All language subtitles for Sirens s01e08 Spider.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,870 --> 00:00:03,520 Sir, sir. 2 00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:06,570 There you are. 3 00:00:06,630 --> 00:00:09,100 He's conscious. 4 00:00:09,170 --> 00:00:10,440 Sir, can you hear me? 5 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:12,770 - Are you an angel? - No. 6 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,170 - Are you a devil? - No. 7 00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,110 Then eat a bag of dicks. 8 00:00:17,180 --> 00:00:18,580 Oh, well, that is very kind, sir, 9 00:00:18,630 --> 00:00:21,010 but we're not allowed to accept gratuities. 10 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:24,450 Just close the garage door and let me finish what I started. 11 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:26,650 Well, it wouldn't matter. You left the skylight open. 12 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:27,880 I couldn't find the button. 13 00:00:27,930 --> 00:00:29,650 Well, how hard did you try, sweetie? 14 00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:32,260 W... I'm starin' right at it. We painted it orange. 15 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:33,760 - Mom! - Last time, 16 00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:36,100 he tried to hang himself, tied the rope too long. 17 00:00:36,150 --> 00:00:38,400 jumped off the workbench and broke both of his ankles. 18 00:00:38,460 --> 00:00:39,700 The neighbor kid found him hanging there. 19 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:40,820 Mom, shut up! 20 00:00:40,870 --> 00:00:42,220 Don't you talk to your mother like that. 21 00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:43,500 Stay out of this, would you, Larry? 22 00:00:43,550 --> 00:00:46,200 And if you "really" want to commit suicide, 23 00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:49,210 you don't do it two blocks from an ambulance company! 24 00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:52,540 Get your own place, not near an ambulance company. 25 00:00:52,610 --> 00:00:53,840 It's goddamn ridiculous. 26 00:00:53,890 --> 00:00:56,590 Now the whole house is gonna smell like exhaust fumes. 27 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:59,290 - Sir... - And you ruined my good garden hose, 28 00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:00,990 so my rhododendrons are gonna die! 29 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:02,550 - Sir! - What? 30 00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:03,480 Nothing. 31 00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:06,570 Supposed to be out here cleaning the goddamn car. 32 00:01:06,620 --> 00:01:09,780 Frickin' kid never finished a thing in his life! 33 00:01:09,830 --> 00:01:11,280 Do you think he'll be home for dinner? 34 00:01:11,330 --> 00:01:12,980 I need to know how much ham to thaw. 35 00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:15,280 At least my kids don't try to kill themselves all the time. 36 00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:17,820 It's 'cause they sell weed, Larry. 37 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:22,610 It's good shit, actually. 38 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:24,310 - Yeah? - Right. 39 00:01:24,380 --> 00:01:27,310 [Funky music] 40 00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:50,830 That must've been a pretty scary call for you, huh, Brian? 41 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:51,960 Yes, it was. 42 00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:54,210 That guy's stepdad had some serious anger issues. 43 00:01:54,270 --> 00:01:56,610 Oh, I was talkin' about the kid, future Brian. 44 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:57,710 Future Brian? 45 00:01:57,760 --> 00:01:58,680 Yeah, that's what we callin' him. 46 00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:00,650 See, future Brian is like you in ten years... 47 00:02:00,710 --> 00:02:03,450 Single, lives with his parents in the basement. 48 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,230 - Spooky. - You got to move, bro. 49 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:06,840 - Cut the cord. - You're a grown ass man. 50 00:02:06,890 --> 00:02:09,580 You're the future Brian, you even drive the same car, a Subaru. 51 00:02:09,620 --> 00:02:10,680 Could it get any spookier? 52 00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,990 Hey, hold your horses here, fellas. 53 00:02:13,060 --> 00:02:15,990 First off, I drive an Outback. He drives a Forester. 54 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,430 It's a very depressing model. 55 00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:18,830 My mistake. Totally different. 56 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:20,770 Plus he probably moved back in with his parents. 57 00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:23,030 I never moved out. That's a lifestyle choice. 58 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:24,200 What are you afraid of, Brian? 59 00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,900 Seriously, bro. Get out on your own. 60 00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,210 Ditch the dead weight. 61 00:02:27,270 --> 00:02:28,940 See? That right there. 62 00:02:29,010 --> 00:02:30,480 That's what I'm afraid of. 63 00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:33,980 I'm afraid of the declining role of the American family, okay? 64 00:02:34,050 --> 00:02:36,550 I'm afraid of losing the generational bonds 65 00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:39,780 that tie us all together. 