Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,760
[unsettling music playing]
2
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,360
[train squealing on rails]
3
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,480
[Donny] It always amazed mehow Martha managed to surpass herself
4
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,840
with new and twisted waysof getting to me.
5
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,440
But involving my parents,
6
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:24,760
telling them I'd been injuredin a car crash, that was next level.
7
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,840
I expected a lotwhen I walked up to the house that day.
8
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:32,000
A lot of panic. Crying, maybe.A hell of a lot of explaining.
9
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,840
What I didn't expect, though,
10
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,440
was finding my dad on the phone to herwhen I walked in.
11
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,480
I've told you, you bitch,
you call me again,
12
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:40,720
I'll come to London and cut your legs off.
13
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,920
Yeah, you heard. Your legs.
14
00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:44,440
You will, will ya?
15
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,600
That's gonna be pretty fucking hard to do
with no legs, let me tell you.
16
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:50,040
How did she get his mobile?
17
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,400
The receptionist at work gave it to her.
Said she was a client.
18
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,280
You know she spent yesterday
phoning round his colleagues,
19
00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:59,400
calling him a pedo, telling them
he fiddled her when she was a child.
20
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:00,560
Christ.
21
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,400
Says the fucking mad bitch
pretending to be a fucking lawyer!
22
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,360
[mother] HR pulled him up on it too.
23
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,440
-Jesus. How did he respond to that?
-[mother] You know what your dad's like.
24
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,000
He doubled down on it. Told them
he had a load of kids in a van outside.
25
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,160
Of course he did.
26
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,880
You call me again,
I'll make sure you breathe your last,
27
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:17,800
you fucking cow of a cunt!
28
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,400
Well, that's sorted. Great work, Dad.
I shouldn't have bothered coming up.
29
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,360
Who is she, bear?
30
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,600
[Donny] Uh, she's this woman.
31
00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,800
She came into the pub,
and she's been pestering me for some time.
32
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,000
Oh my God. Have you quit?
33
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,880
No, because that would mean she wins.
34
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,640
It's not about winning, Donny.
It's about your safety. Quit!
35
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,680
We will sub you until you find a new job,
won't we, Gerry?
36
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,720
I think the boy's right.
It is about winning.
37
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,320
Oh, for goodness' sake.
38
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,640
Look, look, it's fine. Okay?
39
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,600
The police are aware of the situation,
so give 'em a call, get 'em down here.
40
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,040
It'll be over soon, all right? I promise.
41
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,440
-[cell phone rings]
-[Donny] It's all right. I'll get it.
42
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:21,320
[Martha] Is that you, reindeer?
43
00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,400
[unsettling music playing]
44
00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,040
[typing]
45
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,600
[mother] Here's your cup of tea.
46
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:40,120
Thank you.
47
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:45,400
Hm, now, I, um…
I understand this is a harassment case.
48
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,800
That's right.
49
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,440
[officer] And who is
the person in question?
50
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,760
She's a fucking bitch, that's who.
51
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,520
Tell you what, Gerry,
why don't you let us handle this?
52
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,400
Uh, we'll call you if we need you.
53
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:07,040
[clears throat]
54
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,240
Uh, um…
55
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:13,440
Well, she's this woman, and she's been,
like, stalking me for a while.
56
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,840
I have this harassment warning
out against her,
57
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:18,480
so I assume
now that she's contacted my parents,
58
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,400
she's broken it, right?
59
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:24,240
Technically, she's not harassing you.
She's harassing your parents.
60
00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,400
You're kidding me?
61
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,200
[officer] If you want a quick resolution,
62
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,200
your parents would be best off
making a separate allegation up here.
63
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,440
[scoffs] But that's ridiculous.
64
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,720
I know it can feel convoluted,
65
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:40,560
but, um, you know, we will do
our very best to deal with the situation
66
00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,080
as, um, as effectively as possible.
67
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,480
Sorry, this pen's not working.
68
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,240
Oh, look. Sorry, there it is.
69
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,280
One of those twisty ones.
70
00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:56,760
Shall we begin?
71
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,320
[Donny] I spent a week in Scotland,waiting for the police to take action,
72
00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,480
watching on as Martha kept calling.
73
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,280
Fucking come back for more, have you?
74
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,080
Aye, you would say that,
you fucking imbecile.
