All language subtitles for Reba S02E09 Ring-a-Ding.DVDRip.HI.cc.en.20FOX

NO WAY. YOU LOVED HER?
ABSOLUTELY. GIRL OF MY DREAMS.

WILMA FLINTSTONE?

AH, YOU JUST LIKE A GIRL
IN A TIGER-SKIN DRESS.

YES, I DO.

PLUS, I GOT A THING
FOR THEM REDHEADS.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I MENTIONED
THIS OR NOT, BUT I HAVE RED HAIR.

ALL RIGHT. WHO'S YOUR CARTOON
CRUSH? WELL, THAT'S EASY.

EVER SINCE I WAS A LITTLE
GIRL, I ALWAYS HOPED

FOR THE DAY THAT I
MIGHT BE MRS. JUGHEAD.

[Laughs] AND I'M NOT SAYIN' THAT
JUST BECAUSE YOU REMIND ME OF HIM.

[Chuckles]

LOOK. I'D INVITE YOU IN,

BUT, LIKE I TOLD YOU,
IT'S A NUTHOUSE IN THERE.

HECK, I'M ONLY GOIN'
IN 'CAUSE I HAVE TO.

GOTCHA. I WILL CALL
YOU TOMORROW.

WHY DON'T WE DO THAT
CAR SHOW ON SATURDAY?

OKAY.

BRIAN, I REALLY WOULD INVITE
YOU IN, UH, BUT IT'S MY KIDS.

THEY'D BE ALL OVER YOU.

LOT OF QUESTIONS...

YEAH, AND THEY'D GET
YOUR WALLET, YOUR BOOTS.

LOOK. THE TRUTH IS...

I DON'T WANT MY KIDS
MEETIN' MOMMY'S FRIEND...

UNTIL MOMMY'S SURE SHE'S GONNA BE
FRIENDS WITH HER FRIEND FOR A WHILE.

I JUST DON'T WANT MY KIDS...

REBA. WHAT?

MY PARENTS WERE DIVORCED,
AND MY MOM HAD WAY

TOO MANY FRIENDS I
PLAYED CATCH WITH ONE TIME.

I'M NEW AT THIS. AND
YOU'RE DOIN' IT RIGHT.

PLUS, I LIKE THESE
BOOTS. [Giggles]

BRIAN COLLINS...

MM-HMM. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE
DINNER WITH MY FAMILY ON THURSDAY?

I'D LOVE TO.

NO, WAIT. YOU'RE GONNA BE
THERE TOO, RIGHT? [Giggles] YES.

OOH-EE. YOU CAN KISS. [Giggles]

WELL, FINALLY!

YOU KIDS HAVE ANY
IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS?

VAN, SHUT THE DOOR.

I MEANT WITH YOU INSIDE.

I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE
FOR YOU TWO TO BE ON THE PORCH...

MAKING OUT LIKE A
COUPLE OF FRENCH PEOPLE!

- VAN, GO INSIDE.
- WE HAVE NEIGHBORS.

YOU WANNA GO LIVE WITH THEM?

TWO MINUTES.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO HAVE DINNER WITH US?

[Giggles] I'M POSITIVE.
GOOD NIGHT, WILMA.

GOOD NIGHT, JUGHEAD.

[Rapping On Window]

[Chuckles]

OH!

[Reba] HA, HEY!

♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANNA BE ♪

♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪

THERE'S THE LUCKY GIRL WHO GETS TO
GO TO BARBRA JEAN'S FAMILY REUNION.

I WAS THINKING I'D LIKE TO GO
TO BOARDING SCHOOL. TONIGHT.

IT WON'T BE THAT BAD.

JUST THINK OF IT AS A BUNCH
OF PEOPLE YOU HAVEN'T MET YET.

YEAH, A BUNCH OF PEOPLE
JUST LIKE BARBRA JEAN.

NOW, KYRA, YOUR FATHER
AND I HAVE TALKED THIS OVER,

AND WE BOTH AGREE THAT IT'S
IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO MEET 'EM.

JUST REMEMBER. YOU'RE A PART
OF BARBRA JEAN'S FAMILY NOW.

[Teasing] NA NA-NA NA NA.

AND SINCE IT'S ALL
THE WAY UP IN LUBBOCK,

WE'RE GOING TO DRIVE
THERE IN A... A RENTED MINIBUS.

HUH? HOW MUCH FUN WILL THAT BE?

LUBBOCK?

NO, IT'S NEAR LUBBOCK,

IN A TOWN CALLED FISHEYE BOTTOM.

IT HAS THE BIGGEST
SLAUGHTERHOUSE IN THE COUNTY.

WHO'S HEARD OF
IT? SHOW OF HANDS.

- WHAT'S IT LIKE THERE?
- IT'S FLAT, REAL FLAT.

YOU STAND ON A COFFEE
CAN, YOU CAN SEE COLORADO.

NOW, REBA, I WANT YOU TO KNOW
THAT YOU ARE WELCOME TO JOIN US.

OH, GEE. I'D LOVE TO DRIVE NINE HOURS
TO MEET THOSE YOU SPRUNG FROM,

BUT I'M GOING TO BE BUSY THIS WEEKEND
PUTTING MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN A GOLD FRAME.

WELL, WE'RE ALL JUST
GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME!

AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR
BROCK TO MEET BIG DADDY.

- BIG DADDY?
- THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL HIM,
HONEST TO GOD.

WAIT. ISN'T THIS THE GUY THAT
WOULDN'T COME TO YOUR WEDDING?

NO. WELL, YEAH.

IT'S JUST BIG DADDY'S
OLD-FASHIONED.

HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT THIS
IS BROCK'S SECOND MARRIAGE.

