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Previously on Scream Queens...
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ZAYDAY: It's Chamberlain.
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I have my suspicions that he's
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the baby in the belly from 1985.
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I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.
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CHANEL 5: I just don't understand
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why we even need any more Chanels.
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We need cannon fodder.
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We need new Chanels
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for the Green Meanie to attack
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so he doesn't murder us!
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(all screaming)
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This is a normal pint of blood.
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This is a pint of blood
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I just tried to give a patient
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with hemolytic anemia.
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As you can see,
has a little mouse in it.
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And this one...
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has a bunch of coins at the bottom.
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Clearly, the only blood
at this hospital
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is blood spilled by the Green Meanie
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that has been mopped up
and put back into bags.
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Sorry. That's on me.
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I've just gotten really into
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recycling lately and instead of just
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dumping all these patients' blood
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into the swamp like everything else,
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I thought it'd be nice
if that patient's
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blood could have a second life...
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pumping through the hearts and boners
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of all the neediest
patients at this hospital.
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The problem is clear.
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This hospital
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is in desperate need of blood.
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So, we're gonna have to get donations.
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Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God! A blood drive,
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blood drive, blood drive,
blood drive, blood drive!
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- What?
- We should have a blood drive.
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Okay, it'll be amazing.
We'll get the fresh pints
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we need and I'll get to flex
my phlebotomy muscles.
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You know, I never thought
I'd say this, but...
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that is an excellent idea, Chanel.
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- Oh.
- MUNSCH: Really.
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It'll be wonderful PR for the hospital.
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And we can spin the murders
in a very positive way.
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Exactly.
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"We've lost a lot of blood,
so donate yours."
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Subtitle sync and corrections by
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HOFFEL: Hoffel was my
first husband's name.
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Howard Hoffel.
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He died.
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Cancer, I think.
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We weren't close.
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My maiden name might sound familiar.
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Bean.
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Agatha Bean was my sister.
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Agatha wasn't smart.
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I got the brains... and the looks.
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But she was still my only sister
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and those Chanels burnt her face off
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and got away with it...
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until now.
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I've had my eye on the Chanels
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since they were released
from the asylum.
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When I heard they had been hired
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at this hospital, I immediately
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pitched myself as
administrator to Dean Munsch.
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But I'm not here
to administrate anything...
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but revenge.
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It won't be quick and painless, though.
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I'm playing the long
game with the Chanels,
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the slow burn.
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For now, I'll spend my time
making their lives miserable
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by calling the Green Meanie
tip line and telling the cops
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that the Chanels are the killers.
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I know what you're thinking.
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"Oh, she must be
the Green Meanie then."
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No, I haven't killed anyone... yet.
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I just lucked out that a serial killer
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is targeting those
little bitches again.
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But unless you're
a Baltimore police officer,
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you can't just kill people.
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I needed a plan and this
blood drive was going
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to be the perfect cover.
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Why kill them here
where I risk being caught
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when I can use the blood drive
to send them somewhere
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far away to die a miserable death
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without having to get my hands dirty.
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(feedback screeches)
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Ah, hello, everyone.
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I'm here to announce that...
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CHANEL: Excuse me,
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Nurse Awful,
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why are we all standing out here
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for an announcement?
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Haven't you heard of interoffice memos
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- or group e-mails?
- CHANEL 5: Wait!
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Are you announcing
Employee of the Month?
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Because, uh, I think that having
a machete driven through
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half of my body (crowd murmuring)
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should be counted towards point totals.
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I got to get back to surgery.
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Let me know if I won later, huh?
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Hmm...
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CHANEL 5: Okay, I think that anybody
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who isn't here for the announcement
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should not be eligible
for the award, yes?
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Shut up!
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All of you, shut up.
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This is a hospital, not a Jiffy Lube.
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There is no employee of the month!
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I am here to announce that Dean Munsch
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has approved my plan
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to create some incentive
for the blood drive.
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It is now a contest.
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The employee that
collects the most blood
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will receive an
all-expense-paid trip to...
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(drums hands)
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...Blood Island!
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(all screaming)
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HOFFEL: What I didn't tell them
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was that Blood Island
is a remote, jungle island
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in the South China Sea
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that the Chinese and the Taiwanese
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have been fighting over for decades.
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Both insist that it
belongs to the other one.
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It's full of giant,
flesh-eating spiders,
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rancid water
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and an active volcano
that spews burning ash
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day and night.
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- Yes!
- Okay.
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I am a trained phlebotomist.
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There is no way I'm not
winning this thing.
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That's what I'm counting on, Chanel.
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Maybe you can bring your two friends.
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Screw that!
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I am taking sexy Dr. Brock
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and he and I are gonna work on
my daddy issues all week long.
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Just a little prick.
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The only little one in here,
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I can guarantee you that.
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Can you please
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stop flirting with Dr. Brock
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as if he had sex with you
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for any reason other than
the fact that he was
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sad about me
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and you were the closest
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semi-damp orifice.
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Thank you for letting me
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be the one to draw your blood, Brocky.
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You know every drop counts
towards the competition
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and I really want to win
so we can go on our romantic,
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all-expenses-paid
vacation to Blood Island.
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Now, have you done any
research on this place?
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Because it doesn't sound very romantic.
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Oh, I'm sure you'll be fine.
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I mean, clearly,
you're a risk taker, Brock.
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And millennials like Chanel here,
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they live in a post-AIDS world.
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Most of them just assume
they're gonna get HPV,
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herpes or the clap.
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Excuse me, but I am perfectly clean.
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Honestly, Brock,
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I think you're safer putting your penis
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in a land mine or a wood chipper,
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than having sex with Chanel.
(breathes heavily)
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Well, that-that maybe true,
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but at least he doesn't
have to worry about me
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doing old person stuff during sex.
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Yeah, like, uh, driving way too slow,
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or peeing when I sneeze
or getting Alzheimer's,
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like some people I know.
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Okay, look at you.
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You filled that bag up fast.
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Let's get another one going.
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Wait, what?! I have to give more?
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No, I'm... I am very woozy right now.
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I think I need, like, um, a cookie.
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You don't need a cookie.
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You're type "O" negative, Number Five.
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That is the universal donor.
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It's the most valuable blood there is.
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Blood type and Rhesus factor
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are inherited from our parents,
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which means your mom and dad
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would have to be "O" negative, as well.
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We actually should get them to donate.
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Wait a second.
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That's it!
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Orange juice! Cookies!
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Yes, please, I would love...
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We screen
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all the staff's blood.
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Uh... (blows air)
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I do not know what
you're talking about.
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Look, we know that the killer
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is someone at the hospital
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who is the baby in the
belly in 1985, right?
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And we know that you inherit
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your blood type from your parents.
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00:06:56,356 --> 00:06:57,823
That means if we somehow
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got a blood type from Jane Hollis
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and cross-referenced it with the
blood samples we got from staff,
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we could figure out if there's a link.
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Um, yeah, so, I'm... definitely not
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in a state where I can follow
anything that you're saying.
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00:07:09,705 --> 00:07:11,236
I mean, it's not perfect.
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We're not necessarily gonna
find out who the killer is,
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00:07:13,421 --> 00:07:15,574
but we could find out
who the killer is not.
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Like, if Jane's blood type was AB,
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she'd pass the A or the
B or both to her child.
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(laughs)
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Eh, uh...
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Thanks, Number Five.
215
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I'm gonna get to work.
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Wait, what?
217
00:07:29,922 --> 00:07:31,223
No, you can't just walk away.
218
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I'm too weak to move.
219
00:07:41,934 --> 00:07:44,670
Are you okay?
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00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:45,704
(grunts)
221
00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:47,773
Yeah.
222
00:07:47,774 --> 00:07:49,541
Yeah, I'm fine, it's just...
223
00:07:49,542 --> 00:07:51,677
when I get stressed out...
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my hand starts acting up,
trying to take control.
225
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,114
That's why I play games
like this to show him
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00:07:56,115 --> 00:07:57,182
that I'm in charge,
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00:07:57,183 --> 00:07:59,184
not him.
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If it was up to him, he'd be
stabbing me all the time.
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00:08:02,522 --> 00:08:03,689
Stab everyone, really.
230
00:08:03,690 --> 00:08:05,723
(grunts)
231
00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:09,528
(chuckles)
232
00:08:09,529 --> 00:08:12,197
Well, you know what's weird?
233
00:08:12,198 --> 00:08:14,999
These are the hands I was born with.
234
00:08:17,136 --> 00:08:20,038
But when I'm around you,
235
00:08:20,039 --> 00:08:22,808
I feel like they have
a life of their own.
236
00:08:22,809 --> 00:08:25,477
Looking from a window above
237
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It's like a story of love
238
00:08:28,448 --> 00:08:29,948
Can you hear me?
239
00:08:29,949 --> 00:08:32,317
Let's do it right here
on this table right now.
240
00:08:32,318 --> 00:08:33,719
I want to get our
first time out of the way
241
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:34,903
before we go to Blood Island.
