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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,236 --> 00:00:06,070 Dangle: good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. 2 00:00:06,105 --> 00:00:08,707 I can't tell you how pleased I am to be here 3 00:00:08,741 --> 00:00:12,577 Making this mandatory public apology. 4 00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:14,078 49 years ago, 5 00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:19,050 The Reno sheriff's department made a humdinger of a goof. 6 00:00:19,084 --> 00:00:22,853 Bob Heron here was wrongfully convicted 7 00:00:22,888 --> 00:00:24,789 As the dumpster rapist. 8 00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:28,193 So it is my pleasure to present to you Mr. Bob Heron-- 9 00:00:28,227 --> 00:00:31,929 Not the dumpster rapist at all--Just a guy, 10 00:00:31,963 --> 00:00:34,599 Just a guy who spent 49 years in jail. 11 00:00:34,633 --> 00:00:37,535 Mr. Bob Heron, everybody. Yeah! Not a rapist. Not a rapist 12 00:00:37,569 --> 00:00:38,737 Jones: our bad. 13 00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:40,305 Junior: our bad. 14 00:00:43,241 --> 00:00:44,309 Bobby? 15 00:00:50,716 --> 00:00:51,682 Aah! 16 00:00:51,717 --> 00:00:52,750 Son of a bitch. God damn it. 17 00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:57,822 Huh! [Coughs] 18 00:00:57,856 --> 00:00:59,791 They all have guns! 19 00:01:03,729 --> 00:01:05,964 Woo-Hoo! 20 00:01:07,299 --> 00:01:08,266 Ow! 21 00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:09,734 Push 'em. Push 'em together? 22 00:01:09,768 --> 00:01:11,369 Sheriff's department. I need your bike! 23 00:01:13,171 --> 00:01:14,772 Oh, god! 24 00:01:16,575 --> 00:01:17,976 [Sirens approaching] 25 00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,878 [Fires two shots, empty gun clicks] 26 00:01:19,912 --> 00:01:22,213 Uh! Uh! 27 00:01:24,116 --> 00:01:25,717 Boss, boss, you're over the line. 28 00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:26,951 Aah! 29 00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:33,658 Captioning made possible by MTV networks 30 00:01:33,692 --> 00:01:35,460 Good morning, everybody. 31 00:01:35,494 --> 00:01:36,661 Weigel: good morning. 32 00:01:36,695 --> 00:01:39,297 Dangle: hey! Terrific news. 33 00:01:39,331 --> 00:01:41,299 Uh, let's all congratulate him. 34 00:01:41,333 --> 00:01:48,573 Jack Declan has completed his 16 hours of mandatory anger management training. 35 00:01:48,607 --> 00:01:51,642 [Scattered applause] 36 00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:53,445 Declan: can I tell you something? 37 00:01:53,479 --> 00:01:58,850 If you ever end up having to deal with those fucking numb-nut fuckknobs, 38 00:01:58,884 --> 00:02:00,652 All you got to do is just play it fucking poker-faced. 39 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:03,020 You don't owe them a smile. You don't owe them a hug. 40 00:02:03,055 --> 00:02:05,189 All you got to do is fucking keep it neutral. 41 00:02:05,224 --> 00:02:06,757 And they'll let you walk out the fucking door, 42 00:02:06,792 --> 00:02:10,995 And then do whatever the fucking fuck you want. Uh! 43 00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:15,433 Money well spent. 44 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:16,601 Williams: should we not bring out the cake? 45 00:02:16,635 --> 00:02:18,102 Because we had a whole cake and the whole thing. 46 00:02:18,136 --> 00:02:19,937 Dangle: no. Fuck the cake. Fuck the cake. 47 00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:23,574 As you know, we've been threatened with a lawsuit by Viacom international 48 00:02:23,609 --> 00:02:26,945 If we do not enforce their copyrights. 49 00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:31,249 Their claim is--And they're filing this in many states-- 50 00:02:31,283 --> 00:02:34,752 That local law enforcement is not doing enough to enforce copyrights 51 00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:36,454 On their copyrighted characters. 52 00:02:36,488 --> 00:02:38,356 I'm taking about your "Spongebob Squarepants," your "Dora the explorers." 53 00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:39,824 Jones: what? 54 00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:41,459 Junior: like your DVD collection of that smurf porn 55 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:42,694 And "little mermaid" porn and-- 56 00:02:42,728 --> 00:02:44,362 Dangle: ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 57 00:02:44,396 --> 00:02:45,497 That's completely different. 58 00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:46,831 We're talking about merchandise. 59 00:02:46,866 --> 00:02:48,700 I have a little Black Sambo potholder collection. 60 00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,901 Are they gonna freak out about that? 61 00:02:50,936 --> 00:02:51,903 Dangle: Viacom? 62 00:02:51,937 --> 00:02:53,204 Yeah. 63 00:02:53,238 --> 00:02:54,406 Highly unlikely. Or did you mean the black people 64 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,974 At the end of the table are gonna freak out? 65 00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:58,042 Weigel: anybody? Is anyone gonna freak out? 66 00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,277 I think there's a very solid chance these guys might freak out. 67 00:02:59,311 --> 00:03:00,378 I'm afraid to look over there. 