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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,900 --> 00:00:20,780 We come into this world alone, and we leave this world alone. 2 00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:28,020 Inbetween, if we're lucky, we find someone we connect with. 3 00:00:35,460 --> 00:00:39,940 Hey! No drink in the cemetery! 4 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:43,540 But if you want to: just go ahead. 5 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:47,350 Dear friends, welcome to Los Angeles. 6 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:51,340 The La La Land where dreams can come true. 7 00:00:51,430 --> 00:00:55,550 And actually, mine did, at least for a while. 8 00:00:56,460 --> 00:01:01,180 Nowadays I live in the darker areas of the city. 9 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:04,940 Its not as pretty and a lot less sunny. 10 00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:14,140 So how did a Swede like me end up in Los Angeles 11 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:18,300 barely making a living as a private investigator? 12 00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:22,100 That's a story for another day. 13 00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:25,580 All you need to know for now, is that I was broke. 14 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:28,080 You have - one - new message. 15 00:01:28,140 --> 00:01:32,220 Ingmar, it's me, Bill. You owe me $6 000, motherfucker! 16 00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:36,820 With interest, that's $8000! Pay up! Or Die! 17 00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:43,140 So there I was, in a situation where if I didn't get some money and get it fast 18 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:47,440 I would lose the business I had spent ten years building. 19 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:53,190 But sometimes Lady Luck smiles down on you. 20 00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:08,750 No, shit! You'll never catch me, Ingmar! 21 00:02:08,850 --> 00:02:12,690 Of course, I will, Leo. You need to eat less. And work out more. 22 00:02:12,740 --> 00:02:15,360 What, you call me fat? -No, just calling you slow! 23 00:02:15,390 --> 00:02:18,900 You're an dick! -Leo, I'm coming to get ya. 24 00:02:19,690 --> 00:02:22,020 Oh, Leo! 25 00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:24,470 Leo! 26 00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:29,960 Wait ...come back here! - Wait... Wait, timeout! 27 00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:32,590 Timeout? You making it too easy, Leo. 28 00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:38,710 I think I'm having a heart attack. - "Im havin a heart attack". You're such a drama queen. 29 00:02:38,770 --> 00:02:42,420 I'm serious! I'm having a..aargh -Oh ye ye yeah 30 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:47,380 I'm not buying it, Leo. Come on. Stand up. 31 00:02:48,330 --> 00:02:51,370 We don't have time for this. Leo!!! 32 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:55,040 Leo...? 33 00:02:57,250 --> 00:03:01,970 Shit! Live!! Live!! Live!! Live!! 34 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,690 I need the money! Leo! 35 00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:08,160 Well, that didn't turn out so well, did it? 36 00:03:09,570 --> 00:03:12,760 With the bounty dead, I was basically dead. 37 00:03:56,900 --> 00:04:00,460 -What are you doing? -Ingmar.. you smell strange, 38 00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:04,660 -I do? Yeah! The smell of Manhood -No. 39 00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:08,590 You smell like failure. And desperation. 40 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:15,460 Speaking of ... Didn't you tell me that you had a friend that was gonna sell a bodypart for cash? 41 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:20,340 Yeah, he make a lot of cash. But then he died after operation. 42 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:25,070 Terrible, painfull death. Money pay for funeral though. 43 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:27,960 -Why you ask? -No reason *inaudible* 44 00:04:29,010 --> 00:04:32,440 A client come for you, he in your office. I let him in. - *inaudible* 45 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,670 I am so sorry that I kept you waiting. 46 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:43,800 You're the dick? -Yeah, I'm the dick. 47 00:04:44,420 --> 00:04:50,360 Well, I'm a dj, and my laptop, the one with all the music on that I've been recording the last year, has been stolen. 