08:31,388 I've made a list. 124 00:08:31,388 --> 00:08:35,348 I don't believe you! You're evil! 125 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,148 - It goes with the fangs. - Ugh! 126 00:08:39,628 --> 00:08:41,348 Dad, listen. 127 00:08:41,348 --> 00:08:44,948 If the Branaghs find out you're the "Big D", 128 00:08:44,948 --> 00:08:48,108 it'll be, "Hello, pitchfork-wielding mob" again, 129 00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:51,588 only, round here it'll probably be baseball bats. 130 00:08:51,588 --> 00:08:54,148 Promise me you'll behave yourself. 131 00:08:55,588 --> 00:08:58,308 Cross my heart and hope to live. 132 00:09:02,548 --> 00:09:05,668 Mmm! Smells delicious(!) 133 00:09:05,668 --> 00:09:10,628 Eurgh, rank! There must be something round here we can eat. 134 00:09:12,108 --> 00:09:13,948 DOOR OPENS 135 00:09:15,308 --> 00:09:19,748 - Hi, boys. - What have we done? - Nothing. I've just been thinking... 136 00:09:19,748 --> 00:09:24,108 - maybe I WILL go to the disco with one of you. - Really? - Who? 137 00:09:24,108 --> 00:09:28,628 Depends who wants it the most. I've got a pile of ironing needing done. 138 00:09:28,628 --> 00:09:31,068 The iron's in the kitchen! 139 00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:42,148 I can't believe we're gonna spend the whole weekend fishing. 140 00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,348 - Thanks, Dad. - Pleasure, son. 141 00:09:44,348 --> 00:09:48,948 - And you're not going to mention vampires or slaying? - Slayer's... 142 00:09:49,508 --> 00:09:51,748 I mean, Scout's honour. 143 00:09:54,988 --> 00:09:59,748 - Aren't you gonna take your coat off? - In a minute. I'm a bit chilly. 144 00:10:02,188 --> 00:10:03,828 Open your coat. 145 00:10:05,348 --> 00:10:07,428 - Yeah, but I'm... - Now! 146 00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:19,948 How did that lot get there? 147 00:10:25,628 --> 00:10:30,508 I had no idea you'd provide me with such a satisfying feast, 148 00:10:30,508 --> 00:10:33,188 Mrs Branagh. 149 00:10:33,188 --> 00:10:37,188 - Mmm. - Cooking dinner was the least I could do, 150 00:10:37,188 --> 00:10:40,068 seeing as Mr Renfield's so busy down at ours. 151 00:10:40,068 --> 00:10:44,708 Honestly, that was the best Kasha Kishka I've eaten in centuries. 152 00:10:44,708 --> 00:10:46,388 Centuries? 153 00:10:46,388 --> 00:10:48,748 Oh, did I say that? 154 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:50,988 I meant it FEELS like centuries. 155 00:10:50,988 --> 00:10:55,388 - THEY LAUGH NERVOUSLY - What is a Kasha Kishka? 156 00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:59,108 I found it in a Transylvanian cookbook in the cupboard. 157 00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:04,468 It's animal intestine stuffed with buckwheat groats and pigs' blood. 158 00:11:04,468 --> 00:11:08,428 Eurgh! I think I'm going to be sick. 159 00:11:08,428 --> 00:11:13,388 I do love pig, it's my second-favourite blood. 160 00:11:13,388 --> 00:11:15,548 I know exactly what you mean. 161 00:11:15,548 --> 00:11:19,548 - You do? - Sheep's blood's got a much subtler taste. 162 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:22,268 I spent every summer on my grandmother's farm 163 00:11:22,268 --> 00:11:24,988 and she cooked everything in sheep's blood. 164 00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:27,508 Right, who's for pudding? 165 00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:31,068 Cows' heart ice-cream! 166 00:11:32,988 --> 00:11:36,068 Is there anything you two won't eat? 167 00:11:36,068 --> 00:11:39,148 You're going to have to give pudding a miss. 168 00:11:39,148 --> 00:11:43,388 - The crypt's not going to sweep itself out. - I'll do it, Ingrid. 169 00:11:43,388 --> 00:11:45,628 - No you won't! - I - will! 170 00:11:46,908 --> 00:11:48,668 I take my hat off to you. 171 00:11:48,668 --> 00:11:52,268 I can't even get them to blow the skin off their rice pudding. 172 00:11:54,788 --> 00:11:57,628 Ah, well, all the more for you, Mr Count. 