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1
00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,434
Dangle: so the district
attorney's office
2
00:00:06,468 --> 00:00:09,203
Has asked that we
please stop referring
3
00:00:09,237 --> 00:00:11,305
To them as
nuts and butts checks.
4
00:00:11,339 --> 00:00:12,806
Why?
What do we call it?
5
00:00:12,841 --> 00:00:14,775
They thought that it implies
that we're having--
6
00:00:14,809 --> 00:00:18,079
?
oh! This nigger
got O.J.'s belt ?
7
00:00:18,113 --> 00:00:20,514
?
this nigger
got O.J.'s belt ?
8
00:00:20,548 --> 00:00:23,551
?
this nigger
got O.J.'s belt ?
9
00:00:23,585 --> 00:00:25,119
Ha ha ha! Yeah.
10
00:00:25,154 --> 00:00:26,153
O.J. Simpson?
11
00:00:26,187 --> 00:00:27,821
O.J. Simpson's belt.
12
00:00:27,856 --> 00:00:29,090
Williams: how
did you get that? Really?
13
00:00:29,124 --> 00:00:32,226
My boy Rick, he works
in booking down in Vegas.
14
00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:36,464
When O.J. got busted,
he swiped his belt.
15
00:00:36,498 --> 00:00:37,464
How much he charge
you for that?
16
00:00:37,499 --> 00:00:38,466
$800.
17
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:39,567
That's a good deal.
18
00:00:39,601 --> 00:00:40,568
That's an investment.
19
00:00:40,603 --> 00:00:42,236
That's an investment.
20
00:00:42,271 --> 00:00:43,404
That's a piece
of history.
21
00:00:43,438 --> 00:00:44,605
That could be
in the Smithsonian.
22
00:00:44,639 --> 00:00:47,976
Oh, ho, hoooo!
23
00:00:48,010 --> 00:00:49,377
?
O.J.'s belt ?
24
00:00:49,411 --> 00:00:51,778
?
motherfucker,
I got O.J.'s belt ?
25
00:00:51,813 --> 00:00:53,648
?
sucker, sucker,
I got O.J.'s belt ?
26
00:00:53,682 --> 00:00:55,283
?
sucker, sucker ?
27
00:00:55,317 --> 00:00:57,451
Junior: Rick
in Clark county?
28
00:00:57,485 --> 00:00:58,719
Vegas?
Sold it to you?
29
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,087
Yeah.
800 bucks?
30
00:01:00,122 --> 00:01:03,658
1,000. Good deal, right?
31
00:01:03,692 --> 00:01:05,059
Pretty good deal.
32
00:01:06,228 --> 00:01:08,162
Son of a bitch.
Goddamn it!
33
00:01:09,932 --> 00:01:11,799
[Tires screech]
34
00:01:11,834 --> 00:01:12,800
Come on.
35
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:15,136
They all have guns!
36
00:01:18,874 --> 00:01:20,474
Whoo hoo!
37
00:01:22,678 --> 00:01:23,877
Ow!
38
00:01:23,912 --> 00:01:25,212
Push them together?
39
00:01:25,246 --> 00:01:26,914
Sheriff's department.
I neeed your bike.
40
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,651
Oh! God!
41
00:01:39,728 --> 00:01:41,162
[All taking at once]
42
00:01:41,196 --> 00:01:42,529
Aah!
43
00:01:43,932 --> 00:01:45,999
[Siren]
44
00:01:49,171 --> 00:01:56,577
Dangle: people, as you know,
his holiness pope Benedict something something
45
00:01:56,611 --> 00:02:00,715
Is embarking on a tour
of North America.
46
00:02:00,749 --> 00:02:02,483
He is going
to New York,
47
00:02:02,518 --> 00:02:04,752
He is going to Chicago,
48
00:02:04,787 --> 00:02:06,854
He's going
to Los Angeles,
49
00:02:06,888 --> 00:02:11,492
And a city yet
to be determined.
50
00:02:11,526 --> 00:02:15,763
He is sending
an advance team to Reno, Nevada,
51
00:02:15,797 --> 00:02:18,532
To determine whether
or not we should
52
00:02:18,567 --> 00:02:22,169
Be the fourth
host city.
53
00:02:22,203 --> 00:02:26,340
I don't think I have
to impress upon you
54
00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:31,079
What this would mean
to our little hamlet.
55
00:02:31,113 --> 00:02:37,484
It would be a clusterfuck
of biblical proportions.
56
00:02:37,519 --> 00:02:39,887
We got to put up
fucking concrete barriers,
57
00:02:39,922 --> 00:02:42,189
We need port-a-potties,
we got protesters,
58
00:02:42,223 --> 00:02:43,591
We got Mexicans
who love the pope,
59
00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:44,992
We got Mexicans
who hate the pope.
60
00:02:45,027 --> 00:02:47,061
Trudy: you didn't say
this guy was a Mexican.
61
00:02:47,095 --> 00:02:48,963
He's not a Mexican.
He's got a lot of--
62
00:02:48,997 --> 00:02:50,197
He's got
a big Mexican fan base.
63
00:02:50,232 --> 00:02:51,966
Junior: if you shit
a turd that looks kind of like the pope,
64
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,034
Mexicans flock to it.
65
00:02:53,068 --> 00:02:54,902
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, look.
66
00:02:54,937 --> 00:02:56,136
Take a 9-Hour bus ride.
67
00:02:56,171 --> 00:02:57,605
Oh, that turd looks
kind of like the pope.
68
00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,575
Scare the shit out
of these people.
69
00:03:00,609 --> 00:03:01,775
I don't think I'm
asking that much of you
70
00:03:01,810 --> 00:03:05,413
To show these
people that this place
71
00:03:05,447 --> 00:03:09,583
Is the nut sac
of the sierras
72
00:03:09,618 --> 00:03:11,985
And not a place
that he should come.
