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1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:06,078
# I'm not sick, but I'm not well #
2
00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,556
# And I'm so hot #
3
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# Cos I'm in hell. #
4
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:22,760
JEZ: Gorgeous Joe. I want to crawl
inside your lovely pink mouth.
5
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,393
Jez, I need to get to work.
6
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,034
Oh, yeah, of course. Me, too.
Busy, busy, busy.
7
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Storage Wars, Walnut Whip,
wank into a flannel.
8
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,389
Cos, like, who's the most famous person
you've life-coached?
9
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,636
I would probably have to say...
10
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,591
Think of someone famous,
think of someone famous.
11
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...the Queen.
12
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,470
Interesting choice.
13
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The Queen?
14
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,876
Yeah, it was either the Queen
or Jenson Button,
15
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,991
but in the end
I'd probably have to say the Queen.
16
00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:47,838
You've life-coached the Queen?
17
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:53,478
It wasn't just me. A small cadre of life
coaches were airlifted into Highgrove.
18
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:54,476
What was she like?
19
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,238
She is...
20
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:57,270
outlandish.
21
00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,951
She's funny, she's saucy,
and she's got the filthiest laugh.
22
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,320
Kind of...
23
00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,556
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh...
24
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Wow. No offence, Jez,
25
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:09,959
I just thought your life-coaching
was maybe a part-time thing,
26
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,399
cos you do it out of your bedroom.
27
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,397
(LAUGHS) Oh, Joe.
28
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:15,670
I have an office, obvs.
29
00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:17,313
- Whereabouts?
- It's...
30
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,990
You know the office block
on the corner of, er, Cowper Street?
31
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,316
- Yeah.
- Oh. You do? Great.
32
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,271
Yeah, well, I have a place there.
33
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:26,674
I'll have to pay you a visit sometime.
34
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,313
Yep. You do that.
35
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,796
This is just another small,
insignificant lie I'll have to maintain
36
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:32,955
until the day 5 die.
37
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,435
Mark still thinks I know
What the public sector is.
38
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:38,472
MARK: Right, I want to beat Angus
but fuck April.
39
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,115
Freudian mixed doubles.
Jeremy, can you hold your racket up?
40
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,915
Oh, this is just one thing
after a-bloody-nother.
41
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,713
Face forward, please, Jeremy.
42
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:54,470
- Actually, I'm probably going to go.
- You can't go. This is match point.
43
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,239
Ooh, are we going to win the match?
What if we lose the match?
44
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,600
The match, the match, the match!
45
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:01,359
Can we just finish the game
and do this afterwards, please?
46
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,357
Fine. If it comes at me again,
I'm not hitting it.
47
00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:09,558
Unlucky, Angus.
Welcome to hell,
48
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:11,830
- old man!
- Shot, Mark.
49
00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:15,032
Can I go now, cos I am only here
so you can fuck the historian,
50
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,559
and I really don't see that happening.
51
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,592
It's Angus. They've made up
and now he's everywhere.
52
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,632
I invite her to the library,
he offers to give us a lift.
53
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,830
Tennis...he makes it doubles.
54
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,951
I mean, just look at him,
hogging his wife.
55
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,072
The big, brainy, wife-hogging shit.
56
00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,636
JEZ: Fuck tennis. It's basically
bullshit ping pong for giants.
57
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,712
- I'll bring the car around.
- OK.
58
00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:38,750
MARK“. Now, Mark;.
59
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,440
Steal his Wife
While he fetches the Vectra.
60
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:46,031
So, April, there's a... there's a talk on
at the British Academy on Friday.
61
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:50,597
Andrew Roberts doing a jam
on World War I trench letters.
62
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:52,631
Love amongst the mustard gas.
63
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,990
There's literally
only two tickets left, sadly.
64
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:58,158
Cos I bought the last eight
and burned the other six.
65
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,555
- So I'm wondering if you'd...
- Oh, Mark, I'd love to, but...
66
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,355
It's kind of embarrassing,
but I'm going to have my moles mapped.
67
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,755
- Oh?
- Yeah, I can get a little bit jumpy...
68
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,589
mole-wise. Freckle on my kneecap...
"That wasn't there yesterday!"