173 00:11:57,628 --> 00:12:00,908 Wonderful! This really is the most excellent meal! 174 00:12:00,908 --> 00:12:02,988 I take that as a great compliment 175 00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:07,108 coming from a sophisticated man of the world, like you. 176 00:12:07,108 --> 00:12:10,628 Let me give you a hand with dessert. 177 00:12:15,868 --> 00:12:18,508 See? He's not interested in feeding on Mum. 178 00:12:18,508 --> 00:12:21,108 He treats her better than Dad does! 179 00:12:21,108 --> 00:12:24,108 If we don't do something to protect her, 180 00:12:24,108 --> 00:12:28,468 she's going to become a member of the living-dead club. Tonight. 181 00:12:28,468 --> 00:12:32,548 Vlad, she'll be fine. I'm off to bed. Sleep well. 182 00:12:32,548 --> 00:12:37,188 - I'll help you, Vlad. - Are you sure? It's going to be dangerous. 183 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:10,788 - Arr... - Ssh! 184 00:13:13,388 --> 00:13:15,228 That's Dad. 185 00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:19,228 He always does a few practice swoops before he goes out hunting. 186 00:13:19,228 --> 00:13:24,068 - Where's Robin? - Asleep. He still thinks we're panicking over nothing. 187 00:13:26,708 --> 00:13:28,588 Typical! 188 00:13:28,588 --> 00:13:32,108 Come on. Let's get to your mum before Dad does. 189 00:13:51,348 --> 00:13:53,348 Time for dinner! 190 00:14:18,068 --> 00:14:20,508 Curses! 191 00:14:20,508 --> 00:14:23,628 It's kind of you to give me a tour of the castle, 192 00:14:23,628 --> 00:14:26,588 - but couldn't we do it in the morning? - Oh, no, 193 00:14:26,588 --> 00:14:31,228 you really get to really appreciate this place at night. Right, Chloe? 194 00:14:31,228 --> 00:14:34,508 - Right, Chloe? - Stop doing that! 195 00:14:34,508 --> 00:14:38,468 I said, this place is at its best at night, right? 196 00:14:38,468 --> 00:14:41,588 Oh, yeah, it's really... 197 00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,868 stimulating. 198 00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:50,308 - GURGLING - Please tell me that was the water in the pipes. 199 00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:53,788 Doubt it. There's load of things lurking down here. 200 00:14:53,788 --> 00:14:58,228 - You don't always have to be so honest. - We'll be all right. 201 00:14:58,228 --> 00:15:01,068 - Come on, Mum. - What's the hurry? 202 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,348 I'm enjoying myself. 203 00:15:03,348 --> 00:15:07,188 Last time I stayed up this late was Glastonbury '87. 204 00:15:36,588 --> 00:15:38,948 No-o-o! 205 00:15:40,548 --> 00:15:43,628 Blast those secret passages! 206 00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:54,228 You can come out now, Mum! 207 00:15:55,908 --> 00:16:00,508 You're right - they are surprisingly comfortable, aren't they? 208 00:16:00,508 --> 00:16:04,908 Beautifully made. Your Dad's a real craftsman, isn't he? 209 00:16:12,868 --> 00:16:14,868 Come on. 210 00:16:14,868 --> 00:16:16,868 Watch your step. That's it. 211 00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:25,228 - Oh, come on, Mum! - Turn right. 212 00:16:27,748 --> 00:16:30,228 Hurry up! I can't wait to get to bed. 213 00:16:30,228 --> 00:16:31,908 This way, Mrs Branagh. 214 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:35,668 I can just imagine myself back in the Middle Ages. 215 00:16:35,668 --> 00:16:37,988 Isn't this fun? 216 00:16:42,228 --> 00:16:47,388 - What was that? Everything all right? - Everything's practically perfect. 217 00:16:52,988 --> 00:16:57,868 - BELL RINGS - I've been ringing. Why haven't you come running? 218 00:16:57,868 --> 00:17:01,068 - The battlements need cleaning. - Give me a break. 219 00:17:01,068 --> 00:17:04,828 I was up until five getting hair out of the plugholes. 220 00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:08,348 OK, you rest. 221 00:17:08,348 --> 00:17:11,868 As long as you don't mind Paul taking me to the disco. 