HE'S VERY ANTI-DIVORCE.

HEY, I USED TO BE TOO.

HE DID SEND US A COUPLE
OF NICE WEDDING PRESENTS.

YEAH, BARBRA JEAN GOT
A LOVELY PEARL NECKLACE.

I GOT A GIFT CERTIFICATE...
FOR A TOMBSTONE.

[Mouths Words]

OKAY, WE'LL PICK YOU
UP SATURDAY AT NINE.

OH. WE ARE GONNA HAVE A REAL
WEST TEXAS DOWN-HOME GOOD TIME!

YEE-HAW!

BARBRA JEAN, HONEY, DO
WE REALLY HAVE TO DO THIS?

BROCK, I SAID, "YEE-HAW."

OKAY. HERE WE GO, GUYS.

BRIAN'S GONNA BE
HERE ANY MINUTE.

I WANT THIS TO BE A
VERY NICE FAMILY DINNER.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT IT, MOM.

KYRA, GO GET DRESSED.

- I AM DRESSED.
- UM, YEAH,
MAYBE TO PLAY KICKBALL.

DON'T WORRY, MRS. H.
WE'LL BE ON BEST BEHAVIOR.

NOW, JAKE, LET'S KEEP THOSE
FINGERS OUT OF THE NOSE.

VAN, KNOCK IT
OFF. BUT, JAKE, YES.

MOM? WHAT IF I DON'T
LIKE YOUR FRIEND?

HIS NAME IS BRIAN.
HE'S REALLY NICE.

HE'S SMART. HE'S SWEET,
AND HE'S REALLY FUNNY.

YOU'LL LIKE HIM.
BUT WHAT IF I DON'T?

[Sighs]

YOU'RE MY SON, AND I LOVE YOU
WITH ALL MY HEART. AND YOU LOVE ME.

AND I LIKE BRIAN. SO I BET
YOU'RE GONNA LIKE HIM TOO.

BUT WHAT IF I
DON'T? I BET YOU WILL.

BUT WHAT IF I DON'T?
YOU'RE GONNA.

BUT WHAT IF I DON'T? JAKE!

WHY DON'T YOU JUST WAIT AND MEET
HIM AND THEN WE'LL TALK LATER? OKAY?

OKAY.

[Doorbell Rings]
OOH, I'LL GET IT.

OKAY. SO, HERE WE GO.
THIS IS GONNA BE FUN.

[Chuckles Nervously]
EVERYBODY JUST RELAX.

WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE A FAMILY
DINNER. NO BIG DEAL. JUST BE YOURSELVES.

[Doorbell] HEY, CASANOVA,
KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON!

VAN!

HEY, HE'S THE ONE BEING RUDE.

OKAY, HE'S GONNA PROBABLY BE VERY
NERVOUS. JUST MAKE HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE.

HURRY UP AND OPEN
THE DOOR. OKAY.

I WANT TO MEET MY NEW DADDY.

HEY. HEY.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO BRING,

SO I MADE SOME HOMEMADE ICE CREAM WITH
M&M's, GUMMY WORMS AND CHOCOLATE MINT.

I LIKE HIM. [Laughs]

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP YOU?

I THINK I'VE GOT IT COVERED.

WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN THERE AND RELAX?

WELL, COME ON. I'M
HANDY IN THE KITCHEN.

I CAN UNWRAP A SLICE OF
CHEESE IN UNDER TWO MINUTES.

COURSE, I'D NEED MY
SPECIAL GLOVES. [Laughs]

I'M OKAY, REALLY.

WHY DON'T YOU GO IN THE
LIVING ROOM, WITH THE KIDS?

[Sighs] OHH. RIGHT
TO THE AUDITION?

ALL RIGHT. WELL, HOW DO I
LOOK? IS MY TARGET ON STRAIGHT?

[Laughs] IT'LL BE FINE.

BESIDES, IF THIS DOESN'T GO WELL,
THEY'RE THE ONES I'M BREAKING UP WITH.

[Inhales] ALL RIGHT. I'M READY.

[Growling] I'M GOING IN.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT
THIS BRIAN GUY.

WHY? HE SEEMS NICE.

HE HAS DEAD EYES.

I LIKE HIM. HE
BROUGHT ICE CREAM.

YEAH, BUT WHAT IF HE'S
SOME ICE CREAM PSYCHO?

WHAT IF IT ISN'T GUMMY
WORMS IN THE ICE CREAM?

WHAT IF IT'S REAL WORMS?

THAT WOULD BE COOL!

WELL, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF HIM, KYRA?

I'VE ONLY SPENT A BILLIONTH
OF A SECOND WITH HIM,

BUT I ALREADY LIKE HIM
MORE THAN I LIKE VAN.

YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM
SAYS HE'S A FILMMAKER.

YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS, DON'T YA?

♪ BOW CHICKA BOW-BOW ♪♪
VAN! THAT IS SO...

[Coughing]

YEAH, THAT DOESN'T
MAKE ME PARANOID.

SO, BRIAN, HAVE A SEAT.

[Screams] NOT DADDY'S CHAIR!

GOOD ONE.

CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING TO
DRINK? YEAH, YOU LOOK LIKE A DRINKER.

OR ARE PILLS YOUR GAME?

NO, ACTUALLY, I'M
FINE. THANK YOU.

SO, YOU AND MY MOM,
HUH? [Giggles] THAT'S NEAT.

OH. WHAT EXACTLY WAS IT
THAT ATTRACTED YOU TO HER?

WELL, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, AT FIRST THERE
WAS THAT WHOLE "SHE'S GORGEOUS" THING.