75
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,680
[Donny] Seeing the toll it was takingon my parents.
76
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,600
My dad's croaky voice from shouting.
77
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,880
Could you pour me some orange juice?
78
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,480
[Donny] My mum forcing this sentimentonto everything I did.
79
00:04:17,560 --> 00:04:18,600
You're a good boy.
80
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:22,160
[Donny] So it wasn't longbefore I decided to take action myself.
81
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,440
I figured if the police weretoo slow to act, too slow to protect us,
82
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,040
then Martha might do something worse.
83
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,120
[uneasy music playing]
84
00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:36,800
[Donny] It was timeto take matters into my own hands.
85
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,560
[uneasy music playing]
86
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:47,320
[Donny] Martha.
87
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:50,640
[music fades]
88
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,320
Leave my family alone.
89
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:58,040
-I don't know what you're talking about.
-Leave my fucking family alone.
90
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,200
If you don't, we will never be together.
91
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:03,440
Do you understand?
92
00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:08,000
I thought, with the police,
we weren't on the cards anyway.
93
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,920
Shut up. Be quiet for a second.
94
00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:12,480
[uneasy music playing]
95
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,640
If you leave my family alone…
96
00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:20,640
I will hang your curtains tonight.
97
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,720
[uneasy music continues]
98
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,040
I wanna make sure
I get it right though. All of it.
99
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,640
So put it in an email.
100
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,280
What you want to do to me.
101
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,440
How you want me to… hang them.
102
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:37,480
[uneasy music continues]
103
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,080
But I like it rough, okay?
104
00:05:40,160 --> 00:05:43,360
So make sure it's as sick, twisted,
105
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,640
as depraved as you can write it, yeah?
106
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,240
Oh yeah, reindeer.
107
00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:52,320
[uneasy music continues]
108
00:05:58,080 --> 00:05:58,960
[music fades]
109
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,040
Okay.
110
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,720
[typing]
111
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,960
[unsettling music playing]
112
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:42,280
[music fades]
113
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:44,840
[exhales]
114
00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:52,440
Now, Mr. Dunn,
115
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:54,880
please note this interview
is being recorded.
116
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,520
You are not under arrest,
and you are free to leave at any point.
117
00:06:59,280 --> 00:07:02,200
Okay. Um, thank you.
118
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,680
You're also entitled
to independent legal advice, if you wish.
119
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:09,480
Uh, no, I d…
I don't think that's necessary.
120
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,640
In that case, please know this interview
is being held under caution.
121
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,080
Uh, wait. Sorry, what's going on?
122
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,000
Did you meet Martha Scott
in the street yesterday?
123
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:20,600
Yeah, like, by chance.
124
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,120
Did you ask her to send you
a sexually threatening email?
125
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:25,760
No.
126
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,560
[Donny] I wanna make sure I get it right.
127
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,440
All of it. So put it in an email.
128
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,200
What you want to do to me.How you want me to… hang them.
129
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:47,080
[Donny voice-over]
Martha had taped everything.
130
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:49,280
-[recording] I'll picnic with you.-[Martha] Oh my!
131
00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,040
-[voice-over] Everything.
-[recording] I'll hang your curtains.
132
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,080
-[voice-over] The curtain references.
-[recording] I'm serious about you.
133
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,520
[voice-over] This one timeI'd joked about checking her out.
134
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,600
[recording] Hey, I'm only human, Martha.Come on!
135
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,040
[voice-over] This other timewe laughed about my penis size.
136
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,600
-I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
-[recording] Ten inches all round.
137
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,800
[voice-over] I remember that feeling,that caught red-handed, time-stood-still,
138
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,080
bomb-in-a-war-zone,hot-fucking-flush madness.
139
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,600
She's taped everything?
140
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,360
I can't speak for everything,
141
00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,640
but she also showed us an email from you
soliciting for anal sex.
142
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,200
No, that was my fucking friend
on my account.
143
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:24,960
He's… he's an idiot.
He… he did it for a laugh.
144
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:29,080
She's… she's harassing my parents.
I just… I just needed it to stop.
145
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,320
I sympathize with your position,
but you must allow us to do our job.
146
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,000
In a certain light,
this could be seen as entrapment.
147
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:35,920
[groans]
148
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:39,080
But Ms. Scott does not wish
to take any action against you.
149
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:43,120
I'm sorry?
