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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,319 --> 00:00:02,087 (Birds chirp, car rumbles) 2 00:00:02,112 --> 00:00:04,114 David, what time is Patrick's housewarming tonight? 3 00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:05,506 Hmm, you'll have to ask him. 4 00:00:05,531 --> 00:00:07,432 He told me he doesn't want my help, 5 00:00:07,466 --> 00:00:09,367 so I'm just gonna play the supportive partner, 6 00:00:09,401 --> 00:00:10,868 and watch him fail. 7 00:00:10,903 --> 00:00:12,562 Okay, it's just that if Ted and I are gonna be 8 00:00:12,587 --> 00:00:15,122 fashionably late, we need to know when it starts. 9 00:00:15,975 --> 00:00:18,783 Jocelyn: There you are, Alexis! (Laughs) 10 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,978 - Good morning, Roses. - Jocelyn, Roland. 11 00:00:21,013 --> 00:00:24,549 Look at you, positively flushed with motherly glow. 12 00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:27,585 We've just been running around looking for Alexis. 13 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,877 That's so sweet; what's up? 14 00:00:28,921 --> 00:00:30,198 Remember that time that you told me 15 00:00:30,222 --> 00:00:32,812 you'd be there for me if I ever needed you? 16 00:00:32,837 --> 00:00:34,257 I don't think that was me. 17 00:00:34,282 --> 00:00:37,495 Well, our babysitter for tonight just canceled on us, 18 00:00:37,529 --> 00:00:39,597 and we were gonna have dinner, 19 00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:41,523 and uh, a couples massage. 20 00:00:41,548 --> 00:00:44,216 But unfortunately, the couple that massages us 21 00:00:44,241 --> 00:00:46,647 can only do it once a month, so... 22 00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,372 Hmm, no. Um... 23 00:00:48,407 --> 00:00:49,751 well, I totally would think about it, 24 00:00:49,775 --> 00:00:52,143 but I have a housewarming thing tonight. 25 00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:54,336 Jocelyn and Roland: Ohhh... 26 00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:57,423 David? 27 00:00:57,448 --> 00:00:59,916 Is Patrick also going to that housewarming party? 28 00:00:59,941 --> 00:01:02,640 Patrick's throwing the party, unfortunately. 29 00:01:03,255 --> 00:01:05,265 Well Rollie, we're just gonna have to cancel. 30 00:01:05,290 --> 00:01:07,792 Because we have asked literally everyone. 31 00:01:07,826 --> 00:01:09,537 (Groans) Oh, jeez. 32 00:01:09,562 --> 00:01:11,196 Thanks anyways, Roses. 33 00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,255 - (Roland groans) - Moira: Sorry. 34 00:01:15,841 --> 00:01:17,835 Well, that was weird. 35 00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:20,161 Seriously. A nighttime couples massage, 36 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,206 what is this, 1985?! 37 00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:25,543 No! They asked everyone at the table except us, 38 00:01:25,577 --> 00:01:26,878 we're sitting right here! 39 00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:29,338 They're not going to ask someone of your age, John. 40 00:01:29,363 --> 00:01:31,826 We raised two kids. 41 00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:33,452 "Raised" might be a stretch. 42 00:01:33,477 --> 00:01:35,979 Our nursery was in a different wing of the house. 43 00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:37,849 - It was a design flaw. - I'm a light sleeper. 44 00:01:41,422 --> 00:01:45,992 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 45 00:01:47,937 --> 00:01:50,001 John, you're not still working on that 46 00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,793 cumbersome laundry hamper? 47 00:01:51,837 --> 00:01:53,953 I told you, it's a playpen, Moira. 48 00:01:53,978 --> 00:01:55,412 I was hoping you were joking. 49 00:01:55,437 --> 00:01:57,739 No. After Roland and Jocelyn's 50 00:01:57,764 --> 00:01:59,451 little oversight this morning, 51 00:01:59,476 --> 00:02:02,687 I... took it upon myself to offer our services. 52 00:02:02,712 --> 00:02:05,347 Why in God's name would you do that?! 53 00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,273 It's a principle thing. 54 00:02:07,298 --> 00:02:10,533 Roland and Jocelyn don't think we can take care of a kid. 55 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:13,132 That's an argument I'm willing to lose. 56 00:02:13,893 --> 00:02:16,460 So now I have go to Ronnie's by myself. 57 00:02:16,485 --> 00:02:17,852 What? 58 00:02:17,877 --> 00:02:19,440 I told you, the Lifetime Network 59 00:02:19,464 --> 00:02:21,866 is re-airing the movie I did with Joyce DeWitt. 60 00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,468 Remember? "Not Without My Cousin." 61 00:02:24,503 --> 00:02:25,970 And Ronnie's TV gets that channel, 62 00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:27,271 I told you this, John! 63 00:02:27,306 --> 00:02:28,973 Or at least I'm telling you now. 64 00:02:29,007 --> 00:02:31,906 Okay, well then, have fun. 65 00:02:32,678 --> 00:02:34,085 I'm more than capable 66 00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:36,111 of looking after this kid myself. 