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1
00:00:02,864 --> 00:00:06,170
Good morning, everyone.
2
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,340
Why is she in pajamas?
3
00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,340
I'm letting Candace stay
upstairs for a couple days
4
00:00:09,370 --> 00:00:11,440
'cause of what's going on
in her apartment building.
5
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:12,340
Oh, thank you.
6
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:13,740
Good, 'cause if it was pajama day
7
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:16,080
and nobody told me, I'd be pissed.
8
00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:19,350
Justin, one more thing.
9
00:00:19,380 --> 00:00:21,480
Um, I found something out by the dumpster,
10
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,750
and I wanted to know if I could keep it.
11
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:26,690
Leslie: Ohh! Oh!
12
00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:30,590
[High-pitched] I'm just the cutest
little guy that's ever lived!
13
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,790
Look, that's obviously not his voice.
14
00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:33,930
Umm...
15
00:00:36,130 --> 00:00:38,730
Uh, choosing a pretend dog
voice for him is very important
16
00:00:38,770 --> 00:00:41,270
because that's gonna be his
pretend dog voice forever.
17
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,210
Yeah, I think he's got a
bit of the Brando about him.
18
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,210
[As Marlon Brando] You
want me to poop outside?
19
00:00:48,580 --> 00:00:50,850
That, I cannot do.
20
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:54,620
He's obviously got a little Shepherd in him,
21
00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:56,580
so he is German.
22
00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,720
[German accent] Hello, everybody.
23
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,450
Don't be fooled
24
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:03,520
by my floppy ears and adorable snout.
25
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:07,260
Even though I appear friendly,
26
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:09,430
I have already poisoned all of you.
27
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:12,400
You probably want ze antidote.
28
00:01:12,430 --> 00:01:13,900
But guess what... You don't get it
29
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:18,540
until I get a new collar and some snausages.
30
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:20,980
Fun's over.
31
00:01:21,010 --> 00:01:24,050
I can't have a dog living at the bar.
32
00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:25,110
I understand.
33
00:01:25,150 --> 00:01:26,080
[Normal voice] Aww.
34
00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:27,350
Hey, don't give up that easy.
35
00:01:27,380 --> 00:01:29,850
Here, just put the dog
down and then walk away.
36
00:01:34,290 --> 00:01:35,820
Justin: Okay, I know
what you're trying to do,
37
00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:36,860
and it's not gonna work.
38
00:01:36,890 --> 00:01:38,960
I'm not some kind of... guy who's...
39
00:01:43,130 --> 00:01:45,100
Wh... [Chuckles] What are you looking at?
40
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:46,100
I don't...
41
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,600
Well, you can't stay here. I...
42
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,640
Why don't you tell him what you named him?
43
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:53,110
His name is Mo.
44
00:01:53,140 --> 00:01:55,010
[Voice breaking] For the Motor City.
45
00:01:56,210 --> 00:01:57,580
It's perfect.
46
00:01:59,050 --> 00:02:00,820
I mean, you're like a-a metaphor for Detroit.
47
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:01,850
You're...
48
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,250
You're a survivor. I...
49
00:02:04,290 --> 00:02:05,920
Why don't you just say it?
50
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:08,490
All right, the dog can stay.
51
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,090
But, Candace, get him a dog bed.
52
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,460
He's not an animal.
53
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,800
[German accent] And get him snausages!
54
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:24,310
Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
55
00:02:24,340 --> 00:02:26,770
Justin: That's right, now.
"Undateable" has a dog.
56
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:28,940
Danny: Yeah, just when you
thought we couldn't get any cuter.
57
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:29,810
[Giggles]
58
00:02:29,811 --> 00:02:31,049
?�?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?�?
?��www.addic7ed.com?��
59
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,150
Hey. You got your check for half of the rent?
60
00:02:33,180 --> 00:02:35,320
You know, I could mail these sometimes.
61
00:02:35,350 --> 00:02:37,320
Oh, no. Mailing checks is my thing.
62
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:39,520
I take care of the rent checks
and what we watch on TV,
63
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,520
and you do the cooking,
cleaning, laundry, shopping,
64
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,020
and nightly turndown service.
65
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,030
Uh...
66
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,030
What is our horrible
neighbor Kevin doing here?
