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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,527 --> 00:00:10,750 Kidney function, liver function, testosterone... I don't know how you did it, 2 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,379 but you have essentially aged 40 years in the last seven weeks. 3 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:16,000 Wow. Really? 4 00:00:16,010 --> 00:00:17,790 We had a meth addict in here this morning 5 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,840 who was biologically younger than you are, and he's 58. 6 00:00:21,850 --> 00:00:23,220 MySpace guy. 7 00:00:24,050 --> 00:00:25,380 So what is going on? 8 00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:29,080 Uh... It's this cloud service configuration, 9 00:00:29,090 --> 00:00:32,440 - I've been stuck on it for over a week. - Wow. 10 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:34,899 I'm a good programmer. I mean, it's the only thing I am good at. 11 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,720 I mean, last year, I threw a Frisbee and it chipped my tooth. 12 00:00:36,730 --> 00:00:38,190 That's more of a dental issue. 13 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:39,690 Yup, OK, I... 14 00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:43,280 The point is, I learned Ruby on Rails over a weekend when I was 17. 15 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,900 I should be able to learn cloud, I have to. 16 00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:49,290 Can I give you my professional opinion, as your doctor? 17 00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:52,740 You should have taken that ten million dollars from Gavin Belson, OK? 18 00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:55,880 But regrets will kill ya so try not to dwell on it. 19 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,540 I tried to tell you. 20 00:00:57,550 --> 00:01:00,390 [techno music playing] 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:08,000 ?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17? ?www.addic7ed.com? 22 00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:11,930 Outside help? No, we're not getting any outside help. 23 00:01:11,940 --> 00:01:14,760 It's a week until TechCrunch, Richard. We can't wait any longer. 24 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,609 Richard, look at the board. 25 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:21,650 OK, cloud architecture is just a giant turd that is clogging up our pipes. 26 00:01:21,660 --> 00:01:23,850 We have to call in a plumber to fix it. 27 00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:26,990 OK, I hate that metaphor, but Erlich is right. 28 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,949 Gilfoyle and I finished the distribution services days ago 29 00:01:29,950 --> 00:01:31,780 and we're just sitting around waiting for you. 30 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:35,080 - I can solve it. - Richard, you're a fucking rock star, OK? 31 00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,950 You just don't know cloud, 32 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,500 this tiny, little, shitty area, 33 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:41,710 which is becoming super important, 34 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:43,880 and in many ways is the future of computing. 35 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,010 That sort of went south on me, but you understand what I'm saying. 36 00:01:49,020 --> 00:01:52,139 I've already talked to Peter Gregory about insourcing a consultant. 37 00:01:52,140 --> 00:01:54,809 I've made contact with a programmer whose cloud architecture 38 00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:58,310 is supposed to be insane. They call him The Carver. 39 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,480 The Carver? That Black Hat guy who apparently hacked into the Bank of America 40 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,730 and took down their entire system, that The Carver? 41 00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:06,159 We should get him if we can. 42 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,780 [sighs] 43 00:02:08,790 --> 00:02:11,210 OK, we can talk to the guy, 44 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:14,410 but, I mean, he's really gonna have to sell me. 45 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:25,000 [Jared] Six months ago, these guys had 35 million and Series B Financing. 46 00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:27,880 Now The Carver's here doing teardown. 47 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:30,420 He's basically moving their carcass to the cloud. 48 00:02:30,430 --> 00:02:33,570 [Erlich] Don't touch anything. Failure is contagious. 49 00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,980 I think that's him. 50 00:02:39,990 --> 00:02:41,980 [tapping keyboard] 51 00:02:41,990 --> 00:02:45,900 Excuse me, Mr. Carver? 52 00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:50,520 [snickers] Yeah, uh, people refer to me as The Carver, 53 00:02:50,530 --> 00:02:53,410 but no one actually calls me that, it's what people call a screen name. 54 00:02:53,420 --> 00:02:56,750 You know. I'm Kevin. 55 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:01,000 OK, Kevin, um, we're from Pied Piper, we spoke earlier. 56 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:03,500 - Yeah, so you guys are fucked, huh? - No. No, we're not fucked. 