All language subtitles for Roseanne s05e04 Mommy Nearest.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,539 Jackie, hurry up! I'm next! 2 00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,775 Okay, sorry. I got a few things for myself. 3 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,877 I'll pay you back later. What'd you get? 4 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:15,014 Just stuff. Oh, let's see. 5 00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,249 Disposable razors, 6 00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:20,152 Amaretto mist instant coffee, 7 00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,455 And a soft-pink light bulb. 8 00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,158 So, who is he? Who's who? 9 00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,327 The guy you're dating. What? 10 00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:31,096 I just want to kick back, have a nice cup of coffee, 11 00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,932 And shave my legs in a flattering light. 12 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,934 He's married, isn't he? No. 13 00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,871 He's not gonna leave his wife, you know. They say they will, but they never, ever do. 14 00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:43,509 Roseanne, he is not married. He's just a guy I met at that singles dance. 15 00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:47,312 Okay. So, what's wrong with him? Nothing! 16 00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:53,118 He's just young...Er. 17 00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,822 Well, how much younger is he? 18 00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,292 Way young? Like, milk-money young? 19 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,661 No! 20 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,265 Look, he can drive, he can vote, so let's drop it. 21 00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,868 I'm just not that comfortable with it myself. 22 00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:13,672 Well, so, is he cute? Yes. And he's fun and he's smart. 23 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,543 Oh, god, he's so smart. He is so not for me. 24 00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,880 God, you have such low self-esteem. 25 00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,450 You're such an idiot. Well, thank you. 26 00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:29,388 End of conversation. Can we move the belt here, please? 27 00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:33,292 Well, now, that's not what I meant. 28 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,594 What I meant was, you know, 29 00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,031 It's too early for you to know if he's right for you or not, 30 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,266 So I think you should let me decide. 31 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,569 No, Roseanne. I'm not bringing this one over. 32 00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,571 Oh, come on. No way. 33 00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,606 Oh, come on. I'll be nice. You will not. 34 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,675 Dan will. No. 35 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,580 I am not gonna subject fisher to your abuse. 36 00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:58,050 "fisher." [groans] 37 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:02,454 Roseanne... Come on, Jackie. I want to meet fisher. 38 00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:06,158 Come on! All right. 39 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,394 Okay, well, dinner on Thursday. 40 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,931 And hey, have you told him any lies that I ought to know about? 41 00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:16,568 Just that I'm 33. 42 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,476 [theme] 43 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,778 [Roseanne laughing] 44 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,953 Well, I hope you like instant, fisher, 45 00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,955 'cause that's all we got. 46 00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,957 Oh, no, that's fine. 47 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,593 Dinner was great, Roseanne. Everything was delicious. 48 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,361 [chuckles] yeah, right. 49 00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,466 Compliments will only get you seconds, fisher. 50 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,437 Boy, I'm full. 51 00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,439 Attaboy. 52 00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,541 So, fisher, Jackie tells me 53 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,110 That the two of you met at some singles dance. 54 00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,514 Oh, god. Oh, I'm just curious, you know. 55 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,284 How come somebody like you would have to go to one of those things? 56 00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:15,587 Well, 'cause-- no, I know why you would. 57 00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,591 I'm talking to fisher here. 58 00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,594 I don't know. I'm not the greatest at meeting people, 59 00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,630 And so I thought I'd give it a try. 60 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,299 And then I saw someone pretty 61 00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:31,103 With great legs and this terrific energy, 62 00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:35,374 And I thought, wow, that's somebody I got to meet. 63 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,876 Wow. Excellent answer. 64 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,082 Compliments will only get you seconds. 65 00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,253 I'm home. Darlene, come on in here 66 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,422 And meet your aunt Jackie's new boyfriend. 67 00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,426 Now, she's really sensitive about the age thing, 68 00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,695 See, so we're all on our best behavior. 69 00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,697 Yeah, okay. 70 00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,600 Fisher, this is our little Darlene. 71 00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,069 Aren't you in my science class? 72 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:14,079 Well, she held out longer than I thought she would. 73 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,184 What kind of work you in, fisher? I'm a commercial artist. 74 00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,721 Really? Cool. My boyfriend draws comics. 75 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,290 Oh, yeah? What kind of stuff? Oh, just stuff I write. 76 00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,292 You know, sci-fi, gothic. 