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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:05,198 Dr. Reid, I know yoga is supposed to be good for pregnant women, 2 00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:07,138 but are you sure this is okay? 3 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,903 It looks like that baby could squirt out any second. 4 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:13,845 Lucy, I'm fine. Besides, I would never give birth under a tree. 5 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,815 Although J.D. And I did conceive this baby under one. 6 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:20,308 It was a Christmas tree. Not in our house. It was still on the lot. 7 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:23,015 We made a bunch of Christians uncomfortable that day. 8 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:27,584 - I once got felt up in a pumpkin patch. - Don't you just love the holidays? 9 00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:30,428 It's so nice having someone to talk to. 10 00:00:30,463 --> 00:00:32,624 I feel like I can't go to the other med students. 11 00:00:32,665 --> 00:00:36,123 It's gotten so cutthroat. People will do anything to get ahead. 12 00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:41,265 Lost got canceled and they're never gonna air the finale? 13 00:00:41,307 --> 00:00:44,765 So many questions. Hey, good luck on the test, bro. 14 00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:50,107 Even Drew's been acting like a gunner recently. 15 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,946 Drew, can I borrow your histology notes? 16 00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,619 Roger, no. Nothing personal, 17 00:00:55,655 --> 00:00:58,146 I just don't want to help you half-ass your way through med school 18 00:00:58,191 --> 00:00:59,522 and keep you from your true destiny, 19 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,220 which is to become the second-best dentist 20 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:04,025 at a run-down strip mall. You get it. 21 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:09,134 I was a gunner for a while when I was in med school. 22 00:01:09,169 --> 00:01:10,830 Once I set my roommate Lauren's books on fire 23 00:01:10,870 --> 00:01:13,168 so she couldn't study. Turns out I'd loaned her mine, 24 00:01:13,206 --> 00:01:15,766 so I actually had to buy a whole new set, which she then stole. 25 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,869 Still, in the end I won because she got hit by a truck. 26 00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:20,402 I mean, she didn't die, 27 00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:23,507 but she is not smart enough to be a doctor anymore. 28 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,040 Is she happy? 29 00:01:25,418 --> 00:01:27,409 - Oh, she's very happy. - Good. 30 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,347 Now, to recap, 31 00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:34,019 what is the number-one attribute all med students share 32 00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:35,823 with this skeleton? 33 00:01:36,496 --> 00:01:37,520 Yes. 34 00:01:37,564 --> 00:01:40,692 The hollow area of nothingness inside the skull? 35 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,998 Exactly. Now, it is time for a boring announcement 36 00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,972 about a pointless tradition brought to you by an empty figurehead 37 00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:49,998 with a failing liver and an overactive libido. 38 00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,137 Thank you, Perry, you anger-filled muscle slut. 39 00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:55,904 - I miss this. - Yeah, me, too. 40 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,144 Kills me that we're friends now. 41 00:01:58,184 --> 00:02:02,678 All right. As you know, Friday is the annual White Coat Ceremony. 42 00:02:02,989 --> 00:02:06,982 In front of your family and friends, you will receive your lab coats, 43 00:02:07,026 --> 00:02:10,325 a symbol of your entree into the world of medicine. 44 00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:13,625 - These doctors' coats... - Murderers' coats, Bob. 45 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,332 Because they are all murderers. 46 00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:20,569 Anyhoo, the faculty will be choosing a keynote speaker 47 00:02:20,607 --> 00:02:23,041 to represent the entire first-year class. 48 00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,839 And as part of this meaningless charade, 49 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:27,676 Winston University requires that each of you sit with me, 50 00:02:27,714 --> 00:02:31,445 the Chief of Medicine, for an irrelevant pre-ceremony interview. 51 00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:35,682 A quick sidebar, Perry? Can I do the interview 52 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,555 with that little number in the second row? 53 00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,025 She said I reminded her of her grandpa, 54 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:44,461 and I think I could use that to at least get her top off. 55 00:02:44,497 --> 00:02:47,955 - You're a hell of an educator, Bob. - I do it for them. 56 00:02:51,604 --> 00:02:55,301 - So, you ready for your interview? - So ready. 