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1
00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:03,328
Oh Bob, this is impossible. I'm married.
2
00:00:03,348 --> 00:00:07,295
- I only want your company.
- Well, ok. Obviously I want more than that
3
00:00:07,315 --> 00:00:09,362
but I'd be happy just to be with you.
4
00:00:09,363 --> 00:00:11,208
Would you like to take
a walk in the park?
5
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,794
If I were you, I would draw
the line at letting Ringwald
6
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,263
- take your wife to the playground.
- What?
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:19,282
- I want to go home.
- Do you love me?
8
00:00:20,225 --> 00:00:24,209
Of course.
Just... come to bed.
9
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,957
Hey!
You hit my car.
10
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:45,096
- Oh, really? I did?
- Yeah, you did, asshole.
11
00:00:45,116 --> 00:00:47,256
Oh. Sorry, I didn't feel
anything. I um...
12
00:00:47,276 --> 00:00:48,857
What? Are you calling
me a liar?
13
00:00:48,877 --> 00:00:51,942
No. No. Um.
What did I hit?
14
00:00:51,943 --> 00:00:53,245
The bumper, you idiot.
15
00:00:53,265 --> 00:00:55,467
No, I mean... there isn't
a scratch on my car
16
00:00:55,487 --> 00:00:58,315
I don't give a fuck about
your car, look at my bumper!
17
00:00:58,349 --> 00:01:00,284
Ok. What I'm saying is
I didn't do that damage.
18
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,687
There's no paint on my car.
There's no paint from my car
19
00:01:02,754 --> 00:01:04,655
- on your car, so...
- Don't treat me like a child.
20
00:01:04,723 --> 00:01:07,758
Look, I didn't hit your
bumper. It's clearly been hit
21
00:01:07,793 --> 00:01:09,860
- lots of times, but not by me.
- Oh yeah. No, I get it.
22
00:01:09,928 --> 00:01:11,829
It's my fault. It's always
the woman's fault, right?
23
00:01:11,897 --> 00:01:13,856
- What? What?
- Any shitty thing a man does,
24
00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:15,643
he blames a woman.
You hit my car
25
00:01:15,663 --> 00:01:17,132
'cause I can't drive. Classic.
26
00:01:17,152 --> 00:01:20,048
I... I didn't hit
your car, actually.
27
00:01:20,371 --> 00:01:22,055
Ok, yeah.
Deny it ever happened.
28
00:01:22,075 --> 00:01:23,966
We're not talking
about cars here, are we?
29
00:01:23,986 --> 00:01:26,299
Next thing you're gonna say is
hitting my car was good for me.
30
00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,360
- Yeah, men are such fucking pigs.
- Ok. I'm not men. I'm not men.
31
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:31,647
I'm a man.
Who did not hit your car.
32
00:01:31,682 --> 00:01:34,150
Furthermore, I'm not the man
who clearly fucked you over, ok?
33
00:01:34,218 --> 00:01:36,686
You've got a lot of anger and
that's good but it has nothing
34
00:01:36,754 --> 00:01:40,356
to do with the man in front
of you and men in general.
35
00:01:40,424 --> 00:01:42,192
Yeah, sure. Walk away.
Fuck up everything
36
00:01:42,226 --> 00:01:44,293
- and then walk away!
- I am! I am walking away.
37
00:01:44,328 --> 00:01:46,495
It's like I'm in
a little play or something.
38
00:01:46,563 --> 00:01:48,564
Why don't you go home
and play out this scene
39
00:01:48,632 --> 00:01:50,566
with the appropriate asshole,
ok? Have a nice day.
40
00:01:50,634 --> 00:01:52,801
Fuck you, you condescending
piece of shit!
41
00:01:52,869 --> 00:01:56,572
You know what? You've had
a rough ride, obviously.
42
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,074
I mean look at your bumpe.
It's like a model of your life
43
00:01:59,142 --> 00:02:00,909
in painted steel, right?
Take a look at it.
44
00:02:00,977 --> 00:02:03,345
After that many knocks,
you really have to ask yourself
45
00:02:03,412 --> 00:02:06,314
is it men?
Or is it me?
46
00:02:06,382 --> 00:02:08,884
Do you want
to know what's me?
47
00:02:10,987 --> 00:02:13,588
This is me!
This is me!
48
00:02:14,329 --> 00:02:15,858
No! No! No!
49
00:02:16,328 --> 00:02:18,561
S01E04
The Mummy
50
00:02:18,797 --> 00:02:21,478
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
51
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:51,603
(motor revving)
52
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:57,508
You hear that clunk?
That fit? It's like a u-boat.
53
00:02:57,528 --> 00:02:59,327
You can't beat
German engineering.
54
00:02:59,347 --> 00:03:01,034
- What do you think, Davina?
- It's great.
55
00:03:01,068 --> 00:03:04,061
What was wrong with the Lexus?
Just decided to trade in
56
00:03:04,081 --> 00:03:06,239
one disgraced axis power
for another?
57
00:03:06,274 --> 00:03:08,375
- This car was a reward.
- For?
58
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,443
A job well done.
Investment consultant
59
00:03:10,477 --> 00:03:12,512
of the year,
three years running.
60
00:03:12,546 --> 00:03:15,741
- They gave you a car? Nice.
