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1
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?
2
00:00:20,065 --> 00:00:22,799
Jen, that new free-range
farm-to-table organic
3
00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:25,267
delicatessen is open, and it's lit.
4
00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:26,522
- What'd you get?
- $16 bread.
5
00:00:26,561 --> 00:00:27,561
Mo!
6
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It has sundried figs
and wind cracked walnuts.
7
00:00:31,351 --> 00:00:32,382
What the...?
8
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:35,063
Don't freak out. I started
unpacking, and then,
9
00:00:35,098 --> 00:00:36,631
completely just finished unpacking.
10
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,800
Oh my God.
11
00:00:38,836 --> 00:00:41,269
- Our new place is hot!
- I know, right!
12
00:00:41,304 --> 00:00:44,072
We have a fireplace now
and sunlight now! And...
13
00:00:44,107 --> 00:00:45,306
(SQUIRREL SQUEAKS)
14
00:00:45,342 --> 00:00:47,642
- Wall squirrels, still?
- Yeah.
15
00:00:47,678 --> 00:00:50,111
And, your ex-lover and his
party-aholic best friend
16
00:00:50,146 --> 00:00:52,113
don't live directly
and awkwardly upstairs,
17
00:00:52,148 --> 00:00:54,916
so yeah, I think that's
a pretty good feature.
18
00:00:54,952 --> 00:00:56,985
Trust: Never gonna happen again, okay?
19
00:00:57,020 --> 00:00:58,453
I put it on my to-do list.
20
00:00:58,489 --> 00:01:01,590
? 39 ?: Do not have sex with neighbours.
21
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,558
Really? 'Cause that
90-year-old down the hall
22
00:01:03,594 --> 00:01:05,393
could teach you a sexy thing or two.
23
00:01:05,428 --> 00:01:08,196
Honestly, I think our old
apartment flooding was the
24
00:01:08,231 --> 00:01:10,331
best thing that ever happened to us.
25
00:01:10,367 --> 00:01:12,233
I did lose my grandfather's ashes.
26
00:01:12,268 --> 00:01:14,503
Yes, but he loved water.
27
00:01:14,538 --> 00:01:16,804
So much so, it killed him.
28
00:01:16,839 --> 00:01:18,639
(SIGHS)
29
00:01:18,674 --> 00:01:22,704
?
30
00:01:23,188 --> 00:01:28,188
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:28,594 --> 00:01:35,556
?
32
00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:36,700
- (SIGHS)
- _
33
00:01:36,723 --> 00:01:37,958
I did not think you would
get out of bed for a
34
00:01:37,994 --> 00:01:39,527
high school frenemy's wedding shower.
35
00:01:39,562 --> 00:01:42,030
- Karen makes serious bank.
- So?
36
00:01:42,065 --> 00:01:43,498
So, that means she has fancy soaps.
37
00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:45,966
- So...?
- So, I can plunder them.
38
00:01:46,002 --> 00:01:48,136
I bet she has scents like mint-basil,
39
00:01:48,171 --> 00:01:50,304
and mango chutney dreams.
40
00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:52,006
- (TEXT CHIME)
- Okay, well...
41
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:53,540
Lose the phone 'cause you
look like a guy who just
42
00:01:53,575 --> 00:01:55,242
found out about weed stocks.
43
00:01:55,277 --> 00:01:57,310
Garth's at a gaming
Conference: I have questions.
44
00:01:57,346 --> 00:01:58,811
Oh, like, which old tree to carve
45
00:01:58,847 --> 00:02:00,647
your combined initials into?
46
00:02:00,682 --> 00:02:02,482
Like, game store work stuff.
47
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:04,451
Ugh, you are this close
to going to Serious Town.
48
00:02:04,486 --> 00:02:07,921
Please, we are just very
good friends who make out a lot
49
00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:09,989
while Lionel Richie plays
softly in the background.
50
00:02:10,025 --> 00:02:11,791
Also, this is not about me and Garth;
51
00:02:11,826 --> 00:02:13,460
this is about you breaking up with Nate.
52
00:02:13,495 --> 00:02:15,529
Ah, I wouldn't even call it breaking up.
53
00:02:15,564 --> 00:02:18,731
We were just casually hanging
out all the time, casually.
54
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,633
You had sex under a rainbow.
55
00:02:20,669 --> 00:02:23,203
That was not our fault; that
rainbow came out of nowhere.
56
00:02:23,238 --> 00:02:24,571
Well, you better find a mirror 'cause
57
00:02:24,606 --> 00:02:26,106
F.O.C. is showing.
58
00:02:26,141 --> 00:02:28,275
- (LAUGHS)
- F.O.C. Fear of commitment.
59
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:31,711
I do not have a fear of commitment.
60
00:02:31,746 --> 00:02:33,163
I'm just keeping my options open.
61
00:02:33,311 --> 00:02:34,022
Sure.
62
00:02:34,049 --> 00:02:35,081
'Cause there are a lot of them.
63
00:02:35,116 --> 00:02:36,148
Okay.
64
00:02:36,184 --> 00:02:38,850
Men love me, all kinds: young ones,
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00:02:38,886 --> 00:02:40,786
old ones, sports ones.
66
00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:42,555
- Yeah.
- I'm not F.O.C.'d.
67
00:02:42,590 --> 00:02:46,258
It is the whole concept of
monogamy that is f...
