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1
00:00:00,156 --> 00:00:02,324
(Birds chirp, cars rumble)
2
00:00:04,758 --> 00:00:07,327
Alexis, I just got an
email from your school.
3
00:00:07,361 --> 00:00:08,828
Okay, in my defense,
4
00:00:08,863 --> 00:00:10,563
I did not know he was
a substitute teacher,
5
00:00:10,598 --> 00:00:12,365
and basically, nothing happened.
6
00:00:12,399 --> 00:00:13,766
Okay, well, that's not it,
7
00:00:13,801 --> 00:00:16,429
and please don't go
down that path again.
8
00:00:16,804 --> 00:00:19,138
Apparently there's a lice
outbreak in your class.
9
00:00:19,173 --> 00:00:21,320
- Oh my God!
- Ewww!
10
00:00:22,376 --> 00:00:25,144
Ugh, it's probably Kelsey,
she's such a horse girl.
11
00:00:25,179 --> 00:00:27,491
Honestly Alexis, if you don't
like the way somebody looks...
12
00:00:27,515 --> 00:00:29,182
Dad, that's so mean!
13
00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:31,710
She doesn't look like a horse,
she just talks about them a lot.
14
00:00:31,735 --> 00:00:33,102
And smells a bit.
15
00:00:33,265 --> 00:00:35,688
(Gasps) You know, you keep scratching.
16
00:00:35,723 --> 00:00:37,117
Ewww!
17
00:00:37,691 --> 00:00:40,159
No, I'm just allergic
to the down pillow.
18
00:00:40,194 --> 00:00:42,804
No, no, you probably have lice.
19
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:46,032
You're scratching because you have lice!
20
00:00:46,066 --> 00:00:49,351
Wait a minute, we were in all
the rooms changing the sheets!
21
00:00:49,648 --> 00:00:52,756
Okay, how-can lice jump?
22
00:00:52,781 --> 00:00:54,107
Because if I was sleeping in my bed,
23
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,209
could a lice jump
from her bed to my bed?
24
00:00:56,243 --> 00:00:58,311
Can everyone stop saying lice please?!
25
00:00:58,345 --> 00:01:00,557
Now I've gotta go back and
change all the sheets again.
26
00:01:00,581 --> 00:01:02,849
Okay, how do I know that
she didn't give me her lice?
27
00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,284
David, you don't have lice.
28
00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:05,952
Nobody here has lice!
29
00:01:05,986 --> 00:01:07,654
No, no, you do!
30
00:01:07,688 --> 00:01:09,459
You-you have the lice!
31
00:01:09,484 --> 00:01:11,257
- Ah!
- Ughhh!
32
00:01:11,292 --> 00:01:14,070
- Oh! Aah!
- Alexis, you've gotta go to the store
33
00:01:14,094 --> 00:01:16,663
and get something to deal with that now!
34
00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:19,332
Okay, I've gotta go back
and change all the sheets.
35
00:01:19,366 --> 00:01:22,669
Oh! This is the last time
I take a pity selfie with Kelsey!
36
00:01:22,703 --> 00:01:23,848
- Get away from me!
- Aah!
37
00:01:23,873 --> 00:01:27,918
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
38
00:01:30,144 --> 00:01:31,811
(Cart rattles)
39
00:01:35,506 --> 00:01:37,150
(Knocking) Housekeeping.
40
00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,623
- Hello!
- Oh, hi.
41
00:01:38,648 --> 00:01:41,372
Uh, just here for the complimentary...
42
00:01:41,397 --> 00:01:43,098
sheet change.
43
00:01:43,123 --> 00:01:44,524
But the bed's already made up.
44
00:01:44,558 --> 00:01:47,493
Yes, yes, well some of our guests prefer
45
00:01:47,528 --> 00:01:49,562
morning and... evening sheets.
46
00:01:49,597 --> 00:01:52,031
Uh, these are a little heavier,
47
00:01:52,066 --> 00:01:53,399
for sleeping, right?
48
00:01:53,434 --> 00:01:55,335
So if you don't mind,
I'll just get to it.
49
00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:57,003
I think we're good, I mean,
50
00:01:57,037 --> 00:01:58,838
we haven't even touched the sheets.
51
00:01:58,872 --> 00:02:00,974
Oh, good, good, good!
52
00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:02,342
Why is that good?
53
00:02:02,376 --> 00:02:04,811
Well, it just means
you're having a busy day,
54
00:02:04,845 --> 00:02:06,512
you know, up and at 'em.
55
00:02:06,547 --> 00:02:07,561
- Oh.
- Right.
56
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,670
(Laughs) Right.
57
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,334
And your hair's in a ponytail,
58
00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:12,294
that's fantastic.
59
00:02:12,612 --> 00:02:13,662
Yeah...
60
00:02:14,121 --> 00:02:16,756
And by that I mean
it's very hot outside,
61
00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:19,559
and... gives the neck
a chance to breathe,
62
00:02:19,593 --> 00:02:21,661
um... yeah.
63
00:02:21,695 --> 00:02:23,129
So...
64
00:02:23,163 --> 00:02:25,531
We're actually just on our way out so...
65
00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:27,709
Oh well, good timing then, huh?
