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1
00:00:07,267 --> 00:00:08,234
[crash]
2
00:00:09,601 --> 00:00:11,334
Hey, honey.
What's goin' on?
3
00:00:11,334 --> 00:00:14,767
Well, me and my unborn daughter
was just goin' in here
4
00:00:14,767 --> 00:00:17,667
to have a little puke party.
5
00:00:17,667 --> 00:00:18,901
What are you doin' in here?
6
00:00:18,901 --> 00:00:20,667
Doin'?
7
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,133
Oh, I thought
I heard something.
8
00:00:22,133 --> 00:00:25,100
Uh, probably a squirrel
or a bird but...
9
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,734
he ran a away.
10
00:00:26,734 --> 00:00:29,367
Or flew, depending
on what it was.
11
00:00:31,734 --> 00:00:33,234
Oh, you don't wanna know.
12
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:35,601
Come on, Dan.
13
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:37,133
The only thing
I don't wanna know
14
00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:41,200
is what is in that
green bag in the freezer.
15
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,834
Well, today, after
I dropped off Darlene
16
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:47,467
at the library, I ran
into Ed Jorgensen and...
17
00:00:47,467 --> 00:00:49,200
You know he sells firewood
in the winter now?
18
00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:54,000
Anyhow...
19
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,400
I didn't see anything yet,
but he told me that our new neighbors,
20
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,067
they kinda like
to run around naked.
21
00:00:58,067 --> 00:01:00,234
And I just wanted to see
if it was true, you know,
22
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,968
so I could warn ya.
23
00:01:02,968 --> 00:01:04,467
Good, God,
what's the matter with you,
24
00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:07,467
thinkin' I don't wanna
see the neighbors naked!
25
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,701
[giggling]
26
00:01:08,701 --> 00:01:10,267
I thought you'd think
I was perverted.
27
00:01:10,267 --> 00:01:12,501
No, you watchin' alone
is perverted,
28
00:01:12,501 --> 00:01:15,300
but us watchin' together,
now that's a date.
29
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:16,934
Besides, this guy
I saw the other day
30
00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:18,334
carried boxes
in over there,
31
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:20,367
he's the kind of guy
you normally have to pay
32
00:01:20,367 --> 00:01:21,501
to see naked.
33
00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:25,801
Oh, God, I--
34
00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:30,968
I guess that might have
been their grandson.
35
00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:34,067
Or their great-great-
great-grandson.
36
00:01:34,067 --> 00:01:37,667
Oh, me.
37
00:01:37,667 --> 00:01:39,033
I hope mine
don't look like that
38
00:01:39,033 --> 00:01:41,968
when I get that old.
39
00:01:41,968 --> 00:01:46,267
Yeah, I hope not too, Dan,
because that's the wife.
40
00:01:49,167 --> 00:01:52,534
Oh, my God,
I cannot sit here
41
00:01:52,534 --> 00:01:55,467
and look at this anymore.
42
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:01,467
What are you doing?
43
00:03:01,467 --> 00:03:03,968
[Dan]
There's a commercial on. I'm gettin' a beer.
44
00:03:03,968 --> 00:03:07,868
Newsflash, Dan. We don't
have a TV in our bedroom.
45
00:03:07,868 --> 00:03:10,667
No, but the neighbors
got one in theirs.
46
00:03:10,667 --> 00:03:12,267
By the time
they left the room,
47
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:15,534
I realized I hadn't
had anything to drink in six hours.
48
00:03:15,534 --> 00:03:17,434
I can't believe you're
still sittin' there
49
00:03:17,434 --> 00:03:20,133
watching the Illinois Raisins.
50
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:23,200
It's not my fault.
They're retired. They never go out.
51
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,167
Yeah, it's really sad
how they have no life.
52
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:29,834
I can't stop lookin'.
53
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:34,167
It's like a train wreck.
54
00:03:34,167 --> 00:03:36,634
A train wreck
full of naked people.
55
00:03:36,634 --> 00:03:39,167
[keys jingling]
56
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,434
[Mark]Stupid keys.
57
00:03:41,434 --> 00:03:42,934
Open up,you stupid door!