67
00:02:52,070 --> 00:02:52,730
[Laughs]
68
00:02:56,070 --> 00:02:57,940
Sorry. Hair's still a little wet.
69
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,270
I'm gonna quote my favorite John Mayer song,
70
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,710
but I'm going to change one word...
71
00:03:02,740 --> 00:03:04,480
Your body's not a wonderland.
72
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:08,280
Danny, they shut off his water and power,
73
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:11,190
so I told him that he could
use ours while you're at work.
74
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:12,320
You got to stop letting everybody
75
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,350
take advantage of you, okay?
76
00:03:13,390 --> 00:03:14,560
Especially this loser.
77
00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:17,060
You know, I've been called a lot of stuff...
78
00:03:17,090 --> 00:03:18,660
Disgraced doctor...
79
00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:19,930
Kevin...
80
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,130
"Not The Father" by Maury Povich...
81
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,340
"The Father" by Maury Povich.
82
00:03:31,870 --> 00:03:34,240
But I have never, ever been called a loser.
83
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,780
I'll just get out of here,
make everybody happy.
84
00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:49,060
Hey, man, aren't you gonna get your stuff?
85
00:03:49,090 --> 00:03:51,160
That's how he came over.
86
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,130
Wow.
87
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,060
[Chuckling] It is freezing out here.
88
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,860
You know what, just... just borrow my coat.
89
00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:58,700
Well, thank you very much.
90
00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:01,270
You're a good person, Justin.
91
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,240
Danny.
92
00:04:09,910 --> 00:04:11,380
Okay, I took Mo to the dog shelter
93
00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,350
to make sure that he didn't belong to anyone,
94
00:04:13,380 --> 00:04:15,580
and he didn't, but they said
that I couldn't adopt him
95
00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:16,980
until I had an interview.
96
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:19,090
And, I mean, look at these questions.
97
00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,760
"Do you have a yard?"
98
00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:22,660
Who am I... Rihanna?
99
00:04:24,490 --> 00:04:27,030
They're never gonna let me adopt him.
100
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:30,360
Just do what I do... Lie.
101
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,670
Yeah.
102
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:34,070
When I was a kid, people used
to lie to me all the time,
103
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,040
and I just promised myself
that when I grew up,
104
00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:38,470
I wouldn't do that to anyone.
105
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:41,410
I don't even know how to lie.
106
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:45,480
Well, it sounds like you need a teacher.
107
00:04:45,510 --> 00:04:48,680
It's a pity the greatest liar
in the world lives in London.
108
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:49,650
Oh, really?
109
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,250
No. That was a lie, Candace.
110
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:53,990
He's standing right in front of you.
111
00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:56,820
Also a lie.
112
00:04:56,860 --> 00:04:59,390
I'm actually the second-greatest
liar in the world.
113
00:04:59,430 --> 00:05:00,560
The first is dead.
114
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,130
A lie. He's not dead. He's
in prison... for lying.
115
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,300
Another lie.
116
00:05:04,330 --> 00:05:05,930
Oh, he actually lives next
door to my mum in London.
117
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:07,700
[American accent] Lies.
I-I-I-I'm not even British.
118
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,840
I was born and raised on a farm in Ohio.
119
00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:14,440
[Normal voice] Get a notebook,
start writing this down
120
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,780
because your training's about to start.
121
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,910
Lie! It's already begun!
122
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:23,550
British people can lie?
123
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,320
Oh, man. I can't believe how cold it is.
124
00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:26,650
Hey, can you feel your arms?
125
00:05:26,690 --> 00:05:29,460
I can't believe you let
Kevin take your coat, man.
126
00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:32,260
Well, maybe I just wanted to wear the vest.
127
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:35,700
Why? Is there a Marty McFly
look-alike contest somewhere?
128
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,730
You got to stop letting people
take advantage of you, okay?
129
00:05:39,770 --> 00:05:41,470
Everyone doesn't take advantage of me.
130
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,240
Candace is currently living in your bar.
131
00:05:43,270 --> 00:05:44,570
And what about Shelly?
132
00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:45,710
He takes all the senior citizens
133
00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:47,010
at the retirement home that he works at
134
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,710
and they come in here, and
they don't pay for a thing.