68 00:03:00,412 --> 00:03:02,047 Don't look over there. 69 00:03:06,952 --> 00:03:09,020 You seem pretty tense a lot of the time. 70 00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,523 Did something happen to you in that time that you were in Chicago? 71 00:03:11,557 --> 00:03:13,291 That's where you were, right? Chicago, right? 72 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:14,425 Uh-Huh. 73 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,927 Something happen or something? 74 00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:23,601 It was a concentrated time of a lot of high-stakes situations 75 00:03:23,635 --> 00:03:25,136 That ended me up... 76 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,174 They call it post-traumatic stress syndrome. 77 00:03:30,208 --> 00:03:32,743 Mm-Hmm. OK. But you're telling me you're fine. 78 00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,716 Oh, I'd love to hear you say it out loud. 79 00:03:42,421 --> 00:03:44,189 There's a lot of gangs in Reno-- 80 00:03:44,223 --> 00:03:46,358 Two main gangs-- The 15th street gang and the Kings. 81 00:03:46,392 --> 00:03:49,527 And they like to tag their walls with these awful graffiti. 82 00:03:49,561 --> 00:03:51,462 'Cause they don't got a damn thing else to do. 83 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:55,700 Yeah. So we get, about once a month, 84 00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,168 Make our shit-Hole look like 85 00:03:57,203 --> 00:04:00,538 A little bit less of a shit-hole. 86 00:04:00,572 --> 00:04:01,539 Damn those Kings. 87 00:04:01,573 --> 00:04:02,540 [Gunshots] 88 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:03,974 [Tires screech] 89 00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:05,943 Oh, god. 90 00:04:05,978 --> 00:04:07,244 Was that the-- 91 00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:08,680 You think that was the 15th street gang? 92 00:04:08,714 --> 00:04:10,114 Sorry! We weren't think-- 93 00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,717 We're gonna put it back! 94 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:16,621 OK. There we go. No problem. 95 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:17,622 [Gunshots] 96 00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:18,656 Aah! 97 00:04:18,690 --> 00:04:21,192 Get down, Williams! 98 00:04:21,226 --> 00:04:22,760 That must have been the Kings. 99 00:04:22,795 --> 00:04:24,629 Holla back. All up in the house, the Kings. 100 00:04:24,663 --> 00:04:26,764 You're my favorite gang. All right. What color--Aah! Aah! 101 00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:27,765 [Gunshots] 102 00:04:27,799 --> 00:04:30,067 Aah! Aah! 103 00:04:30,102 --> 00:04:33,171 I think that was my damn mama in that car. 104 00:04:38,310 --> 00:04:41,546 Declan: I'm getting too old for this shit. Reno sheriff's department. 105 00:04:41,580 --> 00:04:42,547 Sheriff's department. 106 00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:44,082 Man: hey, what are you guys doing? 107 00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:48,218 We are going door to door, confiscating unlicensed merchandise. 108 00:04:48,253 --> 00:04:50,055 This is a kids' party, officers. 109 00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:52,022 Declan: sorry. It's also copyright infringement. 110 00:04:52,057 --> 00:04:53,358 This right here is not "Dora the explorer." 111 00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:54,993 That is "Dora the exploited." 112 00:04:55,027 --> 00:04:56,394 Well, how was I supposed to know... 113 00:04:56,428 --> 00:04:57,695 This is not a real Spongebob here. Did you notice that? 114 00:04:57,729 --> 00:04:59,130 I got these at-- 115 00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:00,598 Declan: do you want a hint? Do you want a hint next time? 116 00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:01,799 Mexicans don't have green eyes. You notice that? 117 00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,267 Man: ah, no, no, no. My sister-in-law has green eyes. 118 00:05:03,301 --> 00:05:04,702 Well, then she got raped by an Irishman. 119 00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:06,137 Yo, Declan! 120 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:07,839 I pay my taxes. I cooperate with the law. 121 00:05:07,873 --> 00:05:08,973 I don't care about your taxes. It has nothing to do with your taxes. 122 00:05:09,007 --> 00:05:10,942 Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Uh-Uh! 123 00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:12,243 No, no, no, no, no! 124 00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:16,313 Oh, you nasty little hooker! Come on! 125 00:05:16,348 --> 00:05:17,782 Man: get them, kids! Get them! 126 00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:23,354 Declan: aah! Aah! Son of a... aah! 127 00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:24,856 Get in the car! Get in the car! 128 00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,390 [Kids yelling excitedly] 129 00:05:28,327 --> 00:05:30,562 That was like a Vietnam movie, man. 130 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:37,368 [Man speaking Spanish] 131 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:42,239 Es the Chupacabra. Kpba--Uno-Cero-Dos- Punto-Cero. 132 00:05:42,274 --> 00:05:45,443 Aqui is Spanish radio station number one in Reno. 133 00:05:45,477 --> 00:05:48,980 We are here with the Reno sheriff department con los negros. 