69
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,632
Next thing,
I'm picking at it with a craft knife,
70
00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,753
trying to cauterise the wound with
one of those creme brûlée torches.
71
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,950
Oh, April and your charming neuroses?!
72
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,072
I've been looking for a half-decent
mole-mapping place for ages.
73
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:26,590
By no means am I excessively moley,
it's not like I'm riddled.
74
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,314
I'd just like a full body ordnance survey.
75
00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,352
Well, that's amazing,
003 not everybody is up for, you know,
76
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having their genitals photographed.
77
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:38,239
No, I... I am. I'm bang up for that.
78
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:39,475
Well, be nice to have some company.
79
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,840
It's a date.
80
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:43,599
A weird, kind of creepy,
dermatological kind of date.
81
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They all count, April! They all count.
82
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,400
How are you feeling today?
83
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:51,794
Like a piece of shit.
84
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,877
Why is that, do you think?
85
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,594
Because you fucked my boyfriend
and then you stole my boyfriend.
86
00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:57,630
Interesting.
87
00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,239
I fucking hate you, Jeremy.
88
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,319
You are unmanly.
And you are basically uninteresting.
89
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,274
And you hide behind this mask of,
like, slacker bullshit,
90
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,436
like the fact you've never done anything
with your life
91
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,791
is some kind of Gen X
lifestyle choice, when really...
92
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:15,912
it's just because
you're a small, talentless worm.
93
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,758
Hunker down, Jeremy,
into the brain bunker.
94
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:22,033
And you don't deserve Joe, 003 I've been
with him, and he fucks like a dinosaur.
95
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:24,230
You fuck like a little child.
96
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:26,351
Like an eight-year-old that's just been
told off for sucking its thumb.
97
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,630
- OK, that's all we've got time for today.
- No, it isn't.
98
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,671
We've still got 48 minutes left.
99
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,030
Unless you don't want me
to pay you for the full session?
100
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,310
Let's just dive back in, shall we?
101
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,475
Back into the cesspool.
102
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,309
I'm going to make you cry, Jeremy.
I going to make you cry delicious tears,
103
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,318
and then I'm going to collect
those tears in a little silver bowl
104
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,670
and I'm going to drink them all up.
105
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:47,830
Yeah?
106
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,077
Walnut Whip. Little cry.
Wank into a flannel.
107
00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,477
I got the slot immediately after April!
108
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,079
We're going mole mapping!
109
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,918
God, that's romantic, Mark(!) What next?
110
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:00,110
Take her up in a hot-air balloon,
get your anuses bleached(?)
111
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,515
MARK: It's a date,
and no-one can prove otherwise.
112
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,154
Mark, can I ask you something?
And I want you to be honest.
113
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:06,998
Am I a shit?
114
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,519
Absolutely you're a shit.
115
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,630
Milk's gone.
116
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,193
So I am? I'm a shit?
117
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:14,119
Oh, you're 3 sh“, Jeremy;
You are the sh“ on my shoe.
118
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:15,958
I'm a total shit?
119
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,118
A giant, walking, talking,
anthropomorphised shit on stilts.
120
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,559
A shit for all seasons.
121
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,318
The shit man of Europe.
122
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,397
What a total, total shit!
123
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:26,909
Well, I've enjoyed this, Jeremy.
124
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,439
It's pepped me up, it really has.
125
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:29,629
I need to get my act together, Mark.
126
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,035
Yes, well, I may have mentioned
something about this, Jeremy.
127
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,436
I'm just a waster, floating through life,
jazzing into the flannel.
128
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,632
And Joe, he's like this great guy,
and cool job...
129
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,239
Sorry, you jazz into the flannel?
130
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,714
Oh, don't be so fucking parochial, Mark.
131
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,912
I'm laying it out there, the inner churn,
the workings of man,
132
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,793
and you're hung up on whose jizz
ends up on what bit of cloth.
133
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,956
- Which flannel, Jeremy?
- I don't know!
134
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,877
I can't be expected to remember
where it all goes.
135
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,558
Right!
136
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:00,235
Which flannel have you jazzed on?
137
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:01,679
Answer the fucking question!
138
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,431
Jesus Christ, Jeremy!
139
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,709
That is beyond the...pale!
140
00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:10,151
You know what? You're right,
I've gone too far this time, Mark.
