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{\an8}AC
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00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:00,333
{\an8}ACUU
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00:00:00,333 --> 00:00:00,367
{\an8}ACUUM
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00:00:00,367 --> 00:00:00,400
{\an8}ACUUM WH
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00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:00,433
{\an8}ACUUM WHIR
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00:00:00,433 --> 00:00:00,467
{\an8}ACUUM WHIRRI
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{\an8}ACUUM WHIRRING
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{\an8}ACUUM WHIRRING]
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00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:08,441
{\an8}[TURNS OFF VACUUM]
OK, GIVE IT TO ME.
10
00:00:08,541 --> 00:00:10,243
{\an8}OW!
WHAT--WHAT--WHAT--
11
00:00:10,343 --> 00:00:11,544
{\an8}HONEY, WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?
12
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:12,912
{\an8}IT'S 4:00
IN THE MORNING.
13
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:15,515
{\an8}GOD. YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST
TRYING TO GET A HEAD START
14
00:00:15,615 --> 00:00:17,550
{\an8}GETTING THINGS READY
FOR THE BABY SHOWER.
15
00:00:17,650 --> 00:00:19,819
{\an8}THERE IS SO MUCH TO DO.
16
00:00:19,919 --> 00:00:21,321
{\an8}'CAUSE I HAVE
40 PEOPLE COMING.
17
00:00:21,421 --> 00:00:22,655
{\an8}HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN UP, JOY?
18
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,491
{\an8}I DON'T KNOW.
COUPLE HOURS.
19
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,193
{\an8}BUT, YOU KNOW, EDDIE,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET USED
TO THIS SCHEDULE ANYWAY,
20
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:29,262
{\an8}'CAUSE THIS IS WHAT
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE
WHEN THE BABY ARRIVES.
21
00:00:29,362 --> 00:00:31,564
{\an8}JOY, WE'RE NOT
THE PARENTS THIS TIME.
22
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:33,366
{\an8}DOUG AND ALLY
STAY UP ALL NIGHT.
23
00:00:33,466 --> 00:00:34,768
{\an8}THEY RAISE THE BABY.
24
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:37,837
{\an8}YOU AND I, SEE,
WE GET TO SLEEP
THROUGH THE NIGHT
25
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,907
{\an8}SO WE CAN WAKE UP RESTED
AND THEN SPOIL THE BABY.
26
00:00:41,007 --> 00:00:43,476
{\an8}TRUST DOUG AND ALLY
WITH MY GRANDCHILD?
27
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:44,878
{\an8}I DON'T THINK SO.
28
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:47,647
{\an8}ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
I KNOW DOUG IS
A BIT OF A WACKO,
29
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:51,184
{\an8}BUT OUR LITTLE GIRL IS
A STABLE AND--AND
A GOOD KID AND--
30
00:00:51,284 --> 00:00:54,821
{\an8}YEAH, AS LONG AS
SHE'S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
ANOTHER LIVING CREATURE.
31
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:58,291
{\an8}DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MANY PETS
ARE BURIED IN OUR BACKYARD?
32
00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:01,828
{\an8}WHEN IT RAINS, THE LAWN
SHAKES ITSELF OFF.
33
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:04,431
{\an8}OK, LOOK. YOU WANNA
STAY UP, STAY UP.
34
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:05,565
{\an8}I DON'T CARE.
35
00:01:05,665 --> 00:01:08,568
{\an8}OK. LISTEN, I--
I GOTTA MAKE A LIST
36
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:11,137
{\an8}OF ALL THE LISTS
I HAVE TO MAKE.
37
00:01:11,237 --> 00:01:14,274
{\an8}HONEY, LOOK,
I HESITATE TO SAY THIS,
38
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,309
{\an8}BUT DON'T YOU THINK
YOU'RE GETTING
39
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:19,245
{\an8}A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY
WITH ALL THIS STUFF?
40
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:22,949
{\an8}YOU DO HAVE THE TENDENCY
TO DO THAT A LOT.
41
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:25,385
{\an8}NO. COME ON. I'M FINE.
42
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:26,586
{\an8}[TIMER DINGS]
43
00:01:26,686 --> 00:01:29,155
{\an8}OHH! 200 EGGS TO DEVIL.
44
00:01:36,162 --> 00:01:37,864
{\an8}HEY. HEY.
45
00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:39,332
{\an8}BABE, ARE YOU AWAKE?
46
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,834
{\an8}WHAT?
47
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,969
{\an8}ARE YOU AWAKE?
48
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:45,572
{\an8}[GROANS] I AM NOW.
49
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:48,475
{\an8}WHAT'S WRONG?
WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?
50
00:01:48,575 --> 00:01:50,743
{\an8}WELL, THE--THE VACUUMING
WOKE ME UP,
51
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,046
{\an8}BUT--BUT THEN I
STARTED WORRYING
ABOUT SOMETHING.
52
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:55,148
{\an8}OHH. I KNOW, DOUG.
53
00:01:55,248 --> 00:01:57,884
{\an8}WILL THERE EVER BE
ANOTHER "STAR WARS" MOVIE?
54
00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,153
{\an8}DON'T WORRY.
THERE WON'T BE.
55
00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,422
NO. NO, B-BESIDES THAT.
56
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:04,124
I'M--I'M WORRIED
THAT THERE'S GONNA BE
57
00:02:04,224 --> 00:02:06,426
A BIG SHOW ABOUT YOU
HAVIN' A BABY,
58
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,995
AND THEN THE BABY'LL
NEVER APPEAR
ON CAMERA AGAIN,
59
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:10,930
BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT
HAPPENS IN SITCOMS.
60
00:02:11,030 --> 00:02:13,833
BABY'S BORN, AND THEN
YOU DON'T SEE IT
61
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:15,869
UNTIL IT'S 4 YEARS OLD
AND SARCASTIC.
62
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:19,739
OH, HONEY, I THINK
IT'S TIME YOU GO SEE
DR. BIALIK AGAIN.
63
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:22,775
THAT'S FINE, BECAUSE I
LIKE MY SCENES WITH HER.
