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♪ I'm not sick, but I'm not well
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♪ And I'm so hot
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♪ Cos I'm in hell. ♪
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Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
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Glass shower door.
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00:00:19,222 --> 00:00:20,460
Attractive,
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but soon the streaks will appear.
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The thing about
bathroom accessories is
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00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:28,817
I can sell you your dream bathroom -
I'd be delighted to...
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00:00:28,818 --> 00:00:31,897
but it don't mean a ting
if it ain't got that swing.
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The old WP.
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Water pressure.
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00:00:35,058 --> 00:00:38,657
And I'm sorry,
but that just ain't my department.
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00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:41,617
Mark, mate, you do know that
the more you talk about bathrooms,
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00:00:41,618 --> 00:00:44,737
the more I feel quite strongly
that I'd like to kill myself?
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00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:46,170
At least I have a job.
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00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,809
Yeah, all right, no need to lord it,
Armitage Shanks.
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00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:51,529
I've actually got a very exciting
new career lined up.
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00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:53,529
You know you're too old to be
a rent boy?
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00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:55,170
There's not a big market
for rent men.
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00:00:55,171 --> 00:00:57,409
I'm going to be a therapist.
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00:00:57,410 --> 00:01:00,089
Yes, but what kind of mad therapy?
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00:01:00,090 --> 00:01:04,729
Jezicise, where you hump people
better with crystals?
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00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:07,009
I guess it's better
than some of your job ideas,
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00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:08,649
like becoming an admiral.
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00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:10,169
I'm a highly intuitive person.
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I'd make a great therapist.
Look at all the pussy I bag!
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00:01:13,290 --> 00:01:15,889
Is that particular quote
from Jung or Freud?
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00:01:15,890 --> 00:01:18,649
I found this course -
Personal Invoicing Life Coaching.
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00:01:18,650 --> 00:01:20,889
And they've got
some great-looking certificates.
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It's basically all the best things
about therapy and self-help
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but without the...
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Hard work?
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00:01:26,189 --> 00:01:28,747
..unnecessary bolt-ons. The extras.
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00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:30,325
Golf?
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Yeah. It's to show
that it's for wankers in shirts
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as well as freaks with bum bags.
It's proper, Mark.
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00:01:35,111 --> 00:01:36,949
They've got a website.
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Oh, well, I'm sorry. If they've got
a website, the people running it
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00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:42,189
definitely have fingers.
And a computer.
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00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:44,309
Or at least the address
of an internet cafe.
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00:01:44,310 --> 00:01:46,549
It's a week's intensive training,
and then bang, I'm out there.
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00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:47,602
After a week?
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00:01:47,603 --> 00:01:49,802
Mark, if it looks like a life coach
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00:01:49,803 --> 00:01:52,163
and it's got a certificate
saying that it's a life coach,
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then it's probably a life coach.
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'Although it might in fact
be a failed musician with chlamydia.'
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'Oh, God,
I am now in the morning
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00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:03,081
'and I should have been in bed
in the night.
50
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:04,883
'And I have to get up for work
in the morning!
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'Not next morning, this morning!
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00:02:07,683 --> 00:02:09,762
'Oh, Simon, the ex.'
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Here you go, guys.
Celebrate the start-up. Cheers!
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00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:15,842
'It's so great that we get to
hang out with our girlfriends' exes
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'in the modern world. So relaxing.'
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00:02:18,323 --> 00:02:21,522
Good luck to you in this incredibly
hostile business environment.
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00:02:21,523 --> 00:02:23,802
Thanks, man. What are you up
to right now, Mark?
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00:02:23,803 --> 00:02:25,722
Me? Oh... retail.
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00:02:25,723 --> 00:02:28,123
Reckon the high street's
going to make a comeback.
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00:02:28,124 --> 00:02:29,322
So, er...
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00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:31,643
yeah. Very exciting.
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Bathroom supplies.
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00:02:34,084 --> 00:02:35,362
Oh!
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'I've dropped the B word,
and they don't know what to say.'
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00:02:38,203 --> 00:02:40,842
Yes, that's my niche.
Shitting and washing.
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00:02:40,843 --> 00:02:42,762
Those babies are recession-proof.
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00:02:42,763 --> 00:02:45,562
Mark's also been working on a book!
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00:02:45,563 --> 00:02:46,762
Oh, OK, cool!
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'I love you, Dobby.'
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Oh, it's... it's nothing.
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00:02:49,724 --> 00:02:50,762
Oh. OK.
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Well, I mean, it is something.
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- I just don't want to talk about it.
- Understood.
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00:02:56,163 --> 00:02:58,642
Business Secrets Of The Pharaohs,
it's called.
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00:02:58,643 --> 00:03:01,842
I've got it in with several
publishers. The... initial chapters.
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00:03:01,843 --> 00:03:04,162
It's good,
cos you sit down thinking,
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00:03:04,163 --> 00:03:07,202
"OK, this is gonna be
fucking boring,"
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00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:10,563
but then you're, like,
"Mm, maybe not!"
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00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,562
So, what are the business secrets
of the pharaohs?
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00:03:14,563 --> 00:03:16,642
Well, look, the first thing
is to acknowledge
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00:03:16,643 --> 00:03:18,083
that the Ancient Egyptian era
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00:03:18,084 --> 00:03:20,083
is so completely different
from our own
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00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:22,842
that any cultural, political
or business parallels
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00:03:22,843 --> 00:03:25,243
that we draw between the two eras
are by their very nature
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00:03:25,244 --> 00:03:27,043
almost bound to be wrong.
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00:03:31,683 --> 00:03:33,362
Oh, look who it is!
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00:03:33,363 --> 00:03:35,162
Hey, Mark, listen.
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00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:37,163
They've offered me a job
at the start-up!
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00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:39,722
Oh. Wow. Great!
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00:03:39,723 --> 00:03:43,202
'Oh, God, Dobby bound
more tightly with "the clique",
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00:03:43,203 --> 00:03:45,482
'more endless evenings out.'