67 00:02:36,279 --> 00:02:38,314 John, my sweet husband. 68 00:02:38,339 --> 00:02:40,874 We have nothing to prove as parents. 69 00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,533 We did our best for our children. 70 00:02:42,558 --> 00:02:44,358 Yeah, we were there most weeknights. 71 00:02:44,383 --> 00:02:46,384 For at least a couple of hours. 72 00:02:46,409 --> 00:02:47,686 Unless we were out for the evening. 73 00:02:47,711 --> 00:02:48,978 Yeah, or jetting around. 74 00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:50,837 Or if it was a really long day. 75 00:02:50,862 --> 00:02:52,867 Yeah, no, no, I'm not the least bit concerned, Moira. 76 00:02:52,892 --> 00:02:54,092 (Knocking) 77 00:02:54,343 --> 00:02:57,245 Besides, if Roland can look after a baby, 78 00:02:57,270 --> 00:02:58,603 anyone can. 79 00:03:00,677 --> 00:03:01,911 Hey, Jocelyn. 80 00:03:01,936 --> 00:03:03,504 - Jocelyn: Hi, Johnny. - Roland: Hi, Johnny. 81 00:03:03,756 --> 00:03:05,617 Jocelyn: Thank you so much, Johnny, 82 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:08,709 it just would've never occurred to us to ask you. 83 00:03:08,734 --> 00:03:10,281 Are you sure you're up for this? 84 00:03:10,306 --> 00:03:11,740 Oh, he'll be fine, honey, 85 00:03:11,765 --> 00:03:15,219 And if he does find himself completely lost, 86 00:03:15,253 --> 00:03:17,121 and believe me, he will, 87 00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:18,788 he will have... 88 00:03:18,813 --> 00:03:20,947 the baby binder to hold his hand. 89 00:03:20,972 --> 00:03:22,472 Right here, Johnny. 90 00:03:22,497 --> 00:03:24,831 Okay, well, here goes nothing. 91 00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,678 - Yeah. - I don't know why, I'm just... 92 00:03:26,703 --> 00:03:28,399 I'm having a hard time letting go. 93 00:03:28,433 --> 00:03:30,067 I've got him. I've got him, Jocelyn. 94 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,479 - Oh, okay, okay. - Well, I know why. 95 00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,953 It's because you don't trust the guy, and believe me, 96 00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:35,079 I don't either, but we're in this now, so... 97 00:03:35,104 --> 00:03:37,172 try not think about it. Okay... 98 00:03:37,197 --> 00:03:38,997 Wow, Moira. 99 00:03:39,022 --> 00:03:41,857 Looking so elegant for a night of babysitting. 100 00:03:41,882 --> 00:03:45,051 Just dressed to the nines in choking hazards. 101 00:03:45,076 --> 00:03:48,646 Sadly, Jocelyn, I won't be here this evening to intercede. 102 00:03:48,671 --> 00:03:50,705 Oh wow, so it's just gonna be Johnny, 103 00:03:50,823 --> 00:03:53,124 alone with our precious miracle baby? 104 00:03:53,149 --> 00:03:54,917 Uh... honey, 105 00:03:54,942 --> 00:03:56,943 come on, we're gonna be late for our massage. 106 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,288 You know Ron and Linda like to do those stretches 107 00:03:59,313 --> 00:04:01,749 before they get us on the table, so... 108 00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:04,242 I'll be thinking about all of you during my massage. 109 00:04:04,267 --> 00:04:06,234 No, no need for that, Roland. 110 00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,593 Okay Johnny, just don't do anything I wouldn't do. 111 00:04:08,618 --> 00:04:09,684 Jocelyn: Love you! 112 00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,734 - What? - Whoop! Whoop! 113 00:04:11,767 --> 00:04:14,294 - (Door slams) - Boop boop be boop! 114 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,380 (Bird caws) 115 00:04:18,699 --> 00:04:20,232 (Sighs) 116 00:04:21,126 --> 00:04:23,328 (Sighs heavily) 117 00:04:23,588 --> 00:04:25,422 Wow. What are those? 118 00:04:25,447 --> 00:04:27,181 These are party shots. 119 00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:29,607 - Hmm... - You ever had one before? 120 00:04:29,632 --> 00:04:31,328 No, nope. 121 00:04:32,226 --> 00:04:33,960 Fine, once. 122 00:04:33,985 --> 00:04:35,986 Twice. 123 00:04:36,171 --> 00:04:37,711 Fine, I had a tray in Cancun. 124 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:40,371 Okay, well they kinda go with my overall theme 125 00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:43,432 of a good old-fashioned high school slumber party, so. 126 00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:45,792 Mhmm, I still don't know why you were so quick 127 00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:47,618 to dismiss my theme idea. 128 00:04:47,643 --> 00:04:49,077 Where is anybody gonna find 129 00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:51,352 glass-blown Venetian masks around here? 130 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,261 Besides, people are kind of excited 131 00:04:53,285 --> 00:04:54,898 about the high school idea. 132 00:04:55,445 --> 00:04:58,189 Okay. Walk me through the high school idea. 133 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:01,049 Models and teen actors are just gonna lounge around 134 00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,660 in their bras and thongs, 135 00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:04,762 and take Polaroids of themselves all night? 