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1
00:00:00,843 --> 00:00:03,112
A Pop original series.
2
00:00:04,299 --> 00:00:05,725
It's so nice to meet all of you.
3
00:00:05,727 --> 00:00:07,519
Thank you for taking me
to dinner, Ms. Alvarez.
4
00:00:07,521 --> 00:00:09,806
Oh, well, it's not every day
that Alex gets a new girlfriend,
5
00:00:09,808 --> 00:00:13,868
and even though that
day was four weeks ago,
6
00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:16,062
- it's nice to finally meet you.
- I'm sorry.
7
00:00:16,064 --> 00:00:17,346
I don't know what I was worried about.
8
00:00:17,346 --> 00:00:19,314
So...
9
00:00:21,784 --> 00:00:23,418
... Nora...
10
00:00:26,401 --> 00:00:30,465
... how did you meet my Papito?
11
00:00:30,467 --> 00:00:32,761
It's actually a really funny story.
12
00:00:32,761 --> 00:00:35,233
See, Alex was at his locker,
and I come up and said,
13
00:00:35,235 --> 00:00:36,365
"Cool sneakers".
14
00:00:36,365 --> 00:00:37,966
And then I said...
15
00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:42,938
And we've been together ever since.
16
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:45,007
God, it's so easy being straight.
17
00:00:47,442 --> 00:00:49,511
Has he said he loves you?
18
00:00:49,511 --> 00:00:51,814
No? Ohh.
19
00:00:51,814 --> 00:00:55,350
He has said it to me.
20
00:00:55,350 --> 00:00:57,186
Okay. Elena's gay, Alex is a catch,
21
00:00:57,186 --> 00:00:58,954
and you are making
everyone uncomfortable.
22
00:00:58,954 --> 00:01:00,989
So, here. Let's look at the menus
23
00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:03,682
'cause we have to order before
6:00 to get happy hour prices.
24
00:01:03,684 --> 00:01:05,294
Waiter, we're ready.
I'll have the sliders.
25
00:01:05,294 --> 00:01:06,962
Mami?
26
00:01:06,962 --> 00:01:09,231
I'll have the pot stickers,
27
00:01:09,231 --> 00:01:11,826
unless they have actual pot in them.
28
00:01:11,828 --> 00:01:15,455
The chronic does not agree with me.
29
00:01:15,457 --> 00:01:17,048
You're good.
30
00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:18,818
And for you?
31
00:01:20,742 --> 00:01:22,477
Hey!
32
00:01:22,477 --> 00:01:25,080
- Burger!
- Salad!
33
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:27,449
- Elena, you're up.
- Yes.
34
00:01:27,449 --> 00:01:31,616
I have a few questions about
the almond-crusted salmon salad.
35
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:34,289
How is the salmon raised?
36
00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:37,759
It's raised in price after 6:00!
37
00:01:42,664 --> 00:01:44,123
And then my abuelo said,
38
00:01:44,125 --> 00:01:47,384
"En esta casa no hay
fanaticos de los Red Sox!"
39
00:01:50,226 --> 00:01:52,218
I do not care.
40
00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:54,178
If Alex hasn't said it, I will.
41
00:01:54,180 --> 00:01:57,006
I love you!
42
00:01:57,008 --> 00:01:59,279
Yeah, and I usually only say this
43
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:00,816
to whatever mirror is closest to me,
44
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:03,952
but you're a freakin' delight.
45
00:02:03,952 --> 00:02:07,055
It is so nice to finally
have a young Latina around
46
00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:10,225
who speaks Spanish!
47
00:02:10,225 --> 00:02:13,385
- I speak Spanish.
- I'm young.
48
00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:14,897
You know what, Mom? I meant to ask,
49
00:02:14,897 --> 00:02:16,261
can I borrow the car tomorrow
50
00:02:16,263 --> 00:02:19,839
so I can go see the Overwatch
League finals, por favor?
51
00:02:19,841 --> 00:02:24,102
You mean that thing where you
watch nerds play video games?
52
00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:27,097
Joke's on you. "Nerds"
isn't an insult anymore.
53
00:02:27,099 --> 00:02:29,718
It's not a compliment.
54
00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:35,282
Anyway, my two favorite
teams are playing...
55
00:02:35,284 --> 00:02:37,653
the LA Gladiators and
the Shanghai Dragons.
