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1
00:00:28,854 --> 00:00:31,152
All right, sweetie, I'll
see you in a few days.
2
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:32,612
Drive safe, lover.
3
00:00:41,950 --> 00:00:43,372
Evening, Shirley.
4
00:00:50,959 --> 00:00:55,760
Aw, shit. This won't last me to Franklin.
5
00:01:01,178 --> 00:01:04,603
Hello? Anybody in there?
6
00:01:07,642 --> 00:01:12,739
Figures. I bust my ass to get here
on time, and everybody else is late.
7
00:01:33,168 --> 00:01:37,844
One... two... three!
8
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:42,719
Come on out!
9
00:01:46,431 --> 00:01:48,854
All right, now, I ain't foolin‘ around.
10
00:01:52,229 --> 00:01:55,824
You know what I'm gonna do when I find you?
11
00:01:56,002 --> 00:01:58,002
Shit... my pans.
12
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,417
I'm gonna kick your ass, that's what!
13
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:42,595
Synced and corrected by H@w-to-kiLL.
- subscene.com/u/696152 -
14
00:06:46,297 --> 00:06:47,765
Not again, baby!
15
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:52,729
I don't know what's wrong.
It's never done this before.
16
00:06:53,722 --> 00:06:56,350
Not since the last three
times we've been together.
17
00:06:58,643 --> 00:06:59,403
What're you saying?
18
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,605
Nothing, nothing.
19
00:07:03,273 --> 00:07:07,053
Look, I'm taking a big chance,
meeting you here like this.
20
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,106
If my husband found out...
21
00:07:08,194 --> 00:07:10,367
He'd divorce you.
22
00:07:10,655 --> 00:07:12,532
Then where would you get
your booze money from?
23
00:07:12,824 --> 00:07:15,577
That's right! So you'd better
make it worth my while,
24
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:19,043
cause if it's not you, it's gonna be Mr.
Beam or Mr. Daniels.
25
00:07:19,330 --> 00:07:21,378
Makes no difference to me.
26
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:32,511
Yeah?
27
00:07:33,028 --> 00:07:34,375
Have you seen your brother Walsh?
28
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,943
He didn't show up for his shift.
29
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,340
How should I know? I'm not his keeper.
30
00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:42,045
If he's not here in ten minutes, he's fired.
31
00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:42,636
So?
32
00:07:42,997 --> 00:07:45,625
So did he pay you back
the two hundred dollars?
33
00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:48,465
Can the Bank of Brewster afford another loan?
34
00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:53,132
Now, I don't want to fire him,
but what choice do I have?
35
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,318
Of course, if you took over his route,
36
00:07:56,601 --> 00:07:58,524
then my little problem would be settled, and
37
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:02,442
I'd be willing to overlook his
no-show. This time.
38
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,609
Caplan, you know they took my license away,
39
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:05,581
and you know why.
40
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,537
Then don't get caught!
41
00:08:09,906 --> 00:08:14,457
Okay. Okay, Mr. Caplan, I'll be right there.
42
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:18,419
You're delivering a shipment
to a funeral home in Topeka.
43
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,084
The paperwork will be in
the cab of the truck.
44
00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:25,222
You just show up and take off.
Now, get your ass over here!
45
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,429
Didn't you drop Walsh off at work?
46
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:34,681
Yes, why?
47
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,336
Well, Caplan says he's not there.
48
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,696
Oh my god! Maybe he knows about us!
49
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:42,856
Maybe he's on his way here right now!
50
00:08:43,148 --> 00:08:44,240
How would he know about us?
51
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,071
I don't know, but you have to leave!
52
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:49,158
Okay, I'm going! I have to
take over his route anyway.
53
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,368
No use in hanging around here.
54
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,451
Get out! Just go!
55
00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,583
Bitch! You drop these once,
56
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:03,799
and they're only good for butt plugs!
57
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,507
Drive safe, lover.
58
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:15,917
Hey, Caplan!
59
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:22,562
Caplan!
60
00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:25,903
Asshole.
61
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,892
Damn it! These are my good boots!
62
00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,962
Drive straight ahead.
63
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,762
Continue for twenty-five miles.
64
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:56,872
Tyler.
65
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,123
Yeah!
66
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:00,956
Tony?
67
00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:02,708
Yes.
68
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,752
Tucker.
69
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:07,876
Once.
70
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,087
Ubaydalah!
71
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,798
You really think I'd have sex with some guy
72
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:14,932
named Ubaydalah?
73
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:17,932
Yeah.
74
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:26,190
Zackary!
75
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,854
Does oral count?
76
00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,940
If you're a conservative, yes.
77
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,820
It's hot. I'm getting sticky in my pants.
78
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,658
That always was your trouble.
79
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,498
That's always been your trouble.
80
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:39,748
Ha!
81
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,909
I am what I am, and you love it.
82
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:43,961
No, I love you...
83
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:45,963
Me, too.
84
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,090
not hearing the erotic misadventures
85
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:49,500
of your one-eyed wanderer.
86
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,512
And yet, you're the one doing the counting.
87
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,298
Look, it was your idea to take this trip.
88
00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:56,762
"Let's backpack across the country.
It'll help us reconnect," you said.
89
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,050
Then why don't you go
home? Why are you still here?
90
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:05,775
Because I want it to work. I want US to work.
91
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,579
And when you can say you love me back,
92
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:11,610
instead of "Me, too," then
I'll know we can make it.
93
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,696
Do you know what my biggest fantasy is?
94
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,332
That thing with the carrot?
95
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:22,868
Let me rephrase the question...
96
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:27,335
Do you know how I'd like to
spend my last moment on Earth?
97
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:30,341
Curled up in bed with you.
98
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:37,008
My arms around your chest,
pressed up against your back.
99
00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:43,556
My lips on your skin, as I
said my last goodbye.
100
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,689
What would you say to that?
101
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,022
"Ugh! I'm being hugged by a corpse!"
102
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,841
C'm0n! What's the holdup?
103
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,131
I thought I heard
something fall into the creek.
104
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,802
So a squirrel dropped
a nut or something. Let's go.
105
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:25,600
What are you doing?
106
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,730
YouTube.
107
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:51,998
What are you doing?
108
00:13:52,290 --> 00:13:56,011
My feet hurt. I want to ride a while.
109
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:59,138
He won't stop. It's against their rules.
110
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:24,030
Hi! Where ya headed?
111
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:25,824
West.
112
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:26,957
Perfect!
113
00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:28,208
I thought we were going south!
114
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,494
Eventually.
115
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:33,507
Hey! Put your ass in gear, fellas!
116
00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:49,267
Where are the seatbelts?
117
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,307
Seatbelts are for pussies.
118
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,045
Been travelling a while?
119
00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,211
Days. Only we're footing it.
120
00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:23,097
Hey, isn't it against the rules
for you to pick up hitchhikers?
121
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:24,257
You complaining?
122
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,551
Don't mind him. He's an idiot.
123
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:30,313
I'm Vogel, and this is Cary.
124
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,940
Charmed.
125
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:36,103
Cary? Isn't that a girl's name?
126
00:15:36,394 --> 00:15:37,520
Different spelling.
127
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:43,535
Right. How often do you have to spell it?
128
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,365
There are lots of guys named Cary.
129
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,997
Name one.
130
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:50,329
Cary Grant.
131
00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,664
Name another.
132
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,670
Cary Elwes!
133
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,582
Who the fuck is Cary Elwes?
134
00:15:57,874 --> 00:16:00,297
Hello? PRINCESS BRIDE?
135
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:12,309
Well, my feet are killing me.