64
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:27,113
IN FACT, I DON'T KNOW
WHY SHE DOESN'T
HAVE HER OWN SHOW.
65
00:02:27,213 --> 00:02:28,381
OH, YOU SHOULD TELL HER THAT.
66
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:30,383
I'M SURE SHE'D BE
PLEASED TO HEAR IT.
67
00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,519
I MEAN, "BLOSSOM"
WAS A GREAT SHOW.
68
00:02:32,619 --> 00:02:34,787
IT HAS JOEY LAWRENCE,
WHO WAS REALLY
GOOD-LOOKIN',
69
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:36,055
A-AND HE SAID, "WHOA,"
70
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,691
AND, UH,
IT HAD BLOSSOM'S
BEST FRIEND, SIX,
71
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:42,195
PLAYED BY JENNA VON OY,
WHO WAS REALLY
CUTE AND SASSY,
72
00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:44,564
AND HER BROTHER
ANTHONY, WHO CONQUERED
DRUG ADDICTION
73
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:45,999
AND BECAME A PARAMEDIC.
74
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:48,701
DID YOU KNOW THAT
HIS NAME IS, UH,
MICHAEL STOYANOV
75
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,270
AND HE'S STILL AN ACTOR?
76
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:53,540
IN FACT, HE PLAYED
ONE OF THE CLOWNS
IN "THE DARK KNIGHT."
77
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,509
WELL, WHY DO YOU KNOW
SO MUCH ABOUT "BLOSSOM"?
78
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:58,011
I--I DON'T KNOW.
79
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,347
I DIDN'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT IT
UNTIL THIS EPISODE.
80
00:03:01,447 --> 00:03:03,216
[LIKE JOEY]
WHOA.
81
00:03:06,352 --> 00:03:07,420
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
82
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,822
IS THE COAST CLEAR?
BABY SHOWER OVER?
83
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,558
YES, IT IS.
84
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:15,128
WOW. FOR THE FIRST
TIME, THE CARPET
MATCHES THE DRAPES.
85
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,664
[LAUGHS] SO...
86
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,499
HOW DID WE DO?
HOW WAS THE TAKE?
87
00:03:19,599 --> 00:03:23,203
HOW WAS THE HAUL?
HOW MUCH LOOT
DID WE MAKE?
88
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,505
OH, LITTLE BIT
UNDERWHELMING,
I WOULD SAY.
89
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:28,208
WE, UH--WELL, WE GOT
A BUNCH OF RATTLES.
90
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,910
AND A HIGHCHAIR,
A YEAR'S SUPPLY OF DIAPERS,
91
00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,379
AND A PAIR
OF FLAMMABLE PAJAMAS.
92
00:03:33,479 --> 00:03:35,582
MOM, I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU'RE BEING
SO NEGATIVE.
93
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:37,250
I MEAN, ASIDE FROM
THE FLAMMABLE PAJAMAS,
94
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:38,651
WE COULD USE
ALL THIS STUFF.
95
00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:39,852
Doug: HEY, EVERYBODY.
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00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:43,122
SO, UH, I'M NOT FAMILIAR
WITH BABY SHOWERS.
97
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,124
IS THIS--IS THIS
GOOD OR BAD?
98
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,160
MM, BAD. BUT HARDLY
ANYONE SHOWED UP.
99
00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:49,062
YOU GUYS DIDN'T WANT
TO INVITE ANYBODY,
100
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:51,331
AND APPARENTLY EDDIE AND I
HAVE NO FRIENDS.
101
00:03:51,431 --> 00:03:53,900
WHAT ABOUT THE WOODCOCKS
OR KENNY?
102
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,803
AND THE OTHER 5 GIRLS
WHO'VE PLAYED ALLY?
103
00:03:56,903 --> 00:04:00,506
HOW ABOUT THE, UH,
RICH NEIGHBOR NEXT DOOR
AND HIS HOT WIFE,
104
00:04:00,607 --> 00:04:04,410
OR--OR WAS IT TOO
EXPENSIVE TO FLY 'EM OUT
FROM NEW YORK?
105
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,879
HE'S HAVING
A RELAPSE
OF SITCOMOSIS.
106
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,348
HE'S SEEING
DR. BIALIK.
107
00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:10,617
I ALREADY MADE
AN APPOINTMENT
FOR HIM.
108
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,518
YEAH, NOT THAT
IT'S GONNA MAKE
ANY DIFFERENCE,
109
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,988
BECAUSE WHEN
WE'RE NOT ON CAMERA,
NONE OF US EXIST.
110
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,992
OK, DOUG, FOR THE LAST TIME,
WE ARE NOT IN A SITCOM,
111
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,827
AND WE EXIST
ALL THE TIME.
112
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:23,730
OK, THEN WHY DO I HAVE
THESE GIANT GAPS
IN MY MEMORY?
113
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:25,932
OH,
I'D LIKE TO TAKE
A CRACK AT THAT.
114
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,334
UH, COULD IT BE
BECAUSE ALL THE WEED
YOU SMOKED?
115
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,137
OK. YOU SEE?
HOW COME WE CAN'T EVEN
HAVE A CONVERSATION
116
00:04:31,237 --> 00:04:32,605
AND TALK LIKE
NORMAL PEOPLE?
117
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,408
HOW COME
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE
PART OF A RUNNING GAG?
118
00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:37,310
MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE
A WALKING JOKE.
119
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:38,811
[LAUGHS]
120
00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:41,180
I'LL GO TALK TO HIM.
121
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,717
HE ALWAYS GETS LIKE THIS
TOWARD THE END
OF THE SEASON.
122
00:04:44,817 --> 00:04:46,119
NOT LIKE I WOULD KNOW.
123
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:48,921
YEAH, YEAH,
BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T
HERE LAST SEASON.
124
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,456
OK, HONEY. COME ON.
125
00:04:56,863 --> 00:05:00,166
I'M TELLING YOU, WHITEY,
HER BEHAVIOR'S GETTING
MORE AND MORE MANIC.
