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FXX Presents
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00:00:04,984 --> 00:00:06,984
*YOU'RE THE WORST*
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00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,679
The following program is rated
TV MA LS
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00:00:11,802 --> 00:00:14,453
It contains strong Language
Sexual situations and Nudity.
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00:00:14,538 --> 00:00:16,828
It's intended only
for matured audiences.
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00:00:33,847 --> 00:00:35,456
Checking in with us today?
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00:00:42,831 --> 00:00:44,417
Okay, Miss Cutler.
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Looks like we have you in one
of our signature suites.
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00:00:46,870 --> 00:00:48,644
Will you be needing
one room key or two?
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00:00:48,722 --> 00:00:49,956
One's fine.
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00:00:50,722 --> 00:00:55,159
♪ Waiting in line ♪
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00:00:55,683 --> 00:00:57,479
♪ Thought about leaving ♪
13
00:00:57,565 --> 00:00:59,979
♪ But for real this time ♪
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00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:03,823
♪ Some redesign ♪
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00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:07,393
♪ Of a classic theme ♪
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00:01:07,612 --> 00:01:11,143
♪ Of western scene ♪
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♪ What everyone wants ♪
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♪ Is the same thing ♪
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00:01:25,581 --> 00:01:28,315
♪ That everyone wants ♪
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00:01:28,401 --> 00:01:31,836
♪ What do you want to be? ♪
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00:01:36,484 --> 00:01:37,750
All right.
22
00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:40,461
Are any of these
popular disc jockeys
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00:01:40,547 --> 00:01:42,000
worthy of playing our wedding?
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00:01:42,086 --> 00:01:43,875
Uh, DJ Duchess?
25
00:01:44,010 --> 00:01:47,492
DJ Squirt-Squirt?
Brian?
26
00:01:47,578 --> 00:01:48,781
Who cares?
27
00:01:48,867 --> 00:01:51,867
We could put a blonde wig and
a Givenchy shirt on an iPhone
28
00:01:51,953 --> 00:01:53,149
and no one would
know the difference.
29
00:01:53,234 --> 00:01:55,453
The DJ will be the first person
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00:01:55,539 --> 00:01:57,782
to introduce us
as a married couple.
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00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,156
Do you really want to hand
that responsibility
32
00:02:00,258 --> 00:02:02,664
to DJ Thugtastic?
33
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,591
Nock Nock?
Who's Nock Nock?
34
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:08,810
And how does he have
six million views?
35
00:02:09,891 --> 00:02:12,397
- ♪ Ring around the clocky ♪
- ♪ Ring around the clocky ♪
36
00:02:12,483 --> 00:02:15,050
- ♪ Pocket full of Oxy ♪
- ♪ Pocket full of Oxy ♪
37
00:02:15,454 --> 00:02:18,382
- ♪ Mom could never stop me ♪
- ♪ Mom could never stop me ♪
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00:02:18,719 --> 00:02:20,434
I think this is trash?
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00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:22,707
But is it
"garbage trash" or, like,
40
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,970
"trash that ends up
in a museum" trash?
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00:02:25,056 --> 00:02:26,706
No, no.
It's rubbish.
42
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,957
- Right?
- Right.
43
00:02:29,043 --> 00:02:31,473
I mean, he's just
some Ox'd-out redneck
44
00:02:31,559 --> 00:02:33,848
rapping behind an Arby's
or something.
45
00:02:35,752 --> 00:02:37,543
- Again?
- Yes, please.
46
00:02:39,688 --> 00:02:41,969
- ♪ Ring around the clocky ♪
- ♪ Ring around the clocky. ♪
47
00:02:42,059 --> 00:02:45,332
Well, we have had a shockingly
productive morning.
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00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,383
We have booked our cake tasting,
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00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,113
finalized booze selections,
50
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:51,809
low-balled our officiant,
and tonight,
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00:02:52,051 --> 00:02:55,307
- we have an appointment with our florist.
- We got a florist?
52
00:02:55,393 --> 00:02:57,520
This wedding's about to be classy as fuck.
53
00:02:57,606 --> 00:03:00,273
Right.
Time to head off to write.
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00:03:00,359 --> 00:03:02,395
I mustn't keep the muse waiting.
55
00:03:02,481 --> 00:03:05,824
Yes, hurry up. Wouldn't want to
lose the table near the outlet.
56
00:03:06,635 --> 00:03:08,598
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Come on.
