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1
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♪ I'm not sick, but I'm not well
2
00:00:04,774 --> 00:00:07,813
♪ And I'm so hot
3
00:00:07,814 --> 00:00:12,020
♪ Cos I'm in hell ♪
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00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:17,837
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
5
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:19,249
So, I thought
6
00:00:19,265 --> 00:00:21,104
Trish could sit here,
7
00:00:21,105 --> 00:00:22,544
Neil can sit here
8
00:00:22,545 --> 00:00:23,624
and Simon...
9
00:00:23,625 --> 00:00:24,704
'The ex-boyfriend.'
10
00:00:24,705 --> 00:00:25,744
can sit there.
11
00:00:25,745 --> 00:00:28,304
And if anyone tries to move
from the seating plan,
12
00:00:28,305 --> 00:00:29,504
I'll taser them.
13
00:00:29,505 --> 00:00:30,624
Mark,
14
00:00:30,625 --> 00:00:34,584
I think you need to take a chill
pill from your frankly
inadequate supply.
15
00:00:34,585 --> 00:00:36,904
Sorry, yes, I guess I am a bit
nervous,
16
00:00:36,905 --> 00:00:40,904
cos this is the first time we've
hosted a social evening
together
17
00:00:41,145 --> 00:00:43,424
in our soon-to-be-joint home.
18
00:00:43,425 --> 00:00:44,664
Don't sweat it, dude.
19
00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:48,504
Oh, by the way, Simon's
invited me to come away for
the weekend for his thirtieth.
20
00:00:48,505 --> 00:00:49,784
'Sex with the ex.'
21
00:00:49,785 --> 00:00:52,184
Yeah? You... and him?
22
00:00:52,185 --> 00:00:53,224
And the whole website gang.
23
00:00:53,225 --> 00:00:56,544
Oh, thank God. I've a website
opportunity, actually.
24
00:00:56,545 --> 00:00:58,344
Super Hans has sorted us out
a website.
25
00:00:58,345 --> 00:01:00,584
And get this - it's empty.
26
00:01:00,585 --> 00:01:01,704
Right. Yeah.
27
00:01:01,705 --> 00:01:04,304
He's wangled us a website
for us to do shit on.
28
00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:06,384
Business, creative. Whatever.
29
00:01:06,385 --> 00:01:07,664
Totally blank.
30
00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:09,304
Big opportunity. You in?
31
00:01:09,305 --> 00:01:13,024
Yes, Jez, I guess that would
be an exciting opportunity,
32
00:01:13,025 --> 00:01:17,024
if it was the last website ever.
33
00:01:18,465 --> 00:01:21,184
I mean they say, y'know, cut him
some slack, cos he was in the
Beatles, but...
34
00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:23,904
Finally, the use
of Jeremy and Hans becomes clear.
35
00:01:23,905 --> 00:01:27,464
They're my normality cloaks,
allowing me to slip into
human society
36
00:01:27,465 --> 00:01:31,104
and wreak my evil
doings/make friends and
relax.
37
00:01:31,105 --> 00:01:33,264
Nice place, Mark. So many
biscuits!
38
00:01:33,265 --> 00:01:35,384
Is this a normal night for you?
39
00:01:35,385 --> 00:01:38,464
Yeah. Oh... yeah,
me and my guys
40
00:01:38,465 --> 00:01:39,584
and our...
41
00:01:39,585 --> 00:01:41,544
cannabis.
42
00:01:41,545 --> 00:01:43,264
No, thanks. I'm full.
43
00:01:43,265 --> 00:01:44,384
You're full?
44
00:01:44,385 --> 00:01:46,424
I-I never stone alone.
45
00:01:46,425 --> 00:01:48,104
I'm just high on pie.
46
00:01:48,105 --> 00:01:50,024
What?
47
00:01:50,025 --> 00:01:51,904
Bad to worse,
I'm speaking in verse.
48
00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:53,624
Saying a rhyme ain't a crime.
49
00:01:53,625 --> 00:01:56,024
If I can say it to you,
it must be true.
50
00:01:56,025 --> 00:01:57,504
'Am I sort of rapping?'
51
00:01:57,505 --> 00:01:59,744
I'm... thinking of joining a gym,
52
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:03,464
get back on a... positive track.
53
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:07,304
I've always suspected that
getting on a positive track
is a good idea.
54
00:02:07,305 --> 00:02:09,944
But now I'm a
professional life coach,
55
00:02:09,945 --> 00:02:11,064
I can confirm,
56
00:02:11,065 --> 00:02:12,504
you know, medically,
57
00:02:12,505 --> 00:02:14,384
that it is a good idea.
58
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:18,384
Y'know, if you ever want to
speak to anyone, I am a fully
qualified life coach.
59
00:02:19,225 --> 00:02:22,184
'Yes, and I printed
his qualification as a treat.'
60
00:02:22,185 --> 00:02:24,144
There's a quarter there.
61
00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:27,784
And if you weigh it, it will
appear to come in light,
cos it's helium weed.
62
00:02:27,785 --> 00:02:31,344
Tell you what, Hans, Jez,
you should come to my
thirtieth.
63
00:02:31,345 --> 00:02:32,384
And you, Mark.
64
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:33,944
Paintball till we drop
65
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:35,184
and then smoke till we pop.
66
00:02:35,185 --> 00:02:36,864
Wicked. Cool.
67
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:39,304
Great.
'Ugh, paintballing weekend?
68
00:02:39,305 --> 00:02:41,024
'It's so obvious he fancies
Dobby.
69
00:02:41,025 --> 00:02:43,784
'He's just using it as cover.
But he won't be expecting
70
00:02:43,785 --> 00:02:46,744
'how incredibly taciturn
and deflating I can be
71
00:02:46,745 --> 00:02:47,904
'in social situations.
72
00:02:47,905 --> 00:02:51,344
'The fun stops here,
my friend.'
73
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:54,064
Yeah, I mean, I really just
want a... honest broker,
74
00:02:54,065 --> 00:02:55,664
someone to chat through
some shit with.
