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1
00:00:01,182 --> 00:00:02,422
Tessa: With the right attitude,
2
00:00:02,452 --> 00:00:04,671
a bad breakup can turninto a fresh start.
3
00:00:04,711 --> 00:00:08,068
Post-Ryan, I was doing greatand looking better,
4
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,821
if I do say so myself.
5
00:00:09,874 --> 00:00:11,856
After all, being singleis what you make it.
6
00:00:11,875 --> 00:00:14,812
And I was making it my bitch.
7
00:00:16,292 --> 00:00:19,890
Unfortunately,George was another matter.
8
00:00:19,908 --> 00:00:22,116
What are you eating?
9
00:00:22,135 --> 00:00:24,846
A hamburger.
10
00:00:24,883 --> 00:00:26,674
Functioning people don't eat hamburgers
11
00:00:26,710 --> 00:00:28,812
before 9:00 A.M.
12
00:00:28,848 --> 00:00:31,716
They also don't go outside
in their pajamas.
13
00:00:31,770 --> 00:00:33,108
So?
14
00:00:33,126 --> 00:00:35,189
It's not like
I'm trying to impress anyone.
15
00:00:35,229 --> 00:00:37,369
Yeah. No risk of that.
16
00:00:37,409 --> 00:00:38,867
Hey.
17
00:00:38,903 --> 00:00:40,363
If I want to walk the drive-through
18
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:43,111
for a breakfast burger, so be it.
19
00:00:43,147 --> 00:00:45,756
Burger, please.
20
00:00:45,825 --> 00:00:47,180
Woman: I'm sorry, sir, but
we're still serving breakfast.
21
00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,077
You can order anything
22
00:00:49,113 --> 00:00:52,052
on the left side of the menu board.
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00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,554
Anything at all.
24
00:00:54,591 --> 00:00:57,755
[ Horn honks ]
25
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,946
Burger, please.
26
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,702
Let that be a lesson to you, Tessa.
27
00:01:01,739 --> 00:01:04,382
You hold up the drive-through
line long enough,
28
00:01:04,417 --> 00:01:06,293
you can change the world.
29
00:01:06,311 --> 00:01:08,364
How long till you change your clothes?
30
00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:10,555
I'm a bachelor, baby. I'm free.
31
00:01:10,607 --> 00:01:12,938
This is what freedom
looks like... right here.
32
00:01:12,974 --> 00:01:15,738
Oh, so freedom has pit stains?
33
00:01:16,990 --> 00:01:19,894
Nobody said freedom was pretty.
Have you seen Syria lately?
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00:01:19,929 --> 00:01:21,320
[ Chuckles ]
35
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George doesn't want to admit it,
36
00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:24,913
but his behavior is a direct result
37
00:01:24,929 --> 00:01:26,285
of his breakup with Dallas.
38
00:01:26,322 --> 00:01:28,337
When a long-term relationship ends,
39
00:01:28,373 --> 00:01:29,653
people tend to freak out.
40
00:01:29,693 --> 00:01:31,222
After Malik and I split,
41
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:34,840
I spent a lot of time in car washes.
42
00:01:34,875 --> 00:01:37,385
More time
than I'm comfortable admitting.
43
00:01:37,425 --> 00:01:40,834
Nobody knows better than me
about epic breakups.
44
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:41,998
I get it.
45
00:01:42,053 --> 00:01:44,573
I just wish George would follow my lead.
46
00:01:44,625 --> 00:01:48,990
After all, I am doing great
and looking better.
47
00:01:49,022 --> 00:01:51,717
If I do say so myself.
48
00:01:51,770 --> 00:01:53,131
I guess it's easier for me, though,
49
00:01:53,161 --> 00:01:55,161
because I'm completely over Ryan.
50
00:01:55,213 --> 00:01:56,552
Completely?
51
00:01:56,606 --> 00:01:58,116
Totally.
52
00:01:58,170 --> 00:01:59,334
Good.
53
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,281
Sheila: Because Ryan is coming home,
54
00:02:01,318 --> 00:02:03,613
I'll need you to sweep the attic
from top to bottom, Lisa.
55
00:02:03,647 --> 00:02:05,416
Use my good broom.
56
00:02:05,464 --> 00:02:08,489
I doubt Ryan will be
going up to the attic.
57
00:02:08,524 --> 00:02:10,296
Oh, but he could. He could.
58
00:02:10,332 --> 00:02:11,479
So it needs to be R.R.
59
00:02:13,010 --> 00:02:14,158
Ryan ready.
60
00:02:15,031 --> 00:02:16,671
Your father is out
buying driveway sealant
61
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:18,370
so Ryan makes a smooth entry.
62
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,526
That is done.
63
00:02:20,562 --> 00:02:22,526
Oh, and I have made a chart
64
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:25,691
with everyone's sleeping arrangements.
65
00:02:25,727 --> 00:02:28,874
Victor, Ryan will be sleeping with you,
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00:02:28,910 --> 00:02:30,422
like a couple of real brothers.
67
00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:32,265
I actually have a real brother.
68
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:34,388
He was left behind in Cambodia.
69
00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:36,422
Oh. Fred will be bunking down
70
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,230
in the rumpus room on the pull-out.
71
00:02:38,265 --> 00:02:40,769
W... why can't he just sleep in his bed?