141
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,350
Well, I am turning a corner.
142
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,789
I'm growing up
and getting an actual office
143
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:18,356
and I'm going to stop just flinging
my jizz around hither and yon.
144
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,995
How very reassuring(!)
Now, excuse me While I boil-wash my face!
145
00:06:24,840 --> 00:06:26,592
So, where's this gastro pub, then, Hans?
146
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,995
Just up here. They've got 3 (MM.
147
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,714
I call it the ISA,
cos it's basically my pension plan.
148
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:34,957
Go in there twice a week
and bleed it like a radiator.
149
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,356
Mind you, I've got cramp in my hand from
hitting the £10 repeater so many times.
150
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:40,989
(DESCENDING BEEF'S)
151
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,953
No, it's turned,
it's fucking turned on me.
152
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,355
Doesn't look very gastro, Hans.
153
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:51,234
There's a man over there
eating Quavers out of an ashtray.
154
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,279
Oi, oi, choirboy! Fancy seeing you here.
155
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,993
Jez, this is Wadey,
156
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,429
- mate of mine from Halfords days.
- All right?
157
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,470
Actually, Jez, it's lucky you're here,
158
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,195
cos young Mr Wade here has been off
working at a Center Paras,
159
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,993
- isn't that right, Wadey?
- Yeah, that's right, Hans.
160
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,474
I've been working at a Center Parcs.
161
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,150
Yeah. But he's been made redundant,
sadly.
162
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:15,113
And I'm thinking maybe
you could have a little chat with him.
163
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:18,630
Oh, is this about your self-esteem?
Yeah?
164
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,038
Cos I always think self-esteem
is a lot like actual steam.
165
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:25,799
You can't see it,
but it definitely exists.
166
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:28,229
No, what I wanted to ask you was...
167
00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,078
You know your mate Mark?
168
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,191
Can you get me his swipe card
for the bank?
169
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,992
What's that, sorry?
170
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,873
His swipe card that gets him in the back
of the bank. Can you get it for me?
171
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,350
- Super Hans, quick hatter?
- Mmm.
172
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:41,834
Wadey, just give us a minute, will you?
173
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,154
All right.
174
00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:47,119
Is he a fucking bank robber?
175
00:07:47,160 --> 00:07:48,230
Behave!
176
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,078
He's not a bank robber, Jeremy.
177
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:53,233
He's a burglar.
178
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:56,238
I'm joking! Lighten up!
179
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:57,918
I've been burned before, Hans.
180
00:07:57,960 --> 00:07:59,633
Never trust the pub man.
181
00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,560
Things between me and Molly,
they've gone a bit rancid.
182
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,511
You've just got back from your honeymoon.
183
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,074
I know, mate, that's what's so surprising.
184
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,475
It is one hot, toxic mess.
185
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:11,510
And...
186
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:14,916
well, I just need some bunce for a bit of
a love bombing - you know, sexy Dresden.
187
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,840
And if Wadey could just borrow Mark's
swipe card, we'll both be quids in.
188
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:20,439
I don't like it.
189
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:21,993
It smells of crime.
190
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,031
You'll be well compensated.
Money upfront.
191
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,276
- I'm talking five figures.
- Five figures?
192
00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:30,075
Well, there's a decimal place
after the first three figures.
193
00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,350
- So three figures?
- Five figures total.
194
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:33,390
Three figures actual.
195
00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,596
Look, he's harmless - Wadey.
196
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,119
Sorry, Hans, I'm out.
197
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:40,673
I'm getting my shit together.
198
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,313
Huh...
199
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,795
Yep. They all let you down eventually.
200
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,114
(DESCENDING BEEF'S)
201
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:47,878
Fruities, wives...
202
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:49,035
mates.
203
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,753
They all let you cl...
204
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,199
Oh, hello. (TAPS MACHINE)
205
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,198
Three golden eggs!
And I'm up the beanstalk.
206
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,678
So, what was your final tally?
207
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:01,790
What's the scores on the doors?
208
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,673
- Including warts and skin tags?
- Including warts and skin tags.
209
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:07,280
Drumroll... Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...
210
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:08,549
32.
211
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,318
41. I win.
212
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,954
What do I win?
Most physically defective male?
213
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:14,832
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure.