75
00:02:55,665 --> 00:02:58,784
'Is it OK, the bed?
Is it a bit like at any moment
76
00:02:58,785 --> 00:03:02,624
'I might jump on him and
hump him better? I could hump him.
77
00:03:02,625 --> 00:03:04,024
'I wonder if I'll hump many
clients.'
78
00:03:04,025 --> 00:03:05,944
and I've always really
wanted to do footy coaching,
79
00:03:05,945 --> 00:03:09,584
and I've got the first FA
badge, but it's hard.
80
00:03:09,585 --> 00:03:11,024
OK.
81
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,824
So what seems to be
stopping you?
82
00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:13,944
Well, I've got my job.
83
00:03:13,945 --> 00:03:15,944
Well, quit your job.
You think so?
84
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,944
Definitely. You've got to follow
your dream.
85
00:03:17,945 --> 00:03:19,784
'Case closed. Next!'
86
00:03:19,785 --> 00:03:21,704
I mean, it's hard to find
paid coaching work,
87
00:03:21,705 --> 00:03:25,704
and, um, Alice, my wife, she
wonders if it's not a bit late to
get into all this.
88
00:03:26,865 --> 00:03:29,344
'OK, might have a poke about
a bit.'
89
00:03:29,345 --> 00:03:32,624
How are things in the
relationship?
90
00:03:32,625 --> 00:03:36,264
Oh, um... OK, I guess.
91
00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:39,304
I mean... not always great.
92
00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:42,544
No. Right. Of course not.
93
00:03:42,545 --> 00:03:43,744
'Can I get into the bedroom?'
94
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:46,944
Tell me about the sexual side
of the relationship.
95
00:03:46,945 --> 00:03:48,224
Well, to be honest,
96
00:03:48,225 --> 00:03:49,624
it's... it's not good.
97
00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:50,904
'This is great!
98
00:03:50,905 --> 00:03:52,824
'I can ask him anything I want,
99
00:03:52,825 --> 00:03:55,104
'cos I'm the professional
and he's the worm in the
science beaker.'
100
00:03:55,105 --> 00:03:56,224
Go on.
101
00:03:56,225 --> 00:03:59,304
Well, look, I mean... I guess I
can say...
102
00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:00,864
I like to be...
103
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:02,464
dominated.
104
00:04:02,465 --> 00:04:03,984
In the bedroom.
'Course you do,'
105
00:04:03,985 --> 00:04:07,064
'you filthy bastard.'
There's no judgment here,
Neil.
106
00:04:07,065 --> 00:04:10,544
I've also experimented
with same-sex experiences.
107
00:04:10,545 --> 00:04:12,304
'Whoo, tell me more!'
108
00:04:12,305 --> 00:04:14,784
So, in the relationship,
109
00:04:14,785 --> 00:04:18,104
do you think you're getting
really fulfilled?
110
00:04:18,105 --> 00:04:21,224
Alice has this medical
condition which makes...
111
00:04:21,225 --> 00:04:23,064
We don't need to go into that.
That's not part of it.
112
00:04:23,065 --> 00:04:24,704
Right. What is part of it?
113
00:04:24,705 --> 00:04:26,384
I'll... tell you what's part of it.
114
00:04:26,385 --> 00:04:29,824
Now, tell me more about
these gay feelings. They
sound interesting.
115
00:04:29,825 --> 00:04:31,864
I mean important.
I suppose...
116
00:04:31,865 --> 00:04:35,344
I mean, I was hoping to talk
about the footy coaching,
but...
117
00:04:35,345 --> 00:04:37,184
I mean, everything's connected.
118
00:04:37,185 --> 00:04:38,344
Um...
119
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,784
A relationship...
120
00:04:39,785 --> 00:04:41,464
it, er...
121
00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:43,424
Well, a relationship... it's...
122
00:04:43,425 --> 00:04:45,384
it has, um...
'Where am I going here?'
123
00:04:45,385 --> 00:04:49,384
A relation-ship is a lot like a
real ship.
124
00:04:49,665 --> 00:04:51,904
It needs to be moving forward,
125
00:04:51,905 --> 00:04:54,584
it needs to be properly
maintained.
126
00:04:54,585 --> 00:04:56,504
Yes.
127
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,424
Yeah! I get that.
128
00:04:58,425 --> 00:05:01,104
'He gets that? I'm a life
coach!'
129
00:05:01,105 --> 00:05:04,824
I mean, the truth is, I have
had thoughts about leaving
Alice.
130
00:05:04,825 --> 00:05:08,264
If you sometimes want to do
something,
131
00:05:08,265 --> 00:05:09,384
you should do it.
132
00:05:09,385 --> 00:05:10,744
Yes?
Yes.
133
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:14,504
What you sometimes think
you should do is what you
should do.
134
00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:17,671
That's at the very core
of the Usbourne philosophy.
135
00:05:17,745 --> 00:05:21,744
'Kiss my cheeks, Dr Freud,
I'm on fire.'
136
00:05:22,145 --> 00:05:25,864
'That's not my fault.
I was definitely on fire.'
137
00:05:25,865 --> 00:05:28,064
So, Neil broke up with Alice.
138
00:05:28,065 --> 00:05:30,744
She's in tears in Crofton Park,
apparently.
139
00:05:30,745 --> 00:05:32,184
Because you told him to leave
her.
140
00:05:32,185 --> 00:05:35,984
It was his idea. I
just... encouraged him to
believe in himself.
141
00:05:35,986 --> 00:05:37,545
You've got nothing, no weed
at all?
142
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,505
I'm not Muffin the fucking
drugs mule, mate.
143
00:05:39,601 --> 00:05:40,800
Why do you think I invited you?
144
00:05:40,801 --> 00:05:44,080
For my off-key remarks and
crazy insights?
145
00:05:44,081 --> 00:05:45,680
Jez, man...
Oh, shit.
146
00:05:45,681 --> 00:05:48,480
Can we grab five?
Cos my head's in fucking
pieces.
147
00:05:48,481 --> 00:05:50,920
You want to book in a session
next week, or...?
