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1
00:00:00,294 --> 00:00:01,695
Okay. I'll talk to you later, babe.
2
00:00:02,762 --> 00:00:04,030
All right. Hey. Here's a pooch smooch.
3
00:00:04,063 --> 00:00:05,631
[Barks playfully] Mwah.
4
00:00:05,665 --> 00:00:07,133
[Chuckles]
5
00:00:07,166 --> 00:00:08,134
Danny: [Groans] Hang on.
6
00:00:08,167 --> 00:00:09,702
It's just a pooch smooch.
7
00:00:09,735 --> 00:00:12,805
Yeah. Well, my doggy style
is a little bit different.
8
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:15,308
No, I got to go.
9
00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:16,409
All right. I love you.
10
00:00:16,442 --> 00:00:17,643
No. I love you more.
11
00:00:17,677 --> 00:00:19,078
No. I love you more.
12
00:00:19,111 --> 00:00:20,313
No. I love you... okay,
all right. You know what?
13
00:00:20,346 --> 00:00:21,547
Let's just call it a tie, huh, buddy?
14
00:00:21,581 --> 00:00:23,416
Okay. Look, I'm just excited
15
00:00:23,449 --> 00:00:25,518
that Nicki's finally
moving back this weekend.
16
00:00:25,551 --> 00:00:26,819
You know how hard it is
17
00:00:26,853 --> 00:00:28,521
to keep a long-distance
relationship going?
18
00:00:28,554 --> 00:00:29,722
Uh, no. I actually don't.
19
00:00:29,755 --> 00:00:31,290
Much like Chinese food,
20
00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:33,926
Danny Burton has a
2-square-mile delivery zone.
21
00:00:33,926 --> 00:00:35,928
I anticipate Nicki
22
00:00:35,962 --> 00:00:37,330
will be moving back here for a while,
23
00:00:37,363 --> 00:00:40,333
so, uh, I wrote up some new house rules.
24
00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:41,701
All right? Here we go.
25
00:00:41,734 --> 00:00:42,935
No cute nicknames.
26
00:00:42,969 --> 00:00:45,004
No singing together.
27
00:00:45,037 --> 00:00:46,806
No sexy lingerie in the living room.
28
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:48,241
And that doesn't apply to Nicki so much
29
00:00:48,274 --> 00:00:50,042
as it's for you and that
outfit that you love.
30
00:00:50,076 --> 00:00:51,410
It's not lingerie, all right?
31
00:00:51,444 --> 00:00:54,247
It's just white silk boxers
with little red buttons
32
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,582
and some nice lace trimming.
33
00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:57,750
All right. That's lingerie.
34
00:00:57,783 --> 00:00:59,919
So, um, the most important rule is,
35
00:00:59,952 --> 00:01:01,487
if you guys watch a movie together,
36
00:01:01,521 --> 00:01:03,856
there will be no "secret
cuddling" under a blanket.
37
00:01:03,890 --> 00:01:07,890
I should never mistakenly
see your "O" face ever again.
38
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:11,364
By the way, it's totally like this.
39
00:01:11,397 --> 00:01:13,065
Whatever.
40
00:01:13,099 --> 00:01:15,368
- Every guy makes that face.
- Not me.
41
00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:16,469
It took me years of training,
42
00:01:16,502 --> 00:01:17,770
but I was able to make myself do this.
43
00:01:17,803 --> 00:01:19,005
[Gasps]
44
00:01:19,038 --> 00:01:20,432
[Exhales deeply]
45
00:01:21,438 --> 00:01:21,858
- Oh, man.
- Yeah.
46
00:01:22,019 --> 00:01:23,787
Okay. Look. Forget about your stupid list.
47
00:01:23,821 --> 00:01:26,390
I'm just excited she's
gonna be here, you know?
48
00:01:26,423 --> 00:01:27,724
We haven't had sex in a month.
49
00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:28,952
You visited her two weeks ago.
50
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,491
Yeah, but, you know, Nicki was bummed
51
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,593
'cause her mom isn't
doing great health-wise,
52
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,261
and she feels guilty about moving here,
53
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,664
so I just held her all weekend.
54
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,899
You see, Danny, when you
really care about someone,
55
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,167
and you can't fix something,
56
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:41,836
sometimes all you can do
is just be there for them.
57
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,104
Oh.
58
00:01:44,138 --> 00:01:45,192
I want to ask you a serious question.
59
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,875
Do your jeans fit differently
'cause you don't have testicles?
60
00:01:49,744 --> 00:01:53,147
Danny, there are more important
things in life than sex.
61
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:02,083
What the hell was that for?!
62
00:02:02,086 --> 00:02:03,554
You couldn't hear it, but your penis
63
00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:05,189
begged me to slap you, okay?
64
00:02:05,223 --> 00:02:07,291
[High-pitched voice] Thanks a lot, Danny.
65
00:02:07,325 --> 00:02:10,094
[Normal voice] Hey. No
problem, little fella.
