Original subtitles

Previously on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."

- It's so .....ed up. - Welcome to your boat.

Wow!

It's gorgeous.

- Oh, yes. - Yes.

I'm like, God, I'm lit beyond belief.

I am inviting everyone here to celebrate my birthday.

Yay! [claps]

You know, I'm going to be in New York

because Harry's premiere is Monday night.

I'm a very good person.

You told us in "Variety..."

And I'm going to say it again.

How's that helping you?

I'm going to say it again until you can hear me.

Sutton, Sutton, wait.

Oh, Diana, thank you.

Thank you so much.

I said can I sit with y'all?

She said go to your original seat.

That's rude.

Well, that was retaliation.

So we see how it works. [laughter]

[downbeat music]

[devious music]

I don't need the spotlight.

I shine just fine.

Hi, I'm karma,

and yes, I am a bitch.

You can take all my things

and you won't have taken a thing that matters.

The only thing better than having it all

is having even more.

If you want a seat at my table,

you best mind your manners.

They say talk is cheap,

but in Beverly Hills, it can cost you.

I have nothing to hide and nothing to lose,

and that makes me dangerous.

When you're the real deal,

you don't have to pretend.

♪

[upbeat music]

♪

- Hey, mama. - Hey, girlie.

I came bearing gifts.

Caviar?

- Well, not quite. - I'll take it.

- Not quite caviar. - Hi.

Hi, darling.

I've seen...how good to see you.

Great to see you.

Cheers.

I know you were away.

I'm so happy you're back.

I love London, like, I love...

I mean, that's a nice place to celebrate your birthday.

Oh, my gosh.

Who was there?

It was baby daddy.

Baby daddy.

Was Jada there too?

Jada was not.

You know, Jada has her own little life

and stuff she does.

Sheree Zampino is a really good friend of mine.

I had a breast reduction at 20.

Then I had Trey, and then they whittled down to nothing.

So then I had implants.

Are they soft?

I don't know. Feel them.

Oh, they're good.

Hey girl, so how about that guest room?

[laughter]

Sheree was married to Will Smith.

And they have a beautiful son named Trey together.

Will and I, when we got divorced,

we have never had a relationship

that doesn't have Trey in the center of it.

You know, I...

No, you can say it.

Dated Will.

This better be before Sheree.

Okay, so let's get this straight.

It was after the divorce with Sheree.

I didn't know Sheree then.

So that's why we can be cool.

You and Will really set the tone for co-parenting

in a beautiful way.

And although you weren't together anymore,

you're still family.

Absolutely.

It kind of like... I wanted to mirror that.

- Hey, guys. - Hello.

- Hello. - Hi!

I'm going to miss you guys.

Oh. - Hi, Dad.

- Good morning. - How are you?

I'm good. How you doing?

Good.

The fact that I was able to raise my boys,

along with Mike, and be in such a good place

and feel empowered, feel like they're in a good place...

this is all I wanted.

You had a little COVID, bae?

Girl, yes. I mean, we got stuck.

So it's so funny because you know he was younger.

Yeah.

So I bought him a ball.

I sent his little butt to the park.

[laughs]

Like, I need space. You take your little ball...

You did not play ball.

Go to the park.

Like a little boy.

Yeah, he's got his ball.

- Did you pack him a snack? - Listen.

I was the snack. - [laughs]

You got a big day coming up.

I do. I'm so excited for my birthday.

This year, I want to go all out.

As you should.

I want to dance.

I want to have all my friends there.

You know what I mean?

Not only will Jax and Jaid be there,

but Oliver is flying in.

Aw.

Which I'm really excited about.

Yes.

I think it'll be a fabulous time.

I do too, and no drama.

You don't think the girls are going to act the fool?

No, no, no, no.

It's going to be peaceful and beautiful

and everybody's going to get along.

We might even sing "Kumbaya" yet.

"Kumbaya" and hold hands?

[laughter]

Let's go and party.

Let's go and party. Exactly.

It'll be fun.

- ♪ It'll be fun - Yay.

- Ready to party. - ♪ I'm ready to party

♪

Let's just make a video really quick for my Instagram

before Rob's here.

So we're going to do like a cranberry holiday drink.

Two ounces of vodka.

This is actually 1 and 1/2.

I want to say two. I don't really know.

I know I'm not a cheap date.

Look how pretty that is.

- [gasps] Madre mía. - What?

It's too strong.

And it's free too.

[laughter]

Lisa, happy holidays.

Happy holidays, everybody.

We love you.

[laughter]

Daddy will be home soon, and then...

He's right there.

Daddy's home.

Na, na, na, na, oh, oh.

[laughter] - Hi, love.

Don't go that long next time.

How long was the flight?

Ten hours.

You know, Jeff had three stops to get here.

- Oh. - Four.

