Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,067 --> 00:00:02,435
I think you should
give a girl
2
00:00:02,535 --> 00:00:05,505
a small ring or...
3
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:08,141
Well, it's depending
on how much money you have.
4
00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:11,544
It just needs to be
bigger than all
my other friend's rings.
5
00:00:11,644 --> 00:00:14,481
I think that you should
get a girl a big ring
6
00:00:14,581 --> 00:00:17,450
because if you ever
get in a fight,
7
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,120
you could just say,
8
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,456
"Hey, I got you this big ring,
so back off."
9
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:24,924
♪ All right!
10
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:27,060
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! ♪
11
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:31,931
EDDIE: Come on, Joy.
Hurry up.
12
00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:33,166
He's going to be here
any minute.
13
00:00:33,266 --> 00:00:35,435
{\an8}Eddie, Webby comes back
to Philly every year,
14
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:37,003
{\an8}and each time
you see him,
15
00:00:37,103 --> 00:00:38,905
{\an8}you act like you're about
to lose your virginity.
16
00:00:39,005 --> 00:00:41,107
{\an8}Joy, let me tell you,
Webby is a lot more fun
17
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:44,310
{\an8}than something that happened
in the back of my uncle's van.
18
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,746
{\an8}He's untamed.
He's unwed.
19
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,815
{\an8}He has no responsibilities.
20
00:00:48,915 --> 00:00:50,350
{\an8}Do you know that
he's a ski instructor
21
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:51,518
{\an8}every winter in Aspen?
22
00:00:51,618 --> 00:00:52,786
{\an8}And in the summer,
23
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,721
{\an8}he can pick
what island he wants
to bartend on, huh?
24
00:00:54,821 --> 00:00:58,591
{\an8}I know. He's the James Bond
of unemployed middle-aged men.
25
00:00:58,691 --> 00:00:59,726
{\an8}(DOORBELL RINGING)
26
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,161
{\an8}He's here!
27
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:03,430
{\an8}How are my bangs?
28
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,866
{\an8}Webby!
29
00:01:06,966 --> 00:01:08,168
{\an8}Eddie!
30
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:09,602
{\an8}(BOTH LAUGHING)
31
00:01:09,702 --> 00:01:11,071
{\an8}The Web man.
32
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:12,439
{\an8}Spinnin' his web.
33
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:13,873
{\an8}Charlotte's Webby.
34
00:01:13,973 --> 00:01:15,875
{\an8}Mister Ed,
Eddie Munster,
35
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,710
{\an8}Ed Asner.
36
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,046
{\an8}Spud Webb,
World Wide Webby,
37
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:22,882
{\an8}little black sitcom kid
known as Webster!
38
00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:24,984
{\an8}Ah, Joy.
39
00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,987
{\an8}Joy to the world,
Joy Luck Club.
40
00:01:29,055 --> 00:01:30,690
{\an8}Okay. We're all 40.
41
00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:33,426
{\an8}♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
42
00:01:33,526 --> 00:01:37,030
{\an8}So, I'm in this bar
in Buffalo.
43
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:40,533
{\an8}How in the world
do you end up
in Buffalo?
44
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:42,202
{\an8}Well, I was ice-fishing
on Lake Erie,
45
00:01:42,302 --> 00:01:44,838
{\an8}and I got a hankering
for some wings.
46
00:01:46,506 --> 00:01:49,409
{\an8}Anyway, somebody
breaks out the darts.
47
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,743
{\an8}No, they didn't.
48
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,379
{\an8}Did you know that Webby is
a dart-throwing champion?
49
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,048
{\an8}I know.
50
00:01:55,148 --> 00:01:58,351
{\an8}Long story short,
three hours later,
I own the bar.
51
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,154
{\an8}You own a bar in Buffalo?
52
00:02:01,254 --> 00:02:03,289
{\an8}Wow. Webby owns
a bar now.
53
00:02:03,389 --> 00:02:04,991
{\an8}I'm in the room.
54
00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:08,361
{\an8}Well, for 15 minutes, I did.
55
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,130
{\an8}The owner won it back
from me on a bet.
56
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,499
It turns out
he really did have
three testicles.
57
00:02:15,268 --> 00:02:16,569
I love that.
58
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:18,805
You know, Webby,
you are the only guy
59
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,707
that could tell
that story at dinner
60
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,842
and still make it
charming.