150
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,160
Ms. Scott does not wish
to take any action against you.
151
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:47,160
Against me?
152
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,800
What the hell?
She's… she's… she's stalking me.
153
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:53,480
[Culver] I suggest you apologize
154
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,240
and let us go about doing our job again
in the correct manner.
155
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,960
Apologize? To her? Are you kidding me?
156
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:05,120
I mean, how would I even apologize?
157
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:06,960
We can pass along your apologies
158
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,360
and then suggest to her, very strongly,
that the two of you part ways.
159
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:11,320
[scoffs]
160
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,160
The police do not want to hear
from either of you again.
161
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,720
You're putting us
on an even playing field?
162
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:17,640
Well?
163
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,200
[suspenseful music playing]
164
00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:25,920
Tell her I'm sorry.
165
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,400
[unsettling music playing]
166
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:42,360
[Donny] It suddenly dawned on me
167
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,760
that Martha knewexactly what she was doing.
168
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,760
Exactly how to get to meand still evade the law.
169
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,880
It's because she's been herecountless times before.
170
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,720
She was a repeat offender. A seasoned pro.
171
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,480
My stalker was a seasoned pro.
172
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:58,040
How could you be so stupid, Donny?
Framing her?
173
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,560
-What the hell were you thinking?
-I know. I know.
174
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,600
[Teri] This woman attacked me, Donny.
175
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:06,720
Everywhere I go,
I'm worried I might bump into her.
176
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,440
Now you're telling me I'm stuck with that
for the rest of my life?
177
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,560
You don't need to tell me.
I feel the same way.
178
00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,320
[Teri] What if she finds
my Twitter, Donny,
179
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:15,640
and starts spewing crap
like she did in the pub that day?
180
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,480
Maybe you could
take your socials down for a bit.
181
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:21,400
Really? That's your suggestion?
182
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,840
Well, at the very least,
get rid of all the rainbow unicorn stuff.
183
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,040
You know, protect yourself.
184
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:29,920
Are you serious?
That's your recommendation? Hide myself.
185
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,960
If you're worried about her opinions,
don't give her the bait.
186
00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,040
-Bait?
-Come on, Teri. I'm trying here.
187
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,360
What's wrong with having to lie low
for a bit until this is all sorted?
188
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,560
Because of what it takes from me.
189
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,560
Do you understand what it's like
to get to a place in my life
190
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,680
where I can even walk out the door?
191
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:51,120
And now I need to walk back in
and bolt it shut, all because of you.
192
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,920
Because of me or because
some fucking psycho is stalking me?
193
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,080
Because just there it sounded like
you were blaming me for all this.
194
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,600
She's mentally ill, Donny,
195
00:10:59,680 --> 00:11:01,200
and you indulged her.
196
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,840
Oh, please. Only you could make out
197
00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,920
that having a violent stalker
ruining my life
198
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,440
is somehow my fault.
199
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,320
You really wanna go there?
200
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,240
Yeah, I actually fucking do.
201
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,400
I think you love it.
202
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:18,240
I think it fits you perfectly
having her in your life.
203
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:21,320
Seeing you as the thing
you try so hard to be.
204
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,560
She's the embodiment
of all your nasty repressions,
205
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,520
bottled up into one human being.
206
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,440
[Donny] Jesus, Teri, come on.
207
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,960
You can't let her affect us like this.
208
00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,880
It's not her affecting us. It's you.
209
00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,400
I can't be in this anymore.
210
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,200
I can't have this endless disorder
in my life.
211
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,640
[scoffs] Hold on, hold on.
212
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,920
Are you breaking up with me
because of her?
213
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,200
No. Because of you.
214
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:01,000
["Rainy Day" playing]
215
00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,960
[Donny] I knew it was over with Teri.
216
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,760
She shut off her mind towards methe second she turned away.
217
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:14,600
Done. Gone.
218
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,120
♪ Rainy day ♪
219
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,760
♪ Go far away… ♪
220
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,160
[Donny] And now at rock bottom,
221
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,200
the only positiveI could glean from the whole situation
222
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,560
was that it couldn't getany worse from here.
223
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:33,080
Surely it couldn't getany worse from here.
224
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,880
♪ Lonely nights ♪
225
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,480
♪ Eight thousand sights ♪
226
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:49,160
-[Donny] Yes, mate.
-[man] Hello.
