All language subtitles for Grandmas.Boy.2006.UNRATED.1080p.BluRay.x264-GUACAMOLE-English

Oh, boy.

Fuck!
Stop hitting me!

This is like if Tyson fought an infant.

I can't wait to punch you in the face
while you're sleeping tonight.

- Get up! Get up!
- Saved by the bell.

Come on, let me get in
a bong hit before round two.

Oh! Look at that ass.

Hey! Come on!
I spilled the bong! Stop!

Boom! Knocked you out!
Eat it, whore!

- You cheated, you dick.
- No, I didn't.

Oh! The bong water reeks.

Yeah, maybe if you cleaned it,
it wouldn't smell like your girlfriend's ass.

What's going on, fellas?

- What's up?
- How's it going?

Who are you and why
are you in my kitchen?

Your landlord, he hired us
to pick up your stuff.

This is bullshit!
It's like Cypress Hill concert in here.

I don't rent to
those kind of people.

Yuri, what the hell's going on?

- Alex, how are you?
- I'm good.

Well, for last six months,
you no pay me rent.

So now, I no longer
let you stay here. Okay?

All right, my friends, pack up
everything, put on truck, okay?

No, no. That's impossible.
We've never missed a payment.

Every month, I give Josh
hundreds of dollars of my money

and then he writes you
a rent check, right,Josh?

I love them so much.

You love who?

The girls at Madame Kamay's
Filipino Palace.

You've been spending our
rent money on Filipino hookers?

They're not hookers.
They're massage therapists.

They'll massage
your cock for money.

There's a word for that.
I think it's hooker.

You're a hooker!

Whoa, wait.

Listen, Alex, I make you
special deal, huh?

I give you five minutes to pack up all
your shit you don't want thrown away.

And if you take one extra minute,
I have my two friends...

They take your testicles
and remove them through your anus.

Deal?
Nice man.

Okay, they got one minute
and then you... Okay?

I'm sorry, Alex.
I should have told you.

You can't whack it to Internet porn
like everyone else?

You know I don't have a credit card.

So where you going?

I'll go to Dante's and see if he'll
let me stay there. What about you?

Madame Kamay said
I could stay at the Palace.

You're sick.

I know.

Where's the bong?

Alex!
You forgot smoking lamp.

I'm sorry.
Was that expensive piece?

That's your fault too.

Yo, Dante, pick up.
Josh is killing me.

Where are you?
I'm sick of talking to your machine.

Why aren't you home?
I need you.

Hey, Alex.

Don't you answer your phone?
I've been calling for half an hour.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I was putting up my Christmas tree.

Dude, it's July.

Get the fuck out of here.
It is?

Yeah.
And why are you naked?

Oh, my God.
I am naked! Come on in!

Dude, your ass is
tanner than my face.

That is pure fucking insanity.

Yeah. I know.
He got addicted to hookers.

No, I'm talking about
the guy who threw your bong.

You should never
throw a bong, kid. Ever.

Yeah, well, anyway, I was wondering
if maybe I could crash here for a while.

Whoa. I don't know, man.
I got a business to run.

This is like my office
as well as my home.

Plus, the lion comes
in a couple of days.

- You're getting a lion?
- Yeah.

- Why?
- To protect my shit.

Never heard of a dog?

Dude, you can get past a dog.
Nobody fucks with a lion.

Yeah, that's true.

So what kind of weed
do you want?

I got the "Incredible Hulk", I got some
of the "Green Monster", I got the "Bling".

Hey! We go through this
every time I come here.

I don't care what it's called.
I just want a bag of fucking weed.

Whoa. Chill, bro. You know you can't
raise your voice like that when the lion's here.

Yeah. You know what? I got to bail
or I'm going to miss my cousin's wedding.

You look like a bag of shit. You sure you
don't wanna borrow my birthday suit?

Thanks anyway,
but brown's not my color.

This isn't brown.
I'm bronzed.

So you can't kill the demon
at the end of Level 67?

Do you have the magic arrows?

Easy. Here's what you do.
Hide behind the boulder.

When the demon comes out of the cave,
shoot him three times with the magic arrows.

Then his head will start to spin.
Once that happens,

you jump up on the boulder,
you do a flying downward thrust

with the Sword of Doom
and that's it. Level 6 is done.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Have I told you today
how much I love you?

Hey, Grandma.
You look hot.

Well, I haven't been out
and about for a while

so I thought
I'd step it up a notch.

- Well, it worked.
- Good.

Oh listen, your father tells me
that you need a place to stay.

Yeah.

Just so you know,
Sophie left us two weeks ago.

So her room is available
if you need it.

Oh, where'd Sophie move to?

Heaven.

Sorry, Sophie was so...

- Mean and full of hate.
- Yeah.

So you want to move in tonight?

You know what? That's a really
sweet offer but unfortunately,

I promised my friend Jeff
I'd stay at his house.

Come in. Hurry up.

You sure this is okay?

Yeah. It's totally cool.

Just keep your voice down.
My roommates are sleeping.

- You mean your parents?
- Yeah, same thing.

Nice jammies.

Thanks. They're a present
from my roommates.

That's cool.

Here we go.

- Where am I supposed to sleep?
- On the air mattress.

Do you need a stuffed animal?
I have a dog. I think I have a bear.

Yeah, I have a bear.

- What are you, eight?
- At least I have my own bed.

- Your bed is a car.
- Yeah, but it's a fucking sweet car.

My roommates said they are
gonna get me rims for Christmas.

Or a C.B. radio.
I can talk to other car beds.

That'll be hot.

Might get a stereo too.

My sister said I should get an alarm.

Shut up!

Gross.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, Laura. My cock is lost in the
jungle and it's up for you to find it.

Oh, Laura, you dirty,
dirty adventurer.

Come on.
Let's go exploring.

Why don't you explore
my underwear, baby?

Damn, you look good.
What's under the skirt, Laura?

Oh, let's see.
Huh?

Ooh, Laura, no panties?
How'd you know I liked it like that?

Oh, yeah. Okay. Ooh, here we go.
All right. Here we go.

Jeffrey?
What are you doing up so...

Oh, my God!
I'm sorry!

I can't stop coming!
I'm sorry! It feels so good!

I can't believe
you came on my mom.

You might be the biggest
perv in the world right now.

- What were you thinking?
- I couldn't sleep. I saw the doll.

So you can't wake me up
to play video games or something?

Didn't want to disturb you. You were balls deep
in that turtle with a thumb in your mouth.

I love my turtle.

Anyway, my mom said
you could still stay the night.

Oh, yeah, that's not
an awkward breakfast.

Tell her thanks. I'm just going
to go crash at the office.

All right, suit yourself.
I'll see you in a couple hours.

Yeah.

You can keep the doll,
by the way.

Oh, I was planning on that.

Oh! My doll is a whore.

Um, excuse me?

Hi.

Good morning.
I'm just looking for my office.