- Oh, four? - Yeah.

Can you believe Jeff was gone for a year?

- So I'm saying. - No.

It's crazy.

That's as long as I've ever been out of the country.

Yeah.

And it's good to be home.

Jeff was in China releasing a new album and stuff.

So he actually was really busy.

But it's really great that he's home.

[hairdryer blowing]

Rob, are you in our bedroom?

Can you go to Jeff's room and see if his hairdryer's on?

Jeff!

What a .....er.

I love my brother, I love my brother, I love my brother.

So how was the trip? How's the movie?

It was great.

So we met with the publisher.

- Yeah. - They were great.

Rob, Jeff doesn't know about the movie.

So we went...

Yeah, tell me what the movie is.

So it's based on a children's book.

Yeah.

It's a great book.

Now we're developing it as a musical.

And it's amazing, because everything in England

is really old.

We went to Arundel, which is just a beautiful,

beautiful little town.

But it's got a castle, which belongs

to the Duke of Norfolk.

The Duke of Norfolk.

You just said the F-word.

I didn't say the F-word.

That's what I thought you said too.

I said the Duke of Norfolk.

[laughter] - You did say the F-word.

You did.

That's how you say it. The Duke of Norfolk.

Stop!

- It is...is it folk? - Exactly.

Like Norfolk?

I think it's pronounced Norfolk.

- Stop. - Not it's not.

I always say I have four kids.

Max, Zoey, Rob, and now Jeff. [laughs]

Zoe, say goodnight to daddy.

I'll meet you upstairs.

Oh, my God, Rob's so ridiculous.

I love him.

I want to hear about Mexico.

Um, it was very challenging.

But it worked out fine.

So it's all good right now, peaceful.

Yes.

So how did Diana do on the trip?

It's like my first trip with the girls.

Like, I just felt like my boundaries were crossed.

And so my space was violated... - I get it.

A little bit.

- That was a terrible... - She handles it differently.

First trip.

You know, she went through a hell of a year

with her miscarriage.

Yeah.

I think she just wanted to go and have fun.

But it was hard on her, and she wanted to leave a few times.

Wow.

But I'll tell you something.

You know Diana?

When you jab at Diana, it's nuclear.

[laughs] I love Diana.

Have you met her?

No, but I love her already.

♪

Hi, girls.

Hi, honey.

- How are you? - Good.

How are you? - I'm great.

Hi, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Love, how are you?

Good, how are you?

I'm helping Alexia make a little something

for her Friendsgiving tonight.

Oh, fun.

What are you doing?

Eating a piece of bread because I'm hungry.

You got it.

Since you have it, it helps.

[laughter]

There's etiquette.

You guys and your etiquette.

No etiquette. Just eat.

By the way, while I have you here,

tomorrow is Garcelle's birthday dinner.

Uh-huh.

Can you come and pick...

The guys are invited.

Well, I have to check the calendar.

She always said the nicest things about you.

I love Garcelle.

And then Rinna won't be there because she

had to go out of town with Harry

because he's doing that show.

We saw the pictures on Instagram from Harry's event.

That's so exciting.

Congrats to Harry. - You know what?

Congrats to Harry. It was so great.

I'm so happy to have been here.

I just saw your boobs! Oh, oh!

Oh, my God, the mirror.

- I saw the boob. - The mirror!

We saw the boobs, we saw the boobs.

Boob alert, boob alert.

[screaming]

So who else is going to Garcelle's thing?

Well, I'm going to guess not Diana.

She's not going to be there because...

Why not?

We have a group text, all the girls.

And I sent a message on Sunday morning saying,

I hope you girls are all getting some rest.

I'm so tired.

And then Diana wrote back, well, I don't normally

do this in a group text, but...

"Doctors are putting me on bed rest to stop bleeding."

"This trip and flying and drinking and burning my candle

both ends after losing baby..."

"Bleeding for eight weeks straight after miscarriage..."

"And four major surgeries that followed

"in last few weeks

to save my uterus was not very intelligent thing to do."

"I usually wouldn't share this in a group text

because it makes me look like a whining bitch..."

"But Garcelle," misspelled,

"might think I'm rude, so there it is."

[phone drops to ground]

[blows air]

I love Diana.

She's as shady as I am.

This is kind of awkward.

Everybody was like, gulp.

Super awkward.

Coming up.

And I have a doctor's appointment.

It's my testosterone.

So now I'm all balanced.

Oh, testosterone, huh?

Okay, well, sure.

[upbeat music]

♪

You need any help? Did you get it?

Go ahead, press on my head.

Not too many brain cells in there anyway.

You can't see it. There's no anything.

And then you can leave it in and take it out.

- We've come a long way. - Knock, knock.

Are you there? Oh, my God.

How we doing?

We're good.

We're getting ready out there with Steven.