72
00:02:40,806 --> 00:02:43,796
Because, ding-dong,
Ryan's new girlfriend is coming,
73
00:02:43,814 --> 00:02:45,464
and she'll be sleeping in with me
74
00:02:45,483 --> 00:02:47,136
so I can keep an eye on her.
75
00:02:47,170 --> 00:02:48,770
Ryan has a girlfriend?
76
00:02:48,804 --> 00:02:50,057
And Heaven has angels.
77
00:02:50,093 --> 00:02:51,673
[ Sighs ]
78
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:53,344
His gal pal will be locked
in my sleep chamber
79
00:02:53,380 --> 00:02:56,214
with the only key tucked safe and sound
80
00:02:56,249 --> 00:02:59,099
in my prison purse.
81
00:02:59,135 --> 00:03:00,456
Your father bought it for me
82
00:03:00,493 --> 00:03:02,474
on our honeymoon trip to Alcatraz.
83
00:03:02,511 --> 00:03:04,562
I usually keep my tampons in it.
84
00:03:04,665 --> 00:03:08,665
Sync and corrections by atrn97g
for www.addic7ed.com
85
00:03:08,694 --> 00:03:11,365
Alih Jey:
Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare
86
00:03:11,390 --> 00:03:16,390
Suburgatory 3x03 - Open Door Policy
Original air date January 29, 2014
87
00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:18,302
Da, da, da, da
88
00:03:18,338 --> 00:03:19,521
Dalia: Okay.
89
00:03:19,556 --> 00:03:21,730
[ Doorbell rings ]
90
00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:25,279
Tessa: Hey. That's the dog groomer.
91
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,941
[ TV chatter ]
92
00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:29,888
Allow me.
93
00:03:29,922 --> 00:03:32,323
I see you have your hands full
with sitting.
94
00:03:32,357 --> 00:03:35,105
I'm... I'm watching
the Chilean mine disaster.
95
00:03:35,139 --> 00:03:36,197
Another one?
96
00:03:36,229 --> 00:03:38,125
Those guys need to stay above ground.
97
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:39,322
No, no. Same one.
98
00:03:39,346 --> 00:03:41,033
I didn't have time to follow it
when it first happened,
99
00:03:41,086 --> 00:03:43,294
but now I am not leaving this couch
100
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,094
until the last man is out.
101
00:03:46,130 --> 00:03:48,041
They do get out, right?
102
00:03:48,886 --> 00:03:51,182
Oh. He's a puller.
103
00:03:51,217 --> 00:03:53,478
- I know. Sorry.
- Hell, no!
104
00:03:53,496 --> 00:03:55,739
[ Chuckles ]
He looks like Howdy Doody.
105
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:58,276
I recommend walking him
more regularly on pavement.
106
00:03:58,316 --> 00:03:59,515
It's gonna keep his nails under control
107
00:03:59,534 --> 00:04:00,923
in between groomings.
108
00:04:00,958 --> 00:04:02,663
Uh-huh.
109
00:04:03,571 --> 00:04:06,140
Monique had a difficult time
clipping his nails.
110
00:04:06,176 --> 00:04:08,610
She described them as long and thick.
111
00:04:08,662 --> 00:04:11,485
I brought you some shards
so you could see.
112
00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:13,246
[ Rattling ]
113
00:04:13,264 --> 00:04:15,776
That's very thoughtful
of you. Thank you.
114
00:04:15,807 --> 00:04:18,171
To be honest, his condition alarms me.
115
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:21,737
There's considerable matting.
His ears are waxy.
116
00:04:21,773 --> 00:04:23,563
I wouldn't be surprised
if there was a flea infestation.
117
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,128
I... I... I don't... I don't understand.
118
00:04:25,163 --> 00:04:27,650
I thought he got the works.
He... he looks great.
119
00:04:27,687 --> 00:04:28,727
I'm talking about your dad.
120
00:04:28,729 --> 00:04:30,782
Oh. Yep.
121
00:04:30,816 --> 00:04:32,376
Do you mind my asking?
122
00:04:32,408 --> 00:04:33,415
What's his feeding schedule like?
123
00:04:33,486 --> 00:04:35,937
Oh, we just have an open-bowl policy.
124
00:04:35,972 --> 00:04:37,502
I'm not sure that's best.
125
00:04:37,538 --> 00:04:39,764
In my opinion, he's overindulging
126
00:04:39,799 --> 00:04:41,519
and not getting enough exercise.
127
00:04:41,555 --> 00:04:43,415
Okay, I'll try to walk him more.
128
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:45,367
But like you said,
he is terrible on the leash.
129
00:04:45,406 --> 00:04:47,708
- Still talking about your dad.
- Mm.
130
00:04:47,744 --> 00:04:48,751
I feel for you, Tessa.
131
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:50,667
It's an upside-down world
132
00:04:50,702 --> 00:04:52,631
when a kid has to parent a parent.
133
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,883
Tell you what.
134
00:04:53,936 --> 00:04:56,016
I'm gonna enroll Beiderman
in our daily walk service,
135
00:04:56,023 --> 00:04:57,745
since you're gonna be at school
136
00:04:57,780 --> 00:04:59,186
and your father will
137
00:04:59,222 --> 00:05:01,274
apparently be spread eagle on the couch.
138
00:05:01,309 --> 00:05:03,917
That would be really great. Thank you.
139
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,308
One last thing.
I'm concerned about worms.
140
00:05:07,347 --> 00:05:09,683
Now, the only way to rule
that out is to check his stool.
