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1
00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:03,261
This was a good choice.
2
00:00:03,295 --> 00:00:05,129
Yep.
3
00:00:05,164 --> 00:00:07,131
We make good choices.
4
00:00:07,166 --> 00:00:11,370
Mm-hmm, this was a really healthy choice.
5
00:00:11,404 --> 00:00:13,136
Well, I'm gonna go to work now.
6
00:00:13,171 --> 00:00:15,773
Okay.
7
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,175
Which is where I should've
been fifteen minutes ago.
8
00:00:18,209 --> 00:00:20,878
Mm-hmm.
9
00:00:20,912 --> 00:00:22,713
Stevie?
10
00:00:22,748 --> 00:00:24,181
Oh, Stevie!
11
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(Door slams)
12
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What?
13
00:00:28,253 --> 00:00:32,155
It's your dad, he saw me! (Bleep)!
14
00:00:32,190 --> 00:00:35,158
It's the towels again, we need towels!
15
00:00:35,193 --> 00:00:38,661
Your dad can't know about this!
16
00:00:38,696 --> 00:00:41,698
(Johnny knocks) It's humiliating for me!
17
00:00:41,732 --> 00:00:43,000
Stevie, is this where you keep the towels?
18
00:00:43,034 --> 00:00:44,634
If it is, I'd love a key!
19
00:00:44,668 --> 00:00:46,703
Okay!
20
00:00:46,737 --> 00:00:48,605
Here you go.
21
00:00:48,639 --> 00:00:51,574
Okay, this is a face cloth, and a bath mat.
22
00:00:51,609 --> 00:00:54,644
Oh! Uh...
23
00:00:54,678 --> 00:00:56,780
I will get you some towels and
I will bring them to your room.
24
00:00:56,814 --> 00:00:59,215
Oh, I'd love to take them
with me, I need them now.
25
00:00:59,249 --> 00:01:00,816
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
26
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,818
I will deliver them to your room.
27
00:01:02,852 --> 00:01:04,320
Stevie!
28
00:01:04,354 --> 00:01:06,923
Is everything okay?
29
00:01:06,957 --> 00:01:09,758
Yes, I'm just a little tied up right now.
30
00:01:09,793 --> 00:01:12,228
(Whispers) - Is anyone in there?
- What? No!
31
00:01:12,262 --> 00:01:14,563
Are you in danger?
Blink if you're in danger.
32
00:01:14,597 --> 00:01:16,198
Stevie!
33
00:01:16,233 --> 00:01:19,068
That's really not necessary.
34
00:01:19,102 --> 00:01:22,437
Okay well, I'm going back to my room now...
35
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:23,671
(Whispers) And I'm gonna call the police!
36
00:01:23,705 --> 00:01:25,807
No, Mr. Rose, please don't call the police!
37
00:01:25,841 --> 00:01:29,077
Dad, please just take
the towels, and go!
38
00:01:32,514 --> 00:01:35,516
Oh...
39
00:01:35,551 --> 00:01:39,887
Well, I uh, I've got everything I need...
40
00:01:39,922 --> 00:01:42,023
Good seeing you both.
41
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,126
(Door slams)
42
00:01:46,161 --> 00:01:51,131
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
- www.addic7ed.com -
43
00:01:51,166 --> 00:01:55,200
- Um, what happened with
- Stop!
44
00:01:55,672 --> 00:01:58,138
- What um... Okay, what happened-
- You said something about-
45
00:01:58,173 --> 00:02:00,708
You slept with Stevie!
46
00:02:00,742 --> 00:02:02,610
What, did dad tell the whole motel?!
47
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:04,912
Well no, but I heard through the wall,
48
00:02:04,947 --> 00:02:08,048
'cause he was doing his high pitched voice.
49
00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:10,651
So, was it cute for you, or what?
50
00:02:10,686 --> 00:02:13,587
It was fine, it was weird,
it was weird, it was good.
51
00:02:13,621 --> 00:02:14,888
- Love that.
- It was good but weird.
52
00:02:14,922 --> 00:02:16,223
I love that!
53
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:19,660
Um, okay, so I have to tell you this,
54
00:02:19,695 --> 00:02:23,130
um, Ted wants to meet my friends,
55
00:02:23,164 --> 00:02:25,599
So I think it's getting kinda serious.
56
00:02:25,633 --> 00:02:28,368
- It's been two weeks.
- I know.
57
00:02:28,402 --> 00:02:31,037
What's your point, David?!
58
00:02:31,071 --> 00:02:33,439
Ugh! So anyway,
59
00:02:33,474 --> 00:02:35,809
We're throwing a party
at his place tonight,
60
00:02:35,843 --> 00:02:38,277
so I would say be there around like, seven.
61
00:02:38,312 --> 00:02:40,409
That's presumptuous, what if I have plans?
62
00:02:40,447 --> 00:02:42,148
That's so cute, bring Stevie!
63
00:02:42,183 --> 00:02:43,416
No, I'm not bringing
Stevie, it's not a good time,
64
00:02:43,450 --> 00:02:46,986
- I'm gonna let the dust settle on that...