242
00:08:34,904 --> 00:08:36,254
That way I won't feel pressure
243
00:08:36,255 --> 00:08:37,789
to skip out on any spa treatments
244
00:08:37,790 --> 00:08:41,126
or avoid getting blind
drunk at the pool bar.
245
00:08:41,127 --> 00:08:44,763
Yeah, uh... one... quick...
246
00:08:44,764 --> 00:08:46,597
What's wrong?
247
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I know, at first,
touching me feels like
248
00:08:49,936 --> 00:08:51,970
you know, you're making out
with a 13-year-old boy,
249
00:08:51,971 --> 00:08:53,554
but I promise once
I get my clothes off,
250
00:08:53,555 --> 00:08:54,940
I am super feminine.
251
00:08:54,941 --> 00:08:57,509
No, your body's great, it's just...
252
00:08:57,510 --> 00:09:00,177
I have a few concerns.
253
00:09:03,282 --> 00:09:05,450
That's a list of STD tests
I'd like you to get
254
00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,352
before we exchange any bodily fluids.
255
00:09:07,353 --> 00:09:08,587
What? This is like...
256
00:09:08,588 --> 00:09:09,851
this is, like, nine pages long.
257
00:09:09,852 --> 00:09:11,423
Yeah, there's 217.
258
00:09:11,424 --> 00:09:12,984
It's every sexually transmitted disease
259
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:14,146
known to modern medicine...
260
00:09:14,147 --> 00:09:15,160
thus far.
261
00:09:15,161 --> 00:09:16,928
I promise I wouldn't make you
262
00:09:16,929 --> 00:09:19,030
go through all this if I
didn't really like you.
263
00:09:19,031 --> 00:09:20,999
I mean... this is a compliment.
264
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,834
I mean, if I didn't
have feelings for you,
265
00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,102
I'd just strap on three condoms
266
00:09:24,103 --> 00:09:25,437
and wish for the best, but...
267
00:09:25,438 --> 00:09:28,273
with you, I'd like to try two.
268
00:09:28,274 --> 00:09:29,875
And eventually...
269
00:09:29,876 --> 00:09:32,109
maybe in time, just one.
270
00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:35,180
Oh! Really?
271
00:09:35,181 --> 00:09:36,982
Mm-hmm.
272
00:09:36,983 --> 00:09:38,550
Okay, I am gonna take the test,
273
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,786
and when they all come back
negative, I am gonna win
274
00:09:40,787 --> 00:09:43,330
the blood drive competition, and
we can go on a romantic getaway
275
00:09:43,331 --> 00:09:44,689
to Blood Island and celebrate.
276
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,891
Hmm.
277
00:09:45,892 --> 00:09:47,959
Oh!
278
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,327
All I needed
279
00:09:49,328 --> 00:09:51,163
-
For another day... - (knocking)
280
00:09:51,164 --> 00:09:54,366
Hey, Chanel, the police are here
to interview you again.
281
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:57,335
Apparently, they got another
anonymous tip you're the killer.
282
00:09:57,336 --> 00:10:00,638
(woman speaking
indistinctly over P.A. system)
283
00:10:03,643 --> 00:10:04,910
Hey, Hoffel, you know,
284
00:10:04,911 --> 00:10:06,812
I feel awful that I didn't
welcome you properly
285
00:10:06,813 --> 00:10:08,146
by having sex with you.
286
00:10:08,147 --> 00:10:09,581
No, thanks.
287
00:10:09,582 --> 00:10:11,482
I'm at this hospital for
more serious reasons.
288
00:10:15,855 --> 00:10:16,922
Oh, by the way...
289
00:10:16,923 --> 00:10:18,356
I'd stay far away
290
00:10:18,357 --> 00:10:20,091
from any of those Chanels.
291
00:10:20,092 --> 00:10:23,460
Getting too close to them could
be hazardous to your health.
292
00:10:30,742 --> 00:10:33,275
(thunder rumbling)
293
00:10:34,011 --> 00:10:35,645
(thunder crashes)
294
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:38,013
(screams)
295
00:10:38,916 --> 00:10:40,217
(gasps)
296
00:10:43,388 --> 00:10:45,022
What are you doing standing over my bed
297
00:10:45,023 --> 00:10:46,590
with a knife watching me sleep?!
298
00:10:46,591 --> 00:10:48,892
I'm bored sitting around
this apartment all day!
299
00:10:48,893 --> 00:10:50,827
Why don't you guys have any cable?
300
00:10:50,828 --> 00:10:52,396
We're millennials... no one has cable.
301
00:10:52,397 --> 00:10:53,830
That still doesn't answer my question
302
00:10:53,831 --> 00:10:55,532
about your standing
over my bed with a knife!
303
00:10:55,533 --> 00:10:57,127
I told you, I'm bored.
When I get bored,
304
00:10:57,128 --> 00:10:59,071
I start to think of ways
of how to murder people!
305
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:01,338
If you don't give me
something useful to do
306
00:11:01,339 --> 00:11:02,873
with my time here, at least one person
307
00:11:02,874 --> 00:11:04,174
in this house is gonna die.
308
00:11:04,175 --> 00:11:05,943
(thunder rolls)
309
00:11:05,944 --> 00:11:07,945
CHANEL: Oh, Dean Munsch?
310
00:11:07,946 --> 00:11:09,947
Uh, I have a confession to make.
311
00:11:09,948 --> 00:11:11,848
I had Hester move in with us
312
00:11:11,849 --> 00:11:13,409
to help us figure out who the killer is
313
00:11:13,433 --> 00:11:14,952
and keep us from getting killed.
314
00:11:14,953 --> 00:11:17,955
(sighs) Well, that seems
like a pretty dumb plan.
315
00:11:17,956 --> 00:11:19,356
It wasn't clearly thought out.
316
00:11:19,357 --> 00:11:21,151
Anyway, I have a couple
of favors to ask you.
317
00:11:21,152 --> 00:11:22,553
First, please don't
turn us into the authorities
318
00:11:22,554 --> 00:11:23,760
like you promised. I mean,
319
00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:25,095
all that will do is
make them ask questions
320
00:11:25,096 --> 00:11:26,396
about where Denise Hemphill is.
321
00:11:26,397 --> 00:11:28,465
Well, since that benefits me, I agree.
322
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:30,267
Well, so does the second one.
323
00:11:30,268 --> 00:11:32,102
If we don't give Hester
something interesting to do,
324
00:11:32,103 --> 00:11:33,370
she is gonna murder someone.
325
00:11:33,371 --> 00:11:35,038
Maybe even someone
who actually matters,
326
00:11:35,039 --> 00:11:37,474
like me or you.
327
00:11:37,475 --> 00:11:39,443
Okay, Hester has proven
to have no problem
328
00:11:39,444 --> 00:11:41,445
with blood and guts,
and she has way less empathy
329
00:11:41,446 --> 00:11:42,946
than any of us.
330
00:11:42,947 --> 00:11:44,915
I mean, I think she'd
make an excellent surgeon.
331
00:11:44,916 --> 00:11:47,784
I cannot let Hester
operate on patients!
332
00:11:47,785 --> 00:11:49,553
What? You let the Chanels
and I treat people
333
00:11:49,554 --> 00:11:51,297
and the only science
class I took in college
334
00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:53,557
was "Great Works of Science Fiction."
335
00:11:53,558 --> 00:11:55,392
There is another option.
336
00:11:55,393 --> 00:11:56,627
Here's the deal, Hester.
337
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,929
I am going to allow
you out of your cage
338
00:11:58,930 --> 00:12:00,764
only as long as you remain useful.
339
00:12:00,765 --> 00:12:04,167
And I don't mean just helping
us find the serial killer.
340
00:12:04,168 --> 00:12:06,637
Because at the rate you are
dribbling out information,
341
00:12:06,638 --> 00:12:10,107
the entire staff will be dead
before he or she is caught.
342
00:12:10,108 --> 00:12:11,675
I'm sure if you give me
something cool to do,
343
00:12:11,676 --> 00:12:13,276
I'll tell you who it is
by Thanksgiving.
344
00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:14,677
I was hoping that I could volunteer
345
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:15,646
at the morgue.
346
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,247
Listen.
347
00:12:17,248 --> 00:12:19,088
We have too many patients
and not enough people
348
00:12:19,089 --> 00:12:20,569
to figure out what's wrong with them.
349
00:12:20,593 --> 00:12:21,952
So, I'm going to give you one.
350
00:12:21,953 --> 00:12:24,454
We here at the C.U.R.E.
Institute diagnose
351
00:12:24,455 --> 00:12:25,622
and cure the incurable.
352
00:12:25,623 --> 00:12:27,124
So, if you can achieve
353
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:28,759
both those goals,
354
00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,261
I will allow you to
stay free another week.
355
00:12:31,262 --> 00:12:33,163
Huh.
356
00:12:33,164 --> 00:12:34,797
Right here.
357
00:12:36,434 --> 00:12:37,533
(door closes)
358
00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:41,605
Brandon Szathmary...
359
00:12:41,606 --> 00:12:44,875
this is one of my medical students.
