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1
00:00:05,905 --> 00:00:07,606
Ooh!
2
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:10,442
Thank you, sir.
May I have another?
3
00:00:10,443 --> 00:00:11,643
Hey, guys.
4
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:12,644
[Roseanne]
hey.
5
00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:14,013
Hey, I think I found
6
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:16,015
The perfect creamer
for the restaurant.
7
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:19,385
[moo]
8
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:20,386
What do you think?
9
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:21,820
I think
in the wrong hands,
10
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:25,157
Petty cash can be
a dangerous thing.
11
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:27,459
No one appreciates my pain.
12
00:00:27,460 --> 00:00:32,231
Which is why you should not
be alone all the time.
13
00:00:32,232 --> 00:00:33,666
No, Roseanne.
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,534
What, you don't even know
what i'm gonna say.
15
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:36,869
You're gonna fix me up
16
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,537
With another one
of Dan's friends.
17
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:40,606
That just shows you
how wrong you are.
18
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,374
I was gonna
say something totally different.
19
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:43,575
What?
20
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:47,680
Well, now I forget.
21
00:00:47,681 --> 00:00:49,415
The only thing
I can think about
22
00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:51,150
Is this one
friend of dan's
23
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,651
That'd be really
perfect for you.
24
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,421
I'm not looking.
Can we just drop it?
25
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:58,123
Come on, Nancy, just 'cause
you haven't met anybody lately
26
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,359
Doesn't mean you should
just give up.
27
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,094
Yeah, besides,
this friend of Dan's,
28
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:04,663
I think he is doing
really, really well, okay?
29
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:08,100
'cause he just blew
a ton of money on these hair plugs.
30
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,369
Sounds like a dream, Roseanne.
31
00:01:10,370 --> 00:01:11,937
Think i'll take a pass.
32
00:01:11,938 --> 00:01:14,073
No, you won't,
because I told him
33
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,441
You were gonna
call him this morning,
34
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,309
And I just know
you guys are really--
35
00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,545
No.
36
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:21,747
I'm already seeing someone.
37
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,215
Oh.
38
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:26,418
Well, thank god, because this
bald guy's a real loser.
39
00:01:26,419 --> 00:01:32,091
So, come on, tell us
about the guy. What's his name?
40
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,892
We're just gonna
bug you 'til you do.
41
00:01:33,893 --> 00:01:36,662
No, it's too soon.
It's too soon.
42
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:39,898
You big baby.
43
00:01:39,899 --> 00:01:42,668
All right.
Her name is Marla.
44
00:01:42,669 --> 00:01:44,236
I'm seeing a woman.
45
00:01:52,479 --> 00:01:54,246
What?
46
00:01:57,584 --> 00:01:59,385
No, you aren't.
47
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,754
I'm serious. I'm gay.
48
00:02:06,259 --> 00:02:07,960
Ah, you're just screwing
with us, right?
49
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,928
No.
50
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:13,599
So what do you think?
51
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,171
Well, it's really
surprising.
52
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:20,572
I mean, when
did this happen?
53
00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:23,542
Wait a minute.
54
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:26,779
You and I used to go out
looking for guys all the time.
55
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,615
We went to all those
singles' dances together.
56
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:31,750
Singles' dances?
57
00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:34,019
I thought we were dating.
58
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:41,193
Joke. Joke. Just kidding.
59
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:45,531
But--well,
I don't get it.
60
00:02:45,532 --> 00:02:46,999
Where'd you meet her?
61
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,068
At the cosmetic counter
at Rodbell's.
62
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,536
She does makeovers.
63
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:52,338
Well, she's certainly
thorough.
64
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,177
So...
65
00:03:06,252 --> 00:03:07,586
Did you do it?
66
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:10,322
Oh, Roseanne.
67
00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:14,593
You don't just ask
that right away.
68
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:15,961
For god's sakes.
69
00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,130
Why didn't you tell us
about it before?
70
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,366
I don't know.
I was scared,
71
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,601
And I didn't know
how you'd react.
72
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,703
Well, we'd react
the same way we react
73
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,472
When you tell us
anything personal--
74
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:29,141
We make fun of you
'til it gets old,
75
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,543
And then we move on.
76
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:34,847
I can feel the love.
77
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:38,484
It's
just so strange.
78
00:03:38,485 --> 00:03:41,086
So weird, I mean...
