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1
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( theme music playing )
2
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What?
3
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:02,868
Mr. De Palma,
my name's Goodwin.
4
00:01:02,901 --> 00:01:04,501
I'm starting today.
5
00:01:04,534 --> 00:01:05,534
Oh, yeah?
6
00:01:05,567 --> 00:01:07,100
Okay, Mr. Goodwin,
7
00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:09,868
let me give you
a couple of tips here.
8
00:01:09,901 --> 00:01:13,033
You'll get cab 607
when it's ready.
9
00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:14,734
All right?
Now, you listen to me.
10
00:01:14,767 --> 00:01:16,868
We can get along very nicely
11
00:01:16,901 --> 00:01:19,567
if you remember
these three things.
12
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:22,868
One: Keep your bookings high.
13
00:01:22,901 --> 00:01:26,234
Two: Call me at least
24 hours ahead of time
14
00:01:26,267 --> 00:01:27,634
if you're going to miss work
15
00:01:27,667 --> 00:01:30,267
and three, and
most importantly:
16
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:34,701
There is a certain word that I
never want to hear around here.
17
00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:36,400
What word is that, Mr. De Palma?
18
00:01:36,434 --> 00:01:38,868
This is a certain word
that I hate
19
00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:42,467
more than any word
in the entire English language
20
00:01:42,501 --> 00:01:43,968
and it is a word
21
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,300
that I never want
to hear around here.
22
00:01:47,334 --> 00:01:51,701
What's the word
I never want to hear around here?
23
00:01:55,234 --> 00:01:57,501
You see how well they know
24
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,300
I don't want
to hear that word?
25
00:02:00,334 --> 00:02:04,434
The word is "accident."
26
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:05,834
You got that?
27
00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:06,968
Got it.
28
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,868
Now, you can do
whatever you want.
29
00:02:08,901 --> 00:02:12,334
You want to peddle dope, you
want to be a white slaver--
30
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,567
anything you want,
that's your business.
31
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:17,567
If you ever come up
to me and say to me
32
00:02:17,601 --> 00:02:22,767
that you had a you-know-what
in one of my cabs,
33
00:02:22,801 --> 00:02:26,267
I'm going to rip your head off
and use it as a radiator cap.
34
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,434
You got that?
35
00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:28,667
I understand.
36
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:30,734
Nice to have you aboard.
37
00:02:32,834 --> 00:02:33,834
Okay.
38
00:02:35,634 --> 00:02:36,767
Hi, everybody.
39
00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:38,100
ELAINE:TONY:
Hi, John.Hey, John.
40
00:02:38,133 --> 00:02:39,300
How you doing, man?
Fine.
41
00:02:40,467 --> 00:02:41,801
Hi, Louie.
42
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:42,868
Burns...
43
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:46,133
Where's the rest?
44
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,801
Uh, that's all there is, Louie.
45
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,334
You drove around for ten hours
46
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,234
and that's all you
got to show for it?
47
00:02:51,267 --> 00:02:54,367
What do you do, put a quarantine
sign in the window?
48
00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,200
I'm... I'm sorry, uh...
49
00:02:57,234 --> 00:02:59,567
I'll try harder next time, okay?
50
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:03,634
You know something, Burns?
51
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:07,400
You are, without a doubt,
the worst cabby I ever had.
52
00:03:07,434 --> 00:03:10,267
One more night--
just one more time--
53
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:12,267
you come dragging in here
54
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,167
with that Howdy Doody
face of yours
55
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,167
and change for a quarter
in your booking envelope
56
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,234
and I'm telling you,
so help me...
57
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:21,667
What?Ow!
58
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:22,534
ELAINE:
Louie, what's wrong?
59
00:03:22,567 --> 00:03:23,901
ALEX:
Get him a glass of water.
60
00:03:23,934 --> 00:03:25,901
Hey, you want
to sit down?
61
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:27,534
It's okay, it's okay.
62
00:03:27,567 --> 00:03:29,534
It's that heartburn again.
63
00:03:29,567 --> 00:03:31,667
BOB:
You sure it's only heartburn, Louie?