- Well okay, but Ted's already getting groceries,
65
00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:50,890
and I may... I already invited her.
66
00:02:50,924 --> 00:02:52,257
So it's gonna be fun!
67
00:02:52,291 --> 00:02:53,191
David, it's gonna be so much fun!
68
00:02:53,226 --> 00:02:55,895
Children, children!
69
00:02:55,929 --> 00:02:58,330
Your father and I have
something to discuss.
70
00:02:58,364 --> 00:02:59,665
I'm really busy right now, though.
71
00:02:59,699 --> 00:03:01,000
I can't right now, I don't have time.
72
00:03:01,034 --> 00:03:04,469
We understand you have
found some local friends
73
00:03:04,504 --> 00:03:07,906
- with whom to spend "time" with
- Oh my God!
74
00:03:07,940 --> 00:03:08,540
Okay, I can't deal with this right now-
75
00:03:08,574 --> 00:03:10,742
And that's fine.
76
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:15,213
But we do have to be careful
with our hearts and our parts.
77
00:03:15,248 --> 00:03:18,850
Because a podunk baby out of wedlock
78
00:03:18,884 --> 00:03:21,019
is not something your
father and I can afford
79
00:03:21,054 --> 00:03:23,288
to negotiate at this moment.
80
00:03:23,322 --> 00:03:24,855
Well, that's crazy,
81
00:03:24,889 --> 00:03:27,358
because all I want to negotiate right now
82
00:03:27,392 --> 00:03:30,061
is some podunk baby out of wedlock! So-
83
00:03:30,095 --> 00:03:32,629
Okay, hi. Hi!
84
00:03:32,664 --> 00:03:35,499
I don't wanna sound
negative about this at all,
85
00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:38,635
but I think that you two
really actually need to consider
86
00:03:38,670 --> 00:03:43,040
the idea of um... Getting a life.
87
00:03:43,075 --> 00:03:45,542
Alexis, I would not concern
yourself with your mother and me,
88
00:03:45,577 --> 00:03:48,979
because we have a
flourishing social life here.
89
00:03:49,013 --> 00:03:51,347
Walking over to the
cafe and ordering a tuna melt
90
00:03:51,382 --> 00:03:53,617
is hardly what I would call
a flourishing social life.
91
00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:56,486
Oh, that's funny. That's funny.
92
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,521
Yeah, it's just that you're so involved
93
00:03:58,556 --> 00:04:00,423
in our lives right now,
94
00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:03,159
and that was fine when we were
child actors for a little bit,
95
00:04:03,194 --> 00:04:05,361
but now David and I are grown up adults,
96
00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:08,098
and we're just feeling very like, um...
97
00:04:08,132 --> 00:04:08,864
- Suffocated.
- Suffocated.
98
00:04:08,899 --> 00:04:12,678
- Suffocated?!
- Wait, stop, stop!
99
00:04:12,703 --> 00:04:15,938
We came in here to speak about you two!
100
00:04:15,973 --> 00:04:18,774
What could you possibly have to say now?
101
00:04:20,978 --> 00:04:22,378
Well, now I don't remember.
102
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:23,746
Yeah, I don't remember.
103
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:26,456
Oh my God! Thanks.
104
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,152
(Birds chirp, distant traffic rumble)
105
00:04:30,186 --> 00:04:32,187
You know, the more I think about it,
106
00:04:32,222 --> 00:04:34,789
the more I wonder whether David's whole...
107
00:04:34,824 --> 00:04:37,459
"Sexually adventurous"
thing was just a phase.
108
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,161
It's not a phase.
109
00:04:39,195 --> 00:04:42,297
Well, you know, he was
very influenced in college,
110
00:04:42,332 --> 00:04:44,933
- all those haircuts.
- It's not a phase, John!
111
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:46,935
The kids are right,
112
00:04:46,969 --> 00:04:50,038
we've been talking about them
far more than I care to do.
113
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:51,906
Something about that top
that just knocks me out, baby!
114
00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:53,241
Hey, how you doing?
115
00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:55,376
Ah, okay...
116
00:04:55,410 --> 00:04:57,879
- Jocelyn, hi!
- Hi, Moira.
117
00:04:57,913 --> 00:04:59,014
Why don't you join us?
118
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:00,615
Moira, what're you doing?
119
00:05:00,650 --> 00:05:03,216
Attempting to be social, support me.
120
00:05:03,251 --> 00:05:05,352
- Won't you, please?
- Hey, sure! Hi!
121
00:05:05,386 --> 00:05:06,887
Of course.
122
00:05:06,921 --> 00:05:09,156
- Hello!
- Well!
123
00:05:09,190 --> 00:05:10,390
- Hello.
- Hello.
124
00:05:10,424 --> 00:05:11,458
Good to see you!
125
00:05:11,492 --> 00:05:13,961
Look at us, all being together!
126
00:05:13,995 --> 00:05:17,698
- Yes...