MM-HMM. ♪ BOW CHICKA BOW-BOW ♪♪

PLUS, SHE TALKS ABOUT
YOU GUYS CONSTANTLY.

I MEAN, THAT'S A SIGN OF SOMEBODY
WITH A LOT OF ROOM IN THEIR HEART.

[Sighs] [Sighs]

SHE DOESN'T REALLY TALK ABOUT US
WHEN YOU GUYS ARE OUT, DOES SHE?

SHE MOSTLY TALKS ABOUT A CERTAIN
YOUNG LADY NAMED ELIZABETH.

- AW. [Giggles]
- I'VE SEEN THAT PHOTOGRAPH
A MILLION TIMES.

- THAT IS ONE BEAUTIFUL CHILD
YOU'VE GOT THERE, CHEYENNE.
- I'LL GO WAKE HER UP.

THEN THERE'S KYRA, WHO GETS STUCK WITH
THE BABYSITTING DETAIL WHEN WE GO OUT.

YOU, I OWE BIG TIME.

I HAVE CHANGE FOR A FIFTY.

WELL, I GOT A DIFFERENT IDEA.

WHAT DO YOU SAY YOUR
MOM AND I TAKE JAKE WITH

US SOMETIME SO YOU
CAN REVISIT YOUR LIFE?

GOD BLESS YOU, SWEET STRANGER.

[Laughs]

WELL, YOU ARE JUST A
SWEET-TALKER, AREN'T YOU?

LADIES LOVE THAT.

ME? I'M A DIFFERENT
KIND OF ANIMAL.

YOU WON'T WORK YOUR
GIGOLO MAGIC ON ME.

I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU'RE
PROTECTIVE OF REBA. I MEAN, I AM TOO.

BUT WHEN YOU SAY
SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

YOU IMPLY SOMETHING ABOUT HER THAT
I JUST DON'T... I DON'T CARE FOR AT ALL.

NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT'S
WHAT YOU MEANT TO DO.

WHICH IS WHY I'M
GONNA LET IT GO. ONCE.

OKAY. DINNER'S READY.

I LIKE HIM.

OKAY, THIS IS HILARIOUS!

THE VAN... ME... TAKES THE STUFF OUT
TO THE VAN WE'RE DRIVING IN. RIGHT?

SO IT'S VAN TO THE VAN,
THEN VAN IN THE VAN,

AND THEN BOTH VANS ARE GONE.

ISN'T THAT THING
CALLED A MINIBUS?

FINE.

OKEYDOKEY. I THINK
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING.

WELL, YOU BETTER DOUBLE-CHECK.

I REMEMBER ONCE WE WENT TO YOUR GRANDMA'S,
AND I LEFT ALL YOUR BOTTLES IN THE FRIDGE.

[Both Laugh]

COURSE, I WAS YOUNG
AND STUPID. YEAH.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YEAH, YEAH. OKAY. FINE.
IT'S A VAN. WHATEVER!

HOW CAN THE KIDS NEED THIS
MUCH STUFF FOR ONE NIGHT?

BROCK, THEY'RE GOING TO FISHEYE
BOTTOM. THEY'LL NEED EVENING WEAR.

HEY, A CAMERA.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YEAH. I'M GONNA MEET
BARBRA JEAN'S FAMILY.

IF NOTHING ELSE, THE
FLASH WILL STARTLE THEM.

KYRA!

YOUNG LADY,

THIS WEEKEND YOU ARE GONNA
BE POLITE AND RESPECTFUL.

- OKAY, DADDY. I'LL REALLY TRY.
- AND NO SARCASM EITHER!

NO, NO. JAKE, HONEY, YOU
BROUGHT ENOUGH TOYS.

IT'S NOT A TOY. IT'S
FOR WHEN I PUKE.

QUIT ENJOYING THIS!

[Laughing] I'LL TRY.
IT'S JUST NOT EASY.

I THINK YOUR
DADDY'S READY TO GO.

OH, I'M NOT SURE DAD
WANTS TO GET THERE.

HE CIRCLED A SPOT ON THE MAP
AND WROTE, "FAKE ENGINE TROUBLE."

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- MAKIN' BREAKFAST.

A GRAPEFRUIT?

DON'T YOU NORMALLY EAT SOMETHING GOOD,
LIKE HAM AND SAUSAGE BETWEEN PANCAKES?

I WANTED A GRAPEFRUIT. SO?

DIDN'T YOU GO TO
THE GYM YESTERDAY?

I WENT OUT FOR A CHEESEBURGER. I
WAS IN MY SWEATS. IT JUST HAPPENED.

OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE SO CUTE.

BUT, MOM, YOU CAN RELAX.
YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY.

OH! WELL, THIS IS AN AWKWARD
MOTHER-DAUGHTER MOMENT.

LOOK. IT'S BECAUSE BRIAN'S
GOT A HOT BODY, RIGHT?

MOM, DON'T WORRY. I'M SURE HE
THINKS YOU LOOK GREAT NAKED.

I THINK YOUR FATHER
IS READY TO GO. NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU SO FREAKED OUT ABOUT?
WE CAN TALK ABOUT STUFF LIKE THIS.

CHEYENNE, STOP. THIS IS
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU ARE MY CHILD,
NOT MY GIRLFRIEND.

I APPRECIATE YOUR INTEREST...

AND THAT YOU THINK
BRIAN HAS A HOT BODY,

BUT THIS ISN'T SOMETHING I'M
COMFORTABLE TALKING TO YOU ABOUT.

MOM, I MAY BE YOUR DAUGHTER,
BUT I AM ALSO A MARRIED WOMAN.

I THINK THIS IS GREAT, AS LONG
AS YOU TWO ARE BEING... CAREFUL.