48 00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:53,660 -Do You have any idea who might have ..? -Axel. 49 00:04:55,110 --> 00:05:00,390 -Axel? - He's actually a Swede, like you. -I'm not a Swede, I'm an ex-Swede. 50 00:05:00,530 --> 00:05:04,130 Whatever. But he's also a dj. 51 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:11,110 Used to be kinda a big deal but then he couldn't handle the success. 52 00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:15,760 He went crazy. 53 00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:29,340 He wasn't able to make any good music since then, so he stole my laptop to get some fresh material, fucking loser 54 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:34,260 But before I dive into your case, I need to make sure that you can pay me for my services. 55 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:36,990 -How much? -Uh.. uhm ... 56 00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:42,770 - *muttering in Swedish* Well... ten grand??. -Are you serious?? 57 00:05:42,900 --> 00:05:45,740 -Eih.. eight then? -Deal. 58 00:05:45,830 --> 00:05:50,890 Alright. But you think you can get my computer back? I'm sorry no I don't think so.. 59 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:55,020 ..I know so. 60 00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:09,060 I hope you're all feeling the love.. I know I am! 61 00:06:11,020 --> 00:06:15,420 Listen - I have an idea. Lets stop dreaming about the cars.. 62 00:06:15,490 --> 00:06:18,500 -and start dreaming about the stars! 63 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:35,600 Thanks to a lead from Theodore Axel was easy to find. 64 00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:39,910 It was surprised that he was playing at a car lot. 65 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:45,230 But, who am I to talk. Everybody has to do what they have to do to make a buck. 66 00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:52,540 What the fuck do you think you're doing? -I'm just, opening people's hearts. 67 00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:58,140 I don't want people opening their motherfucking hearts, I want people opening their motherfucking checkbooks. 68 00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:02,880 Americans still actually write checks. I find that so interesting. 69 00:07:02,980 --> 00:07:05,630 Shut the fuck up, and play some real music! 70 00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:09,780 No, no, no, keep it going. I'm lovin the music, man. I really lovin it 71 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,800 -No, I'm ready to buy some cars. -Ah.. thanks! 72 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,700 I'm just an honest bastard, you know. 73 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:21,080 What? You speak Swedish? I speak Swedish. 74 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:26,320 -Not now. Well, now I do. -That I heard. 75 00:07:28,060 --> 00:07:31,900 (Boss) - Hey! Come back here! -Nice to meet someone from Sweden. 76 00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:33,500 Fuck you! -Thank you. 77 00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:37,670 I walked around everywhere, like crazy. Hotels, airports ... 78 00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:40,410 A girl: "Can we have sex? Yes, no, or?" 79 00:07:40,450 --> 00:07:44,570 I'm DJ, so it's crazy. Can I give you a hug? 80 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,840 Lets get some drinks down us. It is midsummer. 81 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,870 It is January.. -It feels like midsummer! 82 00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:56,030 Ok. 83 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,310 Do you play all the instruments by yourself? 84 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:13,830 Yeah. No, I do everything on the computer. -Wow, impressive. -Uh-huh 85 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,880 You know, back in the good old days you had to play instruments. 86 00:08:16,970 --> 00:08:22,240 It gotta be a pretty big computer. -No, its just a laptop. -Yeah? 87 00:08:22,340 --> 00:08:25,330 -Where do you keep a computer like that? -I keep it.. I keep it.. at my hotel. 88 00:08:25,370 --> 00:08:28,510 Listen, forget about me I wanna hear about you. 89 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:31,020 So, what, what.. do you live here? -Yeah, yeah. 90 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,310 And, what do you do? Don't, wait, wait, let me guess. 91 00:08:35,990 --> 00:08:37,810 You are... 92 00:08:38,850 --> 00:08:40,270 ... retired. 93 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,200 But before you retired, where.. what did you do? 94 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,470 Okay guys, one more aqua velvet for the boy ... 