68
00:02:46,294 --> 00:02:48,060
Hi!
69
00:02:48,096 --> 00:02:51,897
Hi! Happy wedding shower!
70
00:02:51,932 --> 00:02:53,332
(LAUGHS)
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00:02:53,367 --> 00:02:57,203
?
72
00:02:57,238 --> 00:02:58,870
Thanks again for inviting us.
73
00:02:58,906 --> 00:03:01,273
Obviously, you're my best friends.
74
00:03:01,309 --> 00:03:05,611
And, so considerate to
institute a no-gift policy.
75
00:03:05,646 --> 00:03:07,546
Trap!
76
00:03:07,582 --> 00:03:09,014
Sorry, I forgot to cough.
77
00:03:09,049 --> 00:03:12,551
It was supposed to sound
more like (COUGHS) "trap".
78
00:03:12,587 --> 00:03:14,487
I just think the love
Harrison and I share
79
00:03:14,522 --> 00:03:16,455
is the greatest gift of all.
80
00:03:16,491 --> 00:03:17,756
Ew.
81
00:03:17,791 --> 00:03:20,025
Ah, where is everyone else?
82
00:03:20,027 --> 00:03:22,193
Oh, closest friends only today.
83
00:03:22,229 --> 00:03:24,596
It's very hard for me to
maintain a true friendship.
84
00:03:24,632 --> 00:03:26,464
Most people are incredibly jealous.
85
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,067
- Of your face.
- And my body.
86
00:03:29,103 --> 00:03:30,969
Oh, and my personality.
87
00:03:31,005 --> 00:03:32,337
(TEXT CHIME)
88
00:03:32,372 --> 00:03:34,339
Jen, your mom told my mom
that you're thinking about
89
00:03:34,374 --> 00:03:37,375
going to grad school. Excitement!
90
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:40,512
No, she's thinking about
me going to grad school.
91
00:03:40,547 --> 00:03:43,314
I'm temping. Supe's fun, yeah.
92
00:03:43,350 --> 00:03:46,551
Ah, actually, last week,
I cat sat for a very
93
00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:48,787
sick old woman, and - spoiler alert -
94
00:03:48,822 --> 00:03:52,658
she didn't make it.
95
00:03:52,693 --> 00:03:56,962
Speaking of shuttling off
the old mortal coil,
96
00:03:56,997 --> 00:04:00,131
the theme of today's festivities
is heaven on earth.
97
00:04:00,167 --> 00:04:01,232
Mm...
98
00:04:01,268 --> 00:04:03,368
Alister, though no answer will suffice,
99
00:04:03,403 --> 00:04:04,702
what are you doing here?
100
00:04:04,737 --> 00:04:06,604
I planned the whole thing!
101
00:04:06,606 --> 00:04:08,506
"Karrison" needed the
perfect wedding shower,
102
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:10,875
I needed a bit of cash for capitalism.
103
00:04:10,910 --> 00:04:13,311
Thus, in keeping with the
thematic focus of the day,
104
00:04:13,346 --> 00:04:16,281
you can either have the angel
wings or the crown of light.
105
00:04:16,316 --> 00:04:18,149
- Just call it a halo.
- It's a crown of light.
106
00:04:18,185 --> 00:04:19,284
It's a halo.
107
00:04:19,319 --> 00:04:20,918
It's a crown of light and
it's coming right at you.
108
00:04:20,953 --> 00:04:21,819
Don't!
109
00:04:21,854 --> 00:04:24,088
Look! Engagement photos!
110
00:04:24,123 --> 00:04:25,356
(SQUEALS)
111
00:04:25,392 --> 00:04:26,924
(CLAPS) Yay! (LAUGHS)
112
00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:30,395
?
113
00:04:30,430 --> 00:04:32,297
I like how casual they are.
114
00:04:32,332 --> 00:04:35,500
Stop. I'm not even
wearing makeup in those.
115
00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:39,270
Harrison wanted the world
to see his favourite me,
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00:04:39,306 --> 00:04:40,771
the real me.
117
00:04:40,807 --> 00:04:43,039
It's true; Karen's her most beautiful
118
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,408
the exact moment she wakes.
119
00:04:44,443 --> 00:04:45,458
Aw!
120
00:04:45,477 --> 00:04:48,412
He is a real poet of the heart.
121
00:04:48,447 --> 00:04:49,580
Am I right?
122
00:04:49,615 --> 00:04:52,649
Holy ships, he is not right,
he is gorgeous.
123
00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:54,918
Guys, I want to introduce
my best friend and
124
00:04:54,953 --> 00:04:56,953
best man, Marcus.
125
00:04:56,988 --> 00:04:59,823
We met at advanced modeling
school in Switzerland.
126
00:04:59,858 --> 00:05:01,825
I was literally gonna guess that.
127
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:05,696
And, Marcus is single.
Isn't that surprising?
128
00:05:05,731 --> 00:05:07,097
When I found out, I was shocked.
129
00:05:07,132 --> 00:05:09,099
I mean, truly taken aback.
130
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,768
My mind just refused to believe it.
131
00:05:11,803 --> 00:05:14,705
Jen is single, too, I assume?
132
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:18,675
Mhm, yes, yes...
Yes, indeed, I am single.
133
00:05:18,711 --> 00:05:21,612
Single and loving it.
134
00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:23,113
Haha.