61
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,011
Oh, I don't know, Joy.
62
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:26,946
You've told some
pretty charming stories, too.
63
00:02:27,046 --> 00:02:28,882
Like the one about you
throwing up that daiquiri
64
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:29,983
and it was still cold.
65
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,987
Yeah. Brain freeze
coming and going.
66
00:02:35,388 --> 00:02:37,056
{\an8}(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh.
67
00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:41,661
Webby.
68
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,565
Count me in.
69
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,734
Hey, rain-check me
on that famous
chocolate pudding, Joy.
70
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,469
Oh, no.
A guy I met on the plane
71
00:02:49,569 --> 00:02:52,939
just invited me
to an underground
Cuban cigar club
72
00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,908
in the hull of a ship.
73
00:02:56,976 --> 00:02:58,111
I'll see you tomorrow, guy.
74
00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,046
All right, my brother.
75
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:01,381
{\an5}Let me know
how this goes.
All right.
76
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,316
All right. Wow.
77
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,318
There goes the guy.
78
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,687
Damn it, is that a guy!
79
00:03:07,787 --> 00:03:10,023
He sure knows
how to live, huh?
80
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:11,691
Yeah.
81
00:03:13,092 --> 00:03:15,228
I don't think
Webby's happy.
82
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:16,896
What?
83
00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:19,966
Yeah.
All the adventures
and all the women.
84
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:22,435
I mean, at some point,
you got to feel
sorry for the guy, right?
85
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:25,471
I mean, it's like
he's running from something.
86
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:29,943
Um, I think
he's running
to something.
87
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:34,414
The hull of a ship
with cigar-smokin'
Russian models.
88
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:37,550
Yeah. I don't think
he mentioned Russian models.
89
00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:39,452
He didn't?
90
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:40,787
Oh, I think
that's just something
I added in my head.
91
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,655
But still, you know, he...
92
00:03:42,755 --> 00:03:44,123
I think he's lonely.
93
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,025
I mean,
people crave
companionship,
94
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,393
and Webby doesn't
have that.
95
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:48,728
Well, didn't you
hear him earlier?
96
00:03:48,828 --> 00:03:51,197
He had two companionships
last week,
97
00:03:51,297 --> 00:03:52,465
and they overlapped.
98
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,435
That's not happiness.
99
00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:58,271
I'm pretty sure it is.
100
00:03:58,371 --> 00:04:00,240
Listen, you know,
I think I know
what's going on here, Joy.
101
00:04:00,340 --> 00:04:02,208
{\an5}Oh, really? What?
Yeah,
I'll tell you what it is.
102
00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,511
You just hate the fact
that a man could be happy
outside of a marriage.
103
00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:06,779
No, I do not.
104
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,581
Yeah. Yeah, you do.
105
00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:11,484
You see, because
he is out there in the jungle
swingin' free,
106
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,186
and it threatens you.
107
00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:15,989
Because you figure,
well, if he could be
genuinely happy,
108
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:17,357
then what the hell
am I doing
109
00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:19,792
locked up here
in the zoo, right?
110
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,695
Okay. When have I ever
locked you up?
111
00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:25,531
You never leave the house.
112
00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:28,167
I'm just saying
that Webby's never had
the kind of intimacy
113
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,970
that comes with
a long-term relationship.
114
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:32,639
All right, look.
Don't take this wrong, Joy,
115
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:35,008
but the worst five minutes
of Webby's day
116
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:37,744
would be, like,
the highlight of my year.
117
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:39,145
(CHUCKLING)
118
00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:40,413
I'm going to
set him up with someone.
119
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,781
Do not say Janet.
120
00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:42,849
What's wrong with Janet?
121
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,751
Other than the hump?
122
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:48,888
It is not a hump.
123
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,590
It is a growth,
it is harmless,
124
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,493
and it is mostly fluid.
125
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:57,130
Well, hell,
in that case, I want her.
126
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,499
She's a great person
once you get to know her.
127
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,234
Oh, she's a great person, huh?
128
00:05:01,334 --> 00:05:02,535
I can't bring that
to Webby.
129
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:05,004
You got to give me somethin'
to work with.
130
00:05:05,104 --> 00:05:07,273
What do you mean,
like perky breasts?
131
00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:10,076
Okay. Perky would
get her a lunch, yeah.
132
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:13,446
Perky.
