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1
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,236
Uh-oh.
2
00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:25,834
All right, kids! Rise and shine!
3
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:28,545
Let's go, everybody. Let's go.
4
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:32,716
Come on, girls! Enough with the hair.
5
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,967
Hi, Mom.
6
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:38,013
Hit the deck. Hit the deck!
Let's go, girls.
7
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:43,018
Let's go, everybody. Come on.
Come on. Wake up.
8
00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,395
Come on, let's go.
9
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,859
Okay. Let's go!
10
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:54,822
Danny, turn off that radio!
11
00:01:54,989 --> 00:01:57,407
Uppy, uppy, uppy!
12
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,535
Come on, come on, move, move.
13
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,877
Thanks. Hey, Deb,
I talked to Pete Scalary last night.
14
00:02:09,045 --> 00:02:11,755
He's gonna get that training bra
back real soon. Who's in here?
15
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,259
-Oh, gosh. Shut up!
-Danny, get out! Mom! Mom!
16
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,136
-Danny saw me naked!
-Stop.
17
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,887
You think you're cool, Danny.
18
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:20,889
Who are you? What's your name?
19
00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:22,057
-Dennis.
-Dennis?
20
00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:23,559
MOM: Brush your teeth?
-All of them.
21
00:02:23,726 --> 00:02:26,603
-When are you gonna get that haircut?
-Honey, who is this?
22
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:30,107
-That's your nephew.
-What are we running, a restaurant?
23
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:33,944
-Did you get out yesterday?
-Yes. Twice.
24
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:37,531
I caddied for Ty Webb in the morning
and I had doubles in the afternoon.
25
00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:41,034
-How much is that?
-It's about 30 bucks plus tips.
26
00:02:41,619 --> 00:02:43,453
Well, put it in the college fund.
27
00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,833
You're like a three-year-old! You have to
tell him every time he gets money.
28
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,587
As soon as you guys get back from
Little League, let's get some painting done.
29
00:02:51,754 --> 00:02:54,381
The Douglases got fake brick.
You don't have to paint it.
30
00:02:54,549 --> 00:02:57,968
Hooray for the Douglases!
Oh, come on, Jonathan. Bad boy.
31
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,221
Why don't you give the St. Copius
scholarship people a call?
32
00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:04,057
I don't know about that place.
I talked to a guy who went.
33
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,810
He said there were two girls
and they were both nuns.
34
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,771
Ah! I saw that! That's about
1 0 bucks and change.
35
00:03:09,939 --> 00:03:12,316
I had a couple of burgers
and some Cokes for lunch.
36
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,193
-How many Cokes?
-Four or five.
37
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,278
-What are you, a diabetic?
-I don't know.
38
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,198
You're not leaving
until we settle the college thing.
39
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,867
If he doesn't have something lined up
by September...
40
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,912
...I'm gonna ask Tom Burdick
to put him on at the lumberyard.
41
00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:27,039
MOM:
He's not gonna work at the lumberyard.
42
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:30,167
DAD:
He isn't gonna be a caddy all his life, is he?
43
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:54,459
Hey, Mr. Webb,
can I ask you something?
44
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,378
Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.
45
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,130
-Danny.
-Danny.
46
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,590
When you were my age,
did you ever have trouble...
47
00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:03,510
...deciding what you wanted
to do with your life?
48
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:08,181
No, I've never had that problem really.
Why?
49
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:11,560
Forget it. I didn't think you'd understand.
50
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,229
-You take drugs?
-Every day.
51
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:17,566
-Good. So what's the problem?
-I don't know.
52
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:21,903
Did you have to take that Cooter
Preference Test when you were a senior?
53
00:05:22,071 --> 00:05:26,658
Oh, yeah, I took it. They said
I should be a fire watcher.
54
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:30,412
-What are you supposed to be?
-An underachiever.
55
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:35,417
-I gotta go to college. I gotta.
-Oh, Danny, this isn't Russia.
56
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:37,085
-This isn't Russia, is it?
-No.
57
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:41,214
I didn't think so. No, the thing is,
really, do you wanna go to college?
58
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:45,677
Ugh. In Nebraska?
Besides, it costs like $8,000 a year.
59
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,180
Hold on. I think I lent you,
what, $2.50 yesterday?
60
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,807
I can't foot the bill for everything,
so don't ask for money.
61
00:05:50,975 --> 00:05:54,936
My dad can't afford it. I haven't told him
about the scholarship I didn't get.
62
00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:57,272
I'll end up working in a lumberyard.
63
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,274
What's wrong with lumber?
I own two lumberyards.
64
00:05:59,442 --> 00:06:02,444
-You don't spend too much time there.
-I'm not sure where they are.
65
00:06:02,612 --> 00:06:06,448
Ah.
66
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,746
-I like you, Betty.
-That's Danny, sir.
67
00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,957
Danny. I'm gonna give
you a little advice.
68
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,878
There's a force in the universe
that makes things happen...
69
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,216
...and all you have to do
is get in touch with it.
70
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:29,596
Stop thinking, let things happen...
71
00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,307
...and be the ball.
72
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:37,562
-Danny. Danny?
-Sir. Sir.
73
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:39,648
-Where's the wedge?
-Right here, sir.
74
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,274
Thank you, Danny.
75
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,694
Find your center.
76
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,740
Hear nothing, feel nothing.
77
00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,831
That is kind of incredible, sir.
78
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,625
-You try, Danny.
-Pardon me.
79
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:02,087
Pardon you? Here, you try it.
80
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:05,507
-Oh, I don't know.
-Go ahead.
81
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:12,514
Just relax. Find your center.
82
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,392
Picture the shot, Danny. Picture it.
83
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,519
Turn off all the sound.
84
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:22,023
Just let it happen. Be the ball.
85
00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:25,610
Be the ball, Danny. You're
not being the ball, Danny.
86
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:28,280
-It's kind of difficult with you talking.
-Okay.
87
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:31,783
I'm not talking. Stop talking.
88
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,411
I'm not talking now.
89
00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:35,954
Be the ball.
90
00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,421
Where'd it go?
91
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,966
Right in the lumberyard.
It's okay. We'll work on it.
92
00:08:15,077 --> 00:08:17,412
-McFiddish!
-Sir.
93
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,539
-Do you know what I just saw?
-No, sir.
94
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,042
-A gopher!
-Gopher? Where?
95
00:08:22,210 --> 00:08:25,003
Do you know what gophers
can do to a golf course?
96
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:29,549
Aye, sir. I think they're tunneling in
from that construction site over yonder.
97
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,301
Czervik Construction Company?
98
00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:35,388
I'll slap an injunction on them so fast
it'll make their heads spin. And you....
99
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:37,224
You get rid of those gophers...
100
00:08:37,391 --> 00:08:40,185
...or I'll be looking for a new
greenskeeper. Is that clear?
101
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,896
-Aye, sir! Very clear, sir.
-Yeah.
102
00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,273
I'll put my best man on it!
103
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,528
CARL:
Mrs. Crane...
104
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:53,615
...I'm looking at you.
You wore green so you could hide.
105
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:58,537
I don't blame you. You're a tramp.
Oh, that was a good one.
106
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,664
Oh, that was right where you wanted it.
107
00:09:00,831 --> 00:09:03,458
Mrs. Crane, you're a little
monkey woman, you know that?
108
00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:05,961
You're a little monkey woman.
You're lean...
109
00:09:06,128 --> 00:09:10,340
...and you're mean and you're not too far
between either I bet, are you, huh?
110
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,968
Would you like to wrap your spikes
around my head?
111
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,219
Carl!
112
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,762
Damn your eyes, man!
113
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:20,392
I told you to cut the long grass on the
thirteenth and to mow the practice green.
114
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,645
I was unavoidably detained.
115
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,940
You can forget about the thirteenth
and the practice green.
116
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,317
I've got a more important job for you.
117
00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:33,488
I want you to kill every gopher
on the course.
118
00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:36,199
Check me if I'm wrong,
but if I kill all the golfers...
119
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,659
...they're gonna lock me up.
120
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:42,914
Gophers! Not golfers!
The little brown furry rodents.
121
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:46,126
We can do that.
We don't even have to have a reason.
122
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,502
Do it, man!
123
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,338
I'll just do the same thing,
but with gophers.
124
00:09:54,218 --> 00:09:57,470
It's not my fault nobody can
understand what you're saying.
125
00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:07,939
Give me the Mets in three
and I'll take the Yankees even.
126
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:09,691
I'll call you back.
127
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,029
Caddyshack.
128
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:15,530
Yeah.
129
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:18,408
What do you got?
130
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,412
All right. I'll be right up.
131
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,997
-Noonan.
-Yeah, Lou?
132
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,541
Take over for me.
I'll be right back.
133
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:30,962
Joe, people.
134
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,802
So I jump ship in Hong Kong...
135
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,263
...and I make my way over to Tibet...
136
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:43,266
...and I get on as a looper
at a course in the Himalayas.
137
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,060
A looper?
138
00:10:45,227 --> 00:10:48,146
A looper. You know, a caddy, a looper...
139
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:49,314
...a jock.
140
00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:53,151
So I tell them I'm a pro jock and
who do you think they give me?
141
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:58,573
The Dalai Lama himself.
The twelfth son of the Lama.
142
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:03,161
The flowing robes, the grace, bald...
143
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:07,248
...striking. So I'm on the first tee with him.
I give him the driver.
144
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:12,462
He hauls off and whacks one.
Big hitter, the Lama. Long.
145
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,965
Into a 1 0,000 foot crevice right
at the base of this glacier.
146
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,552
-Do you know what the Lama says?
-No.
147
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:29,145
So we finish 1 8 and he's gonna stiff me.
148
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,815
And I say, "Hey, Lama! Hey!
149
00:11:31,982 --> 00:11:35,151
How about a little something,
you know, for the effort?"
150
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:38,363
And he says, "Oh, there
won't be any money...
151
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:42,450
...but when you die, on your deathbed...
152
00:11:42,618 --> 00:11:46,413
...you will receive total consciousness."
153
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:52,669
So I got that going for me.
Which is nice.
154
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:55,964
Your ball's right over there.
Go straight and you can't miss it.
155
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:59,634
Mrs. Havercamp. You go
that way and it's right over--
156
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:03,138
-Mrs.-- Mrs. Havercamp. You need this.
-Oh, I might, at that.
157
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:04,639
Yeah.
158
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:14,232
Mr. Havercamp. Mr. Havercamp,
your ball's right over here, sir.
159
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,817
It's right there.
160
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,120
No, Mr. Havercamp, the green
is right over there. It's that way.
161
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:31,082
Look, sir, just bend a little bit that way
and swing away...
162
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:35,295
...and just straight up. That's fine.
Great.
163
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,844
Wee!
164
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,513
That's a peach, hon.
165
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:51,060
Oh, golly, I'm hot today.
166
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:57,567
MAN:
What'd they do, die on you, Tony?
167
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,282
I can't pay you. Lou has to.
168
00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:06,201
-Where is he?
-He's out.
169
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:08,661
I can see that he's out, numbnuts.
170
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,706
Give me a Coke.
171
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,709
One Coke.
172
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:20,757
Hey, wait a minute.
That's only 50 cents.
173
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,718
Lou raised the price of Coke.
He's been losing at the track.
174
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:28,056
Ha, ha. Well, I ain't paying no 50 cents
for no Coke!
175
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:31,559
Ha, ha. Then you ain't getting no Coke.
176
00:13:31,727 --> 00:13:33,394
Know what I'm talking about?
177
00:13:35,064 --> 00:13:37,857
You've had it, Noonan.
Come on, open up this door.
178
00:13:38,025 --> 00:13:40,735
-Open up this door!
-Watch it, jerk!
179
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,487
Jerk?
180
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:46,574
-Come on out, Noonan!
-Whoa! Bite it, baby.
181
00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:48,451
Hey, what's going on?
182
00:13:48,619 --> 00:13:50,578
Open up, Noonan. Come on.
183
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:52,914
-Hey, Lou.
-Out.
184
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:55,583
-Sure you don't need me for nothing?
-No.
185
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:00,046
Hi, guy.
186
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:02,674
Oh.
187
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:06,427
Hey, I think you and I ought to
go outside and have a little talk.
188
00:14:06,595 --> 00:14:08,346
-Talk? Okay.
-Yeah.
189
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:12,267
My friend, you have no idea how
happy this is gonna make me.
190
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:15,979
-I'm going to enjoy this thoroughly.
-I hope that means the both of us.
191
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:18,189
Couldn't we just arm wrestle
or something?
192
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,276
That's my brother!
Come here. Give me a hand.
193
00:14:22,486 --> 00:14:24,571
-Whip his ass, Tony!
-Okay, Noonan.