56
00:02:37,653 --> 00:02:39,243
Yes, you can take the car to the match
57
00:02:39,245 --> 00:02:42,357
as long as you promise not
to tell me about it after...
58
00:02:42,357 --> 00:02:45,012
and if you drop everyone else
off for their errands first.
59
00:02:45,014 --> 00:02:47,839
The Overwatch League finals
and I get to make an itinerary?
60
00:02:47,841 --> 00:02:50,634
Did this just turn into
the best weekend ever?
61
00:02:50,636 --> 00:02:53,128
You're hilarious!
62
00:02:53,130 --> 00:02:56,757
She wasn't joking.
63
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,105
Okay. We got the check.
64
00:02:59,107 --> 00:03:01,207
- Don't freak out.
- Okay.
65
00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:03,078
You know the words "don't freak out"
66
00:03:03,078 --> 00:03:05,803
usually make me freak
out and cost me money.
67
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,230
Thank you again for taking
me to dinner, Ms. Alvarez.
68
00:03:08,232 --> 00:03:11,125
I was super-nervous to meet
you, but you guys are fun!
69
00:03:11,127 --> 00:03:12,818
Are you kidding me?!
70
00:03:12,820 --> 00:03:14,912
Excuse me. Excuse me.
71
00:03:14,914 --> 00:03:18,339
Um, a couple of these items
were charged at full price
72
00:03:18,341 --> 00:03:19,804
and not happy hour price.
73
00:03:19,806 --> 00:03:23,900
Oh, yeah. I put those in after 6:00.
74
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:26,733
Okay, but we ordered them before 6:00.
75
00:03:26,735 --> 00:03:28,303
Oh, yeah, but it goes by
76
00:03:28,303 --> 00:03:30,295
when they're entered
into the system, so...
77
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:35,177
What's this?
78
00:03:35,177 --> 00:03:37,813
I don't know.
79
00:03:37,813 --> 00:03:39,982
I mean, are you some genie and this
80
00:03:39,982 --> 00:03:41,947
magically makes me a millionaire
81
00:03:41,949 --> 00:03:45,142
that can afford full-price pot stickers?
82
00:03:45,144 --> 00:03:47,970
This is happy hour!
83
00:03:47,972 --> 00:03:51,307
Yep, seems real happy.
84
00:03:51,309 --> 00:03:52,570
She's not usually like this.
85
00:03:52,572 --> 00:03:54,840
No, that's true. She's always like this.
86
00:03:55,630 --> 00:03:57,766
Okay. You know what?
87
00:03:57,766 --> 00:03:59,918
I want to speak to the manager.
88
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,377
I am the manager.
89
00:04:02,379 --> 00:04:04,070
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
90
00:04:04,072 --> 00:04:06,074
Mm-hmm. The server is the manager?
91
00:04:06,074 --> 00:04:07,733
- Yep. Mm.
- Oh, really?
92
00:04:07,735 --> 00:04:11,128
Do you think it's my first time
complaining in a restaurant?
93
00:04:11,130 --> 00:04:14,456
I definitely do not.
94
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:16,416
Whatever. I'll take off the charge.
95
00:04:16,418 --> 00:04:19,486
Oh, good! And you can
use my last two wishes...
96
00:04:19,488 --> 00:04:22,247
Unh! Unh!... to conjure
up a better attitude
97
00:04:22,249 --> 00:04:23,607
and a freakin' apology!
98
00:04:23,609 --> 00:04:25,475
Pssh!
99
00:04:25,477 --> 00:04:27,679
It was so lovely to meet you, Nora.
100
00:04:30,132 --> 00:04:33,135
I can't believe you embarrassed
me in front of Nora like that
101
00:04:33,135 --> 00:04:37,439
for $13 and a brownie that
the waiter definitely spit on!
102
00:04:39,176 --> 00:04:41,301
So, what, you want to impress
her by making her think
103
00:04:41,303 --> 00:04:43,962
you're some big shot who
doesn't care about money?
104
00:04:43,964 --> 00:04:46,089
No. I want to impress
her by making her think
105
00:04:46,091 --> 00:04:49,027
I don't have a crazy mother.
106
00:04:49,029 --> 00:04:51,198
Ooh. Well, now you're
just not being realistic.
107
00:04:53,513 --> 00:04:55,882
If Nora breaks up with us over this,
108
00:04:55,882 --> 00:04:58,051
I will never forgive you!
109
00:04:58,051 --> 00:04:59,884
Oh, my God!