135
00:05:26,684 --> 00:05:28,117
Single people dance a lot.
136
00:05:28,152 --> 00:05:30,286
We have to; if we stop moving, we die.
137
00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:34,823
Mo, I've never seen smile, so...
138
00:05:34,859 --> 00:05:36,125
- Hm?
- No.
139
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,326
Single?
140
00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,795
I mean, I'm basically single.
141
00:05:39,830 --> 00:05:41,196
I mean, I'm pretty single.
142
00:05:41,232 --> 00:05:44,734
I'm like at least
a little single. You know.
143
00:05:44,769 --> 00:05:48,804
None of us do. It's very confusing.
144
00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:51,840
So, like, are you two gonna
get down to some bachelor jazz?
145
00:05:51,876 --> 00:05:54,209
No, Harris and I decided to do a
146
00:05:54,245 --> 00:05:56,679
co-ed wedding shower, didn't we, bimpy?
147
00:05:56,714 --> 00:05:58,147
We sure did, boompy.
148
00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,148
- Mm!
- Mm!
149
00:05:59,183 --> 00:06:00,449
Ew! Why?
150
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,418
Well, we read that that's what
Michelle and Barack Obama
151
00:06:02,453 --> 00:06:03,908
did when they got engaged.
152
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:07,021
Damn it! They're a great
reason to do anything.
153
00:06:07,056 --> 00:06:08,890
Now, Marcus,
154
00:06:08,925 --> 00:06:10,858
what's that gift-wrapped
gift-shaped gift-sized thingy?
155
00:06:10,894 --> 00:06:12,794
It's a gift. (LAUGHS)
156
00:06:12,829 --> 00:06:15,830
Oh... The e-vite said no gifts.
157
00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:18,199
Ah, well, it kind of
felt like a trap to me.
158
00:06:18,234 --> 00:06:20,735
Yeah, me too.
159
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:23,204
Eric! What are you doing here?
160
00:06:23,239 --> 00:06:25,707
Well, Karen invited Mom,
but she had line dancing,
161
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:26,308
so she sent me as a gift.
162
00:06:27,744 --> 00:06:28,777
Oh!
163
00:06:28,812 --> 00:06:31,413
I don't think people
should be given as gifts.
164
00:06:31,448 --> 00:06:34,048
Especially when the
words "no" and "gift"
165
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:36,318
are italicized on the invitation.
166
00:06:36,353 --> 00:06:39,220
So, Karen's got me for the
next 4-and-a-half hours,
167
00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:43,090
but after that... I'm all yours.
168
00:06:43,126 --> 00:06:45,527
What can I say that's more than "ew"?
169
00:06:45,562 --> 00:06:48,128
?
170
00:06:48,163 --> 00:06:50,864
I bet Karen misses the
sweet sexy single life,
171
00:06:50,899 --> 00:06:53,701
especially with those arms,
and those eyes, and...
172
00:06:53,736 --> 00:06:56,770
That nose.
173
00:06:56,798 --> 00:06:59,037
You and Garth just
scheduling a time for a
174
00:06:59,115 --> 00:07:01,107
candle-lit bath to
talk about your feelings?
175
00:07:01,143 --> 00:07:03,610
He needs to know how
the other half lives...
176
00:07:03,646 --> 00:07:06,580
"With joy and heat".
177
00:07:06,615 --> 00:07:08,716
You are butt over heels for that guy.
178
00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:10,818
The only thing my butt
is over is rare red meat,
179
00:07:10,853 --> 00:07:12,353
thank you very much.
180
00:07:12,388 --> 00:07:13,721
- (TEXT CHIME)
- _
181
00:07:13,756 --> 00:07:16,690
Me thinks the lady doth text too much.
182
00:07:16,726 --> 00:07:19,426
29 texts is actually very
low for people our age.
183
00:07:19,462 --> 00:07:20,861
- (TEXT CHIME)
- _
184
00:07:20,896 --> 00:07:22,863
30 texts is a good median for people...
185
00:07:22,898 --> 00:07:24,030
- (TEXT CHIME)
- _
186
00:07:24,066 --> 00:07:25,332
31 texts is...
187
00:07:25,368 --> 00:07:26,834
- (TEXT CHIME)
- _
188
00:07:26,869 --> 00:07:30,603
Fine. I'm gonna prove my
romantic nonchalance...
189
00:07:30,638 --> 00:07:33,606
I'm not gonna text Garth
for the rest of the day.
190
00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:37,277
Thank you. Now at least we can
try to enjoy ourselves.
191
00:07:37,312 --> 00:07:39,779
Look! A jar that says,
192
00:07:39,814 --> 00:07:42,749
"Fun ideas for date night".
193
00:07:42,784 --> 00:07:46,853
Is there a hyphen in 'murder suicide'?
194
00:07:46,889 --> 00:07:49,455
No? I'm putting one anyway.
195
00:07:49,491 --> 00:07:53,159
- ?
- _
196
00:07:53,195 --> 00:07:55,395
They're playing pin
the abs on the Harrison.
197
00:07:55,430 --> 00:07:57,264
Knowing that would make Garth's life.
198
00:07:57,299 --> 00:07:58,321
Ah!
199
00:07:58,376 --> 00:08:00,200
You gave me your phone
exactly one second ago.
200
00:08:00,235 --> 00:08:02,335
But it's like a rare lunar
eclipse where the earth is
201
00:08:02,371 --> 00:08:06,639
stupid people and the
moon is them being stupid.