- Jonathan and I were just saying,
127
00:05:17,732 --> 00:05:19,867
wouldn't it be fun to have
the mayor and his wife
128
00:05:19,901 --> 00:05:23,069
over for cocktails and charades tonight!
129
00:05:23,103 --> 00:05:25,772
Yes... Tonight.
130
00:05:25,806 --> 00:05:28,708
Oh, yeah, no, unfortunately
that's not gonna work for us.
131
00:05:28,742 --> 00:05:31,010
We're having a huge party
tonight at our place.
132
00:05:31,057 --> 00:05:33,278
Ton of people coming to our house. Whoo!
133
00:05:33,312 --> 00:05:34,881
Oh yeah, big!
134
00:05:34,915 --> 00:05:37,315
But we're free any other
night, other than tonight.
135
00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:43,689
(Bell thumps, David sighs)
136
00:05:43,723 --> 00:05:45,157
(Bell thumps, clanks)
137
00:05:51,297 --> 00:05:54,864
- Hey.
- So, um...
138
00:05:55,601 --> 00:05:59,671
So the other... so, last night um...
139
00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:01,472
- That was just a...
- Was a one time thing.
140
00:06:01,507 --> 00:06:02,974
- That was a one time
- Like a blip.
141
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:06,977
Just a blip... Just a blip blop. Just a...
142
00:06:07,012 --> 00:06:08,813
(Inhales sharply)
143
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:12,049
My sister said that she uh...
144
00:06:12,084 --> 00:06:13,484
- Invited me to Ted's, yeah.
- Yes, she'd asked you to Ted's.
145
00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:16,454
- Yeah.
- Yep, um...
146
00:06:16,488 --> 00:06:17,928
Okay, well I'm gonna leave from here,
147
00:06:17,956 --> 00:06:19,357
should I just come by your place,
148
00:06:19,391 --> 00:06:21,025
and get you when I'm done?
149
00:06:21,059 --> 00:06:22,793
Yeah, we can go together, 'cause that's...
150
00:06:22,828 --> 00:06:25,230
That's like, a totally
normal thing for us to do.
151
00:06:25,264 --> 00:06:27,464
- Why would it not be?
- No, it's not! I mean...
152
00:06:27,498 --> 00:06:30,367
So um...
153
00:06:30,401 --> 00:06:32,161
- So, cool!
- Yeah, no, this is a good thing.
154
00:06:32,169 --> 00:06:34,471
So I'll just um...
155
00:06:34,505 --> 00:06:35,985
I'll see you when you swing by, so...
156
00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,874
Yeah, I'll be-
157
00:06:37,908 --> 00:06:40,392
okay, all right, blippity
blop. Blippity blip.
158
00:06:41,846 --> 00:06:43,847
(Alexis groans)
159
00:06:43,881 --> 00:06:46,116
You're quiet today.
160
00:06:46,150 --> 00:06:48,584
Am I?
161
00:06:48,619 --> 00:06:50,386
It's just that you're not talking,
162
00:06:50,420 --> 00:06:53,188
and it's annoying, because I'm bored.
163
00:06:53,223 --> 00:06:54,557
Can't we just think and work,
164
00:06:54,591 --> 00:06:56,825
or do we always have to talk?
165
00:06:56,860 --> 00:06:58,294
Okay, you're being super
sketchy and emo right now,
166
00:06:58,328 --> 00:06:59,995
what is going on?
167
00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:01,764
Have you ever been in a relationship
168
00:07:01,798 --> 00:07:03,165
- where you find yourself cheating
- Yes!
169
00:07:03,199 --> 00:07:05,033
With someone in your dreams?
170
00:07:05,068 --> 00:07:07,769
Oh, what?
171
00:07:07,803 --> 00:07:11,005
Oh. Um... you know that
if it's in your dreams,
172
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:15,610
or over the clothes,
it's not cheating, right?
173
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:17,412
Yeah well, it's been
happening a lot lately,
174
00:07:17,446 --> 00:07:20,749
and then I look over and I
see Twyla, and I feel bad.
175
00:07:20,783 --> 00:07:23,351
Also, Ted is throwing a party tonight,
176
00:07:23,386 --> 00:07:28,155
maybe that's something exciting
for you two to do together?
177
00:07:28,189 --> 00:07:30,857
That's probably not such a good idea.
178
00:07:33,628 --> 00:07:35,929
Mmm...
179
00:07:35,963 --> 00:07:38,399
Oh. Oh! Oh.
180
00:07:41,984 --> 00:07:46,372
I'm sorry, what kind of event
are you hosting this evening?
181
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:48,541
(Chuckles) Event!
182
00:07:48,575 --> 00:07:51,644
Oh, it's more of a soiree.
183
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:55,247
He's just teasing, it's
our annual Hawaiian night.
184
00:07:55,282 --> 00:07:58,250
Pineapples, pig on the
spit, the whole nine yards.
185
00:07:58,285 --> 00:08:00,687
Oh, you roast pigs?
186
00:08:00,721 --> 00:08:01,854
- We do!
- Sure do.