- No. He rewarded himself.
61
00:03:15,761 --> 00:03:17,450
How's the temperature
back there, Al?
62
00:03:17,484 --> 00:03:20,386
It's like a crisp
spring day in Bavaria.
63
00:03:20,421 --> 00:03:22,322
Sorry to hear about
yours breaking down, Al.
64
00:03:22,356 --> 00:03:24,557
But, you've got to expect that
with an old car.
65
00:03:24,591 --> 00:03:27,059
Actually, it didn't break
down. It was broken by someone.
66
00:03:27,093 --> 00:03:29,943
Oh, that's right. By a woman.
67
00:03:29,963 --> 00:03:32,334
Listen, if you spot a little old lady along
the way you'd like to wrestle,
68
00:03:32,354 --> 00:03:33,933
just let me know
and I'll pull over.
69
00:03:33,967 --> 00:03:35,935
Actually, she wasn't little.
She wasn't old.
70
00:03:35,969 --> 00:03:37,937
But she was a she.
Let's not breeze past
71
00:03:37,971 --> 00:03:40,184
- the most humiliating detail.
- Shut up, Roger.
72
00:03:48,033 --> 00:03:49,775
when are you going to tell us
where we're going?
73
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:52,017
The whole point
of a birthday surprise
74
00:03:52,085 --> 00:03:54,119
is that key information
is withheld.
75
00:03:54,154 --> 00:03:56,188
Just tell us where the hell
we're going, Roger.
76
00:03:56,223 --> 00:03:58,923
- For the love of Christ.
- Well, as none of us
77
00:03:58,991 --> 00:04:02,093
are getting any younger...
especially you, Veronica...
78
00:04:02,161 --> 00:04:06,197
I thought, let's just
roll back the years.
79
00:04:07,923 --> 00:04:08,734
Grease?
80
00:04:08,768 --> 00:04:11,870
As performed by the West
Pickering Light Opera Society.
81
00:04:11,904 --> 00:04:13,972
Pickering?
How far is that?
82
00:04:14,006 --> 00:04:15,940
It's... it's not actually
in Toronto.
83
00:04:16,008 --> 00:04:18,749
It's another city. We are
in fact going to another city.
84
00:04:18,769 --> 00:04:19,978
- Correct, Roger?
- Mm-hmm.
85
00:04:20,012 --> 00:04:21,946
I don't understand
why this is happening.
86
00:04:22,014 --> 00:04:23,882
Grease is one
of your favourite movies.
87
00:04:23,949 --> 00:04:25,616
Because I like John Travolta.
Is John Travolta
88
00:04:25,684 --> 00:04:28,652
in the West Pickering Light
Opera Society Production?
89
00:04:28,687 --> 00:04:31,989
No, no he's not.
But a client of mine is.
90
00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:34,458
He's a banker, who acts as a
sort of hobby and this client
91
00:04:34,526 --> 00:04:37,595
happens to look remarkably
like Samuel I. Jackson
92
00:04:37,662 --> 00:04:40,030
who was in Pulp Fiction
with John Travolta.
93
00:04:40,098 --> 00:04:43,903
Six degrees of... would you mind
not doing that, Al?
94
00:04:44,077 --> 00:04:47,237
It totally destroys
the microclimate.
95
00:04:58,928 --> 00:05:00,617
It's the smell of the leather.
96
00:05:00,684 --> 00:05:02,786
It's... it's pretty strong
back here.
97
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:05,955
It's premium grade.
Hand-stitched.
98
00:05:06,023 --> 00:05:07,957
You're lucky it's
not covered in vomit.
99
00:05:08,025 --> 00:05:09,959
Seriously, what kind
of a man throws up
100
00:05:10,027 --> 00:05:12,194
at the smell of cow hide?
I don't know what you were
101
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:14,330
- thinking marrying him.
- Roger.
102
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,900
- Wh... what do you mean by that?
- No, really.
103
00:05:16,967 --> 00:05:19,502
You could've done a lot better.
Let's face it,
104
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:21,503
- you could've had a better life.
- Roger, Jesus.
105
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,214
You've said it many times,
Ron. Davina's wasting her life.
106
00:05:24,234 --> 00:05:26,907
- She could've had anyone, Al is a drip.
- I didn't.
107
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,111
Al is a very
successful columnist.
108
00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:31,936
Ha! You and I measure success
with different rulers.
109
00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:34,963
You use the fantasy ruler,
I look at a man's annual income.
110
00:05:34,983 --> 00:05:37,172
Wh... where is all
this bile coming from?
111
00:05:37,192 --> 00:05:39,755
(Hurling)
112
00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:42,257
Agh.
(Al spits.)
113
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,186
Oh, you know he looks down
his nose at my upper-middle...
114
00:05:44,206 --> 00:05:45,475
No he doesn't, Roger.
115
00:05:45,495 --> 00:05:47,500
... class existence from up
upon his higher moral plane.
116
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,566
It's an artsy thing.
The piano teacher was the same.
117
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,267
You know those lessons
you got me for Christmas?
118
00:05:52,301 --> 00:05:54,269
- Yes.