110
00:04:59,886 --> 00:05:01,903
Everybody, relax!
111
00:05:01,905 --> 00:05:03,089
I was fine!
112
00:05:03,089 --> 00:05:04,724
- Fine?
- Yeah.
113
00:05:04,724 --> 00:05:06,960
I know it's good to save money,
114
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,162
but maybe the first time
meeting my girlfriend
115
00:05:09,162 --> 00:05:11,798
isn't the right time to threaten
to "burn this mother down".
116
00:05:14,768 --> 00:05:17,504
- I agree with that.
- What the hell?! Oh!
117
00:05:17,504 --> 00:05:20,173
Schneider, what the hell?!
118
00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:22,342
I'm used to you coming
in the door unannounced,
119
00:05:22,342 --> 00:05:24,511
but now you're coming
out of the furniture?!
120
00:05:24,511 --> 00:05:26,846
I'm trying to fix your janky couch
121
00:05:26,846 --> 00:05:28,929
because someone's too
cheap to buy a new one.
122
00:05:28,931 --> 00:05:30,748
It's you.
123
00:05:30,750 --> 00:05:32,485
Come on, Pen.
124
00:05:32,485 --> 00:05:35,588
You're making that sweet
nurse practitioner money now.
125
00:05:35,588 --> 00:05:39,025
Yeah, but I still have to
be careful how I spend it.
126
00:05:39,025 --> 00:05:40,960
You know, it starts with
full-priced pot stickers.
127
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:42,829
Next thing you know, you're
living in a cardboard box,
128
00:05:42,829 --> 00:05:45,999
making soup out of cigarette butts.
129
00:05:45,999 --> 00:05:48,802
That seems a little extreme.
130
00:05:48,802 --> 00:05:51,437
You don't know what I know.
131
00:05:51,437 --> 00:05:54,174
You think MC Hammer thought
he was gonna go broke?
132
00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:55,842
He had the biggest pants,
133
00:05:55,842 --> 00:05:57,811
and now he's got nothing to put in them.
134
00:05:59,946 --> 00:06:04,050
Pen, you have what's
called a scarcity mind-set.
135
00:06:04,050 --> 00:06:06,386
Even though you have money
now, you don't act like it.
136
00:06:06,386 --> 00:06:08,922
Oh. So I should act like you?
137
00:06:08,922 --> 00:06:13,827
"Hi. I'm Schneider. I wipe
my butt with $100 bills".
138
00:06:13,827 --> 00:06:15,903
That is a hurtful
rich-person stereotype!
139
00:06:15,905 --> 00:06:18,631
I have a custom marble bidet!
140
00:06:18,631 --> 00:06:20,667
Well, can you use it on your mouth?
141
00:06:20,667 --> 00:06:22,735
'Cause there's a lot of
crap coming out of there!
142
00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:29,974
I'm telling you, Pen,
143
00:06:29,976 --> 00:06:32,779
you need to change your
relationship with money.
144
00:06:32,779 --> 00:06:34,480
Spend it on something. Treat yourself.
145
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,449
Like, finally get a new couch.
146
00:06:36,449 --> 00:06:38,396
Why? This one is fine.
147
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,453
F-Fine?
148
00:06:40,453 --> 00:06:44,490
It's covered in rips, lumps, and this.
149
00:06:44,490 --> 00:06:46,459
That's just a little leak.
150
00:06:46,459 --> 00:06:50,463
Couches are not hooked up to plumbing.
151
00:06:50,463 --> 00:06:53,499
Pen, your sofa is crying.
152
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:58,671
Okay. I've got our
itinerary all planned out.
153
00:06:58,671 --> 00:07:00,538
First, Alex, I will drop you off
154
00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:03,877
so you can buy your stupid sneakers.
155
00:07:03,877 --> 00:07:06,279
Then I will drop Abuelita
off at the fish market
156
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:07,914
and get to the Overwatch finals
157
00:07:07,916 --> 00:07:10,781
before the first gladiator is fragged.
158
00:07:10,783 --> 00:07:12,652
Ay, por favor.
159
00:07:12,652 --> 00:07:17,423
None of those nerds is getting fragged.
160
00:07:17,423 --> 00:07:20,159
Anyways, I need to be dropped
at the fish market first,
161
00:07:20,159 --> 00:07:23,563
before all of the Cuban crabs are gone.
162
00:07:23,563 --> 00:07:25,932
Cuban crabs?