133
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,081
Oh, I got it. Denise.
134
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:17,784
Oh, okay. I don't even know
who Denise is, but no.
135
00:05:17,884 --> 00:05:18,985
Why not?
136
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,353
Well, how great
can Denise be?
137
00:05:20,453 --> 00:05:21,788
She wasn't even
your first choice.
138
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,690
She is new in my office.
139
00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:27,460
She's 35, great-looking,
never been married...
140
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,696
Oh, yeah. Nice. Thirty-five
and never been married.
141
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,031
What the hell's
wrong with her?
142
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:33,666
(SCOFFS)
143
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:35,401
Okay. Webby's never
been married,
144
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,704
and you think
the guy should be
an action figure.
145
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:43,276
Have you been looking
at my sketch pad?
146
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,912
She's great.
I'm doing this.
147
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,614
No. no. I did not want
to have to play this card,
but I'm going to.
148
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,983
I forbid you to call her.
149
00:05:51,984 --> 00:05:54,253
Hey, Denise. It's Joy.
150
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,655
I forbid you!
151
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:56,989
Yeah. How's it going?
152
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,458
Forbid you!
153
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:00,660
Yeah, that's Eddie.
154
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,962
He's forbidding me
to call you.
155
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:05,465
Okay, just so you know,
156
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:08,334
the amusement park
is closed.
157
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,740
(INAUDIBLE)
158
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,046
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
159
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,820
Steph, were you
cutting your nails in bed?
160
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:30,123
STEPH: I don't cut them.
I bite them.
161
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,926
Thanks for clearing that up.
162
00:06:35,361 --> 00:06:37,797
What do you think
of my new blouse?
163
00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,234
That's, uh...
That's cute.
164
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,902
You hate it.
165
00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:44,837
No, I don't.
I just said to you
it's cute.
166
00:06:44,937 --> 00:06:48,574
Cute is what you say
when you hate something.
167
00:06:48,674 --> 00:06:50,877
Well, then
that's really cute.
168
00:06:51,844 --> 00:06:53,112
I can't believe you.
169
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:56,048
This is, like, the best shirt
I've ever owned.
170
00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:58,017
Honey, if you were
holding a sword,
171
00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:00,286
you could be
on a playing card.
172
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,390
Everyone in the store
said it looked great.
173
00:07:04,490 --> 00:07:05,658
Hey, baby, look.
174
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:07,460
I could have taken
the easy way out here.
175
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,562
I could have lied
and said you look fantastic
176
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:11,431
and just let you walk
right out that door,
177
00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:15,201
but I love you
too much to do that.
178
00:07:15,301 --> 00:07:16,669
So, as uncomfortable
as this may be,
179
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,238
I'm going to be honest
with you.
180
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:21,107
God! That's so ugly!
181
00:07:28,514 --> 00:07:31,017
It's amazing. Hey, guys.
182
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,852
Oh, hey, Joy.
183
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,754
Oh, who's your, uh...
Who's your friend?
184
00:07:34,854 --> 00:07:37,190
Oh, my friend is Denise.
185
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:38,724
Yeah. Hey, Denise, hi.
186
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,461
Fantastic. Come over here.
187
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,895
So this is
the famous Denise?
188
00:07:42,995 --> 00:07:45,298
Yeah, well, nice try.
She is not Webby's type.
189
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,133
Yeah?
Her breasts are real,
190
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,469
and she used to be
a gymnast.
191
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,170
Are you serious?
192
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:53,706
I'm Webby.
193
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:55,374
Denise. I work with Joy.
194
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,643
Denise loves to travel.
195
00:07:57,743 --> 00:08:00,112
Wow.
And she's a terrific skier.
196
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,482
And, um,
she used to date women.
197
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:03,749
Hello.
198
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,086
Just when I was modeling.
199
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,421
You know,
you're in Paris,
200
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,723
you share a room
with five girls,
one shower.
201
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:12,024
Boring.
202
00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:16,629
Oh, I love this game.
Check this out.
203
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:19,265
If you press the triangle
and pull down both triggers,
204
00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,400
you can make
Derek Jeter spit.
205
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,537
Son of a bitch,
that's cool.
206
00:08:24,637 --> 00:08:27,206
If you want to see
Jeter really spit,
207
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:29,609
I have an extra seat
to the Yankees' season opener.
208
00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,743
I'd love to go.