214
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:16,109
Does Angus seem OK to you?
215
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,869
Well, I thought his service game seemed
a little off, but I didn't like to crow.
216
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,116
A few years back,
he became totally obsessed with
217
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:25,710
writing a book about the Byzantine
Church, but for the general reader.
218
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:28,718
It had to be for the general reader.
He was really very insistent about that.
219
00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:29,909
How interesting.
220
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,758
Do 5 detect a mental defect?
221
00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,235
Next thing I know, he's gone off
to Turkey for five months.
222
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:36,590
Checked himself into a hostel
in Marmaris.
223
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:38,790
He out these kind of tramlines
into his hair.
224
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,434
He'd written the Nicene Creed
all over his legs.
225
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:43,312
April, that's...that's awful.
226
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,670
I smell it, the sweet stench of weakness.
227
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:48,838
Maybe he's going back to that.
I don't know, maybe I'm losing him again.
228
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,838
All aboard the Coconut Express.
Next stop, Loony Town!
229
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,069
Yeah. I need quite a lot of storage space
for my personal effects
230
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,713
when hiring an office.
231
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,592
Cos I've ordered a briefcase off Amazon.
232
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,074
It's coming from Holland.
233
00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,475
What's. ...?
234
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,512
Oh, my God, there's a socket in the floor!
235
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:09,119
Unbelievable!
236
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,516
Um, do you monitor the things
I look at on the internet?
237
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:13,880
- Great.
238
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,150
I love this office.
239
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,077
It's £400 per calendar month.
240
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,555
Four? 400?
241
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,398
Fuck my mouth!
242
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,431
This is nice, isn't it?
243
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:26,278
A goodly stroll.
Invite him out for a walk,
244
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,675
lure him into a Greek Orthodox Church,
245
00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,189
precipitate an insanity spiral.
246
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:33,834
My plan certainly has become
quite Byzantine!
247
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,555
Mark, I understand you went
mole mapping with my wife?
248
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,195
Oh. . yeah, we went for 3 “Ne checkup.
249
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,560
The old mole patrol.
250
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,557
- I was wondering...
- Is this a wallop/fig?
251
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,637
...if you'd like to come
for a colonoscopy.
252
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,193
Right.
253
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,389
I've been putting it off for some months
254
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,670
and I thought, "Seems like
it might be in Mark's wheelhouse."
255
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,074
You know, guys looking out for each other?
256
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,838
Yeah, no, it sounds great.
257
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:58,919
We could go for a pint after. You know,
get the cancer-y bit out of the way
258
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,270
and then pop into the Whistle
for a pint of IPA.
259
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,357
Rectal exams with the love rival?
260
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:04,470
And thanks...
261
00:11:04,520 --> 00:11:06,272
for taking April. She needed that.
262
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,709
She needs an outlet.
263
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,400
Some nights she's like,
"Let's take drugs and go crazy."
264
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:14,353
And I'm thinking
Herodotus and a bowl of muesli.
265
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,754
It's just not me.
266
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,111
Tell me your Wife's secret desires.
They'll be safe with me!
267
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,037
Say, that's an interesting church.
268
00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:22,115
Is it Russian?
269
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,071
Yes, a Russian Orthodox Church.
270
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,190
How fascinating.
271
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,197
Er, I believe it's Greek, Mark.
272
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:31,393
OK, well, I propose a wager, good sir.
Loser buys the ploughman's?
273
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:33,272
Oh, I'll buy you a ploughman's, Angus,
274
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:38,679
But it'll be the last ploughman's
you eat as a sane man.
275
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,473
In terms of praxis, the difference
between Russian and Greek
276
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,193
just comes down to order of service.
277
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:45,675
Put on the tap shoes,
quick dance on his grave.
278
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:49,156
And is there a comprehensive history
of the Byzantine Church
279
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:52,033
you could recommend, you know,
for the general reader?
280
00:11:52,080 --> 00:11:54,640
OK, I'm going to surprise you here,
Mark, and say no, there isn't,
281
00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:58,435
unless you include John Julius Norwich's
so-called History Of Byzantium,
282
00:11:58,480 --> 00:11:59,470
and I don't.