58
00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,200
Come on!
59
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,000
[jostling door]
Hey, hey.
60
00:03:47,534 --> 00:03:49,734
[drunken slur]
Oh, hey.
61
00:03:49,734 --> 00:03:50,968
What's the matter, Mark?
62
00:03:50,968 --> 00:03:52,434
Did the guys
at the garage convince you
63
00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:55,167
that it was
New Year's Eve again?
64
00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,801
I'm not drunk,
Roseanne.
65
00:03:57,801 --> 00:03:59,167
Hey, you know,
that's the first time
66
00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:00,834
I've ever called you that?
67
00:04:00,834 --> 00:04:02,868
Roseanne.
68
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,400
Rosie.
69
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,868
Roady-row-row-row.
70
00:04:06,868 --> 00:04:09,334
You better get in here.
You're in no condition to be out there.
71
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:12,567
You better get
in here and start cleanin' Dan's guns.
72
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,934
You know, maybe I could
use some coffee.
73
00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:20,801
Yeah. Well, if you
really wanna sober up,
74
00:04:20,801 --> 00:04:23,901
you should see
what drinkin' did to our new neighbors.
75
00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:29,834
So, you wanna tell me
why you're drunk?
76
00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:32,167
I don't have to
tell you anything...
77
00:04:32,167 --> 00:04:34,801
'cause you're not
my friend.
78
00:04:34,801 --> 00:04:36,868
All my real friends
are down at the bar,
79
00:04:36,868 --> 00:04:40,834
like that fat guy,
and, um...
80
00:04:40,834 --> 00:04:42,801
the guy with the hat.
81
00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:48,334
So, is, uh, Becky
worried about me or...
82
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:51,601
Um, no, she's still
out with David.
83
00:04:51,601 --> 00:04:53,234
Darlene go with 'em?
84
00:04:53,234 --> 00:04:55,968
No, they went alone.
85
00:04:55,968 --> 00:05:00,100
Great. It's like
the eighth night this week.
86
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,634
Sorry, Mark.
87
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,801
I don't care
what those two do.
88
00:05:03,801 --> 00:05:05,100
I don't give a damn
about them.
89
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,734
Well, you better
start caring,
90
00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:08,601
'cause if we start tradin'
spouses around here,
91
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:09,868
you just might
end up with me.
92
00:05:09,868 --> 00:05:11,601
Would you like that?
93
00:05:11,601 --> 00:05:12,934
No!
94
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,601
I can't do anything about it.
95
00:05:14,601 --> 00:05:17,667
Yeah, you can.
Just tell her that you don't like it.
96
00:05:17,667 --> 00:05:21,200
I'm afraid if I yell at her,
she's just gonna hate me.
97
00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,133
She's not gonna
hate you, Mark.
98
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:27,267
She loves you in a way
that makes our entire family
99
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:31,167
think less of her.
100
00:05:31,167 --> 00:05:33,801
Look, I'll handle this
my own way.
101
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:35,501
But thanks for tryin'
to help me.
102
00:05:36,968 --> 00:05:39,167
Hey, you know somethin'?
[chair scraping floor]
103
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:41,501
You're all right.
104
00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:43,434
Well, gee, thanks, Mark.
105
00:05:43,434 --> 00:05:45,667
You know, I didn't
get much approval from my parents,
106
00:05:45,667 --> 00:05:48,834
but hearin' it from
my drunk son-in-law
107
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,300
is just as good.
108
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:55,067
Look, I know I'm a big
pain in the butt,
109
00:05:55,067 --> 00:05:56,267
but I'll tell you what.
110
00:05:56,267 --> 00:05:58,767
I'll give you a free one.
111
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,667
Go ahead, hit me.
112
00:06:00,667 --> 00:06:03,267
Hard as you can.
113
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,234
I knew it.
114
00:06:10,234 --> 00:06:11,701
You can't do it, can you?
115
00:06:11,701 --> 00:06:14,868
Yeah, I can.
I'm just goin' to get a bat.
116
00:06:19,634 --> 00:06:20,734
Hey, come on!
117
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:22,567
Big 'ol greasy
bucket of chicken!
