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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,664 --> 00:00:30,164 (waves crash) 2 00:01:23,158 --> 00:01:26,847 (footsteps crunch) 3 00:01:26,847 --> 00:01:29,430 (insects buzz) 4 00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:47,856 (birds chirp) 5 00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:53,359 (John pants) 6 00:02:10,977 --> 00:02:13,078 We routinely adjust our interpretation 7 00:02:13,079 --> 00:02:15,728 of events and our scientific theories 8 00:02:15,728 --> 00:02:19,896 to satisfy the dogmatic requirements of our beliefs. 9 00:02:20,218 --> 00:02:22,056 Our beliefs set the boundaries 10 00:02:22,056 --> 00:02:26,223 and define the limits of our science, they always have. 11 00:02:27,331 --> 00:02:30,248 True skepticism is open mindedness, 12 00:02:32,417 --> 00:02:36,584 the enemy of dogma. It's not about your body, 13 00:02:36,754 --> 00:02:38,433 you're consciousness, that is what you are. 14 00:02:38,435 --> 00:02:40,688 Your consciousness is already out of your body, 15 00:02:40,689 --> 00:02:42,730 you don't, you don't need to get out of your body, 16 00:02:42,731 --> 00:02:45,757 you just need to get into your consciousness. 17 00:02:45,758 --> 00:02:47,688 What do the facts of your life, 18 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:50,643 the facts of your existence, and your results say 19 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:53,199 about the quality of your consciousness, 20 00:02:53,484 --> 00:02:56,439 the effectiveness of your process, 21 00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:58,884 or the size of your picture? 22 00:02:58,885 --> 00:03:02,816 (slow orchestral music) 23 00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:05,317 (sirens wail) 24 00:03:07,846 --> 00:03:11,179 (slow orchestral music) 25 00:03:33,938 --> 00:03:36,438 (ice rattles) 26 00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:41,487 (liquid splashes) 27 00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:44,471 (ice rattles) 28 00:03:44,472 --> 00:03:47,889 (espresso machine whirs) 29 00:03:51,229 --> 00:03:54,396 (overlapping chatter) 30 00:03:57,445 --> 00:04:00,028 (beans rattle) 31 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:08,651 (dishes clink) 32 00:04:08,651 --> 00:04:11,760 [Therapist] So how is everything? 33 00:04:11,762 --> 00:04:15,929 [Ivan] As good as good can get, given the circumstance. 34 00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:18,399 [Therapist] Last time we talked a lot 35 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:21,125 about you wanting to escape. 36 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,543 Yeah, it's like 37 00:04:23,606 --> 00:04:24,606 a heaviness, 38 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:26,932 a pressure 39 00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:31,221 from people, just the noise. 40 00:04:32,286 --> 00:04:35,004 How's the Zyprexa treating you? 41 00:04:35,004 --> 00:04:36,279 Okay. 42 00:04:36,281 --> 00:04:38,784 [Therapist] Any weight gain? 43 00:04:38,786 --> 00:04:40,202 Yeah, a little. 44 00:04:41,488 --> 00:04:43,557 [Therapist] You look the same to me. 45 00:04:43,557 --> 00:04:46,088 I win I guess. 46 00:04:46,088 --> 00:04:47,740 [Therapist] I've been meaning to ask you, 47 00:04:47,742 --> 00:04:49,726 are you still smoking? 48 00:04:49,728 --> 00:04:50,935 Yeah. 49 00:04:50,935 --> 00:04:54,827 You know smoking's bad for you, right? 50 00:04:54,829 --> 00:04:58,509 Let me ask you this, and you don't have to answer now, 51 00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:01,677 what are you most afraid of in this moment? 52 00:05:01,678 --> 00:05:04,762 (slow ambient music) 53 00:05:05,598 --> 00:05:07,682 My mind going, I guess. 54 00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,268 Forgetting who I am. 55 00:05:12,879 --> 00:05:15,646 I just miss the time when this didn't define me, 56 00:05:15,646 --> 00:05:16,646 or define my 57 00:05:17,798 --> 00:05:19,740 fate, I guess. 58 00:05:19,742 --> 00:05:21,564 That can't be easy. 59 00:05:21,565 --> 00:05:22,565 Yeah, but. 60 00:05:25,389 --> 00:05:28,915 You know, there are people suffering all over the place, 61 00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:32,470 and people who have it a lot worse than I do, so. 62 00:05:32,471 --> 00:05:36,303 Do you often think about the pain of others? 63 00:05:38,014 --> 00:05:39,348 Yeah, I guess. 64 00:05:41,629 --> 00:05:45,129 But having something in common with people 65 00:05:46,192 --> 00:05:48,026 gives me some comfort. 66 00:05:49,423 --> 00:05:52,007 You know, even if that thing is 67 00:05:53,629 --> 00:05:54,629 suffering. 68 00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,360 Dead men. 69 00:06:01,471 --> 00:06:02,971 There's mountains. 70 00:06:04,245 --> 00:06:05,781 Europe has mountains. 71 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,851 (coins clink) 72 00:06:07,853 --> 00:06:09,709 Birds, and flowers. 73 00:06:09,711 --> 00:06:12,536 (coins clink) 74 00:06:12,536 --> 00:06:15,536 We have military industrial complex, 75 00:06:17,629 --> 00:06:19,629 so it all goes to bombs. 76 00:06:21,079 --> 00:06:23,579 (coins clink) 77 00:06:25,488 --> 00:06:26,488 Lincoln. 78 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,404 Lincoln. 79 00:06:29,406 --> 00:06:30,572 Hey, Harold. 80 00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:32,449 How's it going? 81 00:06:32,451 --> 00:06:35,177 Oh, man, good to see you. 82 00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,137 I'm really glad to have you here, 83 00:06:37,139 --> 00:06:38,632 you came all this way for me, man? 84 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:40,369 [Ivan] Yeah, not a problem. 85 00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:41,202 Thank you. 86 00:06:41,204 --> 00:06:43,112 You want a smoke, I got some. 87 00:06:43,113 --> 00:06:44,197 Yeah, yeah, 88 00:06:45,509 --> 00:06:46,908 yeah. 89 00:06:46,908 --> 00:06:47,908 Oh, yeah. 90 00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:49,946 These are the ones I've been talking 91 00:06:49,947 --> 00:06:52,425 to him about, man, I kept bringing it up 92 00:06:52,427 --> 00:06:55,473 and, oh, hell, you know how they can be. 93 00:06:55,473 --> 00:06:56,834 Yeah, I know how they can be. 94 00:06:56,836 --> 00:06:59,394 Yeah, it's hard, man, it's hard. 95 00:06:59,394 --> 00:07:02,141 It's, uh, nowadays, man, it's just, 96 00:07:02,141 --> 00:07:03,836 it's just hard to tell, right? 97 00:07:03,836 --> 00:07:05,083 I saw you counting your change, 98 00:07:05,084 --> 00:07:07,139 are you okay money wise? 99 00:07:07,141 --> 00:07:08,807 Yeah, yeah, no, I. 100 00:07:10,206 --> 00:07:13,538 It's paying the bills, man, it's paying the bills. 101 00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:15,204 You know, I'm fixing up the house, 102 00:07:15,204 --> 00:07:17,122 I mean, my office, and, 103 00:07:18,331 --> 00:07:19,899 well, shit, you know, it's a lot of work, 104 00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:21,997 it's more shit than I can do, right? 105 00:07:21,997 --> 00:07:23,564 Yeah, yeah, oh, hey... 106 00:07:23,565 --> 00:07:24,838 What the fuck? 107 00:07:24,838 --> 00:07:26,976 They meant to tell you, 108 00:07:26,978 --> 00:07:30,310 they sent me your Christmas bonus early. 109 00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:34,048 No, that's gonna be a problem, man, 110 00:07:34,048 --> 00:07:37,362 that's not a good investment, no, no. 111 00:07:37,362 --> 00:07:39,696 Come on, you've earned it. 112 00:07:41,598 --> 00:07:43,235 Did they tell you that? 113 00:07:43,235 --> 00:07:44,832 Yeah. 114 00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:48,103 Yeah, they tell you this was tracked, man? 115 00:07:48,105 --> 00:07:48,937 What? 116 00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:51,255 Yeah, yeah, they gotta get their cut, man, 117 00:07:51,257 --> 00:07:54,637 and you bring a fucking tracked bill, 118 00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:57,245 no, no, it's okay, man. 119 00:07:57,245 --> 00:08:00,021 Yeah, you take it, it's okay. 120 00:08:00,023 --> 00:08:01,925 You had it before, man, it was no problem, 121 00:08:01,927 --> 00:08:04,093 okay, I just can't take something like that, that's all. 122 00:08:04,095 --> 00:08:05,326 - Okay. - Yeah. 123 00:08:05,327 --> 00:08:07,033 - I'll keep it. - Yeah. 124 00:08:07,035 --> 00:08:09,701 Hey, what if, what if we just, 125 00:08:11,981 --> 00:08:13,980 that way they can't find us. 126 00:08:13,981 --> 00:08:16,975 (train crossing rings) 127 00:08:16,976 --> 00:08:18,726 You're one of them. 128 00:08:22,072 --> 00:08:24,213 You're one of them. 129 00:08:24,214 --> 00:08:26,798 (Harold cries) 130 00:08:28,526 --> 00:08:32,693 They're everywhere, man, there's no stopping them now. 131 00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:34,643 It's over. 132 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:35,936 It's over. 133 00:08:35,937 --> 00:08:38,860 (bottles clink) 134 00:08:38,861 --> 00:08:41,775 (dissonant orchestral music) 135 00:08:41,777 --> 00:08:43,475 All my work. 136 00:08:43,475 --> 00:08:47,400 (dissonant orchestral music) 137 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:48,402 For nothing. 138 00:08:50,254 --> 00:08:51,432 For nothing. 139 00:08:51,433 --> 00:08:55,183 (dissonant orchestral music) 140 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:58,953 (lighter clicks) 141 00:09:27,928 --> 00:09:31,261 (slow rhythmic pulsing) 142 00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:55,479 (dissonant orchestral music) 143 00:10:25,806 --> 00:10:28,222 (Ivan gasps) 144 00:10:30,201 --> 00:10:31,201 (slow rhythmic pulsing) 145 00:10:39,269 --> 00:10:42,851 (Whispers) 146 00:10:46,784 --> 00:10:50,556 [Woman] Ivan, hey man, you got this? 147 00:10:50,557 --> 00:10:52,355 Yeah, yeah, I got it. 148 00:10:52,356 --> 00:10:55,183 [Woman] Super small, iced, leave room for cream. 149 00:10:55,184 --> 00:10:56,908 Mm, got it. 150 00:10:56,909 --> 00:11:00,325 (overlapping chatter) 151 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,753 (crickets chirp) 152 00:11:03,754 --> 00:11:06,504 (lighter clicks) 153 00:11:07,398 --> 00:11:09,860 (Ivan sighs) 154 00:11:09,861 --> 00:11:12,611 (crickets chirp) 155 00:11:18,173 --> 00:11:20,397 (Ivan sighs) 156 00:11:20,398 --> 00:11:23,148 (crickets chirp) 157 00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:29,408 [Emily] Ivan? 158 00:11:30,817 --> 00:11:32,399 Holy shit, Emily? 159 00:11:33,952 --> 00:11:35,365 Emily Fisher. 160 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:36,518 How are you? 161 00:11:36,519 --> 00:11:40,198 Not bad, just, yeah, trying to keep from smoking, 162 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,866 which is hard, 'cause it's the only thing that gives me joy. 163 00:11:43,868 --> 00:11:46,109 Okay, well, I had no idea that you worked here, 164 00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:47,341 I come here all the time. 165 00:11:47,341 --> 00:11:50,683 Oh, yeah, I work pretty late though, so. 166 00:11:50,684 --> 00:11:53,306 During the daylight I'm trying to get my master's. 167 00:11:53,307 --> 00:11:54,139 Oh, yeah, 168 00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:56,748 I guess undergrad just doesn't cut it like it used to. 169 00:11:56,749 --> 00:12:00,361 Exactly, well, Jesus, how about you? 170 00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:03,888 Well, I'm also no stranger to the darkness. 