66
00:02:11,315 --> 00:02:12,617
[High-pitched voice]
Sometimes it's so cold
67
00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,452
'cause we're never going inside of things.
68
00:02:14,665 --> 00:02:15,867
Hey, guys.
69
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:17,602
Stop talking to my penis!
70
00:02:17,635 --> 00:02:20,205
And I'll see you later.
71
00:02:20,578 --> 00:02:22,614
All right, now. Here we go. Come on.
72
00:02:22,647 --> 00:02:24,749
Justin: Okay. We are going.
73
00:02:26,518 --> 00:02:28,019
Oh-oh-oh, oh, oh
74
00:02:28,052 --> 00:02:30,121
"Undateable"... a show about friendship.
75
00:02:30,155 --> 00:02:31,322
Oh, yeah. That reminds me...
76
00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:33,558
- I used your toothbrush.
- No!
77
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,327
Hey, man.
78
00:02:36,361 --> 00:02:37,695
You working on that girl over there?
79
00:02:37,729 --> 00:02:39,365
Yeah, yeah. Don't look at her. All right?
80
00:02:40,616 --> 00:02:42,317
She's not even looking this way.
81
00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:43,819
Oh, now she is.
82
00:02:43,852 --> 00:02:45,420
Hi, pretty lady.
83
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,092
She's leaving. You
didn't even say anything.
84
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,561
I'm in the middle of my
three-day "look progression."
85
00:02:52,594 --> 00:02:54,029
Day one was the
over-the-shoulder glance,
86
00:02:54,062 --> 00:02:55,030
like this.
87
00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:57,666
[Gasps] Ohh.
88
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:59,601
And then tomorrow, I'm
gonna break out my closers.
89
00:02:59,635 --> 00:03:00,969
This one asks, "want to hang out?"
90
00:03:01,003 --> 00:03:02,738
And this one's all like, "yeah, you do."
91
00:03:02,771 --> 00:03:05,274
And then this one's all like, "you sure?"
92
00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:07,810
And then this one's like, "yeah, I'm
sure." And, "you positive?" And, "yeah."
93
00:03:07,843 --> 00:03:09,478
And, "you want to do it?" "Yeah."
"I don't know." "Yeah." "No."
94
00:03:09,511 --> 00:03:11,246
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No."
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah."
95
00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:13,415
"No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No."
"Yeah." "No." "Yeah." "No." "Yeah."
96
00:03:15,137 --> 00:03:16,338
What, are you talking about Sophie?
97
00:03:16,372 --> 00:03:18,173
She has a little crush on me. It's nice.
98
00:03:18,207 --> 00:03:19,608
Oh, is it a little crush,
99
00:03:19,642 --> 00:03:20,880
'cause you're a little man?
100
00:03:20,883 --> 00:03:21,851
[Chuckles]
101
00:03:21,884 --> 00:03:23,352
She's clearly into me, all right?
102
00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:25,020
You know what I've been doing all week.
103
00:03:25,054 --> 00:03:28,290
Staring at her like a brooding
guy who lost his contacts?
104
00:03:30,656 --> 00:03:31,757
In your imaginary world
105
00:03:31,791 --> 00:03:33,359
where women prefer you sexually over me,
106
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:37,330
do you also have big muscles
and a low manly voice?
107
00:03:37,363 --> 00:03:39,365
[Voice cracking] Well,
you know what, Danny?
108
00:03:39,398 --> 00:03:41,000
Ahem! [Normal voice] You know what, Danny?
109
00:03:41,033 --> 00:03:43,369
There's no way to tell who women prefer.
110
00:03:43,402 --> 00:03:45,171
Actually, there might be.
111
00:03:45,204 --> 00:03:46,739
There's this app called Studscore
112
00:03:46,772 --> 00:03:48,307
where women can rate the sexual performance
113
00:03:48,341 --> 00:03:50,376
of the men they've slept with.
114
00:03:50,409 --> 00:03:51,844
My man Danny got an 8.
115
00:03:51,877 --> 00:03:53,813
Are you sure it wasn't an 8 on its side,
116
00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:55,047
which is the symbol for infinity?
117
00:03:55,081 --> 00:03:57,683
Maybe I got an infinity.
118
00:03:57,717 --> 00:03:59,518
"You know what you're getting,
119
00:03:59,552 --> 00:04:01,237
and it's available 24 hours."
120
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,142
Oh. You're like a Denny's.
121
00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:06,245
Oh. Justin also got an 8...
122
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:08,614
In a review clearly written by Nicki.
123
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,650
"He's sweet, kind,
124
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:13,153
and finally seems to know what he's doing."
125
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,289
Huh?
126
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:17,757
The Internet never lies...
127
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,659
Except for that review that said this bar
128
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,561
was a "charmless void."
129
00:04:21,594 --> 00:04:23,196
I stand by what I wrote.