118
00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:26,534
Last one in lives
to a ripe old age!
119
00:06:26,534 --> 00:06:29,167
Get that stuff
away from me.
120
00:06:29,167 --> 00:06:30,701
Just thinking about
those people next door
121
00:06:30,701 --> 00:06:33,801
has given the term
"chicken skin" a whole new meaning.
122
00:06:35,601 --> 00:06:37,367
What are they doin' now?
123
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:42,667
Playing air hockey.
124
00:06:42,667 --> 00:06:44,100
[laughs]
Oh, God.
125
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,567
As if hockey wasn't
an ugly enough sport.
126
00:06:47,567 --> 00:06:48,901
Hello.
127
00:06:48,901 --> 00:06:50,534
Hey, guys, brought the beer.
128
00:06:50,534 --> 00:06:53,234
Well, before we eat,
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
129
00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:56,267
I gotta wash my hands
and burn out my corneas with Drano.
130
00:06:58,567 --> 00:07:00,100
What's the matter
with him?
131
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:03,167
Oh, he's just really,
really into, uh,
132
00:07:03,167 --> 00:07:04,501
watching our new neighbors.
133
00:07:04,501 --> 00:07:05,968
They have a new Buick.
134
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:08,534
Oh, yeah, and they
walk around naked all the time.
135
00:07:09,801 --> 00:07:11,234
I can't believe
that Dan would do that.
136
00:07:11,234 --> 00:07:12,834
What? It's no big deal.
137
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:13,934
You approve?
138
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,300
You're not lookin' too,
are you?
139
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,100
Well, yeah, but not
as much as Dan.
140
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,534
I'm not sick.
141
00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:22,100
Do your new neighbors know
that you're watching 'em.
142
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,334
No, we stand completely still
because if they see us,
143
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:27,400
you know, they might
change their behavior.
144
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,601
We got that
from Wild Kingdom.
145
00:07:29,601 --> 00:07:32,734
Good God, Roseanne.
146
00:07:32,734 --> 00:07:34,934
You want a cheap thrill,
go rent a porno movie.
147
00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,734
At least those people
want to be watched.
148
00:07:36,734 --> 00:07:42,133
Yeah, but they ain't,
like, 112 years old.
149
00:07:43,234 --> 00:07:44,234
That's no excuse.
150
00:07:44,234 --> 00:07:45,834
If anything,
it makes it more wrong,
151
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:47,567
more sad,
and more sick.
152
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:49,067
[snickers]
153
00:07:49,067 --> 00:07:51,667
They're really old?
Oh, yeah!
154
00:07:51,667 --> 00:07:54,300
I'm sure they'll never
forget where they were
155
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:57,033
the day Lincoln was shot.
156
00:07:58,334 --> 00:08:01,434
They're completely naked?
All the time?
157
00:08:01,434 --> 00:08:03,901
Sometimes he wears a hat.
158
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:07,000
[giggles]
159
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,701
I gotta look.
160
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:09,701
Jackie!
161
00:08:09,701 --> 00:08:11,033
Don't do it, Jackie.
162
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,934
The Coronellis can be quite
a monkey on your back.
163
00:08:12,934 --> 00:08:14,767
Outta my way, Dan.
164
00:08:16,067 --> 00:08:17,467
They gotta be stopped.
165
00:08:17,467 --> 00:08:19,334
It's not the neighbors'
problem, Dan.
166
00:08:19,334 --> 00:08:21,868
They got a right to do
whatever they wanna do in their own house.
167
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,167
That's right, Dan.
168
00:08:23,167 --> 00:08:25,601
Our forefathers died
so the Coronellis
169
00:08:25,601 --> 00:08:28,467
could play
naked air hockey.
170
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:31,200
But you don't have
a right to watch them.
171
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,534
Watching's wrong.
172
00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,067
Wrong, Fred?
173
00:08:34,067 --> 00:08:37,367
Wrong is when bad things
happen to good people.
174
00:08:37,367 --> 00:08:39,467
And you wanna know why
bad things happen to good people?
175
00:08:39,467 --> 00:08:43,501
Because God is too busy
watching the Coronellis.