136 00:05:04,787 --> 00:05:06,849 What was your high school experience like? 137 00:05:07,064 --> 00:05:08,498 What was yours like? 138 00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:10,912 Besides, where are we going to find a salad bowl of E 139 00:05:10,936 --> 00:05:11,857 this last minute? 140 00:05:11,873 --> 00:05:14,708 You know, I think this could be kind of a... 141 00:05:14,743 --> 00:05:17,478 a fun opportunity for you to rewrite your past a little bit. 142 00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:18,813 Mhmm. 143 00:05:18,847 --> 00:05:20,358 It's just that my parents have spent like, 144 00:05:20,382 --> 00:05:22,049 an astounding amount of money on therapy 145 00:05:22,083 --> 00:05:23,617 to try to do that already. 146 00:05:23,652 --> 00:05:26,787 So forgive me for not wanting to run back into the fire. 147 00:05:26,822 --> 00:05:28,126 What happened to you? 148 00:05:29,224 --> 00:05:30,925 Nothing, really, I just didn't like it. 149 00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:32,149 (Gasps) 150 00:05:32,309 --> 00:05:34,243 - Mm. Okay. Oh. - Yeah. 151 00:05:34,268 --> 00:05:35,668 (Slurps) 152 00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:40,334 You might have to make more of those. 153 00:05:40,368 --> 00:05:42,236 - That's right. - That's very nice. 154 00:05:42,270 --> 00:05:43,337 (Dog barks) 155 00:05:43,905 --> 00:05:45,506 (Keys jingle) 156 00:05:45,540 --> 00:05:47,908 (Ted sighs) 157 00:05:51,646 --> 00:05:52,847 (Keys jingle) 158 00:05:54,816 --> 00:05:57,351 Honey, I'm home. 159 00:05:57,385 --> 00:05:59,787 Oh, shouldn't I be the one saying that? 160 00:05:59,821 --> 00:06:01,322 A little something to celebrate 161 00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,253 the end of the week. 162 00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:06,193 - Yeah... - Whoop! 163 00:06:06,228 --> 00:06:08,629 Uh, except it's Neuterpalooza week at work, 164 00:06:08,663 --> 00:06:10,364 and I still have two days 165 00:06:10,398 --> 00:06:11,899 of spaying and neutering ahead of me. 166 00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,667 Oh, let's stop saying "neutering", 167 00:06:13,702 --> 00:06:15,202 'cause it's killing my buzz! 168 00:06:15,237 --> 00:06:16,637 This is so silky. 169 00:06:16,671 --> 00:06:18,572 Yeah, it's my dad's housecoat from storage. 170 00:06:18,607 --> 00:06:21,509 I was thinking we could go as Hef, R.I.P., 171 00:06:21,543 --> 00:06:23,110 and a Playboy Bunny. 172 00:06:23,144 --> 00:06:25,779 Isn't the theme high school slumber party? 173 00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:27,181 It is. 174 00:06:27,206 --> 00:06:28,851 My best friend, Summer, used to date Hef in high school, 175 00:06:28,884 --> 00:06:30,061 which isn't as weird as it sounds, 176 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:33,120 'cause he was like, a very young 77. 177 00:06:33,154 --> 00:06:35,623 Uh okay, don't be mad, but... 178 00:06:35,657 --> 00:06:36,857 Ted, no! 179 00:06:36,892 --> 00:06:38,469 I have to perform surgery on people's pets like, 180 00:06:38,493 --> 00:06:39,760 first thing in the morning. 181 00:06:39,794 --> 00:06:41,595 Why'd you have to pick this weekend? 182 00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:42,940 You know how much I always look forward 183 00:06:42,964 --> 00:06:44,465 to Patrick's house parties. 184 00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:47,067 Isn't this his first one? 185 00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,202 Okay, fine. 186 00:06:48,236 --> 00:06:51,005 I guess I'll just finish my drink, and... 187 00:06:51,039 --> 00:06:52,940 wander over there dressed like this, 188 00:06:52,974 --> 00:06:55,175 and see what happens. 189 00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:57,278 Well, I mean, 190 00:06:57,312 --> 00:07:01,398 maybe you don't need to leave just yet. 191 00:07:01,783 --> 00:07:03,951 Snip, snip, Mr. Mullens! 192 00:07:05,186 --> 00:07:08,227 I was just hoping you could make an exception. 193 00:07:08,690 --> 00:07:10,057 Let loose for one night. 194 00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:12,026 Next time. I promise. 195 00:07:13,762 --> 00:07:14,962 (Crickets chirp) 196 00:07:14,996 --> 00:07:16,330 Moira: Well, I'm off. (Baby cries) 197 00:07:16,364 --> 00:07:18,232 All right, have fun, sweetheart. 198 00:07:18,266 --> 00:07:20,501 You realize the bebe is crying. 199 00:07:20,535 --> 00:07:21,969 I do, yes. 200 00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:24,104 Isn't it scheduled to be dormant by now? 201 00:07:24,139 --> 00:07:25,873 I'll figure it out, Moira. 202 00:07:25,907 --> 00:07:27,808 - You have the binder. - Yes. 203 00:07:27,842 --> 00:07:29,288 - Yes. - Ooh! 204 00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,246 I think I just found the issue. 205 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:33,948 It might be in the diaper. 206 00:07:33,982 --> 00:07:36,617 Oh, it was the bebe. I'm so relieved! 207 00:07:36,651 --> 00:07:38,452 Yeah, I think they left extra diapers. 