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♪ I'm not sick, but I'm not well ♪
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♪ And I'm so hot ♪
3
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♪ Cos I'm in hell. ♪
4
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(GRUNTING)
5
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MARK: Hmm.
6
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Once upon a time, I might have woken
to the sound of a song thrush.
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Now it's a couple of guys pounding
the living daylights out of each other.
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I mean, it's fine.
9
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,831
It's just...When Jeremy had sex
with women, I hated the noise,
10
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,871
but at least there was something in it
for me.
11
00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,197
Now it's like there are two Jeremy's
in there humping each other.
12
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,470
- That would be his dream.
- JEZ: Fuck!
13
00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,480
So, just to be clear, for my records,
14
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:47,752
you're sleeping with Joe regularly now.
15
00:00:47,777 --> 00:00:50,432
- Can't handle it.
- I can handle it, I'm fine with it.
16
00:00:50,457 --> 00:00:52,754
Just, what, you've gone gay?
17
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,137
- Your word, not mine.
- Sure, but...
18
00:00:55,162 --> 00:00:56,991
let's say you had a Wikipedia page,
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00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:00,158
which obviously you don't, regardless of
how many times you try and put one up.
20
00:01:00,183 --> 00:01:04,306
Would it say that Jeremy Usborne
was gay or straight?
21
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,190
I don't fit in to your tiny little boxes.
22
00:01:06,215 --> 00:01:08,753
I'm just looking for that sacred
connection, and for that,
23
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,599
I'd fuck any single member
of the human race.
24
00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,432
Yes. Yes, I believe that. You know I've always
been a bit gay. I've always liked a bit of that.
25
00:01:15,457 --> 00:01:16,793
Like with Pej in Darty.
26
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:17,989
You and Pej?
27
00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,202
We used to get pissed
and pull each other off. Didn't you?
28
00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:21,417
You should've. It was great.
29
00:01:21,442 --> 00:01:23,391
I have a long and varied list of regrets,
30
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Jeremy, but not being pulled off by Pej
isn't one of them.
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00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,793
The thing about sex with a guy,
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00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,514
it's like getting your car fixed
at the actual dealership.
33
00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:34,063
They've got all the codes.
You just plug right in.
34
00:01:34,088 --> 00:01:35,732
I mean, you like blowjobs,
don't you, Mark?
35
00:01:35,757 --> 00:01:37,432
I'm eating a Fruit Corner, Jeremy.
36
00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:38,879
Of course you do. But...
37
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,673
what's the most blowjobs
you've ever had in one day?
38
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,030
Like in the first happy days
of a relationship?
39
00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:46,117
- One.
- Right.
40
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:50,358
Well, my life now
is a 24/7 blow-job bonanza.
41
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,869
I very much regret
starting this conversation.
42
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Put it this way.
43
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I'm moving out and I've got a new address
for you to forward my post to -
44
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Blow-job City.
45
00:01:58,370 --> 00:02:00,076
Jez, I've got to make a move.
46
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:04,090
Cool. Um, here's that Beastie Boys CD
I was telling you about.
47
00:02:04,115 --> 00:02:06,076
Thanks, but I don't own a CD player.
48
00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:08,593
Oh. Yeah.
Well, download the shit out of them.
49
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,000
- They're cool.
- Yeah?
50
00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:12,844
I think they started before I was born,
and one of them is dead.
51
00:02:12,869 --> 00:02:14,392
- Listen, gotta go.
- (KISSES)
52
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:15,555
- See you.
- Bye.
53
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,796
MARK: The gay couple.
1 five with a gay couple.
54
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:19,797
It's political correctness gone normal.
55
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,990
I really like him, Mark.
Do you think it matters
56
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,671
if I'm not young, dumb and full of cum?
57
00:02:24,696 --> 00:02:26,158
Oh, no. I mean...
58
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,157
you're older and...
59
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,555
- intelligent and full of cum.
- Yeah.
60
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Except I'm not that intelligent,
61
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,155
because I don't really understand
almost any of what the news is about,
62
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,918
and I'm not even certain that
63
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,359
- I'm full of cum.
- Oh, I'm sure...
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00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,232
How did I get here?!
65
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:43,999
I'm sure you're full of cum.
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00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,228
That's nice. Thank you.
67
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,516
- So, thank you...
- The one that got away.
68
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,709
Lovely April.
69
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,196
But you can't get away from Google, April.
Corrigan and Google -
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00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,595
the maverick detectives
who just won't give up.
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00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:04,555
Yup, she's just as beautiful as she was
when I failed to sleep with her in Darty.