176
00:08:43,501 --> 00:08:45,567
Fine, if you say
there's nothing wrong with it,
177
00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:47,067
then let's just forget it.
178
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:49,634
Hey, Mom, I know
what I want for my birthday.
179
00:08:49,634 --> 00:08:52,567
Good. Keep it a secret
so I'll be surprised.
180
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,467
I want an air hockey game.
181
00:09:02,033 --> 00:09:05,634
Oh, this is bad.
182
00:09:05,634 --> 00:09:07,801
I know.
183
00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:10,267
You know, this could wreck
D.J.'s whole sex life.
184
00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:14,033
I mean, at the very least,
he'll hate old people.
185
00:09:14,033 --> 00:09:16,667
And at the very worst...
186
00:09:16,667 --> 00:09:19,300
he'll really,
really like 'em.
187
00:09:29,434 --> 00:09:30,801
Hey.
188
00:09:32,167 --> 00:09:34,534
What do you want?
You never come down here.
189
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:36,434
Well, this time
I wanted to.
190
00:09:36,434 --> 00:09:39,834
No, Mark, that wasn't
an observation, that was an order.
191
00:09:39,834 --> 00:09:42,834
You, never come down here.
192
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:48,200
I just wanted to ask you
about something.
193
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,000
So, uh...
194
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,767
how are you and David
getting along these days?
195
00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:55,834
Great. We find that
nothing enhances romance
196
00:09:55,834 --> 00:09:59,601
like breaking up
and sleeping with other people.
197
00:09:59,601 --> 00:10:02,267
Yeah, you know, I don't
think he was real serious
198
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:05,734
about that Dinah girl
he was seeing.
199
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:07,934
You could probably
get him back.
200
00:10:07,934 --> 00:10:09,267
Oh, do you think so?
201
00:10:09,267 --> 00:10:11,100
Every night I kneel
at the foot of my bed
202
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:13,133
and I pray that
we'll get back together...
203
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:14,501
and then I make
my new boyfriend
204
00:10:14,501 --> 00:10:17,701
get out of bed
and pray with me.
205
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:21,067
I just think
you guys are really good for each other.
206
00:10:21,067 --> 00:10:23,100
Mark, stop it.
207
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,467
David made you
come down here, didn't he?
208
00:10:24,467 --> 00:10:26,567
No. He doesn't even know
I came down.
209
00:10:26,567 --> 00:10:27,968
Just get out.
210
00:10:27,968 --> 00:10:29,267
Look, I don't care
what the hell happens between you two.
211
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:31,300
I just want David to
stay away from my wife.
212
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:34,534
[chuckles]
Wake up, Mark.
213
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,400
I mean David's just trying
to make me jealous.
214
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:39,167
He doesn't want Becky
anymore than my parents did.
215
00:10:41,033 --> 00:10:42,467
It isn't
just for you.
216
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,667
This has been
going on way before you came home.
217
00:10:44,667 --> 00:10:46,367
What?
218
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:49,400
Yeah, they've been
spending tons of time together.
219
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,701
Becky hardly even
talks to me anymore.
220
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:54,100
I don't believe it.
221
00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,601
She thinks David's
Mr. Sensitive.
222
00:10:57,601 --> 00:11:00,033
So what am I?
Mr. uh...
223
00:11:00,033 --> 00:11:02,100
opposite of that?
224
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,968
Get outta my way.
225
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,400
What are you doing
getting involved with David, Becky?
226
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,067
You're a married woman.
227
00:11:16,067 --> 00:11:18,033
Since when did you care
about my marriage?
228
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:22,100
Since you decided to
trade Moe in for Curly.
229
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:23,200
You're just jealous.
230
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:26,767
No, I am not jealous.
231
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:28,100
Hey.
232
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,033
Mind if I watch TV?
233
00:11:30,033 --> 00:11:32,434
Are you doing this
because of some sick competition thing
234
00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:33,434
between you and me?
235
00:11:33,434 --> 00:11:34,434
I mean, is that what
this is about?
236
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:35,434
That is ridiculous.
237
00:11:35,434 --> 00:11:36,501
David and I
hang out together
238
00:11:36,501 --> 00:11:38,434
because we like
talking to each other.