134 00:05:49,014 --> 00:05:50,448 �que pasa, negros? 135 00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:55,352 Que--Que paso. We are here to ask the gangs-- 136 00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:57,889 The Latin gangs and the black gangs-- 137 00:05:57,923 --> 00:06:01,259 To all come together so that we can unify-- 138 00:06:01,293 --> 00:06:02,026 Unify? 139 00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,862 Yeah, black and brown, get down. 140 00:06:04,896 --> 00:06:06,931 To the Spanish people of Reno, 141 00:06:06,965 --> 00:06:08,933 If you see a black police officer, 142 00:06:08,967 --> 00:06:12,703 They will give you their guns para to shoot the white man. 143 00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:14,104 Oh, no! 144 00:06:14,139 --> 00:06:15,673 No, Chupacabra. We aren't gonna shoot anything... 145 00:06:15,707 --> 00:06:18,676 [Speaking Spanish] 146 00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:24,715 Williams: no. Don't start that. No, no, no. 147 00:06:24,749 --> 00:06:27,051 Jones: I'm not so sure that we want to-- 148 00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:29,387 We don't want to kill the white people. 149 00:06:29,421 --> 00:06:30,221 Williams: we don't--Anybody. 150 00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:32,056 Ah, si. But we can agree on one thing. 151 00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:35,193 We can agree on one thing. Crush los gays. 152 00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:36,594 Jones: no... Williams: we do not want... 153 00:06:36,628 --> 00:06:38,062 That's all the time we have on here today. That's it. 154 00:06:38,096 --> 00:06:40,298 No. Let's not do that. 155 00:06:40,332 --> 00:06:41,099 All right. That was great. 156 00:06:41,133 --> 00:06:42,901 Thank you so much. That was great. 157 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,034 Can I hug you? 158 00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:49,073 Yes! Of course. Yes, si. Can you feel it? 159 00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:54,479 Rizzo: what's wrong? 160 00:06:54,513 --> 00:06:55,947 Our brakes are out in the car! 161 00:06:55,981 --> 00:06:57,248 Your brakes are out? OK, it's gonna be just fine, all right? 162 00:06:57,282 --> 00:06:58,616 What should we do? The baby! 163 00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:00,251 We got a baby in the back of the car! 164 00:07:00,285 --> 00:07:02,052 There's a baby in the car? OK. Everything's-- Just calm down. 165 00:07:02,087 --> 00:07:04,021 Gina, I want you to keep pumping those brakes. 166 00:07:04,055 --> 00:07:05,857 OK, Lisa, you're gonna pass the baby to me, all right? 167 00:07:05,891 --> 00:07:07,358 What? 168 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,494 I'm gonna wedge this in the accelerator so I can help you out. 169 00:07:10,529 --> 00:07:11,996 Oh, god! OK. 170 00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,031 All right, baby. Here we go. 171 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,432 Oh, my god. Oh, god. 172 00:07:14,466 --> 00:07:17,101 All right. I got it. Got it! Got it! Got it! 173 00:07:17,135 --> 00:07:18,302 Oh, god. 174 00:07:18,337 --> 00:07:20,738 Oh, my god. You got to be kidding me with the cats. 175 00:07:20,772 --> 00:07:22,106 Save him. Oh, god. 176 00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:23,641 OK. 177 00:07:23,676 --> 00:07:25,309 Aah! 178 00:07:25,344 --> 00:07:27,712 OK. OK. 179 00:07:27,746 --> 00:07:31,549 Gina: oh, my god. It's working. It's working. I got it back! 180 00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:34,919 It's working? OK, OK. Let me just pull out this. I'll pull out the baton. 181 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:37,221 Lisa: OK? OK. 182 00:07:37,255 --> 00:07:39,224 Shit. 183 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,225 Shit! Shit! It's stuck! 184 00:07:41,259 --> 00:07:43,026 What's stuck? 185 00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,028 Rizzo: my baton's stuck. We can't stop the car. We're coming back over. 186 00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:45,062 What?! 187 00:07:45,096 --> 00:07:46,231 We're coming back over! 188 00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:47,231 No! Oh, my god. 189 00:07:47,265 --> 00:07:48,732 Rizzo: OK. We're coming back over. 190 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:50,267 Lisa: give my cat back. OK. Come on. Hurry up. Hurry up. 191 00:07:50,301 --> 00:07:52,737 OK. Here we go. All right? Ready. 192 00:07:52,771 --> 00:07:53,905 Okay. 193 00:07:53,939 --> 00:07:55,606 Rizzo: God damn it. Why, Rizzo?! 194 00:07:56,942 --> 00:08:00,277 Go. Now, listen, listen, 195 00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:02,246 I think there's an airbag in there. 196 00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,916 I think there's an airbag on that side. I'm sorry, bro. 197 00:08:09,955 --> 00:08:14,258 Fuck you, grandpa. I'm out of my mind on crystal methamphetamine. 198 00:08:14,293 --> 00:08:17,094 My libido has gone completely haywire. 199 00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:19,263 And I'm fixing on raping you. 200 00:08:19,298 --> 00:08:21,932 Please don't rape me. I'm your grandpa! 