136
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:13,644
I'm gonna catch a quick snooze
137
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:17,151
while you two intellectual
giants battle it out.
138
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,278
Uh-uh. The only reason I picked you up
139
00:16:19,562 --> 00:16:22,031
is so you could talk to me
to help me stay awake.
140
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:25,410
Let's take shifts. I'll grab a few winks,
141
00:16:25,693 --> 00:16:28,537
and Cary here will talk to
you about anything you want.
142
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:50,472
So?
143
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,270
You like sports?
144
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:04,733
Who's your favorite football team?
145
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,571
The Colts.
146
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:10,739
Awesome. Good team. They're
really doing great this year.
147
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,452
Who's your favourite player?
148
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,998
Peyton Manning.
149
00:17:16,953 --> 00:17:19,877
C'mon! Peyton Manning?
150
00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:23,008
Everyone says Peyton Manning. Who else?
151
00:17:30,633 --> 00:17:31,850
Who's yours?
152
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,557
Well, I like Dallas Clark, but Reggie Wayne,
153
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:38,019
Don Brown, Robert Mathis, they're all good.
154
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,396
So, do you think the Colts will win the Bowl?
155
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,452
I said, do you think the Colts
will win the Bowl?
156
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:51,533
Well?
157
00:17:52,623 --> 00:17:55,791
The defensive line is going to have to
pick it up against the Saint's offence,
158
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,578
especially with Drew Brees and
Reggie Bush in the backfield.
159
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,038
Their offensive line is going
to have to hold the blocks
160
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,038
long enough to give Manning
time to throw the ball.
161
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:14,136
Seriously, though "Cary"? Total girl's name.
162
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:57,395
Hey, let's get a bite to eat
then get back on the road.
163
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:32,923
Put ‘er in gear, fella.
164
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:57,872
Brewster! Good lord, boy! I haven't
seen you in, I don't how long.
165
00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,657
Been a long time, sweetheart.
166
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:02,702
I'll say! Last time I saw
you, I was still a virgin!
167
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,833
Last time I saw you
was the last time you were!
168
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,083
Anyway, who's your friends?
169
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,126
Just a couple guys I picked up.
170
00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:15,049
Well, howdy, fellas. Plant your
keisters and place your orders.
171
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:15,931
Burger for me.
172
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:19,344
Make it two.
173
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:21,103
And how about you, honey’?
174
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:25,893
Oh, I don't know. It all looks so good.
175
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,730
Do you have a restroom?
176
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,862
Out back. But the food's better in here.
177
00:20:35,067 --> 00:20:36,819
Oh, and hey, honey! If you see a pair of
178
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,206
pokey-dot panties in there, be a
doll and bring ‘em in with ya.
179
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,333
I think I left them by accident
when I took my morning dinkie!
180
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,413
Two burgers!
181
00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:33,004
I guess this is what
hell's gonna look like...
182
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,839
When Vogel gets there.
183
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:47,394
C'mon!
184
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,108
I believe in you. C'mon!
185
00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:57,070
Close enough.
186
00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:22,525
Vogel, what are you doing?
187
00:22:22,817 --> 00:22:23,499
I wanna fuck you.
188
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,761
No! Oh, no! No way! Not here!
189
00:22:25,045 --> 00:22:27,693
Oh, c'mon! It'll be just like that
motel we stayed at in Fairvale.
190
00:22:28,681 --> 00:22:30,524
That place didn't smell like ass.
191
00:22:32,852 --> 00:22:34,104
How was it, handsome?
192
00:22:34,395 --> 00:22:37,114
Same as I remember it. Hey, how long was it
193
00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:40,368
on the road before you
scraped it up and fried it?
194
00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:42,494
Shame we charge so much for it, isn't it?
195
00:22:44,522 --> 00:22:47,321
Hey, bag that burger.
He can eat it to go.
196
00:22:47,708 --> 00:22:50,336
Say, what are you carrying today, Brewster?
197
00:22:50,628 --> 00:22:54,132
Anything that nobody
notice if one went missing?
198
00:22:54,423 --> 00:22:56,801
Why, sure, darling.
199
00:22:57,093 --> 00:22:59,937
I'm sure there's one in the back
that would fit you just fine.
200
00:23:01,764 --> 00:23:04,108
Really? Would I get a lot of use from it?
201
00:23:04,392 --> 00:23:07,817
Oh, yeah. You'd use it a long time.
202
00:23:08,104 --> 00:23:11,108
Nice. What is it’?
203
00:23:11,399 --> 00:23:12,366
Coffins.
204
00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:15,824
Coffins?! A coffin?! Are you nuts?
205
00:23:16,112 --> 00:23:17,455
What would I do with a coffin?
206
00:23:17,738 --> 00:23:19,411
We all need one eventually, darlin‘.
207
00:23:19,699 --> 00:23:21,701
Not me. I'm gonna be
cremated and have my ashes
208
00:23:21,992 --> 00:23:23,585
mailed to Val Kilmer.
209
00:24:46,577 --> 00:24:48,079
What the hell are you doing?
210
00:24:48,370 --> 00:24:51,294
I wanna see the coffins!
211
00:24:51,582 --> 00:24:53,222
What for? You never seen a coffin before?
212
00:24:56,462 --> 00:24:59,181
Be a good girl and get back inside.
213
00:24:59,465 --> 00:25:03,095
Well, all right. Drive safe
and watch your backside.
214
00:25:07,681 --> 00:25:11,185
Turn right onto Grover Mill Road.
215
00:25:32,748 --> 00:25:33,248
Brewster!
216
00:25:33,499 --> 00:25:34,295
Brewster!
217
00:25:40,798 --> 00:25:43,802
Damn it! I told you to keep me awake!
218
00:25:44,093 --> 00:25:45,720
We could have been killed!
219
00:25:46,011 --> 00:25:48,355
Well, that's what we were doing.
We were playing "Punch Buggy."
220
00:25:48,639 --> 00:25:49,982
Have you seen a Volkswagen on this road?
221
00:25:50,266 --> 00:25:52,439
Have you seen a car in the last two hours?
222
00:25:52,726 --> 00:25:54,228
I just saw one. Real close!
223
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,273
Hey! Cram it with walnuts, Cary!
224
00:25:57,565 --> 00:25:59,821
Hey, mudflap! Don't get pissed off
because you almost killed us!
225
00:25:59,859 --> 00:26:01,486
Hey! Don't touch me! I'll flatten ya!
226
00:26:01,777 --> 00:26:03,575
Get your hands over him!
227
00:26:03,863 --> 00:26:04,705
Hey!
228
00:26:07,700 --> 00:26:11,170
Congratulations. You have
reached your destination.
229
00:26:11,871 --> 00:26:14,374
This can't be it. This ain't no funeral home.
230
00:26:14,665 --> 00:26:17,259
Can you see the address?
231
00:26:17,543 --> 00:26:18,385
No.
232
00:26:23,883 --> 00:26:26,807
You have reached your destination.
233
00:26:27,803 --> 00:26:29,976
Maybe you put the wrong address in.
234
00:26:30,264 --> 00:26:32,107
It's pre-programmed.
235
00:26:33,684 --> 00:26:35,607
Maybe it's in the back!
236
00:26:39,565 --> 00:26:42,489
Okay, okay! So what are you gonna do?
237
00:26:48,616 --> 00:26:49,533
Well, I'm blocking the road.
238
00:26:49,617 --> 00:26:55,499
I don't really have a choice.
239
00:26:55,789 --> 00:26:58,668
Grab your wieners and pray for rain.
240
00:27:35,913 --> 00:27:37,756
Here outta be good.
241
00:27:45,589 --> 00:27:46,681
What was that?