187
00:08:01,888 --> 00:08:03,388
We have a big one hanging in the garage.
188
00:08:03,423 --> 00:08:05,557
Hm-hm.
189
00:08:05,591 --> 00:08:10,261
Wow, it sounds like
um... quite the evening.
190
00:08:10,296 --> 00:08:14,466
So whose pig do we have to
slaughter to get an invite?
191
00:08:14,500 --> 00:08:17,703
Oh my goodness, well, um...
192
00:08:17,737 --> 00:08:21,973
We just didn't think that you
and Johnny would wanna come, so...
193
00:08:22,007 --> 00:08:23,641
Well, that's a touch presumptuous Jocelyn,
194
00:08:23,675 --> 00:08:25,943
why would we not want to be involved
195
00:08:25,977 --> 00:08:28,045
in a themed party in your yard?
196
00:08:28,079 --> 00:08:30,080
Right.
197
00:08:30,114 --> 00:08:32,616
Well, I mean, for one thing,
198
00:08:32,651 --> 00:08:34,985
you know, the two of you are a little...
199
00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:37,755
A little what?
200
00:08:37,789 --> 00:08:40,224
(Sighs) Hoity-toity.
201
00:08:40,258 --> 00:08:42,158
All right, I've said it.
202
00:08:42,192 --> 00:08:45,261
We didn't think that you'd wanna
hang out with "regular people."
203
00:08:45,295 --> 00:08:46,730
What?
204
00:08:46,764 --> 00:08:49,065
Regular people?!
205
00:08:49,099 --> 00:08:52,802
Regular people are how
Rose Video became such a-
206
00:08:52,837 --> 00:08:55,137
Right, c-careful, Moira.
207
00:08:55,172 --> 00:08:57,607
Regular people! I mean,
they made us who we were-
208
00:08:57,641 --> 00:08:59,041
What am I trying to say?
209
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:00,909
We love regular people.
210
00:09:00,943 --> 00:09:02,611
W-we love regular people.
211
00:09:02,645 --> 00:09:06,281
Well, by all means then,
the two of you are invited.
212
00:09:06,315 --> 00:09:07,948
Thank you!
213
00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:17,492
So, just to be clear,
um, I'm a red wine drinker.
214
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:19,290
- That's fine.
- Okay, cool.
215
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:21,759
But uh, I only drink red wine.
216
00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:24,696
Okay.
217
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:27,832
And up until last night
I was under the impression
218
00:09:27,866 --> 00:09:32,169
that you too only drank red wine.
219
00:09:32,216 --> 00:09:34,338
But I guess I was wrong?
220
00:09:34,372 --> 00:09:36,072
I see where you're going with this.
221
00:09:36,107 --> 00:09:40,505
Um... I do drink red wine.
222
00:09:40,578 --> 00:09:43,980
But I also drink white wine.
223
00:09:44,014 --> 00:09:47,117
- Oh. - And I've been known
to sample the occasional Rose.
224
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:50,254
And a couple summers back I tried a Merlot,
225
00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:52,788
that used to be a chardonnay.
226
00:09:52,822 --> 00:09:53,822
- Uh-okay.
- Which got a bit complicated.
227
00:09:53,857 --> 00:09:56,091
Yeah, so, you're just
really open to all wines.
228
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:57,486
I like the wine, and not the label.
229
00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:59,128
Does that make sense?
230
00:09:59,162 --> 00:10:00,963
- Yes, that does.
- Okay.
231
00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:03,733
Um, this is just very new to me,
232
00:10:03,767 --> 00:10:05,635
so as long as you didn't roll over,
233
00:10:05,669 --> 00:10:07,202
and cry yourself to sleep with regret,
234
00:10:07,237 --> 00:10:09,037
then we're good, right?
235
00:10:09,072 --> 00:10:10,773
No, no, no, I absolutely did that.
236
00:10:10,807 --> 00:10:12,940
Just wept for hours in the dark.
237
00:10:12,975 --> 00:10:14,695
I say we go with this
one, it's the biggest.
238
00:10:16,779 --> 00:10:20,448
Wow Ted, the place is very... New looking.
239
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:22,684
Did you design the interior?
240
00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:25,520
Oh, I wish!
241
00:10:25,554 --> 00:10:27,622
No, I found this website
online that sells off
242
00:10:27,657 --> 00:10:29,724
old department store show rooms.
243
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,759
So this whole room-
244
00:10:31,794 --> 00:10:33,828
Just gets delivered, as is.
245
00:10:33,862 --> 00:10:36,097
This is the "bachelor's den" here,
246
00:10:36,131 --> 00:10:37,531
and then that's the "executive
dining lounge"
247
00:10:37,565 --> 00:10:40,273
that I got on black Friday.
248
00:10:41,270 --> 00:10:42,770
- Wow!
- Yeah.
249
00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:44,305
Wow.
250
00:10:47,642 --> 00:10:51,412
So... Are we the only ones
showing up to this party?
251
00:10:51,446 --> 00:10:53,514
No, we're still waiting for Mutt and Twyla.