66
00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:30,256
So why don't we follow you out, hmm?
67
00:02:30,904 --> 00:02:33,339
So that's a yes to changing the sheets?
68
00:02:33,374 --> 00:02:35,408
No, no, I think we're good. Thanks.
69
00:02:35,442 --> 00:02:36,909
After you.
70
00:02:36,944 --> 00:02:39,812
Oh, so leaving everything as is, then.
71
00:02:39,837 --> 00:02:41,204
Couple: Yeah!
72
00:02:47,498 --> 00:02:49,250
(Bell on door jingles)
73
00:02:50,162 --> 00:02:54,436
Hi, sorry I'm late,
it's been a busy morning.
74
00:02:54,461 --> 00:02:56,795
(Sighs) How are you?
75
00:02:57,798 --> 00:02:59,631
I'm fine, thank you.
76
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,936
It's nice to see you.
77
00:03:02,123 --> 00:03:04,537
Hm! Are you talking to me?
78
00:03:04,571 --> 00:03:07,774
I'm not used to that
ah, level of kindness.
79
00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:09,809
Yes, we haven't seen
each other in weeks,
80
00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:12,467
so I was just saying
it's nice to see you.
81
00:03:12,842 --> 00:03:14,357
I'm going to ignore
that passive aggression,
82
00:03:14,381 --> 00:03:16,282
and instead, lean in to the fact
83
00:03:16,316 --> 00:03:18,351
that we're both working
professionals now,
84
00:03:18,385 --> 00:03:20,987
and Mama Oprah would
be very proud of us.
85
00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:22,822
Okay, that's one way to look at it.
86
00:03:22,856 --> 00:03:25,115
Um, so you know what I
think would be super fun,
87
00:03:25,230 --> 00:03:27,731
if we hung out at your place tonight.
88
00:03:27,789 --> 00:03:29,338
- My place?
- Mhm.
89
00:03:29,363 --> 00:03:30,763
You've never been to my place.
90
00:03:30,798 --> 00:03:32,409
Yeah exactly, you were
just saying that we haven't
91
00:03:32,433 --> 00:03:33,966
been spending as much time together,
92
00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:35,475
and that it's been really bothering you.
93
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:38,037
I don't remember saying that last part.
94
00:03:38,072 --> 00:03:39,472
Yeah, so I was just thinking like,
95
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:40,873
what about a late night hang,
96
00:03:40,908 --> 00:03:43,709
or like, a platonic sleepover?
97
00:03:43,877 --> 00:03:46,212
Mm... what's on your head?
98
00:03:46,246 --> 00:03:47,814
Hm? A hat.
99
00:03:48,819 --> 00:03:51,139
That I'm test driving for the store.
100
00:03:52,086 --> 00:03:54,350
I mean, what's happening under the hat?
101
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:57,757
- The other side.
- Oh, I see.
102
00:03:57,791 --> 00:03:59,795
Yeah um, that would be a shower cap.
103
00:04:01,897 --> 00:04:04,697
So this would have nothing to do with...
104
00:04:04,732 --> 00:04:06,701
the lice outbreak at the motel?
105
00:04:08,357 --> 00:04:09,758
Your dad just called me.
106
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,771
Mhm, um...
107
00:04:11,805 --> 00:04:13,973
so I might be taking
preventative measures.
108
00:04:13,998 --> 00:04:17,710
I can't afford to have the
store infested with lice.
109
00:04:17,978 --> 00:04:19,345
I don't think it works that way,
110
00:04:19,379 --> 00:04:20,980
but just so we're clear,
111
00:04:21,014 --> 00:04:23,716
you were wanting to
have a platonic sleepover
112
00:04:23,751 --> 00:04:26,519
at my place would have
nothing to do with the fact
113
00:04:26,553 --> 00:04:28,387
that your sister has lice?
114
00:04:28,422 --> 00:04:30,879
Yes, that is almost entirely correct.
115
00:04:30,976 --> 00:04:32,160
Oh...
116
00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:34,891
Moira: Good morning!
117
00:04:37,030 --> 00:04:38,895
Bob: Who's gonna be the one to tell her?
118
00:04:39,259 --> 00:04:40,943
I'll handle this.
119
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:43,269
Have I been let go? Should I leave?
120
00:04:43,303 --> 00:04:45,238
- No.
- I won't make a scene.
121
00:04:45,272 --> 00:04:47,673
You still have three
and a half more years.
122
00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:49,106
But who's counting?
123
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:53,052
Roland: Moira, I know
that town beautification
124
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:54,580
is kind of your thing,
125
00:04:54,615 --> 00:04:57,246
so I know you'll wanna know that um...
126
00:04:57,551 --> 00:04:59,645
we're gonna build a flower garden.
127
00:04:59,770 --> 00:05:01,788
And it gets better!
128
00:05:01,822 --> 00:05:03,389
I imagine it must.
129
00:05:03,423 --> 00:05:05,684
We're gonna name it after you.
130
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,662
Oh, and look at that right there,
131
00:05:09,696 --> 00:05:11,497
utter shock!