135
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:51,010
Well, excuse me for caring about old folks
136
00:05:51,050 --> 00:05:53,010
whose families have abandoned them.
137
00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:55,120
They have?
138
00:05:55,150 --> 00:05:58,720
Now, don't you listen to him, Mrs. Bosma.
139
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:01,890
Your daughter loves you very much.
140
00:06:07,030 --> 00:06:09,800
At least go get your coat back, okay?
141
00:06:11,070 --> 00:06:12,430
[Chuckling] Okay.
142
00:06:12,470 --> 00:06:14,670
Daniel, Daniel, Daniel.
143
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:17,270
I didn't give Kevin my
coat to keep his body warm.
144
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,670
I did it to warm his heart.
145
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:24,550
See, you've read the book,
but now meet the man.
146
00:06:24,580 --> 00:06:27,010
I am chicken soup for the soul.
147
00:06:30,650 --> 00:06:31,750
Drink me in.
148
00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:34,320
Let my broth warm your insides.
149
00:06:35,990 --> 00:06:40,030
Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of man-broth.
150
00:06:40,060 --> 00:06:41,630
Yeah, me neither.
151
00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:42,730
Lie.
152
00:06:46,970 --> 00:06:49,470
Sorry, Danny, but I see
the good in everybody.
153
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:52,370
And there's nothing you're gonna
say that's gonna change that.
154
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,780
Okay. Uh, you know how I
take care of the rent checks?
155
00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:55,780
Mm-hmm.
156
00:06:55,810 --> 00:06:57,380
And you know how we split it 50/50?
157
00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:06,820
Why is mine for $600 and
your check's for $400?
158
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:09,160
Because I've been taking advantage of you
159
00:07:09,190 --> 00:07:10,960
since the day we met.
160
00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:14,030
You've been stealing from me?!
161
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:17,830
Yeah, I immediately regret
that I used that as an example.
162
00:07:23,380 --> 00:07:25,150
- Leslie: Sweetie, are you okay?
- I'm great.
163
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:27,720
I'm just cutting this lime
into, uh, equal halves.
164
00:07:27,750 --> 00:07:29,950
This looks about right, Danny, doesn't it?
165
00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:34,390
Oh, bro, he got you with a math burn.
166
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:39,030
Also known as "not a burn at all."
167
00:07:40,330 --> 00:07:42,100
You should know that I've
been secretly paying you back,
168
00:07:42,130 --> 00:07:44,530
and I've been sneaking $20s into your pocket
169
00:07:44,570 --> 00:07:45,730
just about every day.
170
00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:46,730
What?
171
00:07:48,940 --> 00:07:51,370
I just thought I was making more tips.
172
00:07:53,180 --> 00:07:55,440
From who?
173
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,480
Danny: I'm sorry.
174
00:07:57,510 --> 00:08:00,220
But from now on, we'll split the rent 50/50.
175
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,120
But still, that doesn't mean
you shouldn't let me have it.
176
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:03,750
So go ahead. Lay it on
me. All right? You ready?
177
00:08:03,790 --> 00:08:04,850
Are you ready?
178
00:08:04,890 --> 00:08:07,260
'Cause hurricane Justin is coming.
179
00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:08,990
Let's go live to the scene in Detroit.
180
00:08:09,020 --> 00:08:10,460
Yeah, hi, Pam.
181
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:14,230
Uh, the hurricane is taking form.
182
00:08:14,260 --> 00:08:17,230
There seems to be a
long-haired idiot out here
183
00:08:17,270 --> 00:08:19,270
who doesn't think the
storm is actually coming.
184
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:21,000
Back to you, studio. Back to you.
185
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,040
Uh, uh, hi.
186
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:24,210
Uh, this is Gary back at the studio.
187
00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,040
It looks like a little, baby storm...
188
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,810
Probably just some mild precipitation.
189
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,080
A-and the storm won't
affect a-a-anything at all.
190
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,380
- Actually, Gary... You're wrong.
- Yeah?
191
00:08:35,420 --> 00:08:36,850
I can't hear you over the wind,
192
00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:38,750
'cause it's... It's really coming in strong.
193
00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:41,920
Doesn't sound windy at
all, actually, from here.
194
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,890
Sounds like a nice sunny day!