163
00:07:25,932 --> 00:07:28,651
The strongest ones claw
their way to the top,
164
00:07:28,653 --> 00:07:30,603
so they're the first to go.
165
00:07:30,603 --> 00:07:34,140
Those are the Cuban crabs.
166
00:07:34,140 --> 00:07:36,538
I can't drop you off before Alex.
167
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,520
I just got my license,
so I'm not allowed
168
00:07:38,522 --> 00:07:41,247
to drive anyone under 20
unless an adult is present.
169
00:07:41,247 --> 00:07:43,748
- Does it have to be me?
- No.
170
00:07:43,750 --> 00:07:45,585
Any adult who can sit
there and do nothing...
171
00:07:45,585 --> 00:07:48,521
a seat-filler, a flesh bag.
172
00:07:48,521 --> 00:07:50,690
I have just the person.
173
00:07:54,093 --> 00:07:57,130
They said staring at the
phone doesn't make it ring.
174
00:07:57,130 --> 00:08:00,300
It may have taken 20 years,
but I proved 'em all wrong!
175
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:09,395
The perfect Sunday... just me,
176
00:08:09,397 --> 00:08:13,234
the TV, and my boyfriend,
Chester Cheetah.
177
00:08:16,082 --> 00:08:18,885
"Whassup, girl?
178
00:08:18,885 --> 00:08:21,220
I'm about to get all up in yo' mouth".
179
00:08:22,822 --> 00:08:24,657
Oh, God!
180
00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:40,673
That's not good.
181
00:13:08,583 --> 00:13:11,160
Alright. I... Okay.
Alright. I know I agreed,
182
00:13:11,162 --> 00:13:13,577
but I thought about it,
and I don't need a new sofa.
183
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:16,182
It broke in half, Pen.
184
00:13:16,182 --> 00:13:18,751
Yeah. Now I got two love seats.
185
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:21,287
Come on. You can afford it.
It's gonna be okay.
186
00:13:21,287 --> 00:13:24,357
Will it? Then why am I
sweating like a couch?
187
00:13:24,357 --> 00:13:28,527
They're not supposed to be wet!
188
00:13:28,527 --> 00:13:31,130
Trust me, I know you don't
like to spend money frivolously,
189
00:13:31,132 --> 00:13:33,386
so I did a ton of research
about where we should go,
190
00:13:33,388 --> 00:13:35,868
and I made sure to pick the
store with the funniest name.
191
00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:38,104
Welcome to Sofa So Good.
192
00:13:38,104 --> 00:13:39,805
Ha ha ha!
193
00:13:39,805 --> 00:13:43,142
So good!
194
00:13:43,142 --> 00:13:46,479
- Can I just let you off here?
- If you stop first.
195
00:13:46,479 --> 00:13:48,714
Fine.
196
00:13:51,117 --> 00:13:52,999
Alright. This is working.
197
00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:54,654
I'm gonna make it to
the Overwatch League.
198
00:13:54,654 --> 00:13:58,557
I love it when a plan comes together.
199
00:13:58,557 --> 00:14:01,127
Oh, my God. Right. You're still here.
200
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:04,730
Um, I mean, at least now
we can use the carpool lane.
201
00:14:04,730 --> 00:14:08,801
Yes! Flesh bag to the rescue!
202
00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:11,771
Your grandmother told
me about my new nickname.
203
00:14:11,771 --> 00:14:13,939
I'm fine with it.
204
00:14:15,635 --> 00:14:17,961
Okay.
205
00:14:17,963 --> 00:14:20,978
Um, so when we get there, you
can just hang out in the car.
206
00:14:20,980 --> 00:14:23,783
Well, actually, I was hoping
to join you for the match.
207
00:14:23,783 --> 00:14:25,618
Do you know anything about e-sports?
208
00:14:25,618 --> 00:14:29,322
Do you know anything about loneliness?
209
00:14:29,322 --> 00:14:31,524
Alright, let's do this!
210
00:14:31,524 --> 00:14:33,959
Oh. Hello?
211
00:14:33,959 --> 00:14:37,596
I need to be picked up!
It is an emergency!
212
00:14:37,596 --> 00:14:40,495
- What?
- I told the bus driver
213
00:14:40,497 --> 00:14:44,136
I have a huge case of crabs,
and he just drove away!
214
00:14:47,973 --> 00:14:50,943
See? It's okay. He's not gonna hurt you.