227
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,760
-Can I get two pints of house, please?
-Yeah, yeah.
228
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,800
No, you can't come in here.
229
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:57,600
-Can't stop me.
-[Donny] You're barred.
230
00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,360
Digsy, get Greggsy, will you?
231
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,360
-He's clocked off early.
-[Donny] Why?
232
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,240
Air strike, mate. He's picking up.
233
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,640
For fuck's sake. Get Gino.
234
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:07,680
-[Digsy] No can do.
-Why?
235
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,480
-Oh my God.
-I guess I'll sit here and wait, then.
236
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,440
No, you won't. I'll call the police.
237
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,520
Do it. See how far that gets you.
238
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,120
I heard they're washing their hands
of the both of us.
239
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,200
-Excuse me, mate--
-In a minute, pal, all right?
240
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,160
Digsy, get her out of here.
241
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,200
-Come on, missy.
-Don't you fucking touch me!
242
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,120
You have no right. No right whatsoever.
243
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:28,280
Now, I'm on my period,
244
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,440
and I've come in for a glass of water,
which is my right to do.
245
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,960
You cannot deny a woman hydration
when she's coming on. That is illegal.
246
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,080
Just fucking leave it, all right?
247
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,520
-What can I get you, madam?
-Don't serve her, you prick. Ignore her.
248
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:46,600
Fuck me. Where did they find you? Jesus.
249
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,600
Go and stock the fridges or something.
250
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,800
-[man] I'm sorry…
-Yeah. What was it? Two pints?
251
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:52,840
-[man] Yeah.
-Okay.
252
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:17,400
[Martha] I'd wipe that glass clean
if I were you.
253
00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,840
Fucking yeast fingers all over your pint.
254
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:26,040
You should see the woman he's with.
[scoffs] His lady friend. Utter skank.
255
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,080
We call him Hunchy around here
'cause of his gutter taste in women.
256
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,880
He's like one of those hogs,
257
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,720
always sniffling around for truffles
with a shitty nose.
258
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:40,640
[laughs] Truffles!
That's your new nickname.
259
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:42,640
-Tenner, please, mate.
-[Martha laughs]
260
00:14:43,560 --> 00:14:46,120
-Ta.
-He's a comedian, by the way.
261
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:49,840
Not a very good one.
262
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,840
-Not the kind of stuff you see on TV.
-[man] Tell us a joke, mate.
263
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,080
No, he doesn't do jokes, this one.
It's more props.
264
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:58,320
Googly eyes on kettles. Weird crap.
265
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,120
Very immature.
266
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:02,800
-You should Google it.
-[man] What do I Google?
267
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,360
-[Martha] "Shite, two-bit comedian."
-[man] "Shite--"
268
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,800
[laughs] No, I… I'm joking. I'm joking.
That's what it should be under.
269
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:11,280
Try "Donny Dunn comedy."
270
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,120
[man] "Donny Dunn comedy."
271
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,280
Oh yeah. Here it is.
272
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,880
[Donny on video] Do you like one-liners?Yeah. Check out Jimmy Carr.
273
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,400
-Jesus, mate. Is that meant to be funny?
-I know.
274
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,600
[laughs] Watch this one, right?
This one here. Lead balloon.
275
00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:28,120
[Donny] I've got a daughter.She's two months old.
276
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,520
Called her Adolf after Adolf Hitler.
277
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,440
I'm joking! I'm joking!
278
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,720
She's three months old.
279
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:35,800
[man] Oof!
280
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:39,800
Mate! I don't think you should be reading
your jokes from your notepad, should you?
281
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:43,800
It's part of the act, apparently.
It's "anti-comedy," it's called.
282
00:15:43,880 --> 00:15:46,520
-Well, it's certainly that.
-Yeah. That's so true.
283
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,520
[both laugh]
284
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:50,720
I tell you what, mate.
285
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,000
Why don't you Google something else?
286
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:03,560
"Serial stalker torments
barrister's deaf child."
287
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,640
[man] What's that?
288
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:10,760
"Serial stalker torments
289
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:15,840
barrister's deaf child."
290
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:18,920
[sinister music playing]
291
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,720
[Donny groans]
292
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,960
You've ruined it!
293
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,280
[Donny groans]
294
00:16:24,760 --> 00:16:25,760
[Martha groans]
295
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:26,920
You fucking…
296
00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,440
[Donny groans] Oh fuck.