283
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,160
Right. Cos you've got Simon Baker on Rome
284
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,397
and Karen Armstrong
on the Western Christian tradition,
285
00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:07,795
but nothing on the Byzantine Church?
286
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:09,956
Doesn't that just seem insane?
287
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,229
It does seem a little nutty.
288
00:12:11,280 --> 00:12:13,715
This isn't horrible.
I'm just encouraging him.
289
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:17,310
Follow your dream, Angus,
all the way into the big mind mincer.
290
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,478
And the only first-hand account
we have is, as you'll know,
291
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,830
Martin of Opava's
Chronicon Pontificum Er Imperatorum,,
292
00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,598
and, frankly, it's a pamphlet.
293
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,756
It's so limited in scope
as to be almost worthless.
294
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,950
God, this really is interesting.
295
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,595
No, don't get sucked in!
Otherwise it's going to be me and Angus
296
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:36,873
sleeping in a Turkish hostel, reading
Scripture and getting rectal exams.
297
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:40,033
MARK“. Cup of tea and a Twirl.
298
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,390
Finally get a proper look at my arse.
299
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,876
Yep, there he is,
that's my arse, all right.
300
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,319
The dark side of the moon.
301
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:48,680
JEZ: So, Mark, I got your letter.
302
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,189
That's not from me, Jeremy,
that's from the bank.
303
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:53,595
It's a standard loan statement.
304
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,393
Do you have any idea of the monthly
repayments on that fucking thing?
305
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,317
Yes, Jeremy. Yes, I do.
306
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,873
So that's it? Office gone.
307
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,274
There's no way I can afford it any more.
308
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,152
All my hopes and dreams,
everything I've been working for
309
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,113
for the last 39 years
flushed down the toilet.
310
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,231
You've wanted this office since yesterday.
311
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,840
You never should have sold me that loan,
Mark. You were exploiting me.
312
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,679
Well, guess what,
I've got one word for you.
313
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:15,074
Ombudsman.
314
00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,316
- Ha!
- I'm going to the ombudsman.
315
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,034
So if there's a bang at the door
and you answer it
316
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:24,756
and there's a man in a stovepipe hat
with a long, hooky stick, that's him.
317
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:25,835
The ombudsman.
318
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,759
The ombudsman isn't a person, Jeremy.
319
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,871
It's a toothless regulatory body
320
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:35,232
made up of junior
and often very obliging civil servants.
321
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,429
One eye open, Mark.
322
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:40,269
(SINGSONG) The ombudsman's
coming to get you.
323
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:47,876
You know, Angus would have been
more than welcome to...
324
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,638
Yeah, he...didn't fancy it.
325
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,069
I caught him
reading the Nicene Creed on the toilet.
326
00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:53,838
Oh, April...
327
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,110
you are joking?!
Ting! I
328
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:58,151
He said you went to a Byzantine church?
329
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,599
Look, I...“
330
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,429
I didn't want to dob him in,
but we went for a stroll and...
331
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,153
It was like he couldn't help himself.
332
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,714
I mean, we went for
a ploughman's afterwards,
333
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:09,637
but the mood was pretty sombre.
334
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,115
So I ate both his pickled onions!
335
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:17,433
You know, April, it's at times like this
when I just want to throw my hands up
336
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,393
and say, "Let's take drugs and go crazy."
337
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:21,350
Hm!
338
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,359
MARK: Oh, God, help me.
339
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,710
God, I haven't done this since uni.
Am I doing it right?
340
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:30,115
Yeah, no, that's great.
341
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,232
Some lovely fat lines of Chang.
342
00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,237
Do you always have coke lying around,
you big druggie?
343
00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,191
It's leftovers from Super Hans' stag.
344
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:41,916
But it's good shit, it's real top-quality,
Taste the Difference shit.
345
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,031
Let the Great British Snort Off begin.
346
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:46,679
Eye of the tiger. Fuck you, everyone.
347
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:47,710
Fuck you, Dad.
348
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,114
(SNORTS)
349
00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,433
Oh... Mmm.
350
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,471
Delicious. As always.
351
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,670
Mein compliments to the chef.
352
00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,792
Christ, it's gone all the way up my nose
and into my throat.
353
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,036
It doesn't taste very nice.
What if it's off?
354
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,118
What if my head swells up like a melon
and I never sleep again?