215
00:14:50,943 --> 00:14:52,712
He's friendly.
216
00:14:57,016 --> 00:14:59,585
Okay, good. So, which one
do you want to take home?
217
00:14:59,585 --> 00:15:00,986
Can I help you find something?
218
00:15:00,986 --> 00:15:03,756
I am definitely not
ready for you, Shawn.
219
00:15:03,756 --> 00:15:06,698
Hey, Pen, how 'bout this one? Oh, yeah.
220
00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:08,019
Come on in.
221
00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:10,396
The leather is warm.
222
00:15:10,396 --> 00:15:12,132
I'm not getting a black leather couch.
223
00:15:12,134 --> 00:15:14,767
I'm not a movie producer from the '90s.
224
00:15:14,767 --> 00:15:17,002
I was.
225
00:15:17,002 --> 00:15:20,406
You see? Shawn lost all his money.
226
00:15:20,406 --> 00:15:24,076
Thanks for that trip down memory lane.
227
00:15:24,076 --> 00:15:25,611
Come on, Pen.
228
00:15:25,611 --> 00:15:27,780
Just try sitting on one of these.
229
00:15:29,615 --> 00:15:32,251
Ooh.
230
00:15:32,251 --> 00:15:34,286
My butt likes this one.
231
00:15:34,286 --> 00:15:36,655
Your butt has very good taste.
232
00:15:36,655 --> 00:15:39,318
- And check this out.
- No, but don't do that!
233
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,626
Oh, no, no. Don't worry.
234
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:42,695
See, the sofa's treated with Spillguard,
235
00:15:42,695 --> 00:15:45,197
and the liquid just
pools harmlessly on it.
236
00:15:45,197 --> 00:15:48,834
Yeah, but you wasted
a perfectly good soda.
237
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,170
Just picture it, Pen...
238
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:56,642
our family sitting on this couch juntos.
239
00:15:56,642 --> 00:15:58,811
"Hey, Pen, will you pass me the remote?"
240
00:15:58,811 --> 00:16:00,771
"No, Schneider! Get the
hell out of my apartment!"
241
00:16:03,082 --> 00:16:05,618
This feels right.
242
00:16:07,219 --> 00:16:09,941
Oh-ho, yeah, that's... that's pricy,
243
00:16:09,943 --> 00:16:12,324
- but I-I think I can swing it.
- Yes!
244
00:16:12,324 --> 00:16:15,060
Terrific! Now, a lot of people
get the sofa-bed option,
245
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,962
just in case you want to
have a guest over, so...
246
00:16:16,962 --> 00:16:19,098
- Yes, we want that.
- No, we definitely do not want that.
247
00:16:19,098 --> 00:16:22,363
Okay. Uh, would you like
to open a store credit card?
248
00:16:22,365 --> 00:16:25,034
Does it have zero interest?
Because I do.
249
00:16:28,441 --> 00:16:30,276
- You did it!
- I did it.
250
00:16:30,276 --> 00:16:33,078
You bought a new couch! How do you feel?
251
00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:39,785
I guess we'll take that rug, too.
252
00:16:42,955 --> 00:16:46,320
Maybe I can still take
the bus and tell the driver
253
00:16:46,322 --> 00:16:49,662
these are emotional-support crabs.
254
00:16:49,662 --> 00:16:52,097
Forget it. I am not
stopping again for anything.
255
00:16:52,097 --> 00:16:55,768
No!
256
00:16:55,768 --> 00:16:58,938
What do you mean, you
decided not to buy the shoes?
257
00:16:58,938 --> 00:17:02,374
Shoes are your entire personality!
258
00:17:02,374 --> 00:17:04,577
Okay. I thought about it, and I realized
259
00:17:04,577 --> 00:17:07,213
these ones are what brought
me and Nora together.
260
00:17:07,213 --> 00:17:08,781
I couldn't replace them.
261
00:17:08,781 --> 00:17:12,418
Aww, qué romántico.
262
00:17:12,418 --> 00:17:14,987
I also can't replace my shoes,
263
00:17:14,987 --> 00:17:19,492
mostly because I have a
condition called "raptor foot".
264
00:17:19,492 --> 00:17:23,796
I'm... I'm very hard to fit.
265
00:17:23,796 --> 00:17:26,599
- Anyways, just drop me off at home.
- Uh, no.