171 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:07,120 That's perfect, that's perfect for you. 172 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,442 I guess, thank you, no, I'm actually headed there now, 173 00:12:10,442 --> 00:12:13,211 so I wanted to get something to help me keep my eyes open. 174 00:12:13,212 --> 00:12:14,769 Oh, yeah, don't let me hold you up. 175 00:12:14,769 --> 00:12:16,009 No, no, no, will you be here in like, 176 00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:17,981 three minutes, and I'll catch you on my way out? 177 00:12:17,982 --> 00:12:18,995 Yeah, I'll be here. 178 00:12:18,995 --> 00:12:19,828 Okay. 179 00:12:19,830 --> 00:12:23,162 (slow electronic music) 180 00:12:37,113 --> 00:12:38,113 Hey, 181 00:12:39,443 --> 00:12:41,527 so I'm off tomorrow, and. 182 00:12:43,165 --> 00:12:46,165 I know we're both tired and old-ish, 183 00:12:47,243 --> 00:12:51,409 would you maybe want to grab a drink sometime? 184 00:12:51,427 --> 00:12:54,924 Not now, obviously, but at sometime soon? 185 00:12:54,926 --> 00:12:56,566 I, uh, 186 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:57,859 yeah, 187 00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:58,923 yes. 188 00:12:58,923 --> 00:13:00,336 Yes. 189 00:13:00,337 --> 00:13:01,750 Yeah. 190 00:13:01,751 --> 00:13:02,785 For sure. 191 00:13:02,787 --> 00:13:04,120 Alright, here. 192 00:13:06,330 --> 00:13:08,057 This is my number. 193 00:13:08,057 --> 00:13:10,703 (slow electronic music) 194 00:13:10,705 --> 00:13:13,504 How about you pick a place and a time 195 00:13:13,504 --> 00:13:15,788 and text me, and I'll meet you there? 196 00:13:15,789 --> 00:13:17,144 Yeah, I can do that. 197 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,552 (slow electronic music) 198 00:13:19,552 --> 00:13:21,725 Did I just ask you out? 199 00:13:21,725 --> 00:13:23,754 Yeah, it felt like it. 200 00:13:23,754 --> 00:13:25,070 Good. 201 00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:28,403 (slow electronic music) 202 00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,591 Your drink. 203 00:13:31,592 --> 00:13:33,592 [Emily] Don't need it! 204 00:13:34,436 --> 00:13:37,186 (water splashes) 205 00:13:51,054 --> 00:13:53,638 Just go, just go, you got it. 206 00:13:55,951 --> 00:13:56,951 Go. 207 00:13:58,018 --> 00:13:59,067 Okay. 208 00:13:59,068 --> 00:14:02,235 (overlapping chatter) 209 00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:06,457 (radio blares) 210 00:14:13,572 --> 00:14:14,404 Boo. 211 00:14:14,405 --> 00:14:15,884 Ah, hey. 212 00:14:15,884 --> 00:14:17,717 Hey, how's it going? 213 00:14:18,797 --> 00:14:20,548 Good, you? 214 00:14:20,548 --> 00:14:22,107 Pretty good. 215 00:14:22,109 --> 00:14:23,356 Hey, what can I get you to drink? 216 00:14:23,357 --> 00:14:24,644 Is that good? 217 00:14:24,645 --> 00:14:26,711 Uh, yeah, I'm into it. 218 00:14:26,711 --> 00:14:27,924 [Emily] Can I have one of those, please? 219 00:14:27,926 --> 00:14:28,759 [Waitress] Sure. 220 00:14:28,759 --> 00:14:29,966 Thank you. 221 00:14:29,966 --> 00:14:31,900 This place is great. 222 00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:32,770 Is it too loud? 223 00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:34,104 No, it's fine. 224 00:14:35,389 --> 00:14:36,389 So. 225 00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:38,835 Spill it. 226 00:14:38,836 --> 00:14:39,668 What? 227 00:14:39,669 --> 00:14:41,520 What have you been doing with your life? 228 00:14:41,522 --> 00:14:43,634 What are you getting your master's in? 229 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:46,614 It was physics before, but then I got into consciousness, 230 00:14:46,615 --> 00:14:49,216 and I'm actually doing this study right now, 231 00:14:49,216 --> 00:14:53,337 we're exploring out of body experiences. 232 00:14:53,338 --> 00:14:54,172 No kidding. 233 00:14:54,173 --> 00:14:56,572 Yeah, yeah, and I get to be one of the guinea pigs 234 00:14:56,573 --> 00:14:58,546 that tries to have them. 235 00:14:58,547 --> 00:14:59,379 Dude, that's nuts. 236 00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:01,509 [Ivan] Yeah, right? 237 00:15:01,510 --> 00:15:03,244 Have you had one? 238 00:15:03,245 --> 00:15:06,859 It's, the other people in the study for sure have. 239 00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,076 We've had people in the hospital 240 00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:11,076 that say that they've left their body during surgery. 241 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,461 When they're unconscious? 242 00:15:12,462 --> 00:15:15,960 Yeah, about two years ago we had this woman who said 243 00:15:15,961 --> 00:15:17,772 that she saw her husband standing over her 244 00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:19,756 in the OR when she was under, and this was for, 245 00:15:19,758 --> 00:15:21,662 like, I don't know, relatively minor thing, 246 00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:24,645 like, she was fine, but her husband went 247 00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:27,807 into cardiac arrest and died when he was sitting 248 00:15:27,808 --> 00:15:31,716 in the waiting room, and he never entered the OR once, 249 00:15:31,717 --> 00:15:35,397 and she said that she saw him standing there the whole time. 250 00:15:35,398 --> 00:15:36,533 [Ivan] That's incredible. 251 00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:37,961 I know. 252 00:15:37,962 --> 00:15:40,709 Well, what do you make of it all? 253 00:15:40,826 --> 00:15:42,241 I don't know... 254 00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,567 coincidence? 255 00:15:45,135 --> 00:15:47,835 Yeah, I'm the worst, I just, I don't know, 256 00:15:47,836 --> 00:15:48,836 I feel like 257 00:15:50,774 --> 00:15:53,111 people dream funny dreams when they're on anesthetic drugs, 258 00:15:53,113 --> 00:15:55,634 I mean, maybe if they suddenly spoke a different language 259 00:15:55,635 --> 00:15:57,538 or knew the cure for cancer, I'd be convinced 260 00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,142 that their soul just somehow magically left their body. 261 00:16:00,143 --> 00:16:02,873 That's a pretty high bar to set for evidence. 262 00:16:02,874 --> 00:16:07,041 Yeah, but I feel like we set the bar pretty low 263 00:16:07,312 --> 00:16:10,836 when we want something to be true. 264 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:11,823 Yeah, I'll give you that. 265 00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:14,342 (Emily laughs) 266 00:16:14,344 --> 00:16:17,605 So that must be tough, your job? 267 00:16:17,606 --> 00:16:21,230 Just physically, I mean, helping people is the best, 268 00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:24,942 and if I ever actually, if I ever actually save a life, 269 00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,543 I mean, that's why we do it, right? 270 00:16:27,544 --> 00:16:28,888 (dishes crash) 271 00:16:28,889 --> 00:16:30,302 (people holler) 272 00:16:30,302 --> 00:16:31,302 Oops. 273 00:16:36,748 --> 00:16:37,831 Are you okay? 274 00:16:38,787 --> 00:16:42,172 Yeah, sorry, I just get anxious in public spaces, 275 00:16:42,173 --> 00:16:43,173 it's dumb. 276 00:16:44,759 --> 00:16:48,369 (tinnitus ringing) 277 00:16:48,370 --> 00:16:49,645 Sorry, sorry, I hate that. 278 00:16:49,647 --> 00:16:52,147 Hey, it's okay, you're okay. 279 00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:55,067 You know what? 280 00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:59,235 We can just get out of here, I will not give a shit, okay? 281 00:17:00,017 --> 00:17:01,279 Okay. 282 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:04,384 Hey, can we get the check, please? 283 00:17:04,384 --> 00:17:05,438 [Waitress] Yeah, sure, no problem. 284 00:17:05,439 --> 00:17:06,439 Thank you. 285 00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,583 Seriously. 286 00:17:10,244 --> 00:17:11,327 It's just me. 287 00:17:12,287 --> 00:17:13,287 No one else. 288 00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:15,902 You're okay. 289 00:17:17,595 --> 00:17:18,595 Okay. 290 00:17:21,141 --> 00:17:22,400 Here you are, no rush. 291 00:17:22,401 --> 00:17:24,960 [Emily] Perfect timing. 292 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,747 Wow, that actually helped a bit. 293 00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:29,021 What are you, a hypnotist? 294 00:17:29,022 --> 00:17:30,605 Yeah, definitely. 295 00:17:33,413 --> 00:17:36,080 Do you want to see my apartment? 296 00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,817 (door creaks) 297 00:17:43,152 --> 00:17:45,318 Wow, your place is nice. 298 00:17:49,572 --> 00:17:52,538 (lighter clicks) 299 00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:54,955 You're a nurse in a hospital. 300 00:17:57,096 --> 00:17:59,288 [Emily] Want some? 301 00:17:59,288 --> 00:18:01,459 Yeah, but I probably shouldn't. 302 00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:04,465 That's not the guy I remember. 303 00:18:04,467 --> 00:18:07,240 I get too paranoid these days. 304 00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:11,407 Plus, I don't know it'll affect that research thing. 305 00:18:13,356 --> 00:18:17,211 It helps me sleep, takes my mind off shit. 306 00:18:17,212 --> 00:18:20,321 (slow electronic music) 307 00:18:20,323 --> 00:18:22,730 Until the fear starts to take hold. 308 00:18:22,731 --> 00:18:24,355 (Emily laughs) 309 00:18:24,356 --> 00:18:26,734 (Ivan growls) 310 00:18:26,736 --> 00:18:27,969 (Emily laughs) 311 00:18:27,970 --> 00:18:29,595 I've come for your soul. 312 00:18:29,596 --> 00:18:30,519 [Emily] Oh, shit. 313 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,262 [Ivan] Come for your, oh, give it to me, 314 00:18:33,263 --> 00:18:34,096 give me your skin. 315 00:18:34,097 --> 00:18:36,763 (Emily mumbles) 316 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,450 Sorry. 317 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,032 (Emily laughs) 318 00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:45,585 I have to tell you something, 319 00:18:47,719 --> 00:18:49,719 and it's really bad, and. 320 00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:56,750 I feel awful, and you're probably gonna hate me. 321 00:18:57,711 --> 00:18:59,961 [Ivan] Jesus, what is it? 322 00:19:04,222 --> 00:19:05,222 I. 323 00:19:06,884 --> 00:19:08,025 Come on. 324 00:19:08,026 --> 00:19:09,192 I'm engaged. 325 00:19:10,651 --> 00:19:13,237 Like, engaged engaged. 326 00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:16,320 (slow ambient music) 327 00:19:18,628 --> 00:19:22,796 I know it wasn't fair for me not to say anything, but. 328 00:19:23,979 --> 00:19:25,229 I just saw you, 329 00:19:26,705 --> 00:19:28,123 and I wanted you. 330 00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:31,778 I wanted you for a long time, 331 00:19:31,778 --> 00:19:34,862 and it just felt like my last chance. 332 00:19:38,076 --> 00:19:42,243 And I just thought that if you knew, you wouldn't do this. 333 00:19:42,290 --> 00:19:45,848 (slow ambient music) 334 00:19:45,849 --> 00:19:48,548 I have no problem with it. 335 00:19:48,549 --> 00:19:50,157 Okay. 336 00:19:50,159 --> 00:19:53,910 I mean, you didn't promise me anything, right? 337 00:19:53,911 --> 00:19:54,993 Yeah, okay. 338 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,384 Are you sure? 339 00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:02,759 (slow ambient music) 340 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:06,760 Okay, God, it feels good to get it off my chest. 341 00:20:08,192 --> 00:20:09,192 Who is he? 342 00:20:10,471 --> 00:20:13,388 Oh, do you remember John Gardner? 