194
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:26,865
Now, who'd you say the jerk was, jerk?
195
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,367
CADDY:
Get him!
196
00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,964
What is this?
197
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,718
-What's the sign say?
-No bare feet.
198
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:48,928
-What's that sign say?
-No fighting.
199
00:14:49,096 --> 00:14:51,014
-What's it mean?
-No fighting.
200
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:54,893
You owe me one gumball machine.
What's that candy wrapper doing there?
201
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,855
Don't you see it?
Well, pick it up!
202
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,650
I'm gonna put it right on the line.
203
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:04,986
There have been a lot
of complaints already.
204
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,614
Fooling around on the course,
bad language...
205
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:10,450
...smoking grass, poor caddying.
206
00:15:10,784 --> 00:15:12,577
So if you guys wanna get fired...
207
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:16,998
...if you wanna be replaced
by golf carts, just keep it up.
208
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,458
One announcement:
209
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:23,087
Carl Lipbaum died last week in summer
school from a severe anxiety attack.
210
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,632
I heard he swallowed his vomit
during a test.
211
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:28,968
However it happened, he was
a good caddy and a good kid.
212
00:15:29,136 --> 00:15:31,054
CADDY: He was a brown nose, Lou.
You hated him.
213
00:15:31,221 --> 00:15:32,764
Shut up.
214
00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:36,017
That means the caddy scholarship
is available again...
215
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,395
...and anyone who's interested
should go see Judge Smails.
216
00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:40,813
And kiss his ass.
217
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,899
That would help.
218
00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:45,318
Let's move out.
We got golfers waiting.
219
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:48,196
Let's go. You, Angie, pick up that blood.
220
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,948
DANNY:
Hey, Lou...
221
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,702
...what kind of grades do I need
for this caddy scholarship deal?
222
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:57,330
If you've been a good caddy,
I think they're lenient.
223
00:15:57,831 --> 00:16:00,208
We're about to tee off now.
So call the hospital...
224
00:16:00,376 --> 00:16:03,586
...and move my appointment with
Mrs. Bellows back 30 minutes.
225
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:07,006
What? Oh, well....
226
00:16:07,174 --> 00:16:09,550
Just snake a tube down her nose
and I'll be there...
227
00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,679
...in four or five hours.
Testing now.
228
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:16,599
Three, two, one, check.
229
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,519
Do you have any eights?
230
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:22,522
Don't you have homes?
231
00:16:24,191 --> 00:16:25,400
-Porterhouse?
-Yes, sir.
232
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:28,069
There's a brown Audi
parked in my parking space.
233
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,613
Get a tow truck and
have it hauled away immediately.
234
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:34,033
Right away, judge.
Right away, sir. Yes, sir.
235
00:16:37,204 --> 00:16:38,913
JUDGE: Oh, Porterhouse!
-Yes, sir! Yes, sir, judge. Yes, sir.
236
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:41,541
Look at the wax build-up
on those shoes.
237
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:44,252
This is fine leather.
I want that wax stripped off.
238
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,921
I want them creamed and
buffed with a fine chamois...
239
00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:50,133
-...and I want them now. Chop-chop!
-You've got them, judge.
240
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,510
Spaulding, get dressed.
You're playing golf.
241
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:54,595
No, I'm not, Grandpa.
I'm playing tennis.
242
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,764
You're playing golf and you'll like it.
243
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:59,934
-What about my asthma?
-I'll give you asthma.
244
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:03,521
-Ty, what did you shoot today?
-I don't keep score, judge.
245
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,357
Well, how do you measure yourself
with other golfers?
246
00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:08,067
By height.
247
00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:12,447
You know, you should play
with Dr. Beeper and myself.
248
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:15,241
He's been club champion
for three years running...
249
00:17:15,409 --> 00:17:17,160
...and I'm no slouch myself.
250
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:21,748
Don't sell yourself short, judge.
You're a tremendous slouch.
251
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,084
Oh, say, Fred.
252
00:17:25,794 --> 00:17:27,086
Have you heard the one...
253
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:31,174
...about the Jew, the Catholic and
the colored boy who went to heaven?
254
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,093
Yeah.
255
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,262
That's a doozy, judge.
256
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,140
Colored boy? Why, you son of a bitch.
257
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,809
I'll fix you, you little--
258
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,395
Colored boy.
259
00:17:55,491 --> 00:17:58,868
Here you are, kid. Park my car.
Get my bags.
260
00:17:59,036 --> 00:18:01,037
And put on some weight, will you?
261
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:06,125
Hey, Wang, what's with the pictures?
It's a parking lot! Come on, will you?
262
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:10,338
I think this place is restricted, Wang, so
don't tell them you're Jewish, okay? Fine.
263
00:18:10,506 --> 00:18:13,007
I'm Al Czervik.
I'm playing with Drew Scott today...
264
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:16,302
...and this is my guest, Mr. Wang.
No offense.
265
00:18:16,470 --> 00:18:18,513
Give me half a dozen
of those Vulcan D-1 0s...
266
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,848
...and set my friend up
with the whole schmeer.
267
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,767
You know, clubs, bags, shoes...
268
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:24,852
...gloves, shirt, pants.
269
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,813
Orange balls!
I'll have a box of those.
270
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,439
A box of naked-lady tees.
271
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:30,817
And give me two of those.
Give me six of those.
272
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:33,528
This is the worst-looking hat I ever saw.
273
00:18:33,695 --> 00:18:36,906
You buy a hat like this, I'll bet
you get a free bowl of soup, huh?
274
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,618
Oh, it looks good on you though.
275
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,209
Okay. Judge Smails, Smails III...
276
00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:50,586
...Dr. Beeper and Bishop Pickering.
Who wants it?
277
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:53,464
-Yeah, I'll do it. Right here.
-I'll take Smails if nobody wants him.
278
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:57,885
ALL:
Oh! Brown nose. Brown nose.
279
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,514
LOU: Motormouth, take Dr. Beeper.
MOTORMOUTH: Hey, thanks, Lou.
280
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:03,891
John, you take the Bish.
281
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:09,021
-This is ridiculous. Let me carry that one.
-No, I can do it.
282
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,776
-You sure?
-Yeah.
283
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:42,972
-Oh.
-Madonna with meatballs.
284
00:19:48,729 --> 00:19:49,854
SPAULDING:
Turds!
285
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,732
JUDGE: Spaulding! How many times
have I told you about your language?
286
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:56,777
-Sorry, Grandpa. I forgot.
-Lacey.
287
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:00,865
Bishop Pickering, Dr. Beeper,
this is my niece, Lacey Underall.
288
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:04,118
Lacey's mother has sent her to us
for the summer.
289
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:07,288
It must be a nice change
from dreary old Manhattan.
290
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,458
Yes. I was getting really tired
of having fun all the time.
291
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,001
Ah.
292
00:20:13,921 --> 00:20:16,547
-Double turds!
-Spaulding!
293
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:18,299
Hey, so where do we tee off?
294
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,551
GUYS: Al. Al.
-How are you?
295
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,595
We're all set to go.
You know my friend?
296
00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:25,890
-Sure, sure.
-How you doing? Okay. Right, right.
297
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,475
Are we waiting for these guys?
298
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,811
Hey, whitey, where's your hat?
299
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:49,497
Let's go, while we're young!
300
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:51,540
You mind, sir? I'm trying to tee off.
301
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,543
I bet you slice it into the woods,
a hundred bucks.
302
00:20:54,711 --> 00:21:00,341
Gambling is illegal at Bushwood,
sir, and I never slice.
303
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,680
-Damn!
-Okay, you can owe me.
304
00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,598
I owe you nothing!
305
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,937
DANNY:
Judge Smails, sir, can I talk to you?
306
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,232
-You want your driver?
-No, he's not my type.
307
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,860
Hey, that's a joke. I'm kidding.
Yeah, give me the driver, will you?
308
00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:24,198
All right, place your bets, place your bets.
Here we are.
309
00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,706
-Don't count that. I was interfered with.
-Yes, sir.
310
00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,958
SPAULDlNG:
Goddamn it!
311
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,377
By the way, what did Mr. Webb
shoot this morning?
312
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:37,837
He doesn't keep score, sir.
313
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:40,589
-Yes, I know, but just guess. Eighty, 75?
-Shit!
314
00:21:40,757 --> 00:21:43,050
More like 68, I think.
315
00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:45,720
-I don't believe it. Really?
-Damn it!
316
00:21:45,887 --> 00:21:47,888
-Oh, yes.
-Shit!
317
00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:50,891
Why not improve your lie a little?
318
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:54,020
-Yes, Yes. Winter rules.
-Oh, yes.
319
00:21:54,438 --> 00:21:56,230
Double farts!
320
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:57,732
Ah.
321
00:21:59,943 --> 00:22:02,028
-Fore!
DANNY: That's a fine shot.
322
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:06,657
Ah! Oh!
323
00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:08,576
I should have yelled "two."
324
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:13,080
-Why don't we walk this off, sir?
-Ooh.
325
00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:17,168
-What you got in here, rocks?
-When I was your age...
326
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:21,589
...I would lug 50 pounds of ice
up five, six flights of stairs.
327
00:22:23,383 --> 00:22:24,967
-So what?
-So what?
328
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,386
So let's dance!
329
00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:34,352
Bah!
330
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:35,728
Now what the devil--?
331
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:42,068
The man's a menace.
332
00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:46,322
Cut that off!
333
00:22:48,992 --> 00:22:53,788
Music is a violation of our personal
privacy. He's breaking the law.
334
00:22:53,955 --> 00:22:55,164
Really?
335
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:57,375
I've always been fascinated
with the law.
336
00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:58,793
Oh, really? What areas?
337
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,879
Oh, all areas.
Personal privacy, noise statutes.
338
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:04,298
I planned to go to law school
after I graduated...
339
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:08,427
...but looks like my folks won't have
enough money to put me through college.
340
00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:11,764
Well, the world needs ditchdiggers too.
341
00:23:12,933 --> 00:23:14,600
Nice try.
342
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:25,111
Great big gobs of greasy, grimy
gopher guts.
343
00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:28,072
How about a nice, cool drink, varmints?
344
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:31,951
Scum, slime,
menace to the golfing industry.
345
00:23:32,327 --> 00:23:33,494
You're a disgrace.
346
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:36,789
You're varmints. You're one of the
lowest members of the food chain.
347
00:23:36,957 --> 00:23:39,291
You'll probably be replaced by the rat.
348
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:44,672
Well, I have been pushed.
349
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,007
It's about time somebody
teach these varmints...
350
00:23:47,175 --> 00:23:49,301
...a little lesson about morality...
351
00:23:49,803 --> 00:23:54,014
...and about what it's like to be a
decent upstanding member of a society.
352
00:23:55,809 --> 00:23:58,269
Come to Carl, varmint.
Come to Carl.
353
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:01,063
Ah!
354
00:24:01,982 --> 00:24:05,067
Okay. I guess we're
playing for keeps now.
355
00:24:05,235 --> 00:24:07,695
I guess the kidding around
is pretty much over, huh?
356
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:11,490
I guess it's just a matter now of pumping
1 5,000 gallons of water down there...
357
00:24:12,951 --> 00:24:16,328
...to teach you a little bit of a lesson.
Is that it? I think it is!
358
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,629
Oh.
359
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,718
-You guys are brothers, huh?
-Yeah.
360
00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:33,345
What is this, a family business or what?
361
00:24:33,513 --> 00:24:36,724
You know, they say for Italians
this is skilled labor, you know that?
362
00:24:36,892 --> 00:24:38,726
No, actually, I'm a rich millionaire.
363
00:24:38,894 --> 00:24:42,438
My doctor told me to get out and
carry golf bags a couple of times a week.
364
00:24:42,606 --> 00:24:47,568
Oh, you're a funny kid, you know.
What time you due back in Boys Town?
365
00:24:48,904 --> 00:24:50,613
Here we are now.
366
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:53,073
Albert Einstein gave me this, you know.
367
00:24:53,241 --> 00:24:56,243
Yeah. Nice man, nice man.
368
00:24:57,662 --> 00:24:59,788
Made a fortune in physics.
369
00:24:59,998 --> 00:25:02,416
Boom!
ALL: All right! Hey!
370
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:05,377
I'll tell you, son,
my main satisfaction...
371
00:25:05,545 --> 00:25:10,382
...is working with young people like
yourself at our new Youtheran Center.
372
00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:12,426
Why don't you drop by some time?
373
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:14,762
I've often thought of
entering the priesthood.
374
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,557
Oh, are you Roman Catholic?
375
00:25:18,808 --> 00:25:23,479
Oh, then I'm sorry,
but I'm afraid you can't come.
376
00:25:25,524 --> 00:25:27,107
Go for it.