72
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:07,384
And she knows a fuckload
about the Ottoman Empire.
73
00:03:07,409 --> 00:03:09,393
If she voices the audiobook,
74
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,353
then it's, "Look out, St Basil!" because
I'm going to buy a box of wet wipes
75
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,242
and have me a wanky Byzantine party.
76
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,951
Um, things haven't been great
between me and Joe lately.
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JEZ: Yeah, that will happen when he's busy
78
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,996
- sucking off your life coach.
- Maybe we should have a big chat.
79
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:27,635
And I should just say, like,
"Are you ready to commit? Because I am."
80
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:28,875
What do you think?
81
00:03:28,920 --> 00:03:30,797
- No.
- Oh.
82
00:03:30,840 --> 00:03:32,592
- Right. Why not?
- The point is,
83
00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:35,393
you do your thing, yeah,
and let him do his thing.
84
00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,273
And don't talk about upsetting shit.
85
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,469
That's the key to happiness.
86
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,638
- That's not what I expected you to say.
- I'm a straight-shooter.
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00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,751
And I'm fucking your boyfriend.
Time's up, I think.
88
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,029
Oh, right.
89
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I'm going to call him.
90
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,631
No, don't call him!
91
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Fuck it, I'm going to lock him out.
92
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Yeah! Lock him out!
93
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,634
Do you want to, um...
94
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:55,755
...stay for a glass of wine?
95
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,473
Er... She's sexy,
96
00:03:57,520 --> 00:04:00,717
artistic, confused. It'd be rude not to!
97
00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:03,958
We studied Ancient History at Dartmouth -
98
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,311
but that's all ancient history!
Ha-ha-ha!
99
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,680
No.
100
00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,030
- Thanks for coming.
- Thank you.
101
00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,230
Hi. I love the Ottoman Empire.
102
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,717
I think I feel an affinity because
some ingeniously savage children
103
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:20,673
at my secondary school
called me "the sick man of Europe".
104
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,472
Sorry. TMI.
105
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,114
No! I was actually ostracised by
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00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,118
some horrible girls
who called me Joan of Snark.
107
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Two peas in a fucking pod.
108
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- Er, who should I sign it to?
- Mark. Mark Corrigan.
109
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- OK
- Does she recognise me?
110
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I should say something.
111
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:38,839
Could come clean.
112
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”You sold me some brogues
and I followed you 200 miles
113
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,230
”and faked being a mature student
to see you. ”
114
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,679
There you go. Thanks again for coming.
115
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My pleasure. This is my chance.
116
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And I'm doing nothing.
117
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I am now, this instant,
118
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,360
missing my chance.
Sorry to flout the queueing system
119
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,118
like some syphilitic sultan,
120
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,312
but I just wanted to say that
we did actually meet once before.
121
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,271
Years ago, at Dartmouth Uni.
122
00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:03,880
I thought I remembered you!
But I wasn't sure...
123
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,753
I transferred from Coventry,
then I transferred back again.
124
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,634
It was complicated. I think Bez
won Big Brother around then.
125
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,910
Kilroy started Veritas. Crazy times.
126
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:17,716
I'm rambling. But how would you like
to have a glass of wine?
127
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:22,391
I have to say, this is the first time
I've ever betrayed the ethics
128
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,431
of my life-coaching organisation.
129
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,914
Well, it was outside
130
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:28,554
- our coaching window.
- Yeah. I mean...
131
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,433
I bet it's fine if football coaches
have sex with their players, so long as
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00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,269
- it's outside the coaching window.
- Listen, Joe'II be back soon, so...
133
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,994
- you should probably go.
- Oh, I'd love to hang out with Joe,
134
00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,236
but maybe tonight isn't the best night.
135
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:43,318
I'm going to have to book a double session
just to talk this shit through!
136
00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:46,159
I'm creating my own work!
I'm living off my own mess.
137
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,840
Like when they fed all the cows
to the other cows in the 90s
138
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,951
and we got... what was it? Super-burgers?
139
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,989
My day job's lecturing
at South Thames College.
140
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,077
So this is your secret identity.
141
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,191
- Sort of like Indiana Jones.
- Yes.
142
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,278
I'm very much like Indiana Jones.
Except I don't have a whip.
143
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,277
And I ain't afraid of no snakes!
144
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:09,190
An Indiana Jones reference mixed with
a Ghostbusters reference! I love you,
145
00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,230
April Danecroft.
146
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,999
I couldn't help noticing
that your book's co-written.
147
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,474
» That's my husband.
- Shit!
148
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:15,840
I still use my maiden name for books.
149
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,518
Of course. Of course she's married.
