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1
00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:02,830
Male announcer:
as for Jay Cutler's knee,
2
00:00:03,030 --> 00:00:03,860
The MRI came back clear.
3
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:05,130
Good news for the bears,
4
00:00:05,330 --> 00:00:06,570
As he's expected
to play this Sunday
5
00:00:06,770 --> 00:00:08,800
Against Drew Brees
and the red-Hot saints.
6
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,500
Cutler says he feels good.
7
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,770
The knee's not giving him
any problems...
8
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,470
- Any word on Jay Cutler?
9
00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:16,280
- Pump says he's a go.
10
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,850
Guess I should be glad
they don't have porn
11
00:00:18,050 --> 00:00:18,680
On gas pump TV.
12
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:20,450
Or we'd be here all afternoon.
13
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:22,880
Let me tell you something
about me, honey.
14
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:23,620
The day that we
as a civilization
15
00:00:23,820 --> 00:00:24,850
Get to the point
16
00:00:25,050 --> 00:00:26,535
Where we're broadcasting
pornography
17
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,020
From televisions
attached to gas pumps
18
00:00:28,220 --> 00:00:30,660
Is the day I start working
at a gas station.
19
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:37,060
How much porn
are you watching these days?
20
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,900
You mean, since we've been
on break?
21
00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:41,340
- Yeah.
- Why do you ask?
22
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:43,000
Well, when my brother Donal
and his girlfriend broke up,
23
00:00:43,010 --> 00:00:44,000
He was watching it all the time.
24
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,710
Did I tell you
that I walked in
25
00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:47,010
On him and his laptop
in my parents' bathroom
26
00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:48,980
Last Christmas?
27
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:50,740
Twice.
28
00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:51,650
Donal's a moron.
I'm not Donal.
29
00:00:51,850 --> 00:00:53,010
And you know what?
30
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:53,850
And this is the truth here.
31
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:54,720
- Yeah?
32
00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,570
- Kinda stopped watching it.
33
00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,220
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did.
34
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,770
I lost all interest
in other girls. Completely.
35
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,320
And porn. First time
it's ever happened to me.
36
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,910
- I am so flattered.
37
00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:06,690
- Babe, this is huge.
38
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,200
Most guys,
39
00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:09,860
They get out
of a long-Term relationship,
40
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,570
Their porn addiction
goes through the roof.
41
00:01:12,770 --> 00:01:15,070
Me, I went the other way.
42
00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:17,205
- You had an addiction?
- What?
43
00:01:17,405 --> 00:01:19,457
- You used the word "addiction."
44
00:01:19,657 --> 00:01:21,710
- Yeah. About Donal. Not me.
45
00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:22,810
I stopped. Cold turkey.
46
00:01:23,010 --> 00:01:23,910
Uh, that didn't come out right.
47
00:01:24,110 --> 00:01:26,110
- No, it didn't.
48
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,850
- What about you, smarty pants?
49
00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,380
- What about me?
50
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,350
You watch any porn?
51
00:01:31,550 --> 00:01:32,390
Come on.
52
00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:33,820
You know what porn is to me.
53
00:01:34,020 --> 00:01:36,890
It's real estate,
shoes, and guns.
54
00:01:37,090 --> 00:01:38,090
If I could find a magazine
55
00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:39,430
With glossy pictures
of all three...
56
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,310
That'd really get me off.
57
00:01:42,510 --> 00:01:43,860
What?
58
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:46,000
- I'm thinkin'.
- What about?
59
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:48,400
- Starting a magazine.
- Oh, my god.
60
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:56,080
Sucker-punched
by the clock
61
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,910
Buckled to the knees
62
00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,815
Checker cab curled
around the side of a tree
63
00:02:01,015 --> 00:02:03,720
Into the growl of the city
with a deafening cry
64
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,550
Again I ride
65
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,700
- Ah, sh...
- What?
66
00:02:15,900 --> 00:02:16,930
My sister Maeve's
stupid book club
67
00:02:17,130 --> 00:02:19,070
Is tomorrow night.
68
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:20,730
We're reading gone girl,
and I haven't finished it yet.
69
00:02:20,740 --> 00:02:22,140
And then Billy sat on my iPad,
70
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:25,510
Which had my copy
of gone girl on it.
71
00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:28,640
Well, here you go,
use mine.