57 00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,210 Yes, we are totally fucked. 58 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:07,460 We have a live demo in one week and our cloud is in the shitter. 59 00:03:07,470 --> 00:03:09,790 - That's accurate. - Wait, are you Richard? 60 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,930 Yes, I am. 61 00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:16,350 Yeah, your algorithm is solid. It's a really good schema. 62 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,060 OK, thanks. 63 00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:21,560 I did think you'd be younger. What are you, 25? 64 00:03:21,570 --> 00:03:22,610 Twenty-six. 65 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:24,120 Yikes. 66 00:03:25,570 --> 00:03:28,650 Uh, so I have a Model U.N. thing on Monday, 67 00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:31,310 but maybe I could burn through your gig over the weekend. 68 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:35,650 Mmm. You think you can do our whole job in two days? 69 00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:38,290 I know I can do it in two days. 70 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:41,620 I pound Mello Yello, Oreos and Adderall and I don't sleep until I'm done. 71 00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:43,960 - OK. - [scoffs] 72 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:47,080 But you know what? I also have an offer to do some migration at Gittawonk this weekend. 73 00:03:47,090 --> 00:03:49,180 It's... It's kind of chill, 74 00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:51,550 and frankly, their tech's a little stronger. 75 00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,050 Whoa. What? What? 76 00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:56,099 You think Gittawonk's tech is stronger than ours? 77 00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,890 I'm sorry, I don't remember reading in PandoDaily 78 00:03:58,900 --> 00:04:02,180 that Gavin Belson and Peter Gregory were fighting over Gittawonk. 79 00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:05,480 No one offered ten million dollars to acquire Gittawonk. 80 00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:08,020 Yeah, I agree with Richard, you should come work for us. 81 00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:10,770 - What... No... - What's it gonna take, a blow-job? 82 00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:13,770 Because Richard will suck the dick right off of your pelvis. 83 00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,790 [laughs] 84 00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:20,880 Now you make me laugh, shaggy man. 85 00:04:20,890 --> 00:04:22,370 All right, I'm in. 86 00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:23,630 I'll see you guys Friday. 87 00:04:25,710 --> 00:04:27,540 - [tapping keyboard] - [Richard] OK. 88 00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,430 - [whispering] Well done. - [whispering] Yeah. 89 00:04:33,390 --> 00:04:36,260 Excuse me. Hi, um, would you guys be interested 90 00:04:36,270 --> 00:04:39,139 in buying some candy so you can send my church group to camp? 91 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:42,050 Nope. 92 00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:43,890 [Erlich] Hundred bucks says there's no church. 93 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,810 Whole thing's a scam, little scumbags. 94 00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,360 They're just children. 95 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,610 Looks like Gilfoyle and his lady Satanist are back from the airport. 96 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,860 Can you imagine what kind of shit-show this one's gonna be? 97 00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,200 He says that she has an Amy Winehouse vibe. 98 00:04:55,210 --> 00:04:57,750 What does that mean? All tatted-up and nowhere to go. 99 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,370 - Hooked on OxyContin? - Decomposing? 100 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:03,280 Oh. Oh, OK, that was dark. 101 00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:08,830 Gentlemen, this is Tara. 102 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,670 - Hi. - Tara, this is the fellas: 103 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,670 Jared, Dinesh, Erlich and Richard. 104 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:15,480 - It's Erlich. - It's great to finally meet you guys. 105 00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,420 Hi. 106 00:05:18,430 --> 00:05:20,430 - [Tara giggles] - [Gilfoyle] All right. 107 00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:25,760 Jesus, where did he get Amy Winehouse from? 108 00:05:25,770 --> 00:05:30,230 I mean, I'd have sex with that if you hose the Gilfoyle off of her. 109 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,160 It's weird having a girl in the house. There's a very strange energy. 110 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,750 Hm. 111 00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:47,280 Hello... Kevin. 112 00:05:47,290 --> 00:05:51,170 [chuckles] OK, Richard, I just need you to approve Kevin's fee. 113 00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:54,680 I got Erlich to sign and you sign right there. 114 00:05:54,690 --> 00:05:57,430 Twenty thousand dollars for two days. 115 00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:01,380 You know who else thought my price was too high? Bitraptor. 