All language subtitles for The Great North s04e09 Idita-Ruth Adventure.eng

Look up there
What do you see?

Nature and stuff

Like a rock
And a tree

Oh, the Great North

Way up here,
you can breathe the air

Catch some fish

Or gaze at a bear

Wow

Oh, the Great North

Here we live, oh, oh

Here we'll stay, oh, whoo

From longest night
to longest day

In the Great North.

[cheering]

Arf, arf. That's the sound
of history being made.

The biggest sled dog race
in the world--

the Alaskan Iditarod--
is mushing through Lone Moose,

and a Lone Moose resident
is in this year's race:

Toast the dog.

Fans will soon gather for
an Idita-fest that'll have you

wagging your tails
and begging for more.

I can't believe we have
such a huge local celebrity.

I had the honor
of being bitten by Toast once.

I mean, he could have
bitten anyone, and he bit me.

Well, get ready for a taste
of greatness again, Dad,

'cause me and Judy
are baking Toast a special cake

with dog-friendly ingredients.

And we're gonna hold it out
so he can take

a little nibble as he goes by,
just like those people

with water cups at marathons.

I'm so thrilled my mom
decided to fly in for this.

I had no idea your
mom was such a hound hound.

Well, she's first and foremost
a country music hound.

And her favorite country song
is Iditarod Rod's

"Night of a Thousand Dogs."

So she can't wait to see
the song come to life.

And we're gonna go to all
the Toast-based attractions

around town, too.
The Pop-Up Idita-shop

at the mall,
the Russian restaurant

for Idita-dogs...

Oh, and I hear there's
an exhibit at the VFW

that will have you saying
"VF double-woo."

[giggles]

Just a little joke there.
Feel free to use that one

with your mom,
if it's not too racy.

And, uh, Wolf, you okay
with Ruth coming to visit?

Oh, yep, yep, yep. Hella yes.
I mean, yes.

There is a history of Ruth
making me very nervous

and yes, that has led
to some questionable behavior

on my end.

I mean, last time
we went to Fresno,

I did give her a noogie
at church.

Ruined her favorite hat.

But I've been working
on my calming breaths.

Listen to how calm this sounds.

[wheezing moan]

Babe, I don't get why
my mom spins you so much.

Did your mom
make you nervous, too?

No, never. I could do
whatever I wanted around her.

Fart, burn off my eyebrows.

And whenever she seemed down,
I'd dump a yogurt on my head

and then dance around.
Next thing you knew,

she was laughing
and I had her attention again.

We always had so much yogurt
on our pillows.

Do you think you can
keep it together around my mom

-this time, hon?
-Oh, absolutely.

I'm gonna be normal as crap
during this visit.

I got this.
I got this by the nips.

[Moon]
Huh, weird.

My favorite vandalized

The Lion, the Witch,
and the Wardrobe

paperback is gone.

The one where someone drew
a ton of penises

just spilling out
of the wardrobe.

Ugh, and so is the copy
ofCharlotte's Web

where the picture of the web
that's supposed to say

"some pig" got changed
to say "some butthole."

Excuse me, Mrs. Rodenburg,

what happened
to all the old books?

Oh, you mean
the vandalized books?

I replaced them with my
husband's bookPriest No More.

It's about our love affair.
I'm very religious.

He's the third priest
I've married.

But what happened
to the old books?

And what happened
to the old priests?

The books are in the dumpster,

and Fathers Francis and Peter
are in heaven.

Holy crap, it's the mother lode.

Yep, this is definitely
primo stuff,

drawn by some of the greats.

Like the guy who always
drew Charlie Brown

smoking a bong.

And the kid who signs
their drawings

with two boobs, or double-boob,
as I like to call them.

Those are stone-cold classics.

What are you guys looking at?

The dirty books
from the library.

Mrs. Rodenburg threw them out.

Ooh, do you have the
Anne of Green Gables that has

Anne's braids blowing
in the wind of a fart?

-I believe we do.
-And you may buy it for five bucks.

Deal.

Guys, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

About how my mom's
boyfriend Jamie

has a pair of jeans
that he's going to give me

when I turn 15?

Russell, no.
I'm thinking we should open

a vandalized-book bookstore

and sell these
to our fellow students.

Yeah. Why shouldn't we
offer this great product

at reasonable prices?

Or even better--
unreasonable prices.

My friends, let's get rich.

[Beef]
Any sign of Honeybee

-and Ruth yet?
-Nope. [chuckles] Nope, nope, nope.

-Try to breathe, son.
-Oh, boy, here they come.

[stammers]
A fun idea: should I hide

behind the couch and pop out?