266
00:17:26,599 --> 00:17:28,567
I've already missed
the first two matches,
267
00:17:28,567 --> 00:17:32,571
and we're almost at the
arena, so we're all going.
268
00:17:32,571 --> 00:17:34,773
Great. The parking lot's full.
269
00:17:34,773 --> 00:17:36,775
Well, you'll just park somewhere else.
270
00:17:36,775 --> 00:17:39,111
Yeah, like at home.
271
00:17:39,111 --> 00:17:40,613
I'm not gonna miss the final.
272
00:17:40,613 --> 00:17:42,982
Ohh! Spot! Spot!
273
00:17:42,982 --> 00:17:44,950
- Ohh! Oh, you're right!
- Ohh!
274
00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:47,692
An open meter, and it's
Sunday... free parking!
275
00:17:47,694 --> 00:17:49,255
We're gonna make it! Whoo!
276
00:17:49,255 --> 00:17:53,592
- ♪ We are gonna make it! ♪
- ♪ We are gonna make it! ♪
277
00:17:53,592 --> 00:17:56,595
Wait! I don't want to make it!
278
00:17:56,595 --> 00:17:58,808
Yes! Yes, we do! I can't go home.
279
00:17:58,810 --> 00:18:01,591
There's nothing waiting for me
except darkness. Let's do this!
280
00:18:01,593 --> 00:18:02,820
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
281
00:18:02,822 --> 00:18:04,646
Alright, I'm getting that spot. Hold on.
282
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,138
Whoa!
283
00:18:06,138 --> 00:18:08,874
Ohh! Aah! Aah!
284
00:18:08,874 --> 00:18:13,646
If these are emotional-support
crabs, they're not working.
285
00:18:15,314 --> 00:18:17,550
Yeah.
286
00:18:17,550 --> 00:18:20,419
Just like that.
287
00:18:20,419 --> 00:18:23,789
Ha! You know how I like it.
288
00:18:23,789 --> 00:18:27,726
Oh, you know what to do with that butt.
289
00:18:27,726 --> 00:18:31,106
That's exactly what I say to my bidet.
290
00:18:32,264 --> 00:18:34,300
Feels good to spend a little coin, huh?
291
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:37,670
I know. I did it! I did it!
I made peace with money!
292
00:18:37,670 --> 00:18:40,741
I'm good! We're good!
We're more than good!
293
00:18:40,743 --> 00:18:42,775
We're lovers! Now leave us.
294
00:18:42,775 --> 00:18:45,344
Okay.
295
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:47,926
So, I did what you asked, and I
put the old couch out on the curb,
296
00:18:47,928 --> 00:18:50,916
but doesn't it really belong
in the Alvarez Museum?
297
00:18:50,916 --> 00:18:52,933
The Alvarez Museum is
just a couple of awards
298
00:18:52,935 --> 00:18:55,287
and knickknacks in the hallway.
299
00:18:55,287 --> 00:18:58,123
Oh, right.
300
00:18:58,123 --> 00:19:00,680
It's definitely not a collection
of memorabilia from your family
301
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,711
that I set up in an empty
apartment on the sixth floor
302
00:19:02,713 --> 00:19:06,265
called the Alvarez Museum Norte.
303
00:19:06,265 --> 00:19:09,468
Okay. I am too happy to be creeped out.
304
00:19:09,468 --> 00:19:11,537
I love this couch. I love it.
305
00:19:11,537 --> 00:19:13,872
I had the best nap of my life.
306
00:19:13,872 --> 00:19:17,042
And look... my drool
just wipes right off.
307
00:19:17,042 --> 00:19:18,877
See?
308
00:19:18,877 --> 00:19:21,189
Spending a little money didn't
set off a chain of events
309
00:19:21,191 --> 00:19:24,750
that led to some doomsday scenario.
310
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:26,919
Okay. Don't freak out.
311
00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:02,663
Don't freak out?
I don't need this today.
312
00:24:02,665 --> 00:24:04,763
I already barfed on an area rug.
313
00:24:04,763 --> 00:24:07,599
Okay. Maybe you should sit down.
314
00:24:08,737 --> 00:24:11,696
Whoa! Love the new couch!
315
00:24:11,698 --> 00:24:13,914
It must have been really expensive.
316
00:24:13,916 --> 00:24:16,752
- You're not helping.
- You're not helping.
317
00:24:18,322 --> 00:24:21,047
- What happened?
- First of all, as you can see,
318
00:24:21,049 --> 00:24:24,686
everyone's okay, except maybe Dr. B.