116 00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,020 Who? 117 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:05,090 Exactly. 118 00:06:06,860 --> 00:06:10,610 Great. Peter Gregory is on his way out of town so I'm gonna hustle out there 119 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:14,400 and get him to co-sign these and the check and I'll be back as soon as I can. 120 00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:16,740 Thank you. 121 00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:21,490 You OK over there? You have any questions...? 122 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,990 Yeah, one question. 123 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,370 Cool. Shoot. 124 00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:29,180 Why do you keep your lips pressed so tight together when you're not talking? 125 00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:31,910 'Cause they're like white. 126 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,880 It looks uncomfortable. 127 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,680 - [scoffs] - [rapid tapping on keyboard] 128 00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:42,429 [tapping on keyboard] 129 00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:47,010 [mouthing silently] 130 00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,520 Hey, guys. 131 00:06:53,190 --> 00:06:54,570 Hey, Kevin, um, 132 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:58,520 so how did you bypass Bank of America's network security? 133 00:06:58,530 --> 00:06:59,780 I want details. 134 00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:04,440 My lawyers told me I'm not allowed to discuss it. 135 00:07:04,450 --> 00:07:06,460 Totally get it. That's baller. 136 00:07:25,980 --> 00:07:27,470 - [Gilfoyle] Hey, babe? - Hmm. 137 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,690 You're up. 138 00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:36,820 [whispering indistinctly] 139 00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:41,290 - [Tara] All right, I'm gonna go have a shower. - [Gilfoyle] Mm-hm. 140 00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:47,400 - Uh, what was that? - What? 141 00:07:47,410 --> 00:07:51,160 Tara just whispered something to you and then she looked at me in a weird way. 142 00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,740 No, she didn't. 143 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,500 Yeah, she did. 144 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,019 What's up? 145 00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:10,519 Do you know what compersion is? 146 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,480 It's when someone takes pleasure in seeing their loved one gratified 147 00:08:14,490 --> 00:08:16,620 by another person. 148 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,070 Sexually. It's the opposite of jealousy. 149 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,750 It sounds like it's the opposite of normal. Why are you telling me about this thing? 150 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,500 [clears throat] As shocking as this is... 151 00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,970 Tara is attracted to you. 152 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,140 Come again? 153 00:08:35,150 --> 00:08:38,470 Yeah, freaked me out too, at first. 154 00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:41,680 I don't like the "at first" part at all. 155 00:08:41,690 --> 00:08:43,090 What are you saying? 156 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,010 Since I abide by the maxim, 157 00:08:45,020 --> 00:08:48,720 "Do what thou wilt, that is the whole of the law"... 158 00:08:48,730 --> 00:08:50,430 if you want to fuck my girlfriend, I'm OK with it. 159 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,060 Jesus Christ, man, I could barely stand next to you when you're in your towel. 160 00:08:54,070 --> 00:08:56,110 I don't want to have a threesome with you. 161 00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,060 I'm not talking about a threesome. 162 00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,610 Listen, I don't even have to be in the room, 163 00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:01,030 unless that's better for you. 164 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,240 OK, no, I don't... 165 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:08,570 Right, so we're all settled then. 166 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,820 - Yep. - Do you need parking validation? 167 00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:12,490 No, I used Lyft. 168 00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,880 So I'll Lyft it back. 169 00:09:14,890 --> 00:09:16,660 Why don't I have Peter's car take you home. 170 00:09:16,670 --> 00:09:18,830 He's not using it, we're shipping off to Arallon tomorrow. 171 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,010 - Arallon? - Yeah, the island Peter's building. 172 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,670 What's the... the red line? 173 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:29,060 That's the International Date Line. 174 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:30,590 The island's built right on it 175 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,390 so the western half can celebrate the first new years on Earth, 176 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,600 then the next day, they walk over to the eastern half 177 00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:37,400 and celebrate the last new years on Earth. 