343 00:20:16,205 --> 00:20:17,205 What? 344 00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:19,788 What is it? 345 00:20:19,788 --> 00:20:21,699 I didn't say anything. 346 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,267 Fucking face, what? 347 00:20:23,268 --> 00:20:26,556 No, no, he's a good guy, we were, like, 348 00:20:26,557 --> 00:20:28,586 roommates for a year. 349 00:20:28,587 --> 00:20:31,733 Fuck (sighs). 350 00:20:31,734 --> 00:20:33,723 I'm so fucking stupid. 351 00:20:33,724 --> 00:20:34,557 [Ivan] Stop. 352 00:20:34,558 --> 00:20:36,942 No, I just hate myself so much right now. 353 00:20:36,942 --> 00:20:40,123 Look, I felt like if you were really happy with him, 354 00:20:40,124 --> 00:20:42,998 you wouldn't have fucked me, let's be honest. 355 00:20:42,999 --> 00:20:43,839 Shut up. 356 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,898 It's, no, I just, I feel like I'm on this conveyor belt, 357 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,221 and the path is set, and I cannot stray, 358 00:20:49,221 --> 00:20:52,395 even for a second if I wanted to. 359 00:20:52,396 --> 00:20:55,609 (slow ambient music) 360 00:20:55,611 --> 00:20:58,058 I heard this saying that a person who won't leave a room 361 00:20:58,059 --> 00:21:01,277 because they don't know how, or because they're too afraid 362 00:21:01,278 --> 00:21:05,227 to open the door, they're trapped, just the same, 363 00:21:05,228 --> 00:21:08,060 whether or not the door is locked. 364 00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:11,178 I heard a saying once that people 365 00:21:11,179 --> 00:21:13,795 who say sayings are fucking douche bags. 366 00:21:13,796 --> 00:21:15,826 (both laugh) 367 00:21:15,826 --> 00:21:17,480 Yeah, yeah, I set myself up for that one. 368 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:19,059 Oh, I'm sorry, you know I'm joking, right? 369 00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:21,464 Yeah, no, I just won't ever give you advice again. 370 00:21:21,465 --> 00:21:23,192 (both laugh) 371 00:21:23,192 --> 00:21:24,776 Oh, I don't know. 372 00:21:25,699 --> 00:21:29,574 John is fine, most of the time, 373 00:21:31,448 --> 00:21:33,115 but he drinks a lot, 374 00:21:33,951 --> 00:21:38,291 and he has cheated on me more than once. 375 00:21:40,563 --> 00:21:41,563 Well. 376 00:21:42,914 --> 00:21:44,833 Now I like him less. 377 00:21:44,834 --> 00:21:48,079 (slow ambient music) 378 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,901 He's not gonna barge in here, is he? 379 00:21:49,902 --> 00:21:54,068 No, he's in Germany, or on his way back from Germany. 380 00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:56,615 Why Germany? 381 00:21:58,192 --> 00:22:00,009 'Cause he's in the army. 382 00:22:00,009 --> 00:22:00,944 Fuck. 383 00:22:00,945 --> 00:22:01,999 Yeah. 384 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,651 Fuck. 385 00:22:03,652 --> 00:22:06,152 Oh, shit, what did we just do? 386 00:22:07,228 --> 00:22:08,357 I know. 387 00:22:08,358 --> 00:22:12,182 (slow ambient music) 388 00:22:12,182 --> 00:22:13,806 You know what? 389 00:22:13,807 --> 00:22:17,973 No, I feel like every chance he's had to fuck around, 390 00:22:18,875 --> 00:22:22,042 he has, and every time I stood by him, 391 00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:24,969 so he can either 392 00:22:26,271 --> 00:22:27,439 forgive me, or 393 00:22:29,167 --> 00:22:30,817 leave. 394 00:22:30,817 --> 00:22:34,151 I'd prefer if he never found out about this. 395 00:22:34,152 --> 00:22:35,440 Yeah. 396 00:22:35,441 --> 00:22:38,523 (slow ambient music) 397 00:22:40,268 --> 00:22:44,434 No matter what happens, I'm really glad that we did this. 398 00:22:44,593 --> 00:22:47,242 (slow ambient music) 399 00:22:47,243 --> 00:22:48,144 Same. 400 00:22:48,144 --> 00:22:50,770 (slow ambient music) 401 00:22:50,771 --> 00:22:53,271 (birds chirp) 402 00:22:59,679 --> 00:23:02,761 (slow ambient music) 403 00:23:03,689 --> 00:23:06,189 (pen scrawls) 404 00:23:10,051 --> 00:23:13,134 (ambient whispering) 405 00:23:17,442 --> 00:23:19,090 Don't do that. 406 00:23:19,092 --> 00:23:22,174 (slow ambient music) 407 00:23:30,218 --> 00:23:32,718 (birds chirp) 408 00:23:34,808 --> 00:23:37,558 (lighter clicks) 409 00:23:41,208 --> 00:23:44,290 (slow ambient music) 410 00:23:46,807 --> 00:23:49,449 (Ivan sighs) 411 00:23:49,450 --> 00:23:52,532 (slow ambient music) 412 00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:09,571 (slow rhythmic pulses) 413 00:24:24,843 --> 00:24:27,593 (phone vibrates) 414 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:39,826 Hey. 415 00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:40,992 [Emily] Hey. 416 00:24:42,919 --> 00:24:44,169 How's it going? 417 00:24:45,904 --> 00:24:47,269 Good, great. 418 00:24:47,269 --> 00:24:50,080 [Emily] It was nice seeing you the other day. 419 00:24:50,082 --> 00:24:51,914 Yeah, yeah, you too. 420 00:24:53,374 --> 00:24:57,457 [Emily] Hey, listen, John wants to talk to you. 421 00:24:59,653 --> 00:25:00,653 Yeah? 422 00:25:04,281 --> 00:25:06,269 [John] Hey, brother, long time no see. 423 00:25:06,269 --> 00:25:09,675 Hey, yeah, yeah, it's been awhile. 424 00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:10,943 [John] How's everything? 425 00:25:10,944 --> 00:25:13,161 Emily told me she ran into you. 426 00:25:13,162 --> 00:25:16,496 Yeah, yeah, that, that happened. 427 00:25:16,497 --> 00:25:20,359 (slow orchestral music) 428 00:25:20,361 --> 00:25:22,641 So you two are getting hitched, huh? 429 00:25:22,642 --> 00:25:26,143 [John] Yeah, bet you never thought you'd see the day. 430 00:25:26,144 --> 00:25:29,305 Just got back and got tons of planning to do, 431 00:25:29,306 --> 00:25:32,398 I think today we're doing the cake tasting thing, 432 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,945 I don't know, but it's not all bad. 433 00:25:34,947 --> 00:25:38,501 Yeah, who doesn't like cake, so. 434 00:25:38,502 --> 00:25:41,319 Emily told me you were in the army, 435 00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,557 and I was like, how did I not hear about this? 436 00:25:43,558 --> 00:25:47,726 [John] Yeah, man, we haven't spoken in forever. 437 00:25:47,788 --> 00:25:49,646 Long enough for me to go to hell and back. 438 00:25:49,647 --> 00:25:50,480 When did you get back? 439 00:25:50,481 --> 00:25:54,647 [John] Hey, man, you wanna come over for a drink tomorrow? 440 00:25:57,465 --> 00:25:59,883 I'd love to swap war stories. 441 00:26:01,798 --> 00:26:04,298 Uh, yeah, that should work for me. 442 00:26:04,299 --> 00:26:05,467 [John] Yeah? 443 00:26:07,391 --> 00:26:09,973 Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. 444 00:26:11,089 --> 00:26:12,744 [John] We can text you the address. 445 00:26:12,746 --> 00:26:15,573 Awesome, alright, I'll see you then, peace, brother. 446 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,238 Yeah. 447 00:26:17,239 --> 00:26:20,321 (slow ambient music) 448 00:26:37,734 --> 00:26:40,484 (phone vibrates) 449 00:26:57,298 --> 00:26:58,445 (door creaks) 450 00:26:58,703 --> 00:26:59,537 Hey. 451 00:26:59,546 --> 00:27:00,378 [Ivan] Hey. 452 00:27:00,378 --> 00:27:01,378 What's up, dude? 453 00:27:02,289 --> 00:27:03,328 Get ready, I'm bringing it in close. 454 00:27:03,329 --> 00:27:04,163 [Ivan] Hey, John. 455 00:27:04,163 --> 00:27:05,934 Hey, how's it going? 456 00:27:05,935 --> 00:27:06,769 [Ivan] Good, good. 457 00:27:06,769 --> 00:27:07,602 Good seeing you man. 458 00:27:07,602 --> 00:27:08,434 [Ivan] You too. 459 00:27:08,435 --> 00:27:09,571 Come on in, let's do this. 460 00:27:09,573 --> 00:27:12,567 (door creaks) 461 00:27:12,567 --> 00:27:13,401 You ate, right? 462 00:27:13,402 --> 00:27:15,397 Yeah, yeah, I'm good. 463 00:27:15,398 --> 00:27:19,566 [Emily] Good, 'cause this is all we got. 464 00:27:19,624 --> 00:27:21,678 I'm gonna make such a mess (laughs). 465 00:27:21,679 --> 00:27:22,743 What's new with you? 466 00:27:22,744 --> 00:27:24,759 Em says you're back in school. 467 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,703 I told you, he's literally soul searching. 468 00:27:28,704 --> 00:27:31,328 Yeah, yeah, neuroscience, close enough. 469 00:27:31,329 --> 00:27:34,061 Yeah, she said you were a lab rat, what's that about? 470 00:27:34,063 --> 00:27:35,063 Um, yeah. 471 00:27:36,903 --> 00:27:38,433 I'll just start from the beginning, 472 00:27:38,434 --> 00:27:42,502 a few years back, I saw this talk at the university given 473 00:27:42,503 --> 00:27:44,545 by this wizard looking dude... 474 00:27:44,546 --> 00:27:46,072 Like a Gandalf wizard? 475 00:27:46,073 --> 00:27:49,502 Exactly, total Gandalf, so the talk was 476 00:27:49,503 --> 00:27:52,579 about consciousness and the idea 477 00:27:52,580 --> 00:27:55,980 that reality is all an illusion, 478 00:27:55,981 --> 00:27:59,150 and underneath it all is this consciousness system 479 00:27:59,151 --> 00:28:00,688 that we're all a part of. 480 00:28:00,689 --> 00:28:04,733 And according to him, with enough practice, 481 00:28:04,734 --> 00:28:08,902 we can all access this system through advanced meditation, 482 00:28:09,747 --> 00:28:12,871 so when you hear about out of body experiences 483 00:28:12,872 --> 00:28:15,934 or astral projection, it's actually these people 484 00:28:15,935 --> 00:28:18,303 just breaking the boundaries of the illusion. 485 00:28:18,304 --> 00:28:19,686 So it's bullshit. 486 00:28:19,688 --> 00:28:20,948 Maybe. 487 00:28:20,949 --> 00:28:24,012 Or maybe it's hard to imagine the world is round 488 00:28:24,013 --> 00:28:27,454 if you always thought it was flat. 489 00:28:27,455 --> 00:28:28,455 Fair. 490 00:28:29,587 --> 00:28:33,755 So, yeah, now I'm Gandalf's research buddy. 491 00:28:33,941 --> 00:28:35,425 I'm so curious to see what you find out, 492 00:28:35,426 --> 00:28:37,438 I mean, this is not my area at all, 493 00:28:37,439 --> 00:28:41,221 but based on my ridiculously limited background 494 00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:43,753 in medical research, I'm qualified enough 495 00:28:43,755 --> 00:28:45,140 to say that we know almost nothing 496 00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:45,973 about how the brain works. 497 00:28:45,974 --> 00:28:48,829 No, right, exactly, and this is weird, too, 498 00:28:48,830 --> 00:28:50,636 there's some evidence that observation 499 00:28:50,637 --> 00:28:54,205 alone can affect things outside of our mind. 500 00:28:54,207 --> 00:28:55,760 You've heard of the double slit experiment, right? 501 00:28:55,761 --> 00:28:56,761 I have. 502 00:28:57,651 --> 00:28:59,498 No, I haven't. 503 00:28:59,499 --> 00:29:01,249 [Emily] Ignore him. 504 00:29:02,376 --> 00:29:03,343 Please, educate. 505 00:29:03,344 --> 00:29:05,737 Okay, the double slit experiment is one 506 00:29:05,738 --> 00:29:08,898 of the most replicated experiments in physics 507 00:29:08,900 --> 00:29:11,713 because it is so fucking weird. 508 00:29:11,714 --> 00:29:15,720 So you have these two slits, and behind that is a censor, 509 00:29:15,721 --> 00:29:19,258 like a wall, and if you blast light through the slits, 510 00:29:19,259 --> 00:29:22,058 a wave pattern is created on the sensor, 511 00:29:22,059 --> 00:29:22,968 which makes sense, right, 512 00:29:22,969 --> 00:29:25,968 because light is like a wave, right? 513 00:29:26,988 --> 00:29:28,792 Okay, so later they figure out how 514 00:29:28,794 --> 00:29:31,544 to fire photons, light particles, 515 00:29:32,420 --> 00:29:34,251 one at a time through the slits, 516 00:29:34,252 --> 00:29:37,170 and they still make a wave pattern. 517 00:29:38,019 --> 00:29:39,009 Okay. 518 00:29:39,010 --> 00:29:42,593 Okay, okay, so blast light, wave pattern, 519 00:29:44,119 --> 00:29:48,287 blast individual photon particles, still a wave pattern. 