150
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:19,631
You write together? That sounds like a...
151
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,752
- a dream sort of setup.
- Well, I do all the PR.
152
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,552
And most of the bulk of the writing, too.
153
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:27,194
- Interesting.
- I mean, it's fine.
154
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,242
Angus is so busy with all his... research.
155
00:06:30,267 --> 00:06:32,352
- Hello, resentment, my old friend.
156
00:06:32,377 --> 00:06:34,390
- I've come to stoke you up again.
157
00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,831
Mark, I don't mean to be weird
or anything, but...
158
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:40,394
did anything happen between us
159
00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:44,195
at one of MacLeish's weird Dar'ty Parties?
160
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:47,915
No, I... I mean, if I can just search
the old memory banks...
161
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:49,871
...for the moment I replay nightly...
162
00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:52,389
...we might have had one cuddle once,
163
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,273
but that was about it, as I recall.
164
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,150
Look, it was so great to see you again.
165
00:06:58,175 --> 00:07:00,070
I'd better go. Angus awaits.
166
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,239
She's leaving. Again. Come on, Mark!
Pull your dick from the stone!
167
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:07,750
As a matter of fact, I'm having
a dinner party tomorrow night.
168
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,474
Ridiculously short notice, I know, but...
169
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,033
Well, I'm free tomorrow.
170
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,798
Although Angus is going to a conference.
171
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,832
Well, why don't you come on your own?
It's not like you're chained together.
172
00:07:16,880 --> 00:07:18,029
Or are you?
173
00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:20,549
Not last time I checked. Clank Clank.
174
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,637
Tomorrow. It's a date.
175
00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,798
I mean, that is the date
on which it shall happen.
176
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,990
- Great.
- Yes! Olympus has fallen.
177
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:32,034
Now all I have to do is cook a meal
so delicious she will make love to me.
178
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,594
Such as... cheesy pasta.
179
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,235
JOE: Jez, don't forget your phone!
180
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,078
(BLENDER WHIRS)
181
00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,872
I thought you were going to the cinema
182
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,115
- with Joe?
- Whatever.
183
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:43,480
It'll start with half an hour of adverts
184
00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:45,431
which everyone site through
like obedient disciples
185
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,279
of the capitalist dictatorship.
What the hell are you even doing?
186
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:50,630
- I'm making hummus.
- Making hummus, he says,
187
00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:52,398
like it's perfectly natural.
No-one makes hummus.
188
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,829
- It's only hummus, Jeremy.
- What are you going to do next?
189
00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:56,917
- Start making your own pasta?
- As a matter of fact,
190
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,553
- I have made my own pasta.
- Jesus, Mark.
191
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,752
Jamie Oliver and Sainsburys
make the food. We eat the food.
192
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:04,590
April from Darty's coming over,
as it happens.
193
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:06,216
The girl from the shoe shop?
194
00:08:06,241 --> 00:08:09,510
You finally tracked her down
and you're luring her back to your Iair
195
00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:11,073
to eat her with pasta.
196
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,679
It isn't a lair, it's my flat!
197
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,074
And my sole subterfuge
198
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,555
is that she thinks
she's coming to a dinner party.
199
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,309
But I've got a feeling that the other
guests may cancel at the last minute.
200
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,510
Naughty, unreliable guests.
201
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,312
- Finally I'm rubbing off on you.
- Jez,
202
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,829
I think she might actually be
my perfect woman.
203
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,917
She's a serious academic historian
204
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,598
who got my joke about Indiana Jones!
205
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:35,476
She just texted, saying,
"Professor Jones has her whip ready."
206
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,716
I think it's probably the sexiest text
207
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,070
- anyone has ever received!
- Wow.
208
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:43,351
You should go the full Indy.
"I love you" on the eyelids.
209
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,720
(LAUGHS) Brilliant.
210
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,671
But far too mad.
211
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:47,949
Go on! It'll be hilarious!
212
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,389
I was thinking,
"How can I turn up the heat?"
213
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,716
I could blink at her
as she came through the door.
214
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,876
More than hilarious. It would be a hoot!
215
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:57,639
It would be a bit of a hoot, wouldn't it?
216
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,559
But it's the sort of thing
you'd think about but never actually do.
217
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:01,874
Not on my watch!
218
00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:05,276
Come on. You've tracked down
the love of your life. Go for it!
219
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:06,435
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
220
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,312
- No, Jez!
- Yes, Mark.
221
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,431
This is what real friends are for.
222
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,393
Making you do brilliant things
that you'd never do otherwise.
223
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,760
This is how the El Dude Brothers roll.
224
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:15,995
God.