297
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,320
You've ruined it! You fucking ruined it!
298
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,840
-[Digsy] Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on!
-[Martha] Your mouth!
299
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,440
Your fucking mouth!
300
00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:39,920
I warned you
it'd get you in trouble, didn't I?
301
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,440
-[groans]
-[Martha] I warned you!
302
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,240
[man] Jesus! What the fuck was that about?
303
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,760
[breathes deeply]
304
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,320
I gave her a cup of tea.
305
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,480
[breathes deeply]
306
00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:59,440
I gave her a cup of tea.
307
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,200
♪ I want you more than I need you ♪
308
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,440
♪ I need you so bad ♪
309
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:16,040
♪ Are you coming back? ♪
310
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,960
♪ Are you coming back? ♪
311
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,040
♪ I'm waiting ♪
312
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,760
♪ I'm waiting ♪
313
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:34,560
[music fades]
314
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,560
[typing]
315
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:45,640
[manager] That's the thing, son.
316
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,120
If you call the police,
the landlord is not gonna like that.
317
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,040
[Gino] Not at all.
318
00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:51,360
[manager] We're supposed
to have a manager on at all times.
319
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,480
The fact we just left you there,
it's not good, man.
320
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,400
[Gino] Not good.
321
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,800
[manager] They find out
we turn the cameras towards the walls
322
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,200
because of the lock-ins,
323
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:00,680
and that could be our jobs
because that's negligence.
324
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,000
[Gino] That's negligence, Donny.
325
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,240
[manager] Hey, look. How about we come
to your gig later and buy you a drink?
326
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,440
[Gino] A nice big drink.
327
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:07,600
[manager] We'll make sure
328
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:11,600
she doesn't come within
a fucking mile of this place ever again.
329
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,240
Fine.
330
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,240
Fine.
331
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:31,880
["I Started a Joke" playing]
332
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,640
♪ I started a joke ♪
333
00:18:45,880 --> 00:18:50,120
♪ Which started the whole world crying ♪
334
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,040
♪ But I didn't see… ♪
335
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,200
You okay, bro?
336
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,760
♪ That the joke was on me ♪
337
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,040
♪ Oh no ♪
338
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,160
-♪ I started to cry ♪-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
339
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:15,800
♪ Which started the whole world laughing ♪
340
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,240
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
341
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:24,880
-♪ Oh, if I'd only seen ♪-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
342
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:29,400
♪ That the joke was on me ♪
343
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:36,000
♪ I looked at the skies ♪
344
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:42,120
♪ Running my hands over my eyes ♪
345
00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:48,000
♪ And I fell out of bed ♪
346
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:54,480
♪ Hurting my headFrom things that I'd said ♪
347
00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,800
♪ Till I finally died ♪
348
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:07,800
-♪ Which started the whole world living ♪-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
349
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:14,960
-♪ Oh, if I'd only seen ♪-♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
350
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:20,000
♪ That the joke was on me ♪
351
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:26,000
♪ I looked at the skies ♪
352
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,560
♪ Running my hands… ♪
353
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,400
-Hey, are you sure you're okay doing this?
-Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.
354
00:20:32,480 --> 00:20:34,680
-Yeah?
-Well, you're up next, dude.
355
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,360
♪ I fell out of bed ♪
356
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:45,080
♪ Hurting my headFrom things that I'd said ♪
357
00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,520
♪ Till I finally died ♪
358
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:56,320
♪ Which started the whole world living… ♪
359
00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:01,240
[compère] Ladies and gentlemen, are you
ready for your final act of this section?
360
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:02,800
[audience cheers]
361
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,320
[compère] Keep that noise going
for Donny Dunn!
362
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:10,640
Hey! All right! Thank you. Yes! All right.
363
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,000
[audience whistles]
364
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:14,440
All right, here we go.
365
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,800
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm gonna get this out the way up top.
366
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,720
You can probably tell
my face is a little bruised and battered,
367
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,280
so here's a piece of advice.
368
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,720
Never give the blow job
369
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,600
if you are the one driving.
370
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:26,760
[laughter]
371
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,600
[Donny] All right, good, good.
372
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,320
Just a little reminder up top.
373
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,440
This set is brought to you by…
374
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,520
[Donny's recorded voice] Poppa Condoms.Proper condoms.