355
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,356
I feel completely normal. But also...
356
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,030
a bit like I want to karate-chop my hand
through a very high stack of poppadoms.
357
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,198
You could hold up a keema naan
and I could punch my fist through it.
358
00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:15,594
Kung fu-ed.
359
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,870
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
360
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,157
I have never been this intensely funny.
361
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,191
Angus would never do this.
362
00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,880
Unless we'd talked about it
and tabled it with our therapist
363
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:28,434
and dissected it to death.
364
00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,120
Oh, tedious.
I mean, I don't even want another line.
365
00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,629
The last thing I feel like
is another line.
366
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,993
Well, that's it; I'm an addict.
367
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:41,273
But that was actually probably
my favourite line of the two.
368
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,994
Cos I found this cruise, OK? Three
months in the Med, just what we need.
369
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:46,680
God, she's trying to
patch things up with Angus.
370
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:47,790
God, my teeth are dry?!
371
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,958
Cocktails, six meals a day, bad karaoke.
372
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,320
He said no.
373
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,034
April, if I've said it once,
I've said it a thousand times.
374
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,229
The first time We ever said it.
375
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,671
You've got to live in the moment,
003 right now I feel like
376
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,838
staying up all night,
or running to Thornton Heath,
377
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,678
or throwing my iPad out the window.
378
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,791
- Go on, then.
- Yeah?
379
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,990
I mean, which? Cos I'll do it.
380
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,236
- ”Pad
- Yeah, cos "K's "psi an "Pad.
381
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:14,671
I mean, what is it, really?
Just some very thin microchips.
382
00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:16,358
- Go on.
- I'm going to do it.
383
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,233
Don't you think I should do it?
I'm totally doing it. Should I do it?
384
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,317
- You should totally do it.
- I'm totally doing it.
385
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,196
Regretting act of spontaneity
before I've completed act of spontaneity.
386
00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:27,753
Bye- bye !
387
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,791
Fuck you, iPad!
388
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:31,990
- I can't believe you just did that.
- I know.
389
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:34,793
You're like the Incredible Hulk.
The Incredible Mark.
390
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,673
(AS HULK) Mark smash!
391
00:16:37,720 --> 00:16:39,154
She thinks I'm funny.
392
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:42,397
Mark smash!
393
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:44,511
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)
394
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:47,680
Oh, my God.
395
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,233
(THEY KISS)
396
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,760
I should get going.
397
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,918
But thank you for an amazing evening.
398
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,315
I've kissed her. I've kissed her on coke.
399
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,920
If we take smack,
maybe she'll get divorced and many me.
400
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,590
I've got you the goods.
401
00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:04,835
HANS: Mark's swipe card.
402
00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:05,711
Yeah.
403
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:09,355
But on one condition.
Say pub man is a bank robber,
404
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,358
we tell him no shooting of Mark.
405
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,277
And that is an absolute red line.
406
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:15,640
God, I'm a good friend.
407
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,193
I've really stuck my neck out
for Mark there.
408
00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,470
Look, hang on to it for now.
409
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,070
Let's just say young Mr Wade's attempts
not to rob Mark's bank
410
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,430
have taken a surprising unexpected turn.
411
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:27,357
- Like what?
- He's basically doing it right now.
412
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,152
Hang on. But he's not actually
going to do it, though?
413
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,760
Well, it's hard to tell with Wadey.
414
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,996
Don't get me wrong, he's a teddy bear.
415
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,439
But he's a violent teddy bear.
416
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:36,993
You said he was harmless.
417
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,316
Well, he's more than one thing, Jeremy.
418
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:41,112
He's harmless, he's deadly.
419
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,514
He's a devil, he's a saint.
420
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:44,358
He's happy, he's furious.
421
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,392
He's got a multiple-personality disorder,
basically.
422
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,149
Shit! Right, text pub man,
tell him not to shoot Mark.
423
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,235
I've got to warn him.
424
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,033
What if he's already shot him?
What if he's wounded him?
425
00:17:55,080 --> 00:17:57,833
God, imagine Mark in a Wheelchair.
He'll be insufferable.
426
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,350
MARK: I need something new to throw out
the Window before April loses interest.
427
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:06,280
Could bung my George Foreman
off the balcony.