242
00:27:46,966 --> 00:27:49,328
Better not be what I think it is.
243
00:28:04,566 --> 00:28:06,694
What's the matter?
244
00:28:06,986 --> 00:28:09,705
Hell if I know, Cary.
245
00:28:09,989 --> 00:28:14,085
Didn't your GED exam
have a section on trucks?
246
00:28:14,368 --> 00:28:17,872
You can't stay here! You're
trespassing, for sure!
247
00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:20,712
Hey, this wouldn't
be a funeral home, would it?
248
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,094
Naw, we do Brazilian waxes.
249
00:28:23,377 --> 00:28:26,221
What's the matter, son? You piss yourself?
250
00:28:26,505 --> 00:28:28,428
Nah, like if I were an avocado at
251
00:28:28,716 --> 00:28:31,265
a mosquito convention pissing on
a firecracker, how about that?
252
00:28:31,552 --> 00:28:33,725
Now get that truck outta here!
253
00:28:34,013 --> 00:28:35,606
Let me check something first.
254
00:28:46,233 --> 00:28:49,237
Shit.
255
00:28:49,528 --> 00:28:52,623
Hey, my front axle's broken.
I ain't going nowhere.
256
00:28:52,906 --> 00:28:55,125
Well, you can come in the office with me.
257
00:28:55,409 --> 00:28:57,252
We can call this mechanic I use sometimes.
258
00:28:57,536 --> 00:28:58,662
I bet he could weld that axle together
259
00:28:58,954 --> 00:29:00,797
long enough to get you to a garage, for sure.
260
00:29:08,047 --> 00:29:13,474
I gotta call a mechanic. I'll be right back.
261
00:29:13,761 --> 00:29:15,183
Don't... jizz on anything.
262
00:29:24,730 --> 00:29:27,609
This here's the mechanic I use. Good guy.
263
00:29:27,900 --> 00:29:30,779
Reliable. Fair prices.
264
00:29:31,070 --> 00:29:32,663
Okay, okay. Sold.
265
00:29:32,946 --> 00:29:35,745
Geez, does he give you a
cut for new business?
266
00:29:36,033 --> 00:29:37,159
Yeah... ten percent.
267
00:29:43,665 --> 00:29:44,541
You want some coffee?
268
00:29:45,125 --> 00:29:47,548
Yeah... And a bathroom.
269
00:29:47,836 --> 00:29:49,804
I've had to pee since dinner.
270
00:29:50,089 --> 00:29:52,342
Well, you're in luck. Best
thing about being a man is—-
271
00:29:52,633 --> 00:29:54,806
the whole world's your toilet.
272
00:29:55,094 --> 00:29:58,348
Why, out there, there are hundreds
of places you can drain the tank
273
00:29:58,639 --> 00:30:02,143
and look at metal twisted into
shapes you never dreamed of.
274
00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,903
It's like... it's like pissing in
an art museum.
275
00:30:12,027 --> 00:30:15,577
It's gonna take him days
to get that axle fixed.
276
00:30:15,864 --> 00:30:20,210
I say we sleep here tonight, and head
out on our own again in the morning.
277
00:30:21,995 --> 00:30:23,588
What, and just leave him?
278
00:30:23,872 --> 00:30:25,215
We just met the guy.
279
00:30:25,499 --> 00:30:28,673
It's not like we're gonna
follow him on Twitter.
280
00:30:28,961 --> 00:30:31,055
Besides, have you noticed
how he's been acting
281
00:30:31,338 --> 00:30:36,560
since we left the diner? Something's wrong.
282
00:30:36,844 --> 00:30:37,936
You're imagining things.
283
00:30:38,220 --> 00:30:40,063
I say we stick it out with him.
284
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,562
Why?
285
00:30:48,021 --> 00:30:50,023
Did you hear that?
286
00:30:50,315 --> 00:30:52,909
Yeah... what the heck was it?
287
00:30:55,237 --> 00:30:57,365
It's coming from the trailer.
288
00:31:01,201 --> 00:31:02,453
I'm gonna go see what it is.
289
00:31:02,744 --> 00:31:07,045
Don't! Vogel, wait!
290
00:31:13,881 --> 00:31:15,929
Let's see what's inside.
291
00:31:16,216 --> 00:31:18,469
Do you want your balls chewed off?
292
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,604
You always know how to turn me on.
293
00:31:27,060 --> 00:31:32,060
Give me the flashlight.
294
00:31:39,948 --> 00:31:41,450
That's your flashlight?
295
00:31:41,742 --> 00:31:43,961
You couldn't give a hamster
a colonoscopy with that!
296
00:31:44,244 --> 00:31:48,499
We're hiking cross—country,
not going spelunking!
297
00:31:48,790 --> 00:31:50,633
Give me the cell phone.
298
00:31:56,089 --> 00:31:58,763
I thought it had a flashlight.
299
00:31:59,051 --> 00:32:00,091
I didn't download the app.
300
00:32:00,302 --> 00:32:02,646
Great! Thirty different fart noises
301
00:32:02,930 --> 00:32:05,433
but he couldn't download a flashlight!
302
00:32:06,475 --> 00:32:08,068
Are you coming?
303
00:32:10,687 --> 00:32:12,485
I love you.
304
00:32:12,773 --> 00:32:15,743
Me, too.
305
00:32:23,659 --> 00:32:25,661
Careful! It's slippery!
306
00:32:25,953 --> 00:32:29,082
It's like the backroom
of the Man Cave in here.
307
00:32:29,373 --> 00:32:30,124
Remember that?
308
00:32:30,415 --> 00:32:32,258
That wasn't me.
309
00:32:36,296 --> 00:32:37,536
What the hell? Turn it back on!
310
00:32:37,798 --> 00:32:39,516
Press the button at the bottom.
311
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:41,143
Why won't it stay on?
312
00:32:41,426 --> 00:32:42,518
It'll use up the battery.
313
00:32:42,803 --> 00:32:44,563
They're not meant to be used as flashlights.
314
00:32:44,805 --> 00:32:47,228
You should have downloaded the app.
315
00:32:47,516 --> 00:32:50,565
There wasn't enough memory. Too much porn.
316
00:32:50,852 --> 00:32:52,695
Yeah, well, I need the stimulation.
317
00:32:52,980 --> 00:32:55,108
Well, French kiss a light socket.
318
00:32:55,399 --> 00:32:57,493
And you say that I'm
the one that's orally fixated.
319
00:33:00,153 --> 00:33:04,158
Damn! Damn! Damn and blast it!
320
00:33:04,449 --> 00:33:06,747
Did you hurt yourself?
321
00:33:07,035 --> 00:33:11,791
All right, all right. What did you bump into?
322
00:33:12,082 --> 00:33:13,550
A coffin.
323
00:33:13,834 --> 00:33:16,553
Well, that's what he said he was hauling.
324
00:33:16,837 --> 00:33:19,306
Do you see what made that noise?
325
00:33:19,589 --> 00:33:21,967
No.
326
00:33:22,259 --> 00:33:24,102
Hey, swing your light around.
327
00:33:28,724 --> 00:33:30,601
What?
328
00:33:30,892 --> 00:33:34,112
Didn't Brewster say he
was carrying a load of coffins?
329
00:33:34,396 --> 00:33:36,273
I only see one.
330
00:33:36,565 --> 00:33:41,742
Hey! What are you doing? Get out of there!
331
00:33:49,161 --> 00:33:54,588
It's leaking something.
332
00:33:54,875 --> 00:33:56,593
I thought you were
carrying a bunch of coffins?
333
00:33:56,877 --> 00:33:58,379
There's only one inside.