- This little shit shows up
119
00:05:54,303 --> 00:05:56,104
on a vintage motorcycle,
he's about 30,
120
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:58,573
in black leather pants,
shirt open down to his navel
121
00:05:58,607 --> 00:06:02,643
and the first thing he does
is dismiss my electric keyboard
122
00:06:02,678 --> 00:06:05,613
which is state of the art.
It can sound like
123
00:06:05,647 --> 00:06:08,049
a Steinway concert grand
in Carnegie Hall. I mean,
124
00:06:08,084 --> 00:06:10,418
actually in Carnegie Hall.
It emulates that exact sound.
125
00:06:10,453 --> 00:06:11,983
Roger please, just... just
shut up about the damn piano.
126
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:14,192
He said I should get
a used upright, is my point.
127
00:06:14,212 --> 00:06:17,091
This thing can literally play itself.
I literally don't have to touch it.
128
00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:19,131
That may be a problem
when you're taking lessons.
129
00:06:19,151 --> 00:06:22,096
So he's got me doing
finger exercises like I'm 10,
130
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:24,799
and meanwhile, meanwhile,
he's downstairs
131
00:06:24,833 --> 00:06:27,620
with his shirt open,
hitting on Veronica.
132
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:29,069
- What?
- Shut up.
133
00:06:29,104 --> 00:06:30,670
I got rid of him, I told him
"get back on that piece of shit
134
00:06:30,705 --> 00:06:32,906
"motorbike you couldn't afford
when it first came out,
135
00:06:32,940 --> 00:06:36,443
"and leave Forest Hill."
It's that attitude,
136
00:06:36,478 --> 00:06:38,412
that artsy disdain
for anything middle class...
137
00:06:38,446 --> 00:06:41,081
- upper middle class.
- Wait a minute.
138
00:06:41,116 --> 00:06:44,132
You didn't send him away
because of his attitude,
139
00:06:44,152 --> 00:06:46,862
you sent him away because
he was hitting on your wife.
140
00:06:46,882 --> 00:06:50,238
- How many lessons did you have?
- I don't know... three?
141
00:06:50,258 --> 00:06:53,261
Well, that means there's seven
left because we bought you ten.
142
00:06:53,281 --> 00:06:55,428
- Ok, you take them, then.
- I will. I'll give them
143
00:06:55,462 --> 00:06:58,336
- to Al and he'll appreciate them.
- Well don't look for him
144
00:06:58,356 --> 00:07:00,632
to make too much progress,
though. He'll be too busy
145
00:07:00,652 --> 00:07:03,383
throwing up at the smell
of the leather pants.
146
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,512
- I made a fool of myself.
- Oh, he provoked you.
147
00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:14,580
Still, taking back
a Christmas gift?
148
00:07:14,614 --> 00:07:17,482
- It's a major statement, yeah.
- He was being such a prick.
149
00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:21,011
He was slamming my life choices
and your pretentions.
150
00:07:21,031 --> 00:07:22,068
M... my...?
151
00:07:22,088 --> 00:07:24,456
- Well, your perceived pretentions and...
- Ah.
152
00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:27,513
... he said we were poor,
basically.
153
00:07:27,533 --> 00:07:29,598
Well, we are cash poor.
Remember what that woman
154
00:07:29,618 --> 00:07:31,559
- at the bank...
- It's not the same thing.
155
00:07:31,579 --> 00:07:34,748
Well we have no money.
And uh, we have no furniture.
156
00:07:34,768 --> 00:07:37,034
- Maybe we are poor.
- I'm serious.
157
00:07:37,054 --> 00:07:39,784
And then he wrote off
the arts completely,
158
00:07:39,804 --> 00:07:41,087
that's what really pissed
me off.
159
00:07:41,107 --> 00:07:43,259
He has no taste.
160
00:07:43,279 --> 00:07:46,168
Last night? That gym in the Y
in Pickering or wherever
161
00:07:46,188 --> 00:07:48,412
the hell he took us.
Those poor old crones struggling
162
00:07:48,481 --> 00:07:51,422
to sing in those poodle skirts.
(Davina chuckles.)
163
00:07:51,442 --> 00:07:54,452
And Roger mouthing every word,
dancing in his seat. I mean,
164
00:07:54,519 --> 00:07:58,003
there's amateur and there's
music therapy for the senile.
165
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,204
And that guy,
that client of his?
166
00:08:00,224 --> 00:08:02,334
Who looks nothing like
Samuel I. Jackson, by the way.
167
00:08:02,354 --> 00:08:04,561
Nothing like
Samuel I. Jackson.
168
00:08:04,581 --> 00:08:06,563
He was singing, what?
Some dissonant, atonal melody
169
00:08:06,631 --> 00:08:10,093
- of his own making.
- It wasn't his fault, exactly.
170
00:08:10,113 --> 00:08:13,036
I mean, all they had was
that crappy old keyboard.
171
00:08:13,104 --> 00:08:15,372
A piano would
have been helpful.
172
00:08:15,406 --> 00:08:17,725
Oh, and uh,
we need a piano, you do.
173
00:08:17,745 --> 00:08:21,481
- Really? We have to do this?
- We paid for the lessons.
174
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,928
It's a new skill.
Or are you too old
175
00:08:24,948 --> 00:08:26,958
to try anything new?
176
00:08:28,124 --> 00:08:32,288
If I try this, maybe we can
try something new.