178 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:40,150 But if you can walk, why does he need the car on the island? 179 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,660 Peter's not really big on walking. 180 00:09:45,280 --> 00:09:47,020 So I'll just have the guys pull it up front for you. 181 00:09:47,030 --> 00:09:48,080 Great. 182 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,129 [chuckles quietly] 183 00:10:01,130 --> 00:10:03,800 Driverless car. 184 00:10:08,770 --> 00:10:10,710 - [beep] - [computer voice] Select destination. 185 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:15,309 Hi. Um... I'm going to 5230 186 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,690 - Newell Road, Palo Alto... - [computer beeps] 187 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:22,210 [computer voice] Route guidance calibrated. Distance to destination: 188 00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:24,730 four point six miles. Buckle up, please. 189 00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,160 - [beep] - OK. 190 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,290 [computer voice] Enjoy your ride. 191 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,260 [Jared chuckles] 192 00:10:33,010 --> 00:10:34,700 You? 193 00:10:34,710 --> 00:10:37,960 Tara wants to have sex with you? You sure? 194 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,210 Yeah, Gilfoyle just told me, to my face. 195 00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:43,509 He told you that Tara wants to copulate with someone else in the house 196 00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:46,880 other than him and that someone is you, Dinesh? 197 00:10:46,890 --> 00:10:48,550 Yeah, that's... 198 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:52,260 You know, you seem confused by this but for a different reason than I am. 199 00:10:52,270 --> 00:10:55,019 Don't you think it's weird that Tara wants some strange 200 00:10:55,020 --> 00:10:57,980 and she chooses you over me, 201 00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,150 the logical person in the house? 202 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,189 OK, I see where we are ending up on this. Thank you for your time. 203 00:11:03,190 --> 00:11:06,240 Wait, are you sure that she didn't ask Gilfoyle 204 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:09,520 for a danish and maybe you misheard her? 205 00:11:09,530 --> 00:11:12,190 You're probably right, she just wanted to fuck a danish. 206 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,830 Wait, you just built all the indexes on the fly? 207 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,209 Yeah, of course. 208 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:20,200 OK, well... Well, then what's that? 209 00:11:20,210 --> 00:11:23,209 The key value store. 210 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,450 Tuples. 211 00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,870 Speak English. 212 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,390 [scoffs] 213 00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,880 You're kind of doing that lip thing again there, buddy. 214 00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:35,770 No, I'm not. 215 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:42,580 Stop looking at my lips. 216 00:11:42,590 --> 00:11:45,500 [beeping] 217 00:11:45,510 --> 00:11:48,510 [computer voice] Destination override. New destination. 218 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,930 One Gregory Drive. Arallon. 219 00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:55,560 Distance to destination: 4,126 miles. 220 00:11:55,570 --> 00:11:57,310 Enjoy your ride. 221 00:11:57,320 --> 00:11:59,160 Um, what's happening? 222 00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:06,250 I'm sorry, what... Mr. Car? 223 00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:13,660 Hey. Tara and I are going to a Satanic baptism. You wanna come? 224 00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,030 Stu Burns decided to walk the left-hand path with us. 225 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:19,790 The database administrator for Yahoo is becoming a Satanist? 226 00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:21,170 We're everywhere. 227 00:12:21,180 --> 00:12:24,170 Hey, Erlich, are you coming? Dinesh is. 228 00:12:24,180 --> 00:12:25,640 He is? 229 00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:29,130 - [ringtone] - This is Monica. 230 00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,680 Hi Monica, it's Jared. Uh, quick question... 231 00:12:31,690 --> 00:12:33,050 Jared, I can't talk right now. 232 00:12:33,060 --> 00:12:35,140 One of our assistants has been confusing the eastern, 233 00:12:35,150 --> 00:12:37,770 western time zones of Arallon on work orders. 234 00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:40,190 Now a bunch of important things are happening a day early. 235 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,030 Peter is going to be furious when he finds out. 236 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,419 - He's going to make that noise. - [cell phone beeping] 237 00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:48,131 Oh, shit, that's him on the other line. I gotta go. 238 00:12:48,132 --> 00:12:50,130 - Oh wait Monica. It just... - Hi, Peter. 