148
00:05:50,921 --> 00:05:52,720
I'm really starting to regret
leaving Alice.
149
00:05:52,721 --> 00:05:56,280
Uh-huh.
I really think it was
a... terrible idea.
150
00:05:56,281 --> 00:05:58,640
Sorry, dude, but you're kind
of harshing my mellow.
151
00:05:58,641 --> 00:05:59,880
She says she won't have me
back.
152
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,320
Yeah, I feel for you,
but I'm off the clock.
153
00:06:01,321 --> 00:06:02,400
What shall I do?
154
00:06:02,401 --> 00:06:05,320
Park it, Neil. Save it till,
I don't know, Wednesday.
155
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,880
OK, OK, everyone,
156
00:06:06,881 --> 00:06:09,200
hat game. Hat's full of band
names.
157
00:06:09,201 --> 00:06:11,920
'Paintballing and the hat
game? Terrific...'
158
00:06:11,921 --> 00:06:13,520
So, teams are
159
00:06:13,521 --> 00:06:14,680
Jeremy and Super Hans,
160
00:06:14,681 --> 00:06:17,240
Mark and Neil, me and
161
00:06:17,241 --> 00:06:19,080
Mrs Dob-Dobalina. Sorry,
hon.
162
00:06:19,081 --> 00:06:20,160
'Obviously.
163
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:24,120
'And no doubt the prize/forfeit
for the losing/winning team
164
00:06:24,121 --> 00:06:26,440
'is languorous copulation.'
OK.
165
00:06:26,441 --> 00:06:29,040
Time starts... now.
166
00:06:29,041 --> 00:06:31,720
OK, you probably
love them, and fair do's.
167
00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:33,280
Elbow.
Correct.
168
00:06:33,281 --> 00:06:35,480
'Ugh, Elbow. Elbow, Elbow,
Elbow.
169
00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:37,920
'Should I get an Elbow CD?
Probably.
170
00:06:37,921 --> 00:06:40,480
'And The Killing and Mad Men
171
00:06:40,481 --> 00:06:43,120
'and an iPad and everything.
God, why won't everyone
leave me alone?'
172
00:06:43,121 --> 00:06:45,800
Hipsters, flavour of the
month, still going strong.
173
00:06:45,801 --> 00:06:47,440
Boards of Canada!
Word!
174
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,000
'Oh, Christ.'
175
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,280
Poor man's Talking Heads.
176
00:06:50,281 --> 00:06:52,680
No proper names.
Over and out.
177
00:06:52,681 --> 00:06:54,120
Right, Jez and Hans.
178
00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:55,520
Go.
Er, widely acknowledged
179
00:06:55,521 --> 00:06:56,800
to have nicked our sound.
180
00:06:56,801 --> 00:06:58,720
The Chemical Brothers.
Correct.
181
00:06:58,721 --> 00:07:00,560
Er, bullshitters turning wank
into cash.
182
00:07:00,561 --> 00:07:01,840
Flaming Lips?
Correct.
183
00:07:01,841 --> 00:07:02,960
Oh. Arsehole.
184
00:07:02,961 --> 00:07:04,720
LCD Soundsystem.
Fakers.
185
00:07:04,721 --> 00:07:07,400
Pavement.
Yeah. Oh, we thought we
had her number
186
00:07:07,401 --> 00:07:09,240
and you got a bit overexcited,
187
00:07:09,241 --> 00:07:10,440
but it turned out to be
a not very funny joke.
188
00:07:10,441 --> 00:07:11,800
Lily Allen.
Correct.
189
00:07:11,801 --> 00:07:13,520
Phoneys.
Foo Fighters.
190
00:07:13,521 --> 00:07:15,440
Oh. Demanded the Ramsgate
blow job.
191
00:07:15,441 --> 00:07:17,320
Mumford & Sons?
Mm.
192
00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,600
That's your lot.
'I'm so good at this.'
193
00:07:19,601 --> 00:07:20,840
'But I bet not one person here
194
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,600
is gonna give me a blow job.'
195
00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:25,480
OK, Mark, Neil, you are up.
196
00:07:25,481 --> 00:07:27,200
'And so the descent into Hell
begins.
197
00:07:27,201 --> 00:07:28,400
'I just hope they're all Snow
Patrol.
198
00:07:28,401 --> 00:07:31,640
'If it's not Snow Patrol or the
Beatles, I am so fucked.'
199
00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:34,600
All right, er, fading fortunes,
but...
200
00:07:34,601 --> 00:07:37,960
Snow Patrol?
New release expected in
about...
201
00:07:37,961 --> 00:07:41,960
The Beatles?
Er, four... releases, big
with...
202
00:07:42,641 --> 00:07:45,440
the men who might be
what you find as relief in the
desert...?
203
00:07:45,441 --> 00:07:47,800
Oasis! I've got one. Oasis!
204
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,880
Good. Big with them.
205
00:07:48,881 --> 00:07:52,240
What? Big with them? Big
with Oasis?
206
00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:55,880
Right, who are Oasis's
favourite bands? Um...
207
00:07:55,881 --> 00:07:57,000
'This is completely
impossible.'
208
00:07:57,001 --> 00:07:59,360
Have I said Snow Patrol?
I have, haven't I?
209
00:07:59,361 --> 00:08:00,920
Um...
210
00:08:00,921 --> 00:08:03,040
Not the Rolling Stones,
obviously. Um...
211
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:04,960
Er...
OK.
212
00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:06,160
Moving on. Kasabian.
213
00:08:06,161 --> 00:08:08,480
Ah, Kasabian! Of course,
Kasabian.
214
00:08:08,481 --> 00:08:10,080
Kasabian, Kasabian, Kasabian.
215
00:08:10,081 --> 00:08:13,360
OK, um, hipsters with
attitude, er, electro sounds.
216
00:08:13,361 --> 00:08:14,840
It's not Snow Patrol, is it?
No.
217
00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:17,000
Madonna.
Group. Five-piece, I think.
218
00:08:17,001 --> 00:08:21,000
OK, so not the Beatles, cos,
famously, they were a
four-piece.