222 00:17:11,868 --> 00:17:14,588 He's busy alphabetising my nail varnish. 223 00:17:19,228 --> 00:17:23,588 Divide and conquer - works every time. 224 00:17:23,588 --> 00:17:27,708 Oooooh! Someone didn't sink their fangs last night. 225 00:17:29,228 --> 00:17:33,268 I may have lost the battle, but the war isn't over. 226 00:17:35,028 --> 00:17:36,948 Morning, Master! I'm back! 227 00:17:36,948 --> 00:17:41,748 Oh, Renfield, I can't tell you how little that means to me. 228 00:17:41,748 --> 00:17:45,428 Now, fetch me some pain-killers, I've got toothache. 229 00:17:45,428 --> 00:17:48,548 I've caught the cockroaches at the breathers' hovel. 230 00:17:48,548 --> 00:17:51,508 - Oh, well done. - Thank you, Master. 231 00:17:51,508 --> 00:17:54,028 Now, go back and release them again. 232 00:18:00,188 --> 00:18:02,468 We're staying another night?! 233 00:18:02,468 --> 00:18:07,228 Mr Renfield couldn't get rid of all the creepy cockroaches in one day. 234 00:18:07,228 --> 00:18:11,108 I'm quite pleased - it's like a little holiday, isn't it? 235 00:18:12,908 --> 00:18:16,348 Morning! I haven't slept that well in ages. 236 00:18:16,348 --> 00:18:19,148 - Cup of tea in the pot, love. - Thanks! 237 00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:23,988 Have you heard? We're staying one more night. Told you Mum'd be fine. 238 00:18:26,868 --> 00:18:30,468 That's because we have been up all night! 239 00:18:30,468 --> 00:18:35,188 Stopping Dad from giving your mum a one-way ticket to eternal misery! 240 00:18:35,188 --> 00:18:40,108 Really? So staying another night is not a good thing, then? 241 00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,908 Depends on your point of view. 242 00:18:43,908 --> 00:18:45,868 Morning, Mrs Branagh! 243 00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:51,108 - Morning, Mr Count. How are you today? - Suffering with a little toothache. 244 00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:53,908 I'll see if I can take your mind off it. 245 00:18:57,028 --> 00:19:01,508 - What are you doing? - Ssh! Relax. 246 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,908 Oh, that's good, 247 00:19:03,908 --> 00:19:06,268 that is really rather good. 248 00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:10,028 Works wonders for my Graham when his sinuses flare up. 249 00:19:10,028 --> 00:19:14,548 How do you fancy black pudding for breakfast? Nice and juicy of course. 250 00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:19,388 Wonderful! I really could get used to you indulging me like this. 251 00:19:19,388 --> 00:19:23,228 - You won't miss me once you've got Mr Renfield back. - That imbecile! 252 00:19:23,228 --> 00:19:28,148 Believe me, Mrs Branagh, he doesn't hold a candle to you. 253 00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:41,908 Back! Get back! Get back! 254 00:19:41,908 --> 00:19:44,708 Evil Lord of the undead. 255 00:19:48,348 --> 00:19:53,028 - Huh? What? - I don't believe it - you even dream about vampires! 256 00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,028 Was I?! 257 00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:01,268 Sorry. 258 00:20:02,348 --> 00:20:06,468 - I suppose I am a bit preoccupied. - Try "totally obsessed". 259 00:20:06,468 --> 00:20:11,788 It's not easy for me, trying to be a single parent, teacher AND vamp... 260 00:20:11,788 --> 00:20:15,508 - thingy slayer. - Which one's more important to you, Dad? 261 00:20:18,028 --> 00:20:21,428 - Father, obviously. - Doesn't feel like that sometimes. 262 00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:25,028 - I can understand why Mum left you now. - Your Mum left 263 00:20:25,028 --> 00:20:30,188 because of that smarmy estate agent and his convertible Mercedes! 264 00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:33,308 She left because you went slaying every weekend 265 00:20:33,308 --> 00:20:35,988 and told her to wear garlic to bed! 266 00:20:39,628 --> 00:20:43,948 You know, we could make this a regular thing if you like - 267 00:20:43,948 --> 00:20:47,108 say, once a month? 