334
00:33:58,670 --> 00:33:59,512
What?
335
00:34:04,593 --> 00:34:06,721
What is it?
336
00:34:07,012 --> 00:34:11,392
There's supposed to
be about five coffins in there.
337
00:34:11,683 --> 00:34:13,356
I'd better check the invoice.
338
00:34:16,772 --> 00:34:19,025
You ready to hit the road?
339
00:34:19,316 --> 00:34:22,160
No way! Let's check this place out!
340
00:34:32,788 --> 00:34:38,716
One, two... five. There's
supposed to be five!
341
00:34:56,603 --> 00:34:58,196
Crow in a blender!
342
00:35:03,819 --> 00:35:06,914
That's a really
photogenic pile of junk, Cary.
343
00:35:07,197 --> 00:35:09,325
You'd like it better if it wore a Speedo.
344
00:35:09,616 --> 00:35:11,744
Everything looks better in a Speedo!
345
00:35:27,926 --> 00:35:28,768
Hey!
346
00:35:40,856 --> 00:35:41,778
Hey!
347
00:35:52,659 --> 00:35:54,582
Hey, take a picture of me!
348
00:35:57,706 --> 00:35:59,629
Now that's art!
349
00:36:00,876 --> 00:36:03,675
I bet I could operate one of these babies!
350
00:36:03,962 --> 00:36:06,135
It's a little different
than putting in a quarter
351
00:36:06,423 --> 00:36:07,424
and going for a stuffed bear.
352
00:36:07,716 --> 00:36:10,094
Hey, I always got that stuffed bear!
353
00:36:10,385 --> 00:36:14,891
Seriously, though. My Dad used
to sell these to the military.
354
00:36:15,182 --> 00:36:18,527
Well, it's big and heavy
and has a large appendage.
355
00:36:18,810 --> 00:36:20,653
Why am I not surprised?
356
00:36:23,690 --> 00:36:27,445
You know, there are sculptors
who make art out of junk.
357
00:36:27,736 --> 00:36:30,535
Noble and Webster's heads would
explode if they saw all this.
358
00:36:33,867 --> 00:36:36,791
Damn it! Thought I had that fixed.
359
00:36:59,226 --> 00:37:04,027
The mechanic just called. He'll
be here in a couple of hours.
360
00:37:40,058 --> 00:37:40,980
You hear me?
361
00:38:02,998 --> 00:38:04,250
I said, the...
362
00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:07,840
mechanic's gonna be late.
363
00:38:59,512 --> 00:39:01,810
Vogel, do you hear that?
364
00:39:02,098 --> 00:39:03,816
I think this used to be a vibrator.
365
00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:05,818
Listen!
366
00:39:11,316 --> 00:39:14,035
What is that?
367
00:39:14,319 --> 00:39:15,161
Sounds like Carnie Wilson
368
00:39:15,445 --> 00:39:17,288
with a plate of chicken wings.
369
00:39:33,463 --> 00:39:34,259
What are you doing?
370
00:39:34,547 --> 00:39:37,471
YouTube.
371
00:39:37,759 --> 00:39:41,059
It looks like they're... eating him.
372
00:39:41,346 --> 00:39:43,223
I think you had the right idea.
373
00:39:43,515 --> 00:39:46,234
Let's grab my backpack from
the truck and beat cheeks!
374
00:39:46,518 --> 00:39:50,239
No sudden moves.
They're too busy to notice us.
375
00:39:50,522 --> 00:39:52,365
Do you think they're zombies?
376
00:39:54,234 --> 00:39:59,661
I don't know.
377
00:39:59,948 --> 00:40:02,622
Brewster! What's wrong? Get up, man!
378
00:40:02,909 --> 00:40:05,708
The camera flash! He must be an epileptic!
379
00:40:05,995 --> 00:40:07,121
He's having a seizure!
380
00:40:07,414 --> 00:40:08,006
What do we do?
381
00:40:09,374 --> 00:40:10,296
We have to get him back to the truck!
382
00:40:10,583 --> 00:40:11,084
How are we gonna do that?
383
00:40:11,376 --> 00:40:12,093
Grab an arm!
384
00:40:33,857 --> 00:40:36,155
They're coming! Pull! Pull!
385
00:40:39,404 --> 00:40:41,281
Hurry! Go! Go!
386
00:40:41,573 --> 00:40:43,826
I can't! He's too heavy!
387
00:40:52,625 --> 00:40:53,626
Why'd they stop?
388
00:40:55,086 --> 00:40:57,088
I don't know. But let's go, we're close!
389
00:41:01,634 --> 00:41:03,261
Are they playing with us?
390
00:41:04,345 --> 00:41:06,689
I've no idea. Let's try something.
391
00:41:10,310 --> 00:41:11,232
Reverse!
392
00:41:26,534 --> 00:41:27,956
I don't know what's going on,
393
00:41:28,244 --> 00:41:30,087
but let's get Brewster back to the truck!
394
00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:35,723
I don't get it! They could
have easily caught...
395
00:41:35,812 --> 00:41:38,176
us. It's like they're playing cat and mouse.
396
00:41:38,463 --> 00:41:41,888
- "Cat" is right!
- You fucking pussies!
397
00:41:44,344 --> 00:41:45,971
You never learn, do you?
398
00:41:52,811 --> 00:41:53,437
What do we do?
399
00:41:53,728 --> 00:41:54,488
Get him some water.
400
00:41:55,772 --> 00:41:58,070
C'mon, Brewster, you're an NRA poster child.
401
00:41:58,358 --> 00:42:01,157
You have to have a gun!
402
00:42:01,444 --> 00:42:02,696
What happened to my water?
403
00:42:05,365 --> 00:42:07,367
Oh... I drank it.
404
00:42:07,867 --> 00:42:09,414
Why did you put the bottle back?
405
00:42:09,744 --> 00:42:11,337
Do we have to talk about this, now?
406
00:42:11,621 --> 00:42:12,581
Just get him some water!
407
00:42:35,603 --> 00:42:37,401
That's wrong on so many levels.
408
00:42:37,689 --> 00:42:39,316
Why don't they just break through the window?
409
00:42:39,607 --> 00:42:40,654
Zombies are too weak.
410
00:42:40,942 --> 00:42:42,502
They're not zombies. Zombies don't run.
411
00:42:42,777 --> 00:42:44,017
What about in DAWN OF THE DEAD?
412
00:42:45,989 --> 00:42:47,709
The zombies didn't run in DAWN OF THE DEAD.
413
00:42:47,907 --> 00:42:48,783
The remake.
414
00:42:49,534 --> 00:42:50,660
The remake!
415
00:42:50,952 --> 00:42:52,512
Yeah, I know. The original had subtext.
416
00:42:52,745 --> 00:42:54,839
You know what else the
original had? Blue zombies!
417
00:42:55,123 --> 00:42:56,466
You have to admit that the first
ten minutes of the remake were...
418
00:42:56,749 --> 00:42:58,547
Hey, how much did you pay to see the remake?
419
00:42:58,835 --> 00:43:02,806
Twelve bucks? Kind of expensive
for ten good minutes, huh?
420
00:43:03,089 --> 00:43:05,512
Mmmmm... yeah...
421
00:43:07,010 --> 00:43:08,557
Two fingers!
422
00:43:12,807 --> 00:43:13,854
What's happening?
423
00:43:15,476 --> 00:43:16,978
Oh, not much. We're
just trapped inside your truck
424
00:43:17,270 --> 00:43:18,271
with Monster Central outside.
425
00:43:18,563 --> 00:43:20,190
How are things with you, Mr. Seizure?!
426
00:43:20,481 --> 00:43:21,448
What?!