79
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,123
So when did you
start liking women?
80
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:46,258
I mean, you were
married to Arnie.
81
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:47,526
[gasp]
82
00:03:47,527 --> 00:03:52,097
Arnie turned her gay.
83
00:03:52,098 --> 00:03:57,236
Well, sleeping with Arnie
would turn any woman gay.
84
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,505
Some women.
85
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,712
Well, it's just like I see it
on this Oprah show, okay?
86
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:09,048
Well, they had
these women on there,
87
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,582
And they says
that you're born gay,
88
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,484
You know, that it's like
a chemical thing and everything.
89
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:15,054
But then right after that,
I see on Donahue
90
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,822
They had on
these straight women
91
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,424
Who had tried that
for a while,
92
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,225
But they says
it's just a phase.
93
00:04:20,226 --> 00:04:22,361
Well, I think I may have
always been a lesbian.
94
00:04:22,362 --> 00:04:24,563
I was just in denial.
95
00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:27,933
I think maybe Arnie
was the phase.
96
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,935
Think that's possible?
97
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,870
Oh, yeah, yeah.
"lesbians in denial."
98
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:35,140
Sally jessy.
Last Thursday.
99
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,975
Oh, okay.
100
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,388
I don't get it,
Roseanne.
101
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,724
There had to have
been some signs.
102
00:05:58,725 --> 00:06:02,094
Well, Nancy always liked
that Miss Hathaway
103
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,897
On theBeverly Hillbillies.
104
00:06:05,965 --> 00:06:08,400
I think that says it all.
105
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,401
Wow.
106
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:11,070
Imagine what it would be like
107
00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:14,239
Going through life without
wanting or needing a man.
108
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,641
What do you think
it's like, anyway,
109
00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:16,742
Two women living together?
110
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:17,943
Oh, that's easy.
111
00:06:17,944 --> 00:06:22,381
Hey, it's my turn to be
unselfish and giving!
112
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,651
No! You got to be unselfish
and giving yesterday.
113
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:28,821
Today, you have to be
supportive and nurturing.
114
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,356
Yeah, this could be good.
115
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:31,957
No espn.
116
00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:34,493
Twice the pms.
117
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:37,029
I'm afraid i'm gonna feel
weird around Nancy now.
118
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,466
I mean, what if she starts
checking me out?
119
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:43,936
Well, she probably
already has.
120
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,804
I forgot.
121
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,173
Well, you said you guys
went to buy swimsuits together.
122
00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,942
[gasp]
123
00:06:52,312 --> 00:06:55,681
Oh, relax, Jackie.
She can control herself.
124
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,583
It's not like she's a man.
125
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:01,720
It's just so weird.
126
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:03,822
Well, you know,
she's still your friend.
127
00:07:03,823 --> 00:07:06,692
She just happens to be gay.
128
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:08,293
What's for lunch?
129
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:10,596
And who's gay?
130
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,332
Loose meat, and
none of your business.
131
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,300
Oh, I probably
already know anyway.
132
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:17,336
It's Dr. Summers,
your gynecologist.
133
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:20,439
My gynecologist
is a lesbian?
134
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,977
Hey, she's still
your gynecologist.
135
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,814
She just happens
to be a lesbian.
136
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,582
Chill. I was just
messing with your head.
137
00:07:30,583 --> 00:07:31,583
So who is it?
138
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:32,718
No.
139
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:33,886
Roseanne, come on.
140
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,254
She's gonna find out
about it somehow.
141
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,022
Wouldn't you rather
it came from her mother
142
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:38,757
With a little explanation?
143
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,427
No, not really.
144
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,062
Ah, I hate this.
145
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,197
All right, well,
before I tell you,
146
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:47,066
Let me ask you a question.
147
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:50,402
Uh, do you ever watch
Sally Jessy?
148
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,340
Mom, I pretty much already
know about lesbians,
149
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:58,043
And what I don't you'd be
too embarrassed to tell me.
150
00:07:58,044 --> 00:07:59,645
Yeah, right.
151
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,447
Well...
152
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,516
It's Nancy.
153
00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,819
Whoa.
154
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,854
How'd you find out?
Did she tell you?
155
00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:11,690
No, we saw the
"i'm a big old dyke"
156
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,292
Bumper sticker on her car.
157
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:34,446
I still don't see
how we could have missed it, Roseanne.