520 00:29:49,766 --> 00:29:51,052 It's weird because you'd think 521 00:29:51,054 --> 00:29:55,221 that individual particles would arrive kind of randomly, 522 00:29:55,309 --> 00:29:58,585 it wouldn't be able to create the wave pattern one particle 523 00:29:58,586 --> 00:30:01,808 at a time, right, it just doesn't make sense. 524 00:30:01,809 --> 00:30:04,816 None of this shit makes any sense. 525 00:30:04,817 --> 00:30:05,650 Shut up. 526 00:30:05,651 --> 00:30:09,817 Okay, here's where it actually gets interesting. 527 00:30:09,917 --> 00:30:11,612 To find out how individual particles 528 00:30:11,613 --> 00:30:15,140 could make wave patterns, they set up these little detectors 529 00:30:15,141 --> 00:30:17,634 to see the particles pass through the slits, 530 00:30:17,634 --> 00:30:21,801 and the particles totally changed their behavior. 531 00:30:21,957 --> 00:30:23,891 The pattern on the sensor just looked 532 00:30:23,892 --> 00:30:26,201 like the particles shot straight through the slits 533 00:30:26,202 --> 00:30:29,826 in a perfectly straight line, no more wave pattern. 534 00:30:29,827 --> 00:30:31,409 They thought maybe the placement 535 00:30:31,410 --> 00:30:33,900 of the detectors interfered with the particles somehow, 536 00:30:33,901 --> 00:30:38,067 so they turned them off, but kept them in place, 537 00:30:38,298 --> 00:30:42,105 and the particles made a wave pattern again. 538 00:30:42,106 --> 00:30:44,916 Detectors on, double slit pattern, 539 00:30:44,917 --> 00:30:47,250 detectors off, wave pattern. 540 00:30:49,326 --> 00:30:53,146 So the behavior of the particles depended 541 00:30:53,147 --> 00:30:57,315 on whether or not they were actually being observed. 542 00:30:58,128 --> 00:30:59,128 Spooky. 543 00:31:00,348 --> 00:31:01,182 Wha? 544 00:31:01,182 --> 00:31:03,048 (Emily laughs) 545 00:31:03,049 --> 00:31:05,221 I swear, every time I see you I learn something new 546 00:31:05,221 --> 00:31:06,554 and awesome. 547 00:31:06,555 --> 00:31:10,027 So John, you're a military man now, huh? 548 00:31:10,028 --> 00:31:12,868 How the hell did that happen? 549 00:31:12,869 --> 00:31:13,869 Yeah. 550 00:31:15,392 --> 00:31:18,748 Sorry, yeah, it never used to be this hard to talk about. 551 00:31:18,749 --> 00:31:20,415 You don't have to. 552 00:31:21,781 --> 00:31:23,281 I will say this. 553 00:31:26,093 --> 00:31:28,971 Being over there really shows you what we take for granted, 554 00:31:28,971 --> 00:31:30,949 and I feel a lot of guilt about that. 555 00:31:30,950 --> 00:31:32,292 I get that. 556 00:31:32,294 --> 00:31:34,141 Seems like our days of being spoiled are numbered, 557 00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:37,710 though, things aren't what they used to be. 558 00:31:37,711 --> 00:31:40,988 I mean, there's a lot more shared poverty nowadays. 559 00:31:40,989 --> 00:31:43,755 Our system feeds on poverty, it needs it. 560 00:31:43,756 --> 00:31:47,048 Yeah, but on the other hand, I mean, this wine. 561 00:31:47,048 --> 00:31:50,061 There's a heater in here and a refrigerator. 562 00:31:50,063 --> 00:31:52,442 And you got that beast of an internet porn collection, 563 00:31:52,442 --> 00:31:53,633 so there's always that. 564 00:31:53,634 --> 00:31:54,557 Yes. 565 00:31:54,558 --> 00:31:56,642 Seriously, it's like a fucking terabyte. 566 00:31:56,643 --> 00:31:57,476 On that hard drive. 567 00:31:57,477 --> 00:31:58,691 I'm just saying, ugh. 568 00:31:58,692 --> 00:32:00,439 Why don't you just stream it like a normal person? 569 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:03,381 What, I am storing up for the apocalypse. 570 00:32:03,382 --> 00:32:06,548 Got my vintage VHS '90s porn classics. 571 00:32:08,001 --> 00:32:08,954 What, like Barbara's Bush? 572 00:32:08,955 --> 00:32:10,550 (overlapping chatter) 573 00:32:10,551 --> 00:32:12,384 And Ghost Thrusters. 574 00:32:13,411 --> 00:32:14,243 Cliff Banger. 575 00:32:14,244 --> 00:32:17,463 (group laughs) 576 00:32:17,464 --> 00:32:18,638 Forrest Hump. 577 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,046 (group laughs) 578 00:32:22,047 --> 00:32:23,463 That's good shit. 579 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:29,167 Ivan, in a couple weeks I'm taking this hiking trip, 580 00:32:30,461 --> 00:32:34,628 kind of a last hurrah before Em and I are trapped 581 00:32:34,797 --> 00:32:38,032 in a boring marriage for the rest of our lives. 582 00:32:38,034 --> 00:32:40,450 John wants to go on a vision quest. 583 00:32:40,451 --> 00:32:44,233 I just want to set up a tent on the beach 584 00:32:44,234 --> 00:32:46,234 and just feel the quiet. 585 00:32:47,665 --> 00:32:50,028 I keep telling him that even after we're married, 586 00:32:50,028 --> 00:32:52,827 he can still go off on a lonely pilgrimage 587 00:32:52,828 --> 00:32:55,699 to the middle of the woods, but he doesn't get 588 00:32:55,700 --> 00:32:58,596 that I'm not a fucking prison guard, so. 589 00:32:58,596 --> 00:33:00,930 It's not the same, I just, 590 00:33:02,084 --> 00:33:06,250 I could use a spiritual guide on my vision quest. 591 00:33:06,728 --> 00:33:08,032 Oh, wow, man, uh. 592 00:33:08,034 --> 00:33:09,601 Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out, 593 00:33:09,602 --> 00:33:11,682 I know it's, we haven seen each other in forever, 594 00:33:11,682 --> 00:33:15,298 and, I don't know, I'm digging the vibe here tonight. 595 00:33:15,299 --> 00:33:16,867 Um, 596 00:33:16,868 --> 00:33:17,826 yeah. 597 00:33:17,826 --> 00:33:19,391 - Yeah? - Yeah. 598 00:33:19,392 --> 00:33:20,224 Seriously? 599 00:33:20,224 --> 00:33:21,057 [Ivan] Yeah, yeah. 600 00:33:21,057 --> 00:33:21,891 I mean, it's short notice, 601 00:33:21,892 --> 00:33:23,109 Gandalf's not gonna be pissed, is he? 602 00:33:23,111 --> 00:33:24,430 No, that's, no, it's fine, 603 00:33:24,431 --> 00:33:26,263 I think that'll actually be a good place for me 604 00:33:26,265 --> 00:33:29,916 to just unplug and practice all this voodoo shit. 605 00:33:29,917 --> 00:33:32,593 Yes, awesome, this is great. 606 00:33:32,594 --> 00:33:35,083 Look, I'll tell you all about it after I pee, 607 00:33:35,084 --> 00:33:36,903 I'll be right back. 608 00:33:36,904 --> 00:33:40,404 (dissonant ambient music) 609 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:44,417 (wind blows) 610 00:33:50,109 --> 00:33:53,677 (train clatters) 611 00:33:53,679 --> 00:33:56,761 (slow ambient music) 612 00:33:59,088 --> 00:34:02,317 (traffic roars) 613 00:34:02,318 --> 00:34:05,402 (slow ambient music) 614 00:34:19,373 --> 00:34:22,364 (pen scrawls) 615 00:34:22,365 --> 00:34:25,449 (slow ambient music) 616 00:34:47,525 --> 00:34:51,431 (slow rhythmic pulses) 617 00:34:51,431 --> 00:34:54,514 (slow ambient music) 618 00:35:12,179 --> 00:35:16,346 (moves into slow orchestral music) 619 00:35:32,498 --> 00:35:35,581 (slow ambient music) 620 00:35:49,088 --> 00:35:51,922 (spider skitters) 621 00:35:54,675 --> 00:35:58,697 (dissonant orchestral music) 622 00:35:58,699 --> 00:36:01,771 (spider skitters) 623 00:36:01,773 --> 00:36:05,586 (dissonant orchestral music) 624 00:36:05,588 --> 00:36:08,601 (spider skitters) 625 00:36:08,601 --> 00:36:12,351 (dissonant orchestral music) 626 00:36:21,315 --> 00:36:23,815 (birds chirp) 627 00:36:33,237 --> 00:36:35,820 (pages rustle) 628 00:36:38,389 --> 00:36:40,889 (pen scrawls) 629 00:36:42,784 --> 00:36:45,284 (birds chirp) 630 00:36:57,146 --> 00:36:58,896 [Television] Rain around the Chicago area today 631 00:36:58,896 --> 00:37:00,237 temperatures are holding at... 632 00:37:00,237 --> 00:37:01,315 [Ivan] Hey, Mom. 633 00:37:01,317 --> 00:37:04,195 Hey, where have you been hiding? 634 00:37:04,195 --> 00:37:05,811 I haven't seen you for awhile. 635 00:37:05,811 --> 00:37:07,108 [Ivan] Yeah, there was no hiding, 636 00:37:07,108 --> 00:37:09,829 I was just at a friend's place, having a drink. 637 00:37:09,829 --> 00:37:12,682 You have an appointment this morning, right? 638 00:37:12,684 --> 00:37:14,351 [Ivan] Yeah, I do. 639 00:37:15,847 --> 00:37:19,440 Are you still not taking your pills? 640 00:37:19,442 --> 00:37:22,244 (door slams) 641 00:37:22,244 --> 00:37:25,139 I can't, I can't handle that stuff. 642 00:37:25,141 --> 00:37:26,668 I know you don't want to hear this, 643 00:37:26,670 --> 00:37:29,510 but I think that's a bad idea, your doctor said 644 00:37:29,510 --> 00:37:31,686 that the side effects might improve it if you just... 645 00:37:31,688 --> 00:37:33,393 No, Mom, I don't know how many ways I can tell you 646 00:37:33,393 --> 00:37:36,682 that that stuff makes me want to kill myself. 647 00:37:36,684 --> 00:37:38,614 Look, I'm honestly saying I'd rather be dead 648 00:37:38,615 --> 00:37:41,416 than spend the rest of my life on that shit. 649 00:37:41,416 --> 00:37:45,152 I'd rather be crazy, for that matter. 650 00:37:45,153 --> 00:37:48,960 Look, it's not an easy situation, okay? 651 00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:51,128 But that's just how it is. 652 00:37:53,690 --> 00:37:56,688 I just don't want to lose my son, 653 00:37:56,688 --> 00:37:58,704 does that make me a crazy person? 654 00:37:58,704 --> 00:38:02,664 I know you don't, Mom, but you want your son 655 00:38:02,666 --> 00:38:04,666 to like his life, right? 656 00:38:08,922 --> 00:38:09,922 Come here. 657 00:38:13,407 --> 00:38:14,407 I do. 658 00:38:15,833 --> 00:38:18,001 I do want you to be happy. 659 00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:20,840 Thank you. 660 00:38:22,420 --> 00:38:25,204 (door creaks) 661 00:38:25,204 --> 00:38:28,288 (slow ambient music) 662 00:38:31,608 --> 00:38:32,690 Are you okay? 663 00:38:35,561 --> 00:38:37,641 Seriously, are you okay? 664 00:38:37,641 --> 00:38:40,724 (slow ambient music) 665 00:38:42,961 --> 00:38:45,757 I'm gonna break it off with him. 666 00:38:45,759 --> 00:38:46,697 I think. 667 00:38:46,699 --> 00:38:49,605 (slow ambient music) 668 00:38:49,606 --> 00:38:51,248 [Ivan] What happened? 669 00:38:51,248 --> 00:38:52,313 You know what happened. 670 00:38:52,313 --> 00:38:54,731 (door shuts) 671 00:38:57,621 --> 00:38:59,204 What are you doing? 672 00:39:00,411 --> 00:39:02,034 You, you invited me over. 673 00:39:02,036 --> 00:39:06,202 No, you idiot, why are you going with him? 674 00:39:06,463 --> 00:39:09,530 Look, I know it's weird, I know how it looks, 675 00:39:09,532 --> 00:39:11,039 it's fucking weird. 676 00:39:11,039 --> 00:39:12,206 Yeah, it is. 677 00:39:15,313 --> 00:39:17,231 I have some problems. 678 00:39:18,896 --> 00:39:19,914 Some health problems, 679 00:39:19,914 --> 00:39:23,610 and I think it's a really good idea if I go. 680 00:39:23,612 --> 00:39:24,844 What's wrong? 681 00:39:24,844 --> 00:39:26,523 You're sick? 682 00:39:26,523 --> 00:39:28,023 It's just, it's, 683 00:39:29,547 --> 00:39:31,769 it's just kind of hard to talk about, so. 684 00:39:31,771 --> 00:39:33,271 I, sometimes it's, 685 00:39:36,731 --> 00:39:38,027 can you do me a favor, could we wait 686 00:39:38,028 --> 00:39:40,945 to talk about this when I get back? 687 00:39:41,909 --> 00:39:44,081 I know it's a lot and it's kind 688 00:39:44,081 --> 00:39:46,664 of fucked up for me to do, but. 689 00:39:48,809 --> 00:39:51,708 But I hope you believe me, Emily, 690 00:39:51,708 --> 00:39:55,643 when I say I like you a lot, 'cause I do, 691 00:39:55,643 --> 00:39:59,634 and this trip isn't gonna change that, 692 00:39:59,635 --> 00:40:03,802 and I hope someday you can understand why I'm going 693 00:40:05,137 --> 00:40:08,639 and maybe forgive me for fucking you up in the process. 694 00:40:08,641 --> 00:40:11,974 (slow electronic music) 695 00:40:12,896 --> 00:40:15,396 So is this thing contagious? 