319
00:24:28,957 --> 00:24:31,360
It was exhilarating
320
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:34,930
to watch athletes with
the same body type as me.
321
00:24:37,353 --> 00:24:41,247
Shields up! Shields up!
322
00:24:41,249 --> 00:24:43,946
That's the LA Gladiators' slogan.
323
00:24:43,948 --> 00:24:46,584
I stan them.
324
00:24:46,584 --> 00:24:49,754
Just tell me what happened.
325
00:24:49,754 --> 00:24:51,923
- I got nachos.
- Not you!
326
00:24:53,724 --> 00:24:56,727
- You!
- Okay.
327
00:24:56,727 --> 00:24:59,384
Well, um, when we
finally got to the game,
328
00:24:59,386 --> 00:25:01,999
the parking lot was full,
so I parked on the street,
329
00:25:01,999 --> 00:25:04,302
and it's important to know
that at this point in the story,
330
00:25:04,302 --> 00:25:06,537
we are ahead $8.
331
00:25:08,472 --> 00:25:10,208
And then?
332
00:25:10,208 --> 00:25:12,510
And then...
333
00:25:12,510 --> 00:25:15,079
while we were in the game,
334
00:25:15,079 --> 00:25:18,049
the car was broken into
and the window was smashed.
335
00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:20,384
Which is probably how the pigeon got in.
336
00:25:20,384 --> 00:25:23,854
I don't know what he ate,
but it did not agree with him.
337
00:25:23,854 --> 00:25:25,773
Anyway, we chased the pigeon away,
338
00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:27,774
but we probably should have
closed the car door first,
339
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:29,260
- 'cause it got hit by a scooter.
- What?
340
00:25:29,260 --> 00:25:31,596
No, no, no, no.
Don't worry. The guy's fine.
341
00:25:31,596 --> 00:25:35,199
I know because he got
up and scooted away.
342
00:25:35,199 --> 00:25:38,336
Unfortunately, the car
door kind of chased him.
343
00:25:38,336 --> 00:25:40,438
So, just to recap,
344
00:25:40,438 --> 00:25:44,709
I saved us $8, and some
other stuff happened.
345
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:56,621
Shields up.
346
00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:01,692
It's only money.
347
00:26:01,692 --> 00:26:03,728
- What?!
- Whoa!
348
00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:06,998
Yes! I did this!
349
00:26:08,399 --> 00:26:11,108
No, I-I am so glad you're not mad,
350
00:26:11,110 --> 00:26:12,670
'cause I was a little worried,
351
00:26:12,670 --> 00:26:14,528
because I left my laptop on the seat,
352
00:26:14,530 --> 00:26:17,206
and that's probably why they broke in.
353
00:26:17,208 --> 00:26:20,678
You left your laptop in the car?!
354
00:26:20,678 --> 00:26:24,000
It's only money?
355
00:26:24,002 --> 00:26:25,994
How many times have I told you
356
00:26:25,996 --> 00:26:28,919
not to leave valuable
stuff visible in the car?!
357
00:26:28,919 --> 00:26:31,254
I know. I know. I-I made a mistake.
358
00:26:31,256 --> 00:26:34,025
Yeah, you did... a really dumb one.
359
00:26:34,025 --> 00:26:37,028
How can someone so smart
do something so stupid?
360
00:26:38,596 --> 00:26:41,065
We'll talk about this later.
361
00:26:44,335 --> 00:26:49,173
This is why I took my
crabs into the nerd show...
362
00:26:50,741 --> 00:26:55,179
... although, after six hours...
363
00:26:55,179 --> 00:26:58,849
I don't think we
should eat them anymore.
364
00:27:02,820 --> 00:27:05,823
- Hey.
- Hey.
365
00:27:07,825 --> 00:27:12,163
So, listen, I'm sorry I got so upset.
366
00:27:12,163 --> 00:27:14,231
But I need you to understand
where I'm coming from.
367
00:27:14,231 --> 00:27:17,968
Money and I have never
had a great relationship.
368
00:27:17,968 --> 00:27:20,071
You know how Abuelita lives with us?
369
00:27:20,071 --> 00:27:22,340
Well, for a while there,
we lived with her,
370
00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:25,042
because when your papi left,
I couldn't afford the rent.