202
00:08:06,674 --> 00:08:09,309
Jennifer... Better Jennifer,
203
00:08:09,344 --> 00:08:11,777
I notice you guys still don't
have your angel wings on.
204
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:13,545
No, and never.
205
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,247
Okay, well, thanks for so carefully
206
00:08:15,283 --> 00:08:16,681
considering the request.
207
00:08:16,717 --> 00:08:18,850
Anywho, Karen and Harrison
are going to be slow dancing
208
00:08:18,886 --> 00:08:20,953
later on, and they would
like everyone to watch
209
00:08:20,988 --> 00:08:24,089
while silently blowing bubbles.
210
00:08:24,125 --> 00:08:26,125
Yeah, like that! But with...
211
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,526
fewer... fewer bubbles.
212
00:08:27,561 --> 00:08:29,295
No, and not in the face. Stop it!
213
00:08:29,330 --> 00:08:31,897
And not in the crotch! No!
214
00:08:31,933 --> 00:08:34,233
Somebody's salty when
they're not texting lover boy.
215
00:08:34,268 --> 00:08:37,368
Please, it's not that;
it's all this stuff.
216
00:08:37,404 --> 00:08:40,071
Who needs to proclaim their
feelings in napkin form;
217
00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:42,140
- that is so lame.
- _
218
00:08:42,175 --> 00:08:44,409
You're preaching to the
keeping-it-casual choir.
219
00:08:44,444 --> 00:08:47,312
I mean, who would trade in
the dancing clubs and
220
00:08:47,347 --> 00:08:49,981
the hooking ups for flowers, and hearts,
221
00:08:50,016 --> 00:08:51,182
and a gift table full of...
222
00:08:51,217 --> 00:08:53,284
Ah, fudge.
223
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,786
You really think they
all have fudge in them?
224
00:09:00,226 --> 00:09:02,760
It does! It sounds like fudge.
225
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,744
Karen said no gifts,
but there's a lot more
226
00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:16,313
gifts here than people. You do the math.
227
00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,582
6.3 times, though, most of them do say,
228
00:09:18,617 --> 00:09:20,483
"To Boompy, Love Bimpy".
229
00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:23,253
Why are we the only ones who
respect the no-gift policy?
230
00:09:23,288 --> 00:09:24,487
- I brought a gift.
- What?
231
00:09:24,523 --> 00:09:28,091
Yeah. $12 and 3 discontinued-cents...
232
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:32,695
'Twas a fruitful couch scrounge.
233
00:09:32,731 --> 00:09:34,197
- Jen, right?
- Mhm.
234
00:09:34,232 --> 00:09:35,364
Hi.
235
00:09:35,399 --> 00:09:38,500
Um, Karen said I
should bring you a drink.
236
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:40,336
I think she's trying to play matchmaker.
237
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,806
Well, then, find me a
find and catch me a catch.
238
00:09:43,842 --> 00:09:45,975
(LAUGHS)
239
00:09:46,010 --> 00:09:47,309
I'm... What?
240
00:09:47,345 --> 00:09:49,245
Fiddler on the Roof, the
Tony Award winning musical.
241
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,579
- Oh!
- (LAUGHS)
242
00:09:50,615 --> 00:09:52,381
No, I haven't seen it. I don't know.
243
00:09:52,416 --> 00:09:56,819
Oh, well, that's too bad
because it's pretty sexy.
244
00:09:56,855 --> 00:09:59,521
Oh! (LAUGHS)
245
00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:01,991
Russians expelling Jewish
people from their villages
246
00:10:02,026 --> 00:10:05,827
is a key plot point.
247
00:10:05,863 --> 00:10:06,955
Hm.
248
00:10:09,032 --> 00:10:12,600
- So, do you want it?
- Maybe, who knows.
249
00:10:12,636 --> 00:10:15,170
(WHISPERS) I'm like the wind.
250
00:10:15,205 --> 00:10:16,738
- Do you want it?
- Absolutely.
251
00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:18,273
Oh.
252
00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:24,980
Look at me getting my flirty-flirt on.
253
00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,848
Good Lord, did you take
one of those pickup artist
254
00:10:26,884 --> 00:10:28,716
workshops at the food court of the mall?
255
00:10:28,752 --> 00:10:30,652
You were just being pissy
because I'm delaying
256
00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:32,654
your inevitable trip to Serious Town.
257
00:10:32,689 --> 00:10:34,890
Ha, I'm not going to Serious Town.
258
00:10:34,925 --> 00:10:36,223
I haven't even packed.
259
00:10:36,234 --> 00:10:39,360
Oh, and you think I have
the fear of commitment.
260
00:10:39,396 --> 00:10:40,929
You've never been in a
relationship longer than
261
00:10:40,964 --> 00:10:42,463
4 months and 2 days.
262
00:10:42,499 --> 00:10:44,824
You are purer than the driven snow.
263
00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:47,067
Okay, that is not fear of commitment;
264
00:10:47,103 --> 00:10:48,936
that is having personal standards.
265
00:10:48,971 --> 00:10:50,905
Think of some of the people
that you've slept with.
266
00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:53,741
Oh, that is a low blow.
267
00:10:53,777 --> 00:10:55,810
Good Lord, how long do we have to fight
268
00:10:55,845 --> 00:10:57,478
to finish a single drink?
