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1
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,139
Is Darlene here yet?
2
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:11,043
You don't see her
washing my feet with her hair, do you?
3
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:14,179
God, mom, I really hope
you're not gonna be too hard on her.
4
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,750
You know I am more
than fair, Becky.
5
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,686
Now, uh...Can you
think of a punishment
6
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,187
That starts with "x"?
7
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,224
She lived with her boyfriend
8
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,892
'cause she was
in love with him.
9
00:00:26,893 --> 00:00:28,427
Think back to when
you were young.
10
00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,362
You know, Becky,
if you're feeling left out,
11
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:33,332
Mommy has enough anger
for all her children.
12
00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:34,733
Excavate garden.
13
00:00:34,734 --> 00:00:36,368
There's a punishment
that begins with "x."
14
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:39,038
Yard work.
15
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,508
Zoo with D.J.
16
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:45,344
I'm done.
17
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:47,012
What do you think
dad's gonna do
18
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:48,213
When he sees her?
19
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:51,350
Oh, Becky, your father
is a reasonable man.
20
00:00:51,351 --> 00:00:52,785
I figure
he'll sit with her
21
00:00:52,786 --> 00:00:54,319
And have
a nice long talk.
22
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,621
Of course,
she won't listen,
23
00:00:55,622 --> 00:00:58,824
What with being dead
and all.
24
00:00:58,825 --> 00:01:00,292
I have had it,
Roseanne.
25
00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:02,494
I can't keep
hiding David at my house.
26
00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,496
I mean, it's been,
like, a week.
27
00:01:04,497 --> 00:01:06,598
I can't take care
of him anymore.
28
00:01:06,599 --> 00:01:08,934
Luckily, those maternal
instincts are kicking in
29
00:01:08,935 --> 00:01:10,235
In the nick of time.
30
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,273
Have you told Dan
about David yet?
31
00:01:14,274 --> 00:01:15,407
Yes.
32
00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:16,642
Really?
33
00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:18,577
What did he say?
34
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:22,314
Oh. Oh, you mean
the truth? No.
35
00:01:22,315 --> 00:01:24,616
It's starting to get
very uncomfortable.
36
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:28,253
Last night, he thought
I tried to seduce him.
37
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,324
Well,
it was kind of funny.
38
00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:33,759
I just gave him a hug
39
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,127
'cause he said
something sweet,
40
00:01:35,128 --> 00:01:37,596
And boom, now he
thinks I want him.
41
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:38,997
That is so funny.
I know.
42
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,274
I got to go talk to Mark.
43
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:51,377
Anyway, david's acting
really weird now.
44
00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,045
He hasn't showered
in three days
45
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:55,681
'cause he's afraid
i'll walk in on him.
46
00:01:55,682 --> 00:01:56,715
[Darlene]
hello.
47
00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:00,452
Well, hello, Darlene!
48
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:03,055
Gosh, it's just so wonderful
to have you home,
49
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,791
Especially when you're in
really, really big trouble.
50
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:10,062
I'm home. Now what?
51
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,663
Oh, gee, let's see.
52
00:02:11,664 --> 00:02:14,867
It has been so long
since I punished you,
53
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,003
I wonder if I even
remember how.
54
00:02:18,004 --> 00:02:20,172
You're grounded.
55
00:02:20,173 --> 00:02:23,676
There! Yeah, it's just
like riding a bike.
56
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,010
You can't ground me.
57
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:26,412
I don't even
live here anymore.
58
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,813
The only reason
I came home
59
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:30,416
Is because you said
we could talk to dad about David.
60
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,817
You know, he's,
like, really unhappy.
61
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,752
David is just fine.
Don't worry about him.
62
00:02:33,753 --> 00:02:34,953
He's just a little shook
63
00:02:34,954 --> 00:02:38,323
Because aunt Jackie
put the moves on him.
64
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:40,159
I did not.
65
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,995
Who'd want to sleep
with some big old fat lady?
66
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,269
David's
got to come back here.
67
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,371
If you won't talk to dad,
i'll do it.