225
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,395
Right, then, hold still. Come on, Mark.
226
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:19,874
Oh!
227
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,116
This is crazy! You're mental!
228
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:25,597
How does it look?
229
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,358
(DOORBELL RINGS)
230
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,153
Oh, my God!
Why would she be here so early?
231
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:32,510
I haven't even finished
pureeing the chickpeas!
232
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:34,790
- Megan.
- Hey, Jezebel.
233
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:37,275
- MARK: Great!
- Got off work early. Thought I'd see
234
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,037
how it's hanging.
235
00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,640
Oh, no! Joe in the bedroom,
Megan in the hallway!
236
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,591
I'm playing Genital Jenga!
237
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:43,789
Good to see you.
238
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:44,989
- It's just...
- Megan.
239
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,439
- Joe.
- Megan!
240
00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:48,835
Joe popped over. What a fun coincidence.
241
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:52,271
Are you having a coaching session, or...?
242
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,391
No, he came round for a friendly visit.
243
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:56,477
Why? Do you have
a coaching session booked?
244
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,080
No, no. These are both just friendly,
coincidental visits.
245
00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:00,997
How lucky and brilliant.
246
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:02,519
This party needs to break up fast.
247
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,074
How? Fire? Use a lighter
to start a little fire in the hall?
248
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,680
I'll be in in a minute.
249
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:08,755
There we go.
250
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,236
Four and a half hours of tears
and sweat and pain
251
00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,953
and it will, if I'm lucky,
252
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,072
taste almost as nice
as a slice of freshly buttered toast.
253
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:18,918
- JEZ: OK, let's get the fuck out. A run?
- (PHONE RINGS)
254
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:22,191
Yeah, let's go for a totally normal
Saturday night three-person run.
255
00:10:22,216 --> 00:10:24,123
April.
256
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,199
Dr Jones, I presume.
Just whipping up a feast.
257
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,390
Hi, Mark. I'm really sorry.
258
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,750
Angus isn't going to his conference
tonight after all.
259
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,837
Is it OK if we both come
to the dinner party?
260
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,029
MARK: No way.
261
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,549
No problemo, amigo. Hasta la vista.
262
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,193
Spanish? Has the stress
turned me entirely Spanish?
263
00:10:42,218 --> 00:10:43,426
APRIL: I promise we're house-trained.
264
00:10:43,451 --> 00:10:45,949
We'll fit right along in
with your other guests.
265
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,229
Er, of course.
266
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,750
They... They won't mind.
They're very relaxed, the other guests.
267
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,916
One more person at the dinner party.
268
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:54,553
No big deal.
269
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,716
APRIL: Thanks so much,
and sorry for the short notice.
270
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:58,637
- See you in 30.
- Adios.
271
00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:02,435
Uhh! Utterly fucked
and unaccountably Spanish.
272
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,153
Can you smell... (SNIFFS) ...like, smoke?
273
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,032
- Um... No.
- No?
274
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:09,152
(SIGHS) Maybe I'm not feeling very well.
Perhaps you guys should...
275
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,157
Hi there.
I know you've probably got plans tonight,
276
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:15,273
but I insist you all stay
for a delicious feast.
277
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,470
That might not be so convenient.
278
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:19,796
Well, that's as it may be,
but I'm afraid I insist.
279
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,356
Joe, Megan, it is going to be amazing.
You must stay.
280
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,435
- Er...
- Wonderful.
281
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:27,839
What the hell are you doing?
282
00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,235
I'm sorry, but I need backup.
283
00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,510
Angus is coming. April's husband.
284
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:36,076
You didn't mention the husband,
you dark, filthy, dirty horse.
285
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:39,238
Yes, well, she's got a husband and,
in 30 minutes, he'll want some dinner.
286
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,839
I need to bulk out.
287
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,150
Lettuce!
288
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,591
- Bulky... lettuce?
- They'll bring wine, but we need booze.
289
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,950
Where's the rum?
Get the rum, make a cocktail.
290
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,991
- What cocktail?
- Any fucking thing.
291
00:11:51,040 --> 00:11:53,953
Rum and water, rum and milk.
Chop some parsley into it.
292
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,514
They're all basically horrible.
It's action stations!
293
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:58,995
Fuck! How quickly can you get
to Mr Patel's and back?
294
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,317
Mr Patel's?
Austerity Cornflakes and Latvian Feta?
295
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,158
Look, here we go.
296
00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:07,431
- Beans. Everyone likes beans.
- I can't serve baked beans.
297
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,518
- Beans are pasta sauce.
- Beans are not pasta sauce!
298
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:11,994
They're... tomato-y.