360
00:12:44,876 --> 00:12:46,742
Her name is...
361
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:48,845
Donna Summer.
362
00:12:48,846 --> 00:12:50,981
Nice to meet you.
363
00:12:50,982 --> 00:12:53,016
And I don't need to look
at your chart to tell you
364
00:12:53,017 --> 00:12:55,052
that you suffer from an acute
case of "douchy guy that thinks
365
00:12:55,053 --> 00:12:57,020
that dressing like a
vampire is sexy." Well,
366
00:12:57,021 --> 00:12:59,124
let me cure you right now
and tell you that it's not.
367
00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,657
Because unless you're '90s Tom Cruise
368
00:13:00,658 --> 00:13:02,626
or Brad Pitt, you just
look like Corey Feldman.
369
00:13:02,627 --> 00:13:04,494
I'm actually a vampire.
370
00:13:04,495 --> 00:13:07,164
I have been my whole life.
If I go out in the sun,
371
00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:09,366
my skin starts to blister
and burn almost immediately.
372
00:13:09,367 --> 00:13:11,034
My eyes can't handle
bright light, and...
373
00:13:11,035 --> 00:13:12,968
look at my teeth.
374
00:13:14,238 --> 00:13:16,406
What about garlic?
375
00:13:16,407 --> 00:13:18,675
- Can't stand it.
- Mirrors?
376
00:13:18,676 --> 00:13:21,211
That one seems to be
an old wives' tale.
377
00:13:21,212 --> 00:13:22,746
We can see our reflections.
378
00:13:22,747 --> 00:13:24,715
And I'm obsessed with blood.
379
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:25,916
I can't get enough of it.
380
00:13:25,917 --> 00:13:28,085
I drink it like iced tea.
381
00:13:28,086 --> 00:13:29,219
I don't hurt anyone, though.
382
00:13:29,220 --> 00:13:31,388
I have an in with the
guy at the Red Cross.
383
00:13:31,389 --> 00:13:32,556
Speaking of blood,
384
00:13:32,557 --> 00:13:34,758
are you okay, Dr. Dean Munsch?
385
00:13:34,759 --> 00:13:36,226
You look pale.
386
00:13:36,227 --> 00:13:38,695
Are you anemic? Because
that's a major turn-off for me.
387
00:13:38,696 --> 00:13:40,263
He's right.
388
00:13:40,264 --> 00:13:42,766
Maybe I should run some tests on you.
389
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:45,668
(scoffs) No, I'm fine!
390
00:13:46,871 --> 00:13:48,705
Honestly, just... oh, no, I...
391
00:13:48,706 --> 00:13:50,841
You know what?
I didn't sleep last night.
392
00:13:50,842 --> 00:13:53,610
So, I, I'm gonna leave you two...
393
00:13:53,611 --> 00:13:55,412
here, you and, um...
394
00:13:55,413 --> 00:13:56,580
Donna.
395
00:13:56,581 --> 00:13:57,780
Okay.
396
00:13:58,716 --> 00:14:01,016
And no murdering anyone.
397
00:14:04,789 --> 00:14:06,889
398
00:14:08,359 --> 00:14:10,125
(Chanel sighs)
399
00:14:14,565 --> 00:14:17,768
I... I've given nine pints of blood
400
00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:19,369
in the last two days,
401
00:14:19,370 --> 00:14:22,205
and I don't think that
I can give anymore.
402
00:14:22,206 --> 00:14:24,474
If you don't want to be
part of the solution
403
00:14:24,475 --> 00:14:26,076
to the catastrophic
404
00:14:26,077 --> 00:14:28,078
blood shortage at this
hospital, Number Five,
405
00:14:28,079 --> 00:14:29,546
why don't you, I don't know,
406
00:14:29,547 --> 00:14:31,581
figure out a way to remove your ass,
407
00:14:31,582 --> 00:14:33,717
that's probably grown
roots into that chair,
408
00:14:33,718 --> 00:14:34,551
and leave!
409
00:14:34,552 --> 00:14:36,953
I can't.
410
00:14:36,954 --> 00:14:39,322
Then sit there and
celebrate the fact that
411
00:14:39,323 --> 00:14:41,627
with each pint of blood, you're
getting me one step closer
412
00:14:41,628 --> 00:14:44,060
to an all-expense-paid
vacation to Blood Island
413
00:14:44,061 --> 00:14:46,163
so I can bone down with Dr. Hot.
414
00:14:46,164 --> 00:14:49,966
Can I just have one bite
of your sandwich, please?
415
00:14:49,967 --> 00:14:51,234
No.
416
00:14:51,235 --> 00:14:52,569
Attagirl, Marfan.
417
00:14:52,570 --> 00:14:54,471
CHANEL 8: I don't understand.
418
00:14:54,472 --> 00:14:57,607
Why is this blood drive
suddenly so important?
419
00:14:57,608 --> 00:14:59,551
CHANEL 10: Um, blood
drives are super important.
420
00:14:59,552 --> 00:15:01,444
When I had the first ten feet
421
00:15:01,445 --> 00:15:03,188
of my extra intestines
removed, they severed
422
00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:05,982
my mesenteric artery and without
a transfusion, I almost died.
423
00:15:05,983 --> 00:15:07,784
No, I mean there's a serial killer
424
00:15:07,785 --> 00:15:10,086
on the loose at this hospital,
425
00:15:10,087 --> 00:15:12,022
targeting nurses and patients.
426
00:15:12,023 --> 00:15:13,590
Okay, you guys have
clearly never been hunted
427
00:15:13,591 --> 00:15:14,654
by a serial killer before.
428
00:15:14,655 --> 00:15:15,859
Number Three is right.
429
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,027
Once you've been targeted
430
00:15:17,028 --> 00:15:18,428
by your first serial killer,
431
00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:20,030
you sort of just realize that...
432
00:15:20,031 --> 00:15:22,199
walking around
being constantly terrified
433
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,520
isn't gonna help anything at all.
434
00:15:23,544 --> 00:15:24,668
Just give you
435
00:15:24,669 --> 00:15:26,336
worry lines and make the killer
436
00:15:26,337 --> 00:15:27,537
want to kill you even more.
437
00:15:27,538 --> 00:15:28,972
CHANEL: All right,
438
00:15:28,973 --> 00:15:31,140
Number Nine, let's get you started.
439
00:15:32,543 --> 00:15:34,444
Is there a particularly juicy vein
440
00:15:34,445 --> 00:15:35,879
you like getting jabbed in?
441
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,814
Crook of the arm? Behind the hand?
442
00:15:37,815 --> 00:15:39,783
Failing that, we can always
do between the toes.
443
00:15:39,784 --> 00:15:42,686
No, I can't. I'm terrified of needles.
444
00:15:42,687 --> 00:15:45,322
What?! That's insane, Number Nine.
445
00:15:45,323 --> 00:15:46,623
You're a goth.
446
00:15:46,624 --> 00:15:48,558
Needles should be right up your alley.
447
00:15:48,559 --> 00:15:50,160
- No! I won't! No!
- What?
448
00:15:50,161 --> 00:15:51,727
I won't do it!
449
00:15:52,997 --> 00:15:54,798
(door slams)
450
00:15:54,799 --> 00:15:56,700
(huffs)
451
00:15:56,701 --> 00:15:58,335
(groans)
452
00:15:58,336 --> 00:16:00,370
Okay...
453
00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:02,839
looks like we'll just have
to drain some more blood
454
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,708
from Number Five.
455
00:16:04,709 --> 00:16:07,509
(sobbing): No! No! Please...
456
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,803
(creaking nearby)
457
00:16:41,579 --> 00:16:43,780
CHANEL: I still don't understand
what we're doing here.
458
00:16:43,781 --> 00:16:45,782
I mean, I would like to get back
to draining that blood cow,
459
00:16:45,783 --> 00:16:48,051
Number Five, and increasing
my lead in the contest,
460
00:16:48,052 --> 00:16:49,853
which currently stands at three pints.
461
00:16:49,854 --> 00:16:51,121
MUNSCH: Um, Chanel,
462
00:16:51,122 --> 00:16:53,356
I'm afraid I have some urgent news
463
00:16:53,357 --> 00:16:57,560
that I wanted Dr. Brock to
be here to hear as well.
464
00:16:57,561 --> 00:16:59,596
Unfortunately, Chanel...
465
00:16:59,597 --> 00:17:03,033
you have tested positive for STD's.
466
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:04,367
What?! What?!
467
00:17:04,368 --> 00:17:06,569
- Which ones?
- All of them.
468
00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:09,272
Yes, you've tested
positive for syphilis,
469
00:17:09,273 --> 00:17:11,207
chlamydia, gonorrhea,
470
00:17:11,208 --> 00:17:12,309
hepatitis...
471
00:17:12,310 --> 00:17:13,710
A, B and C.
472
00:17:13,711 --> 00:17:16,313
...uh, genital warts, HPV,
473
00:17:16,314 --> 00:17:19,115
vaginosis, pelvic inflammatory disease,
474
00:17:19,116 --> 00:17:20,417
herpes...