72
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,940
- Really?
- Sure.
73
00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:32,265
- Thanks.
- No problem.
74
00:02:32,465 --> 00:02:34,207
Password is "ditka."
75
00:02:34,407 --> 00:02:35,950
- 'Course it is.
76
00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:38,720
looks great.
77
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,820
- Thanks.
- Whole place looks great.
78
00:02:42,020 --> 00:02:44,060
- Yeah. New place, new start.
79
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:46,990
Oh, my god, I wanted you
to have my spare key.
80
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,660
- Oh, okay.
- For emergencies.
81
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,700
I don't want you to
just walk in here unannounced.
82
00:02:52,900 --> 00:02:55,070
- I won't.
- 'Cause you never know.
83
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,555
Never know what?
84
00:02:56,755 --> 00:02:58,247
- Who might be here?
85
00:02:58,447 --> 00:02:59,740
- Who are you expecting?
86
00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:02,695
Technically, we are both
still free to date.
87
00:03:02,895 --> 00:03:05,650
Hey, I gave up porn for you,
remember?
88
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:10,820
I'm late. Meeting
the girls for lunch.
89
00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:11,790
You gotta go.
90
00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,490
Just for the record,
91
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:14,990
You're not allowed
to just drop by my place
92
00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:16,160
Unannounced either.
93
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,075
Oh, in case I walk in
on you and ditka?
94
00:03:18,275 --> 00:03:19,990
Oh, my god,
if that ever happens,
95
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,060
Just start taking tons
of pictures, okay?
96
00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,560
- Go.
97
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,160
- Bye.
- Bye.
98
00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,400
- How's he doin'?
99
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,170
- He's conscious.
- Blood sugar's at 30.
100
00:03:31,370 --> 00:03:33,570
- Give him one ep of d-50.
- You're gonna be all right.
101
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:35,130
They got
the good doctors on today.
102
00:03:35,330 --> 00:03:36,680
I-I need you
to do something for me.
103
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:38,445
- Sure, bro. Call your wife?
- No, no, no, no.
104
00:03:38,645 --> 00:03:40,210
No, I need you to go back
to my apartment,
105
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,680
Clear the history
on my computer,
106
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:43,180
And then call my wife.
107
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:44,320
- Seriously?
- Please! Please!
108
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,650
Yeah, okay.
109
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:49,660
Okay.
110
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,130
So what do you guys think it is?
111
00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:55,860
Like some surprise
birthday thing for the wife?
112
00:03:56,060 --> 00:03:57,160
Or...Oh, my god.
113
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,000
You think he's having an affair?
114
00:03:58,200 --> 00:03:59,730
- Yeah, with online porn.
115
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,170
- Really?
- It's always about porn, bro.
116
00:04:01,370 --> 00:04:03,940
Why else would a guy
that was on his deathbed
117
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,870
Ask three strangers
to go to his house
118
00:04:06,070 --> 00:04:07,240
And erase his computer history?
119
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,325
Or maybe he's a terrorist.
Oh, my god!
120
00:04:09,525 --> 00:04:11,367
What if it's some kind
of terrorist plot?
121
00:04:11,567 --> 00:04:13,410
Maybe we should call the FBI.
Or the NSA.
122
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,680
You know what
the NSA considers
123
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,920
The first significant sign
that you're part
124
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,520
Of a terrorist plot?
125
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:19,450
If you don't have porn
on your computer.
126
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:22,060
Well, then they're coming
after me, I guess.
127
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,390
- You don't watch it?
128
00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:26,140
Not any more, no.
I stopped.
129
00:04:26,340 --> 00:04:27,890
I found that free online porn
130
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:30,460
Was becoming a cancer
in this country.
131
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,855
The young men in my generation,
in particular,
132
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:36,032
Were beginning to get
unrealistic expectations
133
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:39,010
About both women's bodies
and sexual activity.
134
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,240
I think it may have scarred
an entire generation of men.
135
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,750
So I decided to stop.
136
00:04:44,950 --> 00:04:48,650
And begin the healing process.
137
00:04:48,850 --> 00:04:50,350
- Holy sh...
138
00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:51,990
Exactly how much time
did you spend beating off?
139
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,120
- Um...
140
00:04:56,990 --> 00:04:59,930
Oh, there it is.