126
00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:02,835
SHE'S UP ALL HOURS
OF THE NIGHT DOING
HOUSEKEEPING
127
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,504
OR WORKING ON
HER CRAZY LISTS
128
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:05,905
OR OBSESSING
ABOUT THE BABY.
129
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:07,640
MM-HMM. THAT'S NOT
UNUSUAL, EDDIE.
130
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,542
IT'S CALLED
MATERNAL TRANSFERENCE.
131
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:11,577
FOR INSTANCE,
WHEN MY SISTER GOT PREGNANT,
132
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,279
MY MOTHER STARTED LACTATING.
133
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:18,051
ON THE UPSIDE,
I DIDN'T HAVE TO PAY
FOR HALF-AND-HALF FOR 6 MONTHS.
134
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,552
LOOK AT THIS CRAZY LIST
SHE MADE HERE
135
00:05:19,652 --> 00:05:21,020
OF ALL THE STUFF SHE
WANTS TO GET THE BABY.
136
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,422
OH, WOW. WHOA.
137
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,991
AND EVERYTHING
ON THIS LIST,
THE BEST MONEY CAN BUY.
138
00:05:25,091 --> 00:05:26,826
WHY DOES IT HAVE
TO BE THE BEST?
WE'RE NOT THE BEST.
139
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:28,895
WHY CAN'T IT BE,
UH, PRETTY GOOD
140
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,864
OR--OR NOT BAD
IF YOU'RE FEELIN'
FLUSH, RIGHT?
141
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,800
A-AND LOOK AT THIS
BABY STROLLER.
142
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:35,868
THIS COSTS MORE
THAN MY FIRST CAR.
143
00:05:35,968 --> 00:05:38,471
YET SHE STILL BUYS ME
GENERIC HEART MEDICINE.
144
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:41,341
WELL, IT'S A STOKKE.
THAT'S THE BEST YOU
CAN GET THERE.
145
00:05:41,441 --> 00:05:45,978
YOU GET DISC BRAKES
AND A ROLLOVER BAR,
A CHEMICAL TOILET ONBOARD.
146
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,947
WELL, HOW DO YOU
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
147
00:05:48,047 --> 00:05:50,049
I HAVE ONE.
WHY WOULD YOU HAVE ONE?
148
00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:53,019
I COLLECT THINGS
WITH WHEELS, EDDIE.
149
00:05:53,119 --> 00:05:55,555
WOW. THAT'S
A LOT OF THINGS.
150
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:56,689
YEAH, IT SURE IS.
151
00:05:56,789 --> 00:05:58,991
YOU GOT CHEESE
AND HAMSTER AND FERRIS.
152
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:01,027
THERE'S A WHOLE
ROUND WORLD OUT THERE.
153
00:06:02,395 --> 00:06:05,365
ANYWAY, I WOULD
LIKE TO GIVE DOUG AND ALLY,
154
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:08,067
UH, THAT STOKKE AS A GIFT.
155
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:10,236
WELL, UH,
ARE YOU SURE, WHITEY?
156
00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:12,538
[SIGHS]
157
00:06:12,638 --> 00:06:14,006
WHITEY?
158
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:15,575
YES. YES, I'M SURE.
159
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:20,213
I-IT WOULD BE GOOD FOR ME,
AND IT WOULD BE
GOOD FOR THE BABY.
160
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,983
WOW. THAT I--
THANK YOU. YOU ARE
AN AMAZING FRIEND.
161
00:06:24,083 --> 00:06:27,954
I DON'T THINK YOU AND I
COULD BE CLOSER IF ONE
OF US WAS A FLORIST.
162
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,323
MORE COFFEE?
163
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,657
UM, APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU.
164
00:06:31,758 --> 00:06:32,792
YOU BET.
165
00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:35,628
SO EVERYTHING
WITH WHEELS, HUH?
166
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:36,796
OH, YEAH.
167
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,132
I HAVE SPENT HOURS
AT THE VA HOSPITAL.
168
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,633
HEH HEH HEH.
169
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:44,904
Eddie: JOY.
170
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:46,239
JOY.
171
00:06:47,573 --> 00:06:49,208
WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?
172
00:06:49,308 --> 00:06:50,710
I'M IN--I'M IN
THE BATHROOM.
173
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,412
WH-WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THE TOILET SEAT?
174
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:53,880
I CAN'T GET IT UP.
175
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:57,784
IS THAT ONE PROBLEM OR TWO?
176
00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,186
STOP SCREWIN' AROUND,
JOY. I'VE GOTTA PEE.
177
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,388
WHAT'S WRONG WITH
THE TOILET SEAT?
178
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:04,924
OH, I PUT A LOCK ON IT.
179
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:06,259
WHAT?!
180
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:08,194
I PUT A LOCK ON IT.
181
00:07:08,294 --> 00:07:10,630
IS THERE SOMETHING
VALUABLE IN THERE?
182
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,366
NO. IT'S BABYPROOFING.
183
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:14,667
O-OK. LISTEN TO ME.
184
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:16,002
I DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR THIS.
185
00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,271
HOW DO YOU
UNLOCK IT?
186
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:21,140
[SIGHS] YOU PUT YOUR HAND
UNDER THE THING,
187
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,709
AND THEN YOU PUT
YOUR RIGHT INDEX FINGER,
188
00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:27,680
AND YOU FIND THE LITTLE LATCH,
AND YOU PULL THE LATCH FORWARD.
189
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,016
[WATER RUNNING]
190
00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:32,618
ARE YOU TAKING A SHOWER?
191
00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:34,620
PART OF ME IS.
192
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,924
EWW.
193
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:40,092
ALMOST DONE.
194
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,361
[SIGHS]
195
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:47,300
JOY-JOY, HONEY...
HMM?
196
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,970
WE, UM--
WE HAVE TO HAVE
A CONVERSATION.
197
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:53,539
YOU'RE OUT
OF YOUR MIND.
198
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:55,241
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT?
NO. YOU'RE WRONG.
199
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,109
I'VE NEVER BEEN
MORE IN MY MIND.