427
00:43:21,733 --> 00:43:23,406
Do you have a weapon?
428
00:43:23,693 --> 00:43:24,569
No.
429
00:43:34,704 --> 00:43:36,832
Did you guys see that?
430
00:43:43,046 --> 00:43:44,263
Their vampires!
431
00:43:44,547 --> 00:43:45,673
Or atheists.
432
00:43:45,965 --> 00:43:48,093
Good thing my brother's a bible thumper.
433
00:43:48,384 --> 00:43:50,261
Will those keep them out?
434
00:43:50,553 --> 00:43:52,271
Vampires fear the cross.
435
00:43:52,555 --> 00:43:54,057
Not in FRIGHT NIGHT.
436
00:43:54,349 --> 00:43:55,976
You had to believe in it.
437
00:43:56,267 --> 00:43:58,520
Well, trust me, there's nothing
I believe in more, right now.
438
00:43:58,811 --> 00:44:00,438
They might not be able to get in anyway,
439
00:44:00,730 --> 00:44:02,482
without being invited.
440
00:44:02,774 --> 00:44:04,276
That didn't work in
THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA.
441
00:44:04,567 --> 00:44:07,241
Of course not! That was
American International.
442
00:44:07,528 --> 00:44:08,450
So?
443
00:44:08,738 --> 00:44:10,098
So each movie makes its own rules!
444
00:44:10,323 --> 00:44:11,683
None of it is grounded in reality!
445
00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:14,119
I saw one get killed by a bolt of lightning
446
00:44:14,410 --> 00:44:17,505
in THE SCARS of DRACULA.
447
00:44:17,789 --> 00:44:19,712
Now THAT is just stupid!
448
00:44:19,999 --> 00:44:21,797
If either of ya mentions TWILIGHT,
449
00:44:22,085 --> 00:44:23,928
I'll throw you out the cab!
450
00:44:36,265 --> 00:44:38,188
Gideon.
451
00:44:42,105 --> 00:44:44,028
What am I supposed to do with this?
452
00:44:51,489 --> 00:44:53,287
Will this really keep them out?
453
00:44:53,574 --> 00:44:56,168
Bet they won't be able to touch
the glass with these pages up.
454
00:45:41,164 --> 00:45:43,087
How do we see out?
455
00:45:47,378 --> 00:45:51,303
Well, that's simple. We
just tear a little piece off.
456
00:46:01,017 --> 00:46:01,859
I'm not sure if we're keeping them out,
457
00:46:02,143 --> 00:46:03,986
or if they've got us trapped in.
458
00:46:04,270 --> 00:46:06,648
I bet I can get a message out.
459
00:46:06,939 --> 00:46:09,613
No way I'm staying in here
‘til dawn with a couple of...
460
00:46:12,153 --> 00:46:14,076
A couple of "what?"
461
00:46:16,032 --> 00:46:17,955
Breaker, Breaker. This is-...
462
00:46:20,995 --> 00:46:23,965
this is Red Rocket. Anybody copy?
463
00:46:24,248 --> 00:46:25,841
Red Rocket?
464
00:46:26,125 --> 00:46:28,674
Shut up.
465
00:46:28,961 --> 00:46:30,759
Breaker, Breaker, this is Red Rocket.
466
00:46:31,047 --> 00:46:33,766
I got a ten-thirty-three here. Anybody copy?
467
00:46:34,050 --> 00:46:36,519
Breaker one-twenty, you got Sick Nick here.
468
00:46:36,803 --> 00:46:37,725
What's y'alls ten-thirty-three?
469
00:46:38,012 --> 00:46:41,767
Yes! Sick Nick, we are being attacked
470
00:46:42,058 --> 00:46:44,527
by some real boogeymen.
Can you send bear patrol?
471
00:46:46,187 --> 00:46:49,612
Say again Red Rocket, you're breakin‘ on me.
472
00:46:49,899 --> 00:46:53,870
This is Red Rocket.
473
00:46:54,153 --> 00:46:59,626
Me and a couple of... good
buddies, are under attack.
474
00:46:59,909 --> 00:47:01,582
We need assistance.
475
00:47:08,626 --> 00:47:13,553
Damn it! They cut the power.
476
00:47:15,424 --> 00:47:18,348
Vogel! Do you still have the cell phone?
477
00:47:19,846 --> 00:47:21,439
Probably used up the battery.
478
00:47:21,722 --> 00:47:22,439
Battery's good. Signal's good.
479
00:47:22,723 --> 00:47:23,724
Nine-one-one!
480
00:47:24,016 --> 00:47:24,938
You have to give them our address.
481
00:47:25,226 --> 00:47:26,443
Cell phones don't have pinpoint capability.
482
00:47:26,727 --> 00:47:27,979
Where are we?
483
00:47:28,271 --> 00:47:28,817
Seven-oh-three Opal Road.
484
00:47:29,105 --> 00:47:31,199
Oh wait! I got em!
485
00:47:31,482 --> 00:47:33,029
Hello? Yes, this is an emergency!
486
00:47:33,317 --> 00:47:37,242
We're being attacked by a pro-life group.
487
00:47:37,530 --> 00:47:39,203
Can you send help?
488
00:47:39,490 --> 00:47:44,291
Great! The address is
seven-oh-three Opal... hello? Hello?
489
00:47:44,579 --> 00:47:47,503
You're cutting in and out.
Seven-oh-three Opal... hello?
490
00:47:47,790 --> 00:47:52,170
It's all this scrap metal.
It's messing with the signal.
491
00:47:52,461 --> 00:47:56,637
Oh, no. Oh, damn it.
492
00:47:56,924 --> 00:47:57,470
What is it?
493
00:47:57,925 --> 00:47:58,972
I have to pee.
494
00:47:59,260 --> 00:48:00,603
Can't you hold it?
495
00:48:00,887 --> 00:48:02,309
I been holding it for the last six hours!
496
00:48:02,597 --> 00:48:03,564
My back teeth are swimming!
497
00:48:03,848 --> 00:48:04,974
What if one of those things gets in?
498
00:48:05,266 --> 00:48:06,984
Here... here...
Position yourself by the dash.
499
00:48:12,106 --> 00:48:16,111
Okay. When I say "go", open
the door a few inches.
500
00:48:17,111 --> 00:48:17,782
A few inches?
501
00:48:19,071 --> 00:48:19,993
Shut up!
502
00:48:23,034 --> 00:48:23,785
Okay, go.
503
00:48:34,045 --> 00:48:34,921
Are you going or not?
504
00:48:36,339 --> 00:48:40,060
Can you not look at me? I'm pee shy.
505
00:48:56,317 --> 00:48:57,357
What the hell caused that?
506
00:49:02,073 --> 00:49:02,995
What was in this?
507
00:49:04,659 --> 00:49:06,699
You said to give him
water. It was all I could find.
508
00:49:08,996 --> 00:49:11,545
"Blessed by Father Fisher."
509
00:49:11,832 --> 00:49:18,135
Good thing my brother is a Jesus freak.
510
00:49:18,506 --> 00:49:20,884
So... what do we do now?
511
00:49:22,718 --> 00:49:25,062
We wait.
512
00:49:25,346 --> 00:49:29,522
For what?
513
00:49:29,809 --> 00:49:30,935
Dawn.
514
00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:10,104
I know you saw us.
515
00:50:12,852 --> 00:50:14,729
I know you stayed and watched.
516
00:50:16,397 --> 00:50:19,241
I even know what you won't admit.
517
00:50:19,525 --> 00:50:22,369
I've known from the moment you picked us up.
518
00:50:38,085 --> 00:50:38,927
Nice.