239
00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,234
Yeah, I'm sure
you find it a lot easier to talk
240
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,267
with your skirt
over your head.
241
00:11:44,133 --> 00:11:46,834
You know, I think
I watch too much TV.
242
00:11:46,834 --> 00:11:48,000
Hold it.
243
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,200
What are you
doing with her?
244
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,400
Not that I'm necessarily
against necrophilia,
245
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,334
but I think
it's illegal.
246
00:11:53,334 --> 00:11:56,501
There's nothing going on
between us.
247
00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:59,067
She's my brother's wife,
for cryin' out loud.
248
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:03,834
The man stuck a fork
in my hand when I tried to take his dessert.
249
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:06,667
Well, if it's not
a sex thing, then what is it?
250
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:08,300
I mean, I ran out
of things to talk to her about
251
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,868
when I was,
like, two.
252
00:12:10,868 --> 00:12:12,133
Ignore her, David.
253
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:14,033
She's just jealous 'cause
we have a relationship
254
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:15,634
where we like
and respect each other.
255
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:16,901
Not like the one
you had with David.
256
00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:18,534
What's that
supposed to mean?
257
00:12:18,534 --> 00:12:20,701
I was closer to David
than you could ever be.
258
00:12:20,701 --> 00:12:22,701
[chuckles]
Yeah. Okay, Darlene.
259
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,000
Oh, don't give me that.
260
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,434
I mean, what could
the two you possibly have in common?
261
00:12:26,434 --> 00:12:27,667
Well...
262
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,000
we both live with you,
263
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,033
and you treated us
both like crap.
264
00:12:31,033 --> 00:12:33,267
I did not.
265
00:12:33,267 --> 00:12:35,501
I mean, maybe I treated
you like crap, but...
266
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:39,067
Well, have you ever spent
any time with you?
267
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:40,367
Oh, that's right.
268
00:12:40,367 --> 00:12:42,367
You treated David
with lots of respect.
269
00:12:42,367 --> 00:12:45,567
I did.
Tell her.
270
00:12:45,567 --> 00:12:47,601
You may
speak.
271
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:51,901
Come on, David,
now's your chance.
272
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,734
You said you weren't gonna
take any more of her abuse.
273
00:12:54,734 --> 00:12:55,767
Abuse?
274
00:12:55,767 --> 00:12:59,267
David, what have you
been telling her?
275
00:12:59,267 --> 00:13:01,734
I can see I'm just
in the way here.
276
00:13:01,734 --> 00:13:03,801
Come on, David.
Tell her how horrible it was.
277
00:13:03,801 --> 00:13:05,934
Stand up for yourself.
278
00:13:05,934 --> 00:13:08,467
You don't agree
with her, do you?
279
00:13:08,467 --> 00:13:09,901
David?
Shut up.
280
00:13:09,901 --> 00:13:12,200
Do you?
Darlene...
281
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:15,267
Come on. Tell her
she's wrong, David.
282
00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:16,400
I can't.
283
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:19,501
What?
284
00:13:19,501 --> 00:13:20,801
I'm sorry.
285
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:23,234
At the time, I thought
it was great.
286
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:24,467
But now...
287
00:13:24,467 --> 00:13:27,300
But now what?
288
00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:32,701
I just don't think we
ever really connected.
289
00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:38,033
God, David,
I mean...
290
00:13:38,033 --> 00:13:41,734
I was closer to you
than anybody I've ever been with in my whole life.
291
00:13:41,734 --> 00:13:44,367
I'm sorry.
292
00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:45,667
Face it, Darlene.
293
00:13:45,667 --> 00:13:47,767
You just can't
get close to anybody.
294
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,534
Oh, go to hell,
both of you.
295
00:14:02,434 --> 00:14:04,534
You're serving the neighbors
sliced Twinkies.
296
00:14:04,534 --> 00:14:06,968
You don't think it's too
pretentious, do you?
297
00:14:06,968 --> 00:14:09,334
You know what?
I don't think this is such a good idea.
298
00:14:09,334 --> 00:14:11,601
We should have
just sent them an anonymous note.