200
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:01,113
IF WE DON'T TAKE CARE
OF THIS KID, THEN WHO'S GONNA
TAKE CARE OF IT, HUH?
201
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,715
OK, LISTEN TO ME.
202
00:08:02,815 --> 00:08:06,118
THE BABY WON'T EVEN
BE WALKING ON HIS OWN
FOR AT LEAST A YEAR.
203
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:09,889
WE DON'T HAVE
TO GO AROUND NOW AND
START LOCKING TOILETS
204
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:12,892
OR BUYING EVERYTHING
THAT'S ON YOUR LISTS.
205
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:15,928
I WANNA DO EVERYTHING
IN ADVANCE.
206
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:19,799
BABY, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
THE BEST GRANDCHILD
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
207
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:22,668
HE'S--HE'S GONNA BE
A GENIUS.
208
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:25,538
DON'T SAY THAT, JOY.
WE DON'T WANT A GENIUS.
209
00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:27,974
GENIUSES CAN'T DEAL
WITH THE REAL WORLD.
210
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:30,877
THEY BECOME CREEPS
O-OR SERIAL KILLERS
211
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,078
A-AND "SIMPSONS"
WRITERS.
212
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,880
WH-WHAT WE WANT,
REALLY, IS A KID
213
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,982
WHO COULD THROW
A FOOTBALL 80 YARDS.
214
00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:37,917
WE DON'T WANT
A BABY GENIUS.
215
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,452
WE WANT
A BABY TOM BRADY.
216
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:42,421
WHY? BECAUSE
QUARTERBACKS GET TO
SLEEP WITH SUPERMODELS.
217
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,656
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
218
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:45,791
NOW GET IN HERE AND HELP
ME UNLOCK THE TOILET,
219
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:48,461
OR ELSE YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO RETILE
THE SHOWER.
220
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,765
[SPUTTERS]
221
00:08:58,137 --> 00:08:59,939
THIS IS WEIRD.
222
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,807
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
223
00:09:01,908 --> 00:09:05,077
THESE PEOPLE USED TO BE
PART OF MY FAKE LIFE
ON "BLOSSOM,"
224
00:09:05,177 --> 00:09:06,746
AND NOW WE'RE SITTING HERE
MAKING A REALITY SHOW
225
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:08,214
ABOUT PEOPLE WHO USED
TO BE ON SITCOMS.
226
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:10,583
I MEAN, IT REALLY DOESN'T
GET MUCH WEIRDER THAN THAT.
227
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,885
AND WE'RE ACTUALLY
PAYING TO BE HERE.
228
00:09:12,985 --> 00:09:14,287
OH, SHUT UP, MICHAEL.
229
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,955
DON'T TELL ME
TO SHUT UP. I WAS
IN "DARK KNIGHT."
230
00:09:16,055 --> 00:09:17,523
OK, I'VE SEEN THE FILM,
LIKE, 10 TIMES.
231
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:18,991
I STILL DON'T KNOW
WHICH CLOWN YOU WERE.
232
00:09:19,091 --> 00:09:20,159
THE FUNNY ONE.
233
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,694
THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE FUNNY.
234
00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:23,262
YOU KNOW, WELL,
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU BEEN
DOIN' ANYTHING.
235
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:24,797
AH, ACTUALLY I DID
AN EPISODE OF "COLD CASE."
236
00:09:24,897 --> 00:09:26,899
IT WAS THE ONE ABOUT
YOUR MISSING CAREER.
237
00:09:26,999 --> 00:09:28,134
OH, BRAVO.
238
00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,869
OH, AND I ALSO DID
A "FAMILY GUY."
239
00:09:29,969 --> 00:09:31,103
REALLY?
MMM.
240
00:09:31,203 --> 00:09:32,271
DOES HIS WIFE KNOW?
241
00:09:32,371 --> 00:09:34,307
WOW. THAT'S YOUR JOKE?
STILL GOT IT.
242
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,808
THAT'S THE JOKE? GOOD.
ZING.
243
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,143
OK. UM, WE'RE--
244
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:38,344
WE'RE LOSING FOCUS HERE.
245
00:09:38,444 --> 00:09:40,212
WE'RE--WE'RE HERE
TO HELP DOUG.
246
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:42,949
WHO DID YOU PLAY
ON THE SHOW?
247
00:09:43,049 --> 00:09:45,718
WERE YOU THAT GUY
IN THE PARTY SCENE
WITH TOBEY MAGUIRE?
248
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:47,820
N-NO. I WASN'T
ON "BLOSSOM."
249
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:49,889
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WHY IS HE HERE?
250
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:54,126
DOUG BELIEVES THAT HE'S
LIVING IN A SITCOM RIGHT NOW,
251
00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:56,963
SO I THOUGHT IT
WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIM
TO SEE THE DISTINCTION
252
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:59,432
BETWEEN PEOPLE WHO WERE
ACTUALLY ON A SITCOM
253
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:04,236
VERSUS THE FANTASY OF BELIEVING
YOU'RE CURRENTLY IN ONE.
254
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,972
AND YOU
REALLY BELIEVE THAT?
255
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:08,407
YEP. I DO, ACTUALLY.
256
00:10:08,507 --> 00:10:10,376
OK, SO WHEN IS
YOUR SHOW "ON"?
257
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:13,579
UM, WELL,
IT'S NOT ACTUALLY ON
RIGHT NOW.
258
00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:16,482
UH, I DON'T--
I DON'T THINK.
259
00:10:16,582 --> 00:10:18,684
UH, I MEAN,
260
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:21,153
WE'VE HAD A LOT
OF DIFFERENT
TIME SLOTS
261
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:22,755
AND, UH, LIKE,
5 DIFFERENT
ACTRESSES
262
00:10:22,855 --> 00:10:23,923
PLAYING MY WIFE.
263
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,958
YOU KNOW, WE HAD
A LITTLE SAYING
264
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:27,493
ON THE
"DARK KNIGHT" SET.
265
00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,229
IF YOU ARE NOT ON,
YOU ARE NOT ON.