239 00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,870 [deep guttural sound] 240 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:54,520 Hello, Monica? 241 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:58,180 Um, car? Mr. Car? 242 00:12:58,190 --> 00:12:59,800 Uh, excuse me. 243 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,800 Arallon is an island, so how are we...? 244 00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:03,479 Oh, no, no! No. 245 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,380 Stop. Let me out. 246 00:13:07,150 --> 00:13:10,700 Mmm. Um... Uh, that's not good. 247 00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,560 Oh, no! No! 248 00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:14,290 Excuse me please! 249 00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,230 - Please honk. Please honk. - [door shutting] 250 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,200 No, no, no, no. No, no, no. 251 00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:23,540 No, no. Please. Please. 252 00:13:23,550 --> 00:13:25,800 Oh, no, that's not good. 253 00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:28,260 OK, Donald, stay calm. 254 00:13:28,270 --> 00:13:29,470 [loud metallic thud] 255 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:37,500 [computer voice] 103 hours to destination. Entering sleep mode. 256 00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,590 - What? No! - Enjoy your ride. 257 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,250 OK, stay calm. Stay calm. 258 00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:42,840 Wait, my phone. 259 00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:46,519 No bars. No bars. No bars. No bars. 260 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,150 - [screams] - [ship horn blares] 261 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:53,080 [ominous music] 262 00:13:58,120 --> 00:14:00,869 We bring thy garden, o mighty Lucifer, 263 00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:04,869 the fragrances which abound therein, vapors of... 264 00:14:04,870 --> 00:14:06,780 [whispering] What the fuck are we doing here? 265 00:14:06,790 --> 00:14:08,709 Look at these fucking people. 266 00:14:08,710 --> 00:14:13,540 Through this, the black flame of Satan thou walkest in Hell. 267 00:14:13,550 --> 00:14:15,840 The gates are flung wide 268 00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:19,130 and thy passage is heralded by the deathless cries 269 00:14:19,140 --> 00:14:21,350 of his guardian beasts. 270 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,600 Breathe of his breath, o brother of the night 271 00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,270 and nourish his waning brain. 272 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:30,220 - From the despair... - I just figured it out. It all makes sense. 273 00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:31,390 Figured what out? 274 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,480 Why Tara might be in to you more than me. 275 00:14:35,490 --> 00:14:37,060 She's attracted to ugliness. 276 00:14:37,070 --> 00:14:39,530 - [whispering] Oh, fuck you. - [whispering] No, think about it. 277 00:14:39,540 --> 00:14:43,450 This is the life that she chooses, right? She's attracted to unattractiveness. 278 00:14:43,460 --> 00:14:46,290 Look at all these ugly people and Gilfoyle and now you. 279 00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:49,290 That's ridiculous. I'm way more attractive than you are. 280 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,919 - No, you're not. - Way better looking. 281 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:54,290 By no metric could you possibly be considered more attractive than me. 282 00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:57,500 You're saying that every woman in the entire world 283 00:14:57,510 --> 00:14:59,580 would think you're more attractive than I am? 284 00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:02,550 Yes. Unless they're completely fucked up. 285 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,600 Damn it. 286 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:11,850 You doing OK there? 287 00:15:11,860 --> 00:15:13,939 Yep, yeah. 288 00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,320 Fine, just, you know, 289 00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:19,020 it's big orchestration stuff, a lot of moving parts. 290 00:15:19,030 --> 00:15:22,270 Nothing you need to worry about. You just focus on the cloud. 291 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,780 I'm here if you need me. 292 00:15:42,390 --> 00:15:44,540 You know what? Uh... 293 00:15:44,550 --> 00:15:46,260 I know it's not what we hired you for, 294 00:15:46,270 --> 00:15:48,139 but I am actually having a little trouble 295 00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:50,690 with the data replication in the persistence layer. 296 00:15:50,810 --> 00:15:52,800 Move over. 297 00:15:52,810 --> 00:15:55,980 - Uh-huh. - [exhales deeply] 298 00:15:57,650 --> 00:15:59,750 Oh, Christ. 299 00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:02,489 I'm much more handsome than you are. 300 00:16:02,490 --> 00:16:04,280 No, my face is completely symmetrical. 301 00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:05,950 You know what my nickname was when I was a kid? 302 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,980 - What? - Pakistani Denzel. 303 00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:09,200 You look nothing like him. 304 00:16:09,210 --> 00:16:11,790 Denzel Washington has a beautiful smile. 