73
00:03:15,324 --> 00:03:17,824
Let us not ask later
was there something
74
00:03:17,859 --> 00:03:19,326
We could have done
to make the pope
75
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,762
Not come that we
didn't do.
76
00:03:24,166 --> 00:03:25,599
Hi. How are you?
77
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:27,468
Really, really super
to have you.
78
00:03:27,502 --> 00:03:28,836
I'm lieutenant Jim Dangle.
79
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:31,205
I'm Camerlengo Federico
to his holiness the pope.
80
00:03:31,239 --> 00:03:38,011
Oh, wonderful.
OK. Super. Great.
81
00:03:38,046 --> 00:03:39,013
Unh. Uh-Uh.
82
00:03:39,047 --> 00:03:40,013
That's how we
do that here.
83
00:03:40,048 --> 00:03:42,316
This is Trudy Wiegel, uh...
84
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:44,819
It's very nice to
meet you. Thank you.
85
00:03:44,853 --> 00:03:46,420
A pleasure, to mee--
86
00:03:46,454 --> 00:03:48,356
OK. Trudy--I don't know
if you can tell right now.
87
00:03:48,390 --> 00:03:50,091
Trudy's wearing
an adult diaper.
88
00:03:50,125 --> 00:03:51,258
You understand
what that is?
89
00:03:51,292 --> 00:03:53,494
Uh, this is
deputy Travis Junior.
90
00:03:53,528 --> 00:03:55,195
He likes them real young.
91
00:03:56,864 --> 00:03:58,598
Crazy about that
new nazi pope.
92
00:03:58,633 --> 00:04:00,100
Batshit for him.
93
00:04:00,134 --> 00:04:02,469
Uh, this is Francis Rizzo.
94
00:04:02,503 --> 00:04:03,604
I asked you to
cover that up.
95
00:04:03,639 --> 00:04:04,671
I used to dress up as
the pope when I was a kid.
96
00:04:04,706 --> 00:04:06,774
I had the whole pope thing,
I had the hat.
97
00:04:06,808 --> 00:04:09,177
Shut your mouth.
Uh, and this is Raineesha Williams,
98
00:04:09,211 --> 00:04:10,811
Who is a Muslim.
99
00:04:10,846 --> 00:04:13,113
Back up off me.
Don't say nothing about what I believe
100
00:04:13,147 --> 00:04:14,281
Because I ain't gonna
say nothing
101
00:04:14,316 --> 00:04:15,315
About what you
believe
102
00:04:15,350 --> 00:04:16,584
Because if you say
something
103
00:04:16,618 --> 00:04:17,785
About what I believe,
it's gonna straight be a--
104
00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:19,386
Oh, snap!
OK, please. OK.
105
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:22,656
Jack: Lou, permission
to stroke off my cock.
106
00:04:22,690 --> 00:04:25,593
Never have to ask me.
You never have to ask
107
00:04:25,627 --> 00:04:26,961
Because this
is Reno, Nevada.
108
00:04:26,995 --> 00:04:28,962
I really think you're
gonna like it here.
109
00:04:33,869 --> 00:04:35,236
Sheriff's department.
Sheriff's department.
110
00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:36,270
Sheriff's department.
111
00:04:36,304 --> 00:04:37,637
Damn. This place gives
me the creeps.
112
00:04:37,672 --> 00:04:40,140
Officers, officers,
thank god you're here.
113
00:04:40,175 --> 00:04:42,543
Look. One of our most
dangerous patients has escaped.
114
00:04:42,578 --> 00:04:43,677
He's not in his
room anymore,
115
00:04:43,711 --> 00:04:45,179
And we need to set up
a perimeter.
116
00:04:45,213 --> 00:04:46,047
I don't know what to do.
117
00:04:46,081 --> 00:04:47,882
OK. We need
a description right away.
118
00:04:47,916 --> 00:04:49,183
He responds
to the name Daniel,
119
00:04:49,217 --> 00:04:50,284
He responds
to several different names.
120
00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:52,285
He's kind of balding,
but we set up a perimeter.
121
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,788
I don't know what it
is you guys need to do.
122
00:04:54,823 --> 00:04:56,223
Police officers,
police officers.
123
00:04:56,257 --> 00:04:57,425
Thank goodness
you guys are here.
124
00:04:57,459 --> 00:04:59,260
You guys have him.
Thank goodness.
125
00:04:59,294 --> 00:05:02,296
This is one of our
most dangerous patients.
126
00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:04,365
Phew. This is a lot
of weight off my shoulders.
127
00:05:04,399 --> 00:05:05,832
OK. This is--
This is Daniel. This is Daniel.
128
00:05:05,867 --> 00:05:07,501
This is Daniel.
This is Daniel?
129
00:05:07,535 --> 00:05:09,536
How dare you, how dare you?
This is the patient.
130
00:05:09,571 --> 00:05:11,772
I am--I am a doctor.
I am a doctor.
131
00:05:11,806 --> 00:05:13,808
OK. Are you
a doctor, or is he a--Who is--
132
00:05:13,842 --> 00:05:16,010
I am a doctor.
Daniel has a latent dissociative disorder.
133
00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:17,077
Sir, we're
gonna take--
134
00:05:17,111 --> 00:05:19,613
I went to medical school
at John Hodgkin's.
135
00:05:19,648 --> 00:05:20,748
John Hodgkin's.
Where'd you go?
136
00:05:20,782 --> 00:05:22,917
I went to John--
Johns Hopkins,
137
00:05:22,951 --> 00:05:24,384
Which is a real
medical school.