132
00:05:11,532 --> 00:05:13,566
Now, I'm flattered beyond all reason,
133
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,067
but I can't help but think
134
00:05:15,102 --> 00:05:17,503
the money could be
better spent elsewhere,
135
00:05:17,538 --> 00:05:20,215
making much needed
improvements to the roads,
136
00:05:20,474 --> 00:05:21,941
the streetlamps, the parks,
137
00:05:21,975 --> 00:05:23,543
the sidewalks, the traffic light...
138
00:05:23,577 --> 00:05:25,645
Moira, I don't think you
understand how rare it is
139
00:05:25,679 --> 00:05:28,581
for somebody to have something
named for them in this town!
140
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:31,793
I mean, yeah, the whole
town is named after me,
141
00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:34,587
and Bob over here, he's got his bench.
142
00:05:34,621 --> 00:05:35,832
Bob's Bench.
143
00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:38,224
And Ronnie's got her rec center.
144
00:05:38,258 --> 00:05:39,959
It's an outdoor tennis court,
145
00:05:39,993 --> 00:05:42,562
and last year the net was stolen.
146
00:05:42,596 --> 00:05:44,363
Well, she's kind of
under selling it there,
147
00:05:44,398 --> 00:05:47,834
the rec center is a major
hook-up spot for the kids.
148
00:05:47,868 --> 00:05:50,169
- So is the bench.
- Right.
149
00:05:50,204 --> 00:05:51,971
As much as I would love to contribute
150
00:05:52,005 --> 00:05:53,639
to the population growth of this town
151
00:05:53,674 --> 00:05:55,875
by way of teen pregnancies,
152
00:05:55,909 --> 00:05:57,343
I must decline.
153
00:05:57,377 --> 00:05:59,612
Honey, it's all about legacy!
154
00:05:59,646 --> 00:06:01,981
Your name will forever be associated
155
00:06:02,015 --> 00:06:03,445
with this town's name!
156
00:06:03,470 --> 00:06:05,818
I don't think you're helping.
157
00:06:05,853 --> 00:06:08,062
I truly appreciate the gesture.
158
00:06:08,148 --> 00:06:09,755
Well look, before you say no...
159
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,351
- No.
- Right.
160
00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:13,860
This is a really big deal, Moira.
161
00:06:14,905 --> 00:06:17,029
For us to be doing this for you.
162
00:06:17,064 --> 00:06:18,464
Okay.
163
00:06:20,452 --> 00:06:22,419
(Car rumbles)
164
00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:30,576
Ted: Alexis, I didn't think
you were coming in today.
165
00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:33,379
Oh um, I hadn't planned to,
166
00:06:33,413 --> 00:06:35,191
but it was really bugging
me that your cupboards
167
00:06:35,215 --> 00:06:37,183
were so... disorganized.
168
00:06:38,051 --> 00:06:39,952
It's Saturday.
169
00:06:39,987 --> 00:06:41,721
No, I know. Um...
170
00:06:41,755 --> 00:06:43,356
But the other reason is that
171
00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:45,458
I bumped into one of our clients,
172
00:06:45,492 --> 00:06:48,238
and her dog has lice,
173
00:06:48,263 --> 00:06:50,996
and she's worried that she now has lice.
174
00:06:51,489 --> 00:06:52,889
Who was it?
175
00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,168
Umm...
176
00:06:54,868 --> 00:06:57,003
Meredith? Meredith!
177
00:06:57,037 --> 00:06:59,005
She's new-ish, you
might not remember her,
178
00:06:59,039 --> 00:07:03,170
just kind of like,
mid-length, wavy hair.
179
00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:07,063
- Does she want me to help her?
- No.
180
00:07:07,247 --> 00:07:08,881
No, she is too embarrassed.
181
00:07:08,916 --> 00:07:11,170
And I was like... Mere-dith,
182
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:14,387
Meredith, there's no
reason to be embarrassed,
183
00:07:14,421 --> 00:07:15,988
you're still exceptionally attractive,
184
00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:17,857
it's just lice, just get the shampoo,
185
00:07:17,891 --> 00:07:19,154
and deal with it!
186
00:07:19,459 --> 00:07:21,761
Yeah okay um... the thing is,
187
00:07:21,795 --> 00:07:25,303
that you can't actually
get lice from dogs.
188
00:07:25,483 --> 00:07:27,133
It's a different kind of lice.
189
00:07:27,167 --> 00:07:28,534
Okay, so what should she use?
190
00:07:28,568 --> 00:07:30,303
Should she use the flea stuff, or...
191
00:07:30,337 --> 00:07:32,872
Oh no, she's fine to
use the lice shampoo,
192
00:07:32,906 --> 00:07:35,641
but it's really more
about combing them out.
193
00:07:35,676 --> 00:07:37,576
- Ewww!
- On the upside,
194
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:39,412
you could tell her that...
195
00:07:39,446 --> 00:07:41,013
they're only attracted to clean scalps,
196
00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:43,100
and she shouldn't be too embarrassed.
197
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:45,584
Also, I'm kind of a samurai
198
00:07:45,619 --> 00:07:47,295
when it comes to a metal comb, so...
199
00:07:47,521 --> 00:07:49,299
Okay, are you sure, because
she didn't want to um,
200
00:07:49,323 --> 00:07:51,223
she didn't wanna bug you on a weekend.