305 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:12,990 You look ridiculous. 306 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:16,080 Hail Satan, it is done. 307 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:17,790 - [all] Hail Satan. - [Erlich] Hail Satan, it is... 308 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,140 it's done. 309 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,000 Well, thanks for coming, everyone. 310 00:16:26,010 --> 00:16:30,310 Brother Jason was kind enough to furnish this week's food. 311 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,349 It's Chick-fil-A. 312 00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:34,900 I know, they're on the Christian right, 313 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:38,020 but darned if that chicken isn't good. 314 00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:40,350 I think the Dark Lord would understand. 315 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,240 Also... [groans] a reminder. 316 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,210 If you parked in the Sav-On parking lot, 317 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:48,830 they do tow. 318 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:52,830 Well, I didn't know if you wanted original Oreos or Double Stuf 319 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:55,330 so I went a little nutty and I got both. 320 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,539 How's it, um... 321 00:16:56,540 --> 00:17:00,350 - [Kevin] Fuck. Fuck. - Kevin? 322 00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:03,300 Hello? 323 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,380 [quietly whimpering] Fuck. 324 00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:08,280 What are you doing down here? 325 00:17:08,290 --> 00:17:11,780 I did it again, I did it again. 326 00:17:11,790 --> 00:17:13,530 - Did what? - I did it again. 327 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,399 [Kevin mumbling] No. 328 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,110 What is this? 329 00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:22,860 Did you overwrite the data schema? 330 00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:25,030 Why would you do this? You don't ever do this! 331 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,730 That's exactly what they said when I was working at BofA. 332 00:17:27,740 --> 00:17:31,240 Working at BofA? I thought you hacked in. 333 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,320 [Kevin] No. 334 00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:33,950 [gasping] 335 00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:36,660 I was a consultant at the retail banking services. 336 00:17:36,670 --> 00:17:38,580 I crashed their entire system. 337 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,380 It took a team of seven engineers more than a week 338 00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:43,800 to comb through all the code and find my mistake. 339 00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:45,929 And the only way that I ever avoided being sued 340 00:17:45,930 --> 00:17:49,400 was by agreeing to never tell anyone that I worked there. 341 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:52,769 Oh, fuck. 342 00:17:52,770 --> 00:17:53,769 Oh, fuck, what?! 343 00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:57,590 I just told you. Now I could get in trouble. 344 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,150 Trouble? 345 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,770 You just skull-fucked my whole system. 346 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,520 I am going to punch you in the fucking... 347 00:18:03,530 --> 00:18:05,949 We don't like sacrifice goats or anything. 348 00:18:05,950 --> 00:18:08,360 We're not like the Order of the Golden Dawners, you know. 349 00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:10,690 - [Erlich] Yeah. - [Tara chuckles] 350 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:12,410 Richard, are you OK? 351 00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:14,280 Um... Mmm... 352 00:18:14,290 --> 00:18:18,110 Dinesh, uh, we may have a slight problem. 353 00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:21,790 The Carver just carved up our entire platform. 354 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,129 What the fuck? 355 00:18:23,130 --> 00:18:26,010 Yeah, the database layers, the application layers, 356 00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,799 even the chef scripts are fucked. 357 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:31,040 The little fucker must have hacked into the DDL tables like he did with BofA. 358 00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:34,630 He didn't hack into BofA's. He was consulting there at the time, 359 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,020 when he took down the system by accident. 360 00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:39,309 - [Kevin] Oh, you told them too? - What the fuck? 361 00:18:39,310 --> 00:18:42,979 Richard, why would you let that little fetus access the DDL? 362 00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:46,730 Because I thought that fetus was better than me 363 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:48,280 and so did you and everybody 364 00:18:48,290 --> 00:18:50,810 and you just, you pressured me into hiring him... 365 00:18:50,820 --> 00:18:53,320 Yes, Richard, for the cloud, to deploy the cloud. 