209
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:31,844
Yeah?
Yeah.
210
00:08:31,944 --> 00:08:33,913
Ooh, sounds like a date.
211
00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,818
But you said
you were taking me to
the game, Webby.
212
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:41,587
Oh, well, sorry, champ.
I only got two ducats,
213
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:43,289
and the lady has
a nicer smile.
214
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:45,725
Well, I can get
whitening strips.
215
00:08:53,132 --> 00:08:54,700
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
216
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,736
EDDIE: Trust me,
Webby's thing with Denise
is not going to last.
217
00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:58,571
He's a free spirit.
218
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:02,408
He's not going to settle down
in the burbs with
little Miss Real Breasts.
219
00:09:02,508 --> 00:09:03,876
Oh, I hate to
break it to you,
220
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:06,646
but he's been spending
so much time
at her apartment,
221
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:08,714
she gave him a drawer.
222
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,249
A drawer?
223
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,051
That's right.
224
00:09:12,151 --> 00:09:14,253
Well, what kind of a drawer?
Like a big,
deep sweater drawer
225
00:09:14,353 --> 00:09:16,422
or just a little
skinny one on top?
226
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,558
All I know is
he's got stuff
at her place.
227
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:21,093
They're a couple, Eddie.
Deal with it.
228
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:23,396
I cannot.
229
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:27,466
In fact, you want to
see Webby so badly?
230
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:28,901
Watch this.
231
00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:31,370
Oh, look, don't even bother.
I just tried him three times.
232
00:09:31,470 --> 00:09:33,339
I'm not calling Webby.
233
00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:35,908
Hey, Denise. It's me.
234
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:37,743
Listen, we're going to
go to dinner tonight
235
00:09:37,843 --> 00:09:39,178
with our neighbors
Steph and Jeff,
236
00:09:39,278 --> 00:09:41,314
and want to know
if you guys want to go.
237
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,183
Great. Austin's Grill, 8:00.
238
00:09:44,283 --> 00:09:45,518
Okay. Bye.
239
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,155
You will see
your beloved Webby
tonight at 8:00,
240
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,191
and Denise told me
that he says hi.
241
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:55,328
That's right.
You talk through
the ladies now.
242
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:01,567
You just had to do it,
didn't you?
243
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:03,569
You see
a magnificent creature
244
00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,705
running free and wild
on the savanna,
245
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:07,206
and you have to
shoot it with a dart
246
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:10,710
and drag it into a cage
and give it a drawer.
247
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:12,912
Well, you know what?
Webby's not happy.
248
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,014
He can't live
in captivity.
249
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,416
He'll die.
250
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,423
STEPH: Jeff, hurry up.
251
00:10:24,523 --> 00:10:26,192
If we're late for dinner,
Eddie will
order for us again,
252
00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:29,195
and he always gets me
some sort of
grilled baby animal.
253
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:32,298
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa! Whoa!
254
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:33,933
What are you wearing?
255
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,534
My new blouse.
256
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:37,436
Steph.
257
00:10:37,536 --> 00:10:39,572
I thought we agreed
you'd return that to the store
258
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:43,709
or to the crew of
the Starship Enterprise.
259
00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,712
For your information,
I went back to the store
and put it on again,
260
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,247
and four new people
loved it,
261
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:52,184
including the security guard,
who said it was so me.
262
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:53,953
Oh. Oh.
The security guard.
263
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,322
Well, he is very,
very stylish.
264
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:59,892
One clomping orthopedic shoe
and a whistle.
265
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,528
Jeff, I can't believe
how mean you're being.
266
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,430
When you grew that
silly mustache last year,
267
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,999
I was completely supportive.
268
00:11:12,104 --> 00:11:14,240
You didn't like
the 'stache?
269
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:16,842
Um, for the first
three months,
270
00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:19,412
I didn't even know
it was a mustache.
271
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,447
Okay. Okay, freak shirt,
272
00:11:21,547 --> 00:11:23,382
all right,
gloves are off here.
273
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:24,950
"Freak shirt"?
274
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:27,553
I fought three women
for this shirt.
275
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:29,989
Three of them, huh?
276
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:32,291
Were they all
pregnant clowns?
277
00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,266
Check this out.
278
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,901
(SIGHS)
279
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,037
That's right.
280
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,840
Say hello to
a whole lot of handsome.
281
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:49,542
What?