64
00:03:31,701 --> 00:03:34,734
Ow! Whatever it is,
I don't like it.
65
00:03:34,767 --> 00:03:37,167
Hey, you want to go
upstairs and lie down?
66
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,167
( exhales sharply )
67
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,567
No, I'm all right.
It's going away.
68
00:03:39,601 --> 00:03:42,200
Have you been getting
these pains a lot?
69
00:03:42,234 --> 00:03:44,033
Yeah, for about
a month now.
70
00:03:44,067 --> 00:03:46,334
Hey, Louie, don't you think
you ought to see a doctor?
71
00:03:46,367 --> 00:03:49,634
What, see a doctor
for a simple...
72
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:52,534
gut-wrenching pain?
73
00:03:52,567 --> 00:03:54,534
Yeah. Maybe I'd better,
I'd better go see one now.
74
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:55,767
ALEX:
Yeah, I think you should.
75
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:56,934
Here, let me
help you.
76
00:03:56,968 --> 00:03:57,934
That's okay,
you guys.
77
00:03:57,968 --> 00:03:58,934
I can take care
of him.
78
00:03:58,968 --> 00:04:00,133
I'll get
your coat, Louie.
79
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:01,801
I hope you feel
better, Louie.
80
00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:02,734
Take it easy.
81
00:04:02,767 --> 00:04:03,767
Thanks.
82
00:04:05,767 --> 00:04:06,734
Here you go, Louie.
83
00:04:06,767 --> 00:04:07,734
Thanks, Burns.
84
00:04:07,767 --> 00:04:08,734
Sure you're okay?
85
00:04:08,767 --> 00:04:09,934
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm okay, I'm okay.
86
00:04:09,968 --> 00:04:11,300
Hey, you want me
to drive you?
87
00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,868
No, no, no. Listen, Burns.
88
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:14,501
Huh?
Thanks for your concern.
89
00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:15,567
Oh, that's
all right.
90
00:04:15,601 --> 00:04:18,000
And, you know, about
what I was saying before,
91
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:20,100
you know, about your bookings
92
00:04:20,133 --> 00:04:21,434
and about how I was
going to fire you
93
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:22,601
if you had another bad night...
94
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:23,667
Yeah, Louie.
95
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:25,200
Don't forget it.
96
00:04:34,901 --> 00:04:36,234
( sighing )
97
00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:39,234
I really appreciate you guys
coming in to visit me.
98
00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:40,934
Aw, how could
we not come
99
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:43,701
after you sent us
that cute little note?
100
00:04:43,734 --> 00:04:47,767
"Please come and
see me before I die."
101
00:04:47,801 --> 00:04:51,834
Louie, Louie, Louie, look, it's
just an exploratory operation.
102
00:04:51,868 --> 00:04:54,100
I mean, they just want
to take a look and see if everything's okay.
103
00:04:54,133 --> 00:04:55,300
Call it whatever you want,
104
00:04:55,334 --> 00:04:57,100
they're cutting me up
and going inside.
105
00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:59,734
Once they're in there,
who knows what's gonna happen?
106
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,767
Louie, I can understand
what you're worried about,
107
00:05:01,801 --> 00:05:03,501
but the way the doctor
explained it to us,
108
00:05:03,534 --> 00:05:04,734
it's just routine,
that's all.
109
00:05:04,767 --> 00:05:06,767
Maybe for them it is,
but not for me.
110
00:05:06,801 --> 00:05:09,801
I'm scared-- I never been
in a hospital before.
111
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:10,868
Sure you have.
112
00:05:10,901 --> 00:05:12,634
You were born,
weren't you?
113
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,100
As a matter of fact,
114
00:05:14,133 --> 00:05:17,834
I was delivered on a kitchen
table by a midwife.
115
00:05:17,868 --> 00:05:19,534
It was the only room
that had any heat.
116
00:05:19,567 --> 00:05:22,767
JOHN:
Wow, a kitchen table!
117
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,767
Well, half
the kitchen table.
118
00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:27,501
Dad was eating dinner
on the other half.
119
00:05:30,968 --> 00:05:32,634
TONY:
Hey, Louie.