428
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,355
Oh, sorry, mate.
429
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,356
Oh, it's grudge time
430
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,311
with Jerry.
When is he ever going to forgive me
431
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:13,079
for bundling him into a sleeping bag
and throwing him in a lift?
432
00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,269
Mark?
433
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,392
Oh, Angus, hi. I wasn't expecting...
434
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:22,037
So, I found a place that does something
called an air-contrast barium enema.
435
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,151
They basically pump air into the rectum.
436
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:28,034
Apparently, you get an incredibly clear
silhouette of the whole downstairs area.
437
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,753
Sounds perfect.
438
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,189
Inflating my colon
like a weather balloon?!
439
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,119
I'm not here to talk to you
about a colonoscopy, Mark.
440
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,753
I need a loan. 5K.
441
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,191
I think I'm losing April
and... and she wants this cruise.
442
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,392
I don't know, I feel like if we go away
together, that might fix everything.
443
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,158
Sure. Sure it might.
444
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,760
Well, let me just enter your details
into the system.
445
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,031
Look at me, I'm entering his details
into the system.
446
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:55,074
Telephone, telephone, sunglasses,
smiley face, crucifix, and "enter".
447
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:59,876
Oh, Angus, your credit rating is,
frankly, sub-Grecian.
448
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:01,319
Look, I have mortgage statements.
449
00:19:01,360 --> 00:19:04,478
Mate, I'm... I'm sorry. It's a no.
450
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,919
Three-ways spite-feast!
451
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,759
No commission for me, no cruise for April,
452
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,473
no marriage for Angus.
453
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,272
And it tastes great!
454
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,109
Mark, I need five, like,
quite intense minutes right now.
455
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,150
Hi, Angus.
456
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:27,237
Just FYI sort of thing,
there is a very slim possibility that...
457
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:31,239
a bank robber is heading into
the bank right now.
458
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,831
So, you know, act normal,
but also be on permanent high alert.
459
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,393
Jeremy, what are you talking about?
460
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,432
It's just some mate of Super Hans,
some pub man.
461
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,994
A pub man? I-I'm getting robbed?
462
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:46,635
No, it's all fine, because I told Hans
to tell him, "No shooting Mark."
463
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:49,035
What do you mean, no shooting?
I was going to get shot?
464
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,673
No. Because it was a red line.
465
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:53,314
Oh, and no-one ever goes over a red line,
do they, Jeremy(?)
466
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,033
Tuition fees was a fucking red line.
467
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,833
Look, it's just a caper gone bad.
He wanted your swipe card
468
00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,998
and then I took it,
but then I didn't give it to him...
469
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:03,873
You took it? Jesus Christ, Jeremy!
470
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,672
Come on, Mark, on your high horse.
471
00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,280
It's a bank. They're insured.
It's a victimless crime.
472
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,392
No, Jeremy, it isn't. It's a victimy
crime, and the victim is me!
473
00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:12,839
I'm going to get shot.
474
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,793
Oh, how many times, Mark?
You are not getting...
475
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,997
You are not getting shot.
Why does it always have to be about you?
476
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:25,591
I'm sorry, Jeremy. I'm sorry for being all
self-pitying about my potential shooting.
477
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,792
- In a way, you do work in a bank.
- What's that supposed to mean?
478
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,877
I mean, come Oh, you're probably due one.
479
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:32,718
Oh, great. I'm due one, am I?
480
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,355
I'm due a good shooting?
It's my turn for the big, shiny bullet?
481
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,118
Oh, shit.
482
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,310
MARK: Is...? Is that him?
Is that the robber?
483
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,112
Shit, where's the panic button?
484
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,469
I can't find the panic button.
485
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,079
I'm panicking
486
00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:49,952
- and I can't find the panic...
- Just fucking calm down, Mark,
487
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,229
for fuck's sake!
488
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:53,112
Why do they make these bloody things
so hard to find?
489
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,437
Will you stop panicking?
He's just some nutter.
490
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,233
Exactly. He's a nutter, Jeremy,
a nutter who may
491
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:02,352
or may not have got the memo
re not shooting me.
492
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,831
He's queueing.
493
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,518
Why's he queueing? Robbers don't queue.
494
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:09,675
We need to leave.
495
00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,791
What if he shoots everyone?