77 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,230 He's really starting to perfect his disemboweled body parts, 78 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:34,566 But his vomit still needs a little work. 79 00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,835 I can make a vomit sound. 80 00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:41,206 Oh, yeah, d.J.? Let's hear it. A little tip, fisher. 81 00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,910 He can't make the sound without actually doing it. 82 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,380 You save it for later, honey. 83 00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,751 So, Dan, what business are you in? 84 00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,787 [mumbling] what? 85 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,222 It's all right. 86 00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,392 I used to run a bike shop but it went under, so now I'm doing a little dry-wall. 87 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,594 Oh, dry-wall. Oh, that's very... 88 00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,264 [mumbling] what about you, Roseanne? 89 00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:07,333 [mumbling] 90 00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,403 Well, when I'm not busy 91 00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,340 Being an unemployed housewife and mother, 92 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:18,077 I try to fulfill my duties as miss illinois. 93 00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,846 [phone rings] 94 00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:25,451 Hello? Oh, hi, mom. 95 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,487 That's grandma. Before you ask, she's getting divorced from grandpa, 96 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,023 Who's shacking up with some babe in kansas city. 97 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,625 More coffee? 98 00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,627 Yeah, really. Oh, that's great. 99 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,063 Yeah, well, we're all just sitting here having dinner. 100 00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,766 Jackie's over with her new boyfriend. 101 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,737 Fisher. Uh-huh. 102 00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,473 Oh, yeah, like a horse. 103 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,512 Oh, she's just asking about your appetite. 104 00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,588 Well, I just think that's great! 105 00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:05,157 Yeah, man, congratulations! 106 00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,559 Okay, well, I'll talk to you soon, then. 107 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,895 Yeah. Bye. 108 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,398 Mom sold the house. 109 00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,967 That was fast. Is she happy about it? 110 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,103 Well, uh, you can ask her yourself. 111 00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,172 She'll be here on Saturday. 112 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,342 [groans] no! 113 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,344 Now, that's how we feel, fisher, 114 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,346 But you'll probably like her. 115 00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,081 She's really old. 116 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,124 Well, mom's timing is perfect. 117 00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,427 Must've sensed I was happy. 118 00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,629 Exactly how long did bev say she was saying? 119 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,498 I'm not sure. Too long. 120 00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:50,069 What am I supposed to do, Dan? I can't tell her not to come, can I? 121 00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,705 Man, she's gonna get her digs in about the bike shop, about Becky. 122 00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,107 She just can't wait to get started on me. 123 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,142 You? She's not even gonna see you. 124 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,678 This blouse is gonna keep her busy till Thursday. 125 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,483 Thursday? She actually said Thursday? [doorbell rings] 126 00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,852 Just be nice. 127 00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,258 Hello, everybody! Hi! 128 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,562 I'm so happy to be with my family. 129 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,531 Dan, how are you doing? 130 00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,403 I'm all right. Hi, mom! 131 00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:28,907 Hello, Jackie. I'm sorry about the blouse. 132 00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,845 Dan, would you help mom with her bag? Sure. 133 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,115 Whoa, this puppy's got some heft to it. 134 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,851 Hey, a bag like this has, uh, 135 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,488 How many days' worth of clothes-- 3? 136 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,490 4? 137 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,558 5? [Roseanne] Dan... 138 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,995 So, where are my sweet, wonderful grandchildren? 139 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,965 Well, they were killed by d.J. And Darlene. 140 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,401 Mom, what was it like 141 00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,403 To actually sell the house? 142 00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,005 Actually, it was a huge relief. 143 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,141 How's dad doing with all this? 144 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,477 Well, I imagine he's pretty depressed by the settlement. 145 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,080 Remember how he always dreamed of retiring? 146 00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,382 [chuckles] not going to happen. 147 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,888 Boy, you should see the way your face lit up when you said that. 148 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,890 Hmm. And good reason. 149 00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:21,393 Why don't you forget the tea for a moment and come sit down? 150 00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,697 What's going on? 151 00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,166 Now, 152 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:31,603 You know, I'm going to be getting a lot of money from this house, 153 00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:35,441 And I could wait until I die, but I want to see it put to good use 154 00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,644 Now, when you seem to need it so much, 155 00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,780 So, this is for you. 156 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:45,150 And since you always throw a fit when you're left out of anything, here. 157 00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,152 Hey, thanks. 