696 00:40:16,684 --> 00:40:18,018 No. 697 00:40:18,019 --> 00:40:21,353 (slow electronic music) 698 00:40:26,016 --> 00:40:28,932 (jet engines roar) 699 00:40:34,559 --> 00:40:38,309 (dissonant orchestral music) 700 00:41:02,364 --> 00:41:04,885 [John] Oh, one bed, well, 701 00:41:04,885 --> 00:41:08,077 at least it's big enough for both of us. 702 00:41:08,077 --> 00:41:09,318 [Ivan] I'll take the floor. 703 00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:13,487 Why, I need to cuddle and be warm with my baby. 704 00:41:14,014 --> 00:41:15,474 - No, that's fine. - Gonna snuggle. 705 00:41:15,476 --> 00:41:16,681 John, John, it's fine, it's fine. 706 00:41:16,682 --> 00:41:18,449 Alright, no, I got the floor, I insist. 707 00:41:18,449 --> 00:41:20,954 No, no, no, no, you brought me out here, so. 708 00:41:20,954 --> 00:41:22,621 Alright, whatever. 709 00:41:24,271 --> 00:41:27,800 This is great, man, thanks for coming out with me. 710 00:41:27,802 --> 00:41:29,302 Yeah, of course. 711 00:41:30,152 --> 00:41:31,485 You tired yet? 712 00:41:32,559 --> 00:41:33,643 Not really. 713 00:41:50,972 --> 00:41:54,666 Look, I don't know where you got this idea from, 714 00:41:54,668 --> 00:41:57,335 no, she's just, she found me, I, 715 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:02,188 I would never do that, Emily, no. 716 00:42:02,188 --> 00:42:03,364 No, I didn't fuck her. 717 00:42:03,365 --> 00:42:04,447 Ivan. 718 00:42:04,449 --> 00:42:05,282 [Ivan] No. 719 00:42:05,282 --> 00:42:06,208 Ivan. 720 00:42:06,210 --> 00:42:08,000 [Ivan] Look, I agree, you're a good guy. 721 00:42:08,001 --> 00:42:08,833 Ivan. 722 00:42:08,835 --> 00:42:09,864 Yeah, yes? 723 00:42:09,864 --> 00:42:13,434 [John] You're talking in your sleep. 724 00:42:13,436 --> 00:42:14,436 Really? 725 00:42:15,666 --> 00:42:19,833 Yeah, you just said you didn't fuck my fiance. 726 00:42:20,172 --> 00:42:21,965 I must have, um. 727 00:42:21,965 --> 00:42:26,132 You dreaming I was interrogating your or something? 728 00:42:26,532 --> 00:42:28,614 Yeah, yeah, I think so. 729 00:42:30,574 --> 00:42:32,452 That really didn't just happen? 730 00:42:32,452 --> 00:42:36,619 No, I've been asleep for like, an hour and a half. 731 00:42:37,572 --> 00:42:40,668 Look, I'm sorry, I'm out of it, 732 00:42:40,670 --> 00:42:43,764 I haven't drank that much in awhile. 733 00:42:43,764 --> 00:42:45,514 It's all good, man. 734 00:42:52,108 --> 00:42:53,108 Dumbass. 735 00:42:56,364 --> 00:42:58,476 You've been to this spot before? 736 00:42:58,478 --> 00:43:01,791 Not this exact spot, but I've heard good things. 737 00:43:01,793 --> 00:43:03,768 Private beach? 738 00:43:03,769 --> 00:43:06,496 Not exactly, it's pretty far in, 739 00:43:06,496 --> 00:43:08,820 most people don't hike all the way in. 740 00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:09,820 Awesome. 741 00:43:11,945 --> 00:43:13,778 Thank you very much. 742 00:43:19,141 --> 00:43:20,552 What? 743 00:43:20,552 --> 00:43:21,664 What the fuck was that? 744 00:43:21,664 --> 00:43:22,498 [John] What? 745 00:43:22,498 --> 00:43:24,721 That shit eating grin. 746 00:43:24,722 --> 00:43:26,088 Politeness? 747 00:43:26,088 --> 00:43:27,088 Right. 748 00:43:28,030 --> 00:43:32,197 Plus I'm not married yet (chuckles). 749 00:43:32,402 --> 00:43:33,744 What, Jiminy Cricket, what? 750 00:43:33,744 --> 00:43:35,565 It's just douchey, man, we used to make fun 751 00:43:35,565 --> 00:43:39,076 of assholes that did shit like that. 752 00:43:39,077 --> 00:43:42,300 How long have you had a thing for Emily? 753 00:43:42,300 --> 00:43:44,034 Just curious, no big deal. 754 00:43:44,036 --> 00:43:45,043 That's not what this is. 755 00:43:45,043 --> 00:43:48,054 Right, you're talking in your sleep, 756 00:43:48,054 --> 00:43:50,619 this weird protection of her, 757 00:43:50,619 --> 00:43:53,094 I get it, it's way fucking obvious. 758 00:43:53,094 --> 00:43:55,809 Look, I don't want there to be any bad blood, 759 00:43:55,809 --> 00:43:58,594 there's nothing going on. 760 00:43:58,594 --> 00:43:59,594 Okay. 761 00:44:04,407 --> 00:44:06,342 Here, show me on this thing again where we're going? 762 00:44:06,342 --> 00:44:07,342 Alright. 763 00:44:09,139 --> 00:44:11,650 So we're gonna, here we are, 764 00:44:11,650 --> 00:44:15,697 follow this ridge down to this area here, 765 00:44:15,697 --> 00:44:18,440 it's pretty steep, we won't exactly have to rappel 766 00:44:18,442 --> 00:44:20,751 or anything, but it'll be hairy, 767 00:44:20,753 --> 00:44:24,362 then we'll cut over here about two and a half hours, 768 00:44:24,362 --> 00:44:26,239 and then we'll be at our home away from home 769 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:27,751 for the next two weeks. 770 00:44:27,753 --> 00:44:29,289 Anything out there that can kill us? 771 00:44:29,291 --> 00:44:32,018 Yeah, being stupid, falling off a cliff. 772 00:44:32,019 --> 00:44:34,304 What about, like, snakes, or? 773 00:44:34,304 --> 00:44:37,257 It's bear country, mountain lions, 774 00:44:37,257 --> 00:44:38,447 but if you're loud enough on the trail, 775 00:44:38,449 --> 00:44:39,949 they'll stay away. 776 00:44:41,876 --> 00:44:44,271 The land, though, is owned by the government, 777 00:44:44,273 --> 00:44:47,106 so if anyone asks, just play dumb. 778 00:44:50,516 --> 00:44:51,773 That would have been a lot easier 779 00:44:51,775 --> 00:44:54,461 to do before you said anything. 780 00:44:54,463 --> 00:44:55,791 Sorry. 781 00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:58,331 (Ivan chuckles) 782 00:44:58,333 --> 00:45:02,250 (avant-garde orchestral music) 783 00:45:30,099 --> 00:45:32,186 So if we keep heading west, 784 00:45:32,188 --> 00:45:35,021 we should be in pretty good shape. 785 00:45:36,028 --> 00:45:40,195 Worse comes to worse, my cellphone's mostly charged. 786 00:45:40,510 --> 00:45:42,072 (Ivan laughs) 787 00:45:42,072 --> 00:45:45,989 (avant-garde orchestral music) 788 00:46:02,349 --> 00:46:05,849 (water trickles) 789 00:46:05,849 --> 00:46:09,766 (avant-garde orchestral music) 790 00:47:01,588 --> 00:47:04,215 (waves crash) 791 00:47:04,217 --> 00:47:06,884 (sand crunches) 792 00:47:16,858 --> 00:47:19,079 What do you think? 793 00:47:19,079 --> 00:47:21,579 (waves crash) 794 00:47:26,509 --> 00:47:27,509 Awesome. 795 00:47:30,070 --> 00:47:33,987 (avant-garde orchestral music) 796 00:48:04,201 --> 00:48:06,440 I'm gonna pass out. 797 00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:10,608 (avant-garde orchestral music) 798 00:48:10,782 --> 00:48:13,902 [Ivan] I need a little more this way. 799 00:48:13,903 --> 00:48:17,820 (avant-garde orchestral music) 800 00:48:26,025 --> 00:48:28,152 [John] Can't believe how many stars. 801 00:48:28,153 --> 00:48:30,820 (fire crackles) 802 00:48:31,905 --> 00:48:36,072 And this is why the city sucks (laughs). 803 00:48:36,512 --> 00:48:39,846 Yeah, wish I knew more constellations. 804 00:48:41,594 --> 00:48:44,344 (lighter clicks) 805 00:48:45,219 --> 00:48:47,552 You're an aliens guy, right? 806 00:48:48,929 --> 00:48:51,650 I feel like I remember that. 807 00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:55,793 We're not alone in the universe, according to Ivan. 808 00:48:55,795 --> 00:48:56,795 No. 809 00:48:57,643 --> 00:49:00,860 No, I'd say we're the only planet 810 00:49:00,860 --> 00:49:02,427 in the whole universe comprised 811 00:49:02,429 --> 00:49:05,802 of over a billion galaxies that has life on it, 812 00:49:05,804 --> 00:49:09,036 I mean, that's obvious, right? 813 00:49:09,036 --> 00:49:11,344 Forget the fact that we've discovered 814 00:49:11,344 --> 00:49:13,817 over 2,000 exoplanets, 815 00:49:13,818 --> 00:49:16,900 30 of which are in the habitable zone 816 00:49:18,827 --> 00:49:20,351 that we know of, so. 817 00:49:20,351 --> 00:49:21,894 Sorry I asked. 818 00:49:21,896 --> 00:49:26,063 I mean, it's ridiculous to think that we're alone. 819 00:49:28,250 --> 00:49:30,028 I don't know, I agree with that, 820 00:49:30,030 --> 00:49:34,197 I guess, but I just, I don't know, what about the farmers, 821 00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:38,387 talking about their cows getting probed, or. 822 00:49:38,387 --> 00:49:40,181 [Ivan] Jesus. 823 00:49:40,182 --> 00:49:42,432 Spacecraft crashing, and. 824 00:49:44,215 --> 00:49:47,248 Do you think we've got ET locked up somewhere? 825 00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:50,000 Maybe, maybe life as we know it 826 00:49:51,688 --> 00:49:54,585 travels through the universe on a comet, 827 00:49:54,585 --> 00:49:56,835 or meteor, or spacecraft. 828 00:49:59,083 --> 00:50:00,166 [John] Huh. 829 00:50:01,146 --> 00:50:04,063 Maybe life has always been around 830 00:50:05,208 --> 00:50:07,125 in one form or another. 831 00:50:08,449 --> 00:50:10,782 The important question is, 832 00:50:12,809 --> 00:50:16,016 has anybody ever fucked an alien? 833 00:50:16,016 --> 00:50:18,684 (fire crackles) 834 00:50:19,965 --> 00:50:21,951 God, I hope so. 835 00:50:21,952 --> 00:50:24,947 (both laugh) 836 00:50:24,949 --> 00:50:25,949 Me too. 837 00:50:26,894 --> 00:50:31,061 I bet they've got way more holes (laughs). 838 00:50:32,536 --> 00:50:33,976 Like a flute. 839 00:50:33,976 --> 00:50:35,731 (both laugh) 840 00:50:35,731 --> 00:50:38,990 Wait, (mumbles), under a flute, 841 00:50:38,992 --> 00:50:42,876 they're all, those are all holes. 842 00:50:42,878 --> 00:50:44,516 [John] It plays music. 843 00:50:44,516 --> 00:50:45,349 (John sings) 844 00:50:45,351 --> 00:50:47,344 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's exactly it. 845 00:50:47,346 --> 00:50:48,690 [John] We're both thinking it. 846 00:50:48,690 --> 00:50:51,976 [Ivan] That's exactly what I was thinking. 847 00:50:51,976 --> 00:50:53,920 [John] Oh, God. 848 00:50:53,922 --> 00:50:55,617 (Ivan sings) 849 00:50:55,619 --> 00:50:57,085 No, not, not right there. 850 00:50:57,086 --> 00:50:58,784 (Ivan sings) 851 00:50:58,786 --> 00:50:59,619 Yeah, you hit it. 852 00:50:59,619 --> 00:51:00,588 (John sings) 853 00:51:00,588 --> 00:51:03,670 You hit it (laughs). 854 00:51:04,563 --> 00:51:07,813 [John] That's the dumbest thing ever. 855 00:51:11,996 --> 00:51:15,329 (slow electronic music) 856 00:51:16,588 --> 00:51:19,646 (waves crash) 857 00:51:19,648 --> 00:51:22,981 (slow electronic music) 858 00:51:39,503 --> 00:51:41,559 ♪ Welcome to the jungle, baby ♪ 859 00:51:41,559 --> 00:51:43,367 ♪ We got fun and games ♪ 860 00:51:43,367 --> 00:51:45,548 ♪ Like Skee-ball and pop a shot ♪ 861 00:51:45,550 --> 00:51:48,085 ♪ And pizza night is Thursday night ♪ 862 00:51:48,086 --> 00:51:49,972 ♪ So why not stay and play ♪ 863 00:51:49,974 --> 00:51:51,639 ♪ We got prices that will bring you ♪ 864 00:51:51,641 --> 00:51:52,730 ♪ To your ♪ 865 00:51:52,731 --> 00:51:54,228 ♪ Sha na na na na na na ♪ 866 00:51:54,230 --> 00:51:56,034 ♪ Knees, knees ♪ 867 00:51:56,036 --> 00:51:56,869 (Ivan laughs) 868 00:51:56,869 --> 00:51:57,898 So dumb. 869 00:51:57,900 --> 00:52:01,146 Oh, man, if I never seen another billboard 870 00:52:01,148 --> 00:52:04,534 or hear another commercial again, I'm all set. 871 00:52:04,536 --> 00:52:06,079 Amen. 872 00:52:06,081 --> 00:52:08,581 (waves crash) 873 00:52:10,650 --> 00:52:12,664 So what next? 874 00:52:12,666 --> 00:52:16,583 (avant-garde orchestral music) 875 00:52:17,702 --> 00:52:19,188 You see that big one? 876 00:52:19,190 --> 00:52:20,686 Right by the dead tree? 877 00:52:20,688 --> 00:52:22,105 Yeah, I see it. 878 00:52:24,929 --> 00:52:25,929 Now. 879 00:52:26,639 --> 00:52:29,139 (waves crash) 880 00:52:41,784 --> 00:52:44,989 You know, when I first came up with this idea, 881 00:52:44,990 --> 00:52:48,317 I thought about coming by myself, 882 00:52:48,318 --> 00:52:49,748 and then Em mentioned your name, 883 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:53,916 and I was like, fuck, yeah, Ivan, of course! 