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00:03:45,483 --> 00:03:48,002
I'm so bored doing IT
for the council, Mark.
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00:03:48,003 --> 00:03:51,402
With any luck, it'll be one
of the 5% of internet start-ups
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00:03:51,403 --> 00:03:53,842
that don't fold
within the first 18 months.
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00:03:53,843 --> 00:03:55,122
Right.
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00:03:55,123 --> 00:03:57,162
'God, I love those made-up stats.'
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00:03:57,163 --> 00:04:00,282
It's just, ever since Gerrard died,
I've been thinking,
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00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:02,922
life's so short.
You've gotta seize the day.
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00:04:02,923 --> 00:04:05,882
'Gerrard! Back from the grave
to foil my plans,
100
00:04:05,883 --> 00:04:08,323
'like a boring Dracula.'
101
00:04:09,803 --> 00:04:14,122
So, welcome to
Personal Invoicing Life Coaching.
102
00:04:14,123 --> 00:04:17,482
I'm Celia. Everyone sit down,
and we'll get started.
103
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:20,042
'So, who have we got here?
The competition.
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00:04:20,043 --> 00:04:22,443
'Yeah, get your life coached
by a failed supply teacher
105
00:04:22,444 --> 00:04:25,722
'with the easy charm of a nonce
in a prison yard. No, thanks.
106
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,962
'And... got your number, baby.
107
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,321
'Life coaching course equals
non-judgmental space
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00:04:30,322 --> 00:04:32,761
'to meet similar freaks
for mutual hippy touching.'
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00:04:32,762 --> 00:04:34,043
So, did everyone get a chance
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00:04:34,044 --> 00:04:36,723
to read through the course textbook
that I mentioned in my e-mail?
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00:04:37,683 --> 00:04:39,202
'Fucking squares.
112
00:04:39,203 --> 00:04:42,202
'Who's got time to read all the way
down to the bottom of an e-mail?'
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00:04:42,203 --> 00:04:45,402
So, what did everyone think
of the core principles? Hm?
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00:04:45,403 --> 00:04:47,122
How about you...
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00:04:47,123 --> 00:04:48,202
Jeremy?
116
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:50,202
'OK, here we go, hero or zero.'
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00:04:50,203 --> 00:04:53,162
Me? Er, I thought...
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00:04:53,163 --> 00:04:55,522
Well, to be honest with you,
I thought it was...
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00:04:55,523 --> 00:04:56,602
shit.
120
00:04:56,603 --> 00:04:57,843
What, all of it?
121
00:04:57,844 --> 00:05:00,122
Look, I'm not gonna sit here
and regurgitate
122
00:05:00,123 --> 00:05:01,561
a whole load of book learning.
123
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,323
'..that I have no idea what it is.'
124
00:05:03,324 --> 00:05:06,522
I mean, yeah, I read it,
and yeah... fine,
125
00:05:06,523 --> 00:05:08,842
but... when you're
in the head space forest,
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00:05:08,843 --> 00:05:12,482
you can't look in no textbook
when you've got a 300lb emotion
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00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:15,802
racing at you with its claws out,
crying.
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00:05:15,803 --> 00:05:17,922
I think I know what you mean.
It's quite true.
129
00:05:17,923 --> 00:05:21,323
'Of course it's quite true.
I just made it up.'
130
00:05:22,763 --> 00:05:23,682
Hiya.
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00:05:23,683 --> 00:05:24,722
Hi, Jez. Jez!
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00:05:24,723 --> 00:05:27,882
Have a glass of something that
for legal reasons must call itself
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00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:30,762
"sparkling grape-style
drinking wine".
134
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:31,802
Er, thanks.
135
00:05:31,803 --> 00:05:34,043
'Have they found some legal way
to force me out of the flat?'
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00:05:34,044 --> 00:05:36,082
Mark's found a publisher
for his book!
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00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:38,202
Brilliant. 'His book?
138
00:05:38,203 --> 00:05:40,682
'What next -
he's found a director for his film,
139
00:05:40,683 --> 00:05:42,242
'a builder for his cathedral?'
140
00:05:42,243 --> 00:05:44,322
Got the e-mail today. From BL Books.
141
00:05:44,323 --> 00:05:46,082
Very enthusiastic.
142
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:49,242
They've got a slot as long
as I can finish my rewrites ASAP.
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00:05:49,243 --> 00:05:52,162
I guess what this shows
is hard work pays dividends.
144
00:05:52,163 --> 00:05:53,802
Mm, I know what you mean.
145
00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:56,762
I was working pretty hard today
on my course.
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00:05:56,763 --> 00:05:57,802
Yeah. Exactly.
147
00:05:57,803 --> 00:06:00,083
'Appearing on I'm A Celebrity
is not the same as winning
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00:06:00,084 --> 00:06:01,522
'an Olympic gold medal.'
149
00:06:01,523 --> 00:06:04,642
I suppose this means it's all
looking up for the El Dude Brothers,
150
00:06:04,643 --> 00:06:06,442
or JK Rowling and Sigmund Freud,
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00:06:06,443 --> 00:06:09,123
as we should probably
start calling ourselves.
152
00:06:13,243 --> 00:06:16,162
'Sir Steven Redgrave and Timmy
Mallett might be more appropriate.'
153
00:06:16,163 --> 00:06:18,242
'I could write a book.
Piece of piss.
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00:06:18,243 --> 00:06:20,802
'Chapter one. The end.
There you go. Book.'
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00:06:20,803 --> 00:06:23,202
So, how was the life coaching?
156
00:06:23,203 --> 00:06:26,522
Good. Great, actually.
Did a load of great exercises.
157
00:06:26,523 --> 00:06:28,242
Pretty sure I won.
158
00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:30,601
Not that it's a competition,
but it was pretty clear
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00:06:30,602 --> 00:06:31,683
I was the best.
160
00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:34,242
Actually, they want me to find
a volunteer to practise on.
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00:06:34,243 --> 00:06:36,162
Well, life-coach me!