208 00:07:38,486 --> 00:07:40,054 They assumed we'd take care of it. 209 00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,855 You wanna grab the rubber gloves? 210 00:07:41,890 --> 00:07:43,657 They're Tom Ford, John, no! 211 00:07:43,692 --> 00:07:44,969 And they wouldn't fit you anyway. 212 00:07:44,993 --> 00:07:47,127 The cleaning gloves under the sink! 213 00:07:47,162 --> 00:07:48,929 Oh! Yes. 214 00:07:50,665 --> 00:07:52,633 (Baby wails) 215 00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:54,168 (Groans) 216 00:07:55,670 --> 00:07:57,237 And, there. 217 00:07:57,272 --> 00:07:58,606 Oh, it looks like Jocelyn's 218 00:07:58,647 --> 00:08:01,248 left you some nice chapter tabs. 219 00:08:02,444 --> 00:08:05,012 Uh, it's saying here that you should... 220 00:08:05,046 --> 00:08:09,759 wipe counter-clockwise direction, ah... 221 00:08:09,784 --> 00:08:12,186 flip it, if you can flip it. 222 00:08:12,220 --> 00:08:14,655 - The baby? - It doesn't say. 223 00:08:14,689 --> 00:08:17,224 Honestly, Moira, just go! I'll be fine. 224 00:08:17,258 --> 00:08:19,293 I'm not sure you will be, John. 225 00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:22,129 It's not like the old days when we could just call Adelina, 226 00:08:22,163 --> 00:08:24,665 and have her rush home from her daughter's wedding. 227 00:08:24,699 --> 00:08:26,300 You're gonna miss your screening. 228 00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:28,335 I'll go after the first commercial break. 229 00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,104 That's when the action happens anyway, 230 00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:31,905 when my cousin and I begin 231 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:33,841 our backpack through Lebanon. 232 00:08:33,875 --> 00:08:36,043 What else does the binder say? 233 00:08:36,077 --> 00:08:37,344 Oh my God, John! 234 00:08:37,379 --> 00:08:39,277 Don't forget to wash its hands! 235 00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:41,848 Okay. 236 00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:44,018 (Dog barks) 237 00:08:44,052 --> 00:08:46,387 Okay, my turn. Ahem! 238 00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,758 Hmm, never have I ever pretended to be 239 00:08:50,792 --> 00:08:52,726 a pizza delivery person so I could get 240 00:08:52,761 --> 00:08:55,529 into Jared Leto's Halloween party. 241 00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:56,797 You're a bitch. 242 00:08:56,831 --> 00:08:59,800 My mom was engaged to two pizza delivery guys. 243 00:08:59,834 --> 00:09:02,836 Can that count? 'Cause I am really thirsty. 244 00:09:02,871 --> 00:09:04,538 Stevie! 245 00:09:04,572 --> 00:09:05,806 Uh, um... 246 00:09:08,510 --> 00:09:10,577 Never have I ever... 247 00:09:14,015 --> 00:09:15,359 Sorry, I'm just trying to think of something 248 00:09:15,383 --> 00:09:17,017 - I haven't done. - Okay. 249 00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,153 How long did you envision this game going on for? 250 00:09:19,187 --> 00:09:21,121 Because never have I ever been so bored. 251 00:09:21,156 --> 00:09:23,323 Aw, I'm sorry, David, when I suggested the game, 252 00:09:23,358 --> 00:09:26,026 I didn't expect that you'd be drinking quite so much. 253 00:09:26,061 --> 00:09:27,261 Eating out of the garbage? 254 00:09:27,295 --> 00:09:29,163 Okay, I did that in front of you last night. 255 00:09:29,197 --> 00:09:32,166 Now, as a participant, if we don't change the game soon, 256 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,268 - I'm gonna get very drunk. - Oh. 257 00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:36,236 - (Knocking) - Yep? 258 00:09:37,439 --> 00:09:39,540 - Hey! (Laughing) - All: Oh! There he is! Yay! 259 00:09:39,574 --> 00:09:41,909 God, what are you doing here? 260 00:09:41,943 --> 00:09:43,310 Hey, sweetie. 261 00:09:43,344 --> 00:09:44,689 You were right, we deserve a night out. 262 00:09:44,713 --> 00:09:46,914 So, I just pushed all my morning appointments. 263 00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:48,415 Which will be fine, I guess, 264 00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:50,428 it just means that I'll be staying up 'til 1:00 A.M. 265 00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,686 on a Saturday, spaying with a pretty shaky hand. 266 00:09:52,721 --> 00:09:54,922 Mm, that's so cute. What can I get you to drink? 267 00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:56,323 Oh no, don't worry about that. 268 00:09:56,357 --> 00:09:58,158 After you used all of my booze for your punch, 269 00:09:58,193 --> 00:09:59,860 the only alcohol left in my fridge 270 00:09:59,894 --> 00:10:02,663 was a few of your rum, raspberry, coconut coolers. 271 00:10:02,697 --> 00:10:04,531 So I polished them off, and... 272 00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:06,410 it tasted like burnt plastic, and I regretted it instantly. 273 00:10:06,434 --> 00:10:07,634 Woman: Hi, Ted! 274 00:10:07,669 --> 00:10:08,979 Only you would wear a little robe, 275 00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:11,939 and little slippers to a high school slumber party. 