So exciting.

We have not done a shoot like this in a long time.

Before pandemic.

I'm proud of Pretty Mess Hair.

And I'm proud to be back in business.

We're just getting started.

And it's been a great distraction from all

of this heavy, heavy stuff.

Pretty, pretty.

Let's go see what we're going to wear.

Let's go get a creative idea,

Yeah.

You know when you read the things that were being said

about me, there were moments I thought to myself,

[BLEEP], how am I going to pull myself out of this?

You know, I used to do a lot of business

with a lot of people, and the phone wasn't ringing.

So this is what we're thinking...

Christopher Kane and a good old signature 120 loop.

- Okay. - Okay?

Okay, okay.

Nobody's magically going to come and tap on my shoulder

and say, "Oh my God, I can't wait to save you."

That's not going to happen.

I didn't know you could sew.

My grandmother was like, a really good seamstress.

- Was she? - Oh, God, she was brilliant.

She would re-upholster... - Wow, I didn't know that.

Make curtains...well, drapes, re-upholstered furniture.

She cut patterns, she made some of my early costumes.

Wow.

Yes, she was very talented.

I had a very special connection to my grandmother.

She was very much like me.

She was tough, would cuss your ass out,

but she was really big-hearted.

So my grandmother used to embarrass me

because we would, you know,

be driving somewhere down a country road

and there'd be like, a chair.

And she'd be like, oh, and, you know, pull over.

And you know, like, why are we picking up this

...-ing junk on the side of the road?

Sure enough, this mother.....er would re-upholster it

and it would be stunning.

She was creative.

She was beyond creative... that and her gardens.

Yeah, remember you telling me always about the gardens.

Yeah, she loved the garden.

Mm-hmm.

God damn it, Erika, get out of my begonias.

Because I would run through them, you know.

She helped me move to Los Angeles.

We drove cross-country together.

So this sits by my bedside.

But at the very bottom of this is a letter

I wrote to my grandmother.

And it says, "Hi, I love you, I'm never coming back."

All right, let's do this.

- All right, ready? - Yeah.

Beautiful, gorgeous.

Yeah, there we go.

Beautiful.

♪

Gorgeous, beautiful.

Yeah.

Pretty.

If I could talk to my grandmother,

she'd be telling me to not give up the fight.

You must persevere.

You cannot give up, Erika.

That's little bitch would have been

out there whooping my ass.

- That's hot. - Did we get it?

- We got the shots, honey. - Got the shots.

- Above and beyond. - Woo!

♪

[doorbell chimes]

- Hi. - Hi.

Hello, darling.

Gosh, it's so warm. It's like Mexico.

It is, I know. How you feeling?

I'm so tired. - I'm tired.

I'm so tired.

The vacation from the vacation.

It smells good in here.

Well, my mother, bless her, my mother is still here.

I told her you were coming over.

She was like,

"Oh, I'll make, you know, some cookies and stuff."

Aw, that's so sweet.

It's nice to have your mother here, though.

Yeah? - Annie.

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

This is my mother.

This is like the jalapeno one or something.

Oh, that's the spicy one.

- What, good to know now. - I'm sorry.

Nice to meet you.

This is my mother.

Mm, nice to meet you.

You're so beautiful.

Every time I see you in pictures, I'm like, no wonder.

Aw, I know.

Thank you.

After the break-in, I called very few people.

But I knew I had to call my family.

I know they wanted to come immediately.

[smooches] Oh, Dorit,

I love you so much.

I love you too, David.

Please don't cry. You're going to make me cry.

I grew up with a really strong sense of family.

No matter where you are in the world,

you always stay very close.

You know how much you love my mom.

Yeah.

Whatever happened to you, I think she was there in spirit.

And I found a piece of jewelry that I want you to have.

- This is hers? - Yeah, it's hers.

Oh, Mommy.

Thanks for everything.

I love you so much.

I took out the cookies, mama.

I'm sorry.

I'm just going to chat to Sutton for a bit, Mom.

My mother worries about everything.

But I'll never forget when my mother was flying

with my grandmother to our second home in Florida,

my grandmother had a heart attack in the air.

And my mother looked after her.

I would have thought she would crumble

with that type of pressure.

Was the total opposite.

She took full control.

She's definitely somebody I can count on.

Now I have a doctor's appointment.

Everything okay? Or just a...

No, I'm getting my pellet.

What?

It's like a little mini-surgery.

They do a little incision.

They put the pellet in.

Yeah, it's just my testosterone.

And this is to balance hormones.

- So now I'm all balanced. - Forgive me.

- Yeah. - I'm putting this on.

I don't know, but that testosterone changed my life.

Really?

Oh, my God.

Just look at me.

I'm so different.

Oh, testosterone, huh?

Well, I guess that explains it.

Okay, well, sure.