266
00:10:31,497 --> 00:10:32,865
SAID THAT A LOT
ON "DARK KNIGHT," HUH?
267
00:10:32,965 --> 00:10:34,100
THAT'S RIGHT.
268
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,636
CHRISTIAN BALE,
NICE GUY?
269
00:10:36,736 --> 00:10:39,171
WHO?
YEAH.
270
00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,240
WE'RE DRIFTING AGAIN, FOLKS.
271
00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:43,509
LET'S TRY AND FOCUS
ON DOUG'S PROBLEM.
272
00:10:43,609 --> 00:10:45,811
I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND
WHAT DOUG'S PROBLEM IS.
273
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,179
HE'S NOT ON A SITCOM.
274
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:50,416
I MEAN, IF HE IS,
HE'S ON ONE NOBODY'S
EVER SEEN.
275
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:53,085
BUT--BUT SOMETIMES
I SEE BOOMS OR--
276
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,154
OR LIGHTING GUYS
AND STAGEHANDS.
277
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:58,257
MAYBE YOU'RE ON
A TYLER PERRY SHOW.
278
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:01,127
UH, I--I DON'T THINK SO.
279
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,763
WHOA.
280
00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:05,097
UH, WHO IS
THIS GUY?
281
00:11:05,197 --> 00:11:07,900
OH, THIS IS
GARY SHAPIRO.
HE THINKS HE'S JOEY.
282
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,102
LISTEN, GARY,
YOU MAY HAVE
JOEY'S HAIR,
283
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:12,304
BUT YOU SURE DON'T
HAVE HIS BODY.
284
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:15,474
I'M WORKING ON IT.
DR. BIALIK,
285
00:11:15,574 --> 00:11:18,310
I THOUGHT THESE SESSIONS
WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTIVE.
286
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,813
IT'S THE WORST
35 BUCKS I'VE EVER SPENT.
287
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:23,149
$35?
YOU'RE CHARGING ME 70.
288
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,417
YOU WERE
IN "DARK KNIGHT."
289
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,218
I WAS
CLOWN NUMBER 3!
290
00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,887
COMPLAIN TO YOUR AGENT,
MICHAEL, NOT TO ME.
291
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,423
IF I COULD GET HIM
ON THE PHONE, DON'T
YOU THINK I WOULD?
292
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,624
[ALL ARGUING]
293
00:11:31,724 --> 00:11:33,059
HEY, HEY, HEY!
EVERYBODY,
294
00:11:33,159 --> 00:11:36,529
I--I DON'T THINK
FIGHTING IS GONNA
HELP ANY OF US.
295
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,431
DOUG IS RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I THINK
296
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,533
THIS MAY NOT HAVE BEEN
A VERY GOOD IDEA.
297
00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:43,936
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD
TO MIX A LITTLE REALITY
WITH FANTASY,
298
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,638
BUT I'M SORRY, DOUG.
I WAS WRONG.
299
00:11:45,738 --> 00:11:46,872
YEAH, YOU SURE WERE,
SISTER.
300
00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:50,109
CAN I GET A PRESCRIPTION
FOR PERCOCET?
301
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,410
NO.
302
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,546
THEN WHY AM I HERE?
303
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,381
COME ON, FAKE JOEY.
304
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:58,684
LET'S GO GET WASTED
AND TRY AND GET ON
DR. DREW'S SHOW.
305
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:00,820
WHOA.
306
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:04,924
CAN YOU VALIDATE ME?
307
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:07,793
YOU'RE A GREAT ACTRESS.
308
00:12:07,893 --> 00:12:10,162
OHH. THANK YOU. HEH.
309
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:11,430
GOOD LUCK, DOUG.
310
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:12,631
OH, THANKS.
311
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,600
OH, AND, UH,
IF YOU EVER DO
312
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,068
CHANGE
WIVES AGAIN
ON THE SHOW,
313
00:12:16,168 --> 00:12:17,369
I'M AVAILABLE.
314
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:20,139
I COULD BE YOUR WIFE
NUMBER 6. HELLO.
315
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,707
HEY. THAT COULD HAPPEN.
ON OUR SHOW,
316
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:24,777
WE'VE GONE THROUGH
MORE ACTRESSES THAN
WARREN BEATTY.
317
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,245
AH HEH. OK.
318
00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:27,947
WELL,
HERE'S MY CARD.
319
00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,281
STAY IN TOUCH.
320
00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:32,585
OH. BY THE WAY,
YOU WERE ALWAYS
MY FAVORITE ONE.
321
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:35,020
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU WERE THE HOT ONE.
322
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:40,659
NOT SMART, DOUG.
WE'RE DONE HERE.
323
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,294
UH, R-REALLY?
324
00:12:42,394 --> 00:12:43,996
22 MINUTES, WE GOTTA
WRAP EVERYTHING UP.
325
00:12:44,096 --> 00:12:46,265
RUSTY, CUE THEME SONG.
326
00:12:46,365 --> 00:12:49,902
{\an8}♪ IT'S
"THE DR. BIALIK SHOW" ♪
327
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:55,341
[DOORBELL RINGS]
328
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,710
HEY, WHITEY.
329
00:12:57,810 --> 00:12:58,978
HI, JOY.
[GASPS]
330
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,480
OH, MY GOD. IT'S A--
IT'S A STOKKE.
331
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,615
YES, IT IS.
332
00:13:02,715 --> 00:13:06,652
WOW. THE KIDS ARE
GONNA BE SO STOKKED.
333
00:13:06,752 --> 00:13:08,320
EDDIE DIDN'T TELL YOU?
334
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,089
I THOUGHT HE WAS
KIDDING, YOU KNOW?
335
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,525
I THOUGHT IT WAS ONE OF
THOSE JOKES YOU FREAKS
PLAY ON EACH OTHER.
336
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,593
NO, JOY. IT'S NO JOKE.
337
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:17,830
THIS IS--THIS IS
MY LITTLE GIFT
TO THE NEW BABY.
338
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:21,100
WOW. THAT IS
AN EXTREMELY
GENEROUS GIFT.