377
00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:30,402
You know, I've often thought
of becoming a golf club.
378
00:25:30,946 --> 00:25:34,657
Not bad, huh? I'll have 2,000 more units
in the next two years.
379
00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:37,493
I bet they'd love a great
shopping mall right here.
380
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:40,120
Condos over there. Plenty of parking.
381
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:44,375
I'll tell you, country clubs and cemeteries,
biggest wastes of prime real estate.
382
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:48,546
Dead people. They don't wanna be
buried nowadays. Ecology, right?
383
00:25:48,713 --> 00:25:50,923
Ask Wang, he'll tell you.
We bought property...
384
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:54,093
...right behind the Great Wall.
On the good side.
385
00:25:57,847 --> 00:25:59,056
I want a hamburger.
386
00:25:59,808 --> 00:26:02,142
No, a cheeseburger.
I want a hot dog.
387
00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:04,019
I want a milkshake.
388
00:26:04,604 --> 00:26:07,231
-I want potato--
-You'll get nothing and like it!
389
00:26:14,531 --> 00:26:17,241
Danny. Danny, stop it.
The judge will see you.
390
00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:18,826
You going out with me tonight?
391
00:26:18,994 --> 00:26:22,204
Yeah, up to my room?
I gotta work in the dining room tonight.
392
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,248
Come work with me!
You can bus tables.
393
00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,041
-I've never done that.
-It's easy.
394
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:29,086
You fill the water glass,
you replace the butter.
395
00:26:29,254 --> 00:26:31,213
If they drop a fork,
you give them another.
396
00:26:31,381 --> 00:26:33,340
I don't think I can handle that.
397
00:26:35,385 --> 00:26:37,344
ALL:
All right!
398
00:26:37,596 --> 00:26:39,972
Put me down for five.
399
00:26:42,517 --> 00:26:46,562
Now, if I can just make this one.
400
00:26:54,946 --> 00:26:56,614
Hey, Smails!
401
00:26:56,781 --> 00:26:58,699
A thousand bucks, you miss that putt.
402
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,868
Of all the nerve!
403
00:27:01,036 --> 00:27:03,037
MAN 1: Come here.
MAN 2: What'd he say?
404
00:27:04,873 --> 00:27:08,042
MAN 3: They're betting.
WOMAN: He has $1 000 for the challenge.
405
00:27:13,214 --> 00:27:14,882
ALL: Aw.
MAN 4: Missed it.
406
00:27:15,884 --> 00:27:17,801
You! You! You!
407
00:27:22,098 --> 00:27:23,557
WOMAN 2:
Oh, my God!
408
00:27:24,893 --> 00:27:26,226
Jeez.
409
00:27:28,271 --> 00:27:30,189
-I did not throw it!
-If you didn't...
410
00:27:30,357 --> 00:27:32,316
-...how did it get here?
-It slipped!
411
00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,068
-Slipped!
-What's the problem?
412
00:27:34,235 --> 00:27:36,236
He almost killed my wife
with his damn club!
413
00:27:36,404 --> 00:27:38,864
It was an accident.
It slipped out of my hands.
414
00:27:39,032 --> 00:27:41,742
I noticed your grips were worn.
I should have mentioned it.
415
00:27:41,910 --> 00:27:44,745
I could put some stickum
on there for you. It's my fault.
416
00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:49,249
Uh. It's a good idea.
Next time be more careful!
417
00:27:49,876 --> 00:27:53,837
Kids! What are you gonna do?
Look, I'm terribly sorry this happened.
418
00:27:54,005 --> 00:27:58,926
I'll pay for your lunch
and I'll pay for the umbrella.
419
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:02,596
Danny, I'll see you at the table.
I'll sign your card.
420
00:28:02,764 --> 00:28:03,764
Sir.
421
00:28:12,732 --> 00:28:17,361
Thanks for helping me. You're a good
caddy. Something to be very proud of.
422
00:28:18,196 --> 00:28:22,241
Hey, you know we're giving another
caddy scholarship this year?
423
00:28:22,409 --> 00:28:25,661
Yes. I heard something about that,
sir, but my grades in high school...
424
00:28:25,829 --> 00:28:27,121
...weren't that outstanding.
425
00:28:27,288 --> 00:28:29,331
There are more important
things than grades.
426
00:28:29,499 --> 00:28:32,501
Winning the caddy tournament,
for instance.
427
00:28:32,669 --> 00:28:35,379
It might look pretty good
on a young fella's application.
428
00:28:35,547 --> 00:28:38,465
-I'm sure gonna try, sir.
-This is for you.
429
00:28:38,633 --> 00:28:40,467
You tell Ty Webb I'm gunning for him.
430
00:28:40,635 --> 00:28:43,470
He's as good as he says he is,
he's gotta play me to prove it.
431
00:28:43,638 --> 00:28:44,722
Okay, I will, sir.
432
00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:47,599
-Good boy. Good boy.
-Thank you. Thank you.
433
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:07,161
Licensed to kill gophers by the
government of the United Nations.
434
00:29:07,328 --> 00:29:10,122
Man free to kill gophers at will.
435
00:29:10,457 --> 00:29:12,040
To kill, you must know your enemy.
436
00:29:12,208 --> 00:29:15,127
In this case, my enemy is a varmint.
437
00:29:15,295 --> 00:29:17,588
And a varmint will never quit.
438
00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,799
Ever. They're like the Viet Cong.
439
00:29:20,967 --> 00:29:22,801
Varmint Cong.
440
00:29:23,178 --> 00:29:25,846
So what you gotta do,
you gotta fall back...
441
00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:28,223
...on superior firepower...
442
00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,894
...and superior intelligence.
443
00:29:33,688 --> 00:29:35,439
And that's all she wrote.
444
00:29:59,005 --> 00:30:02,216
-You gonna eat your fat?
-Spaulding.
445
00:30:02,383 --> 00:30:04,968
You're looking lovely
this evening, Mrs. Smails.
446
00:30:05,136 --> 00:30:07,304
Why, thank you, doctor.
447
00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:10,891
Lacey, you'd be interested to know
this uniform was given to me...
448
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,811
...by the captain of the links
of St. Andrews from Scotland.
449
00:30:13,978 --> 00:30:16,647
They invented the game there,
except they call it "gof"...
450
00:30:16,815 --> 00:30:18,816
...without the "L" as we do.
451
00:30:18,983 --> 00:30:20,400
LACEY:
I think I have enough butter.
452
00:30:20,568 --> 00:30:23,237
-Right. If you need any more....
-Sure.
453
00:30:25,532 --> 00:30:28,033
When Mona died last winter,
I said to myself:
454
00:30:28,201 --> 00:30:30,786
"Al, if you keep busting your hump
1 6, 20 hours a day...
455
00:30:30,954 --> 00:30:33,747
...you'll end up with
a $60 million funeral."
456
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:37,376
Hey, doll, could you scare up
another round for our table?
457
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:40,212
And tell the cook this is
low-grade dog food. All right?
458
00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:42,840
-Here, take this for yourself. Okay?
-Thank you, sir.
459
00:30:43,007 --> 00:30:45,592
I had better food at the ball game,
you know.
460
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,720
This steak still has marks
where the jockey was hitting it.
461
00:30:50,849 --> 00:30:52,808
Anyway, today I just stick to real estate.
462
00:30:52,976 --> 00:30:55,310
With this market,
if you own anything but land...
463
00:30:55,478 --> 00:30:56,854
...you own a popcorn fart.
464
00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:03,193
Oh, did somebody step on a duck?
465
00:31:08,116 --> 00:31:09,950
Ain't that right, sir?
466
00:31:10,743 --> 00:31:13,495
The graveyard is two blocks
to the left, okay?
467
00:31:13,663 --> 00:31:15,622
Dog food?!
468
00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:18,834
I'll show him dog food!
469
00:31:20,628 --> 00:31:24,298
Hey, where's the bar?
Let's have some drinks here.
470
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:27,050
Hey, waiter, here.
This is for you, all right?
471
00:31:27,218 --> 00:31:30,637
Oh, Captain Hook!
How about the grand you owe me?
472
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:33,348
Forget about it. I'm just kidding.
All right.
473
00:31:33,516 --> 00:31:36,685
This is your wife? A lovely lady.
Hey, baby, you're all right.
474
00:31:36,853 --> 00:31:39,813
You must have been something
before electricity, huh?
475
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:43,984
Hey, doll, how are you, huh?
You live alone?
476
00:31:44,152 --> 00:31:47,446
Hey, rabbi, nice seeing you.
Folks, how are you?
477
00:31:47,614 --> 00:31:49,823
And this is your grandson, huh?
A wonderful boy.
478
00:31:49,991 --> 00:31:51,992
Nice boy. He's a good boy, I'll tell you.
479
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,370
Now I know why tigers
eat their young, you know.
480
00:31:58,458 --> 00:32:01,335
Woo! The dance of the living dead!
481
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:03,795
-I know why you came here tonight.
-Why?
482
00:32:03,963 --> 00:32:07,382
That girl. Listen, I'd put that idea
right out of your mind.
483
00:32:07,550 --> 00:32:10,010
She's been plucked more times
than the rose of Tralee.
484
00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:13,347
Biggest whore on Fifth Avenue I'm told.
485
00:32:13,514 --> 00:32:14,514
Oh.
486
00:32:32,784 --> 00:32:36,620
Pay no attention to that bush
moving around there by that tree.
487
00:32:36,788 --> 00:32:39,998
It's just a bush.
Nothing even to look twice at.
488
00:32:40,166 --> 00:32:42,000
Nothing to be alarmed about.
489
00:32:45,588 --> 00:32:47,756
This looks like it could be gravy.
490
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:49,257
Uh-oh.
491
00:32:52,387 --> 00:32:53,929
All right.
492
00:33:03,022 --> 00:33:05,816
I smell varmint poontang...
493
00:33:05,984 --> 00:33:07,859
...and the only good varmint poontang...
494
00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:12,072
...is dead varmint poontang,
I think.
495
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:17,494
TOM:
You gotta get out on a ball.
496
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:22,374
AL: Tom, I'll show you places you can go.
-Where you gonna take me?
497
00:33:26,295 --> 00:33:29,506
Ty! Ty, come over here!
498
00:33:30,925 --> 00:33:33,051
-Ty, hi, how are you?
TY: How are you?
499
00:33:33,219 --> 00:33:36,304
-Hi.
-Ty, there's someone you must meet.
500
00:33:36,472 --> 00:33:38,098
Al Czervik, Ty Webb.
501
00:33:38,433 --> 00:33:40,308
Al built our condo in Palm Beach.
502
00:33:40,476 --> 00:33:43,353
I need a drink. Nice meeting you.
I'll see you. Take it easy.
503
00:33:43,521 --> 00:33:45,230
See you in a bit, Al.
504
00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:48,358
Heads up, but I think
someone's giving you the big eyes.
505
00:33:48,776 --> 00:33:50,277
Oh, I remember her.
506
00:33:56,117 --> 00:33:58,744
Hey, can you make a bullshot?
507
00:33:58,911 --> 00:34:00,871
-Can you make a shoe smell?
-Very funny.
508
00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:03,582
Why don't you get yourself
a real haircut? Take this.
509
00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:06,668
-Thanks.
-What people here. Look at that one.
510
00:34:06,836 --> 00:34:09,838
The last time I saw a mouth
like that, it had a hook in it.
511
00:34:16,179 --> 00:34:19,514
So what brings you to this nape
of the woods? Neck of the "wape"?
512
00:34:20,016 --> 00:34:23,143
-How come you're here?
-Daddy wanted to broaden me.
513
00:34:24,395 --> 00:34:26,813
In this place? Good luck.
514
00:34:27,231 --> 00:34:29,024
What do you do for excitement?
515
00:34:29,817 --> 00:34:32,778
Oh, I...play a lot of golf.
516
00:34:32,945 --> 00:34:34,738
Golf?
517
00:34:35,990 --> 00:34:37,949
Nixon plays golf.
518
00:34:38,117 --> 00:34:41,161
Bet you got a lot of stories
about your ball landing in the road.
519
00:34:43,998 --> 00:34:45,040
So, what do you do?
520
00:34:45,458 --> 00:34:50,337
Oh, I enjoy...skinny-skiing...
521
00:34:51,005 --> 00:34:52,631
...going to bullfights on acid.
522
00:34:58,304 --> 00:35:01,556
I bet you got a lot of nice ties.
523
00:35:04,018 --> 00:35:05,352
What do you mean?
524
00:35:06,938 --> 00:35:10,148
You wanna tie me up
with some of your ties, Ty?
525
00:35:12,693 --> 00:35:15,028
-I've got a good idea.
-What?
526
00:35:15,321 --> 00:35:17,531
Let's pretend...