68
00:02:52,372 --> 00:02:54,540
I don't think this would
be the right time
69
00:02:54,541 --> 00:02:55,974
With the mood
your dad's in.
70
00:02:55,975 --> 00:02:57,543
Let's face it:
71
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:59,745
You need my help.
72
00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:03,816
Ha.
73
00:03:03,817 --> 00:03:07,853
Oh, you are twisted.
74
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:11,156
Do you think I take joy
in punishing my children?
75
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:13,092
Yes, I do.
76
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,327
See, Jackie? You must
always let the child
77
00:03:15,328 --> 00:03:17,363
Know why
they're being punished.
78
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,597
[door slams]
79
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,833
[Dan]
damn snow plow blocked the driveway again!
80
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:22,167
Oh, god.
81
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,569
Don't worry.
82
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:26,672
We won't let you live
hooked up to machines.
83
00:03:26,673 --> 00:03:29,274
Did you see
that son of--
84
00:03:29,275 --> 00:03:31,210
Hi, dad.
85
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,816
Hey, sport.
86
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:39,451
Great to see ya.
87
00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:42,087
Yeah, you, too.
88
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:44,089
What do you say
we go get a sundae?
89
00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,357
Really?
90
00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,027
Oh, okay.
Great.
91
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,361
Here you go.
92
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:57,069
Uh, Dan.
93
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,737
What the hell
were you doing there?
94
00:03:58,738 --> 00:04:00,406
Don't you know
what's been going on
95
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,007
For the last
three months?
96
00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:03,942
We don't get to see her
very often.
97
00:04:03,943 --> 00:04:05,377
She's still
one of our kids.
98
00:04:05,378 --> 00:04:08,013
I know that, but you are
being really nice to her
99
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:10,182
Like she's
a total stranger.
100
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,383
She's
never gonna come home
101
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,385
If every time she does
it's miserable.
102
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,387
Why not? I do!
103
00:04:15,388 --> 00:04:17,690
[theme]
104
00:05:07,340 --> 00:05:08,574
Come on in, Darlene.
105
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:09,808
I'll put the game on.
106
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,945
Okay, i'll be there
in a sec, daddy.
107
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:18,017
We went sledding.
108
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,019
Well, it's great
that you're home.
109
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:22,654
Now you can do
the dishes.
110
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,591
Oh, wait.
I think there's even a few more.
111
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:30,763
Dad, mom wants me
to do the dishes.
112
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:34,366
Don't be silly!
Come watch the game!
113
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:41,140
Hey, you.
114
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,643
Get over here
and do the dishes.
115
00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:47,513
[announcer on tv]...Takes it all the wayalong the base line--
116
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:50,115
What? What is it?
117
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:53,419
Nothing. It's just...
118
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,854
Have you been
working out lately?
119
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:03,095
Nah.
120
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,132
Well, not in a program.
121
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:13,105
Well, you're looking
pretty buff there, dad.
122
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,274
Ah, quit it.
123
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,313
[tv volume lowers]
124
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:23,415
So how's life?
125
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:25,984
Well, school is okay.
126
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,586
Good.
127
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,789
You know, i'm kind of
lonely since David left.
128
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:32,224
I mean,
which is really weird
129
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:35,194
'cause I hated
having him there.
130
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:36,929
Too bad.
131
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:40,966
I talked to him--
I mean, in Michigan.
132
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,302
H-he's not too happy.
133
00:06:45,505 --> 00:06:47,039
He's really sorry,
you know?
134
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,408
We're both really sorry
that we lied to you.
135
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,479
Well, it's over.
It's time to move on.
136
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,414
Dad, can David move
back in the house?
137
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,415
No.
138
00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,350
You can't let him
live with his mom.
139
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,586
I said no, Darlene.
The boy's done enough damage.
140
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,055
And I don't care
how horrible his mother is.
141
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,056
He's not an infant!
142
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,290
But, dad--
143
00:07:05,291 --> 00:07:07,226
The boy's not coming
back to this house,
144
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,560
And that's final!