339
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,235
I MEAN, THESE THINGS
COST A FORTUNE.
340
00:13:23,335 --> 00:13:25,104
OH, NO. THE COST IS--
IS MEANINGLESS
341
00:13:25,204 --> 00:13:27,873
WHEN IT COMES
TO THE HAPPINESS OF
EDDIE'S GRANDCHILD.
342
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:29,608
AND MY GRANDCHILD.
YEAH.
343
00:13:29,708 --> 00:13:32,011
WHATEVER.
344
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:34,947
WELL, THANK YOU.
I--I WANNA SHOW IT
TO THE KIDS.
345
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:37,483
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS
346
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:41,353
ABOUT THESE STROLLERS
IS THEY CAN ALSO BE
USED AS A CAR SEAT AND--
347
00:13:41,453 --> 00:13:42,588
Both: BASSINET. YEAH.
348
00:13:42,688 --> 00:13:43,856
I KNOW.
IT'S FABULOUS.
349
00:13:43,956 --> 00:13:45,090
IT'S FANTASTIC.
YEAH.
350
00:13:45,191 --> 00:13:46,292
I'M GONNA GO
SHOW IT TO ALLY.
351
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,626
OK. YOU KNOW,
MAYBE I SHOULD SHOW YOU
352
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:51,063
HOW TO, YOU KNOW,
WORK SOME OF THESE FEATURES.
353
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:52,565
OH, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO SHOW US.
354
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,366
NO, WE'LL--
WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
355
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:56,569
IT WAS SO,
SO GENEROUS, AGAIN,
356
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,405
OF YOU TO GIVE IT TO...
357
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,739
US.
358
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,274
ALL RIGHTY.
359
00:14:02,374 --> 00:14:03,609
OK, THEN.
360
00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:07,379
SO I GUESS
I'LL JUST GO.
361
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:08,647
OK.
362
00:14:08,747 --> 00:14:09,849
YEAH. WELL,
363
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,885
GOOD-BYE, CYNTHIA.
364
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,420
MY NAME'S JOY.
365
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,222
I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU.
366
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:23,929
Joy: ALLY! G-MAMA
IS IN THE HOUSE!
367
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:25,464
COME IN.
368
00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,132
SURPRISE.
369
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,834
GOT SOMETHIN'
FOR THE BABY.
370
00:14:28,934 --> 00:14:31,170
STOP, MOM.
STOP RIGHT THERE.
371
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,471
WHAT?
WELL...
372
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:33,639
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
373
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:35,174
THERE ISN'T ANY ROOM
FOR ANYTHING ELSE.
374
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,642
THERE ISN'T
EVEN ANY ROOM
FOR THE BABY.
375
00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:38,143
OH, STOP IT.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
376
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,546
ONCE WE GET EVERYTHING
OUT OF THE BOXES
377
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:42,615
AND SET IT ALL UP,
IT'S GONNA BE PERFECT.
378
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:45,017
NO, NO. IT'S TOO MUCH.
LOOK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
379
00:14:45,117 --> 00:14:46,352
WHAT TO DO WITH HALF
OF THIS STUFF.
380
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:47,853
I APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
381
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:49,989
BUT, YOU KNOW,
I JUST WANTED
A SIMPLE PAPOOSE SLING,
382
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,290
NOT SOME GIANT STROLLER.
383
00:14:51,390 --> 00:14:53,592
ALLY, YOUR HORMONES
ARE GOING CRAZY.
384
00:14:53,692 --> 00:14:56,262
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
YOU NEED ALL THIS STUFF.
385
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,830
READ ANY BABY BLOG.
386
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,399
I DIDN'T HAVE
ANY OF THIS STUFF
WHEN I WAS A BABY,
387
00:15:00,499 --> 00:15:01,600
AND I TURNED OUT FINE.
388
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,235
YOU'RE HOMELESS
AND PREGNANT.
389
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,738
YOU'RE A BANJO AND
A CLEFT PALATE AWAY
FROM "DELIVERANCE."
390
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,108
AND YOU'VE GOT A BANJO.
391
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:10,843
COME ON, BABE. LISTEN.
392
00:15:10,943 --> 00:15:12,845
YOUR DAD AND I, WE DID--
393
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,947
WE DID A LOT
OF THINGS WRONG.
394
00:15:15,047 --> 00:15:16,548
NO. NO, YOU DIDN'T.
395
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:20,152
I LOVE THAT BEER CAN
MOBILE THAT WAS STRUNG
ABOVE MY CRIB.
396
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,487
THAT WASN'T A MOBILE.
397
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,489
WE DIDN'T HAVE ROOM
IN THE FRIDGE.
398
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,724
WELL, LOOK. I'M GONNA
BE PERFECTLY FINE,
399
00:15:25,824 --> 00:15:27,192
AND THE BABY'S
GONNA BE PERFECTLY FINE.
400
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:29,094
THERE'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.
401
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:32,398
I DON'T THINK I LIKE
YOUR ATTITUDE, YOUNG LADY.
402
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,599
WHAT?
403
00:15:33,699 --> 00:15:35,601
ALL THIS "EVERYTHING'S
GONNA BE PERFECTLY FINE"
404
00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:37,703
LA-DI-DA ATTITUDE.
405
00:15:37,803 --> 00:15:40,272
COME ON. IF THE GREATEST
GENERATION HAD SAID,
406
00:15:40,372 --> 00:15:42,942
"EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE FINE,"
AFTER PEARL HARBOR,
407
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,377
WE'D ALL BE
SPEAKING JAPANESE.
408
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:48,080
ARE YOU COMPARING
THE FACT THAT I DON'T
WANT A STROLLER
409
00:15:48,180 --> 00:15:49,415
TO WORLD WAR I?
410
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:51,116
AND CLEARLY WE'VE
GOT TO GET THIS KID
411
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,719
INTO A BETTER SCHOOL
THAN YOU WENT TO.
412
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:56,055
MOM, I THINK YOU'RE
JUST BEING A LITTLE
OVER THE TOP.