276 00:10:11,973 --> 00:10:14,118 Oh, no, no, no. This is just so that I didn't get cold 277 00:10:14,142 --> 00:10:15,676 on the way over. 278 00:10:15,710 --> 00:10:17,544 - All right! - (Partygoers cheer) 279 00:10:17,579 --> 00:10:19,646 What is the game, because I'm up! 280 00:10:19,681 --> 00:10:21,115 Ohh! Wow. 281 00:10:21,149 --> 00:10:22,149 - Oh! - Okay... 282 00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:23,951 Ted: Twyla! 283 00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:26,320 I'm not sure if it's just the punch, but... 284 00:10:26,354 --> 00:10:28,050 he could get it! 285 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:31,058 Stevie, that's disgusting. 286 00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:33,093 Ted, can I get you a party shot? 287 00:10:33,128 --> 00:10:35,028 - Cool! - Okay. 288 00:10:35,063 --> 00:10:36,964 - David? - Wow. 289 00:10:36,998 --> 00:10:38,332 - Yeah. - We have orange... 290 00:10:38,357 --> 00:10:40,355 - I'll take that. - Yellow... 291 00:10:40,635 --> 00:10:42,136 (Blows a kiss) 292 00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,514 Hey! Do you wanna put Emir away for a hot sec, 293 00:10:54,549 --> 00:10:57,384 so this game can keep going, and the party can end soon? 294 00:10:57,409 --> 00:10:59,187 Oh, I'm good. I don't wanna kiss anyone here. 295 00:10:59,220 --> 00:11:00,921 My sister's sitting in the circle, 296 00:11:00,955 --> 00:11:02,355 You think I'm dying to play? 297 00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:03,957 Thank you very much. 298 00:11:05,093 --> 00:11:07,127 (Sighs) 299 00:11:07,161 --> 00:11:09,162 (Alexis claps) 300 00:11:09,187 --> 00:11:10,954 (Gasps) 301 00:11:11,769 --> 00:11:13,837 Ohh! 302 00:11:14,168 --> 00:11:15,802 (Gasps) Oh! 303 00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,896 (Laughs) Okay! 304 00:11:22,276 --> 00:11:24,077 Babe, did you rig this? 305 00:11:24,102 --> 00:11:27,137 Maybe I did, and maybe I did! 306 00:11:27,181 --> 00:11:28,515 - Ooh! - (Laughs) 307 00:11:28,549 --> 00:11:31,151 - Okay, go crazy, babe. - Mhmm. 308 00:11:31,185 --> 00:11:33,453 All right, who's the lucky lady? 309 00:11:35,256 --> 00:11:38,792 - That's offensive. - Okay, anyway, re-spin! 310 00:11:38,826 --> 00:11:40,571 Yeah, it actually looks like it sorta landed 311 00:11:40,595 --> 00:11:42,262 - between two people. - No, no, no, no! 312 00:11:42,296 --> 00:11:43,764 I know exactly who it landed on. 313 00:11:43,798 --> 00:11:45,132 Oh, Ted! That's not okay. 314 00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,900 Man, come here, big guy! 315 00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,145 - Mmmph! - Partygoers: (Shocked gasps) 316 00:11:48,169 --> 00:11:49,803 Muah! (Laughs) 317 00:11:49,837 --> 00:11:51,698 Oh my (bleep) God. 318 00:11:52,507 --> 00:11:53,974 (Partygoers laugh) 319 00:11:54,008 --> 00:11:55,742 It looks like the punch needs a refill. 320 00:11:55,777 --> 00:11:57,544 Oh hey, I could use a refill too, big guy. 321 00:11:57,578 --> 00:11:59,746 Okay, I don't know where "big guy" is coming from, 322 00:11:59,781 --> 00:12:01,314 but it needs to stop. 323 00:12:01,349 --> 00:12:05,452 Um, I don't know about you, but I smell drama. 324 00:12:05,486 --> 00:12:07,220 Twyla: Okay, my turn! 325 00:12:07,255 --> 00:12:09,623 Moira: (In movie) You know Helen, despite everything... 326 00:12:09,657 --> 00:12:11,158 Oh, if it weren't for Joyce Dewitt 327 00:12:11,192 --> 00:12:13,593 insisting on wearing those pigtails, 328 00:12:13,628 --> 00:12:15,857 this movie could've been a hit! 329 00:12:16,731 --> 00:12:18,431 We're supposed to be astrophysicists, 330 00:12:18,466 --> 00:12:19,699 it just takes you out of it. 331 00:12:19,734 --> 00:12:22,138 And yet, she, she gets the close up! 332 00:12:23,171 --> 00:12:25,505 - Well, that was shocking. - I know, right? 333 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,774 And I get the aerial shot for my love scene. 334 00:12:27,809 --> 00:12:29,576 No, no, I'm talking about the kid. 335 00:12:29,610 --> 00:12:31,611 To think this little thing could... 336 00:12:31,646 --> 00:12:33,747 create so much destruction. 337 00:12:33,781 --> 00:12:36,416 Oh, you've completed the diaper substitution. 338 00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:39,357 Aren't you the Sephardic Mr. Clean! 339 00:12:39,587 --> 00:12:43,021 Well, I did the kid, but I'm not doing the bathroom. 340 00:12:43,758 --> 00:12:45,836 It appears you may need a change yourself, Mr. Rose. 341 00:12:45,861 --> 00:12:48,362 What is that on your shoulder? 342 00:12:49,363 --> 00:12:51,364 Oh Moira, he spit up on me. 343 00:12:51,399 --> 00:12:52,999 (Baby gurgles) 344 00:12:53,024 --> 00:12:54,891 And he's spit up in the playpen! 345 00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:57,851 Ew! That cannot be good, John! 346 00:12:57,876 --> 00:13:01,083 Its body is ejecting things, what did you do to it?! 347 00:13:01,108 --> 00:13:03,677 Nothing! I-I changed his diaper, that's all. 348 00:13:03,711 --> 00:13:06,213 Well, perhaps you've swaddled its abdomen too tightly, 349 00:13:06,238 --> 00:13:09,106 Or maybe it's allergic to something. 350 00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,251 John, did you feed it shellfish? 