475
00:17:20,418 --> 00:17:22,218
The bad kind, not the cold sore kind.
476
00:17:22,219 --> 00:17:23,253
No.
477
00:17:23,254 --> 00:17:25,488
Also the cold sore kind.
478
00:17:25,489 --> 00:17:27,490
Vaginal yeast, male genital yeast,
479
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:29,259
chancroid, trichomoniasis,
480
00:17:29,260 --> 00:17:32,228
(whispers):
and good old-fashioned crabs.
481
00:17:32,229 --> 00:17:34,597
That's not a disease per Se,
but there was a crab
482
00:17:34,598 --> 00:17:36,833
just floating in the sample.
483
00:17:36,834 --> 00:17:39,636
Okay. I-I don't understand
how this is possible.
484
00:17:39,637 --> 00:17:41,638
I've occasionally used condoms.
485
00:17:41,639 --> 00:17:43,640
I mean, this-this can't be happening.
486
00:17:43,641 --> 00:17:44,975
Unfortunately,
487
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:46,676
you're of a generation who's obsessed
488
00:17:46,677 --> 00:17:48,278
with instant gratification,
489
00:17:48,279 --> 00:17:50,347
who simply do not take
490
00:17:50,348 --> 00:17:53,750
the long-term risks of
venereal disease seriously.
491
00:17:53,751 --> 00:17:55,251
I'm afraid your blood
492
00:17:55,252 --> 00:17:57,587
is gonna have to be
removed from the tally.
493
00:17:57,588 --> 00:17:59,923
Oh, and I... I guess
494
00:17:59,924 --> 00:18:02,092
that puts me in the lead?
495
00:18:02,093 --> 00:18:03,660
But Blood Island!
496
00:18:03,661 --> 00:18:05,195
Uh, I don't think it's fair
497
00:18:05,196 --> 00:18:06,930
to penalize Chanel for this.
498
00:18:06,931 --> 00:18:07,796
Blood Island.
499
00:18:08,766 --> 00:18:11,634
Well, I do.
500
00:18:11,635 --> 00:18:14,004
(Chanel yells, gasps)
501
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:16,472
("Carmina Burana" playing)
502
00:18:19,777 --> 00:18:21,877
503
00:18:35,860 --> 00:18:38,293
504
00:18:57,815 --> 00:19:00,149
505
00:19:20,371 --> 00:19:22,671
506
00:19:32,716 --> 00:19:34,216
(echoing sob)
507
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,001
Oh, wait. Let me help you with that.
508
00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:53,204
I was just in the neighborhood
going door to door
509
00:19:53,205 --> 00:19:55,476
asking people to participate
in our blood drive
510
00:19:55,477 --> 00:19:56,743
down at the hospital.
511
00:19:56,744 --> 00:19:58,411
Please leave me alone.
512
00:19:58,412 --> 00:20:00,614
Well, you don't even
have to come in, okay?
513
00:20:00,615 --> 00:20:02,582
I'd be more than happy
to come collect the sample
514
00:20:02,583 --> 00:20:04,551
right here at home...
it'll be like Domino's.
515
00:20:04,552 --> 00:20:06,386
(chuckles): But blood instead of pizza.
516
00:20:06,387 --> 00:20:08,555
Domino's delivers pizza to your house.
517
00:20:08,556 --> 00:20:11,257
You would be coming to
take blood from my body.
518
00:20:11,258 --> 00:20:14,260
It's nothing like Domino's.
519
00:20:14,261 --> 00:20:15,729
Um...
520
00:20:15,730 --> 00:20:17,731
well... how about you
just come in, then?
521
00:20:17,732 --> 00:20:19,132
I'll drive you.
522
00:20:19,133 --> 00:20:21,468
That hospital is evil.
523
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:25,771
And if it were up to me, it
would be burnt to the ground.
524
00:20:28,342 --> 00:20:30,509
(door creaks open, slams shut)
525
00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:43,555
- (thump)
- (grunts)
526
00:20:45,793 --> 00:20:47,927
Good news.
527
00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:51,164
I think I've diagnosed
your disease. Okay.
528
00:20:51,165 --> 00:20:52,072
It's called
529
00:20:52,073 --> 00:20:53,207
non-acute porphyria,
530
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:55,043
or cutaneous porphyria.
531
00:20:55,044 --> 00:20:57,212
It's caused by a chemical
substance called porphyrins
532
00:20:57,213 --> 00:20:59,847
that accumulate in your system
because of the deficiency
533
00:20:59,848 --> 00:21:03,051
of the enzymes that transform
the porphyrins in your blood.
534
00:21:03,052 --> 00:21:05,053
- Is it curable?
- No. Sorry.
535
00:21:05,054 --> 00:21:06,721
However, cutaneous porphyria
536
00:21:06,722 --> 00:21:08,162
does cause extreme photosensitivity,
537
00:21:08,186 --> 00:21:09,891
which would explain
why you get blisters
538
00:21:09,892 --> 00:21:11,492
when you stand in direct sunlight.
539
00:21:11,493 --> 00:21:13,094
It also causes receding gums,
540
00:21:13,095 --> 00:21:14,929
which would explain
your apparent fangs,
541
00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:16,831
and an odd aversion
to the smell of garlic.
542
00:21:16,832 --> 00:21:19,434
So I'm cursed forever,
just like Count Dracula.
543
00:21:19,435 --> 00:21:21,069
No, you're not. Because one thing
544
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:23,071
that your incurable
disease does not cause
545
00:21:23,072 --> 00:21:24,606
is the need to drink blood.
546
00:21:24,607 --> 00:21:26,274
That's just because you're crazy,
547
00:21:26,275 --> 00:21:27,609
which I can cure you of.
548
00:21:27,610 --> 00:21:29,210
When I was little,
549
00:21:29,211 --> 00:21:30,778
I was obsessed with Ring-Dings.
550
00:21:30,779 --> 00:21:32,614
You know those little snack cakes
551
00:21:32,615 --> 00:21:35,038
with the cream filling and the
dark chocolate on the outside?
552
00:21:35,039 --> 00:21:36,718
I couldn't get enough.
553
00:21:36,719 --> 00:21:39,120
But my aunt who raised me
thought they were unhealthy,
554
00:21:39,121 --> 00:21:41,389
so she told me I couldn't
have them anymore.
555
00:21:41,390 --> 00:21:43,791
That didn't work...
I just ate them in secret.
556
00:21:43,792 --> 00:21:45,526
Until she caught me, and she realized
557
00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,862
the only way to get me
to stop eating them
558
00:21:47,863 --> 00:21:50,031
would be to make me hate them.
559
00:21:50,032 --> 00:21:53,800
So she sat me down and she made
me eat them for days and weeks
560
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:56,971
until just the thought of a
Ring-Ding made me want to puke.
561
00:21:56,972 --> 00:21:59,740
It's called aversion therapy.
562
00:22:09,118 --> 00:22:11,653
We are gonna make you
drink blood all day and night
563
00:22:11,654 --> 00:22:13,888
until you hate it... even more than
564
00:22:13,889 --> 00:22:15,390
a normal person would.
565
00:22:15,391 --> 00:22:16,724
Now, drink up.
566
00:22:16,725 --> 00:22:18,225
Doctor's orders.
567
00:22:22,464 --> 00:22:23,831
Mmm.
568
00:22:23,832 --> 00:22:25,565
That's fresh.
569
00:22:27,770 --> 00:22:30,437
But I don't think that's going
to be enough to do the job.
570
00:22:39,248 --> 00:22:40,481
Hi.
571
00:22:40,482 --> 00:22:42,116
Excuse me. Um, do you test
572
00:22:42,117 --> 00:22:44,419
all of your blood for diseases
like goat herpes and stuff
573
00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,940
before sending it off to the hospital?
574
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:47,989
Of course. We hold it
until we get the results.
575
00:22:47,990 --> 00:22:50,491
And we always inform the
donor if anything comes up.
576
00:22:50,492 --> 00:22:53,294
Terrific. I would love
to donate a big old bag.
577
00:22:53,295 --> 00:22:54,261
Great.
578
00:23:30,399 --> 00:23:31,733
(screams)
579
00:23:31,734 --> 00:23:33,066
(gasps)
580
00:23:35,571 --> 00:23:37,103
(exhales)
581
00:23:43,746 --> 00:23:45,846
582
00:24:09,371 --> 00:24:10,671
(gasps)
583
00:24:10,672 --> 00:24:12,339
Blood thief!
584
00:24:13,542 --> 00:24:15,343
What is he eating?
585
00:24:15,344 --> 00:24:16,377
(panting)
586
00:24:16,378 --> 00:24:17,578
Blood pie
587
00:24:17,579 --> 00:24:19,280
with a graham cracker blood crust,
588
00:24:19,281 --> 00:24:21,115
blood sausage, blood soup...
589
00:24:21,116 --> 00:24:22,784
dairy- and gluten-free, of course.
590
00:24:22,785 --> 00:24:25,086
I heard screaming!