Are you the new janitor?

No, I'm Samantha Garson.

I'm here to oversee the final stages of
production on "Eternal Death Slayer 3".

Oh, hi.

I didn't know anyone new was coming in.
I'm Alex. I'm one of the testers.

Do you usually sleep here?

No. I was working late.
I love work. I love life.

That's good to know.

Yeah, um, your office is probably
the empty one down the hall.

- Thank you. Alex, there's...
- Yeah?

Brush your teeth.
I'll see you later.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Johnny.

Who the fuck is Johnny?

What's up, Douche Bigalow?
How'd you sleep last night?

Fine, Speed Racer.
What did you do, valet your bed?

No, but I'll self-park it
in your asshole.

- Come on. Let's go to lunch.
- Hey, you remember Laura, don't you?

Yes, I do, and she already has a cold sore.
That's a surprise.

Hey, word on the street is Mr. Cheezle
brought some girl here from New York

to make sure we finish
"Eternal Death Slayer" on time.

Yeah, her name's Samantha.
She's really hot. She wants to bang me.

I'm sure she does.
Are you ready?

Oh, please.

Line up, you fucking nerds.
Who wants a shot at the champ?

Who's going down?

I'm taking the title, old man.
The game is "Frog Bog".

Let's do it.

Tea?

Sure.

It's a wonderful dandelion-nettle blend.

Very cleansing.
Good for new beginnings.

So, Samantha, as you know,
our immediate focus

is the completion of "Eternal
Death Slayer 3" in time for the fall.

We've had an enormous amount of bugs
at this stage, and, quite frankly,

I'm a little more than concerned.

"Knife Head IV" was in a similar situation,
but we met the deadline.

"Jump Rope City" was a total nightmare,
and we figured it out.

That's why I brought you in.

To complete E.D.S. 3 on schedule,

so we can free up all the testers
for J.P.'s new masterpiece.

Two major titles in one year?

And he's programming
and designing them all by himself?

- He must be a genius.
- Well, J.P. is not normal.

He created the original
"Eternal Death Slayer" when he was only 13.

He's the definition of a prodigy.

- J.P.!
- Sorry I'm late, Mr. Cheezle.

I was in the middle of another huge
breakthrough with the new game.

- How's it looking?
- It's the future of gaming.

Breathtaking.
Care for tea?

No, I'm good.

I don't believe that we've met.

Oh, this is Samantha Garson.

I brought her in from New York to
be the project manager on E.D.S. 3.

Hi. It's nice to finally meet you.
You have quite a reputation.

Everything you've heard about me is true.

So, if you ever need anything,
just please, feel free to call.

- I'll give you all my numbers.
- Thanks, I will.

Seriously, anything you need.

Say, J.P., why don't you show Samantha
around the office, introduce her to everyone.

Sure, yeah. I'll put my
genius on hold for a while.

After you, my lady.

Namaste, you guys.

Did the kids in school hound you
for "Eternal Death Slayer" tips?

School.
I didn't need school.

All I ever cared about were video games,
and they've made me a millionaire.

So maybe I don't know
what the Civil War was

or who invented the helicopter,
even though I own one.

But I did beat "The Legend of Zelda"
before I could walk.

- That's cool.
- Yeah.

I'm thinking of getting metal legs.
It's a risky operation, but it'll be worth it.

- What's in here?
- It's just the kids in their break room.

Or as I call it,
"The Stupid Idiot Room Full of Jerks."

- Mine's the biggest office...
- Let's check it out.

- Let's go!
- You suck! You suck!

I thought you were
good at this, man.

Oh, flies. I'm a frog.
I'm eating flies. A lot more than you.

Come on!
Eat that frog dick, Timmy! Eat it!

I'm sorry you had to see this.

It's all these poor knaves have to
look forward to every day.

Come on! Yeah!
Your shit's weak! Shit's weak!

Whoa! Yeah! Yeah!

Your shit's weak!
Wizzeak!

You never had a chance, Timmy.

I'll get you eventually, gray bush.
Time is on my side.

Hey, at least I have a bush.

Shit's weak!

Oh, hey, Samantha.
Sorry you had to hear that.

No, congratulations on having a bush.

How do you two
know each other?

I woke him up here this morning.
He fell asleep working late last night.

Yeah, well, that's what old people do.
They fall asleep.

Wow, J.P, that is a great outfit.

How much do clothes
cost in the Matrix?

So funny I forgot to laugh.

Hi, I'm Jeff. I have a bush too.
It's not gray.

- Hey!
- What?

My bush isn't really gray.

- Well, not according to my mom.
- I thought I told you to quit talking about that.

People keep asking me about it.

I'm really sorry to have to leave this
conversation, but I will see you guys later.

Get back to work, testers.

Hey, Samantha,
don't take the red pill!

Adios, turd nuggets.

Wow.

Hey, Timmy, any chance I can
crash on your couch tonight?

Why? So you can
jerk off on my mom?

Jeff's a fucking liar, Timmy!

What's that?

How many people did you tell about
the incident with me and your mom?

Thirteen, maybe. Why?
I didn't know it was a secret.

No, you're right.
Your mom would really appreciate it.

- My bad. Sorry.
- It's all right.

So where are you
going to crash tonight?

This really cute chick
I've known for a long time

said that I could sleep over
with her and her two crazy girlfriends.

- No way!
- Yep.

Three chicks and you?

Yeah, I'll call you later and let
you know which bed I end up in.

Totally. Oh, my roommate's here.
Later, ‘gator.

Later.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Mommy.

- Did you have a good day?
- I did. Did you remember to TiVo "Samurai Jack"?

I did.

Oh, honey, they work you
too hard there. That's a long day.

It's not that tough of a job,
though, Grandma. But thank you.

You are something else.
You must be starving, darling.

Yeah, I could eat.

That's quite the buffet
you have there.

Thank you, Mr. President.

Oh, Grace, you remember my
grandson Alex. Our new roommate.

How long you staying?

Just till I find a new apartment.

- Do you have a girlfriend?
- No.

- How old are you now?
- I'll be 36 in October.

My grandson's gay too.
I'll give you his number.

- I'm not gay, but thank you.
- Denial.

Wow. That Grace sure makes
me feel warm and welcome.

Well, you'd be bitter too
if you had four husbands die on you.

Probably suicides.

- I was just kidding.
- There we go. Here's your din-din.

Oh, watch! It's hot.
Be careful!

Okay, so that's chicken cutlet,
leftover lasagna, some scrambled eggs,

some pudding and wait a minute.
A piece of the wedding cake.

- That is awesome, Grandma. Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Here's your new room, baby.

- Wow, Grandma, this is nice.
- Oh, good.

Hey, Sophie didn't
die in the bed, did she?

- No.
- Good, good, good.

No, she fell out of bed
and died right here.

I am so happy
that you're here, honey.

- Thank you so much, again.
- Sweet dreams, darling.

- Thanks.
- Okay.