351 00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:12,719 What did you do?! 352 00:13:12,753 --> 00:13:15,088 I've gotta wipe him up, and change his clothes again. 353 00:13:15,122 --> 00:13:17,657 For all we know, it's got crawling pneumonia. 354 00:13:17,692 --> 00:13:20,227 Oh, he doesn't have crawling pneumonia, Moira! 355 00:13:20,261 --> 00:13:21,895 I don't want to say I told you so, 356 00:13:21,929 --> 00:13:23,563 but this is an infelicitous burden. 357 00:13:23,598 --> 00:13:25,398 I could be at Ronnie's right now, 358 00:13:25,433 --> 00:13:27,834 preparing for the post-screening Q&A. 359 00:13:27,869 --> 00:13:29,603 Well then, go to Ronnie's! 360 00:13:29,637 --> 00:13:32,372 Because I've gotta get him a change of clothes. 361 00:13:32,406 --> 00:13:34,608 Well, at least put the gloves back on. 362 00:13:36,911 --> 00:13:38,478 John, it says right here, 363 00:13:38,512 --> 00:13:40,695 spitting up is normal. 364 00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:44,703 Jocelyn's written, "Spit happens." 365 00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:46,586 Very clever. 366 00:13:47,688 --> 00:13:48,914 For Jocelyn. 367 00:13:49,690 --> 00:13:51,625 (Moira's talks in movie) 368 00:13:51,659 --> 00:13:53,760 Partygoers: (Grunting noises) 369 00:13:53,794 --> 00:13:55,528 Oh my God, they just need to chill. 370 00:13:55,563 --> 00:13:56,763 David: Okay, I'm done. 371 00:13:56,797 --> 00:13:58,431 Who chose this theme, anyway? 372 00:13:58,466 --> 00:14:00,500 It was a mistake. 373 00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,669 (Sighs) What are you guys doing over here? 374 00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,804 You remind me of me at a high school house party 375 00:14:04,839 --> 00:14:06,606 judging all the attractive and popular kids 376 00:14:06,641 --> 00:14:08,375 for being attractive and popular. 377 00:14:08,409 --> 00:14:10,143 David, do you have anything you wanna say 378 00:14:10,177 --> 00:14:12,579 - to me and Patrick? - Actually, yes. 379 00:14:12,613 --> 00:14:14,481 Now, as an attractive and popular kid 380 00:14:14,515 --> 00:14:16,917 at a house party, I can confidently say, 381 00:14:16,951 --> 00:14:19,386 - it's very fun. - That's it? 382 00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:21,254 That's all you have to say? 383 00:14:21,289 --> 00:14:22,722 What's going on here? 384 00:14:22,757 --> 00:14:24,324 Mm, things got effed, 385 00:14:24,358 --> 00:14:26,293 and we're not having fun anymore. 386 00:14:26,327 --> 00:14:28,895 For what it's worth, I'm having a great time. 387 00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:30,297 You're like a tsetse fly. 388 00:14:30,331 --> 00:14:31,964 Where's your cell phone boyfriend? 389 00:14:32,199 --> 00:14:34,401 - On my cell phone. - Okay. 390 00:14:34,435 --> 00:14:35,869 You're not having fun? 391 00:14:35,903 --> 00:14:38,042 I don't know David, sure. 392 00:14:38,339 --> 00:14:40,540 What exactly did I do wrong here? 393 00:14:40,574 --> 00:14:42,208 Oh, I don't know. David, 394 00:14:42,243 --> 00:14:44,177 mmm, was it the time you kissed my boyfriend? 395 00:14:44,211 --> 00:14:47,547 Or... was it the time you kissed my boyfriend? 396 00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:49,459 I think it was the time you kissed her boyfriend. 397 00:14:49,483 --> 00:14:51,618 Okay, he kissed me! 398 00:14:51,652 --> 00:14:53,687 And I was just told to have some fun. 399 00:14:53,721 --> 00:14:55,162 So I played the game. 400 00:14:55,187 --> 00:14:57,123 I'm sorry that the bottle landed on me. 401 00:14:57,158 --> 00:14:59,392 Hm, technically it landed between you and Stevie, so. 402 00:14:59,417 --> 00:15:00,310 Yeah. 403 00:15:00,335 --> 00:15:02,239 Okay, so you're upset about this as well, then? 404 00:15:02,263 --> 00:15:03,573 - Looks like it. - Patrick: No, I'm not! 405 00:15:03,597 --> 00:15:05,465 I'm not upset. I just, I guess I wonder 406 00:15:05,499 --> 00:15:08,034 how you would react if the tables were turned. 407 00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:09,346 Yeah David, like, what would you do 408 00:15:09,370 --> 00:15:11,738 if Patrick and I suddenly kissed at a party? 409 00:15:11,772 --> 00:15:13,239 - Yeah. - Or Patrick and me. 410 00:15:13,274 --> 00:15:15,044 Okay, we're done with you. 411 00:15:15,343 --> 00:15:16,609 It was spin the bottle! 412 00:15:16,644 --> 00:15:19,446 If Patrick was wasted, and spun the bottle, 413 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,715 and it landed on you, and you guys kissed, 414 00:15:21,749 --> 00:15:24,217 - I wouldn't care. - You're lying, David. 415 00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:25,752 Okay, is that what needs to happen 416 00:15:25,786 --> 00:15:27,821 to clear the air here? You guys need to kiss? 417 00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:29,499 - David, let's not be dramatic. - Yeah, maybe it does. 418 00:15:29,523 --> 00:15:31,091 - What? - Well, by all means. 419 00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:33,036 I think it's actually more the principle of the thing... 420 00:15:33,060 --> 00:15:35,061 - Okay, here we go. - Hmm! 421 00:15:38,499 --> 00:15:40,667 - (Sighs) - Is that really... 