Well, how are you feeling?

I feel great.

How do you feel after Mexico with Crystal?

We kind of had it out.

Moving forward in our friendship is important to me.

I know, but you need to say it out loud

so everyone can hear.

You're not going to do that to me again.

I'm not going to do that to you again.

But that's always good.

How are you feeling about Diana?

I'm not happy.

With what?

Well, one, I didn't like how I was getting onto the plane,

and you know when you have your tray at school

and you want to go sit at the cool kids table?

That's what I did.

But only I had a Chanel beautiful tote bag.

And I was like, can I sit with y'all?

And she said no.

You're to sit back in your seat.

And then Lisa sat in the seat where I was wanting to sit.

Lisa didn't sit there originally.

Let me ask you this.

Do you think...

I mean, if you're going to do it to me,

then do it to everybody.

Yeah, but do you that...

I think it was punishment, but I had apologized...

Look...

This is what I'm trying to understand.

She got in...she got in the crossfire.

I said,

I hate what you did to me, not I hate you.

Here she goes with the clumsy words again.

You need to let me finish my sentence, please.

I apologized immediately.

I just lost my cool and I'm really sorry.

Then she seemed fine.

It hurt your feelings.

When you thought everything was okay...

- Yeah. - You get on the plane.

It's weird.

And then she says, "No, no, no,

I don't want you sitting here, go sit over there."

Yeah.

When I asked Diana where we should sit,

she said, "Anywhere you want."

And then the text message.

I'm telling you this so that

Garcelle, spelled incorrectly,

doesn't think I'm rude to jab like that at my friend...

uh-mm, no, no, mm, mm, mm, mm.

Well, it's Garcelle's birthday party tomorrow night.

Something tells me she's not going to be there.

I'm just watching her because I actually

thought she was very gentle.

But now I'm like, is she a sniper?

Oh.

Thank you for the plane.

Next time I'll get my own.

Oh, snap.

♪

Coming up.

Oh, I didn't know it was a pajama party.

I didn't know it was a boob-hanging-out party.

But I guess I did.

[upbeat music]

Oh, I'm taller than you.

I'm not taller than Oliver.

I think we're the same.

How tall are you?

Like, I tell people I'm 6'1".

[laughter] - Hello.

Hello.

It's a full house of men.

- It is. - Hi.

- It is. - Hi, guys.

[gasps]

Those flowers turned out so good.

- And the big cork. - More flowers.

- Yes, more flowers. - Hi, honey.

It's flowers.

You guys, I almost had a heart attack today.

Why?

Because the real surprise to me with a birthday party...

hi, honey.

- Hello, Mom. - Hi.

And they brought out balloons, they had a video.

And then all of a sudden they go, "We're not done yet."

Oliver comes out from the back with these flowers.

Oh, my God! - I love you.

Oh, my God, my God.

What are you doing here?

I thought I didn't hear from you this morning.

It's your birthday.

You're such a nice guy.

I try.

Who raised you?

- You did. - Okay.

- Okay. - What?

[laughter]

Seeing where Oliver's at right now is everything.

You know, I've obviously seen my son

struggle throughout the years.

So to see him happy and thriving now...

You're so patient, Oliver.

I can't believe... and you're a dad.

I am.

I had a diaper in my pocket.

It's official.

I'm proud of him.

Okay.

Is the tailor here?

I have no idea.

Eliseo, are you here?

You guys, there could be a robber in here.

Y'all wouldn't even know.

There's everyone. There's always someone here.

All right, guys, I'm going up.

- All right. - Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

Okay, I'm going to try on the dress.

♪

We have to get ready for Garcelle's birthday party.

I'm going to Facetime Kyle real quick.

I want to know what she's wearing, because I am...

[notification chimes]

She did a haircut. It looks good.

Not that I want to bring this up,

but I think Denise is coming to my party.

And I can't believe you're not going to be there.

I'm looking forward to that.

That'll be nice.

I sent her a text this morning to be nice.

Yeah, she responded and she said, "I'll see you tonight."

Let's not make a mountain out of a molehill, okay?

- I hate you so much. - [laughs]

♪

So it's a birthday party tonight.

And I wonder if Jamie Foxx is going

to be there since they're such close friends.

I don't know. Does it matter?

[laughter]

♪

I think it's good.

Eliseo, can you brush my hair?

This dress, with the shoulders, I can't do it.

Robear will thank you for doing his job.

Thank you, Eliseo.

♪

Let's go party.

How do you want to do it? Oh, oh, oh.

Okay.

Oh, we're crossing off the Hermés?

Okay.

Love you, my little artist.

I love you.

[laughs]

♪

Hello, good evening.

Are things going on in here or in there?

Oh, right here? This is it?

I like a lot of room when I dance.

[laughs]

You know, it lets me spread out, right?

This is all you.