130
00:04:24,798 --> 00:04:26,266
I mean, green-and-orange everything.
131
00:04:26,299 --> 00:04:28,935
Is this place a pumpkin?
132
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,310
Whatever. This app is B.S.
133
00:04:36,343 --> 00:04:37,578
Your score would have been a lot lower
134
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,580
if it included the girl
you lost your virginity to.
135
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,182
Luckily, Carol was never
a big fan of computers.
136
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:44,251
That's 'cause when you banged
her, she was a senior citizen.
137
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,155
I mean, she's got to be like 70.
138
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,557
Nope. No, she's not, Bursk.
139
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:53,494
I mean, she would be,
but she recently passed.
140
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:57,464
[Smooches]
141
00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:03,671
Guys, I think Sophie's coming.
142
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,806
Sophie's coming. Sophie's coming.
143
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,344
[All groan]
144
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,545
Come on! Huh?!
145
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:15,015
- I hate this bar.
- Sorry, Les.
146
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:17,084
We were just waiting to see
which guy Sophie prefers.
147
00:05:17,118 --> 00:05:18,219
Hey, you look great.
148
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:20,188
Thank you. It's my lucky blazer.
149
00:05:20,922 --> 00:05:23,124
Hey, uh, was that the jacket you wore
150
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,626
when you were accepted to Hogwarts?
151
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:32,800
Hey, Justin.
152
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:33,901
Hey, Sophie.
153
00:05:33,935 --> 00:05:35,269
First-name basis no big deal.
154
00:05:35,303 --> 00:05:36,404
She wants to talk to me.
155
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:38,439
Actually, I wanted to talk to him.
156
00:05:38,473 --> 00:05:39,807
Danny: Oh.
157
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:40,875
Uh, you know what?
158
00:05:40,908 --> 00:05:42,310
Justin, excuse us?
159
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,311
No problem. Yeah.
160
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,745
No, I'm just gonna go to my office
161
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,414
and see if my shredder can fit a blazer.
162
00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,115
I just wanted to ask.
163
00:05:51,149 --> 00:05:52,984
Oh, God. I'm so nervous.
164
00:05:53,017 --> 00:05:56,588
It's just, he's so cute.
165
00:05:58,590 --> 00:06:00,992
Excuse me?
166
00:06:01,025 --> 00:06:02,660
You're his friend.
167
00:06:02,694 --> 00:06:05,196
Is he really serious about his girlfriend?
168
00:06:07,131 --> 00:06:09,534
What... what's happening right now?
169
00:06:11,836 --> 00:06:13,972
Did you see these?
170
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,775
I love this moment so much,
171
00:06:17,809 --> 00:06:19,877
I just want to make babies with it.
172
00:06:19,911 --> 00:06:21,879
Okay.
173
00:06:21,913 --> 00:06:24,983
Yeah. Justin and Nicki
are... are pretty serious.
174
00:06:25,016 --> 00:06:26,851
Oh. What a bummer.
175
00:06:26,884 --> 00:06:28,886
But, uh, you know, daddy's single.
176
00:06:31,089 --> 00:06:33,691
Keep walking if you don't give a crap.
177
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:40,298
Please tell me that Justin's pointy elf ear
178
00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:41,432
wasn't pressed against the door
179
00:06:41,466 --> 00:06:42,734
so he could listen to the whole thing.
180
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,003
Oh, I heard every word!
181
00:06:44,536 --> 00:06:46,037
[Chuckles]
182
00:06:46,071 --> 00:06:47,672
Just don't make a big deal of it, okay?
183
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:49,741
Never make a big deal out of this.
184
00:06:49,775 --> 00:06:51,576
Katy Perry might. [Chuckles]
185
00:06:51,610 --> 00:06:55,080
'Cause I got the eye of the tiger
186
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:56,581
a fighter
187
00:06:56,615 --> 00:06:58,116
Guys, slow-motion celebration.
188
00:06:58,150 --> 00:07:00,952
'Cause I am the champion
189
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:04,756
and you're gonna
hear me roa-a-a-a-r
190
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:06,658
oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh
191
00:07:06,691 --> 00:07:09,060
roar, oh-oh-oh-oh,oh-oh-oh
192
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:11,396
roar, oh-oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh
193
00:07:11,429 --> 00:07:14,232
and you're gonna
hear me roa-a-a-a-r
194
00:07:14,266 --> 00:07:15,634
oh-oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh
195
00:07:17,739 --> 00:07:19,009
You see, Nicki taught me
how to be a better lover.
196
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:21,608
She taught me with the clapping system.
197
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:28,014
Any time I did anything wrong,
she would clap, you know?
198
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:31,585
Now... it's dead silence.
199
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:34,888
All right, man. You know what?
200
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:37,024
It's not the fact that a
girl picked Justin over me
201
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,091
that's freaking me out.
202
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,726
It's obviously the end of the world,
203
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:41,428
and there's so many things in
my life that I haven't done yet.