413
00:15:56,155 --> 00:16:00,292
OH, YEAH? IF I'M
OVER THE TOP, THEN YOU'RE
UNDER THE BOTTOM.
414
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,927
MOM, LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
415
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,229
I MEAN, I THINK
IT LOOKS LIKE THE INSIDE
OF YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW.
416
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,299
IT'S CLUTTERED
AND FILLED WITH
UNNECESSARY STUFF.
417
00:16:07,399 --> 00:16:08,767
IT'S JUST TOO MUCH.
418
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:10,736
OK, THIS--
THIS IS NOT CLUTTER.
419
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:12,104
THIS IS LOVE.
420
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,772
Doug: IT'S CLUTTER.
421
00:16:14,573 --> 00:16:17,176
DOUG? WHERE ARE YOU?
422
00:16:17,276 --> 00:16:19,111
I'M ON THE BED.
I--I FELL ASLEEP,
423
00:16:19,211 --> 00:16:21,613
AND THEN THERE
WAS A CAVE-IN.
424
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:22,915
SEE? IT'S TOO MUCH.
425
00:16:23,015 --> 00:16:25,451
DON'T WORRY, HONEY.
I'M COMIN'
TO GET YA.
426
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:27,586
I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS.
427
00:16:28,954 --> 00:16:28,988
{\an8}RB
428
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:29,021
{\an8}RBEL
429
00:16:29,021 --> 00:16:29,054
{\an8}RBELL
430
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:29,088
{\an8}RBELL RI
431
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:29,188
{\an8}RBELL RING
432
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:29,221
{\an8}RBELL RINGS]
433
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:35,461
HEY, WHITEY.
434
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:36,695
HI, EDDIE.
435
00:16:36,795 --> 00:16:38,097
WHAT'S THIS?
436
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:41,233
IT'S A STOKKE,
JUST EXACTLY LIKE
THE ONE I GAVE YOU.
437
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:44,370
WELL, WH-WHY?
SHE'S NOT HAVIN' TWINS.
438
00:16:44,470 --> 00:16:47,006
I KNOW. I NEED THE ONE
I GAVE YOU BACK--CYNTHIA.
439
00:16:47,106 --> 00:16:49,174
WH-WHY ARE YOU
CALLING ME CYNTHIA?
440
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:50,576
NO, THAT'S
THE STROLLER'S NAME.
441
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,711
EVERYTHING I OWN
HAS A NAME, EDDIE.
442
00:16:52,811 --> 00:16:57,716
I MEAN, THE GLOVES ARE
JOHNNY WINTER AND EDGAR.
443
00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,418
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
444
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:02,221
I'M A HOARDER, EDDIE.
I AM A HOARDER.
445
00:17:02,321 --> 00:17:04,256
I--I HOARD THINGS.
446
00:17:04,356 --> 00:17:06,759
I CAN'T LET GO OF ANYTHING
I'VE EVER TOUCHED.
447
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,862
I MEAN, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE
MY COLLECTION OF DOORKNOBS
448
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:13,365
AND PLACE MATS AND LAMPS AND
LICENSE PLATES AND EYEGLASSES
449
00:17:13,465 --> 00:17:16,135
AND NUDE PHOTOS
OF MAILMEN AND--
450
00:17:16,235 --> 00:17:17,836
OK, I GET IT.
I--I GET IT.
451
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,004
YOU'RE--
YOU'RE A HOARDER.
452
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,907
YEAH. AND I THOUGHT
I COULD GET OVER IT,
453
00:17:22,007 --> 00:17:24,443
YOU KNOW, USING MY DESIRE
TO HELP YOU,
454
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,111
BUT IT JUST DIDN'T WORK.
455
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,780
ANYWAY...
456
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,848
MY SKIN HAS NEVER
TOUCHED THIS STROLLER,
457
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:32,785
SO I HAVE
NO EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.
I WONDER IF YOU COU--
458
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:36,422
IF YOU COULD JUST
TRADE 'EM OUT WITH ME,
THAT WOULD BE...
459
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,891
OK. SURE. YOU WANT ME
TO SWITCH THE STROLLERS.
460
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,726
PLEASE.
OK. ALL RIGHT.
461
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:43,662
I WILL DO THAT.
I WILL GO GET YOU CINDY.
462
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,697
HEH HEH. NO. NO.
IT'S CYNTHIA.
463
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:47,833
CINDY IS A BOWLING BALL.
464
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:52,037
THANKS. AND A TIP
OF THE HENRY TO YOU.
465
00:17:52,137 --> 00:17:53,906
OK.
466
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:56,608
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
467
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:57,876
Joy: ME!
468
00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,044
IT'S OPEN.
469
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,547
HEY, I WAS GONNA
MAKE SOME LUNCH--
470
00:18:01,647 --> 00:18:03,215
WHERE THE HELL
IS EVERYTHING?
471
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,450
IT'S IN THE GARAGE.
472
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:05,818
OH, GOOD THINKING.
473
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,985
WE COULD PAINT.
474
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,855
'CAUSE I HAVE AN IDEA
FOR A COWBOY MURAL.
475
00:18:09,955 --> 00:18:13,092
OR TRAINS.
'CAUSE BOYS LOVE TRAINS.
476
00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:14,426
NO. MOM, NO MORE.
I TOLD YOU.
477
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:15,861
I DON'T WANT ANY
MORE OF THE STUFF.
478
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,397
AND I TOLD YOU THAT I
WANT YOU TO HAVE EVERYTHING,
479
00:18:18,497 --> 00:18:20,599
AND I'M BIGGER THAN YOU.
480
00:18:20,699 --> 00:18:22,267
WAIT. WHAT--WHAT IS THAT?
481
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:23,836
OH, IT'S A GIFT
FROM UNCLE CHARLIE
482
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,070
AND HIS PARTNER
TERRENCE.
483
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,638
IT'S CALLED
BI-CURIOUS GEORGE.
484
00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:27,906
LET ME TAKE HIM
OUT OF HIS CLOSET.