120
00:05:32,667 --> 00:05:34,300
How come your mother's not here?
121
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:37,367
I didn't want to worry her,
so I didn't tell her about it.
122
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,300
She thinks I'm out of town,
seeing you fight.
123
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:41,467
No kidding.
124
00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,000
Who'd I fight?
125
00:05:43,033 --> 00:05:45,033
Some kid from Mexico.
126
00:05:45,067 --> 00:05:45,934
How'd I do?
127
00:05:45,968 --> 00:05:46,934
He knocks you out
128
00:05:46,968 --> 00:05:48,601
in the second round.
129
00:05:48,634 --> 00:05:51,567
Yeah, them Mexican guys
are tough.
130
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:54,934
Anybody want
some chocolates?
131
00:05:54,968 --> 00:05:55,934
No, no,
thanks.No.
132
00:05:55,968 --> 00:05:57,567
Oh, no, thanks,
I don't eat sugar.
133
00:05:57,601 --> 00:05:59,501
I try to eat only
natural things.
134
00:05:59,534 --> 00:06:02,300
How'd you like a sack of dirt?
135
00:06:04,667 --> 00:06:08,701
Louie, did you say
chocolate candy?
136
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:09,734
Yeah, have one.
137
00:06:09,767 --> 00:06:11,200
Thank you
very much.
138
00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:04,868
I said, "Have one."
139
00:07:04,901 --> 00:07:07,200
Oh, you said, "Have one"?
140
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:10,267
I thought you said, "Leave one."
141
00:07:12,667 --> 00:07:14,767
I'm afraid you'll all
have to leave now.
142
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:16,400
Oh, hey, listen, Louie,
take it easy now.
143
00:07:16,434 --> 00:07:17,534
Everything's
gonna be fine.
144
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:18,868
Louie, if you don't
make it back
145
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:20,234
to the garage,
we'll understand.
146
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:21,567
Bye.
147
00:07:21,601 --> 00:07:23,133
Hey, Lou, I hope
you feel better.
148
00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:24,300
See you in a day
or two, all right?
149
00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:25,300
Thanks.
150
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:26,300
Good-bye, Louie.
151
00:07:26,334 --> 00:07:27,300
( mutters )
152
00:07:27,334 --> 00:07:28,300
Alex?
Yeah.
153
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:30,133
Can I speak to you
for a second, please?
154
00:07:30,167 --> 00:07:32,100
Well, the nurse did
ask us to leave, Louie.
155
00:07:32,133 --> 00:07:33,801
I know, but this is
something really important.
156
00:07:33,834 --> 00:07:35,133
It won't take long.
157
00:07:35,167 --> 00:07:36,300
Okay.
158
00:07:36,334 --> 00:07:40,467
I just want to talk to you
about life and death and God.
159
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,968
Good, then I won't
have to sit down.
160
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,434
Yeah?
161
00:07:45,467 --> 00:07:47,100
Alex...
162
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:48,100
Yeah.
163
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,367
Now that the others are gone,
164
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,567
I got to be honest with you.
165
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:55,100
I'm not just scared,
I'm terrified.
166
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:56,234
Louie, Louie, Louie, now look,
167
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:57,567
you got to try to relax.
You understand?
168
00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:58,934
How can I relax?
169
00:07:58,968 --> 00:08:01,501
This could be the end for me.
170
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:03,634
Tell me something, Alex.
171
00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:05,901
Are you...
are you a religious man?
172
00:08:05,934 --> 00:08:08,234
Yeah, in a way
I am, yeah.
173
00:08:08,267 --> 00:08:09,501
Good.
174
00:08:09,534 --> 00:08:12,934
Then you'll understand
what I'm about to do.
175
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:17,834
God...
176
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,834
It's Louie...
177
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:24,667
Louie De Palma.
178
00:08:27,267 --> 00:08:31,734
I know it's been a long time
since you heard from me.
179
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:34,968
I'm kind of out of
practice at praying,
180
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:39,701
but I just thought I... I felt
like I had to talk to you now.
181
00:08:39,734 --> 00:08:41,601
By the way,
this is Alex Rieger.