204
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,430
For instance, I've never had
sex with a girl from Belgium,
205
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:44,565
and that's the only country on my map
206
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:45,766
that doesn't have a pushpin in it.
207
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:46,800
So, like, Russia?
208
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:48,268
Uh, yeah. Don't you remember Natasha?
209
00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,671
- Mexico.
- Uh, Rosario.
210
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:55,175
Yeah, I just finally want
to have sex with a gay man...
211
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:56,677
or a straight guy who's down on his luck.
212
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,020
I mean [Scoffs] beggars can't
be choosers at this point.
213
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,016
Danny, how does it feel
214
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,451
to be living in Justin Kearney's world now?
215
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,493
No, no, no. All right, look. Okay.
216
00:08:05,496 --> 00:08:06,664
The only guys that are allowed
217
00:08:06,697 --> 00:08:08,432
to talk about themselves
in the third person
218
00:08:08,466 --> 00:08:10,401
and get away with it are
Danny Burton and Drake.
219
00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:13,037
[As Drake]
lord, Drake's
got so many women and houses
220
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:15,806
but Drake's still so emotional
221
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,509
Danny, relax, okay?
222
00:08:18,542 --> 00:08:19,744
I have a girlfriend.
223
00:08:19,777 --> 00:08:21,245
You can have any girl in this bar
224
00:08:21,278 --> 00:08:24,215
that I allow you to have.
225
00:08:24,248 --> 00:08:25,950
Surprise.
226
00:08:25,983 --> 00:08:27,451
You have an eyelash.
227
00:08:27,485 --> 00:08:29,520
Go ahead. Make a wish. Blow.
228
00:08:29,553 --> 00:08:31,119
[Normal voice] Okay. You know what?
229
00:08:31,122 --> 00:08:32,790
I'm gonna actually grab that from you,
230
00:08:32,824 --> 00:08:34,125
and I'm gonna give it back to you
231
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:35,593
'cause I'm afraid you're
gonna waste your wish
232
00:08:35,626 --> 00:08:36,828
on a guy that looks like a mannequin
233
00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:37,995
from the "it's a small world" ride.
234
00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:39,263
Come here, dude.
235
00:08:39,297 --> 00:08:40,498
Come here. Hey.
236
00:08:40,531 --> 00:08:41,899
What is going on right now?
237
00:08:41,933 --> 00:08:43,435
- Is there something different about him?
- Yes.
238
00:08:43,568 --> 00:08:44,569
He's head over heels in love.
239
00:08:44,603 --> 00:08:46,171
Don't you know how sexy that is?
240
00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:48,707
Listen, Danny, I wish I
could turn this charm off,
241
00:08:48,740 --> 00:08:51,276
but daddy don't know how.
242
00:08:53,111 --> 00:08:55,380
Please make something bad happen to Justin.
243
00:08:55,413 --> 00:08:56,414
[Blows]
244
00:08:59,684 --> 00:09:02,988
That is amazing. I need
to get more eyelashes.
245
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,324
What are you doing, les?
246
00:09:06,358 --> 00:09:08,260
Reviewing the last guy I hooked up with.
247
00:09:08,293 --> 00:09:10,595
What's it called when a
guy does the walk of shame?
248
00:09:10,629 --> 00:09:13,465
I call it skipping to breakfast.
249
00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,155
Hey, read Brett's reviews
250
00:09:17,189 --> 00:09:19,858
back from when he was in the closet.
251
00:09:19,891 --> 00:09:21,293
"Pretty sure he was gay."
252
00:09:21,326 --> 00:09:23,261
"Seemed a little gay."
253
00:09:23,295 --> 00:09:24,930
"Very, very gay."
254
00:09:24,963 --> 00:09:29,601
Hey, Shelly, you got an 8 and then a 2
255
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:31,670
from the same girl on the same night.
256
00:09:31,703 --> 00:09:33,672
What happened in between these two scores?
257
00:09:33,705 --> 00:09:36,108
Oh, the pizza showed up.
258
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:42,881
Oh, my gosh. We have to look up Burski.
259
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:43,982
Come on, guys. This isn't cool.
260
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:45,551
You make fun of me enough.
261
00:09:45,584 --> 00:09:47,386
A 9.9 out of 10?
262
00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:50,656
"A hairy surprise under the sheets."
263
00:09:55,194 --> 00:09:57,763
Oh, yeah!
264
00:09:57,796 --> 00:10:00,399
Somebody call Al Gore.
265
00:10:00,432 --> 00:10:02,234
The Internet's broken.
266
00:10:05,191 --> 00:10:06,725
I just really miss my girlfriend
267
00:10:06,759 --> 00:10:08,727
that I'm super-monogamous
and really in love with.
268
00:10:08,761 --> 00:10:12,164
Oh.
269
00:10:12,198 --> 00:10:13,833
Talking about your girlfriend, Danny?