YOU ARE BEING CAREFUL, RIGHT?

CHEYENNE! YES. VERY CAREFUL.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT
FOOLPROOF CAREFUL.

- OH!
- YEAH.

- OH. I... I JUST... I THOUGHT...
- NO.

NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT?

I DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND
THAT QUESTION, BUT NO.

WELL, DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING TO?

I MEAN, IF THE OPPORTUNITY
PRESENTED ITSELF?

SAY YOU HAD THE HOUSE TO
YOURSELVES... FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND?

I'M GONNA NEED
ANOTHER GRAPEFRUIT.

MOM? DO YOU WANT TO?

I DON'T KNOW.

OKAY. WELL, YOU HAVE
TO BE READY JUST IN CASE

YOU DECIDE YOU DO WANT
TO, YOU GUYS ARE SAFE.

FIRST, YOU NEED TO TALK
TO HIM ABOUT HIS HISTORY.

HIS HISTORY? UH-HUH.

AND I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO
BRING THAT UP OVER DINNER?

[Giggles]

HOW'S YOUR BRUSSELS SPROUTS,
BRIAN? IS YOUR GRAVY TOO HOT?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD A LITTLE RING-A-DING?

A RING-A-DING?

I'VE HEARD WHAT YOU KIDS
CALL IT. I PREFER RING-A-DING.

I DON'T THINK I CAN ASK HIM
ABOUT HIS HISTORY, CHEYENNE.

WELL, MOM, YOU HAVE TO.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
SAFE DING-A-LING, YOU HAVE TO.

RING-A-DING.

WHATEVER!

GEE. LOOK, MOM. A LOT HAS CHANGED
SINCE THE LAST TIME YOU WENT THROUGH THIS.

OKAY. RIGHT.

THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. BYE-BYE. MOM.

YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER:
EVERY TIME YOU GO OUT,

YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR
ESSENTIALS IN YOUR PURSE.

ESSENTIALS? MM-HMM. UNDERWEAR,
TOOTHBRUSH, BIRTH CONTROL, MONEY...

WHOA! AM I GOING ON A
DATE OR A SLEEPAWAY CAMP?

AND WHAT'S THIS MONEY THING?
DO I HAVE TO TIP FOR THAT TOO?

MOM, MONEY IS SO THAT NO MATTER WHERE
YOU ARE, YOU CAN CALL A CAB TO GO HOME.

OKAY? YEAH, OKAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE PRETTY
GOOD AT GIVIN' THE TALK.

HEY, YOU AND KYRA ARE GONNA
BE IN A MINIBUS FOR EIGHT HOURS...

OH, NO WAY. LOOK, MOM. I KNOW
THIS IS A REALLY BIG STEP FOR YOU.

I MEAN, WE ALL LIKE BRIAN A LOT.

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN
THE TWO OF YOU GUYS WHILE WE'RE AWAY,

I'M SURE IT'S GONNA
BE WONDERFUL.

[Elizabeth Crying]
JUST BE CAREFUL.

[Crying]

OH! I CANNOT BELIEVE THE BABIES
TOOK TURNS CRYING THE ENTIRE WAY!

[Chuckles] REALLY?
I DIDN'T NOTICE.

COURSE, I COULDN'T HEAR THEM OVER THE
SOUND OF ME POUNDING MYSELF IN THE HEAD.

HOW'S THE STOMACH, BUDDY?

OH, BETTER. NEXT TIME
BRING YOUR OWN PAIL.

HEY, WHERE ARE ALL THE FREAKS?

I RODE EIGHT HOURS
IN A BUS... VAN.

WHATEVER. I WANT
WEIRDOS AND NUTCASES.

YEAH, WELL, THEY'RE
NOT HERE YET.

HEY, MAYBE I GOT LUCKY
AND BIG DADDY'S NOT COMING.

OR MAYBE HE JUST STOPPED
ALONG THE WAY TO GUT A HITCHHIKER.

OH, NOW, BROCK, DON'T BE
NERVOUS ABOUT MEETING BIG DADDY.

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

SO HE HAS A LOT OF
GUNS AND DRINKS A BIT.

HE DRINKS?

ALL RIGHT. THIS WAS GREAT.
I ENJOYED FISHEYE BOTTOM.

I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE GAS
STATION ATTENDANT WITH THE TINY HEAD.

- NOW CAN WE GO BACK TO HOUSTON?
- WE'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

IF WE LEAVE, IT'LL LOOK
LIKE WE'RE RUNNING.

AND NOTHING BRINGS OUT A HUNTER'S
INSTINCT LIKE PREY ON THE RUN.

DON'T BE SILLY.

BIG DADDY'S AS GRATEFUL AS I
AM THAT YOU ALL DECIDED TO COME.

AND HOW COULD HE NOT
LOVE THIS LITTLE FACE?

LET GO. OKAY.

[Man] ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET
SOME CHOW. HERE THEY COME.

- [Barbra Jean Squeals]
- THERE'S MY LITTLE GIRL.

BIG DADDY! THIS IS HENRY.

RIGHT THERE, THOSE
ARE MY DADDY'S EYES.

AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND, BROCK.

OF COURSE HE'S YOUR HUSBAND.
HE'S EVERYBODY'S HUSBAND.

YOU KNOW, THAT RESTAURANT
WAS GOOD AGAIN TONIGHT.

WE SHOULD MAKE THAT OUR PLACE.

I ONLY HAVE ONE
QUESTION. WHAT'S THAT?

WHY DID YOU HAND YOUR
UNDERWEAR TO THE VALET?

IT WAS VERY GOOD SERVICE.