57
00:03:08,754 --> 00:03:10,405
You're a reg at a coffee shop
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00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,223
with a reg outlet
and reg writing hours.
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00:03:12,309 --> 00:03:14,659
Plus, running point
on all this wedding shit...
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00:03:14,745 --> 00:03:19,059
You've just become this, like,
stable-ass dude alla sudden.
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00:03:20,723 --> 00:03:21,856
Stable?
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00:03:21,942 --> 00:03:24,699
Yeah, I always thought the whole
point of being a writer
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00:03:24,785 --> 00:03:27,112
was so that you could drink
all night in dive bars
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00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,871
and challenge other writers to
fist fights and die hella early.
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00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:31,887
But... not you, Jimmy.
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00:03:31,998 --> 00:03:34,317
You, sir, are a VGB:
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00:03:34,457 --> 00:03:36,910
- A very good boy.
- I'm not a...
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00:03:37,171 --> 00:03:39,637
I am the opposite
of a good boy.
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00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:43,138
I may have experienced
a marked level of success
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00:03:43,248 --> 00:03:44,810
as of late, but that
doesn't change the fact
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00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:46,012
that Jimmy Shive-Overly
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00:03:46,098 --> 00:03:48,215
is and will always be,
unassailably,
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00:03:48,301 --> 00:03:50,996
without question,
a bad, bad boy.
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00:03:51,082 --> 00:03:53,099
Name one thing
that makes you a bad boy.
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00:03:53,198 --> 00:03:55,113
I have a raging foot fetish.
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00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,731
Foot fetishes are the applesauce
of fetishes.
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00:03:57,817 --> 00:03:59,067
Bad boy fetishes are like
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00:03:59,153 --> 00:04:01,537
you can only get turned on
if your dick's on fire.
79
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:04,738
What are you still doing here?
You're gonna lose your outlet.
80
00:04:04,824 --> 00:04:06,856
Jimmy thinks he's a bad boy.
81
00:04:09,496 --> 00:04:11,973
What... what gives Edgar
the right to weigh in on this?
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00:04:12,059 --> 00:04:13,965
Jimmy, Edgar has killed people.
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00:04:14,051 --> 00:04:15,770
What is more bad boy than that?
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00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:20,647
Oh. It's good.
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00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:23,246
Everyone knows
you don't marry the bad boy.
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00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,754
You bang him until he gets
caught knocking over
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00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,934
a tattoo shop
he lost in a dice game.
88
00:04:28,020 --> 00:04:30,340
But marry him?
No way.
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00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,692
That is what I have you for.
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00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:34,480
Mm.
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00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,224
Is that sunblock?
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00:04:37,029 --> 00:04:38,389
Good boy.
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00:04:49,273 --> 00:04:52,340
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
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00:04:52,475 --> 00:04:55,427
♪ I'm gonna leave you
anyway ♪
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00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:57,139
♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
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00:04:58,762 --> 00:05:00,514
*YOU'RE THE WORST*
Season 05 Episode 05
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00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,959
*YOU'RE THE WORST*
Episode Title : "A Very Good Boy"
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00:05:29,727 --> 00:05:31,469
That was the mustard.
99
00:05:31,666 --> 00:05:32,977
Not my butt.
100
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,212
You can eat in the meeting,
Gretchen.
101
00:05:43,072 --> 00:05:45,508
I mean, usually people
don't eat at these things,
102
00:05:45,594 --> 00:05:47,399
but, do you.
All right,
103
00:05:47,485 --> 00:05:49,040
time to pitch me new clients.
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00:05:49,126 --> 00:05:50,196
Go.
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00:06:09,794 --> 00:06:11,407
Mm-mm!
106
00:06:12,947 --> 00:06:15,696
Still on pace
for 28 pages today, Jimmy?
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00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:19,010
No, actually.
108
00:06:19,096 --> 00:06:20,493
I'm just winging it today.
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00:06:20,696 --> 00:06:22,880
Who cares about page goals?
110
00:06:23,114 --> 00:06:24,759
You, bruh?
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00:06:24,845 --> 00:06:26,908
You asked me to
"shame you mightily"
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00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:29,345
if you don't make your page goal
every day. You good, fam?
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00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,431
Yeah, I'm completely good, fam.
114
00:06:31,783 --> 00:06:33,258
Oh, it's just that my fiancée
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00:06:33,343 --> 00:06:35,509
accused me of being a good boy.
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00:06:35,823 --> 00:06:37,033
Preposterous.