158
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:38,417
How could we not have known
that Nancy is a lesbian?
159
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:42,021
Well, she doesn't look
like a lesbian, you know?
160
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:45,624
I mean, lesbians
are big ol' truck drivers
161
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,293
That wear flannel shirts
and faded jeans.
162
00:09:04,744 --> 00:09:07,279
So what do you think, mom?
163
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,214
I picked out
the linoleum myself.
164
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,883
Looks pretty great, huh?
165
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,687
I'm a silent partner.
It shouldn't matter what I think.
166
00:09:14,688 --> 00:09:16,588
Yeah, thanks, mom.
167
00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,090
Oh, don't be so sensitive.
168
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:20,225
Now, I have
some wonderful news.
169
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,828
I found a place
to live in Lanford.
170
00:09:26,266 --> 00:09:29,234
Don't worry. It's nowhere
near either of you.
171
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,438
Well, why didn't you say so?
172
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:34,606
Oh, we're so happy
for you, then.
173
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:38,210
You might have heard of it.
It's called harvest glen.
174
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:41,013
Isn't that
a retirement place?
175
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:44,383
No, they call it
a senior community.
176
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,885
Well, you can't live there.
That's for old people.
177
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:49,755
Wait, Roseanne.
It's mom's decision.
178
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,157
I think we should
support her in it.
179
00:09:52,158 --> 00:09:53,692
Mom, you have my support.
180
00:09:53,693 --> 00:09:55,327
Thank you, Jackie.
181
00:09:55,328 --> 00:10:00,165
Jackie, they tie
old people into chairs at places like that.
182
00:10:00,166 --> 00:10:03,535
Please don't screw this up.
183
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:06,538
Harvest glen
is nothing like that.
184
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,173
It's not a nursing home.
185
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,476
Lots of people
my age live there,
186
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,112
And they have all kinds
of activities--
187
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,447
Workshops,
golfing, day trips.
188
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,749
Sounds great.
189
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,751
And I assume that there's
some sort of curfew.
190
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:22,855
Nobody off the grounds
after, what, 5, 6?
191
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,491
They're having
an open-house tomorrow,
192
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,693
And i'd like both
of you to come along
193
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:28,994
And see how nice it is.
194
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:32,097
Okay, but if I see one
old person tied to anything,
195
00:10:32,098 --> 00:10:33,065
I'm leaving.
196
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,502
Bonjour.
197
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:40,572
Marla, Roseanne,
Jackie, their mom Bev.
198
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,508
This is marla.
I just brought her in
199
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,043
To show her
my new enterprise.
200
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:47,246
Wait. I know you.
201
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:51,650
Didn't you sell me moisturizer
the other day at Rodbell's?
202
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,086
You know, I think
you're right.
203
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,188
That's exactly
how we met.
204
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,558
Yeah, but Nancy
got the free gift.
205
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,032
There was a free gift?
206
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:11,203
You don't want
that gift, mom.
207
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:14,473
It was only available
to certain customers.
208
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,576
And this customer's
satisfied.
209
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:21,647
Can we--can--
210
00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,216
You want to check out
the bathroom, mom?
211
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:25,851
I'm sure you're gonna
hate the wallpaper
212
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,019
We put up in there.
213
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,687
You finished the bathroom?
I wanna go see it.
214
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:29,855
Oh, yeah.
215
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,266
You know, Nancy is so lucky
216
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,302
To have friends
that are so supportive.
217
00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,571
Oh, Nancy is so great.
218
00:11:45,572 --> 00:11:47,439
Oh, she is great.
She's great,
219
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,110
And she's, uh,
very--really funny.
220
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,046
Hey, listen, you guys don't
have to sell me on Nancy.
221
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,115
I mean, we hit it off
right away.
222
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,384
Well, we're just glad
she's happy.
223
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,153
Not that she was unhappy.
Or desperate.
224
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,488
She's, er...
225
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:07,159
Really very popular.
226
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,328
Oh, yeah, yeah, popular.
227
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,163
She could
have her pick of--
228
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,532
Well, as it turns out,
anybody.
229
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,546
Do all the units
have the same carpeting?
230
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:30,082
We just put it in.
We picked a nice neutral tone.
231
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,383
I hope you like it.
232
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,620
Oh, it's just fine.
I have lots of throw rugs.
233
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:39,124
I'm going to go
check the laundry room.