252
00:10:53,548 --> 00:10:55,382
Oh, I should take the
rolls out of the microwave.
253
00:10:55,417 --> 00:10:58,018
Hot rolls!
254
00:10:58,052 --> 00:11:01,054
Alexis had just said that this
was a "party" party.
255
00:11:01,088 --> 00:11:02,356
Ah well, you must've been
misinformed then, David.
256
00:11:02,390 --> 00:11:04,057
No, it's a dinner party.
257
00:11:04,091 --> 00:11:05,726
I wanted to get to know Alexis'
friends a bit,
258
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:07,961
so I figured we'd invite
a few couples over,
259
00:11:07,995 --> 00:11:10,062
huh, have some dinner, play some games?
260
00:11:10,096 --> 00:11:12,732
(Knocking)
261
00:11:12,766 --> 00:11:16,636
(Alexis gasps excitedly)
262
00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:18,204
You guys showed!
263
00:11:18,238 --> 00:11:19,905
Yeah, why wouldn't we show?
264
00:11:19,940 --> 00:11:21,106
Twyla, I love your outfit,
265
00:11:21,141 --> 00:11:24,344
you look like a little Georgia peach!
266
00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:26,145
- Hi.
- So, where is everybody?
267
00:11:26,179 --> 00:11:28,080
I thought this was a party.
268
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:31,249
It is, it's an exclusive little party.
269
00:11:31,283 --> 00:11:34,986
(Guests laugh and chatter)
270
00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:36,755
(Tropical music plays,
cuts off abruptly)
271
00:11:36,789 --> 00:11:39,424
Hey, who turned off don ho?!
272
00:11:39,459 --> 00:11:41,860
- Oh hey, aloha, Roses!
- Look who it is.
273
00:11:41,894 --> 00:11:43,595
It's the Schitts!
274
00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:45,731
Hey! Yeah, there you go.
275
00:11:45,765 --> 00:11:46,765
- Jocelyn.
- Moira.
276
00:11:46,766 --> 00:11:48,366
Ooh, Johnny!
277
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,701
I gotta tell you, that suit,
278
00:11:50,736 --> 00:11:53,070
that's pretty dangerous to
wear at a party like this!
279
00:11:53,104 --> 00:11:54,572
I just wanna wipe my hands all over that!
280
00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:56,240
Oh! (Laughs)
281
00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:57,708
You just keep getting funnier.
282
00:11:57,743 --> 00:12:00,444
I'm not joking though, I really do.
283
00:12:00,479 --> 00:12:03,414
Moira, I have to ask you,
are those wigs real hair?
284
00:12:03,448 --> 00:12:04,248
I just wanna reach out
and just touch them-
285
00:12:04,282 --> 00:12:05,983
oh, please don't!
286
00:12:06,017 --> 00:12:08,351
No, Maureen does not like to be manhandled!
287
00:12:08,386 --> 00:12:10,086
- Sorry, sorry.
- Hey Roses, if I tell you a secret,
288
00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:11,521
you promise to keep it?
289
00:12:11,555 --> 00:12:13,723
Uh no, I don't think we would, what is it?
290
00:12:13,758 --> 00:12:15,324
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Johnny...
291
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,694
(Hums trumpet fanfare)
292
00:12:17,728 --> 00:12:19,763
(Makes shooting sound, giggles)
293
00:12:19,797 --> 00:12:21,931
Now listen, I'm the guy in charge
294
00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:23,366
of upholding the law around here,
295
00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:25,801
so if you have any ideas
about turning me in,
296
00:12:25,835 --> 00:12:28,470
you'd just be turning me in to myself!
297
00:12:28,505 --> 00:12:30,639
(Jocelyn and roland laugh uproariously)
298
00:12:30,673 --> 00:12:31,807
Spark it up, Roley! Spark it up.
299
00:12:31,841 --> 00:12:33,542
You got it, honey.
300
00:12:33,576 --> 00:12:36,044
Listen, I don't know if you
guys wanna partake in this,
301
00:12:36,078 --> 00:12:37,780
because I'm sure your fancy dinner parties
302
00:12:37,814 --> 00:12:41,082
didn't have illegal substances!
303
00:12:41,117 --> 00:12:42,818
Illegal substances.
304
00:12:42,852 --> 00:12:45,286
(Chuckles) Amateurs.
305
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,288
We had friends in the fda, but...
306
00:12:47,322 --> 00:12:48,823
When in Rome.
307
00:12:48,857 --> 00:12:51,025
Well damn, Roses!
308
00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:52,827
Let this party begin.
309
00:12:52,861 --> 00:12:55,229
I'll fire up the cheese fountain!
310
00:12:57,599 --> 00:12:58,900
(Inhales deeply)
311
00:13:02,003 --> 00:13:03,770
(Chokes)
312
00:13:06,441 --> 00:13:09,743
(Exhales loudly) Oh!
313
00:13:09,777 --> 00:13:12,679
(Cutlery clinks) David:
(Quietly) No thank you.