- See you in the morning.
- You sure will.

I died on the floor
and nobody helped me.

You have got to be
fucking shitting me.

Oh, it's so cold
when you're dead.

I swear to God I would
have helped you, Sophie.

Please don't kill me. I would have
helped you. I just wasn't here.

- Gotcha!
- Oh, my God!

- You scaredy-cat.
- What the hell are you doing, Grandma?

Well, I told you we were
going to have fun.

Yeah.

Sweetie? Don't curse.
You're better than that.

Okay.

Fuck!

That's fucking crazy.

Oh my God.
What is happening?

What the...

What? Come on.
Stop that.

Why are you doing this to me?

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, rise and shine.

Go take a tinkle and be sure
to wash your hands,

- then come down and have breakfast.
- Okay, Grandma.

Wow!
That was a great breakfast.

Grandma, I'm going to go
back to sleep now.

Oh, but don't you
have to go to work?

Actually, I don't have to be at work
for another three and a half hours.

Oh, that's wonderful that
you have all this extra time

because we really could use
your help around the house.

Oh, not a problem.
What do you need me to do?

Just a few chores.

Here you go, honey.

All right, you guys, I'm gonna
need you to go all the way back

and recheck,
starting with Level 1, okay?

Kane, you are gonna
take 1 through 3.

- Whatever you need, Samantha.
- Barry, you'll cover 4 through 6.

Yeah, I can do that.
No problem. You're great.

Jeff, you're already working on 7 through 9,
so why don't you just stick with those.

Let's do it.

The levels, I mean.
Not sex.

Sorry.

All right. Alex, I need you
to deal with 10 through 15

because those are
the real problem levels and...

Is he sleeping?

Yes, and possibly
shitting his pants.

- Wake up, dude.
- No chores, Grandma!

Nice rip, Alex.

Rip what?

All right, you guys. Come on.
Get to work. It's crunch time.

- Seriously, rip what?
- Why are you so tired?

Uh, maybe 'cause I was
with three chicks last night.

Something you'd know
nothing about.

- Excuse you.
- Hey, look, it's Bono's brother.

So how'd the loser conference go?

Those losers are gonna make sure
your game releases on time.

Oh, no, of course.
They're the best.

I want to get you a black cobra.

Just to go around the neck.

J.P., I got to stay
on top of these guys.

Please get on top of me.

Here, honey, I made you
some Jell-O with no fruit

‘cause I know how
much you hate it.

And you got cheese and crackers
and some chocolate milk to wash it all down.

- That's great. Thank you.
- Oooh, what's this?

This is a video game I'm making.

- It's kind of like a side project.
- Oh, good for you, honey.

- Hey, you want to play it?
- Well, I don't know.

Okay.

You are so talented.

I remember the birdhouse you
made way back at grade school.

This is a little more violent than
the birdhouse. It's called "Demonik".

You play a demon who's been summoned
from hell to clean out this meth lab.

Space shuttle.

So this helps you look around.

This button is to punch.
This is to jump. This is to duck.

This right trigger brings up
your magic spell menu.

And the left trigger lets you
use your magic spells.

How do you make him walk?

- Oh, that's this stick right here.
- This here?

Oh, there you go.
Oh, yeah, walk over here.

Okay, go in this room. Okay, use your
telekinesis power to lift those objects.

I don't see
a telephone anywhere.

No, no. It's like a mind power.
Hit the red button.

- Red.
- Oooh, perfect.

Okay, you know what, use your
fireballs to blow a hole in that wall.

Yeah, that's great.
Go in there. Go in there!

Is this a good or a bad guy?

That's a bad guy.
He's a drug dealer. Kill him.

Oh, I hate violence.
But drugs are bad.

- Wow!
- Ooh, nice Death Spike.

Okay, now go in here and use your
lightning to blow up those barrels.

Ooh! Oh, isn't that pretty?

- Yeah.
- Oh, this is fun.

Hey, wow, you got
to a checkpoint.

- Is that good?
- Yeah.

Well, so that's my game.

And, you know what, I have a little more
work to do, so if you just want to...

Wait your turn.
I'm on a roll here.

Take that, you dirty dopers.

Hey, you know what, Grandma? I actually
have to go see a friend and get some stuff.

So you keep playing,
and I'll see you later.

Love you.

I can't believe there are people in
this world who still don't have cable.

- Dr. Shakalu gets it.
- Yeah, he does.

Anyways, here's a black box
that gets all the channels

plus pay-per-view
and a bunch of extra wires.

Just don't let a cop see it
or Grandma's doing some time.

So how do you two
know each other?

I met the doctor at
a cockfight in Pomona.

He's hooking me up with
the lion. It comes tomorrow.

Great.

Plus, he brought over some crazy Zimbabwean
weed that'll turn you into a deer.

You know that lions
eat deer, right?

That's true, kid.
Doctor, we got to be careful.

Oh, shit.
I've been here three hours?

- I don't have antlers, do I?
- No. You're cool, bro.

Thanks for all this.
And, Doctor?

- Ooh, sorry.
- Anytime, kid.

Oh, yes! Finally, a roommate
who goes shopping.

Chicken cutlet.

Spaghetti with garlic bread.

Oh, my God, the wings
to go with the breast.

I don't know what you are,
but I'm gonna fucking eat you too.

Of course she doesn't have a microwave.
She's fucking 100.

Yeah, Dante.

Let's see, let's see.

Good night, my friend.
Sleep well.

Ooh, dinnertime.

Oh, fucking bitch,
cock-sucking-fucker-ass-fuck!

Oh! Goddamn it!

Let me guess.
Was your dick on fire?

- Yeah.
- Hey, Jeff.

- Oh, hey, Alex.
- Hey.

So, I finished my first level last night.
How far are you, Alex?

Does it look like
I got any levels done last night?

- Oh, my God.
- Geez. That's crazy.

Wait, wait. Don't tell me your
roommates did that to you.

Yeah. Yeah.
It was my roommates.

They're crazy.
They're crazy. They tied me up.

I was like one of those calves
at the rodeo, all helpless.

And you know what? Just when I was
about to scream for the police, I came.

- Oh my god!
- And that felt nice.

That is nuts.
That is so hot.

Hey, you guys. Kane, can you
take a look at that for me? Thanks.

Whoa. Alex, what happened?

There was a fire and I was
trying to save it from this baby...

No, he's banging his three roommates.
They tied him up last night.

They had crazy orgies,
like, all week.

I don't know what they're talking about.
They're just joking.

No, we're not.
You literally just told us that.

Well, I don't think that's very smart
considering you work with your hands.

Yeah.

May I see you in my
office for a minute, please?

Yeah.

- Ooh!
- Busted!

- You are so fired.
- You guys are assholes.

Bye.

Hey, you know what?
I forgot something.

- What?
- This.

Oh, my God! Fuck!
Are you serious?

I think he fucking shattered it.

All right. Look, Alex,
this game has to get finished.