527
00:35:17,698 --> 00:35:19,407
...we're real human beings.
528
00:35:20,535 --> 00:35:21,952
Freeze, gopher!
529
00:35:43,099 --> 00:35:44,558
Ugh.
530
00:36:02,243 --> 00:36:06,663
Elihu, who is that disgusting man
over there?
531
00:36:06,831 --> 00:36:09,082
I tell you, I never saw
dead people smoke before.
532
00:36:09,417 --> 00:36:11,793
A guest of the Scotts.
533
00:36:13,421 --> 00:36:15,172
What do you say we
bust up this joint, huh?
534
00:36:15,339 --> 00:36:16,631
ALL:
Yeah.
535
00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:18,925
Hey, you two should
get a room, you know?
536
00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:21,011
Hey, Ringo, play something hot,
will you?
537
00:36:21,304 --> 00:36:22,846
And you guys...
538
00:36:23,014 --> 00:36:25,015
...take some more lessons.
539
00:36:32,273 --> 00:36:35,108
Hey, judge, give someone else
a chance. You lucky devil!
540
00:36:35,276 --> 00:36:39,446
Come here, honey. And hey, loosen up,
will you? You're a lot of woman, you know?
541
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:42,324
Hey, you wanna make $14 the hard way?
542
00:36:42,491 --> 00:36:46,119
You! You! You're no gentleman!
543
00:36:46,287 --> 00:36:48,246
I'm no doorknob either, all right?
544
00:36:48,414 --> 00:36:51,082
I never wanna see that man here again!
545
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,153
Wait up, girls.
I got a salami I gotta hide still.
546
00:37:20,321 --> 00:37:24,824
Carl! I told you, today is the day
we change the holes.
547
00:37:24,992 --> 00:37:27,661
Do it now! With no more slacking off!
548
00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:30,580
I'll slack you off,
you fuzzy little foreigner.
549
00:37:31,374 --> 00:37:34,501
I'll fill your bagpipes with Wheatena.
550
00:37:36,212 --> 00:37:39,089
Oh, man in a boat overboard.
551
00:37:40,758 --> 00:37:43,843
You beast, you savage.
552
00:37:44,011 --> 00:37:45,679
Come on, bark like a dog for me.
553
00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:50,600
Bark like a dog. I will teach you
the meaning of the word "respect."
554
00:37:55,356 --> 00:37:56,523
Mr. Webb.
555
00:37:58,276 --> 00:38:00,277
I just gotta win that caddy tournament.
556
00:38:00,861 --> 00:38:02,904
I owe it to my folks
to get that scholarship.
557
00:38:03,072 --> 00:38:05,824
-What do you wanna go to college for?
-I don't know.
558
00:38:06,701 --> 00:38:07,951
Let me tell you a story.
559
00:38:08,119 --> 00:38:11,329
I knew a guy who could have been
a great golfer. Could have gone pro.
560
00:38:11,497 --> 00:38:14,165
All he needed was a little
time and some practice.
561
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:16,751
He decided to go to college instead.
562
00:38:17,336 --> 00:38:20,297
He went for four years.
Did pretty well.
563
00:38:20,673 --> 00:38:24,217
At the end of his four years,
the last semester, he was kicked out.
564
00:38:24,385 --> 00:38:26,428
You know what for?
565
00:38:26,804 --> 00:38:30,015
He was night-putting.
Just putting at night...
566
00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:32,517
...with the 1 5-year-old
daughter of the dean.
567
00:38:36,564 --> 00:38:38,106
You know who that guy was, Danny?
568
00:38:38,691 --> 00:38:39,691
No.
569
00:38:40,276 --> 00:38:42,777
-Take one good guess.
-Bob Hope.
570
00:38:45,239 --> 00:38:46,573
No, no.
571
00:38:46,741 --> 00:38:48,700
No, that guy was Mitch Cumstein.
572
00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:51,661
My roommate. He's a good guy.
573
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:54,164
Don't be obsessed
with your desires, Danny.
574
00:38:55,916 --> 00:38:58,752
The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote:
575
00:38:59,128 --> 00:39:02,589
"A flute with no holes is not a flute...
576
00:39:04,091 --> 00:39:07,177
...and a doughnut with no hole is a Danish."
He was a funny guy.
577
00:39:23,486 --> 00:39:24,652
You missed just that one.
578
00:39:24,820 --> 00:39:28,615
In one physical model of the universe,
the shortest distance between two points...
579
00:39:28,783 --> 00:39:32,619
...is a straight line
in the opposite direction, Danny.
580
00:39:33,871 --> 00:39:36,581
-Unbelievable.
-Thank you very little.
581
00:39:51,138 --> 00:39:53,973
Noonan, D'Annunzio, Mitchell,
you're on the tee.
582
00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:55,350
CROWD:
Shh.
583
00:39:58,062 --> 00:40:00,021
MAN 1:
Here's a power hitter.
584
00:40:03,567 --> 00:40:04,734
CROWD:
Oh.
585
00:40:06,278 --> 00:40:07,737
Nice form.
586
00:40:07,905 --> 00:40:10,323
-Nice form.
-Good luck, sucker.
587
00:40:29,510 --> 00:40:32,554
MAN 2: Nice one. Very nice.
WOMAN: Very good. Yeah.
588
00:40:43,190 --> 00:40:44,691
CROWD:
Aw .
589
00:40:46,819 --> 00:40:48,570
Ah, shit!
590
00:40:48,737 --> 00:40:51,948
No, no, nice shot.
Right on the beach.
591
00:40:55,870 --> 00:40:58,746
Okay, Danny, this is for the gold.
592
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:04,627
You ain't got it today, Noonan.
593
00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:09,132
-Miss it, Noonan. Miss.
-Noonan! Noonan!
594
00:41:09,300 --> 00:41:10,550
Stop it.
595
00:41:11,469 --> 00:41:15,054
TONY: Miss it, Noonan. Miss!
ANGlE: Noonan! Noonan!
596
00:41:15,222 --> 00:41:17,515
-Miss it, miss it!
-Miss it!
597
00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:34,199
Excellent round, son.
598
00:41:34,575 --> 00:41:36,826
-Excellent round! Topnotch, topnotch!
-Thank you.
599
00:41:36,994 --> 00:41:38,536
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
600
00:41:38,704 --> 00:41:42,582
Say, I'm having a little party
at the Yacht Club this Sunday.
601
00:41:42,750 --> 00:41:44,250
-I'm christening my new sloop.
-Ah.
602
00:41:44,418 --> 00:41:46,377
-What are you doing this Sunday?
-I have...
603
00:41:46,545 --> 00:41:47,879
-...no plans.
-Great!
604
00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:50,256
How'd you like to mow my lawn, eh?
605
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:54,886
I figure a college-bound fellow
could use a few extra dollars, huh?
606
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:57,472
And when you've finished...
607
00:41:57,640 --> 00:42:00,058
...why don't you drop by the Yacht Club?
608
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:02,477
Oh, thank you, sir.
609
00:42:02,937 --> 00:42:06,147
-All right. All right.
-Smile.
610
00:42:07,274 --> 00:42:10,443
GIRL:
Great. Great.
611
00:42:10,945 --> 00:42:13,947
Thank you. Thank you. Maggie,
how about we go swimming?
612
00:42:14,657 --> 00:42:17,492
I don't have the swimwear.
Besides, I've never swum.
613
00:42:17,910 --> 00:42:19,202
I'll teach you.
614
00:42:19,620 --> 00:42:22,580
Why don't you come on in and
help me sort me holy cards first?
615
00:42:28,462 --> 00:42:32,674
Now, Maggie's pants.
616
00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:13,798
Let's get wet!
617
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:28,855
LlFEGUARD: You better cool it, pencil-neck.
Don't make me come down there.
618
00:43:29,481 --> 00:43:31,316
You, that's who.
619
00:43:38,198 --> 00:43:41,075
Hey, Bigfoot, don't trip in the water.
620
00:43:41,243 --> 00:43:42,910
That's it!
621
00:43:44,913 --> 00:43:46,539
Let go of me.
622
00:43:59,219 --> 00:44:00,553
You put your suit on!
623
00:44:00,721 --> 00:44:02,972
You shave your ass!
624
00:44:22,242 --> 00:44:24,786
Hi, Maggie. How was it?
625
00:44:25,245 --> 00:44:27,080
How was what?
626
00:44:28,540 --> 00:44:30,833
I guess it couldn't have been
that great then.
627
00:44:31,043 --> 00:44:33,503
Oh, a lot you fucking know, D'Annunzio.
628
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:36,089
All right, stand up.
629
00:44:37,091 --> 00:44:40,259
All right. Okay.
630
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:47,767
TONY:
She's incredible.
631
00:45:27,683 --> 00:45:29,976
GUY: Let me just squirt
into the side of the pool.
632
00:45:35,691 --> 00:45:36,858
Come on, over here.
633
00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:41,487
Hi, mama.
634
00:46:25,491 --> 00:46:26,824
Hey, you guys, cool it!
635
00:46:26,992 --> 00:46:28,826
Hey! Hey, cut that out!
636
00:46:29,703 --> 00:46:30,995
I mean it, n--!
637
00:46:43,217 --> 00:46:45,051
-Want some?
-Oh, give me some.
638
00:46:45,219 --> 00:46:46,969
-Who asked you?
-Come on, I'm asking.
639
00:46:47,137 --> 00:46:48,930
-Would you please--?
-Get out of here.
640
00:46:52,226 --> 00:46:54,727
Hey, thanks a lot.
641
00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:19,126
Stop that, you two! All of you!
642
00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:21,504
I want you out of that pool at once!
643
00:47:21,672 --> 00:47:22,922
Out you go, you understand?
644
00:47:23,090 --> 00:47:26,717
I don't want to see another
caddy body in this pool. All of you.
645
00:47:26,927 --> 00:47:30,096
Did you understand what I said? Out.
Oh, Lacey.
646
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:33,891
Take your hands off her.
Put your clothes back on, my dear.
647
00:47:34,226 --> 00:47:36,018
Out! I said, out! Didn't you hear me?
648
00:47:36,186 --> 00:47:37,854
Doodie! Doodie!
649
00:47:43,110 --> 00:47:44,652
Don't touch it!
650
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:58,165
Spaulding, no!
651
00:48:01,795 --> 00:48:03,421
Doodie!
652
00:48:10,304 --> 00:48:13,806
Yeah, well, if you find anything
that does look like a fecal remnant....
653
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:18,477
I want the entire pool scrubbed,
sterilized and disinfected.
654
00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:29,530
Here it is!
655
00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:32,033
Oh.
656
00:48:34,494 --> 00:48:36,329
It's no big deal.
657
00:49:07,069 --> 00:49:10,613
-Well, hello. Surprise, surprise, surprise.
-Hi.
658
00:49:10,989 --> 00:49:12,907
-Busy?
-No, come on in.
659
00:49:13,075 --> 00:49:14,325
Go ahead. That's nothing.
660
00:49:14,493 --> 00:49:17,203
I tried calling, but there's no listing
for Mr. Wonderful.
661
00:49:17,412 --> 00:49:19,372
What spelling did you use?
662
00:49:19,539 --> 00:49:22,333
Sorry about this mess.
Let me just clean up here.
663
00:49:23,210 --> 00:49:26,379
-I'm getting ready for the season.
-What, duck?
664
00:49:26,546 --> 00:49:28,631
No, no. Dolphin.
665
00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,300
Would you like a drink?
Tuna colada, perhaps?
666
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:35,554
Anything, anything.
Who's your decorator, Benihana?
667
00:49:36,056 --> 00:49:38,766
No, I brought most of that stuff
back with me from Vietnam.
668
00:49:38,934 --> 00:49:40,893
You were in the war?
669
00:49:41,061 --> 00:49:43,896
Oh, no.
670
00:49:44,773 --> 00:49:46,148
Homo.
671
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:49,276
Much better now though.
672
00:49:52,572 --> 00:49:56,158
Here's an uncashed check for $70,000.
673
00:49:56,493 --> 00:49:57,868
Keep it.
674
00:49:58,036 --> 00:50:02,289
There's a bunch of them.
And a summons.
675
00:50:02,833 --> 00:50:04,291
It's yours.
676
00:50:05,002 --> 00:50:07,211
Pretty pathetic, Ty.
677
00:50:07,713 --> 00:50:11,090
Pathetic? Maybe you, Lacey.
678
00:50:11,258 --> 00:50:14,802
For me, there's a subtle perfection
in everything I do.
679
00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:18,764
-I have my own standards, my own way.
-My uncle says you got a screw loose.
680
00:50:18,932 --> 00:50:20,933
Oh, yeah? Your uncle molests collies.
681
00:50:22,436 --> 00:50:24,562
-You're rather...