141
00:05:09,722 --> 00:05:12,312
I don't want to check my dad's stool.
142
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:14,504
This time I was talking about the dog.
143
00:05:14,540 --> 00:05:16,853
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Okay.
144
00:05:16,886 --> 00:05:19,790
[ Chuckles ]
Thank you. Bye.
145
00:05:19,809 --> 00:05:21,529
[ Door opens, closes ]
146
00:05:21,547 --> 00:05:22,712
What's that smell?
147
00:05:22,748 --> 00:05:24,295
I don't smell anything.
148
00:05:24,331 --> 00:05:26,626
[ Sniffs ]
How can you not? It's oppressive.
149
00:05:26,679 --> 00:05:28,660
Well, it's definitely not
my stadium buddy.
150
00:05:28,678 --> 00:05:30,136
Your what now?
151
00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:31,367
My stadium buddy.
152
00:05:31,402 --> 00:05:32,949
I'm just saying the smell
can't be from that
153
00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:34,862
because of its odorless
money-back guarantee.
154
00:05:34,898 --> 00:05:36,079
[ Sloshing ]
155
00:05:36,114 --> 00:05:38,234
Don't want to miss the rescue.
156
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:42,948
Are you urinating in a bag
strapped to your leg?
157
00:05:43,037 --> 00:05:45,418
Not at the moment.
158
00:05:46,281 --> 00:05:47,360
Okay.
159
00:05:47,412 --> 00:05:50,628
Well, I guess we know
what that smell is.
160
00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:52,715
Rock bottom!
161
00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:53,777
Hey. Hey!
162
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,985
I told you, I am not
getting off this couch
163
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,246
until ever man is out... every man!
164
00:05:59,146 --> 00:06:00,989
What? Don't judge me.
165
00:06:01,024 --> 00:06:04,015
I... I've seen how you greet your friends.
166
00:06:04,051 --> 00:06:06,606
George hitting rock bottomleft me with no choice
167
00:06:06,641 --> 00:06:08,189
but to call in reinforcements...
168
00:06:08,224 --> 00:06:11,735
someone who is a masterof the mature dating scene.
169
00:06:11,773 --> 00:06:14,345
[ Telephone rings ]
Oh, yeah. [ Laughs ]
170
00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:15,632
Altman.
171
00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:17,944
Hello... Grandpa?
172
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
173
00:06:24,403 --> 00:06:27,184
Tessa: And I'm just worried
about him, you know?
174
00:06:27,231 --> 00:06:29,711
I mean, what about when I go to college?
175
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,417
You know, he's gonna be all alone.
176
00:06:31,452 --> 00:06:32,738
[ Door opens ]
177
00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:35,208
Dad. Hey.
178
00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:37,050
I didn't... I didn't know
you were coming up this way.
179
00:06:37,088 --> 00:06:38,024
I wasn't.
180
00:06:38,061 --> 00:06:39,015
[ Door closes ]
181
00:06:39,051 --> 00:06:40,251
Are you sick?
182
00:06:40,304 --> 00:06:43,467
Sick of wearing pants.
183
00:06:43,504 --> 00:06:44,964
You were out and about like that?
184
00:06:44,999 --> 00:06:48,599
I may have caught a movie.
185
00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:49,816
Sno-caps?
186
00:06:49,852 --> 00:06:52,408
I think we both know the answer to that.
187
00:06:55,846 --> 00:06:58,529
So, h... how long you visiting for?
188
00:06:58,566 --> 00:07:01,989
[ Inhales deeply ]
T.B.D.
189
00:07:04,809 --> 00:07:06,912
What was that?
190
00:07:06,947 --> 00:07:08,024
I saw that. That was... that was a look.
191
00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:08,999
No look.
192
00:07:09,017 --> 00:07:10,820
- No look?
- No look.
193
00:07:11,695 --> 00:07:14,216
Did you... are you...
194
00:07:14,251 --> 00:07:16,764
did you tell my dad on me?
195
00:07:16,795 --> 00:07:18,529
Yes, George, I did!
196
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:20,732
I did, and I would do it again.
197
00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:21,769
Oh, brother.
198
00:07:21,787 --> 00:07:23,960
Dad, I'm sorry Tessa dragged you
199
00:07:23,997 --> 00:07:25,978
all the way over here for nothing.
200
00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:28,900
She's crazy, okay? I'm great.
Everything's great.
201
00:07:28,919 --> 00:07:30,778
No. You're not great.
202
00:07:30,815 --> 00:07:33,979
And everything is not great.
203
00:07:35,911 --> 00:07:37,734
Hey. There's a child in the house.
204
00:07:37,754 --> 00:07:39,718
Have you thought about what kind
of impression you're making?
205
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:40,900
Other than the one on the sofa.
206
00:07:40,936 --> 00:07:42,622
You hush your lips.
207
00:07:42,657 --> 00:07:44,379
George, I'm worried about you.
I hate to see you like this.
208
00:07:44,415 --> 00:07:46,883
Now, you're never gonna
attract a dynamite gal
209
00:07:46,919 --> 00:07:48,640
wandering around in your bed clothes.
210
00:07:48,676 --> 00:07:49,927
I... I'm not interested
211
00:07:49,962 --> 00:07:52,135
in attracting a dynamite gal, okay?
212
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:53,631
I'm taking a break. What?
213
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:54,674
From showering.