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00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:39,042
I'm a gormless dweeb
stuck on the horns of a dilemma.
163
00:06:39,043 --> 00:06:41,042
But, Dobs, Game Of Thrones?
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00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:43,403
Yeah, we can put the dragon tits
on pause, can't we?
165
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:46,322
Just got to nip
to the disgustatorium.
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00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:48,163
No need to think about what
I'm gonna do.
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00:06:48,164 --> 00:06:50,123
Then feel free to coach my ass!
168
00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:56,242
Jez, will you please get your filthy
hands out of my girlfriend's brain?
169
00:06:56,243 --> 00:06:56,961
What?
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00:06:56,962 --> 00:06:58,603
You'd better not be about to tell her
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00:06:58,604 --> 00:07:01,642
to "expect more out of life"
or "follow her heart".
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00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:04,322
I'm gonna tell her what's right for
her. We have a code of ethics.
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00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,842
It's a professional discipline.
There's a pamphlet!
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00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,602
I want to be her life coach.
We can't both be her life coach.
175
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:12,602
You can't be her life coach, Mark.
You haven't got a certificate.
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00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:15,882
I could if I spent 200 quid and
went to Forest Hill for five hours.
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00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:18,162
OK, Jez, ready!
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00:07:18,163 --> 00:07:20,682
Please, Jez! Can you coach her
that Simon's a shit
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00:07:20,683 --> 00:07:22,242
and to stop hanging out with him?
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00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:23,602
All right.
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00:07:23,603 --> 00:07:28,122
But I'm warning you, I'm only gonna
do one unethical thing in my career.
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00:07:28,123 --> 00:07:30,363
It just happens to be
the very first thing.
183
00:07:33,763 --> 00:07:36,202
Mark? Are you stirring your coffee
184
00:07:36,203 --> 00:07:39,322
very quietly without chinking
the side so I can't hear
185
00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:40,963
and you don't have to make one
for me?
186
00:07:40,964 --> 00:07:42,602
What? No!
187
00:07:42,603 --> 00:07:45,842
'Oh, he's rumbled
the velvet spoon routine.
188
00:07:45,843 --> 00:07:47,243
'That's been good for years.'
189
00:07:47,244 --> 00:07:49,243
Midnight coffee?
You're not gonna go barmy
190
00:07:49,244 --> 00:07:51,602
and start phoning up 5 live
saying you've seen
191
00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:54,122
the end of civilisation
in the bottom of a Bargain Bucket?
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00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:57,443
Look, it's just I'm on a roll.
I've done 6,000 words since 6pm.
193
00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:02,242
Yeah, I know. You type like you're
trying to massacre imaginary ants
194
00:08:02,243 --> 00:08:03,523
swarming your keyboard.
195
00:08:03,524 --> 00:08:05,042
I've had seven black coffees
196
00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:06,963
and I feel like
I'm really nailing it.
197
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,482
Mark, you're in caps.
198
00:08:09,483 --> 00:08:11,963
It looks like you've been in caps
for a few hours.
199
00:08:11,964 --> 00:08:14,762
Caps still count! I've just drawn
an irresistible comparison
200
00:08:14,763 --> 00:08:17,082
between Mentuhotep V and Branson.
201
00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:19,842
I'm thinking of drawing Branson
as a hieroglyph. What do you think?
202
00:08:19,843 --> 00:08:23,802
I think maybe you should get
quite a lot of sleep.
203
00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:26,362
I just need to hit a thousand more
words, then a spell-check,
204
00:08:26,363 --> 00:08:27,842
then I'm done.
205
00:08:27,843 --> 00:08:30,882
- Ah, don't worry about
the spell-check, dude.
- You don't think?
206
00:08:30,883 --> 00:08:33,522
No. They'll have a big spellchecker
with all the latest words.
207
00:08:33,523 --> 00:08:35,082
That's what publishers are
208
00:08:35,083 --> 00:08:37,802
these days - spellcheckers
who take you out for lunch.
209
00:08:37,803 --> 00:08:40,802
'Yeah, keep killing those ants,
Charles Dickens.
210
00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:42,163
'Private meeting with the tutor!
211
00:08:42,164 --> 00:08:44,322
'Leave the life buses
at the bus stop...
212
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,762
'I'm getting the coach!'
213
00:08:45,763 --> 00:08:48,242
Great morning.
You're an amazing therapist.
214
00:08:48,243 --> 00:08:51,082
Thanks, Jez. But I'm a life coach,
not a therapist.
215
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:53,242
Yeah. Right. Exactly.
216
00:08:53,243 --> 00:08:56,162
Who can be bothered to get a degree
and spend four years moaning on
217
00:08:56,163 --> 00:08:59,042
about how your gran sent you to
primary school with raw chicken
218
00:08:59,043 --> 00:09:01,762
in your packed lunch, because
she'd mixed up the Tupperware boxes
219
00:09:01,763 --> 00:09:03,721
and you thought
she was trying to poison you?
220
00:09:03,722 --> 00:09:04,523
Did that happen to you?
221
00:09:04,524 --> 00:09:07,322
Er, yeah, yeah, it did, actually.
We laughed about it.
222
00:09:07,323 --> 00:09:09,322
'Mixing up the boxes?
Yeah, right!
223
00:09:09,323 --> 00:09:11,722
'I know you were trying
to kill me, Gran.'
224
00:09:11,723 --> 00:09:13,601
So, er, any idea
what you're gonna have?
225
00:09:13,602 --> 00:09:15,883
You need to check with me
before you make your decision?
226
00:09:15,884 --> 00:09:18,962
Just... curious. I was thinking
about having the burger?
227
00:09:18,963 --> 00:09:20,683
Why do you say that like a question?
228
00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:22,162
I-I don't know.
229
00:09:22,163 --> 00:09:24,402
Well, if you want the burger,
order the burger.
230
00:09:24,403 --> 00:09:26,043
I mean, I was gonna
order the burger,
231
00:09:26,044 --> 00:09:28,962
but now I feel like you've got a
problem with me ordering the burger?