66 00:02:39,850 --> 00:02:40,920 And rent. 67 00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:42,420 I'm really afraid of payin' rent. 68 00:02:42,490 --> 00:02:46,360 It's a big, irresponsible, and endless financial hole. 69 00:02:46,430 --> 00:02:48,330 You guys owe me 37 cents by the way. 70 00:02:48,390 --> 00:02:49,590 - For what? - For the M&M's. 71 00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:51,000 - Oh, come on. - Chicago north 911. 72 00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:53,400 Domestic shooting, 3540 racine. 73 00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:55,470 - Ambulance 14 responding. - Go! 74 00:02:55,530 --> 00:02:57,600 Proceed with caution. Police on scene. 75 00:02:57,670 --> 00:03:00,810 Shooting victim trapped on front porch losing blood. 76 00:03:04,010 --> 00:03:06,340 [Emergency radio chatter, dog barking] 77 00:03:06,410 --> 00:03:07,680 Hey. 78 00:03:07,750 --> 00:03:09,350 Female on the porch has been shot at least once. 79 00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:10,950 She's bleedin' pretty bad. 80 00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:12,950 She ain't movin' either. 81 00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:14,220 Shooter's her ex. 82 00:03:14,290 --> 00:03:15,790 He's locked and loaded on the first floor. 83 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:17,120 How much time we got? 84 00:03:17,190 --> 00:03:18,690 Hostage negotiator's about ten minutes away. 85 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:19,960 Animal control about the same. 86 00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,460 I'd love to get a look in there 87 00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:23,530 and see how many weapons he's got on him. 88 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,000 Billy, get my binoculars. 89 00:03:25,060 --> 00:03:26,800 Yeah, got it. 90 00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:28,300 - How's your day been, guys? - Meh. 91 00:03:28,370 --> 00:03:30,190 Well, we saved Brian's doppelganger from killin' himself. 92 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,420 He is not my doppelganger. 93 00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:33,270 - He's at least a doppel. - We callin' him future Brian. 94 00:03:33,340 --> 00:03:35,670 - A casual resemblance at best. - How casual? 95 00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,580 He lives with his parents and drives a Subaru. 96 00:03:37,630 --> 00:03:39,210 - Oy. - If he was really suicidal, 97 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,250 he wouldn't drive a car with such good gas mileage. 98 00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,430 This just in: Brian's cheap. 99 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,350 [Gunshot] 100 00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:45,320 Come on! 101 00:03:45,370 --> 00:03:46,580 [Dog barking] 102 00:03:46,650 --> 00:03:47,920 You could probably get a one-bedroom 103 00:03:47,990 --> 00:03:49,220 in this neighborhood for a pretty decent price. 104 00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:50,860 Go ahead and laugh, but did you know 105 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,690 that finances are the number one cause of marital discord? 106 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,990 - Know what number two is? - What? 107 00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:57,530 Bullets. 108 00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,430 [Billy shouting indistinctly] Oh! No! 109 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,970 - Let me go! - Holy shit ! 110 00:04:02,030 --> 00:04:03,270 Hey, let me go! 111 00:04:03,340 --> 00:04:04,970 - [Thud] - Oh, my God! 112 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,940 - He's down! - [Man shouting indistinctly] 113 00:04:07,010 --> 00:04:08,370 Shut up, man! 114 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,770 All clear. 115 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,380 - Good job. - [Applause] 116 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,110 He's down. All clear. 117 00:04:13,180 --> 00:04:14,850 Theresa, I used the thing! 118 00:04:14,910 --> 00:04:18,380 I used the thing we learned in class! 119 00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:21,220 - Get the stretcher. - Hey, get the stretcher. 120 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,220 [Dog barking] 121 00:04:24,290 --> 00:04:27,330 Sit. Sit. 122 00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:28,360 Sit. 123 00:04:28,430 --> 00:04:29,560 Good girl. Good girl. 124 00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:30,600 When'd you become the dog whisperer? 125 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:31,940 Hey, I'm a black man, John. 126 00:04:31,990 --> 00:04:34,380 Where I grew up, we had so many pit bulls runnin' around, 127 00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:35,670 we thought they were freakin' squirrels. 128 00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,840 Okay, miss, help is here. 129 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,320 - [Groans] - Good, good. 130 00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:40,870 - Very manageable. - You sure? 131 00:04:40,940 --> 00:04:42,010 Sure I'm sure. It's a flesh wound. 132 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,770 It might've nicked the bone. You're gonna get a cool scar 133 00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:45,070 and some pretty decent pain pills out of the deal. 134 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:45,820 Brian, gauze. 