Not another dead body.
591
00:24:25,087 --> 00:24:27,121
No. A-Arrest this woman!
592
00:24:27,122 --> 00:24:28,756
She is stealing blood
593
00:24:28,757 --> 00:24:30,420
and affecting the outcome
of an officially
594
00:24:30,421 --> 00:24:32,193
sanctioned blood drive competition.
595
00:24:32,194 --> 00:24:33,461
I am curing Mr. Szathmary,
596
00:24:33,462 --> 00:24:35,229
breaking him of his blood addiction
597
00:24:35,230 --> 00:24:37,733
by forcing him to eat and drink
so much that it makes him sick.
598
00:24:37,734 --> 00:24:39,734
I call it the "Blurred Lines Cure."
599
00:24:39,735 --> 00:24:41,563
You know, like when you heard
that song for the first time
600
00:24:41,564 --> 00:24:42,384
and you were like, "I could
601
00:24:42,385 --> 00:24:43,945
listen to this song over and over again
602
00:24:43,946 --> 00:24:45,647
and never get sick of it," and
then months later you're like,
603
00:24:45,648 --> 00:24:48,074
"I'd rather marry Robin
Thicke than ever have
604
00:24:48,075 --> 00:24:49,776
to listen to this awful
song ever again."
605
00:24:49,778 --> 00:24:51,045
Yeah. (sighs)
606
00:24:51,046 --> 00:24:52,580
What's done is done.
607
00:24:52,581 --> 00:24:54,382
You're just gonna have
to find another way
608
00:24:54,383 --> 00:24:55,817
to collect more blood, Chanel.
609
00:24:55,818 --> 00:24:58,085
You are gonna pay for this.
610
00:24:58,086 --> 00:24:59,287
(Chanel grunts)
611
00:24:59,288 --> 00:25:00,887
Um...
612
00:25:01,824 --> 00:25:03,958
This has to stop now. (gasps)
613
00:25:03,959 --> 00:25:06,594
I'm so close to curing him.
Just a few more pints.
614
00:25:06,595 --> 00:25:08,496
BRANDON: I don't even think I would eat
615
00:25:08,497 --> 00:25:10,765
a medium rare steak at this point.
616
00:25:10,766 --> 00:25:12,500
Find another way. (groans)
617
00:25:12,501 --> 00:25:14,001
And find it by tomorrow,
618
00:25:14,002 --> 00:25:17,270
or you end up back in the cage.
619
00:25:21,276 --> 00:25:23,610
CHAMBERLAIN: What's going on with you?
620
00:25:25,814 --> 00:25:27,248
Nothing's going on with me.
621
00:25:27,249 --> 00:25:29,016
What are you talking about?
622
00:25:29,017 --> 00:25:31,652
Lately, every time you see me
you get all nervous and run off.
623
00:25:31,653 --> 00:25:32,854
Two weeks ago, we was getting
624
00:25:32,855 --> 00:25:34,121
our gumshoe on, okay?
625
00:25:34,122 --> 00:25:35,690
I was really enjoying that.
626
00:25:35,691 --> 00:25:38,493
Look, I'm sorry.
I just can't talk about it.
627
00:25:38,494 --> 00:25:40,761
You really think I'm the baby
in the belly, don't you?
628
00:25:40,762 --> 00:25:41,762
What?
629
00:25:41,763 --> 00:25:43,030
How do you know about that?
630
00:25:43,031 --> 00:25:44,365
Look.
631
00:25:44,366 --> 00:25:46,601
I'm here 40 hours a week, you know?
632
00:25:46,602 --> 00:25:48,436
I heard people whispering about it.
633
00:25:48,437 --> 00:25:50,371
There was a pregnant
lady named Jane Hollis
634
00:25:50,372 --> 00:25:52,539
whose husband died at this
hospital 30 years ago,
635
00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:54,508
and you think the baby's
the Green Meanie.
636
00:25:54,510 --> 00:25:56,143
I'm really busy. I got to go.
637
00:25:56,144 --> 00:25:59,046
I heard you tried to get a blood
sample, too... is that right?
638
00:25:59,047 --> 00:26:01,482
That's some really good
gumshoeing, Miss Williams.
639
00:26:01,483 --> 00:26:02,817
See, if you knew her blood type
640
00:26:02,818 --> 00:26:04,178
and the blood type of her husband,
641
00:26:04,179 --> 00:26:05,499
you can cross-reference the blood
642
00:26:05,523 --> 00:26:06,621
of the whole entire staff,
643
00:26:06,622 --> 00:26:08,122
see if you get a match.
644
00:26:08,123 --> 00:26:10,358
How'd you figure all that out?
645
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,960
Because I was thinking the same thing!
646
00:26:12,961 --> 00:26:14,662
This is what I'm trying to tell you.
647
00:26:14,663 --> 00:26:17,331
We could figure this out
if we work as a team.
648
00:26:17,332 --> 00:26:19,634
Her husband's blood type
is O positive, by the way.
649
00:26:19,635 --> 00:26:21,234
I checked the hospital records.
650
00:26:24,039 --> 00:26:26,374
L-Look, here, take a
sample of my blood, okay?
651
00:26:26,375 --> 00:26:27,742
And test it.
652
00:26:27,743 --> 00:26:29,210
It'll prove I'm not the killer.
653
00:26:29,211 --> 00:26:32,480
It would... if I knew
Jane Hollis's blood type.
654
00:26:32,481 --> 00:26:35,683
But I don't see anybody getting
a sample from her anytime soon.
655
00:26:35,684 --> 00:26:38,084
(elevator bell dings, door opens)
656
00:26:38,085 --> 00:26:39,785
In the meantime, I'm sorry.
657
00:26:41,322 --> 00:26:43,455
I just don't know if I can trust you.
658
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,289
CHANEL #5: Extra massage,
please. And you can go
659
00:26:52,290 --> 00:26:53,991
to town on the pumice... I mean...
660
00:26:53,992 --> 00:26:56,783
(sighs): my calluses
are thick like stones.
661
00:26:56,784 --> 00:26:59,519
Ew. I'm not giving you a pedicure, cow.
662
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:02,122
I'm looking for a vein...
all the ones on your arms
663
00:27:02,123 --> 00:27:04,290
are all poked out and
covered in scar tissue.
664
00:27:04,291 --> 00:27:06,358
No. Nope, no, no, no, no.
665
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:08,461
I can't give any more blood.
666
00:27:08,462 --> 00:27:10,830
According to my records,
you've only given 15 pints
667
00:27:10,831 --> 00:27:13,032
in the last three days,
and the human heart pumps over
668
00:27:13,033 --> 00:27:15,668
a million barrels of blood in a
person's lifetime, so, really,
669
00:27:15,669 --> 00:27:17,536
you've only given a
fraction of what you can.
670
00:27:17,537 --> 00:27:20,205
Yeah. A fraction of what
I can give in a lifetime.
671
00:27:20,206 --> 00:27:22,875
The human body only carries ten pints!
672
00:27:22,876 --> 00:27:24,977
Yes, but people
living at high altitudes
673
00:27:24,978 --> 00:27:26,478
tend to have at least two more pints
674
00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:28,102
of blood than people
living at sea level.
675
00:27:28,103 --> 00:27:30,082
We don't live in a high altitude.
676
00:27:30,083 --> 00:27:33,018
Duh. This apartment's
on the third floor, dummy.
677
00:27:33,019 --> 00:27:35,187
Look, Number Five is right.
678
00:27:35,188 --> 00:27:38,456
Okay? She's as dry as Great-
Grandma Chanel's cooch.
679
00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:41,192
I mean, all hope is lost.
680
00:27:42,829 --> 00:27:44,229
Okay, that's it, Number Nine.
681
00:27:44,230 --> 00:27:47,099
I am pulling rank and
initiating Kappa Kappa Tau
682
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:48,734
bylaw 782, which states
683
00:27:48,735 --> 00:27:51,270
very clearly that when a
Kappa sister needs a pledge
684
00:27:51,271 --> 00:27:53,605
to perform a service
that will assist said sister
685
00:27:53,606 --> 00:27:56,075
in winning a competition
or contest of any kind,
686
00:27:56,076 --> 00:27:58,911
said pledge has no
choice but to oblige.
687
00:27:58,912 --> 00:28:01,714
Okay, first of all,
we're not in a sorority,
688
00:28:01,715 --> 00:28:02,948
and I'm not a pledge.
689
00:28:02,949 --> 00:28:04,216
I came here to learn
690
00:28:04,217 --> 00:28:05,951
to be a doctor.
691
00:28:05,952 --> 00:28:08,520
And second, that's really...
692
00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:10,255
conveniently specific.
693
00:28:10,256 --> 00:28:13,025
Fine. I made it up.
694
00:28:13,026 --> 00:28:14,693
But let's get real.
695
00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:16,795
I mean, the only way you're gonna have
696
00:28:16,796 --> 00:28:18,797
any romantic satisfaction in your life
697
00:28:18,798 --> 00:28:20,299
is if you live vicariously
698
00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,201
through a really pretty girl like me.