219
00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:23,000
A bit of trivia.
220
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,680
Er, Susan Doyle. Boyle!
221
00:08:24,681 --> 00:08:26,160
What?
Sorry, my mind's
222
00:08:26,161 --> 00:08:28,840
just drowning in bands. All
the bands.
223
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:29,920
Er, nice videos, very cool.
224
00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:31,360
Meat Loaf. Kate Bush.
225
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,520
Bald guy in the video?
226
00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:33,840
Hot Chocolate.
Are they a band?
227
00:08:33,841 --> 00:08:35,000
Of course they're a band!
228
00:08:35,001 --> 00:08:37,840
OK, um, clue.
229
00:08:37,841 --> 00:08:40,480
They're warm, very warm.
Nation's favourite food.
230
00:08:40,481 --> 00:08:41,720
Hot Potato?
231
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:44,280
Boiling Potato. Hot Pie.
232
00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:45,320
Hot Pies.
233
00:08:45,321 --> 00:08:47,440
Hot Potato. Hot Potato.
Stop saying "Hot Potato".
234
00:08:47,441 --> 00:08:48,960
T'Pau!
235
00:08:48,961 --> 00:08:50,960
Come on, you must know, it's
so easy.
236
00:08:50,961 --> 00:08:52,400
Cool electro, improvise live.
237
00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:54,880
I don't know. OK? I don't
know. I don't know.
238
00:08:54,881 --> 00:08:56,920
I don't know, so fuck off!
239
00:08:56,921 --> 00:08:59,480
Um, time's up.
240
00:08:59,481 --> 00:09:00,520
Hot Chip?
241
00:09:00,521 --> 00:09:02,720
Ah, yeah, OK.
242
00:09:02,721 --> 00:09:04,440
I thought it might be Hot
Chips.
243
00:09:04,441 --> 00:09:06,160
'Round one to you, Simon.
244
00:09:06,161 --> 00:09:08,640
'Next time we do a quiz,
it'll be on Napoleon.
245
00:09:08,641 --> 00:09:10,680
'And while you might scrape
through a few Waterloo
questions,
246
00:09:10,681 --> 00:09:14,200
'when I pin you down on
the emperor's domestic
reforms,
247
00:09:14,201 --> 00:09:17,800
'I will fuck you very hard in
the mouth.'
248
00:09:17,801 --> 00:09:21,800
When I woke up, Dobby was
already having a coffee and a
joint with Simon.
249
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:24,360
They found some dope?
My dope.
250
00:09:24,361 --> 00:09:27,000
I drove to Brighton at 7:30 to
buy some.
251
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:30,760
Half an ounce of hash for a
blim of approval. God, I hate
myself.
252
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,560
You shouldn't hate yourself,
man.
253
00:09:32,561 --> 00:09:33,800
Stop life-coaching him,
Jeremy.
254
00:09:33,801 --> 00:09:34,760
I'm not!
255
00:09:34,761 --> 00:09:36,440
Hey, guys.
256
00:09:36,441 --> 00:09:37,880
'At last, military strategy.'
257
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:40,280
'You're on my turf, music
geeks.'
258
00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:41,760
All right, Neil?
No.
259
00:09:41,761 --> 00:09:43,600
I've left 36 messages for
Alice.
260
00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:47,600
Great. Well, that's clearly
all part of your particular
process,
261
00:09:47,841 --> 00:09:50,600
so well done. That's all
normal and good.
262
00:09:50,601 --> 00:09:51,960
'Possibly.'
263
00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:54,200
We've sorted out the teams -
you're Reds.
264
00:09:54,201 --> 00:09:57,640
It's ten minutes to scatter,
then let the death hunt
commence.
265
00:09:57,641 --> 00:09:58,720
"Death hunt"?
266
00:09:58,721 --> 00:10:02,040
'Mm, the death hunt. That sounds
relaxing and fun!'
267
00:10:02,041 --> 00:10:03,520
Sorry, Mark, I'm Yellow.
268
00:10:03,521 --> 00:10:04,560
Look out for the grenades.
269
00:10:04,561 --> 00:10:05,840
Grenades?
270
00:10:05,841 --> 00:10:07,600
Can we have some grenades?
271
00:10:07,601 --> 00:10:08,760
This is a private stash.
272
00:10:08,761 --> 00:10:10,040
We want one of those.
273
00:10:10,041 --> 00:10:11,760
I'm happy to pay.
274
00:10:11,761 --> 00:10:13,240
Pay? Who you gonna pay?
275
00:10:13,241 --> 00:10:15,320
I don't know, the... men?
276
00:10:15,321 --> 00:10:17,440
There aren't any men here,
dude, it's just us.
277
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:19,640
No men? Not even "a man"?
278
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:20,880
We're going off-road!
279
00:10:20,881 --> 00:10:22,120
There's no rules.
280
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:24,800
Just take out every member
of the opposite team to win.
281
00:10:24,801 --> 00:10:26,040
'And by that she means me.'
282
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:27,680
Death hunt!
283
00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:28,760
Death hunt!
284
00:10:28,761 --> 00:10:32,200
Dobs, this isn't fair! Look at
us!
285
00:10:32,201 --> 00:10:34,120
Yellow team, move out!
286
00:10:34,121 --> 00:10:36,640
'Holding hands? That's not
military!
287
00:10:36,641 --> 00:10:38,200
'I'm pretty sure Rommel
never held hands.'
288
00:10:38,201 --> 00:10:40,720
Why does there have to be
a death hunt, Mark?
289
00:10:40,797 --> 00:10:42,376
Why does war even exist?
290
00:10:42,406 --> 00:10:43,445
Why can't we all just
291
00:10:43,446 --> 00:10:47,285
have a game of footy, like
how England beat Germany
for the First World War?
292
00:10:47,286 --> 00:10:49,125
I don't know how to answer
that, Jeremy.
293
00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:55,353
'Oh, this is a paintballing
nightmare! Must escape.'
294
00:10:55,403 --> 00:10:57,642
'Must not die.
Enjoy the relaxing game.'