177
00:08:32,356 --> 00:08:34,503
Mmm.
178
00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:36,960
The piano.
179
00:08:38,722 --> 00:08:41,230
Don't get a new one,
we are cash poor.
180
00:08:41,264 --> 00:08:43,332
Oh, so then I have no choice.
181
00:08:43,352 --> 00:08:44,997
Maybe he'll be reasonable.
182
00:08:45,017 --> 00:08:46,689
Jesus Christ, why don't you just admit it.
183
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:49,034
You're trying to turn dad
into a surrogate grandchild.
184
00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:50,706
- No.
- Because you know you'll never
185
00:08:50,741 --> 00:08:52,906
have any real grandchildren
because I have no sperm.
186
00:08:52,926 --> 00:08:55,144
Not everything is
about your sperm.
187
00:08:55,178 --> 00:08:57,446
- My lack of sperm.
- Nor everything is about
188
00:08:57,514 --> 00:08:59,713
- your lack of sperm, Orlando.
- Right.
189
00:08:59,733 --> 00:09:02,317
Turn on the news for once.
The war in Syria, for instance,
190
00:09:02,352 --> 00:09:04,319
has nothing to do
with your sterility.
191
00:09:04,354 --> 00:09:06,655
My sterility. I like that.
192
00:09:06,675 --> 00:09:08,365
That's what I'm going to use for the title
of my tell-all book.
193
00:09:08,385 --> 00:09:10,127
Can we have the piano or not?
194
00:09:10,147 --> 00:09:12,661
- I love that goddamn piano.
- We're not going to burn it.
195
00:09:12,695 --> 00:09:15,401
It's going to be played.
It will be happy.
196
00:09:15,421 --> 00:09:17,806
It can't be happy now behind
an old mattress
197
00:09:17,826 --> 00:09:19,742
- in a storage unit.
- You think I didn't want it
198
00:09:19,762 --> 00:09:21,765
in my apartment, mother?
It doesn't fit, remember?
199
00:09:21,785 --> 00:09:24,673
You know where it did fit really
nicely was in our family home.
200
00:09:24,707 --> 00:09:27,308
You know, the one that you sold.
Which is gone now, by the way.
201
00:09:27,342 --> 00:09:29,643
Did you know that? They tore it
down. They're going to build
202
00:09:29,678 --> 00:09:32,399
a monster house in the hole
where my childhood once was.
203
00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:35,166
A monster house that's going
to just feast on my memories.
204
00:09:35,186 --> 00:09:37,118
Jesus, you never even
played the damn piano.
205
00:09:37,186 --> 00:09:39,120
Excuse me? I seem
to remember playing
206
00:09:39,154 --> 00:09:41,053
- The Entertainer quite a bit.
- Yeah, ok. You played one song.
207
00:09:41,073 --> 00:09:42,914
Well that's a grade three
piece. It's very difficult.
208
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:44,813
I always imagine teaching
that to my son one day.
209
00:09:44,833 --> 00:09:47,406
Forget it. Forget it.
We'll buy a new one.
210
00:09:47,426 --> 00:09:49,143
Of course. Yeah,
forget it even existed.
211
00:09:49,163 --> 00:09:51,079
Just tear it down and build
a monster piano in its place.
212
00:09:51,099 --> 00:09:53,474
What do you want?
Name your terms.
213
00:09:53,494 --> 00:09:54,889
Here's what I want.
214
00:09:54,904 --> 00:09:57,314
I want you to promise me
that when dad gives up
215
00:09:57,334 --> 00:09:59,097
which I'm guessing will be
lesson five, you won't
216
00:09:59,117 --> 00:10:02,758
destroy the piano. Instead,
I want you to donate it.
217
00:10:02,778 --> 00:10:05,016
Yeah, I'd like you
to donate it to old people.
218
00:10:05,036 --> 00:10:06,968
I want old people to gather
'round it and I want them
219
00:10:06,988 --> 00:10:09,599
to sing war songs.
And I'm going to need some
220
00:10:09,619 --> 00:10:12,019
photographic evidence
of them doing it.
221
00:10:12,039 --> 00:10:15,249
That's what I want.
And 200 dollars.
222
00:10:15,269 --> 00:10:17,341
- 150.
- Sold.
223
00:10:22,430 --> 00:10:25,304
Yeah I live in Pickering.
Ever been there?
224
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,737
Recently, actually.
225
00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:32,105
Thank you.
Yeah it's a horrible place.
226
00:10:32,576 --> 00:10:34,307
I live on this
little suburban street
227
00:10:34,375 --> 00:10:36,342
in this little suburban house
228
00:10:36,376 --> 00:10:39,045
with its little suburban
driveway.
229
00:10:39,079 --> 00:10:42,514
Got a wife, two kids,
a mortgage, the whole deal.
230
00:10:43,066 --> 00:10:44,851
It's pulling me down.
231
00:10:45,101 --> 00:10:48,388
I mean, we've only got
one life to live, right?
232
00:10:48,408 --> 00:10:49,579
Right.
233
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:51,990
What I really want
to do is um...
234
00:10:52,577 --> 00:10:55,324
It's just out there, you know?
Calling for me.
235
00:10:55,344 --> 00:10:57,858
To write that
one great symphony?