268 00:20:48,148 --> 00:20:51,188 Huh? And no mention of slaying. 269 00:20:57,468 --> 00:20:59,628 Is my collar straight? 270 00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:03,548 - It can be so annoying not having a reflection. - It's fine. 271 00:21:03,548 --> 00:21:08,188 - She's like a breath of stagnant air, don't you think? - Who? 272 00:21:08,188 --> 00:21:10,308 Well, Mrs Branagh, of course! 273 00:21:10,308 --> 00:21:12,308 Are you feeling OK?! 274 00:21:12,308 --> 00:21:14,628 - Never been better! - Does this mean 275 00:21:14,628 --> 00:21:19,388 - you're going to put your fangs in neutral, and not feed on her? - Yes. 276 00:21:19,388 --> 00:21:22,108 She's worth more than a one-night bite. 277 00:21:22,108 --> 00:21:24,908 I'm going to marry her instead! 278 00:21:26,748 --> 00:21:30,788 A breather?! I'm not having a breather for a stepmother! 279 00:21:30,788 --> 00:21:34,028 Well, I don't remember asking for your opinion. 280 00:21:34,028 --> 00:21:38,108 - You can't marry Mrs Branagh! She's already married! - Can't?! 281 00:21:38,108 --> 00:21:44,028 I am the Prince of Darkness, Lord of the Damned. I do what I like! 282 00:21:44,028 --> 00:21:47,868 She's perfect for me. Cooks, cleans, laughs at my jokes. 283 00:21:47,868 --> 00:21:51,028 For the first time in centuries, 284 00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:53,668 I feel appreciated. 285 00:21:55,108 --> 00:21:57,348 - She will be my wife. - NO! 286 00:21:58,148 --> 00:22:01,188 Well, as you would say, my dear children, 287 00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:05,348 talk to the cape cos the face ain't listening! 288 00:22:05,348 --> 00:22:07,988 - HE LAUGHS - Right! 289 00:22:11,468 --> 00:22:13,788 I've just had a thought. 290 00:22:13,788 --> 00:22:16,988 If we can't stop this marriage, you two'll be stepsisters. 291 00:22:16,988 --> 00:22:19,068 Urgh! I'd rather be undead! 292 00:22:19,068 --> 00:22:22,668 According to this, to marry your mum, 293 00:22:22,668 --> 00:22:25,788 my Dad must get her to drink some of his blood, 294 00:22:25,788 --> 00:22:29,028 then she'll become his slave, never to leave his side. 295 00:22:29,028 --> 00:22:32,908 That's all right then - Mum's not likely to drink his blood. 296 00:22:32,908 --> 00:22:37,068 Dad will have thought of that! He's got something up his sleeve. 297 00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:40,948 You have to get her out of here before it's too late! 298 00:22:40,948 --> 00:22:43,948 - Mum? - What do you think? 299 00:22:43,948 --> 00:22:47,108 I got these from an old trunk Magda left behind. 300 00:22:47,108 --> 00:22:51,868 The Count has invited me for Transylvanian cocktails in his study. 301 00:22:51,868 --> 00:22:52,988 See? 302 00:22:54,948 --> 00:22:58,068 - You can't go. - Why ever not? 303 00:23:01,268 --> 00:23:03,588 Because he's a vampire! 304 00:23:05,868 --> 00:23:08,908 Honestly! You kids and your imaginations! 305 00:23:08,908 --> 00:23:11,188 I blame those computer games. 306 00:23:12,708 --> 00:23:17,108 - Stupid woman! - Don't call my Mum stupid! - Ladies! 307 00:23:17,108 --> 00:23:19,148 So, what d'you suggest we do now? 308 00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:23,188 Don't worry, leave it to me. I've got a plan. 309 00:23:24,708 --> 00:23:28,028 When Dad realises that his son and heir 310 00:23:28,028 --> 00:23:30,588 has wrecked his chances of marriage, 311 00:23:30,588 --> 00:23:34,668 he'll throw a tantrum and lock me in this castle forever. 312 00:23:34,668 --> 00:23:36,708 But on the other hand, 313 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:40,148 I can't let him take Mrs Branagh away from her family, can I? 314 00:23:40,148 --> 00:23:41,748 Tough call. 315 00:23:41,748 --> 00:23:46,148 Why can't I have a dad who works in IT, like everyone else? 316 00:23:46,148 --> 00:23:50,268 - are you going in or not? They'll be here soon. - SLAM! 317 00:23:50,268 --> 00:23:51,668 Sssh! 318 00:24:01,068 --> 00:24:03,148 What are YOU doing here? 319 00:24:05,188 --> 00:24:07,548 Thought you might need a hand. 320 00:24:07,548 --> 00:24:10,508 I didn't think you cared if your mum got bitten. 