270
00:10:13,866 --> 00:10:16,268
Yeah. It's really hard being without her.
271
00:10:16,302 --> 00:10:16,870
I, uh...
272
00:10:17,003 --> 00:10:19,439
I feel like [Voice breaking] part of me
273
00:10:19,472 --> 00:10:21,207
is missing, you know?
274
00:10:21,241 --> 00:10:23,310
Oh, my... you got to
tell us about her, okay?
275
00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,678
How'd you two kids meet? [Chuckles]
276
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:28,281
Well, uh, I was just kind of hanging out
277
00:10:28,315 --> 00:10:29,549
on the beach one day,
278
00:10:29,582 --> 00:10:32,319
and this really beautiful
lady wandered out of the ocean,
279
00:10:32,352 --> 00:10:34,654
and...
280
00:10:34,688 --> 00:10:36,022
I wanted to talk to her,
281
00:10:36,056 --> 00:10:38,758
but an evil queen stole her voice.
282
00:10:40,327 --> 00:10:42,062
Who introduced you?
283
00:10:42,095 --> 00:10:45,332
A tiny Jamaican crab?
284
00:10:46,933 --> 00:10:48,134
[Chuckles]
285
00:10:48,238 --> 00:10:51,608
I should get going.
286
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:56,579
Look, that was never gonna work.
287
00:10:56,613 --> 00:10:58,982
Women don't love me
because I have a girlfriend.
288
00:10:59,015 --> 00:11:01,018
They love me 'cause they know I
would do anything to make her happy.
289
00:11:01,151 --> 00:11:02,786
Like, for instance,
290
00:11:02,819 --> 00:11:04,921
Nicki just got this great
full-time job in Lansing,
291
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,022
and I'm trying to find her
292
00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:07,791
something equally as good down here.
293
00:11:07,824 --> 00:11:09,593
Whatever it takes.
294
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:11,928
That's how I get the glow.
295
00:11:13,830 --> 00:11:15,132
Uh-oh.
296
00:11:15,165 --> 00:11:16,500
Well, that's not good.
297
00:11:16,533 --> 00:11:17,601
What?
298
00:11:17,634 --> 00:11:19,903
Well, the other day,
299
00:11:19,936 --> 00:11:21,171
Justin said that Nicki's mom
300
00:11:21,204 --> 00:11:22,506
made her feel guilty about leaving,
301
00:11:22,539 --> 00:11:23,607
and now he's saying
302
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,977
that she got a full-time job back home.
303
00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:29,045
I don't think she's coming back.
304
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,148
You're probably just overreacting.
305
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:32,883
Okay, baby. I'll talk to you later.
306
00:11:32,916 --> 00:11:35,318
Have fun at dinner with, uh, Gary.
307
00:11:35,352 --> 00:11:36,286
Who's Gary?
308
00:11:36,319 --> 00:11:37,554
Oh. Just somebody Nicki works with
309
00:11:37,587 --> 00:11:39,389
who used to be a J.Crew model,
310
00:11:39,422 --> 00:11:41,358
so fingers crossed on discounts.
311
00:11:41,391 --> 00:11:43,193
ch-ch-chinos
312
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,763
Somebody call Kerry Washington.
313
00:11:46,796 --> 00:11:48,598
We got ourselves a scandal.
314
00:11:56,141 --> 00:11:57,643
Look, okay?
315
00:11:57,643 --> 00:11:58,844
With everything going on with Nicki
316
00:11:58,877 --> 00:12:00,979
and her job and Gary,
317
00:12:01,013 --> 00:12:04,750
I don't think that she's coming back.
318
00:12:04,783 --> 00:12:06,718
You are so predictable.
319
00:12:06,752 --> 00:12:08,787
I mean, for once... for once,
320
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:11,023
girls actually want me more than you,
321
00:12:11,056 --> 00:12:13,058
and you have to take shots
at my relationship with Nicki.
322
00:12:13,091 --> 00:12:15,694
This is why you'll never have what I have.
323
00:12:15,727 --> 00:12:19,965
A trophy for the guy who
looks most like Bill Paxton?
324
00:12:19,998 --> 00:12:22,234
I'm talking about a real,
loving relationship, Danny,
325
00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:23,702
and that kills you because you always have
326
00:12:23,735 --> 00:12:24,770
to be better than everybody else.
327
00:12:24,773 --> 00:12:26,008
You always have to be up here,
328
00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:27,843
and everybody else has to be down here.
329
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,278
That's why you're a bad friend.
330
00:12:29,311 --> 00:12:31,313
No. When it comes to
friendship, we're like this.
331
00:12:31,347 --> 00:12:32,982
Freeze. Look at your hands.
332
00:12:33,015 --> 00:12:35,117
Okay. I feel like you think
333
00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:36,685
that this proves your
point, but you know what?
334
00:12:36,719 --> 00:12:38,087
It doesn't necessarily prove your point
335
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:41,190
- because this could be the Justin hand.