234
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:42,227
Lint traps tell you
a lot about your neighbors.
235
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,896
So what do you think?
236
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,998
I love the place.
Isn't it great, Roseanne?
237
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,299
How soon can we
drop her off?
238
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,769
What's this for?
239
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,438
Oh, well, it's
a medical alert button.
240
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,772
There's one in every room.
241
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,940
If there's an emergency,
242
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,742
All you have to do
is press it,
243
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:58,277
And an ambulance will
be here immediately.
244
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,945
Immediately, huh?
245
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,114
Roseanne, no.
246
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,917
Oh, and here is something else
that's kind of neat.
247
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,686
This is a motorized lift chair
248
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,488
For our tenants
who have a little trouble
249
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,557
Getting up out of
the seated position.
250
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:14,226
That's not too depressing.
251
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,028
Hey, you get your own chair.
252
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,996
Ah, you big baby!
253
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,801
You know,
before Bev gets back,
254
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,803
We want you to know
that this is more
255
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,605
Than just a place
for her to reside.
256
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,340
We want to do
everything we can
257
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,509
To take the burden off
you and your sister.
258
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:33,112
You must have
an awfully large staff.
259
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:34,380
No, no.
260
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:37,383
What I mean is, you see,
the price of the condo
261
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:39,451
Includes long-term
medical attention.
262
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,420
You know, when
it becomes necessary,
263
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:44,289
Your mother will be
automatically relocated
264
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,925
Into a bed in our
constant care wing.
265
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:49,028
What happens
to her apartment?
266
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,829
Oh, well, it'll
go back to a pool
267
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,197
To be resold
to new residents.
268
00:13:52,198 --> 00:13:54,533
Well, what if
she gets better?
269
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,468
Now, this is a long way off.
270
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,837
Obviously, your mom
is in great shape.
271
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,073
No, but, I mean,
I want to know
272
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:03,642
What happens
if she gets better.
273
00:14:03,643 --> 00:14:06,779
They're not young people,
Mrs. Conner.
274
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:10,816
Wonderful laundry facility,
275
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,118
Although it is
a bit of a meet market.
276
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:18,891
Mom, you better think
about this a little bit.
277
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,194
Nonsense, I think i'm
ready to sign right now.
278
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,629
No, you're not, mom.
279
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,998
You need to think about it
a little bit more.
280
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,499
Mom knows what
she wants, Roseanne.
281
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:28,500
She does not.
282
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,935
Yes, I do.
283
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:33,238
I hope you're not calling
mom stupid, Roseanne.
284
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:36,809
Well, what else do you
call paying for a condo
285
00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:38,177
That they take back,
286
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,013
And medical care
that you might never use?
287
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:44,650
Mom could get run over
by a bus tomorrow, and they hit the jackpot!
288
00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:47,586
Don't say that, Roseanne.
289
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,656
Mom could lapse into a coma,
live 40 years as a vegetable,
290
00:14:50,657 --> 00:14:52,024
And she cleans up.
291
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,299
I don't think this is
up to either of you.
292
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,268
It's my money
and my life.
293
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:05,871
Okay, well, if you want to go
throwing them both away,
294
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:07,606
I mean, if you're
feeble-minded enough
295
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,640
To want to take this deal,
296
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,109
Then maybe you
should be in a home.
297
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,678
Well, if you're narrow-minded
enough to try to stop me,
298
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,214
Maybe you ought to go home
and not come back.
299
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,116
Fine.
300
00:15:17,117 --> 00:15:19,651
[siren blares]
301
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,053
Well, listen to that.
302
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:24,156
It sounds like another
condo's ready to open up.
303
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:33,966
The place is perfect,
Roseanne.
304
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,968
You know how hard it is
for mom to make friends?
305
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,337
There are hundreds
of people there.
306
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,040
It would take her years
to alienate them all.
307
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,509
Oh, you just want her
out of your face.
308
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,110
Well, of course I do,
309
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,979
But I still think
it would be good for mom.
310
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,515
Why are you fighting
her moving so hard?
311
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,250
Well, how come you ain't
fighting it at all?
312
00:15:51,251 --> 00:15:53,118
Because I think
it's a good idea.
313
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,520
Oh, don't you get it, Jackie?
314
00:15:54,521 --> 00:15:57,723
That would be the last place
mom would ever live.
315
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:59,825
That's the place we have
to go get her stuff
316
00:15:59,826 --> 00:16:01,160
After she dies.