201
00:07:51,258 --> 00:07:52,554
- Bug me.
- (Sighs)
202
00:07:52,579 --> 00:07:53,912
I am sure.
203
00:07:53,937 --> 00:07:55,971
Okay, I will tell her.
204
00:07:57,195 --> 00:07:58,864
Um, you know that it's me, right?
205
00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:01,000
- Yeah, caught on pretty quick.
- Okay, thank you.
206
00:08:01,034 --> 00:08:02,868
You're the sweetest
little vet I've ever met.
207
00:08:02,903 --> 00:08:04,270
I don't know about little,
208
00:08:04,304 --> 00:08:05,972
because I'm benching 225 right now,
209
00:08:06,006 --> 00:08:07,350
so it's not really
something someone little...
210
00:08:07,374 --> 00:08:09,442
- Aaah, Ted!
- Okay, yep.
211
00:08:13,342 --> 00:08:15,114
(Sighs) Okay,
212
00:08:15,148 --> 00:08:17,550
so if you wouldn't mind sorting
these body milks by size,
213
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,185
that would be great.
214
00:08:21,579 --> 00:08:22,979
Can you drink these?
215
00:08:23,084 --> 00:08:25,691
Um, it's liquid moisturizer,
216
00:08:25,726 --> 00:08:27,927
for your body, so no,
217
00:08:27,961 --> 00:08:29,710
you can't drink them.
218
00:08:30,882 --> 00:08:32,468
Did you ask if you can drink it, too?
219
00:08:32,493 --> 00:08:35,890
Okay, it says body milk on the label!
220
00:08:36,194 --> 00:08:37,747
You know, I told David that the label
221
00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:40,006
was gonna be misleading,
but he insisted.
222
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:41,374
What was it you said?
223
00:08:41,408 --> 00:08:43,242
"Anyone with a fiber of common sense
224
00:08:43,276 --> 00:08:45,511
would know that it's not actually milk."
225
00:08:45,545 --> 00:08:47,747
What do we think body milk is,
226
00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:50,639
if not milk... for your body?!
227
00:08:51,436 --> 00:08:53,352
- Exactly.
- Stevie, right?
228
00:08:53,387 --> 00:08:55,053
- Yeah.
- I'm Patrick.
229
00:08:55,078 --> 00:08:57,162
- I've heard a lot about you.
- None of it is true.
230
00:08:57,187 --> 00:08:59,936
Oh well, anyone with a fiber of
common sense would know that.
231
00:09:00,836 --> 00:09:02,662
I like him.
232
00:09:03,263 --> 00:09:04,663
I like you.
233
00:09:04,698 --> 00:09:06,075
Okay, is this how this is gonna go?
234
00:09:06,099 --> 00:09:07,710
Because we have way too
much work to do today
235
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:09,435
for me to feel attacked by way
236
00:09:09,469 --> 00:09:11,771
of an imbalanced social dynamic.
237
00:09:11,805 --> 00:09:13,918
Are-are you wearing a shower cap?!
238
00:09:14,174 --> 00:09:15,637
Alexis has lice,
239
00:09:15,842 --> 00:09:17,743
and I am taking preventative measures.
240
00:09:17,778 --> 00:09:20,762
By wearing one of our hats
that we now can't sell.
241
00:09:20,787 --> 00:09:23,015
Oh, he doesn't have
it, I checked his head.
242
00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:25,951
I think the shower cap is
more of a fashion choice
243
00:09:25,986 --> 00:09:28,220
- at this point.
- Uh huh.
244
00:09:28,255 --> 00:09:30,823
But you're living with
somebody who does have lice,
245
00:09:30,857 --> 00:09:32,235
so just 'cause you don't have it now,
246
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:33,603
doesn't mean that you
couldn't get it tonight,
247
00:09:33,627 --> 00:09:35,561
or tomorrow, or whenever.
248
00:09:35,595 --> 00:09:37,373
It's almost as if you
want me to get the lice.
249
00:09:37,397 --> 00:09:38,798
I don't want you to get it,
250
00:09:38,832 --> 00:09:40,733
I just, I think you should be careful.
251
00:09:40,767 --> 00:09:43,196
You can crash at my place
tonight if you need to.
252
00:09:43,970 --> 00:09:45,337
Thank you.
253
00:09:45,372 --> 00:09:47,291
But Stevie offered
her place this morning.
254
00:09:47,316 --> 00:09:48,775
- Oh,
- So...
255
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,541
- Can I crash at your place?
- (Laughs)
256
00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:53,234
This is really fun for me.
257
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,626
I'm having a lot of fun.
258
00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:06,392
I never thought I'd see the day, John.
259
00:10:06,426 --> 00:10:09,426
You've been domesticated
beyond recognition.
260
00:10:09,451 --> 00:10:12,398
Moira, it's been a bit of a day here.
261
00:10:12,432 --> 00:10:13,776
Well, this might lift your spirits,
262
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:15,167
I just came from council,
263
00:10:15,202 --> 00:10:17,364
and they want to name a garden after me.
264
00:10:18,305 --> 00:10:19,871
A garden?
265
00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:22,541
Oh, that's flattering.
266
00:10:22,576 --> 00:10:24,668
Another feather in your cap, huh?