269
00:10:57,514 --> 00:11:00,881
?
270
00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:04,018
Jen! You remember my
friend and employee,
271
00:11:04,053 --> 00:11:07,689
Nurse Redelle, don't you?
She scheduled your pap?
272
00:11:07,724 --> 00:11:10,558
I remember everyone associated
with my sexual organs.
273
00:11:10,593 --> 00:11:11,626
How are you?
274
00:11:11,661 --> 00:11:13,861
I have almost 5 kids; that's how I am.
275
00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:15,062
Do I just leave my gift with you?
276
00:11:15,097 --> 00:11:16,830
Oh, there's barely room for it.
277
00:11:16,865 --> 00:11:18,832
- You really shouldn't have.
- I didn't want to.
278
00:11:18,867 --> 00:11:20,334
(LAUGHS)
279
00:11:22,438 --> 00:11:23,570
(SIGHS)
280
00:11:23,605 --> 00:11:25,171
Hey.
281
00:11:25,207 --> 00:11:27,106
So, you sure I can't tempt you?
282
00:11:27,142 --> 00:11:29,309
(LAUGHS) Okay.
283
00:11:31,313 --> 00:11:34,815
So, Marcus, you're a model?
284
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:37,784
I was once asked to model,
but it was a scam,
285
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:40,654
which I only figured out
after 6 months and $1300.
286
00:11:40,689 --> 00:11:43,523
I was a model. Ah, it wasn't for me.
287
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:46,059
I write for an online news source now.
288
00:11:46,094 --> 00:11:48,161
Have you ever heard of Rip Stitch?
289
00:11:48,196 --> 00:11:49,663
Yes, yes!
290
00:11:49,698 --> 00:11:51,465
They just wrote this amazing
article on a woman
291
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,733
in Winnipeg who married her Google Home.
292
00:11:53,768 --> 00:11:54,868
"Google Home is Where the Heart Is".
293
00:11:54,903 --> 00:11:56,970
- That was me!
- No, shut up!
294
00:11:57,005 --> 00:11:58,471
That is amazing!
295
00:11:58,506 --> 00:12:01,374
And very relatable. When I was five,
296
00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:03,809
I kind of wanted to marry
my Raphael night light.
297
00:12:03,811 --> 00:12:06,279
Obviously, Raphael was
like the coolest turtle.
298
00:12:06,314 --> 00:12:07,646
Oh, no, no, no.
299
00:12:07,682 --> 00:12:09,815
Not the turtle, the architect-painter.
300
00:12:09,851 --> 00:12:12,485
Obviously, 'cause Raphael's
the coolest architect-painter.
301
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,453
(LAUGHS)
302
00:12:14,489 --> 00:12:16,089
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
303
00:12:19,510 --> 00:12:22,043
So, are you...
304
00:12:22,418 --> 00:12:25,519
heart broken, or are
you the heart breaker?
305
00:12:25,555 --> 00:12:26,855
I ended it with him.
306
00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:28,689
So, what was wrong with him?
307
00:12:28,725 --> 00:12:30,824
Was he too much, or not enough?
308
00:12:30,860 --> 00:12:33,327
Or... did he wear socks with sandals?
309
00:12:33,363 --> 00:12:36,697
'Cause I swear to you, that is
like the biggest deal breaker.
310
00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:38,766
No, no. No, he was great.
311
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:42,270
Really funny and nice, and you know,
312
00:12:42,305 --> 00:12:44,171
sweet but surprising.
313
00:12:44,206 --> 00:12:46,928
So, why'd you break up with him?
314
00:12:48,077 --> 00:12:50,077
(HARP)
315
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:54,271
(LAUGHS)
316
00:12:54,322 --> 00:12:56,517
Attention, heavenly creatures,
317
00:12:56,552 --> 00:12:59,119
the bride and groom would
like to share a few words.
318
00:13:02,090 --> 00:13:03,122
(CLINKING GLASS)
319
00:13:03,158 --> 00:13:06,393
No, no, that is redundant.
I just introduced you.
320
00:13:06,428 --> 00:13:08,328
(LAUGHS)
321
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:10,697
Harrison, I have loved you
since the first moment
322
00:13:10,732 --> 00:13:13,065
I saw you in a bathing suit.
323
00:13:13,101 --> 00:13:15,835
It's the little things I love the most.
324
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:18,471
Just being excited to
share news with you,
325
00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,674
or hearing about your day.
326
00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:22,542
Also, your hair is so thick.
327
00:13:22,577 --> 00:13:24,177
I think I've lost jewelry in it.
328
00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:25,978
(LAUGHS)
329
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,981
Karen, you're perfect.
330
00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:35,054
Now, ladies, please join me upstairs
331
00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:37,623
for a little grownup girl talk.
332
00:13:40,594 --> 00:13:44,797
(INDISTINCT WHISPERS)
333
00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:46,866
Oh-ho-ho, stairs! Good.
334
00:13:46,901 --> 00:13:48,500
Okay, I just need a little momentum.
335
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,469
Oh... ooh.
336
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,341
I thought your ears would be bleeding
337
00:13:55,376 --> 00:13:57,043
from those squishy speeches.
338
00:13:57,078 --> 00:13:58,410
I actually thought they
were maybe really
339
00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,979
not quite the worst.