135 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,080 [Shrilly] Aah! Aah! 136 00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:49,190 Oh, God! 137 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,950 There's a spider on my goddamn arm! 138 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:51,980 Somebody get it. 139 00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:54,590 I've been shot, and I didn't even scream that loud. 140 00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:56,250 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! 141 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,180 - Stand still. - Get it, get it, get it! 142 00:04:58,230 --> 00:04:59,330 - I got it, okay? - Ooh, is it off me? 143 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,430 Is it off me? Oh, did you get it? 144 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:02,360 Hey, relax now, Hank. Relax. 145 00:05:02,430 --> 00:05:04,100 You know, I'm just gonna put it down here. 146 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:05,160 No, no! No, no, no, no! 147 00:05:05,210 --> 00:05:06,900 Break off some of its legs so it won't come back at me. 148 00:05:06,950 --> 00:05:08,470 - Break off some of the legs. - Hey, last time I heard 149 00:05:08,530 --> 00:05:10,110 someone squeal like that, it was me. 150 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,100 I was 13 at a Hanson concert. 151 00:05:12,170 --> 00:05:13,470 Ooh, ooh. 152 00:05:13,540 --> 00:05:16,210 Ahh! 153 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:18,880 Hoo, thank you, Jesus. Hoo, hoo. 154 00:05:18,940 --> 00:05:21,710 [Laughs] 155 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,730 - It was as big as my head. - Okay, princess. 156 00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,390 Speaking of your head, you know what we got to get you now? 157 00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:27,300 - A drink? - No. 158 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:28,630 A tiara. 159 00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:31,420 [Laughs] 160 00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:37,530 Spiders have poisons that can kill you. 161 00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:38,860 Not a Daddy Longlegs. 162 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,320 Well, it wasn't wearin' a goddamn nametag! 163 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:41,560 I'm afraid of bees. 164 00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:42,860 Me, too. Not a fan, not a fan. 165 00:05:42,930 --> 00:05:44,700 Just kiddin', asshole. God, you're a mess. 166 00:05:44,750 --> 00:05:46,330 - I don't have any fears. - Bullshit. 167 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,430 I don't. I'm scared of the big things. 168 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:50,680 Cancer, terrorism, Ben Affleck bein' a lousy Batman. 169 00:05:50,740 --> 00:05:52,410 Don't worry, man. He's gonna crush it. 170 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,750 Everybody's scared of something. 171 00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,750 - I'm scared of little people. - midgets? 172 00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:59,150 I'm not scared of the whole midget... just the hands. 173 00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:03,690 So small and soft like they could just grab you 174 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,990 and you'd hardly feel it. 175 00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:09,160 Like a whisper. 176 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,170 I'm also not very fond of wide open spaces. 177 00:06:14,230 --> 00:06:15,900 Prairies and stuff like that? Mm-mm. 178 00:06:15,970 --> 00:06:17,900 Makes me feel so insignificant. 179 00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,040 You ever been to the Grand Canyon, Billy? 180 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:22,040 Don't go. 181 00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:25,180 In the grand canyon, you are the midget. 182 00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,950 Microphobia, Brian. 183 00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:29,850 That's what your fear is called, fear of all things tiny. 184 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,350 Like Johnny's dick. 185 00:06:31,420 --> 00:06:32,820 Hey, don't get mad at me, bro, just because 186 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:35,320 a few harmless bugs make you scream like a little girl. 187 00:06:36,290 --> 00:06:37,820 Here's your fries, bro. 188 00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,390 Aah! 189 00:06:39,460 --> 00:06:41,390 Not funny, bro! Not funny! 190 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,460 There are only three things 191 00:06:43,460 --> 00:06:46,100 to be genuinely afraid of in this world. 192 00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:49,000 One, the Mars company will stop makin' Twixes. 193 00:06:49,070 --> 00:06:51,800 Two, my ex-wife. And three, zombies. 194 00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,040 You're scared of zombies? 195 00:06:53,110 --> 00:06:54,710 You're not? 196 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:55,710 What are your fears, Billy? 197 00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,110 I don't got none, bro. 198 00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,450 - Man after my own heart. - Yeah, fear's useless. 199 00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:01,310 That's right. Go high, Bill. 200 00:07:01,380 --> 00:07:03,880 - You weren't afraid today? - No, bro. 201 00:07:03,950 --> 00:07:05,420 Like try to put yourself in my position. 202 00:07:05,490 --> 00:07:07,520 Like, I'm walkin' into this place. 203 00:07:07,590 --> 00:07:10,090 Guy's, like, mad crazy, right? 