236
00:10:59,098 --> 00:11:02,040
Oh, no. I'm only doing this
to make ends meet.
237
00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:04,906
What I really want to do
238
00:11:05,539 --> 00:11:08,344
- ... is to dig.
- Dig?
239
00:11:09,051 --> 00:11:12,220
Yeah, before I met my wife,
I used to spend all my time
240
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,043
- on archaeological digs in Egypt.
- Oh, really?
241
00:11:16,063 --> 00:11:17,382
Yeah.
242
00:11:17,449 --> 00:11:20,008
You know and there are
these treasures
243
00:11:20,028 --> 00:11:22,187
which are laying undiscovered
244
00:11:22,255 --> 00:11:24,947
beneath the surface
for millennia
245
00:11:24,967 --> 00:11:29,022
... just waiting for me
to come along
246
00:11:29,042 --> 00:11:32,296
... and plunge my hands
into the bare earth
247
00:11:32,364 --> 00:11:36,894
and release them.
And believe me
248
00:11:36,914 --> 00:11:41,538
... it's an unbelievably
sensuous experience.
249
00:11:42,579 --> 00:11:44,643
S... sounds sensuous.
250
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:46,530
And once you've done it you
251
00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:48,709
... just want to keep
on doing it.
252
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,422
Um.
253
00:11:52,650 --> 00:11:53,544
Are we done?
254
00:11:53,564 --> 00:11:55,552
My fingers are
cramping up a little.
255
00:11:55,586 --> 00:11:58,909
Great. You know,
muscles are waking up.
256
00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:03,001
Let's set you up with something
a little more challenging.
257
00:12:13,052 --> 00:12:14,637
Everything ok, Mr. Jackson?
258
00:12:14,671 --> 00:12:17,240
Just picking up the mail.
259
00:12:17,274 --> 00:12:20,027
Ok, well.
Keep working those scales.
260
00:12:20,047 --> 00:12:24,204
Uh huh.
Nice bike.
261
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,982
Yeah.
262
00:12:26,016 --> 00:12:29,180
I'm a sucker for
the older models, you know?
263
00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,230
Yeah...
264
00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:01,616
Ow. Your glasses.
Can you...?
265
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:04,718
Oh, sorry.
I... I don't know why...
266
00:13:04,738 --> 00:13:07,952
Not likely to be
any reading involved.
267
00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:15,864
Oh yeah, sorry about that.
(Davina groans in pain.)
268
00:13:15,898 --> 00:13:17,966
- You're not... no?
- No, I'm sorry.
269
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,968
- Ok. Ok, it's ok.
- It's just that the hormone
270
00:13:20,002 --> 00:13:23,437
medication makes my breasts
tender and it just...
271
00:13:23,457 --> 00:13:25,109
Well, it just turns me off.
I'm sorry.
272
00:13:25,129 --> 00:13:27,574
- That's... no, no, no.
- It's not fun for me
273
00:13:27,609 --> 00:13:31,338
- with achy breasts.
- Understandable. Ok.
274
00:13:31,358 --> 00:13:35,752
Glasses back on. I prefer...
275
00:13:35,772 --> 00:13:38,540
John Updike to sex, anyway.
276
00:13:40,935 --> 00:13:42,548
Um...
277
00:13:43,479 --> 00:13:44,992
I wanted to ask you something.
278
00:13:46,176 --> 00:13:48,762
The piano guy, what's his name?
- Greg.
279
00:13:48,830 --> 00:13:52,733
Greg. Was he flirting
with you the other day?
280
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,835
I mean, when I saw you
in the kitchen...
281
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,438
Well, no.
He wasn't flirting with me.
282
00:13:58,506 --> 00:14:01,241
No? It's just he was
being all French Canadian
283
00:14:01,308 --> 00:14:03,143
and there was this intense
conversation going...
284
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:05,311
- what do you mean, intense?
- Well, you know.
285
00:14:05,379 --> 00:14:07,447
- You tell me, I just...
- He's just, he's just...
286
00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:09,849
going through some things
and he is French Canadian
287
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,718
and I was just giving him
a friendly ear.
288
00:14:12,786 --> 00:14:15,788
Oh. A friendly ear.
Ok, a friendly ear.
289
00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:17,990
You're... you're jealous
of the piano guy.
290
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:20,292
Well, he prances around
in those leather pants
291
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,228
and he still somehow manages
to look entirely heterosexual.
292
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,230
That's not an easy thing to do.
293
00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:27,232
- Al, he's a child.
- Ok. I know.
294
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,701
You know, you're reminding me
295
00:14:29,735 --> 00:14:32,604
of that woman
who attacked the jag.
296
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:35,374
You're making assumptions
about me. You're assuming
297
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:38,310
that I'm attracted to any young
thing in leather pants
298
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:41,146
- that crosses my path.
- No, I'm sorry. You're right.
299
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:43,247
It's just my insecurities
talking, I'm sorry.
300
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:46,585
- I'm going to go watch some TV.
- I'm sorry... ok.
301
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,188
Well I'll be here
with my Updike.
302
00:14:56,683 --> 00:15:00,231
- I told you.
- No, he... just...
303
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:03,134
talked about archaeology.
It was Al who...
304
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:05,103
Oh, that's how it starts.