158 00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:52,958 Oh, my god, it's $10,000! So is this! 159 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,762 Oh, mom, you have no idea how much we need this right now! 160 00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:01,033 Oh, god, thank you! This is amazing! Mom! 161 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,602 Well, it makes me so happy 162 00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:06,205 That I have it to give to you, 163 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,474 And your father doesn't. 164 00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,479 I think this calls for a celebration 165 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,681 At la sizzler. 166 00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,583 [yelling] 167 00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:21,387 And we're all getting our own plates this time. 168 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:27,393 It's so important to me to see you girls happy. 169 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,895 I just wish I could do more. 170 00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,364 So, I was thinking, 171 00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,800 Since I sold the house, 172 00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,369 Why don't I just move to Lanford? 173 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,141 And then we can all be together. 174 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,443 Now, hold the party. I'm going to go freshen up. 175 00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,320 God, she's good. 176 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,028 We have got to stop her. 177 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,631 Jackie, the woman just walked in here 178 00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,500 And handed you $10,000. 179 00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,103 Well, sure. Take her side. 180 00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,175 Look, we need the money and she needs us. 181 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,878 I mean, can't you just work up some more enthusiasm about this here? 182 00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:24,016 Okay. Maybe I could use the money to move. 183 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:29,488 Work with me here. She is just trying to butter us up, Roseanne, 184 00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:33,625 So that she can move to Lanford and we can't say a thing about it. 185 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,834 Who's moving here? 186 00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,836 Dan... No! 187 00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,238 Dan... No, Roseanne, no! 188 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,440 Oh, come on! 189 00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,909 Dan, she needs to be near her family now. 190 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,112 No, she doesn't. She may think she does right now, 191 00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:57,249 But after 2 months and I have to kill her, she'll realize how wrong she was! 192 00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,318 She knew we would all feel this way, Roseanne. 193 00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,453 That's why she's waving this money around! 194 00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,757 Yeah! What money? 195 00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,592 It's from mom. 196 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,262 Yubba. 197 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:13,232 She's just trying to buy us, Dan. Can't you see that? 198 00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,701 Yeah, I think she hit my price. 199 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,208 Actually, she could've had me for half. 200 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,880 Roseanne! Honey, honey, she's your mother, 201 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,282 I'll do whatever it takes, but... 202 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,018 I just want you to know one thing-- 203 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,120 I want this money. 204 00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:40,225 Would you give me that check? You are drooling the zeroes off of it. 205 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,370 Why do you do all that? 206 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,673 It's a lot of responsibility, being a woman. 207 00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,109 God made us the bearer of children, 208 00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,244 We keep the human race going, 209 00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,181 And it's all very drying to the skin. 210 00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,486 Well, it hardly seems worth it. 211 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:11,156 You know, Darlene, if you're old enough to have a boyfriend, 212 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,926 You're old enough to start a beauty ritual. 213 00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,829 After all, skin is a gift. 214 00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,832 I'll remember that. 215 00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:23,535 Did your mother tell you I'm thinking of moving to Lanford? 216 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,938 Really? 217 00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,974 Will you be moving before my birthday? 218 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,746 I mean, it's my 16th, you know. Pretty big. 219 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,716 My, that is an important year. 220 00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:41,053 I'm saving up to buy a cd player. 221 00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,922 Sort of a birthday gift to myself. 222 00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,329 A cd player sounds fun. 223 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,032 What do you say you let your grandma 224 00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:56,068 Buy it for you a little bit early? 225 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,837 Oh, no. I couldn't let you do that. I mean, they're too... 226 00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,875 They're too expensive-- the good ones, anyhow. 227 00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,943 Nonsense. 228 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,447 And if you like, we can just keep it 229 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,582 Between you and me. 230 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,352 Sometimes it's good for us girls 231 00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,654 To have a little secret. 232 00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,793 Good night, sweetheart. 233 00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,474 Hey! 234 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,476 Hey, guys. [Dan] hey, Jackie. 