204 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,120 He's got a glock. He's drunk. 205 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:13,860 I'm talkin' like speakin' in tongues drunk. 206 00:07:13,930 --> 00:07:15,330 [Babbles incoherently] 207 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,560 What's the worst thing that can happen? 208 00:07:18,630 --> 00:07:21,330 Get inside my head. 209 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,640 So I'm thinkin' like you. 210 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:23,970 Exactly. 211 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,670 Like, what was I thinkin' 212 00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:29,980 when I walked in there? 213 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:32,110 Nothing? 214 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:36,220 See? 215 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,480 Mm-hmm. 216 00:07:37,550 --> 00:07:40,950 Ga-to-rade Ga-to-rade, yeah 217 00:07:41,020 --> 00:07:42,320 Go high, bro. 218 00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:43,820 - Is that a bee? - Psst! 219 00:07:43,890 --> 00:07:45,320 [Laughs] 220 00:07:45,390 --> 00:07:46,860 Hey, you know what? Billy's right. 221 00:07:46,930 --> 00:07:48,830 Gunfire's just part of the job. You can't fear it. 222 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,360 You just got to live in the moment. 223 00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:51,600 Same thing on this job. 224 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,270 In the heat of the battle, you just react. 225 00:07:53,330 --> 00:07:54,630 Exactly. 226 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:57,240 You know, my biggest fear isn't being shot. 227 00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:59,210 My biggest fear is being involved with a guy 228 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,940 whose biggest fear isn't me being shot. 229 00:08:01,010 --> 00:08:03,820 Uh-huh. Now you're scared. Look at his eyes. 230 00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:05,510 No, no. No, no, no, no. 231 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,750 Let me explain. I know what my main fear is. 232 00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,470 My number one fear of all fears 233 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,650 is that you might get shot someday. 234 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:14,050 I'm so afraid of it. 235 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,550 Every single day, I'm so afraid of it 236 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,590 every day when you go to work that... that I sublimate it. 237 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:18,620 Oh, you sublimate it. 238 00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,400 Yeah, that's exactly what I do. I sublimate it, 239 00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:22,730 which is why earlier in this fear conversation, 240 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,660 I didn't say that that was my number one fear of all fears 241 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:30,440 because I had sublimated it so hard... that I... 242 00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:31,800 - This isn't gonna fly is it? - Nope. 243 00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:35,270 Hey, yo. Check this out. 244 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,540 [Laughs] 245 00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:39,110 You know what I fear? 246 00:08:39,180 --> 00:08:40,850 Not fulfilling my potential. 247 00:08:40,910 --> 00:08:43,580 See, Billy's actually already reached his. 248 00:08:43,650 --> 00:08:45,820 - Me, I haven't. - Mmhmm. 249 00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,690 My one dream is to work for the FBI in Washington. 250 00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,020 Sometimes I'm afraid it won't work out, 251 00:08:51,090 --> 00:08:54,090 that I'll, you know, take the easy way out. 252 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,360 That is what I am really afraid of, 253 00:08:57,430 --> 00:09:00,230 growin' old and lookin' back at dreams 254 00:09:00,300 --> 00:09:01,530 that I never made come true. 255 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,370 - Mm. - Hmm. 256 00:09:05,570 --> 00:09:06,610 That and the sun. 257 00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:09,010 Heliophobia. Surprisingly common. 258 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,440 My skin burns and peels if I fall asleep with the iPad on. 259 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,180 That is why if they ever stopped making 260 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:16,320 hydramax lavender rejuvenation, 261 00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:17,880 I would freak out just a little bit. 262 00:09:17,950 --> 00:09:18,950 - [Laughs] - Hmm. 263 00:09:19,020 --> 00:09:21,090 What is that face? 264 00:09:21,150 --> 00:09:25,090 They discontinued the cream. 265 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,930 The active plus formula? 266 00:09:26,990 --> 00:09:29,360 I'm so sorry, T. 267 00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,300 Hank, please just tell me you're messing with me. 268 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,700 I'm not messin' with you. It's too expensive. 