295
00:10:57,688 --> 00:10:59,247
'Keep girlfriend from ex sex.'
296
00:10:59,248 --> 00:11:01,867
We're coming to paint you,
shitheads!
297
00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,239
'Oh, yes, a ditch!'
298
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:07,259
'I should burrow further and further
into the earth, like the worm I am.'
299
00:11:07,271 --> 00:11:09,470
- Mark? It's me.
- Hans?
300
00:11:09,471 --> 00:11:13,150
I think I've just spotted
some kind of bunker.
301
00:11:13,151 --> 00:11:17,150
Brilliant!
302
00:11:17,751 --> 00:11:19,670
I wonder if Simon found a bunker.
303
00:11:19,671 --> 00:11:22,750
I wonder if he's in there
with Dobby. Oh, God!
304
00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:25,630
Probably. War makes people horny.
305
00:11:25,631 --> 00:11:27,030
Yalta.
306
00:11:27,031 --> 00:11:28,830
Yalta was hardcore.
307
00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:30,990
Stalin and Roosevelt sandwich.
308
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,710
Churchill sat on the side, wanking.
309
00:11:33,711 --> 00:11:35,110
Yeah?
310
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,950
Can we hide with you?
We're not hiding.
311
00:11:36,951 --> 00:11:38,630
We're in a... holding pattern.
312
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:40,910
'Hmm, the lifeboat is getting
overcrowded.'
313
00:11:41,551 --> 00:11:42,910
Hi.
Hi.
314
00:11:42,911 --> 00:11:45,510
'Yes, it's more the merrier
in the lifeboat.
315
00:11:45,511 --> 00:11:47,870
'You can't have too many people
in a lifeboat.
316
00:11:47,871 --> 00:11:51,870
'That's what they never, ever, ever
fucking say.'
317
00:11:52,951 --> 00:11:56,110
Is this allowed?
Just... run away from the war?
318
00:11:56,111 --> 00:11:58,590
The action of the sane man
through the ages.
319
00:11:58,591 --> 00:12:00,990
They were forming a kill squad
cos of Alice.
320
00:12:00,991 --> 00:12:03,310
Kill squad. That's not a nice squad.
321
00:12:03,311 --> 00:12:05,590
Don't sweat it.
Alice is a doommonger.
322
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:08,390
Long term, Neil's gonna be
very happy he chucked her.
323
00:12:08,391 --> 00:12:10,510
That was my hunch, cos, y'know...
324
00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:13,230
Well, I'm bound by strict
confidentiality,
325
00:12:13,231 --> 00:12:16,510
but I think it's OK to tell you
because you know him a bit.
326
00:12:16,511 --> 00:12:20,310
Neil likes to get handcuffed
and then pulled off with gloves on.
327
00:12:20,311 --> 00:12:21,430
Does he?
328
00:12:21,431 --> 00:12:23,510
Yeah. This is all confidential,
329
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:25,990
and I wouldn't be telling you unless
it was...
330
00:12:25,991 --> 00:12:28,070
interesting.
That would be unprofessional.
331
00:12:28,071 --> 00:12:30,550
But she wouldn't wear
the gloves, even at Christmas.
332
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:31,150
Bloody hell!
333
00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:32,230
Can you keep it a secret?
334
00:12:32,231 --> 00:12:32,870
I don't know.
335
00:12:32,871 --> 00:12:35,870
He sucked a guy off at college and
thinks he might want to do it again.
336
00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:38,670
Wow! OK, and what about
the football coaching thing?
337
00:12:38,671 --> 00:12:41,110
Yeah. 'What was the football
coaching thing?'
338
00:12:41,111 --> 00:12:44,950
'There was something about his job.
Really liked his job or something.'
339
00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:47,470
I really think I've said enough,
to be honest.
340
00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:49,430
Hey, Gaylord!
You gonna bum the lesbo?
341
00:12:49,431 --> 00:12:50,550
What's that?
342
00:12:50,551 --> 00:12:51,190
Lesbo.
343
00:12:51,191 --> 00:12:52,590
Yeah?
344
00:12:52,591 --> 00:12:55,390
Eat this, motherfucker.
345
00:12:55,391 --> 00:12:56,790
Fuck's sake!
346
00:12:56,791 --> 00:12:59,230
And if I was gay, why would I want
to bum her?
347
00:12:59,231 --> 00:13:03,230
That doesn't even make sense.
Taste my logic gun, bitch man.
348
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:08,870
'God, this is so frightening and
boring, just like a real war,
349
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,590
'cowering in a foxhole for months.
350
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:13,350
'I could have got this sensation
of anxiety and fear at home
351
00:13:13,351 --> 00:13:17,190
'by drinking three cafetieres of
coffee and then lying under my bed
352
00:13:17,191 --> 00:13:18,590
'and calling my dad after 10pm.
353
00:13:18,591 --> 00:13:22,310
They went this way. Scour the area.
354
00:13:22,311 --> 00:13:25,910
Guys, look, they're onto you.
There are too many of us here.
355
00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:28,470
What about this?
356
00:13:28,471 --> 00:13:30,430
Matches.
357
00:13:30,431 --> 00:13:33,990
Two longies, two shorties.
358
00:13:33,991 --> 00:13:35,070
Pick.
359
00:13:35,071 --> 00:13:35,790
OK.
360
00:13:35,791 --> 00:13:37,910
Short. You're going. Sorry.
361
00:13:37,911 --> 00:13:39,630
Shit!
362
00:13:39,631 --> 00:13:43,350
Mate?
363
00:13:43,351 --> 00:13:44,670
Long. Mark?
364
00:13:44,671 --> 00:13:46,790
'Oh...! One short, one long.'
365
00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:48,350
Short. Congratulations.
366
00:13:48,351 --> 00:13:49,350
But...
367
00:13:49,351 --> 00:13:53,350
Yeah. First short goes, first long
goes. And the last one is long,
368
00:13:53,551 --> 00:13:56,470
so I'm good. Bad luck, guys.
369
00:13:56,471 --> 00:13:57,230
Is that right?
370
00:13:57,231 --> 00:13:58,870
Yeah, course it's right.