-What?
682
00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:27,690
...attractive for...
683
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,943
...a beautiful girl with a great body.
684
00:50:33,405 --> 00:50:34,822
Well, hey!
685
00:50:37,117 --> 00:50:38,451
Yeah.
686
00:50:52,758 --> 00:50:54,967
-Sing me a love song.
-I'm gonna.
687
00:50:55,135 --> 00:50:56,343
-Yeah?
-Mm-hm.
688
00:50:57,471 --> 00:51:00,389
-This stuff's terrible.
-It's good. You don't know how to do it.
689
00:51:00,557 --> 00:51:02,558
-How do I do it?
-I'm gonna show you.
690
00:51:05,562 --> 00:51:06,854
Ah.
691
00:51:07,355 --> 00:51:09,065
SINGS
I was born
692
00:51:09,232 --> 00:51:10,483
To love you
693
00:51:10,650 --> 00:51:13,944
I was born
To lick your face
694
00:51:14,112 --> 00:51:17,573
I was born
To rub you
695
00:51:17,741 --> 00:51:19,992
But you were born
To rub me first
696
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,287
Let's go into the patio room.
697
00:51:23,747 --> 00:51:25,081
Woo!
698
00:51:34,841 --> 00:51:36,592
Know what this is called in the East?
699
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,220
-What?
-It's a big rub.
700
00:51:40,639 --> 00:51:43,265
You have very.... Very small breasts.
701
00:51:43,683 --> 00:51:46,393
Just kidding. Come on.
Work my way down.
702
00:51:46,561 --> 00:51:48,020
This is the Isle of Wight.
703
00:51:48,188 --> 00:51:51,941
Careful. I'm gonna move right down
the Taconic Parkway...
704
00:51:52,692 --> 00:51:54,193
...over to your "clavula"....
705
00:51:54,361 --> 00:51:56,195
Will you get serious?
706
00:51:56,363 --> 00:51:58,948
-That's a very "in" thing to say.
-Yes, I know.
707
00:52:00,784 --> 00:52:03,702
-Ow, that hurts!
-It's all right. You're blocking.
708
00:52:03,870 --> 00:52:07,164
You're blocking, you're blocking.
Just hold on to your chakras.
709
00:52:07,332 --> 00:52:09,792
Just get a little more oil on us.
710
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:11,585
There you go. Uh-oh.
711
00:52:11,753 --> 00:52:15,548
Now I've done it. Let me get that
away from you. Oh, sorry.
712
00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:17,216
It's like reaching under the rug.
713
00:52:17,384 --> 00:52:18,509
-There.
-You're crazy!
714
00:52:18,677 --> 00:52:20,553
They said that about Son of Sam.
Know something?
715
00:52:20,720 --> 00:52:24,974
-What?
-I'm a very qualified acupuncturist.
716
00:52:25,142 --> 00:52:28,144
-Don't even think about it.
-I'm just gonna eat these.
717
00:52:28,311 --> 00:52:31,689
I want you to know about it.
It's like acupressure, but it's acupuncture.
718
00:52:31,857 --> 00:52:34,984
The slightest prick and
you wouldn't even know it--
719
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,903
-I'll kill you!
-No, no. I did not do that.
720
00:52:38,822 --> 00:52:41,407
See? You feel looser?
721
00:52:41,575 --> 00:52:44,118
-Listen.
-I feel like a hundred dollars.
722
00:52:46,580 --> 00:52:49,206
Forget the massage, okay?
723
00:52:49,374 --> 00:52:51,750
And just kiss me, you fool.
724
00:52:54,129 --> 00:52:56,547
-Slipping.
-Let go of my neck.
725
00:53:21,156 --> 00:53:22,740
What kind of shit is this?
726
00:53:22,908 --> 00:53:26,452
It's the best, man.
I got it from a Negro.
727
00:53:26,620 --> 00:53:29,288
You're probably so high already
you don't even know it.
728
00:53:29,456 --> 00:53:30,789
Probably.
729
00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:34,627
Oh, wow.
730
00:53:35,754 --> 00:53:38,005
He looks like Dick Cavett.
731
00:53:46,181 --> 00:53:48,140
Hey, man, save me a toke.
732
00:53:49,476 --> 00:53:50,809
Gotta do my doctor thing.
733
00:53:53,563 --> 00:53:55,147
Oh, wow.
734
00:53:55,315 --> 00:53:59,026
All right, everybody.
It's time to christen the sloop.
735
00:53:59,236 --> 00:54:04,073
Come along, children. You can
shake your booties down on the dock.
736
00:54:07,661 --> 00:54:12,957
Ahoy, polloi. Where did you
just come from, a Scotch ad?
737
00:54:13,124 --> 00:54:14,333
Eat it, Spaulding.
738
00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:18,003
My, what a nice looking young man.
You're from Bushwood, aren't you?
739
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,881
-Yes, ma'am.
-He's not a member, Grandma.
740
00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:23,509
-He's a caddy.
-Judge Smails invited me at the club.
741
00:54:23,677 --> 00:54:26,512
Of course. You're the young man
who wants to be in the Senate.
742
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:27,721
That's right.
743
00:54:27,889 --> 00:54:30,266
Well, you two look like
a couple of boogies.
744
00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:32,768
Why don't you just scamper along now.
745
00:54:32,936 --> 00:54:34,853
May I escort you out, ma'am?
746
00:54:35,021 --> 00:54:38,899
Hold on, son. Are you trying
to make time with my best girl, huh?
747
00:54:39,359 --> 00:54:42,569
I want you to meet Chuck Schick.
He's clerking for me this summer...
748
00:54:42,737 --> 00:54:44,321
...till he passes the bar.
749
00:54:44,489 --> 00:54:47,449
Well, see you on deck, senator.
750
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:53,205
Well, I'm going to law school too.
751
00:54:53,373 --> 00:54:55,541
Really? Are you going to Harvard?
752
00:54:55,709 --> 00:54:58,752
-No. St. Copius of northern....
-Where?
753
00:54:59,879 --> 00:55:02,548
Hey, Cary Grant. You wanna get high?
754
00:55:02,716 --> 00:55:04,925
Wait a minute. I've only got a little.
755
00:55:05,093 --> 00:55:09,138
-Then split. Okay, Terry?
-Sure.
756
00:55:09,764 --> 00:55:11,390
Bye, Chuck.
757
00:55:16,479 --> 00:55:18,731
Guess I'm a little overdressed, huh?
758
00:55:18,898 --> 00:55:21,066
-Depends on what's underneath.
-Ooh.
759
00:55:21,234 --> 00:55:22,693
Come on.
760
00:55:24,112 --> 00:55:28,907
I've got a little poem I'd like to read
in honor of this occasion, if I may.
761
00:55:29,075 --> 00:55:31,035
Spaulding, get your foot off the boat.
762
00:55:32,495 --> 00:55:36,874
It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
763
00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:39,835
And you've got
The stock market beat
764
00:55:40,003 --> 00:55:45,090
But the man worthwhile
Is the man who can smile
765
00:55:45,258 --> 00:55:47,926
When his shorts
Are too tight in the seat
766
00:55:51,139 --> 00:55:53,265
Okay, Pookie, do the honors.
767
00:55:53,433 --> 00:55:57,269
Bless this ship and all who sail on her.
768
00:55:57,437 --> 00:56:01,607
I christen thee, The Flying Wasp.
769
00:56:04,819 --> 00:56:06,987
This is your fate line.
770
00:56:07,739 --> 00:56:10,074
You're gonna make a lot of money
when you're older.
771
00:56:10,241 --> 00:56:12,534
Oh, yeah? When? How?
772
00:56:13,536 --> 00:56:17,289
Could be in the market
or on a game show.
773
00:56:18,792 --> 00:56:20,542
And this....
774
00:56:21,544 --> 00:56:24,755
-This is your saliva line.
-What's it tell?
775
00:56:24,923 --> 00:56:27,174
How hot I can get you.
776
00:56:30,470 --> 00:56:33,806
Well, don't just stand there.
Go get some glue!
777
00:56:33,973 --> 00:56:35,516
Hey! My buddy!
778
00:56:35,683 --> 00:56:39,686
Full steam ahead. Over there.
I wanna go over there!
779
00:56:40,313 --> 00:56:42,564
Move over, Swanson. I'm driving.
780
00:56:43,942 --> 00:56:45,984
Whoa!
781
00:56:47,779 --> 00:56:49,154
AL:
Hey, Smails...
782
00:56:49,322 --> 00:56:52,157
-...my dinghy's bigger than your whole boat!
-It's him.
783
00:56:52,325 --> 00:56:54,993
Save me a parking place, I'm coming in.
784
00:57:02,627 --> 00:57:04,795
Heave off! Heave off!
785
00:57:05,088 --> 00:57:08,757
Get back, you idiot! Brace yourselves!
786
00:57:10,927 --> 00:57:12,678
ALL:
Whoa!
787
00:57:20,186 --> 00:57:22,271
I almost got head from Amelia Earhart.
788
00:57:29,737 --> 00:57:31,071
What's this, Hell's Angels?
789
00:57:47,172 --> 00:57:48,547
Reverse, reverse.
790
00:58:08,234 --> 00:58:10,861
What the hell are you--?
Watch it.
791
00:58:12,405 --> 00:58:14,615
Back!
792
00:58:14,782 --> 00:58:16,492
Which way is backward?
793
00:58:17,952 --> 00:58:19,161
Stop! Stop!
794
00:58:19,329 --> 00:58:21,788
Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
795
00:58:21,956 --> 00:58:23,248
Okay, drop anchor.
796
00:58:30,256 --> 00:58:32,090
Hey, you scratched my anchor.
797
00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:18,470
I just want you to know that,
you know, because of this...
798
00:59:18,638 --> 00:59:21,306
...you don't have to
stop seeing other people.
799
00:59:28,940 --> 00:59:31,900
There you go. Let's see.
800
00:59:32,068 --> 00:59:37,656
Oh, it looks absolutely perfect.
801
00:59:51,838 --> 00:59:53,755
Aha!
802
00:59:54,382 --> 00:59:57,718
-You!
-Your robe, Your Honor.
803
01:00:00,597 --> 01:00:02,264
Oh! Pl-- Help!
804
01:00:03,349 --> 01:00:05,726
MAN:
We've been invited home.
805
01:00:14,235 --> 01:00:15,777
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
806
01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:22,200
Are we still having tea?
807
01:00:28,124 --> 01:00:29,374
MRS. SMAlLS:
Elihu...
808
01:00:29,542 --> 01:00:31,668
...would you come and
loofa my stretch marks?
809
01:00:39,594 --> 01:00:41,011
Aha.
810
01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:55,317
That must be the tea.
811
01:01:00,114 --> 01:01:01,782
What an incredible Cinderella story.
812
01:01:01,949 --> 01:01:06,536
This unknown comes out of nowhere
to lead the pack...
813
01:01:06,704 --> 01:01:10,040
...at Augusta. He's on his final hole.
814
01:01:10,917 --> 01:01:15,170
He's about 455 yards away.
He's gonna hit about a 2-iron, I think.
815
01:01:19,092 --> 01:01:20,884
Well, he got all of that.
816
01:01:21,052 --> 01:01:23,428
The crowd is standing on its feet
here at Augusta.
817
01:01:23,596 --> 01:01:25,597
The normally reserved Augusta crowd...
818
01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:28,100
...is going wild.
819
01:01:31,729 --> 01:01:34,481
For this young Cinderella
who's come out of nowhere...
820
01:01:34,649 --> 01:01:36,817
...he's got about 350 yards left.
821
01:01:36,984 --> 01:01:39,945
He's gonna hit about a 5-iron, I expect.
Don't you think?
822
01:01:40,822 --> 01:01:45,200
He's got a beautiful backswing.
That's-- Oh, he got all of that one!
823
01:01:45,952 --> 01:01:49,663
He's gotta be pleased with that.
The crowd is just on its feet here.
824
01:01:49,831 --> 01:01:52,207
He's a Cinderella boy.
825
01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:55,460
Tears in his eyes, I guess,
as he lines up this last shot.
826
01:01:55,628 --> 01:01:58,714
He's got about 1 95 yards left
and he's gonna--
827
01:01:58,881 --> 01:02:02,634
Looks like he's got about an 8-iron.
This crowd has gone deadly silent.
828
01:02:02,802 --> 01:02:05,137
Cinderella story. Out of nowhere.
829
01:02:05,304 --> 01:02:10,142
A former greenskeeper now about
to become the Masters champion.
830
01:02:12,353 --> 01:02:14,896
It looks like a mirac--
It's in the hole!
831
01:02:15,064 --> 01:02:17,149
-It's in the hole!
BlSHOP: Hey, young fella...