317
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,862
Why worry about it now?
It's so far in the future.
318
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,597
We don't know that.
319
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,199
Gosh, she's 63.
320
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,569
She can only get insurance
from art linklater.
321
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:15,741
Why are you so
freaked out about this?
322
00:16:15,742 --> 00:16:20,379
Because it's just really weird
to be planning mom's death.
323
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,015
We have been planning
her death for years.
324
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,752
Plotting, not planning.
325
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,187
All right, fine.
326
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,855
So it's up in our face now.
327
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:32,057
You knew we'd have to deal
with it sooner or later.
328
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,393
I know, but I just thought
it would be later--
329
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,162
You know, way later,
like when we're more mature.
330
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,230
We are mature...
331
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:39,631
Kinda.
332
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,667
How old do you feel?
333
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,835
I don't know.
334
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:46,071
Most of the time thirty...
335
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:49,041
12. On a good day, 8.
336
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:53,879
Well, I feel like i'm 16
337
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,715
With an 18-year-old
married daughter,
338
00:16:56,716 --> 00:17:00,886
Two mortgages, and a mother
going into a retirement home.
339
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,622
I wish I was
old enough to drink.
340
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:06,625
It's not that bad,
Roseanne.
341
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:11,296
I'm 40, Jackie.
342
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:14,166
This is all just
going way too fast.
343
00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,068
How long 'til
i'm shuffling towards
344
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:18,037
That medical alert
button?
345
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:19,605
I'm not gonna
listen to this.
346
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:21,106
You're still young.
347
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,144
Hey, Darlene?
348
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:27,179
Do you think
of me as young?
349
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,381
Well, that depends.
350
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,816
I mean, if you mean young
351
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,851
As in vibrant
and full of life,
352
00:17:32,852 --> 00:17:35,220
Well, I guess I do.
353
00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,723
On the other hand, if you
mean young as in open-minded,
354
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,191
And willing
to accept new ideas,
355
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,360
Then I guess you qualify
in that area also.
356
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:46,131
Best of all, I think of you
as a friend and contemporary.
357
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,973
I must be getting old.
358
00:17:54,974 --> 00:17:57,409
I walked
right into that one.
359
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:05,584
Well, I guess
that's it, uh, mom,
360
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,252
Unless you want me
to stick around
361
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,854
And help
unpack this stuff.
362
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,724
Oh, look, you went
forks, knives,
363
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:14,093
Serving spoons, spoons.
364
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,662
Different!
365
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,597
I'm not afraid of change.
366
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,568
Hey.
367
00:18:22,569 --> 00:18:24,436
Hey, what are you doing here?
368
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:27,706
Well, I just thought i'd stop
by and bring mom a gift.
369
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,609
Great. Make me look bad.
370
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,445
I'm going to wal-mart.
I'll be right back.
371
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,317
Well, here.
I brought this for you.
372
00:18:38,318 --> 00:18:40,119
Well, thank you, Roseanne.
373
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:44,590
I better put it somewhere
where it won't drip.
374
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:48,761
Well, i'm surprised to see you,
375
00:18:48,762 --> 00:18:50,529
Considering how you feel.
376
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:54,033
Well, it's not like I can
stop you or nothing.
377
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:57,369
But you know, you can still
get out of this whole deal.
378
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,638
You know, if you want,
we can just go to 'em
379
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,274
And tell 'em that
you're senile or something.
380
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,210
That's sweet, dear,
but I don't think senility
381
00:19:05,211 --> 00:19:07,746
Would get you out
of an old folks home.
382
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,015
Well, I just never want
to come in here
383
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:13,986
And find you acting
like an old person.
384
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,721
You don't have
to worry about that.
385
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:18,490
I don't feel
like an old person.
386
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:22,928
Well, so, how old
do you feel?
387
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,498
63. I'm 63.
388
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,467
No, I know that.
389
00:19:28,468 --> 00:19:30,135
But I mean, like,
on the inside,
390
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:32,604
You know,
how old do you feel?
391
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,740
I'm 63.
392
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:38,911
I feel like
a 63-year-old woman.
393
00:19:38,912 --> 00:19:43,816
How nice having this
talk with you, mom.
394
00:19:43,817 --> 00:19:46,652
What do you want me
to say, Roseanne?