141
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,460
- Let's just hit clear history,
142
00:05:01,660 --> 00:05:03,060
Erase his crap,
and get the hell out of here.
143
00:05:03,070 --> 00:05:04,770
- Even though he's a PC guy.
144
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,670
- My father's a PC guy, so...
145
00:05:06,870 --> 00:05:07,930
I can handle this.
146
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,900
Just, uh, two clicks,
147
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,870
And easy peasy.
148
00:05:12,070 --> 00:05:15,740
Here we go.
149
00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:18,110
- Yeah, see? Told you.
150
00:05:18,310 --> 00:05:20,050
Okay, okay,
you guys were right.
151
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:22,920
I think we all know
where this is going.
152
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,805
Now here comes the...
153
00:05:25,005 --> 00:05:26,690
all: oh!
154
00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:30,660
What is that?
155
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,860
- It's loud!
- It's so loud!
156
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,720
Turn it off!
157
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,770
- End it!
158
00:06:03,990 --> 00:06:05,740
- I don't blame you.
159
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:07,690
I blame society.
160
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,630
And that damn internet.
161
00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:10,830
Hold on.
162
00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:14,400
I got somethin'
might help you out.
163
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,700
You think he has
a special pill
164
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,610
Or a potion or something?
165
00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:22,045
- Brian, he's not oz.
- He's very wise.
166
00:06:22,245 --> 00:06:24,280
I think I may have
to give up porn.
167
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,980
Now, everybody,
just let's not panic, okay?
168
00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:27,480
It was a horse.
169
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:28,780
Having an orgasm.
170
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:30,820
It's not the end of the world.
171
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:32,050
Aah, maybe it is the end
of the world.
172
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,790
I can't stop seeing it.
173
00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:36,360
Did anyone else notice
how blue the horse's eyes were?
174
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,845
- What?
- Just trying to help.
175
00:06:41,045 --> 00:06:45,330
Whenever
i find myself engulfed
176
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:47,530
In bothersome thoughts,
177
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:51,040
I sit down and have me
some pure heaven on earth.
178
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,340
Go ahead, take a bite.
179
00:06:59,510 --> 00:07:02,920
I saw a lot of bad sh...
In Vietnam.
180
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,185
But it's what I expected.
181
00:07:05,385 --> 00:07:07,450
War. And all its ugly parts.
182
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:11,020
But one time,
on this job...
183
00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:14,090
I done what you fools did.
184
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,260
I stuck my nose in some place
where it didn't belong.
185
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,270
See, everybody's got a secret.
186
00:07:20,470 --> 00:07:23,020
So when you go
in someone's home on a call,
187
00:07:23,220 --> 00:07:25,495
You wanna do
what you're supposed to do.
188
00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,970
Save their ass,
and get 'em in the rig.
189
00:07:27,980 --> 00:07:29,940
How's the candy?
190
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,250
- Delicious.
191
00:07:32,450 --> 00:07:34,950
Anyway, so one time
I'm saving this woman
192
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:36,880
Called in a heart attack.
193
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:39,075
She's laying
on her apartment floor,
194
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,260
And once I get her
on the stretcher,
195
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:45,060
I thought I heard a noise
coming from her closet.
196
00:07:45,260 --> 00:07:47,330
She's like, "no, it's okay.
197
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:50,430
It's just my cat."
198
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:52,400
But it didn't sound
like no cat.
199
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:57,070
It sounded big.
200
00:07:57,270 --> 00:07:59,210
Real big.
201
00:07:59,410 --> 00:08:01,910
My curiosity got the best of me.
202
00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:04,310
And I opened up that door.
203
00:08:04,510 --> 00:08:05,750
And what I saw
204
00:08:05,950 --> 00:08:08,350
Erased all four
of those horrible years
205
00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,620
I served in Vietnam.
206
00:08:10,820 --> 00:08:15,960
Was it a mokave king
puma cat?
207
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,260
They're
the largest domestic breed.
208
00:08:19,460 --> 00:08:20,830
- No.
209
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:25,030
- It was a 350-Pound man.
210
00:08:25,230 --> 00:08:25,900
Naked.
211
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:29,140
In a diaper.
212
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:32,510
Not in a diaper 'cause he had
intestinal issues.