Absolutely.
Older ladies love jump scares.

You promised Honeybee
you'd get it together

around her mom.

So stand on your feet,
arms at your side,

regular smile. Mm...

-It'll settle.
-[Honeybee] Hey, everybody,

look who I found at the airport.

Hello, everyone.

[all]
Hello.

Well, Wolf, why don't you
come over here

and give your mother-in-law
a proper greeting?

[clears throat]
Oh, a proper greeting.

Yeah, I know what that is.
Okay, here I come.

Yes. Oh, whoops.

Should I have given you
a kiss on the cheek? Mwah.

-Oh...
-Whoa! -Uh, oops. [laughs]

I accidentally kissed you
on the lips there.

I'll just, uh,
try the other cheek.

-No, no, no, no, no. Wolf, no.
-[gasps]

[both cry out]

[Moon] Not to say I told you so,

but probably should have
gone with the jump scare.

Ham, the kitchen's all yours
after school,

so you and Judy
can work on your dog cake.

And turns out the butcher's
a big Toast fan,

and he put aside a bunch
of meat for free.

Honeybee, how's Wolf
this morning? Feeling better?

Oh, so much better.

I mean, who knew you could
get sudden onset vertigo?

The doctor said that's why
he couldn't position

his, uh, lips right.

But he feels much better today.

Wonderful.
And is there a reason

why he's watching us
through the window?

Uh, yes,
and I will tell you about it

when I get back.
Excuse me.

Babe, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm eating breakfast
with you guys,

just from out here.

My Ruth-related anxiety is like
a wild, psychotic rhino,

so maybe the solution
is to keep a healthy distance.

But I already told her
you're coming with us today.

And I will, but I will also
keep my distance

as much as possible.

Okay, I guess that's
a pretty good plan.

I'll just signal you
when it's time to go.

Oh, oh, oh, and can you
bring me some sausages

and apple juice
and-and maybe a magazine?

A book's fine, too,
but no mysteries, please.

I'd like to sleep tonight.

-Here it is.
-Wow.

There's nothing I love more
than a historical marker.

Except maybe curtains
ruffled by a slight breeze.

Wolf, aren't you gonna
come see it with us?

I wish I could, but I am,
uh, allergic to history,

so my eyes might explode.

So have fun, Mommybee.

[weak chuckle]

[Peppers]
And that

is Toast's first pee pad.

Please, no flash photography.

Very interesting.

Yeah, so cool!

Wolf, please come over here
and tell me

-about the time you met Toast.
-Uh, uh...

What's that, Mrs. Tuntley?

Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah, give me a minute.

Who on earth are you talking to?

Mrs. Tuntley.
She needs my help.

That woman in that truck there?
She's driving away.

I know, so I better hurry.
Heh.

[sighs]
I'm sorry, Mom.

It's not your fault.
Let's go pick him up

and head to the mall.

-[horn honks]
-Ooh, he almost got hit.

Let's hurry.

What a delightful store.

I got some Idita-socks.

They were buy one, get one free,

but I told 'em I had no need
for a second pair.

Great, great.

I'm just gonna get in some laps

around the mall, actually.

See you in a bit.
[laughs]

[grunts]

[train whistle blows]

[Moon]
Welcome to

Butts and Noble.
Ooh, great choice.

Somebody wrote the word
"dildo 420"

on page 69.

I don't know exactly
what that means,

but I know it's funny.

Uh, ten dollars
is kind of steep for me.

Could I give you four?

Um, yeah, I guess.

Uh, Gill, hi.
Let me explain something.

When pricing books, we take
many things into consideration.

PPP-- penises per page.

BPP-- butts per page.

And also BPP-- boobs per page.

Historical value,
marijuana leaf work.

And let me assure you,
this baby has it all.

And it costs ten dollars.

[groans] Okay. I was saving up
to give my mom a locket

with my face in it,
but she can see my face

anytime she wants, I guess.

Guys, we've made hundreds
of dollars.

And thousands of memories.

? ?

Frankie, my man.
Geno, looking good.

Petey, say hello to
your mother for me, all right?

Oh, thank you.

I guess I will
get some chips today.

Did you guys see that?
Miriam waved at me.

She's never even
looked at me before.

Not even when I caught on fire
in science class.

Well, get ready to be
a nobody again

because this is all
we have left to sell.

Well, it was a hell of a ride.

No way, Russell. Those
three books aren't the end.

They're just the beginning.

But Henry, where are we gonna
get more vandalized books?

Dirty doodles
don't grow on trees.

Simple.
We use some of our profits

to buy books
from the thrift store

and fill them
with vulgar drawings.