201 00:08:21,966 --> 00:08:24,668 Shut up! And take a raping, grandpa. 202 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:40,584 Williams: mm mm mm. Another crystal meth grandpa rapist, 203 00:08:40,618 --> 00:08:44,188 Another horrible case of senior abuse, 204 00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:47,958 But one that's tragically on the rise in Washoe county. 205 00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:52,396 Even one senior citizen crystal meth... rape is 206 00:08:52,430 --> 00:08:54,799 Too many for our community. 207 00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:59,303 And the number we had last year, baby, it's unacceptable. 208 00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:02,974 Now, if you or someone you know witness a senior rape, 209 00:09:03,008 --> 00:09:09,280 Do the right thing and contact the Reno sheriff's department immediately. 210 00:09:13,952 --> 00:09:17,822 So, anyway, it turns out that that stuff for the crotch rot... 211 00:09:17,856 --> 00:09:20,191 And the stuff for the feet rot, the same stuff. 212 00:09:20,225 --> 00:09:23,595 No, the same powder? You didn't know that? 213 00:09:23,629 --> 00:09:24,361 Ah, drop it. 214 00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:25,296 Don't freak out. 215 00:09:25,330 --> 00:09:26,163 Junior: drop the gun! 216 00:09:26,197 --> 00:09:27,265 Declan: whoa! Whoa! Drop the gun! 217 00:09:27,299 --> 00:09:28,265 Don't wig out. 218 00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:28,866 Hand over the pi�'ata, Mike. Hey, do not shoot! 219 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:29,467 That pi�'ata is mine. But-- 220 00:09:29,501 --> 00:09:30,735 Drop the gun! 221 00:09:30,769 --> 00:09:31,769 Do not shoot the pi�'ata! Do not shoot the pi�'ata! 222 00:09:31,803 --> 00:09:32,737 You guys got-- 223 00:09:32,771 --> 00:09:34,004 You take that gun off that pi�'ata right now! 224 00:09:34,039 --> 00:09:35,305 Drop the god damn gun. 225 00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:36,273 Drop the gun! 226 00:09:36,308 --> 00:09:39,143 OK, let's drop on the count of 3! Here we go! 227 00:09:39,177 --> 00:09:40,077 Let's count it down together. 228 00:09:40,112 --> 00:09:41,646 1... 229 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,248 All: 2... 3. 230 00:09:44,282 --> 00:09:46,117 Big Mike: nah. Come on! 231 00:09:46,151 --> 00:09:47,585 Drop the gun, Mike! Drop the gun, Mike. 232 00:09:47,619 --> 00:09:48,986 You weren't gonna drop it. You weren't gonna drop it, either. 233 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,654 I was, too. You just didn't say 3. 234 00:09:50,689 --> 00:09:51,422 Look... 235 00:09:51,456 --> 00:09:52,756 Hey, Mike! Hey! 236 00:09:52,791 --> 00:09:55,193 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, look, hey, don't freak out. 237 00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,828 I've got my gum in there. It's a gum gun. 238 00:09:57,862 --> 00:09:58,729 God damn it. 239 00:09:58,764 --> 00:09:59,463 Fucking retard. 240 00:09:59,497 --> 00:10:00,197 It's a gum gun. 241 00:10:00,232 --> 00:10:00,765 Give us your gun. 242 00:10:00,799 --> 00:10:02,199 I'll fucking do it. 243 00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:03,968 You'll do what? Oh, I'll do it. 244 00:10:04,002 --> 00:10:05,235 Chew gum? What?! 245 00:10:05,270 --> 00:10:07,438 What are you gonna do? Chew gum? 246 00:10:07,472 --> 00:10:11,142 Let a dude have his gum gun. Let the man have his gum gun! 247 00:10:11,176 --> 00:10:12,276 You know what? I just want to get out of here. 248 00:10:12,311 --> 00:10:15,979 You stink. You live in a garbage dump. You're an idiot. 249 00:10:16,014 --> 00:10:18,348 Oh, ho. I live in a garbage dump? 250 00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:19,050 Yeah, you live in a garbage dump. 251 00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:20,117 You call that a garbage dump? 252 00:10:20,151 --> 00:10:21,385 I call that a garbage dump. 253 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,187 Well, I don't know what it's like 254 00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,789 Over in your crystal palace, Mrs. Rockefeller... 255 00:10:25,824 --> 00:10:27,324 Declan: you don't call me Mrs! 256 00:10:27,358 --> 00:10:31,829 Where you have 20 negro slaves working for you night and day, 257 00:10:31,863 --> 00:10:33,464 And a Filipino jockey. 258 00:10:33,498 --> 00:10:35,065 [Coughs] oh! 259 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:40,571 Weigel: so my husband Craig was executed 260 00:10:40,605 --> 00:10:44,775 By the state because he was a serial killer. 261 00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:50,581 And before he died, he made these lovely videotapes for our unborn son. 262 00:10:50,616 --> 00:10:54,351 I'll let you guys see the tapes. Kind of fun. 263 00:10:54,386 --> 00:10:56,354 Dangle: this is not normal white people stuff. 264 00:10:56,388 --> 00:10:58,623 Craig: welcome, camper. I'm your dad, Craig. 265 00:10:58,657 --> 00:10:59,590 Weigel: aw. 266 00:10:59,624 --> 00:11:01,091 You're probably wondering why I'm not around. 267 00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:03,093 It's because I killed a bunch of people. 268 00:11:03,128 --> 00:11:05,229 And then the state caught me. And then 269 00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:07,932 They're gonna kill me, and that's why you're not gonna see me. 270 00:11:07,966 --> 00:11:08,833 Weigel: ha ha ha! 271 00:11:08,867 --> 00:11:09,901 Declan: what's funny? Nothing's funny. 