235 00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,412 Roseanne, I have got 2 words for you-- 236 00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,349 "loose meat." 237 00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,852 I got 2 words for you too. 238 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,854 No, it's this great idea I got. 239 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:52,257 See, every time I make a run through iowa, I stop at this incredible little diner 240 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,259 That sells loose meat sandwiches. 241 00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,261 It's kind of like sloppy joes, but without the slop. 242 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,565 And anyway, the place is always packed, so I'm thinking 243 00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,201 Maybe we could pool our money and open up a place like that in Lanford 244 00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,203 And be like partners. 245 00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,372 [bev] good morning, Jackie. 246 00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,841 You didn't tell me mom was here. 247 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,477 Jackie, mom's here. 248 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,946 Morning, mom. We'll talk about it later. 249 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,850 No, please, go on. I always love to hear your little ideas. 250 00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,319 Yeah, so you can criticize them. 251 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:24,056 No, that's not true. I think it's wonderful that you have ideas. 252 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:28,160 If you don't keep having ideas, how are you ever going to come up with a good one? 253 00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:31,964 This is a good one. I have a great idea. 254 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,367 Why don't the two of you shut up? 255 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:39,371 Well, I'm sorry, but your sister should know better. 256 00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,741 Starting a business these days is insane! 257 00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,578 Didn't she learn anything from Dan's little bike shop fiasco? 258 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,715 Mom, what part of "shut up" 259 00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,484 Do you not understand? 260 00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,587 Well, I can't stand by and let her encourage you 261 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,691 To waste my money on one of her foolish ideas. 262 00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,994 Oh, stupid me. I thought the money was a gift. 263 00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,830 Skin is a gift. 264 00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,066 I'll be out in the car. 265 00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,736 Whoa. Where are you going? Nowhere. 266 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,373 Oh, we're just going to do a little early birthday shopping. 267 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:17,509 Yeah? Darlene, what are you trying to weasel out of your grandma? 268 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,846 Nothing but love. 269 00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:23,682 Bull. And a cd player. 270 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:27,786 No way. What, so you get $10,000 and I get nothing? 271 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,822 Well, you know what they say, Darlene-- 272 00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,858 Wealth always skips a generation. 273 00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:35,060 Out. 274 00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,162 No cd player, mom. 275 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,164 How many times have we had this conversation? 276 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,166 I told you I want you to stop spoiling the kids. 277 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,168 I wasn't doing anything wrong. 278 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,537 Well, then why were you trying to do it behind my back? 279 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:49,174 Because you force us to do things that way, Roseanne. 280 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:52,244 No one can do anything in this house without you interfering. 281 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,581 Well, that's because it's my house. 282 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,150 I like it this way. I like the kids poor. 283 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,619 That way they don't clash with the furniture. 284 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,392 For god's sake, why deprive the child 285 00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,394 Just because you're struggling? 286 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,462 Learn from your mistakes. 287 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,931 What is that supposed to mean? 288 00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:16,001 Well, maybe if you'd have been a little more concerned 289 00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:19,772 About Becky's happiness, she'd still be here. 290 00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,489 Here. Take your check back. 291 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,292 Jackie's right. It's never gonna work with you moving here, 292 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,895 'cause it'll always be like this. 293 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,132 Fine. Why don't I just leave now? 294 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,134 Fine! 295 00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,437 See you at thanksgiving! 296 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,140 What'd you invite her to thanksgiving for? 297 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,854 Can I come in? 298 00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,657 It's your house. You can do whatever you like. 299 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,366 Well, this is... 300 00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,668 Hard for me to say. 301 00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:25,838 Go ahead. You'll feel better. 302 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,440 I want the check back. 303 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,747 Pardon me? 304 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,583 Well, you gave it to us 'cause we needed it, 305 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,651 And we still need it. 306 00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,024 Here. I told you it was yours. 307 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,700 It's not like I don't appreciate it or nothing. 