282
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,316
I have a mustache.
283
00:11:59,819 --> 00:12:02,021
I've seen more hair on fruit.
284
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:07,126
I look like Tom Selleck.
285
00:12:07,226 --> 00:12:09,929
At age 12.
286
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:13,532
You were great
in the Thriller video,
by the way.
287
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:16,702
My nana called,
and she wants
her mustache back.
288
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:19,305
♪ Oh, oh, oh!
289
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:21,774
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
290
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:24,710
Thank you.
291
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:25,878
(CHUCKLING)
292
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:26,979
Oh.
293
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:28,247
Okay.
294
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,596
Eddie.
Yeah?
295
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,531
Do you mind
if I sit next to Denise?
296
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,267
I thought we were going
to go boy, boy, girl, girl,
297
00:12:48,367 --> 00:12:50,669
because that seems
to make the most sense,
298
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,505
but whatever. Okay.
299
00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:57,276
(CLEARING THROAT)
300
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,578
It's great to see you guys.
Yeah.
301
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:00,913
Webby, you clean up nice.
302
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,882
Long pants, socks.
303
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,316
Denise got 'em for me.
304
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:06,519
I'm wearing
underwear, too.
305
00:13:07,553 --> 00:13:08,788
It's comforting.
306
00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:10,823
Feels like I'm getting
a tiny, little hug down there.
307
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:13,826
So, Denise, are you the one
308
00:13:13,926 --> 00:13:15,594
that Joy keeps
telling me about,
309
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:18,464
the one at work
who keeps
clogging the toilet?
310
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,368
That wasn't me.
311
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:26,038
Oh. Oh, 'cause you seem
like a toilet-clogger.
312
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:31,510
Ooh, look, they have
spinach salad.
313
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:33,312
Ooh, that sounds good.
Yeah.
314
00:13:33,412 --> 00:13:34,847
Salad?
315
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:36,549
They went to all the trouble
to kill these cows.
316
00:13:36,649 --> 00:13:40,419
I think the least
we can do is eat 'em.
317
00:13:40,519 --> 00:13:43,255
Actually, Bill asked me
to help him
watch his calories.
318
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,723
Who's Bill?
319
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:46,425
I am.
320
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:48,994
Bill Webster.
321
00:13:49,094 --> 00:13:51,397
Oh, yeah. I know.
I know. I knew that.
322
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,399
I met his family.
Have you met his family?
323
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:54,834
Yes.
You have?
324
00:13:54,934 --> 00:13:56,602
Mmm-hmm.
325
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:58,404
They're nice, right?
326
00:14:00,339 --> 00:14:01,841
Hey!
Here's Steph and Jeff.
327
00:14:01,941 --> 00:14:03,209
Oh.
Come here, you guys.
328
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:06,545
This is the famous Webby,
and Denise.
329
00:14:06,645 --> 00:14:07,746
Hello.
Very nice to meet you.
330
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:08,848
This is Jeff and Steph.
331
00:14:08,948 --> 00:14:11,684
Steph, that top is so fun.
332
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:13,619
Thank you, Joy.
333
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:15,521
You know what else is fun?
Pogo sticks.
334
00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:18,691
You don't wear 'em, though.
335
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,326
What's happening
to your lip?
336
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,466
A mustache.
337
00:14:27,566 --> 00:14:29,969
Filled in
with some of my mascara.
338
00:14:32,571 --> 00:14:36,141
So, uh, Webby,
339
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,078
you and Denise,
you seem to be
keeping busy.
340
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,546
Oh, we had a blast today.
Yeah.
341
00:14:40,646 --> 00:14:41,847
We went pillow shopping.
342
00:14:41,947 --> 00:14:43,916
Oh, God.
That sounds fun.
343
00:14:45,684 --> 00:14:48,921
Well, tell them what happened.
Actually, it's a funny story.
344
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:52,358
We get to the store,
and the parking lot
is a nightmare.
345
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:54,727
So we're circling
and circling,
346
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,962
and then I spot a guy
headed for his car.
347
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:59,164
So I start following him
for, like, five minutes.
348
00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:00,366
Turns out,
349
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,468
he's just getting something
out of his trunk.
350
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:07,973
That's common.
351
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,042
That's the worst story
I ever heard.
352
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,444
It's...
It's not even a story.
353
00:15:12,544 --> 00:15:14,847
It's called
looking for parking.