And you are the most experienced guy
I have here. I'm really counting on you.

My hands being burnt will not
affect me finishing my levels at all.

Well, I sure hope it doesn't.

It won't.

You know, you seem really out
of place in the video game world.

Why? ‘Cause I'm a woman?

No, 'cause you're a really hot woman
and you are swimming in a sea of virgins.

Well, that is very flattering
and revealing, Alex.

Look, I know you think
I'm really hot too

and you want to go out with me
after work and get a drink.

But I have this very serious
deadline that my boss gave me.

So until I finish my levels,
I can't have any distractions.

I guess I'll just have to suffer until then.

Sorry.

- Mr. Cheezle on line two.
- I have to take this.

Avoid his tea parties.

Hello.

What are you doing, J.P.?

Just thinking about my game.

How's that going?

People will bow to it.

All right.
That's creepy.

I hate your face.

Did you say something?

You're fucking weird.

How can he see me?

But before we can roast it, I want to
get the heat in the pan nice and high.

And we're going to salt
and pepper the pork...

Hello, ladies.
Enjoying the new cable?

Some of the places do with string,
some of the places do with a net.

You like that cooking channel,
huh, Grandma?

And it's all food, all day.
That's all they do, is they make food.

I want to eat the TV.

Thanks a lot, Alex. Maybe tomorrow
you can introduce them to heroin.

...with a label on it. It's very
rare to see a beer stein...

- What's this?
- Antiques Roadshow.

- What's that?
- Oh, it's great.

People a take in crap and then
find out it's worth a lot of money.

Move over, Bea.

- I'm an antique.
- Yes, you are, Bea.

King Gambrinus, who is
the patron saint of beer...

So, ladies, I kind of need
to use the tele...

Shhh! Go read your
"Playgirl" or something.

- $4,000 for a beer mug?
- That's ridiculous.

And we'll be right back as the
Antiques Roadshow marathon continues.

Marathon? Fuck me.

Come on.

Hi. You're dead.
Bye-bye!

What's up? J-dog.

- Hey, J-dork, it's Alex.
- What's going on, shit lips?

Not much. Look, I need
you to do me a huge favor.

- You're not jerking off on my dad.
- Ha, ha. Very funny.

No, I really need your help.
Do you think you can do some of my levels?

What? No.
Why can't you do them?

Look, my roommates won't let me
get any work done. They're insane.

They won't stop watching porn.

I can't get anything done.
They're total nymphos. You got to help me.

You're dead to me. Over.

Jeff's a good friend.

This is not an ordinary Tiffany lamp.

This one is a fish lamp.

You can see that
there are fish swimming.

The glass that these fish...

It's 6:00 already?

Okay, I'll make you some breakfast
before you do your chores.

Oh, no, no, no, Grandma,
don't worry. No.

I'm not that hungry, Grandma.
I was going to go into work early also.

I don't have time
to do any chores today.

Oh, it's just a couple
of things, sweetie.

Do you know how to
use a sandblaster?

Where did you get that?

Oh, well, there was a break in the marathon
on TV, so I did some of your laundry.

I found that vase in your bag and,
well, it smelled terrible, so I cleaned it.

Doesn't it look nice?

Thanks.

Fruit cup? Nice.
Way to go, Mom.

Challenge.

Quiet, Bobby. Can't you see Alex is sleeping?
He's not taking challenges.

No. I'm challenging you, Jeff.

To what game?

A little "Dance Dance Revolution".

That's great, Bobby but we don't have
"Dance Dance Revolution", so you're dumb.

- Ultramix 2!
- When the hell did we get this?

It just came in this morning.

Suddenly, you're not such a big
shit-talker anymore, are you, Jeff?

Looks like my days are
numbered here at Brainasium.

Well, can you at least go first
so I can see what I'm doing?

Oh, with pleasure.

Yeah, lose the Woody Allen jacket.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Good stuff, Bobby.
Nice moves. That was hot.

Well, let's see what we got here.

Are you ready?
Dance!

You're gonna break the game,
you're so good!

Whoo! That game is fun!
Oh my God!

- A new high score.
- What does "high score" mean?

New high score.
Is that bad?

What does that mean?
Did I break it?

Hey, J.P.!

Do you have a second?

You didn't knock, Kane.

I did. But I think that
the music was a little loud.

Are you afraid of it?

No, I just don't like techno.

You would if you had robot ears.

Yeah, I guess.

Anyway, I had a suggestion
for "Eternal Death Slayer".

- You know the dwarves and the...
- Three!

What?

"Eternal Death Slayer 3".

Three, sorry.

Anyway, don't you think
that the dwarves on Level 4

look a little too similar
to the elves on Level 6?

Might be a little too confusing.

Well, that's an interesting theory, Kane.

But redesigning all those characters
at this stage would be way too expensive.

I agree. But what if you just
rendered them a different color?

You know, that would be
cheap and quick.

Leave the decisions to me, Kane.

There's a reason why I'm the creator
of E.D.S. 3 and you're just a tester.

I just...

Eject.

He had a good idea.
Shut up. Mind your own business.

May I speak to you, my lady?

Yeah, I guess.

But could you please
knock next time?

And what is it with
this "my lady" stuff?

What are you, a knight
of the Round Table? Come on.

Sorry.

- What was that?
- Nothing, nothing.

I just came to tell you that I
noticed the dwarves on Level 4

and elves on Level 6
of E.D.S. 3 look way too similar.

Could be confusing to some.

Well, what do you want me to do?
I can't push the deadline any further.

Well, you wouldn't have to if you
just rendered them different colors.

Be cheap and wouldn't take
more a than a day or two.

Yeah, we can definitely do that.

That is a great idea.

Those are the only kind I have.

There's a symposium on nanotechnology tomorrow
at UCLA, 3:00 p.m., I thought maybe...

- J.P.?
- Yeah?

- I'm working.
- Right. I am too. I just...

I just thought I'd let you know.

I think that everybody should know.
You should probably make that a memo.

- ASAP.
- ASAP. Gotcha.

Hey, dude.

What's up, guys?
What did weirdo say about the elves?

- Shot it down.
- What? Really? That was a good idea.

No, it wasn't.
I'm a piece of shit. I suck.

Relax, Kane. You're not
a piece of shit.

Just run it by Alex.
Maybe he'll talk to J.P.

You'll have to wake him up
out of his sex coma first.

He gives me a reason to live.
Him and all those stink-ass hos.

Dude, he's living a fantasy.
It's so awesome.

No! You guys,
it's not awesome, okay?

Our report is due tomorrow
and he hasn't even started it.

All right? If he doesn't finish it,
were totally f'ed.

Crap. That's Alex's intercom.

- Hello?
- Delivery at the front desk for you, Alex.

- Cool! I hope it's a naked dude with a boner.
- What?

Nothing.
Send it back.

- Come on. Let's find Alex's desk.
- God bless us, every one.