Innit, Mark?
371
00:13:58,871 --> 00:14:00,390
'Hmm, bit horrible, but...'
372
00:14:00,391 --> 00:14:02,630
That's right. Sorry.
373
00:14:02,631 --> 00:14:05,310
Hey, we don't make the rules.
374
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,710
Well, you did make the rules.
375
00:14:07,711 --> 00:14:10,510
I think that you might be OK.
'You won't be OK.'
376
00:14:10,511 --> 00:14:12,270
Yeah?
377
00:14:12,271 --> 00:14:14,590
Listen up, Hall and Oates,
you're going for a walk
378
00:14:14,591 --> 00:14:17,190
and you may be some time.
379
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,030
'Fuck, it worked!'
380
00:14:19,031 --> 00:14:21,790
'Maybe I should use the matches
to get Jeremy to move out.'
381
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:23,870
'Long, he leaves.
Short, he leaves.'
382
00:14:25,511 --> 00:14:26,990
Ow! Fuck!
383
00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,990
Jesus. They're painting those poor
bastards like the Forth Bridge.
384
00:14:29,991 --> 00:14:32,550
All right, bunker cleared.
Moving off!
385
00:14:32,551 --> 00:14:34,230
Thank God.
386
00:14:34,231 --> 00:14:36,310
They're lucky they didn't get hit
by the Snitch.
387
00:14:36,311 --> 00:14:36,950
The Snitch?
388
00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:37,910
Golden Snitch.
389
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,550
Apparently,
the Yellows like to mix it up a bit,
390
00:14:40,551 --> 00:14:43,190
chuck a ball bearing in the paint
pot - keep it interesting.
391
00:14:43,191 --> 00:14:45,390
A ball bearing?! But that would...
392
00:14:45,391 --> 00:14:46,710
That'd kill you!
393
00:14:46,711 --> 00:14:48,830
No! No.
394
00:14:48,831 --> 00:14:50,470
I mean, it'd go in ya.
395
00:14:50,471 --> 00:14:51,590
It'd go in you?
396
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:53,030
Yeah, it'd go in you a bit.
397
00:14:53,031 --> 00:14:55,950
Wouldn't it? From one of those
guns? A fucking ball bearing?!
398
00:14:55,951 --> 00:14:56,590
Oh, God.
399
00:14:56,591 --> 00:15:00,590
Splat an eyeball, take out your
windpipe. Take a nut off like that.
400
00:15:02,191 --> 00:15:03,710
You'll be all right.
401
00:15:03,711 --> 00:15:05,470
Unless you get hit in a sensitive
area.
402
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,670
But I'm covered in sensitive areas!
403
00:15:07,671 --> 00:15:10,790
I can't see a single part of me that
I would nominate
404
00:15:10,791 --> 00:15:14,390
to be smashed with
a high-velocity ball bearing.
405
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:16,710
Hans, I'm really sorry, but...
406
00:15:16,711 --> 00:15:18,510
I think I need to do a poo.
407
00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:21,110
You're not pooing in the bunker,
Mark.
408
00:15:21,111 --> 00:15:21,750
You had a wee!
409
00:15:21,751 --> 00:15:24,270
Yeah, a little bit of wee,
compared to a great big poo.
410
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:25,950
You're not pooing in this bunker.
411
00:15:25,951 --> 00:15:27,590
Poo in the bunker, I will shoot you.
412
00:15:27,591 --> 00:15:31,390
'Could keep it in, but then what if
I get into a combat situation
413
00:15:31,391 --> 00:15:32,950
'and my valves go floppy?'
414
00:15:32,951 --> 00:15:36,950
Oh, for God's sake!
415
00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:38,630
'The Charge of the Shit Brigade.'
416
00:15:38,631 --> 00:15:42,630
'Oh...
Force 10 Poo From Navarone?'
417
00:15:42,831 --> 00:15:45,190
'I thought humanity
had evolved beyond this.'
418
00:15:45,191 --> 00:15:48,430
'This is a really fun weekend!'
419
00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:50,070
'Could it be any worse?'
420
00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:53,030
'Maybe, if Dobby and Simon came
round the corner humping
421
00:15:53,031 --> 00:15:55,310
'and then shot me with my pants
down.'
422
00:15:55,311 --> 00:15:57,030
'Started this war as Napoleon,
423
00:15:57,031 --> 00:15:59,990
'but I'm reduced to wiping
my bum with his biography.'
424
00:15:59,991 --> 00:16:02,830
'Although I am able to pick
a section I've already read.'
425
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:06,790
'Plus, it's not like Napoleon is
wiping his bum with pages of my
biography,
426
00:16:06,791 --> 00:16:10,790
'so I am, to an extent,
maybe winning?'
427
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:18,750
Simon wants to know if I'll join him
in his bunker for a party.
428
00:16:19,711 --> 00:16:22,190
Yeah, Hitler put the bad vibe
on the bunker party.
429
00:16:22,191 --> 00:16:23,670
Like he did with so much else.
430
00:16:23,671 --> 00:16:25,750
I shouldn't talk to you about this,
should I?
431
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:28,790
It's cool. I am a professional
life coach, remember.
432
00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:31,510
Everything you say
will be strictly confidential.
433
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:33,310
What's Mark like to live with?
434
00:16:33,311 --> 00:16:36,390
'Well, I hate living with him,
but I never want it to end.'
435
00:16:36,391 --> 00:16:39,350
'Why is that? Is it like Stockholm
syndrome, where you want to go
436
00:16:39,351 --> 00:16:42,110
'and live in Stockholm
with a dick, or something?'
437
00:16:42,111 --> 00:16:43,350
That is quite a long wait.
438
00:16:43,351 --> 00:16:44,990
Is he a secret paedo or something?
439
00:16:44,991 --> 00:16:46,910
No. Obviously, no.
440
00:16:46,911 --> 00:16:48,150
'She's asking for it.'
441
00:16:48,151 --> 00:16:49,990
'She's begging for a life-coaching.'
442
00:16:49,991 --> 00:16:52,470
How are you feeling
about moving in with him?