214
00:07:54,692 --> 00:07:56,570
- Shut up, traitor.
- Look, George,
215
00:07:56,623 --> 00:07:58,988
Tessa explained what happened.
216
00:07:59,023 --> 00:08:00,448
And I'm here to tell you
217
00:08:00,484 --> 00:08:02,796
that nothing gets you over
an old flame quicker
218
00:08:02,832 --> 00:08:04,450
than igniting a new one.
219
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,240
Mm-hmm.
220
00:08:06,293 --> 00:08:07,891
Now, I want you to go
get yourself all cleaned up.
221
00:08:07,909 --> 00:08:10,570
There's a swingles event in town
that I've RSVP'd for.
222
00:08:10,589 --> 00:08:12,100
Okay, sorry, dad.
223
00:08:12,136 --> 00:08:14,987
Look, a man's RSVP is his word.
224
00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,683
I... I didn't RSVP.
225
00:08:17,718 --> 00:08:18,831
And Jane Seymour said
226
00:08:18,868 --> 00:08:20,327
she didn't have time for a daiquiri,
227
00:08:20,362 --> 00:08:22,153
but we both know how that turned out.
228
00:08:22,188 --> 00:08:23,579
Bam.
229
00:08:23,614 --> 00:08:26,066
She had one daiquiri with you
at the airport
230
00:08:26,102 --> 00:08:27,857
and then flew home to her husband.
231
00:08:27,893 --> 00:08:29,508
Bam.
232
00:08:33,927 --> 00:08:35,056
[ Knock on door ]
233
00:08:35,075 --> 00:08:36,622
Sheila: - Whoo-hoo!
Victor: - Yay!
234
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,117
Hold your mirth.
235
00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:40,640
- It's just Tessa.
- Sorry. Just me.
236
00:08:40,676 --> 00:08:41,648
Victor, dust-bust the entry
237
00:08:41,701 --> 00:08:42,831
while I dice some fresh confetti.
238
00:08:42,918 --> 00:08:45,109
Nobody wants Tessa's sloppy seconds.
239
00:08:45,144 --> 00:08:48,223
Tessa, what are you doing here?
240
00:08:48,257 --> 00:08:49,595
Hi, I just came over
to see if you wanted to
241
00:08:49,614 --> 00:08:51,162
- walk into town and get some yogurt.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
242
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:53,526
- No, thank you.
- What is going on in here?
243
00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:54,681
Nothing.
244
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:56,055
[ Vacuum running ]
245
00:08:56,083 --> 00:08:59,173
Is, um, Ryan coming home?
246
00:08:59,223 --> 00:09:00,493
No.
247
00:09:01,161 --> 00:09:04,605
So, that "Welcome home Ryan"
banner is just...
248
00:09:05,328 --> 00:09:07,257
Preparation for the future,
249
00:09:07,293 --> 00:09:09,918
if and when the day should come.
250
00:09:12,475 --> 00:09:15,466
Okay. Yeah. Ryan's coming home.
251
00:09:15,519 --> 00:09:17,570
He's coming home to meet Victor Ha.
252
00:09:17,588 --> 00:09:18,666
[ Vacuum stops ]
What?
253
00:09:18,702 --> 00:09:20,300
Victor, I beg you.
254
00:09:20,337 --> 00:09:21,988
[ Vacuum starts ]
255
00:09:22,024 --> 00:09:23,692
I had hoped to shield you from this.
256
00:09:23,711 --> 00:09:25,675
Lisa, I told you
I'm fine with seeing Ryan.
257
00:09:25,710 --> 00:09:27,511
Fine with seeing Ryan
with his new girlfriend?
258
00:09:30,146 --> 00:09:32,631
Also, Ryan has a new girlfriend.
259
00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:35,848
Ryan has a girlfriend?
260
00:09:37,259 --> 00:09:40,910
Ryan has a girlfriend.
Of course he does.
261
00:09:40,944 --> 00:09:43,483
And you know what?
I think that is great.
262
00:09:43,519 --> 00:09:45,293
Really? I mean, you don't
feel threatened or...
263
00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:46,283
Not at all.
264
00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:48,004
I'm... I'm tickled
265
00:09:48,042 --> 00:09:51,361
that Ryan has followed
my example and moved on.
266
00:09:51,398 --> 00:09:53,327
But you're not seeing anyone.
267
00:09:53,363 --> 00:09:55,048
- But I have moved on.
- Sure.
268
00:09:55,085 --> 00:09:57,396
The long-distance thing never works,
269
00:09:57,432 --> 00:10:00,510
and I was mature enough to realize that.
270
00:10:00,563 --> 00:10:03,309
Besides, it's not like we don't know
271
00:10:03,327 --> 00:10:05,780
exactly who this chick is, right?
272
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:07,396
- Oh.
- Deep tan...
273
00:10:07,433 --> 00:10:09,343
bleach-blonde hair...
274
00:10:09,379 --> 00:10:12,197
big boobs, small I.Q.
275
00:10:12,231 --> 00:10:15,223
It'll be good to see Ryan.
276
00:10:15,277 --> 00:10:17,900
While I was bracing foran encounter with my old flame,
277
00:10:17,935 --> 00:10:20,387
George had been dragged outin search of a new one.
278
00:10:20,406 --> 00:10:22,996
- Uh, George.
- Yeah?