May I help you ladies?
Are you looking for Alex?

Yes. I'm Alex's grandmother Lilly,
and these are his roommates.

This is Grace and that's Bea.

- Well, it's a pleasure to meet you ladies.
- Thank you.

We thought it would be nice to
bring him a nice homemade lunch.

Oh, that's very sweet. Well, I'm Samantha.
Come on. I'll show you where he works.

You're dying.

- Hey, Jeff.
- Hi.

Is Alex around?
He has some visitors.

Uh, no. No, he's not.
Hi, ladies.

Did you go to high school with Alex?

We're his roommates.

You're the reason Alex
has been tired all week?

We have been sort of rough on him but
he is kind of soft, if you know what I mean.

We're not used to having a man in the
house so I guess we ride him pretty hard.

- Oh, that is so gnarly.
- So where is he?

Uh, I haven't seen him.

He's definitely not under his desk sleeping.
That's a fact.

Well, he's probably working hard somewhere.

Could you please
just give him his lunch

and tell him that I've had such fun
playing with his new toy all morning.

And when he comes home later,
he can play with me.

Oh my gosh!

- I'm gonna barf.
- That is so repulsive.

All right! That's enough.
I'm here.

- Well, there you are.
- Hi, Grandma.

We missed you.

I was somewhere else,
working very hard on something.

- Dude, what is going on?
- This is my grandmother.

- Hello.
- These are her two roommates.

I've been living with
them for the last week.

Okay.

- Hi, Grandma, ladies.
- Hi.

Good to know.
Dude...

Jerking off on my
mom is one thing

but bangin' your grandmother
and her roommates?

- That's like legendary.
- You're an idiot.

Hey, you know what, ladies?
Why don't I...

Come on. I'll walk you out.
No, we're gonna go this way, Bea.

- Oh my gosh! - Holy crap.
- Dildo lunch?

Sometimes they're marked
like this first one, which is by Llewellyn.

Sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're
just great style, like this one.

- Oh. Hi, sweetheart.
- Hey, Grandma.

Hey, Bea. You know, you guys should
probably go to bed early.

- You have a busy day tomorrow.
- What do you mean?

- I don't have any plans.
- No.

I just figured you wanna be well-rested
if you're gonna go to Antiques Roadshow.

Oh! Alex, you're an angel.

Oh, you can stay as long as you like
and love any man you choose.

Pamela Mills here in Van Nuys,

where a rare breed of African lion was
captured in a residential neighborhood.

Sir, what was going through your head
when you came upon the lion?

This shit is fuckin' crazy.

I don't even know how a lion
got into the neighborhood.

I heard some growlin' and shit
out in the yard.

So my roommate and I,
we go to check the shit out.

I look up in the tree, and there's
the fucking king of the jungle!

You know, you ladies
should really get some sleep.

Yes, that's right.

We need our beauty sleep because we
have to get a lot of things appraised.

Come on, Bea. Come on.

It was starin'right at me.
I almost shit my fuckin' pants.

So I ran inside
and called the 5-0.

Good night, ladies.

Time to get some levels done.

Okay. All right.

Maybe we can just divide up
the levels and just do them right now.

There's no time.
We're screwed.

Are we gonna get fired?

I mean, you might.
We won't.

Boy, I hope I do.

I'm a worthless asshole
who deserves to die young.

Easy, Kane. He'll be here.
You guys, relax. Have faith.

Don't slit your wrists, Kane.
I'm here.

Gentlemen, Levels 10
through 15, all done.

- Oh, my God.
- I told you.

All right! Who wants
a piece of the gray bush?

Still think I should die.

Thank you. Thank you.

Hopefully, that'll keep away
the bad-energy troll.

Samantha, what's the latest?

Well, Mr. Cheezle, not only have
these guys found all the bugs

but we have detailed instructions on
how to fix 'em. We're back on schedule.

Phenomenal. Phenomenal.
Great energy. Great energy.

I had a dream last night.
I dreamt I was a dove flying over the sea.

And then I dove into the ocean

and I swam with the dolphins.

I was two animals joined as one
which meant good things are coming.

Good things.

Samantha, why don't you take the guys
out for dinner tonight, on Brainasium.

Uh, sure.

- Yeah, Samantha. Take us out.
- Yeah, let's fuckin' rage!

Rage?

You know, Mr. Cheezle, fly with the
seabirds or whatever you were talking about.

Oh, okay. Fair enough. Yeah.
Rage it up. Rage all you want.

Good things are coming.
Good things.

- Hey, Samantha.
- Hey.

Look, sorry I can't
make the dinner tonight.

I just got the new
season of "Buffy" on DVD

and I'm gonna kick it in my crib
and watch the bonus features.

Wow. I didn't even know
that that came out.

It hasn't yet.
I know people.

Cool. Well, you have a
long night ahead of you.

- If you want me to come, I totally will.
- It's all right, don't worry about it.

Or if you wanna call me afterwards,
you totally can, probably.

You know, actually, I'm really tired
so I'm probably not gonna stay out so late.

But I will definitely see you on Monday.

Listen, I realize that it must be really
intimidating to talk to me, you know.

But underneath this genius...

I'm simply a human, you know?
But I'm working on that.

- J.P.?
- Yeah?

- I have to go.
- Okay.

Drive safe.

I have chosen our very best
table for your party.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.
This is our harmony table.

Thank you.

Take a look, please,
at our very exclusive vitamin water list.

- Oh, I'll look at that, yeah.
- Enjoy the harmony.

This is where we get
to have our big dinner, huh?

- Mr. Cheezle picked it.
- There's a shocker.

- This menu sucks.
- The tofu cakes look kinda good, maybe?

Do they even have alcohol?

Actually, we don't serve alcohol.
Bummer, I know.

But this must be your first time
here at Our Lady Health.

I'm Shylo.
I'll be your waiter all day.

I'm sorry. Did you say
your name was Shylo?

- Yeah, Shylo.
- That's weird.

- Jeff.
- What? It's weird.

- He meant gay.
- Stop it.

No alcohol?
This place sucks.

Hey, fella.
Give it a chance.

We do serve shots of wheatgrass.

That's cool, if you wanna
be sober and vomit.

Excuse me, sir. What do you
recommend for appetizers?

You know what everyone's buzzing about
is the bean sprout quesadilla.

You know what? There's a Tommy burger
right down the street.

- Let's just do that, you guys.
- That sounds good.

Look, guys. Come on.

I know the food's a little different here
but it's actually good and good for you.

We don't serve it
with any grease or fat.

If we pay extra, could we
maybe get some grease or fat?

Do you have bathrooms here
or do I have to shit in the plant?

Stupid fucking idiot,
red-shirted ass.

You guys think you're so fucking cool.
It makes me sick!

"Let's go make fun of the vegans and their
crazy lifestyle." We're not hurting anyone.

Go eat a hamburger
and choke on a cow dick.