314
00:13:12,713 --> 00:13:16,450
So Mutt, did you two criminals
315
00:13:16,484 --> 00:13:18,652
do any good for the community today?
316
00:13:18,686 --> 00:13:20,787
We washed a car. David:
You washed a car, wow.
317
00:13:20,822 --> 00:13:22,855
The judicial system is really cracking down
318
00:13:22,889 --> 00:13:24,757
on its delinquents these days, huh?
319
00:13:24,791 --> 00:13:26,258
You know what I always wondered,
320
00:13:26,292 --> 00:13:28,928
what do you two talk
about all day out there?
321
00:13:30,464 --> 00:13:33,065
Nothing.
322
00:13:33,099 --> 00:13:35,668
I mean we talk, but...
323
00:13:35,702 --> 00:13:37,035
We don't really talk
about anything important.
324
00:13:37,070 --> 00:13:39,071
So... Like what?
325
00:13:41,107 --> 00:13:43,476
Like, nothing!
326
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,477
Okay, um...
327
00:13:45,511 --> 00:13:47,579
Like, Mutt was having a bad day today,
328
00:13:47,613 --> 00:13:50,414
so we talked about that.
329
00:13:50,449 --> 00:13:52,951
You didn't tell me you
were having a bad day.
330
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,388
- Ted, this is delicious.
- Mm-hmm.
331
00:13:57,422 --> 00:13:59,491
I didn't mean a bad day, Twy,
332
00:13:59,525 --> 00:14:01,726
I just meant like, he
was questioning things.
333
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,028
Thank you, Stevie, I ordered
it online from Nevada.
334
00:14:04,062 --> 00:14:05,930
No sales tax.
335
00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:08,099
- What were you questioning?
- It's nothing.
336
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,501
So when the lasagna gets delivered,
337
00:14:10,535 --> 00:14:13,104
does it come frozen, or... ?
338
00:14:13,138 --> 00:14:15,439
Okay, I just uh...
339
00:14:15,474 --> 00:14:16,507
I don't know why you
didn't feel comfortable
340
00:14:16,541 --> 00:14:17,941
talking to me about it.
341
00:14:17,976 --> 00:14:20,144
It's not important.
342
00:14:20,178 --> 00:14:22,313
That's why I was talking
to Alexis about it.
343
00:14:22,347 --> 00:14:26,016
Stevie, how long have
you and David been um...
344
00:14:26,050 --> 00:14:27,850
It's very fresh, and new.
345
00:14:27,885 --> 00:14:28,451
- No, it's not.
- It is, I would say.
346
00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:30,686
Uh uh!
347
00:14:30,721 --> 00:14:33,823
So everyone knows?
348
00:14:33,857 --> 00:14:37,293
- Knows what?
- These two have...
349
00:14:37,328 --> 00:14:40,163
What an elegant gesture, Ted.
350
00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:43,033
I-I'm sorry, I thought everyone knew.
351
00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,235
- No.
- It's okay.
352
00:14:46,269 --> 00:14:48,137
Sorry!
353
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:50,372
(David drums his fingers on the table)
354
00:14:50,407 --> 00:14:52,008
(People laugh and holler)
355
00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:55,277
(Tribal drum music plays)
356
00:14:55,311 --> 00:14:57,079
I've been with these people before.
357
00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,815
I know them all.
358
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:03,318
Wow, you've really been
getting around town.
359
00:15:03,353 --> 00:15:07,456
No, I was with them in my other life.
360
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,858
I'm gonna tell you something.
361
00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:13,395
I'm from a small town, just like this.
362
00:15:13,430 --> 00:15:16,298
No, I'm not buying that!
363
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,101
- It's true.
- Really?
364
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:21,170
Why would you leave?
365
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:23,805
Oh God, I couldn't wait to get out.
366
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:26,174
I was dying there.
367
00:15:26,208 --> 00:15:28,209
Have you never dreamed?
368
00:15:28,243 --> 00:15:31,345
Of a life beyond?
369
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,882
You have what ifs, like, what if...
370
00:15:34,916 --> 00:15:37,118
I had enlisted in the military,
371
00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:39,153
what if Roland hadn't been
such a smooth talker, what-
372
00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:41,689
oh man, what if!
373
00:15:41,723 --> 00:15:46,561
What if I had not been
crowned "miss snow cone" at 16,
374
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:48,896
and moved to the city
with my driving instructor?
375
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,664
Awesome.
376
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,000
And what if I had not hand modeled
377
00:15:53,034 --> 00:15:55,435
at that microwave trade show?
378
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:56,470
Yeah.
379
00:15:56,471 --> 00:15:58,371
What if I didn't ask,
380
00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:01,942
who's the eyebrows buying
everyone's drinks?
381
00:16:01,977 --> 00:16:04,778
Wow, now you know.
382
00:16:04,813 --> 00:16:07,314
Whatever happened to privacy?
383
00:16:07,348 --> 00:16:09,849
Now your whole family
thinks I'm this big hooker!
384
00:16:09,883 --> 00:16:13,152
My whole family does not
think you're a big hooker!