279
00:10:23,031 --> 00:10:24,112
Have you introduced yourself
280
00:10:24,128 --> 00:10:25,709
to the beautiful girl
seated next to you?
281
00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:27,553
Hi.
282
00:10:27,571 --> 00:10:29,360
Want shrimp?
283
00:10:29,381 --> 00:10:30,371
No, thanks.
284
00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:33,015
They're free.
285
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:34,318
Still no.
[ Chuckles ]
286
00:10:34,353 --> 00:10:36,179
Uh, George, uh,
perhaps you'd like to, uh,
287
00:10:36,197 --> 00:10:38,492
set aside the shrimp for a moment
288
00:10:38,527 --> 00:10:41,171
and take this pretty gal
for a spin on the dance floor.
289
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,361
I have a feeling this young lady
loves to dance.
290
00:10:43,415 --> 00:10:44,666
I do. I love to dance.
291
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:45,796
Yeah, I don't. I... I don't.
292
00:10:45,832 --> 00:10:48,491
I always feel like a...
like a T-Rex, you know?
293
00:10:48,528 --> 00:10:50,822
Like my arms are too short for my body.
[ Chuckles ]
294
00:10:51,124 --> 00:10:54,026
What if we went back to my place
for a little...
295
00:10:55,152 --> 00:10:56,353
[ Laughs ]
296
00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:57,832
Come on. We're leaving.
297
00:10:57,867 --> 00:10:59,535
Thank God.
298
00:10:59,571 --> 00:11:02,857
I'm literally so full of shrimp
I think I'm gonna throw up.
299
00:11:02,892 --> 00:11:04,910
[ Stomach drops ]
300
00:11:09,363 --> 00:11:11,136
Can I get you something to drink?
301
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,457
Uh, yeah.
302
00:11:12,494 --> 00:11:14,979
I... I will take a ginger ale.
303
00:11:15,015 --> 00:11:17,650
And directions to the toilet...
304
00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:21,378
gorgeous.
305
00:11:24,754 --> 00:11:26,875
I can... I can hold it.
306
00:11:27,814 --> 00:11:30,317
Ryan Shay's back!
307
00:11:30,371 --> 00:11:32,997
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Aah!
308
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:35,571
Oh, I botched it! Oh! I botched it.
309
00:11:35,623 --> 00:11:37,310
- It's okay.
- I botched the arrival.
310
00:11:37,346 --> 00:11:39,622
- It's okay, ma. It's good to see you.
- Oh.
311
00:11:39,641 --> 00:11:42,300
Oh, you always know just what to say.
312
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:45,082
Oh. Oh, gosh.
313
00:11:45,101 --> 00:11:46,318
Tessa.
314
00:11:46,352 --> 00:11:48,212
Hi.
315
00:11:48,231 --> 00:11:49,745
Hi.
316
00:11:51,314 --> 00:11:53,122
It was a fine day in fifth grade
317
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,927
Um... this is my girlfriend, June.
318
00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:59,913
I'd been expecting a Ryan type,
but she was more like...
319
00:11:59,933 --> 00:12:01,547
a Tessa type.
320
00:12:02,223 --> 00:12:05,443
He said, "take my high-school ring"
Cool boots.
321
00:12:06,407 --> 00:12:10,070
So time to time,
now you can think of me
322
00:12:18,995 --> 00:12:21,479
Scoot over here for a minute,
will you, love bug?
323
00:12:21,498 --> 00:12:22,976
George, remember how
you used to hate mushrooms,
324
00:12:23,011 --> 00:12:25,254
swore up and down
you were allergic, even?
325
00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:28,145
And then one day,
I forced you to try 'em,
326
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,772
and now, when you order pizza...
327
00:12:30,824 --> 00:12:32,958
I order extra mushrooms.
328
00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:35,341
So listen to someone older and wiser.
329
00:12:35,377 --> 00:12:37,114
Try some mushrooms.
330
00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:40,436
Really, dad?
She is not mushrooms. Sorry.
331
00:12:40,472 --> 00:12:42,489
And romancing women is not the answer
332
00:12:42,523 --> 00:12:44,627
to all of life's problems.
333
00:12:44,699 --> 00:12:46,923
Well, we got to use
what mother nature gave us
334
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,272
before father time takes it away.
335
00:12:49,307 --> 00:12:50,592
Well, I guess we see things differently.
336
00:12:50,628 --> 00:12:52,435
- Really?
- Yeah.
337
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,150
Exactly how do you see things, George?
338
00:12:55,185 --> 00:12:58,871
What is your master plan, hmm?
339
00:12:58,906 --> 00:13:00,158
You know what?
340
00:13:00,177 --> 00:13:03,254
It's normal to feel bad
when bad things happen.
341
00:13:03,272 --> 00:13:05,375
- You know what's not normal?
- Now, don't you dare.
342
00:13:05,411 --> 00:13:06,593
Moving on so fast
343
00:13:06,629 --> 00:13:08,941
it's like your whole marriage
never existed.
344
00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:09,967
Is that what you think I did?
345
00:13:10,003 --> 00:13:11,150
No, that's what I watched you do.
346
00:13:11,186 --> 00:13:12,141
Mom wasn't gone a month
347
00:13:12,194 --> 00:13:13,657
and you were already back out there
348
00:13:13,689 --> 00:13:16,018
- in the... in the dating pool.
- Hey, don't you splash me.
349
00:13:16,053 --> 00:13:17,410
Oh, I'll splash you all I want.