95 00:08:47,990 --> 00:08:49,760 ... and another bourbon for the stuntman. 96 00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:54,240 -Stuntman? -Oh yeah kiddo, you're sitting with a true legend. 97 00:08:54,310 --> 00:08:56,220 No way! Get outa here. So, you're a stuntman? 98 00:08:56,450 --> 00:09:03,700 You fight and you drive cars and jump off roofs.. like aah-hhee-haah? Arrrarrahaah? 99 00:09:04,930 --> 00:09:10,420 Oh my god, oh I wish I too could do something like that, you know. Something physical. 100 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:14,160 That small Swedish guy reminded my last girlfriend. 101 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,906 She talked too much and couldn't handle liquor. 102 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,740 Its ok.. I feel disconnected from the real world. 103 00:09:22,530 --> 00:09:25,520 You know, like a ghost in a machine. 104 00:09:27,780 --> 00:09:33,040 Help! I'm a ghost in a machine! 105 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,280 Help! 106 00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:53,480 Hey - do you know what I think? I think that something has brought us together. 107 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,940 Like, I.. I think you're here to save me from the digital world into your physical world. 108 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,920 -You're gonna make me stuntman. -No! I'm not gonna make you stuntman. 109 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,600 Ah - c'mon, c'mon.. hit me.. hit me like a stuntman. No, I'm not gonna hit you. 110 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:11,440 What? You, you think I can't handle pain? Well I can, I can. 111 00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:15,460 Great ... get in. 112 00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:21,700 -Are you okay? - Yeah, never felt better. 113 00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:25,260 You know what? This is so good for me. 114 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,390 Like, you are honest.. And you're.. you're straightforward. 115 00:10:29,770 --> 00:10:33,780 But you're tough, like a dad. 116 00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:36,370 You see, I never knew my father. 117 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,640 -Do, do you wanna be my dad? -No I dont want to be your dad. 118 00:10:42,114 --> 00:10:44,057 Okay, music. 119 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:49,080 Soooo, what do you wanna hear? -Uhm, you pick.. Know what.. 120 00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:52,970 hold this. I just need to... 121 00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:03,500 How's it going in there? 122 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,300 No!! 123 00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:04,742 Ah-haha! Can't believe you got it! Thanks man. Hey - 124 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,750 -I owe you. -Yeah, like eight thousand dollars. 125 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:12,470 -Yeah, about that.. I'm a little short. -Whoa-o, we had a deal. 126 00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:16,980 Oh, I can give you a thousand dollars. -We said eight thousand dollars. 127 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:22,140 -Yeah well a thousand is better than nothing ha. -Give me that! 128 00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,030 -Okay -You can have this back when you have the money. 129 00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,790 "Swedish Dick." 130 00:12:37,270 --> 00:12:40,400 -Give me money. -Alright, okay, I'll give you the money, alright.. 131 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,630 Hey! Come back here, you motherfucker! 132 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,960 Shit! -Where's my computer ?! 133 00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:10,560 Where's my computer 134 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:12,533 Where... 135 00:13:12,586 --> 00:13:13,470 is... 136 00:13:13,848 --> 00:13:15,635 my computer?! 137 00:13:20,228 --> 00:13:22,342 All my music was on it! 138 00:13:25,628 --> 00:13:28,942 Ou.. wai..wai..wait a minute ... The computer.. is yours? 139 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:30,053 I want it back! 140 00:13:31,166 --> 00:13:33,733 Easier said than done. Shit! 141 00:13:36,613 --> 00:13:41,480 What? -I don't have it. -Oh you're lying! 142 00:13:41,502 --> 00:13:44,275 Its like when you said you were a stuntman. You're a private detective. 