117
00:06:37,119 --> 00:06:38,908
That is decaf, right?
118
00:06:39,147 --> 00:06:41,831
Just... I don't want
the afternoon jitters.
119
00:06:57,298 --> 00:06:59,384
Mind watching my stuff
while I hit the bathroom?
120
00:07:11,327 --> 00:07:13,594
Yeah! Yeah!
121
00:07:26,455 --> 00:07:27,783
Thanks.
122
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,261
His music is fantastic.
123
00:07:32,347 --> 00:07:34,415
His brand is ripe
for developing.
124
00:07:34,501 --> 00:07:36,634
And his numbers speak
for themselves.
125
00:07:36,985 --> 00:07:39,150
When I saw Young Bludgeon
a few years ago,
126
00:07:39,236 --> 00:07:42,181
I felt he was talented,
but derivative of Lil Uzi Vert,
127
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:45,533
which is to say I am not
interested in this at all,
128
00:07:45,669 --> 00:07:47,336
and neither should you be.
129
00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:50,197
Thanks for that complete waste
of time, Shayna.
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00:07:50,546 --> 00:07:51,845
Gretchen.
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00:07:52,093 --> 00:07:54,212
Mm-hmm?
Mm-hmm.
132
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,311
Well, two words for you.
133
00:08:00,446 --> 00:08:03,033
Actually, one word, twice.
134
00:08:03,170 --> 00:08:05,104
Also, not spelled
the way you'd think.
135
00:08:05,392 --> 00:08:07,166
Anyway,
Nock...
136
00:08:07,759 --> 00:08:09,321
Nock.
137
00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:10,469
Who's there?
138
00:08:10,555 --> 00:08:13,273
Yes, exactly.
Nock Nock is there.
139
00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:15,840
Nock Nock is
a trailer park rapper
140
00:08:16,019 --> 00:08:18,971
who only raps about drugs
and his mom. And eating pussy.
141
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:21,305
- Very fresh talent.
- Pull him up on the screen.
142
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:23,555
Oh, we can do that later.
143
00:08:26,711 --> 00:08:27,883
Huh.
144
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:30,058
Anybody heard of him?
145
00:08:30,391 --> 00:08:31,406
Well,
146
00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:33,954
how 'bout we all get to know
Nock Nock today?
147
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,305
All of us?
Today?
148
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,985
Watch every video,
listen to every song.
149
00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:41,141
Comb through
his online presence to see
150
00:08:41,227 --> 00:08:43,868
if you brought us someone
who's worth our time.
151
00:08:43,996 --> 00:08:46,563
Rony really vouched for you
on this promotion,
152
00:08:46,649 --> 00:08:49,922
so I am looking forward
to seeing what the hype...
153
00:08:50,146 --> 00:08:51,646
is about.
154
00:08:52,976 --> 00:08:54,422
Meeting's done.
155
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:09,598
Did you hear that?
156
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,095
No. You know what else
I don't hear?
157
00:09:11,181 --> 00:09:13,117
The sound of me jizzing yet.
158
00:09:13,227 --> 00:09:14,454
- You guys banging?
- Aah!
159
00:09:14,540 --> 00:09:15,634
- Oh!
- Noice!
160
00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:17,329
Sweet balls, E.
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00:09:17,813 --> 00:09:19,346
Ew! You two.
162
00:09:19,432 --> 00:09:20,364
Get a room.
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00:09:20,450 --> 00:09:22,618
I am in my... sheet room.
164
00:09:22,704 --> 00:09:24,371
Linds, grateful
you're letting us crash,
165
00:09:24,457 --> 00:09:27,009
but we can only kill so much
time at the 99 Cents Store.
166
00:09:27,095 --> 00:09:29,384
It's fun, but then a huge bummer
all of a sudden.
167
00:09:29,470 --> 00:09:30,493
Really sneaks up on you.
168
00:09:30,579 --> 00:09:32,346
Yo, what are you guys getting up
to the rest of the day?
169
00:09:32,431 --> 00:09:34,681
Ew! Get off!
Go back to your couch.
170
00:09:34,767 --> 00:09:36,586
Oh, don't forget,
Paul will be over soon
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00:09:36,672 --> 00:09:38,789
to do the insemination
procedure.
172
00:09:38,874 --> 00:09:41,065
Paul's gonna come in a cup, and
we're gonna put that in her vag.
173
00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:43,397
Oh, Bec, Tiny People,Big House is on.