269 00:09:33,770 --> 00:09:36,040 They just wasn't sellin' enough of 'em. 270 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,740 Holy shit! 271 00:09:38,810 --> 00:09:40,850 - Billy, we got to go. - What are you gonna do? 272 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:41,880 What do you think I'm gonna do? 273 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:44,570 I'm gonna go store to store, try and find myself a jar. 274 00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,680 [Horn honks] 275 00:09:46,750 --> 00:09:49,180 What the hell is that? 276 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:50,450 - Hey! - Yo! 277 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:52,250 - Hey! - This guy. 278 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,690 [Chuckling] 279 00:09:54,750 --> 00:09:56,620 [Honking] 280 00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:59,690 Hey! Thanks for nothin', scumbags. 281 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,770 Bye. 282 00:10:01,820 --> 00:10:03,000 Who was that guy? 283 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:05,730 That's the guy who tried to commit suicide in the garage. 284 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,150 Not very thankful. 285 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:08,800 You guys drive the same car. 286 00:10:08,850 --> 00:10:12,200 [Laughter] 287 00:10:15,860 --> 00:10:17,400 They didn't really charge you for that? 288 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:18,930 They never do. 289 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:20,730 When you're with someone who's about to make a purchase, 290 00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:23,470 you just say, "excuse me, sir, I believe I have the sniffles", 291 00:10:23,530 --> 00:10:24,870 and they will gladly give you 292 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:27,100 a cup of hot water with lemon and honey. 293 00:10:27,170 --> 00:10:28,400 And you gonna drink that? 294 00:10:28,470 --> 00:10:31,940 After a visit from our friends at Lipton Tea. 295 00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:35,810 Another benefit from living at your... holy cow, I call dibs! 296 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,680 Dibs on what? 297 00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:40,650 Oh, my God. Are you really that cheap? 298 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,120 Not cheap, my friend. 299 00:10:42,190 --> 00:10:43,450 Lucky. 300 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:44,790 - Brian. - Whoo! 301 00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:47,120 [Laughter] 302 00:10:50,090 --> 00:10:52,660 Mac's back scratcher attached to an old rig antenna. 303 00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:53,800 Go high, bro. 304 00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:55,460 - Go high. - Eh. 305 00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:56,800 Don't leave me hangin'. 306 00:10:56,870 --> 00:10:58,130 - [Grunts] - Huh? 307 00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,640 Chicago north ambulance needed, 308 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,640 corner of north shore drive and east grant. 309 00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:02,870 Ambulance 14 responding. 310 00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:05,040 Let's roll. 311 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,780 [Siren blaring] 312 00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:16,390 Cash beat us. 313 00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:27,260 So sad. 314 00:11:27,330 --> 00:11:30,500 Man, this... this is heartbreaking. 315 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:34,070 Want to know what you're afraid of? 316 00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,600 That's it right there. 317 00:11:35,670 --> 00:11:37,270 Dying? 318 00:11:37,340 --> 00:11:38,610 I live as long as that lady did, 319 00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,310 I'd be happy to take a dirt nap. 320 00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:41,440 Not her, numbnuts. 321 00:11:41,510 --> 00:11:44,080 Him. 322 00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:47,650 What? 323 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,620 Never mind. Let's go. 324 00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:00,560 What? 325 00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:02,030 I didn't say anything. 326 00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,600 - Why you giving me that look? - What look? 327 00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:05,530 You see that look, Brian? 328 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,400 I see a look. Not sure what it is. 329 00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:09,940 It's the "I know something you don't know" look. 330 00:12:10,010 --> 00:12:11,410 I've seen it a million times, 331 00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:13,710 every time he thinks he's about to psychoanalyze me. 332 00:12:13,780 --> 00:12:15,640 I'm not afraid of being left alone, Dr. Phil, 333 00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,910 if that's what you're gettin' at. 334 00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:18,110 Okay. 335 00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:19,850 Why would I be afraid of being left alone? 336 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,250 Because your father left you and your mother 337 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,750 when you were 13. You never got over it. 338 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,690 But we talk now. 339 00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:26,460 Issue resolved, Q.E.D, asshat. 340 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,860 And all your idea, I might add. 341 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,860 You think it's resolved, but it's not. 342 00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:31,390 It's been sublimated. 