884 00:52:54,023 --> 00:52:57,900 It's a tragedy that you and I haven't seen each other 885 00:52:57,902 --> 00:53:00,235 in as long as it's been, so. 886 00:53:02,126 --> 00:53:04,579 It's good to have you here. 887 00:53:04,581 --> 00:53:05,463 Thanks. 888 00:53:05,463 --> 00:53:06,463 And 889 00:53:07,277 --> 00:53:10,195 being around people that you trust. 890 00:53:13,494 --> 00:53:15,128 That's all there is. 891 00:53:15,130 --> 00:53:17,047 Yeah, yeah, for sure. 892 00:53:17,996 --> 00:53:20,746 (crickets chirp) 893 00:53:23,503 --> 00:53:26,085 Why didn't you bring her along? 894 00:53:29,858 --> 00:53:31,840 Em and I are fine. 895 00:53:31,842 --> 00:53:34,713 (slow electronic music) 896 00:53:34,715 --> 00:53:35,715 But 897 00:53:39,021 --> 00:53:43,188 sometimes I think about all the years ahead of us, 898 00:53:44,925 --> 00:53:47,425 just sitting in the same room, 899 00:53:49,463 --> 00:53:51,523 watching each other lose our minds, 900 00:53:51,525 --> 00:53:53,942 you know, the great collapse. 901 00:53:56,983 --> 00:53:59,894 I think about cleaning up after our would be kids, 902 00:53:59,896 --> 00:54:03,896 and all the shit that goes along with that, and. 903 00:54:08,219 --> 00:54:12,052 It just feels like it could be so suffocating. 904 00:54:13,304 --> 00:54:17,213 So I want to extend the chapter preceding. 905 00:54:17,213 --> 00:54:20,547 (slow electronic music) 906 00:54:23,757 --> 00:54:26,090 I doubt it'll be that bad. 907 00:54:27,159 --> 00:54:29,927 (slow electronic music) 908 00:54:29,929 --> 00:54:32,702 Yeah, you're probably right. 909 00:54:32,702 --> 00:54:35,452 (crickets chirp) 910 00:54:39,001 --> 00:54:40,501 Hope you're right. 911 00:54:48,509 --> 00:54:51,360 (birds chirp) 912 00:54:51,362 --> 00:54:55,112 (dissonant orchestral music) 913 00:54:57,851 --> 00:55:00,351 (birds chirp) 914 00:55:01,548 --> 00:55:05,298 (dissonant orchestral music) 915 00:55:15,559 --> 00:55:18,688 (Ivan screams) 916 00:55:18,688 --> 00:55:21,289 (dissonant orchestral music) 917 00:55:21,291 --> 00:55:24,048 (Ivan screams) 918 00:55:24,050 --> 00:55:27,969 (dissonant orchestral music) 919 00:55:27,969 --> 00:55:28,969 Ivan, hey. 920 00:55:30,266 --> 00:55:31,608 Ivan. 921 00:55:31,610 --> 00:55:32,757 Fuck. 922 00:55:32,759 --> 00:55:33,592 You okay? 923 00:55:33,592 --> 00:55:34,949 I'm coming in. 924 00:55:34,951 --> 00:55:37,485 (dissonant orchestral music) 925 00:55:37,485 --> 00:55:38,759 [Ivan] It's not my fault. 926 00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:40,760 What's not your fault? 927 00:55:41,601 --> 00:55:43,601 What's not your fault? 928 00:55:43,601 --> 00:55:46,838 Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh. 929 00:55:46,838 --> 00:55:48,168 Hey, it's okay. 930 00:55:48,170 --> 00:55:49,172 (Ivan coughs) 931 00:55:49,173 --> 00:55:52,045 Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 932 00:55:52,045 --> 00:55:52,878 We're all good. 933 00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:54,681 I'm sorry. 934 00:55:54,681 --> 00:55:55,547 I'm sorry. 935 00:55:55,547 --> 00:55:56,547 Fuck. 936 00:55:57,434 --> 00:56:01,184 (dissonant orchestral music) 937 00:56:05,012 --> 00:56:07,512 (waves crash) 938 00:56:17,597 --> 00:56:19,083 It's all you. 939 00:56:19,083 --> 00:56:21,583 (waves crash) 940 00:56:22,822 --> 00:56:23,822 Thanks. 941 00:56:26,661 --> 00:56:29,655 Before we head in, you sure you don't want 942 00:56:29,655 --> 00:56:32,413 to get a return ticket, get out of here? 943 00:56:32,414 --> 00:56:34,724 I've got no problem doing that for you. 944 00:56:34,724 --> 00:56:36,057 No, it's fine. 945 00:56:38,143 --> 00:56:42,010 I just feel terrible, I should have told you. 946 00:56:42,012 --> 00:56:43,280 It's cool, man, I just need 947 00:56:43,282 --> 00:56:46,268 to know you're going to be okay. 948 00:56:46,268 --> 00:56:48,686 It's not usually like that. 949 00:56:50,764 --> 00:56:52,347 That was different. 950 00:56:54,586 --> 00:56:58,643 It must be the booze, or me being off my routine, 951 00:56:58,644 --> 00:57:01,809 or something, it's fucking with me. 952 00:57:01,811 --> 00:57:02,893 What is it? 953 00:57:04,804 --> 00:57:08,054 Schizoaffective disorder, they think. 954 00:57:10,152 --> 00:57:13,820 I get paranoid and sometimes hallucinate. 955 00:57:13,822 --> 00:57:16,322 (waves crash) 956 00:57:19,615 --> 00:57:22,612 Yeah, that's how I looked when they first diagnosed me. 957 00:57:22,614 --> 00:57:25,697 What do they do, how do you fix it? 958 00:57:27,668 --> 00:57:30,550 I'm supposed to be on meds. 959 00:57:30,550 --> 00:57:33,795 But the last time I took those longer than a week, 960 00:57:33,797 --> 00:57:37,831 I couldn't stop dreaming up ways to kill myself. 961 00:57:37,831 --> 00:57:40,248 And if you don't take them? 962 00:57:41,288 --> 00:57:44,490 Then down the rabbit hole I go. 963 00:57:44,492 --> 00:57:47,824 (slow orchestral music) 964 00:57:51,981 --> 00:57:55,735 Alright, I think I'm gonna go do my meditation thing, 965 00:57:55,735 --> 00:57:57,974 it helps calm the nerves. 966 00:57:57,976 --> 00:58:00,398 Hey, I don't want to mess with your mojo or whatever, 967 00:58:00,398 --> 00:58:04,262 but do you mind teaching me how you do it? 968 00:58:04,262 --> 00:58:06,762 (waves crash) 969 00:58:11,728 --> 00:58:14,222 The goal is to remain present without a bombardment 970 00:58:14,222 --> 00:58:17,056 of thoughts, just clear your mind. 971 00:58:18,547 --> 00:58:22,713 No thoughts, that should be easy for an idiot like me. 972 00:58:22,847 --> 00:58:25,701 It's a lot harder than it seems, 973 00:58:25,702 --> 00:58:29,409 you're thinking without even realizing it. 974 00:58:29,411 --> 00:58:31,077 Just close your eyes 975 00:58:32,728 --> 00:58:33,896 and breathe in 976 00:58:35,851 --> 00:58:39,184 and feel your weight sink into the sand. 977 00:58:41,114 --> 00:58:44,313 You hear the waves in the distance? 978 00:58:44,313 --> 00:58:45,313 Yeah. 979 00:58:46,003 --> 00:58:48,914 Just focus on that, just focus on that sound 980 00:58:48,914 --> 00:58:50,581 and that sound only. 981 00:58:52,021 --> 00:58:53,463 If a thought enters your mind, 982 00:58:53,465 --> 00:58:57,382 just let it float out to sea with the next wave 983 00:58:59,021 --> 00:59:00,353 and the next one 984 00:59:03,108 --> 00:59:04,442 and the next one 985 00:59:06,327 --> 00:59:07,951 and so on. 986 00:59:07,952 --> 00:59:10,452 (waves crash) 987 00:59:21,869 --> 00:59:24,047 My leg's asleep. 988 00:59:24,048 --> 00:59:26,548 (waves crash) 989 00:59:29,335 --> 00:59:30,918 This is impossible. 990 00:59:33,266 --> 00:59:35,934 It's impossible not to think. 991 00:59:35,934 --> 00:59:38,434 (waves crash) 992 00:59:39,702 --> 00:59:40,702 Hey. 993 00:59:42,152 --> 00:59:43,152 Hey! 994 00:59:46,251 --> 00:59:48,313 I'm gonna head down the beach, take a look around. 995 00:59:48,315 --> 00:59:52,150 Feel free to join me when you're done pretending. 996 00:59:52,150 --> 00:59:54,650 (waves crash) 997 01:00:06,452 --> 01:00:09,034 (insects buzz) 998 01:00:11,728 --> 01:00:14,228 (stick snaps) 999 01:00:16,347 --> 01:00:18,931 (insects buzz) 1000 01:00:22,802 --> 01:00:26,969 Jesus, fuck, you scared the shit out of me, dude. 1001 01:00:27,634 --> 01:00:30,458 You've been gone for like, 10 hours. 1002 01:00:30,460 --> 01:00:33,692 The sun's going down, so we'll have to go to town tomorrow. 1003 01:00:33,693 --> 01:00:37,164 Sorry, when I'm in, I'm in deep. 1004 01:00:37,164 --> 01:00:38,228 Gross. 1005 01:00:38,228 --> 01:00:39,561 (both laugh) 1006 01:00:39,561 --> 01:00:41,994 Hey, help me find some more shit to burn, huh? 1007 01:00:41,996 --> 01:00:43,369 Sure. 1008 01:00:43,369 --> 01:00:45,952 (insects buzz) 1009 01:00:48,532 --> 01:00:50,532 So I've been thinking. 1010 01:00:52,858 --> 01:00:54,275 And is that whole 1011 01:00:56,240 --> 01:00:57,574 scientist wizard 1012 01:00:59,612 --> 01:01:02,030 out of body study thing real? 1013 01:01:04,938 --> 01:01:05,938 What? 1014 01:01:06,911 --> 01:01:07,744 Yeah, it's... 1015 01:01:07,744 --> 01:01:08,577 [John] They work with a lot 1016 01:01:08,577 --> 01:01:11,077 of Schizoaffective people, or? 1017 01:01:13,298 --> 01:01:15,237 Yeah, I mean, it's just... 1018 01:01:15,239 --> 01:01:16,905 Do they even know? 1019 01:01:19,034 --> 01:01:23,201 Look, I get it, and you're right to be skeptical, 1020 01:01:26,471 --> 01:01:27,471 it's. 1021 01:01:28,713 --> 01:01:32,278 I'm not judging at all, I'm just curious. 1022 01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:34,947 (fire crackles) 1023 01:01:39,478 --> 01:01:41,335 It's mostly true. 1024 01:01:41,336 --> 01:01:44,003 (fire crackles) 1025 01:01:46,742 --> 01:01:48,434 Which parts? 1026 01:01:48,436 --> 01:01:51,518 (slow ambient music) 1027 01:01:54,844 --> 01:01:56,226 The scientist guy's a real guy, 1028 01:01:56,226 --> 01:01:58,893 but I don't know him personally. 1029 01:02:01,342 --> 01:02:04,581 I follow his writings, but I'm not part of the study, 1030 01:02:04,583 --> 01:02:06,641 there is no study. 1031 01:02:06,641 --> 01:02:09,360 (fire crackles) 1032 01:02:09,360 --> 01:02:11,860 I just thought his teachings would be something 1033 01:02:11,860 --> 01:02:14,152 to help my situation. 1034 01:02:14,153 --> 01:02:17,891 (slow ambient music) 1035 01:02:17,893 --> 01:02:20,257 Are you in school, is that even true? 1036 01:02:20,257 --> 01:02:22,400 Yeah, part time. 1037 01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:25,068 (fire crackles) 1038 01:02:27,079 --> 01:02:29,079 Look, what would you do? 1039 01:02:32,286 --> 01:02:35,204 I'm losing time, and I'm losing it. 1040 01:02:36,918 --> 01:02:39,789 I just don't want to see a friend get hurt 1041 01:02:39,791 --> 01:02:43,958 studying the writings of some bullshit, new age guru. 1042 01:02:45,657 --> 01:02:46,690 Too late. 1043 01:02:46,692 --> 01:02:49,358 (fire crackles) 1044 01:02:54,239 --> 01:02:56,800 And I don't think meditation is the leading cause 1045 01:02:56,800 --> 01:02:58,300 of death anywhere. 1046 01:02:59,389 --> 01:03:01,168 It's not the meditation I'm worried about, 1047 01:03:01,168 --> 01:03:04,751 it's what you're not doing medically. 1048 01:03:04,751 --> 01:03:08,195 (fire crackles) 1049 01:03:08,197 --> 01:03:10,646 What is it you're trying to achieve, anyway? 1050 01:03:10,646 --> 01:03:12,813 Just a little more time. 1051 01:03:14,789 --> 01:03:18,230 Just more time, as a clear-headed person 1052 01:03:18,231 --> 01:03:21,195 that's not a burden on anyone. 1053 01:03:21,197 --> 01:03:23,864 (fire crackles) 1054 01:03:24,769 --> 01:03:27,853 (slow ambient music) 1055 01:03:33,405 --> 01:03:35,905 (birds chirp) 1056 01:03:47,836 --> 01:03:51,586 (dissonant orchestral music) 1057 01:03:52,655 --> 01:03:55,155 (birds chirp) 1058 01:03:57,884 --> 01:04:01,634 (dissonant orchestral music) 1059 01:04:04,867 --> 01:04:07,367 (birds chirp) 1060 01:04:09,567 --> 01:04:13,317 (dissonant orchestral music) 1061 01:04:28,802 --> 01:04:31,302 (birds chirp) 1062 01:04:43,784 --> 01:04:46,284 (pen scrawls) 1063 01:04:49,617 --> 01:04:52,117 (paper tears) 1064 01:04:58,059 --> 01:05:00,559 (birds chirp) 1065 01:05:06,322 --> 01:05:08,739 (wind blows) 1066 01:05:14,273 --> 01:05:16,940 (paper rustles) 1067 01:05:22,251 --> 01:05:23,699 (zipper zips) 1068 01:05:23,701 --> 01:05:27,617 (avant-garde orchestral music) 1069 01:05:55,072 --> 01:05:57,923 (John hollers) 1070 01:05:57,925 --> 01:06:01,842 (avant-garde orchestral music) 1071 01:06:08,016 --> 01:06:10,516 (birds chirp) 1072 01:06:13,181 --> 01:06:16,931 (dissonant orchestral music) 1073 01:06:18,202 --> 01:06:21,119 (foliage crumples) 1074 01:06:23,998 --> 01:06:27,748 (dissonant orchestral music) 1075 01:07:11,364 --> 01:07:12,364 Hi. 1076 01:07:15,536 --> 01:07:17,952 (John chews) 1077 01:07:20,556 --> 01:07:24,306 (dissonant orchestral music) 1078 01:07:25,324 --> 01:07:27,634 (plastic crinkles) 1079 01:07:27,635 --> 01:07:30,385 (phone vibrates) 1080 01:07:34,420 --> 01:07:37,338 (plastic crinkles) 1081 01:07:39,451 --> 01:07:43,201 (dissonant orchestral music) 1082 01:07:53,552 --> 01:07:54,885 What the fuck? 1083 01:07:57,898 --> 01:08:00,836 (dissonant orchestral music) 1084 01:08:00,838 --> 01:08:01,838 Fuck. 1085 01:08:04,163 --> 01:08:07,472 (dissonant orchestral music) 1086 01:08:07,472 --> 01:08:08,472 Fuck. 1087 01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:14,672 (dissonant orchestral music) 1088 01:09:25,202 --> 01:09:28,118 (foliage crumples) 1089 01:09:31,028 --> 01:09:34,778 (dissonant orchestral music) 1090 01:09:55,239 --> 01:09:57,739 (waves crash) 1091 01:10:00,251 --> 01:10:04,001 (dissonant orchestral music) 1092 01:10:05,654 --> 01:10:08,404 (zipper squeaks) 1093 01:10:10,498 --> 01:10:14,248 (dissonant orchestral music) 1094 01:10:21,390 --> 01:10:23,082 You alright? 