Aw, someone missed their yoga class
this morning. Come on. Let's go.

- Nice karma, "Guy-blow."
- You said it wrong, stupid. It's Shylo.

- We're really sorry, sir.
- You were sweet.

Thank you, Lilly.

I still can't believe they appraised
that footstool at $200, though.

I know. Who would have thought
that was early Victorian?

I wanted to win some money.

I tried to tell you that was an old piece of
dried dog poop but you didn't wanna believe me.

Poop-poop-pi-doop.

Hey. This tea has
quite a kick. What is it?

I'm not sure. I found this
in one of Sophie's old tins

and I just thought it would be
nice to do it in her memory.

Here's to you, Sophie.

Come on, Kane. Call it!
I'm winning! I'm winning!

- I'm winning! Please! Call it!
- Merry Christmas.

- Please!
- I can't breathe! It's not a joke!

There is absolutely no way that you
could ever beat me at any video game.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

You know, while other girls growing up
were playing with Barbies

I was beatin' my brothers
at "Super Mario".

Ooh, "Super Mario".
Nice name-drop.

- How long have you been a tester?
- Like 10 years?

- Wow.
- I used to be an accountant.

Then I woke up one day
and realized I was miserable.

So I walked into my boss's office
and I said, "Dad, I quit."

"Dad."
Nice name-drop.

At the end of the day, you have
to do what you're passionate about.

Exactly.

Plus, you can't get stoned
and be an accountant.

Make too many mistakes, you lose
people millions of dollars, you get fired.

It's like...

Dude, can we go back to your grandma's
house? I have to use the bathroom.

We are not goin' to my grandma's house.
Go pee in the alley.

- I have to pee out of my ass.
- Oh, man.

You know what? It's too late to go to your
grandma's house. I should get going anyway.

No, no, no. It's not that late.
It's right around the corner. We can totally go.

It's an emergency.

Now, remember. They're probably sleeping,
so please be quiet.

Think I hear voices.

- Is that Spanish?
- Numero dos. Andale.

Hey, Grandma.

I don't understand
what these people are saying.

Chi-Chi Zapata.

Chi-Chi choochy loco-co.

I didn't know you were bringin' people.
I would have trimmed my antlers.

- Your grandma's hilarious.
- Yeah, she's not normally like this.

Is that beer?
Can I have one?

Here, you can have all of them.
Where's the bathroom?

It's upstairs, to the left.

Oh, I love that music.

- Come here, cutie.
- Oh, hey.

Ow, my face.

Hey, Grandma?

Do you think maybe I could talk
to you in the kitchen for a second?

- Oh, sure, honey. I want a beer.
- Okay.

Come on. Why don't we have
that beer in the kitchen?

Okay, honey.

Here's a pill.

Grandma, why aren't you in bed?

Oops. Oh, excuse me.

Well, we were getting...

We were getting ready for bed
and then we had a pot of Sophie's tea.

- What tea?
- Sophie's tea, from the tin on her dresser.

Oh, we thought it would be nice
to drink it in memory of Sophie.

I can hear my hair growing.

You want some soup?

I'm okay, Grandma.

- My grandma drank all my pot.
- That is great.

I'm just saying it's cool. I mean, how many
people get to say that in their lifetime?

- Do you have any more pot?
- No.

I could definitely
smoke a joint right now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Call that weirdo Dante.
- Yeah, call him.

Hey, easy, pothead.
I'll get you your fix.

It's cool if I invited some of my friends
from the Crazy Beaver, right?

Maybe next time you could go a little less
on the crazy and a little more on the beaver.

There's no trouble, bro.
They're people, just like you and me.

Now hit this joint
and have some fun.

This isn't the
"I think I'm a deer" shit, is it?

No, you're smokin' the Frankenstein.

- Why is it Frankenstein?
- 'Cause after you smoke it, you walk like this.

Need food.

Look, I'm the Cookie Monster.

What's up, homey?

Peanut butter.

I love Madame Kamay.

Let's just say I learned a lot
about owning a lion.

He learned better not own one.

- Nice English words, Dr. Shakalu.
- Thank "boo".

Hey, Dante. My girlfriend and I
caught you on the news yesterday.

- Really?
- Yeah.

By "girlfriend", do you mean that piece
of rabbit fur you rub on your dick every night?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, man. Lookin' back,
maybe that lion was a bad idea.

That's why Dr. Shakalu's
hookin' me up with a monkey.

I'm gonna teach it taekwondo.

Yeah, a karate monkey.
You know, that's probably safer.

Yeah. It makes sense.

- Who wants some cereal?
- Yeah!

Colonel Crackers is the best!

Oh, I just wish he would hop off
the box and hang out with us.

I think he's so cute.

Guess I'm not high enough
to get that one.

Guess what else you're not
gonna get, party pooper?

The colonel. Here, honey.

Sucks to be you, nerd.

Hey, has anybody got a light?
I found some weed.

- Oh, I do.
- I wanna smoke it.

- It'll be fun.
- What is this?

It's J.P.'s phone number.

- Lucky you.
- You guys heard him talk like a robot?

He's a fucking psycho.

Hey, we gotta prank call him.
Let's prank call him.

- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes, yes.

Stupid polygon.

Debug! I tried that.

Graphic meter!
No, that's not it.

Shit! This is not working.

You'll never finish.
This game is falling apart.

No, it's not.
Shut up.

You're letting everyone down.
No, I'm not.

I'm gonna make this game, and it's gonna be
the best thing that anyone has ever seen.

Delusional thoughts
from "Fantasy Island".

You'll never get metal legs.
Samantha is fucking Alex.

No, she's not!

Oh, my God.

Hey, look how young
and cute you are.

- Hey. Oh, my God.
- Baby want some milk?

Baby loves milk.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, suck those jugs, kid!

They're so good.

- Oh, kick to the head.
- Yeah!

- There we go. There we go.
- What is that little baby move?

You want an ice cream sandwich?
They're on whole wheat with lettuce.

Oh, no. That's okay. But you know what?
I think the bikers want some in the dining room.

Okay, honey.

Distract me with my grandmother.
Watch this.

X, Y, X. Back-breaker!
Oh,you're dead! I killed you!

So, I mean, what's it like being old?
It's gotta be weird, right?

I mean, you saw
a lot of stuff go down:

World War I, World War Il,
the automobile, Tupac. I mean...

I once gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job.

No way! Was he silent?

Not after I was done with him.

Oh, you're so cute.
You remind me of Charlie.

You little tramp, you.

Cabo Wabo shots.
You're up first, Samantha.

I don't think so.
Tequila really messes me up.

It's supposed to. Come on.

Well, you know, if you don't do it, I'm gonna
do it and that's one more thing I beat you at.

Oh, you asshole!

All right. Pour me one.
You know what? Pour me two.

I feel like Tom Cruise in "Cocktail".

Hey, you don't really have to do two.
I was just kidding.

What's the matter,
nana's boy? Can't hang?