305
00:15:05,170 --> 00:15:07,538
First it's just a little
innocent conversation
306
00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:09,773
about pottery fragments
and before you know it,
307
00:15:09,808 --> 00:15:12,343
he's bent over you in the garden
showing you how to dig.
308
00:15:12,377 --> 00:15:14,712
- He did not do that.
- He did.
309
00:15:14,746 --> 00:15:17,949
- He did not!
- He practically mounted me,
310
00:15:17,969 --> 00:15:20,298
Davina. And you know what?
I don't understand why
311
00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:23,428
it's so hard for people to accept that
he could be attracted to me.
312
00:15:23,448 --> 00:15:24,800
- Ron.
- Am I that hideous?
313
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:26,500
No! It's just...
314
00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,458
I can't believe that
you would let it get that far.
315
00:15:28,493 --> 00:15:30,961
- Beause I'm completely sexless?
- No.
316
00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:34,856
And why would a hideous, sexless
corpse let a young man grope her?
317
00:15:34,876 --> 00:15:37,475
- Did he grope you?
- H...he could have.
318
00:15:37,495 --> 00:15:39,510
- Ron, I...
- I wanted him to.
319
00:15:39,530 --> 00:15:41,104
I can't believe
this is you takling.
320
00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:44,007
No, this is me. It's me.
He's hot, he's a hot guy.
321
00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:46,909
Yeah, and you're 30 years
older and happily married.
322
00:15:46,944 --> 00:15:50,312
- Oh my God. That means nothing.
- That may-December thing only
323
00:15:50,347 --> 00:15:52,982
applies to older men
and even then it's a myth.
324
00:15:53,017 --> 00:15:55,584
I'm not talking about that.
Happily married is a completely
325
00:15:55,619 --> 00:15:57,620
- meaningless phrase.
- I have no idea who you are.
326
00:15:57,655 --> 00:16:00,523
I wanted him.
I wanted to hurl my leg
327
00:16:00,557 --> 00:16:02,659
over that bike of his,
ride off to some days inn
328
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:04,661
- and screw his brains out.
- Ron!
329
00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:06,895
And would have, too,
if Roger hadn't argued with him
330
00:16:06,929 --> 00:16:09,287
about this fucking keyboard.
331
00:16:09,733 --> 00:16:11,744
So, I've shocked you.
332
00:16:11,764 --> 00:16:13,669
Well. There you go.
333
00:16:14,434 --> 00:16:16,375
I can be shocking.
334
00:16:16,395 --> 00:16:18,951
'Least I'm still capable
of that.
335
00:16:23,445 --> 00:16:26,414
(Sound of motorcycle engine)
336
00:16:44,790 --> 00:16:46,234
Huhhh...
337
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,759
- Oh. H... hi.
- Hello.
338
00:16:51,876 --> 00:16:55,142
- Al's not here.
- He isn't? Oh.
339
00:16:55,665 --> 00:16:57,511
Uh, did I get the day wrong?
340
00:16:57,531 --> 00:16:59,680
Yes, you're... two days early.
341
00:16:59,748 --> 00:17:02,049
Ha! What an idiot.
342
00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:04,481
(Clears throat)
343
00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:08,171
Uh, would you like to come
in for a cup of coffee?
344
00:17:08,191 --> 00:17:09,356
What I would like to do
345
00:17:09,424 --> 00:17:12,175
is show you some
of my discoveries.
346
00:17:12,361 --> 00:17:13,393
Oh?
347
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:16,663
- Would you be into that?
- I would.
348
00:17:16,698 --> 00:17:19,055
I would be into seeing
your discoveries.
349
00:17:19,075 --> 00:17:21,235
Great. Get a coat.
350
00:17:21,302 --> 00:17:23,903
- Ok.
- One that zips up.
351
00:17:23,971 --> 00:17:26,340
- Right.
- It gets cold on the bike.
352
00:17:36,483 --> 00:17:38,417
I want you to meet
a good friend of mine.
353
00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:41,551
This is Ashotep IX.
354
00:17:41,762 --> 00:17:43,549
900 b.C.
355
00:17:43,569 --> 00:17:47,826
Succeeded her brother,
Metasufis II, upon his death.
356
00:17:47,861 --> 00:17:49,089
Wow.
357
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:52,415
- Isn't she incredible?
- Oh, yes she is.
358
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:55,807
She's almost 3000 years old
359
00:17:55,827 --> 00:17:58,871
and still one of the most
beautiful women that ever lived.
360
00:17:58,905 --> 00:18:01,206
And you... dug her
out of the earth.
361
00:18:01,241 --> 00:18:03,275
Me? No.
362
00:18:03,342 --> 00:18:06,594
No, my stuff is in the storage
room. It's off limits.
363
00:18:06,614 --> 00:18:09,214
- Oh.
- Very private.
364
00:18:09,249 --> 00:18:12,656
Bu I can get us
in there, if you want.
365
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,020
- Um...
- Just the two of us.
366
00:18:16,925 --> 00:18:18,356
O... ok.
367
00:18:18,859 --> 00:18:20,625
Great.
368
00:18:21,105 --> 00:18:23,027
Wait for me here.
369
00:18:33,427 --> 00:18:34,371
So.
370
00:18:35,202 --> 00:18:37,051
What are you gonna do?