832
01:02:17,316 --> 01:02:20,736
...I was hoping to squeeze in nine holes
before this rain starts.
833
01:02:22,321 --> 01:02:23,613
Certainly, Your Eminency.
834
01:02:23,865 --> 01:02:27,492
-Take my bag, huh?
-Certainly, Your Magnificence.
835
01:02:27,660 --> 01:02:30,162
Okay, come on. Chop-chop.
836
01:02:30,913 --> 01:02:32,622
Let's go.
837
01:02:45,845 --> 01:02:47,846
You better put this on.
That's a great shot.
838
01:02:48,014 --> 01:02:49,514
Eureka!
839
01:02:49,724 --> 01:02:53,602
I can't believe the way you hit the ball, sir.
You're really clubbing it.
840
01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,562
We better start moving.
841
01:03:04,197 --> 01:03:07,032
Did you see that? Miracle, eh?
842
01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,118
Nice shot, bishop. You must've
made a deal with the devil.
843
01:03:10,286 --> 01:03:14,414
You know, I could break
the club record, theoretically.
844
01:03:14,582 --> 01:03:16,541
You better come in until this blows over.
845
01:03:24,884 --> 01:03:27,969
-Well, what do you think, fella?
-I'd keep playing.
846
01:03:28,137 --> 01:03:30,722
I don't think the heavy stuff
will come down for a while.
847
01:03:30,890 --> 01:03:31,890
You're right.
848
01:03:32,225 --> 01:03:35,352
Anyway, the good Lord
would never disrupt...
849
01:03:35,520 --> 01:03:37,896
...the best game of my life!
850
01:03:46,239 --> 01:03:49,324
I'm infallible, young fella!
851
01:03:55,623 --> 01:03:58,375
Come on, one more hole!
852
01:04:11,180 --> 01:04:13,598
Oh, rat farts!
853
01:04:44,714 --> 01:04:46,214
Danny?
854
01:04:47,466 --> 01:04:49,634
-Hi, Maggie.
-Hi.
855
01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:54,139
-You're here early.
-Yeah.
856
01:04:54,891 --> 01:04:58,184
Yeah, I....
I kind of slept here last night.
857
01:05:01,314 --> 01:05:04,524
Oh, Maggie.
858
01:05:05,651 --> 01:05:07,319
I'm in big trouble.
859
01:05:07,486 --> 01:05:12,157
Oh, yeah? Me too. I'm late.
860
01:05:12,867 --> 01:05:16,411
-Late for what?
-For not being pregnant.
861
01:05:18,372 --> 01:05:20,332
-Oh, God.
-Yeah.
862
01:05:20,499 --> 01:05:22,500
Well, I don't hold you responsible.
863
01:05:22,835 --> 01:05:24,961
It's my problem.
864
01:05:25,129 --> 01:05:27,255
I can handle it.
865
01:05:27,423 --> 01:05:30,258
-Danny.
-Oh, Mag.
866
01:05:30,426 --> 01:05:33,803
Maggie, look, look.
867
01:05:33,971 --> 01:05:36,056
I'm not gonna let you
go through this alone.
868
01:05:36,223 --> 01:05:38,266
-No!
-Whatever you decide.
869
01:05:38,434 --> 01:05:41,686
I'm gonna have it, I've already decided!
870
01:05:45,024 --> 01:05:47,233
Well, that's it then.
871
01:05:48,444 --> 01:05:53,573
-We'll just get married.
-Oh, God! That's all I need!
872
01:05:53,783 --> 01:05:57,202
-No, look, I want to, all right?
-No, you don't!
873
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:59,454
-Yes, I do.
-No, you don't!
874
01:05:59,622 --> 01:06:00,872
Yes, I do!
875
01:06:01,040 --> 01:06:03,708
Look, I don't wanna get married, Danny!
876
01:06:03,876 --> 01:06:06,086
Come on, Maggie.
You're just saying that.
877
01:06:06,253 --> 01:06:09,172
No, I'm not! Look, Danny...
878
01:06:09,465 --> 01:06:11,466
...it might not be yours. Okay?
879
01:06:12,093 --> 01:06:16,221
Maggie, you're making this up
about the other guys...
880
01:06:16,389 --> 01:06:19,307
-...so I won't have to feel guilty.
-I'm not making it up!
881
01:06:19,475 --> 01:06:22,185
-All right. I'm still willing to marry you!
-Oh, yeah?
882
01:06:22,353 --> 01:06:24,896
-Yeah!
-Well, thanks for nothing!
883
01:06:30,945 --> 01:06:33,655
You're a good egg, Noonan.
884
01:06:33,823 --> 01:06:35,407
She needs you.
885
01:06:37,368 --> 01:06:38,618
Pick up that Kleenex.
886
01:06:38,786 --> 01:06:40,412
MANAGER: Good morning, Lou.
-Good morning.
887
01:06:40,579 --> 01:06:44,582
The judge would like to see Danny Noonan
as soon as he comes in.
888
01:06:45,501 --> 01:06:48,670
-I'm Danny Noonan.
-Would you come with me, please?
889
01:06:59,932 --> 01:07:02,434
-Judge Smails, sir?
-Sit down, Danny.
890
01:07:08,232 --> 01:07:11,317
Danny, I think you know
why you're here...
891
01:07:11,485 --> 01:07:15,947
...so I'll do us both the courtesy of
not reviewing what happened yesterday.
892
01:07:17,283 --> 01:07:18,533
I'm sorry.
893
01:07:18,701 --> 01:07:22,454
My niece is the kind of girl
that has a certain...
894
01:07:22,621 --> 01:07:25,957
...zest for living. The last thing
any of us need right now...
895
01:07:26,125 --> 01:07:28,126
...is loose talk about her behavior.
896
01:07:28,294 --> 01:07:30,545
I swear I didn't tell
anybody anything, sir.
897
01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:35,258
Good. Good, good.
898
01:07:35,426 --> 01:07:37,635
You know, despite what happened...
899
01:07:37,803 --> 01:07:40,889
...I'm still convinced you have
many fine qualities...
900
01:07:41,057 --> 01:07:44,059
...and I think you can still
become a gentleman someday.
901
01:07:44,226 --> 01:07:49,522
If you understand and abide
by the rules of decent society.
902
01:07:50,441 --> 01:07:53,485
Danny. Danny.
903
01:07:53,903 --> 01:07:55,487
There's a lot of...
904
01:07:55,654 --> 01:07:58,490
...well, badness in the world today.
905
01:07:58,657 --> 01:08:00,742
I see it in court every day.
906
01:08:00,910 --> 01:08:03,787
I've sentenced boys younger than you
to the gas chamber.
907
01:08:03,954 --> 01:08:07,832
Didn't want to do it.
Felt I owed it to them.
908
01:08:11,170 --> 01:08:13,463
The most important decision
you can make is:
909
01:08:13,631 --> 01:08:16,508
What do you stand for, Danny...
910
01:08:18,052 --> 01:08:22,013
...goodness or badness?
911
01:08:23,265 --> 01:08:27,018
I know I've made some mistakes
in the past. I'm willing to make up for that.
912
01:08:28,979 --> 01:08:31,689
-I wanna be good.
-Good!
913
01:08:32,191 --> 01:08:34,526
Good. Very good!
914
01:08:36,737 --> 01:08:38,238
You know...
915
01:08:38,405 --> 01:08:41,950
...I know how hard it is for
young people today and I wanna help.
916
01:08:42,827 --> 01:08:46,287
Well, just ask my grandson, Spaulding.
He and I are regular pals.
917
01:08:48,582 --> 01:08:50,166
Are you my pal?
918
01:08:50,668 --> 01:08:52,710
Mr. Scholarship Winner?
919
01:08:59,260 --> 01:09:01,678
Yes, sir. I'm your pal.
920
01:09:03,806 --> 01:09:05,557
How about a Fresca? Eh?
921
01:09:16,402 --> 01:09:17,902
Another rob roy, bishop?
922
01:09:18,070 --> 01:09:21,823
You never ask a Navy man
if he'll have another drink...
923
01:09:21,991 --> 01:09:24,033
...because it's nobody's
goddamn business...
924
01:09:24,201 --> 01:09:26,202
...how many drinks
he's had already, right?
925
01:09:26,370 --> 01:09:29,706
Wrong! You're drinking
too much, Your Excellency.
926
01:09:29,874 --> 01:09:32,542
"Excellency." Fiddlesticks.
927
01:09:32,710 --> 01:09:35,962
My name's Fred and I'm just a man,
same as you are.
928
01:09:36,130 --> 01:09:39,007
You're not a man!
You're a bishop, for God's sakes!
929
01:09:39,175 --> 01:09:40,758
There is no God.
930
01:09:40,926 --> 01:09:45,847
Oh, Webb-o man, I didn't see your name on
the sign-in sheet for the club tournament.
931
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:48,433
I thought you'd be
the man to beat this year.
932
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:51,102
Guess you'll just have to
keep beating yourself.
933
01:09:52,313 --> 01:09:54,105
Very good, yeah.
934
01:09:54,273 --> 01:09:56,858
Come on, honey. Let's go, huh?
Hey, boys, how are you?
935
01:09:57,026 --> 01:09:58,651
BOYS:
Hey, Al. How are you?
936
01:09:58,819 --> 01:10:00,820
Hey, we're both starving.
When do we eat?
937
01:10:00,988 --> 01:10:04,324
You! You.
938
01:10:04,491 --> 01:10:07,535
You have worn out your welcome
at Bushwood, sir.
939
01:10:07,703 --> 01:10:10,205
Is that so? Who made you
pope of this dump, huh?
940
01:10:10,539 --> 01:10:12,290
Bushwood, a dump?
941
01:10:12,458 --> 01:10:15,919
Well, I'll guarantee
you'll never be a member here.
942
01:10:16,086 --> 01:10:19,631
Member? Are you kidding? You think
I'd join this crummy "snobatorium"?
943
01:10:19,798 --> 01:10:21,299
Why, this whole place sucks!
944
01:10:21,467 --> 01:10:22,634
Su-- Su-- Su--
945
01:10:22,801 --> 01:10:25,595
Right, it sucks.
Only reason I'm here is maybe I'll buy it.
946
01:10:25,763 --> 01:10:28,473
Buy Bushwood? You!
947
01:10:28,807 --> 01:10:31,976
You baboon! You beast!
948
01:10:32,144 --> 01:10:33,519
MANAGER:
Okay, break it up.
949
01:10:33,687 --> 01:10:36,481
-I get no respect from anyone.
-Please. What's going on?
950
01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,608
He tried to choke me. You saw it.
951
01:10:38,776 --> 01:10:40,777
He called me a baboon.
Thinks I'm his wife.
952
01:10:40,945 --> 01:10:44,364
-I'm calling the police.
-Call the chief of police, I built his condo!
953
01:10:44,531 --> 01:10:47,700
-Out. I want him out of here.
-He wants you out.
954
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:53,414
Guys, judge!
Come on, let's be adults here.
955
01:10:53,582 --> 01:10:56,793
Let's not mess the place up.
Let's go to your office.
956
01:10:56,961 --> 01:11:00,672
I'll make some drinks for us all.
We'll talk about it. Come on.
957
01:11:13,769 --> 01:11:15,186
Danny!
958
01:11:15,604 --> 01:11:18,523
-Danny.
-Maggie.
959
01:11:19,316 --> 01:11:21,234
Maggie, you flipping out?
960
01:11:21,402 --> 01:11:24,904
No. I'm happy! I'm not pregnant.
961
01:11:25,072 --> 01:11:27,532
Oh, that's great.
962
01:11:28,534 --> 01:11:30,952
Listen, you were sweet.
I'm sorry I was hard on you.
963
01:11:31,120 --> 01:11:34,247
No, I deserved it.
I've been acting like a jerk.
964
01:11:34,415 --> 01:11:37,458
-I hate myself. I'll get that scholarship.
-That's good, isn't it?
965
01:11:37,626 --> 01:11:40,211
No. I've been a creep lately
and I just can't help it.
966
01:11:40,379 --> 01:11:42,255
-You're not a creep, Noonan.
-Yes, I am.
967
01:11:42,423 --> 01:11:43,673
-No, you're not.
-Yes, I am.
968
01:11:43,841 --> 01:11:46,050
-All right, maybe you are a little bit.
-Well....
969
01:11:46,218 --> 01:11:50,722
Listen, you're good deep down.
I know you'll do the right thing.
970
01:11:51,724 --> 01:11:52,890
Thank you, Maggie.
971
01:11:53,058 --> 01:11:57,395
JUDGE: I demand satisfaction.
AL: Oh, you want satisfaction?
972
01:11:57,855 --> 01:12:00,148
I'll tell you what's real satisfying, cash.