WELL, HERE WE ARE. YOU KNOW, MAYBE I OUGHTA
POP MY HEAD IN AND SAY HEY TO THE KIDS.

WELL, IT'S A LITTLE LATE. MAYBE TONIGHT
WOULDN'T BE A GOOD NIGHT FOR THAT.

THEN I WILL TAKE A KISS. OKAY.

OOH! THAT GARLIC BREAD
WAS GOOD, WASN'T IT?

[Laughs]

GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT.

UH, BRIAN?

ACTUALLY, UH, MY KIDS ARE
GONE FOR THE WEEKEND.

THEY WENT AWAY WITH
THEIR DAD AND HIS WIFE.

OH. HOW ABOUT THAT?

YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT? [Laughs]

BUT, YOU KNOW, I... I DON'T
KNOW IF I'M, YOU KNOW, READY YET.

OH, NO. SH... HEY! YEAH.

OF COURSE. I
UNDERSTAND. YEAH. OKAY.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

[Laughs] NOW? HOW'S NOW FOR YOU?

[Laughs] I'LL CALL YOU, OKAY?

OKAY. HEY, WAIT A SECOND.

ISN'T "I'LL CALL YOU" WHAT GUYS
SAY WHEN THEY'RE NOT GONNA CALL?

REBA. WHAT?

I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW
MORNING, OKAY? OKAY.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT. NIGHT.

HEY, BRIAN?

WANNA COME IN? EXCUSE ME.

HEY, BROCK, YOU REMEMBER MY SISTER,
KATIE ANN, AND HER HUSBAND, TRENT.

HEY, TRENT. HOW YA DOING?
GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, BUD.

KATIE ANN. [Chuckles] [Kiss]

SAY, UH, YOUR DAD'S
NOT PACKIN', IS HE?

OH, DON'T BE SILLY. [Laughs]

OF COURSE HE IS.

WE MET LITTLE HENRY.
OH, HE'S SO CUTE!

AND HE DOESN'T HAVE BIG
GIANT BARBRA JEAN FEET.

WELL, HE'S JUST A BABY. [Laughs]

IT TOOK ME ALL MY LIFE TO GROW
BIG GIANT BARBRA JEAN FEET. [Laughs]

HI, BIG DADDY!

HEY, BROCK. IF YOU'RE,
UH, GOING TO HIDE,

I'D STAY AWAY FROM THE
RABBIT-FUR COAT THERE.

IF THAT THING MOVES,
SOMEONE'S LIABLE TO SHOOT IT.

[Chuckles] NO, I'M NOT HIDING.

I'M JUST TAKING A BREAK, AND GOING THROUGH
PEOPLE'S POCKETS LOOKIN' FOR LOOSE CHANGE.

SO, TECHNICALLY, I'M
STEALING. I'M NOT HIDING.

LOOK. I KNOW YOU'RE
AFRAID OF BIG DADDY.

I USED TO HIDE FROM HIM TOO.

OH, AND NOW YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME
THAT HIS BARK IS WORSE THAN HIS BITE?

NO. THE BITE IS WAY WORSE.

AND THERE'S NO AVOIDING IT WHEN
YOU MARRY ONE OF BIG DADDY'S GIRLS.

I JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU
FOR TAKING THE HEAT OFF ME.

HEY, WHAT'S HE HATE YOU FOR?

MOVING KATIE ANN TO SAN
FRANCISCO AND HAVING A PET CAT.

SEE, ACCORDING TO BIG DADDY,
REAL MEN DON'T OWN CATS.

YEAH, WELL, HE'S
GOT A POINT THERE.

EVENTUALLY HE'S GONNA FIND YOU, SO
YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO FACE HIM NOW.

IT'LL HURT, BUT AT LEAST
YOU'LL GET IT OVER WITH.

[Big Daddy] SO THE GUY SAYS, "'GRAB
HIM?' I THOUGHT YOU SAID, 'STAB HIM!'"

[Laughing]

[Chuckles] THAT'S A GOOD JOKE.

IT'S NOT A JOKE.
IT'S A TRUE STORY.

WELL, LOOK WHO CRAWLED
OUT FROM UNDER A TABLE.

IT'S DOC. ISN'T THAT WHAT
YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU, DOC?

ACTUALLY, NO, THEY DON'T.
I DON'T REALLY LIKE THAT.

GOOD. THEN I'LL CALL YOU DOC.

BOYS, THIS IS MY SON-IN-LAW.

YOU ARE STILL MY
SON-IN-LAW, RIGHT? I HAVE TO

CHECK, 'CAUSE THIS BOY
LOVES GETTIN' DIVORCED.

MAYBE I SHOULD START
CALLIN' YOU SPLITTY.

YOU KNOW, SUDDENLY
DOC DOESN'T SOUND SO BAD.

WELL, I GUESS IN HOUSTON THEY PLAY FAST
AND LOOSE WITH THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE.

ME, I BEEN MARRIED TO BIG MAMA
FOR 56 YEARS. NEVER LEFT HER.

PROBABLY 'CAUSE SHE IS TOO
UGLY TO KISS GOOD-BYE. [Laughs]

THAT'S A JOKE, DOC.

OH, HUH. I COULDN'T TELL,
'CAUSE, WELL, IT WASN'T FUNNY.

WHAT'S THAT?

YOU KNOW, JOKES ABOUT
YOUR WIFE. I DON'T GET THAT.

I ALSO DON'T DO
THAT. I LOVE MY WIFE.

WHICH WIFE WOULD THAT BE,
DOC? NUMBER ONE OR NUMBER TWO?

YEAH, OKAY, FINE. I AM DIVORCED.

I LOVED SOMEONE ELSE
AND IT DIDN'T WORK OUT.