- Is it?
336
00:12:41,223 --> 00:12:42,725
Of course not, because it
has so much personality.
337
00:12:42,758 --> 00:12:44,159
It's the Danny hand, okay?
338
00:12:44,193 --> 00:12:45,543
Baby Bird, you're wrong, all right?
339
00:12:45,628 --> 00:12:48,097
- I love seeing my friends do well at things.
- Really?
340
00:12:48,130 --> 00:12:50,399
So yesterday, Brett and
I went into my office,
341
00:12:50,433 --> 00:12:53,469
and he admitted that I'm a
slightly better dancer than you.
342
00:12:53,502 --> 00:12:55,037
Does that bother you?
343
00:12:55,071 --> 00:12:56,205
That's ridiculous, okay?
344
00:12:56,238 --> 00:12:57,573
Because... uh-oh there's that.
345
00:12:57,607 --> 00:12:58,708
And you know what?
346
00:12:58,741 --> 00:13:00,610
I'm not trying to call Brett a liar,
347
00:13:00,643 --> 00:13:03,479
but what about this
that's going on right here?
348
00:13:03,512 --> 00:13:04,547
And you know what?
349
00:13:04,681 --> 00:13:09,452
There's not even an Usher
song playing. So whatever.
350
00:13:09,485 --> 00:13:12,021
You do not want to have
a dance-off with me, son.
351
00:13:12,054 --> 00:13:13,489
Go, Danny.
352
00:13:13,522 --> 00:13:14,590
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.
353
00:13:14,624 --> 00:13:15,625
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.
354
00:13:15,658 --> 00:13:17,460
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Danny.
355
00:13:17,493 --> 00:13:19,662
- Go, Danny.- Go, Danny.
356
00:13:19,695 --> 00:13:20,630
- Go, Justin.
- Go, Danny.
357
00:13:20,663 --> 00:13:21,364
- Go, Danny.
- Go, Justin.
358
00:13:21,397 --> 00:13:22,798
Go, Danny.
359
00:13:25,234 --> 00:13:26,502
All right. I'm out.
360
00:13:26,535 --> 00:13:28,471
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
361
00:13:31,574 --> 00:13:32,943
[Chuckles]
362
00:13:32,976 --> 00:13:34,244
What?
363
00:13:34,277 --> 00:13:36,146
Oh.
364
00:13:36,212 --> 00:13:37,380
Nothing.
365
00:13:37,414 --> 00:13:38,515
It's just...
366
00:13:38,548 --> 00:13:41,918
All those great reviews you got.
367
00:13:41,952 --> 00:13:43,787
[Chuckles]
368
00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:45,488
What's your secret?
369
00:13:45,522 --> 00:13:47,891
I guess it's that I
rarely get the opportunity
370
00:13:47,924 --> 00:13:49,893
to have sex with anyone.
371
00:13:49,926 --> 00:13:51,061
[Chuckles]
372
00:13:51,094 --> 00:13:52,862
Um, so when I do,
373
00:13:52,896 --> 00:13:55,799
I like to make it about her...
374
00:13:55,832 --> 00:13:57,000
or him.
375
00:13:57,033 --> 00:13:58,835
Uh...
376
00:13:58,868 --> 00:14:00,170
I'm kidding.
377
00:14:00,203 --> 00:14:01,604
[Chuckles]
378
00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:05,162
Wow. I...
379
00:14:05,195 --> 00:14:08,365
I've never been out with a
guy who made it all about me.
380
00:14:08,398 --> 00:14:09,599
I've been out with a guy
381
00:14:09,633 --> 00:14:11,334
who made it all about me and his wife.
382
00:14:12,446 --> 00:14:13,513
Oh.
383
00:14:13,547 --> 00:14:15,949
That's why I don't drink Tequila anymore.
384
00:14:17,618 --> 00:14:21,755
Do you maybe want to go
get a drink somewhere else?
385
00:14:21,788 --> 00:14:24,992
I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
386
00:14:25,025 --> 00:14:26,059
Yeah.
387
00:14:26,093 --> 00:14:27,160
I think I do.
388
00:14:27,194 --> 00:14:28,429
[Chuckles]
389
00:14:28,502 --> 00:14:30,404
Okay. Oh.
390
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,372
Les, wait.
391
00:14:31,405 --> 00:14:33,107
Um...
392
00:14:33,140 --> 00:14:35,609
Those reviews are fake.
393
00:14:35,642 --> 00:14:39,046
I... I wrote them to get you to like me.
394
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,815
Yeah, I know.
395
00:14:40,898 --> 00:14:42,533
[Chuckles]
396
00:14:42,567 --> 00:14:44,502
That's why none of the guys are here.
397
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,770
They're waiting at my apartment,
398
00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:47,471
ready to jump out when we got back.