299
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:12,934
Oh, yeah, right.
300
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:15,901
"We're sorry, but our bedroom
looks right into yours."
301
00:14:15,901 --> 00:14:17,667
Signed "anonymous."
302
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:18,968
[doorbell rings]
303
00:14:18,968 --> 00:14:20,100
Jeez, Roseanne,
304
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,400
I was taught to
respect my elders.
305
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:22,968
I don't think
I can do this.
306
00:14:22,968 --> 00:14:24,667
Oh, it's no big deal, Dan.
307
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:28,067
If you get nervous, just try
picturing them naked.
308
00:14:29,133 --> 00:14:32,400
Hi. We're the Coronellis.
309
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,701
Hi. I'm Dan Connor.
310
00:14:34,701 --> 00:14:36,267
This is my wife
Roseanne.
311
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:37,534
Nice to meet you.
312
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:40,767
I'm Skip
and this is Irene.
313
00:14:40,767 --> 00:14:42,634
Here, I baked you
a little something.
314
00:14:42,634 --> 00:14:43,901
Thank you.
315
00:14:43,901 --> 00:14:45,934
Gee, I hate
to think of you
316
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:49,033
standing over
a hot stove.
317
00:14:49,033 --> 00:14:52,367
Come on in!
Sit down!
318
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:55,000
Boy, we were so glad
when you moved in.
319
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,467
'Cause, you know,
nowadays, when new people move in,
320
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:59,400
you get so nervous,
what with...
321
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,801
oh, all the drug
problems and things like that, you know?
322
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:04,968
It seems like everywhere
you look nowadays
323
00:15:04,968 --> 00:15:07,701
all you see is crack.
324
00:15:13,334 --> 00:15:15,267
This might be a good time
to bring up something.
325
00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:17,534
What a beautiful
family!
326
00:15:17,534 --> 00:15:19,801
Skip, Roseanne
was talking!
327
00:15:19,801 --> 00:15:21,167
Oh, I'm sorry.
328
00:15:21,167 --> 00:15:23,367
He loves young people.
329
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:26,901
He taught high school
for 40 years.
330
00:15:26,901 --> 00:15:29,701
And Irene was
our school nurse.
331
00:15:29,701 --> 00:15:31,300
Except for
those three years
332
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:34,734
when she looked after
our boys in Korea.
333
00:15:39,701 --> 00:15:41,300
Oh, but I'm sorry.
334
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:43,634
You were going
to say something.
335
00:15:46,267 --> 00:15:48,400
Oh, yeah.
Well, I, uh...
336
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:52,834
Um, I was wonder what
you guys do all day
337
00:15:52,834 --> 00:15:56,067
besides...hang out.
338
00:15:56,067 --> 00:15:57,501
Come on, Roseanne,
I thought you had
339
00:15:57,501 --> 00:16:00,234
something else you
wanted to ask them.
340
00:16:04,067 --> 00:16:06,834
Yeah, I was wondering...
where are you guys from?
341
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:10,534
I'm guessing it's
some place really warm.
342
00:16:10,534 --> 00:16:12,100
We're from Elgin.
343
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,667
You really have
a lovely home.
344
00:16:14,667 --> 00:16:18,400
Well, thank you
very much.
345
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,367
Uh, I could
give you a tour.
346
00:16:21,367 --> 00:16:23,133
Yeah, um...
347
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:24,334
this is the kitchen.
348
00:16:24,334 --> 00:16:25,968
You know,
no big deal.
349
00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:27,000
Just--just
a kitchen.
350
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,100
The hallway.
351
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,267
We should go in
the bedroom there
352
00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:32,334
because at night
you get a really good view
353
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:33,968
of the stars there.
354
00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:38,701
Usually, around now,
we have a lovely view of Uranus.
355
00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:44,133
Yeah, this is our bedroom.
356
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:47,734
We named it
after our bed.
357
00:16:47,734 --> 00:16:50,634
And, hey,
there's our window.
358
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:54,000
You know what,
Skip and Irene?
359
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:58,033
I'll bet you can see
right into our bedroom from over there.
360
00:16:58,033 --> 00:17:03,367
Oh, no.