195
00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:46,330
Uh-oh. The studio's gone. It went away.
196
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,500
'Cause there's thunder.
197
00:08:47,530 --> 00:08:49,300
Boom! Boom!
198
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:50,370
It's so loud!
199
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,030
Boom! Lightning!
200
00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,900
Psssh!
201
00:08:53,940 --> 00:08:55,440
Pssssssssh!
202
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,340
Pssssssssssssh!
203
00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:00,910
Here comes the storm!
204
00:09:03,850 --> 00:09:07,020
Wh... why do people always
take advantage of me?
205
00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:11,720
I think you just answered
your own question, man.
206
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,060
Look, this situation is just like
207
00:09:16,090 --> 00:09:17,290
Kevin and your coat, all right?
208
00:09:17,330 --> 00:09:18,890
People know that if they
take advantage of you,
209
00:09:18,930 --> 00:09:19,960
there's no ramifications.
210
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,200
That's not true.
211
00:09:21,230 --> 00:09:23,400
But if it's not true, then, uh...
212
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,600
How about this?
213
00:09:24,630 --> 00:09:26,500
If I took this knife right
now and I stabbed you,
214
00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:27,570
what would you do?
215
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,070
I saw something on "Dateline"
216
00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:31,370
that says most stabbings
are a crime of passion.
217
00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:33,370
So, to be honest,
218
00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:35,740
I'd be quite flattered
that you cared that much.
219
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,350
Dude, you know what... You're hopeless.
220
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,150
Mnh!
221
00:09:42,180 --> 00:09:43,120
Haah...
222
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,520
Are you whimpering right now
223
00:09:44,550 --> 00:09:46,920
because you're sad or
because I cut your finger?
224
00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:49,690
The second one. Daaah!
225
00:09:49,730 --> 00:09:51,660
Aah! Aah!
226
00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,330
Could we have an ambulance?
My friend has been stabbed.
227
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,600
Oh, no, no, no. It's just his finger.
228
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,600
Yeah, great. I'll see you after lunch.
229
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:03,140
O-okay. Uh, uh, Shelly, you work
at a retirement home, right?
230
00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,540
So people must get hurt all the time there.
231
00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:05,840
Just do what you do with them. Go ahead.
232
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:06,840
Okay.
233
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,480
[Shrieking]
234
00:10:08,510 --> 00:10:10,910
You lived a good life.
235
00:10:14,050 --> 00:10:16,620
Now just go into that light.
236
00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:17,820
Wha...?!
237
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,220
Danny said Justin's gonna be fine.
238
00:10:22,260 --> 00:10:23,990
Guess how many stitches he got.
239
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:25,560
- Eight.
- Nope. Guess again.
240
00:10:25,590 --> 00:10:27,760
Oh, this game got old fast.
241
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,030
So, now we can just focus
242
00:10:33,070 --> 00:10:34,970
on teaching this young lady how to lie.
243
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,010
Honestly, honestly, you really never lie?
244
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,010
No.
245
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,740
So she's like a truth bomb.
246
00:10:40,780 --> 00:10:41,840
Mm.
247
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:42,810
Game on.
248
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:44,110
- Candace.
- Yeah?
249
00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,050
Uh, why is Burski the way he is?
250
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,420
I've always believed
251
00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:50,120
that God has to make some weirdos, too.
252
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:57,130
And boom! Truth bomb!
253
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,460
Candace, why does Brett insist
254
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,660
on making jokes at his friends' expense?
255
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:04,700
Uh, growing up gay and...
256
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:05,830
Husky...
257
00:11:07,370 --> 00:11:10,740
I think he learned to deflect
the focus off of himself
258
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,110
and onto other people.
259
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:13,810
Pffh.
260
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:19,680
Oh, this is much better than
your dumb stitch-guessing game.
261
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:20,680
Really?
262
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,150
Hey, Candace, what do you think
263
00:11:22,180 --> 00:11:24,820
about an adult who still watches cartoons?
264
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,590
Oh. I wouldn't call that person an adult.
265
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:29,420
More of a child who never really grew up.
266
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:30,630
[Chuckles, snaps fingers]
267
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:32,060
This game is over!
268
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,230
I'm an adult man.