699
00:28:22,202 --> 00:28:23,362
I mean, think of all the cool
700
00:28:23,386 --> 00:28:24,391
Snapchat stories of mine
701
00:28:24,392 --> 00:28:25,471
you can follow along to
702
00:28:25,472 --> 00:28:26,655
while I'm off on Blood Island
703
00:28:26,656 --> 00:28:27,740
with Dr. Brock.
704
00:28:27,741 --> 00:28:29,308
And how much you'll have.
705
00:28:29,309 --> 00:28:31,744
It'll be a dream come true.
706
00:28:31,745 --> 00:28:33,928
But I can't give that to you
if you're gonna keep being
707
00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:35,981
so selfish... you have
to give something to me.
708
00:28:35,982 --> 00:28:38,083
Namely, like,
three pints of your blood.
709
00:28:38,084 --> 00:28:40,986
I told you, I hate needles.
710
00:28:40,987 --> 00:28:43,889
I am the best phlebotomist in town.
711
00:28:43,890 --> 00:28:45,873
If you're ever gonna get
over your fear of needles
712
00:28:45,874 --> 00:28:47,760
and fully commit to your
lame, Goth lifestyle,
713
00:28:47,761 --> 00:28:50,595
letting me gently stick one in
you's gonna be your best chance.
714
00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:53,231
(sighs)
715
00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:59,471
I don't understand why you have
to strap me down in here.
716
00:28:59,472 --> 00:29:01,607
Someone who's as freaked out
by needles as you are
717
00:29:01,608 --> 00:29:04,309
is probably gonna flinch like
crazy when I try to put it in.
718
00:29:04,310 --> 00:29:06,111
The more you move, the more it hurts,
719
00:29:06,112 --> 00:29:08,255
so this is for your safety.
And we're doing it in here
720
00:29:08,256 --> 00:29:10,523
because it's the only place
with strong enough straps.
721
00:29:11,317 --> 00:29:12,518
You see how small?
722
00:29:12,519 --> 00:29:14,119
I am gonna count to three.
723
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:16,255
- One...
- (yells)
724
00:29:16,256 --> 00:29:17,688
(sobbing)
725
00:29:19,926 --> 00:29:21,627
- Done.
- Wait.
726
00:29:21,628 --> 00:29:23,695
What? That was it?
727
00:29:23,696 --> 00:29:26,131
Uh, I didn't feel that at all.
728
00:29:26,132 --> 00:29:28,167
I told you, I am the best.
729
00:29:28,168 --> 00:29:30,169
Oh, my God. Thank you, Chanel.
730
00:29:30,170 --> 00:29:32,337
This is the best day
731
00:29:32,338 --> 00:29:34,639
of my life. (exhales)
732
00:29:40,213 --> 00:29:41,814
Hey, wait.
733
00:29:41,815 --> 00:29:44,216
Don't you need to measure
how much you take?
734
00:29:44,217 --> 00:29:46,051
CHANEL: Dr. Holt.
735
00:29:46,052 --> 00:29:47,755
Chanel, what are you
doing here? It's late.
736
00:29:47,756 --> 00:29:49,621
Everyone's gone home.
I just want you to know
737
00:29:49,622 --> 00:29:51,623
that I know for a fact
that those STD tests
738
00:29:51,624 --> 00:29:53,158
were manipulated in some way.
739
00:29:53,159 --> 00:29:55,327
I mean, there's no way
I have sexual Ebola
740
00:29:55,328 --> 00:29:57,062
or vaginal Zika.
741
00:29:57,063 --> 00:29:59,064
I doubt if those things are even real.
742
00:29:59,065 --> 00:30:01,200
I'm a doctor. Tests don't lie.
743
00:30:01,201 --> 00:30:05,237
Well, they do if someone named
Dr. Dean Jealous Gray Pubes
744
00:30:05,238 --> 00:30:07,506
manipulated my blood sample.
745
00:30:07,507 --> 00:30:10,876
Please. All I want is to go
to Blood Island with you
746
00:30:10,877 --> 00:30:13,045
and rock your sexual world.
747
00:30:13,046 --> 00:30:15,481
I mean, I know you've been
with hundreds of girls...
748
00:30:15,482 --> 00:30:16,682
Thousands.
749
00:30:16,683 --> 00:30:18,417
Whatever.
750
00:30:18,418 --> 00:30:20,652
I'm fine with you wearing a condom.
751
00:30:20,653 --> 00:30:22,221
No, no. I...
752
00:30:22,222 --> 00:30:25,324
Look, until you prove to me
that you're completely healthy,
753
00:30:25,325 --> 00:30:27,759
I just can't let you
get up in all this.
754
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,261
I can't.
755
00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:30,461
Oh...
756
00:30:32,432 --> 00:30:34,900
No! Why?
757
00:30:34,901 --> 00:30:38,937
Why, God, do bad things
always happen to me?
758
00:30:38,938 --> 00:30:39,938
I mean...
759
00:30:39,939 --> 00:30:42,941
(hoarsely): I am such a good person.
760
00:30:42,942 --> 00:30:45,110
(clacking, squeaking)
761
00:30:45,111 --> 00:30:47,645
Chanel, is that you?
762
00:30:55,121 --> 00:30:56,522
No!
763
00:30:56,523 --> 00:30:59,858
Help! Help!
764
00:30:59,859 --> 00:31:01,727
(screams)
765
00:31:01,728 --> 00:31:04,562
(muffled screaming, gasping)
766
00:31:06,733 --> 00:31:10,102
(muffled gasping)
767
00:31:10,103 --> 00:31:11,469
(screaming)
768
00:31:15,642 --> 00:31:17,842
(muffled screams continue)
769
00:31:19,979 --> 00:31:23,282
(muffled screaming, sobbing)
770
00:31:23,283 --> 00:31:25,049
Hello, handsome.
771
00:31:26,419 --> 00:31:28,453
Oh, don't worry.
772
00:31:28,454 --> 00:31:30,422
I-I'm not here to stop you.
773
00:31:30,423 --> 00:31:32,291
(muffled grunt)
774
00:31:32,292 --> 00:31:34,293
I'm on the same team.
775
00:31:34,294 --> 00:31:37,595
How about you take off that mask
so we can have a real talk?
776
00:31:39,065 --> 00:31:40,766
(whimpering) Oh, don't worry about her.
777
00:31:40,767 --> 00:31:43,101
She'll be dead before she
can tell anyone who you are.
778
00:31:43,102 --> 00:31:44,769
(muffled sobbing)
779
00:31:57,483 --> 00:31:59,583
Wow, you have a problem.
780
00:32:01,988 --> 00:32:04,356
Zayday's getting close, yes?
781
00:32:04,357 --> 00:32:06,425
I was gonna kill her next, but...
782
00:32:06,426 --> 00:32:08,093
she kind of scares me.
783
00:32:08,094 --> 00:32:10,162
Let's make a deal.
784
00:32:10,163 --> 00:32:14,032
You just keep on being
the muscle in this operation,
785
00:32:14,033 --> 00:32:15,934
and you let me be the brains.
786
00:32:15,935 --> 00:32:17,836
I think I'm doing just fine
in that department.
787
00:32:17,837 --> 00:32:20,505
Please. Who the hell thinks
the best way to shut down
788
00:32:20,506 --> 00:32:22,608
the hospital's by killing
all the patients?
789
00:32:22,609 --> 00:32:25,010
How about killing the
nurses or the doctors
790
00:32:25,011 --> 00:32:26,678
or the damn woman running the place?
791
00:32:26,679 --> 00:32:29,715
I-I've tried, but they're
all so hard to kill.
792
00:32:29,716 --> 00:32:31,116
(whimpering)
793
00:32:31,117 --> 00:32:32,818
So what's in it for you?
794
00:32:32,819 --> 00:32:36,021
The Chanels.
795
00:32:36,022 --> 00:32:37,623
You don't touch them.
796
00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:38,889
They're all mine.
797
00:32:41,227 --> 00:32:42,961
(muffled grunting)
798
00:32:42,962 --> 00:32:44,729
I can work with that.
799
00:32:45,865 --> 00:32:48,133
Would you mind if I...
800
00:32:48,134 --> 00:32:49,900
helped you out on this one?
801
00:32:50,870 --> 00:32:52,170
Just for fun?
802
00:32:52,171 --> 00:32:53,571
(muffled yelling)
803
00:32:55,475 --> 00:32:57,975
By all means.
804
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:01,112
(muffled grunting)
805
00:33:04,217 --> 00:33:06,350
So you're the other Green Meanie
806
00:33:06,351 --> 00:33:08,387
that's been killing people around here?
807
00:33:08,388 --> 00:33:10,155
I haven't killed anyone here yet.
808
00:33:10,156 --> 00:33:11,890
What are you talking about?
809
00:33:11,891 --> 00:33:13,925
Well, I didn't kill all the victims.
810
00:33:13,926 --> 00:33:15,994
There's someone else
running around here
811
00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:18,430
killing people, too.