496
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,674
He won't. And if he does,
what are we supposed to do? Stop him?
497
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,155
Yeah, that's what we'll do, Mark.
We'll stop him(!)
498
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,237
We'll stop the armed maniac,
me and you(!)
499
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,590
MARK: I'm not running away,
I'm just walking over here
500
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,473
to reassess the situation.
All the way over here and out of the bank.
501
00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:26,510
It's fine.
502
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:30,235
Everything's going to be fine.
No-one's getting shot.
503
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,949
Right, we need to move. He's quite
obviously going to shoot everyone.
504
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,355
What? What am I doing?
I need to go back in!
505
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,674
What about Angus?
506
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:42,518
He's a cadaver, Mark. He's toast.
507
00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,996
Coffee shop. We'll wait in the coffee shop
until the shooting stops.
508
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:54,754
Macchiato and a blueberry muffin, please.
509
00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,598
A muffin? You're going to stand here,
waiting for a massacre, eating a muffin?
510
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,359
- What difference does it make?
- Unbelievable.
511
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,199
Er, flat white extra hot and a biscotti.
512
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:07,719
But this is on you.
513
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,831
I'm holding you fully accountable.
514
00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,553
You know what. .. $02.
515
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,035
"$02" is not an appropriate level
of apology
516
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,594
for facilitating an armed fucking robbery.
517
00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:18,278
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Joe?
518
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,469
- Jez.
- Hey.
519
00:22:19,520 --> 00:22:21,397
I'm at the offices on Cowper Street.
They don't seem to know who you are.
520
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,398
Oh, er, sorry, I can't really hear you.
521
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,158
I'm just at Highgrove.
522
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:31,274
In fact, Joe, there's
a very distinguished older gentleman
523
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,914
who'd really like to have a word
with you right now.
524
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,076
- Do a Prince Philip.
- What?
525
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:39,158
Do a Prince Philip and I'll go
and tackle the robber, or whatever.
526
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,679
Oh, Christ.
527
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,077
No, I'm not doing a fucking Prince Philip.
528
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:50,079
Er, sorry about that, Joe.
He's famously flighty.
529
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,714
You're not really at Highgrove,
are you, Jeremy?
530
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,592
Er, no.
531
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:55,914
I'm actually at Balmoral.
532
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,474
- (PHONE BEEPS)
- Hello? Hello?
533
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:00,830
He's gone.
534
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,918
It's happening, then.
Joe's starting to see through me.
535
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,270
Really, Jeremy?
Tell me more, 003 I am so invested
536
00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:08,789
in your domestic horseshit right now(!)
537
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,239
Mark...
538
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:11,475
What the hell are you doing over here?
539
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:14,194
Oh, hi, Alan. Just on a quick coffee run.
540
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,674
Oh, really?
541
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,757
Hanging out with your little buddy? Hm?
542
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,950
Playing conkers with your little chum?
Get back to work.
543
00:23:20,000 --> 00:23:22,594
- What about my coffee?
- I'll bring it. Exit...
544
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,119
Mark.
545
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,480
Jeremy, are you coming?
546
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,710
Sorry, mate.
547
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,273
Right.
548
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,118
Off I go.
549
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,150
On my own.
550
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,118
Off on my merry way.
551
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:44,269
MARK: No-one seems dead.
It's a promising start.
552
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,311
Oh, God, here he goes.
553
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,510
Oh, he's bottled it;.
554
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:50,119
He's just a big, beardy pen thief.
555
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,720
Mark, it's going through.
Your mate sorted it.
556
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,034
We're going cruising!
557
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:57,470
Brilliant, Angus. I'm-I'm happy for you.
558
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:58,635
Thanks, Jerry.
559
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,991
Oh, not a problem, Mark.
I'd happily steal your sales all daylong.
560
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,314
(JERRY AND ANGUS CHUCKLE)
561
00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:07,718
Commission for Jerry, cruise for April,
marriage for Angus.
562
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:10,559
Get the pub man back. I want my shooting?!
563
00:24:18,120 --> 00:24:22,318
# Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
564
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:26,079
# Just say you never met me
565
00:24:26,120 --> 00:24:28,919
# I'm running underground with the moles
566
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,553
# Digging holes... #
45902
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