973
01:12:00,316 --> 01:12:02,775
I'll shoot you 1 8 holes
for 1 0,000 bucks.
974
01:12:07,740 --> 01:12:10,158
Why, I could beat you with one arm.
975
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:13,995
How about teams then for $20,000?
You can have Dr. Frankenputts.
976
01:12:14,163 --> 01:12:17,582
-I beg your pardon.
-And I'll take Ty here.
977
01:12:17,750 --> 01:12:21,252
-Hey, fellas. Don't include me in on it.
-Ty.
978
01:12:21,420 --> 01:12:23,504
Come on. You're an ace.
Everybody knows it.
979
01:12:25,966 --> 01:12:29,594
I-- I don't play golf for money
against people.
980
01:12:30,137 --> 01:12:32,430
What are you, religious or something?
981
01:12:32,598 --> 01:12:35,016
You might say that. Excuse me.
982
01:12:35,225 --> 01:12:39,103
JUDGE: Excuse me. Excuse me.
-I got it.
983
01:12:39,271 --> 01:12:43,691
Ty, can I have a word with you?
In private.
984
01:12:44,193 --> 01:12:45,985
Sure thing, judge.
985
01:12:46,612 --> 01:12:48,529
-Ty.
-Judge.
986
01:12:48,697 --> 01:12:50,031
Ty.
987
01:12:50,282 --> 01:12:51,824
Oh.
988
01:12:53,744 --> 01:12:56,954
Ty, your father and I prepped together...
989
01:12:57,122 --> 01:12:59,832
...went to war together,
we played golf together.
990
01:13:00,000 --> 01:13:02,085
We built this club, he and I.
991
01:13:02,586 --> 01:13:04,796
Now, let's face it, son. Some people...
992
01:13:04,963 --> 01:13:07,757
...simply do not belong.
993
01:13:11,095 --> 01:13:14,722
Let's not cave in too easy.
994
01:13:24,149 --> 01:13:25,983
Well, what do you say, Ty?
995
01:13:32,032 --> 01:13:34,659
Let's make it 40,000.
996
01:13:34,827 --> 01:13:35,993
Hey, great!
997
01:13:37,162 --> 01:13:38,496
You know, judge...
998
01:13:39,998 --> 01:13:42,500
...my dad never liked you.
999
01:13:42,668 --> 01:13:45,586
I'll see you two tomorrow morning
on the golf course.
1000
01:13:46,922 --> 01:13:48,631
Hey, beautiful. Beautiful.
1001
01:13:54,304 --> 01:13:56,264
I have to laugh...
1002
01:13:57,224 --> 01:13:59,183
...because I've often asked myself....
1003
01:13:59,351 --> 01:14:02,019
My foe, my enemy, is an animal...
1004
01:14:02,187 --> 01:14:03,938
...and in order to conquer him...
1005
01:14:04,106 --> 01:14:06,357
...I have to think like an animal.
1006
01:14:06,525 --> 01:14:10,528
And whenever possible to look like one.
1007
01:14:12,990 --> 01:14:17,368
I gotta get inside this dude's pelt
and crawl around for a few days.
1008
01:14:17,536 --> 01:14:20,997
Who is the gopher's ally, his friend?
1009
01:14:21,331 --> 01:14:24,208
The harmless squirrel
and the friendly rabbit.
1010
01:14:24,376 --> 01:14:27,462
I'm gonna use you two guys...
1011
01:14:27,629 --> 01:14:29,839
...to do my dirty work for me.
1012
01:14:38,265 --> 01:14:41,601
Look at it. It's the gopher.
1013
01:14:57,034 --> 01:14:58,409
Hello?
1014
01:14:58,577 --> 01:15:01,537
There she is. There she is.
1015
01:15:04,249 --> 01:15:06,584
This is it. It's a Titleist.
1016
01:15:09,296 --> 01:15:13,257
Twenty thousand dollars.
Twenty thousand dollars.
1017
01:15:22,768 --> 01:15:24,852
All right, show yourself,
you little varmint.
1018
01:15:25,020 --> 01:15:26,771
If you got the guts.
1019
01:15:27,606 --> 01:15:30,900
You son of a bitch. Where'd you go?
1020
01:15:31,109 --> 01:15:33,402
Oh, hi, Carl. How you doing?
1021
01:15:33,570 --> 01:15:36,364
Oh, hi. Hi.
1022
01:15:37,366 --> 01:15:38,616
Mind if I play through?
1023
01:15:38,784 --> 01:15:41,827
Go right ahead. Are you getting in
a late night or something?
1024
01:15:41,995 --> 01:15:43,496
Yeah, I was just loosening up.
1025
01:15:43,664 --> 01:15:45,581
Was that your ball
I heard rambling through?
1026
01:15:45,749 --> 01:15:48,084
Yeah. Did you see my ball in here?
1027
01:15:50,128 --> 01:15:52,129
-Titleist?
-That's it.
1028
01:15:52,297 --> 01:15:55,299
-Yeah, it's right here.
-This your place, Carl?
1029
01:15:55,926 --> 01:15:57,134
Yeah, what do you think?
1030
01:15:57,719 --> 01:16:00,471
It's really.... It's really awful.
1031
01:16:01,139 --> 01:16:04,350
Well, I have a lot of things on order.
You know, credit trouble.
1032
01:16:04,518 --> 01:16:05,851
I'm an assistant greenskeeper.
1033
01:16:06,019 --> 01:16:08,563
Doesn't mean anything
until I'm the head greenskeeper.
1034
01:16:08,730 --> 01:16:10,773
-Can you give me a ruling on this?
-Sit down.
1035
01:16:10,941 --> 01:16:12,817
No, I don't wanna stick to anything.
1036
01:16:12,985 --> 01:16:17,863
-Here, take this thing off. This is dirty.
-Don't go to too much trouble, please.
1037
01:16:18,198 --> 01:16:20,992
-Here, fire up.
-With my lips?
1038
01:16:21,159 --> 01:16:22,952
-Yeah.
-I don't think so, Carl.
1039
01:16:23,120 --> 01:16:26,080
-Just right back.
-If I could borrow a wedge or something.
1040
01:16:26,248 --> 01:16:28,833
If you can open a curtain,
I can get through that window.
1041
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,835
People say I'm an idiot or something...
1042
01:16:31,003 --> 01:16:33,087
...because all I do
is cut lawns for a living.
1043
01:16:33,255 --> 01:16:36,007
Oh, people don't say that about you
as far as you know.
1044
01:16:36,466 --> 01:16:39,093
Well, I'm working on it
so I don't ever have to....
1045
01:16:39,261 --> 01:16:42,888
I'm gonna be head greenskeeper, hopefully
within six years. That's my schedule.
1046
01:16:43,056 --> 01:16:46,559
But I'm studying this stuff so I know it.
You know, like...
1047
01:16:46,727 --> 01:16:49,520
...you know, chinch bugs. You know...
1048
01:16:49,688 --> 01:16:52,481
...manganese. A lot of people
don't even know what that is.
1049
01:16:52,649 --> 01:16:54,900
-Great, Carl. Could I get a--?
-Nitrogen.
1050
01:16:55,068 --> 01:16:57,403
Just open a curtain
and I can just get out of here.
1051
01:16:57,571 --> 01:17:00,948
I invented my own kind of grass too.
Did you know that? Look at this.
1052
01:17:01,116 --> 01:17:03,868
-This is registered. Carl Spackler bent.
-Oh, yeah.
1053
01:17:04,036 --> 01:17:07,038
I've felt grass like this before.
I've played on this stuff.
1054
01:17:07,205 --> 01:17:10,041
This is a hybrid.
This is a cross, bluegrass...
1055
01:17:10,292 --> 01:17:12,960
...Kentucky bluegrass, featherbed bent...
1056
01:17:13,128 --> 01:17:15,671
...and northern California sinsemilla.
1057
01:17:15,839 --> 01:17:17,548
The amazing stuff about this...
1058
01:17:17,716 --> 01:17:20,426
...is that you can play 36 holes
on it in the afternoon...
1059
01:17:20,594 --> 01:17:25,014
...take it home and just get stoned
to the bejesus belt that night on this stuff.
1060
01:17:25,182 --> 01:17:29,060
-I got pounds of this stuff. Here.
-No. Thank you. I don't-- I don't--
1061
01:17:29,227 --> 01:17:32,730
Let's have a little bit. I got the big
Bob Marley joint. Here, try this.
1062
01:17:33,482 --> 01:17:35,691
Carl, I really don't do this very often.
1063
01:17:35,859 --> 01:17:37,777
You're gonna love it. This is dynamite.
1064
01:17:37,944 --> 01:17:40,446
Well, maybe one drag, then I gotta go.
1065
01:17:46,912 --> 01:17:50,706
It's a little harsh. Here, cannonball it.
1066
01:17:54,586 --> 01:17:56,420
Cannonball it right back.
1067
01:17:59,508 --> 01:18:03,844
Then one more of these right on top of it.
Cannonball! Cannonball coming.
1068
01:18:04,012 --> 01:18:05,429
No.
1069
01:18:07,516 --> 01:18:08,933
Carl...
1070
01:18:09,434 --> 01:18:12,978
...could I have a drop?
Just a drop myself.
1071
01:18:15,440 --> 01:18:17,066
That's fine for me. That's good.
1072
01:18:18,610 --> 01:18:20,778
Can I say something to you frank?
1073
01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:22,863
Ty, Frank.
1074
01:18:23,073 --> 01:18:26,158
You've been acting psychotically lately.
1075
01:18:26,743 --> 01:18:27,952
What the hell? Why?
1076
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:30,913
I've been under strain.
I gotta play with Smails tomorrow...
1077
01:18:31,081 --> 01:18:33,582
-Smails?
-...in a money match. No.
1078
01:18:33,792 --> 01:18:36,877
Thing to do with Smails....
He bothers you, I'll take care of him.
1079
01:18:37,045 --> 01:18:40,464
What you gotta do to Smails is cut
the hamstring on the back of his leg...
1080
01:18:40,632 --> 01:18:43,092
...right at the bottom.
He'll never play golf again.
1081
01:18:43,468 --> 01:18:46,637
Because he goes back,
his weight displacement goes back...
1082
01:18:46,805 --> 01:18:50,015
...he stays there. All his weight's
on his right, he'll push everything right.
1083
01:18:50,183 --> 01:18:52,643
He'll never come through.
He'll quit the game.
1084
01:18:52,894 --> 01:18:55,396
That would work.
I'm gonna call you if I need help.
1085
01:18:55,564 --> 01:18:57,523
But, seriously, no B.S...
1086
01:18:57,691 --> 01:19:02,153
...you ever wanna rap, just talk
or just get weird with somebody...
1087
01:19:02,320 --> 01:19:03,654
...buddies for life.
1088
01:19:03,822 --> 01:19:05,990
I'll drop by. You drop by
my place anytime.
1089
01:19:06,241 --> 01:19:08,617
What's your address?
You're around Briar, right?
1090
01:19:08,785 --> 01:19:10,411
Briar, 2.
1091
01:19:10,579 --> 01:19:11,912
You got a pool over there?
1092
01:19:12,748 --> 01:19:15,291
We have a pond in the back.
We have a pool and a pond.
1093
01:19:15,459 --> 01:19:17,418
A pond would be good for you.
Natural spring.
1094
01:19:17,586 --> 01:19:21,046
Oh, yeah. Or the pool or a pond.
Anything would be good.
1095
01:19:21,214 --> 01:19:22,840
Well, I'm gonna clean this up.
1096
01:19:23,008 --> 01:19:27,011
You go ahead, clean up. It looks
fine to me. Thanks for the dope.
1097
01:19:27,721 --> 01:19:29,138
Fore!
1098
01:19:41,359 --> 01:19:43,444
Danny, you carry my bag.
1099
01:19:48,158 --> 01:19:51,035
What the--? Who the--?
1100
01:19:53,622 --> 01:19:57,124
Get back there. What do you think
you're doing? Get off of here!
1101
01:19:57,542 --> 01:20:00,961
-Good morning, judge.
-This is a golf course, not a parking lot!
1102
01:20:01,129 --> 01:20:03,214
You back this thing
out of here right now!
1103
01:20:03,381 --> 01:20:05,424
Okay. Hey, look at that.
1104
01:20:06,218 --> 01:20:08,177
Don't play games with me, Ty.
1105
01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:11,472
Put that steering wheel where it belongs,
and get this out of here!
1106
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:13,516
-I got it, judge.
AL: I'm sorry I'm late.
1107
01:20:13,683 --> 01:20:15,226
Let's play golf!
1108
01:20:17,062 --> 01:20:20,314
Ow--! Do it! I didn't do that.
1109
01:20:21,983 --> 01:20:24,151
-Oh, there's my phone.