812
00:33:18,431 --> 00:33:21,233
Hmm. Shall we?
813
00:33:21,234 --> 00:33:23,402
Ladies first.
814
00:33:23,403 --> 00:33:25,035
(screaming)
815
00:33:26,506 --> 00:33:29,807
(continues screaming)
816
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,268
HESTER: What to do, what to do.
817
00:33:42,106 --> 00:33:43,873
I need blood.
818
00:33:43,874 --> 00:33:47,776
And these patients would
be so easy to murder.
819
00:33:48,713 --> 00:33:50,513
No.
820
00:33:50,514 --> 00:33:52,682
Hester, you promised no killing.
821
00:33:52,683 --> 00:33:56,519
But where can I get the blood
I need to treat Vampire Guy
822
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,755
so Dean Munsch
doesn't lock me up again?
823
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,235
Oh, hey. You're...
824
00:34:12,236 --> 00:34:13,670
you're Hester, right?
825
00:34:13,671 --> 00:34:15,238
The girl who murdered a bunch of folks
826
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:16,673
and was locked in a cage downstairs
827
00:34:16,674 --> 00:34:18,708
but then they let you
out for some reason
828
00:34:18,709 --> 00:34:19,932
and now you sort of work here?
829
00:34:19,933 --> 00:34:21,745
That's right.
830
00:34:21,746 --> 00:34:23,445
Okay.
831
00:34:26,016 --> 00:34:28,418
Uh, hey, wh-what are you doing
832
00:34:28,419 --> 00:34:30,220
- with those pints of blood?
- Oh, these?
833
00:34:30,221 --> 00:34:32,255
These are headed to the
biohazard Dumpster.
834
00:34:32,256 --> 00:34:33,757
You mean the swamp.
835
00:34:33,758 --> 00:34:35,525
Yeah, the swamp.
They're the pints of blood
836
00:34:35,526 --> 00:34:37,994
that Chanel donated,
but evidently they're crawling
837
00:34:37,995 --> 00:34:41,030
with every type of STD,
so nobody can use them.
838
00:34:41,031 --> 00:34:42,865
Nice meeting you.
839
00:34:47,905 --> 00:34:51,574
(sighs) All right, stupid,
tiny, Goth bitch, let's see
840
00:34:51,575 --> 00:34:53,775
if you've put me over the top.
841
00:34:56,180 --> 00:34:58,313
(screaming)
842
00:34:59,717 --> 00:35:01,851
Hey! What happened?
843
00:35:01,852 --> 00:35:03,386
- Wha...?
- Oh, my God.
844
00:35:03,387 --> 00:35:06,423
This poor gir...
Wait, who is she again?
845
00:35:06,424 --> 00:35:08,792
Chanel 9 or 10 or 11,
846
00:35:08,793 --> 00:35:10,976
I don't know... at a certain
point you just lose count.
847
00:35:10,977 --> 00:35:14,697
Well, why'd you hook her up
to all these... blood bags?
848
00:35:14,698 --> 00:35:15,965
This is weird.
849
00:35:15,966 --> 00:35:18,401
Me? I didn't do this!
850
00:35:18,402 --> 00:35:20,202
I heard screaming!
851
00:35:24,642 --> 00:35:26,876
Damn it!
852
00:35:26,877 --> 00:35:29,646
(exhales) You know, at some point,
853
00:35:29,647 --> 00:35:32,449
this swamp is gonna be,
like, 90% dead bodies.
854
00:35:32,450 --> 00:35:34,551
Wait a second.
855
00:35:34,552 --> 00:35:37,387
Chanel 9 was my patient, right?
856
00:35:37,388 --> 00:35:40,123
Well, it looks like she gave
about two dozen bags of blood,
857
00:35:40,124 --> 00:35:41,491
which means I am back
858
00:35:41,492 --> 00:35:44,594
in the lead, which means
we are going on our romantic,
859
00:35:44,595 --> 00:35:47,964
luxurious, all-expense-paid
vacation to Blood Island!
860
00:35:47,965 --> 00:35:50,467
No. A... you're going
to Blood Island alone,
861
00:35:50,468 --> 00:35:52,836
because I'm still creeped
out about those STD's;
862
00:35:52,837 --> 00:35:53,903
and two...
863
00:35:53,904 --> 00:35:55,505
aren't you a little upset
864
00:35:55,506 --> 00:35:57,407
that your friend just got murdered?
865
00:35:57,408 --> 00:35:59,342
Meh.
866
00:35:59,343 --> 00:36:00,610
MUNSCH: It was Hester.
867
00:36:00,611 --> 00:36:03,079
Hester did this.
868
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:04,848
She needed blood for Vampire Guy,
869
00:36:04,849 --> 00:36:07,584
and she's a serial killer.
Come on, let's go look for her.
870
00:36:07,585 --> 00:36:08,585
Come on. (groans)
871
00:36:08,586 --> 00:36:09,953
She's a what?
872
00:36:09,954 --> 00:36:11,421
Just one more spoonful.
873
00:36:11,422 --> 00:36:12,856
You know you want it.
874
00:36:12,857 --> 00:36:14,791
Open up the tunnel for the blood train.
875
00:36:14,792 --> 00:36:17,627
No, I-I never want any blood
again, not even a bloody Mary.
876
00:36:17,628 --> 00:36:19,963
- I'm cured! I'm cured!
- MUNSCH: Hester!
877
00:36:19,964 --> 00:36:22,599
Where did you get that blood?
And before
878
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,167
you answer, please remember we have
879
00:36:24,168 --> 00:36:25,969
a patient present, so if your answer is
880
00:36:25,970 --> 00:36:28,605
by killing someone and draining
all the blood from their body,
881
00:36:28,606 --> 00:36:30,807
please, say it in code.
882
00:36:30,808 --> 00:36:31,941
Wait, what?
883
00:36:31,942 --> 00:36:33,543
I'm offended by that accusation.
884
00:36:33,544 --> 00:36:35,645
Though to be fair, it is warranted.
885
00:36:35,646 --> 00:36:36,813
That being said, I didn't kill anyone
886
00:36:36,814 --> 00:36:38,294
in the service of getting this blood.
887
00:36:38,318 --> 00:36:39,382
I got it from Chamberlain.
888
00:36:39,383 --> 00:36:40,943
He was just gonna dump it in the swamp.
889
00:36:40,967 --> 00:36:42,285
You fed him Chanel's blood?
890
00:36:42,286 --> 00:36:44,001
Geez, you should have
just fed him cyanide.
891
00:36:44,002 --> 00:36:45,402
BRANDON: I-Is there something wrong
892
00:36:45,426 --> 00:36:46,723
with that blood? I-I drank,
893
00:36:46,724 --> 00:36:48,491
like, three vials of it.
894
00:36:48,492 --> 00:36:50,026
(groans) No, nothing wrong per Se,
895
00:36:50,027 --> 00:36:53,830
unless you consider having every
diagnosable STD in it "wrong"?
896
00:36:53,831 --> 00:36:57,467
Oh! At the moment I have been
cured of my need to drink blood
897
00:36:57,468 --> 00:36:59,302
and pretend to be a douchy vampire,
898
00:36:59,303 --> 00:37:01,804
- I'm cursed with being a sexual pariah.
- Honey,
899
00:37:01,805 --> 00:37:03,406
you are a pale weirdo
with receding gums
900
00:37:03,407 --> 00:37:04,927
who can't eat at an ethnic restaurant!
901
00:37:04,951 --> 00:37:07,410
You're a pariah with or without an STD!
902
00:37:07,411 --> 00:37:09,412
Fortunately, you don't have one.
903
00:37:09,413 --> 00:37:12,315
I checked the blood before
I gave it to him. It's clean.
904
00:37:12,316 --> 00:37:14,417
Free of any and all STD's.
(relieved sigh)
905
00:37:14,418 --> 00:37:15,752
What?
906
00:37:15,753 --> 00:37:18,087
(pants)
907
00:37:18,088 --> 00:37:19,923
I'm shocked.
908
00:37:19,924 --> 00:37:21,257
Uh...
909
00:37:21,258 --> 00:37:22,559
uh... Oh, I knew
910
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:24,193
you were behind this!
911
00:37:24,194 --> 00:37:26,329
Oh, I am gonna get you.
912
00:37:26,330 --> 00:37:29,232
When you least expect it,
I am going to get you.
913
00:37:29,233 --> 00:37:32,201
HOFFEL: Chanel? I've been
looking all over for you.
914
00:37:32,202 --> 00:37:34,037
Congratulations.
915
00:37:34,038 --> 00:37:36,221
The extra blood you submitted
by totally exsanguinating
916
00:37:36,222 --> 00:37:39,442
Chanel 9 has officially taken you past
917
00:37:39,443 --> 00:37:42,178
the arbitrary yet official finish line.
918
00:37:42,179 --> 00:37:45,181
You win the blood drive.
919
00:37:45,182 --> 00:37:47,350
I'm going to Blood Island?
920
00:37:47,351 --> 00:37:49,419
HOFFEL: You bet your tiny ass you are!