213
00:08:32,710 --> 00:08:34,940
In a diaper
because he wanted to be a baby.
214
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,510
Again!
215
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,150
Still thinking about horses?
All: no.
216
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:44,950
I'm thinking about
the world's largest case
217
00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,635
Of diaper rash.
218
00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,120
- See? It worked.
219
00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:50,790
The key to this business
is minding your business.
220
00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:54,160
And keeping your minds
out of the gutter.
221
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,030
'Cause what you put in your head
222
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:57,750
Will stay in your head,
mousse.
223
00:08:57,950 --> 00:08:59,310
- Why are you busting on me?
224
00:08:59,510 --> 00:09:00,670
How many times
i catch you
225
00:09:00,870 --> 00:09:02,970
Looking at that filth
on your phone, boy?
226
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:04,340
- Yeah, man, what's the point?
227
00:09:04,540 --> 00:09:05,510
- It's like porn on a thimble.
228
00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:06,840
Do you ever clear the history
on that thing?
229
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,040
- Why?
230
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,610
In case somebody takes
a look at it.
231
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,880
I don't watch filth
on that thing anymore.
232
00:09:12,080 --> 00:09:13,410
I mostly use my iPad.
233
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,350
Why would you want
to watch porn on an iPad?
234
00:09:15,550 --> 00:09:17,480
Well, first of all,
the resolution is amazing.
235
00:09:17,490 --> 00:09:20,150
And second, it's bigger...
Oh, my god!
236
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,090
Theresa has my iPad!
- So? She knows you watch porn.
237
00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:23,420
- I told her I stopped.
238
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:24,520
Why would you do that?
That's idiotic.
239
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,830
- How long have you known me?
240
00:09:26,030 --> 00:09:27,360
Good point. Surprised
it didn't happen sooner.
241
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:29,130
How much time we lookin' at?
242
00:09:29,330 --> 00:09:30,860
She's having lunch
with the girls and her sister.
243
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:31,530
So we have a bit of a window.
- Which sister?
244
00:09:31,730 --> 00:09:32,970
- Maeve.
245
00:09:33,170 --> 00:09:34,430
Oh, that's
a pretty big window.
246
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,840
Let's go.
- Okay.
247
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:41,270
Did the giant baby
have a giant rattle?
248
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,040
- Brian!
- Let's go!
249
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,280
- I don't get the whole
250
00:09:51,290 --> 00:09:52,850
Mayonnaise-On-French-Fry
thing.
251
00:09:53,050 --> 00:09:53,990
Mm-Mm. No.
252
00:09:54,190 --> 00:09:55,360
- It's European.
253
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,190
They do it all over Europe.
254
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:59,230
it doesn't make you look classy.
255
00:09:59,430 --> 00:10:00,590
It's mayonnaise.
256
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,400
- It's so chic.
- No, it's not.
257
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,200
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
258
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,230
You know what else
Europeans do that's creepy?
259
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:07,370
They drink soda warm.
260
00:10:07,570 --> 00:10:09,140
- I love warm soda.
- Since when?
261
00:10:09,340 --> 00:10:13,870
Since forever.
262
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,280
- Are you okay there, stats?
263
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,180
I can't find a bra
that fits me right.
264
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:19,865
You guys are pretty well set up.
How'd you do that?
265
00:10:20,065 --> 00:10:22,550
Lift yourself up, and then
put yourself in the cup.
266
00:10:22,750 --> 00:10:24,880
Size up, size down,
it's not that difficult.
267
00:10:24,890 --> 00:10:28,390
not squashed. Lift it.
268
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,420
- You know what?
269
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,090
We will all take you shopping
after lunch.
270
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:35,100
- They love boobs in Europe.
271
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,750
- Awesome.
272
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:40,400
Whoo-Hoo! Huh?
273
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:47,470
- It's 12:30.
274
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,340
Let's get the hell in there,
get this thing,
275
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:52,080
And get out.
276
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,580
I'm just so thankful
for cash telling us that story.
277
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,750
Really cleared my head.
278
00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:00,990
How big do you think
that diaper was?
279
00:11:01,190 --> 00:11:03,590
- Hey, your shoe's untied.
- Whup? Shoelace situation.
280
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,260
hey, guys.
How's it going?
281
00:11:10,270 --> 00:11:12,830
Hey, jimmy.