443
00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:54,390
Well, you know Mark -
he's brilliant.
444
00:16:54,391 --> 00:16:58,390
Sour and funny and cynical
and anxious and screwed up.
445
00:16:58,511 --> 00:17:00,230
'Keep going.'
446
00:17:00,231 --> 00:17:02,910
But sometimes I wonder,
is he enough fun?
447
00:17:02,911 --> 00:17:04,670
Right. Yeah.
448
00:17:04,671 --> 00:17:05,790
'"Fun" means good at sex.'
449
00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:09,550
'Everyone knows that.
Basic life coaching.'
450
00:17:09,551 --> 00:17:13,470
'Oh, drugs! He'll probably start
hallucinating I'm a Yellow
451
00:17:13,471 --> 00:17:15,110
'or a sexy female hostage.'
452
00:17:15,111 --> 00:17:17,790
I'm going Ewok, mate.
Full-on fuckin' furball.
453
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:20,270
I've got hairy ears
poking out of me noggin.
454
00:17:20,271 --> 00:17:22,830
Maybe not too much more speed?
455
00:17:22,831 --> 00:17:26,390
They think I'm a drugged-up scumbag.
They're all the same, the Yellows.
456
00:17:26,391 --> 00:17:29,550
Yeah.
The Empire - we're 22-carat Ewok.
457
00:17:29,551 --> 00:17:30,870
Right.
458
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:33,310
We should get one of 'em in here,
take a knife to him.
459
00:17:33,311 --> 00:17:35,710
You don't mean a real knife.
You mean a... paint knife.
460
00:17:35,711 --> 00:17:39,710
It's a paintbrush, Mark. I'm just
talking Swiss Army. Cut one up.
461
00:17:40,231 --> 00:17:41,550
What d'you say to that?
462
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:43,830
I say let's definitely not do that.
463
00:17:43,831 --> 00:17:47,830
Forget the knife, just get one of
them down on the floor, yeah?
464
00:17:47,991 --> 00:17:51,990
Strip him. Paint his arsehole from
point-blank range. What d'you say?
465
00:17:52,191 --> 00:17:55,790
I'd say you've moved from attempted
murder to violent sexual assault,
466
00:17:55,791 --> 00:17:57,550
which is probably,
467
00:17:57,551 --> 00:18:01,550
technically, moving in
the, quote, "right direction".
468
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:05,830
How about we just surrender, make
my boxers into a makeshift white
flag,
469
00:18:06,191 --> 00:18:08,190
march into their bunker,
my boxers on a stick,
470
00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:10,030
and say,
"What the hell's going on here?"
471
00:18:10,031 --> 00:18:13,430
Still living
the boxer-short dream, Mark, eh?
472
00:18:13,431 --> 00:18:15,430
You need to get some ball support
473
00:18:15,431 --> 00:18:19,430
before your nuts start dragging like
iron eggs in a pair of Grayson
Perry's tights.
474
00:18:21,071 --> 00:18:23,510
'Hmm, locked in with
a mad commanding officer.'
475
00:18:23,511 --> 00:18:26,750
'Only problem is, if I shoot him,
he won't actually die.'
476
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:30,190
Do you think Simon is really getting
it on with Dobs in the bunker,
477
00:18:30,191 --> 00:18:31,870
or is it just me being paranoid?
478
00:18:31,871 --> 00:18:34,150
No, mate, course you're not.
479
00:18:34,151 --> 00:18:37,790
Yellows, fuckin' yellow-bellied.
Yellow fever!
480
00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:39,790
Boning your bird? Classic Yellow.
481
00:18:39,791 --> 00:18:43,790
'Probably not the most reliable
spirit level to test my paranoia
against.'
482
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:46,870
Seriously, I've had it up to here
with Yellow shit.
483
00:18:46,871 --> 00:18:50,630
If you wanna belt up and bust out,
Mark, I am in.
484
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:53,310
Well, as Napoleon once said...
'Hmm, what's a goody?'
485
00:18:53,311 --> 00:18:56,670
"Laws which are consistent in theory
often prove chaotic in practice".
486
00:18:56,671 --> 00:18:58,670
Fuck, yeah!
487
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,910
'Oh, God.
He's going to kill someone.'
488
00:19:00,911 --> 00:19:04,910
'With paint. I might have inspired
a paint war crime.'
489
00:19:05,271 --> 00:19:06,830
I think the truth is,
490
00:19:06,831 --> 00:19:10,830
basically,
I've been bored ever since 9/11.
491
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:12,230
Yeah?
492
00:19:12,231 --> 00:19:15,110
I mean, I was watching the news
with Mark the other day,
493
00:19:15,111 --> 00:19:17,510
and he was, like, all up in my grill
about the euro,
494
00:19:17,511 --> 00:19:21,510
and I was, like, "Ooh, the Italians
might leave the euro, big wow."
495
00:19:21,511 --> 00:19:24,030
It's not exactly planes
smashing into buildings, is it?
496
00:19:24,031 --> 00:19:26,430
Yeah. That was good news.
497
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,870
Not good news, obviously,
but good... news.
498
00:19:28,871 --> 00:19:30,230
It was amazing news.
499
00:19:30,231 --> 00:19:34,230
Y'know, in terms of events and
consequences, it was just huge news.
500
00:19:35,511 --> 00:19:37,870
Maybe I've been bored since 9/11.
501
00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:40,470
They set their standards too high
with 9/11, the news.
502
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,190
They can't top it.
503
00:19:42,191 --> 00:19:43,030
Exactly.
504
00:19:43,031 --> 00:19:44,030
'I love you.'
505
00:19:44,031 --> 00:19:45,830
'Holy fuck!
Where did that come from?'
506
00:19:46,671 --> 00:19:50,670
Simon again. Last year, he was all,
"It's just not working."
507
00:19:51,271 --> 00:19:55,110
Now I'm with Mark, he's all, "Ooh,
I forgot what nice calves you have.
508
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:56,990
"Let me put my dobbin
in your noggin."
509
00:19:56,991 --> 00:19:58,310
Tch! Right.