138
00:05:24,419 --> 00:05:25,686
John Hodgkin's is not
a real medical school.
139
00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:26,954
Which one is it?
Which one is a disease,
140
00:05:26,988 --> 00:05:28,021
And which one is
a school?
141
00:05:28,056 --> 00:05:28,956
I think it's Hodgkin's.
One's a disease--
142
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:31,025
No. Hodgkin's--Hodgkin's
is a disease.
143
00:05:31,059 --> 00:05:32,660
Hodgkin's lymphoma.
144
00:05:32,694 --> 00:05:35,029
OK. Which one
of you assholes
145
00:05:35,063 --> 00:05:40,501
Took a shit
in the rumpus room?
146
00:05:40,535 --> 00:05:41,401
I did it.
147
00:05:41,436 --> 00:05:43,170
We are seriously
understaffed around here.
148
00:05:43,204 --> 00:05:44,471
I did it.
I did it. I did it.
149
00:05:44,505 --> 00:05:45,339
Come on.
150
00:05:45,373 --> 00:05:46,107
This place gives me
the fucking creeps.
151
00:05:46,141 --> 00:05:48,042
Bigger bummer.
The big one... yep.
152
00:05:48,076 --> 00:05:52,613
Uh, did my last,
uh, proctology exam.
153
00:05:58,420 --> 00:05:59,820
I don't know if it's
something in the water,
154
00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:03,924
But kids in Washoe county
are getting dumber and dumber.
155
00:06:03,958 --> 00:06:06,026
What the hell you think
you're doing, boy?
156
00:06:06,061 --> 00:06:07,327
"Teen wolfing," brah.
157
00:06:07,362 --> 00:06:10,430
Son, you absolutely should
not be doing this
158
00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:12,233
Without filming it
for Youtube.
159
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:15,102
Otherwise, how you
gonna impress chicks?
160
00:06:15,136 --> 00:06:16,236
Good idea!
161
00:06:16,271 --> 00:06:17,705
Yeah. Say,
"hello, Youtube!"
162
00:06:17,739 --> 00:06:22,175
Hello, Youtube!
Tremens gators! You kidding me?
163
00:06:22,210 --> 00:06:22,877
[Barking]
164
00:06:22,911 --> 00:06:23,910
You kidding me?
165
00:06:23,945 --> 00:06:26,113
All right. Kids,
you should never, ever,
166
00:06:26,147 --> 00:06:26,814
Ever do this at home.
167
00:06:26,848 --> 00:06:28,849
I'm a trained professional.
168
00:06:28,883 --> 00:06:29,817
Yooo!
169
00:06:29,851 --> 00:06:30,818
Yeah!
170
00:06:30,852 --> 00:06:32,486
Whoo!
Yeah!
171
00:06:32,521 --> 00:06:34,855
Highsmith,
I'm "teen wolfing" with a cop.
172
00:06:34,889 --> 00:06:35,622
You look so cool,
man.
173
00:06:35,657 --> 00:06:38,025
Reno sheriff's dep--Oh,
fuck shit.
174
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,927
[Tires squeal]
175
00:06:39,961 --> 00:06:42,663
[Glass breaks]
176
00:06:42,697 --> 00:06:44,264
Cowabunga, bro.
177
00:06:49,237 --> 00:06:51,172
Raineesha and I have
the honor today
178
00:06:51,206 --> 00:06:53,941
Of bringing the pope's team
to meet the mayor of Reno.
179
00:06:53,975 --> 00:06:56,009
Yes. I'm very excited
to meet the mayor.
180
00:06:56,044 --> 00:06:58,546
I think you're gonna
enjoy it, your impotence.
181
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:02,149
Mr. Mayor, this
is the gentleman I told you about.
182
00:07:02,184 --> 00:07:04,684
Hey! Hey, buddy!
183
00:07:04,719 --> 00:07:06,286
Hello.
Mayor of Reno!
184
00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,321
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
185
00:07:07,355 --> 00:07:09,223
How are you?
186
00:07:09,257 --> 00:07:10,824
Trudy: you look fantastic,
mayor Mike.
187
00:07:10,859 --> 00:07:12,192
Thanks a lot,
thanks a lot.
188
00:07:12,227 --> 00:07:13,961
I feel like
a million dollars.
189
00:07:13,995 --> 00:07:15,662
This crown is
significan--
190
00:07:15,697 --> 00:07:18,098
Mayor crown.
Mayor crown.
191
00:07:18,132 --> 00:07:20,401
The pope wears a hat.
I have a crown.
192
00:07:20,435 --> 00:07:21,835
Funny how it worked out.
193
00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:24,038
I would like to see
your pope,
194
00:07:24,072 --> 00:07:29,543
Your "pope," heh heh,
come and turn a slurpee into wine.
195
00:07:29,578 --> 00:07:31,512
He does not possess
such abilities.
196
00:07:31,546 --> 00:07:33,980
Could he turn
root beer into beer?
197
00:07:34,015 --> 00:07:35,449
We almost lose him,
like, 10 times a day.
198
00:07:35,483 --> 00:07:36,917
It's a possession!
It's a possession!
199
00:07:36,952 --> 00:07:38,084
It's not
a possession.
200
00:07:38,119 --> 00:07:39,653
It's not--There's
no--You're joking.
201
00:07:39,687 --> 00:07:42,856
Look. Oh, my god!
Barghh.
202
00:07:42,891 --> 00:07:46,393
Oh, look at it go.
Rarrgh, rarrgh.
203
00:07:46,428 --> 00:07:47,694
It's taking a left turn,
holiness.
204
00:07:47,729 --> 00:07:48,696
Please
put that away.
205
00:07:48,730 --> 00:07:52,266
Please put that
awa--Do you pray?