343 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:34,160 That shit scars deep to the bone, slap dick. 344 00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:36,600 He's right, Johnny, about the emotional scarring. 345 00:12:36,670 --> 00:12:38,700 The slap dick thing I'm not really familiar with. 346 00:12:38,770 --> 00:12:41,340 When my dad skipped out on me, he did me a favor. 347 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,710 He gave me a gift. 348 00:12:42,770 --> 00:12:43,810 Was it a bike? 349 00:12:43,870 --> 00:12:46,080 - What? No. - No? 350 00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:49,280 It's this hard outer shell I use to deflect pain and sadness. 351 00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:51,880 Mm, bike would've been better. 352 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:53,720 Turtle shell. 353 00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:55,020 Turtle shell. 354 00:12:55,090 --> 00:12:56,820 Pain, trouble... bounce right off. 355 00:12:56,890 --> 00:12:59,250 - Theresa leaves you. - Ping. 356 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,090 - I move to Miami. - Ping. 357 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,260 Okay. We shall see. 358 00:13:03,330 --> 00:13:04,530 - We shall. - Yeah, we shall. 359 00:13:04,590 --> 00:13:05,560 - Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. 360 00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:06,630 - Huh-huh. - Watch. 361 00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:07,960 Stop. 362 00:13:08,030 --> 00:13:09,930 - I had a turtle once. - And? 363 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,890 He ran away. Didn't get far. 364 00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:15,740 Made it to the driveway where my dad accidentally ran him over. 365 00:13:15,810 --> 00:13:21,110 Definite emotional sublimation that day. 366 00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:23,350 Ping. 367 00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:25,380 Wow. That's cold-blooded. 368 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,250 Wow. 369 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:29,120 The boy lost his turtle and you talkin' about "ping." 370 00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:33,960 Got you a present. 371 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:35,810 Why? 372 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:37,750 Because there wasn't a spider in my locker when it opened it. 373 00:13:37,810 --> 00:13:39,350 Oh, I should've thought of that! 374 00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:41,660 It's that skin cream Theresa uses. 375 00:13:41,730 --> 00:13:43,330 Buddy of mine works in a beauty supply house. 376 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,400 Got the last jar left in the entire midwest. 377 00:13:46,470 --> 00:13:48,330 Ohh, smells just like her. 378 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,370 Because she smears it on three times a day. 379 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,670 You thought she smelled like that naturally? 380 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:52,280 I don't know. 381 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,250 You know I wasn't born smelling like Michael Jordan. 382 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,220 Have to buy that shit. 383 00:13:55,270 --> 00:13:56,770 This is really gonna help me patch things up with her. Thanks. 384 00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:59,880 Exactly. Now, you should start thinking about her more 385 00:13:59,950 --> 00:14:01,780 before she starts thinking about her partner. 386 00:14:01,850 --> 00:14:03,820 Oh, she's not into Billy. 387 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:06,180 He's like the bottom rung in a bag of hammers. 388 00:14:06,250 --> 00:14:10,290 He's a shockingly handsome guy who spends all day with her 389 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,420 and tackles insane, drunken, 390 00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,430 heavily-armed girlfriend shooters. 391 00:14:14,490 --> 00:14:16,700 You're a selfish prick who didn't even think 392 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,860 to mention her on your list of things you fear. 393 00:14:18,930 --> 00:14:20,430 He's a paste eater. 394 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,600 Mm-hmm, whose cock is bigger than Seattle Slew's, 395 00:14:22,670 --> 00:14:25,700 and she's seen it. 396 00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:29,570 Ping. 397 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,680 Shoot. 398 00:14:36,420 --> 00:14:38,280 [Chuckles] 399 00:14:46,060 --> 00:14:47,060 [Knocks] 400 00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:49,730 Theresa, why is your door o... 401 00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,530 T? 402 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,570 [Fake laughs] 403 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:06,140 Okay, nice job, Hank. 404 00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:07,250 Great. 405 00:15:07,310 --> 00:15:10,950 Detail... very, very impressive. 406 00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,420 [Chuckles] 407 00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:13,420 [Gasps] 408 00:15:13,490 --> 00:15:16,390 Oh! 409 00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:18,090 Ohh! 410 00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:21,730 This is like that sappy Sandra Bullock lake house movie 411 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:23,290 you love so much with the letters. 