174
00:09:43,492 --> 00:09:44,634
- Okay, babe.
- This week on.
175
00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,359
- Tiny People, Big Houses,
- Ooh!
176
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:47,953
- Kathy and Mark.
- Ow.
177
00:09:48,039 --> 00:09:50,219
Have difficulties
with their reimagined...
178
00:09:50,922 --> 00:09:52,268
How are we living in a world
179
00:09:52,354 --> 00:09:54,165
where Becca
loves her husband now?
180
00:09:54,296 --> 00:09:57,831
And how is that world
living inside my apartment?
181
00:09:57,967 --> 00:09:59,834
I need to find someone.
182
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,141
Soon.
183
00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:02,618
You and I hang out all the time.
184
00:10:02,704 --> 00:10:04,633
We do sex all the time.
185
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:08,123
I want a "feeds me cheese balls"
186
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,391
type of love.
187
00:10:11,103 --> 00:10:12,287
Oh, no.
188
00:10:12,497 --> 00:10:14,391
You didn't catch feels, did you?
189
00:10:14,477 --> 00:10:16,728
We promised we'd kill the other
if that happened.
190
00:10:16,956 --> 00:10:18,470
Do I need to get
my stabbing knife out?
191
00:10:18,555 --> 00:10:20,122
No. No feels.
192
00:10:20,737 --> 00:10:21,912
But...
193
00:10:22,359 --> 00:10:23,896
I don't know,
what if we tried?
194
00:10:23,982 --> 00:10:25,666
Explain your words.
195
00:10:25,752 --> 00:10:27,459
What if, like,
we do what we're doing now
196
00:10:27,545 --> 00:10:30,797
but we moved it
to a restaurant and...
197
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,633
you know, gave
catching feelings a shot?
198
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,284
We do bone good.
199
00:10:35,370 --> 00:10:37,203
That's, like,
90% of a relationship.
200
00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:38,422
Let's do it!
201
00:10:38,508 --> 00:10:40,074
Let's go on a...
202
00:10:40,257 --> 00:10:41,609
da...
203
00:10:42,325 --> 00:10:44,547
DayQuil?:
No, that's not a word.
204
00:10:44,633 --> 00:10:47,184
Uh, what's the word
for a no-sex dinner?
205
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:48,828
- A date.
- Ew.
206
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,789
That's it. A date.
207
00:10:52,359 --> 00:10:54,422
Lindsay, you're gonna
want to stay out of your
208
00:10:54,508 --> 00:10:56,172
underwear drawer
for a bit. Tallulah's
209
00:10:56,258 --> 00:10:58,359
taking a nap in there,
and she may or may not have
210
00:10:58,445 --> 00:11:00,070
sharted all over your thongs.
211
00:11:00,422 --> 00:11:02,577
No, she totally did.
212
00:11:05,905 --> 00:11:08,912
♪ Ring around the clocky
Ring around the clocky ♪
213
00:11:08,998 --> 00:11:11,233
- ♪ Pocket full of Oxy ♪
- Oh, she's dead.
214
00:11:11,319 --> 00:11:14,233
♪ Pocket full of Oxy ♪
♪ Catch me at the football field ♪
215
00:11:14,899 --> 00:11:17,569
♪ I'm cooking mac and
cheese, yeah ♪
216
00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:19,889
♪ I'm cooking all that mac
and cheese... ♪
217
00:11:19,975 --> 00:11:21,489
This is the guy?
218
00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:24,000
Oh, yeah, right.
219
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,445
- ♪ Ring around the clocky ♪
- ♪ Ring around the clocky ♪
220
00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:28,563
♪ Pocket full of Oxy ♪
221
00:11:30,830 --> 00:11:31,861
Aah!
222
00:11:31,947 --> 00:11:33,627
Yvette would like to get
drinks with you tonight,
223
00:11:33,712 --> 00:11:36,908
off-campus. I'll be in touch
with your office.
224
00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:38,525
Like, a fun drinks,
225
00:11:38,611 --> 00:11:41,362
- or...?
- ♪ Pussy like it's Cocoa Puffs ♪
226
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,322
- ♪ Oxy ♪
- ♪ Oxy... ♪
227
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:08,236
One street hot dog,
please, vendor.
228
00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:22,611
Why are you littering?
229
00:12:24,275 --> 00:12:26,087
Because I'm a bad boy.
230
00:12:26,173 --> 00:12:27,589
Do we need to find a grown-up?