57 00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:58,808 I can answer any questions about our classes, about the hospital, 58 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:01,143 I even took the time to memorize personal facts 59 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,945 about each of my professors, so bring it. 60 00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,511 Well, there's really only one question. 61 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,883 Why do you want to be a doctor? 62 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,720 You've never been to Maine 63 00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:13,385 and you were college roommates with Michael Bolton. 64 00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:17,254 Yes, and the latter fuels most of my anger. 65 00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:19,626 I'd like you to come back with a better answer, 66 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,759 and if you find you can't come up with a better answer, 67 00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:24,065 then please know I'm going to make it my personal mission 68 00:03:24,103 --> 00:03:26,298 to drum you out of this med school. 69 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:29,467 But you said this was just a meaningless charade. 70 00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,000 Not for you. Get out. 71 00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:34,369 Stupid Michael Bolton. 72 00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:39,575 - Hey, buddy. - Not your buddy. 73 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:42,087 - Whatevs, bra. - Also not your bro. 74 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:44,379 Once again, it's you versus me. 75 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,518 Smarts versus nepotism for the keynote speaker. 76 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:50,754 - Let the battle begin. - There's no battle. 77 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,624 This is something I want, so I'm gonna crush you. 78 00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:57,067 Yeah, well, good luck, 'cause I got skills. Check it. 79 00:03:58,838 --> 00:04:00,032 Swish. 80 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:06,735 Hey, Drew. You know how we get hot over gross and disgusting things? 81 00:04:06,779 --> 00:04:09,714 Yes, and hello, Dr. Reid, who I barely know. 82 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,713 - 'Sup, freak? - Hi. 83 00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:15,414 Anyway, check it out. Mr. Warshal passed his kidney stone. 84 00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:16,815 That's hot. 85 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:19,654 FYI, that's like passing a bowling ball through a straw. 86 00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:21,353 They say it's actually a lot like giving birth. 87 00:04:21,394 --> 00:04:24,090 Super-pumped, by the way. Super-pumped. 88 00:04:25,298 --> 00:04:26,629 So, I'm taking you to dinner tonight. 89 00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:29,066 Did you bring anything less bloody to change into? 90 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,127 - Why? - I don't know. It's a nice place. 91 00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,161 Wouldn't kill you to dress up once in a while. 92 00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:34,966 Pretty girl. 93 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:38,671 - You're a pretty girl. - I am a pretty girl. 94 00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,137 Okay, guys. So, nine years ago, 95 00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:43,978 Joseph was my first appendectomy patient. 96 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,144 Since then, some scar tissue has formed, 97 00:04:46,185 --> 00:04:48,210 so we're gonna clear that right up. 98 00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:50,484 Joseph, my old friend, we'll take care of you, 99 00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:53,356 but first you gotta give me what I need. 100 00:04:56,729 --> 00:05:00,324 Brother speaks French! That's a bromance language, y'all! 101 00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,730 Anyway, it says here that we're delaying surgery 102 00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,966 due to topical irritation near the incision site. 103 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:09,500 If you guys'll excuse me for a second, that would be great. 104 00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:12,568 Dude's a goner. I see it in his eyes. 105 00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:16,013 He's Haitian. It's a poisonwood-berry burn. 106 00:05:16,215 --> 00:05:18,706 - How do you know? - Trust me, I know. 107 00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:20,343 Boy George, if you're right, 108 00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:23,321 you could seal the deal for keynote speaker. 