385
00:16:13,186 --> 00:16:15,454
It a funny one night thing!
386
00:16:15,489 --> 00:16:16,823
Everyone here is fine with it.
387
00:16:16,857 --> 00:16:19,659
It was funny?
388
00:16:19,693 --> 00:16:21,494
Yeah, it was a
f-it was a fun-
389
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:24,597
it was a-it was a
funny-it was-yes.
390
00:16:24,632 --> 00:16:26,065
I had a best friend that hooked.
391
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,299
She married one of her
Johns on my birthday.
392
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,735
Wow, so cool!
393
00:16:28,769 --> 00:16:30,802
It's not the time, Twyla.
394
00:16:30,837 --> 00:16:33,139
Um Stevie, I don't
think you're a big hooker.
395
00:16:33,173 --> 00:16:34,773
You don't talk all dinner,
396
00:16:34,807 --> 00:16:37,009
and now you're telling me
I can't talk about Trixie?!
397
00:16:37,043 --> 00:16:38,944
I'm sorry, it's just I think
sometimes you have a tendency
398
00:16:38,978 --> 00:16:41,147
to say the wrong thing, that's all.
399
00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:44,316
Is there a right time to
talk about being a hooker?
400
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,418
I bet nobody thought
sex with Trixie was funny.
401
00:16:46,453 --> 00:16:48,320
I never said it was bad!
402
00:16:48,355 --> 00:16:51,422
Okay, you know what I think is happening,
403
00:16:51,457 --> 00:16:53,191
is things are just getting
blown out of proportion,
404
00:16:53,225 --> 00:16:56,727
and honestly, if Alexis,
405
00:16:56,762 --> 00:16:57,862
you just tell us what you
and mutt were talking about,
406
00:16:57,896 --> 00:16:59,697
it'd probably help.
407
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:02,700
Oh my God, Ted!
408
00:17:02,734 --> 00:17:04,502
We were just washing a car,
and talking about bad dreams.
409
00:17:04,537 --> 00:17:06,904
- Okay?
- Okay.
410
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,739
You sound a little defensive.
411
00:17:08,774 --> 00:17:10,408
- I'd agree.
- Well...
412
00:17:10,442 --> 00:17:11,509
You know what, i just remembered,
413
00:17:11,544 --> 00:17:12,743
I have to wake up early tomorrow,
414
00:17:12,778 --> 00:17:14,378
I have an early check in.
415
00:17:14,412 --> 00:17:17,080
Uh, nobody checks in.
416
00:17:17,114 --> 00:17:19,816
Tomorrow someone is, early.
417
00:17:19,850 --> 00:17:23,387
Uh Ted, you have a really special place,
418
00:17:23,421 --> 00:17:26,623
and we should all do this again some time.
419
00:17:26,658 --> 00:17:28,392
David, would you mind walking me home,
420
00:17:28,426 --> 00:17:29,926
I don't think we're finished talking.
421
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,428
Oooh, David!
422
00:17:31,462 --> 00:17:33,463
Don't!
423
00:17:33,498 --> 00:17:36,365
(People laugh and chatter)
424
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:40,135
My son lives in a barn
in the woods, by choice!
425
00:17:42,706 --> 00:17:46,842
He could be the next mayor
of this town if he wanted it.
426
00:17:46,876 --> 00:17:48,611
My son is "pansexual."
427
00:17:51,315 --> 00:17:53,849
Mm-hmm, I've heard of that.
428
00:17:53,883 --> 00:17:56,551
I know what that is, that's uh...
429
00:17:56,586 --> 00:17:58,486
That cookware fetish.
430
00:17:58,521 --> 00:17:59,822
- No.
- Mm-hmm!
431
00:17:59,856 --> 00:18:01,656
- No, no.
- No, I read about that!
432
00:18:01,657 --> 00:18:04,927
No, he loves everyone, men, women,
433
00:18:04,961 --> 00:18:09,297
women who become men, men who become women.
434
00:18:09,332 --> 00:18:13,335
I'm his father, and I always
wanted his life to be easy.
435
00:18:13,369 --> 00:18:17,772
But you know, just pick
one gender, and maybe,
436
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:20,308
maybe everything would've
been less... confusing.
437
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:25,480
Well... You know Johnny,
438
00:18:25,514 --> 00:18:28,717
when it comes to matters of the heart,
439
00:18:28,751 --> 00:18:30,885
we can't tell our kids who to love.
440
00:18:33,188 --> 00:18:34,708
- Who said that?
- You did.
441
00:18:34,724 --> 00:18:37,125
When?
442
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,693
- You just said it now!
- When?
443
00:18:39,728 --> 00:18:41,695
Now, right this second, you just said it.
444
00:18:41,730 --> 00:18:43,250
And you're right, you can't tell them.
445
00:18:43,265 --> 00:18:44,899
And I'm fine with that.
446
00:18:47,136 --> 00:18:51,272
Whoa, thank you for playing along.