Look at the tape.

Look how fun this is.

Hi.

Good to see you.

I like a man in a pocket square.

♪

Hi.

- Hi doll, how are you? - I'm good.

How are you? - Hey, Ali.

Hey, G.

Last time I saw her was at TJ Maxx.

Yeah,

My favorite store in La Cañada.

I know, I know. - Do you want a drink?

Hey, can you make a spicy margarita?

That's not on the menu.

Erika, meet Joshua.

Nothing on there.

Hey, I'm Erika. Nice to meet you.

- It's very nice to meet you. - How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

I was going to call you and ask you what to get Garcelle.

And then I just gave her flowers.

I sent her flowers.

Flowers are good.

Yes.

If Erika called me, I personally

would be packing my bags for heaven

because obviously hell had frozen over

and we're all... I've got to ascend.

♪

Hello, guys.

How are you?

Oh, that's a party dress.

We just go here.

Oh, I didn't know it's a pajama party.

I didn't know it was a boob-hanging-out party.

But I guess I did.

Hi, jumper queen. You look great.

What is that?

It's vintage.

It's a vintage...look it up.

- I love it. - Look at the cake.

Isn't that great? It's a Birkin cake.

Oh, my God. I love it.

It's a Birkin cake.

- That's her first Birkin. - It's really good.

The cake is adorable,

but I'd rather be wearing one than eating one.

Hey, how are you? Kyle.

Nice to meet you.

Well, thank you.

If a nipple pops out, keep me posted.

You were saying this was number two.

I thought you were on number two...

- This is number three. - And you were.

She said that's number two. I said three.

- How many have you had? - One.

It's my first, yeah.

I count my own drinks. I don't count others.

♪

All right, let's go. I hear people. I'm so excited.

How do I look, Ollie? - You look amazing.

- How do I look? - Amazing.

Okay.

Hi.

Oh, you look so pretty. - You do too.

- Hi. - The woman of the hour.

Wow.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Thank you.

[dramatic music]

Oh!

I was like, no, no, you got a wife.

- Mwah, mwah! - That's it.

You looking fash.

Happy birthday. Thank you.

I think that Garcelle already has this idea of me.

My guess is that I'm a diva, maybe.

♪

I just want to show up and honor her birthday, actually.

- [sighs] - [chuckles]

♪

And therefore, nobody can call me rude.

I think we wore the right thing tonight.

I think so.

I know there's a little bit

of a language barrier for Diana.

So maybe the doctor didn't say bed rest.

He said take a nap.

I don't see the hostess, do you?

Anyways, I'm happy the bitch has rallied.

Ah, the birthday girl.

♪

Coming up.

Let's go dance!

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

It's dead in here.

I think we wore the right thing tonight.

I think so.

Hi.

- Hi. - Happy birthday.

I didn't think you were going to come.

Of course.

We pushed her out of the door.

We're like, you need to get it out.

Come on, come on.

Just let me show you something.

What did you do?

Oh!

[laughter]

Is that the famous book?

Yes.

When Dorit asked you about your book,

it felt like you shut it down.

It felt a little rude to me.

- [indistinct], you know? - Oh!

It's so beautiful.

And I actually signed it for you.

- Oh, you did? - I did.

It's actually quite hard to find the book.

Book sold out and there's no more.

It's very limited edition.

And so I gave her one of mine.

It's a very special book.

Thank you for coming,

because I know you weren't feeling well. Thank you.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It means a lot.

- We made it for you. - Thank you.

It would have been nicer to get a bag.

But all right, I'll take the book.

[laughs]

- Hi. - Hi, how are you?

How are you?

- Good to see you. - Good to see you too.

- How are you feeling? - I'm back.

- Are you good? - Yeah, yeah.

And you're on your deathbed,

and then two days later, she's ready to party.

Um, yeah.

So maybe Jesus came, because Jesus did that.

He would heal people very quickly like that.

It's possible.

Jesus still heals.

[upbeat music]

How are you feeling? What's the latest?

My legal problems are far from over.

Yeah, of course.

- But it's much more positive. - Okay, good.

I was even talking to my lawyer today

before I got here.

And he goes,

"Is it true you told guys to slide in your DMs?"

And I said, "Yeah, I talk a lot of sh..."

He goes, "Well, uh, why don't you let me vet them?"

I was like, "[BLEEP] no." - [laughs]

Cathy sent me the most beautiful cake.

- Aw. - She's so sweet.

Is she coming?

She said she's in Pasadena.

I saw her text. It said Pasadena.

That's all I read.

So my mom, when we were younger,

when someone would say, like, "Can't do it,"

she'd go, "Pasadena, baby, Pasadena."

You know what that means?

- Is it a... - I'm going to pass.

[laughs]

♪

- Hi, guys, I'm Oliver. - Hi. I'm Crystal.