-I'm getting tired--
1110
01:20:24,319 --> 01:20:25,653
LOU:
Gentlemen, it's about time--
1111
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:28,489
I told you, never call me
on the golf course. What's that?
1112
01:20:28,657 --> 01:20:32,827
Then sell, sell, sell! They're all selling?
Then buy, buy, buy!
1113
01:20:32,994 --> 01:20:35,538
-Let me have the Coast.
-Can we start now?
1114
01:20:35,705 --> 01:20:37,122
-Gentlemen.
-What do you want?
1115
01:20:37,290 --> 01:20:38,833
-Gentlemen.
-Can I use your phone?
1116
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:40,459
-Gentlemen!
-Is it long distance?
1117
01:20:40,627 --> 01:20:42,044
Hey!
1118
01:20:42,587 --> 01:20:46,090
Gentlemen, we all know this is illegal
and against club practice.
1119
01:20:46,258 --> 01:20:48,050
And I'd like to ask at this time...
1120
01:20:48,218 --> 01:20:53,138
...if you gentlemen all agree
to waive all sanction against said referee...
1121
01:20:53,306 --> 01:20:55,850
...or anything that might get me fired.
1122
01:20:56,017 --> 01:20:57,434
Agreed.
1123
01:20:58,270 --> 01:21:01,063
Fine. The match is for $20,000 each.
1124
01:21:01,231 --> 01:21:05,609
Lowest score wins the hole
in regulation match play.
1125
01:21:05,777 --> 01:21:09,113
I have a number of tees in my hand.
Your Honor, odd or even?
1126
01:21:09,281 --> 01:21:11,657
-Odd!
-Odd it is.
1127
01:21:11,825 --> 01:21:13,742
Your honor, Your Honor.
1128
01:21:15,328 --> 01:21:17,705
Hey, tiger, here. Keep it fair, will you?
1129
01:21:17,873 --> 01:21:19,957
No, I can't accept this.
1130
01:21:24,129 --> 01:21:25,379
Driver, please.
1131
01:21:27,132 --> 01:21:28,507
Danny.
1132
01:21:34,306 --> 01:21:36,265
Don't smile at me a lot, okay?
1133
01:21:43,523 --> 01:21:48,652
Say, the judge and Mr. Czervik,
$1 00,000 match going on.
1134
01:21:48,820 --> 01:21:50,279
-You're kidding.
-No.
1135
01:21:50,447 --> 01:21:52,072
Now, what you wanna do?
1136
01:21:52,824 --> 01:21:55,075
-Five, Mr. Czek.
-Five, Mr. Czek.
1137
01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:56,493
-You got it?
-Got it.
1138
01:22:00,832 --> 01:22:03,208
Hello? Anybody home?
1139
01:22:04,669 --> 01:22:06,629
Hello, Mr. Gopher?
1140
01:22:06,796 --> 01:22:09,715
Yeah, it's me, Mr. Squirrel.
1141
01:22:09,883 --> 01:22:13,010
Yeah. Hi.
Just a harmless squirrel...
1142
01:22:13,178 --> 01:22:16,472
...not a plastic explosive or anything.
Nothing to be worried about.
1143
01:22:16,640 --> 01:22:20,434
I'm just here to make your last hours
on earth as peaceful as possible.
1144
01:22:20,602 --> 01:22:23,437
Yes, don't mind this.
This is doctor's orders and so forth.
1145
01:22:23,605 --> 01:22:26,231
You don't mind if I just pop
in there for a few laughs?
1146
01:22:26,399 --> 01:22:29,944
Yeah, that's right.
Or in the words of Jean Paul Sartre:
1147
01:22:30,111 --> 01:22:32,863
"Au revoir, gopher."
1148
01:22:33,031 --> 01:22:37,660
This is sweet.
This is gonna be sweet.
1149
01:22:53,218 --> 01:22:54,593
Hey!
1150
01:22:55,762 --> 01:22:58,472
That kangaroo stole my ball!
1151
01:23:05,814 --> 01:23:06,897
All right!
1152
01:23:14,239 --> 01:23:15,864
What's up, doc?
1153
01:23:46,062 --> 01:23:49,940
AL: I tell you, I don't understand it.
I'm playing the worst game of my life.
1154
01:23:50,108 --> 01:23:52,735
Hey. Don't put yourself down, Al.
1155
01:23:52,902 --> 01:23:54,862
You're not-- You're not--
1156
01:23:55,030 --> 01:23:57,448
You're not good. You stink.
1157
01:24:02,412 --> 01:24:06,415
Say, fifty bucks,
the Smails kid picks his nose.
1158
01:24:09,044 --> 01:24:10,711
PORTERHOUSE:
Come on, buddy. Here he comes.
1159
01:24:10,879 --> 01:24:13,297
MAN: Don't do it.
-All right, kid, take your time.
1160
01:24:13,757 --> 01:24:16,091
Come on, come on. Yeah.
1161
01:24:19,971 --> 01:24:22,473
-Fifty bucks more says he eats it.
-You're on.
1162
01:24:22,640 --> 01:24:23,932
-He eats.
-You're on.
1163
01:24:24,267 --> 01:24:25,809
Now, don't do it, kid. Don't!
1164
01:24:25,977 --> 01:24:27,644
-Don't do it!
LOU: Come on.
1165
01:24:27,812 --> 01:24:30,981
-There he goes. He's going for it.
MEN: Yeah!
1166
01:24:32,192 --> 01:24:34,193
What a pig!
1167
01:24:35,820 --> 01:24:38,489
-Man, that kid'll eat anything.
GUY: Yes, he was hungry.
1168
01:24:38,656 --> 01:24:40,657
What do you say, Al?
1169
01:24:41,659 --> 01:24:46,121
-Shall we press on?
-Hey, judge, cheer up, will you?
1170
01:24:46,456 --> 01:24:51,210
My boat needs exactly $20,000
worth of repairs.
1171
01:24:51,377 --> 01:24:54,296
And so does your brain.
You wanna double it?
1172
01:24:54,839 --> 01:24:58,634
-Fine! Forty thousand apiece.
-All right.
1173
01:24:58,802 --> 01:25:01,345
-Forty thousand. Forty thousand.
-Let's go. You got it.
1174
01:25:01,513 --> 01:25:03,222
-All right.
-Hold on, judge, I mean--
1175
01:25:04,557 --> 01:25:09,353
-That's my office. I better get going.
-No. You're in for half of 80,000.
1176
01:25:11,272 --> 01:25:13,357
Probably just a routine emergency.
1177
01:25:37,090 --> 01:25:38,966
Why'd I double it?
1178
01:25:39,259 --> 01:25:42,427
I tell you, I should have stayed home
and played with myself.
1179
01:25:42,887 --> 01:25:47,099
Ty, I saw Smails before.
He was cheating.
1180
01:25:48,685 --> 01:25:51,145
Nobody likes a tattletale, Danny.
1181
01:25:51,312 --> 01:25:53,021
Except, of course, me.
1182
01:25:58,278 --> 01:26:00,154
Ow.
1183
01:26:00,321 --> 01:26:03,574
-Oh, my arm. It's broken!
JUDGE: Good Lord...
1184
01:26:03,741 --> 01:26:06,952
-...what has this buffoon done now?
-Let's have a look at that.
1185
01:26:07,120 --> 01:26:09,580
Well, that might be a fractured ulna.
1186
01:26:09,747 --> 01:26:13,709
-I'm afraid you forfeit.
-Who says so? The match is a draw.
1187
01:26:13,877 --> 01:26:16,670
No, you don't.
You don't play, you lose. Right, Lou?
1188
01:26:16,838 --> 01:26:19,423
That's right, Your Honor.
Unless you wanna allow him a substitute.
1189
01:26:19,591 --> 01:26:24,052
Eh? Oh, well....
Spaulding can play out his holes.
1190
01:26:24,220 --> 01:26:28,891
Actually, judge, I think it's up to us
to pick our substitute.
1191
01:26:29,684 --> 01:26:32,853
-What do you want?
-Sonja Henie's out.
1192
01:26:33,605 --> 01:26:35,272
We'll take Danny Noonan.
1193
01:26:36,441 --> 01:26:39,443
Danny is an employee of the club.
He can't work and play...
1194
01:26:39,611 --> 01:26:42,988
-...particularly in something this illegal.
-Makes a lot of sense, judge.
1195
01:26:43,156 --> 01:26:47,117
Hey, kid, if you win,
I'll make it worth your while.
1196
01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:51,705
Well?
1197
01:26:55,627 --> 01:26:57,127
I'll play.
1198
01:26:57,337 --> 01:27:00,464
-Guess you didn't want that scholarship?
-I guess I don't.
1199
01:27:00,632 --> 01:27:03,050
I guess you don't. I guess you don't.
1200
01:27:35,333 --> 01:27:38,001
Don't worry, it's good luck.
1201
01:27:38,836 --> 01:27:39,878
In Haiti.
1202
01:28:03,861 --> 01:28:05,779
You're gonna have to win this hole.
1203
01:28:05,947 --> 01:28:10,075
-I kind of thought winning wasn't important.
-Me winning isn't! You do.
1204
01:28:10,243 --> 01:28:13,078
-Great grammar.
-Danny.
1205
01:28:16,165 --> 01:28:19,584
See your future. Be your future.
1206
01:28:19,752 --> 01:28:23,046
Make.... Make--
Make it! Make it.
1207
01:28:23,214 --> 01:28:26,591
Make your future, Danny.
I'm-- I'm a veg, Danny.
1208
01:28:26,759 --> 01:28:28,719
Give me this.
Take it easy, will you, Ty?
1209
01:28:47,322 --> 01:28:49,239
Hey, Mr. Gopher?
1210
01:28:51,075 --> 01:28:52,576
GOPHER:
Uh-oh.
1211
01:28:53,953 --> 01:28:55,912
Gentlemen, this match is all even.
1212
01:28:56,080 --> 01:28:59,082
Final hole. Doctor, you are away.
1213
01:29:14,182 --> 01:29:16,266
CROWD:
Oh.
1214
01:29:29,322 --> 01:29:32,949
Spaulding, this calls
for the old Billy Baroo.
1215
01:29:41,667 --> 01:29:42,667
Oh.
1216
01:29:44,003 --> 01:29:46,963
Billy, Billy, Billy.
1217
01:29:47,131 --> 01:29:49,216
Oh, Billy, Billy, Billy.
1218
01:29:49,967 --> 01:29:51,593
This is a biggie.
1219
01:29:51,886 --> 01:29:53,136
Don't let me down, Billy.
1220
01:29:53,304 --> 01:29:57,307
Forty thousand dollars, Billy.
1221
01:30:03,147 --> 01:30:04,898
Oh!
1222
01:30:05,108 --> 01:30:06,983
BEEPER:
I knew you'd do it!
1223
01:30:38,349 --> 01:30:39,433
ALL:
Oh!
1224
01:30:55,450 --> 01:30:59,327
These are men
America's best
1225
01:31:05,001 --> 01:31:06,710
Don't worry about this one.
1226
01:31:06,878 --> 01:31:09,212
If you miss it, we lose.
1227
01:31:27,732 --> 01:31:30,233
Hey, judge,
double or nothing he makes it.
1228
01:31:30,401 --> 01:31:32,360
-Eighty thousand.
MAN: What?
1229
01:31:35,239 --> 01:31:36,948
What's that, judge?
1230
01:31:37,950 --> 01:31:39,868
You're on! You're on!
1231
01:31:43,247 --> 01:31:45,081
Well...
1232
01:31:45,249 --> 01:31:47,125
...we're waiting.
1233
01:31:54,634 --> 01:31:58,094
Noonan, you can do it.
1234
01:32:26,123 --> 01:32:27,290
CROWD:
Oh!
1235
01:32:29,794 --> 01:32:32,003
MAN:
You lose it, buddy.
1236
01:32:32,171 --> 01:32:34,464
We did it! We did it!
1237
01:32:35,550 --> 01:32:36,841
Fore.
1238
01:33:20,094 --> 01:33:21,595
LOU:
It's a birdie!
1239
01:34:01,886 --> 01:34:05,388
All right, Smails, that's 80 grand.
Now fork it over.
1240
01:34:05,556 --> 01:34:09,684
I'll give you nothing.
Absolutely, you understand, nothing!
1241
01:34:09,852 --> 01:34:12,687
I figured as much. Hey, Moose, Rocco!
1242
01:34:12,855 --> 01:34:14,648
Help the judge find his checkbook.
1243
01:34:15,024 --> 01:34:20,070
Oh. Well, I-- You-- I will.
1244
01:34:20,571 --> 01:34:22,739
Hey, everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
1245
01:34:35,586 --> 01:34:37,087
Uh-oh.
97040
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