206
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:53,434
Yeah.
207
00:07:53,468 --> 00:07:54,601
Are you a religious man?
208
00:07:54,635 --> 00:07:56,037
I pray I don't get
any smellier.
209
00:07:56,071 --> 00:08:01,909
Ha ha ha! Fuck
it! Suck it! Shove it! Do it!
210
00:08:01,943 --> 00:08:03,644
That's what we say
in Reno--
211
00:08:03,678 --> 00:08:07,347
Fuck it! Suck it!
Shove it! Do it!
212
00:08:16,257 --> 00:08:19,760
Now these--You know
what these are called? Mexicans.
213
00:08:19,795 --> 00:08:21,028
Oh. S?�.
214
00:08:21,062 --> 00:08:23,697
Yeah. Sometimes,
they get caught under your wheels.
215
00:08:23,731 --> 00:08:25,999
OK. Get down.
This is where you get shot at.
216
00:08:26,033 --> 00:08:27,501
Every time you go
through here, you get shot.
217
00:08:27,535 --> 00:08:29,670
No!
Get down, get down!
218
00:08:32,274 --> 00:08:36,210
So, uh, this is Carmen.
She calls a couple a times a week.
219
00:08:36,244 --> 00:08:37,444
Hi, Carmen.
220
00:08:37,479 --> 00:08:40,014
Carmen: hi, butter.
221
00:08:40,048 --> 00:08:41,849
What you doing there?
222
00:08:41,883 --> 00:08:45,920
I'm building a wall
to keep terrorists out of my venue. Look.
223
00:08:45,954 --> 00:08:47,388
Did you have
a problem with terrorists?
224
00:08:47,422 --> 00:08:51,225
Well... yes. They
were gonna try to get in their truck,
225
00:08:51,259 --> 00:08:53,560
And I was like,
"huh? Those guys look evil,"
226
00:08:53,594 --> 00:08:54,929
And so I was
like, "hey."
227
00:08:54,963 --> 00:08:57,030
I was trying to make,
like, a decoy,
228
00:08:57,064 --> 00:08:58,933
And so I was like,
"hey. If you guys
229
00:08:58,967 --> 00:09:01,635
Want to come
and hang out in my place."
230
00:09:01,669 --> 00:09:03,637
That's hard to resist.
Yeah.
231
00:09:03,671 --> 00:09:05,172
So they--So they come in.
232
00:09:05,206 --> 00:09:07,574
Of course because
I've been brewing my own soda lately,
233
00:09:07,609 --> 00:09:09,176
And, like--So I
was like,
234
00:09:09,210 --> 00:09:11,078
"Hey. You can have
some of my soda," you know,
235
00:09:11,112 --> 00:09:15,182
And then--And then,
this is kind of what sealed the deal.
236
00:09:15,217 --> 00:09:16,717
Sounds like this
is where the big thing happened.
237
00:09:16,751 --> 00:09:17,984
The climax.
The climax.
238
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,686
The climax is they
were like,
239
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:23,223
"Do you have any
hand sanitizer?"
240
00:09:23,257 --> 00:09:24,391
And that was
a threat?
241
00:09:24,426 --> 00:09:27,561
I said, "do they allow
hand sanitizer on planes?
242
00:09:27,595 --> 00:09:29,630
Not anymore.
No. No, they don't."
243
00:09:29,664 --> 00:09:30,831
Up to four ounces,
they sure do.
244
00:09:30,865 --> 00:09:32,433
You know what?
Ultimately, they were like,
245
00:09:32,467 --> 00:09:34,168
"Can we have some
hand sanitizer?"
246
00:09:34,202 --> 00:09:37,338
And I was like, "hold on.
I'll be right back,"
247
00:09:37,372 --> 00:09:39,173
And I did it kind
of slow motion like that,
248
00:09:39,207 --> 00:09:40,808
And then I gave
you guys a call,
249
00:09:40,842 --> 00:09:42,109
And then when I came out,
they were gone.
250
00:09:42,143 --> 00:09:43,143
Can I tell
you something?
251
00:09:43,178 --> 00:09:44,578
You did a good job
here today
252
00:09:44,612 --> 00:09:46,780
Because you didn't
let them walk away with the sanitizer.
253
00:09:46,815 --> 00:09:47,914
I think we're gonna
be OK here.
254
00:09:47,949 --> 00:09:49,249
Maybe next time
you guys come,
255
00:09:49,283 --> 00:09:51,551
I could get, like,
a certificate or something.
256
00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:52,586
We could probably
pull that off.
257
00:09:52,621 --> 00:09:53,587
Maybe, maybe. Sure.
258
00:09:53,621 --> 00:09:54,954
Maybe, like,
a key to the town.
259
00:09:54,989 --> 00:09:56,656
No, not that,
but we'll get you a certificate.
260
00:09:56,690 --> 00:09:57,691
We'll get you
a piece of paper.
261
00:09:57,726 --> 00:09:58,925
Well, we'll
start small, yeah.
262
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,227
OK.
263
00:10:02,229 --> 00:10:03,898
Junior:
date of birth, tough guy.
264
00:10:03,932 --> 00:10:10,537
07... 19... 80.
265
00:10:10,571 --> 00:10:11,705
Yeah. Keep trying,
big boy.
266
00:10:11,739 --> 00:10:13,406
You ain't gonna
get out of them.
267
00:10:18,713 --> 00:10:20,113
Do it. Try it.
268
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:25,318
No--No pair of handcuffs
in the world
269
00:10:25,353 --> 00:10:27,287
That can hold me.
270
00:10:27,322 --> 00:10:30,257
I'll bet you 10 bucks
he'll make it out of those things.