109 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:24,448 Too little too late. 110 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,323 My fam just donated another MRI thingy. 111 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:32,128 Joseph, we're gonna solve this puzzle, and in thanks, you'll say... 112 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:35,225 - Merci beaucoup. - Merci beaucoup! 113 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:37,768 Incredible. 114 00:05:38,204 --> 00:05:39,364 - Dr. Turk. - Yes. 115 00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:41,532 I think I know what's wrong. 116 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,974 It's a reaction to the acidic black poisonwood berry. 117 00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,102 They're common on Joseph's home island... 118 00:05:45,144 --> 00:05:48,636 Home island of Haiti. Damn, I was just going to say that. 119 00:05:48,681 --> 00:05:52,549 Keep it up, Drew. Catches like this could save someone's life. 120 00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:59,756 Dr. Cox, I know why I want to be a doctor. 121 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,559 I want to use my experience 122 00:06:01,594 --> 00:06:04,290 to make the kind of catches that save lives. 123 00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:07,822 - To give people a chance to live... - Hold that thought. 124 00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,603 Time of death, 4:23 p.m. 125 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,935 Oh! I'm very... 126 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,907 His middle name is Ulysses. 127 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,169 - 'Sup, homes? - Don't call me "homes." 128 00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:48,139 Actually, I like homes. I'll allow it. What are you doing? 129 00:06:48,174 --> 00:06:49,573 Just surfing the Web, 130 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:53,010 watching old White Coat speeches, cherry-picking the best parts for mine. 131 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,410 Solid plan. 132 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:58,008 Hey, Drew, turns out you were right about the Haitian berry reaction. 133 00:06:58,050 --> 00:07:01,952 I guess your diagnosis wasn't "rash" after all. 134 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,090 See, J.D., I told you they wouldn't laugh! 135 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:14,857 Genius, man. You lay low at first, 136 00:07:14,901 --> 00:07:19,167 then the White Coat thing comes up, and boom, you turn into a gunner. 137 00:07:19,405 --> 00:07:22,067 - What? I'm not a gunner. - Please. 138 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,769 Always got the right answer. 139 00:07:23,810 --> 00:07:26,836 Being all helpful with that island-berry dude. 140 00:07:27,079 --> 00:07:31,914 - Dude, we are exactly the same. - We are not the same. 141 00:07:32,351 --> 00:07:34,581 You're a selfish, petty child 142 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,416 who would screw over anybody to get ahead. 143 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,084 Like you did with Roger? 144 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:43,118 ...the second-best dentist at a run-down strip mall. You get it. 145 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:51,498 I followed him. He called his folks, crying. 146 00:07:52,271 --> 00:07:53,829 It was awesome. 147 00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:57,842 Yeah, it's like looking in a mirror, homes. 148 00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,512 Dr. Cox. 149 00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:10,412 I've done some soul-searching and I have a new answer. 150 00:08:10,456 --> 00:08:14,620 Let me prep for the verbal brilliance that is surely headed my way. 151 00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:18,655 - Ha. Proceed. - I want to become a doctor 152 00:08:18,698 --> 00:08:21,292 so I can help people who can't help themselves. 153 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,165 - Lame. - When my grandmother was ill... 154 00:08:23,202 --> 00:08:24,226 Boo! 155 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,703 See, Dr. Quinn was a medicine woman... 156 00:08:25,738 --> 00:08:29,606 Stop. Now, this is when I would normally launch into a rant, 157 00:08:29,775 --> 00:08:31,538 but I've already told you what the consequences are 158 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,408 if you don't come up with an acceptable answer 159 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,777 prior to the ceremony. 160 00:08:34,814 --> 00:08:37,305 Right now, you've got four strikes on you, 161 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:40,683 and even in the adjusted, Lucy Bennett five-strike system 162 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,914 that I recently established 163 00:08:41,954 --> 00:08:43,751 to accommodate all major underachievers... 164 00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,120 Go ahead and take a second and be happy 165 00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:46,886 that something was named after you. 166 00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:50,054 ...you still need to come up with something better. 