But none of us can draw well.

I mean, look at this star
I drew in math class.

It doesn't matter
that we can't draw,

because this person can.

[Moon]
Double-boob? The greatest artist

of our time?
How do we find them

when we don't know
their real name?

Ah, but we know their initials.

Look, when you turn
the book this way,

It's not two sets
of boobs, it's...

My God, it's two Bs.

I believe I know the real name
of our Vincent van Gonads.

Hello, Bethany Bupatutti.

The last person
who used my full name

is still in the hospital.

Because they're a nurse.

I was interviewing her
for careers week.

Does this look familiar?

[sighs]
I knew this day would come.

How much to make this go away?

We're not here to blackmail you.

We're here to hire you.

We need you to do more drawings
for our dirty bookstore.

I don't do that anymore.

My parents found a picture
of a penis I drew

and freaked out.

Said I was really talented

and that I should pursue art.

So, naturally, I gave it up.

Well, maybe this jar of Tommy Js
will change your mind?

Ugh. Just when I thought
I was out,

you guys pull me back in.

[Ham]
I hope Toast

-likes it.
-It looks incredible.

And am I crazy

or does it smell
really, really good?

I mean, it is all edible.

It's just almond flour,
heavy cream, sugar,

liver, shrimp, coconut,

two cow hearts, ground pork,
baking soda, baking powder,

pig lips, something called
edible waste.

No one can ever know about this.

Maybe I should get my own table
and, you know, let you guys

do some mother/daughter
bonding and stuff.

Well, that's a kind offer,
but why don't you just relax

and scoot on in.

I trust you aren't gonna
accidentally kiss me again.

And I want to spend time
with my son-in-law.

[weak chuckle]
Cool.

For Iditarod,
we give every table

complimentary mush shakes.

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Oh, thank you.
I'll be sensible

and save mine for after my meal.

Great call, Ruth.

Wolf, I think we know
each other well enough now

that you can just call me Mom.

Oh, Mom!
[short chuckle] Oh, wow, yeah.

I mean, you just say it.
You're just a guy, and there's

a mom and you're her son
and you got to,

uh, got to make her laugh!

-Aah!
-What in the world?!

It makes way more sense
with the dance, so...

[vocalizing]

-Wolf!
-You know what, Honeybee?

I think after
we get out of here,

I might check into a hotel
and give Wolf a little space.

Yeah, maybe that
would be a good idea.

And, uh, I know
it's usually a joke

when people say this, but
check, please.

Seems like I got all
the milkshake out of my hair.

Wolf, I love you,
but I'm trying to have

a nice visit with my mom
and you're kind of ruining it.

She came all the way here
from Fresno

and now she's not even
staying with us.

Again, I am so sorry
about the whole

"dumping a full milkshake
on my head" thing.

Apparently, your mom and my mom
have very different

senses of humor.

But maybe she'll look back
at it someday and laugh.

And good laughs are so valuable
in your later years,

especially as death approaches.

Wolf, tomorrow, me and my mom
are gonna have

a family day with Jerry.

And maybe that'll be
a nice break for you.

And also a nice break from you.

Yep, I, uh, I get that.

Look, Wolf, this weird anxiety
about my mom

doesn't seem to be
getting any better.

So could you maybe talk to her
so you can get past this?

'Cause it can't be like this
every time

she comes to visit
for the rest of our lives.

I'm so glad you said that,
my Christopher Tense-Plasse,

because when I was a-showerin',

-I decided I am gonna
talk to her. -Good.

And I'm gonna do it
in her favorite language:

-country music.
-What are you talking about?

Well, you said that
country music

is the old dirt road
to her heart.

I did not say that.

Well, not in so many words,

but I got the message.

I'm gonna write your mom
a country song

about how I feel and perform it
at the Iditarod.

What? No!

Honeybee, you got to trust me
on this one.

Plus, I already arranged it
with Mayor Peppers.

-When?
-I called him from the shower.

You know I bring my phone in
in a Ziplock

and roll calls while I loofa.

It's all set.
I'm gonna get up there,

lasso her heart and tie it up
like a baby calf.

Okay, you know what, I give up.

You already dumped a milkshake
on your head

and kissed my mother
on the lips.

If you think writing a song
for her will somehow

get this weirdness
out of your system,

then, I guess, go ahead.

All right!
I love it

when we're on the same page.

Yee-haw!

Okay, my songwriting committee,

thanks for agreeing
to help me out.

Now, Ruth's favorite song
is Iditarod Rod's

"Night of A Thousand Dogs."