145
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,511
Okay. I need you.
146
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:27,012
I'm sorry.
What was that?
147
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:30,149
I didn't quite hear
what you just said.
148
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,118
Uh...
149
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,955
I-i'm a horrible,
ungrateful daughter.
150
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:40,659
You're all-powerful
and all-knowing,
151
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:43,896
And i'm nothing
but dirt at your feet.
152
00:07:43,897 --> 00:07:48,067
Please, oh, please
have mercy on me...
153
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,169
O great one.
154
00:07:56,509 --> 00:07:58,677
Well, I know, David,
but I can't sneak out
155
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:00,145
Until everybody
goes to sleep.
156
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,981
Hey, you're not supposed
to be on the phone!
157
00:08:02,982 --> 00:08:04,883
You're grounded!
158
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:06,285
It's nobody, David.
159
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,953
It's just that little
kid we're growing
160
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,822
In case one of us
needs an organ.
161
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,927
You're talking to David.
162
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,162
Man, are you in trouble.
163
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,264
Uh, yeah, I got to go.
164
00:08:19,265 --> 00:08:22,601
I got to use the phone cord
for something else.
165
00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,269
Here, I found these
in my room.
166
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,171
It's gonna take some
pretty good scrubbing
167
00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:27,806
To get
all the cheese off.
168
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:29,742
Yeah, it's gonna take
some pretty good scrubbing
169
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:31,176
To get all your skin off,
170
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,178
But, uh, I got time.
171
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,080
You can't
do anything to me,
172
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:36,749
'cause you're
in too much trouble.
173
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,517
Hey, d.J.,
how would you like
174
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,285
A second plate
in your head?
175
00:08:51,731 --> 00:08:52,664
Hey.
176
00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:54,533
Hey. Dad, you're up.
177
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,868
Yeah. What are you doing?
178
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,703
Oh, I was just
getting my jacket
179
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,439
Because, uh,
the basement's cold.
180
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,174
You don't
have to do that.
181
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,076
I'll just
turn the heat up.
182
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:05,244
Oh, right, of course.
183
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,645
Yeah.
184
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:08,280
Yeah, I keep it down
185
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:11,550
Because it enhances
the youthfulness of one's complexion.
186
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,653
Plus
it keeps my beer cold.
187
00:09:14,654 --> 00:09:16,221
All right,
well, thanks.
188
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,656
Then I guess
i'll turn in.
189
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:20,759
Listen, Darlene, i'm sorry
I yelled at you earlier.
190
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,262
I know the whole thing
with David wasn't your fault.
191
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,798
Yeah, okay.
192
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,999
As far as i'm concerned,
193
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,134
The whole matter's
behind us.
194
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,670
It's as if the whole thing
never existed.
195
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:34,139
Yeah, right.
Tell that to my baby.
196
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,341
Darlene.
197
00:09:42,015 --> 00:09:43,515
Good night, dad.
198
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,857
[knocking]
199
00:09:56,563 --> 00:09:58,497
I've been waiting
in the park for hours.
200
00:09:58,498 --> 00:10:00,199
Get your coat.
Meet me out front.
201
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,633
I can't
get past my dad.
202
00:10:01,634 --> 00:10:03,802
There's an F Troop
marathon on.
203
00:10:05,772 --> 00:10:07,139
Well, I can't come in
204
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,541
'cause your mom said
I wasn't allowed in the house.
205
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:10,809
Oh, that's right.
206
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,544
We're not supposed
to be speaking, either.
207
00:10:12,545 --> 00:10:13,579
See ya.
208
00:10:13,580 --> 00:10:14,747
All right, all right.
209
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:15,848
I'll come in.
210
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,291
Hey.
211
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,528
Hey.
212
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,865
Things sure are
a mess, huh?
213
00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:36,468
Well, you give a decorator
complete control, and...
214
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:41,607
I meant us.
215
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,043
Yeah. I know.
216
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,282
I miss this room.
217
00:10:52,952 --> 00:10:55,521
I miss you.