921
00:37:49,420 --> 00:37:52,120
922
00:37:53,924 --> 00:37:55,692
And these two
923
00:37:55,693 --> 00:37:57,226
are for the other Chanels.
924
00:37:57,227 --> 00:37:59,095
Oh. Thank you. I'm gonna need one more,
925
00:37:59,096 --> 00:38:01,097
because now that I am
officially STD-free,
926
00:38:01,098 --> 00:38:03,700
I think a certain someone is gonna want
927
00:38:03,701 --> 00:38:05,735
to come with me... and
yes, I do mean that
928
00:38:05,736 --> 00:38:07,703
as a euphemism.
929
00:38:08,806 --> 00:38:11,307
And here are your plane tickets.
930
00:38:11,308 --> 00:38:13,409
"Business select"?
931
00:38:13,410 --> 00:38:15,645
(chuckles) I only fly charter.
932
00:38:15,646 --> 00:38:16,946
Ooh!
933
00:38:16,947 --> 00:38:19,215
I... can't afford...
934
00:38:19,216 --> 00:38:21,050
- a charter jet.
- Well, that's okay.
935
00:38:21,051 --> 00:38:22,714
I'll just take the
cash-equivalency option
936
00:38:22,715 --> 00:38:24,220
and go on my own trip.
937
00:38:24,221 --> 00:38:25,755
What? I can't afford that.
938
00:38:25,756 --> 00:38:27,724
I've already maxed out
all my credit cards
939
00:38:27,725 --> 00:38:29,659
just to be able to afford this trip.
940
00:38:29,660 --> 00:38:31,628
You have to go to Blood Island!
941
00:38:31,629 --> 00:38:33,963
Oh, you have to honor
the terms of the contest
942
00:38:33,964 --> 00:38:38,266
that you came up with, or you
will be hearing from my lawyer.
943
00:38:51,888 --> 00:38:54,490
O positive, O positive, AB negative.
944
00:38:54,491 --> 00:38:56,994
- What are you talking about?
- I checked the hospital records.
945
00:38:56,995 --> 00:38:58,794
Bill Hollis' blood type is O positive,
946
00:38:58,795 --> 00:39:00,162
so is Jane Hollis'.
947
00:39:00,163 --> 00:39:01,796
What? How'd you find that out?
948
00:39:07,671 --> 00:39:10,406
Jackpot.
949
00:39:10,407 --> 00:39:11,874
Hot pies!
950
00:39:11,875 --> 00:39:15,578
Come and get your hot,
delicious pies! Ooh!
951
00:39:15,579 --> 00:39:16,845
Ma'am, can I tempt you
952
00:39:16,846 --> 00:39:19,481
with a free, delicious hot pie?
953
00:39:19,482 --> 00:39:21,016
Oh.
954
00:39:21,017 --> 00:39:23,418
Why not? (chuckles)
955
00:39:24,854 --> 00:39:27,389
Just, what kind of pie is this?
956
00:39:27,390 --> 00:39:29,525
Worm pie.
957
00:39:29,526 --> 00:39:31,427
It's worm. Yep. Ew.
958
00:39:31,428 --> 00:39:33,662
You know, you can get a blood
type from a saliva sample
959
00:39:33,663 --> 00:39:37,266
using an indirect enzyme-linked
immunosorbent assay
960
00:39:37,267 --> 00:39:39,401
using monoclonal antibodies?
961
00:39:39,402 --> 00:39:40,836
Whoa.
962
00:39:40,837 --> 00:39:42,671
Oh, yeah, and my blood
type is AB negative,
963
00:39:42,672 --> 00:39:45,074
so there's no way I could
be the baby in the belly.
964
00:39:45,075 --> 00:39:47,243
Thank the Lord!
965
00:39:47,244 --> 00:39:49,511
I'm so relieved!
966
00:39:49,512 --> 00:39:51,180
I knew it couldn't be you.
967
00:39:51,181 --> 00:39:53,282
I'm so sorry I ever doubted you.
968
00:39:53,283 --> 00:39:54,850
Oh, wait a minute.
969
00:39:54,851 --> 00:39:57,753
You know what that means, don't you?
970
00:39:57,754 --> 00:40:00,855
The baby in the belly
has to be O positive.
971
00:40:02,125 --> 00:40:04,225
972
00:40:28,585 --> 00:40:31,253
BROCK: I don't understand.
973
00:40:31,254 --> 00:40:35,391
You're the only man on staff
with type O positive blood.
974
00:40:35,392 --> 00:40:37,126
- Really? (chuckles)
- Yes.
975
00:40:37,127 --> 00:40:40,996
Which is the same type as
a man named Bill Hollis,
976
00:40:40,997 --> 00:40:42,731
who most likely was murdered here
977
00:40:42,732 --> 00:40:44,099
30 years ago,
978
00:40:44,100 --> 00:40:45,901
as well as his wife, Jane Hollis,
979
00:40:45,902 --> 00:40:48,003
who was with child at the time.
980
00:40:48,004 --> 00:40:51,674
That child would also have
type O positive blood,
981
00:40:51,675 --> 00:40:54,910
as well as a motive to murder
everyone here at the hospital.
982
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:56,945
So... you're suggesting
983
00:40:56,946 --> 00:40:59,581
that I was that baby
they were pregnant with?
984
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:01,750
(laughs) Well, I'm just,
like, very flattered
985
00:41:01,751 --> 00:41:04,019
that you all think I look 30, but...
986
00:41:04,020 --> 00:41:07,189
you do realize this is insane, right?
987
00:41:07,190 --> 00:41:10,326
Yeah. Well, you do bone
down like a 30-year-old.
988
00:41:10,327 --> 00:41:11,827
CHAMBERLAIN: I mean, you be, like,
989
00:41:11,828 --> 00:41:13,629
the most handsomest 50-year-old ever.
990
00:41:13,630 --> 00:41:15,293
You're, like, suspiciously
handsome, dude.
991
00:41:15,294 --> 00:41:16,699
Exactly.
992
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:19,368
Maybe you spent every summer
for 30 years at the pool.
993
00:41:19,369 --> 00:41:21,804
Maybe as a teenager,
you were a lifeguard
994
00:41:21,805 --> 00:41:24,506
- and suffered severe sun damage.
- All right.
995
00:41:24,507 --> 00:41:27,343
I-I get it, I am ridiculously handsome
996
00:41:27,344 --> 00:41:30,379
and I do have an air of
youthfulness about me, but...
997
00:41:30,380 --> 00:41:32,381
O positive is the most
common blood type there is.
998
00:41:32,382 --> 00:41:34,350
40% of the people
on this Earth have it.
999
00:41:34,351 --> 00:41:36,218
I mean, it's weird
that I'm the only one
1000
00:41:36,219 --> 00:41:37,553
in the hospital that has it.
1001
00:41:37,554 --> 00:41:40,889
And yet this is where
we find ourselves.
1002
00:41:40,890 --> 00:41:43,459
The proof is in the pudding.
1003
00:41:43,460 --> 00:41:46,328
Or as I should say, the proof
is in the blood pudding.
1004
00:41:46,329 --> 00:41:49,164
No. Actually, I shouldn't.
1005
00:41:49,165 --> 00:41:51,567
And I apologize for going for the pun.
1006
00:41:51,568 --> 00:41:53,535
The minute it left my mouth,
I felt dirty.
1007
00:41:53,536 --> 00:41:56,972
Dr. Holt... science
doesn't lie, and as far
1008
00:41:56,973 --> 00:41:58,507
as I'm concerned, at this point
1009
00:41:58,508 --> 00:42:01,242
- (wood creaking)
- you are the prime suspect.
1010
00:42:02,078 --> 00:42:03,679
(Brock yells)
1011
00:42:03,680 --> 00:42:07,850
This is an outrage,
and completely illogical.
1012
00:42:07,851 --> 00:42:09,818
You morons don't deserve to live.
1013
00:42:09,819 --> 00:42:13,287
(panting): You want to accuse me
of murder, you go right ahead.
1014
00:42:14,157 --> 00:42:16,657
But there will be consequences.
1015
00:42:30,540 --> 00:42:32,273
You startled me.
1016
00:42:34,778 --> 00:42:36,878
Ooh. For me?
1017
00:42:40,083 --> 00:42:41,183
(gasps)
1018
00:42:41,184 --> 00:42:43,117
You shouldn't have.
1019
00:42:45,789 --> 00:42:47,890
Won't this get a little confusing?
1020
00:42:47,891 --> 00:42:50,292
You say there are
already two Green Meanies,
1021
00:42:50,293 --> 00:42:51,693
so now there's three?
1022
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:53,362
Mm-hmm.
1023
00:42:53,363 --> 00:42:55,663
Works for me.
1024
00:42:56,599 --> 00:42:59,735
Green is my color.
1025
00:42:59,736 --> 00:43:01,235
(chuckles softly)
1026
00:43:04,474 --> 00:43:06,574
1027
00:43:19,275 --> 00:43:25,375
1028
00:43:25,425 --> 00:43:29,975
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