412 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:29,070 The one that you cry at every time it's on cable, princess. 413 00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:30,640 I'm gonna read it now. 414 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,300 [Chuckles] Dear Keanu. 415 00:15:32,370 --> 00:15:33,640 [Laughs] 416 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:35,740 Just a little... just a little tribute there, Hank. 417 00:15:35,810 --> 00:15:38,740 Oh, yeah, you actually got Theresa to write it. 418 00:15:38,810 --> 00:15:40,410 Well, that's very impressive. 419 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:41,810 Very impressive. 420 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:45,880 Um, "I'm sorry you have to find out this way, 421 00:15:45,950 --> 00:15:49,120 but I didn't have the strength to tell you this in person." 422 00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:50,960 Great opening. 423 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:51,960 Mwah! 424 00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,320 Great opening. 425 00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:55,690 "Today was my last day on the force. 426 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,360 "Just talking about my potential at lunch 427 00:15:57,430 --> 00:15:59,100 "really got me to thinkin' about my life 428 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:00,370 "and what I'm doing with it. 429 00:16:00,430 --> 00:16:01,730 "And I'm not getting any younger. 430 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:06,000 And there's nothing keeping me here in Chhhhicago." 431 00:16:06,070 --> 00:16:08,470 [Weak chuckle] 432 00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,410 Hey, guys? 433 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,110 All right, ha-ha-ha. 434 00:16:13,180 --> 00:16:15,350 Guys? 435 00:16:19,290 --> 00:16:20,620 Aha! 436 00:16:23,290 --> 00:16:25,620 Holy shit. 437 00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:26,890 Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, 438 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,690 holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. 439 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,860 No, this isn't happening. 440 00:16:29,930 --> 00:16:31,530 This isn't real. This isn't real. 441 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,030 "'Cause as you know, I've always dreamt of joining the FBI. 442 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,830 I tried to bring it up a couple times last week..." 443 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:37,040 Theresa, get to the point. 444 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:40,240 "And since you never really listened to me... 445 00:16:40,310 --> 00:16:44,080 I've decided to test for an appointment with the FBI." 446 00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:45,410 What? 447 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,710 "At their headquarters in D.C." what? 448 00:16:47,780 --> 00:16:49,110 "This could be my dream job. 449 00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:50,980 "Please be happy for me. This wasn't an easy decision. 450 00:16:51,050 --> 00:16:53,350 You can call me at my new cell number, 202..." 451 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:54,920 Ah-ha-ho. 452 00:16:54,990 --> 00:16:59,220 Um, this... 453 00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:00,830 Is not funny. 454 00:17:00,890 --> 00:17:02,830 All right, I'm callin' the number now, Hank, 455 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,060 wherever you are. 456 00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:07,370 I know you're in here somewhere. 457 00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:09,500 It's ringin'. 458 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:13,340 Once, twice... 459 00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:15,240 - Hey. - Hey, Theresa. 460 00:17:15,310 --> 00:17:17,310 - This is special agent... - This has been really fun... 461 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:18,740 ...trainee Theresa Kelly. You can leave a message here 462 00:17:18,810 --> 00:17:20,040 and I'll return it as soon as possible. 463 00:17:20,110 --> 00:17:22,150 No. 464 00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:34,930 Hello? 465 00:17:34,990 --> 00:17:36,690 [Mutters] 466 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,500 I even got you... 467 00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:41,700 Stupid. 468 00:17:44,940 --> 00:17:49,310 [Sniffs] 469 00:17:49,380 --> 00:17:52,310 Oh, Theresa. 470 00:18:00,090 --> 00:18:04,990 Oh, you stupid, stupid... 471 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:07,930 Stupid Johnny. 472 00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:09,660 Ooh. 473 00:18:09,730 --> 00:18:12,700 My pretty... babyface 474 00:18:12,770 --> 00:18:14,730 ba-boobedy-boo. 475 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,530 [Sighs] 476 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:20,540 [Groaning] Ohhhhhhh... 477 00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:21,940 [Laughter] 478 00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:25,110 - Yeah! - Sucker! 479 00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:26,810 Boo-boobedy-boo! 480 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,710 Who... who's the princess now, baby? 481 00:18:28,780 --> 00:18:30,480 Man, look how shiny he is. 482 00:18:30,550 --> 00:18:32,520 Oh, this is gonna leave some emotional scars. 483 00:18:32,590 --> 00:18:34,550 - Oh, yeah. - I guess I deserve this. 484 00:18:34,620 --> 00:18:35,900 Yes, you did. 485 00:18:35,950 --> 00:18:37,510 - [Laughs] - Mm, you think? 