399
00:14:47,505 --> 00:14:49,073
[Chuckles]
400
00:14:49,117 --> 00:14:51,019
But if you thought that something
401
00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:55,123
was finally gonna happen
between us, why'd you stop?
402
00:14:55,156 --> 00:14:58,493
We're gonna have our love story someday,
403
00:14:58,526 --> 00:15:01,329
and, uh, it's not gonna start like this.
404
00:15:01,362 --> 00:15:04,899
I have some work to do as a person.
405
00:15:04,932 --> 00:15:06,901
Uh...
406
00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:10,204
But one day, I'll be ready for you.
407
00:15:11,906 --> 00:15:13,842
[Breathes deeply]
408
00:15:13,895 --> 00:15:16,231
Oh, God.
409
00:15:16,264 --> 00:15:19,434
Are you all flushed because of Burski?
410
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:22,537
Do you need a glass of wine?
411
00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:24,005
A bottle.
412
00:15:24,038 --> 00:15:25,673
Okay.
413
00:15:29,958 --> 00:15:32,661
Who here seriously thinks
that Nicki's not coming back?
414
00:15:34,596 --> 00:15:36,198
Look, sweetie... [Sighs]
415
00:15:36,231 --> 00:15:38,834
it's just, there's a couple red flags.
416
00:15:38,867 --> 00:15:42,104
Yeah, and one incredibly handsome red flag.
417
00:15:43,305 --> 00:15:44,807
Brett, show him that bathing-suit pic
418
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,575
we found of Gary online.
419
00:15:49,111 --> 00:15:50,846
Why don't I just call her right now? Okay?
420
00:15:50,879 --> 00:15:52,815
I'll call her so I can prove you all wrong.
421
00:15:52,848 --> 00:15:54,016
[Dialing]
422
00:15:56,251 --> 00:15:59,155
[Ringing]
423
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:00,376
Gary: Go for Gary.
424
00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:02,178
[Clears throat] What?
425
00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:04,680
Uh, is this Nicki's phone?
426
00:16:04,713 --> 00:16:05,714
Is this...
427
00:16:05,748 --> 00:16:07,283
Yeah. She's, uh, getting dressed.
428
00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:08,951
- Is this Justin?
- Dressed?
429
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:11,821
Okay. All right.
430
00:16:11,854 --> 00:16:14,023
Uh, let me take you off speakerphone, Gary.
431
00:16:14,056 --> 00:16:16,659
Uh, yeah. This is Justin.
432
00:16:16,692 --> 00:16:19,795
Still sounds like I'm on speaker.
433
00:16:19,829 --> 00:16:21,831
Hi, Gary.
434
00:16:22,952 --> 00:16:24,120
All right. Look, look, man.
435
00:16:24,153 --> 00:16:26,322
You got to go Liam Neeson
on this guy, all right?
436
00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:27,590
[As Liam Neeson] You got to tell him
437
00:16:27,623 --> 00:16:29,358
you have a particular set of skills.
438
00:16:29,392 --> 00:16:31,661
All right.
439
00:16:31,694 --> 00:16:32,995
All right. You listen to me, okay?
440
00:16:33,029 --> 00:16:35,064
Nicki and I are in love,
and I will drive over there,
441
00:16:35,097 --> 00:16:36,265
and I will take you down!
442
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,568
Okay, Gary?!
443
00:16:38,601 --> 00:16:40,236
Justin, I think you've
got me on mute, buddy.
444
00:16:40,269 --> 00:16:42,338
I haven't heard a word you said.
445
00:16:42,371 --> 00:16:44,874
Nicki: Justin? Is everything okay?
446
00:16:44,907 --> 00:16:47,176
What are you doing with J.Crew Gary?
447
00:16:47,210 --> 00:16:49,278
Gary's gay.
448
00:16:49,312 --> 00:16:51,347
[Sighs] Thank God.
449
00:16:51,380 --> 00:16:53,482
[Chuckling] Yes. Thank God.
450
00:16:55,017 --> 00:16:58,354
Give me a minute here. All right?
451
00:16:58,387 --> 00:17:00,823
Look. Okay.
452
00:17:00,856 --> 00:17:01,557
[Sighs]
453
00:17:01,591 --> 00:17:02,959
Hey. Hey. Sorry.
454
00:17:02,992 --> 00:17:04,560
Uh, Danny convinced me
455
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:05,962
that you weren't going to move home
456
00:17:05,995 --> 00:17:08,564
and that you were just
scared to tell me, so...
457
00:17:08,598 --> 00:17:12,101
[Breathes deeply]
458
00:17:12,135 --> 00:17:14,570
Uh... uh... uh, what do you mean?
459
00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:19,686
Um, she doesn't want to leave her mom,
460
00:17:19,719 --> 00:17:22,288
and it's not like I could just
drop this bar and go there,
461
00:17:22,322 --> 00:17:23,623
so...
462
00:17:23,656 --> 00:17:26,893
She said she wants to take a break.
463
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:29,596
I never liked that bitch.