So I'm thinking
what about a song called

"The Night of A Hundred Dogs"?
Thoughts?

Ham, you're a singer in a band.
Hit me with some advice.

Love your idea,
but it might be a little...

the same song.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

So I need a totally new idea?

Maybe.
As far as I can tell,

a lot of country songs are just
a list of objects, like...

A banana in the sink

Old toys in the yard

Bunch of unpaid phone bills

An anniversary card.

Oh, okay, well, let me try.
Uh...

Magazine by the window

Uh, urine in my bed.

Very... provocative.

Oh, and the songs
have a lot of heartbreak.

Oh, yeah. Uh, Dad, you've had
a lot of bad luck

in the romance department.
Talk to me.

Well, as you know,
I dealt with my heartbreak

by locking myself in my room
and smelling a cushion

your mother often sat on.

But I think in country songs,
the protagonist usually just

drinks whiskey and occasionally
shoots a friend.

And you know what, it's
important to dress the part.

It wasn't until I donned
the blue overalls

that I really found my character

in the school production
ofMinions in Space.

I knew you geniuses
could help me.

Gonna head to the guest house
with a little sippin' whiskey,

channel Iditarod Rod

and write the best country song

since "Pardon My Fartin'."

[Judy]
Well, it looks great,

and the best part is

there's so much gross stuff
in this one

we literally cannot eat it.

Yep.
White flour, chicken anus,

something called
"poor man's eels,"

goat cheeks, ground cow eyes.

Don't look at me!

-Don't look at me!
-Nobody look at anyone!

Hello, Quinn.

Anyone in particular
you're shopping for today?

Actually, I was leafing
through this book,

and a St�ssy "S"
doing a keg stand

smeared off on my hand.

And why did our library
have a book called

Growing Old Gracefully?

Because you can
never be too prepared.

Ten dollars, please.

Well, good luck
finding anything better.

We're the only game
in town, sister.

Henry, I don't think we should
talk to the customers like that.

My hand is getting tired.
I'm done for the day.

Bethany, you want to make
the big bucks,

you got to play ball.

And by that I mean
you got to draw testicles.

Put 'em on anything you want.

A spaceship, a nun,
Count Chocula.

I'm not a machine.
You can't force art or whatever.

Look at these penises.
They have no joy in them.

What are you even
talking about?!

She's right. They're
workaday penises at best.

[sighs]
I-I don't think it's right

taking allowance money
for these.

Oh, can it, Moon.

These kids will buy whatever
we tell them to buy.

And, Bethany, I see
what game you're playing.

We'll give you more money, okay?

Hello, everyone.
I was just thinking about

how magical it is to have
a fun project like this

with my very best friends.

Russell, you're fired.
Your cut's going to Bethany now.

But I just ordered
my mom's boyfriend Jamie

a jerky tasting crate.

Henry, you can't just
fire Russell.

Oh, can't I?
Well, you're out, too!

Anybody else
got something to say?

Yes. I love this kind
of chaotic energy,

and may I add to it
by saying I quit.

Come on, let's get out
of here, guys.

Fine, see if I care.
I don't need any of you.

You'll see.
I can do it myself.

I'm gonna trace butt cheeks
all the way to the bank.

I'm an empire of one.

An empire of one!
[sobbing]

He flew too close to the ass

and it swallowed him whole.

[Ruth]
Well, it was a wonderful day.

We met a man whose
cousin's brother-in-law

dated a champion sled racer's
daughter in the '90s.

I hope you got an autograph.

Well, howdy, y'all.

Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, hello, Jerry,
you old cowpoke.

You old, uh, plate of soup.

Uh, what is this?

Now, y'all might have heard
'round the saloons

that I was working on
a right fine country song

for my mother-in-law.

-You were?
-Sweetie, maybe you

need to take your vertigo pill
and lay down.

Nonsense.
I'm not verti-goin' nowhere,

little lady. [laughs]

Why, I feel as sturdy as
a spittoon full of orange juice.

You see, I was fixin'
to sing the song tomorrow

at the Iditarod, but the song
is so dang good

it just couldn't wait.

So I galloped on over here
to fill your ear troughs

with my water music.

Two, four, three.

I'm just a boot-lickin'
bad boy

And I can't lick
my lickin' ways

And when I hear that train
a-blowin'

Oh, I lick my blues away,
lemme lick ya now!

[grunts]

-[all gasp]
-He's nude.

Mom, I think we ought to get
back to your hotel right now.

-Uh, yep. Yep.
-[grunts]

Well, well, well,
seems my guitar

is playing where the sun
don't shine.

[chuckles] I'm fine.
Thank you kindly.