371
00:27:25,042 --> 00:27:27,011
I mean, so, like,
we're... we're good now,
372
00:27:27,011 --> 00:27:29,603
but those feelings,
they don't just go away,
373
00:27:29,605 --> 00:27:32,198
because you're always
one catastrophe away
374
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,185
from being broke.
375
00:27:34,185 --> 00:27:37,254
But I know I need to loosen up.
376
00:27:37,254 --> 00:27:41,359
I know that $13 pot stickers
is not a catastrophe.
377
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:45,763
It's a rip-off, but
it's not a catastrophe,
378
00:27:45,763 --> 00:27:47,565
and neither is this.
379
00:27:47,565 --> 00:27:50,627
You're right, 'cause I have
a plan to pay for everything.
380
00:27:50,629 --> 00:27:53,206
I can sell my hair or
my blood or my eggs,
381
00:27:53,208 --> 00:27:55,740
- 'cause they're still young and fresh.
- Okay, whoa.
382
00:27:55,740 --> 00:27:58,209
Don't give away my grandchildren.
383
00:27:58,209 --> 00:28:01,112
Okay, but I-I can use all
the money I have saved.
384
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,214
- You have money saved?
- Yeah.
385
00:28:03,214 --> 00:28:05,157
I've had a system
since I started working
386
00:28:05,159 --> 00:28:06,283
as Schneider's assistant.
387
00:28:06,283 --> 00:28:08,719
For every dollar I spend,
I put $2 into savings.
388
00:28:08,719 --> 00:28:12,307
Really? I didn't know you
were so good with money.
389
00:28:12,309 --> 00:28:14,368
I'm trying. I can show you.
390
00:28:14,370 --> 00:28:17,661
I track all of my spendings and
savings on this spreadsheet...
391
00:28:19,797 --> 00:28:22,199
... that was on my laptop.
392
00:28:25,469 --> 00:28:27,204
It's okay.
393
00:28:27,204 --> 00:28:31,659
We have insurance, and
we'll figure the rest out.
394
00:28:31,661 --> 00:28:35,021
Okay, but I'm gonna work a bunch
of extra shifts for Schneider
395
00:28:35,023 --> 00:28:36,781
so I can help pay for that new computer.
396
00:28:36,783 --> 00:28:40,818
Yeah, that's what I mean by
"we'll figure the rest out".
397
00:28:40,818 --> 00:28:42,920
But I am proud of you.
398
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,890
Hearing all this makes me feel
like I've done something right.
399
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:48,058
Yeah, well, I learned from the master.
400
00:28:48,058 --> 00:28:50,895
You've had the same
Ziploc since I was a kid.
401
00:28:50,895 --> 00:28:54,064
You replaced the zipper like five times.
402
00:28:54,064 --> 00:28:57,001
That was your
great-grandmother's Ziploc.
403
00:28:57,001 --> 00:28:59,737
And one day you'll
pass it on to your kids.
404
00:29:01,539 --> 00:29:03,808
In this moment, I'll
pretend I'm gonna have kids.
405
00:29:03,808 --> 00:29:05,976
Oh, thank you, baby. Thank you.
406
00:29:08,038 --> 00:29:11,041
- Mind if we join you?
- Siéntate.
407
00:29:12,483 --> 00:29:15,553
Ahh.
408
00:29:15,553 --> 00:29:19,623
Ahhhhhh.
409
00:29:20,558 --> 00:29:25,796
Is it just me, or does the new
couch make our TV seem smaller?
410
00:29:25,796 --> 00:29:27,798
Well, if we're buying a new TV,
411
00:29:27,798 --> 00:29:31,669
we're gonna need to
splurge on surround sound.
412
00:29:31,669 --> 00:29:36,040
And a state-of-the-art
soft-pretzel carousel.
413
00:29:39,643 --> 00:29:44,014
Look at that. Mami's tears
just bead and roll right off.
414
00:29:45,099 --> 00:29:46,544
Someone opens the door,
415
00:29:46,546 --> 00:29:48,935
- that they shouldn't...
- You walked in on Alex?
416
00:29:48,937 --> 00:29:50,566
- He walked in on me.
- No!
417
00:29:50,568 --> 00:29:52,615
Alex we need to talk.
418
00:29:52,617 --> 00:29:54,436
You want something to eat?
419
00:29:54,438 --> 00:29:56,023
Too soon, Mom.
420
00:29:56,025 --> 00:30:00,251
One Day at a Time, all new
next Tuesday at 9:30, only on Pop.
31479
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