269
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:37,370
And I'm gonna take my
candy and my sticker book
270
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,000
and be on my way.
271
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,310
Wait, I... I'm confused.
272
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,370
I thought you were gonna teach me how to lie
273
00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:46,570
so that I could get Mo back.
274
00:11:46,610 --> 00:11:48,310
I don't have to teach you anything.
275
00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,310
[Sighs]
276
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,450
With that innocent, little Disney face,
277
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,480
people will believe anything you say.
278
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:56,550
I just have to convince you to say the words.
279
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:58,020
Let me put it this way...
280
00:11:58,050 --> 00:12:00,190
Who would take better care of Mo than you?
281
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,220
No one.
282
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:05,230
[Voice breaking] I already got a
dog bed that fits the both of us.
283
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,130
- Hey!
- Leslie: Aww!
284
00:12:12,170 --> 00:12:13,600
Hey, he's back!
285
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:15,400
Shelly: Hey.
286
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:16,440
Quiet down.
287
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:19,210
I believe Justin has a question.
288
00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:23,350
All right, you know what...
He's actually in a lot of pain,
289
00:12:23,380 --> 00:12:24,950
so...
290
00:12:24,980 --> 00:12:27,550
Seriously, what's your question?
291
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,820
Justin, um...
292
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,690
Since Danny won't let
me shower at your house,
293
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,090
I just wanted to say
294
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:37,490
I appreciate you letting me
wash up here in the bathroom.
295
00:12:37,530 --> 00:12:38,890
Took a little bit of work,
296
00:12:38,930 --> 00:12:41,800
but I was finally able to get
myself to sit in the sink.
297
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:45,570
Daniel.
298
00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,070
Are you kidding me?
299
00:12:49,110 --> 00:12:51,540
I'm just trying to show him some kindness.
300
00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:52,610
Will you listen to yourself?
301
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:53,810
I mean, forget Detroit.
302
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,980
You'd get your ass kicked on Sesame Street.
303
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,780
You make it impossible for me to respect you.
304
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:04,120
Don't say that. That hurts my feelings.
305
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,820
Well, what are you gonna do about it, huh?
306
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,660
Same as always... Nothing.
307
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:14,560
We're following up on a
911 call about a stabbing.
308
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,360
[Groans]
309
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,870
That was just a mistake. Justin, tell him.
310
00:13:25,110 --> 00:13:26,570
He did it.
311
00:13:26,610 --> 00:13:28,410
Come on, what are... What
the hell are you doing?
312
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:29,240
Book him!
313
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,850
[Whimpers]
314
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,750
Come on, man! I won't last a minute in there!
315
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,320
My face is too pretty.
316
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:46,030
I'm just glad they arrested a white guy.
317
00:13:54,629 --> 00:13:57,590
Do you guys think Danny's gonna
be mad when he gets out of jail?
318
00:13:57,620 --> 00:13:59,090
You did get him out.
319
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,320
Shelly: On the other hand...
320
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:03,520
Yeah, he's gonna kill you.
321
00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:17,970
So...
322
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,010
How was prison?
323
00:14:27,180 --> 00:14:29,620
Did you make any new friends?
324
00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:34,620
I'm so sorry.
325
00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:35,820
I knew it. I knew it!
326
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:36,890
If I just stood here
327
00:14:36,930 --> 00:14:38,460
and looked at you like that little dog,
328
00:14:38,490 --> 00:14:39,890
I knew you'd fold and apologize.
329
00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:43,000
Dude, I said I didn't respect you,
330
00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:44,930
and then I stabbed you.
331
00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,370
Aren't you upset with everyone
taking advantage of you?
332
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,740
Well, what am I supposed to do,
333
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,640
- stop believing in people?
- Yes!
334
00:14:52,670 --> 00:14:54,910
Do you really think Kevin is
gonna give you back your jacket?
335
00:14:54,940 --> 00:14:56,210
Absolutely!
336
00:14:56,250 --> 00:14:57,780
You know, once summer rolls around
337
00:14:57,810 --> 00:14:59,210
and he's not so attached to it.
338
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:03,250
Wha... what do you want from me, Danny?
339
00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,290
Uh... You know what? I
wasn't prepared for this.
340
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,890
I...Want you to look better in photos?