182
00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:43,534
He's a friend of mine.
183
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,801
Say hello to God, Alex.
184
00:08:47,267 --> 00:08:48,567
No, Louie, listen,
I don't think, I...
185
00:08:48,601 --> 00:08:49,601
Say hello.
186
00:08:49,634 --> 00:08:51,567
He hasn't got all day.
187
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,000
Hello, there.
188
00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:57,501
Listen, I-I
just wanted
189
00:08:57,534 --> 00:09:02,200
Alex here as a witness
to what I'm about to say.
190
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,901
Look, God...
191
00:09:06,934 --> 00:09:09,834
I know I ain't been no saint
192
00:09:09,868 --> 00:09:12,601
and I've done some pretty
rotten things in my life.
193
00:09:12,634 --> 00:09:14,000
Alex can back me up on that.
194
00:09:14,033 --> 00:09:15,100
Tell him, Alex.
195
00:09:15,133 --> 00:09:16,601
Huh? Oh, Louie,
196
00:09:16,634 --> 00:09:18,467
I don't
think I... Go on, tell him the truth.
197
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:25,501
Well, um... he's not
your best work.
198
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,567
Thanks.
199
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:37,834
Look, God, I want to make
a deal with you.
200
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:43,334
If you can arrange it so that
I live through this operation,
201
00:09:43,367 --> 00:09:46,634
I'll be the best person
I can be...
202
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,901
A whole new Louie De Palma--
203
00:09:50,934 --> 00:09:52,133
kind...
204
00:09:52,167 --> 00:09:55,133
generous...
205
00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:56,667
honest.
206
00:09:57,968 --> 00:10:00,267
What do you say, God?
207
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,267
Is it a deal?
208
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:06,501
Look... I tell you what.
209
00:10:06,534 --> 00:10:08,801
You send me a sign.
210
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:10,801
Let me see...
211
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:12,133
I got it.
212
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:15,434
Unless a bolt of lightning
shoots through that window
213
00:10:15,467 --> 00:10:18,033
in the next five seconds,
214
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,734
I'll consider it a deal.
215
00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:33,067
Well, I guess you got
yourself a deal, huh?
216
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:37,901
Yeah, and I'm going
to stick by it.
217
00:10:37,934 --> 00:10:39,567
Time to go, Mr. De Palma.
218
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:41,067
Oh, hey, listen, Louie,
just take it easy now.
219
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,133
Everything is gonna
be all right.
220
00:10:42,167 --> 00:10:43,200
Don't worry about
a thing. You...
221
00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:44,734
I hope so. I hope so.
222
00:10:44,767 --> 00:10:45,801
Alex.
What?
223
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:46,801
Listen.
224
00:10:46,834 --> 00:10:48,067
Whatever
happens, Yeah.
225
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:51,534
I want you to know
that you've been a good friend.
226
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,400
ALEX:
Yeah, okay, Louie. Come on...
227
00:10:53,434 --> 00:10:55,334
I mean it.
228
00:10:55,367 --> 00:10:57,334
Take care of yourself.
229
00:10:57,367 --> 00:10:59,767
And I hope the world
is kind to you.
230
00:10:59,801 --> 00:11:00,767
Thanks, Lou.
231
00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:02,133
And, and listen,
232
00:11:02,167 --> 00:11:05,033
if I don't make it,
don't tell Ma that I died.
233
00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,501
Tell her that I'm on a mission
for the government.
234
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,501
She'll believe you.
235
00:11:08,534 --> 00:11:09,901
She's a little funny
in the head.
236
00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:23,701
Hey, guys.
237
00:11:23,734 --> 00:11:24,701
Hi, Tony.
Hi, Tony.
238
00:11:24,734 --> 00:11:26,234
I thought Louie
was coming back today.
239
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,868
Yeah, he is. He should
be in any minute.
240
00:11:27,901 --> 00:11:29,000
I am so proud of Louie.
241
00:11:29,033 --> 00:11:30,667
I can't believe
how he bounced back
242
00:11:30,701 --> 00:11:32,567
ALEX:
Yeah. from that operation so fast.