231
00:12:27,675 --> 00:12:29,025
What are you, five?
232
00:12:29,111 --> 00:12:31,045
Who calls adults "grown-ups"?
233
00:12:31,131 --> 00:12:33,486
Piss off,
you meddling street urchins.
234
00:12:33,593 --> 00:12:35,293
Excuse me, grown-up.
235
00:12:35,405 --> 00:12:37,272
We need help.
236
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,572
I know, tell me about it.
Oh, I did not even
237
00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:45,009
tell you about
our trip to Montana.
238
00:12:45,113 --> 00:12:46,744
Yeah, no, truly majestic.
239
00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:48,666
Big Sky Country.
Like, so humbling.
240
00:12:48,752 --> 00:12:51,637
I found myself. Best part was,
though, Lexi got sick
241
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:53,355
on the second night,
so I was just out there
242
00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:56,307
bagging townies
left and right.
243
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,197
Yeah, I know, it's like,
if you don't
244
00:13:08,283 --> 00:13:09,823
want to lose your pension,
then don't invest it
245
00:13:09,908 --> 00:13:11,423
in the first place,
Grandma.
246
00:13:11,509 --> 00:13:12,791
Yeah.
247
00:13:14,118 --> 00:13:16,228
Right? Yeah.
248
00:13:22,808 --> 00:13:24,958
Hold on, dude, I got
to hit this sick crosswalk.
249
00:13:25,379 --> 00:13:27,439
Um, so, anyway,
the reason I'm calling is,
250
00:13:27,525 --> 00:13:29,486
are you still dealing Molly?
251
00:13:29,755 --> 00:13:31,361
We love to entertain, so...
252
00:13:31,447 --> 00:13:32,797
How you doin' in there, buddy?
253
00:13:32,883 --> 00:13:33,900
Fine.
254
00:13:33,986 --> 00:13:36,303
Uh, give me a minute.
255
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,583
Kitchen that
overlooks the large living room.
256
00:13:38,668 --> 00:13:40,534
Yes, I do love to cook in it.
257
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:46,056
You'd think
my reproductive anatomy
258
00:13:46,142 --> 00:13:47,541
would more than cooperate,
259
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,385
considering I've refrained
from any emissions
260
00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:50,962
in two fortnights.
261
00:14:13,069 --> 00:14:14,135
Oh.
262
00:14:19,743 --> 00:14:21,369
Damn!
Great work, Paul.
263
00:14:21,455 --> 00:14:23,142
It's like a full side of ranch.
264
00:14:23,228 --> 00:14:26,048
It's wondrous to think
that of the 400 million-odd
265
00:14:26,134 --> 00:14:28,384
sperm you're holding,
one mighty swimmer
266
00:14:28,470 --> 00:14:30,387
might become my future child.
267
00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,705
How powerful is this moment?
268
00:14:32,791 --> 00:14:35,212
I'm up-squirting the specimen
269
00:14:35,298 --> 00:14:37,400
into the medical baster.
270
00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:41,501
Now I'm inserting
the medical baster
271
00:14:41,587 --> 00:14:43,509
into the vaginal canal.
272
00:14:43,712 --> 00:14:45,056
Oh. Ow!
273
00:14:45,142 --> 00:14:46,353
Relax, honey.
274
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:48,228
Almost done, Paul.
275
00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:52,080
All right.
276
00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:54,679
You can come out now.
277
00:14:58,548 --> 00:14:59,556
May I?
278
00:14:59,642 --> 00:15:00,861
Oh.
279
00:15:05,066 --> 00:15:07,183
Implant, dear offspring.
280
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:09,775
Father cannot wait to meet you.
281
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,681
I can't believe it's been
four months and no fetus.
282
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:22,585
My last sperm test revealed
I had historic motility.
283
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,533
It's my "offish" doctor's
opinion this is absolutely,
284
00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:27,525
- possibly the one.
- And if not,
285
00:15:27,777 --> 00:15:29,525
there's always next month.
286
00:15:29,687 --> 00:15:31,888
Do you need a pen
to write the check or...
287
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:34,658
Becca!
This is a sacred moment.
288
00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:37,152
You mind scribblin'
that five thou to "cash"?
289
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:40,650
Bec and I could really use
the walkin' around money.
290
00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:49,468
Question.
291
00:15:51,455 --> 00:15:54,389
How did you get hired
in the first place?