341
00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:09,790
But most of all,
342
00:15:09,830 --> 00:15:12,260
I want you to stop seeing
the good in people, okay?
343
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:14,560
Because most of the time,
it's just not there.
344
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,360
I will, uh, stop doing that.
345
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,630
I'll go get my jacket back from Kevin.
346
00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,540
Shelly, I just looked out my window,
347
00:15:20,570 --> 00:15:22,770
and that old woman from the retirement home
348
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,910
is wandering around the parking lot, naked.
349
00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:26,640
Oh, no. Not again!
350
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,140
[Claps] Lie!
351
00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:30,880
[Gasps] I did it! I told my first lie!
352
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:33,050
That's a lie.
353
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,920
My first lie was at a coffee shop.
354
00:15:34,950 --> 00:15:38,450
Lie. It was at a bakery.
355
00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:41,620
Lie! It was at a pizza parlor.
356
00:15:41,660 --> 00:15:43,960
Are these all gonna be small businesses?
357
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:47,100
Yeah.
358
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:48,760
Brett, thank you so much.
359
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,700
You're my favorite.
360
00:15:50,730 --> 00:15:52,130
Oh, is that a lie?
361
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:53,700
You'll never know.
362
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:57,210
All right.
363
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:58,940
Well, I'm gonna go throw away
364
00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:01,040
everything I stand for to get a dog.
365
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,580
I feel really great.
366
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:08,020
Check us out, just changing people's lives.
367
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,150
Feels good, doesn't it?
368
00:16:09,180 --> 00:16:10,380
Sure does.
369
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:12,490
Uh... Want to do a celebratory
370
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,560
end-of-the-movie freeze-frame?
371
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:15,990
I think I do.
372
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,260
Why would you do that to those two?
373
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:26,900
Leslie, it's rude to talk over the credits.
374
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:28,800
Candace is an angel.
375
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,570
And why would you want Justin
376
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,570
to stop seeing the good in people?
377
00:16:32,610 --> 00:16:34,110
[Scoffs]
378
00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:37,110
We should feel like it's a gift
that we have them in our lives.
379
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,850
We were just trying to help.
380
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,500
We have to make this quick
because I'm on my way
381
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:50,560
to the animal shelter to go pick up Mo...
382
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,870
By lying through my teeth.
383
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:55,170
Candace, I'm not gonna let you do that.
384
00:16:57,740 --> 00:17:00,370
Look... Before I came out,
385
00:17:00,410 --> 00:17:04,180
I spent so many years just lying...
386
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,480
To everyone, even myself.
387
00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:07,980
That must have been really hard.
388
00:17:08,020 --> 00:17:09,220
It was.
389
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:11,320
And, you know, whether it was lying to my dad
390
00:17:11,350 --> 00:17:13,750
about why I didn't want
to go to the school dance
391
00:17:13,790 --> 00:17:15,490
or lying to my friend Toby
392
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,760
about why I wanted to turn off the lights
393
00:17:17,790 --> 00:17:19,430
and play my new favorite game,
394
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:21,700
"What part of my body is this?"
395
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,500
I was so full of crap.
396
00:17:25,530 --> 00:17:27,200
I wasn't honest with anyone.
397
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,500
But you don't have to do that anymore.
398
00:17:29,540 --> 00:17:32,210
I know... because I'm
happy with who I am now.
399
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,440
Mostly.
400
00:17:34,910 --> 00:17:36,440
Look, Candace...
401
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,080
The thing I regret most
about that time in my life
402
00:17:39,110 --> 00:17:42,580
is that I learnt to be
very, very good at lying.
403
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,250
And I still do it too much.
404
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:49,060
And I don't want you to
go down the same path,
405
00:17:49,090 --> 00:17:51,890
because once you start, it's so hard to stop.
406
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,260
[Sighs]
407
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,130
But what about Mo?
408
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,030
Well, just because you're too sweet to lie,
409
00:17:57,070 --> 00:17:59,030
it doesn't mean that you don't
have some dirtbag friends
410
00:17:59,070 --> 00:18:00,400
who won't do it for you.
411
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:05,470
Oh, Mo!
412
00:18:05,510 --> 00:18:06,740
- Ohh!
- Oh.