299
00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:13,269
Ketchup is tomato-y.
300
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,755
- That's not a pasta sauce.
- It is when I make pasta.
301
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:20,079
- What the hell are you doing?
- I... I'm picking the beans out.
302
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:21,474
With your disgusting human fingers?
303
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,114
Mashed. I can mash them.
304
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,549
Right, we're getting somewhere.
305
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,159
Cooking's all about confidence.
306
00:12:29,680 --> 00:12:31,910
I'm just going to mix it all together.
307
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,157
I need to go Nigella.
I'm going to be the Hairy Biker.
308
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,716
JEZ: That's not Nigella.
That's not even Ainsley, mate.
309
00:12:39,596 --> 00:12:42,190
How about some lovely filling lettuce?
310
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,917
- What are you doing?!
- I'm improvising.
311
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,997
JEZ: Good.
It's like Who's Pasta Is It Anyway, yeah?
312
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,873
- How old are these?
- I don't know. They're always good,
313
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,069
eggs, aren't they?
314
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,315
'til they hatch.
315
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,714
Are they? Yeah?
316
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:59,118
You know what? Maybe it's fine.
Is it... Moroccan?
317
00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,275
Maybe it is Moroccan.
318
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,709
JEZ: Yeah, Morocco.
Anything goes in Morocco.
319
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,878
Right, OK! I like it that way.
They can't prove otherwise.
320
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,240
- Fuck them.
- Exactly.
321
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,749
That's the dinner-party spirit.
Fuck them all!
322
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:10,915
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
- Listen, Mark.
323
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,758
The pasta will be fine. It'll all be fine.
324
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,199
- Do you think?
- Absolutely.
325
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:15,913
- (SIGHS)
- Although I would recommend
326
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,395
getting rid of the love message
on your eyes.
327
00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,953
Oh, my God. I forgot!
328
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,560
Oh, my GOD
- Urgh, lid scour.
329
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,319
- Is it coming off? Is it coming off?
- Not... exactly.
330
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,031
Jeremy, did you use permanent marker?
331
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,559
I might have used permanent marker.
332
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,671
I'm going to have to bleach my eyes.
333
00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:34,438
Good idea. Although...
334
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,074
eyes, bleach - is that a bad one?
335
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,715
I'm going to have to keep my eyes open
all night. Is that possible?
336
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,637
I can do this. I can do this all night.
337
00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:44,432
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
- Oh, I can't do this.
338
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:46,790
- Don't blink, don't blink.
- Hi, Mark.
339
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,274
Hi, April.
340
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,799
This is Angus.
341
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,911
Just got to keep my eyes firmly open.
342
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,952
- That's the most important thing.
- I brought you some chocolates
343
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,152
instead of wine, cos everyone
always brings wine, don't they?
344
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,270
Oh... Lovely.
345
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,497
That'll be one bottle of wine
between six, then. Perfect!
346
00:14:02,522 --> 00:14:04,840
So, you and April
were at Dartmouth together?
347
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:05,995
Yes. Briefly.
348
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,600
Almost unbearable urge to blink.
349
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,553
Ahh! Lovely, lovely blink.
350
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,947
Enjoy it. Last one of the night.
351
00:14:13,972 --> 00:14:15,074
Shall we go through?
352
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,191
Help yourself to hummus.
353
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:21,757
It's freshly made
and, if I say so myself, quite delicious.
354
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,598
Unlike the rest of the meal. Cocktail?
355
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:27,998
Mmmm, rum, water, lettuce, vinegar
and the secret ingredient - salt.
356
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,873
April said you were off to a conference.
357
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:32,399
Yes. Date mix-up.
358
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,080
But I think April will be able to join me.
359
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,440
I'm actually talking tomorrow
360
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,101
on transcultural memory
in the Ottoman Empire.
361
00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,557
Oh, look who's won the lettuce lottery.
362
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,353
- Wow, this is, um...
- It's Moroccan. I love it.
363
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:46,674
It... It's quite subtle.
364
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,905
Blink impulse off the scale
and drink disgusting.
365
00:14:49,930 --> 00:14:53,479
Um... I might take it slow,
leave some for your other guests.
366
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,753
Good idea. I'll just go and see
where the other guests have got to.
367
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,029
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
368
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,789
OK, can you haul in the mannequins,
the normalisers?
369
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,515
Also, Megan, would you happen to have
a small make-up bag about your person?
370
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,997
Oh, my God. Yeah, that'll work.
371
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:12,634
- Yeah?
- Yeah, mate.
372
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,061
Do I claim fancy dress or go full English,
373
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:18,116
- button down, hope they don't mention?