271
00:10:30,291 --> 00:10:33,260
Jack: I've got 10.
I'll cover you for 5.
272
00:10:33,295 --> 00:10:34,695
I say no.
Aah!
273
00:10:34,729 --> 00:10:36,630
Dangle: I'll take
that action.
274
00:10:36,664 --> 00:10:37,664
Come on, cuffs!
275
00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:39,833
Let's go! You can do it!
You can do it!
276
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:40,834
Come on, cuffs.
277
00:10:40,869 --> 00:10:44,004
Go, go, go, go, go, go!
278
00:10:44,038 --> 00:10:47,975
Ohh! Come on,
handcuffs.
279
00:10:48,009 --> 00:10:49,476
Come on, handcuffs.
280
00:10:49,510 --> 00:10:50,810
You can do it.
Come on, boy.
281
00:10:50,845 --> 00:10:51,979
Come on, handcuffs.
282
00:10:52,013 --> 00:10:57,818
Go, go, go, go,
go, go! Yeah!
283
00:10:57,852 --> 00:10:59,152
You did it!
284
00:11:00,755 --> 00:11:02,723
Made in fucking America.
285
00:11:02,757 --> 00:11:04,091
Yep.
286
00:11:05,893 --> 00:11:06,860
Oh, my god.
287
00:11:06,895 --> 00:11:07,995
[Woman moaning]
288
00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:09,896
Is that a person?
289
00:11:09,931 --> 00:11:11,932
Yeah.
290
00:11:11,966 --> 00:11:17,104
Ma'am?
Ma'am? Ma'am?
291
00:11:17,138 --> 00:11:18,538
Hello--Hello, miss.
292
00:11:18,572 --> 00:11:21,842
You had a bad--
Something happened? Something happened.
293
00:11:21,877 --> 00:11:24,044
OK. Just from the
very beginning. OK.
294
00:11:24,078 --> 00:11:25,713
All right. OK.
295
00:11:25,747 --> 00:11:27,614
OK. We'll wait it out.
We'll just get it out.
296
00:11:27,648 --> 00:11:29,916
We'll get it all out.
We're so upset.
297
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:31,952
We're upset, but we're
getting over it,
298
00:11:31,986 --> 00:11:34,121
And we're gonna get
to the part--
299
00:11:34,155 --> 00:11:35,956
[Sobbing]
300
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:38,958
OK. Did you fall
off of a motorcycle?
301
00:11:38,993 --> 00:11:41,328
Did you fall off
of a motorcycle?
302
00:11:41,362 --> 00:11:42,363
OK. He's
coming back.
303
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:44,264
Sweetie, sweetie,
he's coming back.
304
00:11:44,299 --> 00:11:47,334
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
305
00:11:47,368 --> 00:11:51,238
There. Good. Good.
Just go to sleep.
306
00:11:51,272 --> 00:11:53,873
Hey, hey. We should
get her off to the side.
307
00:11:53,908 --> 00:11:55,042
Let's get her
off to the side.
308
00:11:55,076 --> 00:12:00,013
We're just gonna put
you here right there.
309
00:12:00,048 --> 00:12:01,815
He'll be
right back for you.
310
00:12:01,849 --> 00:12:03,283
Go quickly.
Quickly now.
311
00:12:03,317 --> 00:12:04,585
Come on, Jim. Hurry.
312
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,057
If you wanted
a car wash,
313
00:12:10,091 --> 00:12:11,491
There was
a brushless car wash
314
00:12:11,526 --> 00:12:12,993
For 5.99 right back
on this street.
315
00:12:13,027 --> 00:12:15,295
No, no, no. This is
a undercover sting.
316
00:12:15,330 --> 00:12:17,097
You see, they got these
car washes in town
317
00:12:17,131 --> 00:12:18,665
That if you know
the right code word,
318
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:20,868
You get a blow job,
and so we're gonna try
319
00:12:20,902 --> 00:12:22,836
To make a good bust here.
320
00:12:22,870 --> 00:12:25,038
Speaking of good busts.
321
00:12:25,073 --> 00:12:26,673
So all right.
What are we looking for?
322
00:12:26,708 --> 00:12:28,175
Well, one thing,
we'll start
323
00:12:28,209 --> 00:12:30,611
With the basic car wash,
324
00:12:30,645 --> 00:12:33,113
And we understand
that you guys are doing
325
00:12:33,147 --> 00:12:35,716
Something a little
Extra-Super-Deluxe maybe.
326
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:38,051
We have a ton
of extra things
327
00:12:38,086 --> 00:12:40,020
We can do to your car,
you know what I'm saying?
328
00:12:40,055 --> 00:12:42,388
Like, we can buff up
that leather for you,
329
00:12:42,423 --> 00:12:43,557
Bring it up real,
you know--
330
00:12:43,591 --> 00:12:44,791
Like, just
really work it in.
331
00:12:44,826 --> 00:12:46,192
We got a great treatment
for that.
332
00:12:46,227 --> 00:12:47,328
Yeah, I'll do that.
333
00:12:47,362 --> 00:12:48,729
And also--Oh, my god.
You might want to think
334
00:12:48,763 --> 00:12:50,096
About our
hot wax treatment.
335
00:12:50,131 --> 00:12:51,831
I don't know if you're
into that, but...
336
00:12:51,866 --> 00:12:53,267
Who ain't? Who ain't?
337
00:12:53,301 --> 00:12:55,702
So now if I wanted
to maybe have you
338
00:12:55,736 --> 00:12:57,036
Take a look
at my undercarriage.
339
00:12:57,071 --> 00:12:58,438
Mm. You got a dirty
undercarriage.
340
00:12:58,473 --> 00:12:59,606
I got
a filthy undercarriage.
341
00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:01,374
Really filthy?