486 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:39,260 What did you do with all your stuff? 487 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:41,060 Billy's cousin has a furniture movin' company. 488 00:18:41,130 --> 00:18:42,660 They owed him a favor. 489 00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:44,660 Billy, they better not be sellin' that furniture, man. 490 00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:45,800 They're not gonna sell it. 491 00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:48,630 Why would they se... Because we're Puerto Rican? 492 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:52,840 Oh, dang. That's so racist. 493 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:57,540 But you know what? That's a really good point. 494 00:18:57,610 --> 00:18:59,310 I'ma make a quick phone call and just make sure 495 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:00,680 that we're all on the same page. 496 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:01,980 I thought you'd really left. 497 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:03,510 That's what makes it so funny, bro. 498 00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:05,650 Payback is a bitch. 499 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:06,920 Ping. 500 00:19:06,990 --> 00:19:08,020 [Laughter] 501 00:19:08,090 --> 00:19:09,790 Ohh... 502 00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,920 Hey, just for the record, 503 00:19:11,990 --> 00:19:15,330 I'm not moving anywhere anytime soon. 504 00:19:15,390 --> 00:19:16,930 Aww. 505 00:19:18,330 --> 00:19:20,700 That feels good. 506 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,740 Oh... my... God! 507 00:19:28,810 --> 00:19:32,010 This stuff is, like, the best cream. 508 00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:37,520 What's with the hat, bro? 509 00:19:37,580 --> 00:19:38,680 Duck huntin'? 510 00:19:38,750 --> 00:19:39,880 The sun, man. 511 00:19:39,950 --> 00:19:41,190 Theresa's right. It's our enemy. 512 00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:42,720 So now you got a new fear. 513 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:45,360 Just that little bit of that $8 million lotion I rubbed on 514 00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:47,090 really got me thinking about the aging process. 515 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,590 No, my people don't age, remember? 516 00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:49,790 Black don't crack. 517 00:19:49,860 --> 00:19:50,900 Hey, look, I got you breakfast. 518 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,760 Mm. 519 00:19:52,830 --> 00:19:54,270 Is there a fake spider in here? 520 00:19:54,330 --> 00:19:56,570 What? No, I'm done with that. 521 00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:58,840 Hey, man, did you get the score of last night's game? 522 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,070 I can't seem to get it on my... 523 00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:01,110 Aah! 524 00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:03,540 [Laughs] 525 00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,180 What happened? What happened? 526 00:20:05,240 --> 00:20:07,410 Just a little payback, buddy. 527 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:08,780 All right, that's enough, you guys. 528 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,110 This is the end, okay? 529 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:11,320 Fears are all too real, 530 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:12,580 and I think we learned a valuable lesson 531 00:20:12,650 --> 00:20:15,020 about that the last couple of days. 532 00:20:15,090 --> 00:20:16,120 Am I right? 533 00:20:16,190 --> 00:20:17,220 I guess. 534 00:20:17,290 --> 00:20:18,360 Yeah. 535 00:20:18,420 --> 00:20:20,020 Now let's you two shake hands, 536 00:20:20,090 --> 00:20:22,130 and that'll be the end of the shenanigans. 537 00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:23,160 Both: Shenanigans? 538 00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:24,160 What century are you from? 539 00:20:24,230 --> 00:20:28,000 [Horn honks] 540 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:29,900 Is that his ass or his face? 541 00:20:29,970 --> 00:20:31,170 That's definitely ass. 542 00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,400 [Loud crash] 543 00:20:32,470 --> 00:20:33,910 Oh, future Brian's stepdad is right. 544 00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:34,910 He needs to move farther away. 545 00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:36,610 Brian, take the rig. 546 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,910 Cool. 547 00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:39,810 Cool, my first time driving. 548 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,710 - Hey! - What? 549 00:20:41,780 --> 00:20:44,450 There's not a midget hidden somewhere in the rig, is there? 550 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:46,280 Only one way to find out. 551 00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:48,550 [Laughter] 552 00:20:51,990 --> 00:20:54,930 All right, midget. 553 00:20:54,990 --> 00:20:57,460 Let me tell you how this is gonna go. 554 00:20:57,530 --> 00:21:04,070 We can do this the big way... or the little way. 555 00:21:04,140 --> 00:21:07,640 [Laughs] 556 00:21:07,710 --> 00:21:10,780 An obvious choice, midget. 557 00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:15,380 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38843

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.