350
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,079
And let me tell you something, mister.
351
00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:20,731
When your mother was on this earth,
352
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,771
I loved her every day of my life,
353
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,069
with every inch of my soul.
354
00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:26,508
We were supposed to grow old together.
355
00:13:26,891 --> 00:13:29,011
But it didn't work out that way, did it?
356
00:13:29,030 --> 00:13:31,064
No.
357
00:13:31,099 --> 00:13:32,925
It didn't.
358
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:36,470
Life is for the living, George.
359
00:13:37,343 --> 00:13:41,185
And sitting in the dark,
eating sno-caps...
360
00:13:41,205 --> 00:13:44,404
is not how I intend to live mine.
361
00:13:47,178 --> 00:13:48,498
Hold still.
362
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:52,570
This has to be completely level.
363
00:13:52,605 --> 00:13:54,620
Okay.
364
00:13:54,657 --> 00:13:55,959
- Ryan, by a mile.
- Yes!
365
00:13:55,995 --> 00:13:58,148
- Not even close.
- But I'm only 9.
366
00:13:58,188 --> 00:14:00,534
Don't be a sore loser, bro. What's next?
367
00:14:00,568 --> 00:14:02,777
I know. Let's see who can
carry mom longer.
368
00:14:02,812 --> 00:14:03,960
- Oh, that's good.
- Yeah.
369
00:14:03,996 --> 00:14:06,446
I'll go first. Ready? Go.
370
00:14:06,483 --> 00:14:09,682
Now I've had
[ Laughs ]
371
00:14:09,718 --> 00:14:11,420
the time of my life
372
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:12,743
Oh!
373
00:14:12,778 --> 00:14:14,986
Isn't it obvious?
374
00:14:15,023 --> 00:14:17,673
She's like a poor man's me.
375
00:14:17,697 --> 00:14:18,861
Oh, don't tell me you don't see it.
376
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:20,001
She's completely Tessa-like.
377
00:14:20,028 --> 00:14:22,653
- W... we don't even know her.
- Don't we?
378
00:14:22,689 --> 00:14:25,350
Military boots, snarky attitude,
379
00:14:25,402 --> 00:14:27,054
lightly flushed cheek,
380
00:14:27,106 --> 00:14:29,418
and a... and a natural lip.
381
00:14:29,454 --> 00:14:30,932
Side part.
382
00:14:30,967 --> 00:14:34,132
It's like... it's like
he's trying to re-create...
383
00:14:34,150 --> 00:14:35,296
[ Knock on door ]
384
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,426
Lisa?
385
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,661
Is it okay if I sleep in here
instead of with your mom?
386
00:14:39,697 --> 00:14:40,739
What... what did she say?
387
00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,270
Of course it's fine, June. Come on.
388
00:14:42,307 --> 00:14:43,668
Come in. Make yourself comfortable.
389
00:14:43,682 --> 00:14:47,035
Oh. [ Scoffs ]
Would you look at that.
390
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,243
Uh, June has a book
tucked under her arm.
391
00:14:49,281 --> 00:14:52,132
Apparently, June likes to read.
392
00:14:52,185 --> 00:14:53,919
Who else likes to read, Lisa?
393
00:14:53,951 --> 00:14:56,333
Uh... billions of people?
394
00:14:56,369 --> 00:14:58,426
Just a little Poe. He's my favorite.
395
00:14:58,458 --> 00:15:01,951
Ditto. So, June, um...
396
00:15:01,987 --> 00:15:04,559
how did you and Ryan first meet?
397
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:06,794
Actually, we met
at an advanced screening
398
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:07,970
of "Sea Of Anguish II."
399
00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:09,865
- Do you know it?
- Absolutely.
400
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:12,412
I'm, uh... very, very, very familiar
401
00:15:12,436 --> 00:15:14,190
with that indie series.
402
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,542
In fact, Ryan never knew
those type of films existed
403
00:15:16,577 --> 00:15:17,711
until he met me.
404
00:15:17,735 --> 00:15:20,305
I'm the one who took him
to see "Sea Of Anguish I."
405
00:15:20,345 --> 00:15:22,709
Oh. Cool.
406
00:15:23,621 --> 00:15:24,915
Favorite band?
407
00:15:24,942 --> 00:15:26,344
Mm, hard to say.
408
00:15:26,398 --> 00:15:28,482
I like so many different types of music.
409
00:15:28,519 --> 00:15:29,962
Same. Same. Same.
410
00:15:29,997 --> 00:15:32,728
But I am really into this group
that Ryan turned me on to.
411
00:15:32,762 --> 00:15:34,866
- Average Shelf Life?
- Yeah. Yeah, how did you know?
412
00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:36,953
Because that's my band.
413
00:15:36,988 --> 00:15:38,884
- What do you mean, that's your band?
- That's my band.
414
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:41,787
I'm the one who turned him on to them,
415
00:15:41,823 --> 00:15:44,031
so, get this, June...
416
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:46,622
everything you like about Ryan
stems from me,
417
00:15:46,659 --> 00:15:49,892
so, uh, what I'm trying
to say is, basically,
418
00:15:49,929 --> 00:15:52,239
you are in love with me.
419
00:15:53,197 --> 00:15:55,399
I think I might just sleep
in your mom's room after all.
420
00:15:55,428 --> 00:15:57,013
You know what? Don't worry.
She's not staying.