340
00:14:00,014 --> 00:14:02,181
Hanging out with Karen in
a smaller group setting,
341
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,182
on the other hand...
342
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:06,452
Agreed. So, why are we going upstairs?
343
00:14:06,487 --> 00:14:08,654
Because that's where the
really good soaps live.
344
00:14:08,689 --> 00:14:12,057
Look how many I already have.
345
00:14:12,092 --> 00:14:14,827
- How?
- Confidence.
346
00:14:14,862 --> 00:14:17,463
?
347
00:14:17,498 --> 00:14:19,965
So, enjoy the pampering, ladies.
348
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,400
You know, I want you to
feel as beautiful as
349
00:14:21,435 --> 00:14:23,569
Harrison's love makes me feel.
350
00:14:23,604 --> 00:14:26,605
I don't think Harrison's love
gave her those cheekbones.
351
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:29,375
Ooh, solid burn, Pregnificent.
352
00:14:29,410 --> 00:14:31,477
- Ah, call me, Arby!
- Why?
353
00:14:31,512 --> 00:14:33,445
Well, me and my siblings
were named after the
354
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,046
places we were conceived.
355
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:38,116
So, Arby, Speedboat,
and our brother, Ditch.
356
00:14:38,151 --> 00:14:39,817
Jen, I now know a woman named after
357
00:14:39,853 --> 00:14:41,686
a roast beef sandwich.
Can I please text?
358
00:14:41,721 --> 00:14:43,454
Sh! Karen's explaining a game,
359
00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:45,490
and if there's a game,
I think I can win.
360
00:14:45,525 --> 00:14:48,225
You draw the question
out of the bowl, and then,
361
00:14:48,261 --> 00:14:52,963
we'll find out how much I really
know about my hubby-to-be.
362
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:56,333
Okay, I'll go first. Age before beauty.
363
00:14:56,369 --> 00:14:58,803
When did Harrison
first say, "I love you"?
364
00:14:58,838 --> 00:15:00,371
Oh! He said it the moment he saw her.
365
00:15:00,407 --> 00:15:04,008
The words fell from his mouth
like leaves from a tree.
366
00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:06,544
Yeah, that's right.
Why do you know that?
367
00:15:06,579 --> 00:15:08,913
- He tells the story a lot.
- Maybe a bit too much.
368
00:15:08,948 --> 00:15:11,916
So, Karen, when did you
drop the old 'L' bomb?
369
00:15:11,951 --> 00:15:13,083
Well, it took me awhile.
370
00:15:13,119 --> 00:15:14,351
You know, I hadn't been
serious about someone
371
00:15:14,387 --> 00:15:16,086
since Chris Pine, and...
372
00:15:16,122 --> 00:15:19,523
- The Chris Pine?
- Yeah, three years.
373
00:15:19,558 --> 00:15:22,459
Three very tumultuous years.
374
00:15:22,494 --> 00:15:25,329
But, when you know, you just know.
375
00:15:25,364 --> 00:15:27,197
Except you can never really know.
376
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,865
- You can.
- Not 100%.
377
00:15:28,901 --> 00:15:30,801
100%.
378
00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:36,240
It's like someone lights
a little light right in here.
379
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:39,609
Like, you have a
lighthouse in your sternum?
380
00:15:39,645 --> 00:15:40,811
Were you raised by made-for-TV
381
00:15:40,846 --> 00:15:42,046
Christmas movies?
382
00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:43,113
- (TEXT CHIME)
383
00:15:43,149 --> 00:15:44,748
- Is that my phone?
- _
384
00:15:44,783 --> 00:15:46,516
It does not matter because
there are no tax-paying
385
00:15:46,552 --> 00:15:48,852
citizens of Serious Town here, right?
386
00:15:48,887 --> 00:15:50,720
Jen, just give me my phone.
387
00:15:50,756 --> 00:15:52,355
No...
388
00:15:52,390 --> 00:15:53,457
Oh, no.
389
00:15:53,492 --> 00:15:55,325
- Jen, just give me my phone.
- Uh-uh. No.
390
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,861
Do you want me to
physically subdue them?
391
00:15:57,896 --> 00:16:01,331
Ah, no. I enjoy watching struggle.
392
00:16:01,366 --> 00:16:03,733
It's like theater, but real.
393
00:16:03,769 --> 00:16:07,035
So, Marcus, what do you think
about Karen's friend, Jen?
394
00:16:07,071 --> 00:16:11,206
Ah, she's... she's nice.
395
00:16:11,241 --> 00:16:13,375
She's really nice actually.
396
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:15,377
Dude, you could do so
much better than my sister.
397
00:16:15,412 --> 00:16:17,328
Like, have you seen your own face?
398
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:18,380
Yeah, it's true.
399
00:16:18,415 --> 00:16:21,083
You have an inward and an outward glow.
400
00:16:21,118 --> 00:16:23,185
She once open mouth
kissed a Mario Lopez poster.
401
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,587
Yeah, obviously, because Mario Lopez is
402
00:16:24,622 --> 00:16:25,757
the talent of our time.
403
00:16:25,796 --> 00:16:27,857
Karen and I are dying
for a new friend couple
404
00:16:27,892 --> 00:16:29,959
ever since Megan and
Harry went back to London.
405
00:16:29,994 --> 00:16:31,927
Dude, I just got dumped a
hot second ago and
406
00:16:31,963 --> 00:16:34,229
I'm not trying to get into
anything serious.