NOW I LOVE BARBRA
JEAN. I LOVE HER.

SO I CARE ABOUT WHAT
SHE THINKS OF ME. NOT YOU.

SO, IF YOU DON'T LIKE
ME, WELL, GEE, I'LL JUST

HAVE TO FIGURE OUT SOME
WAY TO LIVE WITH THAT.

GOSH, IT'S QUIET IN HERE.

YEAH, IT IS. MAYBE 'CAUSE
THERE'S NO OTHER PEOPLE HERE.

YEAH. THEY'VE ALL
GONE TO LUBBOCK.

SO, EVEN IF THEY LEFT BARBRA
JEAN'S FAMILY REUNION RIGHT NOW,

THE KIDS WOULDN'T
BE BACK UNTIL MORNING.

BOY...

IT JUST GOT QUIETER
IN HERE. [Giggles]

[Sighs]

THIS IS NICE.

JUST A SECOND. IT'S
AWFULLY LIGHT IN HERE.

HOW'S THAT? YEAH, MUCH BETTER.
I WAS ALMOST TOTALLY BLINDED.

HEY, YOU WANT
SOMETHING TO DRINK?

OH, MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T
DRINK, I MEAN, ALCOHOL.

BUT I'M THIRSTY. YOU
WANT SOME JUICE?

REBA, HANG ON A SECOND.
HAVE A SEAT. OKAY.

I'M NOT JUST GONNA JUMP ON YOU.

REALLY? 'CAUSE
THAT MIGHT BE EASIER.

[Laughs]

I'M SORRY. I... I JUST DON'T
KNOW HOW THIS GOES.

WHATEVER YOU WANT TO
HAPPEN IS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

SO IT'S UP TO ME? THAT'S
NOT THE WAY I REMEMBER IT.

[Laughs]

WOULD YOU LIKE A SUGGESTION?
GIVE ME A TOUR OF THE HOUSE.

BUT YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN THE
HOUSE. I HAVEN'T SEEN EVERY ROOM.

OHH, THE TOUR.

RIGHT. LET ME GET
MY LITTLE HAT. OKAY.

SO, WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO START?
WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO START?

WELL, UM, HAVE YOU
SEEN THE BACKYARD YET?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE KEEP
YOUR FEET AND HANDS INSIDE THE CAR.

WHAT?

KENNY SAID HE'LL GIVE ME FIVE
DOLLARS IF YOU LET HIM KISS YOU.

I'VE GOT A BETTER DEAL. I'LL GIVE
YOU TEN SECONDS TO GET OUT OF HERE.

SHE MEANS IT.

SO, KYRA, WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF FISHEYE BOTTOM?

I WOULD IMAGINE THE
SUICIDE RATE IS HIGH.

CHEYENNE, CAN WE
LEAVE THIS DUMP?

- KYRA, YOU'RE BEING RUDE.
- SORRY. CAN WE LEAVE
THIS DUMP, PLEASE?

IT'S ALMOST LIKE SHE'S TRYING
TO BE RUDE ON PURPOSE.

OH, SHE'S A GOOD KID.

OH, SHE'S JUST AT
THAT AWKWARD AGE.

I REMEMBER WITH BARBRA
JEAN IT WAS 12 THROUGH...

WELL, HOW OLD ARE
YOU NOW, BARBRA JEAN?

A LADY NEVER REVEALS HER AGE.

- AW, YOU TELL THEM OR I WILL.
- THIRTY.

SO, I'M JUST BIDING MY TIME, AND
FINALLY HIS HEAD POPS UP AND BANG!

I NAIL HIM RIGHT
BETWEEN THE EYES.

THAT'S GREAT, DOC.

YOU SAY THAT'S
CALLED WHACK-A-MOLE?

DAD, CAN WE GO? I
SWEAR I HEARD A BANJO.

HEY, KYRA. WHY DON'T YA COME
SAY HI TO YOUR NEW GRANDFATHER?

HERE. SIT BETWEEN US. HEY, KYRA.

SWEETIE, YOU CAN
CALL ME BIG GRANDADDY.

CHANCES OF THAT ARE SLIM. DAD?

WOULD YOU EXCUSE US
FOR A SECOND, BIG DADDY?

KYRA, WE ARE NOT LEAVIN',
SO JUST MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME THE ROOM KEY,
AND I'LL GO WATCH THE MOVING PICTURE BOX?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M HAVING A
REAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR ATTITUDE.

WHERE'D YOU GET THE IDEA THAT YOU'RE
SO MUCH BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE?

MOST OF IT'S THROUGH COMPARISON.

KNOCK IT OFF.

NOW, WHEN WE CAME HERE, NONE
OF US EXPECTED TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,

BUT WE'VE ALL MANAGED TO FIND SOMEBODY
THAT WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON WITH.

I MEAN, LOOK AT
ME AND BIG DADDY.

TURNS OUT HE'S A BIG GUN COLLECTOR,
AND I'M AFRAID HE'S GONNA SHOOT ME.

- DAD...
- NO.

SOMETIMES WE DO THINGS WE DON'T
WANT TO DO FOR PEOPLE WE CARE ABOUT.

DOC, GET BACK HERE.

AND SOMETIMES WE DO
THINGS FOR PEOPLE WITH GUNS.

HEY, KYRA. HAVIN' A GOOD TIME?

WELL, I WASN'T, BUT
THEN I HAD SOME JELL-O.

ARE YOU HAVING A GOOD TIME?

WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT? ARE YOU?

OF COURSE. IT'S
A FAMILY REUNION.

SO... THIS IS, UH, MY ROOM.

YEAH, IT'S NICE.