292
00:15:56,159 --> 00:15:58,291
Look, I know.
293
00:15:58,377 --> 00:16:00,306
I was just a coked-out assistant
294
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,643
who spent most of her time
hooking up with industry guys
295
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:04,879
and stealing iPod Shuffles
from swag bags.
296
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:08,432
But then Rick was decapitated
in that Jet Ski accident,
297
00:16:08,681 --> 00:16:12,500
and, suddenly, I got
a promotion I never asked for.
298
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,089
And now, here I am,
three years later,
299
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:18,043
getting married, pretending
to be a real publicist
300
00:16:18,129 --> 00:16:20,145
in my big office, which,
yeah, I stole.
301
00:16:20,481 --> 00:16:23,096
Which triggered another
promotion I didn't ask for.
302
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:26,517
And I am a total fraud, okay?
303
00:16:26,602 --> 00:16:29,420
All I do is lie
and manipulate my clients
304
00:16:29,505 --> 00:16:30,972
into doing
what I want them to do.
305
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,465
You just described
being a publicist.
306
00:16:33,941 --> 00:16:37,053
Yeah, anyways,
thanks for doing this off-campus
307
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:38,910
to let me save face.
308
00:16:39,482 --> 00:16:41,168
Say bye to Toilet for me.
309
00:16:41,353 --> 00:16:42,629
Sit.
310
00:16:44,301 --> 00:16:47,273
God, you remind me
so much of me.
311
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,191
It's true. I was just
312
00:16:49,277 --> 00:16:51,480
some rich girl
who liked to fuck musicians.
313
00:16:51,566 --> 00:16:53,116
- Really?
- Yes.
314
00:16:53,242 --> 00:16:55,166
I didn't take this job
seriously, either.
315
00:16:55,408 --> 00:16:58,143
Until one day I woke up
and decided I wanted
316
00:16:58,228 --> 00:16:59,644
to be good at something
other than
317
00:16:59,729 --> 00:17:01,680
avoiding being good
at anything.
318
00:17:01,765 --> 00:17:04,098
The only thing I'm good at
is faking it.
319
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:06,100
I get that you need to think
that's true,
320
00:17:06,235 --> 00:17:07,619
but I have news for you.
321
00:17:07,704 --> 00:17:09,087
When you weren't looking,
Gretchen,
322
00:17:09,172 --> 00:17:11,103
you actually became good.
323
00:17:11,532 --> 00:17:14,001
Can you imagine
how unstoppable you would be
324
00:17:14,112 --> 00:17:15,829
if you actually tried?
325
00:17:19,419 --> 00:17:21,052
Bad mom, huh?
326
00:17:42,747 --> 00:17:44,704
You're lucky.
327
00:17:46,228 --> 00:17:47,634
Hello, florist.
328
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:51,456
Please, enter so that
I may select centerpieces...
329
00:17:51,598 --> 00:17:54,765
A manly endeavor
if ever there was one.
330
00:17:58,805 --> 00:18:00,349
Hmm.
331
00:18:00,724 --> 00:18:04,292
Do you have anything
a bit more dangerous and badass?
332
00:18:04,378 --> 00:18:05,632
No. Pick one of these.
333
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,783
You only just plunked them
annoyedly on the table
334
00:18:08,898 --> 00:18:09,978
a second ago.
335
00:18:10,117 --> 00:18:12,438
Well, daisies
are for schoolchildren.
336
00:18:12,539 --> 00:18:15,735
Succulents are
for anorexic Instagram girls.
337
00:18:15,821 --> 00:18:18,149
Is that just a bowl of sticks?
338
00:18:18,594 --> 00:18:20,860
Hmm. These are really quite
different, aren't they?
339
00:18:20,946 --> 00:18:23,496
One is white hydrangeas
and white calla lilies.
340
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:25,280
The other
is all white hydrangeas.
341
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:27,982
Well, the subtle difference
speaks volumes.
342
00:18:28,067 --> 00:18:29,451
Can you hurry?
I have somewhere to be.
343
00:18:29,536 --> 00:18:31,186
Okay, yep. Um...
344
00:18:31,271 --> 00:18:34,756
- well, hydrangeas and calla lilies it is.
- Great.
345
00:18:34,841 --> 00:18:36,357
That's the deposit amount,
346
00:18:36,442 --> 00:18:38,559
and I need a sig there
and the check.
347
00:18:38,694 --> 00:18:40,478
Then I can get the hell
out of here.