243
00:11:32,601 --> 00:11:35,234
Isn't it great that
it was only gallstones?
244
00:11:35,267 --> 00:11:37,234
How many gallstones
did they have to remove?
245
00:11:37,267 --> 00:11:38,200
Just one.
246
00:11:38,234 --> 00:11:39,467
Aw, man, that's good.
247
00:11:39,501 --> 00:11:43,267
As long as you still got one,
he could still have kids.
248
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,934
You know, I-I still can't get
over that story Alex told us
249
00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:50,400
about Louie's deal with God.
250
00:11:50,434 --> 00:11:52,267
Hey, do you think
he's gonna keep it?
251
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,000
Well, I think
he's gonna try.
252
00:11:54,033 --> 00:11:56,067
Yeah, for about
ten minutes.
253
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,200
No, no, no, I mean it, Bobby.
254
00:11:57,234 --> 00:11:59,467
Make that five minutes.
255
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:01,701
Yeah, well, I think
he's gonna make it.
256
00:12:01,734 --> 00:12:02,868
Yeah?
257
00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:05,534
I got $50 that says he can't
make it through one day
258
00:12:05,567 --> 00:12:07,000
without yelling, screaming
259
00:12:07,033 --> 00:12:09,567
and generally abusing at least
one person in this garage.
260
00:12:09,601 --> 00:12:10,868
Wait a minute, Bob,
are you really serious?
261
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,167
I mean, you're gonna
make a bet about a man
262
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,968
keeping his faithful
oath with his God?
263
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,334
I'll give you
two to one.
264
00:12:15,367 --> 00:12:16,334
You're on.
265
00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:17,601
All right.
266
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,467
Hey!
Hey, Louie!Hey!
267
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:23,467
ALL:
Hey!
268
00:12:23,501 --> 00:12:24,801
Wow, you look
terrific, you know?
269
00:12:24,834 --> 00:12:27,834
( others oohing and ahhing )
270
00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:29,567
Well, it's great to be back.
271
00:12:29,601 --> 00:12:30,434
How do you feel?
272
00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:31,601
Oh, oh, I feel great.
273
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:32,601
I feel terrific.
274
00:12:32,634 --> 00:12:33,767
How's everybody been?
275
00:12:33,801 --> 00:12:35,167
Oh, everybody's fine.
Everybody's fine.
276
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,167
Yeah.Rock 'n' roll.
277
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,934
John, how are the bookings?
278
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,934
Oh, not so good, I'm afraid.
279
00:12:40,968 --> 00:12:43,701
Last night I had
my worst night ever.
280
00:12:43,734 --> 00:12:44,734
I'm sorry.
281
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:49,901
It's only money.
282
00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:52,667
LOUIE:
Oh, Elaine...
283
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:55,734
How are your kids?
284
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:57,067
They're fine.
285
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,434
Why don't you bring them down
286
00:12:58,467 --> 00:13:01,033
to the garage someday
for a visit?
287
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:05,067
I'd love to see them.
288
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,234
After all,
289
00:13:06,267 --> 00:13:08,000
a man is never taller
290
00:13:08,033 --> 00:13:11,133
than when he stoops
to help a child.
291
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:15,000
And nobody
can stoop lower
292
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:16,834
than you, De Palma.
293
00:13:19,934 --> 00:13:22,200
Thank you, my friend.
294
00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:29,501
Latka.
295
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:31,667
Latka, Latka, Latka.
296
00:13:31,701 --> 00:13:33,167
Hi.
297
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,467
Always working,
298
00:13:34,501 --> 00:13:36,400
Yeah.
never resting.
299
00:13:36,434 --> 00:13:37,968
That's right.
300
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:40,734
Come... let's have
a cup of coffee.
301
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:41,734
Okay.
302
00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:42,734
My treat.
303
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:43,901
Okay.
304
00:13:43,934 --> 00:13:45,567
( speakingnative language )
305
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:47,534
Two lumps?
306
00:13:47,567 --> 00:13:49,367
So, tell me, Latka,
307
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,400
what's been new
in your life?
308
00:13:51,434 --> 00:13:52,400
Oh, what's new?