375
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,000
Pop a proper condom on.
376
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,960
Thank you very much to them
for sponsoring this routine.
377
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,200
Okay, let's do some jokes.
378
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:47,960
Whenever I go on holiday, uh,
I never wanna wear sunglasses on the beach
379
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,240
in case people think I'm perving on them.
380
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:51,880
So to negate this worry,
381
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:54,520
I actually like to widen my eyes.
382
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,680
I think you'll agree,
it makes me look less creepy.
383
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,400
All right. Okay. So…
384
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,280
♪ Here's a little teapotShort and stout ♪
385
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:04,680
♪ Here is its handle ♪
386
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:06,000
♪ Here is its gout ♪
387
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,240
No?
388
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:14,520
All right. Yeah.
389
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:17,040
Not for you, then, that one. Fine.
390
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:21,560
[Donny's voice] Poppa Condoms.
391
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:25,320
Proper condomsfor policemen who like eating Burger King.
392
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,280
Pop a proper Whopper copper condom on.
393
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:37,360
[chuckles ruefully]
394
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,080
Oh boy.
395
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,840
[chuckles] Oh, fucking hell.
396
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,280
Course you didn't see anything in it.
Of course you didn't.
397
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:54,240
You only saw me.
398
00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:19,840
[chuckles]
399
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,240
I used to think, right…
400
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:24,560
Genuinely. Hear me out here, right?
401
00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,960
[exhales] I used to think
402
00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:30,400
that what you're seeing here was, like,
403
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:32,600
breaking the mold.
404
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:35,760
You know, I'd watch
these fucking other comics
405
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,080
rising above me, and I… I just…
406
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,280
I never understood
why… why them and not me.
407
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:43,200
But then, bam!
408
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,080
Reality smacks me in the face.
409
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,200
I am so fucking naive.
410
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,960
I was so naive in thinking
that this was something special
411
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:07,280
that when a writer
sweeps you off your feet
412
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:11,680
and says, "Hey, you've got it, kid.
Let's make you famous…"
413
00:24:13,840 --> 00:24:15,920
you believe every word
he's gonna say to you.
414
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,240
'Cause it's the words
you've wanted to hear your entire life.
415
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,280
"I believe in you…
as much as you believe in yourself."
416
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,480
And you'll do just about
anything in the world he asks of you
417
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:36,800
because… because fame
encompasses judgment, right?
418
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:41,040
And I… I feared judgment my entire life.
419
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,320
That's why I wanted fame,
because when you're famous,
420
00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:46,960
people see you as that, famous.
421
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:51,200
They're not thinking all the other things
that I'm scared they're thinking.
422
00:24:51,280 --> 00:24:55,040
Like, "That guy's a loser or a drip
or a fucking faggot."
423
00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,480
They think,
"It's the guy from that thing."
424
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:02,800
"It's the funny guy."
425
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,600
And I wanted so badly to be the funny guy.
426
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:13,400
Fuck your red light. I'm finishing.
427
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,920
So when this writer says
428
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:25,120
he only works with wild ones,
and to… to face my own fears, well,
429
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:29,160
it's not long before I'm round his house,
taking boatloads of drugs every weekend.
430
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,680
And isn't getting groomed magical?
431
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,600
Before you realize
you're actually getting groomed.
432
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:39,800
Until you're passing out from GHB
on his living-room couch,
433
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,520
while he tears at your trousers
with his disgusting hands.
434
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:46,200
And you know it's wrong, deep down,
what he's making you do.
435
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:49,240
But you just keep going back.
436
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,560
And you start to think,
437
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,600
"Is my self-respect so fucking low,
438
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,680
is my lust for success so fucking high,
439
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,120
that I will repeatedly go back
to this man's house
440
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:05,960
and let him abuse me
441
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,400
for a little peep at fame?"
442
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,960
"Oh, you're a victim.
You mustn't blame yourself."
443
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:14,440
Good sentiment, but let's be honest,
444
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,920
the fourth or fifth time you've passed out
and woken up with your dick in his mouth,
445
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:19,800
you should probably
think about not going back.
446
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:21,600
But, no, I just had to keep going.
447
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,560
I just had to get fucking raped.
448
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,880
Anything funny to say, boys?
449
00:26:45,880 --> 00:26:47,920
My confidence is so low, right…
450
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,320
You'll… you'll enjoy this.