167 00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:53,426 One more pathetic cliched answer and you're gone. 168 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,258 That was kind of a rant. 169 00:08:57,637 --> 00:09:00,606 Hey, why did you guys want to become doctors? 170 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:04,636 I actually didn't want to be a doctor. I wanted to be a gymnast. 171 00:09:04,677 --> 00:09:06,907 But I was chesty for my age and I had no balance, 172 00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:08,071 because when I was nine 173 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:10,776 my cousin jammed a piece of uncooked pasta in my ear. 174 00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:12,283 So the first time I went on the balance beam, 175 00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:14,786 I fell off and broke my bajingo bone, 176 00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:18,312 so, really, I became a doctor because my parents made me. 177 00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:22,459 - How about you, Dr. Mahoney? - I like scabs. 178 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:27,159 Hey, Drew, want to come over tonight and watch one of those survival shows 179 00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:31,295 - and root for the guy to die? - Tonight's not a good night, Denise. 180 00:09:36,175 --> 00:09:37,699 - Hey, work buddy. - Hey. 181 00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,268 - You have a sec? - Yeah. What do you want to do? 182 00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,678 You want to play a quick Hide the Saltine? 183 00:09:41,714 --> 00:09:43,739 Maybe Giant Black Doctor? 184 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,051 Damn, those never sounded dirty with J.D. 185 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,416 - Yes, they did. - Oh. 186 00:09:47,453 --> 00:09:50,251 Actually, I was hoping I could get a little advice. 187 00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,553 Tell mama your problems, baby. 188 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,686 I'm having relationship issues with Drew. 189 00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:57,992 - I know... ...just what to do. 190 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:59,889 Great! I'm out! 191 00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,467 Okay, so he made a comment about wanting you to look nice, 192 00:10:02,501 --> 00:10:04,093 and then you blew him off and mocked him. 193 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:06,798 - Yeah. Called him a girl. - Well, fantastic. Okay. 194 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:08,636 Does Drew ever do anything nice for you? 195 00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,234 - Yeah, all the time. - And do you ever do anything for him? 196 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,507 Oh, no. Who wants to travel down that road? 197 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,343 Denise, like it or not, you're in a relationship. 198 00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:18,248 Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, like dressing nice. 199 00:10:18,284 --> 00:10:20,343 Or, in my case, going to the zoo twice a month. 200 00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,513 I still don't know why J.D. Is so obsessed 201 00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,079 with those damn penguins. 202 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,489 It's because they look like little formal people. 203 00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:28,618 We like to think they're British. 204 00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:31,528 - Turk, if you're out, then stay out. - Fine! 205 00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,962 So, to make Drew happy I have to start wearing tutus and prom dresses? 206 00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:37,265 That would look adorable, but no. 207 00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:40,329 Just throw on something sexy once in a while, you know? 208 00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,170 Show him you care. 209 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,574 "Anyone fancy a swim?" 210 00:10:46,746 --> 00:10:48,714 What? That's how they sound. 211 00:10:48,748 --> 00:10:51,012 That is the way they sound! 212 00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:53,977 Where are you going? 213 00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:57,784 Hey, Cole, you know how when we make love 214 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,849 I can't look into your eyes because they're so empty and soulless, 215 00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:02,258 so I just cover them with my hands? 216 00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,660 Yeah, it's cool. I can see through your fingers. 217 00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:08,793 Well, I can get past that if you'll be real with me just once. 218 00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,633 Why do you want to be a doctor? 219 00:11:11,904 --> 00:11:14,634 - Why the hell not? - That's a good answer. 220 00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:18,007 - How could that be a good answer? - Because he meant it. 221 00:11:18,044 --> 00:11:21,946 'Sup, Chiefs? Hey, I hope the school has insurance, 222 00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:24,950 'cause my keynote speech is going to blow the roof off this mother! 