309
00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:53,400
Yeah.
310
00:13:53,434 --> 00:13:55,133
Well, uh, this morning
311
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:57,167
I heard a very good joke
312
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,868
from my cousin Baji.
313
00:13:58,901 --> 00:14:00,601
Oh, from Baji!
314
00:14:00,634 --> 00:14:01,767
Oh, let's hear it.
315
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:03,033
I love a good joke.
316
00:14:03,067 --> 00:14:04,067
Okay.
317
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,534
Eh...
318
00:14:06,567 --> 00:14:10,400
( speaking native language )
319
00:14:14,267 --> 00:14:17,968
( speaking in gruff voice )
320
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,634
( continues speakingnative language animatedly )
321
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:23,934
( speaking in falsetto )
322
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:27,834
( continues speakingnative language )
323
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:28,901
( laughing )
324
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,033
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
325
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,200
Ah! Ah!
326
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,467
Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
327
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:41,467
( still speakingnative language )
328
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:50,267
( laughing )
329
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:52,300
( repeating punch linein Latka's language )
330
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:01,434
( repeating punch line )
331
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,767
( guffawing )
332
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:06,901
Hey, Louie?
333
00:15:06,934 --> 00:15:08,167
What's so funny?
334
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,901
( repeating punch line )
335
00:15:10,934 --> 00:15:12,367
Oh?
336
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,934
What's the matter,
you heard it already?
337
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,968
Would you like
to pay up right now, Bob?
338
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,167
Hey, it's just the
beginning of the day.
339
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:21,534
Give him time, Alex.
340
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:22,968
He'll revert to form.
341
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,601
No way, Bob, believe me.
342
00:15:24,634 --> 00:15:26,901
Just watch.
343
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:37,767
Come to turn in
your bookings, Bob?
344
00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:40,868
Uh, uh, actually, I don't,
I don't have any bookings.
345
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,133
Uh, you see...
346
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:45,033
When I left the garage
this morning...
347
00:15:45,067 --> 00:15:46,634
Yes?
348
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:50,033
Well, I had, I had
a little, uh...
349
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,267
Yes?
350
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:55,400
Well, in fact, it wasn't
all that little.
351
00:15:55,434 --> 00:15:59,667
Uh, I... I had
this really big...
352
00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:02,634
Yes?
353
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:06,133
In fact, "big" isn't
even the right word.
354
00:16:06,167 --> 00:16:07,467
"Total."
355
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:09,834
I-I have to say "total." I...
356
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:12,701
What-what is it you're
trying to tell me, Bob?
357
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:15,868
Louie, I had an accident.
358
00:16:22,133 --> 00:16:23,634
You had an ac-ac...
359
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,734
You had an acc...
360
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,300
An accident?
361
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:30,400
Yeah... an accident.
362
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:45,000
I'll be darned.
363
00:16:49,834 --> 00:16:52,701
Well, I don't want you
to worry, Bob.
364
00:16:52,734 --> 00:16:57,667
Some careless drunk just rams
into your car, what can you do?
365
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,033
Um... it wasn't
any careless drunk.
366
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:05,767
See, it was my fault.
367
00:17:05,801 --> 00:17:08,734
I... I ran a stop sign.
368
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:14,334
You ran a stop sign?
369
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,734
Yeah. You see, uh...
I couldn't see it.
370
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,701
I forgot to turn on
my headlights.
371
00:17:19,734 --> 00:17:20,701
Oh...
372
00:17:20,734 --> 00:17:22,501
Excuse me.
373
00:17:22,534 --> 00:17:28,968
( growling )
374
00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:39,667
Oh, well, accidents happen.
375
00:17:43,334 --> 00:17:44,667
Sorry, Bob.
376
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,267
You win, Alex.
377
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,300
You-you win.
378
00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,767
I don't believe it. You...
379
00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:51,934
ALEX:
I told you.
380
00:17:51,968 --> 00:17:53,267
BOB:
Yeah, but I don't believe it.
381
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:55,167
I... I... Wow.
382
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,601
What's that you're
saying, Bob?
383
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:59,501
Well, I got to hand it
to you, Louie.