267
00:10:24,693 --> 00:10:27,113
Oh, I have enough
legacies as it is, John.
268
00:10:27,147 --> 00:10:29,615
I've got that playhouse
theater in Pasadena,
269
00:10:29,649 --> 00:10:32,090
My titular scholarship with Phoenix,
270
00:10:32,201 --> 00:10:33,568
David and Alexis.
271
00:10:33,593 --> 00:10:36,161
Yeah, but still, a garden is nice.
272
00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,424
You'd have to think twice
about turning that down.
273
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:40,355
Oh, I've already turned it down.
274
00:10:41,027 --> 00:10:42,103
Oh.
275
00:10:42,829 --> 00:10:44,048
Okay.
276
00:10:45,052 --> 00:10:46,519
Well, it's just...
277
00:10:47,579 --> 00:10:50,470
about a month ago I heard from the
278
00:10:50,495 --> 00:10:53,314
Lucy Albion Studio Theater in Pasadena.
279
00:10:53,339 --> 00:10:55,073
I don't know what that is.
280
00:10:55,098 --> 00:10:57,776
It... used to be called
the Moira Rose...
281
00:10:57,811 --> 00:10:59,845
No, no! Don't say it!
282
00:11:01,214 --> 00:11:03,110
They've stripped the
playhouse of my name?
283
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,950
Who the (Bleep) is Lucy Albion?!
284
00:11:04,985 --> 00:11:07,547
A volunteer usher who died last year.
285
00:11:08,821 --> 00:11:11,901
And when were you planning
on telling me this, John?!
286
00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:13,803
Well Moira, it's not
like you haven't overreacted
287
00:11:13,827 --> 00:11:15,743
to bad news in the past.
288
00:11:15,768 --> 00:11:18,264
I just thought it might
sit better with you
289
00:11:18,298 --> 00:11:20,417
once you'd heard about the garden.
290
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,819
No, I just told you about the garden.
291
00:11:25,094 --> 00:11:26,440
Uh-huh.
292
00:11:27,707 --> 00:11:30,342
John, did you ask Roland and Bob
293
00:11:30,377 --> 00:11:32,440
to name a garden after me?
294
00:11:32,776 --> 00:11:34,713
No, no!
295
00:11:34,748 --> 00:11:37,776
They wanted to name the
garden after you, Moira.
296
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:40,853
After I offered to pay for the plaque,
297
00:11:40,887 --> 00:11:43,022
and a good chunk of the upkeep.
298
00:11:43,056 --> 00:11:44,590
I don't believe this.
299
00:11:44,624 --> 00:11:47,059
Sweetheart, I just thought
having your own garden in town
300
00:11:47,093 --> 00:11:49,628
would make losing the
theater less painful!
301
00:11:49,663 --> 00:11:51,143
Oh, I won't be pitied, John!
302
00:11:51,364 --> 00:11:54,033
Or fed your pacifying
pablum like some kind of...
303
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,801
soft-headed infant!
304
00:11:55,835 --> 00:11:57,024
Well, I thought it was a nice gesture.
305
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:58,748
Oh no, no, now I just wonder what else
306
00:11:58,772 --> 00:11:59,954
you're keeping from me.
307
00:11:59,979 --> 00:12:01,610
Nothing!
308
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:05,977
- Well, Alexis has lice.
- What?!
309
00:12:06,177 --> 00:12:07,544
Ewwww!
310
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,969
Ewwwww!
311
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:10,876
I assume you shaved her head!
312
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:13,602
And we have to put a wig on her.
But not one of my wigs!
313
00:12:13,627 --> 00:12:15,854
These have to be boxed now!
314
00:12:15,889 --> 00:12:18,224
Moira, I've got it all taken care of.
315
00:12:18,258 --> 00:12:20,459
And I'd think twice about that garden.
316
00:12:20,493 --> 00:12:22,271
Oh, it's too late, the
notion of that garden
317
00:12:22,295 --> 00:12:25,130
is as abhorrent to me
as our daughter's scalp!
318
00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:27,066
And I was worried
about you overreacting.
319
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,706
(Screams)
320
00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:36,743
What are you doing in here?
321
00:12:36,778 --> 00:12:38,478
Well, you said to change the sheets.
322
00:12:38,513 --> 00:12:40,414
No, we said not to change the sheets.
323
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,850
Oh, you said not to change the sheets!
324
00:12:43,885 --> 00:12:47,532
I could've sworn I heard
you say change the sheets.
325
00:12:47,557 --> 00:12:51,510
- Well, while I'm here, I may as well...
- Please, just leave the bed.
326
00:12:51,885 --> 00:12:53,794
- Sure.
- What's going on?
327
00:12:53,828 --> 00:12:55,596
What's going on?
328
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:58,131
Well, my... okay.
329
00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:02,243
My daughter and I were
setting up the room earlier,
330
00:13:02,268 --> 00:13:05,182
and it turns out she has lice.
331
00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,176
I was changing the sheets because you
know, I didn't wanna take a chance.
332
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:10,300
Been there.
333
00:13:10,325 --> 00:13:12,389
Yeah, our six year old
daughter had lice last year.
334
00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:14,230
- How old's yours?