218
00:10:55,522 --> 00:10:57,723
I still love you, Darlene.
219
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,393
Yeah. Me, too.
220
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,430
[sigh]
221
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,098
So what'll we do?
222
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,068
I don't know.
223
00:11:19,045 --> 00:11:20,512
Hey, Darlene,
I brought you an ex--
224
00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:23,849
Mr. Connor, i'm sorry.
225
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,751
Shut up. Shut up!
226
00:11:25,752 --> 00:11:26,752
Dad--
227
00:11:26,753 --> 00:11:27,920
What's the matter, boy?
228
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,221
Can't keep your pants on?
229
00:11:29,222 --> 00:11:30,689
Dad, stop it.
I made him--
230
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,124
I'm not talking
to you, Darlene!
231
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,193
Yeah. I can fight
my own battles.
232
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,366
David, just go
back to jackie's.
233
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,767
All right.
Jackie's?
234
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:43,702
I thought he was
staying with his mother.
235
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:44,937
Later,
Mrs. Connor.
236
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:48,073
What the hell's
going on?
237
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:49,742
Yeah, what the hell
is going on?
238
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,410
You told me
you sent David away,
239
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,812
And this whole time, he's
been staying at your sister's.
240
00:11:53,813 --> 00:11:55,114
Uh...
241
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:56,815
Well, yeah,
I did send him away.
242
00:11:56,816 --> 00:11:59,752
Uh, but, you know,
then Jackie got involved,
243
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,788
And, uh...
244
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:05,190
Dan, didn't we say we would
never raise our voices
245
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:06,725
In front of the kids?
246
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:11,830
After everything
that boy's done,
247
00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:13,098
You've been
helping him out?
248
00:12:13,099 --> 00:12:14,767
No, I haven't been
helping him out.
249
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:16,201
I don't know.
I don't know.
250
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:18,303
I'm sorry, Dan.
I don't know.
251
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:20,005
I'm--i'm just soft.
252
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,410
Oh, I can't handle this.
I'm out of here.
253
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,346
No, you're
not going anyplace. You're grounded.
254
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,547
Okay, wait a minute.
255
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,482
Now, i'm grounded
for lying to you guys
256
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:31,884
About living
with David, right?
257
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:32,885
Right.
258
00:12:32,886 --> 00:12:34,920
Just like you lied to dad
259
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,355
And said that you
didn't know
260
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,290
That I was living
with him in Chicago,
261
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:39,591
Even though you did, right?
262
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,926
Excuse me?
263
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,496
Oh, you are in
so much trouble now.
264
00:12:48,234 --> 00:12:50,869
Uh, the--ratting out
your own mother--
265
00:12:50,870 --> 00:12:52,271
There's just, like--
266
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,573
There's just nothing
lower than that.
267
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,241
I mean,
am I right, Dan?
268
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:57,242
Is that, like--
269
00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:58,444
Ratting out your mom,
270
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,245
That's got to be
the worst, right?
271
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:02,414
I'm going
to jackie's.
272
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:07,453
What are we gonna
do with her?
273
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:10,122
You mean you knew
the whole time?
274
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,925
No! I didn't--
no, I didn't know the whole time, no.
275
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,259
No, of course I--
276
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:16,462
You know,
just for, like--
277
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:19,331
Okay, the--you know,
uh, like, the last couple of days,
278
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,600
When I went up there,
you know, uh,
279
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:23,569
And
I dragged David home,
280
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,971
And I put an end to it
all by myself.
281
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:27,639
I handled it
all by myself, Dan,
282
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,808
Because I just didn't
want to get you upset.
283
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,677
I took all that stress
on myself,
284
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:34,279
And--and, uh--of course,
now that you're on board,
285
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,882
I--i'm feeling a lot
of relief, Dan.
286
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:39,585
Dan?
287
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,525
[knocking]
288
00:13:49,729 --> 00:13:52,031
Oh, well...
289
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:55,434
Well, isn't this nice?
290
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,970
What a great aunt you are,
291
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,938
Making them
just so comfortable.