384
00:17:59,534 --> 00:18:01,834
I didn't really think
you could change.
385
00:18:01,868 --> 00:18:03,100
I mean-- but you did.
386
00:18:03,133 --> 00:18:05,400
I mean, I even bet Alex that
you couldn't be a nice guy
387
00:18:05,434 --> 00:18:06,567
for one whole day.
388
00:18:06,601 --> 00:18:07,400
( chuckling )
389
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:08,901
Oh...
390
00:18:08,934 --> 00:18:10,801
Oh, I see.
391
00:18:10,834 --> 00:18:13,868
Then there wasn't
any accident after all.
392
00:18:13,901 --> 00:18:16,868
( laughing )
393
00:18:16,901 --> 00:18:18,300
Yeah, that's right.
394
00:18:18,334 --> 00:18:19,334
( laughing harder )
395
00:18:28,601 --> 00:18:30,634
You were just testing me.
396
00:18:36,434 --> 00:18:38,567
Playing a little game with me.
397
00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:39,634
Yeah.
398
00:18:40,801 --> 00:18:42,534
You were testing me
399
00:18:42,567 --> 00:18:46,300
to see if I could break
my pact with God.
400
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:47,667
Ye-Yeah, I-I guess so.
401
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:48,834
I guess it was like that,
402
00:18:48,868 --> 00:18:50,634
but, uh, man,
you wouldn't crack.
403
00:18:50,667 --> 00:18:53,467
You're great. I...
404
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:54,534
Well...Alex?
405
00:18:57,334 --> 00:19:05,434
10, 20... 40,
50, 60, 70...
406
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:09,834
80, 90...
5... 6...
407
00:19:09,868 --> 00:19:11,501
Louie, what, what
are you doing?
408
00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:13,300
Louie, what are you...
Louie, what are you...
409
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:14,667
Louie, what the heck
are you doing?!
410
00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:16,000
Stop it now!
411
00:19:16,033 --> 00:19:17,434
Stop it right now!
412
00:19:17,467 --> 00:19:18,434
Louie!
413
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:21,701
Louie, what
are you doing?
414
00:19:21,734 --> 00:19:23,334
You scum!
415
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:26,300
You lowlife!
416
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:28,767
You cretin!
417
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:32,734
I'm going to make you regret
the day you were born!
418
00:19:32,767 --> 00:19:35,200
I'm gonna make sure
that every night
419
00:19:35,234 --> 00:19:37,100
you get the dirtiest
420
00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:39,501
smelliest cab in the garage,
421
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:42,534
and if there isn't one
that's dirty and smelly,
422
00:19:42,567 --> 00:19:46,767
then I'm gonna get in and smelly
and dirty it up myself.
423
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:52,033
In the wintertime,
your cab will have no heater.
424
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:55,934
In the summertime,
your windows won't roll down.
425
00:19:55,968 --> 00:20:00,634
I'm gonna make you the second
most miserable cab driver
426
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,634
in all of New York City.
427
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:09,033
The most miserable cab driver
in all of New York City
428
00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:12,801
is whoever lets him down
or feeds him.
429
00:20:18,767 --> 00:20:20,901
Looks like you won the bet, Bob.
430
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,334
What are you doing?
431
00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:25,334
Alex.
432
00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:26,534
Hey, come on.
433
00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:41,868
Hi, Louie.
434
00:20:45,167 --> 00:20:46,534
You believe in hell, Alex?
435
00:20:46,567 --> 00:20:47,667
Believe in it?
436
00:20:47,701 --> 00:20:49,033
I work there.
437
00:20:51,634 --> 00:20:53,567
I broke a promise, Alex.
438
00:20:53,601 --> 00:20:55,601
And I don't mean
I broke a promise
439
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:57,367
to some clown like yourself.
440
00:20:58,534 --> 00:21:00,567
I broke a promise with Him.
441
00:21:00,601 --> 00:21:03,067
I don't do nothing
halfway, do I?
442
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,934
Oh, come on, Louie.
443
00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:06,300
Will you stop being
so hard on yourself?