You got transferred to mounted.
282
00:11:13,030 --> 00:11:14,370
No, no, requested it,
you know?
283
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:15,400
Chicks dig horses.
284
00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,600
So I hear.
285
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,470
You wouldn't believe the pussy
a horse can pull.
286
00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:20,610
- Oh, yeah, I would.
287
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:21,875
You gotta see the cock
on this thing.
288
00:11:22,075 --> 00:11:23,140
It's like
four Louisville sluggers
289
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:24,640
All duct-Taped together.
290
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,110
You guys got a couple minutes?
291
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,110
'Cause usually if you just
stand still long enough,
292
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,450
It'll just get a random hard on.
293
00:11:29,650 --> 00:11:31,570
Actually, we're
in a bit of a rush.
294
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,490
We only got ten minutes
for lunch.
295
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:35,160
- Maybe next time.
- Oh, yeah, okay, cool.
296
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:37,220
Real cool, all right,
well, give me a call sometime.
297
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:39,780
We'll go to the track and hang.
298
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:42,055
- Great.
- Take it easy, guys.
299
00:11:42,255 --> 00:11:44,330
- All righty.
- Brian, let's go.
300
00:11:44,530 --> 00:11:45,370
Hello! Wake up!
301
00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:00,665
go, go, go, go, go.
302
00:12:00,865 --> 00:12:03,350
Go, go, go, go, go.
303
00:12:03,550 --> 00:12:05,450
- Okay, where is it?
- Shhh!
304
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,550
- Nobody's home.
- Shhh!
305
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:09,390
She has a nosy neighbor
who calls the cops
306
00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:10,420
At the drop of a hat.
307
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:11,630
- Okay, okay, okay.
308
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:13,260
Look, this is how
this is gonna go down.
309
00:12:13,460 --> 00:12:14,530
Brian, you take
the front quadrant,
310
00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:16,660
And johnny, you take
the back quadrants.
311
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:17,600
Why are you assigning quadrants?
It's my girlfriend's house.
312
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:18,470
- I was in the military.
313
00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:19,620
I know how to assign quadrants
314
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:20,770
In a spy mission situation.
315
00:12:20,970 --> 00:12:22,400
Now, look, Brian.
316
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,100
- You take the kitchen quadrant.
317
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,310
I'm gonna take
the bedroom quadrant.
318
00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:26,570
Brian, you take
the living room quadrant.
319
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,140
All right?
Break.
320
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:29,710
- That's only three quadrants.
- What?
321
00:12:29,910 --> 00:12:30,610
- Quadrants means four areas.
322
00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:31,510
You only assigned three.
323
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,550
The prefix "quad" means "four."
324
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:35,220
- Okay, forget the quadrants.
- It hails from the Latin...
325
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,850
forget the quadrants, okay?
326
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,520
It'll be just an area,
all right?
327
00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,190
Let's get
the three goddamned areas.
328
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:41,660
- I've made a decision!
- Shhh!
329
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,390
I'm not whispering
- Keep your goddamn voice down.
330
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:44,420
Brian, you take
the living room quadrant
331
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,090
And the kitchen quadrant.
332
00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:48,460
This woman is a psychopath.
333
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,530
- You happy now?
334
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:57,400
- All right.
- Are happy now?
335
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,325
- Okay, okay.
336
00:12:59,525 --> 00:13:01,240
- Oh, my god.
337
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:03,010
- What?
- Theresa's computer.
338
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:06,730
- Oh, don't do it, john.
- Do you think it's wrong?
339
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:10,450
Yes. Plus, I believe
that it's in my quadrant.
340
00:13:10,650 --> 00:13:11,450
Look, no good
can come from this.
341
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,120
- How bad could it be?
342
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:14,750
Didn't we answer that question
earlier today?
343
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,860
Look, I know
what Theresa's into.
344
00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:19,160
And it's not horses
having sex, okay?
345
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:20,430
It's real estate and guns.
346
00:13:20,630 --> 00:13:22,100
And shoes.
347
00:13:22,300 --> 00:13:27,500
And I guarantee that's exactly
what we're about to see.
348
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,310
"The rock"?
349
00:13:33,510 --> 00:13:36,410
That must be a glitch.
350
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:38,580
"the rock" again?
351
00:13:38,780 --> 00:13:40,550
- Hit history.