We're terribly nearsighted.
361
00:17:03,367 --> 00:17:06,167
Oh, well, Dan's got
perfect eyesight.
362
00:17:06,167 --> 00:17:09,701
He don't even need
those binoculars he's got sitting there.
363
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:17,200
You know what
your house could use?
364
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,567
A hedge.
365
00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,767
Not every house
can hold a hedge, but yours sure could.
366
00:17:20,767 --> 00:17:24,133
No. We like an open yard.
367
00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:26,601
It's more neighborly.
368
00:17:26,601 --> 00:17:28,601
Uh...
369
00:17:28,601 --> 00:17:29,601
hold it.
370
00:17:29,601 --> 00:17:32,434
See, the thing
of it is is, um...
371
00:17:32,434 --> 00:17:33,701
Dan?
372
00:17:33,701 --> 00:17:35,601
I don't know what
"the thing of it is" honey.
373
00:17:35,601 --> 00:17:36,934
You sure as hell seemed
to have a handle
374
00:17:36,934 --> 00:17:39,634
on "the thing of it"
earlier.
375
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:44,167
Okay, well, I don't exactly
know how to...say this.
376
00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:45,934
We can see you naked.
377
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,467
That is one time we were
looking out the window,
378
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:51,634
and we happened
to notice--
379
00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:54,033
through no fault
of your own--
380
00:17:54,033 --> 00:17:56,033
you weren't wearing
any clothes.
381
00:17:56,033 --> 00:17:57,100
That's all right.
382
00:17:57,100 --> 00:17:59,834
We rarely wear clothes
around the house.
383
00:17:59,834 --> 00:18:01,534
That's right, dear.
384
00:18:01,534 --> 00:18:05,267
We believe
the human body in its natural state
385
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,300
is beautiful.
386
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:15,300
God, are they nearsighted.
387
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:23,267
Uh, look, it's not that
we think anything is wrong with nudity.
388
00:18:23,267 --> 00:18:25,901
As a matter of fact,
me and Mr. Connor
389
00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:28,467
used to have sex
that way.
390
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,033
Well, we figure if people
don't want to see us,
391
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:35,133
they just won't look.
392
00:18:35,133 --> 00:18:36,701
You don't understand.
393
00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:39,801
It's not that
we want to look...
394
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:48,267
We can't help it.
395
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:51,267
You can't help it?
396
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,501
Well, we don't want
to offend you or anything.
397
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:59,234
It's just that we think
the sight of you might be wrecking our son.
398
00:18:59,234 --> 00:19:01,934
Oh, really?
And how's that?
399
00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:07,267
Well...
uh, no offense, you know. Uh...
400
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,934
but look at you.
401
00:19:10,634 --> 00:19:13,400
Well, no offense,
but look at you
402
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,868
and you have
clothes on!
403
00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:21,334
It isn't our nudity,
it's our age, isn't it?
404
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:25,434
Perhaps if we were younger
and more attractive,
405
00:19:25,434 --> 00:19:27,934
we wouldn't be
having this talk.
406
00:19:27,934 --> 00:19:31,667
Well, yeah, probably not
for a couple more weeks.
407
00:19:31,667 --> 00:19:34,801
I feel sorry
for you people.
408
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:37,501
Nudity is our
chosen lifestyle.
409
00:19:37,501 --> 00:19:41,067
But you can't
help yourselves.
410
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:45,234
You're compulsive,
sick perverts.
411
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:50,868
Well, it's not that easy
not to look.
412
00:19:50,868 --> 00:19:53,767
Well, I certainly think
we could manage.
413
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:56,100
Oh, yeah?
What color are my eyes?
414
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,367
Oh, my God!
415
00:19:57,367 --> 00:19:58,734
Come on, dear.
416
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,501
We're going to
plant that hedge, believe me.
417
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:07,501
And we'll tell
all your neighbors
418
00:20:07,501 --> 00:20:10,868
just what kind of
people you are!
419
00:20:10,868 --> 00:20:14,767
Well, it's too late.
They already know.
420
00:20:20,868 --> 00:20:24,434
You know, honey,
we really must entertain more often.