354
00:15:16,382 --> 00:15:17,816
Well, maybe
you had to be there.
355
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,118
Had to be there?
356
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,954
No one had to be there.
Nothing happened.
357
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,523
Who keeps kicking me?
358
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:37,403
Anyway, I...
I got a good firm pillow.
359
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:39,038
There's no way
I'm spending the summer
360
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:42,107
on those puffy,
girlie pillows Denise has.
361
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:43,642
Oh, did you hear that?
362
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,912
He's going to be
sleeping on Denise's pillows
this summer.
363
00:15:47,012 --> 00:15:48,414
You know what?
I think it's great
364
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,249
you went pillow shopping
as a couple.
365
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,818
Otherwise, who knows
what kind of
freaky, ugly thing
366
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:55,754
your woman was going
to come home with?
Am I right?
367
00:15:55,854 --> 00:15:57,423
JEFF: Huh?
368
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:58,958
I'm a freak?
369
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:02,261
You look like
you deliver baguettes
in the morning.
370
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:09,501
That's pretty funny there,
Sergeant Pepper.
371
00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:16,642
Oh, what's the matter?
Cat got your tongue?
372
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,377
Or did the words
come out of your mouth,
373
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,413
see your shirt,
get scared,
and then run away?
374
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:29,621
Oh. baby, I'm sorry. No.
375
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:34,426
Come on, don't cry.
You know that
when you cry, I cry.
376
00:16:34,526 --> 00:16:38,097
I just thought
this was a great shirt
and you loved me,
377
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:40,666
but obviously you're
not attracted to me,
378
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:42,901
and you wish
you were married
to somebody else.
379
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,036
No!
380
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:47,840
JEFF: (CRYING)
Baby, come on.
381
00:16:47,940 --> 00:16:50,909
I love your shirt
because you're in it.
382
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:52,878
And I love
your fuzzy face.
383
00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,113
Yeah?
384
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,715
Look at you.
Your mascara's running.
385
00:16:56,815 --> 00:16:58,350
So is yours.
386
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,288
Come on.
Let's go clean you up.
387
00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,024
STEPH: Excuse us.
388
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:13,165
Actually, I could use
a little freshening up
myself.
389
00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:14,433
I'll go with you.
390
00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,101
Yeah. Excuse us.
It's what we do.
391
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,836
(CHUCKLING)
392
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,905
Okay, excuse us.
Sorry.
393
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,677
Isn't Denise great?
394
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,379
I never thought
I would like stuff
395
00:17:27,479 --> 00:17:30,015
like crossword puzzles
and grocery shopping,
396
00:17:30,115 --> 00:17:32,818
but with her, even the--
even the small stuff is fun.
397
00:17:32,918 --> 00:17:36,288
Yesterday, she showed me
how to pick out a melon.
398
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,990
Tap, tap, shake.
399
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,326
Tap, tap, shake.
400
00:17:46,365 --> 00:17:48,667
This isn't
how we talk about melons.
401
00:17:48,767 --> 00:17:50,502
(STUTTERING)
402
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,473
What's happening
to you, Webby?
403
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:01,413
Is she holding you
against your will?
404
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:02,815
Okay, okay.
You don't have to
say out loud.
405
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,616
Just blink twice.
406
00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:09,455
You're too scared to blink,
aren't you?
407
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,191
Eddie, I'm happy
with Denise.
408
00:18:12,291 --> 00:18:14,226
Yeah. Sure you are.
409
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,428
Is she giving you vitamins
in the morning?
410
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:19,531
Because they may not
be vitamins!
411
00:18:19,631 --> 00:18:22,000
I'm serious.
I started looking back
on my life,
412
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,502
and you know what it is?
413
00:18:23,602 --> 00:18:24,970
Man-tastic.
414
00:18:26,171 --> 00:18:28,040
Yes, but that's all it is.
415
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:32,244
I mean, suddenly,
the travel, the bar fights,
the menage a troises...
416
00:18:34,746 --> 00:18:37,182
They all just...
They seem hollow.
417
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,251
You shut up!
418
00:18:41,553 --> 00:18:43,755
I'm sorry, Eddie.
419
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:45,724
This is what
makes me happy.
420
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:47,860
Well, that's just selfish.