510
00:19:58,311 --> 00:20:00,470
'Get your dobbin out of her noggin.'
511
00:20:00,471 --> 00:20:03,790
'There's a queue here - Mark, me,
dead Gerrard, then you
512
00:20:03,791 --> 00:20:05,590
'at the very back of the queue.'
513
00:20:05,591 --> 00:20:06,630
Jez? Are you OK?
514
00:20:06,631 --> 00:20:08,190
Yeah. Yeah.
515
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:11,030
Yeah. I was just thinking about...
516
00:20:11,031 --> 00:20:14,390
how weird it is that, er, things
517
00:20:14,391 --> 00:20:16,950
and also people, er,
518
00:20:16,951 --> 00:20:20,230
can sometimes be di... different.
519
00:20:20,231 --> 00:20:23,910
Yeah. I'd love to agree,
but you're spouting gibberish.
520
00:20:23,911 --> 00:20:25,390
Come on,
521
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:28,350
let's rejoin the troops
before we get court-martialled.
522
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:30,550
'This is bad.
I've done a lot of bad shit,
523
00:20:30,551 --> 00:20:33,950
'but falling in love with her is the
worst - or at least the most recent...
524
00:20:33,951 --> 00:20:37,950
'bad thing I've ever done.'
525
00:20:37,951 --> 00:20:40,870
That Yellow bastard'll be in there
right now, doing your missus.
526
00:20:40,871 --> 00:20:42,430
We need to get in there.
527
00:20:42,431 --> 00:20:44,070
OK. Let's think this through.
528
00:20:44,071 --> 00:20:48,070
How about we outflank and try a
Napoleonic manoeuvre de derriere? Eh?
529
00:20:48,991 --> 00:20:50,870
I'm gonna give them an art lesson.
530
00:20:50,871 --> 00:20:52,390
I'm gonna Jackson Pollock
these motherfuckers.
531
00:20:52,391 --> 00:20:54,110
Yeah, or...
532
00:20:54,111 --> 00:20:57,110
SUPER HAAAANS!
533
00:20:57,111 --> 00:21:01,110
'Right, into the bunker to save Eva
Braun and cock-block the Fuhrer.'
534
00:21:02,311 --> 00:21:04,150
Where's Dobby?
I thought Dobby was in here.
535
00:21:04,151 --> 00:21:07,230
I've been trying to get her to come
in to talk some sense into Neil.
536
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:08,670
'No humping. Brilliant.'
537
00:21:08,671 --> 00:21:11,470
'So, just got to get her to stay
faithful for another 40 years,
538
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:15,470
'when we have very little
basic compatibility.'
539
00:21:15,711 --> 00:21:19,350
Yeah, screw Simon. I'll just move in
with Mark and give it a go.
540
00:21:19,351 --> 00:21:22,030
Great. And if it doesn't work out,
just move in with me!
541
00:21:23,311 --> 00:21:26,270
Just joking. Stupid joke about
something that wouldn't happen.
542
00:21:26,271 --> 00:21:28,150
That'd never work.
We're too similar.
543
00:21:28,151 --> 00:21:28,790
I know!
544
00:21:28,791 --> 00:21:30,270
We'd never get out of bed.
545
00:21:30,271 --> 00:21:32,470
Cos we'd be doing it
and doing it and doing it,
546
00:21:32,471 --> 00:21:34,950
and then have a doobie
and then do it, and watch TV,
547
00:21:34,951 --> 00:21:37,190
then maybe we'd have dinner
and just fuck the world,
548
00:21:37,191 --> 00:21:38,550
and that'd be our whole thing.
549
00:21:38,551 --> 00:21:41,390
'Easy, Romeo, lay off the "doing it".
550
00:21:41,391 --> 00:21:42,110
THWACK!
551
00:21:42,111 --> 00:21:43,910
Argh! Oh, I got the Snitch!
552
00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:47,910
I've taken the fucking Snitch
up the jacksie!
553
00:21:47,911 --> 00:21:50,190
This is bullshit, Mark.
554
00:21:50,191 --> 00:21:52,630
I want revenge.
555
00:21:52,631 --> 00:21:54,270
Dobs! You're OK!
556
00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:55,470
Yeah. Of course I am.
557
00:21:55,471 --> 00:21:57,470
It was her. It was her,
558
00:21:57,471 --> 00:21:58,910
the last Yellow,
559
00:21:58,911 --> 00:22:00,230
with the Golden Snitch.
560
00:22:00,231 --> 00:22:01,710
It wasn't me. We're out of the game.
561
00:22:01,711 --> 00:22:04,390
Yeah, this game ain't got
no off-ramp, sister.
562
00:22:04,391 --> 00:22:05,950
No, Hans, too close!
563
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:06,830
Bullshit.
564
00:22:06,831 --> 00:22:08,150
No! Ow...
565
00:22:08,151 --> 00:22:08,750
Jez!
566
00:22:08,751 --> 00:22:10,630
Fuck!
567
00:22:10,631 --> 00:22:12,710
What the bloody hell?
568
00:22:12,711 --> 00:22:14,550
Hang on... Are you a secret Yellow?
569
00:22:14,551 --> 00:22:16,030
Are you a double agent?
570
00:22:16,031 --> 00:22:18,230
'Yeah, I'm a double agent.
I'm James Bond,
571
00:22:18,231 --> 00:22:21,390
'and I'm gonna get some ointment
rubbed on my swollen scrotum.'
572
00:22:21,391 --> 00:22:23,590
You ruined my life!
573
00:22:23,591 --> 00:22:25,470
I'm about to be hit?
574
00:22:25,471 --> 00:22:26,390
Correct.
575
00:22:26,391 --> 00:22:27,430
Sorry!
576
00:22:27,431 --> 00:22:30,870
'This is Vietnam - drugs,
breakdown in military order...
577
00:22:30,871 --> 00:22:32,270
'all we need now are The Doors.'
578
00:22:32,271 --> 00:22:34,970
'The Doors!
Now I remember another band!'
579
00:22:35,028 --> 00:22:44,267
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