YEAH, WELL, IT'S WHERE
I, YOU KNOW, SLEEP.

YEAH, I FIGURED, WITH THE BED
AND ALL. THAT'S A NICE MATTRESS.

IT IS? YEAH, IT FEELS
LIKE A GOOD ONE.

WELL, I THINK IT'S
A GOOD MATTRESS.

BUT WHAT IF IT ISN'T?

I MEAN, WHAT IF IT ISN'T
AND I... I DON'T KNOW IT?

WHAT IF I THINK IT'S A
PERFECTLY FINE MATTRESS...

AND THEN SOMEBODY WHO'S SLEPT ON A
LOT OF DIFFERENT MATTRESSES COMES ALONG...

AND SLEEPS ON IT AND SAYS,
"MAN, THAT'S A BAD MATTRESS."

[Giggle]

"I'M NEVER GONNA SLEEP
ON THAT MATTRESS AGAIN!"

THAT'S A LOT OF
PRESSURE ON MY MATTRESS.

REBA. DO YOU?

DO I? SLEEP ON A LOT OF
DIFFERENT MATTRESSES?

AH, NO. ACTUALLY, I
SLEEP ON A FUTON.

BUT IT'S FUNNY, 'CAUSE,
FOR A MINUTE THERE,

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GONNA ASK ME ABOUT WOMEN.

[Laughs] WHATEVER.

REBA, SINCE MY WIFE PASSED
AWAY, I HAVE BEEN WITH TWO WOMEN.

NOBODY FOR OVER A YEAR.

LAST SPRING WHEN I
CHANGED MY LIFE INSURANCE,

I HAD A COMPLETE PHYSICAL,
AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE.

DO YOU HAVE A LETTER
FROM THAT DOCTOR? [Laughs]

[Sighs]

SO, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WHAT ABOUT ME WHAT?

OH.

OH, NO. NO. I HAVEN'T BEEN
WITH ANYBODY EXCEPT BROCK.

OH, AND MEL GIBSON
ONCE IN A DREAM. [Laughs]

NO PRESSURE. [Laughs]

I HEAR HE SLEEPS ON A FUTON TOO.

JUST A SECOND.

MY KIDS.

[Laughs]

[Sighs] BRIAN, I DON'T
THINK I CAN DO THIS.

I MEAN, I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS IN HERE.

OH. OKAY.

YOU WANNA RUN DOWN TO THE COUCH?

MY KIDS WATCH TV ON THAT COUCH!

OKAY, WELL, HOW
'BOUT, UH, UM, UM...

MAN, I WISH I'D PAID
ATTENTION DURING THAT TOUR.

WELL, YOU KNOW...
HOW 'BOUT YOUR PLACE?

[Sighs] IT'S AN HOUR AWAY.

ALTHOUGH, TONIGHT I COULD
PROBABLY DRIVE IT IN 15 MINUTES.

[Laughs]

I GOT AN IDEA. WHAT?

THERE'S THIS BED AND BREAKFAST I
STAY AT WHEN I'M WORKING IN TOWN.

THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHAT'S THE NAME OF IT?

THE SAGEBRUSH MOTEL. I
ADDED THE BREAKFAST PART.

IT'S REALLY NICE THOUGH. THEY
WRAP THE GLASSES IN PAPER.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. HEY,
WE CAN SEND PEOPLE POSTCARDS.

NAH, I DON'T THINK SO.

I WAS ON DRILL TEAM. MY ADVISER SAID THAT
I WAS A ROLE MODEL FOR THE WHOLE SQUAD.

[Exhales] YOU KNOW,
UNTIL I GOT PREGNANT.

OH, THE MAIN THING IS
YOU WERE OUT THERE.

AFTER ALL, IT'S THE PEP SQUADS
THAT HOLD THE SCHOOL TOGETHER.

KATIE ANN WAS HEAD
CHEERLEADER. YOU'RE KIDDING.

THAT IS WHY WE PLAYED, RIGHT? TO
IMPRESS THE PRETTY GIRLS CHEERING FOR US?

OR TO MAKE OUR DADS SHUT UP.

[Chuckles]

I WAS AT THE GAMES TOO.

I WAS IN BAND.

OH! IT WAS SO HILARIOUS!
SHE PLAYED THE TROMBONE!

SHE WAS ALWAYS KNOCKING THE
HAT OFF THE BOY IN FRONT OF HER.

- [Toots]
- IT WAS A HUGE JOKE IN SCHOOL.

- [Giggles]
- OH!

YOU HAVE GOT TO HEAR
MY COUSIN TELL THE STORY

ABOUT WHEN BARBRA
JEAN CUT HER OWN HAIR.

AAH! GWEN! THE CUE BALL STORY!

OH, MY SISTER'S SO FUNNY.

REALLY? SHE SEEMS
LIKE A BITCH TO ME.

KYRA, YOU MAY NOT USE LANGUAGE
LIKE THAT. IT IS INAPPROPRIATE.

AND YOU'RE WRONG. SHE'S FUNNY.

WHY DO YOU LAUGH WHEN
SHE MAKES FUN OF YOU?

SHE'S NOT MAKING FUN.
SHE'S... SHE'S TELLING STORIES.

STRANGE HOW IN ALL HER
STORIES YOU SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT.

DIDN'T SHE EVER DO SOMETHING
THAT YOU THOUGHT WAS STUPID?

NO. EVER?

COME ON, BARBRA JEAN. NO MATTER WHAT SHE'D
LIKE YOU TO BELIEVE, SHE'S NOT PERFECT.

YES, SHE IS.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S
LIKE HAVING AN OLDER SISTER.

YEAH, I DO. BUT I'VE
TRAINED MINE TO FEAR ME.