413
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:07,910
To get the dog,
414
00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,580
we had to pretend to be
a happily married couple,
415
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:12,250
so when he put his hand on my
butt, I couldn't take it off.
416
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:15,950
It wasn't that bad.
417
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:19,120
You left it there when I sat down.
418
00:18:19,150 --> 00:18:22,590
[German accent] I'm gonna go
get you so many snausages!
419
00:18:24,290 --> 00:18:26,090
Ohh!
420
00:18:29,130 --> 00:18:33,070
Well... I got my coat back.
421
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:35,340
Justin, we don't want you to change.
422
00:18:35,370 --> 00:18:38,070
Yeah. I'll never forget
when we met in college.
423
00:18:38,110 --> 00:18:39,840
You just came up to a lonely outsider,
424
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,580
and you said, "Hey.
425
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:43,610
Are you stealing my bicycle?"
426
00:18:45,980 --> 00:18:47,420
And we still became the best of friends,
427
00:18:47,450 --> 00:18:48,620
and I love you for that.
428
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,690
And I love knowing that,
429
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,920
since my apartment doesn't allow dogs,
430
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,820
you're gonna let me stay here
until I figure something out.
431
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:01,000
Just stay the Justin that you are.
432
00:19:01,030 --> 00:19:02,160
We all want that.
433
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,300
Even you, Danny?
434
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,270
You know, when I was in prison,
435
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,170
I spent a lot of time soul-searching.
436
00:19:10,210 --> 00:19:11,940
How long was he in there?
437
00:19:11,970 --> 00:19:13,840
90 minutes.
438
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,680
You know what... It actually wasn't that bad,
439
00:19:15,710 --> 00:19:17,180
because they put me in a cell alone
440
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:19,310
and they gave me snacks and magazines.
441
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,820
I knew that even though I was in there
442
00:19:23,850 --> 00:19:25,220
that you were probably out here
443
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,190
trying to do everything
you could to get me out.
444
00:19:27,220 --> 00:19:28,360
[Chuckles]
445
00:19:28,390 --> 00:19:30,830
Well, my mom's new boyfriend is a lawyer,
446
00:19:30,860 --> 00:19:33,130
so he did do it pro bono.
447
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,300
I just have to call him "Dad" now.
448
00:19:35,330 --> 00:19:36,660
Look, Justin, after some thought,
449
00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,230
I don't want you to change who you are.
450
00:19:38,270 --> 00:19:39,800
And I know that that means that people
451
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:41,800
are probably gonna end up
taking advantage of you,
452
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,470
but... I'll help you out with that.
453
00:19:44,510 --> 00:19:45,640
To be honest with you,
454
00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:47,880
I don't know if I can go back to who I was.
455
00:19:47,910 --> 00:19:49,140
[Chuckles]
456
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:53,350
I mean, I ripped this jacket
right off Kevin's cold...
457
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:55,380
Oddly hairless body.
458
00:20:04,190 --> 00:20:06,160
It's a, uh... It's a price tag.
459
00:20:06,190 --> 00:20:07,830
You didn't go get your jacket from Kevin.
460
00:20:07,860 --> 00:20:09,700
It's a new jacket. Am I right?
461
00:20:12,570 --> 00:20:14,540
What can I say?
462
00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:16,370
You can't change me.
463
00:20:16,410 --> 00:20:17,510
[Laughs]
464
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:19,010
Well, you know what?
465
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:20,340
I'm done trying.
466
00:20:20,380 --> 00:20:21,380
[Laughs]
467
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,210
How'd they know how to do that
468
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:29,950
without even talking about it?!
469
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,220
You guys want to go see Mo?
470
00:20:33,260 --> 00:20:34,060
Yeah.
471
00:20:34,090 --> 00:20:34,890
Yeah.
472
00:20:34,891 --> 00:20:38,890
?�?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17?�?
?��www.addic7ed.com?��
473
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:51,240
J-bone and d-town cruisin' the city
474
00:20:51,270 --> 00:20:54,529
Brah browwww!
475
00:20:54,530 --> 00:20:57,999
What about Shelly
476
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,789
Sorry, I forgot you
477
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,589
You're in my heart
478
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:07,079
Danny and Justin and Shelly
479
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,469
That's better
480
00:21:08,519 --> 00:21:13,069
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