- My name is Erika. - Hi, Erika.

- Hi. - Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi.

This is my little brother, Jax.

- Yes. I have met you. - My little big brother.

Hey, honey, how are you? Nice to see you.

It was so nice to meet you guys.

- You too. Nice to meet you. - [laughs]

Nice to see you.

I have to say, I've been staring a little bit too.

- Ah! No! Right? - He's very handsome.

Like hot. That's like my jam.

Yeah, no, it's good. It's a good look.

It's good, it's good.

- Man, your kids are... - They're huge.

- Gorgeous. - Yes.

By the way, I saved your cake

because Ali thought it was a real bag.

You know, it's the closest I'll get to a Birkin.

- Oh, no, it's not. - Me, either.

- No, it's not. - You know what?

This is called manifesting.

I can't wrap my head around

spending that much money on a bag.

So if I have the cake, maybe somebody will buy me the bag.

Mama needs a Birkin, Mama needs a Birkin.

♪

May I have another one? It's a spicy Margarita.

- I kind of... - My girl, where have you been?

- My girl. - Where have you been?

Where have you been?

- I've been around. - Okay.

This is my backup. Back up.

When a bitch calls her backup.

Okay?

- I show up. - You show up.

[laughter]

I want you to meet the other girls.

Let's go introduce her.

This is Sheree, my girlfriend.

- Oh, hey. - Hi.

- Crystal. - Nice to meet you, Crystal.

I'm Erika, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you, Erika. - Ali.

How long have you guys known each other?

We've known each other for a few years now.

- A while. - Yeah.

We...I dated her husband.

- I was... - Oh, really? Whoa!

You dated her current husband?

After. She was married to Will Smith.

No, really?

Is that who you dated? - Okay.

- Okay. - Yes.

- Okay. - I didn't know that.

- Oh, Garcelle's got bodies. - No look, trust me.

I am proud of the bodies I have had.

But I know there's been a dry spell for sure.

I'm more worried when the next time is going to be,

not when the last time was.

- Okay. - Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, it's with the diamond, with the diamond.

The joy.

This is a...

Why do I have my ugly, dumb bag instead of this?

I love it.

Did you see the diamond?

I did not see the diamond.

Holy sh... [gasps]

Now I see them.

Are you kidding me?

Honestly, though, as long as I've known Diana,

she's been collecting these Birkin bags.

Honestly, that's been her pride and joy.

We have these in common, but her collection is bigger.

There is a funny picture of me going

around with between my friends.

When the fires were in Malibu, we had like,

maybe five minutes, ten minutes.

And there's a truck full of Birkins and Banksys.

And jewelry.

And then Asher's like, "Look what she's saving.

Birkins and diamonds and Banksys."

2020 was terrible...

I mean for me, anyway. [laughter]

This is '21. It will be bad too.

It's all bad.

But 2020 was bad for a lot of people.

- Yes. - But I also think

it was kind of like a spiritual awakening.

And I'll tell you, I literally...

this is going to sound crazy, but I made peace with my...

vagina.

all: Oh.

Okay.

Were you at war with your vagina?

Okay, so...

I don't even know what that means.

I'm going to tell you.

I was told not to touch it.

When you were little... - No one ever told me that.

I was told not to let other people touch it.

And that never came up.

They had to force me to wear underwear,

because I didn't like wearing...

Because I don't like to wear underwear

and apparently he looked at my pussy all night.

Oh, damn!

Kyle needs some underwear.

- I don't have any. - Oh...oh, my God.

I told you that.

Why don't you have any knickers on?

Because it doesn't look good under my dress.

[laughter]

[quirky music]

When something is right here, how do you avoid it?

I was speaking... [overlapping chatter]

Right on cue, BK.

I cannot. The timing.

Do you know what word you walked in on?

- No. - The cue.

No.

She said pussy, and you walked in.

You walked on up.

[laughter]

I don't understand why you think that was good timing.

[laughter]

...-ing weak, Garcelle. I thought we were close.

She was talking about you, though, because...nothing.

- Never mind. - Bye, BK.

No, thanks.

All right, this pussy is going to leave now.

[laughter]

Coming up...

For me, it's better to take the breath.

Because I can really come on like destruction.

- Take it slowly. - Yes.

Then you kill.

Look at Garcelle's birthday cake.

That's her first Birkin, she said.

Oh, my God.

- I almost touched it. - By the way.

Looks...

Hold on, your text message, I almost died.

[laughter] Get on the floor.

That's the thing with me. I don't do jabs.

Like, bring it on. Come on. - This is the situation.

Bring in the bazookas.

- Bring in the bazookas. - Let's go.

I'm very...

- Direct. - Direct.

You did so on the plane too.

It was really funny because I got on the plane last.

And I was like, "Oh, I'll sit in the side bench.