143 00:13:44,302 --> 00:13:48,115 -How the hell did you find that out? -Have you ever heard of GPS? 144 00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:54,085 -You got a tracking device on your computer? -Yes. 145 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:57,657 Help me up. Get up to my office so you can get your computer back. 146 00:14:00,771 --> 00:14:03,200 -Did you do that on purpose? -Yes I did. 147 00:14:07,942 --> 00:14:12,828 Fuck! He must have turned off the GPS. - It's clear he did it. 148 00:14:13,028 --> 00:14:16,257 -Who is he? -He calls himself Theodore. 149 00:14:16,742 --> 00:14:21,457 -What does he look like? -Like all snotty kids looks like. 150 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:23,866 But wait... Sun! 151 00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:27,200 Sun! Sun! 152 00:14:28,885 --> 00:14:32,000 Can you describe the guy that was here with me the other day? 153 00:14:34,171 --> 00:14:35,800 He white. 154 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:39,700 -Like you. Who you? - Who, me? 155 00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:43,133 -You make fun my English? - No, no, sorry. 156 00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:52,600 -You speak Korean? -Well, just a little bit. Picked it up when I was doing some DJing there. 157 00:14:52,666 --> 00:14:57,260 -In South or North? -Only South Korea. North Korea kinda freaks me out. 158 00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:01,157 I from North Korea. 159 00:15:03,085 --> 00:15:05,342 Sun.. can you please describe the guy? 160 00:15:06,942 --> 00:15:12,714 I remember. He had a neck tattoo ... on neck. 161 00:15:13,257 --> 00:15:14,460 A neck tattoo? 162 00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,714 -Is that him? -That's him. 163 00:15:24,542 --> 00:15:28,100 I know who he is.. I know where we can find him. 164 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,200 Shit! I'm so stupid! I was DJ at this club ... 165 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:38,830 Axel explained how he had been making some good money DJing at a nightclub in The Valley. 166 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:44,033 And that's where he had met Theodore who was the bartender at the club. 167 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:52,700 So he said he loved my music and asked if I had written something new. 168 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:57,342 I was.. ah.. how can I be so stupid? I know.. it's my ego. 169 00:15:58,942 --> 00:16:01,314 Ingmar, look at me. Ingmar, look at me! 170 00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,828 I'm a whore. I'm an emotional whore. 171 00:16:07,540 --> 00:16:09,485 -Here it is. That's his car. 172 00:16:09,628 --> 00:16:10,800 -Oh, shit. -What? 173 00:16:12,571 --> 00:16:15,971 I knw the guy who owns this place... you don't wanna mess with him. 174 00:16:17,742 --> 00:16:21,150 Here it is... as promised... the DJ's laptop. 175 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,628 -He got songs in there.. songs that havent been released? Yeah, some really good shit. 176 00:16:27,263 --> 00:16:29,263 I'll be the fucking judge of that. 177 00:16:36,114 --> 00:16:37,342 Here it is. 178 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:41,857 You know the place? -Yes -Right 179 00:16:43,142 --> 00:16:46,400 -Is it real? -A Hairdryer. Want it? -No 180 00:16:47,085 --> 00:16:48,714 Open it, then. 181 00:17:03,085 --> 00:17:06,942 -You stay here. -Shall I not come? -Yip 182 00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:11,057 Great. You got the money? 183 00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,171 -Oh.. is that ...? -Blood. 184 00:17:16,685 --> 00:17:19,057 Yeah, don't worry about it. It's only human. 185 00:17:21,360 --> 00:17:22,685 Showtime! 186 00:17:26,828 --> 00:17:28,428 Afternoon, ladies. 187 00:17:28,971 --> 00:17:32,428 No! Hold it! Drop the gun. Toss it on the ground. 188 00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:36,542 Who the fuck are you and what the hell you doing in my club? 189 00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:41,157 I am a private dick, and this punk hired me to steal that computer. 190 00:17:41,473 --> 00:17:45,578 -I hired you to steal the computer and you outsource it to another? -Yeah, I had shit to do. 191 00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:50,028 Fucking millenials. -You know what, I'm gonna take that computer. 192 00:17:50,666 --> 00:17:53,263 And I'll be on my way. 193 00:17:56,571 --> 00:17:58,310 I thought that we had an agreement. 194 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:06,000 Aright, this is gonna work out in one of two ways. I'm either gonna have him shoot you and take the computer - 195 00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:10,571 -or you gonna give me the computer, and then I'm gonna have him shoot you. Huh. Your choice. 