371
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:38,742
What?
372
00:18:38,777 --> 00:18:41,679
You know he's interested.
He's giving you all the signals,
373
00:18:41,713 --> 00:18:43,681
even I can see them
and my eyes are covered
374
00:18:43,715 --> 00:18:45,683
in three layers of linen.
375
00:18:45,717 --> 00:18:48,560
Oh, I know. I know.
376
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:51,689
God it's like
Raiders of the lost ark.
377
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:54,658
Funny you should say that.
That movie has a special meaning
378
00:18:54,693 --> 00:18:56,727
for me.
- Obviously.
379
00:18:56,761 --> 00:19:01,198
- Came out the day I was born.
- Uh, when was that?
380
00:19:01,232 --> 00:19:03,434
- June 12, 1981.
- (Ashotep): So you gonna go for it?
381
00:19:03,468 --> 00:19:05,790
Do you think I should?
382
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:08,671
Well you've got
an absolutely beautiful body.
383
00:19:08,706 --> 00:19:10,841
- Why waste it?
- Oh, you know.
384
00:19:10,875 --> 00:19:13,977
It's... it's just,
well, it's...
385
00:19:14,973 --> 00:19:15,979
It's older.
386
00:19:16,013 --> 00:19:19,185
Ha! Ha! Have you seen
who you're talking to?
387
00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:22,886
- Kitesh.
- Ka-tesh. Ha!
388
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,254
The goddess of sacred ecstasy
389
00:19:25,288 --> 00:19:29,373
and sexual pleasure.
She's always depicted like this;
390
00:19:29,393 --> 00:19:32,939
with a snake in one hand,
and a lotus flower in the other.
391
00:19:32,959 --> 00:19:34,831
Ah.
392
00:19:34,865 --> 00:19:36,799
The symbolism
is pretty obvious.
393
00:19:36,834 --> 00:19:39,491
Yeah, it is. Well, they...
394
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,414
were never very subtle,
those Egyptians.
395
00:19:41,434 --> 00:19:43,239
Nope.
396
00:19:45,775 --> 00:19:48,063
And they weren't prudish,
either.
397
00:19:48,411 --> 00:19:50,438
So you think I should?
398
00:19:50,458 --> 00:19:53,548
If it were me, I would grab
that cute little ass
399
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:55,717
with both hands...
400
00:19:55,752 --> 00:19:59,248
If my hands hadn't sorta
crumbled to dust centuries ago.
401
00:19:59,521 --> 00:20:03,392
Yeah... I'd go for it.
402
00:20:03,459 --> 00:20:06,227
They celebrated sex.
403
00:20:06,295 --> 00:20:08,274
(Davina inhales sharply.)
404
00:20:09,837 --> 00:20:14,742
They decorated their homes
with frescos of naked figures
405
00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:16,946
... complete...
406
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:21,009
with pubic hair...
and erection.
407
00:20:21,997 --> 00:20:23,811
I... I...
408
00:20:23,879 --> 00:20:27,174
I don't know how I'd feel
coming home to a room covered
409
00:20:27,194 --> 00:20:31,376
with erections but I guess
you can get used to anything.
410
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,089
You Aprhodite.
411
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:39,381
Mmm, my Isis.
My Venus.
412
00:20:39,401 --> 00:20:42,438
- Mmm, my mummy.
- Oh, what did you say?
413
00:20:42,458 --> 00:20:45,098
- Nothing.
- What did you just call me?
414
00:20:45,859 --> 00:20:47,441
My Aphrodite?
415
00:20:47,461 --> 00:20:48,801
- No.
- My Venus?
416
00:20:48,821 --> 00:20:51,685
- No.
- My Isis?
417
00:20:51,705 --> 00:20:55,539
Your mummy.
You called me your mummy.
418
00:20:56,677 --> 00:20:58,611
- Did I?
- Yes. You did.
419
00:20:58,849 --> 00:21:01,614
Now, either you think of me
420
00:21:01,649 --> 00:21:04,016
as a 3000 year old corpse
421
00:21:04,051 --> 00:21:08,214
or you think I'm your mummy
and either way that...
422
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:11,324
That... that's just not good.
423
00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:15,227
You again?
424
00:21:15,262 --> 00:21:17,590
This is the conservation
and storage area
425
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:20,332
for non-displayed
Egyptian antiquities
426
00:21:20,352 --> 00:21:22,566
not a brothel.
427
00:21:22,814 --> 00:21:25,842
(Piano music)
428
00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:50,562
So... where is he?
429
00:21:51,373 --> 00:21:53,259
The wild one.
430
00:21:53,606 --> 00:21:55,766
What? Um.
431
00:21:56,436 --> 00:21:58,545
He's not coming.
432
00:21:59,215 --> 00:22:01,031
W... well why not?
433
00:22:01,051 --> 00:22:04,352
Um. He, um. Um.
434
00:22:05,183 --> 00:22:09,196
W... wait a minute.
Did he make a pass at you?
435
00:22:09,216 --> 00:22:10,447
Um.
436
00:22:11,777 --> 00:22:13,951
Give me his number.
I'm going to call...
437
00:22:13,986 --> 00:22:15,953
no. No! Don't, please!
Don't do that!
438
00:22:15,988 --> 00:22:17,448
Wh... why? Why?