407
00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:37,099
I told my Boompy I loved
her the moment I first saw her.
408
00:16:37,134 --> 00:16:39,001
The words just fell from my mouth...
409
00:16:39,036 --> 00:16:40,802
ALL: ...Like leaves from a tree!
410
00:16:40,837 --> 00:16:42,036
Yeah, we know.
411
00:16:42,071 --> 00:16:44,071
You tell that story all the time!
412
00:16:44,107 --> 00:16:46,240
Maybe like too much.
413
00:16:46,275 --> 00:16:48,843
I'm just saying,
what if I hadn't been bold?
414
00:16:48,879 --> 00:16:50,678
Maybe we would never
have gotten together.
415
00:16:50,714 --> 00:16:53,014
And that would suck
because we're exactly like
416
00:16:53,049 --> 00:16:55,750
that scene from Ghost.
417
00:16:55,785 --> 00:16:57,819
The one where the bad
guy dies from the window?
418
00:16:57,854 --> 00:16:59,809
- No...
- No, the one where the old man's like,
419
00:16:59,890 --> 00:17:01,155
"Get off my train!"
420
00:17:01,190 --> 00:17:02,524
It's the penny scene.
421
00:17:02,559 --> 00:17:04,993
No, it's the pottery scene, obviously.
422
00:17:05,028 --> 00:17:06,828
- It wasn't that obvious.
- That's not obvious at all.
423
00:17:06,863 --> 00:17:08,262
- Mm-mm.
- Ah...
424
00:17:08,297 --> 00:17:09,998
In Ghost?
425
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:13,600
(PHONE RINGS)
426
00:17:13,636 --> 00:17:15,802
Sweet Autumnal Fiesta.
427
00:17:15,838 --> 00:17:17,571
(SNIFFS)
428
00:17:17,606 --> 00:17:21,509
Oh, you smell like an
orange humped the fall.
429
00:17:21,544 --> 00:17:22,776
- Oh, hi!
- PHONE: Hey.
430
00:17:22,811 --> 00:17:25,746
Um, I just got my phone back and
there is so much to tell you.
431
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:27,681
There's a lady here
named after a sandwich,
432
00:17:27,716 --> 00:17:30,251
Eric is a human gift, and
Karen started saying these
433
00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:32,653
squishy things that kind
of got me thinking about...
434
00:17:32,688 --> 00:17:34,988
- PHONE: Listen...
- What?
435
00:17:35,024 --> 00:17:37,358
- PHONE: I sold my game.
- That's great.
436
00:17:37,393 --> 00:17:38,825
They want to publish it right away.
437
00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:40,002
Oh, that's great!
438
00:17:40,013 --> 00:17:41,762
So, I have to stay for a while...
439
00:17:41,797 --> 00:17:43,531
- That's...
- PHONE: 6 months.
440
00:17:43,566 --> 00:17:45,066
Great.
441
00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:48,602
- (KNOCKS)
- JEN: Mo! Mo!
442
00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:53,545
?
443
00:17:56,506 --> 00:17:57,872
Where's my coat?!
444
00:17:57,908 --> 00:17:59,440
Mo, where are you going?
445
00:17:59,476 --> 00:18:01,910
Not to Serious Town, are you happy?
446
00:18:01,945 --> 00:18:03,912
What? No... Mo!
447
00:18:06,683 --> 00:18:09,784
Oh, I love blanket scarves!
448
00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:11,586
It's just a blanket.
449
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:17,225
Okay, which one of
you plugs took my coat?
450
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:20,595
If by coat you mean angel wings...
451
00:18:20,631 --> 00:18:23,497
Perfect timing. I would now like to open
452
00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:26,066
my gifts from my very best
friends, Jen and Mo.
453
00:18:26,102 --> 00:18:28,969
- Funny thing is...
- You hid it?
454
00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:30,570
Everybody, help me look for it.
455
00:18:30,606 --> 00:18:34,942
No! You said no gifts,
so you can just...
456
00:18:34,977 --> 00:18:38,012
Open my gift because it rocks.
457
00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:39,947
Is it Waterford crystal salad tongs?
458
00:18:39,982 --> 00:18:41,115
(GASPS)
459
00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:42,883
(LAUGHS)
460
00:18:42,918 --> 00:18:46,386
What? No, I work in a strip mall.
461
00:18:46,421 --> 00:18:49,289
I give you the gift of honesty.
462
00:18:49,324 --> 00:18:52,359
You two are really lucky,
and not just because
463
00:18:52,394 --> 00:18:54,662
you're crazy attractive and you
have lots of fancy soaps,
464
00:18:54,697 --> 00:18:56,329
but because you have each other.
465
00:18:56,365 --> 00:18:58,431
I mean, sure, maybe one
day you're gonna fight over
466
00:18:58,467 --> 00:19:01,535
which horse to buy, or
what china to put out
467
00:19:01,570 --> 00:19:04,971
when the Trudeau's visit...
468
00:19:05,006 --> 00:19:07,641
Or maybe, one of you will
get a lucrative job at an
469
00:19:07,676 --> 00:19:12,579
indie game startup
company in San Francisco...
470
00:19:12,614 --> 00:19:15,948
The point is that...
471
00:19:15,984 --> 00:19:18,918
Karen plus Harrison really does
equal love times forever
472
00:19:18,953 --> 00:19:22,455
plus infinity to the power of always.