223 00:11:24,984 --> 00:11:27,782 You, son, are a very odd little squid. 224 00:11:29,555 --> 00:11:33,787 Oh, hey, wait, I want to talk to you. Your academic record is impeccable, 225 00:11:33,826 --> 00:11:38,092 and Dr. Turk told me about your catch with the poisonwood-berry burn. 226 00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:42,326 You are our choice as keynote speaker for the White Coat Ceremony. 227 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,969 Congratulations. It's tantamount to getting half-off on a cup of soup. 228 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,304 Who knows why we do the things we do? 229 00:11:50,342 --> 00:11:53,641 Sometimes we're just trying to make someone else happy. 230 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:59,006 - So you think that outfit is sexy? - Yeah. 'Cause I'm free-boobing it. 231 00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:03,517 Other times we leave people searching for explanations. 232 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:07,287 I don't want to be the keynote speaker, but thanks. 233 00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:14,631 - Well, that's disappointing. - I was gonna say, "Who cares?" 234 00:12:15,601 --> 00:12:18,866 But in our weakest moments, it's all about jealousy. 235 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,964 Hey, Dr. Turk, I need to show you something on the Web. 236 00:12:22,007 --> 00:12:23,634 Is it a cat doing something a human would do? 237 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,337 'Cause if it is, I'm in. 238 00:12:25,377 --> 00:12:27,436 - Something with Drew. - And a cat? 239 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,246 No. Just look. This is from 10 years ago, dude. 240 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:34,750 ...that dream is finally realized, and as doctors... 241 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,681 This ceremony's a joke, okay? 242 00:12:39,725 --> 00:12:42,455 I'm better than all you fools, and you guys, too! 243 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:46,090 Hey! I have something to say. I don't need to be keynote speaker! 244 00:12:46,132 --> 00:12:50,466 Okay? You don't deserve these coats! You don't deserve these coats, okay? 245 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,164 Better recognize! 246 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,663 You showed this to anybody? 247 00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:57,767 Still, nothing's as painful as hiding from the past. 248 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:01,268 Hey, Drew. "You better recognize"? 249 00:13:02,314 --> 00:13:05,442 - Something people said in the '90s. - Cool people? 250 00:13:07,219 --> 00:13:08,277 No. 251 00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:14,752 Recognize! 252 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,352 Recognize! 253 00:13:16,395 --> 00:13:20,126 Yes. Hello. It's me. 254 00:13:21,367 --> 00:13:22,834 How could this be any worse? 255 00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:30,473 Scientists taught horses to talk, and it turns out, 256 00:13:30,509 --> 00:13:33,205 because we've ridden them all these years, 257 00:13:33,245 --> 00:13:35,941 they don't like humans! 258 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,845 - I don't even want to think about it. - What the hell is wrong with Cole? 259 00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,014 Drew. 260 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,818 Doctors are much more than just physicians. 261 00:13:46,859 --> 00:13:48,588 They can be mentors. 262 00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,117 Come with me. 263 00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:52,589 Disciplinarians. 264 00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:53,723 Come with me. 265 00:13:55,801 --> 00:13:57,666 Even fashion advisers. 266 00:13:57,703 --> 00:14:00,194 - Come with me. - I'm with a patient. 267 00:14:02,741 --> 00:14:04,800 Dementia? Please. 268 00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,870 Don't bring that weak sauce in here. He'll never know you're gone. 269 00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:12,077 Fine. I'll just take my jacket off, put it over the IV stand, 270 00:14:12,117 --> 00:14:15,018 - and he'll probably think it's still me. - Sweet. 271 00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:17,388 Let's see what we have. 272 00:14:18,824 --> 00:14:21,622 You definitely need my blue eyes for this one. 273 00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:23,753 And my pregnancy boobs for this one. 274 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,991 Honestly, if I could give up five years of my life 275 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,794 to keep these bad boys, I would. 276 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,768 You know, as long as I had a guarantee that I'd live until, like, my 80s. 277 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,772 Yeah, you should bring that up to God when he grants you your magic boobs. 278 00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:36,604 In my head it wasn't God, it was a genie. 