421
00:15:57,037 --> 00:15:59,037
Boy, oh, boy. Ryan must have
searched high and low
422
00:15:59,072 --> 00:16:01,087
to find a Tessa-type in Florida.
423
00:16:01,124 --> 00:16:02,445
Oh, I'm not from Florida.
424
00:16:02,481 --> 00:16:04,063
I actually live a couple towns over.
425
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,208
What?
426
00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,362
Yeah.
427
00:16:06,414 --> 00:16:09,056
The long-distance thing sucks,
but it's worth it.
428
00:16:09,092 --> 00:16:10,970
When you find a guy like Ryan,
429
00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:12,367
you don't let him get away, right?
430
00:16:13,916 --> 00:16:15,253
Right.
431
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,885
I guess we weren'tthat much alike after all.
432
00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:19,635
So much time has passed
433
00:16:19,672 --> 00:16:21,201
Ryan: - Hey. You okay?
- I'm okay.
434
00:16:21,236 --> 00:16:22,592
- Tessa, stop.
- Why?
435
00:16:22,627 --> 00:16:26,245
What? What is there left to say?
436
00:16:27,479 --> 00:16:30,592
Can you judge our push-up contest?
437
00:16:30,628 --> 00:16:31,984
I'm lighter,
438
00:16:32,018 --> 00:16:34,643
but I still think he's gonna beat me.
439
00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,816
Guess he never really gave up hope
440
00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,718
Why don't you ask June to judge?
441
00:16:38,754 --> 00:16:40,404
I'm sure she'll be better at it.
442
00:16:40,439 --> 00:16:43,188
Just goes to show you never know
443
00:16:52,651 --> 00:16:55,763
Sugar, water, juice concentrate.
444
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,662
What the hell kind of wine is this?
445
00:16:57,694 --> 00:16:59,935
Oh, that's not wine. It's wine product.
446
00:16:59,967 --> 00:17:01,641
Real wine can't be sold in markets here.
447
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:04,972
No, I was looking for
a host gift for my son.
448
00:17:05,004 --> 00:17:07,055
- Oh.
- No need to toss out good manners
449
00:17:07,091 --> 00:17:08,446
just because we aren't speaking.
450
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:10,552
Oh, dear. I'm sorry to hear that.
451
00:17:10,576 --> 00:17:11,845
What grade is he in?
452
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,115
Oh, no, he's full-grown.
453
00:17:13,150 --> 00:17:15,723
- Oh.
- Although he doesn't always act like it.
454
00:17:15,759 --> 00:17:18,171
Yeah, it's been rough between us.
455
00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:21,644
I try, but sometimes,
I think not hard enough.
456
00:17:21,682 --> 00:17:24,114
Well, what matters is
that you keep trying,
457
00:17:24,149 --> 00:17:25,332
that you're there.
458
00:17:25,367 --> 00:17:28,637
I believe it was
Kelly Ripa-Consuelos who said,
459
00:17:28,671 --> 00:17:30,688
"your children need your presence,"
460
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,216
"not your presents."
461
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:34,826
It looks better
when you see it on the page.
462
00:17:34,857 --> 00:17:36,229
Ah.
[ Both chuckle ]
463
00:17:36,248 --> 00:17:37,968
So, uh, no wine?
464
00:17:37,988 --> 00:17:39,359
No wine.
465
00:17:39,378 --> 00:17:41,308
But if you insist on going there,
466
00:17:41,334 --> 00:17:45,050
I'd do a salted caramel
artisanal ice cream.
467
00:17:45,074 --> 00:17:46,117
It heals all wounds.
468
00:17:46,153 --> 00:17:48,345
It is a shining beacon in the darkness.
469
00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:49,475
[ Chuckles ]
470
00:17:49,509 --> 00:17:52,761
You see, I want my son
to be able to enjoy
471
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,500
some nice, warm conversation
472
00:17:54,518 --> 00:17:56,379
with a beautiful lady like yourself.
473
00:17:56,414 --> 00:17:57,423
Oh.
474
00:17:57,458 --> 00:17:58,780
I, uh... I don't suppose
475
00:17:58,814 --> 00:18:00,065
you'd be interested in meeting...
476
00:18:00,084 --> 00:18:01,769
Oh, hell no. Don't look at me.
477
00:18:01,805 --> 00:18:04,952
I am done with men
and on to salted caramel.
478
00:18:06,343 --> 00:18:07,577
Toodles.
479
00:18:13,232 --> 00:18:15,091
[ Newspaper rustling ]
480
00:18:15,144 --> 00:18:17,312
So... that's it.
481
00:18:17,351 --> 00:18:19,055
Yeah, I'm gonna get out of your hair.
482
00:18:19,091 --> 00:18:21,245
You don't need me around
telling you what to do.
483
00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:23,123
But, George,
484
00:18:23,159 --> 00:18:25,907
if you ever need me around
not telling you what to do,
485
00:18:25,942 --> 00:18:27,211
just pick up the phone.
486
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:29,214
I'm sorry I splashed you.
487
00:18:29,245 --> 00:18:32,149
Nah. Nah, I had that splash coming.
488
00:18:32,203 --> 00:18:35,420
My only excuse is you're my kid
and I want to see you happy.
489
00:18:39,616 --> 00:18:41,337
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
490
00:18:41,356 --> 00:18:43,598
I left you some fancy ice cream
in the freezer.