We can get in there
342
00:13:01,409 --> 00:13:02,876
For you in those
nooks and crannies
343
00:13:02,910 --> 00:13:04,744
And just clean it out
for you real good.
344
00:13:04,779 --> 00:13:05,913
We'll take
the whole package.
345
00:13:05,947 --> 00:13:07,180
We'll take
the whole package,
346
00:13:07,215 --> 00:13:08,181
If you know what
I'm talking about.
347
00:13:08,215 --> 00:13:09,182
Everything we can offer.
348
00:13:09,217 --> 00:13:10,350
My undercarriage
is fine.
349
00:13:10,384 --> 00:13:11,985
My undercarriage,
she's a-clean. OK.
350
00:13:12,019 --> 00:13:14,621
There's a 17% blow job
tax in Washoe county, so--
351
00:13:14,656 --> 00:13:15,755
They tax
the blow job?
352
00:13:15,789 --> 00:13:16,757
They tax
the blow job,
353
00:13:16,791 --> 00:13:17,891
So guys don't want
to go there
354
00:13:17,925 --> 00:13:19,059
Because they don't
want uncle Sam
355
00:13:19,094 --> 00:13:20,494
Getting a piece
of the blow job, you know?
356
00:13:20,528 --> 00:13:22,729
Woman: all right. Well,
we're just about done here.
357
00:13:22,764 --> 00:13:24,398
Um, we got
the bill for you.
358
00:13:24,432 --> 00:13:30,270
So it's gonna be 187, OK?
Gratuity's not included.
359
00:13:30,304 --> 00:13:32,505
And that's all I'm
getting is a car wash?
360
00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:33,841
Well, you're getting
the wax
361
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:35,208
And the leather
and the tailpipe.
362
00:13:35,243 --> 00:13:36,676
And the tailpipe
got cleaned.
363
00:13:36,711 --> 00:13:39,346
All right.
Have a nice day, you guys.
364
00:13:39,381 --> 00:13:40,714
[Horn honks]
365
00:13:40,748 --> 00:13:43,483
Yo! Can I get
a blow job or what?
366
00:13:43,517 --> 00:13:46,253
You got it, baby,
but you got to wear a rubber.
367
00:13:49,156 --> 00:13:50,290
Let me ask you
something.
368
00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:51,291
Yes?
369
00:13:51,325 --> 00:13:52,593
Do you have sex?
370
00:13:52,627 --> 00:13:55,328
I have taken a vow
of celibacy, so, no.
371
00:13:55,363 --> 00:13:56,830
So if I offered
to jerk off your penis right now,
372
00:13:56,864 --> 00:13:58,665
You would say what,
"no, thank you"?
373
00:13:58,699 --> 00:14:01,334
I would have to say,
"no, thank you, please.
374
00:14:01,369 --> 00:14:04,337
Please do not--
Please do not jack off"--
375
00:14:04,371 --> 00:14:07,941
Jack off?
Please--Don't--
376
00:14:07,975 --> 00:14:09,809
Please don't
give me those eyes.
377
00:14:09,844 --> 00:14:12,980
I've taken down
stronger men than you with these eyes.
378
00:14:22,023 --> 00:14:24,391
I'd like to ask you
a religious question...
379
00:14:24,425 --> 00:14:26,826
Oh, please, please.
Because this comes up around our house a lot.
380
00:14:26,861 --> 00:14:28,228
Yes.
381
00:14:28,263 --> 00:14:35,569
Uh, is it a sin
to fuck a monkey?
382
00:14:35,603 --> 00:14:37,870
Because they're, like,
one chromosome away,
383
00:14:37,905 --> 00:14:39,239
And they're, like--
You look in their eyes,
384
00:14:39,274 --> 00:14:40,574
And they're
almost human.
385
00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:42,542
A monkey is an animal.
386
00:14:42,577 --> 00:14:46,213
Human was created
by god--Adam and Eve.
387
00:14:46,247 --> 00:14:48,382
Short answer--
Sin to fuck a monkey?
388
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:51,785
Yes. Do not have sex
with any animal.
389
00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:53,220
Even a monkey?
390
00:14:53,254 --> 00:14:55,155
A monkey is an animal.
391
00:14:55,189 --> 00:14:58,024
We do not have sex
with a monkey,
392
00:14:58,058 --> 00:15:01,094
A dog, an elephant.
You do not.
393
00:15:01,129 --> 00:15:02,495
I don't have a pen.
394
00:15:05,466 --> 00:15:07,968
This has been a public
service announcement.
395
00:15:08,002 --> 00:15:10,070
Had this been
an actual emergency,
396
00:15:10,104 --> 00:15:11,471
You would have
been notified
397
00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:13,873
After the tone
about emergency evacuation.
398
00:15:13,908 --> 00:15:16,343
Stop! Parate.
399
00:15:16,377 --> 00:15:18,978
That was horrible.
That was horr-i-ble.
400
00:15:19,013 --> 00:15:22,649
Do it again
but less gay.
401
00:15:22,683 --> 00:15:23,850
Less gay?
402
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:26,953
Yo soy a mariposa.
I'm gay.
403
00:15:26,988 --> 00:15:28,822
I like to be
with men
404
00:15:28,856 --> 00:15:31,624
A-Deepy, doopy,
doopy, doopy, may.
405
00:15:31,658 --> 00:15:33,026
[Deep voice]
this has been a test
406
00:15:33,061 --> 00:15:35,328
Of the emergency
broadcast system.
407
00:15:35,362 --> 00:15:37,397
Oh, wait. Did we bring
James Earl Jones in
408
00:15:37,431 --> 00:15:39,031
To do this?
No, we didn't.
409
00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:42,035
We brought a puto
cabron named Junior.