348
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:42,247
You really shouldn't talk
to your customers this way.
349
00:18:42,332 --> 00:18:44,082
You seriously want to argue
about my attitude,
350
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:45,083
or do you want to tell
your fiancée
351
00:18:45,168 --> 00:18:46,351
that you got this done for her?
352
00:18:46,436 --> 00:18:48,119
Ha! Joke's on you.
My fiancée
353
00:18:48,204 --> 00:18:49,637
doesn't give a shit about this.
354
00:18:50,014 --> 00:18:51,164
Sorry.
355
00:18:51,302 --> 00:18:52,624
Most wedding people
356
00:18:52,709 --> 00:18:54,125
are total assholes.
357
00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:55,435
I get pre-defensive.
358
00:18:55,521 --> 00:18:57,772
Pre-defensive
is my natural state.
359
00:18:57,858 --> 00:18:59,308
What are you
so late for, anyway?
360
00:18:59,394 --> 00:19:01,111
Going to a show.
361
00:19:01,252 --> 00:19:02,592
What kind of show?
362
00:19:03,169 --> 00:19:06,654
♪ I'm gonna hunt you down ♪
363
00:19:06,739 --> 00:19:09,888
♪ And always get my way ♪
364
00:19:10,343 --> 00:19:14,479
♪ I'm gonna hunt you down ♪
365
00:19:14,564 --> 00:19:18,722
♪ I'm gonna make you pay ♪
366
00:19:18,808 --> 00:19:20,425
♪ So go ahead ♪
367
00:19:20,811 --> 00:19:23,449
♪ Go ahead and lock me up ♪
368
00:19:23,574 --> 00:19:27,075
♪ Lock me up ♪
369
00:19:29,308 --> 00:19:31,942
♪ I want to take your keys ♪
370
00:19:32,531 --> 00:19:36,384
♪ And now I'm gonna
drive your car ♪
371
00:19:36,469 --> 00:19:40,200
♪ I'm gonna take this
way too far. ♪
372
00:20:01,101 --> 00:20:02,152
- So...
- Huh?
373
00:20:02,238 --> 00:20:03,238
- Huh?
- What was that?
374
00:20:03,324 --> 00:20:04,581
- What was what?
- You said something.
375
00:20:04,666 --> 00:20:06,003
Oh, I-I-I didn't say anything.
You did.
376
00:20:06,088 --> 00:20:09,424
Oh. Okay. Never mind.
377
00:20:10,299 --> 00:20:12,595
This food is taking forever.
378
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:14,322
Isn't it taking forever?
379
00:20:14,407 --> 00:20:15,970
Uh, we haven't ordered yet.
380
00:20:16,154 --> 00:20:18,197
Are you fucking kidding me?
381
00:20:19,462 --> 00:20:20,577
I mean...
382
00:20:21,056 --> 00:20:22,799
funny, I thought we had.
383
00:20:25,986 --> 00:20:27,552
How's the gym?
384
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,783
I haven't worked there
for over a year.
385
00:20:29,869 --> 00:20:31,461
Really?
386
00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:34,734
Oh. Huh.
387
00:20:35,094 --> 00:20:36,344
I'm just...
388
00:20:36,507 --> 00:20:40,820
- I'm gonna hit the men's room.
- Okay, cool. Cool.
389
00:21:12,901 --> 00:21:15,315
We're so good
with our clothes off.
390
00:21:15,401 --> 00:21:17,468
- What happened?
- I don't know.
391
00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:23,180
Hey.
392
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,297
You deserve
to find love, Lindsay.
393
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:28,758
If I don't find someone soon,
I'm gonna end up alone.
394
00:21:28,844 --> 00:21:31,703
Like, "Mr. Rogers
begging children"
395
00:21:31,789 --> 00:21:33,563
"to be his neighbor" alone.
396
00:21:33,656 --> 00:21:35,281
I guess having Jimmy
and Gretchen
397
00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:37,575
about to tie the knot
is freaking me out.
398
00:21:37,669 --> 00:21:39,573
You know, maybe us hooking up
399
00:21:40,044 --> 00:21:42,293
has held you back
from finding it.
400
00:21:44,100 --> 00:21:47,151
As much as I'd hate
to give up quality D,
401
00:21:47,353 --> 00:21:50,221
I need to create space
for love in my heart.
402
00:21:50,869 --> 00:21:52,268
And my puss.
403
00:21:52,374 --> 00:21:54,127
And I want that for you.