292
00:13:59,939 --> 00:14:03,542
Why don't you tack up
the bathroom mirror on the ceiling?
293
00:14:03,543 --> 00:14:05,577
Because, mom,
294
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,513
Then when we do it
in the bathroom,
295
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:08,881
We won't be able to watch.
296
00:14:10,784 --> 00:14:12,351
Darlene, you're not helping.
297
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,286
Darlene, you take
your butt home right now.
298
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,921
I'm not going
back to that house
299
00:14:15,922 --> 00:14:17,356
Just so you can
torture me.
300
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:19,491
Wrong. That is
exactly why you're going back there.
301
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,659
You're in big trouble,
302
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,994
And your punishment
is not gonna be
303
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,128
Sex
with your boyfriend
304
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,363
Well, obviously,
305
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,699
You've never had sex
with my boyfriend.
306
00:14:35,775 --> 00:14:37,209
You know, it's a good thing
307
00:14:37,210 --> 00:14:39,178
I'm not living
with my abusive mother.
308
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,349
Well, that's better.
309
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,250
Now it's just us three girls.
310
00:14:49,456 --> 00:14:51,857
I will be in the kitchen
311
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,526
Making sure that David
doesn't disturb us.
312
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:59,131
Mom, I don't need you
to punish me.
313
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,265
Huh.
314
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:01,700
Yes, you do.
315
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:03,702
I'm your mother,
and it's my job
316
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,637
To correct you
when you make a mistake.
317
00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,806
But I know living
with David was a mistake.
318
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:08,907
It was miserable.
319
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,642
No punishment
you could give me
320
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,444
Could make me
feel any worse.
321
00:15:12,445 --> 00:15:15,180
Oh, so it'll
be a challenge.
322
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,683
You don't get it.
I learned my lesson.
323
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,985
David and I were not
ready to live together.
324
00:15:19,986 --> 00:15:21,420
You know?
I know that now,
325
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,088
And I learned it on my own.
326
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,590
Wasn't that just great?
327
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,792
I'm so proud of you,
Darlene.
328
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:29,294
And lesson number 2
is what?
329
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:31,530
Uh...
330
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,332
Always share?
331
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:36,568
No.
332
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,872
It's you don't treat
your mother like crap.
333
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:42,007
You know, you lied
to me constantly
334
00:15:42,008 --> 00:15:43,742
For three months,
okay?
335
00:15:43,743 --> 00:15:45,411
It's gonna
take a lot of work
336
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,079
Before you and me
are square again.
337
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,715
All right, fine.
I'll do the dishes. I'll clean the house.
338
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,083
I'll
do the whole alphabet.
339
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:53,452
But i'm not going home
340
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,689
While dad is acting
like a psychopathic lunatic.
341
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,427
Oh, Darlene, your father
is a reasonable man.
342
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:02,861
You just
give him enough time,
343
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,563
And he'll get over it.
344
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,603
So, uh...
345
00:16:11,604 --> 00:16:14,006
You want to watch
a movie on tv or something?
346
00:16:14,007 --> 00:16:15,941
I got to kill
a couple of hours
347
00:16:15,942 --> 00:16:17,309
Before
I can go back.
348
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:24,917
Hey, Dan?
Ready to go?
349
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:26,185
Just a minute.
350
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:27,453
Whoa.
351
00:16:27,454 --> 00:16:29,688
Looks like somebody's
been riding the couch.
352
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:32,991
Hey, this was my choice,
so it's not embarrassing.
353
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:36,195
Dan, this is between you
and Roseanne, okay?
354
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,197
I don't
want to get involved.
355
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:40,099
Hey, pal,
you're already involved.
356
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,201
You got her sister
pregnant,
357
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,603
And if I was you,
i'd sue for custody now,
358
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:46,271
'cause by the time
the kid's 17,
359
00:16:46,272 --> 00:16:48,374
You won't have any claim
on him at all.
360
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:49,775
A custody suit?
361
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,444
Damn women. Who the hell
do they think they are?