272 00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,135 Weigel: it's funny 'cause it's true. 273 00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:13,904 And I'm not ignoring you. I'm just dead. 274 00:11:13,938 --> 00:11:19,043 Guess what today is. It's your first birthday. Happy birthday. 275 00:11:19,077 --> 00:11:20,511 Aw. 276 00:11:20,546 --> 00:11:23,781 Blow out your candles. 277 00:11:23,815 --> 00:11:26,617 Awesome. You did an awesome job. 278 00:11:26,651 --> 00:11:31,188 If this is your second birthday, fast-forward two seconds. 279 00:11:31,222 --> 00:11:32,356 [Tape cueing] 280 00:11:32,390 --> 00:11:36,094 Happy second birthday. Blow out your candles. 281 00:11:36,128 --> 00:11:38,295 You did an awesome job. 282 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:41,465 If this is your third birthday, fast-forward two seconds. 283 00:11:41,499 --> 00:11:42,499 Weigel: oh! 284 00:11:42,534 --> 00:11:43,600 Declan: can we just--How many birthdays does he do? 285 00:11:43,635 --> 00:11:46,837 Happy third birthday. You did an awesome job. 286 00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,907 If this is your fourth birthday, fast-forward two seconds. 287 00:11:49,941 --> 00:11:51,508 Did you make baby with this guy? 288 00:11:51,543 --> 00:11:54,078 Weigel: yeah. We sold it, though. 289 00:11:54,112 --> 00:11:55,846 If this is your 40th birthday... 290 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,748 Dangle: oh, wow. 291 00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,984 Happy 40th birthday. Blow out your candles... 292 00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:03,688 If this is your 106th birthday... 293 00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:06,891 Happy 106th birthday. Blow out your candles. Awesome job. 294 00:12:06,925 --> 00:12:10,661 You're probably dead by now. 295 00:12:10,695 --> 00:12:13,130 But if you're not, you've broken some kind of record. 296 00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:15,833 So congratulations. You did an awesome job. 297 00:12:15,867 --> 00:12:17,134 Weigel: what a dad. 298 00:12:17,369 --> 00:12:18,569 Dangle: who wants a runchy? 299 00:12:18,604 --> 00:12:19,570 Weigel: I'll have a runchy. 300 00:12:19,604 --> 00:12:21,706 I didn't mean to say it in a racist way, Cindy. 301 00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,606 A runchy? 302 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:23,507 I don't mean to say this in a racist way... 303 00:12:23,542 --> 00:12:24,041 You know what I meant. I meant luncheon. 304 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,242 But I rikey runchy. 305 00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:25,743 Dangle: I said it in a slightly... 306 00:12:25,777 --> 00:12:26,710 I rikey runchy, too. 307 00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:29,246 Ha ha! We all rikey runchy. Let's do it. 308 00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:31,515 Declan: don't high-five them. They're both insulting you. 309 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:33,050 No. It sounds great. 310 00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:33,984 It's not insulting. It's just talking 311 00:12:34,018 --> 00:12:34,885 Like you in a sing-song way, like you talk. 312 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,053 Yeah. 313 00:12:36,087 --> 00:12:37,654 It's not insulting. I just a rikey to have some a-runchy. 314 00:12:37,689 --> 00:12:38,923 Yeah! 315 00:12:38,957 --> 00:12:40,224 Dangle: but, seriously, get us some lunch, would you? 316 00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:41,358 Weigel: yeah. Come back with some lunch. 317 00:12:41,392 --> 00:12:42,693 OK. I'll be right back. 318 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,328 OK. Thanks. And none of that Chinese shit. 319 00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:51,235 We're here at the high school today 320 00:12:51,269 --> 00:12:53,671 Just, you know, checking the metal detector. 321 00:12:53,705 --> 00:12:55,506 Keeping the school safe. 322 00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:58,542 Hello. Good morning. 323 00:12:58,577 --> 00:13:01,745 What time you, um, want to go to the-- 324 00:13:01,779 --> 00:13:05,415 Hey, hey, hey, honey. Come back here. 325 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,085 You thought it was a good idea to come outside this morning 326 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,054 With all of this out? You look like a whore. 327 00:13:11,089 --> 00:13:12,423 You do. You do look like a whore. 328 00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:13,691 Mm-Hmm. 329 00:13:13,725 --> 00:13:15,493 You do look like a filthy, a filthy little whore. 330 00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,194 There we go. What! Hey, ooh. 331 00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:21,031 That looks nice on you. That looks nice on you. 332 00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:22,800 Hi there, handsome. 333 00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:24,802 Not handsome at all. In fact, a sad, homely, homely child. 334 00:13:24,836 --> 00:13:27,438 Not handsome, but appropriately dressed. Huh? 335 00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:28,973 But appropriately dressed. 