519
00:50:44,425 --> 00:50:47,804
You like that? Good buddy?
520
00:50:50,473 --> 00:50:55,900
It's okay. You don't have to answer.
521
00:50:56,187 --> 00:51:00,909
I've got your answer right here.
522
00:51:01,192 --> 00:51:03,035
You want me to go further?
523
00:51:05,571 --> 00:51:10,452
Say "please." Do it!
524
00:51:10,826 --> 00:51:13,375
Say... " please."
525
00:51:16,540 --> 00:51:17,416
Please...
526
00:52:15,474 --> 00:52:16,270
What are you doing?
527
00:52:18,060 --> 00:52:18,982
My turn.
528
00:52:20,688 --> 00:52:21,780
I can't do that, man.
529
00:52:23,190 --> 00:52:24,407
Yes, you can.
530
00:52:26,243 --> 00:52:27,189
I just can't.
531
00:52:27,403 --> 00:52:28,529
Fair's play, buddy.
532
00:52:28,821 --> 00:52:30,869
Besides... it doesn't mean anything.
533
00:52:31,157 --> 00:52:32,249
I'm not...
534
00:52:34,034 --> 00:52:38,164
I know. You just need a little... push.
535
00:52:52,928 --> 00:52:54,771
What's happening?
536
00:53:12,072 --> 00:53:14,325
Mo's Garage! Anybody here?
537
00:53:15,284 --> 00:53:17,036
It's the mechanic!
538
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:24,085
Hey! Hey! Hey, buddy!
539
00:53:24,877 --> 00:53:26,345
Anybody here?
540
00:53:34,470 --> 00:53:35,596
Shit! Look!
541
00:53:39,475 --> 00:53:40,397
He doesn't see him!
542
00:53:41,936 --> 00:53:43,813
Hey! Hey, behind you!
543
00:53:44,563 --> 00:53:45,485
What are you doing?
544
00:53:46,065 --> 00:53:46,941
YouTube.
545
00:53:49,068 --> 00:53:50,615
C'mon, damn it. You dragged my ass out here.
546
00:53:50,903 --> 00:53:55,454
Where are you?
547
00:53:55,741 --> 00:53:58,836
Look, it's cold and it's wet
and it's after midnight,
548
00:53:59,119 --> 00:54:00,759
and I'm in no mood to deal with this sh...
549
00:54:12,967 --> 00:54:18,519
Are you... the one with... The problem?
550
00:54:26,230 --> 00:54:32,878
Heeeey! Hey! Why doesn't he hear us?
551
00:54:44,206 --> 00:54:48,177
Here! Maybe I can signal him with this!
552
00:54:48,460 --> 00:54:52,761
Hey! It's a chick!
553
00:54:53,048 --> 00:54:54,140
Looks like a guy to me.
554
00:54:54,425 --> 00:54:58,601
No, it's a chick! And she's smokin‘!
555
00:55:00,806 --> 00:55:01,307
Hey!
556
00:55:09,982 --> 00:55:11,575
I saw a guy.
557
00:55:11,859 --> 00:55:13,827
It's a woman! I swear!
558
00:55:14,111 --> 00:55:15,658
No, I saw him, too.
559
00:55:15,946 --> 00:55:19,826
Only... through there it was a guy, and here
560
00:55:20,117 --> 00:55:21,960
and in the mirror, it was a girl.
561
00:55:23,203 --> 00:55:24,830
How is that possible?
562
00:55:28,125 --> 00:55:30,799
Hey, didn't you say we were
seven-oh-three Opal Road?
563
00:55:31,086 --> 00:55:32,008
Yeah, why?
564
00:55:32,296 --> 00:55:33,764
Look at the GPS.
565
00:55:37,009 --> 00:55:39,011
What the hell's going on around here?
566
00:55:39,303 --> 00:55:42,807
Wait a minute. We saw
a vampire girl in a mirror.
567
00:55:43,098 --> 00:55:44,224
And?
568
00:55:44,516 --> 00:55:45,733
No, you don't get it.
569
00:55:46,018 --> 00:55:49,864
We saw a VAMPIRE girl in a mirror!
570
00:55:51,649 --> 00:55:55,074
Right! Right! You can't
see a vampire in a mirror!
571
00:55:55,361 --> 00:55:56,487
But we did!
572
00:55:56,779 --> 00:55:59,077
Exactly! We're acting as
though this is a movie!
573
00:55:59,365 --> 00:56:02,118
But it's not! It's real
life! Movie rules don't apply!
574
00:56:02,409 --> 00:56:05,663
So... you can see vampires in a mirror?
575
00:56:05,954 --> 00:56:08,958
Yeah... but as they really are!
576
00:56:09,249 --> 00:56:12,674
Face to face, you see them
the way they want you to!
577
00:56:12,961 --> 00:56:14,963
Or... the way you want them to!
578
00:56:29,728 --> 00:56:31,230
It's just after three.
579
00:56:31,522 --> 00:56:35,493
Another... two... two and
a half hours til dawn.
580
00:56:35,776 --> 00:56:37,870
What I don't get is...
With all these sucker-fuckers
581
00:56:38,153 --> 00:56:42,203
around, why did only one
vampire attack the mechanic?
582
00:56:42,491 --> 00:56:43,333
Why didn't they gang fang him like they
583
00:56:43,617 --> 00:56:46,086
did McDougall?
584
00:56:46,370 --> 00:56:50,466
I think I know. I think I know!
585
00:56:53,293 --> 00:56:54,260
What are you doing!
586
00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:55,304
Watch!
587
00:57:05,681 --> 00:57:06,398
Bite me.
588
00:57:06,682 --> 00:57:07,322
Cary, no!
589
00:57:10,728 --> 00:57:14,358
Go on! Bite me, you plasma-sucking pussy!
590
00:57:18,485 --> 00:57:19,452
Look in the mirror.
591
00:57:22,990 --> 00:57:25,493
I thought you said we
can see them in the mirror.
592
00:57:25,784 --> 00:57:29,539
We can. As they really are.
593
00:57:29,830 --> 00:57:33,255
So, if they're not in the mirror...
594
00:57:33,542 --> 00:57:36,091
They're... not really there?
595
00:57:37,463 --> 00:57:39,682
Bingo! Go away.
596
00:57:44,762 --> 00:57:46,682
How many coffins did you see
back in the trailer?
597
00:57:47,347 --> 00:57:47,847
Five.
598
00:57:49,391 --> 00:57:51,143
Because that's how many
you expected there to be.
599
00:57:51,435 --> 00:57:52,561
How many did we see?
600
00:57:52,853 --> 00:57:53,945
One.
601
00:57:54,229 --> 00:57:56,197
Because that's how many there really was!
602
00:57:56,482 --> 00:57:57,529
We didn't know there was supposed to be five,
603
00:57:57,816 --> 00:58:00,194
so we only saw what was really there!
604
00:58:00,486 --> 00:58:04,832
I get it! This thing's been
diddlin' with our mind-knobs!
605
00:58:05,115 --> 00:58:08,790
Right! The wrong address on the GPS,
606
00:58:09,077 --> 00:58:10,294
all the vampires on McDougall,
607
00:58:10,579 --> 00:58:13,833
why we saw a man attack the
mechanic and not the girl...
608
00:58:14,124 --> 00:58:15,546
It's been making us see
what it wants us to see!
609
00:58:15,834 --> 00:58:18,212
And that's why they stopped every time we did
610
00:58:18,504 --> 00:58:19,380
when we were dragging
Brewster back to the truck.
611
00:58:19,671 --> 00:58:22,015
They couldn't catch up to us, otherwise,
612
00:58:22,299 --> 00:58:23,300
we'd know they weren't real!