362
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,748
We're sugar and spice
and everything nice,
363
00:16:55,749 --> 00:16:57,883
So bite me.
364
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:02,988
Hey, Roseanne.
365
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,289
Why, hello, Fred.
366
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,025
I think
I shall be the one
367
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:07,459
Taking Dan
to work today.
368
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:09,194
I think Fred should.
369
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:11,830
Dan, i'm sorry,
but I got to agree with Roseanne here.
370
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,666
[whispering]
with you, buddy.
371
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,403
On second thought...
372
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:19,571
I might just like
to walk to work today.
373
00:17:19,572 --> 00:17:22,241
Oh, you don't even like
to walk to the car.
374
00:17:22,242 --> 00:17:23,442
Do you have any idea
375
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:25,110
How this discussion
is supposed to begin?
376
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,012
You're supposed to apologize.
You lied to me.
377
00:17:27,013 --> 00:17:29,548
Well, it's not like
I feel good about it.
378
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,050
I mean, you found out.
379
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,718
The whole thing
would have never happened
380
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,887
If you hadn't have brought
David into this house.
381
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:36,321
What the hell
were you thinking?
382
00:17:36,322 --> 00:17:38,624
I wanted him to live here.
I still do.
383
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,192
Why?
384
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,895
Well, maybe because I still
think he's a good kid.
385
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,664
Gee, you know? He's handy
to have around the house.
386
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:49,168
You never know if i'm
gonna need something on the low shelf.
387
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:51,770
What is with you?
Why are you taking david's side?
388
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,439
Well, somebody has to.
389
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,942
God, Dan, you're
blaming the whole thing in chicago on David.
390
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:58,977
Well, Darlene was there,
too, you know.
391
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,647
It's not
like David forced her to hide him out there.
392
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,817
All I know is
before David came along,
393
00:18:04,818 --> 00:18:06,485
Darlene
was not the kind of kid
394
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,954
Who would move in with
her teenage boyfriend.
395
00:18:08,955 --> 00:18:12,191
Before David came around,
Darlene was 12.
396
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,259
You know what I mean.
397
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:17,629
The teenage boy, they can
be very persuasive.
398
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:20,499
Have you met
Darlene at all?
399
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:23,135
You seen the control
she has over David?
400
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,070
I mean, David isn't
even his real name.
401
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:26,772
She just made that up.
402
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,274
Roseanne, you've been
saying it for years.
403
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:30,709
I'm finally
gonna agree with you.
404
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:34,346
Men are pigs.
405
00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:37,082
I mean, you were every bit
as bull-headed as Darlene was.
406
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,350
I managed to persuade you.
407
00:18:38,351 --> 00:18:40,085
Right.
408
00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,187
You remember
our second date?
409
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:45,524
You were upset because
you had this big fight with your mom.
410
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,493
I wasn't thinking
about your feelings.
411
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,661
I was thinking you were
ripe for the picking.
412
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,064
Show a little charm,
pour a few drinks down her.
413
00:18:52,065 --> 00:18:54,700
Boom! We're
at the blue rooster motel:
414
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:57,269
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
415
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,939
My mom was in indiana.
There was no fight.
416
00:19:00,940 --> 00:19:02,608
I just
set the whole thing up
417
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:05,244
So that you would be able
to take advantage of me
418
00:19:05,245 --> 00:19:06,979
In my time of need.
419
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:18,223
So you've been lying to me
from the beginning.
420
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:23,829
Face it, Dan,
I seduced you,
421
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:27,066
And Darlene
may very well have seduced David, okay?
422
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,468
So you can't
keep blaming David for this whole thing.
423
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:33,072
Darlene had sex because
she wanted to have sex.
424
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:36,175
I got to go to work.
425
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:38,711
The fact that I had
my nightgown in my purse
426
00:19:38,712 --> 00:19:40,412
Should have
tipped you off.
427
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:48,987
[knocking]
428
00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:50,589
[Dan]
hey, it's me!
429
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:53,058
Hi. I didn't
hear your car.
430
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:55,461
[panting]
rode d.J.'s bike.