366 00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:54,950 So that you could do what you do best 367 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,820 and concentrate on everything else which the fetus just fucked up. 368 00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:00,499 You need to drag this little shit stain... 369 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:01,710 - You hear that? - [Kevin whimpers] 370 00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:03,290 Out from under this table and have him go through 371 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,300 every single line of code with you 372 00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,380 to unfuck it while it's still unfuckable. 373 00:19:07,390 --> 00:19:11,510 I should not have eaten all of that Satanist chicken. 374 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,680 OK, and with this one here, did you delete it 375 00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:21,010 or just move it? 376 00:19:21,020 --> 00:19:23,510 Hello? Kevin. 377 00:19:23,520 --> 00:19:25,150 Maybe. I don't know. 378 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,150 What? What does that mean? What's wrong with you, man? 379 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,080 I can't focus. I'm out of Adderall. 380 00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,699 Where's that Jared guy? He was getting my refill. 381 00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,660 That's actually a really good question. 382 00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,080 I don't know where he is. 383 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:43,040 [Jared singing softly] 384 00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,590 The Carver's Adderall prescription. 385 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:53,810 I hope that's not a problem. 386 00:19:53,820 --> 00:19:54,710 [phone beeps] 387 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,260 Dead battery. That's a problem. 388 00:19:57,270 --> 00:19:58,800 I need to lay down. 389 00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,229 What? No! [forced chuckle] 390 00:20:00,230 --> 00:20:03,720 You said you could code for 48 hours straight. That's like your thing. 391 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:06,270 Yeah, how the fuck do you think I do that? Adderall. 392 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,190 Well, we don't have any. 393 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,069 It's really bright in here. 394 00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:13,310 Who takes Adderall anymore. 395 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,080 [Kevin] Half the kids in Palo Alto. 396 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,710 Hey. 397 00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:24,490 Any of you guys currently on Adderall 398 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:28,640 and, uh, you know, want to make 50 dollars? 399 00:20:52,850 --> 00:20:54,660 [exhales] Oh, boy. 400 00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:58,110 What do you mean, it's not Adderall? It's Adderall! 401 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:01,450 I know what Adderall looks like. It's not Adderall. 402 00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:07,280 [sighs] 403 00:21:07,290 --> 00:21:10,620 Uh, excuse me. Caleb? 404 00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:13,920 There's been some kind of mistake. 405 00:21:13,930 --> 00:21:17,810 What you sold me was not actually Adderall. 406 00:21:17,820 --> 00:21:21,180 So maybe we could... Do you think you could get me some real Adderall? 407 00:21:21,190 --> 00:21:23,480 Yeah, yeah, of course. Um... 408 00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:25,600 I could do that or, um, 409 00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:28,270 I can give you some of this. 410 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:30,270 Ow! 411 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:31,860 OK, I'm gonna... 412 00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:34,650 You're gonna do what, bitch? Call the cops on me? 413 00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:37,400 Tell them you got the wrong illegal drugs from a kid? 414 00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:40,450 You dumb piece of shit. Get the fuck out of here. 415 00:21:40,460 --> 00:21:41,990 - Uh, you... - Run! 416 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,460 - All right, I'm running. - Mm-hm. Keep running! 417 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,870 Stupid... [groans] 418 00:22:27,670 --> 00:22:29,540 Richard, what's wrong? 419 00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,870 Have you been crying? 420 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:36,670 Hey! Which one was it? 421 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,460 It was church candy, wasn't it? 422 00:22:38,470 --> 00:22:40,340 You just brought piss to a shit fight, you little cunt! 423 00:22:40,350 --> 00:22:43,389 - Ow! - [groans] 424 00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:45,130 [Caleb] No, no, no! 425 00:22:45,140 --> 00:22:48,430 Now you get in your fucking house and you get me five Adderall 426 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,800 or I'll slit your fucking throat! You understand? 427 00:22:50,810 --> 00:22:53,140 I'll kill your mother! I'll rape your father! 