- 28.
335
00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:18,739
Oh, and I checked your
hairbrush and it is fine.
336
00:13:18,764 --> 00:13:20,737
You checked my hairbrush?!
337
00:13:21,553 --> 00:13:24,054
It's a complimentary service.
338
00:13:25,660 --> 00:13:27,828
Ted: Why didn't you just
tell me that you had lice?
339
00:13:27,862 --> 00:13:29,863
Ted, a bug literally
fell out of my head,
340
00:13:29,897 --> 00:13:32,032
onto my textbook this morning.
341
00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:33,800
It was so disgusting.
342
00:13:33,835 --> 00:13:35,235
Plus I didn't want you to picture me
343
00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:37,704
like some well-toned bug woman.
344
00:13:37,739 --> 00:13:39,906
Well, I've seen worse.
345
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:43,019
Fleas, ticks, worms.
346
00:13:43,044 --> 00:13:45,812
Granted, all of those
were on house pets.
347
00:13:45,847 --> 00:13:48,424
- Ted!
- I'm just saying,
348
00:13:48,449 --> 00:13:50,668
that you know, it could've been worse.
349
00:13:50,693 --> 00:13:52,754
I could be shearing you
with trimmers right now.
350
00:13:54,622 --> 00:13:56,387
You're really good at this.
351
00:13:56,575 --> 00:13:58,466
It reminds me of when I was in Bangkok.
352
00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,706
There was this amazing
little Resto-Lounge
353
00:14:00,731 --> 00:14:02,663
that specialized in Tahitian food,
354
00:14:02,697 --> 00:14:04,698
and scalp massages.
355
00:14:04,919 --> 00:14:06,867
I'm not sure what's more disgusting,
356
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:08,235
what I'm doing right now,
357
00:14:08,269 --> 00:14:10,904
or the concept for that restaurant.
358
00:14:10,938 --> 00:14:12,406
It was a Resto-Lounge.
359
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,974
Speaking of Thailand,
360
00:14:14,459 --> 00:14:16,243
I think is probably
the most intimate thing
361
00:14:16,277 --> 00:14:18,248
I've ever done with an employee.
362
00:14:18,842 --> 00:14:21,114
Speaking of Thailand,
363
00:14:21,149 --> 00:14:22,726
I think we've done a few more
intimate things than this.
364
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:26,219
I meant while they were an employee.
365
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,912
Not that I'd do this for anyone else.
366
00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,624
Well, thank you.
367
00:14:30,658 --> 00:14:32,159
Because it's actually pretty gross.
368
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:33,593
You said it wasn't that bad.
369
00:14:33,628 --> 00:14:35,495
Well, there are some big ones in here.
370
00:14:35,530 --> 00:14:38,141
- Ewww!
- I'm joking, I'm joking.
371
00:14:38,433 --> 00:14:39,933
Oh, maybe not.
372
00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,335
- Eww!
- Nope, it's fine.
373
00:14:41,369 --> 00:14:42,736
It is fine, it's fine.
374
00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:45,005
Just-just the mama, we got her.
375
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,774
(Knocking)
376
00:14:50,144 --> 00:14:53,046
Hi, I can't thank you
enough for inviting me.
377
00:14:53,081 --> 00:14:55,349
Really you should be
thanking yourself for that.
378
00:14:55,383 --> 00:14:57,117
(Gasps)
379
00:14:57,151 --> 00:14:58,785
This is a lot nicer than I expected.
380
00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:01,054
For some reason I pictured
you living underground.
381
00:15:01,089 --> 00:15:02,489
In like, a bomb shelter?
382
00:15:02,523 --> 00:15:03,857
Yeah like, bomb shelter aspects.
383
00:15:03,891 --> 00:15:05,759
Look at what you've done to this place!
384
00:15:05,793 --> 00:15:07,627
Look at all this stuff!
385
00:15:07,662 --> 00:15:10,864
Look at that... frame on the
wall that you put there.
386
00:15:10,898 --> 00:15:12,966
Look at that Sarah McLachlan poster!
387
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,368
Don't be dissing Sarah McLachlan.
388
00:15:14,402 --> 00:15:15,802
Who's dissing Sarah McLachlan?
389
00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:17,488
I followed Lilith Fair for two summers.
390
00:15:17,839 --> 00:15:20,817
- (Sighs)
- So...
391
00:15:20,842 --> 00:15:22,976
Uh oh!
392
00:15:23,151 --> 00:15:25,412
Two toothbrushes? Hello!
393
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:28,087
No, you see, this is exactly
why I shouldn'tve let you
394
00:15:28,112 --> 00:15:31,284
bully me into allowing you to stay here!
395
00:15:31,319 --> 00:15:33,453
Do you require two toothbrushes?
396
00:15:33,488 --> 00:15:35,906
Yes, I do.
397
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,953
Ahhh...
398
00:15:42,703 --> 00:15:45,147
So maybe I was seeing
somebody a while ago,
399
00:15:45,172 --> 00:15:48,108
and I forgot to throw
out his toothbrush.
400
00:15:49,036 --> 00:15:50,437
I don't recall you ever telling me
401
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:52,005
about that chapter of your life.