- Look,
374
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,471
you probably need to know,
Joe thinks Megan's fucking around on him
375
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,477
and Megan thinks
Joe's fucking around on her.
376
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,557
- Right. God.
- And...
377
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,352
I happen to know that they're both right.
378
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,936
Because I've sort of ended up
sleeping with both of them.
379
00:15:30,961 --> 00:15:34,222
- You're humping them both?
- To be honest, it's getting quite tiring.
380
00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:36,077
Especially when I have to do them
both in one day.
381
00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:39,556
Oh, that must be really hard.
I'm so sorry for you, Jez.
382
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:41,318
Uh, uh... Eh-heh-heh-heh.
383
00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:43,670
Uh, uh, uh, eh-heh-heh-heh.
384
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:44,949
Yeah.
385
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,058
Oh the plus side, she's fucking around
on him and he's fucking around on her.
386
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:51,031
So, if they find out about each other
387
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:54,436
then I don't see
that they can make much of a fuss.
388
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,199
Well, you can't fuck them both, I'm
afraid. That's not how civilisation works.
389
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,709
JEZ: Civilisation, schmiviiisation.
390
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,551
Did Maggie mention
that she's actually an artist?
391
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,558
- It's Megan.
- Oh, of course!
392
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,637
Maggie's just a nickname.
393
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,036
- That she hates.
- Are you wearing eyeshadow, Mark?
394
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,549
Er, yes. That's s-something I'm doing.
395
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:20,151
I-I understood it was the fashion,
but, er, I may have been misinformed.
396
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,474
Serve up, move on.
397
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:23,716
So, you two are writing a book together?
398
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:28,118
I do the bulk of the writing, but Angus's
ideas are what the book's built on.
399
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,596
April's doing herself a disservice.
She's the real historian of the two of us.
400
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,029
I think of myself more as a...
401
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,354
as a theologian, really.
402
00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,597
- The Holy Roman Empire is a guilty pleasure...
- MARK: He's very decent.
403
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,677
Very wholesome.
404
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,917
- How can I steal his Wife?
- These aren't fashionable subjects.
405
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,951
All above our heads.
406
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,832
Especially yours, eh, Jez?
407
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,598
- (LAUGHTER)
- JEZ: Ah, yeah, that's right.
408
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,519
Always rely on Jez for a chuckle.
I'll show them.
409
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:56,349
Can I ask you a question, Angus,
of a theological nature?
410
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,075
- I'll see what I can do.
- Did Jesus have...
411
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,758
a cat?
412
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,111
I wouldn't have thought personal pets
in the sense that we...
413
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,231
- If you don't know, just say.
- Well...
414
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,318
I do find it interesting
that all you pointy-heads,
415
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,954
- living inside your Westminster bubble...
- I'm not a politician.
416
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,833
People like you in your ivory towers,
417
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,999
who are like, "Who gives a fuck
about the real issues?"
418
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,872
The issue of whether Jesus had a cat?
419
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,313
(CLEARS THROAT) Do dig in.
420
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,192
- What is it?
- Um... It's Moroccan.
421
00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:29,038
Like my eyeshadow.
422
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,559
Tastes like baked beans on spaghetti
with lettuce.
423
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,319
I'd hate to call you a racist
at my dinner party,
424
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:40,115
but I think it's a little more
sophisticated than that.
425
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,514
It's from the Atlas Mountains.
426
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:45,394
JEZ: This is a disaster.
Joe thinks I'm an idiot. I'm not an idiot.
427
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,510
I'm Paxman.
428
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,632
To be honest, er,
I've never really got it about Jesus.
429
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:54,800
I mean, apart from all the Christian
stuff, what did Jesus actually do?
430
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,275
What did Jesus do...
apart from Christianity?
431
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,551
- Yeah, put that aside.
- The moral universe we all live in?
432
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,829
I'm not knocking the guy.
433
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:05,934
I'm just saying, you know, apart
from that, what did he actually achieve?
434
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:09,309
You know, I'm not saying I like him,
but at least Hitler did some paintings.
435
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:12,239
If you're comparing Hitler and Jesus,
I'm afraid I'm out.
436
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:13,634
Ooh, hello!
437
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,796
Naughty, naughty, Megan.
438
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,956
Am I betraying Joe or Megan more?
439
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,276
I like him loads, but I'm her life coach.
440
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:21,879
What the fuck?
441
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,514
Joe? No, don't cross the streams.
442
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,233
- Shit!
- What the hell?
443
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,954
- I, um...
- That was actually Mark's foot.
444
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,434
He does that sometimes for laughs.