428 00:22:53,150 --> 00:22:55,569 I'll curb-stomp that little face so hard 429 00:22:55,570 --> 00:22:58,239 that your teeth will go flying, you little shit! 430 00:22:58,240 --> 00:22:59,739 Now go! Go! Go! Go! 431 00:22:59,740 --> 00:23:01,790 - Get me five Adderall, right now! - OK! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! 432 00:23:15,810 --> 00:23:17,460 - Hi. - Tara. 433 00:23:19,260 --> 00:23:21,800 - Hello. - Hi. 434 00:23:21,810 --> 00:23:24,050 First of all... 435 00:23:24,060 --> 00:23:26,400 So, um... 436 00:23:27,930 --> 00:23:31,930 I have thought about it. A lot. 437 00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:35,320 To be honest, elements of this arrangement 438 00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,780 still trouble me. 439 00:23:38,330 --> 00:23:43,310 However, I have not had a lot of sexual experiences. 440 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,420 So I feel it may be foolish to turn this down. 441 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:53,780 So as long as Gilfoyle is not in the room 442 00:23:53,790 --> 00:23:58,130 and I can verify that the door is locked... 443 00:23:59,270 --> 00:24:01,930 then I have concluded that... 444 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,639 yes... 445 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,730 I would love to have sexual relations with you... 446 00:24:12,150 --> 00:24:13,150 Tara. 447 00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,390 Yeah. 448 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:18,420 Uh, what are you talking about? 449 00:24:19,990 --> 00:24:22,560 Gilfoyle told me. 450 00:24:22,570 --> 00:24:25,159 I know you want to have sex with me. 451 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,870 Gilfoyle? 452 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:28,990 Would you come in here for a second? 453 00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,570 Um... 454 00:24:30,580 --> 00:24:32,790 - Hm? - Um [snickers]... 455 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,700 Did you tell Dinesh that I want to have sex with him? 456 00:24:38,470 --> 00:24:39,720 No. 457 00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:43,880 Oh, wait, yeah, I totally did. I forgot about that. 458 00:24:43,890 --> 00:24:46,000 I was really high. I was just fucking with him. 459 00:24:46,010 --> 00:24:47,090 Did he believe me? 460 00:24:47,100 --> 00:24:49,010 Uh... 461 00:24:49,020 --> 00:24:51,310 Did you just present yourself to my woman? 462 00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,590 Uh... [stammers] 463 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,600 Oh, this is outstanding. 464 00:24:56,610 --> 00:25:00,070 Oh, my God, that is so mean of you! 465 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,240 Look at how cute he is. 466 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:04,100 He's adorable. You're adorable. 467 00:25:04,110 --> 00:25:08,170 Don't call me ador... It's very emasculating. 468 00:25:10,040 --> 00:25:12,790 What kind of fucking idiot listens to what Gilfoyle has to say? 469 00:25:14,090 --> 00:25:16,280 OK, Tara, here's what it is. 470 00:25:16,290 --> 00:25:18,200 If you can tell me to my face 471 00:25:18,210 --> 00:25:21,170 that you seriously find Dinesh more attractive than me, 472 00:25:21,180 --> 00:25:24,600 then and only then will I concede defeat. 473 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:29,670 What? 474 00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:39,020 And our regression test is... done. 475 00:25:39,030 --> 00:25:42,730 Yes. It's clear, we all test out. 476 00:25:42,740 --> 00:25:44,440 The system's stable again. 477 00:25:44,450 --> 00:25:48,239 Thank God. Now we can move on to the next module and I can forget you ever existed. 478 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,660 Can you do me a favor? 479 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,450 Don't tell anyone I cratered this bad. 480 00:25:54,460 --> 00:25:57,620 I won't tell anyone I hired you if you won't tell anyone you worked here. 481 00:25:57,630 --> 00:25:59,249 Oh, the BofA deal. 482 00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:02,050 Got it. [blows cheeks] 483 00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,130 Well, I'm gonna call my mom and have her pick me up. 484 00:26:04,140 --> 00:26:05,580 Your mom? 485 00:26:05,590 --> 00:26:08,220 Oh, by the way, you owe me 20 thousand dollars. 486 00:26:08,230 --> 00:26:11,030 What a dick. 487 00:26:12,150 --> 00:26:14,400 You have to talk to Jared about that. 488 00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:18,630 Where is Jared? 489 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,570 [loud rumbling] 490 00:26:23,910 --> 00:26:27,160 [groans] 491 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:32,370 [approaching humming sound] 492 00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:36,960 Excuse me. Can you help me? 493 00:26:38,890 --> 00:26:41,420 [computer voice] Obstacle averted. Resuming operations. 494 00:26:41,430 --> 00:26:43,130 Please be careful. 495 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,310 Please be careful. Please be careful. 496 00:27:13,790 --> 00:27:17,159 [Jared singing] 497 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:18,240 [voice trembles] 498 00:27:18,250 --> 00:27:20,029 - [screams] - [ship horn blares] 499 00:27:20,030 --> 00:27:26,030 ?Synced & Corrected by Seppuku17? ?www.addic7ed.com? 500 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:30,630 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38378

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