491
00:18:43,616 --> 00:18:45,858
Some fox I ran into at the grocery store
492
00:18:45,895 --> 00:18:47,181
said it's a panacea.
493
00:18:47,217 --> 00:18:48,746
[ Chuckles ]
You can't push a grocery cart
494
00:18:48,781 --> 00:18:50,206
without hitting one, is that right?
495
00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:52,294
Oh, she was a good one. I'm telling you.
496
00:18:52,312 --> 00:18:53,819
But I'll tell you this...
497
00:18:53,844 --> 00:18:56,330
I loved your mom more than
all of them put together.
498
00:18:58,317 --> 00:19:01,239
Okay, I'm sorry I brought up
all the mom stuff.
499
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:03,629
I was lightheaded from
the hot tub and too much shrimp.
500
00:19:03,661 --> 00:19:05,199
Well, you did have a lot of shrimp.
501
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,037
- They were free.
- Seriously, uh...
502
00:19:07,057 --> 00:19:09,091
I know you're not ready to start dating.
503
00:19:09,125 --> 00:19:10,656
But, uh...
504
00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,047
leave the door open, will you?
505
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,787
Just a crack.
506
00:19:13,822 --> 00:19:16,777
And if love comes a-knockin',
don't be afraid to answer.
507
00:19:16,796 --> 00:19:18,447
Deal.
508
00:19:27,408 --> 00:19:30,329
I thought we agreed you were
gonna leave the door open?
509
00:19:30,365 --> 00:19:32,537
I thought that was a metaphor.
510
00:19:32,568 --> 00:19:34,098
You want me to leave my actual door...
511
00:19:34,134 --> 00:19:35,732
Well, no, I guess you're right.
512
00:19:35,751 --> 00:19:36,939
But if someone comes knocking...
513
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:38,853
No, I.. I got it.
[ Chuckles ]
514
00:19:40,447 --> 00:19:42,009
[ Knock on door ]
515
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,889
Okay, that was a test. You passed.
516
00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:46,872
- Goodbye, dad.
- Goodbye.
517
00:19:47,913 --> 00:19:49,202
[ Knock on door ]
518
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:51,489
Okay, this is getting ridiculous.
519
00:19:51,525 --> 00:19:52,813
- Oh.
- Oh.
520
00:19:52,853 --> 00:19:54,886
- Hi.
- Hello. [ Chuckles ]
521
00:19:54,941 --> 00:19:58,188
I'm just, uh, here picking up...
522
00:19:58,941 --> 00:20:00,626
...your dog.
[ Chuckles ]
523
00:20:00,679 --> 00:20:03,008
- For his walk.
- Oh, right. Yeah.
524
00:20:03,028 --> 00:20:05,617
Beiderman. Come here.
525
00:20:05,636 --> 00:20:06,939
All righty.
526
00:20:06,975 --> 00:20:08,974
You ready to go on your walk?
527
00:20:09,026 --> 00:20:10,592
Here you go.
528
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,677
You're, uh, looking very dapper today.
529
00:20:12,714 --> 00:20:14,138
Oh, thank you.
530
00:20:16,077 --> 00:20:18,191
You know what?
I could use some fresh air.
531
00:20:18,225 --> 00:20:20,208
- You mind if I join you?
- Oh, that'd be great.
532
00:20:20,244 --> 00:20:21,738
I can show you some of
my on-leash corrections,
533
00:20:21,774 --> 00:20:23,584
and you can be the bag man.
534
00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:25,154
I am not gonna ask what that means,
535
00:20:25,172 --> 00:20:27,342
'cause I think I already know.
536
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,682
[ TV chatter ]
537
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:32,815
Hey.
538
00:20:32,839 --> 00:20:35,916
Did you know it was
over 90 degrees underground?
539
00:20:35,952 --> 00:20:38,351
Not to mention the humidity.
540
00:20:38,388 --> 00:20:40,281
Having some morning ice cream?
541
00:20:40,305 --> 00:20:42,240
It's so good. You want some?
542
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,662
No. Thank you.
[ Chuckles ]
543
00:20:45,236 --> 00:20:48,695
I, uh... I ran into Ryan outside.
544
00:20:48,732 --> 00:20:50,580
Guess he's back for a visit.
545
00:20:50,605 --> 00:20:53,986
Mm. Guess so.
546
00:20:56,785 --> 00:20:59,532
Look, Tessa, I know how you feel.
547
00:20:59,568 --> 00:21:02,870
But the less time you spend
on the couch, the better.
548
00:21:02,906 --> 00:21:06,001
And I'm not just saying that
'cause it's a beautiful day out.
549
00:21:06,055 --> 00:21:08,956
But also because it could
550
00:21:09,011 --> 00:21:12,140
truly use a cleaning after the spill.
551
00:21:13,431 --> 00:21:14,788
What spill?
552
00:21:14,842 --> 00:21:17,223
I... I didn't have an accident.
553
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:19,624
But my stadium buddy did.
554
00:21:22,267 --> 00:21:23,969
I think I'm gonna go shower.
555
00:21:26,685 --> 00:21:28,520
It's not exactly true,
556
00:21:28,552 --> 00:21:31,126
but she's my kid
and I want to see her happy.
557
00:21:32,311 --> 00:21:34,170
You know what?
I can't take your judgment.
558
00:21:34,205 --> 00:21:36,070
Go lay down on your mat.
559
00:21:36,630 --> 00:21:46,630
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560
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