404
00:22:08,454 --> 00:22:10,320
Great sex, bud.
405
00:22:10,897 --> 00:22:12,479
Real horny.
406
00:22:25,906 --> 00:22:27,840
Crap, that was mine.
407
00:22:33,085 --> 00:22:35,736
So, let's talk Nock Nock.
408
00:22:35,907 --> 00:22:38,822
We're flying him in
for a signing meeting next week.
409
00:22:38,908 --> 00:22:41,492
- Wait, but everyone hated him.
- But you liked him.
410
00:22:41,578 --> 00:22:44,262
I couldn't stop watching him.
That doesn't mean I liked him.
411
00:22:44,376 --> 00:22:46,634
In a moment of panic, you
pulled him out of your brain.
412
00:22:46,736 --> 00:22:49,548
I'll go with instinct every time
in this business.
413
00:22:49,724 --> 00:22:51,941
I am definitely
gonna screw this up.
414
00:22:52,027 --> 00:22:54,211
Well, don't tell me that.
Jesus.
415
00:22:54,326 --> 00:22:55,642
We had our little
heart-to-heart.
416
00:22:55,774 --> 00:22:57,691
We experienced
some growth, right?
417
00:22:57,777 --> 00:22:59,118
I'm invested in you now.
418
00:22:59,204 --> 00:23:01,321
Nock Nock is all you, baby girl.
419
00:23:02,025 --> 00:23:03,876
Don't fuck this up.
420
00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,616
I won't.
421
00:23:20,869 --> 00:23:23,074
That was crazy.
How the hell
422
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:24,931
did you survive that body slam?
423
00:23:25,017 --> 00:23:27,234
I feel... incredible!
424
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:29,251
The rage.
The electricity.
425
00:23:29,337 --> 00:23:32,889
The devotion
of your entire physical being
426
00:23:33,172 --> 00:23:35,272
to the communal goal
of feeding
427
00:23:35,399 --> 00:23:39,202
an endless vortex
of violence is...
428
00:23:39,295 --> 00:23:42,096
the most asinine thing
429
00:23:42,231 --> 00:23:44,505
that I have ever done
in my life.
430
00:23:44,606 --> 00:23:46,958
To think that I wasted
even a millisecond
431
00:23:47,044 --> 00:23:49,817
worrying about
whether I'm a quote-unquote
432
00:23:49,903 --> 00:23:52,557
"bad boy" when being bad
433
00:23:52,642 --> 00:23:54,098
is so cheap.
434
00:23:54,184 --> 00:23:57,110
It's an empty goal
for the stupid
435
00:23:57,196 --> 00:23:59,947
that achieves
nothing substantive.
436
00:24:00,145 --> 00:24:02,989
Whereas my predictability
437
00:24:03,075 --> 00:24:05,598
has afforded me
a life that I love,
438
00:24:05,730 --> 00:24:09,059
an incredible fiancée
who's the reason
439
00:24:09,145 --> 00:24:11,495
that I'm having this epiphany
in the first place.
440
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:15,480
I mean, maybe the true mark
of a bad boy
441
00:24:15,565 --> 00:24:18,516
is knowing that
you can be bad
442
00:24:18,601 --> 00:24:20,301
but having the strength
443
00:24:20,436 --> 00:24:23,370
to not have to prove it
all the time...
444
00:24:33,484 --> 00:24:35,132
♪ I do what I want ♪
445
00:24:35,267 --> 00:24:36,818
♪ I say what I want ♪
446
00:24:36,903 --> 00:24:39,654
♪ I wear what I want ♪
447
00:24:39,739 --> 00:24:41,322
♪ I'm walking away ♪
448
00:24:41,415 --> 00:24:43,015
♪ You know I don't mind ♪
449
00:24:43,142 --> 00:24:44,692
♪ I chill by myself ♪
450
00:24:44,777 --> 00:24:48,079
♪ You know I'm flyin' high ♪
451
00:24:48,164 --> 00:24:51,082
♪ I'm way up in the sky ♪
452
00:24:51,167 --> 00:24:55,153
♪ Don't even have to try ♪
453
00:24:55,238 --> 00:24:58,891
♪ 'Cause I can see everything. ♪
454
00:25:02,050 --> 00:25:04,699
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION.
455
00:25:05,097 --> 00:25:06,721
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org.
456
00:25:06,806 --> 00:25:07,917
Sync corrections by srjanapala
33431
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