431
00:19:57,530 --> 00:20:00,199
May have to take it
to the shop tomorrow.
432
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:03,569
What can I do for you?
433
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:09,408
No. Now, I shouldn't
have to leave.
434
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,976
This is my house.
435
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:14,013
And since this is my house,
436
00:20:14,014 --> 00:20:15,981
I should offer you
some coffee,
437
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,783
Which I will make
in the kitchen,
438
00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:21,653
Which is still in my house,
so i'm not really leaving.
439
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:28,861
Mom send you to get me?
440
00:20:28,862 --> 00:20:30,929
I didn't
come to get you.
441
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:33,332
I came to get David.
442
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,334
Really?
Yeah.
443
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:37,269
Wait, so you're,
like, cool with this?
444
00:20:37,270 --> 00:20:40,906
No. I just don't blame David
for everything anymore.
445
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,842
You don't have the right
to be mad at me for having sex.
446
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,079
Did you expect me
to be a virgin for the rest of my life?
447
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,148
No. I expected you
to be a nice kid.
448
00:20:49,149 --> 00:20:50,382
I'm not a kid anymore.
449
00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:51,984
I know that.
450
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:53,886
I don't like it,
but I know it.
451
00:20:53,887 --> 00:20:56,288
I also know you lied
to me and your mother
452
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,656
For the last three months.
453
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,792
I had to. You guys
would have freaked out.
454
00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:02,094
I had a good reason
for everything that I did.
455
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:05,130
That's great.
You had your reasons.
456
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:06,365
I just don't know
457
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,001
If things between me and you
will ever be the same.
458
00:21:09,002 --> 00:21:10,369
Well, why not?
459
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:12,538
I mean, Becky ran off
and eloped with Mark.
460
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,239
You let her
off the hook.
461
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,442
Maybe I expected
more out of you.
462
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:23,716
Hey, David.
463
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:36,628
Okay. Yeah. Hi.
464
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,168
Do you want
to come home with me?
465
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:44,870
For what?
466
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,672
It's okay, David.
467
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:48,073
He's offering
to take you back.
468
00:21:50,010 --> 00:21:51,677
Really?
469
00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,313
Thank you,
Mr. Connor.
470
00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,615
I'm gonna go get my stuff.
471
00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:03,188
David,
472
00:22:03,189 --> 00:22:05,591
I'm glad
you're coming back.
473
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:08,327
But no more lying.
474
00:22:08,328 --> 00:22:09,595
Okay.
475
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:14,833
Look, Mr. Connor,
there's something I want to say to you.
476
00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:18,070
Something
that you should know.
477
00:22:18,071 --> 00:22:20,139
I really
love your daughter,
478
00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:23,509
And you should realize
that...
479
00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:26,612
When she and I...
480
00:22:26,613 --> 00:22:32,117
When we...When we're
having our...
481
00:22:32,118 --> 00:22:33,118
Tenderness--
482
00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:34,453
David, stop.
Thank you.
483
00:22:42,662 --> 00:22:44,229
Darlene,
I got you an extra--
484
00:22:46,499 --> 00:22:48,567
Mr. Connor, i'm--
shut up.
485
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:50,536
Just shut up.
Dad--
486
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:52,504
What's the matter
with you, boy? Huh?
487
00:22:52,505 --> 00:22:54,673
Can't you keep
your pants on?
488
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,108
Dad,
I made him come in.
489
00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:58,677
[off-camera laughter]
490
00:22:58,678 --> 00:23:01,046
Darlene, i'm not
talking to you.
491
00:23:01,047 --> 00:23:03,716
I can fight
my own battles.
492
00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,417
David, just go
back to jackie's.
493
00:23:05,418 --> 00:23:06,385
All right.
494
00:23:06,386 --> 00:23:07,586
Jackie's?
495
00:23:07,587 --> 00:23:09,455
I thought he was
staying with his mom.
496
00:23:14,361 --> 00:23:16,729
That method acting
will get you in trouble.
497
00:23:16,779 --> 00:23:21,329
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