402
00:15:52,039 --> 00:15:53,384
Well, I'm sure I would've told you,
403
00:15:53,408 --> 00:15:55,149
if you weren't so busy with the store.
404
00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:57,577
I'm sorry, is that a soft,
405
00:15:57,612 --> 00:16:00,657
yet affirmative indication
that you miss me?
406
00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:02,816
No, it is not.
407
00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:04,785
Because I agree, our social predicament
408
00:16:04,819 --> 00:16:06,586
is not ideal,
409
00:16:06,805 --> 00:16:09,757
but we are both thriving professionally,
410
00:16:09,782 --> 00:16:12,016
and I feel like that
needs to be celebrated.
411
00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:15,429
Speaking of, where are the drinks?
412
00:16:15,463 --> 00:16:18,031
- In this thing?
- The fridge.
413
00:16:18,065 --> 00:16:21,444
- Is this... okay.
- Just...
414
00:16:21,469 --> 00:16:23,437
Okay, I just see two
de-shelled hard-boiled eggs
415
00:16:23,471 --> 00:16:25,472
in a bag, should I be scared for you?
416
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:26,907
The vodka's in the freezer.
417
00:16:26,941 --> 00:16:29,309
Oh, in the freezer, okay.
418
00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,657
(Gasps) There she is!
419
00:16:31,682 --> 00:16:34,617
Look at that, look at her, go.
420
00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:37,517
What a gift.
421
00:16:37,552 --> 00:16:39,886
(Music plays softly)
422
00:16:41,756 --> 00:16:43,924
- Moira!
- Oh, hi.
423
00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:45,335
I just wanted to say congratulations
424
00:16:45,359 --> 00:16:46,927
about the garden.
425
00:16:46,961 --> 00:16:49,830
Oh well, you're very kind,
but I've declined the offer.
426
00:16:49,864 --> 00:16:51,264
- Oh, really?
- Yes.
427
00:16:51,299 --> 00:16:52,666
As much as I love the spotlight,
428
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:55,302
sometimes it's best to just step aside.
429
00:16:55,303 --> 00:16:56,524
That's surprising.
430
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:59,010
I know when they told me
that they were gonna put my name
431
00:16:59,035 --> 00:17:01,218
on the new low-impact
play center at the school,
432
00:17:01,242 --> 00:17:03,043
I was thrilled!
433
00:17:03,077 --> 00:17:04,478
Yes, it can be very exciting
434
00:17:04,512 --> 00:17:06,980
when the tribute
matches the contribution.
435
00:17:07,014 --> 00:17:10,526
My name graced a theater,
436
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:13,620
a country club ladies' locker room,
437
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:15,021
a roadway.
438
00:17:15,056 --> 00:17:16,456
A whole road?
439
00:17:16,491 --> 00:17:18,291
Oh, not just any road.
440
00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:20,527
This was a lifesaving road,
441
00:17:20,893 --> 00:17:23,276
dedicated to emergency vehicles.
442
00:17:23,768 --> 00:17:25,899
Like a fire route?
443
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:29,536
Technically it was referred
to as Evacuation Route 14,
444
00:17:29,570 --> 00:17:32,372
but those of us in the know
affectionately called it...
445
00:17:32,406 --> 00:17:35,041
"Moira Rose Boulevard."
446
00:17:35,276 --> 00:17:36,643
You know, Moira,
447
00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:38,812
having your name on
a small, local garden
448
00:17:38,846 --> 00:17:40,247
wouldn't take away from
449
00:17:40,281 --> 00:17:42,849
any of those other amazing achievements.
450
00:17:42,884 --> 00:17:44,251
You might think,
451
00:17:44,285 --> 00:17:46,486
but this little
particular little tribute
452
00:17:46,521 --> 00:17:49,575
was bought by my husband,
453
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:52,737
in an attempt to assuage my ego!
454
00:17:53,122 --> 00:17:57,440
And that would be different
from the other times because...
455
00:17:57,465 --> 00:17:59,366
Well, I mean, of course philanthropy
456
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,903
and recognition always
go hand in hand, but...
457
00:18:02,937 --> 00:18:04,192
Listen.
458
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,684
I know this isn't what you wanted,
459
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,908
But I think it would
make Johnny really happy
460
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:09,645
to make you happy.
461
00:18:10,534 --> 00:18:11,901
I mean, take Roland.
462
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:14,414
Every year he buys me coconut macaroons,
463
00:18:14,448 --> 00:18:15,826
and I just don't have
the heart to tell him
464
00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:18,286
I am really allergic to coconut.
465
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,321
Yeah, every Valentine's
Day I just rash right up.
466
00:18:21,355 --> 00:18:22,722
(Laughs)
467
00:18:22,757 --> 00:18:25,027
Last year my throat
almost completely shut.
468
00:18:27,161 --> 00:18:28,762
(Crickets chirp)
469
00:18:31,566 --> 00:18:33,715
I shouldn'tve eaten those eggs.
470
00:18:34,101 --> 00:18:35,712
I can't believe I'm trapped
under a blanket with you
471
00:18:35,736 --> 00:18:38,138
knowing you ate those eggs.