444
00:21:06,334 --> 00:21:07,734
Anybody could see you tried.
445
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,133
Now, come on,
it's time to go home.
446
00:21:09,167 --> 00:21:10,801
I ain't leaving
here, Alex.
447
00:21:10,834 --> 00:21:12,801
Why not?
448
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:16,067
'Cause God's waiting
for me outside.
449
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:17,667
He's rolled up
His sleeves.
450
00:21:17,701 --> 00:21:20,167
He's got His
brass knuckles on.
451
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,767
He's getting
ready for me.
452
00:21:21,801 --> 00:21:23,701
Come on, Louie,
I didn't see anybody outside.
453
00:21:23,734 --> 00:21:24,701
Let's go home, huh?
454
00:21:24,734 --> 00:21:26,367
It's no use, Alex.
455
00:21:28,868 --> 00:21:31,567
I committed the biggest sin
in the book.
456
00:21:31,601 --> 00:21:34,334
I welshed on God.
457
00:21:36,067 --> 00:21:37,834
You know, Louie...
458
00:21:37,868 --> 00:21:42,300
I don't think
you really did.
459
00:21:42,334 --> 00:21:43,501
What are you
talking about?
460
00:21:43,534 --> 00:21:45,100
You heard the promise
I made to Him.
461
00:21:45,133 --> 00:21:46,267
Yeah, that's
just what I mean.
462
00:21:46,300 --> 00:21:48,634
I mean, do you remember
the exact words you said?
463
00:21:48,667 --> 00:21:50,234
I mean, what exactly
did you say?
464
00:21:50,267 --> 00:21:53,334
I promised I'd be a good person.
465
00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:57,334
No. I think
your exact words were
466
00:21:57,367 --> 00:22:00,601
"I'm going to be the best person
I can possibly be."
467
00:22:00,634 --> 00:22:02,367
So what?
468
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,767
Well, Louie, maybe the best
person that you can possibly be
469
00:22:06,801 --> 00:22:08,968
is a rat.
470
00:22:13,067 --> 00:22:15,133
What are you talking about?
471
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:18,300
Well, you can't be
something you're not.
472
00:22:18,334 --> 00:22:20,434
I mean God made you
what you are.
473
00:22:20,467 --> 00:22:23,000
And if God made you
the way you are,
474
00:22:23,033 --> 00:22:25,000
then He must have
had a reason.
475
00:22:26,501 --> 00:22:29,634
But we can be sure
that just as He had a reason
476
00:22:29,667 --> 00:22:32,567
for creating snakes
and lice and vermin...
477
00:22:34,734 --> 00:22:38,300
He had a reason
for creating you, too.
478
00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:43,968
That's a beautiful
thought, Alex.
479
00:22:45,467 --> 00:22:46,501
Yeah.
480
00:22:46,534 --> 00:22:48,934
You... you really think
481
00:22:48,968 --> 00:22:51,734
He could forgive me
for what I did?
482
00:22:51,767 --> 00:22:54,234
Well, I-I think you got
a good shot, Louie.
483
00:22:54,267 --> 00:22:55,834
And you really think
484
00:22:55,868 --> 00:23:00,400
that He understands
me being the way I am:
485
00:23:00,434 --> 00:23:04,167
Mean and nasty and rotten...
486
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:07,868
and that... in some way,
487
00:23:07,901 --> 00:23:11,534
maybe it's part of His
scheme of things?
488
00:23:11,567 --> 00:23:14,467
Yeah, I think so.
489
00:23:18,667 --> 00:23:20,334
Thank you, Alex.
490
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:24,367
Excuse me.
491
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,200
Where are you going?
492
00:23:28,634 --> 00:23:30,434
Back to the garage
493
00:23:30,467 --> 00:23:35,968
so that I may continue
fulfilling His divine purpose.
494
00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:38,701
Hmm...
495
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:46,400
( coins clinking )
496
00:23:57,934 --> 00:24:00,667
( theme music playing )
497
00:24:24,968 --> 00:24:26,834
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters.
498
00:24:26,868 --> 00:24:27,868
( Walters grunts )
499
00:24:27,918 --> 00:24:32,468
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