D... did he,
439
00:22:17,468 --> 00:22:19,992
Did he touch you?
What happened?
440
00:22:20,012 --> 00:22:22,844
Nothing, really.
It was...
441
00:22:22,864 --> 00:22:25,029
Look, Al, it was
just signals.
442
00:22:25,063 --> 00:22:27,264
Just signals? What's that?
What kind of signals?
443
00:22:27,298 --> 00:22:29,031
It was my fault,
I didn't read them right.
444
00:22:29,051 --> 00:22:32,490
I don't know why I didn't.
It was stupid of me. I'm sorry.
445
00:22:34,205 --> 00:22:36,440
I'm sorry.
446
00:22:36,797 --> 00:22:38,770
Jesus Christ.
447
00:22:39,328 --> 00:22:43,543
W...we paid him. We paid him
for this fucking service.
448
00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:45,152
I'm sorry.
449
00:22:45,172 --> 00:22:47,845
We're getting rid
of that fucking piano.
450
00:22:47,865 --> 00:22:49,419
- Ok.
- I want it out of here!
451
00:22:49,486 --> 00:22:52,188
- Fuck the scales!
- Ok.
452
00:22:52,222 --> 00:22:54,395
Jesus.
453
00:23:11,055 --> 00:23:13,676
They sound so much better
with the piano.
454
00:23:13,696 --> 00:23:16,322
We recently did Grease
and all we had was
455
00:23:16,342 --> 00:23:19,735
this old electric keyboard.
They sounded awful to be honest.
456
00:23:19,755 --> 00:23:22,718
Well, it wasn't getting
much use at our house.
457
00:23:22,786 --> 00:23:25,087
It will certainly get use here
458
00:23:25,121 --> 00:23:27,022
Greg is going to be so happy.
459
00:23:27,042 --> 00:23:29,638
- Uh, did you say Greg?
- Oh, he's our volunteer.
460
00:23:29,658 --> 00:23:33,061
He teaches piano to the ladies.
He was bugging us
461
00:23:33,129 --> 00:23:35,063
- to get an upright.
- Greg was his name, you said?
462
00:23:35,131 --> 00:23:37,665
Actually, I think he's
still downstairs.
463
00:23:37,733 --> 00:23:39,934
I'm sure he'd love
to thank you in person.
464
00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:42,003
- No. No. We should go.
- Oh.
465
00:23:42,071 --> 00:23:44,573
Oh shit. Oh shit.
466
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:46,341
There's lots of other Gregs
in the world, what are the odds?
467
00:23:46,361 --> 00:23:48,517
No, no, no.
I remember that he said
468
00:23:48,537 --> 00:23:50,627
- that he lived in Pickering.
- Seriously?
469
00:23:50,647 --> 00:23:54,027
Well, maybe.
I have a vague memory.
470
00:24:02,290 --> 00:24:03,544
Oh shit.
471
00:24:03,564 --> 00:24:07,085
Just another reason
to hate Pickering.
472
00:24:07,695 --> 00:24:10,609
- Car, let's go!
- Al!
473
00:24:10,734 --> 00:24:13,800
Why are you doing this?
Let's just, let's just go home.
474
00:24:13,835 --> 00:24:15,836
- Look at him.
- He drives like an old lady,
475
00:24:15,870 --> 00:24:17,338
- he has no idea what he's doing.
- Wh- what are you going to
476
00:24:17,372 --> 00:24:20,103
- follow him around all day long?
- Maybe. Maybe.
477
00:24:20,123 --> 00:24:21,791
- Seriously?
- Yes, maybe!
478
00:24:21,811 --> 00:24:23,710
Let's just go home.
Why are we doing this?
479
00:24:23,745 --> 00:24:26,800
I just wanna see where he
lives. Maybe have a little chat.
480
00:24:26,820 --> 00:24:28,531
Oh, Al. Seriously.
I mean how is this going to end?
481
00:24:28,551 --> 00:24:30,517
It's fun it's an outing.
It's a field trip.
482
00:24:30,537 --> 00:24:32,900
Are you going to punch him?
He's got decades on you.
483
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:36,823
- Oh he's speeding now. Now...
- Will you slow down?
484
00:24:36,891 --> 00:24:38,958
- Just relax, ok? What?
- God.
485
00:24:38,992 --> 00:24:41,961
We're at a stop sign and he
just looked. What if he saw us?
486
00:24:41,995 --> 00:24:43,929
I'm just following him.
Well so what? We'd have a chat.
487
00:24:43,964 --> 00:24:45,931
We'd pull over, we'd say,
"hello, how are you?"
488
00:24:45,999 --> 00:24:47,933
"Remember me?
I'm your piano student."
489
00:24:47,968 --> 00:24:50,522
Al. Al!
Why? Why are you doing this?!
490
00:24:58,662 --> 00:25:01,814
Al. Please. He has children.
491
00:25:01,848 --> 00:25:05,258
I won't hit the children,
I promise.
492
00:25:21,801 --> 00:25:25,036
What the fuck do you want?
493
00:25:30,250 --> 00:25:32,172
That's right.
494
00:25:32,916 --> 00:25:35,609
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
495
00:25:35,659 --> 00:25:40,209
Repair and Synchronization by
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