1095 01:10:23,083 --> 01:10:24,204 Yep. 1096 01:10:24,206 --> 01:10:25,619 Where'd you go off to? 1097 01:10:25,621 --> 01:10:28,881 Oh, I'd, uh, I thought I'd go try meditating 1098 01:10:28,882 --> 01:10:31,466 on top of that hill over there. 1099 01:10:32,368 --> 01:10:34,818 See anything interesting? 1100 01:10:34,819 --> 01:10:36,319 Only in my mind. 1101 01:10:40,179 --> 01:10:41,512 What's up? 1102 01:10:41,514 --> 01:10:42,505 I'm gonna head into town 1103 01:10:42,506 --> 01:10:45,505 and pick up some beverages and shit. 1104 01:10:46,364 --> 01:10:47,256 [Ivan] Okay. 1105 01:10:47,256 --> 01:10:48,922 [John] You coming? 1106 01:10:49,846 --> 01:10:51,014 [Ivan] Sure. 1107 01:10:52,143 --> 01:10:55,893 (dissonant orchestral music) 1108 01:11:11,340 --> 01:11:12,340 What? 1109 01:11:14,850 --> 01:11:19,016 (dissonant orchestral music) 1110 01:11:19,382 --> 01:11:21,288 What are you talking about? 1111 01:11:21,289 --> 01:11:22,289 How? 1112 01:11:23,457 --> 01:11:26,039 (John mumbles) 1113 01:11:28,091 --> 01:11:32,007 (avant-garde orchestral music) 1114 01:11:48,622 --> 01:11:51,418 (fire crackles) 1115 01:11:51,420 --> 01:11:53,920 (waves crash) 1116 01:11:55,118 --> 01:11:56,118 Poker? 1117 01:11:57,537 --> 01:11:59,100 (waves crash) 1118 01:11:59,101 --> 01:12:01,300 No, I suck at it. 1119 01:12:01,301 --> 01:12:03,806 (waves crash) 1120 01:12:03,807 --> 01:12:05,390 Who gives a shit? 1121 01:12:10,627 --> 01:12:12,069 I'm good. 1122 01:12:12,069 --> 01:12:13,487 Come on, bitch. 1123 01:12:16,033 --> 01:12:19,194 (waves crash) 1124 01:12:19,194 --> 01:12:22,416 (John laughs) 1125 01:12:22,417 --> 01:12:24,000 Yeah, there you go. 1126 01:12:26,322 --> 01:12:28,463 You should eat something. 1127 01:12:28,465 --> 01:12:32,631 Not hungry, I haven't been hungry all fucking day. 1128 01:12:35,945 --> 01:12:38,252 So why can't you drink? 1129 01:12:38,252 --> 01:12:41,086 What's it do to your busted brain? 1130 01:12:41,979 --> 01:12:43,395 I get confused. 1131 01:12:46,979 --> 01:12:48,801 (John spits) 1132 01:12:48,802 --> 01:12:51,802 That little sip make you confused? 1133 01:12:53,466 --> 01:12:55,132 Not right now, no. 1134 01:12:57,162 --> 01:12:59,578 Come on, man, get confused. 1135 01:13:00,845 --> 01:13:02,677 Don't be such a pussy. 1136 01:13:03,756 --> 01:13:06,010 So what are the stakes? 1137 01:13:06,011 --> 01:13:08,511 (John laughs) 1138 01:13:09,890 --> 01:13:12,715 [John] Oh, fucking, perfect. 1139 01:13:12,716 --> 01:13:14,328 What? 1140 01:13:14,328 --> 01:13:16,828 (waves crash) 1141 01:13:18,569 --> 01:13:20,569 You're a fucking liar. 1142 01:13:23,029 --> 01:13:26,287 (waves crash) 1143 01:13:26,287 --> 01:13:27,537 I gotta go pee. 1144 01:13:31,612 --> 01:13:35,362 (dissonant orchestral music) 1145 01:13:38,844 --> 01:13:41,344 (waves crash) 1146 01:14:50,140 --> 01:14:51,395 (footsteps crunch) 1147 01:14:51,395 --> 01:14:52,997 [Ivan] Whoa. 1148 01:14:52,998 --> 01:14:56,746 (dissonant orchestral music) 1149 01:14:56,747 --> 01:14:58,654 Get up, get up, 1150 01:14:58,654 --> 01:15:00,622 you piece of shit. 1151 01:15:00,623 --> 01:15:04,791 (dissonant orchestral music) 1152 01:15:05,194 --> 01:15:07,027 Woo, it's a good idea, 1153 01:15:08,203 --> 01:15:09,203 ah. 1154 01:15:11,994 --> 01:15:12,994 Fuck. 1155 01:15:13,976 --> 01:15:16,476 (waves crash) 1156 01:15:25,485 --> 01:15:27,903 (John pants) 1157 01:15:30,287 --> 01:15:32,954 (fire crackles) 1158 01:15:48,524 --> 01:15:51,024 (waves crash) 1159 01:16:34,891 --> 01:16:37,809 (footsteps crunch) 1160 01:16:40,614 --> 01:16:43,114 (waves crash) 1161 01:16:48,399 --> 01:16:52,149 (dissonant orchestral music) 1162 01:16:54,886 --> 01:16:57,469 (insects buzz) 1163 01:17:00,653 --> 01:17:03,153 (birds chirp) 1164 01:17:05,103 --> 01:17:07,520 (John pants) 1165 01:17:11,670 --> 01:17:14,252 (insects buzz) 1166 01:17:17,591 --> 01:17:20,007 (John pants) 1167 01:17:23,079 --> 01:17:26,829 (dissonant orchestral music) 1168 01:17:32,082 --> 01:17:34,832 (John cries out) 1169 01:17:37,447 --> 01:17:41,197 (dissonant orchestral music) 1170 01:18:05,182 --> 01:18:06,182 Fuck. 1171 01:18:07,238 --> 01:18:11,155 (avant-garde orchestral music) 1172 01:18:20,447 --> 01:18:23,447 (tent poles rattle) 1173 01:18:31,604 --> 01:18:35,771 (dissonant orchestral music) 1174 01:18:36,088 --> 01:18:39,006 (footsteps crunch) 1175 01:18:41,255 --> 01:18:45,005 (dissonant orchestral music) 1176 01:19:19,614 --> 01:19:22,364 (water splashes) 1177 01:19:25,286 --> 01:19:29,036 (dissonant orchestral music) 1178 01:19:33,698 --> 01:19:36,530 (thunder rumbles) 1179 01:19:38,980 --> 01:19:43,148 (dissonant orchestral music) 1180 01:19:43,378 --> 01:19:46,046 (nylon rustles) 1181 01:19:56,274 --> 01:20:00,440 My friend is missing, we've been camping on the beach, 1182 01:20:01,792 --> 01:20:02,792 and, uh, 1183 01:20:03,969 --> 01:20:05,951 I woke up this morning, 1184 01:20:05,952 --> 01:20:10,118 he was just gone, I'm afraid he might have drowned. 1185 01:20:13,025 --> 01:20:14,025 Yeah. 1186 01:20:15,337 --> 01:20:16,587 Yes, thank you. 1187 01:20:19,087 --> 01:20:20,087 Thank you. 1188 01:20:21,938 --> 01:20:25,688 (dissonant orchestral music) 1189 01:20:27,324 --> 01:20:30,658 (police radio chatters) 1190 01:20:36,771 --> 01:20:39,271 (clock ticks) 1191 01:20:41,409 --> 01:20:44,582 So when was the last time you saw your friend? 1192 01:20:44,582 --> 01:20:48,750 Last night, he was there when I went to sleep. 1193 01:20:48,894 --> 01:20:50,966 [David] Did he make or receive any phone calls 1194 01:20:50,966 --> 01:20:53,306 or text messages before he disappeared 1195 01:20:53,307 --> 01:20:55,057 that you're aware of? 1196 01:20:56,192 --> 01:20:58,109 I don't think so, no. 1197 01:20:59,341 --> 01:21:01,507 Can I ask what happened? 1198 01:21:02,460 --> 01:21:06,627 Yeah, night before last I slipped down this cliff, 1199 01:21:07,364 --> 01:21:11,532 and Ivan stopped my fall by stomping on this hand hard. 1200 01:21:14,349 --> 01:21:16,432 Lucky to be alive, really. 1201 01:21:16,434 --> 01:21:19,037 I would say so, you fellas sure got the rough end 1202 01:21:19,038 --> 01:21:21,372 of it out there, didn't you? 1203 01:21:22,358 --> 01:21:23,351 Was there any indication 1204 01:21:23,353 --> 01:21:25,895 that he would want to leave the camp? 1205 01:21:25,896 --> 01:21:28,390 Did you have any arguments with Ivan, 1206 01:21:28,391 --> 01:21:30,572 any disagreements that caused him 1207 01:21:30,573 --> 01:21:32,905 to run off or head for home? 1208 01:21:34,663 --> 01:21:38,149 I mean, we had a little disagreement, 1209 01:21:38,150 --> 01:21:40,512 I thought he was drinking a little too much, 1210 01:21:40,514 --> 01:21:44,403 but he eventually cooled off and we made our peace, 1211 01:21:44,404 --> 01:21:47,662 he thanked me, I thought it was okay, 1212 01:21:47,662 --> 01:21:49,943 can't imagine that would make him want to run off. 1213 01:21:49,944 --> 01:21:53,399 How about you, did you have a lot to drink as well? 1214 01:21:53,400 --> 01:21:55,878 A little later in the evening. 1215 01:21:55,880 --> 01:21:57,208 On the beach? 1216 01:21:57,210 --> 01:21:59,404 Yeah, on the beach. 1217 01:21:59,404 --> 01:22:01,212 You know it's illegal to have alcoholic beverages 1218 01:22:01,212 --> 01:22:03,046 on protected property? 1219 01:22:06,868 --> 01:22:08,530 Okay. 1220 01:22:08,532 --> 01:22:11,085 So, bigger fish to fry, 1221 01:22:11,086 --> 01:22:14,886 what else can you tell me about Ivan Marshall? 1222 01:22:14,887 --> 01:22:17,307 A couple days ago I found out he has. 1223 01:22:17,309 --> 01:22:19,391 Schizoaffective disorder. 1224 01:22:22,618 --> 01:22:24,980 I don't think that would, 1225 01:22:24,981 --> 01:22:29,149 has anything to do with him disappearing, but, you know. 1226 01:22:29,533 --> 01:22:31,493 And you found this out after you decided 1227 01:22:31,493 --> 01:22:35,484 to travel 2,000 miles away from home with him? 1228 01:22:35,484 --> 01:22:36,858 We were college roommates, 1229 01:22:36,859 --> 01:22:39,859 we knew each other better back then. 1230 01:22:41,179 --> 01:22:45,345 He had what I would describe as like, a flare up 1231 01:22:45,728 --> 01:22:48,556 or an outburst or something, I woke up one morning 1232 01:22:48,557 --> 01:22:51,640 and he was having a paranoid episode. 1233 01:22:54,551 --> 01:22:57,234 He sort of snapped out of it 1234 01:22:57,235 --> 01:22:59,980 and that's when I got the story. 1235 01:22:59,981 --> 01:23:04,149 Look, John, this doesn't sound good, to be blunt. 1236 01:23:05,189 --> 01:23:06,543 There's a lot of rough terrain out there, 1237 01:23:06,545 --> 01:23:08,157 and a lot of things can happen, 1238 01:23:08,158 --> 01:23:11,136 and they do happen, as you know. 1239 01:23:11,136 --> 01:23:14,396 Now, would it be too much trouble for you to stick 1240 01:23:14,398 --> 01:23:18,564 around town for a few days while we conduct a search? 1241 01:23:18,655 --> 01:23:19,738 Not at all. 1242 01:23:20,725 --> 01:23:22,460 Do you have any contact information 1243 01:23:22,461 --> 01:23:25,628 for his next of kin, or who that would be? 1244 01:23:25,630 --> 01:23:29,445 He lived with his mom, I don't have her info, 1245 01:23:29,447 --> 01:23:31,779 but her name's Anna Marshall. 1246 01:23:32,725 --> 01:23:33,725 Okay. 1247 01:23:35,064 --> 01:23:37,166 I'll make some calls and I'll get in touch 1248 01:23:37,167 --> 01:23:40,667 with her and let her know what's going on. 1249 01:23:59,439 --> 01:24:02,189 (water splashes) 1250 01:24:10,346 --> 01:24:13,096 (mirror squeaks) 1251 01:24:35,320 --> 01:24:36,796 (slow ambient music) 1252 01:24:36,797 --> 01:24:39,215 (John sighs) 1253 01:24:41,460 --> 01:24:44,542 (slow ambient music) 1254 01:24:45,506 --> 01:24:47,922 (John sighs) 1255 01:24:49,817 --> 01:24:52,899 (slow ambient music) 1256 01:25:08,466 --> 01:25:10,882 (John sighs) 1257 01:25:20,292 --> 01:25:21,292 Yes. 1258 01:25:24,466 --> 01:25:27,630 (slow ambient music) 1259 01:25:27,631 --> 01:25:30,131 (phone rings) 1260 01:25:32,840 --> 01:25:34,212 [Emily] John? 1261 01:25:34,213 --> 01:25:35,213 Hi. 1262 01:25:40,627 --> 01:25:43,377 (phone vibrates) 1263 01:25:52,274 --> 01:25:54,065 This is John. 1264 01:25:54,067 --> 01:25:57,287 [David] Yeah, John, this is detective Martinez. 1265 01:25:57,288 --> 01:26:00,466 [John] Yes, yeah, good to hear from you. 1266 01:26:00,467 --> 01:26:01,301 [David] Do you mind heading down 1267 01:26:01,301 --> 01:26:03,717 to the station in 30 minutes? 