352
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:43,520
"'The rock' abs.
'The rock' arms.
353
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:45,420
'The rock' ass"?
354
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:47,120
"'The rock' eyes?"
355
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,460
- Who's Dwayne Johnson?
356
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,820
Also the rock.
His given name.
357
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,960
He debuted as the rock in 1996,
358
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,530
When he became
a professional wrestler.
359
00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:56,400
- Oh, my god.
- Wow.
360
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,430
That porn horse
and the rock
361
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:01,130
Have the same exact
muscular definition.
362
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,700
Look at the ripples
on that back.
363
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:04,500
- Okay, enough.
364
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:07,795
This is an invasion
of Theresa's privacy.
365
00:14:07,995 --> 00:14:11,280
"Penelope Cruz lips,"
"Penelope Cruz eyes."
366
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,280
- Oh.
- "Penelope Cruz bikini"?
367
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,315
"Pregnant Penelope Cruz
bikini"?
368
00:14:15,515 --> 00:14:17,382
You use
your girlfriend's computer
369
00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:19,250
To look at celebrity chicks?
- N...
370
00:14:19,450 --> 00:14:21,450
Pregnant celebrity chicks?
I'm so disappointed in you.
371
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,920
Not me.
It's Theresa.
372
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,305
Penelope Cruz is
her lesbian free ticket.
373
00:14:24,505 --> 00:14:25,690
It's the one girl
she'd ever have sex with
374
00:14:25,890 --> 00:14:27,360
If she ever had the chance.
375
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,730
Me, being a gracious boyfriend,
said she could do it.
376
00:14:30,930 --> 00:14:33,135
- Who's your free ticket?
- Jennifer Aniston.
377
00:14:33,335 --> 00:14:35,922
- Oh, you moron.
- What? Why am I a moron?
378
00:14:36,122 --> 00:14:38,510
Because if you pick
Penelope Cruz too,
379
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,625
And the day happens to come
where you both meet her
380
00:14:40,825 --> 00:14:42,740
And you hit it off,
you get to have a threesome!
381
00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:44,810
- Even I know that.
- Oh, I didn't...
382
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,410
- Put 'em up, motherfu...
- Oh!
383
00:14:46,610 --> 00:14:48,380
- Holy sh..., You guys!
384
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:51,750
I almost wasted y'all!
- Jesus. Billy!
385
00:14:51,950 --> 00:14:53,320
Oh, my god.
386
00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:55,020
Why...Why don't...
387
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,890
Why don't you have
any clothes on?
388
00:14:58,090 --> 00:15:01,460
Why is your penis so big?
389
00:15:01,660 --> 00:15:04,830
- It's not that big.
390
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,430
I say this as a black man
and a gay dude,
391
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,890
Your cock is enormous.
392
00:15:09,090 --> 00:15:10,450
Really?
Thanks, man.
393
00:15:10,650 --> 00:15:11,810
My brothers are bigger.
394
00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:13,670
I'm the smallest one
in my family.
395
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,280
I would love to visit
their house for thanksgiving.
396
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:18,030
- God, your balls look tiny.
397
00:15:18,230 --> 00:15:20,580
- How...How do you buy pants?
398
00:15:20,780 --> 00:15:22,750
I don't know who's bigger,
him or the porn horse.
399
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:25,590
- He is, by a nose.
400
00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:27,390
What are you doing here,
Billy?
401
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:28,990
- I was sleeping upstairs.
- Naked?
402
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:30,420
Yeah. It's hard for me to find
the right size underwear.
403
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,660
My house is close
to the station,
404
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,790
No underwear necessary.
- Stop hitting on him.
405
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:37,400
- He's not hitting on me.
- Oh, I'm hitting on you hard.
406
00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:38,630
Did you sleep
with my girlfriend?
407
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:41,530
- Um...i don't think so.
408
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,070
- Holy sh...!
- Oh, my god.
409
00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:48,255
He's covering it up
and I can still see it.
410
00:15:48,455 --> 00:15:50,440
99th percentile,
that's how big that is.
411
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,180
99th percentile.
- Wow.
412
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:54,280
Um, I think I'm gonna
put some pants on.
413
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,450
- No!
- No!
414
00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:58,120
- I think that's a good idea.
- Okay.