445
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:31,515
What?
446
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:32,994
Put your foot in my groin under the table.
447
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,236
- No, I don't.
- Mark's got his shoes on.
448
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,953
He's quick. He slips them on and off.
449
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,911
It's part of our flirty, dirty game.
450
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:41,793
I have no idea what he's talking about.
451
00:18:41,840 --> 00:18:43,911
There goes a valuable glassful.
452
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,792
- APRIL: What's going on?
- What's going on?!
453
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,593
- My boyfriend is fucking my life coach.
- JOE: No, Megan.
454
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,551
- Can we talk about this, please?
- MARK: Oh, brilliant.
455
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,671
Freak-show sideshow at the shit-show.
456
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,994
MEGAN: What the fuck were you doing?
457
00:18:54,040 --> 00:18:56,687
JOE: What was I doing?
What the fuck were you doing?
458
00:18:56,712 --> 00:18:57,992
I might leave them to it.
459
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,350
Ohh, the Corrigan stare.
460
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,629
The full Paddington.
461
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,594
I need a cigarette.
Has anyone got a cigarette?
462
00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,835
I thought you'd given up.
463
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,393
I thought things, you thought things.
464
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,800
Turns out, people can surprise you.
465
00:19:10,825 --> 00:19:11,750
Hello!
466
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,041
Go on. Fine. Choke yourself.
467
00:19:14,066 --> 00:19:15,478
At least I tell you
when I'm breaking a promise.
468
00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:18,254
Stop actually rubbing my hands.
469
00:19:18,279 --> 00:19:21,695
Sorry, it's just a...
bit of a flashback to Corfu.
470
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,172
- Corfu?
- ANGUS: Er, it's nothing.
471
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,012
Not nothing.
472
00:19:26,037 --> 00:19:29,720
When we were in Corfu last summer,
we had a little relationship trouble.
473
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,878
I'm sure all's well now.
I-I don't want to pry.
474
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,196
Wheedle, wheedle, pry and needle.
475
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,551
We've had counselling, we've dealt
with the issues, we've moved on.
476
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,671
But the wounds are still there.
477
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:44,315
That can happen with wounds.
It can be good to give them a good...
478
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:46,237
inspection now and again.
479
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:50,433
As a penance, I went to live with
the monks on Mount Athos for three months.
480
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:51,993
Ten weeks.
481
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:53,872
Ten weeks, whatever.
482
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,151
Apparently, he lived on nothing
but dry bread and goat's milk.
483
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,511
But when I picked him up, there were
a lot of Nutella jars in his recycling.
484
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,870
I know, and I'm sorry.
485
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:04,407
I can be weak.
486
00:20:04,432 --> 00:20:06,277
Weak how exactly, Angus?
487
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:08,485
You don't have to achieve sainthood.
488
00:20:08,510 --> 00:20:11,591
Just, ooh, try not to fuck anyone else.
489
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,297
This is amazing.
490
00:20:13,322 --> 00:20:14,998
So uncomfortable.
491
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,634
This could be my night
of greatest triumph.
492
00:20:17,659 --> 00:20:21,871
If we weren't all about to die
from eating these poisonous eggs.
493
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,960
For the cheese course,
I have a soft cheese...
494
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,197
Dairylea moulded together
with my bare hands.
495
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:34,440
- ...plus a tasty young Stilton.
- Ingenious. But totally mental.
496
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,391
MARK: Out of bread and crackers.
497
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,351
Just need to state it with conviction.
498
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,180
It's time for cheese and lettuce.
Most natural combination in the world.
499
00:20:42,205 --> 00:20:46,151
- So, we've got good news.
- We're going to make a go of it.
500
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:49,961
We're looking at the possibility
of moving forward as a three.
501
00:20:49,986 --> 00:20:51,513
Becoming a... triangle.
502
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:55,872
A very respectful, very boundaried,
rather horny triangle.
503
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,207
With guidelines.
504
00:20:57,232 --> 00:20:58,594
Three-ism.
505
00:20:58,640 --> 00:20:59,869
Th... Three-ism?
506
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:02,560
Well, I think it's great
you're trying to approach the situation
507
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:03,954
in the most adult way possible.
508
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,037
My God. Is that what you want?
509
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:10,995
To give it a go with her and me
in some kind of triangle?
510
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:16,399
MARK: Oh, Angus. You just can't seem to
say the right thing, you lovely arsehofe.
511
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,567
(SIGHS) I'm sorry this all happened here.
512
00:21:19,592 --> 00:21:22,555
Just very sensitively shut her in.
513
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,421
I am upset.