232
00:09:28,963 --> 00:09:30,403
And what makes you feel that way?
233
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,402
Because we're talking quite a lot
about me ordering the burger?
234
00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:35,082
You guys ready to order?
235
00:09:35,083 --> 00:09:36,322
Er... yeah.
236
00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:38,522
I think I'll have the...
237
00:09:38,523 --> 00:09:39,681
halloumi salad?
238
00:09:39,682 --> 00:09:40,963
Anything to drink?
239
00:09:40,964 --> 00:09:42,762
Water...?
240
00:09:42,763 --> 00:09:46,242
'Salad and a water?!
I'm ordering myself a horrible lunch
241
00:09:46,243 --> 00:09:48,762
'and somehow also
totally getting everything wrong.'
242
00:09:48,763 --> 00:09:50,162
And for you?
243
00:09:50,163 --> 00:09:52,603
Actually, you know what? Fuck it.
I'll have a Coke. Man Coke,
244
00:09:52,604 --> 00:09:54,603
not any Wayne Rooney,
hair-transplant bullshit.
245
00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:57,802
And screw the salad - I'll have a
burger. And a chocolate cheesecake.
246
00:09:57,803 --> 00:10:00,682
Yeah, that's right, I'm ordering
pudding before I've even started
247
00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:03,942
my main course. If you've got
a problem, send out the manager.
248
00:10:03,999 --> 00:10:05,838
Good! I'll have the same.
249
00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,199
I know what I want.
And I'm not afraid to ask for it.
250
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,518
Look, I'm just gonna say this.
251
00:10:10,519 --> 00:10:12,078
I love you, Celia.
252
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:14,518
'So great for a first date!
253
00:10:14,519 --> 00:10:16,279
'Stone-cold classic.'
254
00:10:17,719 --> 00:10:21,598
'Afternoon delight,
nailing the course and the tutor!'
255
00:10:21,624 --> 00:10:24,000
- I'm the boss.
- You're the boss.
256
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:25,721
And I've got a fucking grass skirt.
257
00:10:25,722 --> 00:10:28,280
Oh, yes, you've got a grass skirt.
258
00:10:28,281 --> 00:10:30,720
A grass skirt made of dicks.
259
00:10:30,943 --> 00:10:32,462
Mm-hm...
260
00:10:32,463 --> 00:10:33,863
I've cut all the dicks off...
261
00:10:35,143 --> 00:10:37,742
..and they're hanging
from my skirt.
262
00:10:37,743 --> 00:10:39,502
Does that make you hard, Jeremy?
263
00:10:39,503 --> 00:10:40,862
Oh, yeah...
264
00:10:40,863 --> 00:10:42,582
Just... go for it, Jeremy.
265
00:10:42,583 --> 00:10:43,303
I'm sorry?
266
00:10:43,304 --> 00:10:44,822
Just go for it.
267
00:10:44,823 --> 00:10:46,582
Right...
268
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:47,942
I-I am going for it?
269
00:10:47,943 --> 00:10:50,222
Oh. Fine.
270
00:10:50,223 --> 00:10:52,503
S-Sorry, it's just...
by telling me to go for it,
271
00:10:52,504 --> 00:10:55,502
it felt like you were saying
I'm not going for it.
272
00:10:55,503 --> 00:10:57,782
No. No, I was just checking.
273
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,382
Right. And the severed dicks?
274
00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:03,502
Th... The skirt made of...?
What is that?
275
00:11:03,503 --> 00:11:06,782
I was in the moment, Jez!
276
00:11:06,783 --> 00:11:08,222
God!
277
00:11:08,223 --> 00:11:10,582
Sorry if I broke a taboo.
278
00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:12,383
Who wants boundaries in the bedroom?
279
00:11:12,384 --> 00:11:14,022
Now...
280
00:11:14,023 --> 00:11:16,702
you tell me your fantasy.
281
00:11:16,703 --> 00:11:20,142
'OK. My fantasy. What is my fantasy?
It's basically just humping.
282
00:11:20,143 --> 00:11:23,783
'I love humping.
But need something more edgy.'
283
00:11:26,023 --> 00:11:27,943
Sorry about the last-minute venue
change.
284
00:11:27,944 --> 00:11:29,943
Just, er... on my way
to the Frankfurt Book Fair.
285
00:11:29,944 --> 00:11:33,142
No problem. You're a busy guy
with a lot of irons in the fire.
286
00:11:33,143 --> 00:11:35,102
Tch! Yeah. Exactly.
287
00:11:35,103 --> 00:11:37,782
'This must be the greatest quantity
of squeezable mustard
288
00:11:37,783 --> 00:11:39,423
'ever present at a literary lunch.'
289
00:11:39,424 --> 00:11:43,142
Anyway, just wanted to catch you
to say how much I loved your book.
290
00:11:43,143 --> 00:11:44,223
Oh, wow! Thank you!
291
00:11:44,224 --> 00:11:46,142
Cos I hurried finishing it,
292
00:11:46,143 --> 00:11:47,663
I was worried I overdid
Chapter Three.
293
00:11:47,685 --> 00:11:48,382
No.
294
00:11:48,468 --> 00:11:49,469
It's not too obvious,
295
00:11:49,470 --> 00:11:52,108
the parallel between the Nubians
and the Assyrians,
296
00:11:52,109 --> 00:11:55,468
and a modern business's enemies,
web competitors and Chinese imports?
297
00:11:55,469 --> 00:11:57,748
Actually, my favourite chapter.
298
00:11:57,749 --> 00:11:59,027
God, that is so great to hear!
299
00:11:59,028 --> 00:12:01,467
Cos it's initially compelling,
but I was worried...
300
00:12:01,468 --> 00:12:03,389
No, don't worry about the book.
Book's...
301
00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:04,948
book's great.
302
00:12:04,949 --> 00:12:08,388
Thing is, we've actually just had
some bad news from Denmark.
303
00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:11,868
Hamlet's back, and he's made
his final decision to be?