422 00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:43,294 Uh huh. 423 00:15:43,838 --> 00:15:45,905 Mmm! Mmmm! 424 00:15:45,940 --> 00:15:48,041 (Smooching sounds) 425 00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:50,410 Mmmmmmmm! 426 00:15:50,444 --> 00:15:52,679 Yum. That was fun. 427 00:15:52,713 --> 00:15:54,914 Hey, are we spinning more bottles? 428 00:15:54,949 --> 00:15:56,249 Uh, was that fun for you guys? 429 00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:59,419 - That like, satisfying? - I was never not okay. So. 430 00:15:59,453 --> 00:16:02,188 It was really good for me. 431 00:16:02,223 --> 00:16:03,590 I say we play truth or dare. 432 00:16:03,624 --> 00:16:05,091 Oh Stevie, I'm in! 433 00:16:05,126 --> 00:16:06,740 Oh no, Ted. 434 00:16:07,161 --> 00:16:08,472 Get your housecoat and your other slipper. 435 00:16:08,496 --> 00:16:10,818 It is time to go. 436 00:16:11,065 --> 00:16:12,966 - You got it, big guy. - Okay. 437 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,335 Okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. 438 00:16:15,369 --> 00:16:16,836 Good game! 439 00:16:16,871 --> 00:16:19,205 (Crickets chirp) 440 00:16:19,230 --> 00:16:20,505 Look at him. 441 00:16:21,591 --> 00:16:23,771 Awful peaceful when he's sleeping. 442 00:16:25,144 --> 00:16:26,378 (Moira talks in movie) 443 00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:30,990 Well, we did it, sweetheart. 444 00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:33,985 And, uh... 445 00:16:34,145 --> 00:16:36,379 what do you think we've learned here today? 446 00:16:36,524 --> 00:16:39,115 That Adelina was grossly underpaid. 447 00:16:39,759 --> 00:16:42,828 No, I mean, we could've been good, 448 00:16:42,924 --> 00:16:45,325 hands-on parents if we wanted to. 449 00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:46,960 We've got it in us. 450 00:16:46,986 --> 00:16:48,787 That was never in question, John. 451 00:16:48,869 --> 00:16:51,538 I'm even more convinced that our hands-off approach 452 00:16:51,563 --> 00:16:52,997 served them better. 453 00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:56,176 Moira: (In movie) I'll go, but not without my cousin! 454 00:16:56,201 --> 00:16:58,169 That had its moments. 455 00:16:58,212 --> 00:17:01,214 When it shone, it shone brightly. 456 00:17:01,248 --> 00:17:03,183 And I have to hand it to DeWitt. 457 00:17:03,217 --> 00:17:05,761 She had a real breakthrough during the denouement. 458 00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:09,489 I believe she believed we were cousins. 459 00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:11,492 (Soft knocking) 460 00:17:11,855 --> 00:17:13,856 - John? - (Snoring) 461 00:17:15,096 --> 00:17:18,074 - (Light taps) - (TV shuts off) 462 00:17:22,369 --> 00:17:24,270 - Roland: Oh, hello! - Moira: Shh! Shh! Shh! 463 00:17:24,305 --> 00:17:26,473 - Greet... what?! - Shh! 464 00:17:26,507 --> 00:17:28,475 - What? - I just put him down! 465 00:17:28,509 --> 00:17:31,277 Oh my gosh, you got little Roland Jr. to sleep? 466 00:17:31,312 --> 00:17:32,745 Oh no, I'm talking about John. 467 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:33,409 Oh. 468 00:17:33,475 --> 00:17:35,800 No, Roland's been asleep for quite some time. 469 00:17:35,825 --> 00:17:38,059 And everything was fine? No major problems? 470 00:17:38,084 --> 00:17:41,353 He is a slice of meringue, Jocelyn. 471 00:17:41,531 --> 00:17:43,999 You know, I don't know if uh... 472 00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:46,526 I'm just all zen'd out from an hour and a half 473 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,129 of Linda's magic fingers on me, 474 00:17:49,163 --> 00:17:52,398 but I can actually see myself leaving Roland Jr. 475 00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:53,666 With you people more often. 476 00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,464 Ah! 477 00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:57,414 Well, that something Linda might want to massage 478 00:17:57,439 --> 00:18:00,007 right out of your mind, the next appointment. 479 00:18:00,032 --> 00:18:01,633 I actually have Ron the next time, 480 00:18:01,675 --> 00:18:04,003 we like to mix it up a little bit. 481 00:18:05,114 --> 00:18:06,825 And with that, I believe your little inchling 482 00:18:06,850 --> 00:18:09,452 is out past its curfew. 483 00:18:09,650 --> 00:18:11,651 Oh, you get the binger, I'll get the baby. 484 00:18:11,685 --> 00:18:13,510 Okay. 485 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,261 Ohh, jeez. 486 00:18:16,286 --> 00:18:17,819 Look at him. 487 00:18:18,092 --> 00:18:20,793 You know, I almost think I like him better asleep than awake. 