464
00:17:30,964 --> 00:17:32,699
Shell, I still love her.
465
00:17:32,732 --> 00:17:35,035
Yeah. She's one of the good ones.
466
00:17:37,671 --> 00:17:40,206
I mean, I really wish I
wasn't right about this.
467
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,808
But you were right.
468
00:17:41,841 --> 00:17:43,743
'Cause you're right
about everything, right?
469
00:17:43,777 --> 00:17:46,780
You know what?
470
00:17:46,813 --> 00:17:48,181
Nicki dumped me,
471
00:17:48,214 --> 00:17:49,849
so now I'm right back down here,
472
00:17:49,883 --> 00:17:51,618
and you get to be up here again, okay?
473
00:17:51,651 --> 00:17:54,087
And that's what you like. What
kind of friendship is that?
474
00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,589
I mean, don't say something
475
00:17:55,622 --> 00:17:57,023
that you're not gonna be
able to take back, all right?
476
00:17:57,057 --> 00:17:58,091
[Scoffs] Okay.
477
00:17:58,124 --> 00:18:00,794
Well, honestly, sometimes, I wish...
478
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:03,396
I wish you never came into my life.
479
00:18:06,466 --> 00:18:08,468
Don't take that too hard.
480
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:12,439
I said the same thing last
night to a bag of doritos.
481
00:18:14,874 --> 00:18:18,311
And we made up just fine.
482
00:18:30,175 --> 00:18:31,436
I just want to say I'm sorry, man.
483
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,545
I... didn't mean the things that I said,
484
00:18:33,578 --> 00:18:35,680
and I was just upset, so...
485
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:37,315
Anyway, I mean, you can go.
486
00:18:37,349 --> 00:18:38,817
That's all I wanted to say.
487
00:18:38,850 --> 00:18:40,051
[Breathes deeply]
488
00:18:40,085 --> 00:18:42,287
I'm just gonna sit here,
watch my favorite movie,
489
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,822
and be sad, so...
490
00:18:43,855 --> 00:18:46,391
I'm not going anywhere, Baby Bird.
491
00:18:46,424 --> 00:18:47,626
All right?
492
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,060
My best friend once told me
493
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,196
that when you can't fix something,
494
00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:54,633
sometimes you just got to be there.
495
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:56,968
Thanks, man.
496
00:18:57,002 --> 00:18:58,203
Well, if you aren't leaving,
497
00:18:58,236 --> 00:18:59,804
why are you wearing your jacket?
498
00:19:01,673 --> 00:19:02,974
You know, it gets cold sometimes
499
00:19:03,008 --> 00:19:04,342
when we watch a movie in here,
500
00:19:04,376 --> 00:19:05,777
and, uh...
501
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:08,079
I'm definitely not getting
under a blanket with you.
502
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:20,755
I just... I... I just can't
stop thinking about her.
503
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:23,295
I know.
504
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,468
Uh, all right, man. Come here.
505
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:32,103
Get in here. Come on.
506
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:33,738
Come on.
507
00:19:33,772 --> 00:19:35,974
Just don't...
508
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,276
Don't make it weird.
Don't make it a big deal.
509
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,345
This isn't gonna happen often.
510
00:20:00,231 --> 00:20:01,599
This is nice, actually.
511
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,235
- You know what? Get out of here.
- Yeah.
512
00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:09,240
So, what's this movie about, anyway?
513
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:10,308
Huh? Oh.
514
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:14,312
Inner-city gangs, teenage lust, murder.
515
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:16,815
Awesome.
516
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:18,850
Why is there so much dancing?
517
00:20:18,883 --> 00:20:22,287
There's a lot of dancing.
It's "West Side Story."
518
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,655
Come here.
519
00:20:23,688 --> 00:20:27,258
Why do you make comforting you so hard?
520
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:29,361
Just give me that.
521
00:20:29,394 --> 00:20:30,362
Give it to me.
522
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,596
What?
523
00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:32,664
- It's very tri...
- Really?
524
00:20:32,697 --> 00:20:34,532
It's tricky. I... okay.
525
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:43,995
It's amazing that a stupid computer app
526
00:20:44,062 --> 00:20:45,831
could bring two people together.
527
00:20:45,864 --> 00:20:47,299
The first time you walked into that bar,
528
00:20:47,332 --> 00:20:48,967
I knew this was gonna happen.
529
00:20:51,703 --> 00:20:54,406
First of all, I don't know
what you're talking about.
530
00:20:54,439 --> 00:20:57,809
Second of all, your
reviews were a load of crap.
531
00:20:57,843 --> 00:20:58,977
Yeah. Whatever.
532
00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:00,545
Listen, if you come by the bar again,
533
00:21:00,579 --> 00:21:02,113
don't say anything to my friend Leslie.
534
00:21:02,147 --> 00:21:04,182
I like her way more than you.
535
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:13,723
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
536
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:18,323
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