395
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:48,420
Well, I want you to say
that you feel, like,
396
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:52,524
You know, 16 or 24 or 35.
397
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,426
Anything but 63.
398
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:57,396
But what's wrong with 63?
399
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,732
Well, it's old!
400
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,069
I don't want you to get old.
401
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,337
I know, dear.
402
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:07,506
Because you're just
dragging me with you,
403
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,508
And I don't like it.
404
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:16,648
You know, dear,
I don't get older
405
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,284
Just to
inconvenience you.
406
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:23,455
Yeah, I know.
407
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,860
I'm old.
408
00:20:27,861 --> 00:20:31,030
Oh, you're not old, dear.
409
00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:34,166
Well, I feel old.
410
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,935
Listen, why can't you just
forget about all this,
411
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:39,004
You know, and just go get
a regular apartment?
412
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,939
And then later on,
if you need to,
413
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,642
Well, then, you can just
move in with Dan and me.
414
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:46,945
Well, me.
415
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,348
I appreciate the offer,
dear,
416
00:20:49,349 --> 00:20:52,017
And I did consider it.
417
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:57,356
I just think
strangers would take better care of me.
418
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,906
I think it'll look great
over the register.
419
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:17,976
How come my head's
so damn big?
420
00:21:17,977 --> 00:21:18,977
It's a caricature,
Roseanne.
421
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:22,781
Your head
is supposed to be big.
422
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:25,017
Well, nobody else's
head is that big.
423
00:21:25,018 --> 00:21:27,953
How come I got a great big
old melon head?
424
00:21:27,954 --> 00:21:29,888
I mean, in real life,
425
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,391
Nancy's head's way
bigger than mine.
426
00:21:33,827 --> 00:21:35,594
Hello, everyone.
427
00:21:35,595 --> 00:21:36,795
[in unison]
hi.
428
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:38,797
I just thought this
would look better
429
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,366
Here in the restaurant.
430
00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,003
Now, I can't stay long.
431
00:21:44,004 --> 00:21:46,105
The harvest glen
players are doing
432
00:21:46,106 --> 00:21:48,040
You're a good man,Charlie Brown,
433
00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:51,343
And i'm up for
the role of Lucy.
434
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:52,611
I bet you'll get it,
435
00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:53,946
'cause they probably have,
what,
436
00:21:53,947 --> 00:21:56,248
Six understudies
for every part,
437
00:21:56,249 --> 00:21:59,651
You know, in case
snoopy breaks his hip.
438
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,887
We'll keep our
fingers crossed, bev.
439
00:22:01,888 --> 00:22:04,156
Good luck.
Bonsoir, ladies.
440
00:22:04,157 --> 00:22:06,358
[Roseanne]
ciao.
441
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,527
That Nancy's a lovely girl,
442
00:22:08,528 --> 00:22:09,728
But if she doesn't stop
443
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,730
Spending all her time
with Marla,
444
00:22:11,731 --> 00:22:14,400
She's never gonna find a man.
445
00:22:14,401 --> 00:22:16,201
Mom--
446
00:22:16,202 --> 00:22:19,271
Roseanne, ixnay
on the esbianlay.
447
00:22:19,272 --> 00:22:21,407
Well, she's gonna
find out sooner or later.
448
00:22:22,676 --> 00:22:24,243
[sigh]
449
00:22:24,244 --> 00:22:26,812
Okay, i'm just gonna
come out and tell you this.
450
00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:28,681
All right? Okay.
451
00:22:28,682 --> 00:22:33,852
Marla and Nancy are lesbians.
452
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:39,491
Of course they are.
453
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:42,861
Any fool could see that.
454
00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:46,365
So now I guess i'm supposed
to walk up and say,
455
00:22:46,366 --> 00:22:51,103
"oh, hello,
you nice lesbians"...
456
00:22:51,104 --> 00:22:53,339
Or something
equally embarrassing,
457
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:55,441
And then everyone
gets a good laugh
458
00:22:55,442 --> 00:22:58,344
At the expense
of the stupid old lady.
459
00:22:58,345 --> 00:23:00,612
Sure, they're lesbians.
I'm a lesbian.
460
00:23:00,613 --> 00:23:03,849
You're a lesbian.
We're all lesbians.
461
00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:06,485
I'm not falling
for it, Roseanne.
462
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:08,587
I'm not that old.
463
00:23:08,637 --> 00:23:13,187
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