1268 01:26:06,179 --> 01:26:09,072 [John] Yeah, absolutely, everything okay? 1269 01:26:09,073 --> 01:26:11,847 [David] I'd rather chat in person if you don't mind, 1270 01:26:11,849 --> 01:26:15,585 just head to the station, we'll get it all sorted out. 1271 01:26:15,586 --> 01:26:16,418 [John] Okay. 1272 01:26:16,420 --> 01:26:17,863 [David] See you soon. 1273 01:26:17,863 --> 01:26:19,893 [John] Thank you. 1274 01:26:19,894 --> 01:26:23,644 (dissonant orchestral music) 1275 01:26:26,935 --> 01:26:28,685 Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say 1276 01:26:28,686 --> 01:26:32,493 that we haven't found any trace of Ivan. 1277 01:26:32,493 --> 01:26:35,293 We did find a corpse up in the hills 1278 01:26:35,295 --> 01:26:37,782 about a quarter mile from your campsite, 1279 01:26:37,783 --> 01:26:39,520 but the level of decomposition suggests 1280 01:26:39,520 --> 01:26:42,207 that it couldn't possibly be our guy, 1281 01:26:42,207 --> 01:26:45,273 he was up there for at least a year, maybe more. 1282 01:26:45,274 --> 01:26:47,625 Apparent suicide, you just never know sometimes 1283 01:26:47,626 --> 01:26:49,332 what you'll find up there. 1284 01:26:49,332 --> 01:26:51,099 That's insane. 1285 01:26:51,100 --> 01:26:52,211 And other than some litter that we found 1286 01:26:52,212 --> 01:26:55,134 around the campsite, there were really no clues 1287 01:26:55,135 --> 01:26:58,033 that were helping us out. 1288 01:26:58,034 --> 01:26:59,333 I'd say the next thing for you to do is 1289 01:26:59,335 --> 01:27:03,502 to head back home, I know you have a life to get back to, 1290 01:27:04,572 --> 01:27:06,136 but we'll continue our search here, 1291 01:27:06,137 --> 01:27:10,225 and I will personally keep you up to date. 1292 01:27:10,225 --> 01:27:13,502 I'm really sorry, John, and at the risk of sounding cliche, 1293 01:27:13,502 --> 01:27:15,813 I want to let you know that we really are doing everything 1294 01:27:15,814 --> 01:27:18,146 that we can at our disposal. 1295 01:27:19,006 --> 01:27:21,226 I appreciate it, thanks. 1296 01:27:21,228 --> 01:27:23,216 You have my number, please call me 1297 01:27:23,217 --> 01:27:25,894 if you remember anything, I mean it. 1298 01:27:25,895 --> 01:27:27,349 You got it. 1299 01:27:27,350 --> 01:27:29,850 Have a safe trip, my friend. 1300 01:27:35,514 --> 01:27:39,264 (dissonant orchestral music) 1301 01:27:45,244 --> 01:27:47,828 (door rattles) 1302 01:27:52,734 --> 01:27:54,234 [John] I'm home. 1303 01:27:55,216 --> 01:27:56,216 You are. 1304 01:27:58,791 --> 01:28:02,957 [John] Em, I'm so sorry for every goddamned, dumb thing... 1305 01:28:03,453 --> 01:28:05,371 I know, I know, John. 1306 01:28:07,244 --> 01:28:08,244 It's okay, 1307 01:28:10,117 --> 01:28:12,207 you're home now. 1308 01:28:12,207 --> 01:28:16,099 (slow ambient music) 1309 01:28:16,100 --> 01:28:17,100 It's okay. 1310 01:28:19,622 --> 01:28:22,706 (slow ambient music) 1311 01:28:34,537 --> 01:28:36,204 [John] I love you. 1312 01:28:41,128 --> 01:28:42,128 So. 1313 01:28:43,832 --> 01:28:44,832 Fucking 1314 01:28:45,636 --> 01:28:46,636 much. 1315 01:28:47,305 --> 01:28:50,389 (slow ambient music) 1316 01:28:53,434 --> 01:28:54,934 I love you, too. 1317 01:29:08,646 --> 01:29:11,314 (traffic roars) 1318 01:29:15,011 --> 01:29:18,095 (police siren wails) 1319 01:29:20,092 --> 01:29:22,510 (John gasps) 1320 01:29:25,287 --> 01:29:28,314 [Emily] Hey, whoa, John, wake up. 1321 01:29:28,314 --> 01:29:29,148 (John chokes) 1322 01:29:29,148 --> 01:29:30,148 Hey, John. 1323 01:29:31,115 --> 01:29:32,448 You're dreaming. 1324 01:29:32,449 --> 01:29:33,289 (John gasps) 1325 01:29:33,291 --> 01:29:34,944 [John] What, Em? 1326 01:29:34,944 --> 01:29:36,104 Yeah. 1327 01:29:36,105 --> 01:29:36,939 [John] Emily. 1328 01:29:36,939 --> 01:29:37,771 It's okay. 1329 01:29:37,773 --> 01:29:41,939 [John] What, I can't, I don't want to go back. 1330 01:29:42,311 --> 01:29:45,614 No, it's okay, you're just dreaming. 1331 01:29:45,615 --> 01:29:48,115 (John groans) 1332 01:29:54,601 --> 01:29:55,601 John? 1333 01:29:58,117 --> 01:29:59,117 John? 1334 01:30:03,087 --> 01:30:04,087 Jesus. 1335 01:30:10,208 --> 01:30:13,292 (wind chimes tinkle) 1336 01:30:17,185 --> 01:30:19,685 Ivan is his own man, I mean, 1337 01:30:20,617 --> 01:30:24,225 sometimes he would disappear for weeks, 1338 01:30:24,226 --> 01:30:25,850 weeks, and I wouldn't know where he was. 1339 01:30:25,850 --> 01:30:27,850 I didn't know if he was dead, 1340 01:30:27,850 --> 01:30:30,434 or off in some alley somewhere. 1341 01:30:32,192 --> 01:30:34,252 He just wanted to live, 1342 01:30:34,252 --> 01:30:36,658 and I always tried to protect him, 1343 01:30:36,658 --> 01:30:40,826 but I know how important it was for him to see things 1344 01:30:41,081 --> 01:30:45,247 and experience things, and he just never wanted 1345 01:30:45,551 --> 01:30:49,717 to slow down until the disease finally made him stop. 1346 01:30:51,121 --> 01:30:54,832 (wind chimes tinkle) 1347 01:30:54,832 --> 01:30:57,166 (Anna sobs) 1348 01:31:03,703 --> 01:31:06,371 (train rattles) 1349 01:31:08,104 --> 01:31:11,086 (slow ambient music) 1350 01:31:11,087 --> 01:31:14,006 (dogs bark) 1351 01:31:14,007 --> 01:31:16,507 (bells chime) 1352 01:31:20,399 --> 01:31:23,895 (train rattles) 1353 01:31:23,896 --> 01:31:26,087 (slow ambient music) 1354 01:31:26,087 --> 01:31:28,505 (John sighs) 1355 01:31:30,979 --> 01:31:34,061 (slow ambient music) 1356 01:31:36,340 --> 01:31:38,840 (door creaks) 1357 01:31:42,195 --> 01:31:45,279 (slow ambient music) 1358 01:31:46,485 --> 01:31:48,403 Hey, giving it a try? 1359 01:31:50,467 --> 01:31:54,118 [John] Yeah, um, can we talk for a second? 1360 01:31:54,119 --> 01:31:55,661 Can we sit? 1361 01:31:55,662 --> 01:31:56,662 Sure. 1362 01:31:57,577 --> 01:31:58,577 What's up? 1363 01:32:00,210 --> 01:32:01,210 Um. 1364 01:32:03,010 --> 01:32:07,176 This is, it's going to be really hard for me to say. 1365 01:32:11,729 --> 01:32:14,654 I can't keep it in anymore. 1366 01:32:14,655 --> 01:32:18,703 No matter what I say, or however long it takes, 1367 01:32:18,704 --> 01:32:21,000 just let me get it all out. 1368 01:32:21,001 --> 01:32:22,001 Okay. 1369 01:32:24,712 --> 01:32:25,712 Okay. 1370 01:32:27,020 --> 01:32:30,100 I know you slept with Ivan. 1371 01:32:30,100 --> 01:32:32,675 I know you did it more than once, 1372 01:32:32,676 --> 01:32:36,842 and I know that you wanted to leave me for him. 1373 01:32:37,422 --> 01:32:40,506 (slow ambient music) 1374 01:32:43,079 --> 01:32:44,247 He told you. 1375 01:32:45,514 --> 01:32:47,180 He didn't have to. 1376 01:32:49,826 --> 01:32:50,826 Look. 1377 01:32:52,296 --> 01:32:53,796 I need you to know 1378 01:32:55,454 --> 01:32:58,122 that I understand why you would, 1379 01:32:59,725 --> 01:33:03,475 why you did it, and I completely forgive you. 1380 01:33:05,605 --> 01:33:06,605 God. 1381 01:33:08,395 --> 01:33:12,478 [John] It's okay, look, if we're gonna do this, 1382 01:33:13,404 --> 01:33:16,402 we just need to put it all on the table. 1383 01:33:16,403 --> 01:33:17,235 I can't. 1384 01:33:17,237 --> 01:33:18,403 [John] What? 1385 01:33:19,314 --> 01:33:20,684 I said I can't do this. 1386 01:33:20,685 --> 01:33:23,601 [John] Can't do what, which part? 1387 01:33:24,471 --> 01:33:27,805 All of it, I can't marry you, I won't. 1388 01:33:29,048 --> 01:33:33,216 [John] I'm saying it doesn't matter, it's okay. 1389 01:33:33,271 --> 01:33:35,939 No, it's not okay, I feel like. 1390 01:33:39,703 --> 01:33:41,787 I know that you know, and 1391 01:33:43,623 --> 01:33:45,975 every time I look at you, it'll be this mirror, 1392 01:33:45,975 --> 01:33:49,122 reminding me of what I did, and then I'll think 1393 01:33:49,123 --> 01:33:51,407 of all the fucked up stuff that you did. 1394 01:33:51,408 --> 01:33:53,184 [John] You know I'm sorry for all of that, 1395 01:33:53,185 --> 01:33:55,851 how badly I feel for everything. 1396 01:33:56,712 --> 01:33:58,000 Please. 1397 01:33:58,001 --> 01:33:59,751 It's not just that. 1398 01:34:02,454 --> 01:34:06,622 I haven't been happy for a long time now, 1399 01:34:06,625 --> 01:34:08,990 I don't, I don't want to be in a place 1400 01:34:08,992 --> 01:34:11,100 where we keep having to apologize 1401 01:34:11,101 --> 01:34:15,269 and forgive each other over and over again. 1402 01:34:15,324 --> 01:34:16,324 But 1403 01:34:18,288 --> 01:34:19,622 that's marriage. 1404 01:34:22,488 --> 01:34:24,238 Not, not to me, no. 1405 01:34:25,445 --> 01:34:26,445 Goddammit. 1406 01:34:28,145 --> 01:34:29,645 Oh, what the fuck? 1407 01:34:31,381 --> 01:34:34,069 What did you do, why the hell did you do, please? 1408 01:34:34,069 --> 01:34:35,069 Please. 1409 01:34:38,889 --> 01:34:40,990 I should have ended this a lot sooner. 1410 01:34:40,992 --> 01:34:41,824 [John] No. 1411 01:34:41,826 --> 01:34:45,614 I was an idiot for dragging it out. 1412 01:34:45,615 --> 01:34:46,448 [John] No. 1413 01:34:46,449 --> 01:34:48,149 It's over. 1414 01:34:48,150 --> 01:34:48,988 (dissonant orchestral music) 1415 01:34:48,989 --> 01:34:51,123 I just need to be by myself. 1416 01:34:51,125 --> 01:34:52,125 Mm-mm. 1417 01:34:53,314 --> 01:34:55,328 Please don't do this, please don't, 1418 01:34:55,328 --> 01:34:59,328 please don't do this, look, you're not an idiot. 1419 01:35:00,329 --> 01:35:01,579 You're right. 1420 01:35:02,695 --> 01:35:06,863 I'm weak, and that's why I couldn't end this sooner. 1421 01:35:08,591 --> 01:35:11,509 (tinnitus ringing) 1422 01:35:14,565 --> 01:35:15,856 [John] Oh, fucking fuck. 1423 01:35:15,858 --> 01:35:16,690 Hey. 1424 01:35:16,692 --> 01:35:18,440 No, fuck you, fuck. 1425 01:35:20,288 --> 01:35:21,360 Em. 1426 01:35:21,362 --> 01:35:24,117 (dissonant orchestral music) 1427 01:35:24,118 --> 01:35:25,503 No. 1428 01:35:25,505 --> 01:35:26,649 Em. 1429 01:35:26,649 --> 01:35:30,399 (dissonant orchestral music) 1430 01:35:33,195 --> 01:35:34,695 I'm sorry, please. 1431 01:35:36,951 --> 01:35:38,810 (door handle shakes) 1432 01:35:38,810 --> 01:35:42,560 (dissonant orchestral music) 1433 01:35:47,533 --> 01:35:48,461 (door bangs) 1434 01:35:48,461 --> 01:35:49,461 John. 1435 01:35:51,750 --> 01:35:55,149 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. 1436 01:35:55,150 --> 01:35:58,900 (dissonant orchestral music) 1437 01:36:03,567 --> 01:36:06,317 [Emily] Take whatever you need, 1438 01:36:07,542 --> 01:36:09,475 whatever is yours. 1439 01:36:09,476 --> 01:36:13,226 (dissonant orchestral music) 1440 01:36:39,760 --> 01:36:42,171 (door creaks) 1441 01:36:42,172 --> 01:36:44,865 (Emily cries) 1442 01:36:44,867 --> 01:36:46,646 (door slams) 1443 01:36:46,648 --> 01:36:49,148 (Emily cries) 1444 01:37:00,439 --> 01:37:03,356 (footsteps crunch) 1445 01:37:06,889 --> 01:37:09,305 (horn honks) 1446 01:37:19,417 --> 01:37:21,917 (birds chirp) 1447 01:37:29,734 --> 01:37:32,318 (Ivan screams) 1448 01:37:37,328 --> 01:37:39,744 (John gasps) 1449 01:37:43,655 --> 01:37:46,323 (traffic roars) 1450 01:38:09,878 --> 01:38:14,046 You are a creator that uses and manipulates the evolution 1451 01:38:14,302 --> 01:38:18,210 of consciousness, and you are the result 1452 01:38:18,211 --> 01:38:21,177 of that same process, at both the non-physical 1453 01:38:21,179 --> 01:38:23,179 and the physical levels. 1454 01:38:24,300 --> 01:38:28,122 What is it they say, with great power comes great sex? 1455 01:38:28,122 --> 01:38:29,506 (audience laughs) 1456 01:38:29,507 --> 01:38:30,570 Money? 1457 01:38:30,572 --> 01:38:32,193 (audience laughs) 1458 01:38:32,194 --> 01:38:33,194 Whatever. 1459 01:38:34,604 --> 01:38:36,423 So what does all of this mean? 1460 01:38:36,425 --> 01:38:38,920 It means that you are the one in control, 1461 01:38:38,921 --> 01:38:42,023 you ultimately choose the path that's right for you, 1462 01:38:42,024 --> 01:38:44,606 and all of this will take time, 1463 01:38:45,685 --> 01:38:48,047 but your skillset will improve, 1464 01:38:48,048 --> 01:38:51,364 if that's the path you choose. 1465 01:38:51,365 --> 01:38:55,115 (dissonant orchestral music) 1466 01:40:33,020 --> 01:40:37,188 (moves into slow orchestral music) 1467 01:42:24,693 --> 01:42:28,859 (moves into slow electronic music) 98225

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