279 00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:39,644 Yes, and we're going to figure out what to do with these. 280 00:14:39,678 --> 00:14:42,545 Wow. You're like the sister I never wanted. 281 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,944 - Really? - I'm not doing any of this. 282 00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:48,046 That is what the ugly duckling always says in the movies, 283 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:51,420 but then she takes her glasses off and everyone thinks she's beautiful. 284 00:14:51,457 --> 00:14:54,426 Did you just call me an ugly duckling? 285 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,428 Look, there's Lucy. Hey, Lucy. 286 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:59,124 - Did you see Drew's video? - What video? 287 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,057 - Come on. - Too bad about your boy, Drew, 288 00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:04,092 but no worries. I'll pick up the slack. 289 00:15:04,136 --> 00:15:06,229 I already wrote the beginning of my speech. 290 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,797 So I open up with a line from the movie Malice. 291 00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:13,744 "You ask me if I have a God complex. I am God!" Boom! We're in. 292 00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,770 Yeah, you damn sure are. 293 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:21,643 I don't think the lock works on that door, so if he tries to get out, subdue him. 294 00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:24,451 - Sleeper hold or full nelson? - Dealer's choice. 295 00:15:24,490 --> 00:15:27,254 - I'll see what feels right. - Fair enough. 296 00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:30,991 Come out if you want to, boy. Daddy's waiting. 297 00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:35,095 - Why am I scrubbing in again? - The OR's a safe place. 298 00:15:35,134 --> 00:15:38,228 Nobody's gonna yell "recognize" at you in here. 299 00:15:38,737 --> 00:15:42,935 Can I ask you a question? Why do white people ruin everything? 300 00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,473 I only got to say "fo' shizzle" for a week. A week! 301 00:15:46,845 --> 00:15:48,836 And what's up with you in that video? 302 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:51,213 The psychologist called it "an unbalanced act," 303 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,342 but I don't care about that video. 304 00:15:52,384 --> 00:15:55,319 I just hate that it reminds me of who I was. 305 00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:57,852 What are the three categories of presentation 306 00:15:57,890 --> 00:15:58,914 in Crohn's disease? 307 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,688 Stricturing, penetrating and inflammatory. 308 00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:05,060 Sorry, Dr. Reynolds. Looks like nobody else studied. 309 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,463 Psst. Little help? 310 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,198 Thanks. 311 00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:16,204 Oh! This kid's got a cheat sheet. That doesn't seem fair to the rest of us. 312 00:16:16,241 --> 00:16:17,538 I'm just saying. 313 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,535 I pulled every dirty trick in the book 314 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,375 and I still didn't get chosen as keynote speaker. 315 00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,181 That honor went to Eric Puritsky. 316 00:16:25,417 --> 00:16:27,851 Let me get this straight. You turned down keynote speaker 317 00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:31,219 because you're worried you're becoming that guy again? 318 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:33,315 I think I'm already there. 319 00:16:36,562 --> 00:16:38,587 Okay. Thank you so much for letting me dress you up. 320 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:41,258 I really needed some closure on the whole makeover thing. 321 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,359 Okay, now take your glasses off, let that hair down 322 00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:46,496 and act like you don't know how pretty you are. 323 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,421 There it is! 324 00:17:05,824 --> 00:17:09,089 - What is with the sad face? - Dr. Cox is still in my head 325 00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:11,460 about this whole "why do you want to be a doctor" thing. 326 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:15,126 I can't think of the answer that he wants, you know? 327 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:19,194 And you don't think your amazing new look will take care of that? 328 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,396 I really don't. 329 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,340 Then maybe you should stop looking for the perfect answer 330 00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:28,244 and just tell him what you actually think. 331 00:17:31,016 --> 00:17:34,008 You see that, Drew? That's scar tissue. 332 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:36,788 Nine years ago, when Joseph came to me, 333 00:17:36,822 --> 00:17:40,121 I popped out his appendix and screwed up the closure. 