196 00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:12,971 Fuck you dick. Shoot the guy. 197 00:18:13,714 --> 00:18:16,457 One last request before you kill me? 198 00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:21,371 I would like you to send me off like an astronaut. 199 00:18:22,542 --> 00:18:25,885 What the fuck? -Ten!.. Nine! ... 200 00:18:27,228 --> 00:18:31,885 ... Eight ... seven ... six ... 201 00:18:32,971 --> 00:18:37,714 ... Five ... four ... three ... 202 00:18:38,628 --> 00:18:40,085 ...two... 203 00:18:40,885 --> 00:18:42,257 ...one... 204 00:18:43,150 --> 00:18:44,657 ...zero! 205 00:18:50,114 --> 00:18:54,514 Hey! If you shoot me, I'm gonna shoot your boss. 206 00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,885 What? 207 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:02,228 I say I'm gonna shoot you if you shoot me. -I can't hear you man. What? 208 00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:08,971 Axel! Axel! He hears nothing! Turn down the music! 209 00:19:11,428 --> 00:19:15,171 Yeah. I'm gonna shoot you if he shoots me. 210 00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,200 Yeah, I understand. 211 00:19:27,885 --> 00:19:32,457 You gonna gives us that computer, then and we're gonna walk outa here. You understand? 212 00:19:37,714 --> 00:19:40,285 -That your music? -Yeah. 213 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:43,428 -Its good. -Oh! Thanks. 214 00:19:44,371 --> 00:19:47,150 -Always nice to meet a fan. I'm not your fucking fan. 215 00:19:47,714 --> 00:19:49,200 But my son is. 216 00:19:52,085 --> 00:19:55,028 He wants to be a disc jockey, but he's fucking talentless. 217 00:19:55,828 --> 00:19:59,260 So I thought if I stoled your music and release it under his name - 218 00:19:59,914 --> 00:20:02,210 -he might be a success in the music business. 219 00:20:02,714 --> 00:20:05,828 Otherwise, he's gonna go into the drug business like me ... 220 00:20:07,485 --> 00:20:09,360 ... and I don't want that life for him. 221 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:19,257 That's just the nicest, strangest, nicest, weirdest thing I've ever heard. 222 00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:29,171 Give this to your son. 223 00:20:32,714 --> 00:20:37,150 -Thank you. - What the hell are you doing? Have you gone crazy? 224 00:20:37,314 --> 00:20:41,260 I do not know. Maybe. But I think it's a good crazy. 225 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,971 Something powerful tells me that its time for change. 226 00:20:47,285 --> 00:20:50,857 It's time for change. Give him the money. 227 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,171 No way! This is my money. 228 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,257 Fucking millenial. 229 00:21:02,742 --> 00:21:05,542 Well, welcome to Los Angeles, boy. 230 00:21:20,885 --> 00:21:24,000 What are you gonna do now that you sold all your music? 231 00:21:24,885 --> 00:21:28,657 -Well, I was thinking I'd come and work for you. -Excuse me? 232 00:21:28,833 --> 00:21:32,842 Well, you have to admit: we're a good team. -You're extremely annoying. 233 00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:36,314 Well, so are you. I still wanna work with you. 234 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,085 I can't even afford to pay myself. 235 00:21:41,171 --> 00:21:45,030 So how can I hire you? -No! You're not gonna hire me. I'm gonna hire you. 236 00:21:47,428 --> 00:21:49,360 Yeah, alright.. Partners. 237 00:21:50,457 --> 00:21:53,428 Never. I always work alone. That's a principle of mine. 238 00:22:03,657 --> 00:22:04,771 I'll give you half. 239 00:22:05,710 --> 00:22:08,600 I work alone, it is a matter of principle. 240 00:22:09,885 --> 00:22:13,170 You get half. See you Monday. 241 00:22:20,314 --> 00:22:26,630 Well folks, that's the story of how I managed to pay off my debt- 242 00:22:27,057 --> 00:22:30,628 -and how the Swedish Dick became the Swedish Dicks. 243 00:22:36,914 --> 00:22:38,114 I feel dick. 244 00:22:40,057 --> 00:22:44,210 If you're still wondering how I went from being an award-winning stuntman- 245 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:49,028 -to a small-time private investigator who drinks beer in the cemetery ... 246 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:56,100 ... and who will eventually find himself tied up in a chair- 247 00:22:56,421 --> 00:23:01,157 -in an abandoned building with an assassin ready to kill me - 248 00:23:01,473 --> 00:23:05,263 -well, that's a story for another day. 249 00:23:05,313 --> 00:23:09,863 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 21423

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