421
00:20:24,434 --> 00:20:26,467
That was fun.
422
00:20:33,467 --> 00:20:35,067
Hey, Mark
where's Mom and Dad?
423
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,934
I gotta get
to the bus station
424
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:38,801
Are you leaving?
425
00:20:38,801 --> 00:20:40,834
No, I just gotta
get down there and meet my pimp.
426
00:20:40,834 --> 00:20:44,267
If I don't get going,
he'll smack me around.
427
00:20:44,267 --> 00:20:46,767
Your parents are gone.
428
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:50,400
Great. I'm walkin'.
I gotta get out of here.
429
00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:51,634
What, you got
a suitcase?
430
00:20:51,634 --> 00:20:54,767
No, Mark, I wear
the same outfit every day.
431
00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:55,934
Then when it gets dirty,
432
00:20:55,934 --> 00:20:57,567
I jump into the river
fully clothed
433
00:20:57,567 --> 00:21:00,067
and beat myself
against a rock.
434
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:01,601
Look, it's
a 5-minute drive.
435
00:21:01,601 --> 00:21:02,934
I can take you
down there.
436
00:21:02,934 --> 00:21:07,534
That'd be great, but you gotta
turn twice to get there.
437
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,534
How would you
find your way back?
438
00:21:09,534 --> 00:21:11,801
Just forget
I offered, all right?
439
00:21:11,801 --> 00:21:14,133
I've had enough
of your crap.
440
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,667
I'm sorry, Mark.
441
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,767
Look, it hasn't been
the best week for me either, all right?
442
00:21:20,767 --> 00:21:22,234
I really am sorry.
443
00:21:22,234 --> 00:21:24,567
Just get your stuff.
444
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:30,434
You're bummed out about
this whole Becky thing, right?
445
00:21:30,434 --> 00:21:32,801
I mean, there's still
a chance you guys could work it out.
446
00:21:32,801 --> 00:21:35,000
Yeah, right.
Like you really care.
447
00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,234
I'm trying to be
nice here, Mark, you know?
448
00:21:37,234 --> 00:21:39,801
It would really be helpful
if you didn't speak.
449
00:21:39,801 --> 00:21:42,167
What, you're trying
to be nice to me?
450
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:44,634
Man, I must seem
really pathetic.
451
00:21:44,634 --> 00:21:47,968
No, I just think that
there's gotta be some hope
452
00:21:47,968 --> 00:21:50,901
for your marriage
if it means this much to you.
453
00:21:50,901 --> 00:21:54,501
I mean, you cared enough
to come down to my room and talk to me.
454
00:21:54,501 --> 00:21:58,200
Apparently, that isn't
the easiest thing for anybody to do.
455
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,334
It really didn't help.
456
00:22:01,334 --> 00:22:04,033
Well, maybe that's because
you opened up to me and not to Becky.
457
00:22:04,033 --> 00:22:07,100
So you think
if I make myself more open to talk to,
458
00:22:07,100 --> 00:22:08,901
Becky will come to me
instead of David?
459
00:22:08,901 --> 00:22:10,834
Yeah.
460
00:22:10,834 --> 00:22:12,701
Well...
461
00:22:12,701 --> 00:22:13,834
how do I do that?
462
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,634
[scoffs]
463
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:17,000
Hell if I know.
464
00:22:19,934 --> 00:22:21,300
Hey, Darlene
465
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:23,167
Yeah.
466
00:22:23,167 --> 00:22:25,734
You know...thanks.
467
00:22:26,834 --> 00:22:28,634
[chuckles]
468
00:22:28,634 --> 00:22:31,634
You know, you're really
not that bad a guy, Mark.
469
00:22:33,601 --> 00:22:35,968
Wait a minute.
470
00:22:35,968 --> 00:22:39,634
Are you trying
to get back at Becky by coming on to me?
471
00:22:39,634 --> 00:22:40,834
What?
472
00:22:40,834 --> 00:22:42,534
Look, just so you know,
473
00:22:42,534 --> 00:22:45,100
no way am I being part
of your sick game.
474
00:22:56,634 --> 00:22:59,567
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475
00:22:59,617 --> 00:23:04,167
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