336 00:13:29,007 --> 00:13:30,073 Whoa. Hey! Hey! 337 00:13:30,108 --> 00:13:31,608 Hey, hey. Seriously? 338 00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:35,145 Weigel: ho, ho. And I do mean ho. 339 00:13:35,179 --> 00:13:37,615 When you grow up and you get a real job, 340 00:13:37,649 --> 00:13:40,717 You're not gonna be able to walk around with your ta-tas hanging out 341 00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:43,354 And your hoo-hoos hanging out for everybody to see, OK? 342 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:47,692 Sorry. I am grown up, and I do have a real job. 343 00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:50,160 Sure you do. You work at strawberries or the dress barn? 344 00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:51,795 Oh, you grown! You just grown, huh? 345 00:13:51,829 --> 00:13:55,099 No, I'm--I'm the principal. 346 00:13:55,133 --> 00:13:56,200 Oh. 347 00:13:56,234 --> 00:13:57,234 Oh. 348 00:14:00,639 --> 00:14:02,606 And a great principal you are. 349 00:14:02,641 --> 00:14:06,777 You know how I know? The kids are terrific. Ha ha ha! 350 00:14:06,811 --> 00:14:07,878 Yeah, they are. 351 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,781 Hang in there, girl. I mean, good job. 352 00:14:10,815 --> 00:14:11,782 Good job. 353 00:14:11,817 --> 00:14:12,783 Thank you. 354 00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:14,418 And by the way, I love your thong. 355 00:14:14,452 --> 00:14:19,323 I would wear one, too, but a huge thicket of pubes. 356 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:33,838 Son of a bitch. Son of a bitch. 357 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:36,140 Come on. You kidding me? 358 00:14:36,174 --> 00:14:38,909 Junior: not today. Drop the ice-Cream fliers! 359 00:14:38,943 --> 00:14:41,278 Man: OK. Ho. Ha. Hey, oh. OK. 360 00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:42,513 Take off the sponge. 361 00:14:42,547 --> 00:14:43,714 I don't, uh-- 362 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:44,915 Take it off. 363 00:14:44,949 --> 00:14:46,249 Ooooooohhh! 364 00:14:46,284 --> 00:14:48,919 What--What is that? What is that? What is that? 365 00:14:48,954 --> 00:14:50,321 What are you doing? 366 00:14:50,355 --> 00:14:54,024 I get frustrated. When I get frustrated, I--I experience-- 367 00:14:54,058 --> 00:14:55,325 No, no, no, no. 368 00:14:55,359 --> 00:14:56,694 You don't get cartoon frustrated with me. Look... 369 00:14:56,728 --> 00:14:57,861 You don't talk the Spongebob acting. 370 00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:59,262 Arresting Spongebob! 371 00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:00,897 This is my job, OK? And you're making my job difficult. 372 00:15:00,932 --> 00:15:02,632 Yup. 373 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,367 Now, I want to go home tonight. 374 00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:05,736 I want to relax in front of some TV. 375 00:15:05,770 --> 00:15:08,639 I want to whack it, and I want to go to sleep early. 376 00:15:08,673 --> 00:15:09,973 Man: if you just wait-- 377 00:15:10,007 --> 00:15:11,641 Declan: but if you give me a hard time, 378 00:15:11,676 --> 00:15:13,143 I'm gonna think all night about how I wished I'd killed you. 379 00:15:13,178 --> 00:15:14,778 Now, you take off this fucking costume. 380 00:15:14,813 --> 00:15:16,146 Sorry, kids. 381 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:17,648 Take off this frickin' costume, kids. 382 00:15:17,682 --> 00:15:20,284 Man: I can't believe you guys are really-- 383 00:15:20,318 --> 00:15:22,586 Junior: it's not the real Spongebob, kids. 384 00:15:22,621 --> 00:15:26,223 Declan: yeah, don't get freaked out. This is just a bad man. Hey, hey. 385 00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:28,392 Are those officially licensed batman underpants? 386 00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:30,227 I pray to god. No, you don't. 387 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,662 Take off the underpants. Take off the underpants! Take off the underpants. 388 00:15:32,697 --> 00:15:33,864 Get out of the way! I got a clean shot! 389 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,065 Take off the underpants. 390 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,134 Move over! Travis, move over! 391 00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,903 Get him! All right. 392 00:15:39,937 --> 00:15:41,505 Let me see those things. 393 00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:44,575 You're good kids. You eat that ice cream. 394 00:15:44,609 --> 00:15:46,644 Junior: check the girl's socks. 395 00:15:46,678 --> 00:15:47,878 Oh, no. 396 00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:54,218 I'm sorry. Don't hate the police. Hate your parents. 397 00:15:57,956 --> 00:15:59,590 [Clapping hands] my name is Glen. 398 00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:01,892 My name is Bill, and who here likes vacations? 