410
00:15:42,069 --> 00:15:43,537
Mira como ella
does it.
411
00:15:43,571 --> 00:15:44,604
Look how
she does it.
412
00:15:44,638 --> 00:15:47,040
Haga lo bien sexy.
413
00:15:47,074 --> 00:15:48,608
Sexier, sexier?
414
00:15:48,642 --> 00:15:49,676
Sexier.
415
00:15:49,711 --> 00:15:50,743
[Slowly]
this has been a test--
416
00:15:50,778 --> 00:15:52,879
When you think about
something exciting,
417
00:15:52,913 --> 00:15:56,516
What makes you
excited downstairs?
418
00:15:56,551 --> 00:15:58,919
Law enforcement.
419
00:15:58,953 --> 00:16:01,054
OK. He's
definitely gay.
420
00:16:03,557 --> 00:16:06,193
Hey. We're here
at John McKay high school
421
00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:08,995
Just doing routine
metal detector check
422
00:16:09,029 --> 00:16:10,330
To see if any
of the students have weapons,
423
00:16:10,365 --> 00:16:13,266
And so far, you get
an "a," America.
424
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,534
I get so sick
and tired of the media
425
00:16:14,568 --> 00:16:16,669
Exaggerating things
and trying to have us live
426
00:16:16,704 --> 00:16:18,805
In a culture of fear.
Right.
427
00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:20,373
Because you know what?
The kids aren't that bad.
428
00:16:20,408 --> 00:16:21,841
They really aren't.
They really aren't.
429
00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:23,310
It's just that
the media goes crazy because you know what?
430
00:16:23,344 --> 00:16:25,445
It's not the news.
It's the bad news.
431
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,746
Yes.
432
00:16:26,781 --> 00:16:29,049
Bingo! Good kid.
Good guy.
433
00:16:29,083 --> 00:16:31,685
You know what that was?
That was 12 good kids
434
00:16:31,719 --> 00:16:33,119
Just walked
through these gates.
435
00:16:33,153 --> 00:16:37,590
Mm-Hmm. The cities
and schools of Reno--Safe.
436
00:16:37,625 --> 00:16:38,858
Heh heh.
437
00:16:41,395 --> 00:16:42,395
What's up?
438
00:16:42,429 --> 00:16:44,364
Metal detector's
unplugged.
439
00:16:44,398 --> 00:16:47,534
Goddamn metal detector's
unplugged.
440
00:16:47,568 --> 00:16:48,535
[Alarm beeping]
441
00:16:48,569 --> 00:16:49,569
Whoa!
442
00:16:49,603 --> 00:16:50,904
Hey, girl.
Get back here.
443
00:16:50,938 --> 00:16:52,739
Hey. OK. That's--OK.
444
00:16:52,773 --> 00:16:54,007
Trudy on radio: we have
a shooter in the library
445
00:16:54,041 --> 00:16:55,075
Of John McKay high school.
446
00:16:55,109 --> 00:16:56,109
Dispatcher:
all units, all units,
447
00:16:56,143 --> 00:16:57,143
Shots fired
in the cafeteria
448
00:16:57,177 --> 00:16:58,178
Of John McKay high school.
449
00:16:58,212 --> 00:16:59,178
I think we're on it.
450
00:16:59,213 --> 00:17:00,180
I'm gonna take
the library.
451
00:17:00,214 --> 00:17:01,247
OK.
452
00:17:01,282 --> 00:17:04,551
Oh. Declan,
I'll beep if I go--
453
00:17:04,586 --> 00:17:06,053
Oh. I can just.
454
00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:09,889
Jack: sweet Jesus,
we're under siege!
455
00:17:09,923 --> 00:17:13,293
Get down! The library's
full of guns!
456
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,932
Dangle: so Trudy's
late husband, as we all remember,
457
00:17:18,967 --> 00:17:20,667
Was the Truckee
river killer,
458
00:17:20,702 --> 00:17:22,869
And he was executed
by lethal injection
459
00:17:22,903 --> 00:17:24,404
By the state of Nevada,
460
00:17:24,438 --> 00:17:26,906
But he did make
a whole bunch of videotapes
461
00:17:26,940 --> 00:17:29,008
In prison before they
juiced him up,
462
00:17:29,043 --> 00:17:30,410
And we're just going
through them
463
00:17:30,445 --> 00:17:31,778
To make sure there
aren't any clues
464
00:17:31,812 --> 00:17:32,946
To maybe where
there's other bodies
465
00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:34,447
Or anything like that.
466
00:17:34,481 --> 00:17:36,983
Hey, unborn son.
It's your dad Craig again.
467
00:17:37,017 --> 00:17:38,384
I thought you'd probably
need to have a talk
468
00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:40,220
About the birds
and the bees,
469
00:17:40,254 --> 00:17:45,691
And it's a tough talk,
so let's just make this painless as possible.
470
00:17:45,726 --> 00:17:49,161
What you want to do
is take these things
471
00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:51,330
And put it
on this thing
472
00:17:51,365 --> 00:17:53,967
Before you do
anything, OK?
473
00:17:54,001 --> 00:17:55,735
And to do this...
474
00:18:00,674 --> 00:18:04,310
You just put it--
Hold on a second.
475
00:18:05,513 --> 00:18:06,613
You just--
476
00:18:09,284 --> 00:18:10,483
OK. That's not
how you do that.
477
00:18:10,518 --> 00:18:12,018
No. He never wore condoms.
478
00:18:12,052 --> 00:18:13,820
He said that he always
felt like he wanted
479
00:18:13,854 --> 00:18:17,024
To feel skin on skin
or teeth on skin.
480
00:18:17,058 --> 00:18:18,558
Sure.