304
00:12:11,869 --> 00:12:14,388
'God, I'm such an oaf!
In publishing, he must have heard
305
00:12:14,389 --> 00:12:16,028
'a million Hamlet jokes.'
306
00:12:16,029 --> 00:12:19,188
It's where we get our books printed.
And in the last week,
307
00:12:19,189 --> 00:12:21,468
the paper costs have just
skyrocketed.
308
00:12:21,469 --> 00:12:22,868
It's the euro.
309
00:12:22,869 --> 00:12:24,748
Oh, of course. The euro!
310
00:12:24,749 --> 00:12:27,468
The bloody euro
getting it wrong again.
311
00:12:27,469 --> 00:12:28,828
It's hitting everyone.
312
00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:31,748
The upshot is we're having to ask
all our authors to put in 2K
313
00:12:31,749 --> 00:12:33,388
just to cover the extra costs.
314
00:12:33,389 --> 00:12:35,108
Oh... right.
315
00:12:35,109 --> 00:12:36,868
It's unavoidable, unfortunately.
316
00:12:36,869 --> 00:12:39,788
I mean, Rushdie is pissing blood
over at Jonathan Cape, apparently.
317
00:12:39,789 --> 00:12:42,948
But... big picture - the book is
going to be such a monster hit,
318
00:12:42,949 --> 00:12:44,109
there's no downside.
319
00:12:44,110 --> 00:12:45,588
Oh, there's no downside?
320
00:12:45,589 --> 00:12:48,188
No. In fact, I am so confident,
I am prepared to cut you
321
00:12:48,189 --> 00:12:52,028
an extra percentage point on books
sold over a quarter of a million.
322
00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:53,948
Oh, wow! That... that's great!
323
00:12:53,949 --> 00:12:55,389
'Mm. Don't act too pleased.
324
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:56,748
'Remember Johnson.
325
00:12:56,749 --> 00:12:59,308
'"Keep your panties dry
till the big guy's hard."'
326
00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:00,468
Tell you what,
327
00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:04,949
Greg, why don't we go 50/50 on
net profits over a million units?
328
00:13:05,949 --> 00:13:07,028
Oh!
329
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:09,308
Yeah, I forgot I was talking
to a business guru.
330
00:13:09,309 --> 00:13:11,468
What the hell.
331
00:13:11,469 --> 00:13:12,949
Nice doing business with you.
332
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,869
'I'm killing these guys!'
333
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:17,272
Greg really liked the draft.
334
00:13:17,273 --> 00:13:19,911
He had no notes at all,
which was pretty sweet.
335
00:13:19,912 --> 00:13:23,151
He was even fine about me
missing the deadline.
336
00:13:23,152 --> 00:13:25,632
Right... But how much
are they paying you upfront?
337
00:13:25,633 --> 00:13:29,791
Publishing isn't an
upfront situation these days.
338
00:13:29,792 --> 00:13:31,832
You've got to put in seed money
for the first run.
339
00:13:31,833 --> 00:13:33,671
They're asking you to pay?
340
00:13:33,672 --> 00:13:36,631
It's a totally standard deal
for first-time authors.
341
00:13:36,632 --> 00:13:40,952
But the poor guys, I'm absolutely
killing them on the big-unit deals.
342
00:13:42,472 --> 00:13:46,791
Does JK Rowling pay to have
Harry Potter books published?
343
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:50,271
That's different. Harry Potter books
are about wizards, for children.
344
00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:53,951
My book is about pharaohs,
for adults.
345
00:13:53,952 --> 00:13:56,031
Right. OK...
346
00:13:56,032 --> 00:13:57,791
In fact, it was the unluckiest day
347
00:13:57,792 --> 00:14:01,071
of JK Rowling's life when she got
picked up by a publishing house.
348
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,272
Greg from British London
349
00:14:02,273 --> 00:14:05,071
was saying, imagine
if she'd self-published!
350
00:14:05,072 --> 00:14:08,551
"British London"?
Doesn't that sound a bit...
351
00:14:08,552 --> 00:14:10,032
Too patriotic for your liking?
352
00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:11,431
..made up?
353
00:14:11,432 --> 00:14:15,271
So what if it's made up? Do you think
Penguin was founded by a penguin?
354
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,271
In a sense, everything's made up.
355
00:14:17,272 --> 00:14:19,951
I don't like the way these
percentiles are looking at me.
356
00:14:19,952 --> 00:14:21,512
Right, well, thanks for that, Hans,
357
00:14:21,513 --> 00:14:24,151
but I really wouldn't worry.
It's a gentleman's agreement.
358
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:26,991
Well, it looks like you've agreed
these gentlemen can arse-fuck you.
359
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,271
Just, erm...
360
00:14:28,272 --> 00:14:29,791
be careful. OK, mate?
361
00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:31,192
'Jeremy is the voice of reason,
362
00:14:31,193 --> 00:14:33,791
'and Super Hans is giving me
legal advice.
363
00:14:33,792 --> 00:14:35,312
'Doesn't feel great.'
364
00:14:36,792 --> 00:14:39,391
I went to see Trish and Simon
and everyone in the new office.
365
00:14:39,392 --> 00:14:42,671
'Tch! No doubt their office
is a converted warehouse
366
00:14:42,672 --> 00:14:45,351
'full of smoothie makers
and basketball hoops
367
00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,031
'and rim jobs.'
368
00:14:47,032 --> 00:14:49,071
I was like, "Fuck it. Why not?"
369
00:14:49,072 --> 00:14:51,272
So I handed in my notice
at the council yesterday!
370
00:14:51,273 --> 00:14:54,031
Oh... Wow, that's...
371
00:14:54,032 --> 00:14:55,031
amazing.
372
00:14:55,032 --> 00:14:56,152
I know!
373
00:15:00,472 --> 00:15:01,752
Jeremy, you've failed.
374
00:15:01,753 --> 00:15:03,752
She's done exactly what she wanted.
375
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:05,711
I tried, but it's difficult.
376
00:15:05,712 --> 00:15:08,070
Spirit crushing comes
much more naturally to you.