334 00:17:40,159 --> 00:17:44,619 I was so focused on the abdomen that I blew the cosmesis of the incision. 335 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:50,024 Nowadays I know better, and I can fix it without making the same mistake. 336 00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:54,631 And because of that, I don't have to beat myself up over something 337 00:17:54,673 --> 00:17:59,372 that happened a long time ago. So, what are you gonna do, Drew? 338 00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:04,445 I'm gonna scrub out. 339 00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:09,587 Hey. Saw that video. Crazy. 340 00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:12,590 Yeah. It's like my own personal "Don't tase me, bro." 341 00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:14,990 - That's why you've been weird, huh? - Pretty much. 342 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,722 I thought it was about me. 343 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,855 'Cause I wouldn't dress all girly-gay for you. 344 00:18:18,897 --> 00:18:23,266 What? No. I mean, I guess I'd like to see you like that sometime, 345 00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:29,134 but I would never ask you to do that. 346 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,575 I gotta go. 347 00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,410 Why do I want to be a doctor? 348 00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,511 Recognize! 349 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,385 Because the road sure as hell isn't easy. 350 00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:45,481 Recognize. 351 00:18:45,524 --> 00:18:49,290 And there always seems to be something standing in your way. 352 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,295 Sometimes it's even yourself. 353 00:18:56,168 --> 00:18:58,500 - Dr. Cox. - Oh, dear God. 354 00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,168 I don't have your perfect answer. 355 00:19:01,206 --> 00:19:03,572 At first I thought it was to make my family proud, 356 00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:05,873 and then I thought it was about saving lives, 357 00:19:05,911 --> 00:19:08,004 and for one second I thought it was a chance 358 00:19:08,046 --> 00:19:11,948 to get closer to Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who is a beautiful Indian man, 359 00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:14,145 and I've never visited that continent romantically, 360 00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:17,280 - if you know what I mean. - Unfortunately, I do. 361 00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:21,150 Anyway, the truth is, I can't pick just one reason. 362 00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:26,593 Oh, my God, that's the answer. 363 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,729 I want to be a doctor for all those reasons, 364 00:19:29,768 --> 00:19:33,226 and a million more that I haven't even thought of yet. 365 00:19:33,805 --> 00:19:35,363 That's not bad. 366 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,943 Come on, let's go. We're gonna be late for the White Coat Ceremony. 367 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:43,471 - Ooh! Plus, I look super-cute in white. - Now you ruined it. 368 00:19:43,982 --> 00:19:47,076 Luckily, we're surrounded by amazing individuals. 369 00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:51,386 Talented faculty, dedicated mentors, 370 00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:56,154 outstanding students who all strive for excellence. 371 00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:06,263 And then there's the new friends, who make it all a little easier to handle. 372 00:20:06,939 --> 00:20:08,236 So, in closing, 373 00:20:08,273 --> 00:20:12,107 I'd like to give a simple response to Dr. Cox's question. 374 00:20:12,911 --> 00:20:14,640 Why do I want to be a doctor? 375 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:20,346 Well, because doctors give people second chances. 376 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,480 And we all deserve a second chance. 377 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,822 Better recognize. 378 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:43,467 Hey, I know how you're really mad at the Internet right now. 379 00:20:43,508 --> 00:20:46,341 Well, it taketh away, but it also giveth. 380 00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,680 - And meet the crew! - You're welcome. 381 00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:57,679 You got Styles, Tricky, Lil' Tricky, my man Boots, and me, Cole Fusion. 382 00:20:57,956 --> 00:21:01,289 Are you ready? 'Cause this is happening! 383 00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:02,884 Let's go, boys! 384 00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:15,831 No! 385 00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:19,244 Hey, don't just stand there, man, help me up! 386 00:21:20,545 --> 00:21:22,342 Is my hair still cool? 387 00:21:22,381 --> 00:21:24,713 - I forgive you, Internet. - Help me up! 388 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,310 Come on! Hey, turn that off! Get that away!32307

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