399 00:16:01,926 --> 00:16:03,127 I do. 400 00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:07,031 Bill: but it's tough to take vacation 401 00:16:07,065 --> 00:16:11,435 When you only have 5 days allotted the entire year. 402 00:16:11,469 --> 00:16:13,670 You know what? We're gonna do a little magic here. 403 00:16:13,705 --> 00:16:16,840 What would you say if we took those 5 days... 404 00:16:16,874 --> 00:16:20,810 We took those 5 days and we--Abracadabra-- Made them 10 days! 405 00:16:20,845 --> 00:16:23,180 Whoo! 10 days of vacation time! 406 00:16:23,214 --> 00:16:24,581 Weigel: wow. 407 00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:25,850 Dangle: I'd say hell, yeah! 408 00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:30,988 It can happen if you believe in the program we're talking about. 409 00:16:31,022 --> 00:16:32,256 We're talking about a program. 410 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:34,124 Who wants to book a vacation? No one, right? 411 00:16:34,158 --> 00:16:35,192 Glen: no! 412 00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,360 Bill: who wants to think about where they're going? 413 00:16:36,394 --> 00:16:39,429 Who wants to call up a hotel, go on-line? 414 00:16:39,463 --> 00:16:41,264 That sounds like a lot of hassle to me. 415 00:16:41,299 --> 00:16:42,366 Bill: it is. 416 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,935 Glen: exactly. It is a lot of hassle, but not anymore. 417 00:16:44,969 --> 00:16:48,538 If you want 10 days, all you have to do is vacation 418 00:16:48,572 --> 00:16:52,009 At one of 3 resorts that we have predetermined for you. 419 00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,277 Declan: a resort like a resort-resort? 420 00:16:53,311 --> 00:16:57,247 Glen: it's a resort in the greater Tampa metropolitan area. 421 00:16:57,282 --> 00:16:57,782 Man: wow. 422 00:16:57,816 --> 00:16:59,216 Declan: fuck yeah. 423 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:03,120 Glen: and they are so nice. How about a place called Casa Laguna? Boom! 424 00:17:03,155 --> 00:17:05,156 Casa Lagunas! 425 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,390 Weigel: I like the water. 426 00:17:06,424 --> 00:17:08,958 Bill: it all takes place right here, here, and here in Tampa. 427 00:17:08,993 --> 00:17:10,027 Declan: what the hell is that? 428 00:17:10,061 --> 00:17:12,696 Guys, it is so beautiful. You got to see this place. 429 00:17:12,730 --> 00:17:16,967 You are just a short tram ride away from the beach! 430 00:17:17,001 --> 00:17:18,035 Yeah! 431 00:17:18,069 --> 00:17:20,070 How could we possibly afford this on a cop's salary? 432 00:17:20,104 --> 00:17:21,104 Bill: well, that's the thing. 433 00:17:21,139 --> 00:17:26,510 What we do is we go like this. Oh, oh, oh! 434 00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:27,544 Boom! 435 00:17:27,578 --> 00:17:29,246 Glen: what are we talking about right here, guys? 436 00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,514 Bill: we're talking about Tupperware. 437 00:17:30,548 --> 00:17:31,381 Glen: yeah. 438 00:17:31,415 --> 00:17:33,283 All you got to do is sell 439 00:17:33,317 --> 00:17:38,021 Over $50 of Tupperware to 3 to 5 friends. 440 00:17:38,056 --> 00:17:40,590 For every week for the next 6 months. 441 00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:41,491 Dangle: easy, easy. We can do that. 442 00:17:41,526 --> 00:17:43,060 And then you will qualify for the package. 443 00:17:43,094 --> 00:17:43,994 Dangle: easy. 444 00:17:44,029 --> 00:17:45,162 What was your favorite time in your life? 445 00:17:45,196 --> 00:17:46,696 When you had sleepovers with your friends? Yeah! 446 00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,231 Weigel: I love sleepovers. Yeah! 447 00:17:48,266 --> 00:17:49,299 Everybody all together, right? 448 00:17:49,334 --> 00:17:50,500 Officers: yeah! 449 00:17:50,535 --> 00:17:53,436 Well, we are gonna give you a bona fide dorm room experience 450 00:17:53,471 --> 00:17:55,306 Because you are gonna be sharing this condo 451 00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:58,142 With up to 7 different people. 452 00:17:58,176 --> 00:18:01,878 And the beauty of it, you don't even know them, so you make new friends. 453 00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:02,680 Junior: that's good people watching. 454 00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:03,647 Glen: at the beach. 455 00:18:03,681 --> 00:18:05,115 Bill: and I want to talk about security, too. 456 00:18:05,149 --> 00:18:07,685 Every window has bars on them. 457 00:18:07,719 --> 00:18:08,885 Dangle: great. You're protected. 458 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,154 You're not going to have to worry 459 00:18:10,188 --> 00:18:11,589 About your stuff getting stolen. Great. 460 00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:14,090 Glen: and if you're afraid of other things that might happen at the beach, 461 00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,026 Such as shark attacks, did you know 462 00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,694 That the occurrence of a shark attack, 463 00:18:17,728 --> 00:18:22,199 The odds of that happening are so minuscule to almost be negligible? 464 00:18:22,233 --> 00:18:23,167 Dangle: it's so "negativeable," 465 00:18:23,201 --> 00:18:25,235 It makes me wonder why you even brought it up. 466 00:18:25,470 --> 00:18:27,571 Well, we have to bring it up by law. 467 00:18:27,605 --> 00:18:30,407 So we get 10 nights, at an all inclusive resort, 468 00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:33,176 Two rides on the tram, a job, mandatory lectures, 469 00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:35,579 And all we have to do is sell $12,000 worth of Tupperware! 