308 00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:58,270 Well, you have a frightening way of showing it. 309 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,707 I've never felt so unwelcome here. 310 00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:04,510 Oh, sure you have. 311 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,715 What are you gonna do now? 312 00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:12,017 Oh, I suppose I'll go back to moline 313 00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,086 And rent a little apartment. 314 00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,321 Maybe I'll buy some new furniture, 315 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:20,726 And then I'll just sit in a room until it's time to lie in a box. 316 00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,464 Well, at least you have a plan. 317 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:29,501 Maybe I'll get one of those life alert things so I'll have someone to talk to. 318 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,805 Oh, come on, mom. Don't do this. 319 00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,808 Now, would you please get Dan to help me with these bags? 320 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:39,478 Come on, mom. We all got mad and said stuff that we didn't mean. 321 00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,014 Now, put the bags down and we'll talk. 322 00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,149 [Jackie] oh, Roseanne! 323 00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,922 Get in here, Jackie. 324 00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:53,292 Now, we both know we can't leave it like this. 325 00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:00,332 Mom, maybe you could move here to Lanford 326 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,736 If we would just agree on some stuff first. 327 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,472 I'm listening. 328 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,341 All right, well, first of all-- 329 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,543 You can't leave your house. 330 00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,084 First of all, 331 00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,653 What I say goes around here. 332 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,756 And no more of this secret present crap either. 333 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,191 And I do not want to hear one more word about 334 00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,027 How we screwed up with the shop or how we screwed up with Becky. 335 00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,362 And I want you to respect the fact that I'm an adult 336 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,364 And I can make my own decisions. 337 00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,466 And there are certain things that I don't want to hear anymore, 338 00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,970 Like "flaky," "skinny," "die a spinster." 339 00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:40,506 That's just for mom, right? 340 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,842 Jackie, I only tell you these things 341 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,844 Because I want to see you do something 342 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,113 With your life before it's too late. 343 00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,984 Call us when you get home, mom. 344 00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:54,687 I can't say anything to you girls, can I? 345 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,856 Now you're getting it! What, is that what you really want? 346 00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,559 No, but if you're gonna move here, 347 00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:03,095 It's just like, we have to make a lot of changes, you know? 348 00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:05,397 We'll have to get used to it. We'll have to change 349 00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,533 And you'll have to change. 350 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,936 But right now, let's start with you. 351 00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,440 All right. What do you have in mind? 352 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,311 Well, maybe it would work 353 00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,448 If we just try being friends. 354 00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,416 We are friends. 355 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,753 No, no. No, we're not. 356 00:21:27,821 --> 00:21:30,956 Isn't she cute? No, see, friends 357 00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:35,027 Are not judgmental, and there's camaraderie, you know. 358 00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,429 Friends don't drive you into therapy. 359 00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,899 Therapy? Who's in therapy? 360 00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,535 [whining] Roseanne... 361 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,604 Not important. 362 00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:49,375 So, how do you feel, mom? 363 00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,779 All right. I'll be friends. 364 00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:55,981 If I'm wanted. 365 00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:58,584 Jackie... 366 00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,686 Okay, friends. 367 00:22:03,023 --> 00:22:07,559 All right, well, now let's go downstairs and practice being friends. 368 00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:11,497 Not mothers and daughters, but friends. 369 00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:14,033 Not too weird. [snickers] 370 00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:18,771 All right, this could be fun. And, you know, as your friend, 371 00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:22,808 I just want to tell you you're treating your mother very badly. 372 00:22:22,876 --> 00:22:25,177 [theme] 373 00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,817 Here's one. 2 bedrooms, 374 00:22:31,885 --> 00:22:35,387 Large patio, and it's very reasonable. 375 00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:39,391 Hey, Jackie, isn't that your block? No. 376 00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,627 That'd be great. You and mom could be neighbors. 377 00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:44,296 No, you don't want that apartment, mom. I know that building. 378 00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,598 Bad snake problem. 379 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,470 "snake problem"? Yeah. Big ones. 380 00:22:51,538 --> 00:22:54,740 Uh, didn't I see a "for rent" sign, though, 381 00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,876 Out front of the bowman house next door? 382 00:22:57,944 --> 00:22:59,945 Oh, yeah, yeah. 383 00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:03,949 Uh, I just hope they've hosed all the blood off the walls. 384 00:23:04,017 --> 00:23:06,118 [doorbell rings] 385 00:23:06,186 --> 00:23:10,155 I'll get it. You girls just keep fighting over me. 386 00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,960 Oh, hello. Come in. 387 00:23:15,028 --> 00:23:18,397 Darlene, your boyfriend's here! 388 00:23:18,447 --> 00:23:22,997 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 29569

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