That's fine, I don't care."

And then Sutton was saying, "I don't want to hear."

I said, "What?"

She goes, "I've been asked to go back to my seat

from the original flight."

You know how I stored her in my phone?

Bacon-eating vegetarian.

[laughter]

A lot of vegetarians secretly eat bacon.

Even in my English, you are not vegetarian.

[laughter]

Just to remind me.

I've learned...

for me, it's better to take the breath.

Because I can really come on like destruction.

But I appreciate your...

Like, you know, like, really sounds like...

you know, like, take a breath.

- Take it slowly. - Yeah.

Understand this person. Where is she coming from?

Why are you triggering her? - And then you attack.

Then you kill.

Then you kill. [laughter]

Garcelle, it's time to cut your cake.

Light again already?

Oh, I guess so.

You guys can head over to your station area.

♪

[cheers and applause]

I love you. [applause]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Let's go dance!

♪

Hey, hey, hey!

♪

Oh!

I'm confused.

♪

Hey, what are you doing to me?

- Can I have a Campari? - Sure.

Thank you.

Like, uh, that bag is a quarter million dollars.

Do you want me to put it in the car?

No, just hold on.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen,

we need some audience participation.

We need to get a "Soul Train" line going.

♪

Yeah!

Rob, he loves to dance. [laughs]

Rob!

Our friends call him hip-hop Rob.

That's his nickname, actually.

Swear to God.

♪

[cheering]

♪

[cheering]

♪

Yes!

♪

Kyle's having too much fun.

Every time I say I'm never going to do the splits again,

something happens.

I don't know what to tell you, okay?

I have some other tricks up my sleeve, just to be clear.

I just haven't pulled them out yet.

♪

You've been doing this all night.

I can actually wrap my leg around the back of my neck,

but that costs money.

[laughs]

- Spicy? - Ah, yes, please.

Thank you so much.

I'm DJ [indistinct].

Happy birthday, Garcelle. [cheers and applause]

You know what? Hey, can we talk for a second...

- Sure, you wanna do it here? - No, let's go outside.

I feel uncomfortable.

I just wanted to talk to you, first.

Check on you... - I'm good.

- See how you're doing. - I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Because you were on bed rest.

I still am. But it's all good.

So you're on bed rest, but you're here.

That's confusing.

You're going to have to clear it up.

That I should be in bed and I'm here?

Yeah.

[sighs]

She obviously thinks very highly of herself.

She feels like I owe her something.

Do you want to see my doctor notice?

Maybe that would help.

All right, let's try.

12 weeks ago,

I lost a baby. - No, no, no.

Whoa, hold on, pah, pah, pah, pah, pah.

- No. - Yes.

Listen, I mean this

because I've had two miscarriages, so I understand.

- It's more than that. - I know that.

And we all want...

Don't do phony sh... with me.

By the way, fake doesn't work with me.

Just like bring it on. - Girl...

Come on, bring it on. Bring it on.

- I'm not... - Bring it on.

I'm done being nice.

That ship has sailed.

I'm ready for you to meet a different person,

the new game.

But you can't sit...

But, but, but, but why?

This is not a conversation.

- It's not. - No.

How do we converse?

Not like, "But, but, but."

That's not nice. - Oh, what?

Shall I yell like you yelled at me?

Oh, yeah, I want to hear, oh, the Bosnian tough girl.

No.

I was saying that I'm sorry that you were on bed rest.

- You're not sorry. - Yes, I was.

You're not sorry for... no, you're not, you're phony.

You are the fakest person I've ever met in my life...

literally.

By the way, also, you're boring.

I can forgive everything.

I can't forgive being boring.

- I'm not boring at all. - You are really boring.

That's not nice.

You and Garcelle at the front of the boat.

I was talking about my most painful memory in my life.

And I was like, "Hmm, fake going off."

On the boat, I really tried to open up to Sutton.

Do you have brothers and sisters?

I had a brother, but he was killed in war.

- Aw. - I'm sorry.

- How old was he? - He was young.

- Life, right? - My dad committed suicide.

When it's gone like that and you don't get to say goodbye,

that's hard.

She talks a lot, but I don't think she listens.

That to me is not somebody that has empathy.

When your brother died in Bosnia, I remember that.

And it resonated with me.

Never say that I'm fake.

Anyway, yeah, you are, you are.

I'm not a fake person, I don't have fake lips,

I don't have fake boobs, I don't have fake anything.

I am very real.

She's fake.

So, okay, projection.

Who is?

You're not listening and you're not...

I'm not.

I don't...we don't need this.

We don't need...no, we don't need this right now.

Really? - We don't need what right now?

I want to talk to her, one on one, right now.

What's happening?

I just told her she's boring.

What?

[dramatic music]

I'm rude, aren't I, Garcelle?