377
00:15:08,071 --> 00:15:09,272
This won't work.
378
00:15:09,273 --> 00:15:12,351
You should have told her the truth.
Dreams crumble to dust.
379
00:15:12,352 --> 00:15:14,792
Your motto. You should put that
on your business cards.
380
00:15:14,793 --> 00:15:18,831
Anyway, chill out.
If you love something, set it free.
381
00:15:18,832 --> 00:15:21,551
What if I love a black mamba?
Should I set that free?
382
00:15:21,552 --> 00:15:23,431
Is that what you and Sting want,
383
00:15:23,432 --> 00:15:25,792
a venomous killer loose
on the streets of south London?
384
00:15:28,152 --> 00:15:31,031
So, thinking about the book launch...
385
00:15:31,032 --> 00:15:32,832
cash bar, but I might provide nuts.
386
00:15:32,833 --> 00:15:35,391
Salted or dry roasted, though?
387
00:15:35,392 --> 00:15:37,631
Salted are classic -
everyone loves salt...
388
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:40,072
but expensive in the quantities
I want to provide.
389
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,271
It's tricky.
390
00:15:41,272 --> 00:15:42,791
Aren't London British paying?
391
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:45,111
British London.
No, not in the current climate.
392
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:48,471
OK, time to hit go,
make the transfer,
393
00:15:48,472 --> 00:15:51,271
let BL fire up the printing press.
394
00:15:51,272 --> 00:15:55,231
Mark?! Ј2,000?
395
00:15:55,232 --> 00:15:57,751
The situation in Denmark
is deteriorating. That's a fact.
396
00:15:57,752 --> 00:16:00,831
Ink shortage. But if I move quickly,
BL might be able to get me some.
397
00:16:00,832 --> 00:16:02,112
They have a guy in Hamburg.
398
00:16:02,113 --> 00:16:05,071
'Oh, my God, he's actually
going through with it.
399
00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:07,271
'He's cracking his nest egg
and frying it up
400
00:16:07,272 --> 00:16:09,671
'to make these arseholes
a delicious breakfast.'
401
00:16:09,672 --> 00:16:10,831
Hey!
402
00:16:10,832 --> 00:16:12,351
Mark, I can't let you do this.
403
00:16:12,352 --> 00:16:14,471
Return my mouse, Jeremy.
That's my property.
404
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:16,831
You're censoring me.
I'm calling Amnesty.
405
00:16:16,832 --> 00:16:19,031
Go ahead.
I'm sure they'll be fascinated,
406
00:16:19,032 --> 00:16:22,111
but the mouse is staying with me.
I'm doing an intervention on you.
407
00:16:22,112 --> 00:16:25,431
All you're doing is preventing
an important work of world literature
408
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:26,470
from going to press.
409
00:16:26,471 --> 00:16:28,872
Why don't you "intervene"
on Ian McEwan or Tony Parsons?
410
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:33,071
I'm going to say two words
that you don't want to hear.
411
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:34,152
"Vanity publishing."
412
00:16:35,192 --> 00:16:37,711
You're just jealous
because I'm a successful author
413
00:16:37,712 --> 00:16:39,751
and you're an unemployed dope smoker
414
00:16:39,752 --> 00:16:43,831
who, even after 20 years of doing it,
still can't roll very good joints.
415
00:16:43,832 --> 00:16:46,471
I just think you need to be
realistic about your targets,
416
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,672
aims and expectations.
417
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,911
Are you trying to life-coach me?!
418
00:16:49,912 --> 00:16:51,351
Maybe.
419
00:16:51,352 --> 00:16:54,031
I'm the one who should be doing
an intervention - on you,
420
00:16:54,032 --> 00:16:57,831
because, my friend,
you are a vanity life coach.
421
00:16:57,832 --> 00:16:59,831
My course is a proper
qualification...
422
00:16:59,832 --> 00:17:02,272
it's not a pretend book
from a pretend publisher's
423
00:17:02,273 --> 00:17:04,471
getting printed on pretend paper.
424
00:17:04,472 --> 00:17:07,191
Yeah, well, even if you complete
your ludicrously short course,
425
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:08,912
you're never going to be
a life coach.
426
00:17:08,913 --> 00:17:10,751
It's just another dream,
427
00:17:10,752 --> 00:17:13,711
like being a pop star
or a front bottom inspector.
428
00:17:13,712 --> 00:17:16,471
That wasn't a career,
that was a T-shirt!
429
00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:18,192
Yeah, well, a front bottom inspector
430
00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:21,751
is still a more realistic career
option for you than life coach.
431
00:17:21,752 --> 00:17:24,471
I threw that T-shirt out months ago.
You know why?
432
00:17:24,472 --> 00:17:26,191
Because it was tasteless.
433
00:17:26,192 --> 00:17:28,391
I was embarrassed to wear it
in public.
434
00:17:28,392 --> 00:17:30,352
That's the Jeremy
you're dealing with now.
435
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:32,831
That's how much I've grown
as an individual.
436
00:17:32,832 --> 00:17:34,911
Hey, Jeremy, do you want
to life-coach this
437
00:17:34,912 --> 00:17:36,350
into the washing-up bowl?
438
00:17:36,351 --> 00:17:38,192
'You're not stopping my book launch.
439
00:17:38,193 --> 00:17:41,792
'Kneel before Pharaoh Corrigan
and his pyramid of peanuts.'
440
00:17:43,272 --> 00:17:44,911
So, er, listen,
441
00:17:44,912 --> 00:17:47,031
what the hell's going on?
442
00:17:47,032 --> 00:17:48,272
How do you mean?
443
00:17:48,273 --> 00:17:50,191
Everyone. Everyone passed.
444
00:17:50,192 --> 00:17:52,911
Is it some sort of
administrative error?
445
00:17:52,912 --> 00:17:55,471
I mean, Hillary,
whose UKIP membership card
446
00:17:55,472 --> 00:17:56,552
fell out of her purse?