481
00:18:19,727 --> 00:18:21,895
I hope this
was instructional
482
00:18:21,929 --> 00:18:23,830
And you learned something.
483
00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:27,601
So good luck
and be safe.
484
00:18:27,635 --> 00:18:30,904
Sorry, T-Bone.
485
00:18:30,938 --> 00:18:34,774
No. I said I
was sorry, OK?
486
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,142
I just--
487
00:18:36,177 --> 00:18:38,278
Could he perform
the love act on you
488
00:18:38,312 --> 00:18:39,979
Other than that
one time that made the baby?
489
00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:42,983
He used to want me to
crawl underneath the bed
490
00:18:43,017 --> 00:18:45,518
And keep calling out,
"please don't come and get me.
491
00:18:45,552 --> 00:18:47,153
Please don't
come and get me,"
492
00:18:47,187 --> 00:18:50,290
While he would
pleasure himself up on top of the bed.
493
00:18:50,324 --> 00:18:53,493
So he would--You all
would reenact
494
00:18:53,528 --> 00:18:55,996
A crime investigation
role-Play.
495
00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:58,130
No. Why do you have
to make it sick and dark like that?
496
00:18:58,165 --> 00:19:00,433
No. It's just
a young lady hiding under the bed,
497
00:19:00,468 --> 00:19:01,901
Screaming,
"don't come get me,"
498
00:19:01,935 --> 00:19:03,970
With an adult
serial killer
499
00:19:04,004 --> 00:19:05,338
Jacking off
his manhood on the bed.
500
00:19:05,372 --> 00:19:06,339
Thank you.
501
00:19:06,373 --> 00:19:07,707
That's not
that weird.
502
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:19,920
Dangle: well, uh,
wonderfulness,
503
00:19:19,954 --> 00:19:24,223
We hope that you have
enjoyed everything
504
00:19:24,258 --> 00:19:27,227
That our little city
has to offer you,
505
00:19:27,261 --> 00:19:28,995
And I think I speak
for all of us
506
00:19:29,030 --> 00:19:32,666
And the community
in general when I say,
507
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:37,003
You my nigger,
you my nigger.
508
00:19:37,037 --> 00:19:42,508
Most places that we visit
show us only their beauty,
509
00:19:42,542 --> 00:19:45,779
Take us only
to the neighborhoods of the rich.
510
00:19:45,813 --> 00:19:48,414
You opened up and showed
us your honesty,
511
00:19:48,449 --> 00:19:55,922
A place so yearning,
so much in need of some godliness.
512
00:19:55,956 --> 00:20:01,427
You showed me a place
that is in desperate need for some holiness.
513
00:20:01,462 --> 00:20:05,732
So the pope is coming?
514
00:20:05,766 --> 00:20:07,133
The pope would
come here?
515
00:20:07,167 --> 00:20:11,170
Ha ha ha! That--They
think maybe the pope would come here?
516
00:20:11,205 --> 00:20:12,839
Ha ha ha!
517
00:20:12,873 --> 00:20:14,374
[Spits]
518
00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:17,043
Sorry. No. That is
a ridiculous notion
519
00:20:17,078 --> 00:20:18,978
That the pope
would come here.
520
00:20:19,013 --> 00:20:20,447
Fuck you for
thinking that.
521
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:29,188
Nice! Nice! Nice.
522
00:20:29,223 --> 00:20:30,256
Hey. Let's all
fla--Let's flash
523
00:20:30,291 --> 00:20:31,524
The chopper
as it goes.
524
00:20:31,558 --> 00:20:33,593
Jones: front flash?
Trudy: oh. With vag?
525
00:20:33,627 --> 00:20:35,662
Dangle: yeah.
Good thing I got sunblock on my dick already.
526
00:20:35,696 --> 00:20:38,198
Jack: suck it! Suck it!
527
00:20:38,232 --> 00:20:39,399
Franky: screw you!
528
00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:40,767
Junior: you
have sunblock on your dick?
529
00:20:40,801 --> 00:20:44,170
Dangle: oh, yeah.
You never know.
530
00:20:52,246 --> 00:20:54,247
Jones: ha ha! That's
my prince Albert.
531
00:20:54,281 --> 00:20:55,982
You see that?
It's shining.
532
00:20:56,016 --> 00:20:56,783
Dangle: what?
533
00:20:56,817 --> 00:20:58,017
Trudy: wait. People
are jerking off?
534
00:20:58,051 --> 00:21:00,053
No, no. Hey.
Timeout. Timeout.
535
00:21:00,087 --> 00:21:01,121
What? Oh.
536
00:21:01,155 --> 00:21:02,522
Timeout. I did not--
No, no. I did not--
537
00:21:02,557 --> 00:21:03,823
I thought that was
what we were doing.
538
00:21:03,858 --> 00:21:05,191
No! I said,
"let's flash them."
539
00:21:05,225 --> 00:21:06,893
I didn't--I never.
Oh, come on.
540
00:21:06,927 --> 00:21:08,361
Who finished?
Whoa.
541
00:21:08,396 --> 00:21:09,829
Gee. How fa--We were
doing that for 30 seconds.
542
00:21:09,864 --> 00:21:11,231
Pick up your
prince Albert. Good lord.
543
00:21:11,265 --> 00:21:12,298
Trudy: god. I don't even want
to go to fuddruckers.
544
00:21:12,332 --> 00:21:13,500
Now we're not going
to fuddruckers.
545
00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:15,068
We are not going
to fuddruckers.
546
00:21:15,102 --> 00:21:15,735
You never said--
547
00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:17,604
That's rid--Come on.
548
00:21:17,638 --> 00:21:18,905
Williams: come on.
549
00:21:18,955 --> 00:21:23,505
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