451
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,200
…that I let this fucking mad bitch
into my life.
452
00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,560
I work in a bar, and I gave her
this cup of tea on the house.
453
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,120
She… she was crying,
and I wanted to cheer her up.
454
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:04,560
But she… she kept coming back in
time and time again,
455
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:06,840
and I… I knew she was growing attached,
456
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:12,560
but I still went along with it to satisfy
my own stupid need for attention.
457
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,640
Hence the face. She… she did this to me.
458
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:19,880
You see…
459
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,400
that's what abuse does to you, you know?
460
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:25,400
It made me this…
461
00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:31,400
sticking plaster
for all of life's weirdos. This…
462
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,640
This open wound for them to sniff at.
463
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,920
I knew she was mad,
and I knew she was dangerous,
464
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:39,600
but she flattered me, and that was enough.
465
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:49,600
And now… I really don't know
where it's gonna end.
466
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:54,560
I really think one of us is gonna
have to die now, and I'm not a killer.
467
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,920
Yeah, go on, walk out.
There'll be puns in the next section.
468
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,920
There's a guy
dressed as a train conductor.
469
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,560
I'm sure that's gonna be funny.
470
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:16,240
I met this trans woman.
471
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:20,440
You should see her.
472
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:25,920
She's the most beautiful person
you've ever met, and
473
00:28:26,480 --> 00:28:27,400
I just couldn't…
474
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:30,040
I just couldn't…
475
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:32,160
[sniffs] …love her.
476
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,120
[sniffs]
477
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:36,400
And I see it now.
478
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,280
I see what it was that I lost in her.
479
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,040
Moreover, I see why I messed it up
in the way that I did.
480
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:45,280
[sniffs]
481
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:46,960
And it's because of this, right?
482
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:53,560
It's because I loved one thing
in this world more than I did her, right?
483
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:54,480
One thing.
484
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,320
And do you know what that one thing was?
485
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,320
Hating myself.
486
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,760
[cries]
487
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:17,560
[cries]
488
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:18,560
I love it.
489
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:20,920
I'm addicted to it.
490
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,320
I don't know anything else.
491
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,760
Because God forbid
ever taking a chance at life.
492
00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,640
God forbid
ever taking a chance at happiness.
493
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:31,600
[sniffs]
494
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,720
And that's why
I messed it up with her. [sniffs]
495
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,040
Because I hated myself
so much more than I loved her.
496
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,120
And I loved her so very much.
497
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,320
[sniffs] I've spent my whole life
498
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:56,760
running away.
499
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,040
And this…
500
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,120
[sniffs] This competition,
this was just another hundred meters
501
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,640
in a marathon
I was never gonna finish alive.
502
00:30:10,160 --> 00:30:11,040
[sniffs]
503
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:12,640
So I'm gonna stop running now.
504
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,200
Because I just don't have the legs
for it anymore. I just don't.
505
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:21,360
[Donny sniffs]
506
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:23,120
[Donny exhales]
507
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:26,560
[exhales]
508
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:28,640
[sighs] Yeah.
509
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:33,840
[exhales] Don't know how I started
coming out with all this, to be honest.
510
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:38,320
Really not sure how to finish.
511
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:39,800
[sighs]
512
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:41,240
[sniffs]
513
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,160
Oh, actually…
514
00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,720
[Donny's voice] Poppa condoms,proper condoms
515
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,600
for policemen working in helicopters
516
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,680
who enjoy eating Indian foodand Burger King.
517
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,800
Pop a proper Whopper chopper copperpopadam condom on.
518
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:04,960
[chuckles]
519
00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:06,840
[sniffs]
520
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,880
Are there any questions?
521
00:31:25,240 --> 00:31:26,080
Well, then,
522
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,800
I look forward
to winning this competition.
523
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,240
["Moon in the Mind" playing]
524
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,280
♪ Golden boats float down a ♪
525
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,120
♪ River of sighs ♪
526
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:08,240
♪ Rain on the street is falling ♪
527
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:13,120
♪ Tears in my eyes ♪
528
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,520
♪ Wings of an angel open ♪
529
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:23,120
♪ In the dark sky ♪
530
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:29,880
♪ Rain on my face is falling ♪
531
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:46,480
[music fades]
40234
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Tajik
Tamil
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