613
00:58:23,592 --> 00:58:24,434
Exactly!
614
00:58:35,437 --> 00:58:37,735
See? All in our minds!
615
00:58:41,860 --> 00:58:42,611
Pull me in!
616
00:58:48,534 --> 00:58:50,878
Pull me in! Pull me in!
617
00:59:12,558 --> 00:59:17,985
Okay, this is sick! We gotta get out of here!
618
00:59:18,272 --> 00:59:20,115
Have you checked your cell phone lately?
619
00:59:22,943 --> 00:59:24,741
We need clearer reception!
620
00:59:25,028 --> 00:59:29,374
Okay, here's what we do,
one of us takes the phone,
621
00:59:29,658 --> 00:59:31,410
moves around the junkyard
until he gets a good signal.
622
00:59:31,702 --> 00:59:34,797
The other two will lead Chickula
away to keep him off phone boy.
623
00:59:35,080 --> 00:59:36,548
Who's gonna take the phone?
624
00:59:38,667 --> 00:59:39,907
The one who's most responsible.
625
00:59:45,465 --> 00:59:47,809
Okay, Cary, now after you call the cops,
626
00:59:48,093 --> 00:59:50,562
get your ass back here,
honk the horn three times,
627
00:59:50,846 --> 00:59:52,393
and we'll come running.
628
00:59:52,681 --> 00:59:53,352
Let's go!
629
00:59:53,640 --> 00:59:54,560
I don't like this plan.
630
00:59:55,434 --> 00:59:56,151
What!
631
00:59:57,178 --> 00:59:59,725
We're gonna deliberately
attract Fang Girl's attention?
632
00:59:59,813 --> 01:00:00,985
What if she shows up?
633
01:00:01,273 --> 01:00:03,225
I can't be rescued if I'm six quarts empty.
634
01:00:03,233 --> 01:00:04,861
Okay, we'll arm ourselves.
635
01:00:05,152 --> 01:00:08,076
Oh, yeah.
636
01:00:08,363 --> 01:00:12,207
Listen... if you do this, l will...
637
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:19,458
Deal! Now, you said something about weapons?
638
01:00:39,937 --> 01:00:43,692
Woo! Woo!
639
01:00:43,982 --> 01:00:48,328
Hey! Vampire lady!
640
01:00:48,612 --> 01:00:49,454
C'mon!
641
01:01:08,799 --> 01:01:12,645
Vampire lady! C'mon!
642
01:01:14,721 --> 01:01:16,519
Come and get me, Fang Girl!
643
01:01:34,533 --> 01:01:35,455
Walsh?
644
01:01:37,327 --> 01:01:39,455
Well, hey, little brother!
645
01:01:39,746 --> 01:01:41,589
What are you doing here?
646
01:01:46,837 --> 01:01:49,807
Why, you act like you ain't happy to see me!
647
01:01:52,843 --> 01:01:56,768
Well, hell, I'm letting you fuck my wife.
648
01:01:57,055 --> 01:02:00,648
Shouldn't I get props for that?
649
01:02:07,566 --> 01:02:14,493
You forgot. I'm the religious
one in the family, remember?
650
01:02:16,158 --> 01:02:19,583
Hey, you're in my
head, aren't ya? Ya bastard!
651
01:02:19,870 --> 01:02:25,252
I can't help it. You make it too easy.
652
01:02:25,542 --> 01:02:29,843
Now, let's see what we can find here.
653
01:02:31,048 --> 01:02:34,972
Uh oh! Looks like trouble in the bedroom!
654
01:02:38,013 --> 01:02:43,691
Why, little brother! I am
shocked! Really, I am!
655
01:02:43,977 --> 01:02:48,608
I never figured you for a latent pipe-puller!
656
01:02:48,899 --> 01:02:49,741
You shut up!
657
01:02:53,612 --> 01:02:59,119
You're right. Time for talking... is over.
658
01:03:39,157 --> 01:03:41,706
Hey! Hey! Hey, are
you trying to bite my ass??
659
01:03:50,877 --> 01:03:53,721
God, I'm too old for this!
660
01:03:59,761 --> 01:04:03,015
You're so cool, Brewster!
661
01:04:15,861 --> 01:04:18,785
Cary? Cary, are you back?
662
01:04:28,248 --> 01:04:29,170
Who's there?
663
01:04:38,300 --> 01:04:42,976
Cary? Brewster? Where are you guys?
664
01:04:45,015 --> 01:04:48,189
Help me! Help me! Please!
665
01:04:48,476 --> 01:04:53,152
It's all right, I've got you.
666
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:55,283
Set you down.
667
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:01,760
If you see anything with pointy teeth
668
01:05:02,032 --> 01:05:03,875
and a thirty-eight inch chest, yell out.
669
01:05:06,119 --> 01:05:08,042
What idiot locked the door?
670
01:05:20,967 --> 01:05:22,264
How do you make a vampire cross?
671
01:06:42,549 --> 01:06:43,391
Oh, man...
672
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:48,604
Come and get me, Fanghead. I'm juicy!
673
01:06:54,728 --> 01:06:58,198
C'mon, Toothy! Take a bite!
Who's your dentist?
674
01:07:06,698 --> 01:07:08,738
Bet you've never seen this in
a horror movie before!
675
01:07:15,623 --> 01:07:18,296
Down for the count... Count!
676
01:07:41,775 --> 01:07:43,777
Vogel, if that's you?
677
01:08:00,835 --> 01:08:04,430
Gross!
678
01:08:04,714 --> 01:08:08,139
I'm sorry.
679
01:08:08,426 --> 01:08:11,771
She was a good dog.
680
01:08:12,055 --> 01:08:16,310
But... I was just so... thirsty!
681
01:08:22,774 --> 01:08:26,617
Look! You can eat the dog! It was your dog!
682
01:08:32,659 --> 01:08:36,583
I'm gonna taste bad, all right! I'm bitter!
683
01:08:43,461 --> 01:08:47,235
There are two guys back at
the truck! Eat them!
684
01:08:51,661 --> 01:08:54,680
I'm not a virgin! Don't you
need virgin blood??
685
01:08:57,767 --> 01:08:59,314
Did you just fart??
686
01:09:17,662 --> 01:09:20,040
You disgusting man!
687
01:09:51,654 --> 01:09:52,576
For sure!
688
01:10:03,917 --> 01:10:07,512
Vogel! I did it! I killed a vampire!
689
01:10:07,795 --> 01:10:08,637
Me, too! The chick?
690
01:10:09,631 --> 01:10:11,633
No, McDougall! Who'd you kill?
691
01:10:11,925 --> 01:10:12,972
The mechanic!
692
01:10:13,259 --> 01:10:17,981
Oh, right! He was a vampire, wasn't he?
693
01:10:18,932 --> 01:10:19,979
Have you seen Brewster?
694
01:10:20,266 --> 01:10:22,894
No. Did you get a signal?
695
01:10:23,186 --> 01:10:23,982
No, there's too much interference
696
01:10:24,270 --> 01:10:26,944
from all this metal.
697
01:10:27,232 --> 01:10:30,907
Hey, maybe we need height, not distance!
698
01:10:31,194 --> 01:10:33,663
I get it! Toss it up!
699
01:10:33,947 --> 01:10:35,244
Overhand, Cary! Overhand!
700
01:10:41,788 --> 01:10:44,382
What are you doing?
701
01:10:44,666 --> 01:10:46,508
YouTube.
702
01:11:18,241 --> 01:11:21,245
Yes! I told you! Scars of fucking Dracula!