415
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:00,290
What are you guys
doing here?
416
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,260
- What is he doing here?
417
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:03,860
His apartment's
being fumigated,
418
00:16:04,060 --> 00:16:05,730
And he's working nights
covering for a guy,
419
00:16:05,930 --> 00:16:07,990
So I said he could stay here.
What are you doing here?
420
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,930
Well, I just
came over to...
421
00:16:11,130 --> 00:16:14,000
To, uh, show the guys
the new coffee table.
422
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:15,570
There it is, boys.
What'd I tell you?
423
00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:16,755
Oh, wow!
Is this oak?
424
00:16:16,955 --> 00:16:18,032
- Did you get this used?
425
00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:19,751
Yeah, yeah.
It's nice.
426
00:16:19,951 --> 00:16:21,470
- Why is my computer open?
427
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:25,580
The truth is that iPad...
My iPad that I lent you...
428
00:16:25,780 --> 00:16:27,280
It's, uh...
429
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:30,580
It's got porn on it.
- I know.
430
00:16:30,590 --> 00:16:33,290
- You looked at my iPad?
- Two seconds after you left.
431
00:16:33,490 --> 00:16:34,790
Wanted to know if you were
telling the truth
432
00:16:34,990 --> 00:16:39,360
About giving up porn,
which of course you weren't.
433
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,990
You looked at my computer?
- Yeah, I did.
434
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,730
And I'm sorry about that.
435
00:16:42,930 --> 00:16:43,960
But just what the hell
is the deal with all the...
436
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:45,320
- Hey!
- Rock pictures, huh?
437
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:46,670
- Hey!
- Can you tell me that?
438
00:16:46,870 --> 00:16:48,000
First of all,
it's none of your business.
439
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,140
Second of all...
440
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:51,970
I like the rock.
He's handsome.
441
00:16:52,170 --> 00:16:53,755
He's agile.
442
00:16:53,955 --> 00:16:55,340
And he's funny.
443
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:56,810
And he can do that thing
with his eyebrows.
444
00:16:57,010 --> 00:16:58,280
- Yes, he can.
445
00:16:58,480 --> 00:16:59,850
I love when he does
the eyebrows.
446
00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:01,810
The rock is huge in Europe.
They love him there.
447
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:05,820
What's with Penelope Cruz?
448
00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:08,320
She's my lesbian
free ticket, okay?
449
00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,560
- Who's his free ticket?
- Jennifer Aniston. Pfft.
450
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:11,820
- Idiot!
451
00:17:11,830 --> 00:17:13,390
If it was Penelope Cruz,
then...
452
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,100
Yeah, I got it now, stats.
Thanks.
453
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,960
Since we're talking
about browser history...
454
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,670
Hmm.
455
00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:23,340
What is with all of the Rachel
McAdams topless searches
456
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:24,770
On your iPad, huh?
457
00:17:24,970 --> 00:17:27,205
"Rachel McAdams
topless Bermuda,"
458
00:17:27,405 --> 00:17:29,507
"Rachel McAdams
topless Italy."
459
00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:31,810
"Rachel McAdams
topless Macau"?
460
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:33,480
- She travels a lot.
- Oh.
461
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,580
It's embarrassing,
but the truth is...
462
00:17:35,780 --> 00:17:37,680
I don't have
any topless pictures of you,
463
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:38,820
And she kind of
reminds me of you.
464
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,490
There you go.
465
00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:44,010
I wanted
a topless picture of you,
466
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:47,530
And that was as close
as I could get.
467
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:48,830
That's actually
kind of sweet.
468
00:17:49,030 --> 00:17:51,030
You never gave him
any topless photos?
469
00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:52,600
In Europe,
everyone goes topless.
470
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,970
- Shut up, Maeve.
471
00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:56,740
You spent one semester
studying in Scotland.
472
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,410
You think I look
like Rachel McAdams?
473
00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:04,580
- Yeah. I do.
474
00:18:04,780 --> 00:18:06,880
A lot.
475
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:08,680
So much so that I've seen
all of her movies...
476
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,180
Except the vow.
- Oh, my god.
477
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,680
What are you saving it for?
478
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,450
Theresa,
i can't find my pants.
479
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,890
- Dang it, Billy.
480
00:18:15,090 --> 00:18:18,560
- Yes!