Well, I said you were rude because...

So I am, so...

Dorit was trying to engage with you

and you shut her down.

Go on, take a swing at me. Go.

What is the problem that you have with me?

I don't have a problem with you.

Yeah, you do.

You have a chip on your shoulder.

It's got nothing to do... - Massive. Massive.

I got nothing to do with it.

No, no, no.

This is a very different Diana.

Okay.

The bed rest did you good.

♪

Coming up...

It's your birthday.

And this .....ing bitch .....ed you three times.

This is a very different Diana.

The bed rest did you good.

[dramatic music]

But let me tell you something.

You have to understand that we're all...

Bacon-eating vegetarians?

Shut up with that.

What does that have to do anything?

- It's just stupid. - That's actually important.

Diana is saying...

don't say that you're this person when you're not.

Because she doesn't touch someone.

So what?

Does that show her integrity because she likes bacon?

Yeah, it does. [dramatic music]

Okay, you guys, let's reassess the situation.

Okay, I was having a very calm conversation.

About what?

I said I was very sorry about her being on bed rest.

Your sorry is so fake.

The fake is fake. - That wasn't fake.

Diana, that's kind of sh...ty.

Because if she's apologizing to you...

You just met her. - It's fake.

Don't touch me. Don't touch me, don't.

- Wow. - Are you her bodyguard?

- I don't need a bodyguard. - I'm not her bodyguard.

You are her mouthpiece?

- No, I'm not her mouthpiece. - Sounds like it.

She doesn't need me to be her mouthpiece.

I know she's frail and also I get it.

Oh, you know what? That's bullsh...

You're being really mean right now.

You're being really mean. - I am.

And what you're not going to do

is you're not going to mess up my birthday, so good night.

My kids are here. I'm not doing this.

When I first met Diana,

she seemed sophisticated and worldly.

But this Diana? It's not a good look.

What a bitch.

Where's my bag?

[huffs] Holy sh...

I think we're done here. You're an asshole.

And... - Hold on, hold on.

No, she's a .....ing asshole.

You know what? I've got your number.

- Oh, you do? - Oh, you see it.

- I gave it to you. - I know.

First day, I gave it to you, honey.

I see it. It's 867-5309. Got it.

- Okay. - No, I'm good.

867-5309. Got it.

Gotta break the rules.

- Break the rules? - Yeah, you got to.

What do I have to do?

Just give me a spicy Margarita

like you've been feeding me all night.

Oh, I see. Of course.

Please, love? Thanks.

Okay, appreciate it.

Have you guys noticed anybody missing in this party?

Besides Rinna, of course?

Anybody? - Diana?

In this party? Denise.

I told you, bitch.

I stood up for Denise even when she wasn't in this group.

And that was important to me because she is a friend.

But her not showing up tonight hurt my feelings.

- I told you. - You did.

I said she would never show up.

- You did. - You'll never believe me.

I told you she would never show up.

- This .....ing bitch - ...-ed you three times.

Yeah, I'm good.

- You better be. - I'm good.

If you're not, you're a .....ing punk.

- I'm good. - You're a punk ass.

I'm not a punk ass. And you're right.

I know you're not a punk ass.

But I'm saying, if you let this .....ing broad

run over you three times.

I'm not.

I was just telling you that she didn't come.

[BLEEP] her ass.

Oh, my God, Erika.

Calm down, girl, calm down.

Thank you very much. Sweetheart, you're lovely.

I told you so.

I mean, where did that come from?

I don't think Erika has ever told me so.

They're still at it over there. - Who?

- Diana, Sutton, and Kyle. - That's all right.

Let them be at it.

Good luck with your

passive-aggressive ridiculousness.

Oh, no, I'm aggressive.

This is aggressive. - Go back to your texting.

That's passive-aggressive or aggressive?

- It was passive-aggressive. - No, it was aggressive.

No, everybody else thought it was bad.

Hold on. Honey.

I'm the only one that speaks up.

I actually don't think it was passive.

It was very like, boom, boom.

Yeah, but you can't respond to a text

that says, "Oh, wah, wah, wah, I'm in bed rest,"

and then goes out.

Is that what it sounded to you?

"Oh, wah, wah, wah?" - Oh, yes I did.

God, you're really... - Honey, I gave birth...

- "Honey." Don't ever. - To a dead baby 12 weeks ago.

- Here we go. - Yes.

Is that, like, too much information for you?

No, it's not.

I actually have empathy for that.

No, you don't.

How dare you question my empathy.

[laughing] Oh, my God.

That's all I have is empathy.

You have none.

You're a soulless person.

Stop, hold on. That's a whole...

That's a really mean thing to say.

Hold on. Sutton, Sutton, you cannot say that.

No, you cannot say someone is a soulless person.

You need a new villain? Here I am.

♪