421
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,062
♪ Oh, oh ♪
422
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:52,498
{\an8}o
423
00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:52,531
{\an8}ooh
424
00:18:52,531 --> 00:18:52,564
{\an8}ooh
425
00:18:52,564 --> 00:18:52,598
{\an8}ooh ♪
426
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,303
They have a pineapple mojito
here that is...
427
00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,738
Oh, my God!
428
00:18:59,838 --> 00:19:01,073
Help me.
429
00:19:02,508 --> 00:19:03,542
Excuse me?
430
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,345
Webby is driving me nuts.
431
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,247
What?
It's just everything.
432
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:11,950
He's just so needy
and clingy and suffocating.
433
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:13,619
He dragged me
pillow shopping,
434
00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:16,188
and then he's all,
"Can I have a drawer
for my things?"
435
00:19:16,288 --> 00:19:18,690
Finally I gave him
one of those little
skinny ones on top
436
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,326
just to shut him up.
437
00:19:21,426 --> 00:19:22,861
I thought you were
bringing me a man,
438
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,463
not a neutered house cat.
439
00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:26,131
Well, but...
440
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:29,067
But Webby's great.
He's wild.
441
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:33,038
Yeah, he really tore
the roof off
Linens 'n Things.
442
00:19:33,138 --> 00:19:34,473
I'm going to
go back out there
443
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:36,241
with a smile on my face,
444
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:38,610
but this evening
has got to end soon.
445
00:19:38,710 --> 00:19:41,313
If you order dessert,
I will kill you.
446
00:19:45,751 --> 00:19:46,885
All right.
447
00:19:46,985 --> 00:19:48,487
Well, that was
an interesting evening.
448
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:50,522
Yeah.
All right, just say it.
449
00:19:50,622 --> 00:19:52,658
They're happy. You win.
450
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,195
Yep.
451
00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,964
Webby's happy
in a relationship,
452
00:19:59,064 --> 00:20:00,332
and I am, too.
453
00:20:00,432 --> 00:20:01,667
And I'm sorry
about what I said,
454
00:20:01,767 --> 00:20:04,736
that stuff about being
locked up in a zoo.
455
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,239
I love the zoo.
456
00:20:07,339 --> 00:20:09,174
I do. It always has
clean facilities,
457
00:20:09,274 --> 00:20:11,076
and I never miss
a feeding,
458
00:20:11,176 --> 00:20:14,346
and I'm still
very much in love
with my zookeeper.
459
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:18,884
And I got myself
a good monkey.
460
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,622
You know, I never really
wanted to be Webby.
461
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,657
It was just that
it's kind of nice
462
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:29,895
having someone out there
swinging free in the jungle,
you know.
463
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:31,563
I don't know.
Maybe you're right.
464
00:20:31,663 --> 00:20:35,767
Maybe at the end of the day,
we all crave companionship.
465
00:20:35,867 --> 00:20:39,137
And, hey,
if that's what Webby found,
then good for him.
466
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,106
Yeah. About that.
467
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,175
You know, the thing
with Denise and Webby
468
00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:45,510
probably isn't going
to work out.
469
00:20:45,611 --> 00:20:46,745
She told me
in the bathroom
470
00:20:46,845 --> 00:20:48,847
that she's gonna
break up with him.
471
00:20:48,947 --> 00:20:52,184
What? Why would anybody
break up with Webby?
472
00:20:52,284 --> 00:20:55,621
{\an8}Well, it turns out
that Webby is...
473
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,459
{\an8}Too much man
for one woman.
474
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:03,829
{\an8}Webby belongs
to the world.
475
00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,100
{\an8}You learned
a little lesson, huh?
476
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,035
{\an8}Trying to fix Webby up.
477
00:21:10,135 --> 00:21:12,170
{\an8}You wanted to tame Webby,
but you can't.
478
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,972
{\an8}Okay, sweetie. Yeah.
Yeah.
479
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:15,474
{\an8}Can't tame Webby,
480
00:21:15,574 --> 00:21:17,576
{\an8}the same way
that you can't grab hold
of the wind.
481
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:18,844
{\an8}No, you cannot grab the wind.
482
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,412
{\an8}That's right.
You're damn right.
483
00:21:20,512 --> 00:21:22,080
{\an8}It can't be done.
JOY: Cannot be done.
484
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:23,882
{\an8}He is magnificent!
485
00:21:23,982 --> 00:21:25,250
{\an8}♪ Oh, oh ♪
36946
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.