447
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:59,191
Are you really suggesting people
go to her to get coaching?
448
00:17:59,192 --> 00:18:02,031
Is my certificate different?
Is it better?
449
00:18:02,032 --> 00:18:03,751
You don't have a certificate.
450
00:18:03,752 --> 00:18:05,391
What do I get? A couch?
451
00:18:05,392 --> 00:18:06,471
Or... a conch?
452
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:07,911
Or a cr...
453
00:18:07,912 --> 00:18:09,831
Not a crown. That would be... odd.
454
00:18:09,832 --> 00:18:12,831
I can't put my reputation
on the line by certifying you
455
00:18:12,832 --> 00:18:14,112
as a life coach.
456
00:18:14,113 --> 00:18:15,551
What?
457
00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:18,511
You have a poorly developed
ego system and sexual issues.
458
00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:19,631
Oh, yeah?
459
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:22,471
OK, well, let me give you
a little tip about foreplay.
460
00:18:22,472 --> 00:18:24,471
You were waggling around on my guy
461
00:18:24,472 --> 00:18:27,471
like it was the cranking handle
on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
462
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:29,191
You're a sexual pervert, Jeremy.
463
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,992
You mean in a bad way?
464
00:18:31,992 --> 00:18:33,831
Cos of what I said?
465
00:18:33,832 --> 00:18:35,191
Yes. It was disgusting.
466
00:18:35,192 --> 00:18:38,311
Oh, Mrs Severed Cocks
thinks I'm disgusting?
467
00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:40,911
Cut all my hair off and eat it?
468
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,831
I was busking. I was vibing.
469
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:44,192
You were cutting things off.
470
00:18:44,193 --> 00:18:46,831
I thought hair.
I mean, it's not cocks.
471
00:18:46,832 --> 00:18:48,751
That was just a mad image,
472
00:18:48,752 --> 00:18:51,911
whereas destroying and consuming
my beautiful hair...
473
00:18:51,912 --> 00:18:54,111
I thought there were no boundaries.
474
00:18:54,112 --> 00:18:56,391
There are no boundaries.
Within limits.
475
00:18:56,392 --> 00:18:59,031
Limits. Right. Well, I'm appealing.
476
00:18:59,032 --> 00:19:03,031
I'm gonna launch an appeal to the...
British Life Coaching Confederation.
477
00:19:03,032 --> 00:19:04,671
And if such a body exists,
478
00:19:04,672 --> 00:19:07,031
then you're gonna be in big,
big trouble.
479
00:19:07,032 --> 00:19:08,312
Hm!
480
00:19:09,752 --> 00:19:11,471
Hey, Mark.
481
00:19:11,472 --> 00:19:12,472
How's it, er...?
482
00:19:12,473 --> 00:19:14,031
Oh, er...
483
00:19:14,032 --> 00:19:16,551
Good. Yeah, great.
484
00:19:16,552 --> 00:19:19,471
A few errata.
Always going to be a few errata.
485
00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:21,031
Yeah, yeah, always.
486
00:19:21,032 --> 00:19:23,591
Er, it's gonna be a good night,
I reckon.
487
00:19:23,592 --> 00:19:24,832
Yeah. So, Jez, listen,
488
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:28,671
I'm just going to go home
out the fire escape or the window.
489
00:19:28,672 --> 00:19:31,471
But would you ask the pub man
if I can have my deposit back?
490
00:19:31,472 --> 00:19:34,391
And would you tell everyone I've
made a horrible mistake? Goodbye.
491
00:19:34,392 --> 00:19:35,471
Mark?
492
00:19:35,472 --> 00:19:37,792
They misspelt my name, Jeremy.
493
00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:42,232
Mark Crorigan.
494
00:19:43,272 --> 00:19:44,911
But hey, it looks good, man.
495
00:19:44,912 --> 00:19:46,752
I mean, some of it's difficult
to read,
496
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:50,271
cos the text kind of disappears
into the binding, but...
497
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:53,751
They're print-outs, Jeremy,
they're not books.
498
00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:54,952
They're just print-outs.
499
00:19:54,953 --> 00:19:58,911
'Every fibre of my being wants
to scream, "I told you so."
500
00:19:58,912 --> 00:20:00,951
'But I'm a life coach now. Sort of.'
501
00:20:00,952 --> 00:20:03,391
Greg said he really liked
Chapter Fourteen,
502
00:20:03,392 --> 00:20:06,191
the Nile irrigation/viral marketing
comparison.
503
00:20:06,192 --> 00:20:07,751
Why would he leave that out?
504
00:20:07,752 --> 00:20:08,912
I don't know, Mark.
505
00:20:08,913 --> 00:20:11,111
Maybe it's just one of those things.
506
00:20:11,112 --> 00:20:14,471
One of those things where a cherished
dream is smashed into your face
507
00:20:14,472 --> 00:20:17,471
and you're humiliated
in front of everyone you know?
508
00:20:17,472 --> 00:20:18,952
Hi, Pam...
509
00:20:20,272 --> 00:20:22,671
Exactly, one of those things.
510
00:20:22,672 --> 00:20:25,471
Why don't you do a reading
from your book?
511
00:20:25,472 --> 00:20:27,752
Oh, no, I don't think
people would really want to...
512
00:20:27,753 --> 00:20:29,391
Oh, go on, please!
513
00:20:29,392 --> 00:20:32,191
Do it in your Egyptian accent,
like you did in bed the other night.
514
00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:33,230
That was so funny.
515
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:34,310
I really don't...
516
00:20:34,311 --> 00:20:35,232
You can do it, mate.
517
00:20:37,472 --> 00:20:38,672
Hi.
518
00:20:39,832 --> 00:20:41,551
Hi, everyone. Thanks...
519
00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:43,591
thanks for coming. Erm...
520
00:20:43,592 --> 00:20:46,271
I-I just wanted to say...
521
00:20:46,272 --> 00:20:49,031
vanity, all is vanity.
522
00:20:49,032 --> 00:20:52,591
Like Pharaoh Khufu,
I have built a great tomb.