470 00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:36,780 Exactly! Exactly! 471 00:18:36,814 --> 00:18:38,682 Declan: I'm going to the Tampa area! 472 00:18:38,716 --> 00:18:39,783 Yeah! 473 00:18:39,817 --> 00:18:42,686 We need an investment from you for the Tupperware. 474 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,154 So you're gonna put some money out. Great. 475 00:18:44,188 --> 00:18:45,822 And then you're gonna get your money back... 476 00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:47,191 Dangle: it takes money to make money. Am I right? 477 00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:51,161 Come outside to our van. And we are gonna give you some Tupperware! 478 00:18:51,195 --> 00:18:55,966 All: Tupperware! Tupperware! Tupperware! Tupperware! 479 00:19:03,107 --> 00:19:05,309 Declan: we can just throw all this stuff off here? 480 00:19:05,343 --> 00:19:07,278 I feel like a crap sandwich. 481 00:19:07,312 --> 00:19:08,645 Junior: how do you mean? 482 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,582 I didn't get into law enforcement to make a bunch of kids miserable. 483 00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:13,650 I got into law enforcement for the outside possibility 484 00:19:13,684 --> 00:19:18,822 I'd get to shoot a man and get away with it through self-fefense. 485 00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:22,326 I've always felt like I was the wrathful hand of god. 486 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:27,164 Today I felt like I was the devil clawing up from hell 487 00:19:27,198 --> 00:19:30,767 And stealing happiness from children. 488 00:19:30,802 --> 00:19:32,068 [Music playing in distance] 489 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:34,337 Listen. 490 00:19:37,275 --> 00:19:38,976 You hear that? 491 00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:40,510 It sounds like a party. 492 00:19:40,545 --> 00:19:45,749 It sounds like quincea�'era music, birthday party. 493 00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,818 How can they be celebrating? 494 00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:51,956 I saw them all crying and screaming and begging. 495 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:54,925 I even stole a little girl's Spongebob leggings. 496 00:19:54,959 --> 00:19:58,328 How can they be celebrating? 497 00:19:59,897 --> 00:20:03,733 They're down there celebrating without pi�'atas. 498 00:20:03,768 --> 00:20:05,735 But they shouldn't have to. 499 00:20:07,204 --> 00:20:09,339 You know what? 500 00:20:09,373 --> 00:20:13,810 I thought I'd never say this. But fuck Johnny Law. 501 00:20:20,451 --> 00:20:24,320 Whoo! Let's run some red lights. Whoo. 502 00:20:34,065 --> 00:20:34,798 Hey! 503 00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:35,598 Today's on us. 504 00:20:35,633 --> 00:20:37,300 Free almost-genuine Spongebobs! 505 00:20:37,334 --> 00:20:38,502 You got a kid? 506 00:20:38,536 --> 00:20:41,338 Everybody loves Spongebob. This is kind of like Spongebob. 507 00:20:41,372 --> 00:20:42,406 Ha ha! 508 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:45,542 Junior: absolutely free. All this can-- Whoa. Jesus. 509 00:20:45,576 --> 00:20:46,576 Man: hold it. Hold it. You're under arrest 510 00:20:46,611 --> 00:20:48,745 For copyright infringement. Get away from the car. 511 00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:49,980 All right, all right, all right, all right... 512 00:20:50,015 --> 00:20:50,780 Do it. Go, go, go. 513 00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:51,915 Oh, ow, ow. 514 00:20:51,949 --> 00:20:53,150 Boy, your car's pretty hot... 515 00:20:53,184 --> 00:20:55,619 Push my head down. I hit my head, I'm gonna fucking kill you. 516 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,754 You do not fuck with Viacom. 517 00:20:57,788 --> 00:20:58,488 Yes, sir. 518 00:20:58,523 --> 00:20:59,389 Over there. Ow! 519 00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:01,090 Captioning made possible by MTV networks 520 00:21:04,629 --> 00:21:05,996 Chupacabra: do you guys like menudo? 521 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,096 Woman: live together. 522 00:21:07,131 --> 00:21:08,999 Jones: um, sure. Yeah. We like... 523 00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:11,000 Woman: menudo? They know menudo? 524 00:21:11,035 --> 00:21:12,102 Jones: we like menudo. 525 00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:15,472 Chupacabra: what about manu-re? Pfft! Pfft! Pfft... 526 00:21:15,507 --> 00:21:16,205 Woman: we could have a condo. 527 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:17,407 Williams: no. Ch-Ch-Chupacabra? 528 00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:19,510 Jones: what are you--What is that? 529 00:21:19,544 --> 00:21:21,478 Chupacabra: that's manu-re! 530 00:21:21,513 --> 00:21:26,216 Menudo is the new manure. Pfft! Pfft! Pfft... 531 00:21:26,250 --> 00:21:27,817 Woman: will you stop? 532 00:21:27,852 --> 00:21:28,852 Chupacabra: uh-Oh! 533 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:31,221 [Silly voice] waah! Perdoname. 534 00:21:31,255 --> 00:21:34,624 That was the baby in the radio station! 535 00:21:34,674 --> 00:21:39,224 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40348

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