It's obviously still a bit raw.
514
00:21:26,446 --> 00:21:27,713
But I do still love him.
515
00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,195
Of course. Of course you do.
516
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,153
- Can you tell him I need to talk to him?
- Maybe I will, April.
517
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,272
Although you might have picked
a slightly corrupt postman.
518
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:41,349
OK, I mean, this is very exciting, but I
might need to make a move home, so, Joe...
519
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,489
Oh, I thought Joe
was staying here tonight,
520
00:21:44,514 --> 00:21:46,648
um... according to the guidelines.
521
00:21:46,673 --> 00:21:49,233
No, it's Saturday,
so it's a Joe and Megan night.
522
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,230
Right, but you spent last night together.
523
00:21:52,255 --> 00:21:56,021
Um... "On no two consecutive nights
shall..." Et cetera, et cetera.
524
00:21:56,046 --> 00:21:58,798
Yeah, but you two already fucked today.
It's my turn for a go on Joe.
525
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,142
Oh, OK.
526
00:22:00,167 --> 00:22:04,069
Well, then, yeah, I mean,
I guess it's up to Joe.
527
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:07,590
Is it? Is there a rule for...?
528
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:09,995
Oh, this is fucking bullshit!
529
00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:11,838
(ANGUS CLEARS HIS THROAT)
530
00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:13,791
- What did she say?
- Look,
531
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,377
don't shoot the messenger,
but April said she...
532
00:22:17,402 --> 00:22:18,519
doesn't want to speak to you.
533
00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,599
She loves you,
but she's not sure she likes you.
534
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,916
- Right.
- Naughty postman.
535
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,792
Drink down my lies, Angus.
536
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,597
They taste good, don't they?
537
00:22:28,622 --> 00:22:29,550
Is this Ribena?
538
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,035
Yes, it's Ribena. I'm an alcoholic.
539
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:35,232
I'm a complicated guy
with a complicated past.
540
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:37,351
Like you and April.
541
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,950
- Why did you have to sleep with her?
- I'm right here!
542
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:43,753
Oh, everything was all right when you were
humping two people, but when I started,
543
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,632
- that's not allowed?
- No, no,
544
00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,432
you knew we were humping
when we humped.
545
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,706
You kept Megan a secret
because you like her more than me.
546
00:22:49,731 --> 00:22:50,954
Admit it.
547
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,073
No! I won't fucking admit it,
because it's not true.
548
00:22:55,120 --> 00:23:00,302
Angus loves you, but...
he doesn't know if he respects you.
549
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:02,831
- April...
- I was just explaining.
550
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:06,589
- I-I think I got it right, that...
- I need some space to think.
551
00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,109
Uh-huh. That's wise.
552
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:11,605
I understand. I'll go.
553
00:23:11,630 --> 00:23:13,463
That's right, off you fuck.
554
00:23:13,488 --> 00:23:17,115
April, if you like, there's a B&B nearby,
555
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:19,549
or I can take the sofa and you can...
556
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,187
That's kind, Mark, but I want to go home.
557
00:23:22,212 --> 00:23:24,356
- Gus, do you mind staying here?
- Of course.
558
00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,536
Let's talk anon.
559
00:23:26,561 --> 00:23:28,111
Bye, Mark.
560
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,480
And thank you.
561
00:23:30,458 --> 00:23:34,719
Great. She's gone and I'm left with the
Jesus lunk who, because of manners,
562
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:39,277
- I can't simply push out the window.
- MEGAN: For God's sake, this is pathetic.
563
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,436
- I never asked you to fight over me.
- Get off!
564
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:45,917
Yeah, the fighting phase
seems to be ending, actually.
565
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,429
Oh, for fuck's sake!
566
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,985
Thank you, Mark, for letting me stay.
You're a good man.
567
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,353
I feel like I want to talk.
568
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,676
You know, really talk, about...
569
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,792
sin and man and God and love
570
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:03,592
and the mystery of the Trinity.
571
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:05,551
Right.
572
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,432
Yes? Yep,
573
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:08,709
let's sit here, me and my make-up,
574
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:13,515
and drink vinegar and lettuce and rum
and eat moulded Dairylea
575
00:24:13,540 --> 00:24:17,432
and scribbled Cheddar
and talk it all through forever,
576
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,835
while those two gently hump in the corner.
577
00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:33,035
♪ Paranoia, paranoia ♪
♪ Everybody's coming to get me ♪
578
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,311
♪ Just say you never met me ♪
579
00:24:36,360 --> 00:24:38,795
♪ I'm running underground with the moles ♪
580
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,672
♪ Digging holes. ♪
47764
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