523
00:20:52,592 --> 00:20:56,031
But tonight I'm not going
to bury you in it with me.
524
00:20:56,032 --> 00:20:58,231
Er, except with
the admittedly generous
525
00:20:58,232 --> 00:21:01,511
mounds of peanuts
that you'll see I've provided.
526
00:21:01,512 --> 00:21:06,231
No, tonight, I just want to say
that this book...
527
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:07,551
is a disaster.
528
00:21:07,552 --> 00:21:09,831
It's a travesty.
529
00:21:09,832 --> 00:21:11,031
It's proof...
530
00:21:11,032 --> 00:21:12,831
of a broken promise.
531
00:21:12,832 --> 00:21:15,191
But I want to announce here
532
00:21:15,192 --> 00:21:18,071
that I will be aggressively
pursuing British London
533
00:21:18,072 --> 00:21:19,552
in the small claims court,
534
00:21:19,553 --> 00:21:23,351
therefore proving the wisdom
of my seventh chapter,
535
00:21:23,352 --> 00:21:27,311
Make UK Company Law Into Your Anubis.
536
00:21:27,312 --> 00:21:30,671
Or, as the BL spell-check
has rendered it,
537
00:21:30,672 --> 00:21:35,072
Make UK Company Law Your Omnibus.
538
00:21:38,112 --> 00:21:40,271
It was OK, wasn't it?
539
00:21:40,272 --> 00:21:43,551
It was a weird and uplifting night
of recriminations
540
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,031
and complicated legal debate.
541
00:21:46,032 --> 00:21:47,871
And, Jeremy, I wanted to apologise
542
00:21:47,872 --> 00:21:50,271
for saying your life coaching
was bullshit.
543
00:21:50,272 --> 00:21:53,191
Water under the bridge,
as Simon & Garfunkel used to sing.
544
00:21:53,192 --> 00:21:56,111
'Not even going to correct him.
That's how big I've become.
545
00:21:56,112 --> 00:21:58,751
'I'm enormous, like the sun god Ra.'
546
00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:02,391
OK. Wow. Right. This must be
the only publishing house
547
00:22:02,392 --> 00:22:04,671
that looks like it could also
do you an MoT.
548
00:22:04,672 --> 00:22:06,432
I wanted to give you something, mate.
549
00:22:07,192 --> 00:22:08,591
Greg?
550
00:22:08,592 --> 00:22:09,672
Mm.
551
00:22:10,912 --> 00:22:13,912
Here we are, hot off the presses.
552
00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:19,311
Oh, my God!
553
00:22:19,312 --> 00:22:21,551
Usbourne with a U and everything!
554
00:22:21,552 --> 00:22:23,591
You got my name right, Mark!
555
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:24,672
I also do business cards.
556
00:22:24,673 --> 00:22:28,391
You may have failed the course,
but you can be a life coach anyway.
557
00:22:28,392 --> 00:22:29,512
This is amazing.
558
00:22:29,513 --> 00:22:32,031
Ooh, stars!
Four stars! What are the stars for?
559
00:22:32,032 --> 00:22:34,151
Well, I just thought
you deserved some stars.
560
00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:35,751
Only four, though?
561
00:22:35,752 --> 00:22:38,391
I thought about doing five,
but I didn't want to push it.
562
00:22:38,392 --> 00:22:39,232
Fair do's.
563
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:41,111
But I did put "Grade - excellent",
564
00:22:41,112 --> 00:22:43,191
cos I think you'll make
an excellent life coach.
565
00:22:43,192 --> 00:22:45,031
Thank you, Mark.
566
00:22:45,032 --> 00:22:47,111
God, look at it!
567
00:22:47,112 --> 00:22:49,751
Approved by the British Life
Coaching Confederation. Fancy!
568
00:22:49,752 --> 00:22:52,031
And the great thing is
that the genuine document
569
00:22:52,032 --> 00:22:54,551
is so worthless that there's
very little chance of the forgery
570
00:22:54,552 --> 00:22:55,592
being detected.
571
00:22:55,593 --> 00:22:57,951
No-one will ever know!
I can't be found out!
572
00:22:57,952 --> 00:22:59,152
See you in court, Greg.
573
00:22:59,153 --> 00:23:00,751
Look, Mark,
574
00:23:00,752 --> 00:23:03,471
I know this place isn't great.
I'm in-between offices.
575
00:23:03,472 --> 00:23:06,671
But BL is for real,
and I really did love your book,
576
00:23:06,672 --> 00:23:08,112
and you're a great writer.
577
00:23:08,113 --> 00:23:10,591
Yeah, pull the other one,
it's got bells on.
578
00:23:10,592 --> 00:23:13,511
You're a talent, Mark.
I'm building a list.
579
00:23:13,512 --> 00:23:16,151
I've been speaking to
Jeanette Winterson. Apparently,
580
00:23:16,152 --> 00:23:17,671
she's not happy over at Vintage.
581
00:23:17,672 --> 00:23:19,792
I want to publish your next book.
What's it about?
582
00:23:19,793 --> 00:23:23,031
Well, not that it's any of your
beeswax, but I was thinking about
583
00:23:23,032 --> 00:23:25,271
doing something on Napoleon
and the internet.
584
00:23:25,272 --> 00:23:26,951
Now, that sounds amazing.
585
00:23:26,952 --> 00:23:29,791
How about that and a second run
of BS Of The Ps,
586
00:23:29,792 --> 00:23:31,670
correct the errata,
no upfront payment.
587
00:23:31,671 --> 00:23:33,430
You would just put in
a small bridging loan.
588
00:23:33,431 --> 00:23:34,232
Come on!
589
00:23:34,233 --> 00:23:36,791
What do you think, Jez?
He couldn't do it twice.
590
00:23:36,792 --> 00:23:38,911
No, that would be impossible!
591
00:23:38,912 --> 00:23:41,352
Come on, mate,
I'm life-coaching you out of here.
592
00:23:44,032 --> 00:23:52,939
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