485
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:29,374
HE'S BEEN THERE
LONG ENOUGH.
486
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,545
HE TALKS, TOO.
487
00:18:33,645 --> 00:18:34,947
I NEED A MAN
488
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,783
IN A BIG YELLOW HAT.
HA HA!
489
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,587
HUH. GOD, YOU KNOW,
I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT.
490
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,989
I--I DON'T KNOW WHY
I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.
491
00:18:44,089 --> 00:18:46,391
EDUCATIONAL TOYS. I'M GONNA
GET SOME MORE OF THOSE.
492
00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,427
NO, NO, MOM, STOP.
LOOK, I AM THE MOTHER.
493
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,962
THE MOTHER HAS CONTROL
OVER THE CHILD.
494
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:52,030
EXACTLY, AND I
AM YOUR MOTHER.
495
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,267
THAT MEANS YOU DO
WHATEVER I TELL YOU TO DO.
496
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:56,502
NO, I DON'T.
YES, YOU DO.
497
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,036
NO, I DON'T.
YES, YOU DO!
498
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,738
MOM, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
499
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,240
I DON'T KNOW! I'M HAVING
500
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,308
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN
BECAUSE MY BABY
IS HAVING A BABY!
501
00:19:03,408 --> 00:19:06,678
I THOUGHT THAT I WAS
OK WITH ALL THIS, ALLY,
AND I'M REALLY NOT,
502
00:19:06,778 --> 00:19:10,649
BECAUSE NOW IT'S REAL.
I MEAN, A BABY IS GONNA
COME OUT OF MY ALLY.
503
00:19:10,749 --> 00:19:13,452
I MEAN, NOT MY ALLEY,
BUT MY--YOUR--
504
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,121
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
IT'S GONNA COME OUT,
505
00:19:16,221 --> 00:19:17,856
AND THEN WHAT
ARE WE GONNA DO?
506
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:20,926
I MEAN, SOMEBODY IN THIS HOUSE
IS GONNA SAY, "MOMMY,"
507
00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:22,995
AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA
BE TALKING TO ME.
508
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:25,330
OH, GOD, I'M SO TERRIFIED.
509
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,132
OH, MOM.
510
00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:29,001
[SOBBING]
511
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,036
OH, WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M HERE.
512
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:33,772
COME HERE.
I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
COME HERE.
513
00:19:33,872 --> 00:19:35,073
LISTEN TO ME.
514
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,975
I HAVE TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING
515
00:19:37,075 --> 00:19:39,545
THAT NOBODY
KNOWS ABOUT ME,
516
00:19:39,645 --> 00:19:42,548
AND I'VE NEVER
SAID THIS TO ANYONE
EVER BEFORE.
517
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:46,585
BUT I AM
A LITTLE BIT OF
A CONTROL FREAK.
518
00:19:46,685 --> 00:19:48,420
NO, MOM. YOU DON'T--
519
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,155
SHH! LET ME FINISH!
520
00:19:50,255 --> 00:19:52,090
THIS WHOLE
BABY THING,
521
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:56,061
IT'S--IT MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE I'M
OUT OF CONTROL,
522
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:57,262
AND I'M FREAKED OUT.
523
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,530
I MEAN, NOT JUST
A LITTLE BIT,
524
00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,066
BUT I AM
A LOT FREAKED OUT.
525
00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,669
WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M PRETTY FREAKED OUT, TOO,
526
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:04,970
A LOT.
YEAH.
527
00:20:05,070 --> 00:20:06,171
[SIGHS]
528
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:07,506
WHAT A PAIR WE MAKE.
529
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:08,707
HMM.
[SIGHS]
530
00:20:08,807 --> 00:20:11,343
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, COME HERE.
531
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:15,981
I GUESS WE'LL
JUST TRY TO GET
THROUGH THIS,
532
00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:17,950
THIS WHOLE THING
TOGETHER.
533
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,653
AND IF I EVER
GET TO BE TOO MUCH--
534
00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:22,888
OH, NO. MO--
535
00:20:22,988 --> 00:20:24,356
SHH! LET ME FINISH!
536
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:29,494
IF AT ANY TIME
YOU FEEL LIKE
I'M TOO MUCH
537
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:31,129
OR I'M DOING
TOO MUCH
538
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,532
OR MAYBE I'M
SAYING TOO MUCH,
539
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,300
TELL ME TO STOP.
540
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,536
MOM, STOP.
541
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:38,704
[LAUGHS]
542
00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:40,639
WE'RE GONNA GET THROUGH THIS,
543
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,541
THE TWO OF US.
544
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,644
DON'T YOU MEAN
THE THREE OF US?
545
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:48,847
YEAH. I GUESS I DO.
546
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,516
I LOVE YOU.
547
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,252
I LOVE YOU, TOO, MOM.
548
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:02,327
{\an8}[LAUGHTER]
Man: PLEASE STAND BY.
549
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,696
{\an8}EXCUSE ME A SECOND.
550
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:06,832
{\an8}WOW. YOU'RE A GOOD AIM.
WAS JUST...
551
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,433
{\an8}IT'S THAT HIGH?
552
00:21:08,533 --> 00:21:12,504
{\an8}IT WAS JUST ONE-INCH AREA
THAT COULD HAVE AFFECTED IT,
AND YOU...
553
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:14,673
{\an8}IT'S CALLED
MATERNAL TRANSFERENCE.
554
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:18,477
{\an8}FOR INSTANCE, MY SISTER,
WHEN SHE GOT PREGNANT--
555
00:21:18,577 --> 00:21:22,147
{\an8}I'M SORRY. JUST WENT
TO BERMUDA FOR A SECOND THERE.
556
00:21:22,247 --> 00:21:23,715
{\an8}OK, COME ON.
557
00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:25,317
{\an8}HOW WAS IT THERE?
558
00:21:25,417 --> 00:21:27,986
{\an8}IT WAS QUITE NICE,
ACTUALLY. THANK YOU.
559
00:21:28,086 --> 00:21:29,588
{\an8}WHERE YOU STAYIN'?
HA HA.
43422
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