Now I'm gonna take
a quick five and... [grunts]

-[all gasp]
-Oh, boy.

I'm just a boot-lickin'
bad boy. -Jerry, no.

-Ow! Ow!
-[sighs]

Oh, Honeybee, could you give
me and Wolf a second alone?

Mom, you do not have to do this.

Thank you for picking
the guitar shards

out of my butt, Mother Ruth.

Wolf, I got to ask.
Why have you been acting

so strangely around me?

[sighs] I don't know, exactly.

But ever since
I married Honeybee,

I get really nervous around you,

and then I do something
very weird.

And I don't know why
it's just you.

I mean, I'm fine around Louis.

Well, I got to wonder if maybe
you're fine around Louis

because you have a normal dad,

so you know how to act
around a dad.

But you've never had a...

-Motorcycle?
-[laughs]

I was gonna say a normal mom.

-Yeah, I've never had that
or a motorcycle. -Sure.

Look, Wolf,
from what I understand,

your mom was a bit wild.

And I'm willing to bet she never
set boundaries with you.

Well, I mean, I wasn't allowed
to drink her vodka,

but otherwise,
anything I did was fine.

Actually, the crazier I acted,
the more she seemed to like me.

-Uh-huh.
-Oh, so...

Yeah, okay,
I think I get it now.

Mm-hmm, you know,
while I'm not judging Kathleen,

I doubt we would have
gotten along too well.

But she's not here anymore,
and I am.

So I guess I'm kind of
your mother figure now.

-And I do have boundaries.
-Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh, sorry. And, Wolf, boundaries
are a lot like curtains.

Sometimes they're open,
sometimes they're closed,

but in my opinion,
they're always good to have.

You don't have to act crazy
to get my attention.

You already have it.

You make my daughter happy,
and that makes me happy.

And believe it or not,
you already have my approval.

So you don't have to dump
a milkshake on your head

to get it.

Yeah, it would've made
more sense with the dance,

-but I-I see what you're saying.
-Good.

Now, why don't you put on
some underpants, have a rest,

and then write me
a better country song

for the Iditarod tomorrow?

Wait, you want me
to sing you a country song?

Of course. Country music
is the dirt road to my heart.

[gasps] I knew it.

[Ham]
Well, we did it. We got the cake here.

And no reason why we shouldn't.

I don't even want to know
what's in this one.

[all]
Good.

Okay, I hear that Toast
and his team

are just a few miles away.

But while we wait,
Wolf Tobin is going to sing

a country song he wrote
for his visiting mother-in-law.

-Oh, hell yeah!
-Howdy, partners.

Uh, I wrote this song
for a-a very special lady.

Not my special lady,

but the special lady
that my special lady

came out of.
Anyway, I hope you like it.

Dishes in the sink

Sunlight on the rug

She gave me vodka kisses

And cigarette hugs

Beer cans in my crib

Old bra on the table

But I guess my mama did

The best that she was able

But now I got a new gal

Goes by the name of Ruth

Pullin' splinters
out of my ass

And shovin' in the truth

My windows were so bare

Until she put up curtains

My ass is slowly healin'

And my heart's
no longer hurtin'

Aw, that's nice.

'Cause she's a boot-lickin'
bad girl

Can't lick her lickin' ways,
let me lick you now

? ?

Come on, Ruth, get up here.

Ruth Shaw, the best dang
mom-in-law.

-[Ruth singing along]
And when she hears that train a-blowin

Oh, she just licks
her blues away.

-Yee-haw!
-[applause]

Here they come,
Toast and his team.

-[dogs barking]
-[crowd chanting] Toast! Toast! Toast! Toast!

Just remember,
when I open the cake container,

hold your breath and look away.

Okay, Ham, open her up.

-That's my cake! [grunting]
-Dad, come back here!

-Share.
-Save some for me.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

[screams]

[screams]

[gasps]
Bitten again by greatness.

What a privilege.

Well, on the plus side,
looks like Lone Moose is getting

another historical marker.

I can't wait to see it
on my next visit.

'Twas the night
of a thousand dogs

Running through the land,
through the snow

Through the ice and fog

Standing haunch to haunch

And braving the terrain

Every year we look
to the sky

? And remember their names

There was Chuckles, Poncho,
Biter, Old Snuff

Pukey, Sully,
and John McGruff

Paco, Pancake, Waffles,
Sir Sniffs-His-Butt

Chunky, Dangler, Tweaky,
Butter, and Gary the Mutt

It was the night
of a thousand dogs, hyah!

Running through the land,
through the snow

Through the ice and fog

Hyah!

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