321 00:24:10,508 --> 00:24:13,788 I do. Tell me about this plan of yours. 322 00:24:13,788 --> 00:24:17,788 - Actually, er... - You haven't got a plan, have you? 323 00:24:17,788 --> 00:24:20,108 HOWLING 324 00:24:20,108 --> 00:24:24,268 That's Zoltan's signal - they're here! Hide! 325 00:24:24,268 --> 00:24:25,868 Come on! 326 00:24:28,548 --> 00:24:32,788 Welcome to my inner sanctum, Mrs Branagh. 327 00:24:32,788 --> 00:24:35,748 Oh, Mr Count, I am honoured. 328 00:24:35,748 --> 00:24:39,148 I thought we'd start with some of my own brew... 329 00:24:39,148 --> 00:24:42,348 A very sophisticated Transylvanian claret. 330 00:24:43,908 --> 00:24:47,828 I think you'll find it very agreeable. 331 00:24:49,428 --> 00:24:52,108 Very agreeable indeed. 332 00:24:53,948 --> 00:24:55,708 Cheers! 333 00:24:58,188 --> 00:25:02,388 To a long relationship between our houses, my dear Elizabeth. 334 00:25:02,388 --> 00:25:07,788 Right, on the count of three, we jump up and scream. One... 335 00:25:07,788 --> 00:25:09,788 Two... 336 00:25:09,788 --> 00:25:12,228 - Three! - Aaargh! 337 00:25:14,588 --> 00:25:16,748 They've followed me! Urgh! 338 00:25:18,788 --> 00:25:20,748 Mrs Branagh! 339 00:25:23,588 --> 00:25:25,868 Renfield! 340 00:25:28,748 --> 00:25:31,348 I never thought I'd say this, 341 00:25:31,348 --> 00:25:33,828 but Renfield's a genius. 342 00:25:33,828 --> 00:25:36,708 - Why didn't - I - think of that? 343 00:25:40,668 --> 00:25:42,868 Oh, Graham, I'm so glad you're back. 344 00:25:42,868 --> 00:25:47,148 Those cockroaches followed me here! Nasty little critters. 345 00:25:47,148 --> 00:25:50,028 Well, I'm just glad Chloe called me. 346 00:25:50,028 --> 00:25:52,548 I obviously got back just in time. 347 00:25:54,068 --> 00:25:57,908 - Come on, let's go home. - Vlad, thank your father again. 348 00:26:02,188 --> 00:26:04,948 We've done everything you wanted. Tell us who's won. 349 00:26:04,948 --> 00:26:07,508 Who are you going to the disco with? 350 00:26:07,508 --> 00:26:10,508 OK, this hasn't been an easy decision. 351 00:26:10,508 --> 00:26:13,508 I've decided to award you points. 352 00:26:13,508 --> 00:26:16,828 Paul...you got six out of ten. 353 00:26:16,828 --> 00:26:19,548 And Ian...you got six out of ten! 354 00:26:21,188 --> 00:26:25,348 - But it's a tie. - That means neither of us wins. 355 00:26:25,348 --> 00:26:26,868 Exactly! 356 00:26:41,788 --> 00:26:43,868 This has been great. 357 00:26:43,868 --> 00:26:46,308 I haven't been this relaxed in ages. 358 00:26:46,308 --> 00:26:50,508 - Has it put the vampire thing into perspective for you? - Definitely. 359 00:26:50,508 --> 00:26:52,708 For the first time in years, 360 00:26:52,708 --> 00:26:55,268 I haven't got a stake or garlic on me... 361 00:26:55,268 --> 00:26:58,188 and I'm not bothered! 362 00:26:59,868 --> 00:27:05,188 - Run for your life, Jonno! - HE SCREAMS 363 00:27:06,388 --> 00:27:07,828 What's up with him? 364 00:27:07,828 --> 00:27:11,668 We only wanted to know if this is the way to Smethwick. 365 00:27:11,668 --> 00:27:15,108 Has he got something against fancy dress? 366 00:27:18,348 --> 00:27:20,988 MAN YELLS AND SCREAMS 367 00:27:20,988 --> 00:27:25,428 I wish Dad would shut the crypt door when he's punishing Renfield. 368 00:27:25,428 --> 00:27:28,708 You can hear the screams all over the castle. 369 00:27:28,708 --> 00:27:32,228 YOU put the cockroaches in the study! 370 00:27:32,228 --> 00:27:34,548 You cunning, devious... 371 00:27:34,548 --> 00:27:36,388 I'm impressed! 372 00:27:36,388 --> 00:27:41,948 Needs must. There was no way I was having a breather for a stepmother. 373 00:27:41,948 --> 00:27:46,748 - Bit rough on Renfield, though, getting all the blame. - Yeah. 374 00:27:46,798 --> 00:27:51,348 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 30119

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