447
00:18:51,306 --> 00:18:52,946
I'm sorry, I just had to get out of there,
448
00:18:52,975 --> 00:18:54,942
it was like being in an
episode of "couples therapy."
449
00:18:54,977 --> 00:18:57,544
Okay wait, this was all a put on,
450
00:18:57,579 --> 00:18:59,780
just to get out of dinner?
451
00:18:59,814 --> 00:19:03,517
Yeah, I thought you were in on it.
452
00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:06,687
Well, you deserve a daytime
Emmy for that performance.
453
00:19:06,721 --> 00:19:09,356
Thank you, I think so.
454
00:19:09,391 --> 00:19:12,993
Okay, so you're not like,
raging mad at me, then.
455
00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:15,362
No. I think it's fair
to say that neither of us
456
00:19:15,397 --> 00:19:18,031
have ever worked with
a ceiling mirror before.
457
00:19:18,065 --> 00:19:20,167
- True.
- It was funny!
458
00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:22,235
And a little humiliating.
459
00:19:22,270 --> 00:19:24,971
Yeah, I uh...
460
00:19:25,006 --> 00:19:27,808
Saw a lot of my body, and I didn't like it.
461
00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:28,922
- Mm-hmm.
- So...
462
00:19:28,943 --> 00:19:31,544
I'm actually that way.
463
00:19:31,578 --> 00:19:33,880
Okay, yeah, I was um-
464
00:19:33,915 --> 00:19:36,649
wondering if maybe we should um...
465
00:19:36,684 --> 00:19:38,483
Try it again, for the sake of practice?
466
00:19:38,518 --> 00:19:40,752
I'd be into that idea...
467
00:19:40,787 --> 00:19:42,922
For the sake of proficiency.
468
00:19:48,661 --> 00:19:51,229
So I guess we won't be playing headbandz.
469
00:19:56,318 --> 00:19:58,753
- Why did you say that?
- Oh my God.
470
00:19:58,787 --> 00:20:00,187
- What the hell
- (Muttering)
471
00:20:00,221 --> 00:20:01,922
Just don't, just stay here.
472
00:20:01,957 --> 00:20:04,525
Oh, hello again!
473
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:05,459
Spending another night together?
474
00:20:05,494 --> 00:20:07,194
Dad!
475
00:20:07,228 --> 00:20:10,498
Oh, Stevie, I hope you're being smart.
476
00:20:10,532 --> 00:20:11,966
- Oh my God!
- Oh my God!
477
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,534
Because we can't afford a baby right now,
478
00:20:14,568 --> 00:20:17,737
and, let's be honest, neither can you!
479
00:20:17,771 --> 00:20:20,239
Okay, well, I think it's about
time that you two go to bed.
480
00:20:20,273 --> 00:20:22,575
Excuse me!
481
00:20:22,610 --> 00:20:25,277
David, I just want you
to know that I support this.
482
00:20:25,312 --> 00:20:28,848
Not the fact that you're sleeping
with a girl, which is great.
483
00:20:28,883 --> 00:20:30,884
But you know, I'd be just as happy
484
00:20:30,918 --> 00:20:33,485
if you were to bring home
one of your guy friends.
485
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,821
What are you talking about?!
486
00:20:35,855 --> 00:20:37,756
Excuse me while I just go draw a warm bath,
487
00:20:37,790 --> 00:20:39,290
and plug in my hair dryer.
488
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,027
No, no, Stevie!
489
00:20:42,061 --> 00:20:44,663
You're a lovely girl, lovely girl.
490
00:20:44,697 --> 00:20:47,766
Bit of an edge, but you
know, it's growing on me.
491
00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:51,036
David, I just want you
to know that I endorse
492
00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:53,938
all your sexual encounters.
493
00:20:53,972 --> 00:20:55,240
A-are you drunk?!
494
00:20:55,274 --> 00:20:57,409
Grass, too much grass.
495
00:20:57,443 --> 00:20:59,944
- A little bit, but.
- What the... ?
496
00:20:59,978 --> 00:21:02,914
Hey, track that cycle, missy!
497
00:21:02,948 --> 00:21:04,949
Okay, good night!
498
00:21:04,983 --> 00:21:06,784
Hey, good night!
499
00:21:06,818 --> 00:21:07,718
Good night.
500
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:14,425
Hey!
501
00:21:14,427 --> 00:21:15,525
Come in and say hi
502
00:21:15,527 --> 00:21:16,693
to your aunt Dee Dee.
503
00:21:16,695 --> 00:21:17,727
Better hurry before she
504
00:21:17,729 --> 00:21:19,395
disappears for another decade.
505
00:21:19,397 --> 00:21:20,931
We should probably establish
506
00:21:20,933 --> 00:21:21,932
some boundaries about this whole
507
00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:23,033
friends with benefits thing.
508
00:21:23,035 --> 00:21:24,267
Can we do that after
509
00:21:24,269 --> 00:21:26,636
you screw Mr. Fix-it? Or...
510
00:21:26,638 --> 00:21:27,638
Hey!
511
00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:29,862
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
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512
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