473
00:19:22,491 --> 00:19:24,691
And that's not lame; that's so great.
474
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:30,797
That's done. Let's find Jen's gift.
475
00:19:30,832 --> 00:19:34,300
No. No... stop looking.
476
00:19:34,335 --> 00:19:36,135
No, no, stop looking.
477
00:19:36,171 --> 00:19:38,337
Stop looking. Stop, stop looking.
478
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:40,339
Because I found it!
479
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:41,640
What, no, this is...
480
00:19:41,676 --> 00:19:44,043
Sweet but surprising?
481
00:19:44,079 --> 00:19:47,479
Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah- dah-dah-dah...
482
00:19:47,515 --> 00:19:49,015
No, no, seriously. This is too much.
483
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:50,416
Oh!
484
00:19:50,451 --> 00:19:52,752
Waterford crystal salad tongs.
485
00:19:52,787 --> 00:19:54,520
It is too much, Jen! I mean,
486
00:19:54,555 --> 00:19:57,590
I put it on the registry, but...
487
00:19:57,625 --> 00:20:00,126
There was a registry?!
488
00:20:00,161 --> 00:20:01,493
- Come on!
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
489
00:20:01,529 --> 00:20:03,562
- (GASPS & CRIES)
- No, no... no.
490
00:20:03,598 --> 00:20:04,797
I saw that coming.
491
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:09,067
?
492
00:20:09,698 --> 00:20:12,581
?
493
00:20:13,870 --> 00:20:15,270
What happened with Garth?
494
00:20:15,306 --> 00:20:17,872
Oh, he just got an amazing
job in San Fran and is gonna
495
00:20:17,908 --> 00:20:19,341
live there for 6 months,
which is forever
496
00:20:19,376 --> 00:20:20,942
in young person years.
497
00:20:20,977 --> 00:20:22,511
I'm sorry.
498
00:20:22,546 --> 00:20:24,546
I think I did want to
go to Serious Town.
499
00:20:24,582 --> 00:20:25,681
Of course.
500
00:20:25,716 --> 00:20:28,049
Mo, I was just trying to
be all cool and single.
501
00:20:28,085 --> 00:20:30,852
And then I thought, if you
weren't also cool and single,
502
00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:33,655
then, being cool and single
didn't feel so cool anymore.
503
00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:36,260
It just felt single.
504
00:20:36,331 --> 00:20:39,027
I want to say it's cool,
but you just used that word,
505
00:20:39,062 --> 00:20:40,329
like, a lot.
506
00:20:40,364 --> 00:20:43,698
I think you were right.
I have a fear of commitment.
507
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,666
- Say it again.
- You were right.
508
00:20:45,702 --> 00:20:46,901
In a monster voice.
509
00:20:46,937 --> 00:20:47,902
(MONSTER VOICE) You were right.
510
00:20:47,938 --> 00:20:49,137
In a 1920 announcer voice.
511
00:20:49,172 --> 00:20:50,504
Oh boy, were you ever right.
512
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,473
When it comes to everything
but Russian geography,
513
00:20:52,508 --> 00:20:55,744
I always am.
514
00:20:55,779 --> 00:20:57,578
Garth moving to San Fran sucks,
515
00:20:57,614 --> 00:20:59,214
and it's okay to be sad.
516
00:20:59,249 --> 00:21:02,050
And, it's okay to take some
time and space and
517
00:21:02,085 --> 00:21:05,486
focus on yourself, and not
rush into something else,
518
00:21:05,521 --> 00:21:08,522
even if that something else
is a hot former model
519
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:11,259
who is really nice and...
520
00:21:11,294 --> 00:21:13,561
Okay, this got about you real quick.
521
00:21:13,596 --> 00:21:14,695
Sorry.
522
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:17,331
Did you apologize to the
hot former-model whose
523
00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:20,033
weird expensive salad
thingies you broke?
524
00:21:20,069 --> 00:21:22,803
Yes! And he was so nice about it!
525
00:21:22,838 --> 00:21:24,171
He even gave me his number.
526
00:21:24,206 --> 00:21:26,840
God, I wish I was ready
to start dating again.
527
00:21:26,876 --> 00:21:28,776
He just seems like one of
those guys, you know?
528
00:21:28,811 --> 00:21:30,240
The kind you want to eat sushi off of.
529
00:21:30,295 --> 00:21:32,446
Exactly.
530
00:21:32,482 --> 00:21:36,350
Mo, you're gonna be
okay because I got you.
531
00:21:36,386 --> 00:21:38,686
You're my one true life companion.
532
00:21:38,721 --> 00:21:40,988
When I met you, it's like a little light
533
00:21:41,023 --> 00:21:42,623
turned on right here.
534
00:21:42,659 --> 00:21:43,791
- Right here?
- Mhm.
535
00:21:43,826 --> 00:21:45,293
Is it like you felt it, 100%?
536
00:21:45,328 --> 00:21:46,727
So bright.
537
00:21:46,763 --> 00:21:48,595
You just know.
538
00:21:48,630 --> 00:21:50,563
God, they really are an amazing couple.
539
00:21:50,599 --> 00:21:52,232
I hate them so much.
540
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:56,257
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
541
00:21:56,367 --> 00:22:02,276
? (UPBEAT MNEMONIC JINGLE)
542
00:22:02,326 --> 00:22:06,876
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