Wow.

Someone ass getting laid tonight.

Doctor, we're not
in the rain forest, man.

My beef strong.

Your beef wrong.

And here I am
with Abbott and Costello.

Wow. Which one did you nail?

One? Try both.

You were a dirty old whore.

What do you mean, were?

Yes.

I wanna sing.

What? You're too wasted to sing.

Whatever. Like there's
such a thing as too wasted.

Sorry.

I fucking love this girl!

Yo, Frankenstein!

Oh.

Oh.

Did I hallucinate
a party last night?

That is adorable.
Look at the little cowboy hat.

Morning.

Well, you must have been
off duty last night, Sheriff.

Great, old pictures, 'cause you know, for a minute
I thought it might be something embarrassing.

- What Halloween was that?
- No, that wasn't Halloween.

- That was his first day at high school.
- Oh. Are those leopard spandex?

Look. You can see his pee-pee.

Okay, okay. The sheriff demands
that those pictures be burned.

Oh, look here.
Look at this report card.

Let's see. All A's.
Impressive.

I'm a genius.
What can I say?

Well, you were up till high school.

Then all of a sudden, he got unfocused.
I guess it was just puberty.

Yeah. It was definitely puberty.

Oh, look at here.

Here's Alex's grandfather
holding baby Alex.

It was 10 years last month.

I'm so sorry.

That's why I like Alex to be in the house
because it makes me feel closer to him.

He loved you so much.

And I loved him, and I love you,
and I love being your roomie.

You would have loved
my grandfather.

He was the coolest. He would have had
a beer or two with us last night.

He would have had 20.

No, he had a problem.

He would have definitely
fit in with that crowd then.

We had such fun last night.
I've gotta get the name of that tea.

Oh, my gosh.
It's already noon.

I should probably get going.
Alex, could you give me a ride?

- Oh, yeah. Totally.
- It was such a pleasure.

- Thank you for showing me all the photos.
- Come any time, sweetheart.

- I've got four more boxes.
- Okay.

- Okay.
- Bye-bye.

- See you later, Grandma.
- Okay.

Hey Barry, I think it's time for you
and the milk maid to go home.

Okay, Alex.

Yeah. West West, yo.

Grace, I have a confession to make.

You were my first.

Really?

Oh, that's sweet.

Let's see. You were my...

I don't know.
3,000 something.

Word up.

I should have worn a condom.

Nice place.

I've never met anyone
with 300 roommates.

Yeah, it gets messy, but
I've got 50 housekeepers, so...

That helps.

- This is my room.
- Here we are.

Yep.

Thanks.

So I will see you on Monday.

See you on Monday.

- Thanks for the ride.
- You're welcome.

Ah, shit.
I forgot my parking ticket.

Hey, I forgot my...

Wow. I just came back
to get my parking ticket.

- Yeah, I know. Here.
- What if I had been the bellboy?

I was kinda hopin' you were.

- I'll see you at work.
- I'll be there.

I'll be the older gentleman.

I am a genius.

Samantha, you will be mine, mine.

Must ingest more fuel.

When did I get a message?

You have one new message.

Hey, J.P., you fuckin' freak.
We're partyin'. Where are you at?

I'll chirp you later.
Here's Sam.

What do I... Hey, J.P.! We celebrated
the game tonight... Jeff, stop it.

Give me the phone.
My name is J.P.

I'm a robot. I like robots.
I have a robot vagina.

I am not amused.

Yes, that's correct.
She gave Charlie Chaplin a hand job.

Yeah. Next question.
Right here.

Do you think that she
invented the hand job?

Ooh. No, I don't.

But she did say she started
the finger in the ass during a blow job.

Yeah. She was a pioneer.

The big news from the party, ladies and
gentlemen, Barry sucked on his first booby.

For 13 hours.

Okay. That's enough.
Thank you.

Jeff, sounded like quite
a fun party Friday.

What do you mean?

I got the hilarious message
that you and Alex left.

Almost as hilarious as your face.

Look, we were just kidding, J.P.
Don't be mad at us.

So where's Alex?

What, did he take the day off
and die of old age?

- No, he went to lunch with Samantha.
- What?

So, who wants to hear about my
S.T.D. from the silent film era?

Yeah, hands up. This chick's pussy
smelled like the Great Depression.

Do you want any snacks, Alex?

Oh. No, thanks, Grandma.
I'm fine.

- Could you get that please, dear?
- Sure thing, Grandma.

- Maybe it's a fireman stripper, Alex.
- I can only hope, Grace.

- What the fuck are you doin' here?
- I need to speak with you, Alex.

It's just that the phone message
really bummed me out.

I can't help it that I'm different.

I just want you guys to like me
and you look at me like I'm a freak.

J.P., I gotta be honest.
The robot voice does not help your cause.

I know.
I do it when I get nervous.

Look, nobody hates you, okay?

I'm gonna talk to Jeff and the other guys
and we'll all go hang out one night.

- And Samantha?
- And Samantha.

Really? That'll be awesome.
Thanks, Alex.

Hey, everyone at Brainasium
totally respects you.

I mean, you created one of the greatest
games ever when you were just a kid.

You're a fuckin' legend, man.

I know.
I am pretty amazing.

- What's that?
- Oh, that's nothing.

It's... Well...

It's this game I've been
designing in my spare time

for the last couple of years.

Wow. This 3-D mapping is so smooth.

- Yeah.
- Did you design it by yourself?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- There's no clipping at all.

- Who did the programming?
- I did that too.

Hey, what can I say?
I'm a 35-year-old prodigy.

Thirty-five-prodi...

The collision detection's
excellent on this.

Hey, you know what?
I could take this home for you

and maybe give you
some notes on it or something.

You know, that's something a normal
person or a friend would do, right?

Yeah, actually.
That would be really cool.

The lighting effects
are really realistic.

Here. Just...

Do me a favor, all right?
Don't be too critical. I'm not a genius.

- I'm a genius.
- Yeah, I know you are.

And also, dude, I haven't told
any of the guys at work about this.

It's kind of a secret.

So just be careful with that
disk and don't tell anyone.

Oh, yeah.
Careful's my middle name.

Actually, it's not.
It's Philip.

- Doctor, hand me a Baggie, please?
- Here go.

Thanks, pal.

This guy's not gonna rip my heart out
of my chest and show it to me, is he?

No. This is Mr. Lee Ho.

He's teaching me and Monkey taekwondo.

I got my yellow belt today.
Monkey got his red belt. He's a quick learner.

Monkey sucker punch!

- That's how I got this fat lip.
- Where's the monkey now?

He's upstairs,
puttin' his nunchakus away.

Yo, that party was off the hook, kid.

Your girl can drink
her fuckin' face off.

Shut up, Monkey!
I got company, dude.

Doctor, can you tell Mr. Lee Ho
to go make the monkey be quiet?

Yes, sir.