703
01:11:31,796 --> 01:11:36,720
So-earlier. What did
Brewster say he'd do for you?
704
01:11:36,968 --> 01:11:40,017
Okay, okay! Later.
705
01:11:41,014 --> 01:11:41,685
Cell phone?
706
01:11:41,973 --> 01:11:46,353
It's a chocolate mess.
707
01:11:48,271 --> 01:11:49,864
Shit. I saw some wire over there.
708
01:11:50,148 --> 01:11:52,867
Why don't you grab me a piece
so I can gimmick open the door.
709
01:11:53,151 --> 01:11:56,030
What idiot locked the door?
710
01:11:56,321 --> 01:11:59,120
I thought you did.
711
01:12:06,414 --> 01:12:08,041
Hurry it up, will ya?
712
01:12:08,333 --> 01:12:10,256
I'm trying. This is harder than it looks.
713
01:12:20,011 --> 01:12:22,013
Brewster!
714
01:12:22,305 --> 01:12:24,854
Hey, B-Man! You look like shit!
715
01:12:25,683 --> 01:12:27,981
We each killed a vampire! Did you?
716
01:12:29,479 --> 01:12:30,401
No.
717
01:12:31,689 --> 01:12:34,693
So there's still one out there.
718
01:12:34,984 --> 01:12:35,826
I got it!
719
01:12:42,158 --> 01:12:45,002
What's wrong?
720
01:12:45,286 --> 01:12:49,211
C'mon, Brewster, it's not safe out there!
721
01:12:49,499 --> 01:12:51,217
You're freaking me out!
722
01:12:51,501 --> 01:12:53,344
Brewster, will you get your ass in here?
723
01:13:10,603 --> 01:13:20,365
Okay. No cell phone. No rescue. Broken axle.
724
01:13:20,655 --> 01:13:24,910
Vampire prowling the grounds.
725
01:13:25,201 --> 01:13:26,418
Did I leave anything out?
726
01:13:29,664 --> 01:13:32,417
They hate pages from
the bible. It kept them out.
727
01:13:34,252 --> 01:13:35,732
They couldn't have gotten in, anyway.
728
01:13:37,338 --> 01:13:39,056
Why not?
729
01:13:39,340 --> 01:13:42,139
They have to be invited.
730
01:13:42,427 --> 01:13:44,600
Really? How do you know that?
731
01:14:01,028 --> 01:14:03,949
Remember that fantasy about how you want
to spend your last moments on earth?
732
01:14:04,240 --> 01:14:05,207
Yeah...
733
01:14:05,491 --> 01:14:07,011
I don't think you're going to make it!
734
01:14:14,792 --> 01:14:16,465
Do you think any of these cars work?
735
01:14:16,753 --> 01:14:17,800
I doubt it.
736
01:14:18,087 --> 01:14:19,134
These things are sold for
parts, not operation.
737
01:14:19,422 --> 01:14:21,971
Damn it! If there was just one vehicle
738
01:14:22,258 --> 01:14:25,102
in this entire place that actually ran!
739
01:14:36,439 --> 01:14:38,316
No! No! No! No! No!
740
01:14:47,575 --> 01:14:48,701
It's out of gas.
741
01:14:48,993 --> 01:14:50,119
Well, of course it is!
742
01:14:50,411 --> 01:14:52,709
It's only been idling here
for the past three hours!
743
01:14:55,583 --> 01:15:00,009
Hey! There's a bucket and a hose back here!
744
01:15:00,296 --> 01:15:01,297
We can siphon gas out of Brewster's truck
745
01:15:01,589 --> 01:15:02,636
and put it in the pickup!
746
01:15:14,519 --> 01:15:19,571
Do you wanna suck it? Or should l?
747
01:15:32,620 --> 01:15:34,372
C'mon, c'mon!
748
01:15:34,664 --> 01:15:35,790
That's good! Let's go!
749
01:15:45,633 --> 01:15:48,102
Sister, you've got the wrong guys!
750
01:15:53,099 --> 01:15:54,100
She didn't like that!
751
01:15:54,392 --> 01:15:55,752
I guess "diesel" wasn't her scent!
752
01:16:19,333 --> 01:16:21,176
Can vampires make you shit your pants?
753
01:16:21,460 --> 01:16:23,383
Cause I think I'm about to!
754
01:16:25,840 --> 01:16:27,842
Did you always get a stuffed bear?
755
01:16:28,134 --> 01:16:30,228
Yeah, why?
756
01:16:30,511 --> 01:16:32,354
Because I think I have an idea.
757
01:16:54,160 --> 01:16:55,002
Ready?
758
01:16:55,662 --> 01:16:58,255
Will you still love me
if I have black eyes and fangs’?
759
01:16:58,539 --> 01:17:01,463
You kidding? Have you seen
yourself after five appletinis?
760
01:17:09,717 --> 01:17:10,559
Now!
761
01:17:29,779 --> 01:17:33,283
Hurry up, Vogel! She's twitching
like a monkey getting vajazzled!
762
01:17:36,661 --> 01:17:38,004
Okay! Let her go!
763
01:17:48,089 --> 01:17:50,717
You ruined our vacation, you bitch!
764
01:18:05,564 --> 01:18:08,033
Man, think of all the hits I'd
get if this was on YouTube!
765
01:18:11,946 --> 01:18:12,786
Hey, take my picture!
766
01:18:23,124 --> 01:18:24,717
Well, what about Brewster?
767
01:18:25,001 --> 01:18:26,844
He isn't our problem.
768
01:18:40,016 --> 01:18:41,233
Is he still in there?
769
01:18:41,517 --> 01:18:43,360
I can't... see anything..
770
01:18:50,943 --> 01:18:53,037
Guess I'm your problem now, huh??
771
01:18:56,866 --> 01:18:58,118
Vogel, run! Save yourself!
772
01:18:59,702 --> 01:19:00,624
Okay!
773
01:19:00,911 --> 01:19:01,707
Don't move!
774
01:19:03,372 --> 01:19:05,732
If you run, I'll find you, and
when I do, I'll make it hurt!
775
01:19:06,792 --> 01:19:09,636
So what... you're evil
now? I mean, you were a jerk
776
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:13,595
before but you weren't acting
like some B-movie bad guy.
777
01:19:13,883 --> 01:19:16,932
Is that what dying does to
you? Turn you into a twat?
778
01:19:18,179 --> 01:19:20,102
He sounds bitter!
779
01:19:21,265 --> 01:19:24,815
I'm gonna fuck you,
then I'm gonna drain your blood,
780
01:19:25,102 --> 01:19:26,354
then I'm gonna fuck you again!
781
01:19:27,980 --> 01:19:30,733
But you... I'm just gonna kill!
782
01:19:48,626 --> 01:19:51,220
I guess that doesn't
change when you go all toothy!
783
01:19:53,589 --> 01:19:55,511
Vogel! Grab his arm!
784
01:20:01,639 --> 01:20:04,939
I hate closet cases! Even dead ones!
785
01:20:14,068 --> 01:20:20,121
I still think... Cary is a girl's name!
786
01:20:44,056 --> 01:20:45,978
Oh! Nasty!
787
01:20:47,309 --> 01:20:51,064
Burning vampire smells like a
flaming bag of spicy dog shit.
788
01:20:56,068 --> 01:20:57,035
I love you.
789
01:20:59,655 --> 01:21:00,781
Me, too.
790
01:21:21,677 --> 01:21:23,145
What the hell happened in here?
791
01:21:27,016 --> 01:21:28,142
Funny story.
792
01:21:28,320 --> 01:21:36,320
Synced and corrected by H@w-to-kiLL.
- subscene.com/u/696152 -
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