- Is that my iPad?
481
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:21,630
Is yours the one
with big booby car wash on it?
482
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,230
- Yes.
- Yeah.
483
00:18:23,430 --> 00:18:24,900
You know what?
It's yours.
484
00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:25,930
- Really?
- Mm-Hmm.
485
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:26,900
- Thanks, man.
486
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:28,270
- Chicago north...
- No!
487
00:18:28,470 --> 00:18:29,520
- Ambulance 14.
- Oh, thank god.
488
00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:30,770
Life alert,
16 east grove.
489
00:18:30,970 --> 00:18:32,655
- That's our quadrant.
490
00:18:32,855 --> 00:18:34,367
We'd love to stay, but...
491
00:18:34,567 --> 00:18:35,880
- Ambulance 14 responding.
492
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,050
One of you bitches
is taking a picture.
493
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:42,380
- Guys.
494
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:52,730
Which room was it?
495
00:18:52,930 --> 00:18:54,660
- 2-0-0-8.
496
00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:58,970
- Emergency services!
497
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:00,570
Why is the phone
still ringing?
498
00:19:00,770 --> 00:19:02,170
911 dispatch.
Nobody's answering.
499
00:19:02,370 --> 00:19:04,440
Hello?
Emergency services!
500
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,710
Hello?
All right, stand back.
501
00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:12,580
Hello?
502
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,780
oh, my god!
503
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:18,300
Oh, that's it.
Oh, that's it.
504
00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,620
All: oh!
- Oh! Oh, my god!
505
00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:22,820
Get outta my house!
- What the hell is this?
506
00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:24,305
- Call the police.
- No! Nope, nope.
507
00:19:24,505 --> 00:19:25,790
Everything's okay.
We're paramedics.
508
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:27,430
We got an emergency call.
509
00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:30,360
This is the EMT's.
It's a false alarm.
510
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,820
It looks like the life alert
was set off, um...
511
00:19:33,020 --> 00:19:35,470
Accidentally.
- Oh, this is so embarrassing.
512
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,740
- Shh, okay.
- It's okay, it's okay.
513
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:41,970
Um, just next time you engage
in athletic activities,
514
00:19:41,980 --> 00:19:43,210
Um, take off the necklace.
- Please.
515
00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:44,610
- Thank you.
- Please.
516
00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,010
- We're just gonna...
- Please.
517
00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:28,150
Okay, can we just...
- Yeah.
518
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,920
- That was so...
- Beautiful.
519
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,660
right?
520
00:20:31,860 --> 00:20:35,090
Two humans in love,
the way it was meant to be.
521
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,560
That...
That was poetry.
522
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,830
It was the California raisins
making a sex tape.
523
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,385
- Not to me.
524
00:20:41,585 --> 00:20:44,012
I was moved.
525
00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:46,640
Horse...gone.
526
00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:51,210
See ya, guys.
527
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:52,910
I don't think I'm ever gonna
get that man's saggy scrotum
528
00:20:53,110 --> 00:20:54,210
Outta my head.
- Or her ass.
529
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:56,680
It was so, uh, wrinkled.
530
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:57,950
I mean,
i thought it was her ass.
531
00:20:58,150 --> 00:20:59,350
Maybe it was...
Oy.
532
00:20:59,550 --> 00:21:00,805
Giant baby, giant baby,
giant baby.
533
00:21:01,005 --> 00:21:02,060
giant baby, giant baby.
534
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,990
Giant baby...
- Text from Maeve.
535
00:21:05,190 --> 00:21:06,890
Ooh, please be
what I think it might be.
536
00:21:07,090 --> 00:21:08,890
Jackpot!
- What?
537
00:21:08,900 --> 00:21:11,300
Goodbye, saggy scrotum.
Hello, king dong.
538
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:12,550
She sent me a photo
of Billy's dick.
539
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,800
She sent me a photo
of Billy dick.
540
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,400
- Ah.
541
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,200
I'm a free man.
542
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:18,825
I'ma save this bitch
right now.
543
00:21:19,025 --> 00:21:20,440
Well, what am i
supposed to do?
544
00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,340
giant baby.
545
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:27,250
It's a text from Theresa.
- What is it?
546
00:21:27,450 --> 00:21:30,250
- Nothing.
547
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:34,850
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