- Lee Ho's the real deal. He's full-on Chinese.
- Yeah, I can see that.

What the fuck?

Mr. Lee Ho?

Monkey?

- Oh, shit!
- Monkey, please stop!

You have to cup your arm at the bottom
tightly and then release slowly like this.

Watch.

Try it.

Dude, I can't do it.

Just practice on the weekends
and stuff in your free time. You'll get it.

Don't tell me
your grandma beats you.

That's more believable
than what actually happened.

So, what's this
big meeting about?

I think it's about farting.

Gentlemen, Samantha...

Last night I received
a rough copy of J.P.'s new game

and let me just say that
it invaded my mind with such force,

I thought I was going to explode
into the atmosphere.

It really is amazing.

Yes. If you turn your
attention to the monitor,

I'll give you a glimpse
of the future.

Prepare your minds for "Demonik".

What?

- This is my game.
- Shh. I wanna watch.

Hey, no. No. Stop, please.
This is my game.

What are you saying, Alex?

I've been developing this
game for over three years.

What are you talkin' about?
I've been workin' on this game all year.

You know that, Mr. Cheezle.

Okay, that's bullshit.

Robo-Bitch came over to my house last night.
I showed him this game.

He said he was gonna give me
some notes on it, not fuckin' steal it.

Do you have another copy of the game?

No.

Oh, well.
That's convenient.

Why didn't you tell me
you were designing a game?

I don't know.
I was self-conscious about it.

Oh, how cute. He's just trying
to get into your pants.

Dude, I will come over there and kick your
robot head right off of that skinny fuckin' body.

Wait, Alex. You're really clouding
the energy in this room right now.

Is there any way that you can
prove that this is your game?

- Challenge him, dude.
- Yeah!

What's that gonna prove, Jeff?
He probably stole the game from me

copied it and learned
all the moves in one night.

- Mr. Cheezle, this is sad.
- Okay. That's it!

Whoa!

Wow, Alex.

Dude, you gotta cool down. And you come
back tomorrow and apologize to J.P. I'm sorry.

Apologize? I been bustin'
my ass on this game!

Okay. Now your energy
is really scarin' me.

You know what?
Fuck energy. Fuck J.P.!

Fuck Brainasium.
Fuck all of you. I quit.

Wait! Alex!

Let him go. Let him go.
Let him find his center and realign his chi.

That's right, Monkey.
Play my head.

I want you to take the "Frankenstein Shit",

the "Deer Shit", the "Green Monster",
the "Bling" and the "Bling-Bling"

and I want you to roll it all
into one joint.

No one's ever been
brave enough to try that.

One man is. Roll it.

I'll smoke it with you, bro. We'll go
to the loony bin together. I don't give a fuck.

Hey, Lilly. Is Alex here?

Hi, Samantha. No, honey.
He should be at work.

But why?
Is there something wrong?

No. He's not hurt or anything. There was an
argument at work over this video game, and...

- Alex's game, "Demonik"?
- Yeah. Do you know it?

Of course. I love it.

I'm almost at the final checking point
except I have to deal with those zombies.

They keep biting my neck.

- Hey, Lilly. Could you do me a favor?
- Sure.

I'm videotapin' this for scientific research.
This shit will be on the Discovery Channel.

Don't judge me, Monkey.

I just don't understand it. Why would
anybody do that, try to steal that from him?

I don't know, Lilly,
but he's not gonna...

Keep tryin', guys.
Backstreet for life. Oh, hey.

Hey, Jeff.
Can you find Alex?

I'm gonna take his grandmother to Cheezle's
office and get this mess figured out.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a problem. Totally.
- Thank you.

- Hello, Jeffrey.
- What's up, silver fox?

Why are you so sweaty?

Oh, I started a fight club.

Yeah. So, where's Alex?

We don't know.
Nobody can find him.

I know where he is.
Come on, babe.

You got skills.

What is that ringing?

Do I have a tumor?

Oh. Hello?

- Hey, Dante. Is Alex there?
- Hold on.

The Phone's for you.
I think it's the devil.

- Hello?
- Hey, Alex. You gotta come back to work.

I quit there fuckin' months ago, man.

- How baked are you right now?
- Who is this?

Is this Marv Albert?

God, you're torched. Okay, look.
There's an emergency.

J.P. revealed himself
to be an actual robot

and he kidnapped your grandma,
and he's gonna eat her soul out of her head.

My grandmother's in trouble?
I'll be right there.

He's on his way.

- How much time to we have?
- Enough time to 69.

- Oh. Just like Don Knotts.
- Oh. Hello, Mayberry.

You gotta give me a ride.

I'm way too baked to drive
to the devil's house.

Drive, Monkey! Drive!

I love what you did
with the bit-mapping.

Very stylish, very aggressive,
very, very Miyamoto.

Right. That's what I was going for.

- Excuse me, Mr. Cheezle?
- Yes, Samantha?

- I have proof that J.P. stole Alex's game.
- What proof?

I can't believe this stupidity!

You actually want me to play
a 90-year-old woman?

Ninety?

Grandma, what are you doin' here?

I'm tryin' to show these
people that you are not a liar.

Okay, let's go.
Let's start the game.

All your attention
on the monitors, everybody.

Here I come to get ya.

- Get him!
- There he is. Okay, okay.

Come on!

- Yes!
- Come on!

How about that?

Fireball! Fireball!

Take this Level 2 lightning.

That's not good.
Don't worry. You're fine.

Take a little bit of the plague.

Come on, Grandma. Get up.

- Come on Honey.
- Come on. Get up. Recover.

Hey, it's 4:00.
"Murder, She Wrote" is on.

- Jerk!
- Get him, Lilly. Get him!

Don't forget I'm a prodigy.

And don't forget
it's my grandson's game.

I will taste your flesh!

Yeah, Grandma!

- You guys, stop.
- That's right, Grandma.

I am so sorry
I didn't believe you, Alex.

You know, I had a dream last night.

I was a snake slithering through
the grass until I came upon a dead elk.

And I climbed into his soul.
And it's there I stayed until morning.

Which meant that I will
underestimate someone very close to me.

Wow! Where do you get your weed?

From you, Dante.

Oh, yeah!
What's up, Mr. Cheezle?

Okay, J.P., let's go.

We'll have your mom
come and pick you up.

Take care, J.P.!

Please sit on my face.

That was not appropriate.

To the release of "Demonik".

Cheers, thank you.

Kanpai.

Woo!

Hey, Dante. We're all toasting.

Hold up, yo. I've been savin' this
weed for a special occasion.

- What kind is this?
- This one's called the brown bomber

‘cause when you smoke it,
you get so stoned you shit your pants!

I'm not...
I don't wanna do that.

Yeah, I already shit my pants
this month, so I'm good.

Whatever.

What the fuck was that?

That's a present
Dr. Shakalu and I got for Alex.

Dude, a bag of weed
would have been fine.

Yeah, Monkey!
Karate chop the elephant!