[Katie Ann Laughing]

PULL YOUR HAIR BACK
REAL TIGHT, BARBRA JEAN.

EVERYBODY WANTS TO REMEMBER
WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE BALD!

[Laughs]

OKAY, KATIE ANN.

FIRST, I JUST GOT TO
TELL THE STORY ABOUT THE

TIME YOU PEED YOURSELF
ON THE ROLLER COASTER!

[Crowd Exclaiming]
[Chuckles Nervously]

BARBRA JEAN, NOBODY
WANTS TO HEAR THAT STORY.

- I DO.
- ME TOO.

WELL, THE TROUBLE STARTED WHEN
SOMEBODY SLAMMED A 40-OUNCE BIG GULP.

MMM?

I GUESS WE KNOW NOW WHY
IT WAS CALLED THE WHIZZER.

UPSTAIRS, BRO! OH!

I THINK IT WAS THAT
BLINKING MOTEL SIGN.

I MEAN, THERE WE WERE, GETTING READY
TO CHECK IN WITH NO LUGGAGE OR ANYTHING.

IT-IT JUST MADE IT LOOK LIKE WE
WERE THERE FOR ONLY ONE REASON.

WELL, WE KIND OF WERE.

THAT DESK CLERK SITTING THERE
READING THE BIBLE DIDN'T HELP EITHER.

I... I JUST DIDN'T THINK I COULD
FEEL COMFORTABLE THERE.

REBA, MAYBE THIS ISN'T ABOUT FINDING A
PLACE THAT YOU'RE GONNA FEEL COMFORTABLE.

I MEAN, MAYBE THIS IS A
BIGGER ISSUE THAN THAT.

BRIAN, I REALLY LIKE YOU. A LOT.

BUT I DON'T KNOW
YET IF I LOVE YA.

AND I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
READY TO SAY YOU LOVE ME.

IF IT'LL GET YOU
UPSTAIRS, I AM. [Laughs]

LOOK. SEE, THAT'S JUST IT. I DON'T
THINK PEOPLE SHOULD, YOU KNOW...

RING-A-DING?

YEAH. I DON'T THINK PEOPLE SHOULD
RING-A-DING TO SEE IF THEY FALL IN LOVE.

I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD RING-A-DING
BECAUSE THEY'RE ALREADY IN LOVE.

THAT'D BE GOOD ON A
COFFEE MUG, WOULDN'T IT?

[Laughs] OR A BOTTLE OF VIAGRA.

[Laughs] MAN, THINGS
HAVE CHANGED.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVEN'T.

I'M STILL THE SAME PERSON I
WAS BEFORE I DID IT THE FIRST TIME.

WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY YOU'RE GONNA BREAK
UP WITH ME JUST LIKE TOMMY JOHNSON DID.

TOMMY JOHNSON WAS AN IDIOT.

AND I'M GONNA CALL YOU TOMORROW
MORNING BETWEEN 9:00 AND 10:00 A.M.

OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, WILMA.

GOOD NIGHT, JUGHEAD.

HOW ABOUT NOW?

[Laughs] GO ON NOW.

OH, BRIAN. WAIT A SEC.

YOU GOT A LONG DRIVE.

HEY, HONEY. WELCOME
BACK. HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

FORGET ABOUT THAT.
WHAT HAPPENED?

OHH. WELL, IT'S A
LITTLE EMBARRASSING.

WHAT? WHAT'S EMBARRASSING?

WELL, WE GOT A LITTLE
TIPSY, WENT DOWN TO MEXICO.

LONG STORY SHORT, GO UP
AND SAY HI TO YOUR NEW DADDY.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO
TELL ME, ARE YA? BINGO.

[Chuckles] BUT,
CHEYENNE, THANKS.

AW, YOU'RE WELCOME.

WELL, HOW WAS IT?

AM I INSANE? HMM.

OH, 'CAUSE I HAVE TO BE
INSANE. I MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUS.

I RENTED A MINIBUS FOR
A NINE-HOUR ROAD TRIP,

FILLED IT WITH TWO
SCREAMING BABIES,

TWO BOYS WHO FOUGHT
OVER A PUKE PAIL,

TWO SISTERS WHOSE ENTIRE CONVERSATION
CONSISTED OF "NO, YOU SHUT UP,"

AND A WOMAN WHO SANG
A VERSION OF “KUMBAYA”...

THAT WOULD MAKE BILLY GRAHAM PUT HIS
FIST THROUGH A STAINED-GLASS WINDOW!

[Laughs]

OH, YEAH. HUH. THE
TRIP WAS GREAT!

BARBRA JEAN, HONEY, LET'S GO!

COMIN', BROCK!

WELL, I GUESS I
SHOULD BE GOIN'. OKAY.

THANKS FOR COMIN' WITH US.

SURE, NO PROBLEM. I HAD FUN.

I ESPECIALLY LIKED
SEEING YOUR SISTER CRY.

[Giggles] ME TOO.

GOOD BYE, KYRA. BYE.

[Sighs] [Reba] BYE, BARBRA JEAN.

BYE-BYE. ♪ KUMBAYA,
MY LORD... ♪♪

I DON'T THINK I'D SING THAT
IN THE CAR IF I WERE YOU.

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. SO, YOU
SURVIVED THE TRIP. HOW WAS IT?

MOM, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT BARBRA JEAN'S FAMILY.

YOU KNOW HOW IT WAS. THEY
WERE A BUNCH OF FREAKS.

THERE WAS REALLY ONLY ONE NORMAL
PERSON THERE. REALLY? WHO WAS THAT?

OH, YOU DON'T KNOW HER. OH.

ACME! [Coughing]