472
00:18:38,172 --> 00:18:39,539
(Sighs)
473
00:18:39,574 --> 00:18:42,168
I bet Patrick's fridge is fully stocked.
474
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:43,743
What does that mean?!
475
00:18:43,778 --> 00:18:45,668
It means he's got his life together.
476
00:18:46,452 --> 00:18:48,504
He's a pretty eligible bachelor.
477
00:18:48,950 --> 00:18:50,450
Patrick.
478
00:18:50,928 --> 00:18:52,762
I suppose.
479
00:18:55,856 --> 00:18:58,291
What? He's my business partner.
480
00:18:58,326 --> 00:19:00,560
Oh, aren't they all.
481
00:19:00,595 --> 00:19:02,228
What are you doing?
482
00:19:02,263 --> 00:19:05,569
What, you guys just seem
to really get along well.
483
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:08,435
Yeah, because we're
in business together,
484
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:10,670
and compliment each
other professionally.
485
00:19:10,937 --> 00:19:14,632
Hm, but he offered for you
to stay over at his place.
486
00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:17,177
Yes, because unlike you and I,
487
00:19:17,211 --> 00:19:19,179
he's extremely generous,
488
00:19:19,213 --> 00:19:21,941
and has absolutely no ulterior motive.
489
00:19:22,276 --> 00:19:24,050
Then why are you here and not there?
490
00:19:24,285 --> 00:19:26,052
Because you asked me first.
491
00:19:26,087 --> 00:19:27,527
I didn't, though.
492
00:19:28,022 --> 00:19:29,422
And it would be weird.
493
00:19:29,457 --> 00:19:31,667
Well, if nothing's going
on, why would it be weird?
494
00:19:31,926 --> 00:19:34,322
Because we're in business together,
495
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:37,097
and I don't know what
his preferences are.
496
00:19:37,131 --> 00:19:38,531
Well, you're not gonna find out
497
00:19:38,566 --> 00:19:40,533
what his preferences are
on a sleepover with me.
498
00:19:40,568 --> 00:19:42,279
Well, I wouldn't be
sharing a bed with him,
499
00:19:42,303 --> 00:19:44,270
I'd be in some guest bedroom.
500
00:19:44,438 --> 00:19:46,575
Guest bedroom, what is he, Bill Gates?
501
00:19:46,882 --> 00:19:49,250
Yes, he's Bill Gates.
502
00:19:50,403 --> 00:19:51,804
I like this for you.
503
00:19:51,829 --> 00:19:53,419
Like what? There's nothing to like.
504
00:19:53,466 --> 00:19:54,848
You seem flustered.
505
00:19:54,882 --> 00:19:56,216
I'm not flus...
506
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:58,201
Maybe it's the eggs.
507
00:19:59,587 --> 00:20:00,954
Both: Ughh!
508
00:20:03,107 --> 00:20:05,107
Um, am I reading this right?
509
00:20:05,132 --> 00:20:08,268
"The Moira's Rose's Garden."
510
00:20:08,302 --> 00:20:10,013
Okay look, I went back
and forth on the name
511
00:20:10,037 --> 00:20:11,971
a couple of times, and I may have...
512
00:20:12,006 --> 00:20:14,036
confused the engraver.
513
00:20:14,508 --> 00:20:17,841
The Moira's Rose's Garden.
514
00:20:17,866 --> 00:20:23,170
So the garden is dedicated
to a rose that Moira owns?
515
00:20:24,475 --> 00:20:26,619
I don't think that there
are enough apostrophes.
516
00:20:26,654 --> 00:20:29,350
I don't even see a rose in the garden.
517
00:20:29,375 --> 00:20:30,757
Because there aren't any roses.
518
00:20:30,791 --> 00:20:32,158
Or are we the Roses?
519
00:20:32,193 --> 00:20:34,208
Okay, I'm getting roses for the garden,
520
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,967
I'm-I'm getting roses.
521
00:20:35,995 --> 00:20:37,623
Oh... okay.
522
00:20:37,648 --> 00:20:39,864
And what are these numbers for?
523
00:20:39,899 --> 00:20:41,266
That's mom's birthday, David.
524
00:20:41,300 --> 00:20:42,667
Those are the last four digits
525
00:20:42,702 --> 00:20:44,402
of your father's credit card.
526
00:20:44,437 --> 00:20:46,319
It was a complicated
order form, all right?
527
00:20:46,344 --> 00:20:48,920
There were a lot of fields to fill in.
528
00:20:49,775 --> 00:20:52,460
Um, I hope you got a
really good deal on this.
529
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,493
It's by the letter, so he paid extra
530
00:20:54,518 --> 00:20:56,019
for those apostrophe "s's."
531
00:20:56,148 --> 00:20:57,615
Okay, enough, enough.
532
00:20:57,650 --> 00:21:00,118
This is still a very big
honor for your mother.
533
00:21:00,143 --> 00:21:01,577
Is it not?
534
00:21:02,373 --> 00:21:04,007
- Mhm...
- Yes?
535
00:21:04,369 --> 00:21:06,103
Mhm.
536
00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:09,330
So when we die,
537
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:11,418
are we all gonna be buried here?
538
00:21:12,331 --> 00:21:16,637
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
539
00:21:16,687 --> 00:21:21,237
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