488 00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:29,399 - (Johnny grunts) - He's on my side. 489 00:18:30,137 --> 00:18:31,504 Bye bye. 490 00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:34,913 - (Door slams) - What? 491 00:18:35,418 --> 00:18:37,619 Oh, shh! 492 00:18:39,013 --> 00:18:41,981 (Garbage bag rustles) 493 00:18:44,646 --> 00:18:46,146 (Garbage clatters) 494 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:48,365 Ahem! I'm just gonna take the garbage out. 495 00:18:48,389 --> 00:18:49,722 Okay. 496 00:18:49,747 --> 00:18:50,991 Yeah, and if I don't come back, 497 00:18:51,025 --> 00:18:53,226 it's probably because I've run off with Ted. 498 00:18:53,260 --> 00:18:55,028 Thanks for the heads up. 499 00:18:55,062 --> 00:18:56,362 We're just gonna go for a ride, 500 00:18:56,397 --> 00:18:57,630 see where it takes us. 501 00:18:57,665 --> 00:18:59,899 Maybe start a vet clinic somewhere along the way. 502 00:18:59,934 --> 00:19:02,302 He'll the animals back to heath, I'll... 503 00:19:02,327 --> 00:19:04,195 offer grooming services. 504 00:19:04,238 --> 00:19:06,504 Okay, you know what? 505 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:10,655 Maybe I overreacted for a second. 506 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,079 I was just talking to Alexis, 507 00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:14,524 and we sorta wound each other worked up. 508 00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:16,316 - And Stevie didn't help. - Stevie never helps. 509 00:19:16,350 --> 00:19:19,018 So I didn't love seeing my boyfriend 510 00:19:19,043 --> 00:19:21,277 kissing some other guy. 511 00:19:21,322 --> 00:19:23,371 I'm sorry, are you saying you were jealous? 512 00:19:24,325 --> 00:19:26,626 David, I'm not playing this game with you. 513 00:19:26,660 --> 00:19:28,127 No, you just said you didn't like 514 00:19:28,162 --> 00:19:30,230 seeing your boyfriend kissing another guy. 515 00:19:30,264 --> 00:19:32,198 Okay, fine. He's a handsome guy. 516 00:19:32,233 --> 00:19:33,476 I might've been a little jealous. 517 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:34,844 So, you think he's handsome then? 518 00:19:34,868 --> 00:19:37,570 What? (Sighs) He's like-he goes to the gym. 519 00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,272 - Goes to the gym? - Oh my God. 520 00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,908 Wow, okay, so when you said you were jealous, 521 00:19:41,942 --> 00:19:44,177 were you saying you were jealous of him, 522 00:19:44,211 --> 00:19:45,578 or jealous of me? 523 00:19:45,613 --> 00:19:48,653 Because I thought you were saying you were jealous of him. 524 00:19:49,416 --> 00:19:50,683 Both? 525 00:19:50,718 --> 00:19:52,185 Not the answer I was looking for. 526 00:19:52,219 --> 00:19:53,184 Hey. 527 00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:55,922 Mhmm? 528 00:19:55,947 --> 00:19:57,091 I wonder what would've happened 529 00:19:57,116 --> 00:19:59,784 - if we had met in high school. - Hmm. 530 00:19:59,827 --> 00:20:02,996 Well, unless you were into candy ravers 531 00:20:03,021 --> 00:20:04,722 with asymmetrical haircuts 532 00:20:04,765 --> 00:20:06,499 and a lot of pacifier necklaces, 533 00:20:06,524 --> 00:20:08,525 I think our paths crossed at the right time. 534 00:20:13,222 --> 00:20:14,556 How jealous, though? 535 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,282 Why don't you take out the garbage? 536 00:20:16,443 --> 00:20:18,645 - How jealous were you? - Nope! 537 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,804 Scale of one to ten. 538 00:20:20,848 --> 00:20:23,316 - Like, enraged, or... - Bye, bye. 539 00:20:23,350 --> 00:20:25,151 Like fuming, did you sweat? 540 00:20:28,231 --> 00:20:30,684 - That was fun. - Yes 541 00:20:30,709 --> 00:20:34,233 - That was really fun. Did you have fun? - Yes. 542 00:20:34,270 --> 00:20:36,538 - Did everyone had fun? - Yes, Ted. 543 00:20:36,572 --> 00:20:39,674 That's good, it's good that everyone had fun. 544 00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:41,119 Okay, you still have your slippers on, 545 00:20:41,143 --> 00:20:42,788 Yeah, I know, sometimes my feet get really cold 546 00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:45,380 - when I drink too much. - It's not a thing. 547 00:20:45,414 --> 00:20:47,382 - Okay, well, gimme a kiss. - No! 548 00:20:47,416 --> 00:20:49,050 You kissed my brother tonight, 549 00:20:49,085 --> 00:20:51,086 I'm not kissing you after you kissed my brother. 550 00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,888 Pffft! Who kissed your brother? 551 00:20:53,923 --> 00:20:56,825 Okay, it's time for "Fun Ted" to just pass out. 552 00:20:56,859 --> 00:20:59,260 No, he's not even tired. In fact, if anything, 553 00:20:59,295 --> 00:21:02,097 I'd say he's only becoming more fun. 554 00:21:02,131 --> 00:21:04,265 Okay. Okay! Okay! Okay! 555 00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:07,302 I think we should just like, sleep it off. 556 00:21:07,336 --> 00:21:09,371 Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah. 557 00:21:09,415 --> 00:21:11,549 But first just give your brother a kiss. 558 00:21:11,574 --> 00:21:13,074 - Ew, Ted, Ew! - Come on. 559 00:21:13,109 --> 00:21:15,677 Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! 560 00:21:15,711 --> 00:21:18,380 Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! That's you. 561 00:21:19,138 --> 00:21:24,138 -- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -- -- www.addic7ed.com -- 40464

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